Regulation Podcast - Early for Being Late // We're Gurpin' [21]

Episode Date: October 21, 2020

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about doing intros again, what our friend Jack thinks about the show, concentrate tubes, and more. Buy the red F**k hat shirt: http://bit.ly/RedFshirt Sponsored by Manscaped (http://manscaped.com/face) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

okay i have oh god it's close it's 2 59 this is jeff and uh i have decided as an experiment to be late to today's podcast i'm never late it was a whole thing we talked about how i like to be late to today's podcast. I'm never late. It was a whole thing. We talked about how I like to be 15 minutes early, but I decided to see how the other half lives. And so I'm going to see if I can be, if I can stomach being one minute late, it's driving me nuts already. All I have to do is just click one button, just one button to come in, but I need, need oh it's hard to do it's hard to do they're getting mad i can see they're talking they're upset i uh oh they're all in the oh why is one minute so long i wish i had a timer it's really it's quite hard to allow yourself to be late when you could walk through the door i don't't, if I join right now, I'm still technically on time. I don't know how you people do this. I don't know how you perennially late people,

God, I used to manage a call center before this career. And you know, it was a blessing when an employee would show up on time early was unheard of. 99.9 percent of the time everybody was 10 minutes late they seem so comfortable with it i am uh i'm nervously rubbing my leg because i just want to join the stupid room oh 301 i'm joining i'm trying to like so uh hey what's up i uh i'm late ask me why uh okay why are you late i wanted to see how the other half lived. Yeah. I logged into 259. I hit record and I just talked.

I talked through it while I tried desperately not to join. I don't know how people can do it. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So you're saying that you're late to this recording. Yes. However, Jeff, in your way of describing being late to this recording, you have just explained that in fact, you logged on early and started recording early and started recording by yourself early, but then showed up late.

You son of a bitch. I was, I was early to my being late prank. God damn it. Even to being late, you were early were early you're right you're fucking right i just wanted to talk through the psychosis of it because i was sitting here and i was driving me nuts and i was just begging it to be 301 so i could just fucking join because i hate it i hate it at my core being late then i was early oh you're right you're right you're right fuck wait am i late now are we doing the episode now?

Am I late? Because you started. How much of yours are you using? Are you not recording? I'm recording now, but I was. I didn't record when you joined. I didn't expect him to yell about being late early. I was recording already.

I'm I'm a good boy. I don't even know. Fuck. I don't know what to do with that. Did you do the intro? Yeah. Did you do the intro in it? No, I don't do intros anymore.

Andrew turned me off to him. I will say I've been thinking about the intro, and I think it probably does make sense. God damn it, Andrew. I've reconsidered the intro, because we never really say each other's names on the show. So I don't know how else. So I don't understand.

So when I say all this stuff and it's weeks ago, you disagree, but then it just takes you like a month and a half to come around? Or what is it? Yeah, I think about it. I process it. For a month and a half? Well, I don't know.

There's a lot going on. I was thinking about it. And you're right. We don't really say our names. I think the intro sucks in terms of a flow of a show. I don't think we need it in terms of... I don't know. It just feels

weird to me what feels weird you just described all the reasons for needing it and i don't understand because it's not for the flow of the show it's strictly for business it's a it's a i don't understand no i get what you're saying okay so from my point of view it's more naturalistic to just talk and doing an intro feels more performative or like it has to go a certain way. And that feels weird to me. I'm not as comfortable with that as just talking. So that's where my issue with the intro was. Yeah, but I always do it.

Well, now I'm now I'm disagreeing with you after agreeing with you. That is not true. I'm happy to do it. And you always decry it and say, like, stop doing it. It doesn't need to be done. I disagree. I feel like I've it, and you always decry it and say, like, stop doing it. It doesn't need to be done. Nah, I disagree. I feel like I've done a few intros early on. Well, I tried to throw them to you to throw you a bone. Maybe two or three.

Very kind of you. I definitely did an outro. But we didn't do intros because you kept talking about how the intro was dumb. That's fair. Is that why we stopped? I just thought we all agreed. No! Nobody agreed! To my frustration, everyone just stopped doing the intro. Well, maybe we should do the intro.

This is, uh, this is how far, Jeff, how long have you been recording for? Uh, seven minutes. Oh, that's not bad. I got in here like 20 minutes and was talking to myself nonstop. So we're both doing our own solo thing. Welcome to, uh, a f*** face. Episode 21? 16. 16. What a fool I am of course 16 I am not your host I'm not the one who does intros Andrew joined by my name is Jeff Ramsey and and I'm Gavin

that actually fits really well with what we did a You did a good job. That's really good. Oh, man. The audience will not know it because Nick is so clever with the blade, as it were. But there's some fuckery going about with the editing in this episode, I imagine. I mean, technically, between you and I, Jeff, we would have like 30 minutes based on how early we were if we just went with our audio. We both were solo doing things. Were you just talking about you being late earlier? Were you doing other things?

I was talking about me being late. I was just talking about like what it feels like, how it was like eating at the pit of my stomach. I was rubbing my leg. Like I actually realized I ripped some fucking leg hair off. I was rubbing my leg so hard. So you were like sat ready to go at your station being late. Yeah, I just I thought I wanted to see how the other half lives. I wanted to just I wanted I've been early for 20 something years.

What was it like? I hated it. I felt gross. I felt bad. I saw them all in the voice chat and I saw the little blinkers going, you know, and I was like, oh, they're talking and they're wondering where we are. Eric is slacking us. Andrew's getting mad. And I'm like, oh, they're talking and they're wondering where we are. Eric is slacking us. Andrew's getting mad. And I'm like, oh, man.

And it just sucked. And I was like, every time I was watching, I was like, it's still 3 o'clock. It's still 3 o'clock. I could just log in right now. It was the hardest, physically difficult not to join. And then I joined one minute late and Eric immediately, when I explained it, Eric immediately went, you're the dumbest person on Earth. You were early. I don't think I've ever been

mad at either. I'm trying to think. what is the angriest I've ever been. I've taken note, Andrew, of my favorite part about making face. And it's when I interrupt you while you're giving me the answer to the question that I'm asking. It happens so much just by accident. And you always just snap in the most hilarious way that's so out of character for you. I love it every time it happens. It doesn't make sense. It's not even like I'm being vague or I'm trying to do a metaphor

I'll be directly explaining the information you're looking for and you'll just yell like faster Give it now what I'm hearing is Gavin is Mike Pence and Andrew is obviously Kamala Harris And you're the fly on my head, and I'm the fly yeah, cuz usually usually it's like, hey, Andrew, why don't you do it like this? And Andrew will be like, no, don't do it like this. And I'll be like, well, how do you want it done? And you'll be like, well, stop interrupting me. It's like, to me, it's like a perfect flow of conversation. But for you, I'm like stepping all over you.

And that's what I like about it. It's that Canadian speech pattern. You never know when you can jump in. Is that a thing? It is now. Okay, sure. speech pattern you never know when you can jump in is that a thing it is now okay sure i feel like you andrew is like ready to jump out after every single word and he's not fully committed to each sentence he's just like he'll finish saying one sentence then leave too big of a pause for me to then hop in like that was that like the pause you're looking for that one was massive that was

a big pause yeah well i didn't know i didn't know what you meant by long pause could have driven a buick through that pause yeah but i'm talking about pauses after you speak though after i speak okay well i'll speak with less pause would that be i'm trying to be canadian nice to you right now gavin how would you like me to speak what adjustments could i make i I mean, this is outrageous. That was a clear pause. And you both just nothing. Just leaving me out to die. Listen, don't let me into this nonsense.

You were talking to Gavin. I'm listening. And I didn't want to step all over you. That was not stepping. That was stepping in a different way. You just threw shit at me. That was terrible. You left me out to die there.

This podcast in only, what is this, episode 16? In only 16 episodes, it has descended to the point where now we can't hold a conversation. The mechanics of a conversation are outside of our grasp currently. It's all broken down. It's all become so meta in and of itself that we barely know how to function. We probably

couldn't function outside of this podcast as it was oh absolutely when i think of us now getting ready for face i think we're about seven episodes away from being uh i don't know if you remember 2001 a space odyssey but when the monolith appears and the the apes go and start beating it with sticks i feel like we're by another six or seven episodes we're gonna be apes just beating the microphones with sticks we're regressing we're dehumanizing and then suddenly we'll be in space doing it yeah we got an intro now we're back to the intros can you believe gavin that i said i was pro intro and got yelled at about it how crazy that is today you did today yeah i said we should have intros

i think the intro is important and i expect everyone to say oh that's great you finally are reasonable and they yelled at me well it's because you've broken our spirit on the subject. How did I break the spirit? I think it's a valid point. I've seen the other side. I've evaluated. I was reasonable. I thought Eric had a pretty good point when he explained how you'd broken our spirit. And I don't know if we need to rehash it, but listen to the first two minutes of the podcast, Gavin. You'll hear it. Very eloquent in the way that he explained the fuckery that is Andrew Panton in the intro. I came around.

He beat it out of me. He comes in hot and he goes like, oh, we're going to do an intro? And I was like, we don't do an intro anymore. You convinced me otherwise. And he's like, well, now I think we should. I think it makes sense. I think it makes sense too.

I just, we don't say our names on the show ever, really. I mean, I refer to you by your name multiple times every episode. I guess you do. Maybe, should I reverse my position in my back that we don't need intros? No, we're doing intros. I'm going to start writing down how often we say each other's names, just so I can get a better grasp of this.

I need the data. You want stats after every recording? Well, yeah, I'll do my own stats. I don't expect that of anyone else, but yeah. Stats are going to be done now. Okay. Do you remember last episode? We're talking But yeah, stats are going to be done now. Okay. Do you remember last episode? We're talking about colors, new colors.

Can I say something? Yeah, go ahead. Before we go too further in the last episode. Sure. I wasn't happy with my performance in the last episode. I left feeling kind of bummed. I thought you guys were great, but I just want to apologize if I didn't bring it 100.

If I brought it like 88 or if I brought it like 92, I apologize. I try to bring it 100 every time and I don't feel like I did. I even immediately messaged Nick and I just said, cut out everything I said. Was it your least favorite episode 16 that we've done? It was my least favorite performance in an episode 16 that we've done. Despite how you feel about that, I feel like you said maybe the funniest thing that was said on this podcast within that episode. What was that? When we're talking about cool stuff and it was, I don't remember the exact line, but you made a reference to like building a company like an animal crossing, like it just suddenly happened. I thought that was very funny. So to give you credit up until that point, Gavin's line of that you're a man of beverage when talking about orangutans was, I think, the most singularly funny thing said.

And that passed for me. Thank you so much. I feel a little redeemed, honestly. I appreciate that. I feel it's I have to mention then I had lunch with Jack today, who if you're not super familiar with our company, it's a guy we work with. Dude, he listens to this. Did you know that? He listens to the podcast, which A, makes me uncomfortable and is a little weird.

But B, he likes to talk to me about it. He told me that this last episode, so maybe it wasn't. Fuck, I don't know. The episode that just came out this week. Not that we're talking about the one before that Gavin said the funniest thing he's ever said in his life. Not that we're talking about the one before that Gavin said the funniest thing he's ever said in his life. And you and I completely and totally missed it, Andrew, and glossed over it and didn't give it the reverential respect it deserves.

Apparently, we were talking about judge stuff. Gavin said he would be Judge Gavel, which is a very funny thing to say. And I don't remember it at all. And I guess we blew through it. And even on my listen through, I didn't hear it. So, Gavin, congratulations. Jack thought that was a very funny moment. And I'm sorry I didn't give it at all. And I guess we blew through it. And even on my listen through, I didn't hear it. So Gavin, congratulations. Jack thought that was a very funny moment. And I'm sorry I didn't give you the space. He takes me that.

And I didn't even remember saying it because no one reacted to it. I went back to find it and no one says anything. And to me, I assume I just throw it out, you know, as a throwaway comment. Like it's better than silence. But I wasn't like super proud of it. It tickled Jack to the point where he had to. Oh, I love that. He had to bring it up today.

I thought that was interesting. Were you just looking at him like, huh? I was kind of like, I was like, oh, yeah, funny. He's like, you didn't react then. You don't know what I'm talking about. Like, yeah, OK, you're right. Judge Gavel. Good on you, Gavin.

Hey, thanks. See, because your name is Gavin and we call you silly names like Gaver, Gavel. Good on you, Gavin. Hey, thanks. See, because your name is Gavin, and we call you silly names like Gaver, Gavel, whatever, and then a judge bangs a gavel, so it's funny on multiple layers. Oh, is that what that thing's called? It's a gavel? It's called a gavel, yeah. It's what I was going

for. It was a twofer, but Andrew and I, we considered it an ofer, apparently, because we didn't even notice. I think you did notice, it just wasn't worth coming to. I remember it. Yeah, that's my point, right? You heard me say it, and you thought, huh. Is this an episode

where we're going to analyze what Jack thinks is really funny? Like, we're just going to talk about the jokes that led for him and how good they are? This is now turning into an indictment on Jack's taste. No, it is now turning into an indictment on Jack's taste. No, it's not at all an indictment on Jack's taste. It's just, it's funny.

We're really, we're going into the weeds on Jack's opinions. I'm going to be texting him every week. I'll be like, what do you, hey, what do you think about that one? A new segment, Jack's favorite line of the week. We should have Jack on one time and he'll just be like, here's the funny thing that was said. A recap episode. What if we turn it on him?

What if we have him on for 30 seconds and he has to say something funnier than we've ever seen? All I can think of is Jay and Inbetweeners going. Yeah, doing a bit of a crazy frog. Oh, man. Shout out to Buckley there. You know, that's something that we haven't really broached i know we i said that i wanted bill ripken to come on the show someday because he was the inspiration for the name of the show for me and andrew was like well

hold your horses mate let's find out if he's funny first which i i agree but we've we've never really talked about having guests on the show is that something we're ever gonna do someday maybe by the time we get to episode 16 we could be doing that i mean yeah well let's see if we can get through episode 16 first right i uh i i'm on the fence about it i i really i i think maybe someday but i think right now we're building we need to build the the the foundation and maybe a floor of this house before we we start opening up uh the spare bedrooms to other people the problem is we keep destroying the houses we're making it and changing what it looks like as it goes.

Part of the problem. Trying to like jump in. Imagine going into a show and the first six minutes are yelling about does the intro matter and reversing opinion. Every week. Yeah, and just not knowing how to close it. It would be a weird thing to walk into.

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wherever you go we'll go together that's the powerful backing of american express visit amex.ca slash ymx benefits vary by card terms apply so we were talking about colors we were talking about colors we're talking about colors. We were talking about colors. We're talking about Gerpl. Wait, okay. Speaking of lines you didn't get, did you guys not hear Gerpl last? No, you did because we talked. Oh, yeah.

We talked about making a Gerpl shirt. Yeah. I feel like I didn't hear it in the recording, but we talked about it in Slack afterwards. No, it was in the recording. I think it was you two were talking and closing the show and I just kept making up color names I kept saying gerbil, but yeah, so we're talking about gerbil Jeff had a whole bit where he wanted to read our text line Which was just forgotten about completely. Oh shit You're really enthused about it, too

You're like excited and I didn't know where it began and where it ended and I felt bad because Gavin only had one line of Dialogue if we did that I had this whole thing worked out where I was gonna try and get you to to flip roles without knowing And so I could have the Gavin spot so I do the least amount of talking that would have been great Wait, do I do the least amount of talking? No in the text in the text chain If we were doing the script you had one thing that said like cool and that was it Yeah, man, I thought that that was let me all right you can be honest with me was it a good idea i think it's interesting i thought it was an interesting idea too uh and now i feel like the audience must be really confused uh if there

is still an audience at this point um what it boiled down to is and this is the problem with us recording so far in advance sometimes is after we did the episode a conversation started about fuck i don't even remember why i wanted to do it do you remember why i wanted can i go back i'm looking at i'm trying to find the text right now it was a funny conversation but but yeah so gerbil i don't know if you want to still do your gerbil bit jeff if you're still that committed but oh no i have it i have it i have it okay okay here's the way it would have worked the audience tunes in and maybe maybe do you guys have it or you guys do you have it in front of you i can i can pull it up all right uh andrew started off we should sell a gerbil color shirt love it interesting

fact about dumb and dumber the original screenplay was actually written by chicago filmmaker john hughes the breakfast club ferris bueller's day off vacation but due to the deal he made with the directors, his name was to be stripped from the project, including the script. Damn. Would you intentionally write a shitty script if you knew you would not be credited? What color blank should we print Gurple on? Uh, yes.

And black? White? Surely some sort of greenish purple. I wonder if hypercolors is still a thing. The uglier, the better. I don't think it even needs a design. An ugly ass greenish purple blank. Does it say Gerpel on it anywhere?

I think it exudes Gerpel. Doesn't need to be stated. Maybe on the inside tag. If you could find out how many times you've been bitten by a bug in your life, would you want to know? I don't think I would. I think the answer would be too gross. Only if I could then bet on the bug bites.

Well, yeah. I mean, if we could make it a gambling thing, sure. I bet it's thousands. I would take the under on Gavin. Gavin strikes me as someone who doesn't get bitten frequently. He is so hairy. I bet it's harder for bugs to get in. Four.

Can we release an episode as a text log? I think we can do anything. Do you think if we performed a text conversation, the audience would be able to tell? Absolutely. Maybe. Let's perform a test. Let's read our lines next week, starting from,

we should sell a Gerpel shirt, up to and including this part of the conversation. Well, I can see this idea went over as well as the baseball bat. I think it's great. I feel bad adding to the script, Gavin only has one line of dialogue at the moment. Bam. We already had that conversation.

Did you know that brown isn't a color? It's just dark orange? Picture of brown. Aren't all colors technically just a shade of another color? No. Primary colors are just those colors. Did you know that some colors are impossible? There's no such thing as yellowish blue to humans.

I don't know about that, Gavin. I want us to do something like Oh, I don't want to read that part. That's a bit for the future. And scene. That was a good scene. That was a good scene. I'll be honest. I hadn't actually read 80% of that.

I just came back to my phone one day and saw like 27 on the text icon. I was like, what the hell? And then I just scrolled all the way to the bottom of it and wrote, bam. So the genesis of that is we were having the Gerbil conversation and it was funny.

And then I was trying to have a conversation about Dumb and Dumber because I was really embarrassed in the podcast because I was telling a story about how there was a scene in Dumb and Dumber that was in the trailer that's not in the movie. And I thought it was the scene where he falls off the jetway, the jet bridge.

And it's not. But I think the thing is there's something different. It was a different shot or something I remember it very clearly in my mind and then I was saying that that's probably what most Mandela effects are people just misremembering or content being cut for television or whatever or sometimes

scenes show up in trailers that are not in the movies and Gavin very adeptly pointed out that that scene is in the movie and I'm a fucking dumbass and that made me feel really stupid so I went on a whole mission reading all over IMDb and everywhere to try to find that difference. And I was never able to. But I did read the interesting thing about the fact that John Hughes wrote Dumb and Dumber, which is crazy to me.

And then I was thinking, what a funny conversation. It would be funny if we tried to read one of our text convos naturally, but sticking to the lines and seeing how long it would take the audience to figure out we were doing that, doing something off. And it turns out, just listening to us go through it now, would have been almost instantly. It would have been immediately. It would have been in one second. We had Eric and Nick wondering what

the hell was going on during that little read that we just did. Hey, do you want to do... Here, Gavin, do you want to do a bit with me right now? I'm going to be Eric Badour today at 3.23 p.m. You play the part of Nick Schwartz. And let's do another interpretation, okay? Andrew, you just hang tight.

What the fuck is happening? What is going on? Am I having a stroke? Is this what the show is now? And scene. That was good. Thank you. It's so obvious that you guys are reading something.

I mean, Gavin is just robotically reading something. Yeah. Jeff puts so much enthusiasm when he reads. Acting! Like the way that he never ever sounds when you're just speaking with him. Acting! That's not acting. The dialogue doesn't match your emotion at all.

You're just really enthused and yelling about every line. You would never speak that way. See, I'm reading with the same tone that I had at the time while I was typing it. But circle back. I'm not done with Gurpal. We're just getting started on this Gurpal talk. I'm really glad you remembered that whole thing andrew because i it i i flushed it down the fucking brain toilet i mean

we should have started with it we kind of announced that we were gonna do it well you weren't even fucking here so all right so i i sent a message to all of you in our slack earlier this week saying i i've been working on something behind the scenes. That was terrifying. I said, don't be scared. I said, don't be alarmed. But I'm doing some work behind the scenes here, which is funny to say in a behind the

scenes. It was a behind the scenes of the behind the scenes chat. And I talked to Tony, this church stuff, clothes stuff, design stuff. And I put Gerple in the motion. We're figuring out Gurple. You guys are Gurping? We're Gurping. I have some options.

We could evaluate the different Gurple takes I have. Don't need to go with the design pattern necessarily. Just some color. Just some color possibilities of what a Gurple might look like. How do you feel about that as a Gurple? Oh my God. It kind of looks like those cups, you know, those paper cups you get

at like a fast food place. To those who can't see it, it's like a tie-dyed cyan and purple. It is. With a stack of money on it for some reason. Some might say gerbil. Some might call that a gerbil. I was just curious how you felt

on the gerbil scale, one out of 10, how gerbil is that? I'm going to give that like a nine. I don't know that there is a perfect, but I don't know how you felt on the Gerpl scale. One out of 10, how Gerpl is that? I'm going to give that like a nine. I don't know that there is a perfect, but I don't know how you could top it. It's a lot of white on it. It is a lot of white. I would agree with that. I think maybe the white ratio is a little too much.

I'd like a little bit more blend of the purple and the green. So then we have another. This is, ignore everything about this, but the concept of what about Gerpl crayon shirt? How do we feel about that? What if we make a gerbil crayon, have that as the design, that could be the shirt we go for. How do we feel about a gerbil crayon? I can't imagine getting up in the morning, looking through all of my shirts

and thinking, that's the one for today. Okay, well, is there an evaluation on your shirt choice every day? How much thought do you put into it? Well, I think about if I'm going to be on camera that day, I'll probably slop on some new merch that is currently being sold instead of some old shitty merch that looks a bit ragged. That's fair. That's about it.

I just, it totally, the swim trunks go on first. First thing I do, wake up, roll out of bed, put on the swim trunks. And then depending on the color of the swim trunks go on first. First thing I do, wake up, roll out of bed, put on the swim trunks. And then depending on the color of the swim trunks, I pick the appropriate shirt color. And that is it. Shirt color just can't clash with the swim trunks. Swim trunks are so uncomfortable. Oh, they're so comfortable. They're so comfortable.

You're sat on like rustly material and your bollocks are in a net. It's because you're buying dog shit swim trunks man i'm telling you i found this pair of swim trunks i don't work for these people i'm not shilling for them this isn't spawn none of that but this company called bather i bought them in austin and uh sounds like you're looking'm wearing them right now. You know I am. I looked down. I looked down to see the label. So I bought this one pair of swim trunks.

It was ridiculously comfortable. I like the height. I noticed most shorts are too long, but I'm not. I am a little demure. I don't want to show too much leg, but I don't want to hide myself either. And so they're like the perfect length and they're so... They're fucking expensive. They're like 80 bucks for one pair, but you know, I'm worth it. So

I bought like seven pair of bathers and that's just all I wear. You find the one thing that's cozy and comfy and then you just buy a hundred of that. The same thing with that pair of jeans I own, or pair of pants. I own nine colors of one pair of pants and that's my entire wardrobe. Yeah, I got a lot of red and gray shorts.

Yeah, you do have a lot of fucking like salmon colored shorts. It's like you it's like it's like a fucking truck drove by your house when you were a teenager and a box fell out full of shorts, salmon colored shorts that you fit you. And you were just like, well, I guess I'm set for life. Yeah, I mean, isn't it great to have multiples of stuff? Oh, it's the best. So it's just like, oh, I guess I'm set for life. Yeah, I mean, isn't it great to have multiples of stuff? Oh, it's the best. So it's just like, oh, I could just take these off and put these. It's like with socks and stuff.

Yes. It's the best part about being a guy, I think, too, is like you just find what works and then you just beat that into the ground. I started doing a thing with, it was like an old sponsor of one of our podcasts that I assume I won't say the name of, about underwear.

And I just subscribed and once a week or once a month i get some boxes and then i just pilfer around in my drawer for the shoddiest probably like 14 to 15 year old pair of boxer shorts with a hole in and i pick them out and i throw them away and they slowly over time over the months will become fully replaced with a brand new set of boxes. Yeah, that's smart. I do something similar. Yeah. I was thrown off by your use of, I assume I won't say, like that you didn't have a choice in the matter. Like there was some other force that could somehow make you.

That was completely your decision. I don't know why you had to articulate that you were unsure of whether to proceed. Yeah, that was a really weird way of phrasing it. This is very strange. Is that what was in the script? Is that what we typed out? Yeah, it must have been an autocorrect or something. Yeah, that was a really weird way of phrasing it. This is very strange. Is that what was in the script? Is that what we typed out? Yeah, it must have been an autocorrect or something.

Oh, God. Okay, so we got those out of the way. What about this for a gerbil Venn diagram shirt? A little bit of green, a little bit of purple, gerbil in the middle. How do we feel about this as a possibility? That's the one. You think that's...

I still got ones to pick. Here's what you gotta do too. If it had the G in the green and then URP in the gray and then LE in the or maybe PLE in the purple so the word goes across all three, I think

that'd be phenomenal. Oh god. That's like a solid 9.9 is the Venn diagram. Is that a true blend of those two colors, by the way? If you actually, you know, 50% opacity over each other? You think I know how colors work? I just got sent that. I got no clue.

I can't answer that. I feel very good about that one. Where are you getting these from? Is this from Tony? Yeah, these are all from Tony. I was talking back and forth. I was trying to explain the concept of Gerbil. And I was very, I appreciate Tony's clearly I can trust them I said don't tell anybody

nothing about this that's to be a secret you're able to just deploy employees of this company you fail even work here and people I'm technically I don't work there like I'm under contract I'm a contract I'm not an employee hey ahead of the multi-million dollar merch department, it's contract employee Andrew Panton. Drop what you're doing. Drop what you're doing. I have some work for you.

I need you to invent a color. I kind of said that. It never occurred to me that that was absurd, but yeah. This is coming in hot. I'm going to need you to drop everything. Should we explain that last one to those who can't see it? The Venn diagram? It's basically a Venn diagram of green and

purple together, and in the middle, they're gray. Yeah. I'm assuming Nick will put all these up in the... Yeah. And it'll be on the Instagram, too. I have an issue with that Instagram. But Gerpl4, I think this is the ugliest Gerpl by far. I feel like it makes me think Gerple,

but it just doesn't look pleasant. I don't think I'd want to buy that shirt. Have they deliberately warped the look of the blank to be all floofy and blumpy in the wrong areas? It wants to look like that. Lumpy and weird. It's pretty odd, yeah. Maybe we'll do the lumpy variant of Gerple, a very limited run.

So that's Gerple four. Gerple five is going to come across as very self congratulatory. This was not my idea. This is purely Tony's idea. I guess there are Pantone swatches. And so he wanted to do like a Pantone, Pantone, Gerple, Pantone swatch. I'm butchering explaining this this is a train wreck it's a shirt that has a swatch on it that says gerbil how do we feel about this i fucking love that shirt if i'm being honest with you that one should come out either

way okay but i don't think it's main gerbil okay you know where that shirt belongs gavin i'm gonna tell you right now and you're gonna instantly know many many years ago we went to the netherlands together we went to uh for a work thing and you we were in bretta it was a college town we gave a talk on uh like machinima and online stuff i don't remember yeah it's a bullshit some bullshit uh some excuse to go to the netherlands and in that little cute college town of bretta which was phenomenal uh by the way and uh just a gorgeous place um there was the museum of graphic design i believe and we went and spent the day there and that shirt it looks like it would be a poster on the front of the on the front door when you walk in yeah it's like that would be like hanging above the door like april 17th to may 26th, Pantone-Gerpel exhibit. That place wasn't far from the best-smelling alley in the world.

Dude, dude. What did it smell like? It smelled really good. What does that mean? Are we talking, like, bakery, or, like, what is the smell? Yeah, it was food. It was food. It was waffles and all kinds of...

It wasn't just waffles, though. It was... I think that there was some McDonald's in that smell, too, if I'm being honest with you. Is there any smell that a slight waft of McDonald's doesn't improve? No. Slight is the key, though. You don't want too much.

Just a little bit. It was like a cornucopia of pleasant smells that combined together to make the ultimate Voltron of delicious smell. And I can't pick out what each piece was, but I know waffle was a big part of it. It was like if my nose had a G-spot, it had its fingers all over it. All that smell was stimulating every single piece of the inside of my nose.

It was amazing. I wish you hadn't said that. Did I ruin it? Oh, that creeped me out. It was a nice image. So what is the gerbil? I think we should pick the go-to. I feel like I know based on the reactions. But what what is the gerbil i think we should pick the go-to i feel like i know based

on the reactions but what is the definitive gerbil it's got to be the venn diagram i think it's the venn diagram and then we should make the panton color too okay so you think we go venn diagram with the the gur and the green and the the le i mean we can we can play around with where the text goes if we even need it yeah but yeah I feel like we should lock into one of these shirts and then whatever we lock in with, the audience won't know for two weeks. And what if we pick the shirt that the audience doesn't want? That feels like a good face to me. We're committing to something immediately without any reaction to our possibilities.

Let's pick the shirt that looks like it was stitched and made to fit. I don't know. Jabba the Hutt's body? No, I'm not saying the shirt needs to be. I just think we should go with something. And it would be funny if what we thought was the best didn't align at all with the audience. That's just an easy. Well, that's usually how it goes. But yeah, I'm with you.

I'm with you. Yeah, the audience wasn't very aligned with you last week, Andrew, with the whole bag being a container thing. Yeah, let me restate. That was my fault. I'll own up to it. I should have explained my point better. That's on me. I accept that a bag can be a container. It contains things.

My issue is socially, if I said, hey, Gavin, get me a container, and you come back with a bag, I'm gonna think you're a psychopath. Nobody does that. Nobody gets a bag. If you were holding, like, a handful of grapes or something, I probably would get a bag. Or like some sort of small thing that fits in a bag, like fruit. Well, the fruit comes

bagged. And also fruit comes in containers, like blueberries come in containers. Berries come in containers, not bags. That's true. Frozen ones are in bags. Oh, frozen ones come in bags. Youries come in containers, not bags. That's true. Well, frozen ones are in bags. Oh, frozen ones come in bags. Oh, I didn't. You know what? I'm not a frozen fruit guy. So you're right.

That's a good point. You're not a smoothie guy? No, not really. You big frozen food guy, Gav? No, I bought a blender and some frozen fruit once and I made a smoothie and I thought, it's not for me. It's nice. It's delicious.

Just a lot of faff. And it's not like great for you. It's just like a ton of sugar and shit, isn't it? Let me, let me ask you guys the question when was the last time you you bought at a grocery store from the frozen food section like one of those tubes you know it looks like uh like like about the size of a coke can and it's just like orange juice concentrate or limeade concentrate or grapefruit juice concentrate and then went home and like squeezed it out into a pitcher and then mixed it up with water and turned it into juice well i think neither of us are from

the 60s so we don't know about that i know you're talking about i just it would never i would never buy that product i just feel like yeah well that's what i'm getting at is i was thinking about that the other day in the frozen food section i saw that and i was like oh i should pick that up because i like limeade and then i thought when was the last time you saw anybody? Probably 25 years. I was probably 16 at my grandma's house the last time I saw that technology in use. But it's still in the grocery store. So somebody's doing it. And I agree with you guys. I think it's from a time long past. So does the concentrate tube just exist for people older than me

and as they slowly die out, like the baby boomers slowly die out, so does the frozen juice concentrate? Yeah, there'll be an inventory in the supermarket one day and there'll be like every single one

that they put on the shelf will still be there and they'll be like, right, the boomers are dead. Is it just a space saver? Like surely concentrate orange juice in like a tub or like a carton is that, but with the water already added.

I guess it must be. Yeah. And it keeps longer, right? Like you can have like 10 cartons of orange juice in your freezer whenever you need it. That's a good point. Are you a pulp or no pulp? I prefer pulp, but I have no qualms with not using, with not having pulp. Like it's not a turnoff.

Yeah. I'm a, I i mean as we would call it in england i like bits in my orange juice that's what they call it bits yeah with bits orange juice with bits pulp is such a better word or or check this out orange juice with no bits it's just it's not just orange juice well there's no there's no normal orange juice is there it's like peanut butter what do you mean they're smooth and crunchy but there's no normal orange juice, is there? It's like peanut butter. What do you mean? They're smooth and crunchy, but there's no regular. I feel like regular is smooth. You feel like regular is smooth?

I feel like regular is crunchy. Really? That's interesting. Yeah, I feel like regular orange juice is with bits. I think we can probably figure this out. We could probably, there has to be sales data. I think Gavin's right, and here's why. If it doesn't have pulp, it specifies orange juice pulp free.

That's a great point. They feel the need to mention it because they don't want to disappoint you when you find out there's no pulp in it. Because I think pulp is the expectation. Some pulp. Eric had a great question. What if you want a bit of orange juice? How is that a great question? What do you mean? A bit of orange juice compared to having it in a bottle? I assume it's because Gavin calls pulp bits. I don't know. having it in a bottle? I assume it's because Gavin calls pulp bits.

I don't know. Yeah, it was one of those comments that should have been audible and in the moment, not read over a minute after the conversation. Probably not. No, I didn't see it until then, and the context really didn't line up. It was very confusing. Eric says he nailed it.

Me and Jeff nailed it. I agree, Eric. That is a clear example of why pulp is a better word. There would have been no confusion if he wrote pulp. You know also why pulp is a better word than bit? Go ahead. Why? Because I think that save for that one word, like if you flipped it, I don't think Quentin

Tarantino has a career. Bit fiction? I don't think anybody goes to see bit fiction. It does feel like a very different movie. Yeah. That'd be like a computer hacking movie or something. It would. Real quick, not to keep sidetracking away

from wherever you were headed with the gerbil stuff, Andrew. No, we're done. Oh, are we done? We're gerped out? Yeah, we're gerped out. Put the lid on the gerp for a minute. Okay, I was watching the latest season of the Great British Baking Show

or whatever the fuck it's called now, British Baking Show. I feel like it's been through so many iterations. Bake Off? Bake Off, yeah. The new one that has Noel in it and the little bald man who's very funny. And in it, I think a Scottish dude,

he used the word donkey as a unit of time. Donkey's years. Yeah, he said that. He was talking about how he hadn't made a macaron. He hadn't made a macaron in a donkey. And I was like, I assume that means a long time. But he was like, yeah, it's been a donkey since I've made a macaron.

And I was like, what? There's a lot of good words for the passage of time. Like, oh, I haven't done that in donkey's years or I haven't done that in yonks. It's all good. It's all good stuff. Yonks is a good one. Who uses yonks? Would someone who uses donkeys also use yonks?

I'd say the donkey stuff is probably more, it's more close to Cockney than, I'd say yonks is what my grandparents would say. I like donkey. I want to start using it in my day-to-day lingo. But I want to look at the etymology of it. Maybe next episode, I'll probably forget. But if I don't, I'll come back and I'll tell you the history of donkey and why. Because it's like, are donkeys slow?

Do they take a long time to get from point A to point B? I don't think there's probably that much consideration into it. Well, it's got to come from somewhere. You can't just point at something and be like, I've decided that the word pillow means six years. There's a long history of animals being used to refer to things that aren't animals in England, like a monkey. Well, here we go.

According to Eric, punning allusion to the length of a donkey's ears and to the vulgar pronunciation of ears as years. Oh, because it's like cockney. I get it. Donkey's ears implies a long time because donkey's ears are long, while donkey's years is supported by the belief that donkeys live a long time.

Oh, that's interesting. And for currency, like 500 quid is a monkey. Why? I think there's a pony as well. There's just, I don't know. It's just like, it's London slang. We have that in America. Like, I'd love to hear what you have in Canada I think there's a pony as well. I don't know. It's London slang, isn't it? We have that in America.

I'd love to hear what you have in Canada. Because in America, a $10 bill is called a sawbuck. I don't feel like we have a loonie and a toonie for the $1 coin and the $2 coin. I don't feel like we have... But that's the name, right? It's not slang. Yeah, that's not even the nickname. I can't think any good canadian currency nicknames you don't have like like the canadian version of

like stacks or anything like that no not that i'm aware of dude speaking of looney tooney i didn't realize until three decades alive on this planet that looney tunes uh a looney tunes like looney tunes oh the spelling? Yeah, I thought it was T-O-O-N, like a cartoon. Yeah, that would make more sense. I don't think of singing when I think Looney Tunes. There's not a lot of tunes. I guess an American saying the word, you know, spelled T-U-N-E-S,

an American says that like T-O-O-N-S, whereas I would say them differently. Yeah, I think Eric eric just wrote it's it's technically it's looney tunes and merry melodies which is correct i had no freaking idea that it was tunes it's one of those things that like that maybe the definition of the word can evolve over time when you watch a show now i haven't seen the great british bake off from my understanding it's a very wholesome show it's the best is it just the wholesomeness you're going for because it's technically isn't it a competition show as well it's a very wholesome show. It's the best. Is it just the wholesomeness you're going for? Because it's technically isn't it a competition show as well? It's a competition show

where everybody supports each other and it feels it just feels like a breath of fresh air in a world where everything is stressful and agitated and people like even the people that are losing, they genuinely want the I mean, like they just support each other in the most wholesome way. And it's hard to frame it other than to say it just makes you feel good. And it makes you feel good about people. That's good. And sometimes you really fucking need that right now, you know? Sure.

Also, sometimes the cakes are so hilariously bad that that makes it worth it. There was a fucking Freddie Mercury cake. You know how Terrence and Phillip are in South Park, where they're just like a circle with the fucking cut down the middle? Somebody made a Freddie Mercury cake, and that's essentially what it was. It was the funniest guy. It was like Freddie Mercury from the nose up. I know the guy had an

overbite, but they just took his fucking lower part of his chin off. And then they made a David Bowie who his neck was wider than his head. And then somebody, for some reason, made, it was supposed to be, make a bust of a cake of someone

that you admire most, like a hero. And somebody did Mark Hoppus from Blink-182. Yeah, there he is. He put it up already. Tom DeLonge, I'm sorry. It's not Mark Hoppus. It's Tom DeLonge. They're different. sure uh yeah tom de

long is the one that believes in aliens and mark hoppus is the one that is trying to keep the band alive dave's three different flavors of tom de long looks nothing like tom de long no offense to dave i know they were under the gun there but it's so it's also funny because you get to see stuff like that i gotta stop watching it yeah Yeah, that sounds good. I don't like like American cooking competition shows. It seems really pointless to me. Nothing like that. Like it's a weird thing because so like let's say like American Idol, right? You're watching and as a viewer or the voice is probably a more current example.

You're hearing these people sing and you can kind of form an opinion yourself on the performance and then get attached that way cooking competition shows you can't taste the food so you have no evaluation as a viewer of what the product actually is in any meaningful way that's why a lot of the times on those shows the judges are so good because they can so well describe what a taste is like i used to watch a lot of like australian master chef and stuff like that because they're really good at just saying stuff with their mouth and it going into my mouth. That's one way to say that.

I was with you 90% of the way, and then you lost me there in the end. I think part of... Well, presentation's a big deal of Bake Off, Andrew, because they're trying to make it look like these perfect British pastries and baked things. But I think the thing that makes that's really nice and probably is why the show is partially

as sweet as it is, is all they're winning at the end is like a ribbon. There's no money prize. They're not competing for a chance to open a bakery in their small town or to get to apprentice under don't know, apprentice under Christina Tassi or something.

They just get a first place ribbon and a bow. And then at the end of the season, I think they get a little serving platter or something. That's nice. It's like you're just doing it to do it for the spirit of competition. I really should watch that. I had a pretty breakthrough moment in my dreams last night, which was pretty proud of i'd like to hear it so i've had um i guess it since

covid i've had just tremendously boring dreams and this was a little bit before as well where i just don't dream about anything i dream through my own eyelids so i end up dreaming about like my nightstand and what's on it from the angle that my head is actually at while i'm asleep and it's become a real problem because it's just i'm dream i can't not look at my my table next to my bed but last night uh there was some weird shit showing up in my in my dream version of my nightstand like there was like a cat and like some sort of demon thing and i can't close my eyes because my eyes are closed i'm asleep so i had to dream a second set of eyelids that would close over my real dream eyelids so i couldn't see the demons and i have eventually figured out how to close my eyes in my dream

where my eyes are stuck open i'm pretty proud of it can i do you have any idea what i just said that i do that's a lot to unpack. I'm fascinated by this. Did you try to wake up first, or did you immediately go, I need to create a second set of eyelids and then make them operational? That was honestly the first thought, because it's hard to wake up from a dream. Especially when your dream feels like you're awake looking at what's next to your real head. Let me ask you a question. Are you at all worried?

And I'm being serious here. Are you at all worried that one of two things could be happening? One, maybe the tensile strength and thickness of your eyelids is deteriorating to a point where they're almost see-through and you are actually seeing those things

because your eyelids are just like disintegrating. And maybe you're losing them. Or maybe you're getting... Have you been bitten by any weird bugs lately? We had a conversation about you and bugs earlier. Maybe you're getting some sort of super eyesight powers that allows you to see through things. And you're going to need to learn how to control that and turn it off. Kind of like Professor X has to learn how to shut out all the uh all the thoughts of everybody in the world i

think there's nothing wrong with my physical eyelids and and it's definitely not me with my eyes open because sometimes i'll move my hand in front of my eyes and i can't see it but in the dream i assume i'm not moving my real hand there because i'd be like knocking shit over just to be safe i would go to like texas eye specialists and have them measure the the the the thickness of your eyelids and make sure it's appropriate maybe see if i can pull a truck like six feet with my eyelids or something i think you're asking for trouble there i just think you should make sure that they're you know you might what if you have your what if you have like some sort of a keratitis or something to your eyes

which is the thing that gus had a long time ago uh that's like it makes like sandpaper on on your eye and your eyes every time you blink are like slowly sandpapering away the inside of your eyelids you're just eroding your eyes i made that up but it could be true you need to find out yeah well anyway in the comments let me know if if anyone has problems just dreaming through their eyes uh and how stop it. Because my only way of stopping it was to close my dream eyes, which then meant I was just dreaming about black nothing. Do you think maybe this is a side effect

of your brain bulging out of your forehead? Maybe. The old frontal eminence? Yeah. Yeah, maybe. I had a sleep breakthrough myself recently. This has been a real game changer for me. You know, when you wake up in the morning and you don't have to be quite up yet, but

like you have to use the bathroom or something and you could sleep for longer, but you have to get up to use the bathroom and sucks. It ruins you. You're just up at that point. I have started and let me be very clear. I do not recommend this to anybody, but this has been a game changer for me. I have started going through that process, but I never open my eyes. I just keep my eyes closed. It's like I'm still sleeping. It's

fantastic. I have a space that I can navigate without walking into things. I've been walking with my eyes closed a lot recently. It's a real game changer. If you've got a setup in which it will not hurt you in any way, be very cautious. As I said, don't recommend this for everybody, but it's valuable. I feel like I'm still sleeping. I feel like I'm stealing sleep time. Yeah, I mean, there's a lot to the sort of the wavelength of light you get in your eyes that can cause your brain to wake up more. Like blue light in the morning, that will get your brain cooking.

If you keep your eyes closed, I assume you don't get that. No, you don't. It's fantastic. So I would definitely not recommend doing it, but it's great. Are you an eye mask at night kind of guy? No. Okay, just don't. It's fantastic. So I would definitely not recommend doing it, but it's great. Are you an eye mask at night kind of guy? No. Okay, just regular eyelids. Just regular eyelids.

What if you put on an eye mask? Do you use an eye mask? Yeah, I could dream right through that thing too. Wow, okay. I was going to say. Have you tried two? Eventually, the physical things that are on my head will break through into the dream and I just won't be able to see through. You should really just try sleeping with a VR helmet on and just see what happens. See what your visibility is. It doesn't matter what I put on my head.

It doesn't matter where I am. Like if I'm on a plane, I'll dream about the sea in front of me. Really? Yeah. That's so strange. It's tragic. It's so boring. I had a Spider-Man dream when I was a kid, and that was like the greatest dream I ever had.

I immediately took my mask off. I was flying around the city. Everybody knew I was Spider-Man. It was great. You did a face reveal of Spider-Man? Like the moment you were Spider-Man? Literally the first thing I did. I'm like, I'm fucking Spider-Man, everybody.

This is, want to see me climb this wall? I'll climb this wall right now. This is amazing. And it was the greatest dream. And I told my cousin about it. I was like this. I had this Spider-Man dream. You got to get yourself a Spider-Man dream.

I don't know what you got to do to make that happen, but work on it. It's fantastic. And the whole summer he would try to have the Spider-Man dream. And it finally happened like at the end of August. And he said, hey, I had my head Spider-Man dream. And I was so excited for him. I said, oh, what happened? You climbed buildings? What did you do? What was going on?

And he said, nah, I was Spider-Man, but I was stuck in a swimming pool the entire time, and I had no ability to use any of the powers. I just could not leave this swimming pool as Spider-Man. He was, like, in the water? He was in the water, and he could not get out. His webs did not work. He could not

climb. All of the things that make you... He's essentially just a guy in a spider-man suit who didn't know how to swim Stuck in a pool It's like being the invisible man in a room with all the lights off. Yes exactly It was pointless fuck I didn't even think of this as content until the timing of you saying that Walking to your bathroom with your eyes closed is fucking crazy, Andrew. And by the way, I think that's a brilliant idea.

And earlier today, I almost died on my bicycle. Oh, I should say this. My girlfriend listens to this podcast and she's always worried about me getting, being safe. Because I was riding in a bike lane and I really, I was just thinking about how long and straight these bike lanes are in Austin. And I thought, how long can I ride bike lanes are in austin and uh i thought how long can i ride my bike with my eyes closed straight like if my eyes are my eyes what keep me straight

because my hands are what move and change the direction so if i just like hold my hands frozen in place and close my eyes how long can i ride straight uh and you can you can ride straight with your eyes closed uh until the car in the oncoming traffic lane honks its horn at you. Because you're driving right at it. Why would you test this by a road? Why would you do it there? Because that's where I had the thought. I had the thought, and then I tried it.

And I woke up. I didn't wake up. I opened my eyes because a horn car honked at me, and I was barreling down. I was very far away from the bike lane, and I was definitely in traffic. But the problem is, Jeff, with your experiment, is you prove nothing because you have no idea how long.

Were there cars the entire time? You just learned when a car was there. I picked a quiet road. It wasn't there. You could have been off course the minute you closed your eyes. I probably was. entire time like you just learned when a car was there i picked a quiet road it wasn't you could have been off course the minute you closed your eyes i probably was could have been instantly you proved nothing yeah no i i mean i agree and i thought to myself uh experiment failed won't try that again i like that you even tried it though there's no process of thinking that

like what if i immediately veer off? How would I know? Yeah. I like that the alternative is, like, a man dies in Austin hit by car riding bike, but you never would have heard why. And that's what's brilliant about the fact that you lived through this. The Citizen app update would not have mentioned what, like, while driving with eyes closed

to prove dumb point. Eric said, Eric wanted to let us know we're at 55 minutes, so we should wrap up. But also he said, he pointed out that I started and ended the podcast today by proving nothing. I think that's good work all around then. Yeah, I appreciate that. And by proving nothing twice, maybe that means I proved

everything. I don't think it does. Something to think about. No, I don't think I have to. Well, sit with it for a while and think about it. I can let you know right now I will not be thinking about that. Yeah, I think I'm good. I think I processed it. Well, Andrew, do you want to do the outro since you love intro so much? I feel like I've already carried the show with my

intro. I think someone else should do it. That's fair, Gavin. It's all you. Thank you for watching episode 16 of F*** Face. Make sure to rate five stars if you listen to this in a place with stars. Subscribe. There's no bell to ring. Don't do that. See you next week for our Stars, if you listen to this in a place with stars, subscribe. There's no bell to ring.

Don't do that. See you next week for our 16th installment of F*** Face. That was really good. I wanted to wait until you finished. When we started the show and I was here 20 minutes early just talking to myself, I was thinking about why is there never a decimal system with five? Like if you're doing one to ten, there's always a decimal, but five is always stars. You never see a decimal in the five, one to five scale. Well, because des is ten, D-E-C.

But it's just, if you're going to do a system, okay. What you're after is pentimals. Is a pentimal the exact same as a decimal? What? That doesn't, that doesn't make, you're just saying stuff. But dec, dec is ten. Dec is ten. I know, but I'm saying, just if I'm a critic of fucking, I don't know, pizza,

I don't give a shit about that if I'm going one through five. Why can't I have a 4.6 is what I'm saying. Nick, can you make sure there's a pentamal somewhere in the title of this week's episode? I don't know what one is. I'd just like to point out, I was trying to prove one more thing. I closed my eyes through half of that conversation and then opened it through the last half and you guys didn't get any funnier or less funny.

Okay. Okay. Write that down. Stop.