Regulation Podcast - Fluke Face

Episode Date: November 3, 2020

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Music. Hello and welcome to what is hopefully the first episode of a new podcast by Rooster Teeth Productions. This one is called Bleep Face and it stars myself, Jeff Ramsey, co-creator of Rooster Teeth, and my two co-workers and more importantly, lifelong friends, Gavin Free, Hey Buddy, and Andrew Penn. Hello. Gavin Free, Hey Buddy, and Andrew Patton. Hello. This point of the podcast, bleep face, is sort of that thing you do where I can best describe it, and Andrew and I have been using this as a verb for a little while.

I can best describe it as shooting yourself in the foot to make you laugh, right? I think that's fair. Doing something dumb and funny that ultimately probably causes more harm to you than good, but as long as it makes you laugh and you're the butt of your own joke, it doesn't matter. As someone who's known you for a long time, Jeff, you've been beat-facing yourself your entire life. Well, Gavin, I have had a bad run there, I will say. Part of, I think, why I'm fascinated by Andrew is you knew me probably at the worst period in my life for bleep facing. Laugh. I laughs. You laughs. I've been married twice for a grand total of about 22 years and my second marriage, which lasted about 12 years, to a lovely woman who unfortunately was married to me at the part of my life in my 30s, my late 20s and early 30s when, Gavin, when you knew me best, you were living with us. Laughs.

best you were living with us. Laughs. When I could not stop cutting off my nose to spite my face, to make myself laugh. And ultimately that marriage ended in a divorce. Who can blame her? But I will say as good things that come out of it, it is I learned to stop laughs. I don't do it anymore.

I don't as much anymore. You don't do it anymore? I don't think do it like I did. I don't do it like I did. There were some times where you would be on the brink of making a joke or a comment that would make you laugh and you knew it was going to cause something to happen. Yeah. And there would be moments where you would just like sit on the couch and your face would scrunch up and you start kicking your legs and try and hold it in and then you would just say the comment laughs laughs laughs and that would be it for the evening or the weekend or whatever yeah yeah laughs what i appreciate is uh you make it sound like a choice like this is a fascinating thing to hear for me this isn't i'm i don't calculate my bleep facing it just happens

yeah why is it going really quiet did we fuck face our own fucking podcast then. I was checking my audio and shit. Why is everybody quiet? What happened? Mr. Light, let's carry on. I'm just constantly fucking up. Just do that. Andrew, to your line.

I'm just constantly fucking up by accident, making a complete ass of myself. So you just can't turn it off? No, there's no turning it on or off. I'm just existing. This is my life. It's why I think you're a unique individual, Andrew. Because it was a compulsion for me, for sure.

And it still is. But it's one that I've learned to control. I think you have no impulse control when it comes to that kind of stuff. It's my fault? Laughs. Nah, well, yeah, a little bit. Laughs. Or genetics or whatever.

Really? But. That's fascinating. It's kind of funny. You are what I call the best kept secret of Rooster Teeth. You are this weird, I think the closest approximation is you're kind of like a performance artist would be the best way to put the best way I could describe it. A comedic performance artist. And every day of your life, you live in a different,

unique way that usually backfires on you and gavin and i essentially been having this podcast with you for the last five years and we've been very selfish to keep it between the the three of us well that was the thing i i was mentioning this back when we were in the office and stuff i would come in and just just fill Jeff in on the latest Andrew antics. And then I would, at one point, I think it was when we were doing like Fisher Summer or something. I was like, I think Andrew's the funniest person at Achievement Hunter. And he doesn't even work here. We would need a show where we just hear about his weird antics.

No, for sure, Gavin. It's kind of a nut where we've been trying to crack for a long time is how do you harness the power of an Andrew Patton and focus it into some sort of content? And we've struggled forever. I don't know why it never crossed our minds to have a podcast until... Laugh. It hit me like two months ago. I don't know

why it took like five years to figure out to just get in a room and talk. Apparently that idea was it was too much for my feeble brain. I actually thought about calling this the Andrew podcast. Just calling it Andrew. No other explanation, but that didn't seem dumb enough. And so I thought, why not name? Well, first off, the point of Rooster Teeth Productions is, as a production company, is to make money. We've got a lot of podcasts, a lot of content on the Internet. Millions and millions of people across the world tune in, thankfully.

And so I think ultimately, bleepface is to call a podcast that needs to sell advertisements an unusable name. In a super oversaturated market where there's a certain amount of money to go around and there's a billion podcasts, and this one's called bleepface. Laughs. Yes, there are over 1 million podcasts in existence right now, I believe. And as far as I know, this is the only one called Bleep Face. Now that might mean we're brilliant, but it probably doesn't. I checked the podcast charts yesterday to see the closest or the highest ranking podcast

I could find that blanks its own name it's like 126 so we got a shot laugh we can we're we're in the hundreds okay interesting it's possible i will say i'm really glad you didn't go with andrew because i mentioned at the time if you did i'd feel obliged to change my name because it'd be really funny if we had a podcast called Andrew, nobody on it was called Andrew. Ah, like the further it went,

the funnier it would become. Uh, and, uh, when I, I ran that idea by my mom, she cried. Laughs.

So that would have been a problem. She would have been very committed to the name. The idea of you going, laughs, you going down to the courthouse, it's like, well, why are you changing your name? It's because, well, the new name isn't a podcast. Laughs. Laughs.

I mean, it's a great bit. You'd have to do it. Laugh. Andrew, you were telling me you were listening to another podcast we do, the RT podcast, the Rooster Teeth podcast. And we were having a conversation about, I don't even remember what it was. Gav, do you remember something about getting face tattooed? Something like that. what it was. Gav, do you remember something about getting face tattooed? Something like that.

And preface it by saying, if you're not familiar with the Rooster Teeth podcast, I have 152,000 tattoos from the neck down to the feet, and my arms and hands are all covered in tattoos. to the feet and my arms and hands are all covered in tattoos but it'd be a cold day in hell before i got a face tattoo that's uh that's a bridge too far for me i think uh but then again i'm not a i'm not a mumblecore rapper who's 19 and uh full of laughs so maybe i'm it's just not for me uh but Andrew you said that reminded you of a story that kind of the point of the this podcast is to let you tell the stories of dumb things that you've done or brilliant things or just mediocre things uh what is your face tattoo story well the conversation on the podcast was you were saying, Gavin, you'd be willing to take a million dollars to have a company advertise on your face. Yeah. Like, would that be an exchange you'd be willing to make?

And as someone who did that, I made a, it wasn't even a bet, which is probably the worst part. I'm someone, if I declare something, I'll own up to it. And it was a colleague football game. I think, right, Jeff? I think it was Alabama versus Auburn. I said if Alabama lost, I would get a temporary Mike Tyson face tattoo and wear it every day for a week of the next week. And they blew it.

Laughs. They like threw like multiple interceptions. They threw a pick six. It was terrible. And so now I felt locked in to having this Mike Tyson tattoo. Laughing.

I like that the first bleep face story is that you bleep faced your face. Laugh. Yeah, he did. What was it? It was fascinating, Jeff, you talking about, I never even considered, you obviously have a ton of tattoos. Are you aware of your tattoos? Like when you walk around, are, are you mindful of like what they are and that you have them uh no not at all yeah i the i the i you get tattoo when you have when you have enough tattoos uh you start to get like tattoo blindness i don't even think about it i forget that i have tattoos and sometimes if i walk by a mirror or something not at home but if i'm like and obviously not

outside because nobody leaves their house anymore but if i were to walk by like downtown and like a window you know like a department store or something you You see a reflection. If I see myself with tattoos, even though I'm 44 and I've had tattoos since I was 18, yeah, it still catches me off guard sometimes. But I'm like, what the? All right, that's me. I'm that guy. I have those. That's sort of where my insight came in because when I got the face tattoo, you would think that you'd be really mindful of the fact that you have a Mike Tyson face tattoo. Never crossed my mind at all. I'd constantly forget I had it. Like the first time I interacted with someone, I had like food delivered.

And they looked at me really weird. And I was kind of, I thought it was strange, the interaction. I was like, what? Why are they staring? Like what was, that was awkward. And then I saw myself in the mirror and was like, what? Why are they staring? That was awkward. And then I saw myself in the mirror and was like, oh, right, I have a fucking Mike Tyson face tattoo.

Laughs. You'd constantly forget. So I think you'd easily, it would make complete sense to I'd be willing to do that. I'd have a brand tattoo on my face because you'd just forget that it was there. And missable design too.

Was there a moment when you had that Mike Tyson tattoo for a week? A, by the way, lucky you didn't get sued by Mike Tyson or the tattoo artist because that was a whole kerfuffle way back in the day. Laughs. But was there ever a moment where you felt kind of like a tough guy or like you imitated somebody? Oh, not at all. Never. Laughs.

That's just not in me. I could never be the tough guy. It's impossible. I love listening to like my favorite i was uh watching a documentary recently uh vince mchan one time he went to a strip club with filled with wrestlers it was like a bunch of people that worked for him and he had every single wrestler perform their finisher on him in the strip club just because laugh wow like i love dumb tough guy shit but that's just not in my dna big fan of him though laughs laugh so you're saying you're less of a vince mcmahon

in life oh couldn't be less yeah laughs okay well that's good i'm just getting a clear mental pit if i didn't know what if i didn't know in person, I would have a pretty clear mental picture of you right now. And by the way, you and I had this bet. I'm from Alabama, this thing to be proud of in Alabama. And so I it was delightful to watch you go through the process of being disappointed by a far superior football team, because I've been doing it my whole life. It was a second layer of entertainment for me. But what was the embarrassing thing that happened to you? But what was the embarrassing thing that happened to you? I, uh, this is like, this is embarrassing on like a level that isn't even related to the tattoo. Okay. I don't understand how hair works.

Like, I don't. Laughs. I don't know how to, I don't know how to communicate how I want my hair cut. So I've had like three stylists in my entire life. Like one when I was a kid and then one when I was like middle age. And I went to that guy until literally the end. And now I went to this third guy. Hit him up. And this is literally

this is how it goes. I meet a guy. We come to an agreement on what it looks like. If I like it, then that's just becomes the thing I just say, just give me what I normally get because I don't know how to verbally communicate what I actually want. The problem is that guy switched. He was stressed working at a salon, so he switched to work in a retirement home. So I get my haircut at a retirement home. Laughs.

Which is not a place you want to go with a Mike Tyson tattoo. I really shouldn't have. Or at all. Not a place you want to go with a Mike Tyson tattoo. I really shouldn't have. Or at all. Not a place you can go right now, right? Yeah, no, that's another problem. I have no idea when I'll be able to get my hair cut. No clue. It could be months.

Probably will be months. But it might even be longer. How old are you, Andrew? You're like 24, 25? 25. You're a 25-year-old man who goes into a retirement home to get his hair cut. Laughs. I didn't choose the retirement...

Listen, I'm loyal. I get my guy. I stay with my guy. So loyal. Laughing. That's too loyal. I don't know. You Canadians are just too polite.

Well, it honestly comes down to, I just don't know how hair works. Laughs. Do you know how hair works, Gavin? Like, when you get your hair cut, what... I don't know how hair works. How does hair work, Gavin? Like, when you go to get your hair cut, what do you do? Do you communicate I I mean it's along the same lines where you were just like hey try try this and then you eventually find one that you like and you stick with it it's like when when you're

creating a character in a video game and you just hit x to randomize until you're like that one looks all right yeah yeah I agree I don't like uh the there's probably a thing i don't know i'm not even going to pretend that i have any concept i have zero understanding of how hair works so i go to retirement home oh wait before you go on i just want to know how far would have you got would you have gone to follow this guy like what if he what if he like moved into like a volcano or something would you how would you sack him off at that point is the volcano local laughs was it did he move is the retirement home closer than where you used to get your haircut like did it was it a distance saving or anything no mean, I live on an island in a small town, so it's like no matter where you go, it's 15 minutes.

So there's no, that's not a factor at all. In your small, weird Canadian island town, are you well known? Like, are you that weird kid that does the weird stuff? We'll say that I'm not. Laughs. Okay. I'm known in some capacity. Known in'm not. Laughs. Okay. I'm known in some capacity. Known in some capacity.

Laughs. A bit of a local celebrity, yeah? As it were. A little bit. There may be people wanting me to run for mayor. Laughs. Which, by the way, I have the newspaper article you sent me from the things you're talking about. I'm going to get it framed and

hang it in my office. Is that a future episode? I think that's probably a future episode. Okay. Oh my God. So after your week of walking around Canada with that shitty Mike Tyson tattoo, your big insight is that you would get a face tattoo for a million dollars? is that you would get a face tattoo for a million dollars? Oh yeah. No, absolutely. Because you don't notice it. I don't care. I don't look at myself in the mirror all that often and it's not something I need to do. It's really an inconvenience for everyone around me and for a million dollars, I'm totally fine with that. How do you think your hairstylist would feel about it? Or barber, I guess. I don't think they'd care.

Are you close to this guy in the retirement home? No, we have a routine. We go in, I pretend that I care about tennis. We talk about tennis for like 10 minutes. Laughs. He pretends that he cares about hockey. We talk about hockey for 10 minutes. We just kind of struggle to talk about movies that he hasn't seen. How long has he been cutting your hair? Four

years, maybe three years. Laughs. So he's got about six years left in him of cutting your hair before he dies or you know what? He's older. So yeah, I'm a little nervous. Retirement is on the verge. So yeah, I'll be looking for a Retirement is on the verge. So yeah, I'll be looking for a guy, I think, in the near future.

Does he have a slightly younger protege in the home that you would transition over to? You know what? I didn't consider that. I don't think so. I think he's a one-man shop. There's another lady that does massages. He's the hair guy. I think they would be the end of me in the retirement home. You shouldn't take the million dollars and take the brand deal across your face.

You will spend the million dollars on just being you and it would immediately be gone. And then you would have a tattoo and no $1 million. You would just bleep the money away. I would bet it all on Alabama and then lose it again. That's no joke. You probably would. Oh, Andrew, I forget you're into betting now. You're into gambling these days too.

A little bit. I was going to laugh. I was going to recommend that we, if this podcast grows, continues, first of all, and then grows to the level of, I don't know, like the Joe Rogan or Howard Stern or Tom Segura, which is I'm sure we're headed straight towards. Oh, yeah. Oh yeah. That we could, we would maybe do like some sort of go fund me to raise a million dollars to get Andrew, like the Mike Tyson face tattoo or something even dumber.

We'd have to determine what it is, but now I don't want to do it because I, you're just going to piss it all away. Gambling on football. I, I, I don't gamble that much. Didn't you pick out like 106 bets on something recently

laughs that was in a hunter thing i feel like i get an excuse on that i we did the super bowl video and you guys always joke like this is the gambling guide so i scanned it and made 100 bets on like every single possible outcome you could have in that game. And we were profitable. We made like 2 cents. It was totally worth it. How much money were you betting with on

106 separate bets? Oh, it was like 10. I put $10 in. I think I made it like it was the minimum amount I could bet. It was cents. It was like pennies, every bet. But you were making money on stuff that wasn't in the game, right?

As well. Like you were making money on like. Oh, I made so much money off J-Lo. Last J-Lo. Jenny from the block. There was a leak the evening that Jenny from the Block was going to be opening Super Bowl song for her, and it was like four to one.

So I put some money down on that, and I made like $250 off Jenny from the Block. It was a great moment. Laugh. It was more thrilling than the game. You should take that money and buy that many copies of Jenny from the Block. I'm not...

Could. He can't because he lost it all on the other bets. Laughs. It's true. Oh, man. I'm up. I don't... This is slander. Laughs. We should call you Andrew from the Block. That should be your new nickname. Laughs. You talked about the go fund me idea that that's uh an interesting approach I wanted to see how viable

this concept actually was so I reached out to like 30 companies I'd say pitching them if they would be interested in advertising via face tattoo are you serious yeah i sent out emails you didn't i sent out dms i reached out to a lot of big companies and got replies i got some responses you got replies laughs tide came in immediately and uh gave me options on the viability right the detergent company. The detergent company. Tied the detergent company, yeah. They had some thoughts. They were on the ball.

I got to give them credit for their customer service, which was very quick to respond. They were next day. Everybody else, a little bit slower. I can say as of today for potential sponsors, we can rule out Coca-Cola and Lego. Not that interested. Coca-Cola and Lego. Not that interested. Coca-Cola refuses to give me their agency addresses.

They say they do all their advertising through agencies, and they will not give me information as to where they will be filming. Laughs. And Lego called it a unique partnership that they appreciate, but they're not interested at this current time. So I think even me saying, yes, I would do it. We're struggling, right? The market isn't there and is what I've learned from my emails. What was the most unrealistic company you reached? I'm imagining you reaching out to like ge or something or like boeing uh well procter and get boeing would have been good procter and gamble replied because they

own tide you're going to the wrong places if i laughs that's the problem i think that you should uh you should reframe who who you're who you're seeking after here i think if you went after like uh porn companies or something a little more risque a little more adventurous like dan bizliana that dude's got 10 billion dollars and he sells weed right if you went to dan like dm that guy and say for a million dollars I'll get a Dan Bilzerian tattoo and a weed leaf on my forehead. Ignite. I bet you'd have more success. That's a good point. I haven't considered the morally if I would be okay with that. I don't

know if I'm a Dan Bilzerian guy. Pornhub maybe. I'm okay with Pornhub, but Go. Yeah, i guess it's reservations about bilzerian i don't you know i don't know about him i need to do my research before i'd be willing to commit my face oh man i think he chucked a woman off his rooftop and broke her leg once Did he really? I don't think it was malicious I think it was a part of a photo shoot But you know, he doesn't have a He doesn't have a good arm when it comes to

Throwing women Well that's one of my top considerations So I guess he's off the list Well I hadn't considered the moral Obligations you have. You're going to be advertising that product for the rest of your life if you're, like, anti-throwing women off of a building.

And anti-weed, I can see how that would be a problem for you. Not anti-weed. I don't want to be political. Anti-throwing women. I feel pretty safe in declaring that's a thing I'm against. All right. Sure. I think it's a thing i'm against all right sure i think it's a good one to get behind actually that like especially if you're gonna run for mayor of your small canadian town someday you'd be like uh it could be one of your platforms like if you elect andrew pantin for if you liked face tattooed andrew pantin nobody, man or woman, old or young will be thrown off a building in my town.

It's like the amount of dollars and like the amount of healthcare and the amount of women I've thrown. Crash pads all over the place just in case. Laughs. I can't predict what'll happen everywhere, but I'll be prepared.

Laughs. You could have a sign that's like days since someone was thrown off building in our town laughs yeah exactly did you uh in your wildest dreams expect someone to respond uh in the in the affirmative affirmative the yes we're interested in going down this path path with you i did because well probably because i'm dumb and also because of my like whenever i do stuff like this i typically get replies it's amazing how often people respond to stuff is what i've learned i just randomly emailed the head of xbox a few months ago about something and he replied like that day and we had an ongoing dialogue it's ridiculous if you reach out to people if they respond if you write a decent email

yeah you're uh you're pretty fearless with that i gotta say i remember one time uh maybe a couple years ago now i just loaded up twitter and you're having conversation with Norm Macdonald who is my favorite comedian or on earth laughs Yeah, I just I'm just like how the fuck how the fuck and you can hear us say Fuck because we can say fuck by the way and we can say the word phase But for some reason if we say them together you you could say fuck and phase But if you say bleep, you see that?

Did you hear that bleep? Yeah. Isn't that weird? Yeah. Bleep? Yeah. Fuck and face, totally fine. I don't get it.

That'll be something for our audio engineers to look into. You're having a random conversation about fucking i don't even remember what it was was it golf or something with my favorite comedian of all time just because you decided i'm going to talk to norm mcdonald and see what's happening he's just replying to a lot of people and i also norm mcdonald was probably my favorite standup comedian as well. So I just sent him a message and he replied the conversation. I saw him live and we talked about that briefly and I got him to sign a book for us like that. That is even more impressive, I think, than the interaction. I was able to organize him signing books for us. Yeah, I will say that one of the nicest things or one of the best things about you

as a human being is you're very generous in general, but you're very generous with your bravery laughs. And you knowing that I was such a Norm MacDonald fan, it was very sweet of you to then get him to autograph a book for me. I really appreciate that. I think it's funny you call it bravery. I think it's just where my brain is broken in some way. I didn't view any of that as brave or intimidating to do at all. Laughs. Laughs. That's the opposite of me. I don't want to talk to anybody. Nervous.

Oh yeah, all the time. I constantly have anxiety just about dumb things though not i guess the things normal people get anxiety about just about today i you know what today uh getting my pop filter installed and then having to attach it to a fire extinguisher as a last minute solution wait what that was was, I couldn't figure out how to attach my pop filter, Gavin. I'll send you a photo. So it's on a fire extinguisher in front of you. I have a fire extinguisher pointed at my face

right now on my desk. Laughs. Because it was the only thing I could find in my room that I could attach the pop filter to because it wouldn't fit on the mic oh and I had a great moment where I moved the mic and I'm like why isn't the pop filter moving with it oh it's on a fire extinguisher that's why they're not actually connected uh god I'm impressed that you have a fire extinguisher in your room that's very safe I you know it's

just one of those I got I bought one of those stupid boring company flamethrowers and I thought if I have a flamethrower I should probably you know I should probably have a fire extinguisher and I it I opened it put it under my desk and it has been there ever since

do you still your spray in a Gmod, Jeff? Andrew is still my spray in Gmod. If you're not a video gamer, what that is, a spray, is when you play a PC game, you can assign a picture to a key, oftentimes the F key. If you hit that button, it just puts that image up on a wall. It's kind of like sprays it up on the wall so they can call it a spray and so i have a picture up anytime i play any steam games uh it's of andrew panton with a mustache and the just the look on your face in the photo makes me laugh every time i see it and also because i don't think you could grow a mustache if you had to

like if i gave you a thousand you could grow a mustache if you had to. Like, if I gave you $1,000 to grow a mustache today, could you? Laugh. Oh, are we making a bet? Like, what do you mean? How long do I have? How long do I have to grow this mustache? We have two weeks to grow a mustache. Oh, no chance in two weeks.

Well. What's the money involved? You don't need funds to grow laughs any facial hair no no like i i think listen i feel like there's probably products that exist that could enhance or make that easier for you oh i don't know what's on the market. I didn't even think of that. Oh, I'd have to do some research. I would absolutely steroid it up if I needed to for this law.

I have no shame, but, uh, as a, as a general course of action, you're not a facial hair, uh, capable guy. I mean, I, I can grow like, I don't know. No know no like i i can't go grizzly adams but i can grow facial hair okay i'm a i'm a human being laughs man i believe well i want to see you all right now here's my new charge to you sir I would like to see you grow out a normal, like what's Andrew's actual mustache would look like? Not one that you super glued to your face and were stuck with for however long that was. What was the story behind that? Why did you have that mustache? We were having a family dinner party and somebody brought a bunch of goofy mustaches

and the natural adhesive didn't really stick to my lip so I used like Gorilla Glue to lock it in place laughs, Christ and I thought it was like, great, now it's locked in and it was, it was really locked in and became a problem, laughs, I could not get it off so you, do you just have to wait until your skin just regenerated enough time till it dropped off how does that work i had

it for like a day and a half and i got rid of it by going to a store and getting nail polish remover and then uh you had to go to the store with it on. Oh, yeah, no. I was in public with that thing on. I got more looks about the face tattoo than the mustache. Okay. Laughs. What? Gorilla glue? Dude? It's the... It was the only glue that we had. Okay.

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So, Andrew, do you got any other that you've been a part of lately? You want to talk about Animal Crossing at some point right yeah how are you guys doing in the turnip are you guys uh in the turnip game this week dude i'm in the turnip game i just made uh uh i just went to a friend's island took half my turnips uh i invested 650,000 uh if you're if you're familiar if you're not familiar with what we're talking about, in the mega popular video game, Animal Crossing, that came out right as the pandemic hit. So everybody's playing it. They had a small stock market, like a stock market. And you buy turnips on Sunday and then sell them throughout the week, hopefully for a profit,

but very often for a loss. And so I started my turnips with, I had 650,000 I invested this week and I'm currently, I made about 800 grand and I still have about half my turnips left to sell. Yeah, I made about 1.4. That was your, what was the buying price? 93, but it was, I sold for like five something. Sold for five something? Oh my God. What do you typically sell at?

Well, you just said you sold it 538 and you did it he mentioned it so casually like yeah why wouldn't i like that's the minimum he would sell it no i probably anything above four 400 probably i'd sell. Jesus Christ. What life are you living? I'm lucky if I get 200. If it's my island, I sell for way less because you don't have to take the trip, but if I'm flying somewhere, you want to make it worthwhile. I see.

You're leveraging. You're Gavin Free from the Slow Mo Guys fame to take advantage of some poor fan out there who just wants Gavin to step on his island. I'm actually levering a Meg Turney's boyfriend game. Laughs. Because she gets the hookups. I don't put myself out there. Laughs. I'm too scared to.

Yeah, I do the same thing. My girlfriend does all the, she negotiates all the islands and stuff with her friends and then... Meg will run in and be like, oh, we got this price on this island, and I'll be like, oh, can I come? Laughs. Yeah, yeah. I'm in the same boat. You don't feel like that's cheating

at all, moving turnips to different islands? I mean, no. Taking advantage of the system? I think what Gavin did is cheating. The only items, the only islands I've gone to are are

friends of my girlfriend's. So they have like a little they actually have a text group and like her and her sister and all their friends they they're all playing together. And then they just post their turn up prices twice a day. And then whoever got the best price, yeah, we just go there. I feel like that's within the spirit of the game.

Because I literally, I physically know the people whose islands i'm going to unlike gavin who uh is uh dirty i feel like it's it's not in the spirit of the game but you can so it's not too far like you can see the spirit of the game from where i am you just it it's on the horizon yeah i don't i andrew you're probably worse than both of us put together though because you had a racket going where you sell where you were selling access to your island for christ sakes it wasn't my island first of all and second of all that's even worse the it was well no we're dealing with millionaires here jeff okay every trip people would come in they'd make like 2.5 million bells i was just asking for a little taste just a little taste laugh you want to explain to Gavin how that worked? I had a friend who got 625 prices. This was early on in the game.

That was like week three of being. Yeah, that was like a month ago, isn't it? Yeah, it was quite a while ago. People were really into it and it was on a tuesday so like everyone still had their turnips and there's an idiot and couldn't figure out how to make fences because i guess when you do that to prevent people from just like running all over and creating havoc on your island you have to kind of fence a path from the airport to the store and he didn't know how to make fences so i gave him 200 fences in exchange exchange for 10% of whatever he made.

He took a cut. But he's completely incompetent. And he made the worst path. He couldn't figure out how to place the fences. So it went like 50 yards to the right. And then it curved up. And then it went left. And then up.

And then right. And it was a fucking Spartan course. It was ridiculous. Laughs. Yeah. It was just a nightmare and he couldn't organize it himself so then i had to come in and we had two bodyguard system uh and we used turnip exchange which was a website where you share your code but you can pick how many people can see it at a time and as soon as we hit send to let people know they were uh 625 250 were on the list immediately it was packed it was great oh yeah it was a bizarre experience to have in this like cartoonish like family game that's supposed to be fun and just seeing all these people with like really animated

cute characters being vicious over trying to profit over your turnips uh it was it was clearly very unorganized because i was talking to you while this was going on and you were still giving me updates every 10 or so minutes but you were kind of like it was every 10 minutes because you were just deep in the thick of it and i I was like, oh my God, are you like laughs streaming this somewhere? And you said you weren't, but the guy whose islands it was, right, was streaming a different game. But it was your audio coming through the stream. Yeah, I didn't have a way to set up my switch to like stream.

So I had someone stream our product because we're using an Xbox party so you could hear the audio. Yeah, you sent me the link and it was just footage of a different game. Laughs. But all I can hear in the background is you being like, no, no, no, no. Put that thing down. Okay,

this and red and they haven't paid that, they, that. And it was just like screaming about everything. It was like like it sounds like absolute chaos i think that the fact that i couldn't see what happened what was happening made it so much funnier like the moment i clicked the link i was just i was just rolling on the floor laughing at how much chaos it was i yelled for like three hours straight it was the most exhausted i've ever been laughs how much money did you guys make i think four

million between the two of us i think we split two million two million each i thought it was 10 no yeah well see that's the thing he's an idiot he couldn't run it by himself laughs so i was there you hearing me yell was yelling at him because he built the fucking most complicated course you could imagine. And then people had to drop stuff and he didn't empty his inventory and there was no way to store all the things. So he had like two spots and then my game crashed and I came back in and he just dropped all the shit where they dropped the money. So then i had to pick that laughs it was fucking gong show it was terrible it was me yelling for two hours i went to bed at like 8 30 p.m because i just didn't feel like i had a soul i was just done i put it all

i think meg came in and because i was laughing and it was just up on my TV at like a pretty loud volume, she was like who's yelling? And then she was like is that Andrew Panton? I think all her interactions with you have been like calm, very pleasant. And she was like, what is he screaming about? Laughs. Turn up game is very important.

I don't know that I've ever seen Andrew like riled up before. It was pretty fierce. Oh. You can come. If we run an Animal Crossing store, you'll see it real quick. Laughs.

It's getting tense in those trenches. You did something really sweet with that money, though, right? To be fair, you were also, uh, yeah, you were kind of like a philanthropist about it. Yeah. I just gave a bunch of it away cause I paid off my debt and had like 6 million, no, a little, probably 8 million at the time. And so I just started giving away a million dollar amounts to people.

I gave like a million dollars to this woman who had never played video games before and this was like her first thing it was really sweet um we had like a party and we went to her island that's really sweet yeah it was really sweet yeah you showed me all the text from the guy who's like my mom is so happy right now you have no idea you've made her day it was really aw laughs really lovely yeah so it it wasn't like completely like terrible that's the exact opposite experience you you expected to have when you entered into the video game world and you just started interacting with other people so somebody gives you a million dollars in a game not that they uh insult you sex race creed and family laughs all at once so andrew uh what how did things go wrong then because you were uh you tell me that you've uh

that you've ruined in that you've ruined an Animal Crossing right now. I really... I thought Nintendo liked moms. It was a great miscalculation. Last. By my part, there was a turn of day on Mother's Day, and I thought there'd be 0% chance that they would let people invest, especially potentially moms, go all in on turns that week, not to get a good return,

not make like 600 plus. I thought it was impossible. And I learned that week, it was very possible. Nintendo does not like moms. Laugh. I can unfortunately report. How much did you invest in turnips that week?

Like 6.2 million? I went all in. I put all of the bells I had. Oh my god, how many trips? Because that's like filling your inventory several times. Uh, yeah. Well, it was all in my island. I stayed on my island, so it wasn't that bad.

But I filled, essentially, my entire beach with turnips, stacks of hundreds. And then you'd, what'd you sell them for? Well, that's a thing. I didn't sell them because it was terrible. I said I'd make a big day. Like I declared once again, like the tattoo thing, I declared I was going to sell for somewhere between 400 to 600.

And I started at 80, went from 80 to 70 to 60 to 50 to 40. It just, it just went down. There was no updates. It never went above 95 that i bought it at this is the worst panting you can have i think in in the it was really bad and so i felt like the only right thing to do because i declared that it was going to happen was you just kind

of have to accept those losses and And so I let them all rot. My yeah. Laughs. Even at their lowest point, you can, you can still usually sell them for like 30, right? You can have made some of like some of the money back.

And my last price was 42. But at that point I declared that I was going to have this big wake and it didn't happen. So you just, you die by the sword. I'll be honest in a, But at that point, I declared that I was going to have this big wake and it didn't happen. So you just you die by the sword. I'll be honest in a in a recent Animal Crossing recording. I realized that some of my bunny dace junk was blocking one of my turnips because I just been keeping them out in a room. I was gutted that I had one stack of rotten turnips, but it was like potentially 50,000 bells worth. You just have an entire beach riddled with rotten turnips but it was like potentially 50 000 bells worth you just had an entire beach riddled with rotten turnips bug yeah um i'm back what happened to them as they as they i've never i've never been dumb enough to let my turnips rot because they will rot after seven days and you

can't they have zero value what do you just turn a weird color and then how, how do you get rid of them? I don't know how to get rid of them. That's a good question. I haven't tried, but they turn green and they're like missing chunks and ants and stuff crawl all over them. There's a visual difference. I have no idea how to get rid of them. Every beach on your Animal Crossing Island is covered in rotten ant infested green

turnips now they're there forever not every beach about 70 of the beaches this week i went all in again i literally sold everything i had of value i sold i had a million dollar crown guess how much you get back on the million dollar crown if you sell it how much 300 000 that's it oh uh that's it i was expecting like 750 at worst half a mil but 300 000 i sold so much iron i sold a lot of gold i scratched my way to 800 000 i'm living on my beach in a car bed right now but i bought all the turnips that I could. So it's like 75% rotten turnips. And then 25%, I got some turnips this week. I got 800,000 in turnips. I'm looking, I'm looking, I'm hoping to turn things around.

What are you, what have your prices been like this week? Is it looking good? Are we projecting a nice spike? It started out okay, then it went bad. This morning, 145. Oh? So I know I'm on the fence. Like, should I sell? Should I wait? Interesting.

I think, knowing your luck, yes. Dude, I might have to hit you up on that 145 because I still have 10ips to unload. I don't want them to rot. 1.45 is not bad. I think I might wait it out. Maybe I should butter up to Meg and she's got connections.

Follow her through. Follow her through a door somewhere. What does it feel like to watch six and a half million dollars worth of your work rot oh i don't know if i can put it into words you know it was you know consistent disappointment i guess if i had to summarize it each day got a little bit worse it was like a grand emotional like thing you know where i was just deflated at the end of it. I kind of accepted midway through

the best outcome because I was doing a video updates every few days on my Twitter account of what was happening that the funniest options were either I sold at a huge price or I lost absolutely everything. So it's got a little bit mentally prepared. Were you having offers to sell at a high price and you just didn't want to leave your island? Apparently, every other person on the planet had a 600-bell week, is what I learned. Oh.

And I had, like, 10 messages. Everybody I know that plays the game had, like, 400 to 500. I was right for everybody except for me. I don't know how these people do it. I've never seen over 194 on my island. God, I don't think I've ever seen mine that high. 145. That's probably what I got today.

God damn. Well, and 170 this afternoon, Jeff, you can come over. 170 this afternoon jeff you can come over 170 this afternoon i'm calling it 170 you're guessing uh if it's 170 this afternoon i'm uh i'm taking a trip to canada today i uh i saw 24 the other day i didn't know you could go that low that really yeah somebody had 24 that's terrible that it's pretty bad i you never see that when it's time to buy the turnips though like what's the lowest buy price you've ever seen i think 93 seen is 90 90 that's not bad seen as 90 90 that's not bad i've seen 92 yeah i haven't seen below 90 i want to say you always buy between 90 and 110 i've never seen like they're on sale for 400 or 30 yeah well andrew i hope it works out for you this week buddy i hope you recoup some of your losses

are you going to try to buy back all the shit you had to hawk are you going to can you get it off of hawk can you no i don't i think if i i don't know how much i'd make at 175 800 i might be able to buy a new crown but yeah it's going to be a while i might have to hire like the uh breaking bad guy just literally leave my island i'm in so much debt if i don't turn around this week it reminds me of this kid very good friend of mine i was in the army with uh because i'm older this one million years ago. So I'm going to use terminology that my, you might not understand Andrew, uh, like VHS player. I'm not that like, what? Of course I know what a VHS player is.

You're, you're, you're a young kid. Okay. Uh, this is the, this is the old world. Uh, I, uh, I had this friend in the army who every month he would go broke column a soldiers don't get paid anything column b he was young dumb with his money so it was like a 50 50 thing there but every month he would go and he would hawk he would pawn his vhs player for like 40 why did you keep calling it a vhs player vcr whatever he would call it's been a long it's been so long i don't remember the terminology

he would hawk his vcr uh i think it's because it may not have been a vCR. It was a videocassette recorder. He might have been a VHS player. I don't know that it recorded. Regardless. Wasn't that the whole point of VHS? I think the point of VHS was that to watch movies. Sure. that to watch movies uh sure so he would uh i think he would uh he would pawn it for like 40 every month when he would run out of cash and then he would uh unpawn it for like 55 so he was putting himself like 15 bucks in the hole every month and i i could never get never get him to understand that what he's was doing he was always like no dude i need the money now

then i would i'll have the i'll have the 55 later that's not a problem so i can get it back i just need 40 now and it's like i would be like dude you gotta stop you're losing money every month he was like and he's like he's like looks at me like i'm an idiot like taking a mortgage out on all his belongings yeah essentially and there was like for two weeks every month he would just couldn't watch movies did you ever go to uh did you ever go to a a movie store and rent a vhs oh for sure yeah i Yeah. I used to, I used to rent like Ace Ventura, pet detectives over and over and over again.

I must've rented it like 50 quid's worth. Were you saying that like a European thing, Jeff, or do you just not think that Gavin and I have ever used VHSs? Do you just, how old do you think we are? Well, Gavin's a little bit older, but you guys, I... Listen, here's how old you guys are.

You guys are so young that you remind me constantly how old I am. So I listened when people tell me constantly, like all the Achievement Hunter guys, how fucking old I am. I take it to heart. And I assume that you're all just young and dumb and have never experienced anything before the year 2000. I think we're dumb. Yeah, no, definitely dumb.

I only remember the VHS thing because my Blockbuster had, what was the Chris Rock movie where he was like a rapper? Oh, CB4. CB4. My Blockbuster had a Oh, CB4. CB4. My blockbuster had a copy of CB4 for $120. I think it was just like that they were priced at. Maybe it was pricing, just a mistake on their part. But it's sort of like a perfect example of how my brain works.

I looked at it and thought that was the greatest movie of all time for years because of its price because of its price i i thought like wow this must be if they can sell this thing for 124 this is the most this is the greatest piece of cinema ever made this is insane one day maybe i'll be lucky enough to see this thing. I still haven't seen it. And then. Seen CB4? I haven't seen it. Well, because it's the greatest movie of all time, I don't know if I can handle it. It's very expensive. It's not attainable. Yeah.

But then like a decade later, maybe I saw it at Best Buy on the DVD for like 20 bucks or $15. And it didn't occur to me that, oh, hey, they mislabeled the price of Blockbuster. My mind immediately went to, this is a hell of a deal. We got to get on this. We got to buy this now. 15 bucks for CB4. This is a savings.

I want to challenge you to try and sell that movie for over $100 and put like a year on it and see if anyone will buy it. I'll take that challenge. Hopefully you're ready to lose. What's the most you've ever paid for a VHS tape or a DVD? Hmm. I spent $60 on Dawn of the Dead because it's out of print and it doesn't stream anywhere. And we were doing like an of the dead marathon at Halloween. And I was really annoyed I had to spend $60 on a Blu-ray.

I don't know if the CB4 thing was a common deal, but I do know back in the pre-DVD days, I was a real big fan of this movie growing up called Rad. It's a BMX movie, and it was just hard to find. It was rare, and I wanted to see it so badly one time. I saved up and bought the VHS tape for $80 on Amazon, and it did not hold up. It was not a good use of my money. Not even like a fun bad way? Yeah, but I mean, I was like 22 at the time or something. And so all I could see was the $80

that I was, that I no longer had when I was, when I was watching this kid try to learn how to do a backflip and falling on a mattress for two hours. I don't think I have anything like that. I don't think I've ever gone all in on a movie. It's like if I'm buying something dumb like that, it's going to be cheap. I don't know if it's because we're recording this, but guys, I just threw up in my mouth. Did you really? I just threw up. It wasn't even for i i just threw up it wasn't even for any reason it was just a bad bit you okay i can't think of a better place to end this than gavin

throwing up in his mouth did that happen ugh well all right well that's about as much fucking and facing as i think i can handle for one week so uh we don't want to run through all of our supply in the first episode. So with that, I guess if you enjoyed this, and I hope you did, if you're willing to listen, you're either Andrew's mom or you didn't hate it. So if you could like and subscribe, leave a review. Believe it or not, that stuff matters, especially in this crowded podcast world where there's more than a million podcasts and ours is named Bleep. But leave it on Yelp.

Yeah, leave. The odds are stacked against us. So if you could leave a review and give us a good rating on Spotify or iTunes or wherever the fuck it is you listen to podcasts, we would really, really appreciate it. And I highly recommend for you to follow Andrew's Twitter, because you'll see a lot of things, stuff happening live. And that's at Andrew's, Andrew Panton, A-N-D-R-E-W-P-A-N-T-O-N, to a lesser degree. You might want to follow Gavin and I.

We're not as funny. He is at Gavin Free, spelled as it sounds. And I'm at Jeff L. Ramsey, and that is not spelled as it sounds. That is G-E-O-F-F-L-R-A-M-S-E-Y. Not my fault. My mom did it. She bleeped me out of the womb with the dumb name that's hard to spell. Andrew, I love you. Gavin, I love you. Audience, I don't know you that well, but I deeply like you. We'll see you next week.

Bye.