Regulation Podcast - F**kface Mall Draft

Episode Date: May 19, 2023

Attention Shoppers, the F**kface crew is back with another draft, this time they’re drafting the best mall. What stores will land a coveted spot in each mall? 4 rounds of a snake draft start now. Where are you shopping? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Rooster Teeth production. Hello and welcome to another really dumb draft we're doing. This is the malls draft. Let me explain how this works. Imagine guys that we we're all we're all competing malls is sort of how i visualize this we're all in the same town we're all malls and we're drafting stores so if we pick a store nobody else's mall can have it it's gonna be four picks pick whatever you want just has to be mall stores or i guess things within a mall and the goal is to build the best the best yeah you want to have the best mall Essentially what people will be determining for who the winner is, is what mall would they most like to

go to, based off of what we're seeing. When I was a kid in Alabama, we had the Bel Air Mall and the Springdale Mall, and the Bel Air Mall was the good mall, and the Springdale Mall was the shit mall. And so everybody here wants to be Bel Air Mall. Absolutely. Yeah, for me it's like visualizing the malls I grew up with

and what I liked about the specific ones. And if I could combine them, what a place that would be. I mean, you still live in a very mall centric place, right? Like where all your malls are in like a straight line. I do. Absolutely. But like it's I feel like unlike Jeff, the mall is not is not doing great. The malls here, they're a little lacking. A lot of outdoor malls,

which I personally don't prefer. I like being in a space and walking around from place to place, which is not a lot that caters to that. But I'm really excited because Jeff, big mall guy, I can't wait to see your board. I feel like this is the most

specific to your interest. I mean, I feel like, and let me say right off the bat, I agree with you. I don't think an outdoor mall should be allowed to be called a mall. Like, it bugs me when they do it. It's just a fucking shopping complex or a

shopping center or a strip mall that I'm okay with. Right. Gavin is also here. Gavin, how are you feeling about the mall draft? I feel alright. Five out of ten? Wow. That's not a good start. Where were you on the rock? Yeah, wasn't it

seven on the last one? Yeah, I hope I do it right. I think you're going to do great. I think this is going to be your draft. I also, I feel like I have a bit of a leg up because I'm a little older than y'all, and I got to literally live through the height of the mall craze. And so I feel like I was more immersed and steeped in it than the younger of you were.

I feel like I've been in an American mold maybe twice. Oh, great. I was about to ask, any concern about how international this podcast is? I think it's going to be interesting because I definitely also have some regional choices on my list. Oh, good. I'm excited to see. So we should randomize this? In order to select what we need to do here,

we are going to use random.org, and we are going to, I'm sharing my screen so that way everyone can see, and I'm doing it fair, and that is what we're doing. Do you have a spreadsheet for this one too? Yeah, yeah, I'll send that right after we do this because I have to put the order in after we randomize it. So we have Jeff, Gavin, Andrew, Eric, Nick.

I am randomizing now. Wait, wait, before you randomize it. So, we have Jeff, Gavin, Andrew, Eric, Nick. I am randomizing now. Wait, wait. Before you randomize it, what determined the order that you typed it into this box? That's typically how I list the names out when I'm doing metadata for the show.

And I also feel like this is how you guys are introduced. Yeah, I feel like the official order should be in an egg. You think it should be Andrew? You want me to relist this as an egg? But which G am I? Andrew, Nick, Eric.

I don't care. Do you want to be first G or second G? I could be last G. You want to be last G? Alright, I'll be first G or last G. Oh, fuck. Okay! Alright. Now, let's just say that's the official, that is how officially how we order f***face. I mean, that's not how we should order f***face. That's like,

that doesn't make any sense. I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed because I really want the first pick. If you get the first pick, Eric, because I just got moved from the third slot to the first, I'm gonna be so goddamn angry. We all have the same odds. How about this? But it's pulling from a position. How about this?

How about this? To assuage Andrew, what if you randomize it five times? So just hit random five. Okay, let's try it. You know what? Five is my lucky number. I like five.

I like five a lot. There's five of us. Wait, hang on. Gavin said once. Well, I think it should be once because we all remember the original order and it would be funny to contrast it with where we would have been. If we randomize it five times, we're going to lose track of where everything went.

I don't care about that. I want five. I like five. Five's my election. All right. I'm pushing for five. Five it is. Okay.

Should we read out what it randomizes each time? Or at least just... Yeah. So we're starting. All right. Here we go. Andrew, Nick, Eric, Jeff, Gavin. Here's the first one.

Jeff, Andrew, Eric, Jeff, Gavin. Here's the first one. Jeff, Andrew, Eric, Gavin, Nick. Wow. Nick would have been fifth again. Wow. That's the first randomization. Here's the second. Gavin, Nick, Andrew, Jeff, Eric. I'm moving back.

I'm moving back. I want to be in the front. Number three. Jeff, Andrew, Nick, Gavin, Eric, Nick. Nick at number five again. I don't want to go first. Number four, Jeff, Andrew, Nick, Gavin, Eric. Oh, my God.

Come on. Come on. Number one. The fifth and final. Come on. Andrew. I told you. I told you.

Come on. Ag-Neg. My lucky number. Five. With Agneg. First overall. I'm glad I took the last G because I would have been lost. So.

Oh, my God. I can't believe I won that. Here is. That was so dumb. I love it. Okay. We have a list. Andrew.

Okay. Gavin. I'm so happy. Nick. Eric. Jeff. Bad RNG for Jeff. That's all right.

Andrew, whenever you would like to begin, you are the first pick, so don't pick Crack Rock, in the very first pick in the mall draft here. There's a lot of pressure, but I feel like this is an obvious one-one. I couldn't imagine this going beyond the second pick. It is to me, you are not a mall unless you have this store,

at least in North America. It is the standard. It's not a store I would visit a lot at least in north america it is the standard it's not a store i would visit a lot but it's always there it's a comforting staple i'm going with spencer's gifts okay to me that is the all-time mall store spencer's like you're never you're not gonna see it anywhere it's shitty that's where you buy a lava lamp if you want one now they do weird sex toy stuff it's very strange but i just i think it's a definitive mall staple it's where pop culture ip goes to die yeah it does yes it is a graveyard yeah but it is a graveyard in most malls it's true we got red versus blue stuff in there or no oh i think we probably did at some

point uh gavin before you give your pick any thoughts on spencer's gifts i think that's where i got my pin clock from probably really yeah that's when i bought the eight foot inflatable battle bus that's where i got it from probably my most significant purchase from that i'm feeling good about that that wasn't on my list so i didn't lose anything really i mean i considered it i considered it but i was definitely talking about not on my list yeah crazy to me and it's me okay fair enough gavin you have the second pick in the first round i can't wait for like twiddlywinks or some bullshit that i've never heard of twiddlywinks is good but it's no greg's the ultimate place to get your sausage rolls and some sammies and also

some of the best unintentional marketing I've ever seen in my life. That video. Is that what that's from? Yeah, everyone watch that. It's a classic. I'm sure we've all seen it, but it's probably one of the best videos on the internet.

It is Plastic Bag Interrupts News Report original on youtube i've never seen this before i've never seen this either i never looked at what brand the bag is that's a fucking grab never heard of greg's but that's a great pick it's probably in my top 10 things of things i miss about eng. Really? Yeah. Wow. Wow. And is Gregg's like everywhere? Is that like a common mall place?

Yeah. Well. Okay. It's a common, it's a chain. Yeah. Yeah. I just, yeah. Great.

That's awesome. And I feel like it covers food. Like it has some food in it, it looks like. Like I think that's an important, at least from my consideration from my borders, I think you got to have a place with at least food in it. Yeah like like i think that's an important at least for my consideration for my board is i think you got to have a place with at least food in it yeah i completely agree i feel like i have one food place because i feel like it's a requirement if you're building out a mall you have to give somebody something to eat i don't know what greg's is but the picture you sent it looks like it would be in a mall and everything is 50p so that's nice uh Nick, you are the third pick in the first round.

So I feel like this is a store that you would always end up in to kill time at the mall. It was like the go-to store. And no one ever bought anything there, but hell, if you ever wanted or needed to get an experimental flying vacuum, this was the store for it. It's not loading.

Brookstone is the store. Brookstone. Nice. But I mean, it had all that high-tech, weird travel stuff that you could get and all the cool little gadgets

and gizmos and it's out of business now. That place ruled. They had like, you could go test out the vibrating chairs there. Hang on, you picked a business

in your first pick that's out of business? I mean, it's a mall state. All mine are out of business i mean it's a mall state all mine are out of business really what because it's still not building we're not building stores that exist today we're building like the best of who we're gonna build out the best dream mall right yeah malls of yesteryear yeah okay i that's that's fine uh sure i guess i think it's a fair question it was a thought i had too eric of do

the stores actually still need to be in business but i think it's a great point that this is like the fantasy mall i mean that truly does not make me feel better but thank you uh knowing that you had the same question worries my line of thinking uh it's a reasonable thought um i have the next pick and i think that you guys are all thinking too small. I think that this is a staple in malls, and it is an AMC movie theater. Yeah, that's a great pick. Great. I think that it is such a thing that gets you to the mall so you do other things at the mall establishment like that to me is the

cornerstone of what i'm doing here it's the reason why i would go to a mall now in my 30s versus any like truly really any other reason i think it's a great choice i think a theater is a great pick uh it's there's all sorts of brands you could pick from is there amc is that just the one that you associate the most with yeah definitely why would you go with amc okay it's it's a fair pick i just think of seeing it from outside yeah maybe a regal but really it's seeing it from outside of the mall it is amc that's stupid looking a and that is um that's a movie theater of the mall to me do you think that's top 10 worst a's it's a bad a that's a real shit a you're right next draft yeah it's not a good

i agree bad a's the draft uh does amc have an arcade in it i i don't have an amc where i live so i was just curious yeah they do in one okay that's good because i feel like that's also like you want that from a mall you want to play cruising worlds for a minute and then go see go sit for previews you want like a game of like a claw machine or something just somewhere in the lobby that you could fuck with i also think it's a great theater that you could sneak from movie to movie if you're 14 years old and you're just trying to see a bunch of movies in a day you know just for like how it's designed or yeah it's just that kind of chain theater where it in a day, you know, just for like how it's designed or, or yeah,

it's just that kind of chain theater where it's like, well, we're going to employ just enough people to keep this thing running and they're all going to be 18 and none of them are going to give a fuck about this thing. Uh, so yeah, definitely go see four movies in one day.

If you're 14 years old, do they have an ultimate combo? Do you know what? It's a great question. I don't know that they do. Uh, that's definitely a Galaxy Theater thing, but I'll have to do some research.

But Jeff, you have the final pick in the first round. I'm the caboose in Agneg. I'm going to knock out a place. I'm thinking similarly where I'm not just trying to pick the coolest stores, but I'm trying to build. it's hard to do with four actually I think it'd be much easier with five to build a full mall experience but I think the cornerstone of any mall experience

is you want to be able to go get a tasty snack whether it's like a pretzel or a soda or something to walk around with while you're enjoying the mall to wet your whistle and so I'm gone I've picked a classic classic classic maybe even a little bit before some whet your whistle. And so I'm gone. I've picked a classic, classic, classic,

maybe even a little bit before some of your time. But when you think of the mall in the eighties, you think of orange. Ah, that's a good one. Yeah. Gavin, you ever had an orange Julius?

No, it's, it's like a frothy orange juice combo drink. It's awesome. It's partnered with Dairy Queen, right? Orange Julius? They are now. Orange Julius is still around, actually. I don't know if they're in any malls. You can also see at the height that you can get hot dogs there as well. The tile pattern just screams

7-Eleven to me for some reason. The color scheme? Yeah, I think it's the color scheme. I think to me, I look at it and I see Florida, which is what you want oh orange you know what i mean yeah so so that's that's my first pick orange julius i also like the picture that you picked for it which is definitely like that looked like skateboarding to the mall walking in and there was the orange julius yes we all had to scrounge together change to split one absolutely absolutely yeah it's it just fits perfectly.

I like that it looks kind of dingy in there. That's exactly right. The auto-exposure is really taken from the neon sign and everything else looks really dark. No, but that's how it looks, Gavin. That is an accurate representation of how you feel when you're lining up for an Orange Julius. Oh, it's so good, too.

They're the best. We are snake drafting, so Jeff, because you're the caboose, now you are the engine, and you get to pick first and the second round. Shit, this is gonna be difficult. I'm gonna have to narrow it down. Alright, I'm

going... Fuck me. Yeah, okay. I'm going... Oh, fuck me. Yeah, okay. I'm gonna go... Leave all this in. Well, I've got three different things that I still haven't... I was hoping you guys would help me

make my choice based on what you did or didn't pick. All right, I'm going to go with this one. When I would go to the mall and I would save up my money, there were two places I would spend it. This was one of them. There's probably different versions of this around, but this is the one that was the largest music chain in North America in the mall at the time.

So I am going with Camelot Music. What? Oh, Camelot Music. Yeah, I think it became FYE eventually, but it was the largest music record store, tape store, CD store in America. It looks like it says Cramelot. I've never been to Cramelot Music, Jeff.

Kramelot Music. I think by like 94 or so, they were switched over to FYE. You know, so far with your picks, Jeff, this has completely shifted my view of your mall experience, which I think is interesting. In my head, you have walked around the mall in recent times being excited about what the mall currently brings, where now I'm viewing it as like you walking around imagining what

once was. The Orange Julius that used to be there, the Camelot music. I'm imagining the best version of a mall that I could put together across this expanse of time. And at the time when Camelot music was at its height, that was where every teenager went, because that was where every teenager went because that's where you would go get the new Nine Inch Nails CD or whatever as soon as it came out.

It was a big fucking deal. They got Union Check back there. Under books. Oh, they do. Yeah, and they had books and stuff too, which is kind of why I picked it. Because I did have bookstores and stuff on my list as well. But yeah, I'm narrowing it down to Camelot.

That's what I'm going with. I think it's a good pick. mean i don't i never experienced camelot music obviously but i definitely have similar mall experiences with different stores that fill that exact same need i think that is a staple for sure yeah okay um i have the next pick in the second round and i wonder how you guys are going to feel about this because we talked about food places and this to me is a it's a mall staple. But I don't know if you're going to agree. I think that.

Well, we'll see my pick for my food spot in my mall. Walk out of the AMC theater. I'm done watching a movie and I go right to the McDonald's to buy the giant thing of French fries and walk around. That is absolutely my mall spot getting something to eat so you're just sort of grazing on super-sized fries absolutely at one point i remember being god had to be like 11 or 12 and you could get like a bucket of french fries it was just like an absurd amount of french fries and we would just get that and walk around the mall and eat this giant bucket of french fries and walk into stores

and touch everything with our greasy little hands that sounds great that is such a good pick eric because you're reminding me my career started at the mcdonald Air Mall. Wow. There was like, you could sit at the, there was like a bar you could sit at that faced into the mall and it just had a glass window and you could watch people walk by. And my friends and I would just sit and similarly eat French fries, like a basket of French fries,

and just make fun of people. And I think that's when I realized I wanted to be funny or make fun of people for a living. This is really interesting for me to see because I've never seen a McDonald's in a mall by itself before. Oh, hell yeah. This is not something I have.

Yeah, to me, I associate if you're going to get a McDonald's in a mall, it's going to be attached to a Walmart. Like that's the only... I do not think of McDonald's as a standalone mall in place. That was my concern making the pick because I had this conversation with my wife

and she said McDonald's and I went, oh, I don't, oh yeah. It wasn't the first thing I thought of, but when she brought it up, it's like, that's the, to me, the best pick that I don't know that everyone's going to agree with because of exactly what Andrew just said.

I think it's a good pick. I just, I've never seen it. I have seen it many times. So I think it, I think it became less, I think McDonald's must have pulled. I just have never seen it. I have seen it many times. So I think it became less. I think McDonald's must have pulled out of malls at some point. Yeah. I also think that it's an international thing. It's probably very much U.S. and probably not in a lot of other places in this way.

Yeah. There you go. Great pick, though. Thank you. Next pick, Nick. Your second pick. It feels like the round of food or at the kind of tail end off of that. So I'm going to go with the place I feel like is the easiest snack food,

because it is one you can carry around with you, but also if you want a dessert, you can get a dessert. If you just want a hot dog, if you want a pretzel, of course they got that great dipping sauce. Annie Ann's. Oh, Annie Ann's. Classic. On my list.

It was on my list. Did not pick it. It's like Pavlov's dog. I start to drool when I get to the food court. Pavlov's aunt. I don't know that I've ever bought anything from Auntie Anne's, but I have eaten a million free samples. Oh, that too.

Yeah, if you don't have cash, you can get it. That's like the most recognizable smell too. Like when you get within smell range of Annie Ann's, you know it instantly. Just fresh like pretzel. It smells so good. It's a great smell. My favorite Annie Ann's thing is not even like mall specific,

but Calvin Johnson was like the number one wide receiver in the NFL for a long time and he retired early. But there are all these rumors was like the number one wide receiver in the nfl for a long time and he retired early but there are all these rumors for like the next three years post-retirement that he might come back to the nfl and then he might play for the patriots and it was reported that he was flying into boston and it was kind of around the trade deadline so people were losing their minds that this was like a sign that he was going to return and that the patriots are going to trade for him and it was going to be this big move but in reality he just owned a chain of Auntie Anne's pretzel places and they were having like a get it was like a marketing

meetup type thing for Auntie Anne's had nothing to do with football entirely pretzel related so that's like the main memory I have because we don't have these I've never eaten at an Auntie Anne's but I always think of Calvin Johnson when I see Auntie Anne's. This is a weird association, but I just think it's so funny. The idea of NFL fans losing their minds over what was just like a pretzel related purchase. It's fantastic.

Good pick. I really like it. Gavin, before you do your second pick, how are you feeling about these malls so far? How are you feeling about this draft? I feel like this is going pretty smooth so far. Okay. I'm really glad to hear that. Now, it's your turn.

Your second pick. I'm imagining my dream mall, this hypothetical mall being in America. It's nice to buy cheap clothes when you don't care about them. And it's nice to be as confusing as possible. TK Maxx.

What? Oh. TK. What is TK Maxx? I feel like I've heard of TK Maxx. Is it TK in the UK? Yeah. For some reason, TJ Maxx is TK Maxx in the UK.

What? That will really confuse people when they walk past it. Huh. What? I can't. What? Wow. the UK so I think that will really confuse people when they walk past it huh what I can't what wow is it the same store yep it's like this Andrew it's not just the same store it's like the same

logo yeah oh that's weird what's the what does the K stand for and the J stand for for each one does anyone I have no idea no clue huh it the K stand for and the J stand for for each one? Does anyone? I have no idea. No clue. Huh? It doesn't stand for anything, although the name was created using initials of its founder,

the J and the X. TJ Maxx is a riff off the TJX company. That's there's nothing that it stands for. Wow. Wow. So they just changed it. Yeah, because when I moved here, I was like, oh, they've got to wait. Hang on.

They got TJ Maxx. Why is it? So they just changed the gist yeah, cuz when I moved here. I was like oh, there's they've got t wait how they got Tj max why is it oh? It was modified in the UK to avoid confusion with the British retail chain TJ Hughes I've never even heard of TJ Hughes. What's that? TJ it sounds like a bookshop. Discount store. I don't know. Never seen one. It's just like an everything store.

Huh? Well, you know, I think T.J. Max isn't what I would have thought of for a mall clothing spot, but I like it. I like that. That gets that gets my grandma and my mom there like fucking easy. They can't wait to spend eight and a half hours inside of one of those places. That's such a great point

because I don't think I'd ever pick it and I wouldn't think of it, but if I'm in a mall, there's a comfort in having it there. Even if I don't go there, it just feels right. That should be there. Absolutely.

It's a good pick, Gavin. I thank you. I'm excited about my next two picks Andrew you get two in a row because you are the caboose and then the engine for this and much like Jeff you in the last you know the rock rock not rock draft you talked about personal things I really thought about like what my definitive mall experiences was what were the moments I loved about the mall what really connected with me and i think by far my number one place that i would visit is uh gamestop without a doubt going into

the store looking at all the used games their dvds having the things of like the joy of a kid of having like maybe 15 and being like what the fuck can I buy? Like what weird shit? I want a new game. What am I going to find that's pre-owned that I could fit? I spent so much time and Game Stops just like looking at random things. Also just the kiosks of like when you don't own the console, like maybe you can't afford it. And so being able to play like the demo station, I played the King Kong 360 demo so many goddamn times. This is because it was the main thing available. I have a lot of fondness, not for the brand itself. GameStop as an entity is terrible,

but just the mall experience and sort of like the joyful ignorance of a kid just like going through a game store. Do you know those little kiosks you're talking about where you could sit and play 360 games? Do you know for like 18 months we made like little interstitials for every video game that you could play there? Like top spin golf and there'd be like a 30 second intro. A little RBB intro. Me and Bernie and Gus like making fucking, I don't know, jokes about golf or whatever.

I think there's one for like Amped or something as well. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. We did it. Yeah well. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. We did it. Yeah. I didn't even. Yeah.

That's a good point. The weird nostalgia for having that like shitty like CRT on the ceiling that would just play like trailers of stuff like it's all great. All of that fundamental part of my mall experience growing

up. Loved it. I think that's a great choice. It was also a great place to go buy a red versus blue DVD for about three years before they stopped selling DVDs. Sold about 50,000, well, sold about 100,000 DVDs through GameStop probably.

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slash Landmark has over AMC free popcorn refills without a membership. What? You still get the free refills on the large drink and the large popcorn which is not offered. That was the main deciding factor for me. There's two theater chains where I live and one of them no longer does that.

I had to lean more towards the Avalon Landmark. Wow. Great theater. As I live, and one of them no longer does that. So I had to lean more towards the Avalon landmark. Wow. Great theater. As you've said, I think it's such an important part of the mall experience is just killing time going from show to show. It's a spot I feel is needed to hang out for a long time in the mall,

which is what you'd want to do. Yep. I like it. That's a good pick. I think theater's a strong one. It's a strong choice. I'm curious to see what Gavin is about to do in his third round pick after TK Maxx. Well, for me, the staple of a mall, if we're talking about staples and cinemas and staples, we should probably have staples.

Okay. I don't think the mall should have staples. Do you want some stationery? Uh-huh. If you want a stapler. Uh-huh. I don't think I've ever seen a Staples in a mall. But I think that's just maybe a local.

No, they're always quite big, aren't they? But maybe they need to shrink a Staples down. Uh-huh. Maybe just sell Staples. Your ideal mall would have a Staples that they've shrunken down and put in the mall. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I think so. Gavin's ultimate, like, do you want to go to the mall Saturday?

Like, oh, yeah, we could go to Staples, and we could grab a meat pie at Greg's, and then head over to TK Maxx. I'm so excited. Your mall is all the stores I don't go to, and I'm so excited to see what your fourth pick is going to be when it comes back around. Like, Gavin, you have given, like, these are strong malls so far. Your mall is insane, and I can't like these are strong malls so far. Your mall is insane.

And I can't wait to see what your fourth. Oh, I would love to see which people would be. Yeah, I was about to say you're making a great case for most boring right now. This mall draft. I like Greg's. That seems fun. I think I think it's a great choice. Gav.

Everybody needs office supplies. I've never seen it in a mall. That's interesting to me. Sort of like, right. But it should be shrunken down and put in a great choice, Gav. Everybody needs office supplies. I've just never seen it in a mall. That's interesting to me. Sort of like McDonald's. Right, but it should be shrunken down and put in a mall. Yeah. Okay. I guess, has anyone here seen it in a mall, though?

I don't know that I've been looking. That's a great argument against it. I mean, hang on. Let's see. Oh, Andrew. It looks like there's staples in the mall. Oh, there we go. Oh, Andrew. It looks like... There's staples in the mall. Oh, there we go.

Yeah, like I said, I'm not opposed to it. I just have never seen it. It's got a window on the side. They should just call it a staple. Looks like it might be next to a TK Maxx. It does. It looks like it's next to a TK Maxx. That's great.

That's your mall. I like that in that picture, on the side to entice you to come in, it says paper and ink. Oh boy. Oh, I better calm down. I might get too excited about staples. Wait,

we're just going to walk past here. Did you not see that? Nick, your third pick in the mall draft. So this is a place I feel like you go to to kind of chill out for a little bit. If it is an outdoor mall, it's a good place just to pop in and be cool.

But also, I just really love candles. Yankee Candle. Oh, Yankee Candle. Great spot to stop. They have a lot of different scents. You gotta check them all out. Nick's mall smells so good. Well, and also good indication of whether there's a COVID spike.

That's... Oh. So you're providing not just an excellent shop, but also like a healthy human service. That's what I'm here for. Man, I have instant memories of being drug into yankee candle and the hallmark store with my mom when i was like nine and being just bored to fucking me too but then i guess that's classic mall yeah great candle

you guys you don't have yankee candle we don't have it yankee candles probably still going strong too what do you guys have You guys have like Candle I don't even know what's a British soldier Called Now we got like Biffy's Wicks I'm sorry what the fuck did you just say

I'll be honest I made that up It sounded like it was out of Harry Potter Like a Harry Potter Biffy's Wicks Biffy's W like it was out of Harry Potter. Like a Harry Potter. Biffy's Wicks. Biffy's Wicks feels straight out of Harry Potter. Oh, man. My next pick.

And this sort of changed for me when Nick. This was one that I thought of on the fly when Nick said Brookstone. And then we decided I just figured it had to be places that were open. And I was told that I was wrong. And that's fine. Quick replacement. But then I also, I also did some research and found out it is still open.

Oh, my third pick in our mall draft, Suncoast motion picture company. Dude, I have that same photo in my list. Do you really? Yeah. yeah yeah it's classic sun coast there are three still open that one's in texas i think right the one beaumont texas omaha nebraska jacksonville north carolina so they cannot believe they're still going what is it movies

oh yeah if you want to spend 44 on an anime vhs gavin do i have the place for you um suncoast is where we would go into and look at all of the stuff that you've never seen before and you would be like i've never heard of any of these movies these anime these cartoons like any of this stuff it is the craziest selection of stuff movies and just pop culture stuff before GameStop like really took that over that's how that felt in like 1998 there was a time before like Best Buy and shit when Suncoast was the only place you could go to get new DVDs and movies I mean you could buy used ones at Blockbuster but if you wanted to go buy like a brand new Gremlins or whatever when it hit you you had to go to Suncoast.

Yeah, and it was always really expensive and it always had that marquee neon. All of them had like that marquee neon at like the top. And it was just such a cool look and such a cool spot when I was like 13 that it's hard to not put it on my list. Pretty good A as well. Good A.

Great, great looking A. I think all the letters there have such like a cool, like there should be like a palm tree with it. You know what I mean? Like there's, it's just like such a look. It has such a look to it. Yeah. Suncoast sounds like the name of a candle

I would buy at Yankee Candle and enjoy. That's true. It has a great feel to it. Absolutely true. Great smell. But yeah, feel good about Suncoast as a third pick. I like it a lot. Okay.

Is it on to me now? It's you, Jeff. I'll be honest, Eric. You did me a favor by picking Suncoast because it was in a trifecta of three that I just was having trouble figuring out. And so you eliminating it from contention makes this a little bit easier.

I spent more time at Suncoast than most stores in the mall, I have to admit. However, the way I'm looking at it is Camelot Music probably has DVDs and they have books because I was also thinking about a bookstore. And so I figured Camelot kind of covered the much.

So I'm going to move on to when you're a teenager or a kid and you're looking for stuff to do in the mall and you don't have a lot of money, very few places are better to spend a half an hour to 45 minutes than Aladdin's Castle. Oh, is it like an arcade? Full arcade. You go in, you got like two or three bucks.

At a minimum, you can just go watch somebody play Pit Fighter or Mortal Kombat for an hour. And it's entertaining. And there are probably even some teenagers that are smoking in there. Okay. So I grew up in malls in like the later, like mid to late 90s, in early 2000s. We didn't really have like independent arcades within the mall. Sometimes they were attached

to a movie theater. Usually, no arcade at all. Really? Yeah. It was a nationwide chain. Jack worked at Aladdin's Castle and if you bring it up, he'll tell you all about it

for a while. I won't. I'm not going to be careful for a while. But yeah, they were nationwide when I was a kid and they definitely kind of lost their prominence as the 80s wore on for while. But yeah, they were nationwide when I was a kid. And they definitely kind of lost

their prominence as, you know, as the 80s wore on for sure. But yeah, Aladdin's Castle was a staple. Yeah, I never saw an arcade in a mall ever growing up. No. Yeah, right? Me neither.

And it feels like it's such a thing in movies, like going to the mall and going to the arcade. Never had it. Yeah, it definitely was for me, for sure. That's awesome. Yeah, I didn't have that. That's a great pick.

That's such a cool marquee. That, like, the black and white checker, like, sort of trim is so cool. Like, that is so mall. It just is so mall. It's where you, it's like, you ever hear that bad religion song, Billy? That's where I assume it takes place.

Go listen to that song and then then imagine it's happening in aladdin's castle and that's uh yeah it's pretty good i love that pic i had a hard time as you said like for me i couldn't figure out how to name it because none of the malls had like a distinct arcade but there were like the area that had two virtual fighter cabinets and like a pinball machine. Yeah. It was just like by itself. There's like no. So knowing that there's a place called Adam's Castle where that's what that was, that's awesome. I didn't know that.

Great pick. Thanks. I mean, Jeff, you've picked three, and now it's your fourth and final. This begins our final round of the mall. All right. Now this is my regional pick, but it's, And I'm picking it

because it's very near and dear to me. But I feel like you cannot have a mall. Like, every mall, at least in America, needs, like, a tentpole store, a department store. And everything else kind of feeds. Like, when I was a kid,

it was JCPenney's. It was Sears. Eventually, it was Dillard's. It's these big Macy's, these stores where you can go and buy cologne and do your school shopping and maybe get a kitchen item. You need like a pot or a pan or something. And it's all there, typically two stories. And it's like the one stop shop for your parents. I bought every bit of school clothes I got in middle school and high school that my mom bought me came from this department store in Mobile, Alabama. Gafers.

Is that really the name of it? What? Yeah. Gafers. It eventually became Dillard's. I think they sold to Dillard's. But yeah, when I was growing up in the 80s and the 90s, the big department store you would go to to do all your school shopping

was Gafer's. You know the guy that took that sign down and put up Dillard's kept the first three letters, right? Is that the same font as Sony? Is that the same? It looks the same to me. Well, Gafer's is a Sony subsidiary. You can sub it out with

Montgomery Ward or Sears or Dillard's or Macy's or whatever you want to, but in Alabama, it was Gaffers. So that's my final pick. Big department store, tent pole, like foundational that you need in every mall. I like it. I think

that the thing we've been lacking is big store that, like, I think that's thing we've been lacking is big store that like other, like I think T I think that's why TK Maxx is such a good pick. It's store where you have all this stuff that you need to get. And it's sort of a cornerstone in a mall. It's like when, if you think of Christmas vacation, when,

uh, when Clark goes to the mall to get a gift for, uh, for Beverly D'angelo and he's talking to the lady at the perfume counter and stuff like it's that right yeah you need that absolutely um so i agree that you need that cornerstone shop you need the thing where you can get all your back to school clothes you can get jewelry for your wife you can get a watch you can get new shorts you can get all of that stuff and that's why my pick is the car that you can win in a contest

we've definitely gone in one direction i'm going the other way this is the car that you can enter to win it is to me a crucial piece of the mall that you have to walk by and look at and go, how'd they get that in here? Where's the unloading bay? Every mall needs it. Every mall has it. You've never known anyone who's ever won it, but the car still exists within the mall, and that's why it's my fourth and final pick, the car that you can enter to win.

Oh, that's a great pick. It is really a great pick. That might be the best one. Thank you. Thank you very much. It's needed. Nick, your final pick in this mall draft. I'm mad at you because this is a place

I feel like you can go to and if something's wrong, if you need to make a wish, you can go and flip a coin into the the mall fountain wow the mall fountain that's great wow that is i this guys gavin and andrew have are up against it now mall fountain suchountain, such a good pick. Wow. Wow. I never would have thought of it, Nick.

Nick, you just reminded me that I got a lifetime ban from the mall in Indianapolis because I tied my friend Mike up in the army and threw him in a fountain. Wow. What a thing to trigger. Wow. What a thing to trigger. Wow. I'm so glad you went with that, Nick. Mall Fountain was on my board as well,

but I just didn't know if it was too obscure. I'll share mine when we're doing the submissions we didn't make. I got to say, the car and the fountain are both just awesome. Real good creative thinking. The picture that you chose also is like, that's the mall. That's the mall. That color, that tone is just so the mall. That dark.

Yeah. It looks like the 80s come to life. It is. It's the thing now that kids are like, this is a liminal space. And you're like, no, this is just where we used to go. It's the thing now that kids are like, this is a liminal space. And you're like, no, this is just where, this is where we used to go. It's the color palette of my childhood. It really is.

Yeah. Gavin, you're up for your fourth and final pick for this mall draft. Hmm. All right. You okay? I want to change floors. All right.

Okay. But the Escalator is a single and the down one, the one you want is somewhere else. Why aren't they twins side by side? I always find the one going the wrong way. So is your pick

a single escalator? A single escalator where the other direction is somewhere else this is a good experience iconic great mall feature you are 100 right all right so you have your pick your fourth and final pick is a single escalator going one direction where the other one is somewhere else. Exactly right. Fantastic.

That, Gavin, after Nick picked Fountain, I went, man, I don't know how they're going to top it. Congratulations, man. That's great. That's a great pick that is so uniquely a mall. That was a last minute pivot based on yours and Nick's recent picks. I like the idea of being stuck in Gavin's mall and not being able to get out of it.

Just constantly going on the wrong escalator. The other one is simply going, it's just somewhere else. You'll find it. Yeah. Yeah. It's just, oh man, what a great. Andrew, you are up. This is It's just. Oh, man. What a great. Andrew, you are up.

This is your fourth pick in our final pick in our mall draft. These have been you guys had a great run of mall things that are just like experiential. Like you witness them from place to place. There are a lot of great options to choose from. I'm going to go with one that is so specific to Canada. This is so regional. I think it's also important that we cover food items. I'm going to get into it.

I'm going to have to give you guys a little bit of an education of this store because it's bizarre in a wonderful way. My last pick is Zeller's. Now, what makes Zeller's unique is it's like, imagine like a TJ Maxx, but there also is a diner in it for some reason what and just the corner of the store so my like zeller's experience growing up is you would enter in the zellers would be like a tj maxx they got the clothes they got the game section they got toys

they got all that shit the snacks then if you go to the return section, there is a hole in the wall that looks like Andy Dufresne made it like it should be there. And you step in and it's this old retro style diner like you're stepping back in time with like shitty food. But in the best way, like the worst, best burger. For me, it was a grilled cheese and that was my staple. As somebody who grew up, it is the iconic divorced parents place where you gotta hang with your dad for two hours and you're gonna get dinner. I spent a lot of time in Zeller's. It's a great, it's a sad,

but good, sad mall place. And it doesn't, it's not just Zeller's itself is the thing. There's so much iconic imagery with it. This is a big part of my childhood. Their mascot was called Zeddy and they had these fucking things where you sit in the Zeddy chair and it goes around in a circle. It's just awesome.

It's a great, it's a great product. And I have one last thing to share, which I discovered in the history of this. Give me one second to pull up a link. But essentially, I think it's so important. Like we talked about having a restaurant place in your list and so having a diner and sort of like a tj maxx as like a one two is perfect also their whole ad campaign was that their prices were the lowest because that was the law it was like they legally they had a weird judge just approved that we have the lowest prices. So as an honorable man myself, as a respecter of the law, one who prints it, I felt an obligation to depict this.

The lowest price is the law. Yeah, it's a very, very strange. Is Zellers partnered with Walmart? No, they're not. But they recently I don't think so. Very strange. Is Zellers partnered with Walmart? No. They're not. But they recently... I don't think so. I don't think that was ever... Big Walmart sign right there in the front of your Zellers that says,

Please excuse the tarp. Oh, it's probably going to become one because all the signs in Zellers are closing. Total liquidation. All the closing signs. And the ceiling's gone. So Zellers closed, but it's back. They just recently brought it back sort of in a bullshit way of inside of a different store um my last thing to share as i was trying to find like good

so it's a it's a difference in a different store with a diner in it so because it's like such an iconic canadian staple and people have so much nostalgia for zellers they brought it back and i believe they're putting it inside of stores called the Bay. I could be wrong about that, but from what I read, that's what they were doing. And then they're doing a food truck outside of

it. That was like Zellers items to try to recreate the diner experience. But looking at Zellers commercials, I have a thing.

I think Eric will enjoy this the most way. It's Val Venus. There are zero celebrity endorsements from Zellers outside of this weird Val Venus ad, which I think is great. So if you want to watch that very quickly, it's very brief.

Val Venus is Canadian. That makes sense. I like that he just drives around in a convertible with no shirt on. Yeah, absolutely. No shirt, sunglasses. Those sunglasses are great. He's trying to get in. Yeah, he's's trying to get in yeah he's just trying to get his duct tags

I mean just so we're all on the same page here on who Val Venus was his gimmick in the 90s was that he was a porn star who was also a professional wrestler was he actually a porn star? no but that was the gimmick.

So who do you think won this draft? I think it's tough. I like how off the rails the last round went. Me too. I really like that. But that's important for a last round because you're not letting anything go. Let's go over the draft board. Andrew, your mole is

Spencer's Gifts, GameStop, Avalon slash Landmark landmark theater and zellers and my it's sort of like jeff in the last draft i i love my mall but that's because it's just things that were i love it's my ideal mall gavin gavin's mall gavin's mall is greg's tk max staples and a single escalator going one direction where the other one is somewhere else good very mall solid it's all very well i will say i would want to spend the least amount of time in gavin's mall but it is very mall you know what that's fair uh-huh uh-huh uh Nick's mall, Brookstone, Auntie Anne's, Yankee Candle, and the mall fountain. You know what's an underrated part of mall fountain that we didn't talk about at the time? That really overly powerful chlorine smell you get from the fountain.

Yes. I think Nick has the best smells. He has the nicest smelling mall by far. Yeah. My mall is AMC Theaters, McDonald's, Suncoast, and the car you can enter to win. That's good. That's a good one. It's a really good mall. So good.

I feel like there's plenty to do at my mall. Yes. I feel good about it. You might win a car. It's a great contest. And Jeff's mall, Orange Julius, Camelot music aladdin's castle and gafers now great great picks yes you i feel like also some of your picks lack the brand recognition of like i'm not familiar with the aladdin's castle but the idea of a giant arcade in the mall i fucking

love that i mean just because you don't understand the brand, Aladdin's Castle was the largest arcade chain in the world, probably. It's like, there's huge brand recognition. You just don't recognize it. I've realized my mall is a list of stores that you walk past while you're trying to find the other Escalier.

That's absolutely, it's just one big circle where it keeps happening. Oh, you're in a loop. That's unfortunate, but that is what it is, and that's totally fine. Jeff's stuff can be found throughout history. Julian, Camelot,

Aladdin. Jeff's stuff is all like 80s. It's all 80s movie stuff like Jeff's mall is what Terminator 2 looks like well Terminator 2 is what the mall looked like in the 80s yeah exactly luckily they didn't get stuck on the single escalator though that's oh man what a fight secrets that would have been speaking of Terminator 2 I found in the course of my research, I found a short one minute and 44 second clip

of a chase scene that was in a movie filmed in 1994 through one of my high school malls. Oh, wow. I can share that with you guys if you want to see it. It's maybe the most boring chase scene of all times. There you go. This is called Springdale Mall Motorcycle Chase Scene from Raw Justice.

Oh, this music. So this would have been filmed while I was in high school probably. Wow. Did you have any idea they were filming a movie at your mall? I don't think so, no. Ooh, that saxophone. There's one great line

of dialogue about halfway through. Oh, he's opening the big door. He doesn't even realize. It's pretty good. He doesn't even realize motorcycles are coming.

Yeah. It's your reaction to it either. That's fantastic. This is so cool. That's your mall. I'm gonna reward, man. This is your mall.

Oh, yeah. There's the fountain. There's my fountain. Yep. This is legitimately my mall. I'm gonna reward, man. This is your mall. Oh, yeah. There's the fountain. There's my fountain. Yep. Like, this is legitimately my mall. What was that shot of? Oh. Oh.

That's kind of stylish, the wheel to the other bike. Mm-hmm. This is, uh... I think I might have to watch Raw Justice. Ha ha ha ha! That was some shit! Did you get to the pullover dumb shit line yeah yeah yeah that's very good dude it's the fucking

you're doing the same thing as what the other dumb shit is doing you're a dumb shit there's gq store whatever the fuck that is you might be able to see gamers in this just on the floor shot what the oh dude this rules this is the slowest chase I've ever seen the one dude just fucking eat shit for no reason next to gators

dude that's why did they film this in Mobile alabama fucking probably it was free i would assume what anyway that's uh that i thought that was a great little piece of history also i found some funny stuff you associate the gap with the mall right like i think yeah yeah honestly did you know the gap used to look this fucking lame i I found this fucking photo of the Gap. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. That is not how I feel. That's not how you associate the Gap with today, right?

No, not at all. That's definitely before all of its rebrand and everything, right? Did it start as just a space between two stores? That's a funny joke. No, I mean... No, I never thought about it. It just looks like two walls of other stores, and they just put, I never thought about it. It just looks like two walls of other stores and they just put clothes in it.

Definitely does. That'd be such a cool origin to that name. KB Toys and then the other one I had was Walden Books. KB Toys is such a good one. I feel like one that we didn't pick, but largely because I think it's maybe not anyone hears like demographic but it's a uh mall staple is uh hot topic yeah oh yeah that's a huge store it feels like it's the only reason people go to the mall right now um but i don't know man it. It was on my list,

and I just couldn't pull the trigger on it. I was going to go for a lush just so it would waft into the main area. I didn't want to go in because it's too powerful, but I think that would be nice for the nearby stores. Another one that was regional for me was a place called Mervin's California. Oh, that logo.

Look at that. Oh, Mervin's. Mervin's California. Oh, that logo. Look at that. Oh, Mervin's. Mervin's California. Everything about that logo was, oh, we're going back to school and we need to get new clothes. You know what's interesting about that is Mervin's is a nationwide chain.

So you got the like Texas-sized version of it where they're like, they localized it to you. I bet AC Slater shop there. Doesn't it look like saved by the bell? Like big time. It does. I also had a, I didn't pick it,

but I, I was close and it was, uh, the little train that you can ride at the mall. I just felt like the car that you can enter to win was a stronger choice,

but train at the mall is definitely, like that's a big one. Holy shit. I just Googled what happened to Aladdin's Castle. The last Aladdin's Castle closed in May of 2020 in Quincy, Illinois

at a tight, there were, pandemic did them in there were 450 locations throughout malls in America until wow that was a great draft that was a really good draft that was a really fun draft, the mall I think these malls will leave it up to the people

to decide, do you guys have any standouts that you thought were the winner or do we leave it up to the people to decide do you guys have any standouts that you thought were the winner or do we leave it just to the people i would leave it to the people i think we leave it to the people um for sure i mean i think everybody's mall is personal to them so like clearly i think i did i had the best but you know i'm sure andrew thinks he had the best so yeah the mall is back the mall is back the mall is back some malls are back is colonels is that everywhere is that is that one that shared or is that a local thing like it's a popcorn it's like a sunglass kiosk but they only sell popcorn it's like a mall staple here but i didn't know if that was too region specific never i never shared i meant to share

the um before we move on my mall has a great what I feel at least it a great fountain they recently got rid of it which is really sad but this was a staple of the biggest mall where I live water it's a whole like clock tower water thing which is great that's really cool that's really cool it was awesome

it's now just like a stupid LCD board that you can like step on and it lights up. It's dumb. Was the clock powered by water or something? I believe so. Yeah. It was awesome.

Oh, there's kernels in the background too. Yeah, there's kernels. Exactly what I was thinking. I didn't even mean to do that. The other one I didn't pick, but I feel like is very much a mall staple, at least. Once again, don't know if this is regional.

Lids. The hat store. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like every mall has a lids. Every month. A lot of the malls in America have two or three lids. If I'm being honest with you. Yeah. There's like a lids on each floor.

Do you guys have a picture of what your mall look like from the outside? Oh, let me like not not the one that we just drafted, but like, yeah, like the mall that you would go to all the time. Like, do you have like an image of that? I probably can find one. There it is is what is the name of your mall ingram park ingram park mall huh uh here we go we had that's the bel air mall oh that's the bel air mall yeah nice it's so bright looking we had the uh beautiful parkway plaza oh that's awesome that looks great that is that's the mall that i spent all my time when i was a kid uh gavin did you have like indoor malls uh yeah let me my uh my primary indoor mall Woodgrove Center it's the big one on on the NIMA oh

oh wow wow that's that's impressive it looks kind of like a TIE fighter oh wow mine was

Friars Square Friars Square is a great name that's so British dude and when I was a kid I used to love running through that bridge because it was like kind of boingy it was like boing boing boing yeah and it was like a kid i used to love running through that bridge because it was

like kind of boingy it was like yeah and it was like a little bit springy on the floor guys this was a very good draft uh i'm really excited to see what when we leave it to the people what they choose as the winning mall but um this was a really successful draft i I like this a lot. So we've done falls. We've done rocks, but not rocks. We've done malls. Who knows what's next? You still want to do falls again, Gavin? Or is that shit?

Oh, yeah, big time. A big time. Let's do walls. I got dibs on a great wall of China. Oh, man. Oh, shit. Well, that's it. I think that's the end of our draft. Oh, shit. Well, that's it.

I think that's the end of our draft. Great, malls. Any parting thoughts, any final words about malls or to these people listening? No. Nope. If you haven't, thanks for asking, Eric, I do. If you feel nostalgia towards malls, you remember enjoying them in your youth,

or maybe you have never been to a mall and you don't know what all the hubbub is about google mall in your town and uh take a take a gander walk around and see you might be surprised the malls malls are back in some places they're definitely not in others but they uh you might be surprised the mall might be back in your very town and you didn't even know it i actually do i've now that you said something Jeff, you just made me think. I'd love to hear what like regional things people have for their malls. Like I want to know what their equivalent is as Ellers or whatever. I'd love to see that.

Let us know. Tweet at us at F*** Face Pod. And you can also follow us on Instagram and let us know who won this mall draft because we will have polls. But thank you very much for listening. This has been a F*** Face Draft, and now we're done. Bye!