Regulation Podcast - Episode F114 // I Could Curse 100 Socks

Episode Date: August 3, 2022

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Gavin being late, the naming convention, nature is taking it back, can't talk about Survive Block Island Meltdown, teaching Andrew the keyboard, The Tuxedo, bad luck socks for sale, the blunder twins, geoff shit the couch, a thousand day puzzle, gavin's tiny bike, and the matrix drive thrus. Download the full audio at: https://bit.ly/3ataI0e  Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail]  Sponsored by HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/FACE16 + code Face16) and Dad Grass (http://dadgrass.com/face) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Rooster Teeth production. Hello and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast. What are you doing? My name is Jeff Ramsey. With me, as always, Andrew Panton. It is 3 p.m. on the dot which is when we start Gavin knows this he's always exactly on time he's got a good 35 40 seconds before he comes in speaking to Gavin I didn't introduce him because he wasn't here yet but I'm assuming he'll be sliding in right on time he just dispenses what did he say he's rebooting his computer at 3 p.m.

He just dispenses. What did he say? He's rebooting his computer at 3 p.m. Why? When did he post that right now at 3 p.m.? Oh, I see. I was scrolled up. Sorry. Wasn't up to date.

Well, that's a weird time to reboot your computer. That's the that's the time that we start. He's now one minute late, which has got to be, I think, personally catastrophic to his psyche. I know how much he hates inconveniencing others by being too early or too late, and here we are pushing towards 302. This is episode 114, season 4, year 3?

Is that right? No. No, season 4. We're still in 2, I believe? Season 4. What's the 3 then? Season 4, year 2. I don't know. This is your thing. I don't remember how it goes I have no fucking idea it's long this is your thing it's been so long I would argue

that this podcast is our thing it is but this the naming convention is it's yours you've done this season four year two volume one episode 114 uh I feel like my voice may be betraying uh how tired i am uh can i bring

something up just before gavin gets here yeah please i don't understand the year and date i produce the podcast and i still don't understand the naming convention it makes no sense yeah i don't i don't get it i don't get like the seasonality of it i don't get like what year i don't know what year this is i don't like i i just i go i go along with it this is this is season four we determine that after season three ended and season four began season five hasn't started yet so clearly we are in season four uh this is the second year that we are producing this podcast in hence uh year two and then this is the first iteration of this podcast that we've done hence volume one uh episode 114 that's just the number it's just 114th one of these we've done that one's

easy to figure out that's the only number i care about actually yeah when when would we have a volume two i'll tell you the exact moment i stopped caring eric was when we we started this i was like we should have an extremely long like 172 episode season and then season two be three episodes and then jeff changed the season the next episode and i gave up i just no longer i punted i have no clue where we are why we're we're in the position that we're in all i care about is the number that jeff doesn't seem to care about at all. How about this? How about I stop that? And then you just do the intros from now on.

We can do whatever the fuck number combination thing you guys want to do. No, I enjoy it. I'm just lost in it. I have no issue with it. Again, I just said I didn't understand. I didn't say I didn't like it. I just said I didn't understand it. And also, you said whatever number thing we want to do.

I felt like we were really clear about just the episode number being the number thing. So fuck it. We won't do year four to year two. We won't do the volume. I just said, I didn't understand. I wasn't saying don't do it.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no. You could, there are, there's no room for complaints, uh, in, in my brain today. You're clearly complaining because you don't understand it.

You're not complaining because you like it. You're not saying, I don't understand it, but I love it. You're saying, I don't understand it. I don't get the like it you're not saying i don't understand it but i love it you're saying i don't understand it i don't get the point of it so we just won't do it anymore we're not complaining i was just i was saying that i didn't understand i was saying i didn't understand it from the podcast it is d lord it no longer exists this is episode 114 i guess why are you fighting uh because you're four minutes late you did this this is your is your fault. We're dropping the volume and the seasonality

and the year counting because Andrew and Eric don't understand it and I don't want to confuse them or overcomplicate their little brain. To be fair, this opened with you didn't remember what it was. I figured it out.

You know, anybody else can start the fucking podcast at any fucking point in 114 episodes. It doesn't always have to be me. I got to say something to start the fucking podcast at any fucking point in 114 episodes it doesn't always have to be me i gotta say something to start the podcast so how about this i retire from starting the podcast you can start at however you guys want to and i will sit back and i will not judge you for one and i'll let you go and whatever the numbering naming convention you guys want to use is is

fucking awesome with me i'm gonna take a break for a couple years and let you guys handle it from here on out gavin how are you doing i hate to say it guys i think jeff's in a bad mood i think jeff might be in a bad mood i realized right as i press reboot i didn't need to do it i remembered what the problem was with my sound and then uh i don't really know how to stop that process what are you i'm so confused when did you realize you had an issue well my sound my mic wasn't right and And then usually I fix it by rebooting. And then I remembered that I'd actually muted it in the setting somewhere as it was rebooting. And I was like, oh, that's a fight. That's five minutes gone. Flushed those five minutes.

Is this the latest you've ever been to a show? Three minutes, four minutes. Four minutes? I think it might be. I think it might be the latest you've ever been. I'm embarrassed. It was odd for you to say rebooting at the time you would join because i kind of assume you're just waiting in the wings to hop in like you're there a few minutes early but you just waited out the fact that it was like time to go and you realized your car wouldn't start was a very odd

post yeah i was outdoors like six minutes ago i I'm sweaty. What were you doing outdoors? I was ripping vines off the side of my house that my house is being engulfed by nature. We really shouldn't have built stuff, I feel like. What do you mean? Nature's taking it back. Well, it's a constant struggle, right? You gotta reclaim what's yours. You gotta fight nature. Sometimes vines can be a good look though. I can enjoy like a viney side of a house. You're a vine guy? I could be a vine guy. Yeah, it has to be very specific.

You don't want too much, but vines can look nice. Was it a thing that would damage the house unless you removed it? Yeah, it was so creepy inside. So I killed it yesterday. And today it's just like shriveled twigs, but it's still stuck to it. And I'm ripping it down. There's like dust and now there's marks all over it. What are we talking about this week?

I don't know. Andrew's got a lot to talk about, so why don't you just kick it off, buddy? I have a lot to talk about? I heard you say that. You said that to Eric when I came into Pleasant Trees. You said, I have a lot to talk about today, but I can't talk about it now. Gavin, you were four minutes late and look what's happening. Was there bad Pleasant Trees as well?

No. Did Pleasant Trees go too long? I think Pleasant Trees were good. What I was saying, Jeff, when you came into it is I have a lot to talk about because we filmed Survive Block Island last week week but i can't talk about any of the specifics of it because it's not going to be out for a few months so i have plenty to talk about that way but i can't actually say any of it on the show unfortunately i feel like that'll have to be one of our future episodes where we debrief after that show is over i would love to be a supplemental maybe yeah we were talking about that that as maybe a supplemental in the pleasantries.

I think some people recommended it in the, some comment leavers recommended it, but I agree. And let me just say right now, you know, we filmed Survive Block Island, was it last week or, I can't even remember, last week. And, you know, obviously it's not going to come out

until I believe September. And if you're not familiar with what we're talking about, it's like we recreated the game Survivor in Minecraft. And then this was the second season. Gavin and Andrew were both in it as contestants. It's all shot and done and in the can. But obviously, we can't discuss it because that would provide potential spoilers. And this show is not going to come out for two

months. But what I will say, and the only thing I will say is that I genuinely appreciate the professionalism that you're both showing by being in the same online room together, as it were, sharing in a conversation. Despite everything that transp i'll you guys are nothing but professional and your ability to hold it together right now it's masterful and uh it's something to be studied congratulations it was interesting it was a great experience it was yeah it was layered there's a lot to say about it can i talk about the thing i told both of you already i'd like to hear eric's read i don't feel like that's a spoiler for anything. If I'm vague about specifics. I don't know what you're talking about.

Yeah, you're so fucking vague, nobody knows what you're talking about. I did a thing that's arguably worse than the shift key. I think I could talk about that without giving anything away. Oh my god. Yeah, you did. I mean, here's why it's stupider. You're a fucking gamer. I don't play on the pc though at all i didn't know so for context i don't i never play games on the pc i'm purely console when i was first told i'm

gonna i'll talk to you i'd love to hear your opinion on this eric is this worse than me not knowing the shift capitalization thing when this started i was told before the experience even began i was like how do you go full screen and i was told f11 and I said is there an f11 key Or do I have to hold F and the 11 to which I feel hey man. What's the 11? Yeah, that was the 11 There's not there's not an 11 key so it's off to a terrible start. I have no idea how keyboards work I have no information about anything, but so no matter what, in filming, you're there first day, last day. I just imagined you holding F, the number one, and then the number one on the numpad. Yeah, right.

It's the other side. He's just like, this isn't good for my hands. It's the capital I. Keyboards suck. It's dumb. We got to sit you down and teach you the keyboard one day. That would be great. I'd love that.

Because the Mac, it doesn't have an F11 f11 a mac keyboard or at least mine doesn't i don't know if other ones do but i'm not familiar with the f section anyway so we film everything on survive block island is over and the shoot's done and i realized i left my computer on and i'm like i'll shut everything down but i realized that the server was still open for where we film things and my partner was in the room and I was like hey I can show you some of the stuff that I saw like this would be cool and so I load in and I'm moving around and I'm just like showing them things and they immediately say can you go full screen I can't see anything to which I went full screen and I I had filmed so when you're watching survive block island know that every single moment you see of me i played the entire

my entire experience was in windowed i was in the tiny i was in the tiny window mode every time you see me in the show i got the tiny window i went full screen it blew my mind how much easier it was to see everything and how big everything I don't know about your computer but when I open Minecraft and it starts windowed it's it's not just it's like small windowed it's like less than 50% of the screen it's like Minesweeper it is there's a great comparison it was the exact size of Minesweeper so every single moment you see me in that show know that I'm experiencing it through a mind sweeper side screen god damn wow you didn't think off to day one just to be like yeah let me figure this out

um you know you have to move files around so much and i was unfamiliar with everything so i like just being able to click to like audacity and the different programs it never even occurred to me to go full screen and then when i did i realized holy shit this is like a completely different game this is so much easier to see also gavin you're assuming he made it past day one we don't know that's very fair it's a large assumption oh dear idea so i i did that i explained to my partner that i had not i had been in window my entire experience and uh uh they said that i was a lunatic and that this is worse than me not knowing the shift key capitalized this is curious eric how do you feel you played with a colossal handicap that's insane to play in the windowed mode and then it's crazy to think that there's

an 11 key yeah i mean really like it's kind of a one-two punch like you could have looked at the keyboard and then said oh there it is to be clear these were very separate this was like before the experience began and after i knew the f11 by the end i just never used it i was aware of how to do guys guys let's be fair i knew what f11 was by the end i had to clarify on my mac keyboard f11 is my volume down so it's actually a frequently used key for me yeah but it's just there's no f's no F on it. So I don't know. I didn't know there was the fucking F section. I never use a keyboard that isn't a Mac keyboard. I have a Mac keyboard and it's got an F11 on it.

I'm looking at it. Does it? Well, I'll take a fucking photo of my keyboard. I don't know why you're throwing around the F word so much. There's a lot of swear words happening right now. Well, he's looking for F11. I'm looking for F11. Yeah, it's not the fuck 11 key.

The F doesn't stand for anything. Yeah, that's my keyboard. It's got the volume on it. I even have a smaller dinkier one that's... Let me get out a window so I can see this photo bigger. F11. I don't see the F11. Where's the F11?

At the top. Oh, the little numbers. I don't have those. Hang on. Hang on. You said that you knew where the F11 key was by the end. And now you're telling me that you don't know where the F11 key is. Okay.

You're right. You just. No, you're right. I think you just exposed yourself. No, I knew where the F11 was on my other keyboard. I didn't think that my Mac keyboard had any Fs. You're right. It's just so small.

I've never noticed. The whole upper row is F1. I don't need a picture of how small this is. Yeah, what are you talking about? I just have, I, listen, it's noticeable when you look. I just have never looked that closely. So wait, it's small, but

it's noticeable, but you know where it is, but you've never seen it. Well, okay, I knew where it was on my Alienware keyboard that I never used. I learned that, and up until this moment of you sending that screenshot of that, the little letters, I never where it was on my Alienware keyboard that I never used. I learned that. And up until this moment of you sending that screenshot of the little letters, I never noticed it on the Mac keyboard. Why did you think the F keys were? I just didn't think I had any F keys on my Mac keyboard.

Take it to screenshot. Those F keys are for those luxurious one percenters. I'm just floored. It's a whole row. You just thought that there was just a row you don't use? No, I used the row. I just didn't know it was the F row. I use the brightness all the time.

I use the volume all the time. I just never noticed that there was an F on the little thing. Oh, man. I hit another. I apologize. You know what? You know what you know what i understand i already hit bottom i had not i you know what still falling i take back some of my anger from the beginning of the podcast i get why you don't understand the number thing now it's uh now in fairness look at

his picture he has a a sort of squished f section it's a tiny F. It also seems to be covered by copious amounts of food. Yeah, I ate lunch. I ate lunch at my desk today. But hang on. There are two keys that all they say is F5 and F6. Jeff's exactly what I was going to say. It's all you would see. That's all that there is.

And also, they're the only keys with something in the bottom right, which immediately would make you go, what is this? When I look at it my brain four you go f5 you got sesame seed you go first of all that's onion ring there's some onion ring remnants that's that's the main correction i need to make second of all i'm gonna be honest i would look at those keys and go that's 80 blank those just do nothing those are just go, that's 80% blank. Those just do nothing. Those are just blank keys. That's how I would process that.

I've never, I just, I figured no point. I'm never going to. So if a key looks 80% blank to you, you write it off. You don't pay attention to the other 20%. Yeah, I guess that was my time. Yeah, I guess they fucked up this keyboard. They didn't even print anything on these buttons. Here's the problem I have with that, Andrew.

The escape key, the shift key, the tab key, and the return key, and probably the delete key are all 80% empty. The spacebar key is 100% empty. Absolutely true. Absolutely true. That's true. But everybody knows the spacebar, and there's like bold lettering on the shift and enter.

Like there is, the letters are important the f5 and f6 are very small and not very bright they're they're dim it's dim dimly they're the only thing on that key yeah i just i don't know i don't i've never i've never what would i even use the f5 and f6 for f5 is refresh refresh I can refresh with F5? This is insane! Wait, what is ha- are you for real? How do I- I'm gonna- wait! We're gonna do an hour long training course, and we're gonna go through every key. What kind of fuckin' Mavis beacon bullshit is this? You don't know what F5 does? Wait, how do I- do I have to hit like enter? Or shift?

Shift F5 might be the most frequently used f key on my keyboard Absolutely go just open like a browser. I'm in my browser Okay, and then go to like just some other page and then hit f5. It doesn't do anything Anyway, you're on Mac. I'm on Mac. Yeah, maybe it's a controller fire on there. Is it a control? It's a man five yeah, I think it's about browser browser shift f5 i'm just i'm floored this rules guys can we while he's figuring out letters and numbers can we take a step back and think about like just how ludicrous this is uh zeroing in on the keyboard and how we've we i i agree i think we all agree he needs a class right here's what here's what's really scary.

Does he know how anything else works? Does he know how a fridge works? Does he know how an oven works? Do we need to have just a basic class about all things? Clearly, Andrew's managed to navigate this far in life, but how many things is he using wrong or incorrectly? Or how many things is he missing? Just in day-to-day shit.

We need to watch him. We should study Andrew. I would love to sit in andrew's room for a week and just take notes and deliver the results to him at the end i feel like andrew we'd be we'd be like we'd be sitting there taking notes and andrew would go wait a minute you're telling me this car has a reverse i can go backwards in a car i think i run into issues where there are shortcuts shortcuts are really my problem because i just manually when i, I just click the little spinny thing in the top left. So I've never even considered that I need a button to refresh. But you're saying like in your ideal world, you would have two keyboards, one lowercase, one uppercase.

What do you mean? No. Well, I love the caps key. This is very, this is established. I'm a big caps lock guy. I love the caps key. This is very good. This is established. I'm a big caps lock guy I love having the button, but that's a shortcut for everything being uppercase wait So apparently to refresh is command R come on. Oh, that's how you do it on a Mac So f5 doesn't I don't know what F I actually does what is the equivalent of that?

So I don't know what if I'm on Windows f5 I use it in folders I use it in browsers f5 use it in browsers. F5 is decrease keyboard brightness. That's why there's nothing on your keyboard for that. What you would do would be assign something to the F5 key. I see, so it is a useless button. It's not useless at all. For me. For you, I'd say yeah.

Andrew, I wouldn't be surprised if Andrew said you mean to tell me I can get it, there's something colder than putting stuff in the fridge I just never opened the other side because it's smaller and therefore I deprioritized it we already found out last week that he leaves something in the freezer for about

four days before he eats it what do you mean are you coming at me for the freezer thing listen I know freezers are important because of OutKast I'm aware of the cooling system there is something cooler than cool and it's ice. And you get ice from the freezer. Ice cold is the coolest.

Outcast is oddly educational. It's great. Well, I think for a certain kind of person, I think it is, yes. Although I'm not sure shaking it actually speeds that up. Didn't Polaroidid uh come out and say like please don't shake your photos that doesn't work yeah what are you doing they're like that's bad advice they're not they're not

they're not professional photographers okay so f5 and f6 on a mac keyboard would typically increase the brightness of the lights on the inside i don't have those so in my my specific case i've been right to not use F5 or F6. Can we call this F*** Face Episode F114? Why not? We're throwing all the naming conventions out the window. Doesn't matter. Wherever you're going,

you better believe American Express will be right there with you. Heading for adventure? We'll help you breeze through security. Meeting friends a world away? You can use your travel credit. Squeezing every drop out of the last day? How about a 4 p.m. late checkout?

Just need a nice place to settle in? Enjoy your room upgrade. Wherever you go, we'll go together. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamx. Benefits vary by card. Terms apply. So I just want to talk about that, Survive Block Island.

We should definitely record a thing at some point discussing. Yeah, we'll do a supplemental where we dig in at some point later. I would love to talk to you guys about your experiences of it anyway. So, yeah, I think that'd be a good piece of supplemental content for us. We should also watch that monkey movie. I'd love to. We need to do that. Speaking of movies, there was an exciting reveal today.

I was very happy. Or not today, I guess earlier in the week. Time is ridiculous. I got confirmation that our tuxedo has arrived. It's now in our possession. Where is it? It's somewhere in the week. Time is ridiculous. I got confirmation that our tuxedo has arrived. It's now in our possession. Where is it? It's somewhere in the office. It's in my office at work.

You got one of Jackie Chan's tuxedos. Yep. The bow tie comes in its own separate tiny bag. It also has a bow tie. Can I ask you a question, Eric? Yeah. Did you smell it i didn't i

kept it in the bag because all all i did was open it and then open it to like open the package and then also open the uh envelope to make sure that the certificate of authenticity was there all i did was visually confirm that we have received the tuxedo and the certificate of authenticity because I want to get. I mean, I guess it would be Jeff and Gavin together to have a look, take it out, inspect it. And then, you know, Andrew can also be on the call and he can sort of see Apple style. But, you know, we should get together and have a look at the tuxedo. Tuxedo unboxing. Yes, correct.

I think it would be great. There's a really, really good chance that when we crack that open, which Gavin, you should be involved in because you love to smell new things, French Leo things. There's a really good chance that that tuxedo smells like Jackie Chan did in 2002.

Wow. This is a lot of responsibility. We've got to preserve this thing. Yes, we do. This is like movie history. We actually have to take care of this. Yeah, it's only going to be worn once, and that's for the photo when we recreate the poster.

And even then, I should wear some sort of protective layer between my body and the suit to protect it. We're not going to Kim Kardashian this thing. We're not going to rip a $5 million dress. We'll take very good care of it. And then we're going to hermetically seal it and store it away for safekeeping until the museum happens.

I'm excited about the museum. That's going to be a great setup. There's a lot of potential. We got some good stuff for the museum. I found the Thrice to Meet You the other day. It's now perfectly preserved in a drawer, ready for the museum. Dude, that's awesome.

You know, I used to have the original wrist pocket prototype, and I think I mailed it to Rebecca, maybe. I gave it to somebody. Damn, should have held on to that. I was about to yell at you for mailing some of our museum to a listener, but I think Rebecca's fine. Yeah, yeah. She can have that.

She'd probably also mail it back if we wanted it. We'll make sure. I was, I showed this to Jeff, but I was, before Survive Block Island, I figured I'd watch the first season just so I'm not a disadvantage. And,

and Meg wanted to watch it with me. So I cast it up to the TV and I had to type in a code for the Rooster Teeth app. And I was very insolent by what our app just randomly generated there. That was your randomly generated

code? That was my random code. Gavin's code was C-U-U-C-K. That's an emphatic cuck, dude. That's a hot cuck oh god damn it's so funny because i just got socks that said the same thing what a coincidence

oh man it's some cuck socks speaking of socks and you know we were talking about the uh i had a bunch i had a bunch of dumb ideas about socks last week. But I did have an idea the other day. What if we sold just red socks? Just a pair of red socks. They don't say anything on them. It's just red socks. And you just buy or beware.

And you can give them to people that you want to curse. Okay. So it's like a gift, but only the giver knows they're bad luck socks? Yeah, they're like bad luck socks but they don't but maybe even maybe you should even like i don't curse them in some way i would say bless them but that maybe your blessings would be a curse to other people like can you reset this why are the red socks cursed i don't remember the cursed red socks thing oh gavin's got bad luck socks i had bad luck when when I wore the red socks. Oh, oh, oh,

oh, okay. So, and then you want to sell just socks that are red that are cursed by Gavin? Yeah, maybe, like, bad luck socks. So then you could prank people, or like, if there's somebody like, say you really, really don't like your stepdad, right? But you gotta get him a gift for Christmas.

Give him red socks. He'll think, oh, wow, little Eric loves me. He got me the red sock. He got me. I mean, they're ugly and I don't wear red, but whatever. He cares about me. So I'll wear them. But me, you know, inside, you're like, that's right, motherfucker.

You're going to get a flat tire today. And he probably will. Do we want to do like two versions? Like one, you buy them blank so you can curse them yourself. Or there's like another option where I've pre-cursed them for you. We should like how you signed all the baseballs. That's interesting. That's interesting.

Would you be willing to pre-curse a round of socks? I could curse a hundred socks. 100 pairs, I guess. Boy. Wow. I could curse a hundred socks is a great episode title for this. That's pretty good.

Thank you. I'm just imagining me just sitting over the pair. I just like, cause I'm sitting cross-legged on the ground. I put them front of me i got my hands hovering above them and i'm just like you little okay now now we have to do it i wasn't serious but now we have to do it because i gotta have the we had to have that video i don't understand did you do that to your own pair of socks? Like, why? Because you have cursed socks. So what are you doing? Why does that curse them?

Why is that the curse? I don't think all... Surely not all red socks are cursed by default. They don't print the curse on with the red dye. Somehow red socks become bad news in Gavin's presence. So if all these red socks are in Gavin's presence in some way, and he makes a point of acknowledging the sock, I think that's key.

You know, the sock has to know that he knows, and then we all know, right? And so I think that's how the curse works, probably. I just got the Slack notification for the merch channel from Eric. We want to sell red socks that Gavin will curse, and then we will sell them. I think it's self- self explanatory. I think that that really sums up what

exactly they need to know that we want to do. Man, so speaking of merch, I have one more dumb little idea. I don't know if you guys saw, but one of our peer podcasts, the one that Eric, Eric is also on this one. he likes it less than

face but he still is on it because it's his job and he once again eric's a professional but that other podcast face jam the food one uh they released a very funny item they released a like a switchblade fork called a switch fork and they sold out in four minutes which i thought was really cool you know uh i thought that was awesome that they were able to sell hundreds of those things in four minutes. I will say what was annoying was all the people in the comments saying, well, I wish face could sell merchandise this well. I wish face could run there, could sell on time when they say they do like like these

guys do. So we were catching some total shade that was unnecessary. But that got me thinking, like, what would our switch fork be? Because I already had a four-minute sale, haven't we? Yeah, but I'm saying that, like, they said when it was going to go on sale, and it went on sale, and it worked. We were catching shade for, like, you know, our stuff goes on sale whenever. And I was thinking, like, what would our version of a switch fork be?

Because I'm nothing if not opportunistic, right? They did all the R&D on this thing. They found a vendor. They got it made. They established a relationship. They proved that they could all the r&d on this thing they found a vendor they got it made they established a relationship they proved that they could deliver the product the product then sells so then how do we capitalize on their hard work and i had how do you have what if we made instead of a switch fork switch blade already exists switch spoon is obviously too obvious we'd have to be like a it had to be like our flavor

what if we made a switch fuck and when you hit the button just a little sign pops out that just says fuck switch fuck like like when joker has a gun and he pulls the trigger and it says bang kind of yeah kind of yeah or imagine if it was like a switch comb, except there were no tines, it was just a solid piece of plastic, and on it, printed in white letters, was just the word fuck on either side. And then so somebody gives you some shade, you pull out a switch fuck,

and you hit the button, and you show them the word fuck, and they're like, whoa, okay, I'll back down. I think I'd rather have like a tiny bat, like a switch bat, like a small, because you're expecting a knife. Probably for emergency baseball. Yeah.

I think a tiny bat is very funny. Like a switch bat? Like you hit the button and the bat pops up? Yeah. Like typically like a switch blade, obviously, as a weapon, you expect a blade. Nobody pulls out a tiny bat in a fight. Like it's almost useless. Yeah.

But see, that's the problem. A tiny bat is useless. I think a switch fuck is useful because it conveys a message emphatically. I think they're equally useful. I think both things are equally needed. I don't know. I don't know. I think there's something to the switch fuck. Here's the deal. I would love to see a design for it. Here's the deal. It's gonna sit in your head.

It's gonna be a little brain worm. It's gonna sit in your head, and in a week, you're gonna be clamoring for the switch fuck. And you're gonna go like, oh, it took it a while to sink in for me. But I get it now. Well, let me ask you this. How small can a Grinchy be? That's an even, yeah.

I like that a lot. That's a great idea. A little Switch one of them. Be like, oh. You hit the button. It goes. It's just like a little click. It doesn't even have enough time to make a sound.

It's just it going to the other side of the plastic. Oh, man. Stupid stuff. Speaking of stupid stuff, Jeff and I seem to be able to exist pretty well away from each other. As soon as we saw each other on the set of SBI, just because Jeff was in the control room

and I was in a little room off to the side. Day one, we're just like shooting the shit, talking about stuff. And day one, by the way, you say day one as if there was a day two, but we don't know that there was a day two because it's possible you were the first person eliminated. We can't give anything that could approach a

spoiler. So day one or only day, you were saying. So the first day of film, wait, is that any better? It's the same. It's the exact same. Just say on day one. I got told off for saying day one. Well, I don't know what to say. I'm going to be- Day one's fine. Everyone was say on day one. I got told off for saying day one. Well, I don't know what to say. Day one's fine. Everyone was there on day one.

Okay. I think it implies that there was a day two. Well, no, because no matter what, everybody has to be there on day five. No matter what. That's true. That's true. You always have to be there day one and day five. Every single person was there day one, day five. Everyone had multiple days.

All right, so should I say that again? No, no. You're good. Just go. What's wrong with you? Just say it. So day one, I'm talking to Jeff,

chewing the shit in the kitchen. Jeff immediately reaches into the fridge for some sort of can of something and punches the shelf that all the drinks are on.

And all I hear is like, all the drinks are going flying. He's punching it. He's like, I'm like, what is wrong with you? He eventually pulls the drink out, close the fridge.

We talked like another 30 seconds and I fumble coffee all across the kitchen. It was actually like within 60 seconds, our worlds just tip upside down. We had to just walk away from the situation. I don't know why we just combine and form stupid. We're like, we're the blunder twins.

You put us together and it's just a form of a puddle of idiocy. It's that we can. You're absolutely right, dude. I knocked over. By the way, I got... I'm a grown-up. I get drinks out of fridges all day long, every day. I'm real good at it. I don't ever fuck up. I probably got drinks out of that fridge

300 times through the course of last week. I fucking... Within one second hanging out with you, I knocked over 42 cans. Maybe. Just catastrophe. And then you shot coffee across the room. I still don't understand how you did that.

Yeah, it's one of those fumbles where you're trying to catch it, just makes it go further. Yeah. My immediate question is how shocked were you, Jeff, that Gavin said hi in the same space as you? He took the time. It's the immediate thing i want to get to the

bottom of was this instant did he run over did you get a sense that he has learned from his past mistake what was that i i will say that uh when gavin told me i i took it i took what he said to heart in the last face and so when i saw him i just had faith and we spent plenty of time uh around each other it was lovely it was almost i almost, I mean, it's weird, right? Because Gavin and I used to work in the same room all day, every day. And then we lived together too. So we'd go home and work together and live together and drink together and play together and do everything.

But we've had a pandemic the last couple of years. So nobody's been working in the office. And before that, probably about a year before that, I had left Achievement Hunter. And so I was no longer working with him every day. I forget how much fun it was to share an office space with you, Gav. And just to be around each other for more than, you know, 30 minutes at a time. Dude, it's fun as shit. It is.

Like we combine with two separate entities that combine and form just stupidity. But we also, it's very creatively good. Yes. Like we both, you'll have an idea and then we'll just add to it. And it's very creatively good like we both you'll have an idea and then we'll just add to it we end up with good stuff well we should honestly just spend more time together oh not filming and i and i don't mean this uh i've been fortunate enough to work with a lot of really creative people over the last 19 and a half years uh all of which or some of which are in this uh on this podcast with me.

And I mean, everybody on the podcast is a creative person I've been fortunate enough to work with in the last 19 years. I'm just trying to make sure I'm not shading anyone. In addition to Gus and Bernie and all of Achievement Hunter and all the people that I've worked with, I don't think I've ever had a creative partner like Gavin in and I don't know that I ever will again. I've never been so creatively aligned or been with a person where like it must have been

what it was like for the Beatles. Not that I'm comparing us to the Beatles because they have talent and what we do is dumb but where it's just like everything is good. Everything that when we get together it's just like I don't know it's awesome. It's hard to explain. It doesn't happen that way with anybody else for me.

I appreciate you guys described yourself as a Voltron of incompetence when you get together and then immediately went into the Beatles. It's fantastic. I mean, that's often how it would happen at home, too, when we live together is that Jeff would, you know, walk into the kitchen, smash a glass, booze would go flying over the back of his head. Then we sit down and make a game in Minecraft that worked first time and everyone could play.

While I had to raise my arm above my head to stop the bleeding. I probably bled more around Gavin than anybody else in my life. I don't even know how. I've seen you bleed at least a pint and I've not even been there for all the blood. This is a strange measurement.

Probably a gallon of vomit too. Oh yeah. Definitely tons of vomit. And poop. Have I seen poop? Yeah, but I don't know if you've seen it, but you've been around me while I'm full of poop. Oh, yeah.

Like when we live together. I walk into my room, hey, I just shit myself. For like, dude, don't come into the living room for a minute. I just shit all over the couch and I got to clean it up. You were literally like in my doorway. And I was oh how much shit and you're like i don't know i haven't really looked yet it was like in your pants i just you're the first person i thought of come to me before the toilet you shit on the couch one time yeah how oh no not on purpose but i think i was what happened i as well i mean this is

years ago so okay i'm going to make some assumptions i'm going to assume i was drunk uh or hung over i'm going to assume i probably wasn't eating well i'm probably i'm going to assume i probably thought i farted and then realized very quickly that it wasn't oh no because that's usually how it happened you may have shit yourself awake I may have I have pooped myself awake before and you know what that's that might have been it that might have been it yeah yeah it's a terrible way to wake up I've never even considered that as a possibility I got I'll say this probably better to wake up than not that's fair but in the in the context of waking up, it's pretty bad.

It's a bad way to wake. I realized it, by the way, last week or the week before, I read out one of my notes that I didn't understand. It was tuna fish can spill in the sea. I realized what that was afterwards. Tuna fish can spill in the sea. Apparently, there was a boat full of like tins of tuna and i thought that is so messed up that like amongst the swimming tuna just came down a bunch of their like canned

brethren and how just messed up that is that humans basically caught them canned them and then spilled them back to where they were from. Like, why not pointless? It'd be like if you just go outside and you're like, ah, it's raining coffins again. It's exactly like that. I was trying to think of other equivalents, but that's perfect. How did you realize what that note was? What was the moment where you pieced that together? I think I just re-read it.

That's all it took? Yeah, sometimes you just need to sleep on something, don't you? That's fair. And I just remember the article about, I think it was like over 50,000 cans or something. 50,000? That's so many. Yeah. Wow.

But to be honest, that would probably be edible for a while. Although, or would it rust? I i uh rust but i don't know maybe it'll rust open and uh release oh god some wildlife can enjoy the the technological advantage of canned food it's the cycle of life that's a real that's a real thank me later for the wildlife of the ocean. Oh, man. Speaking of thank me later, did we talk about my thousand day puzzle idea? No. No.

I had an idea the other day. What if we sold a thousand piece puzzle, but you receive one piece a day in the mail randomly? And so it takes a thousand days to get it. I would be so annoyed. Create a puzzle with the biggest carbon footprint possible. Yeah, it could be, well, maybe it'd be local. You know. Maybe I'll deliver it on bicycle. It could take a hundred days for you to get two pieces that fit together.

How frustrating would that be? Oh, I would be infuriated. That would be such a fuck you gift to somebody. That's way worse than the cursed socks. I would kill somebody if they gave me a 1,000-day puzzle, one piece at a time. It would have to be combined with the face zine or something, where it would be stapled to the front every week.

I had that idea because Emily showed me a TikTok of some dad who got his daughter a puzzle for Christmas, a 1,000-piece puzzle, and when she opened it up, he had individually wrapped all 1,000 pieces. So she had to unwrap 1,000 puzzle pieces. And I thought, a thousand piece puzzle. And when she opened it up, he had individually wrapped all thousand pieces. So she had to unwrap a thousand puzzle pieces. And I thought they're already wrapped. You should just portion out how you send them. Oh, man. What an inconvenience.

What's the worst? What's the worst gift you've ever got that was not intended to be a bad gift? This is pointless. The tiny bike. Tiny bike? Oh. The tiny bike I got us? Yeah, I got you.

Jeff got me a tiny motorbike once. I did. It didn't work. He arrived home late one day, just smashed into my bedroom, woke me up, probably one in the morning, and just wheeled in this tiny little micro motorcycle.

Oh. And then I was like, thanks. And then the next day we tried to use it, and we pulled the little engine start cord, and it just snapped. We never got it wrong. It was a little hunk of junk. I bought it off some dude drunk one night.

He was just bragging about he had this little bike, and I was like, I'll buy it. I just love the idea of you being out at a bar, and you're like, oh, it's not like, oh, let me buy this gift for my kid. It's like, oh, let me buy this gift for my 20-year-old foreign roommate. I'm not putting Millie on that thing. She was like 60 at the time. It would be ridiculous. Inappropriate gift.

I mean, she got something else. It wasn't a binary decision. It wasn't like, well, I can give something to Gavin or my daughter. Well, it's got to be Gavin. It wasn't an either or. That's like a double because I think I'd be really excited when I saw the tiny bike. That's a great surprise for it to not work would be so disappointing. I wonder if I have a picture of it in my old bedroom.

I'll do you one better. It's in a video. It is. I think the breaking of it in my old bedroom i'll do you one better it's in a video uh it is i think the breaking of it is yeah the things to do we used to film these videos called things to do is where we do like come up with like a task to complete in a video game that was unintended right and uh and then we would try to very very briefly we did that for years but very briefly after we would try to recreate that task in real life in some way and so we were trying to do something with the motorcycle and so

we definitely filmed it I don't know what the video would have been but I'll have to see if I can find it yeah it was around the time where we were like trying to throw a cabbage in a bucket in Skyrim and then we would do it in real life and throw it to the next one that was fun that was fun it's a great video now just look oh I found the I found the picture you found the picture? oh I want to see can I see it?

I left that motorcycle under my old house, and as far as I know, it's probably still there. That's way cooler than I was expecting. That's fucking awesome. That looks like a real bike. I'm a good gift giver. Yeah, that was my bed for a while. It was just a mattress on the floor.

I slept like that for a couple of years, I think. I think I had like six things in my life. It was like desk, chair, TV, bed, and then uh and then i i think i had like six things in my life it was like desk chair tv bed and then i got mobile you'll also notice that gavin has something leaning against his door so i can't bust in yeah that was mainly because of uh poppins oh the dog yeah because he because he could open the door yeah and he just busted in at night so i had to put the table against it yeah but you learned that if you like that it. Yeah, but you learned that if you... Like, that would stop the dog,

but you learned that if you kick the door hard enough, it would sling the table across the room. So when we moved out of that place, there was a big, like, sheared-off section of paint that went up the door. I forgot about that. That's right. Yeah, well, I wasn't taking no for an answer in those days.

Yeah. I didn't really have to dust that room that much, but I did have to sweep up the paint chips from around the door. Oh, man. I was I got to say good times. I was not looking forward to doing the podcast today, but I feel better now. Thanks for improving my mood, guys. I'm glad we could help.

Yeah, I'm so impressed with this this is an all-time buy by you jeff you shouldn't feel bad about this purchase this was a great purchase however much it cost it was a great idea it was and it didn't i don't remember i think i paid like 500 bucks for it maybe uh but that's fair that's a guess it's just a guess i it could be wildly wrong but uh i had always intended to get it fixed but you know in those days there was just so much happening and we were doing so many different you just like it fell by the wayside quickly you know and you just never get it's kind of like it's kind of like face lore you know you you leave a joke for two weeks and then suddenly it's been a year and a

half and you're like sure yeah right ping pong balls orange ping pong balls will say 19 yeah when we gonna use that ball generator to bet on roulette in vegas at some point i think so yeah i think that was the plan i don't remember i still have a ball on my desk i have 48 i don't even know if that was the one you guessed jeff but i have 48 on my desk for some reason i'm assuming that's why did you ever have that reminded me of um those little like battery cars. I always wanted those as a kid. I never got one. You'd see the commercials for them where it like looks like a fancy car,

but kids can drive them. Is that like the type of speed you could get? Oh, like the little Barbie dream car. Yeah, but they had like other ones. They had like Batman themed or whatever. Like they had all sorts. I always wanted one of those. That was one of the gifts I never got as a kid.

I wonder if that is the equivalent, like the bike equivalent. How fast were you supposed to be able to go? I think that thing went like 50 miles an hour. Like a ridiculously dangerous speed. 50? That's insane. Yeah, I remember the guy telling me to be really careful on it because it goes way too fast. We got to do tiny bike redemption.

We should get one that works. Oh, that'd be great. Let's do it i mean that thing is they make electric ones now i'm sure they do i'm sure they do did you ever have one of those cars gavin when you were a kid did they have those in england yeah i didn't have i didn't have one i didn't even that was such a like in my mind that was such a rich kid gift i never bothered asking you know that's like it's like it's like i there's no point to even even ask because it just like because i know i knew what the's like it's like i there's no point to even even ask because it's just like

because i know i knew what the answer would be immediately and i would just feel bad you know like there's some stuff as a kid you're like man totally whatever yeah yeah there's like as i as i said that was like for me the gift i always want and never got i don't think i ever asked for it i don't think that was ever even a consideration on a list you just see the commercials be like that's fucking cool that looks awesome i remember always thinking that way about whenever you'd see ads for i assume it worked like shit but like those kids virtual reality games where you have a little gun and yeah and i always remember thinking that's gotta be the coolest thing but it's like one of the yeah one of those things you don't even bother asking no it's like 200 quid did you ever get did you ever get surprised as a kid by an awesome awesome

gift and then it turned like you weren't even expecting you didn't ask for it and then it turned out to be fucking suck for like reasons outside of your control like when i was a kid laser tag happened um you know we just went and played laser tag for your birthday gav right uh had a blast well when laser tag like first hit the market as a product i was i don't know maybe 10 or 11 and like it i felt like every kid on earth had it like every kid in my school had it but me everybody had it and it was like whatever i i was one of those things where i just like it looked like it cost hundreds of dollars and so i never even thought to ask but for christmas my fucking grandma got me laser tag and she got my cousin adam laser

tag which was awesome except i lived in alabama and he lived in florida and so i had half of laser tag that for two weeks in the summer and on thanksgiving and on christmas i could play and the rest of the year i had to put the laser tag receiver on my dog and then get her to run around the yard while i tried to shoot at her because nobody else in my neighborhood even though somehow every kid in school had it nobody in my neighborhood had it and so i had the most useless badass fucking gift that did no nothing i like the idea of it being intense that you both have to always be equipped with the receiver at all times you just never never know when an attack's gonna happen. Never expect it. He's just in class

one day and it starts beeping and you came. Surprised. That sucks. Yeah. I was like, you're just staring at it in the bedroom. You just put it on the wall and just lay in bed and just go, pew. Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo. Pew. Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo.

Or whatever, and you're just like, god damn it. so close to fun as a kid i really wanted this clock because i've always been like kind of into like funny clocks and it was one of those you know those pins you get like a set of pins that you can like smush your face in and it gives it leaves like an impression of your face and the pins yes it's a clock that was made out of them so i assumed looking at the picture that the pins would like slowly move out and like make the time. And I was like, ah,

I really want this clock. And it was like quite a lot of money at the time. So it was my only present that year was this new clock. And I plugged it in and I didn't realize, but it, it didn't like slowly move the pins. They would, they would all be like,

and every time the minute would change, it'd be like, it was in my room and it used to keep me up. If I was like, if I was in a light sleep and minute would change, it'd be like... And it was in my room, and it used to keep me up. If I was in a light sleep, and it would go from like 11.59 to midnight, all of the digits would be like... I'd be like, oh, I hate it,

but I don't want to not use it because it's way too fast. That was probably my most disappointing one. What's your most disappointing gift, Andrew? Oh, I'm trying to think. I was always so most disappointing one. What's your most disappointing gift, Andrew? Oh, I'm trying to think. I was always so bad at gifts. I remember, it's not a gift story specific, but you know how there's mall Santas and that type of thing?

Yeah. I was with my friends, and we're going to go to a movie, and there's a mall Santa there. And we're like, oh, you can go see Santa. And I was still at the age where I believed in mall Santas. I thought it was a real thing. And I just remember having so much fucking anxiety and line trying to come up with a gift

idea to tell Santa that I would get at Christmas because I didn't know what I wanted and I didn't want to ask for a shit thing I was like what do I want what do I actually want do I want this because I thought there was a possibility that what I said in that moment would actually be my gift and I came to the conclusion this is such I could come up with anything.

My best option I came up with by the time I got to the front was the Matrix on DVD. That was my great idea. And I just remember as a kid telling Mulsanna, I want the Matrix on DVD and being so disappointed with myself that this was like the best thing I could think of. And that you'd send it all the way to the top.

Yeah, I sent it all the way to the top. Matrix on DVD, never got it. Never got the Matrix on DVD, never came. I got a boat once and it popped immediately on the first thing because I had this giant toy Godzilla and it put a hole in it. That was a pretty bad gift, I guess.

Only got one use out of it. What, so it was like a blow-up boat? It was a blow-up boat yeah and my grandpa and i went in i was probably like six and we're like paddling out and then immediately i had this big godzilla toy from the matthew broderick godzilla movie i loved it as a kid and it had all these sharp edges and it immediately put like a little hole in the boat so it started to take on water and we had to go back and i never that was the only inflatable boat i ever got i got to use it once for like 10 minutes you couldn't patch it no i just i don't know i i was seven like it was in my head it had a hole in it and then the adults

dealt with whatever like it just it was out of my life also like when i was a kid and i would get blow-up stuff it would always come with a little patch kit and that would be the first thing i threw away i'd be like fuck this i uh what you were describing with the matrix that's how i feel and this is a relatively new development i wonder if it's a sign of some sort of cognitive decline but uh that's how i feel at all drive-thrus now when i have to look at the drive-thru board especially the worst is taco bell it's like trying to decipher like Sanskrit. I like, I can't, I see it all at once and all at the same time

and I can't focus on any of the thing and I never know what to order and the person's waiting and I get so stressed out. Ugh, it's been, it's happened to me today. Brutal. The worst is, have you ever gone back through a drive-thru?

Like you realize that they forgot an item and then you have to loop back around and that kills me. It's so just so awkward yeah having to go back and explain no i don't need to order something you forgot this thing oh you didn't like it just it becomes a whole process i hate drive-thrus you're terrible does it usually i'm sure it surely it happens quite a lot though and they're not weird about it yeah it's just internal anxiety i uh right i ordered uh this place called Taco Shack the other day. This is maybe three months ago now.

I got lunch for Emily and I. I was out and I just called her and I was like, hey, do you want me to pick something up for you? And she was like, yeah. And she told me what she wanted. And so I went through the Taco Shack and I paid for it and everything, got the drinks and all, got home and came inside and gave her her drink. And she goes, where's the food?

And I was like, uh, I guess I left it in the car. So I went over to the car and there was no food in the car. And I had to sit down and I was like, I think I just drove off without it. Like, I think they handed me the drinks and I left. And she was like, well, I guess you got to go back and get it. And I was like, well, I'm certainly not got to go back and get it and I was like well I'm certainly not gonna do that we'll just I'll just order something uh and so she went she's like I'll do it and she drove over and got the food and they're like yeah we thought that was

real weird the guy just took off but here's your food I was so embarrassed I couldn't do it I need to happily buy food again dude somewhere I was just gonna buy I'm just gonna order something from from Postmates I was so embarrassed. There was no way. I got all the way home and I still didn't realize. I was in my house drinking a Diet Dr. Pepper and I didn't realize I didn't have the lunch that I went to get.

That's incredible. That's great. I enjoyed that episode. Yeah, that was fun. Yeah, that was a good episode. The 114th I believe uh thanks for listening

uh and if you uh wouldn't mind telling a friend or a loved one or an acquaintance or maybe just a co-worker

about our little podcast and maybe convince them to listen to an episode or two I don't know what a good one to start with would be a lot of people

I don't know well what's a good episode we should I always see people ask like what's a good one to start with would be a lot of people i don't know well what's a good episode we should i always see people ask like what's a good episode i could recommend a friend to this one there you go eric said yeah always start with the most recent and then work your way backward uh that way you're learning a story backwards and it's it's what what what if we made the ideal first episode what if we just made that what if we made remember can that be the next episode we have to record one more can we just make an? What if we made... Do you remember... Can that be the next episode? We have to record one more. Can we just make an ideal first episode? I don't think so.

I don't think so. I think we need to... Yeah, it's on the calendar. We already talked about it. Can you not do two? I just got nothing for the next one. Oh my God, we do this... Everyone came into this one going,

I got nothing, I got nothing. This is ridiculous. Well... We talked about a bike and a... It just doesn't even matter. I got two things for the next one but i didn't get to okay so you guys can explain what f9 is to me on the next one we'll really cover the bases we'll go one by one i'm gonna i'm gonna say andrew i love your idea

i love your idea for the ultimate first episode i think it's great but i think that to eric i think it's going to take a little bit of prep on our part to figure out what a perfect first episode would be we'll have to put our heads together and come up with something. Do you remember when we tried to make the best minute or two minutes of all time? I forgot about that. That was great. There's a huge danger of us repeating that.

Anyway, tune in next week to find out. Maybe it'll be a great first episode. Maybe it'll just be a regulation normal episode. But you'll never know unless you tune in to F*** Face episode 115 coming to an ear near you. Hey guys, Major League

fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. The boys want to go death diving. Jeff still can't take pictures. It's the holy grail of baseball cards. Patton says goodbye to the Choco Taco. What is the difference between Chuck E. Cheese and Showbiz Pizza?

We're an ice cream podcast now. The Honey Monster is terrifying. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face.