Regulation Podcast - Episode 53 Season 2 Year 2 // Geoff's 3am Shit Story

Episode Date: June 2, 2021

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about starting off year 2 but it's still season 2 with an Andrew apology, Halo bet power outages & new techniques, jetskis man, and Geoff's 3am Shit Story. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail] Sponsored by: HelloTushy (http://hellotushy.com/face), ExpressVPN (http://expressvpn.com/FACE), and HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/12face) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Let me ask you guys a question. Are you ready to... Should we start year two of F*** Your Face? Yeah. I guess this is it, right? This is episode 53? Yeah, but not to be confused with season two, which started a couple of months ago.

Yeah, no, season two has been underway for a while. This is Year 2. That was a joke that actually happened. I think we, like, mentioned a passing starting Season 2. Have we started the podcast? Yeah, we did. We did. I think it just started.

Okay. The podcast has started. I don't think Season 2 has started. Okay. I just hit record, so all the whatever, if that bit was part of the podcast I missed it I did not get that from my perspective. Can I ask you a favor? Yeah, of course. Can you fucking record? Okay, I feel like you're always the last one to hit record. I am. Yeah, why would you be in here and not recording? I hit record and then I joined. We've been telling jokes in here for ten minutes

And you never thought to hit record as all the laughter was going on? Well you left to get a soda. I didn't think that was interesting. Gavin called it a fucking work meeting So I don't know why I'm supposed to record. Is it because you won't show up to our pre-talks so you can hear them? Is that why you want me to record? What's the point in pre-talks if we arranged to talk if that's all we do at the time just go then I don't get it Yeah, you can clarify something. Gavin it's just nice to tie it's nice to catch up a little bit before the show it's a nice little conversation start start catching up right if if it's like it will record at 12 catch up at 12 start recording at

like 12 10 why i can't they were just starting at 12 10 let me start the show. Hello and welcome to episode 53 of F*** Face. This is, I don't know, we're well into season 2 at this point. I think 4 or 5 or 7 or 8 episodes. But now this is the first episode of year 2. So this is season 3? This is, no, no, no. Season 2 is, we're still in season 2. Okay. Episode 53, season two is, we're still in season two. Okay.

Episode 53, season two, year two, although those numbers don't line up. I am Jeff Ramsey, with me as always, Gavin Free and Andrew Panton. Hello. How are you fellas doing this week? Great. I'm great. How long was season one and how long is season two so far? Do we know this?

How long is the season was there a writer's strike this year i don't know that year one was 52 episodes i think season one made it into the 40s really okay are we gonna do like the animated tv show thing where like the first season is 60 episodes and every other season's like five yes they're bad like distributing okay why does that happen? I feel like that happened with... I feel like I tried to start watching Family Guy, but I couldn't get any coherency on when any episode was, so I just never watched that show.

I don't think you need... I think with a show like Family Guy, you just jump in wherever and it doesn't matter because it's just pop culture jokes. But for organization's sake, I need an order. I need some sort. I can't just be spewing episodes. How do I know what I've seen and what I haven't?

That's why, I mean, it's an excellent point, Gavin, and that's why we at F*** Face take it so seriously. That's why we have an overall episode count, and then we have it broken down by season, and then further broken down by year, which is different than season. So there are three that isn't written anywhere in the podcast app until like the mid-40s?

Which is why we have to break it down into subsections. We are infinitely categorized here at F*** Face to make it as easy as possible for you to enjoy the entertainment. I like when you say at F*** Face. Like it's a place that we work yes at face world hq at well as part of face world hq i want to open year two of our podcast with an apology oh this is this is this is deep from from the heart jeff this is a very sincere apology to you to me i made fun of yep i made fun of you last week for claiming that people didn't know what the DMV was.

So I did a poll. Did a poll, got people's opinions. I want to apologize for the 5.5% of people who didn't know what the DMV was. Very important number. Very significant 5.5 of would like I would also like to point out because I saw your dipshit little poll where you say

do you know what the DMV is and a ton of people said yes and then I went and I read the comments and a whole lot of people thought the DMV meant other shit nah I disagree

I know what the DMV is it's the it's the fuck what was it what was it there were so many of them there were people getting their jokes off you cannot count the people. There were people getting their jokes off.

You cannot count the people that were trying to get their jokes off. You cannot put that into your statistics column. There were two types of tweets. If those people are trying to get jokes off and they're voting, I can. No, these were the two primary comments, Jeff. The first one was people assuming I thought people didn't know what the DMV is and calling me dumb for it, thinking it was a weird Andrew thing. The second one, the second most common thing, people saying I live in a different country and I know what the DMV is. Everybody knows what the

DMV is. But I wanted to apologize. I'm not trying to rub it in your face. 5.5% didn't know it was very valuable part of your story. I'm telling you, I'm not going to go back and I'm not going to run through all the dumb, all those fucking messages. But there were a ton of people that thought DMV meant something totally different. And I think I think that the very premise of the question is false. I how would you phrase the question? I don't know, because I wasn't it wasn't my job to phrase the question because I thought it was dumb. It could be the Department of Mexican voters. It could be the document of macro viruses. It could be the driver motor Mexican Voters. It could be the Document of Macroviruses.

It could be the Driver Motor League, which is totally different. Download music videos. What about that? D.C., Maryland, and Virginia, or Delaware, Maryland, and Virginia, which is what most people thought it was. I just saw that. That's a reminder. So many people thought it was DMV referred to the area of D.C.,

Maryland, and Virginia. And they're like, yeah, I live there. I live in was DMV referred to the area of D.C., Maryland, and Virginia. And they're like, yeah, I live there. I live in the DMV metro area. So I think that you can't just throw an acronym out there and say, do you know what this acronym means? Because it could mean a million things to a million different people. I don't know, 5,000. It seemed universal. I mean, I'm going through the comments.

I'm trying to find people that relate to you. Somebody said it's obviously the District of Metro Vancouver with, like, a shrug emoji. Like, that's a joke. I don't know if you want to count that for real. I don't think that's a shrug emoji. They're like, I guess that's what it means. I'm pretty...

I don't know. I think they're all jokes that you're trying to claim credit for. So, Andrew, what do you think is... So, 5% to you, five percent of comment leavers you're saying aren't worth giving a shit about what percentage no would you start caring about i disagree i was apologizing yeah what's the minimum percentage that you need to care about the audience i was saying to jeff that i it's very important to include that 5.5 i wanted to apologize on behalf of the 5.5 that I didn't realize existed.

Now, Gavin, I'd like to ask you a question. On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being absolute sincerity, 1 being Andrew's taking a shit on the comment leavers, where do you think he falls in that statement? Can I answer in fractions, Jeff? Yes. 0.2. Okay. fractions, Jeff? Yes. Oh. Point two. Okay.

Okay. Is that... That's not a decimal. One-fifth. One-fifth. One-fifth. Is that... Of one.

Do I want to lower? Yeah. Like, I don't understand what that means. What's the scale? Is it low-high? Yeah, that's below one. Okay. That's brutal. Okay. That's below one. Okay. That's brutal.

Okay. That's not just shitting. That's diarrhea. No, it's one, but we don't know the scale. Is one good or bad? Is one very sexy? One's bad, dude. We already said that.

You just outlined the scale. We don't know the scale. He just listed it. What are you doing? Are you staring at a bird? Are you staring at a woman piss out your window? No, I'm reading the fucking tweets that Jeff is claiming exist. None of them exist.

I was reading through them. Can I tell you something, Jeff? I need to. A second. This is an also equally real apology. I made fun of you for the DMV thing, and I texted Gavin this later. We made fun of you about the Soho house.

Once again, you not explaining the Soho house, and then you doing the whole thing, and then you explain the Soho house. I stopped listening as soon as you explained the Soho house. I had to explain it to him after the episode. Something happened and I got distracted and my mind just vanished. And then I came back to you concluding your Soho house explanation. I was like, I guess I just am not going to know what the Soho house is.

I like that as someone who's confused, your brain thinks, I need to do something about this. I need to do some work. I need to ask so I'm not confused anywhere anymore and then you ask and you're like job done and you actually don't listen to the bit after no i i was trying to i think i was trying to pull up a photo or something and then it's just you know your mind wanders sometimes jeff is familiar with this oh jeff all the time yeah no it sounds incredible. I'm I'm surprised at how similar Andrew and I are in some ways. It it sounds incredibly familiar. Like Andrew's making that statement to me. And I'm like, well, yeah, of course you stopped listening. I probably did, too. I'm not listening to this. Oh dear. I was proofing one of the earlier episodes a few

days ago. This was before the fire extinguisher. And I think it was one of the ones leading up to it. And Andrew used the phrase you don't understand the level of elaborate when describing all the stuff you needed to buy for the fire extinguisher.

You just put it in 12 bags. What are you talking about? That was shit you could have had already under your sink. What's elaborate about rummaging around for bags? That's a great question. Yeah, it is a great question, and I have an answer for it. As I said, I believe, last week, that wasn't my original plan. I was going to build a Dexter kill room,

and that was very elaborate of, like, putting all the sheets up and, like, creating a door for it. Yeah, but the thing is, the constant downfall with all your plans isn't, like, a major obstacle rearing its ugly head. You're probably just sat there, and then you just think, nah. No, I couldn't figure out how to tape the ceiling. Yeah, it was genuinely the issue. Gavin, you didn't understand the level of elaborate, you just think nah no it's i couldn't figure out how to tape the ceiling it's like genuinely gavin you didn't understand the level of elaborate and andrew didn't understand the level of effort

and they just didn't line up you couldn't figure out how to tape stuff to the ceiling no it's not my ceiling i don't want to fuck up i'm renting a place so i don't want to fuck up the paint on the scene it just seemed like i don't know what do you't even the fight you have like white spirit. What's in the fire? Mean it fucking shoots everywhere. It's a powder. It just goes everywhere be a goddamn mess What colors your ceiling sweep the fucking ceiling? What do you want? What colors your ceiling? It's white, but it's not the same. No it's fucking no It's white, but it's not the same. No, it's fucking no White but it's camera. It's a cat. I can't just fuck it. That'd be wrong salt

No, it sounds like it took care of itself. It sounds like you could paint the ceiling really quickly for free I don't want to paint the ceiling though. I'm fine with the favorite color the ceiling Everything's good It didn't even go off, so I'm glad I didn't do... Well, it did, you know, like it was... It sneezed. I didn't expect it to sneeze. I gotta be honest with you, Andrew. If you're trying to keep the integrity

of this apartment together because someday you want to move out and get the security deposit back, I don't think the fire extinguisher is going to be why you don't get it. I think it's going to be any of the million other things you've done. Yeah, no, that's fair. I mean, there are some holes in the wall. There are some falls.

Falls have happened. I mean, yeah, I have other issues beyond the fire extinguisher. Do you think it's for the best you live in an apartment? Like if you lived in a house, would it just be trashed because you would care less? No, no, no, I would take no, definitely not. It'd be nice to have a house. I think Andrew's a fairly conscientious lad yeah i'm pretty mindful thanks it's different like it's a weird thing where i

don't you know if it was my house i would have just fired the fire extinguisher without cause like i whatever i'll deal with it but other people's spaces you tread lightly even as a yeah and i feel like you often don't want to inconvenience other people. We've had evidence of that. Oh, absolutely. Oh, no, I've left water in the bath. Let me bail it out with a popcorn bucket. Levels of... Uh, that was...

That was more... Yeah, I guess what was... That was like, this is a problem I don't know how to solve, but I can't leave water... Yeah, so I guess that qualifies. Yeah, but if it was... If you knew no one else was going in there that day, you probably would have just left it. Uh... Yeah, I don't know. Maybe.

I could see that possibly being the case. It was mainly just like, I want this to be somebody else's problem and to not know that it was me who caused it was more of the motive. When I was scooping the tub. So if you could walk away cleanly, then... Yeah, no, that was definitely more the mindset

of I can't solve this, and if I leave the water in, somebody will be like, who did this? So if I remove all the water, then whoever uses that next will be like, how do I get this drain open? And that's their problem. Incredibly honest answer you've given. Oh, man. Speaking of inconveniencing people, Gav, I feel like I should make a statement because I got a couple of angry social media notices this week from people. Gavin and I have made, if you live in the central Texas area,

this is not our fault. Gavin and I have made no plans to hang out in the last two weeks. We did not cause this rain. I have made no plans on my own without Gavin since the last time I made plans. I didn't make this rain. I don't want this rain unless Gavin's been making secret plans behind my back no it's not me so stop yelling at me on Twitter and social media about it if you live in Central Texas I didn't do it I stopped I stopped it's been stormy as shit again and I guess we'll we will go into this uh this episode the halo bet is still on um we've had some movement on it

do we want to yeah I guess at this point people know that andrew we didn't really understand the bet we gave andrew another go at the level and he did in fact beat my time that was great so i uh from when he says go i now have a 24 hour response period to uh to beat that time which is i think 4 20 now on outskirts uh last night i was just thinking i you know i should probably i might i might want to start my time, which is I think 4.20 now on Outskirts. Last night, I was just thinking, I might want to start my time now. I might want to just go straight into it because I've got a busy week. I've got like a solid eight hours where I'm free.

So I sat down. I just thought, yeah, I think I could do it now. I loaded up Halo, my power went up. The storm kicked me out of that. This might be the change of of year two i might start winning bets this is great the universe is on my side it's fucking up your power because i i texted gavin saying i was paranoid of that happening uh and and i know why i didn't now this is great i checked even this morning i didn't believe you that that like you weren't gonna do a move

we talked about him starting on friday but also i realized i gave it i gave a 70 percent uh the uh me being able to beat you back but i was my time was 422 i was expecting to have to be a 421 but you've given me a 420 and i i would like to reduce my percentage of confidence to about 30 did you did you give him a 420 uh as a an insulting meme uh no it's on top as well no it just happened that way i so it took i did two completed runs and the first one i tied him and that was honestly a little bit devastating because i never even got close last time we did this bet so first one i tied him and then i just got lucky at a few different spots and I was able to just get 420, which I'm very happy with. How long did it take you to take the time back?

90 minutes. It didn't take long at all for when we started. Dude, I was watching because this is the first time I think that he streamed it to everyone. You tweeted, didn't you? And by the time I saw that you were live, there were like 200 people watching. And I was like, oh a this is a thing now what the moment he beat it the chat went apeshit it was like there were 2 000 people watching it was nuts everyone was very excited for him a quiet highlight for me was about 15 minutes before i beat it maybe 20 i just tweeted or i texted gavin

i hate you and he replied why do you hate and then i beat the time and as soon as i beat it gavin texted me back i hate you i replied why do you hate i'm very excited about this so gavin are you are you gonna are you gonna stream your attempt to to take the title back uh well so i the the i'm not good at it i I'm no good at Halo. The only thing I've got going for me is my new techniques. So I can't give away the new techniques. So it can't be streamed and I won't reveal my new techniques until the bet's over. That's what scares me is I don't know what is bullshit. He's cheating in some way or he's got like some weird thing.

The way Andrew is doing it is like a professional speed runner the way i'm doing it it's like an achievement hunter yeah exactly it's getting like ridiculous i think the world record time for that level on legendary is 4 minutes 14 seconds so like we're we're edging to like elite territory of as far as the goes. Are you guys playing it on Legendary? Yeah, these are Legendary solo speedruns. So it's not Lasso or anything, it's just a Legendary solo. No, it's just a Legendary. Wait, we're on Legendary?

Yeah. You didn't know that? Oh, you're right. We are. Yeah, we are. Yeah, it's kind of an important thing to know. It is important, yeah. Yeah. How did we not know that? I'll be honest, I totally forgot that.

How the fuck did you get your time? How did this happen? Your time was so difficult to pass. What do you think my new techniques are? What do you think is going on? I have no idea. You're cheating in some way. You have all the skulls on, which means something, I think, but I don't know what it means.

Maybe you're launching yourself with grenades super high. I think there's a rappel one. I don't know. He's wedging a warthog through a gate and bouncing through it or something, getting past the enemies. Well, I've said whatever he's doing is immediate. He has no idea that it's legendary because he hasn't faced an enemy. No, I will say this.

My new techniques, they help me a lot at the beginning. They make it much, much harder at the end. I can't wait to find out what they are. Like watching you breeze through the driving sequence is really annoying to watch. Well, I can't figure out your beginning part. The thing is, there is one method that I haven't been able to pull off that Gavin is aware of using a ship, a pelican to like bounce off of it.

So he could theoretically just focus his run on that and beat it. Last night, Gavin, I was so excited by the premise of you having to suffer through this level because I've probably put like six or seven hours into it at this point. You haven't had to do much. But then this morning I was just struck with fear of what if you beat the time do it again I'm gonna be terrified until your time is up the other week when uh you were streaming just to me yeah I had it on it like in the corner while I was just doing other stuff and Meg glanced it and she was like oh this is the level i remember when you were doing this i remember how miserable you were because it was months ago for me and now it's just right back in my life and it's it's a horrible feeling that's why i wrote this is the worst thing that could have possibly

happened oh it's great i can't wait i feel um like there were about 200 people watching the stream that was like i feel like a really special moment for all of those comment leavers who actually got to witness that happen live because it wasn't really advertised by this show. It just happened to be on your Twitter. So that was probably a cool moment to have witnessed. Not only was this not advertised, this is the fucking worst bet we've ever done.

It's a 24-hour bet. It probably will end within 24 hours. It's taken six episodes to resolve it'll probably resolve next one it's like six weeks of of this process of like starting ending i've set a new time for you the day before the episode came out that declared me the loser of the bet we're a mess it makes no sense like the organization is just dreadful i would love to stream it too but i can't have you watching it and i know that the comment levers will leave comments for you yeah telling you what

i'm doing so it's unfortunately gonna say i would commit to not watching yeah but you could people would people you can't trust you can't trust the comment levers and also like uh what gavin's uh gavin's whole shtick is subterfuge and in misdirection. So that's all I've got. Yeah, I've got, I've not got any of the talent and I've seen Andrew has it. He's got to lean into that.

Well, Andrew has ability. Gavin has other skills. Where do you think you fall on that scale? Jeff at the bottom? Is there like on the, in the dirt, like in the dirt next to like a rusty nail and a washer that was probably that was probably they probably fell off at some point nobody knows where to put it back

oh oh god that's why i don't make these kinds of bets yeah why have you never been involved in well a because if i made a bet like that i would would have to win it. Like, I don't have an option internally. And the amount of... So it's like when you have that thing broken in you, you have to wage, like, is the long-term damage to me going to be worth winning the bet? Like, whatever I have to do to make sure that I win the bet, is that going to be worth it long-term for the rest of my life? And it's usually no. So I have to be very careful how that I win the bet? Is that going to be worth it long term for the rest of my life? And it's usually no.

So I have to be very careful how I go about these bets. Okay. Because I will do unhealthy things to myself in the process of winning it. You have been challenged though. It's not a bet, but there has been a challenge issued. When? With a certain beverage and some chuggage.

Oh my god, I forgot! I need to! Oh, Gav, i'm so sorry i was gonna do that for you and i didn't do it i'll do it today you can do it now well i don't i don't have well no because we're in the episode and stuff i'll do it later wait what's the what's the bet oh he's jeff sent me a tiktok recently of a guy it was amazing tiktok of a guy trying to chug a whole soda without burping a single time and then he's like freaks out slams his head on something but then just the act of actually doing that is so difficult and uh meg and i which meg wanted to make a video of us doing it and we

would send it to jeff and then jeff decided he would also try but i haven't heard anything and then i immediately forgot so i will do it today and i'm gonna drink because all i have right now is dr pepper zero sugar so that's what i'll be drinking today and i'll fuck dude I immediately forgot. So I will do it today. And I'm going to drink it because all I have right now is Dr. Pepper Zero Sugar. So that's what I'll be drinking today. And I'll... Fuck, dude. Text me so I don't forget. I'll forget again.

I really want to do it. I think I can do better than you did. I think anybody can do better than you did, honestly. That was pretty funny. Are you going to release that video? No, that was just for you. I mean, I can do it proper. But I feel like if I do do it, I want to move immediately onto a second can.

I want to see how much I can get, because I'm terrible at chugging anyway. And you kind of want to burp after like a quarter of a can, and it just builds up. And it gets to the point where you're just like trying to swallow over the top of air that's coming up. And it's really, really weird feeling. But I want to see if I can get through two cans. I think that'd be the ultimate goal.

Can it be any soda? And are we talking cans, like specifically just standard size? Standard size can. And I think it could be any carbonated beverage. Any 12 ounce carbonated beverage. Are you in, Andrew? Yeah, I feel like this isn't even hard to do. I don't understand why this is a challenge.

Send him the video of you and Meg doing it. The video. I think I can do three. The video, the TikTok that I sent Gavinavin by the way it was very funny but the funniest part is after the guy the guy almost throws up and shits his pants and he turns around in pain and slams his head into into a garage door and that's the real fucking yeah it's like i don't know what the cherry on top so how do when when can i burp theoretically like do is it a three count after I'm done the soda And I've done it hold it as long as humanly possible

So but like at to what my goal is in our group Seven days later you can burp a week later Okay, no I think the goal should be because I feel like one is doable like I'm on the brink of being to do one I think The ultimate goal is to get two full cans down back to back. Then you can burp. Okay. I don't think that's possible.

I think I could do three. I don't think that's hard. You got any cans nearby, Andrew? No, I don't. If I did, I'd absolutely try it right now. I don't have any cans of anything. Damn it. I have some apple juice.

I don't think that'll work. That's not good. I don't want to listen to you chug apple juice. I wouldn't mind. It's a great juice. Wherever you're going, you better believe American Express will be right there with you. Heading for adventure?

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That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamex. Benefits vary by card. Terms apply. Did I tell you guys about jet skis? No. No, you're going to tell us about some shit, though, I think. Are you going to tell me the origin?

Yeah. Well, I'll talk about jet skis some other time. Jet skis are great. I just discovered jet skis. Just back to back, dude, both. I just fucking, I just discovered that they're a thing. I'd never been on one before in my life. And it was so fucking cool.

Oh my God. I don't, I don't, dude, I don't fucking care. I want to get some wraparound Oakleys and a fucking girl mullet. And I just want to be like, I just want to be a jet ski lake track. I want to be like Kenny Powers in Eastbound Down in a fucking tuxedo on a jet ski. The other day, Emily and I were, was like on a sunday and we were sitting around and she goes i'm kind of bored do you want to do something and i was like yeah yeah let's do something she goes let's go ride jet skis and i was like a i don't know how to do that b i've

never ridden a jet ski c like where would you even do that and i'm like yeah if you can figure that out sure let's do it fifth less than 20 minutes later we were on jet skis right on the pity pat the 360 bridge gavin they rent them under the bridge. You literally walk up, park your car, walk down. The damn thing is in the water. Some dude's like, here you go. Here's your safety briefing. Don't die.

And you're like, thanks. And then I spent two hours. That doesn't sound like a business. It just sounds like a guy who owns a jet ski. He got 200 bucks off me real fast. And I rode jet skis for two. How much was a jet ski? They cost like 10 to 15 grand new. I looked them up because I rode jet skis for two. How much was a jet ski? Jets,

uh, they cost like 10 to 15 grand new. I looked them up because I want to buy one. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, so anyway, so much more than I thought.

Emily and I rode jet skis for two hours on like, we went from dam to dam under the bridge, saw all the fucking craziest mansions, everything. It was awesome. And it's the most, it's like a bicycle in the water. It's the most fun ever.

And I found out your bicycle in the water. it's like a bicycle in the water it's the most fun ever no and i found out your bicycle in the water it's like my bicycle it's like my bicycle in the water and what's even better uh is it goes way faster i was i thought i like we we only rode one and then we rode like i went first and she rode on the back and then we switched and uh i i hit like 27 miles an hour and i was like holy shit this is about as fast as i go on my bike and that's dangerous i better kick it back a notch emily got on she goes hold on and i grabbed on her she goes no hold on asshole and i go what and then she floored it she did she 55 miles an hour instantly like from zero to 55 miles an hour

i thought i was going to die a she's a psycho a psycho, and B, jet skis, man. We all got to buy jet skis. I can't believe 46 years of my life without jet skis. Almost 46. It's fucking dumb. I have wasted 45 years of my life not on a jet ski. That's all. Interesting.

That was a good story, Jeff. That was a good story jeff i appreciate that was a good one do you know that the jet ski was popularized by a james bond movie uh what thunderball yeah something like that it was like a one of those cube gadgets it's like check this out it's called the wet bike they became like just normal but it was originally like a silly james bond gadget well i told you oh go ahead i was gonna say i told you guys a good story about a happy time a really that was the most fun i've had uh in a long time if you'd like i could tell you the least fun i've had in a long time.

Yes. This is when I texted you the other morning and I said, boy, do I have a 3 a.m. shit story for you guys. Yeah. Yeah. Well, as I've told you before, I'm sure you know, my dog, Arrow, she does not sleep through the night, every night. So she's in a crate and she's

older. She's 14 now. She has accidents and so I sleep literally with half... I sleep with one eye open, essentially, because I have to listen for Arrow in case she barks because if she barks, she's telling me she needs

to be let out or she's going to have an oopsie and as everybody knows, a 50 50 pound dog having an oopsie in a crate with diarrhea means a day of a day of cleaning yeah and so uh it's about 3 30 in the morning whatever fucking day i texted you guys it was it had just happened and uh it was like 3 30 in the morning and i hear arrow bark and i just once i just hear her bark once so i open my eyes and i go and i listen again and i don't hear anything for a second i go well better safe than sorry i'm already awake uh and i'm pretty used to this game and uh if you don't if you're like that's probably fine then you're gonna live to regret it uh guaranteed so i get up and i go i open the doors into the hallway and i

instantly get hit with the smell of dog shit and i go oh fuck that god damn it she only barked once arrow and so i i go into the laundry room where her crate is i open it and and it's it's like overpowering i can tell it's a bad one and uh no and it's like 3 30 in the morning the house is pitch black so i go and i open the crate and as soon as i open the crate arrow jumps out like leaps out and i'm like i can't have a dog covered in shit running around the house that's a nightmare so i grab her as she's coming out and kind of pick her up and hug her and by the way i am in uh i'm just in a pair of boxer briefs like i have no shirt on no pants or anything i just have like a pair of red underwear on and I'm barefoot.

And I pick her up and she's like squiggling and fighting me and, you know, and I'm like, I carry her. I like fireman carry her kind of over to the door. I open the sliding glass door. I throw her out. I shut the sliding glass door, turn around and go, okay.

I walk back into the room. I can kind of see from the moonlight. I can already tell there's shit on the floor. I'm like, and I'm like, I'm like, uh, I, that kind of freeze for a second because you know,

you're like half asleep. It's three 30 in the morning. You've got a lot going on and you're like, where do I start? So I go, okay, I just need cleaning supplies. So I walk into the kitchen.

I opened the cabinets. I can't find any cleaning supplies. I look through the drawers. I look around the sink. I go into Millie's bathroom. I find some cleaning supplies. I come back. I open the cabinets. I can't find any cleaning supplies. I look through the drawers. I look around the sink. I go into Millie's bathroom. I find some cleaning supplies. I come back. At this point, I'm starting to get a little lucid, you know? So I turn

on the laundry room light and I realize it's way worse than I thought. And I realize that I'm also now I look at myself. I realize I am covered in shit because Arrow was covered in shit. So when I pick her up, I smother her.

She was a little squiggly. I just, she and I just wriggled around in my arms and she just coded me. Oh, no. Coded me in dog shit, right? So I'm like about to throw up

and I like, and I look and the crate is a, it's like a horror movie. It's like a, it's like an Eli Roth horror movie, right? And so,

I take all the bedding out and I don't know where to put it. And I'm like, I guess I'll just throw it outside right now. So I open the door, and I run out, because there's like an outdoor table that I can put it on. And I run out, and as I'm stepping outside, I see Arrow, and she looks weird, and it takes me a second. And then I realize, oh, she's weird because she's wet. It's

pouring rain. Like, I was so half asleep asleep and it was dark i didn't realize it was raining so now i'm holding arrows like crate bedding uh like memory foam crate bedding and it's covered in shit and now it's covered in pools of shit and i realize i'm looking at me and there's like i'm getting soaked and there's just like shit slopping off of my arm and my leg and i'm like just like soaked and i look at arrow and she's soaked and we're both covered in shit so i stick that stuff there and then i like try to shake as much shit off as i can and i and i leave arrow outside because i can't deal with that right now i shut the door i

go back in and i start cleaning up the floor you know and i'm cleaning up and i'm cleaning up and i'm going through so many paper towels and then i'm like i'm like filling a trash bag and every time i turn around there's more shit and then i realize that there's shit on my foot and i've been dragging shit around and then I realize if I drug shit if I'm dragging shit around this hallway I must have drug it into the kitchen I must have drug it into Millie's bathroom so sure enough

not only was I there is shit on the counter it's on the it's on the door where I got the cleaning supplies out it's in the hallway it's in Millie's bathroom so 15 minutes later I have now cleaned up all the shit that I can find that I tracked. The dog didn't

track. I tracked. All throughout the house, right? And I'm sopping wet. And I'm miserable. And Arrow's outside barking. And I'm scared she's going to wake up the neighbors. And I finally get it all cleaned up. And then I go and I'm like, okay. I'm just imagining you looking like you just escaped

short jake prison at what point do you become andy dufresne i wish it wasn't gonna get worse but it is so i will i go back into the hallway and i'm like well i guess now i'll go get arrow and and that deal with that and and i look and we have a rug in the hallway. And of course the rug is, it's next to the, it's like a 10 foot long rug that covers the hallway. And it's next to the sliding glass doors to go outside. And it is, uh,

waffle stomped into it. Uh, I had, I hadn't been back in there since I let the bedding outside. Waffle stomped into it are, is just like piles of, of, of the dog shit with dog footprints and my footprints and just smushed into the rug.

Right. So luckily I, this has happened in the past so we had a nice rug there that we put in storage and i bought this thing called a ruggable which is like it looks like a rug it's on velcro and then you rip it up and then you can stick it in the washing machine and it's fine uh it's fucking lifesaver if you have dogs that shit everywhere. And so I'm like, well, I guess I better rip up the ruggable and start to put that in the wash. So I rip up the ruggable. It's like 10. So I've got like this 10 foot rug that's Velcro and covered in shit.

Right. And I'm trying to like bundle that up. And then I think I should just throw this in the washer right now. So I walk over to the washing machine and I open it in the washer is and then it hits me earlier that night. Emily and I went on a date. It was our first date in a while and she had a brand new dress and it was this white cotton dress and she had bought it for the date. It was beautiful.

She looked beautiful. It was really cute. I just, just, it was just a vision of loveliness and she was putting on makeup and she walks out of the, she like is just put the dress on. She's like putting on makeup and she walks out of the she like is just put the dress on she's like putting on makeup and she bumps into something and she drops her makeup brush and it drops this the brush goes all the way down the front of her dress with brown makeup everywhere so we had like put shout on it immediately and shoved it in the washer and washed it so i look at that dress and then i look at me and i think there's no way i can touch this

dress i'm going to cover this dress and shit. I've got to be, there's got to be shit on me still. So I bundle up the rug and I kind of set it aside and try to out of the way. And then I'm like, well, I got to get clean the dog. I got to get the dog clean. So I had extra bedding for the dog. So I remake her bed, get it set up for her. The shovel place day. And then I go outside in the fucking rain and I wash the dog and I wash myself with dog shampoo just like i'm gavin using dog shampoo and i wash the dog and i wash me at four in the morning in the moonlight in the dark in my underwear and then i don't have a towel and it's wet outside so i leave arrow out there and i come back in and i dry myself off and then i go in and i go in and i and i get the dress

and i'm whole and i get a hanger and i because I can't dry it. So I hang the dress. I don't know what else to do with it. I'm walking through the hallway with it in front of me like it's fucking radioactive, right? Because I don't want to come anywhere near me or a wall or anything because if there ends up, if I get shit on this dress at four in the morning, I'm gonna fucking kill myself, right? Like a game of operation.

Like a game of operation after all of this. And I'm slapping because I'm covered. My underwear is hanging off of me because it's all soaked with water so my butt's hanging out and I just look at I'm a fucking mess my hair's on my eyes and the what the ground's going like and right at this fucking moment Emily opens up the bedroom doors and goes why are you doing laundry what the fuck is going on and I look at her and I look at the dress and I look at me and I go, go away.

Leave me alone. Just go back to bed. Get out of here. And she goes, whatever. And she turns around and goes back to bed and I hang up the dress

and then I put that stuff in the laundry and I get the laundry going. Then I get, I go outside to dry Arrow off, but it's still fucking pouring rain so I can't do that. So I bring her in

and the second she gets in, she fucking shakes every bit of water off of her, right? And we're in this tiny little hallway. So now the wall and the ceiling are covered in water and mud, and the sliding glass doors are now obviously streaky and covered in mud. So then I spend, I put her,

I dry her off, I put her in a crate, and then I go, and I spend another ten minutes with towels drying the ceiling and the walls and the floor and the sliding glass door and then i put all that in the laundry room i look at my watch it's like 4 15 i've been doing this for 45 minutes i go into the shower in my bathroom i turn off all the lights in the bathroom and i take a steaming hot shower in the dark and I wash my entire body Until it feels like I'm on fire from scrubbing so hard and then I go into bed and I lay down

And I put my head on the pillow and all I can smell is shit and Emily goes what's wrong? And I just started crying and I cried I literally cried myself to sleep I literally cried myself to sleep. Andrew didn't want to get white powder on his white ceiling. You were dealing with that. I don't understand how a guy who is almost 46 years old, who is relatively successful in life. I was fortunate enough to be able to help start a company that's gone on. I get to do what I love for a living.

I don't have to worry about the bills or anything. I'm in a good place in life. Yet somehow, I am so... My life is so covered in literal shit at all times. How do I escape feces? I can't

get away from it i'm i love the like you you texted us i went back to the text you texted us boy do i have a 3 a.m shit story for you guys on thursday the word to pain ratio is phenomenal like i looked at that as like that'll be interesting what a horrible experience you are a different person than you were since that point. That is an experience that would change you. Yeah, that was traumatizing. That's awful. I mean, it's just like, the whole time I'm laying in bed crying

and thinking about how unfair it is, right? Like how unfair life is. And how I'm like, and I'm just laying there going like, will there ever be a day when I don't have to clean up, when I don't literally have to clean up other people's shit every day. And I've seen you clean up lots of stuff. But you're at a disadvantage now. There was that time where, I think we've talked about it on a face,

where your freezer turned off and you had to clean out rotting meat for like an hour and a half. A full cow. But at least back then, though, you just went in and grabbed an entire six pack and threw it on the ground and just started drinking you don't have that anymore you have to do this entirely sober and it's just feces oh and the whole time i'm laying in bed crying and whining to myself that it's not fair i'm just thinking like again really like why does this why does this keep what am i doing wrong and i think

a part of the sadness must be that you know it's not the last time you're gonna do that no dude no i don't know that it's not gonna happen again tomorrow it's like every night i go to bed and i lay my head on the pillow i think like is is is this what is what what, what horrors await me four hours from now? I don't know. Can you get little night nappies for dogs? Little diapies? If it wasn't this, it'd be something else, you know? It's just, it's always something.

It's just, ugh. Anyway, so that was, that's how I sleep. Well, hey, you know what, Jeff? You found jet skis. That's in your life. That's the new sleep. Well, hey, you know what, Jeff? You found jet skis. That's in your life. That's the new light in your life. That's the balance. That's the counter to the dark.

You have jet skis. Well, here's the problem. Now that I bring up the jet ski thing, I realize I may have been a little presumptuous in claiming no fault in the rain. I have wanted to ride a jet ski every day since we rode jet skis, and it has rained pretty much.

I'm putting two and two together here, Andrew, now that you said that. I have literally, I wanted, we were supposed to ride jet skis yesterday, and it rained. I don't think it's a gap in jet thing. It might be me and the fucking jet skis again. It's a Jeff thing.

It's a Jeff and what thing? It's a Jeff in the sun thing. God! I just want to have fun! I have a question about jet skis. You know how they just fly along, but they also shoot out that little stream of piss out the back. Is that for a function or is that to look cool?

No clue. Mine didn't have the jets. They don't all do the spray out the back. Mine didn't have the jets. They don't all do the spray out. Mine didn't have that. So I don't know. But Emily did point out, she's like, why does theirs do that and ours doesn't? No clue. I assume that there's a reason for it. Yeah, I can't think of it though.

I'm gonna Google it. I don't know, man. I'm just realizing now that the only way I'll ever be able to find out is to jet ski again. And the only way I'm gonna be able to jet ski again in Austin is on accident. Why do jet skis piss? I did

the same thing. I went to search, why does water in the autofill shoot out of my mouth? Which seems like a completely other problem. Wait, what were people asking? They didn't know why water was coming out of their mouth? I guess when I filled out, when I read out, why does water shoot out, the top thing was out of my mouth. I've had a forum post, a question,

why do jet skis pee? The first answer is, no idea, but it's my main reason for not wanting one. Apparently, it's a visibility spout. Really? I feel like the actual jet ski is way more noticeable than the white mist coming out the back of it. it's a visibility spout. Ah. Really? I feel like the actual jet ski is way more noticeable than the white mist

coming out the back of it. Yeah. I'd agree with that. And if you don't know, like if you don't see the jet ski, if Emily's driving and I'm in the back, you definitely hear,

you definitely hear me going, wah! I think you've had your one good experience with a jet ski. I think you should call it a good experience with a jet ski. I think you should call it a day there. Because the more you do something, I feel like the worse you get at it. You get confident, but you don't build up any skill.

It's like the time you flip through the air on that Vespa. It's only going to happen on a jet ski. Oh, man. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you're probably right about that i should leave well enough alone also i just i'm i i mean my my bamboo appreciates the rain it's gotta fight it's gotta come back from the fucking apocalypse we had but i i i just i i gotta stop making plans i fuck man i thought i was in the clear for this until andrew two and two together for me. This is really annoying.

How would you feel about a day of plan the next time it's sunny? Okay. Now, do you think that will prevent it becoming sunny again? The fact that the universe now knows about our spontaneous plan? I don't know. It's interesting. It's interesting. It's funny you say that because Jack invited me to something this weekend. And then I thought, well, that's a sure sign that it's going to rain.

So I don't even know that we could do a day in, day of, but fuck, dude. Is Jack still a super fan? Did he retire? He's not retired. He's fighting his way back. Oh, okay. He's a really good fan.

Yeah? Yeah, he's a... I don't know that I would declare him a super fan again i see but on the chart he's on the way there yeah i'm on a jet ski message boards right yeah yeah yeah go deeper into this i really appreciate somebody just calling it the vertical pisser which is great people try to figure out how to disable their vertical pisser appears to be a term have either of you ever ridden a jet ski no i have not i've seen uh the macho man got knocked out by one macho man or hulk hogan i think it was macho man there's a great baywatch episode

with wrestlers and it's fantastic seriously the video of kanye hitting the beach and throwing kim off the fucking jet ski no oh my god are you my God. Hold on. I will find it. Uh, I'd love to see that. Cause it's like, it's crazy. And then you realize it's two fucking billionaires doing it. And you're like,

Oh my God. My favorite, like weird Kanye thing is when he showed his game at like some, I think he was like debuting a new album and he showed a trailer for the game he was developing at the time and people didn't cheer enough and he yelled a trailer for the game he was developing at the time, and people didn't cheer enough, and he yelled at them for it, and then made them play the trailer again

so people could cheer appropriately. It's great. He's like, video games are fucking hard. You guys don't get it. You need to appreciate this shit. This shit's amazing. And he just ran the trailer back so people could cheer louder the second time.

It's great. There you go. Is this the video? Watch this video. Okay. or louder the second time it's great oh is this the video watch this video okay any any youtube video that has raw hd video in the title is always great holy shit yeah that's kind that's kim hitting the ground right there why did he do that? I don't know. Is that really them? Yeah, it's a famous clip.

I'm going to watch that again. He almost killed that woman. Yeah. He damn sure did. Oh, God. They get some height. That's like probably falling off a roof. Oh, God. They get some height. That's like probably falling off a roof. Oh, yeah.

I think the thing about jet skis is they're clearly a lot more dangerous than they look. I think we need to have a face jet ski party next time Andrew's in Texas. We can finally all be together. We're going to have the most fun do you connect with the Tiger King guy on a whole other level now are you bonded with that man

in a new way I'm embracing the my inner Alabama finally after all these years I'm telling you it is I get it it's fucking fun it's almost it almost makes up for all the times in life you have to clean up shit as it as it as it as it gets crusted

into your body hair and into the crevices of your body so that you have to take a scalding hot 4 a.m shower just to try to cleanse yourself of i can imagine getting myself into a situation remember that gopro video of the guy on the speedboat with all the people around him and they all just get like smashed around. It's one of the most brutal. It's weird. It's like it's in a realm where it's like it's you want to look at it and it's a little bit funny but then you realize that everyone on

the boat is probably the worst day of all of their lives. Oh yeah. Oh it's a brutal video but it's just so fascinating to watch from a locked off perspective people just getting rattled around like you can't really even see what happened to the boat yeah just like it looks like they're in a washing machine do we know if the the kim kanye jet ski video is that before after the bound to music video because it really

changes the context of that from well yeah it's just like the whole concept of like her positioning on that bike that he's driving it's a different context within this video it is hard for me to imagine that this happened and then they made that video i feel like the bound two video almost certainly was before this happened i do not see kim kardash Kardashian being in any vehicle with Kanye West after this incident. Especially where he's driving. Ugh.

All I can see is the man's tune. I don't know. He like cranks it up. God damn. It's just like a great moment in time. There was a time where they were both in the air flying off a jet ski. Just like there was another great moment in time. There was a time where they were both in the air flying off a jet ski. Just like there was another great moment in time where light left the sun,

flew across space, bounced off the moon, bounced to Earth, bounced off some dog shit and into Jeff's eyes. That's another great moment in time. What a journey. Anything shitty happened to either of you guys recently? Oh, man.

No, I mean, that's a whole other level. I'm just all that like touch the sky. There's so many great Kanye connections. It's fantastic. I can't say. Okay, so I had one thing happen to me and you guys have seen the photo for it but there isn't there isn't context for it this happened last week i didn't mention it i uh i talked to jeff about this i have made a life-changing realization it's it's a big change

it's great i would strongly recommend anybody do this i used to when i would make hash browns i'd use button this is a game changer ganger Gavin don't fucking laugh. This is a serious business. I have recently switched I'd the pan was too hot. I was like if I put butter in there's just gonna burn immediately What do I do put in some olive oil greatest cook of hash browns? I've ever had Fantastic. I've switched from butter to olive oil. It's a great mix Hash brown from scratch or you're making hash browns from scratch, or you're just heating them up? Like frozen hash browns, throw them in a pan, throw them in a skillet, whatever, cook them up.

But I always use butter, and the butter would burn, and you wouldn't get a good crisp on the hash. You want a crunch on it. So I've switched to oil. I can cook it at a higher temp. I get a better crust. It has been a game changer in the thing. Like Jeff and JetSkis,

I feel like I've wasted 20 years of my life cooking hash browns with butter. Which huge mistake. This illustrates, by the way, you know, I'm always interested in how we interact individually in our friendships, like in pairs, right? And you guys have your Halo bets and stuff.

Andrew's reminding me of this conversation andrew and i apparently have very long very dry conversations about which oil smokes at which temperature and what is the best cooking oil we had a smoke points we're talking about smoke points of like safflower oil versus peanut oil versus avocado oil versus olive oil versus canola oil like that was like that must have been a two-hour conversation andrew and i had so you're talking level of excitement similar to the conversation about what you saw at your window last week yeah yeah this is what i get from him yeah no this is what we had it was a realization that the smoke point is like the culinary equivalent of miles per hour you want a high smoke point like that's what you're looking

for i'm excited about it and avocado oil was the number one and i've never used it jeff suggested avocado oil i didn't even know that was a thing i haven't done it yet but i'm excited to try it but anyway it was late one evening and i was like you know what fucking i'm just gonna let's make some hashbrowns i feel like having a good morning let's start this day off right i'm gonna make i have some hash browns in the fridge i pull them out and it's they're shredded hash browns and the entire thing is a fucking block of ice it's just you know like where the ice freezes over the potato or whatever it's like an iceberg it's huge and i'm trying to break it in half i can't figure out what to do with the ice and so i'm pounding it with a knife but then that's putting holes in

the bag and so then the bag just doesn't become usable um so i thought fuck it i'll just put it in the pan as a giant icicle and the heat from the pan will melt it so i throw some olive oil in there i put the entire bag of shredded hash browns Just this huge like three pound chunk a potato put that in the pan and it's like it's not cooking very great But it's like we're slowly melting and I'm able to break it and then I encounter this problem About halfway through where I guess from all the water from the ice surrounding the potato they cease to be hash browns, and they just turned into mashed potatoes.

And I didn't know what to do from this point. I was not prepared to make mashed potatoes. And I messaged the Slack. It was like 3 a.m. I was like, what do I do? How do I salvage? That looks disgusting. Yeah, it's not good.

It didn't look good at all. So I didn't know, do i put an egg in it do i throw some milk in there well i don't know how to make good mashed potatoes i'm not a big mashed potato person oh so your plan is to pivot yeah at this point the hash brown dream is dead gavin there's no way that those just cease to be hash brown i now have mashed potatoes and the conversation becomes well how do i make decent mashed potatoes what do i do here if you fry mashed potatoes isn't that kind of hash brownie in texture there was no fry happening to these things like it was just they were it was so thick

it was like solid weird mashed potato and i didn't know what to do it was 3 a.m so much yeah so there's nobody i could I just messaged to Slack I was like I don't I doubt anyone's awake if they are what do I do I get out of this problem do I put an egg in I don't know I didn't I didn't put any eggs and I had a few eggs in my fridge didn't put them in I put

half and half in there that was my first step I'm like I'll throw some half and half in that seems like a thing you would do then I threw uh I don't know it's just I feel like there's milk and'll throw some half and half in. That seems like a thing you would do. Then I threw, I don't know, I feel like there's milk and eggs. A little half and half. Or not milk and eggs, milk and mashed potatoes. So I put that in.

Then I threw some butter in there because I feel like that's probably another thing you put in mashed potatoes. I put a lot of butter in. I put way too much butter in. And then I threw some cheese slices in because melted cheese is just good good there's no way the cheese could make it worse sake and I just kind of stirred it all up it was it was

horrible I couldn't oh no oh no he made me laugh and I pooped a little bit I think I'll be back I pooped a little bit. I think I'll be back. Oh shit. What do you mean? We were talking about how he's destined for shit in the future. He just shot himself now.

And I'm staring at a frying pan full of potato. And he shits himself. Year two off to a great start. It's a great. This is a great start. It's like when Mr. Bean wre uh whistler's mother right and he's just trying to like add shit to it why are you trying to throw cheese and eggs onto your mistake okay because again for christ's sake what do you mean start again from what i have that was the bag what where do i start from i can't throw away one bag

what do you mean like just create hash browns just fucking summon hash browns just summon a bag of hash browns that's great you could have dumped out some of the mash and just like got a nice little fry on i i could well maybe but like as i said i didn't know what to do gavin when you're making hash browns and they suddenly turn to mashed potatoes you are stunned it is hard to process what to do next i was trying to just go through the scenario are you okay jeff yeah i caught it i caught it yeah a little bit a little bit i caught it it was maybe you made me laugh right as i was farting and like it put a little pressure and so i felt like a little hot squirt and i just clenched up and i ran in the bathroom

and i was able to to save the like no it was clean we're good we're good but it definitely definitely was clean there definitely wasn't a scam I clinched it I kept it in we're good but uh but yeah I definitely shit a little bit there as if uh as if fucking why not shit the dog shit myself who cares

I mean it tastes I'll just say it tasted delicious i can only eat a little bit of it i think we recorded the next day and i felt so sick the next is it because a little butter i think yeah it was just so oily and like cheesy and just awful i threw 95 of it away but i tried like five percent you don't always have to power through you don't always have to add stuff and then still eat it. Like you got to the point where it's 3 a.m. for me. If it's 3 a.m. for me and I've got a frying pan full of mash,

I'm probably going to throw that away. I'm probably not going to try and make that into some sort of weirdo omelet and get it down. There's no eggs. I don't think it would be in omelet territory, but I got some milk in there. The official combination was milk, butter, cheese. And it was delicious, as I said,

but not meant for this world and could not contain in anyone's stomach. It was dreadful. No, I said I threw 95% of it away. I just gave a little taste. I just wanted to see what it tasted like. And I was like, this is really good. Can't eat this. This is death.

So should that be in the official f*** face recipe book? No. No, it should not be in the official. If you want to feel sick, maybe. Maybe we just put like a shitty recipe section. So you're you've learned that

wet hash browns become mash. Yes, I have. I didn't learn that. Interesting. Interesting. Yeah. That's a good life lesson. Were you stirring it up, though? Were you, like, fluffing it more into mash as it was cooking? Well, it was a weird thing where it was an iceberg, essentially, Gavin remembers. It was tough.

Like, I was trying to just break it down and get all the potato hot so it would melt faster. And I think just in that process created the hash brown issue. I think you were fucked from the jump because of the ice cream. Oh, totally. It was not savable at any point. I think I needed to find a way to get rid of the water.

Well, maybe I could have put it in the microwave for a little bit. I needed to melt. I needed to separate the water from the pot. Yeah, I think we needed it in a sieve above some sort of collection i think it just the the potato had just been it would it was just too soaked through at that point i think that the as it as it melted the integrity of the potato would suffer okay let's you know what maybe maybe i'll try again i well

i don't know how i'd simulate that again again there'd be next time I'm prepared though I'll know not to just put the whole thing in the fucking pan what are all the bits in the potato what are all the oh the bits are it crusted on one side

those are like crunchy crust bits when it was like flat because I tried to that I thank you for saying that. You reminded me. I realized something was wrong when my hash brown started whistling and inflating. Once it started to whistle. I tried to compress it to get a sear on a side to create a crust on it. And it would start to inflate from the pan like it was a balloon.

And then so I poked a hole in it, and it just started to whistle, and I was like, this is going to be difficult to say. You probably inadvertently created some advanced mechanical engineering demonstration of sinkholes or something. Like, all this weird chemistry and shit going on underneath that must have been insane. That's my story. I'd recommend switching olive oil. That's the heart of the story.

If you're using butter to cook hash browns, pivot to olive oil or some other type of oil with a high smoking point. Avocado oil, maybe. I haven't tried it. I'm looking at this disgusting picture of, it looks like someone just threw something into a pan. And I'm getting advice.

Next time I make it, Gavin, I'll send you a photo. You'll be impressed. You'll be like, those are pretty fucking good. And I don't know what it is about the lighting in your apartment but it makes everything look disgusting way worse it looks like way more dingy

than it probably is but that looks just right oh it's very nice and it looks great I took several photos of that too to try to make it look as nice as possible my favorite part is just the lump of it that's slightly too high up the fork it's out of the forking zone well I forgot the fork but I didn't notice that I clearly was just like I don't know what to do here I need help I would like to salvage these. I feel like we get so much

enjoyment from the additional snippets just around your photos. Just the other identifies. I'm learning little pieces about your life just by the stuff that's in your photos. Should we stop talking to each other? no yeah i feel like yeah i feel like this is a good episode i need to fucking take a nap after that i'm tired uh eric eric wanted us to mention

that we sell merchandise and so there you go what do we sell how many uh face merch items do we even have uh well we got the ian Well, we got the Ian shirt. We've got the face shirt. We've got the Russian fuck hat. I'm going off the top of my head. We got the Zimmer zone shirt. Child kicker. We got the child kicker shirt.

We got the waffle scented air freshener. We have the child kicker sticker. We got the sockets. We've had a couple of bats. There will be... I am prototyping the uh always following proto uh uh face socks uh they're pretty rad the two left socks oh i've been digging those uh so hopefully those will be out at some point and classic from season one yeah yeah classic from season one and year one. I don't really know what else. Eric says 11.

He says we have 11 faces to sell. I feel like we covered all of it. There you go. So there, Eric. I mentioned the merchandise. Oh, I forgot to even talk about how I thought Andrew died while he was streaming. Oh, well, hold on. All right, well, let's get into that real fast.

We already teased the bullshit merch. Now we can talk. Let's talk about that. What's going on? He was streaming. He finally got past this really hard bit. He was pretty much on par to beat my time. And then he just paused the game and went silent.

And everyone was like, is he okay? And I thought I was just egging him on too much and making him too stressed. I thought he had a heart attack and dropped dead. I was coming to terms in my head with I've just killed him. So what happened was I just hit pause

by accident and then everyone was like, what happened? And everyone was speculating. So I just sat and read as people were like, what's going on? For like 50 seconds straight. Yeah, it's just enjoying people being like, what the fuck happened? Is everything okay? It's great.

That's fine. I was probably 30 seconds away from calling you if you didn't answer. I was going to call 911 and deploy people to Canada somehow. I didn't know how I was going to do it. Good episode. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I should also mention June 25th will be the next

F*** Face Break Shit livestream. So if you liked the first one, you can watch it again. Or if you didn't like the first one, watch the second one. You'll like this one. We'll do it better. Or if you've never heard of it,

now's your chance to hear of it. Stop being a dickhead and watch our content. And this one will be good because I have a special card I have special stuff for Andrew and I have special stuff for Eric and I bought special stuff for my little Gavin and I even bought

some special stuff for regular fan Jack including something I haven't got for me yet but I'm looking forward to as well so hopefully this one will be even it'll be the second one so you know it'll be twice as good as the first one which wouldn't be hard to do and. So hopefully this one will be even. It'll be the second one, so it'll be twice as good as the first one, which wouldn't be hard to do. And that's it. This is F*** Face. Bye! We'll see you next time.