Regulation Podcast - Embracing the Waffle Lifestyle // Rolling Several Ankles in Austin [25]

Episode Date: November 18, 2020

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about a fear of vomiting, bad ankles, Andrew's Austin antics, and more. Buy the Gurple shirt: http://bit.ly/FFgurple. Sponsored by ExpressVPN (http://expressvpn.com/face) and Manscaped (http://manscaped.com/face) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is the whole game. I feel like, do you remember that show John McEnroe hosted in the 90s with like the heart rate thing? That's what I feel like I'm watching. Nobody knows what you're talking about. You don't remember that game? What was it called? Nobody knows! You don't remember? You've got to be serious. You don't remember that game? What was it called? Gavin certainly doesn't know. You don't remember?

No, John McEnroe hosted a game show, I want to say late 90s, early 2000s, probably like 2001, 2004-ish. And the whole thing was you answered trivia questions and they would monitor your heart rate and you had to keep your heart rate within a certain area to continue to make money. And John McEnroe would serve tennis balls at you while you sat in the chair and try to make you more scared.

Or like they just drop a bunch of snakes next to your chair. You just have to sit there and answer questions about like, who is the second president? It was a great show. So are you recording right now, Andrew? Oh, yeah. That's what I'm talking. I'm looking at the bars. Are you recording, Jeff?

Yeah. So I guess the podcast already yeah. That's what I'm talking about. I'm looking at the bars. Are you recording, Jeff? Yeah. So I guess the podcast already started. Here's what happened. We didn't record for a week, which I would love to get into. Also, by the way, I have decided to provide Nick today with pictures of the shelves. I

took them before the podcast, and I will be putting them in Discord in a second. Because I feel like Nick deserves to see them. Why Nick before us? You'll see them at the same time! Yeah, but you really seemed excited to show Nick and not the rest of us. I like Nick! I mean, it depends too. I feel like Nick

has been asking. I don't think any of us have been asking. No, I was asking. I don't remember you asking. Nick has definitely been the voice of the chefs. You weren't even in one of the episodes. Your power went off. I listened to that one, though. Well, and here's what's happened post that.

It's infected all of us, apparently. I logged in. Andrew was going strong. I was having immediate feedback issues where I'm getting your levels in my audition for some reason. Then Gavin couldn't, we couldn't hear him and then as soon as gavin eventually got back in and nick verified that my shit works okay andrew got an error message and uh had his shit broke yeah i i had to close discord when i opened it again it tried to update

but it couldn't find itself and it threw up about 97 error messages that took me forever to close and then i realized I sat down finally, got it all working, took a sip of my cup of tea that I've just made, and it's rank. I've got a really disgusting cup of tea in front of me, and it's my only source of caffeine now for the entire show.

How did that happen? What's wrong with you? I think, you know, if you don't run a tap for a bit, it gets a little bit sort of, this water's been sat in the pipe for a week sort of taste to it yeah yeah yeah but i've boiled that and i've got like that but hot austin tap water stinks it's one of the worst tap waters i've ever had just terrible all right just awful it's all right there's no defense why am i why am i trying to defend

austin's no water you don't need to. It's fine. Sometimes, I don't know. What am I doing? Who am I? Shut up, idiot. Shut up, me. God damn it. It's okay. On occasion, God, I feel like I gotta stand up for Austin. On occasion, it smells.

Yeah, or it gets this blue algae stuff. It doesn't taste good ever. I don't give a fuck if it smells occasionally. It never tastes good. It mostly tastes fine. I use a Brita filter. No. Yeah, you it gets this blue algae stuff. It doesn't taste good ever. I don't give a fuck if it smells occasionally. It never tastes good. It mostly tastes fine. I use a Brita filter. Yeah, you're wrong. You're wrong. Andrew, do you drink out of the tap where you live?

Always. Constantly. No filter needed. Fantastic. Same where I used to live. Just delicious, straight out of the tap. Just guzzle it all day. This stuff here is bizarre.

And a lot of people here who grew up here just drink it and think that's what water tastes like. Which I think is why so many people drink like Big Red and shit. Big Red is terrible too. What? It's just, it's like an overcompensation of the shitty tap water. It's like a million bags of sugar and red dye. There's no like, there's no taste to that beyond sweet. What you just described sounds delicious.

No, it's not. It's not. Maybe the tap water here is poisoned so that people drink the fizzy drinks. That's a great point. I will say, in defense of Big Red, the one time I had it, I had like two bottles, and then I vomited later that day. Fantastic puke color. It was a great red. Great shade.

I have a serious question for you, Andrew. Go ahead. How often do you throw up? Oh. Okay, you want to get into this? This is good. color it was a great red i have a question serious serious question for you andrew go ahead how often do you throw up oh okay you want to get into this this is good i had a fear of vomiting for years like when i was like eight or nine i had bad chinese food and i vomited up a bunch of chinese food and it was horrible so then i had a fear of vomiting for a long time like a misophobia or something was it called? I have no idea what it's called.

I just really didn't want to ever do it. It was a whole problem. But then I went through this phase where I kept getting signed up for like these exercise classes and I would vomit at the end of every class. And I was doing like two or three a week. So I just quickly, it went from like a thing I was scared of to I'm an all time great vomiter. I'm loud. I'm efficient. I'm really good at vomiting.

It was fantastic. One of the classes was me and these two women who are like in their 40s and they just they like kind of flirting with the trainer. They're just having a great time. No, no. This is like a gym. Like I'm going to a gym. This is a trainer.

This is like a class. This wasn't a school thing so it's these two like 40 year olds and they kind of like flirt the trainer and just like talk about wine they liked and and like they were super buddy buddy and then i had absolutely nothing in common with them at all i was just the worst third wheel ever and i would constantly vomit so they couldn't have liked me less and there was this one time where i had the vibe oh i couldn't have been killed the vibe more i was the complete vibe killer but there's this one time i drank like a strawberry protein shake before i went and that was also like we did these stairs we're outside we typically wouldn't be outside and uh i walked like five feet after

doing them and just the largest projectile vomit I've ever had. And they could all see. And it is bright, like strawberry red. And these women were terrified. They were so frightened. And I'm a loud vomiter. I'm like, it's a lot of like, like, it's very loud. It was fantastic.

Because I feel like when I've rarely talked to you outside of this podcast usually on slack or something you'll be telling me a story and you'll be like yeah yeah then i threw up all over myself and then but the story continues and like the vomit part is usually like a side issue to the main story and it's most of your stories involve you chunking somewhere i feel like the ratio might be off i think it's just maybe such a memorable aspect of something. I don't vomit that often. It's been a while. Sounds like you do.

Last time I vomited, I think was three weeks ago. I don't know why we're talking about that. That's pretty recent, dude. It is recent, but I'm saying before that, it would have been months. How many times a year on average

do you vomit? Maybe two or three. Gavin, how many times a year on average do you vomit? Maybe two or three. Gavin, how many times a year on average do you vomit? Maybe twice, but I do have to add that the last time I vomited was yesterday. There you go. All right, well, we need to get into that. I would say since I got sober, I average zero times a year vomiting. Why are you guys puking so much?

Twice a year, isn't it? I mean, that's like I ate something bad once probably. Did you eat something bad yesterday? No, but my cat did. Boy, at like 4 a.m., he started making that sort of drain clog noise in his throat and started chunking all over the floor. And it was this thing, he does it sometimes, where, like he's a cat, so he'll sometimes just chunk up what he ate.

But he sometimes does this thing where he chunks up literal shit. Like, he will shit out of his mouth. It looks like turd, it smells like turd. Like an absolute biohazard. And we took him to the vet after the first time, and it was fine, apparently. Is he eating shit when you're not looking? No, he's just vomiting severely digested something, food, to the point where it's just like brown paste.

Too bad. And I was cleaning it up. I was cleaning it up, but Meg was asleep, so I was trying to clean it up without gagging. So I was stifling my gags while i was smearing up all this shit in the dark and eventually i just had to get up walk to a different room and throw up because the gag stifling had started to hurt my stomach and it was every time i looked at the poo i was almost vomiting so i just had to get it out that's hideous so i will say andrew in defense of

what you were talking about this is my my aside, is when I was in the army way back many, many years ago, I was in the fast running group, and our drill sergeant, this is in basic and journalism school and stuff, and my drill sergeant would not let us stop running until we vomited.

He said, until you throw up, you don't run hard enough. And so I threw up six days a week for eight months. That's so bad. Because I was not allowed to not throw up. And then when I went to Fort Hood and I began my first duty station, I would be so hung over that you would want to throw up really quickly in PT because what would happen was

you would feel like you were dying all the way through PT. And then if you threw up, you would instantly feel better and it would erase the memory of doing PT. So I would really look forward to throwing up because either I could stop running or because it would erase the memory of having to work out feeling sick.

And then I quit working out for years and years and years. But then every time since, like one time Gav, Dan Godwin and I took a Krav Maga class and like halfway through I was like, I'll be right back. And I had to go outside in the front of the place and throw up, come back in, work

out for another 10 minutes, go back out, throw up. I did a, like a fucking like a, like some sort of a, like a CrossFit class at a gym one time and I had to leave in the middle of it and throw up and everybody's like, are you okay? And I'm like, yeah, I'm just throwing up because I'm working out. And people are like, nobody does that.

And I realized that nobody does that. But my brain is now tricked where I work out as I work out to vomit as quickly as possible, I guess, because like the rote memory is that like I can stop as soon as I work out to vomit as quickly as possible, I guess, because like the rote memory is that like I can stop as soon as I puke. So I get to puke really fast. And that's why I don't work out. You also puke as though it's nothing like that time

where you tried to put your dog tag chain down your nose hole and out your mouth. No. And you threw up everywhere and clogged the sink. I filled the sink with puke. For some reason, threw up in the sink instead threw up everywhere and clogged the sink i filled the sink for some reason threw up in the sink instead of the toilet and clogged it i the disappointing thing there was that was so easy to do when i was like 18 and i was so dismayed to find out that at that point my late 30s or whatever i was that it was such a it was so goddamn physically

difficult to do it that I threw up an entire sink worth yeah I got through it though I did it I'll never do it again but I fucking did it that one last time disappeared off you're like yeah I can still do this and you were like you started doing it then you're like oh hold on be right back and then you came back with it threaded through your sinuses and then you're like hey check this out and you took me to your sink you just disappeared off on your own okay i'm looking at the shelves yeah i want to just make a quick point before before we continue nick very kindly looked at the shelves said that's some that i imagine something far less grand and he said that looks amazing well done you didn't do anything you paid somebody you don't get a well done.

That's like a full armoire shelving. There's cabinets. There's a ledge. There's probably, what, 12, 15 shelves there? Maybe on the side shelves? And then on the other side is a built-in desk and more shelves. That's why, and it's all in the room I record in. That's why I couldn't record

in the room. There was like nine dudes in there for 14 hours that day. I feel like you did describe it like that, but in my head, whenever we went back to it, I was just thinking about you putting up like a couple of Ikea shelves. 100% 100%

I was explaining to you what a major ordeal this was and when we got back on, you guys were like you hung an Ikea shelf, asshole what Nick posted is exactly what I was picturing I was like well, congrats on your shelves

they look nice do we congratulate him? they do look nice does he need a congrats i appreciate that andrew thank you uh congrats to you as well uh yeah they still got his painted obviously and and i gotta get it's a hole are you matching the color of the ceiling yeah yeah matching the color of the ceiling and then in the other one where the desk is there's wallpaper that's got to be installed it's a whole fucking thing i'm not anywhere i'm not close not even close you must like your house i'm not i'm not well yeah i don't hate it why would i all right i just never lived in a house long enough where i'm like yeah i'm

gonna do all this custom stuff to it dude but uh yeah you've you've done it that's awesome that's that's money invested i hope you get to a point in your life where you feel like installing built-ins and it seems like a wise investment that's the dream Jeff I've been picked I've kind of been pitching this already you don't need to go all the way to a shelf Gavin you can make small changes you can customize things in a small way you make your space room Andrew I know you have a thousand things to talk about Gavin what do you got going on well I just feel like we should mention that we took another break Andrew 11th hour last week, canceled the podcast recording. Way later than I canceled.

Way later than when I canceled. Not from my perspective. Not from my perspective. It was like, what, two hours before we were going to do it? You were like, we can't do it. No, it's not true. That's not true. You're making it.

It's worse than that. Because I reached out in the morning to talk shit about Jeff and that I wasn't going to cancel. No, it's not true. That's not true. You're making it... It's worse than that, because I reached out in the morning to talk shit about Jeff, and that I wasn't going to cancel. That is a hero for not canceling. Let me look at the timestamp. It was, I want to say, 7.30-ish a.m.? It was around 7 a.m., I guess. You're talking earlier in the morning.

I must record from my phone again. I tried my best, but I can't record today. Can't do it. That was at 1.30 for a three-part recording. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It was before that. Keep scrolling up. Yeah, you said you might have to record from your phone.

You didn't cancel it and end the whole day until 1.30. But I also said I'd be willing to record on my phone. 90 minutes, dude. 90 minutes. At the end. At the end. Might I point out that I couldn't tell if it was fucking real or a bit. So I showed up to record anyway, just in case.

So it's still wasted by time. I was there at three o'clock. I stuck around till 315 just to make sure by myself in the fucking discord. But the way the things you were saying you were you were basically calling yourself a hero for even attempting it it was an act of hero heroism then you said you wouldn't be able to record from your desk you said you wouldn't be able to record comfort comfortably nope you said you could do about 25 minutes in this condition but an hour would be tough what on earth because you wouldn't tell us anything.

What on earth are you talking about? Do you want to get into it, Andrew? Do we want to? Okay, we can. I've wanted to know badly for a full fucking week, and I've just been sitting here waiting, sitting on my hands, trying not to talk to you. Because in my head, you Michael Scotted your foot.

You stepped on your waffle maker like he stepped on his George Foreman. That's what I've been picturing all week. Absolutely. I definitely Icarus'd myself. I embraced a new lifestyle and I flew a little too close to the sun and it escalated poorly. So last time we spoke, I had ordered the 70 pounds of mix. Yeah, I was waiting for it. On the previous, early on Saturday, I rolled. the 70 pounds of mix. Yeah, I was waiting for it on the previous on early

on Saturday. I rolled. I have shitty ankles. I've always had awful just the worst. Even when I was a kid, like I'd run with a limp when I wasn't hurt, just bad ankles. And I rolled. I rolled my right ankle on a walk because the curb wasn't level and I didn't notice.

So I rolled my right ankle. Then later in the day, the 70 pounds of mix came, which the boxes were not built to carry that much weight. They put them in, like, three different Amazon boxes, and they were falling apart as I was carrying them. So I'm on one leg, and I'm trying to carry 70 pounds of mix of several sets of stairs.

In one go? Yeah, I did initially try to carry everything up in one go, and i fell and that was a mistake with a with a rolled ankle ankle you took all 70 pounds in your hand i tried i tried i almost fell i almost did the home alone fall where i was like slowly falling backwards off the stairs it was like oh i can just grab oh no i can't i can't grab and i barely caught myself. But so then I hurt. I hurt my ankle, my other ankle doing that. I hurt my left. My right ankle.

I rolled walking my left ankle. I hurt trying to get the mix up and it was bad, but it wasn't the worst injury I've had. I've had this before. I've had issues with my ankles before where it typically is like I'm out for a week. But I really I've out for a week. But I really, I've embraced this waffle lifestyle. I've had so much fun and I thought I need to add more because I have a fridge.

So I have a fridge. I have everything I need. I don't need to necessarily stop at waffles. So I made a new investment to add to my lifestyle. I bought this. I thought this could be perfect. I could have breakfast. I could have lunch. I could have. I thought this could be perfect. I could have breakfast.

I could have lunch. I could have a little snack later in the day. You posted a toaster that toasts hot dog buns and hot dogs. Yes. I bought a dog toaster. I thought I'll sit at my desk. I could cook some dogs up for lunch. I have a hurt ankle.

This is perfect. I'm so glad I invested in this. This is, it arrived on Tuesday. It arrived middle of the week. I had this whole dog fantasy lined up, Gavin, that you have no idea. I was so excited to add to the waffles. You've got the shortest attention span.

You've already ignored the 70 pounds of pancakes. You're on to dog toasting. Is this also in your bedroom? Yes. Oh, yeah. I was putting it on my desk. It was the whole game plan I had. I had my dogs on my desk. I was going to make desk dogs, and I was just going to love life.

I could make waffles in bed, dogs at my desk, fully covered. This is a great thing. So I get the maker. My ankle is sore. It's not that bad. I'm recovering on Tuesday. I get the hot dog maker on Tuesday. I'm hurting. I don't have any food in my room

but I do have a packet of hot dogs and some buns in the fridge in my fridge and I thought I'm gonna cook a desk dog up on the podcast that will be my introduction to this thing that'd be really funny if I just throw some desk dogs on eat a dog while we

record but I was hungry and I thought oh fuck it I'll test it anyway That'd be really funny if I just throw some desk dogs on, eat a dog while we record. But I was hungry and I thought, oh, fuck it. I'll test it anyway. So I read the instructions and the instructions say experience or get ready to to have a strong chemical odor on your first cook. So I was prepared for that. I wasn't worried about it. It's basic. It's literally just a toaster you put hot dogs into.

So I put the dogs in. I'm afraid I don't want to undercook the dogs i don't know how effective the heating mechanism is on the inside of this thing well i assume they're cooked already you're just heating them up yeah i'm heating them here it's fair yeah i'm just eating i wanted a good heat though so i cranked it all the way to the highest setting and uh i'm sitting at my desk tracking the election, got my desk dogs going. It's a good night. And I can really smell this strong chemical odor. And it's really it's strong, but I expect it.

So it's fine. And I'm just relaxed. I'm really happy. I'm enjoying life. And then my room starts vibrating because I have triggered the loud, the loudest, the loudest smoke alarm I've ever heard I set off the smoke alarm in my bedroom cooking my desk dogs and it was ringing everything was shaking it was so

bad I go into full panic mode I rip the machine off my desk dogs go flying and I hobble into my bathroom because there's no smoke machine in my bathroom not smoke machine smoke alarm I don't have a smoke machine in there either but I'm worried about a smoke machine in there either. But I'm worried about the smoke alarm.

No fears about a machine. So I put the death dog device in underneath where my towels are in my bathroom. I'm good there. Initial problem solved. Dogs are somewhere. I don't know where they flew to. Not a worry. My next concern is that I have triggered the fire system for my entire building is my worry so then i have to stumble out into my hallway make sure there are no other alarms thankfully

i only activated mine um but recently they tested all the smoke alarms and whenever they'd set one off a guy was on a phone talking to someone off site and they're like yeah no it went off we're good we can go to the next one so i oh shit, this is gonna send a signal to somebody, potentially, and the fire cavalry might be coming. I don't know if they're gonna send somebody, and I don't know how I can explain the desk dogs was the cause of this fire investigation. So I'm nervous about them embracing my new lifestyle so I sit for a second and then I think I need to do something about all of my pancake mix

so like they were bags of cocaine I grab them one at a time and start frantically hiding them throughout my room because I just don't want them to stumble into 70 pounds of pancake mix and the waffle machine what's wrong with you? they could take the wrong idea they would I don't know I thought I could get in trouble I don't think this is probably a normal and the waffle machine. What's wrong with you? They could take the wrong idea. They would.

I don't know. I thought I could get in trouble. I don't think this is probably a normal thing. I don't imagine the building manager would love this new lifestyle I've embraced. So I'm hiding everything, and I get it all done, and then the dog adrenaline has worn off at this point,

and my ankle is very sore because I've been running around, moving 10-pound bags of pancake mix, running up and down stairs. Making sure alarms weren't going off. It was a whole thing. And so the pancake mix. Initially fractured me.

Put a dent in the armor. And the dog. The desk dogs broke. That's how my ankle fell apart. The moving of the desk dogs on Tuesday. Could not walk. Could not stand the next day just couldn't do anything had to spend the next several days just laying in bed i don't understand why that you couldn't do it from your desk but you could still do it from your phone i yeah i drove from multiple root canals straight to the podcast, and you had a sore, you had an ankle owie.

No, my ankle was so bad, I couldn't sit at my desk. I couldn't, I had to have it elevated. I couldn't have it down. The day we tried to record that morning, when I said, like, give me an hour, I took five Advils at once. And then was just going to see if it would numb my foot, and it didn't. It didn't make any difference. That's what I had to call it i made that i made a real effort a lot your liver's gonna fail it was a terrible idea but i tried it because i'm a hero and i want to be here for you guys i'm like jeff worried about some shelves i make every attempt and so i could have i tried

i'd sit at my desk and i'd go like every 10 seconds because my ankle would throb. It was a throbbing, stabbing pain that was horrendous. You know what you should have done? You should have made a tourniquet with hot dogs. Oh, that's a good thinking. Splint it up. I'm worried now that we that Jeff and I live so far from you. Like something.

You're going to kill yourself by accident. that Jeff and I live so far from you. Like something, you're going to kill yourself by accident. And look, look, you almost burned down your entire building with desk dogs. And then you took five Advils. That was one day. And then it took you a week to recover. Well, I'm still, I'm still recovering.

I don't have pain, but I can't really walk. But everything was fine. I don't take that many that often. It was like, I need, we're trying to record today. This is what did happen though. I, for the very first time, dangerous, don't recommend it unless you absolutely need it, took a pain reliever that was beyond what you could get. Just like at a counter. Like a prescription painkiller.

You got prescription painkiller. Prescription painkillers, real game changer. Big help. That's why you were texting me. I feel like I'm cheating. This is what, yes, this is literally,

I had a really bad night before I took the first one. It was rough. And I'm laying in bed. I'm like, I need to do something. So I ordered a walking boot off of Amazon.

I was like, I can make this, it's going to arrive in two days. I can last, it'll be fine. I then got the prescription painkillers and I took two. I canceled my boot order 40 minutes later. I'm like, I can make this. It's going to arrive in two days. I can last. It'll be fine. I then got the prescription painkillers, and I took two. I canceled my boot order 40 minutes later. I'm like, I'm good.

Don't need the boot anymore. Save that money. Don't you guys have socialized health care? Can't you just go to the doctor and get a boot? I couldn't leave. I couldn't move. What's he going to limp to his boot? Eric suggested I throw myself off the series of balconies,

which I could have technically done, but like, there's no way I was stuck in my room. Today's the first day I left my room in like 10 days. Uh, well, let me ask you two questions. First,

uh, did you say fire cavalry? Yeah. I didn't know who was going to come fire department. Maybe the people who work here, a whole group. I didn't know how many. Okay.

I didn't know if that's like, that's what they call the fire department. No the people who work here, a whole group. I didn't know how many. Okay, I didn't know if that's like, that's what they call the fire department. No, no, no. Alright, I was going to ask, like, what the now I got to know, what do they call it in England? The brigade. The fire brigade, right? Brigade is a good word, too. Well, they used to. I'm not sure if they still do. Second question. Have you had a

successful hot dog since and how are they? That's a great question, Jeff. Among amongst the pain of tuesday night my ankle throbbing still sore never ate dinner but i was scared to set the alarm off again so i sneakily i sneakily cooked some dogs in my closet put a little sneak sneaky desk dog closet action i had two of them and And they were fine. In an enclosed, unventilated space where probably a bunch of fabric is. Yeah, there was a bunch of fabric.

You know, it was late. I kept the lights off so I couldn't see if there was. You can't see it. It doesn't exist. It's far. It was on the opposite corner of the alarm. I had a fan going. I'm sure everything was fine. To be fair, if the lights are off, you're gonna notice the fire sooner.

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Visit amex.ca slash yamx. Benefits vary by card terms apply how i'm worried about your so you say you always roll your ankle you've been you've been to austin to see us several times yeah and you've done fine walking around no no no no he in fact has not oh no roll that good austin yeah oh. I've rolled several ankles at Austin. I feel like the last time you were in Austin, I don't even know if I saw you, you spent like 48 hours in a bathtub or something.

I don't remember that. But I will say there was one time, one time I went to, it wasn't the last time I went, it was one of the first times I went to Austin. I went to your house, Jeff, said I went was one of the first times I went to Austin I went to your house Jeff said goodbye it was great it was at night great night

gave you a hug gave Millie a hug said goodbye everything was great I wasn't familiar with your street and the curb and your curb was like four feet off the ground I immediately rolled it badly it was a bad roll and so then I get in the Uber and I'm leaving the next day and I can't walk.

And I nearly fainted in the airport because I hadn't eaten anything. And I started losing my vision. And my bag was like 20 pounds because I only pack one bag when I travel. And it's like genuinely 20 pounds. And I'm stumbling. I'm just dragging my foot. And I bought three slices of pizza and a Gatorade while my vision was

going out like I couldn't see I was on my way to blackout just hobbling and I'm all good like I got the pizza I had the Gatorade everything is fine but yeah you say I've never had an ankle injury in Austin is why didn't you get so sick you couldn't leave your bed or the bathtub or something you were like

you landed in Austin deathly ill I remember this I know I half the time well today okay I'm gonna throw up twice in two days Gavin you're blowing through your quota slow down that's my

yearly allowance oh I'm crying I've got no pukes left for 12 months I'm freaking just tearing up. Okay, so the time I vomited Big Red was it was after RT. I get sick 70% of the time I go to Austin. I just have terrible luck.

It must be the water. Yeah, it's clearly the water. I always get a cold. I got everybody sick. It was bad. I always get sick. It's never good. But the day I vomited Big Red, I was super sick and I didn't know it yet. And I was staying with people and we made an agreement that I would pay for the Uber to the convention center. They would pay for it back. They had never used one of these apps before, and they could not figure out how to call a car that wasn't

eight blocks away. They called a car genuinely eight blocks away from the convention center. So we're walking. I've been out all day. It's hot. I'm exhausted. And it's just a nightmare. I had a whole thing with a homeless guy that I don't know if I should get into at this time. That was the whole story. It was like a Jerry McGuire moment. He was yelling at me. It was a weird friendship. He invited me to an orgy. It was a strange thing. But then we eventually get to the car and I thought I had heat sickness. Andrew, I don't know why I don't already know that story, but we

are going to have to get into it at some point. Okay. I mean, we could get into it now. No, no, let's continue. Continue. Just put a pin in that one. Anyway, okay. So we walk like eight. My friend was useless, too. Like he was with me the whole time. Didn't say a single thing.

Didn't help me at all. I'm getting invited to this homeless orgy. I may have sent it to a hotel that I didn't stay at because I didn't know what to do. It was very it was intense. It's a weird story. Anyway, the point is, I've been sick in Austin a lot. I guess I vomited. I thought I had heat stroke because I was walking eight blocks.

But it was just I was super sick. Well, to be fair, Austin in July is about 312 degrees So it was would be easy to get heat stroke I feel like well the only times I've ever seen you in real life is in Austin and I feel like you were just Holding in the pain the entire time because you've always seemed fine But you've probably rolled your ankle three times that day and thrown up there was a time I tried to burn a bottle of gel down. Gavin, you have a role in a story that you don't know, I think.

Did I hurt you somehow? No, you did not hurt me. But I was in a spot. I was in a rough spot. It was a 4th of July party at your house, Jeff. I remember this. And it was hot. We handled this, though.

We took care of this. We did. We were fine. But it was hot. We handled this, though. We took care of this. We did. We were fine, but it was hot and I'm talking to people I don't know and all the good seats are taken and I'm just like, I just want to sit down but everyone's outside. It'd be weird to be inside. And then Jeff had these really plasticky

old chairs. Oh, those things were shite. They were rickety old things. They were rickety old things they were rickety old plastic chairs and uh i think someone was using one and they just got up and i was like oh great i'm gonna go sit down i'm tired it's post rtx just exhausted and i miscalculated how low the chair was so i kind of fell into it and as soon as i fell into it, I heard a crack. The chair cracked and everybody is outside. And it's like in a movie when somebody steps on a landmine and then they can't move. That's how I felt.

I'm in this chair that could shatter at any moment. It would be incredibly embarrassing. But I just have to sit and not move. And that's all I did. I sat there. I didn't move. People would come in and out. I just look around a little bit.

You, Dan and Meg were a little bit. You, Dan, and Meg were at the party. You came over and you said hi and I didn't get up out of the chair because I couldn't and I felt weird to not stand up and be like hey. And so we had a little talk and you had no concept of the fear that was going through my mind. Or did I know you were like stood on a

frozen lake right in the middle but it was all packed. Yeah, I was on a pane of glass that was slowly shattering and there was no help. The worst part was, so I sat in that chair for like an hour. And then enough time had passed in the chair that you and everybody you were with had done talking. You finished your evening. You're done talking with everyone and you decided to go home and you walked over to say goodbye and meg put her hand on my shoulder and it was the scariest moment of my life it was an additional there was extra weight and it was like a nice it was like hey it was nice seeing you but in my head it was like this is gonna shatter i'm done

they're gonna know and so i stayed there until the evening and everybody had left. And it was just Jeff and I at that point. You had to just wait everyone out. He sat there for like six hours. Gavin, this is the year that we had the pool and Linda was there and the whole thing. Yeah, that was a really fun day. We were in that backyard for 10 hours probably. Yeah, it was like two in the afternoon until the sun went down.

Yeah, which is like 4 a.m. like two in the afternoon until the sun went down yeah which is like 4 a.m in texas in the summer oh so uh it's just jeff and i at that point we have a talk we're talking for a bit and he's like well you know everyone's inside i guess we should probably go i was like i gotta tell you something i'm in a spot here and i explained what had happened he's like well you know we just, we'll figure it out. We'll see, let's see what happens. I move like an inch and the chair shatters. It just falls, I fall over.

It was perfect. I was right. It actually was a nice justification that I truly was trapped this entire time. And I never told a soul from that moment until now. No, I didn't, I wouldn't care if you did. It's a great story. Yeah, but it was your story to tell.

Oh, man. Oh, my God. And it's a shame, too, because we were all having such a good time, and I assume I thought you weren't having a good time because you... Because I was probably like, he doesn't really want to talk to me.

He just doesn't want to stand up. He was just, like, sitting sitting smiling at people yeah what else the head nods he was still like hey what's up he did that about 7 000 times lots of one word replies and then looking away it was a good party it was a good party That was a good party Good times That hurts so bad I'm not a good party guest generally speaking Anyway but that was a whole other level of fear That nobody else was aware of

According to my telephone That was July 2016 Does that sound about right? Sure Where does the time go? Oh shit, Andrew. Damn.

What are we talking about? So from your point of view though, as you said, you're not like the biggest party guy. No, and stuff just happens to you constantly. Was that like a normal overall experience for you? Or was that like the,

one of the biggest nightmares of your life? No, it wasn't. Honestly, I think that was maybe the first like adult party i had gone to so i just it was fun i had a good time good i didn't have a lot to measure against and i didn't mind the chair was fine it was constant fear but it was also an understanding of that this is going to be a great story one day i'm imagining in my head you know how

like a party if you if someone's got a camera and they set up a time lapse like in this room they're in that room the sun's going down but you're just in the chair all night no i don't think i even had a drink it was uh yeah i would have got you on well i couldn't just say hey can you get that'd be weird that'd be a weird thing to say i couldn't indicate in any way that i'm already up. You're all everyone was essentially already up. There is no there are like five people down at like a bench. You're a fire and everyone else. Everyone else is up.

Oh, God. I will say this. One nice thing about skipping the recording last week, which I guess I'm ruining right now, is I was not looking forward to one of the last things we talked about the previous episode was that i had to go sell your car gavin i was gonna trade trade it in for a new car how'd it go well i was afraid you guys were gonna ask me how the new car was and it was at that moment in the shop getting fixed what exactly one week later it was back in the shop. Did you buy someone's broken car?

No, I bought a 2019. It just needed to have the clear coat. I bought this special clear coat for the outside and the inside to help it be more protected. And then I had to get the brakes worked on.

They were a little squeaky. But the timing was just impeccable. It was like that morning, I was like, oh, shit. As a matter of fact, in similar funny fashion, I drove it this morning, and when I got into it, it gave me an alert that the brakes need to be checked again. So I guess I'll be taking you back into the shop. I feel like you may have bought me another money pit. Well, this time I bought you a money pit

with a five-year everything warranty that I paid a lot of. I paid about what it cost me to fix the old money pit this summer. I got a great trade-in on that money pit, though. Nice. You're going to love your new car. It's beautiful. I'm excited to eventually see it. I'm excited to get to drive it once it's uh not in the shop i'm excited to walk

so what are you gonna do long term about your in your ankles because you're in the prime of life like your your your life and the youthfulness of your body won't ever get any better than it is now now yeah it's downhill from here absolutely i've had this this is like maybe the 12th time i've had this injury this isn't the worst one so i'll be fine it just takes a little time when i worked at an electrical warehouse i had this for a little over a month because i could never get enough time to heal it i didn't want to take time off work so just for a month and a half i was limping everywhere i everywhere sitting on carps it was terrible it was awful existence is it possible

and I'm just throwing this out there once you're feeling better like maybe three weeks to a month down the road everything's a-okay with your ankle you're feeling great you go to a physical therapist and start doing something to strengthen it so it doesn't

happen again yeah I mean that would be the smart thing to do. I should at least learn how to wrap my ankle. I don't know how to do that. And I say this as a guy who did four months of physical therapy on his shoulder for the end result to be, yeah, your shoulder's just going to suck for the rest of your life because you're old and have arthritis. So I'm not saying that the solution is a solution,

but it's maybe worth exploring. Yeah, absolutely. I think it's a good thing to attempt to explore. That was the bottom of the warehouse was like a month and a half of limping everywhere and just it being terrible. I cried. There was a guy who worked there who was like a retired hockey player who was like really tough, like guy's guy, not emotional in any way. And I cried with my shitty, ugly foot on his lap as he rolled my ankle. It was a great low. But it's fine. It'll be good. I eventually, that healed and it takes a little more than a week, but then I'm good's fine. It'll be good. I eventually uh that healed and uh it takes a little more than a week

but then I'm good to go. I have a dilemma though. I have a few things to still talk about this. I broke my phone. I shattered my phone. It's not shattered. I put a hole in it. The glass is cracked. It's okay though but it might be the dumbest phone break certainly I've ever had. What does that mean for all the bits inside the bits are still fine they're safely secure but it was such an effort to like get up my bathroom is only maybe eight feet from my bed and it was this whole process every time for the first few days after the dog disaster it was a real struggle and it's it sometimes would be hard to even leave so i'd always want to bring my phone with me. So I'd have something to communicate with or just even entertain myself.

So every time I'd go to the bathroom, I needed both hands to pull myself there. So I put I put the phone in my teeth kind of like that. That was the move I was doing for transporting the phone. And I heard a crack one day. I didn't think much of it. I bit too hard. I bit a hole into my phone. The glass has a little I didn't think much of it. I bit too hard. I bit a hole into my foot. The glass has a little tooth hole at the top of it.

How the fuck? I was expecting that it slipped out of your mouth. No. Father in law, you just bit. No, it was not. I was not going to let that thing fall. I got a good bite on it. Gavin.

Imagine you biting a hole through your phone, stepping over waffle makers and dog toasters. Dodging flying hot dogs. You have everything in your capacity to make your life totally normal and you refuse at every junction, at every opportunity, you make your life weird.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Gavin, if I gave you an hour and $1,000 if you could bite a hole into your phone with your own mouth, do you think you have it in you to do that? I don't think I could bring myself to give it enough beans. I'd be so worried about cutting myself. Or, yeah, there's no way in hell I could chew into a phone. Yeah, it's glass and metal

I think I'd break a tooth. Oh you tooth would be gone. It's a how did you do? What do you have like do you have like moonraker jaws teeth? Oh, I mean to be fair it's near where there already was a crack But there used to only be one hole and now there's two holes wasn't that spy who loved me jaws Oh was that spy who loved me jaws? Yes, sir. And by the way, Gavin, we haven't talked. My condolences. Oh, Sean Connery? Yeah, I know you gotta be pretty sad about that.

Yeah, that was sad. If it makes you feel any better, Andrew and I had a, we suffered a loss together that we have been debating on whether we talk about. But first, you were gonna say something more about your chewing through your phone? I mean, I put a hole in it, and it's not that hard to do, so be careful if someone listening tries that mode of transportation, which I'm sure isn't going to happen, but just throwing it out there.

Was it your top teeth or your bottom teeth? Top teeth. Top teeth got it. Top teeth, okay. Yeah. I think the pointy one. Why were you biting so hard? Because I didn't want it to fall out of my mouth.

And shatter. Every single inch, Gavin, I'm going, Ugh! Ugh! So it's like a bit of leather when someone's getting their legs sawn off. Yeah, I didn't want it. Like, that sort of also was a perk of it. But yeah, it was constant.

I had to move my phone, but I also was in extreme pain and wanted to yell about it every second of my journey. Okay, I have a one word question. Go ahead. Pocket? Okay. That's another thing. I went bottomless during this whole run. It was just too much effort to put bottoms

on and off. It hurt. I had to lift my leg up every time. So what, you weren't wearing boxes? No, nothing. I went complete bottomless during this entire entry. So what, you weren't wearing boxes? No, nothing. I went complete bottomless during this entire entry. So you're just running around like Winnie the Pooh this whole time? Yeah, I was.

I was Winnie the Pooh-ing it up. You're participating in the dicks out, two ankle busted obstacle course with an iPhone in your mouth. Absolutely, I was. I heard that's the new Spartan Games. Oh my god. Yeah, I'm bottomless.

So how long were you without pants? I put underwear on for the first time yesterday. Yesterday it was bad. Yesterday was the first day I had a bath or a shower since the injury too I was scared I was scared I wouldn't be able to get out of the tub but it was a risk I had to take it it had been too long I'd felt gross did that become pungent over time

uh it wasn't a concern if I know yeah I wasn't that wasn't a big issue i had other problems it sounds like you've got a lot of other problems buddy oh i had another one should i include i mean we should probably wrap up uh you could tell us in the next one if it yeah yeah because we're rolling okay we'll continue my last i had a real problem I have a few other issues that came from this, but I think we should talk about our loss, Jeff, because it is a meaningful, we lost a meaningful figure to our loss. And I would say more so to our relationship

than, like, is where I feel the loss. Yes. Before we end, though, I'm going to say we never did it, so welcome to F*** Face episode something. I don't know what episode this is. 25. 25.

Welcome to F*** Face. Fuck. Oh, I don't know what happened there. Welcome to F*** Face episode 25. I am your host, Jeff Ramsey. With me, as always, Gavin Free and Andrew Panton. Andrew, I believe you're a phone eater now. That's interesting.

We'll get into that. And then we just did. Yeah, so let's dedicate this episode to Sean Connery, but also to the great Tommy Heinsohn, who, Gavin, you have no idea who he is. He has a really unique and interesting legacy. He was initially a player for the Boston Celtics,

and then he became a coach for the Boston Celtics, and then he became a coach for the Boston Celtics, and then he became an announcer for the Boston Celtics. And so he has the distinction of being in the Hall of Fame as a Hall of Fame player and a Hall of Fame coach. And the Radio Hall of Fame is bullshit, or I don't know what the announcer Hall of Fame looks like, but he's a very distinguished announcer. He was in the Celtics organization for 60 years and is the only person on fucking earth who was

a member of the Boston Celtics for all 17 of their championships, which is unbelievable to think about. Over 60 years the Celtics won, until this year when the Lakers won, they had the most championships ever with 17. Now it's tied.

And Tommy was there for every single one of them. The reason it's important to Andrew and I, I mean, because we loved him, is because there was that period where Andrew thought I hated him for a couple of years for some reason, and we just didn't talk. It was basketball that brought us back together. And he and I, he was looking to get into basketball.

I recommended the Celtics. He did this very Andrew thing where he went to every NBA team's subreddit and made a post that said, I'm looking about getting into basketball. Tell me why I should vote, why I should be a fan of your team. I was a free agent.

Which went about, he was a free agent, which went about as well as you'd expect. Anyway, he fell in love with the Celtics and he and I used to bond over all the, just the ludicrous, crazy, wacky shit that Tommy used to say. And I would say that Tommy, he was a focal point of bringing us back together and reigniting our friendship that you were hiding from me. I didn't realize you ever broke up. I didn't either until three episodes ago.

No, I wouldn't say it was a breakup. There was maybe a year and a half where I didn't either until like three episodes ago no I wouldn't say it was a breakup there was maybe like a year and a half where I didn't talk to anybody that was with you guys or part of the company but yeah what made Tommy so special is that we would watch and when I say watch I meant

to look do you remember how early it was into that season it was the post Isaiah Thomas season the season after that I want to say it was into that season? It was the post Isaiah Thomas season, the season after that. I want to say it was like, yeah, 12 games or 13 games in. Yeah, I just decided I was going to follow the Celtics. I'd been doing so casually. And then they played Golden State.

And we're talking about that earlier in the day. And Jeff and I watched like the entire game together over Slack, just messaging things back and forth. And we did that for like essentially every game of that season. I want to say, yeah, we watched almost every game together. The only ones that we like if one of us had to travel or something, we could. And Tommy was just such a great focal point because he's such a ridiculous character. And there's somebody who is trying to get into basketball. He was like this this not even like human

figure like you just imagine that when he wasn't calling games he was in a diner talking about the team constantly like he didn't have a life beyond like him and mike who is his partner uh just talking about the team and he had such a bias for the team that it was wonderful like it was such an extreme irrational hatred for both refs and any player on any other team that it was wonderful it was so much fun to listen to his games it's going to be a real miss because he had moved away like last season i think i mean before covid he was only doing like home games And even then it was like every few home games. And then sometimes it was only some of the game as well. Like he was he died at 86.

He's pretty old. Yeah. And he so he wasn't like an every every game figure anymore. But man, did we have a lot of fun laughing at the wild Homer shit that he would say. Just not even the home. Just like the way he'd phrase things or his unwillingness to go with jokes Like I remember there's this time where it was like a three-man booth and you could tell they're kind of getting ready to transition Tommy out of his role and they were having some argument and the third guy and Mike wanted to do this thing where he

Pretended that like Tommy hit him And he's like ow my foot and Tommy just said, I didn't do nothing. He didn't play into it at all. It was just moments like that. It's fantastic. He saw this. He doesn't play for us anymore. He plays for the Phoenix Suns.

But there was this Australian player, played center for us, named Aaron Baines. Actually, Nick used to play for your San Antonio Spurs, I believe. And I think maybe even has a ring with him. And apparently his dick is the size of a Buick. And Tommy saw him in the shower, and he talked about that guy's dick every game, every time Aaron Baines had the ball or made any kind of a defensive play, Tommy found a way to talk about that guy's dick.

It was so funny. It felt like it changed their dynamic in like how he'd call him like he didn't even say he wasn't specific he said i believe his line at the time was i was watching baines in the shower earlier and boy does that guy look like all of australia and he said in such a way and then every time baines would play he just seemed to have like an additional level of love for Baines. He had a new appreciation for Aaron Baines, which was amazing. There's another player named Daniel Tice, who is German, and he got fouled out one game just like playing.

Like there was nothing crazy about the calls, but he got fouled out. And Tommy just yelled like four seconds after the call had happened. He just screamed at the top of his lungs. That ref hates Germans. There's no other point. There's no, like, basis for that. He's just amazing. He will be missed.

Anyway, he will be very missed. And Andrew and I got really choked up the other day when he died and we talked about it. That's our sincere moment. That's the end of this fucking episode. I don't think I've laughed so hard in a recording in, like, four years four years dude i had to walk away from my mic at one point because i was crying yeah it was that was pretty pretty intense i think i can make gavin vomit next episode oh you probably could uh yeah i have a i have two

funny funnyish things but they're not vomit funny. But I look forward to it. This isn't vomit funny either. I just think Gavin's gonna vomit when he sees this. Oh, God. Alright, well that was F*** Face. Rate and subscribe and like and tell your friends and buy a t-shirt for your mom. And, uh,

and all that other bullshit. Oh, and guess what I just got in the fucking mail. Do you do you know how I convinced them to make us face baseball bats? Yes. At your extreme urging to the to the contrary. I'm going to hand face every one of them and they're gonna come with a certificate of authenticity and the certificate

of authenticity looks suspiciously like a certain baseball card style and it has like a little message and then I'm gonna sharpie sign each one

as the authenticity and those came in the mail yesterday so I have a bunch of baseball cards to sign no the bats don't come till next year

but I got the cards of authenticity so I'm gonna sign each one takes a year to make a bat takes a while to get them from wherever the bats don't come until next year. But I got the cards of authenticity, so I'm going to sign each one. Takes a year to make a bat? Takes a while to get them from wherever the fuck they got them from. Are you going to sign the bats too, or are you just signing the cards? Yeah, so the bats are like novelty bats, and

they say they have like the f*** face logo on the, like where the Louisville Slugger logo is on the fat part of the bat. And then on the bottom, they don't do custom engravings, like nobody on Earth does custom engravings on bats that aren't full size, I guess. And so I'm going to hand F*** Face, just

write F*** Face, but with the stars on every bat and then we'll include a baseball card with my signature authenticated So wait, it's a small bat? It's like 18 inches maybe. So what's the point of it? So people can buy it. To hit balls with it, or just to have it?

Just to have it. Just a collectible. A little fun thing. Why not just sell the stump, the handle? Nobody wants to just buy a knob. What are you talking about? You want me to just sell the knob? Well, that's the bit that's got the face on it.

Oh, my God. Nobody's buying knobs. Look, think of 200 bats, how big that is, and then think about 200 buying knobs. Think of 200 bats, how big that is, and then think about 200 bat knobs. Yeah, but if you bought just a knob, Gavin, you'd be like, where's the rest of this bat? You'd feel like you got screwed over.

It's a bad investment. I don't want the whole rest of it. Nobody just wants the knob. You're full of shit. Jesus Christ. I don't even know where to go with that. I think we should just end. That's it.

All right. Face out.