Regulation Podcast - Double Sized Head // Demolish You in the Sewing Machine [29]

Episode Date: December 16, 2020

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about making molds of your head, when you're teen aged, rarely having bean bags, and more. Sponsored by Manscaped (http://manscaped.com/face). Follow F**kface on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/fuckfacepod Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I'm already ready to go! No, Andrew's still exporting. There's no way he's recording. You have to give him 25 minutes. You think that we've done how many of these? 28? You think I'm ready to go? Why are you never ready? Andrew's gotta spin up the hamster wheel so he can save his fucking file. I'm turning the audio as W-A-V. Andrew's not ready.

Eric's leaving. Maybe we should do it next week. No, I'll be fine. I'll be fine. We can do a short one. Unless you got somewhere to go, Gav. No, I got nothing. Because I already blocked out the full of my time, Eric.

Yeah, well, next time I should do that. I'd like to point out... Idiot. I'm going to assume we're going, even if Andrew isn't. Yeah, we've started like a minute ago. We've obviously started. This is episode 29 of F*** Face. If you're tuning in, you don't know what the hell's going on.

I think this episode started when Eric went, you can do another one, I guess. All right, bye. This is the podcast that's produced by the very talented Eric Bedore. And I say produced in light terms because he's only here about once every five episodes these days.

I think that's what we're at right now. He's now accounting this one. He's been here for one of the last five podcasts. He's definitely a guest. I was on 27 also. Oh, you're still here? Jesus. Yeah. Well, let's just also. Oh, you're still here. Jesus. Yeah.

Well, let's just, how late can you go to this meeting? I'm, I'm already 12 minutes late for this meeting. Well, what's another 42 minutes. That would be the whole meeting.

So I have to go, but you haven't yet. You still, you want to be in this episode? No, I want to, I need to go, but I'm waiting for Andrew.

I'm waiting for Andrew to i'm waiting for andrew to come back so that way you guys have a third person what's the meeting about uh it's about new podcasts well why don't you stick to the ones that we're still making you're not even on them i don't need to be on all of them i just need to start getting these other ones going what do you guys think andrew's doing right now now? He's probably managing the steam engine that's powering his computer. Yeah, he's cranking the generator. Yeah, the coal going in. Okay, well, you guys talk amongst yourselves.

I have to go to this meeting. Okay. Okay, bye. He's gone. He's fucking gone. He's straight up gone. Just the absentee producer. That's what we should credit him as. Jeff, were you more mad about the bat thing? Or would you have been more mad if we'd done absolutely nothing and didn't

make content from that whole ordeal? Obviously, obviously, Gavin. Obviously, it's footage. And that's all that matters. It's footage. It's footage. That's how we roll. That's how we live our lives. But it doesn't mean that it wasn't psychologically torturous for me. Well, of course. For about two weeks. It was also followed up by Andrew seeming to have absolutely no understanding about how to make a bat. Because we were talking about the bat knobs. If we want to sell smaller things and don't want to ship a full bat, we would just sell the knob because that's the signed bit.

Yeah. But I don't know what he was so confused about i was not confused you two are ridiculous are you recording yeah i'm recording no i just decided to talk i've been here the whole time it's just why would i talk if i'm not recording what's the point so now i'm talking why you're ridiculous once again my point was you okay so when you make a bat you have a certain amount of material right yeah how if you're just making knobs how many knobs could you make with the same amount of material you would take to make a full bat that's all i was saying well obviously you would get a lot of knobs but there's no one out there making just that's not the question i was saying that's not my point though I would also like to point out that you didn't ask it that coherently at any point.

I feel like I did multiple times. Your summary now is approaching common sense. No, it's always common sense. It's approaching sensical, but you were nowhere near that succinct. I absolutely was. You two were just obsessed about making bats for some reason.

You're both just saying nobody does that, and I'm like, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying how much could you make? You can make a lot of knobs for the amount of material you make one bat. But you'd have to custom get knobs, because no one stops, no one, like, mills a bat down to just the knob and puts it in a box ready to, no one's going to buy that. But I'm, that's not what I'm saying. I'm not saying people do this. I was just asking, how many could you produce for the amount it would take to make one bat you could probably

make a bunch of knobs that's all i was saying but who's this person doing this it doesn't that's not what the point that's not the point there doesn't need to be a person this is a hypothetical how many knobs make a bat it was hypothetical why are we talking about it then? What are you saying? What are you saying? I was just trying to make a point that for the amount you pay for one bat, if you were to sell knobs, you would get way more knobs for the same cost of material. But we're explaining this, and in the text you say,

that's crazy to me, a knob is a knob. Well, because you guys went this whole other way. I don't have it in front of me. I'm sure I could explain why it was crazy. You guys seem to imply that you can only have a knob well because you guys went this whole other way i don't have it in front of me i could i'm sure i could explain why it was crazy you guys seem to imply that you can only have a knob if you made a bat that the knob could not exist without being connected to the bat that was the implication i was getting well we were talking about a real product we were saying it's going to be cheaper and easier to buy a load of that's what i was saw off knobs, then get custom knobs built. I was just saying hypothetically, if you were to only make

knobs, it would be more cost effective because you could make way more of them for the same amount of resources you would need to make a full bat. At no point did you make that point that clearly. That was the entirety of my point. It's nonsense. It's absolutely nonsense. Absolutely not. I'll be honest with you. Anytime anybody

mentions bat or knob, my fucking the hairs in the back of my neck stand up. So I'm on edge immediately. So it's possible I was a little on guard from the outset of that conversation, but if memory serves, and it usually does, Gavin is right. You were being

a bit of a lunatic and not making No, I wasn't. I was being Look at this little section of the conversation andrew says you couldn't just make a knob bat i said what does that mean jeff says no dude a bat has one knob on it to get more knobs from a length of bat you need to get the word before they lathed it blah blah andrew said well it's just shaped wood isn't it wait so they attach the knob I said no oh my god honestly this conversation is pages long and it doesn't

align with anything that you just said Andrew my whole point is that a text conversation we have so many conversations yeah that was text I don't even have my phone on me that was my point the entire time was that the amount of knobs you can make with the same resources you make with a bat

Would be a lot more so in my head It's more cost effective to make knobs because you can make more of them instead of just selling one bat you can make however many knobs with that same amount of material That was my point then you guys were talking about like bats need knobs And you made it sound like knobs couldn't be adjacent from the bat. And then I was talking about like, what if you just did a bat of knobs? Like, what if it was just knobs the whole way? Why couldn't it just be all knobs?

And you're very opposed to that from my memory. No. Wait, how is that? How is I opposed? I feel like somebody maybe it was Jeff, but people are not supportive of that idea. You just have a knob of bats. Or a knob bat? A knob of bats?

A bat of knobs? A bat of knobs. Yeah. That'd be the better way to say it. Just ludicrous. I think it would be fun. I still think there's a market there for the bat knobs. We just have to make the knobs.

Yeah. We just have to get the knobs made. Listen, I'm not opposed to it. If we do it, I'd like them to be full size knobs. I'd like them to be. I don't want to sell toy bat knobs. I'd like to sell full size baseball bat knobs. And if we can get them that size, I would.

I would fucking burn them again or whatever. Eventually, or we come up with something else to do that that one of you two could do that would be cool. I think it's really good when you do it. I think people really like that. I think that's the feedback we're going to get is we specifically really like when Jeff signs the small knobs. Well, the one thing that I'll say is if it was a full-size knob,

it would probably be a hell of a lot easier. A hell of a lot easier to number. Also, if we sawed off the main part of the bat, then that wood is then clean for engraving. Yeah, that's true. That's no varnish. Also, if we sawed off the main part of the bat, then that bat, that wood is then clean for engraving. Yeah, that's true. What do you mean? No varnish. Oh, yeah. That's a great point. Yeah, fuck that varnish, let me tell you. Well, that is the question.

Was the varnish part of the bat, or were they manipulated? I don't think we'll ever know. I think we still don't know. Yeah. And the one man who could tell us is left. As Daryl looked at his duty, again. Aye, aye, aye. Fucking, and then, so i was thinking about like what's next and then um actually my girlfriend said what if what if you get what if you should make a zine about andrew and i thought that's a great idea actually because andrew says a lot of dumb off the wall stuff and And I thought we could just make a zine about Andrew or a face zine.

That would be a lot of fun to do. Dude, don't start. And then I put it in the merch. I said, hey, I want to make a zine. And then like a year later, when Andrew got his phone back, he just out of the blue said, what's a zine? And then I was like, hey, how do you not know what a zine is? But I thought, what do you think a zine is?

And then it turned into the most frustrating conversation. The closest I think Andrew got was he said, is it a hatine is. But I thought, what do you think a zine is? And then it turned into the most frustrating conversation. The closest I think Andrew got was he said, is it a hat? No. No, I didn't. No, I didn't. No, yours, what a twist of words.

What? I compared it to a magazine. I said, is it a magazine? Is it part of the magazine? I didn't know what it was. I had no context for it. My point was, if someone has no

idea what it is asking what do you think it is what's the value in that conversation are you having someone are you paying someone to be you on slack because you on slack and you never agree i don't know what that means i will go to the slack log right now i definitely thought it was a magazine i is well i said is a zina hat as a joke because it was a reference to yeah that was the point of that i didn't actually think a zine was a hat and then i say magazine related that's my first real guess i wasn't all about this hat but then it turned into a whole well what is a zine then no then it then you want to know what a maga is well because it's tied to the zine it then you want to know what a maga is well because

it's tied to the zine well then you want to know what an eom is well that was a conversation i had with someone i i do a quiz thing with with a friend and one of the questions was what do you put in a terrarium and i i narrowed it down to either tomatoes or turtles it was one of the two and i i thought okay well if a turtle is in a terrarium, you put fish in an aquarium, both have eons. Is there an eon connection? What is the joint eon?

I went tomatoes, even though I know how you grow tomatoes and there's no terrarium involved. It was a terrible guess. Obviously wrong. So I was just wondering what the eons were.

It's like just a Latin ending, isn't it? It is. And I answered that. Yeah, you did. You explained all of it. Here's the conversation. Andrew says, isn't it? It is. And I answered that. Yeah, you did. You explained all of it. Here's the conversation. Andrew says, what's a zine?

Andrew says, what's a zine? I say, what do you think it is? Andrew responds, that's an insane response. Eric says, this is very good. No, I don't think it's an insane response. I think it's interesting. If you don't know what something is, I'd just like to know what your first guess is. I say, no, I think it's a fair response.

Happy to answer you, but I'd love to know your initial thoughts before it's tainted with actual information. You said that would be like if we took a random person and said, what's gerple? To which I responded, I don't know. I don't think that's a bad idea. I think we could do that. And you said, a zine certainly isn't a hat. I say, okay. You respond, is a zine a hat? I believe you thought a zine was a hat. No, I never did. It was a joke. This is a joke, Jeff. Okay. I still think we should make a zine. I still don't. You explain to me what it is. I don't understand what you mean. I say you Wikipedia articles.

No, I know what it is. I just don't understand how it would be executed. I don't know what you want from it, I guess. I would, I would, I would. Here's how it would be. I would make a f***face zine or an Andrew zine. I would, either way, I'm giving you the foreword to it, the intro. You would write a page of something about what this is, episode one.

Then, Gavin, we would give some tips on how to live your life, like how to store your ketchup. Here's a helpful guide on how to live your life like how to store your ketchup here's a helpful guide how to store your ketchup we'd write it all out make some funny stuff there Gavin would illustrate it because he's obviously the talented artist among the three of us

based on his well ever since Andrew taught me how to draw yeah ever since Andrew told you how to draw we could have like a little game like how to draw a face we could do that a little bit. Maybe have an article on, I don't know, how to make a hot dog in your closet. Sounds like a nice beefed up version of our Instagram. Yeah, like a little beefed up version.

And then you add some pictures and stuff, and then you photocopy it and staple it and fold it in half and then sell it. I understood. Got it. That makes half and then sell it. I understood. Got it. That makes sense. That sounds good. I can support that. I think it would be a fun one-time thing, a unique thing to do like the bats. And I'm sure now that I've breathed that idea into the world, it will come back to torture

and torment me in some way. No, not at all. In the back of the first issue, we should have like a dotted outline where you can cut it out and construct your own hat from the zine so that technically a zine is a hat. That's a great idea. Could I sponsor the zine? Is the zine looking for sponsors for the

publication of it? Yeah, if you want to sponsor it with like NotTheRucityStore. As the owner of NotTheRucityStore, I'd be willing to maybe kick some money your way, get a good ad for it because it is the Christmas season. I would give you preferred ad placement that's great and we could sell it on your website where it arrives a year and a half from now yeah exactly this is all coming together perfectly i'm multiple businesses now thank me later building a little empire here yeah but let me you know what this is actually a great time because I'm assuming the well, I'm not assuming anything because this is my idea and I'm not at all being influenced by what I assume was successful and was a really good idea by someone else.

I just came up with this myself, not the roostertea store Christmas coming around the corner might want to get a gift. I figured what would be better than a bat? So I put some work and I really put the time and effort in and we're gonna have bats on the store wait what we're gonna I made a it's made a fluke face bat not it's totally original idea not related to anyone else completely influenced by me it was my thought I like bats a lot big fan of knobs like all of it think it's a great thing so I made some bats what logo whose logo is that on the side

that's the fluke face logo that is the official fluke face logo the other one which oh that's the company that made the bat couldn't remove that that's theirs no didn't have that option it's a great looking bat fluke face what size what size is this it looks like a real size looks like I don't think it's I think it's it going to be a normal... Nah, I think it's a trophy bat. But just putting it out there. Not the roosterteastore.com. Fluke Face bats. It's mainly someone else's logo on a bat, Andrew.

Nah, it's maybe 50-50 at best. At best, Gavin, 50-50. It's a pretty good bat. I don't think that bat's as good as the other bat. I think it's a pretty good bat. Got it engraved on the as good as the other bat i think it's a pretty good bat got it engraved on the side because i like minimal effort unlike jeff i don't i like to put nothing into the project so i just had them do it there's also only going to be one of these so stock a little limited not that we sell things anyway but it's going to be a tough game

just engrave one on it. Yeah So fluke has been and you think that was shipped before Christmas Definitely not that we we run our shipping through a company called. Thank me later unrelated. I'm not double dipping at all So somewhere between four to twelve months is my word I may be looking into cricket bats and ping-pong paddles who knows maybe this is a whole market is my favorite I don't know what that is so don't worry

about it I actually got feedback from somebody who there are hats in the wild now by people and I got feedback from somebody who there are hats in the wild now by people. And I got feedback from someone who I sent through one of the charity things.

And they are messed up in a way that we didn't even understand. Like, I'm still the layers of how fucked up these hats are is still unfolding. It's kind of beautiful. Yeah. The person said they were going to send a photo of them wearing it to the Instagram account. But when they put it on, it's like it's not deep enough to wear properly it like doesn't fit on their head like the depth of the hat it doesn't line up so it's not even like a good thing to wear and they're short they were like four foot something and so the logo being at the top because also remember like the

fuck across is way too high they were optimal for that and it still just doesn't work there's no scenario which that hat works wait what's their height got to do with it well because we were joking that the logo on the hat like it goes up like it's on the top so if you're short people could look down and see the logo sorry i thought you were saying that the depth of the hat was to do with how short they are like no no no no no no had nothing to do with that I was just saying that it was an additional way in which the hats were screwed up so it's like a skull it's like a scalp covering it apparently

is yeah I haven't tried to wear one my head is certainly big anyway it wouldn't work no matter what but it apparently doesn't for even a normal head I'm sorry large head long back bad ankles yeah it's like my body type would be like if you squeeze the thing of toothpaste like it's not a lot at the bottom and then

there's we're going really big top do you own do you can you wear hats no I can't I don't have any. I buy, I've bought a few hats. There's no hat that fits me. It sucks. I'd love to be a hat guy. A beanie will fit you. No, I can't wear a beanie.

I don't look good in a beanie. Beanie's no good for me. I'd love to be a hat guy. It just doesn't work. In a perfect world, if we could find, if we could identify and find the right size, what kind of hat do you see yourself

wearing? Do you mean like, are you looking like a baseball cap or like a top hat? Yeah, no, I don't want a top hat. I just want a baseball hat. I'm not asking for a lot. I'd love to be a baseball hat guy. You don't want to do like a Sherlock Holmes hat or maybe like a pork pie hat like you're in a ska band? That seems

hot. Yeah, you just want a regular old baseball hat, but one that fits a giant, giant head. Yeah. It's been a real problem. I'm sure that that company exists. We used to work with a guy, uh, Gav, you remember him, Bernie? Uh, he had a giant head and I think he had to special

order his baseball caps from a, like a big and tall head store. Right? I'm not making that up. I didn't let you. I've never understood. When people say, I've got a big head,

a head can only be so big. You say that. Next time we're in Austin and you're done laughing at my broken ankle, you're going to look at my head and be like, that's a big head. Well, I have photos of you that I've taken with other people in them, and your head is just, it matches all the other heads. No, I'm telling you, next time we're in the same location together,

you'll do an analysis. You'll be like, that's a big head. I think we got to measure head size. I will absolutely measure. I bet you my head is almost double the size of gavin's head that's impossible i think i gotta double i got a double head on gap well wait how big you've got tiny smushed in nose that can't be broken mine sticks out like half the length of my head that has nothing to do with head size that's's nose size. That's a different thing. That's on my head.

What do you think the nose is? No, but it's part of the head. But it's not like... You don't wear a hat on your fucking nose. It doesn't matter how big your nose is. You don't wear a hat on your nose. One of those plague doctors. Should we do molds? Should we do casts of our heads?

Yes. How do we do that? It's a process, but we could get them done and then we could maybe have paperweights and if you have like really if you live in a really windy place with a lot of paper that's when you buy the andrew one because it's apparently so much bigger i don't think my head could fit on my desk i don't think i have space for it i'm not saying my head is bigger than my desk i'm saying for the amount of space I have on my desk, it would not fit.

I'd have to move things. Yeah, you'd move the waffle maker, the condiments. That's near my bed. Relax. Have you made a bed waffle yet? Have either of you done that? You said you're going to do it. No, I just...

Disappoint. No, I haven't received my waffle maker yet. You bought one? Well, I don't want to say. I don't want to talk about it. Okay, well, you just did. So it's too late. I don't currently have a bedroom waffle maker.

Okay. I'll say that. Okay. And I'll be able to talk about it more early next year, probably. What? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, well, it's a whole thing.

Speaking of making molds of our our head that reminded me, I recently heard a story on a fuck. It was probably another podcast, honestly. So I'm probably poaching somebody else's content. But, um, did you ever hear that story about Jeff Daniels and his plaster face mask on

SNL? No, no. He apparently was, this is a long time ago. He was doing, uh, uh doing an episode of SNL he was hosting, and they put like a plaster, get like a plaster mold of his face,

and the only thing, I hope I'm not fucking this story up. I'm going off memory. It was like his face was totally covered except for two little nose holes, and they went to take the plaster off, and it wouldn't come off. And it was like rock hard and they couldn't figure out how to get it off.

And I think that, um, like his mouth was covered too and he wasn't feeling well. And he was like, they were terrified because if he vomited or he would choke and, and die and they were trying to figure out how to get it off. And I think eventually they got it off after hours and hours.

They had to take it off with a hammer. And I think he lost his eyebrows and his eyelashes and some of his other hair. And then they found out. I'm looking up a story about it now. It says they took six hours and by one in the morning he was ready to go uh but uh he held down the vomit from his jambalaya that he had because he

was gonna die oh they ripped out all the stubble and his beard it was like mega painful and then they got it off and then they found out later I think and this part I might be making up but I don't think so I think they found out later that somebody in the costume department was disgruntled or got laid off and tampered with that mold. Oh. Yeah. Like the bat. Yeah. And yeah, supposedly Jeff Daniels, like, he was sick to a stomach the whole time because he had some bad food.

And if he had vomited while he was wearing that thing that they couldn't get off, he would have died. And it took like six hours to get off. I wonder what would have, I wonder if the vomit would have blown it off. I don't dude i think that would i think i i don't know about you guys but i think if i was trapped with only my nose holes out for that long well they couldn't get something off my face and it was probably pitch black and you know i couldn't i couldn't breathe i couldn't open my mouth or anything i think i'd probably would lose i think i'd probably lose my

mind i think that would break me. I think I'd probably just die. I've had that done. I've had the thing where you just have like straws in your nose and that's the only thing that you can do because your mouth is snugly covered. Yeah. It's not great.

It's not a relaxing experience when you're not about to hurl. Yeah. No. I hope I don't ever have to do that. I'm not scared of enclosed spaces or anything, but I think that would fuck me up. Didn't we just have a conversation about molding our entire faces?

Wasn't that the lead into this? Yeah, I think so. I hope I never have to do this. Literally, we're talking about doing this. I mean, I'll do it for my skull. I'll do my cranium. I just don't want to do my mouth and my nose. What do you mean? You could do the whole thing. All right, I'll do it for my skull. I'll do my cranium. I just don't want to do my mouth and my nose. What do you mean?

You could do the whole thing. All right, I'll do the whole thing, but nobody can tamper with the solution and we have to make sure that it's not, it hasn't, like Nick isn't disgruntled or something. As the people who make f*** face, we should have a code word where this shouldn't be mentioned on the podcast,

either we'll have it privately, but where we want to just not mess with each other for the duration of a project. And if we all say the code word, then we just make a gentleman's agreement that we will not mess with said discussion. I would never do something that would, that would, like, to that level. That'd be terrible. I'm okay with, with jokes, a little bit of mental manipulation for good laugh nobody gets hurt as long as nobody really gets hurt we're good but I wouldn't do that

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had the meeting how'd the meeting go um it was good it was productive i think we're gonna have a new slate of some stuff coming in um jan into February. I'm really excited about the new products and the new shows that we're putting out for Rooster Teeth and RoosterTeeth.com and the Rooster Teeth phone application. Eric, would you get a mold of your head done? Oh, that would be cool. Yeah. How would you do that? We didn't get that far. We're just discussing

molds. We're trying to decide. We want to get molds of our heads so we can see if Andrew's head is twice the size of Gavin's. Andrew said, get this, his head is twice the size of mine. What? I have a huge head. Can't you just measure hat size? We could, but I think it just escalated to doing a full mold.

They wanted to go the extra mile. Eric, you and I listen to a lot of the same podcasts. Did you recently hear a story about Jeffff daniels being stuck in a mold on snl from one of the podcasts we both listened to together what no i haven't heard that yet i don't know where i heard it from then how do you get how do you get stuck in a mold like well i tell you i tell you what you should listen to this episode of face because we already or just or just come just be here you know to produce i found i found a thing on how to make head molds. Oh.

That seems easy. Yeah, I'm a producer. You didn't produce anything. You Googled something. You produced that information. I found solutions for what you can do if you want to get a mold of your head. The thing that you didn't have a solution for. So if you have any more questions, let me know.

I just don't want to throw up and die. No, that'd be terrible. I have a question. I've asked this to a few people there's no range either people don't know this i was in the camp that didn't know this and then there are people that do and the people that do seem to think you're the dumbest person in the world for not knowing this how do you differentiate what are your teen years do you know this without Do you both know this, Jeff and Gavin? Do I know? If it ends in the word, if it ends in teen, it's a teen year. Okay.

13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19. Yeah, because of teen. It says teen in the name. 19. Eric, did you know that? Yeah, I don't understand. I mean, I feel like you're going to trick us or something, and you're going to be like, it actually extends to 22.

Yeah, like 20. It's just like the teen. If you consider you consider like 12 your teens but it's not it's 13 through 19 yeah i was just i've asked this i've gotten equal didn't know and no i didn't know that i had no idea there was a whole thing i didn't know where my teen years began and ended i was i was unsure if i was a teenager when i was like 17. Maybe it's different in Canada. It's all in the word. Teen. Age. I know.

I just never made the connection. I never thought about it. Are you serious? Let's follow the line then. Do you know what dictates when you're in your 20s? Well, you're in your 20s. Oh, it's the word thing again? 21, 20.

Yeah. How about 30s? Well, I always view it as a number thing. I don't view it as a word thing again 21 20 yeah do you how about 30s well i just i always view it as a number thing i don't view it as a word thing because when you because when you're okay the word is a dumper no no no no no you're making a terrible point because when you're a kid you're your kid or your child it's not eight eight eight child to a child to set child and so it doesn't apply the same way the one no shut up you think that the one situation you think that the one situation negates the rest of ages you think because child doesn't have a number associated with it you don't 20 30 40 you think all of those are negated

you don't do it with child or adult you only do it with teen so it's kind of weird it just is a thing that comes in the middle it's the numbers it's just the numbers i get it's the numbers but i'm saying it's a weird operating system because it applies it's like almost a convenience thing i don't feel like i don't it's just strange that's why i never thought about it because i wasn't there's no number thing from 1 to 11 1 to 12 12 1 to 12 yeah 13 and then there's nothing

for adult going above that so it's just sort of this weird thing of time you flip the 20s 30s that's a thing but like kid adult or child teenager adult what do you mean there's nothing above it no there are two different systems aren't they when you're in your 20s 30s 40s 10s well 10s wouldn't work um senior middle-aged yeah but those are like all terms teen is part of those terms and it's the only one that has numbers tied

to it for the pronunciation of the numbers that is not incorrect uh it's not i i i don't even know how to respond to that i i joined this podcast and i feel sick now like i don't feel well i don't what okay i'm not i'm saying i should have known that obviously but i don't think it's crazy to not make that connection because it's such a small window of time i I think the reaction is so extreme because if you grow up, if you learn it and you notice it at the time where you learn it for the first time, it's so normal to you that it's insane

that people didn't know what they were saying this whole time. I feel like every child in the world is excited and counting down the days till they become a teenager, which begins the day you turn 13. I don't know how you don't. It's not just imbued in your psyche from growing up and being a child and being around other kids who also celebrate birthdays.

I just didn't know when it started. It's not that I wasn't excited about it. When did you think it started? I had no idea, Jeff. I had no clue when that transition happened from child to teen. I didn't know. So you were 17 and you were wondering if you were a teen. I distinctly remember being 17

and thinking, like, am I still a teenager? Did I miss the whole teenage thing? Or am I on this arc? You blink and you'll miss me yeah that was sort of what it was it's like wow did i go through my entire teenage years without even knowing i was a teenager i never liked you were like bopping along to teenage dirtbag didn't realize no idea the age range yeah no no clue i just never made that association i was just curious i bet you some

people who listen to this haven't either and they'll learn don't learn they've learned something i would if i would love it if you're brave enough to put in the comments that you also didn't understand what being a teenage what the age range of teenage years was uh if you want to admit to that uh where the whole world can see, I'd love to know it, because I kind of feel like Andrew's alone on an island here. I'm definitely not. I hope he is. I hope he is. This isn't like a crazy thing to not know.

It is. It is 100% a crazy thing not to know. I just never made that connection. I was hoping one other person here also wouldn't have. Universal though, everyone knows. It's fine. I was just curious. You ever think about how much it sucks to be 20?

It's such a weird year. Like, you're not a teenager anymore, but you're not an adult. You have that one in-between year where you don't get to be a teenager, so you don't get to shrug your shoulders and say, eh, I'm just a teen. I fucked up.

But you don't get to go get drunk at a bar. You're just 20. It just sucks. Yet your insurance doesn't go down, you don't get any real benefits, but you lose the teen moniker and you don't get to call yourself an adult. I didn't really have that. Yeah.

But you didn't leave your house for the first 25 years. Like, how would you? Well, I mean, like I could drink at 18, so I wasn't thinking 20. What can't I do? I could do everything at 20. I guess maybe that's a fair point. I guess it's a uniquely American thing because the drinking age is 21 here.

It's pretty high. That'd be one of the highest drinking ages on the planet. Yeah. Yeah, it probably is the highest drinking age on the planet. I could drink as a teenager. What about you, Andrew? Yeah, I think 18. I'm not much of a drinker so once again not entirely sure when that started i think 18 so when you say you're not much of a drinker do you just never ever drink even at social things

i drank recently i just this is uh okay um i just pulled everything out of the pantry and had a sip of it, because I was just curious of just the things that I had. And, uh, I wouldn't recommend trying Chinese cooking wine. Not a great beverage. That's not a good one. That ranked the lowest of the things I had in my pantry. I didn't even know that was a thing. Chinese cooking wine.

I'm assuming it's a cooking thing. I don't even know that thing. Chinese cooking wine. I'm assuming it's a cooking thing. I don't know why I have it. Chinese cooking wine, not a great beverage. Sake, of all the things I had, was by far the best. I have no memory of how I have these things or when I got them, but I had like five. Yeah, I guess over time, I guess I would have. And I don't remember when. What do you think you were making when you bought the Chinese cooking wine? I have no clue what I was cooking. I don't, a lot of the things I'd never even opened. I opened them for the first time and I had a sip of everything.

Sake by far the best. Chinese cooking wine just tastes like ocean. I wouldn't recommend sipping it at all. I don't think you're supposed to. I had wine in the thing and it had an alcohol content, so I assumed it was drinkable. I assumed it was a beverage. But I'm going to say no. According to Google, the United States and 11 other countries

have a minimum legal drinking age of 21 years old, the highest minimum legal drinking age of all the countries where it's legal to drink, although some areas of India have drinking ages as high as 30 years old. I mean, a lot of places in India you can't drink at all. That's true. a lot of places in India, you can't drink at all. That's true. A lot of places in the world, you can't drink at all. But there are some places in India where I guess you can once you hit your 30s.

Wow, that's insane. I didn't think... Wow, that's really high. It is very high. I thought you wouldn't want to drink if you hadn't drank by 30. You wouldn't do it. If you've made it to 30 without drinking, there'd be no reason to start. Maybe a high drinking age is a better thing yeah i mean i would have taken it as a challenge

i think you already did yeah i think yeah you know i i i would agree with that as the the the resident alcoholic in the group uh i would argue that uh yeah maybe it's better not to drink at all that'd be a good argument i have drunk once at a social event one time in my life gavin and it was a disaster did you get drunk uh i think i did i was on i was definitely on the edge i was going to a christmas party and i i'm like i'm not a big party guy and i'm like oh i'd be really nice to like i don't be more social or maybe you you know, I've I never drink. What if I try drinking and that'll maybe make me a little bit more social, be more comfortable. I won't have the anxiety I typically have.

So I went into my kitchen, got a giant cup like something from like 7-Eleven, like like a Slurpee almost type cup, and I filled it with orange juice and vodka. I just put a bunch in a both. I did no measuring. I just filled it and I drank it really quickly and it hit immediately. And I felt like I had lava in my stomach, which I don't think is normal. I don't think you're supposed to feel that way. And I just started sweating profusely.

I could not stop sweating. And so then I go. It's just like no matter what I do, every time I move, I feel lightheaded. My stomach feels like there's a fucking volcano inside of it. I can't stop sweating. It's doing all the opposite things that I want. Like that is not a good social look at a party where everyone's relaxed and you're just sweating profusely. And so I go from my place to my dad's and they're getting ready and soccer's on TV.

I don't watch soccer at all. And I say to his girlfriend, you know why I hate soccer? Too many leagues. I just said that like I had no opinions on it. I'm so glad she didn't ask name more than one because I couldn't. It's like there's MLS. I guess there's the Premier League and MLS is all I know. But certainly that's not an extreme amount.

Bundesliga. Yeah, I didn't know that one either. So that like my point, I know two leagues. I just was saying stuff. It was like I was on the brink of not being able to control what I was saying. It was like I was holding on really tight to being able to say what I wanted. So then I didn't want to speak at all.

Yeah, so I didn't want to speak at all. So then we go to the party. I'm still sweating profusely. I still feel like I have a volcano in my stomach, and I'm just not talking to people, just sitting sweating non-stop I cannot stop it or I'm having brief conversations it made it a million times worse

it was a terrible it was a terrible social experience so I just don't drink I didn't drink before that and I don't drink socially now I'm not opposed to it I just don't do it oh god what made you pick vodka and orange juice uh because i it's just what i had it was what was available at that time and uh i just

wanted to drink because i don't like the taste of alcohol had you ever had that before no i don't think so i literally just filled a giant cup with both just one big sweaty screwdriver just one massive yeah so chemistry must be off or something i feel like nothing has the desired effect on you i think i might be allergic i don't think those are normal like i get stuffed up and sweaty whenever i did you throw up at all from the alcohol no no i did and you drank a big gulp-sized container. I didn't drink all of it. I drank a lot of it. Okay.

It was a lot. So would you say that you were drunk or you were just feeling side effects that weren't anything to do with? Well, I don't have anything to compare it to. I think it's maybe the most drunk I've been. I'm assuming that's what being drunk is. I've never been like black.

It's hard to describe being drunk. I feel like stuff's just floaty. Everything's floaty and warm. And everything kind of feels like a hug. And it starts to get a little hazy and spinny, I would say. Okay. I was probably drunk then. I mean, I definitely would have been drunk.

But it was like... I had an awareness to it. So then I just didn't really want to talk to anybody. I was like, I don't know if it. So then I just didn't really want to talk to anybody. I was like, I don't know if I have full control here at this time. I'm just going to be yelling about soccer leagues, a sport I don't watch or actually have any opinions about. Just had to chime in.

Just had to chime in. Too many leagues. Were they soccer fans or did it just happen? No, it just happened to be on TV. There was no soccer established thing at all it was just what was on too many leagues i bet you've bet on soccer before though oh i've bet on you want to get into the oh my god pavel khodov i fucking hate you you're never gonna listen to this no one knows you exist cannot stand you you're my arch enemy in life you're awful is this handball this isn't handball this is uh russian tennis this is a russian qualifier tennis tournament it's maybe the

most angry i've ever been about any gambling thing ever i had this idea of i'm just gonna bet on massive favorites one night and i was just betting like really tiny amounts but i kept winning because they're massive favorites pavlokhodov was like he was more than a four time like going to win. Like the other guy was like a nine to one underdog. And I spent the entire night watching this game as Pavel Khodov blew his lead slowly throughout the night. I was up until 3 a.m. on a stat tracker website following this Russian tennis qualifier that nobody else on the planet cares

about, losing my mind because Pavel Khodov doesn't know how to close a game. Maybe the worst tennis player of all time. He's going against the guy that had won like $1,000 in all his years playing tennis, and he was in his mid-30s. So this is a hobby. He lost to a guy who's a hobbyist. Outrageous.

Did you have a lot of money riding on this? No, it was like $10, but I was just furious. Couldn't believe it. Do you think you're the only person in history to bet on Pavel, what was his name, Pavel Khodov? Pavel Khodov. Pavel Khodov.

Pavel Khodov. I don't know about that. Never bet on Pavel Khodov. Don't do it. That guy has a baseball card. We need to get it. He doesn't. He definitely doesn't.

A tennis baseball card? And the worst part, the worst part is there's nobody to complain to about Pavel Kodov because nobody knows who it is. It's a Russian qualifier that nobody cares about.

So I'm like looking online to try to find any place I could rant to about can you fucking believe Pavel Kodov blew six match points in a row and lost? This is the worst thing ever. fucking believe Pavel Kodov blew six match points in a row and lost? This is the worst thing ever.

I hate Pavel Kodov. I certainly didn't give a shit when you texted me about it. Oh, it was infuriating. Speaking of, I have my tennis lessons tomorrow. You just reminded me. Very excited.

You're doing tennis lessons? You guys know I've been taking tennis lessons? Why? To play tennis. Oh. No, I mean, yeah, I gather that. I'm just... I've been taking lessons for like three months now?

Two months? Two, three months? Yeah. Why'd you want to get good at tennis? It seems like a... I mean, A, it's something different to do. It's a sport. It's an outside activity.

You know, I have that whole issue with the arthritis in my shoulder and how I'm dying slowly from the inside. And I thought it might help like lube, lube up my arm and keep me mobile, keep me moving from, from getting the, uh, the thing that they told me was going to happen to me that I'm terrified of, which is that my shoulder will freeze in place for the rest of my life and I'll never be able to use my arm properly again. So I thought like, this would be a good way to do it. And so yeah, like every week for probably three months now

taking tennis lessons. On Fridays now. Used to be on Saturdays. And it's fun! And it's socially responsible because it's distanced and it's COVID safe. You just have to touch the ball. Not if you play right. I always wondered I know it would be really hard to do but if

you hit somebody with the ball you immediately get a point and i always thought if i was a professional tennis player that's all i'd do off the serve is just try to get a point well if you hit the person with the ball like if you're serving and i hit you with the ball and obviously you can't hit it back like i just pelt you with it then I get the point That's it's a ground though. Well. No if I I'm aiming directly at you. Oh wait. I'll just serve no alpha serve I would have to hit the ground you're right, so it'd have to be the follow-up shot I'd have to hit it in the box on the serve I just always thought that pelting the person with the ball would be easier than and like the vault That would be my strategy for tennis is just trying to inflict damage with the ball and yeah

I feel like though if you're trying to hit them you're going to have to hit hard enough so that they can't react. But if you miss, then it's definitely going out. It's a high risk, high reward, but I don't know if anyone in the tennis game has attempted this strategy. You either get the point or you don't, but isn't that every play? You either win or you don't, but isn't that every play? You either win or you don't. We haven't covered that section of tennis yet in my classes, but I will definitely bring up

strategies for hitting your opponent. Is it just you and an instructor? Are there other people there? How does this work? I took an initial small class of three people. It was me, Emily, and then another lady uh and then did that for a month two months maybe and then i we got up like a private tennis coach uh

a because it seems safer and then b it's like it's you just get more time you know honestly and so emily and i we we take a private lesson with a dude. Shout out to Brent, tennis coach. He's pretty fucking good. And yeah, it's just like an hour or, yeah, about an hour every week. He tells us how not to do dumb shit. And then I play tennis probably three times a week with Emily. Just go hit the ball around. Does he make you serve into a hula hoop?

No, I haven't done that yet. I haven't served into a hula hoop. Have you done any foot exercises? Are you on the ladder on the ground? Are you doing the sewing machine? Are you working on your foot movement? No, we don't do that stuff. We hit the ball a lot,

and we practice rushing the net and forearms and backarms. I played tennis for a long time. And volleys and continental grip versus, you know. Wait, Andrew, you play tennis? I played tennis for a long time. And volleys and continental grip versus, you know. Wait, Andrew, you play tennis? I played tennis for a long time, but I'm just surprised. No foot exercises at all.

You're just hitting the ball. Well, he doesn't have straw ankles. No, it's not even straw ankles. It's foot movement. You got to have quick feet in tennis. You got to move the ball. Yeah, we do a lot of like side-to-side movement and knowing like how to anticipate the ball.

And like we do a lot of rotations and stuff, a lot of drills, but at no point did he use those terms, either of my coaches. I'm just curious. Was it the sewing machine? Yeah, the sewing machine and climbing the ladder. No, you lay the ladder down. It's like a plastic ladder, and you lay it down,

and you have to go through each rung between the rungs of it. Sounds like NFL training camp. Yeah, it is. It's sort of like a combine thing, what that was part of the thing when i played tennis that you do it was like who brought the ladder the the coach did the instructor what kind of ladder was it it's like it's not a real ladder you couldn't climb it's a very flimsy it's a floppy ladder you lay it on the ground ladder wasn't like an a-frame uh no it was more like a plastic it wasn't a rope ladder it was uh like an A-frame. No, it was more like a plastic. It wasn't a rope ladder. It was more like a... What's another type of material that isn't rope?

Almost like a Velcro-ish type material, but not Velcro. A Velcro ladder. Like felt? Yeah, like more of a felty type thing. Yeah. Glass? It wasn't glass. That'd be horrifying.

Oh, high risk. It seems dangerous. How'd you break your leg? I was playing tennis with a ladder. When you don't play it with it, it's part of the training. It's like practicing footwork. You practice all aspects of your game.

I think you're probably at an age, no disrespect to you, your footwork is probably what your footwork is. You're also not, you know, you're just doing your death. My footwork's fucking on point. I would kick your ass in tennis, tennis buddy if we did the sewing machine I would demolish you in the sewing machine it is a complicated procedure

You got one foot in one foot out you got to go side to side can you describe it? I want to picture the sewing machine. It's really hard to describe because it's hard to do It's one of those things where when you try to learn it, okay, so you draw a diagram No, I can't how do I draw a diagram for physical? Here's the thing, Andrew. Whenever we ask you to draw something, you're never ready to go. Yeah. But this is a complicated thing to draw.

This needs to go in the zine, so I'm going to need you to figure out how to draw it. Well, that's Gavin's drop. Andrew's tennis tips. I'll give the tips. Gavin's drawing. We already gave that job to him. So you put, you go one foot in the first rung, then the second foot in,

and then one foot to the right side. The sewing machine uses the ladder as well? Yeah, you have to go between the ladder. That's why it's called the sewing machine. It's because like you're stitching. It's like you're stitching with your feet. Okay. So one foot in, other foot in,

then the first foot you had in goes out to the side, then the other foot goes out to the side, then the other foot goes into the next set of rungs, and then so on and so on until you complete the line.

So it's in, in, out, out, in, in, out, out. Yeah, exactly. It sounds like sideways hopscotch. I never played hopscotch. I don't know. What was... Did you go to school?

Yeah, yeah. He was absent Did you go to school? Yeah, yeah. He was absent the day they covered hopscotch in teenage years. I played Red Bull and I played soccer. Look, you go to school, your first day, you look at the ground, there's a hopscotch. It's like lesson one in being a school child. You just see it. They're everywhere.

If you look at a chessboard, it doesn't mean you know how to play. I've seen them. I just don't know the mechanics. God, they're... They're everywhere. If you look at a chess board, doesn't mean you know how to play. I've seen them. I just, I don't know the mechanics. Oh my God. There, there, wow.

I think you are conflating that buddy. If there is no correlation between chess. Oh my God. And hopscotch. My point is, if you look at where the place is played, the court of play doesn't tell you how the game is played. Sir.

I don't know the rules. I don't know how you move move you just have to watch like a seven-year-old for one second and then you know why am i watching seven-year-olds play hopscotch there's no reason for me to do that because you're also seven no i'm playing soccer i'm playing red ball i don't have time for that that's not a different the red ball it's that game that kids played where it has like a million different names where like you had... I don't remember the rules exactly, but you had to throw the ball and then catch it

or if it hit you or something... Dodgeball? Dodgeball. No, it's not dodgeball. If you missed... Yeah, it was like wall ball. I think that's another term for it. You had to stand on the wall.

Well, yeah, you throw... It's like a tennis ball. You throw it at the wall. If you screw up in some way, you have to stand in front of the wall and you get pelted with the ball and then it just goes back to play until someone else has to oh i don't know what you're describing to me is a made-up game called red ball where the kids stood you in front of a wall and pelted you with no no i was very rare i don't think you i don't think you were playing a sport i think you were being i think you were being bullied.

Jeff, if there was a Red Ball Hall of Fame, I would be in it. I was never pelted once. I have no memories of being pelted. I was an exceptional Red Ball player. That was weird. Why did nobody had a follow-up to their own? I thought Jeff was going to talk.

No, I'm just disappointed in the whole hopscotch thing. What about it? Just like, I feel like, I feel like if you just look at the ground and you see hopscotch, you know how to play it. I can't believe you compared it to chess. Can you imagine a show like Queen's Gambit, but about the best hopscotch players?

It's like you don't teach a horse how to stand up. It just, it doesn't. When it's born, the mama horse looks at it and says, stand up and the horse like okay it's natural i'll do it that's hopscotch i will send you a thing jeff i bet you i could blow your sewing machine time out of the water we can do with chalk today set up not today because i'm still my ankles recovering when you when you i don't care about sewing machines and ladders and climbing the sewing machine and whatever that is.

You said you had exceptional footwork. I do. I feel confident in my footwork, but I would rather show it to you by playing you in tennis. Are you prepared to get pelted by balls?

I'm prepared to dodge them and win those points. Andrew, I couldn't beat you in tennis, but I would wipe the floor with you in a sewing machine. There's no way you could beat me in a sewing machine alright we're having a three man sewing machine tournament that's the ladder

that is the Eric just posted the ladder in the discord that's what you work with agility ladder oh so specifically for this one purpose well it's I mean there are all sorts of different exercises you can do using that ladder but it was uh the sewing machine was always my favorite I but it was uh the sewing machine was

always my favorite i was really good at the sewing machine do you see what's right above the ladder is a little girl in red shoes playing hopscotch i'm gonna let you in on a secret nobody taught her how to play hopscotch she figured it out no all right andrea how do you in your head how do you play hopscotch well i need to see the board first of all i'm kind of seeing i need to see the board, first of all. I'm kind of seeing... The board. I need to evaluate. So you have to, one foot in the one hole, two foot, like when there's two, you have to put both feet in those holes, I'm guessing. And then there's numbers.

I'm not sure how the numbers correlate. Okay, I'm looking at this now. One, two, three, four. So I'm guessing you just have to hop in the sequence of the numbers. So one foot, one foot, two feet, one foot, two feet, one foot. Is that hot, Scott? There's variance, too. Like, sometimes you've got to chuck shit and land them in the numbers.

You throw, like, a beanbag at a number, and then you have to jump into that number. Or a stone if you're poor. You don't have beanbag money. No, I just used to pick up a nearby rock. Well, where do you have... In Gavin's defense, it's not even a money thing. Very rarely in life do I ever have beanbags. It's so sad.

I can't think of a time I've had one. I think that's a great place to end it right there. I imagine you'd be good at hacky sack and stuff. I was never good at hacky sack. The kid's got glass ankles. He can't do anything ankle related.

No, the sewing machine, I'm amazing at. Yeah, but he can do the sewing machine, though. I'm so good at the sewing machine. He's talking a good sewing machine game, but I bet you if you put him out there, it'd be like fucking Samuel L. Jackson in Unbreakable. Andrew, realistically, do you, like, actually, not even for content,

do you think you could beat me at sewing machine? Not even for, I couldn't be more certain. Absolutely. How much do you want to put on this? I'd put whatever you wanted on it, because sewing machine was my shit. I was always exceptionally good at sewing machine. What if we put $300 on a sewing machine?

Sure, that works for me. It's the, once again, it's like my back and my tall thing. You would think I'm way taller. Like, it doesn't, I, on the sewing machine, you would think I was Usain Bolt for how quick I would clear that ladder when we'd do sewing machine. Like,

there'd be kids that were faster than I was and I would catch them every time. I'd have to slow down for them. I was dominant on the sewing machine. I just can't imagine it. I'm sure that's what it's called. I don't think Eric can even find it. I think Eric thinks that I've made this up.

I'm almost 100% sure it was called the sewing machine. Well, it might have been just what your coach called it. It could be. That'd be weird if they invented their own name for the thing. That'd be strange. This was a podcast about absolutely nothing today. They're all about nothing. One question quickly before we close this, I guess.

Yeah. When you throw the beanbag onto the hopscotch, what does that mean? If I remember correctly, you had to throw sequentially. Yeah. And if you missed, you'd still have to hit that number. Oh, so it's like cornhole with hopping. But you still have to go the length of the hopscotch.

And you could draw them. You could draw some pretty wicked-looking ones. So it's just you have to throw it and then jump there. Okay, I got it. I think it's like whoever gets to 10 first wins or something, right? Both of these boards say 8, Jeff. As the hopscotch enthusiast, it seems like 8 is the standard. But if a bishop plays, he can only play diagonally. That's true. One of the rules of hopscotch enthusiast, it seems like eight is the standard. But if a bishop plays, he can only play diagonally.

That's true. One of the rules of hopscotch. Yeah, I get it. It's a chess joke. Very funny. It's a very funny chess joke. We got to stop this. Yeah, I think we're good.

It was a good episode. This one wore me out. I think you're tired from the last one. Maybe we should have done two. No, I think it's fine. I think Andrew has a thing where last one. Maybe we shouldn't have done two. No, I think it's fine. At least Andrew's... Andrew... He has a thing where he makes my brain tired sometimes.

No, it was the bat thing. I think you're fatigued from learning about the bat thing previous episode. It's possible that I was a little on edge from the bat stuff, but I think it felt like it really went downhill for me when you flustered me with the teenage stuff. I would be interested to see in the comments,

like you said, if other people are blown away. I don't think there's going to be the revelation. No, I don't think... Based on this, I'm going to say maybe 10% of people that hear this wouldn't have made it. I can't imagine it's that high. Yeah, it's probably like 5%.

If it was higher than 1%, I would be shocked. Somebody is definitely gonna have this realization like I did. And don't feel stupid. You say there are some people out there who have voted. Oh, 100%. People that I would consider smart

haven't made this realization. It's surprising to them. It's just sometimes you don't think about that stuff. I don't think you have to. I think some stuff's just intrinsic knowledge that you gain through, I don't know, osmosis. Just through existence. I mean, I didn't. I don't know what that is. Like, nobody teaches you how to breathe or blink your eyes.

You just kind of know. But if you think about it, it gets a little weird. It does. You're right about that. Don't ever become self-aware of don't ever think about blinking or breathing because it'll ruin about 30 minutes of your life when you try to get back to equalize and get back to normal someone at school once told me that if you don't push your eyes in like once a month they start to come forward and eventually fall out did you push your eyes in once a month for like 10 years?

Yeah, I just like close my eyes and just like lightly push on him just to make sure. I didn't know if it was true, but I didn't want to find out. What is the weirdest thing you can do? You have like a weird skill, like as far as, I guess anything. Weird skill. Weird skill, like a distinct skill. I don't have the skill to end podcasts, that's for sure.

I can put a chain through my nose and out my mouth and only throw up 11 times doing it. I can hold one leg and jump over it. I can do that thing where you walk like a crab, like you hang your legs over your arms. Okay. Not really skills, just things that I've tried and i haven't hurt myself doing yet i'm sure anyone could do those things how about you andrew i can wiggle my ears i can i can wiggle my ears as well can you yeah great yeah no wonder we're friends

i've been looking for an ear wiggler my entire life and i never i didn't expect it would be god didn't give me ears like this without the power to use them. How much height do you think we should do an ear combine? How much elevation can you get without moving your ears go up and down? Yeah. I was thinking like side to side.

No, I can do either. I can do either. Wow, you might have more. Jeff might be a better ear mover than I am. Maybe, maybe not. I don't know. I'm not trying to flex on you. I'm just saying I can also... I'm not confident in the way you're confident with sewing machines.

I'm just saying I can win layers. Can you do one up, one down? No. No, I'm doing both right now. I think I can do the right one up. I don't think I can do the left one independently, but I can do the right one if that makes sense. I can do the left one independently but I can do the right one if that makes sense I can't do I guess I just have standard ears

standard ears hmm now we're just all wiggling our fucking ears quietly I'm wearing headphones I don't even I'm doing it through the headphones what you shitting me no I can move like the inner ear too

your canal yeah like I'm moving I got I didn't really notice that. Your canal? Yeah, like I'm moving, I got a little canal moving. What does that mean? Turning his ears and stuff. Oh, I know what I can do that a lot of people don't seem to be able to do, but is a totally real thing. I can turn my nose off.

What does that mean? I can choose not to smell. That's why I don't understand when people's stuff smells bad and people freak out about it. I can just turn my nose off. What does that mean? I can choose not to smell. That's why I don't understand when people's stuff smells bad and people freak out about it. I can just turn my nose off and not smell. And I've Googled it, and a lot of people can do it.

What are you talking about? The people that know how to turn their nose off are surprised. I don't know how to explain it and don't know how other people can't do it. Are you just not breathing through your nose? No, no, no. It's more than that.

There's little flaps. I can feel them in the back of my nose. You just move a muscle and they freeze up. And then no smell gets through. What are you talking about? Are you a fucking alien from the faculty? What are you talking about? You can close your nose?

End. End the show. You have to end the show. He has a nose switch. What are you talking about? This is insane. He's just talking about not breathing through his nose for a short period of time. No, no, no, it's not. It's different. It's different. Right, no, he said that it's different. I understand that he

said it was different. But wait, okay, with your nose off, could you take a breath through your nose and still smell nothing? I don't know. I don't know. I've never tried that. It's because he's just not breathing through his fucking nose. The particles land on shit inside your nose. Have you seen the faculty,

Jeff? You must have seen it. Yeah, I saw it here in Austin. Is it like that? Is it like that level of nose control? Is that what we're talking for blockage? I don't remember the nose control part of the faculty. I just know that if something something smells bad and it's not just turning, it's not just not smelling because people swear to me that they can still smell something even if they just don't

breathe through their nose. So you've got smell doors. I got smell doors. Yeah, yeah. I've got like barn doors on a like barn doors on a camera. I have like smell doors. I don't think you do have that. I do. I do. I do. And I guarantee you more people in the comments will agree that they also have smell doors than people that don't understand how teenage years work. I think if they're at the back of your nose, that's behind all of your receptors anyway, though. I don't know, dude. I'm just telling you, I can turn off smell and then I don't smell anymore.

It's probably the problem, too. Now is if I search for it, everything's COVID related because of the goddamn COVID thing. But before that, there was a whole thread. I've read lots of forum threads and stuff from other people that are like, hey, how come I do this and people are freaked out by it and say they don't know what I'm talking about? Am I the only one that can do this? And then about one in every five or six people will be like, oh no, I can totally do that too. It always weirds me out when people don't understand that you can do it and people don't know how to do it and and none of us know how to tell you how to do it it's just something that you know how to do of course the guy with some of the worst smelling farts on

the planet is also the guy that can turn off his nose i appreciate that thank you i can turn this podcast off can you end this turn the fucking podcast off. All right, this has been another episode of F*** Face. I believe it was episode 28. Is that right? Or 29? No, we did 28 last time. 29. It couldn't be easier.

This has been episode 29 of the F*** Face podcast. I hope you liked it. I hope you're one of the people out there who understands how age works. And probably, if you are, you also know how to play hopscotch. I never made the connection. I hope you make the connection to the like and subscribe button. I hope you make the connection to

five stars. Boy, gee, we really appreciate it that you listened to it. It's like saying I didn't understand the connection between 22 and 23. I don't see how that connects at all. I was I was 27 years old before I realized, wait a minute, this shit's sequential.

I always knew that. That's obvious. But it's a it's a pronunciation of the numbers to a very specific set of years. It's not just it's not of years. It's not just numbers, it's a word thing and how they are applied to those numbers. It's literally numbers. No, but it's the pronunciation of

those numbers. The only numbers you as the audience need to be worried about are the numbers 5 out of 5 stars, or 10 out of 10 stars, or however many fucking stars it is. Where do the stars come from? Why do we always ask people to rate us with the stars?

Is that like an Apple thing or a Spotify thing? Apple, I don't know. I thought you actually meant like where do stars come from. It's way before Apple. Yeah, it is way before Apple, but this Apple is the one

that we're like relying on. eBay. Yeah. eBay. Give us five eBay stars and thank you for listening and find us on Instagram. Face pod.

We'll see you next time. How many? Goodbye. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. By our zine. Shut up.

By the zine. 6 p.m. I still don't know what it is. sewing machine i don't understand i keep looking it up and i don't i can't i'm looking up sewing machine exercises i'm looking up sewing machine like contests i'm looking up sewing machine like i like pe i got nothing dude i think wait i think i uh let me look let me look at that i'm trying to find a video of it all of these are like 10 minutes long and it's just like i don't want that i'm just looking for one to know what i give me any minutes i have zero minutes right now google's not helping

me dude i don't like it has to be called like it's not that's not the name of it that's not it is it's i think it's the step shuffle but this guy has terrible form it's cheating dude i'm searching step shuffle sewing machine and it's just goddamn fucking sewing machines but it's with the ladder that's with the ladder do you think your tennis instructor in your tennis class uh created something some piece of busy work off in the side while everybody else played tennis like no andrew you're the king of the in your tennis class created something, some piece of busy work for you to do off on the side while everybody else played tennis. Like, no, Andrew, you're the king of the sewing machine.

Keep it up. See if you can beat your time. See if you can beat your time. I bet you can beat your time. Anyway, kids, we're gonna go serve. If you say it's the icky shuffle, I'm gonna be real mad. Ooh. Is it this? I'll show... How do we have a disclaimer for a fucking what are we doing i'm watching the

top well the disclaimer is hey this isn't fake or invented by a man on a podcast this is a real thing you just think it's fake look at what that first guy's doing i don't know it is not the alley shuffle it's a great shuffle daintiest shuffle which video is this both feed in before you can move Jeff look at the first one Andrew you can link with a time stamp

yeah well that takes work man I'm watching shuffle videos figure it out it's the second exercise he does it's really in the video it's the second exercise it's the two feet in no it's not two feet in

crossover shuffle it's like the crossover shuffle. Give us a tongue twister. That actually looks difficult. He's cheating. You're supposed to have both feet in before you move the other one. He's only ever putting one in. That's what I'm saying. Like, when a proper

sewing machine, both feet in before the other one in. You keep calling it a sewing machine. Because that's what it's called. It's not what it's called. It's what it was called. Definitely, that's what it's called. It's not what it's called. It's what it was called. It's what it was called. No, it's what somebody you know called it. What am I supposed to call it?

Because he's got bad sewing machine form. That is what the sewing machine is. We're not even recording this. What's going on? This is bad in the episode. This is 100% bad in the episode. Which one is it? The crossover step?

Third one, the step shuffle, Jeff. It's the second thing he does. You're describing, this is the icky shuffle. No, it's not the icky shuffle. No, it's not. It is. I saw the icky shuffle. Where is the icky shuffle?

Look at this woman. Break it down slowly. Yeah, because I looked up icky shuffle and it wasn't anything like what I was saying. Look at the way she does it in 25 seconds. It's two feet in and then she steps out. No, but she never has both in. Yes, she does. Yes, she does. There's a brief moment. You know what it is? Yeah, I guess it is the icky shuffle, but not all. Yes, she does. Yes, she does.

There's a brief moment. You know what it is? Yeah, I guess it is the icky shuffle, but not all icky shuffle. Oh, really interesting. Really fucking interesting how it's not the icky shuffle and then it's the icky shuffle.

I looked at a video. I'll post, you know what? Fuck you. I'll go to the icky shuffle video I saw. But you know what's really interesting about this? None of them are called sewing machine. It's true. It's repeating back what I was told it was called.

Okay, you know what? This isn't even better. Eric, your bullshit icky shuffle video. This is a person that knows how to sewing machine. That they do two feet in. This is a good one. The one I just posted, that's some good sewing machine. Bam, bam, bam bam it's so fast the

icky shuffle but that's not what i call it that's what i was taught sewing machine this is jeff do something jeff do anything i don't know what to say that it's the icky shuffle it's the icky fucking shuffle and it's i don't know why you called it the sewing machine relentlessly what i've been told it was right but then when. That's what I've been told it was called. Right, but then when we figured out that that's not what it was called, you just keep saying that's what it's called. Because that's what I was taught it as, and also there are things that have multiple names.

Right, I agree with you that sometimes things have multiple names. This is apparently not one of those instances. Where did my tennis instructor... I can't find the other name for it. Where did my tennis instructor... I can't find the other name for it. Where did my tennis instructor get sewing machine from then? They just came up with that? I highly doubt it. They all called it sewing machine.

Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? Why did I have the bowl? Let's do this other icky shuffle. It's a weak-ass icky shuffle It's a weak ass icky shuffle The one you posted So Andrew You said I never had a gold thing Are we doing icky shuffle for $300?

Yeah I mean if that's what we're going to call it I guess yeah I think I'm really good at the sewing machine What if we do the icky shuffle While holding a sewing machine each? That seems difficult. That's so fucking stupid. How did the podcast get better when we stopped? Yeah, right.

No kidding. It stopped when we stopped. Oh, no. It got better because we just proved Andrew wrong. That's all it took. You just had to understand and then go, well, that's not right. And then he went, no and but he's wrong god damn okay you shuffle i just i didn't know that i wasn't trying to be difficult i didn't

know that understand it's not that the before i'm not hung up on the before andrew i need you to understand i need to be like crystal clear i'm not hung up on what you're saying eric if you've called something one way i like 16 years of your life, it's not an immediate flip. Okay, I'm going to need time. No, I understand. I can promise you, Eric, I'm going to make a real effort. I'm going to really try hard to start saying icky shuffle for you

because it clearly means a lot. It's kind of tough for me right now, so I'm working towards that point. So I'm going to need you to have some space for me to say sewing machine. And I know what you want. I'm not giving you, absolutely not. to have some space for me to say sewing machine. And I know what you want. I'm not giving you, absolutely not. I'm not giving you any space for sewing machine.

In the face of evidence, you just went, some things have two names. Right. Because red butt, the name and then my name. Yeah. Right.

The name that everyone knows and a thing I made up. I don't. Okay. I guess there's no other use as a sewing machine. And if that's true, then it was just my thing. Apologies. I just need some space here.

I would love to know what other fake names you have for shit. I don't think I have any other fake names for any other thing. Oh, God. I can't find a single instance where it's also called the sewing machine i've been googling the entire time you got a tennis message boards it could be a tennis thing have you got a tennis message is it maybe a russian tennis thing it's definitely not a russian tennis thing a sewing machine goes up and down yeah but it's stitches it's like a stitch pattern Is it maybe a Russian tennis thing? It's definitely not a Russian tennis thing.

A sewing machine goes up and down. Yeah, but it's stitches. It's like a stitch pattern. I think if we had a sewing machine contest where we, I'm sorry, an icky shuffle contest, I think you would end up like icky woods. You would be on the disabled list for the rest of your life. You are under, it is one of my skills. You would suffer a career-enduring ankle injury.

No, you would be shocked how good I would do at the icky shuffle. I don't think I would. I think I would be shocked at how quickly we ended up in the emergency room i think i'd be like immediately not even five minutes in no it's you're discrediting the amount of icky shuffle work i had done how several of the icky shuffle is i will easily do it faster than you i just don't know what the fucking call it now it's like voldemort i'm scared to say anything be you in the foot race thing we're doing that's not really a race but involves feet going in and out of a ladder we may or may not have oh i'm imagining voldemort do it is it funny if voldemort like voldemort's just a guy? Why is that a thing to...

He's so much more than just a guy. He's just a great-faced guy with no nose. He's got no nose, so you can't break it. You know what I mean? The unbreakable nose. The unbreakable nose. That's interesting. A lot of parallels here.

Can we go now? Yeah, I'm going to go away now. I'm exhausted. I feel like I got in a fight. That was the most... First episode, awesome. That was the most exhausting thing I've been a part of in a while.

Should we do another outro right now? An outro to the extra material? For what? I'm just asking. Absolutely not. Just asking. I don't even know what I'm going to have for dinner tonight.

And I'm sitting in a dark room lit by computer screens and I'm hungry. Yeah, the sun went down. Oh, that's a great question. What's everybody going to do for dinner? Maybe I'll get some ideas. Andrew, what are you eating for dinner tonight? I don't know. It's a good call.

I live next to so many restaurants. Maybe Greek. Maybe get Greek or Indian. Maybe like a... Now, are you going to risk your ankles to go out and get it? Or are you just going to have something? No, no. I'm like 90%. My ankles are almost good. Gavin, what are you going to have your ankles to go out and get it, or are you just going to have something? No, no, I'm like 90%.

My ankles are almost good. Gavin, what are you going to have for dinner tonight? Pasta. I've got some ground beef, so I'm going to have some soft tacos. Eric? I think I made some crockpot chicken, so I'm going to make chicken enchiladas. All right.

Nick? I was snacking on chips and queso during the episode, so I'm good. Queso. That was the word I was snacking on chips and queso during the episode, so I'm good. Queso. That was the word I was looking for earlier. Is queso a dip, like a condiment? Yeah. So, Nick, you didn't end up hungry and alone in the dark?

Yeah, just the rest of us. No, I'm in the dark. I just ate queso in the dark. How are we all? I'm also in the dark. Because when this was started, Kesu in the dark. How are we all? I'm also in the dark. Because when this started, it went wide out, and then we talked about an icky

shuffle for 40 minutes. Can we just put this argument out instead of the episode we made? No kidding. Put it out first. That was a real episode. Here's some bonus content, idiots.

So my my options are chips and queso. Soft hot options. I'm if I eat off you guys, chicken enchiladas. Greek. What if I if I eat based off what you guys are eating? That's not what I thought you said. Eat off of you. Yeah.

Or if I physically eat off of your body, just go get go get a slice of pizza go to home slice go get the sandwich from home slice dude that's what i'm gonna get for dinner tonight i'm gonna get home slice the meatball sub from home it's so fucking great there you go so fucking good you're welcome bud thanks man i appreciate that yeah no problem it's okay it's just okay i think it fucking great. You're a prick. Okay, bye. I feel like Firehouse is better. You feel like Firehouse Subs is better than the fucking subs at Meeple? Meeple for Meeple?

Fuck my... You live about four miles. Come over here and suck my dick right now. Come over and get on your little bike or get your girlfriend to drive you and come over and suck my fucking dick i'll give you ride home okay yeah i don't think i've ever had a meatball i'm out i'm gone i'm leaving i'm leaving goodbye goodbye everyone i can't do it