Regulation Podcast - Gavin is Here for Pleasantries // Season 2022 [195]

Episode Date: February 28, 2024

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about how Gavin is here early, market research, Andrew's root canal, teeth memory, bike debacle, old problems, Geoff's dog's name, custom orders, foot long, wearing pants, and Tiktok. Sponsored by BetterHelp http://betterhelp.com/face , Shady Rays http://shadyrays.com code FACE , Babbel http://babbel.com/FACE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What is... What is happening? Huh? Yeah, it's a little confusing. Oh, me and Nick are recording in the same room because we have a stream today. No, I'm not confused about you. I'm confused about Gavin. Is Gavin... Oh, he's early.

Oh, hey, Gavin. Whoa, Gavin's here? What? I know. Wait, hang on. What? Yeah, everyone get rolling. What's happening?

I'm rolling. Are you here for pleasantries or are you here for the podcast, Gavin? Pleasantries. Oh, my God. This is the happiest. I'm so thrilled. This is fantastic. I've missed you so much over the last week, and I'm so thrilled This is fantastic I've missed you so much over the last week

And I'm so excited that we're doing Pleasantries Are you telling me that at 195 episodes in You've shown up for Pleasantries I think I've done it before I think you've done it at least once Well welcome back Cheers In multiple ways

This is great. What is happening? Sorry, I'm really thrown off of Gavin being here early. Yeah, you are. You're really... I could leave him and come back in a minute. Man, I don't even think about it. Hello, and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast.

This is episode 195. My name is Jeff Ramsey. With me, as always, Andrew Patton and Gavin Free. Things are in disarray here in F*** Face Land because Gavin Free surprised... Gavin, what did you do today? Well, I'm here four minutes early.

I mean, now it's 11, but I came for some pleasantries, but sort of derailed all the pleasantries with people asking me why I was here for pleasantries. So all I experienced was a mild interrogation and some slight excitement from Andrew. First of all, large excitement. The problem is I typically finalize my notes in the time before you show up because when you show up, the show starts. But you were here actually before I was. So I was like, oh Gavin's here what's happening and then I'm trying to secure my notes so you've got into panic immediately I immediately first it was excitement I guess it was concern actually was the first thing when I saw you in here then it was excitement

when I joined and now we're in the panic stage of trying to make sure all my notes are up to date and I got my photos ready because I got some games for you guys. Dude, you got games. You've also got, I hope, a dental update. I have... Oh, I do. I time traveled back to 2022 for a little bit. I wouldn't mind talking about that. Wow.

I think we both have done time traveling. I did two definitely dumb things and one potentially dumb thing that might be cool. And then i have some random bullshit but uh what do you got going on it's loaded can you believe that the audience wasn't that on board with my anus tongue you know like you always hear in the creative industry that they do market research and like the audience reaction to things don't indicate my biggest flop. Yeah.

To date. Yeah. That's, that's like the one time where you can rely on the data of like, no, this is, we shouldn't have done this. You know,

I've taken the feedback on and I've decided it's not a good idea. To be fair to you. You said that you switch like 20 seconds into that pitch, but realized you were kind of stuck. I mean, the more I imagined it visually, the more horrific it got in my brain. Yeah, I mean, even as just like a Pokemon, that'd be horrendous.

Sometimes your mouth just has ideas faster than your brain can parse through, you know? I have that problem too. Mouth ideas? Yeah, where you're just like saying words and your brain hasn't caught up to like... It's like your mouth is moving independently of your thoughts and your brain.

You're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you saying? Hold on a second. I haven't looked at any of this yet. How did this get out? I think a plaque called Mouth Ideas should hang above the door to the lab. It sounds like a category for a podcast award. Best Mouth Ideas.

Show with best mouth thoughts. Oh, man. We have been mouth thoughts. Oh, man. We have been up to a lot, too. We've done a lot of, like, weird recordings since we all last got together and did a podcast. It's, uh...

Man, it's been... It's such an exciting time. I don't know about you guys, but Andrew and I were talking earlier today about how this year has just already flown by. So much 2025.

I know. I know. Unbelievable. millie's about to graduate from med school and get married i don't know where to begin on my stuff i've got a game for us to play i got dead maybe i'll go into dental let's go yeah i've had a die in to hear about your root canals i've had two root canals since the last time we recorded this podcast. So the first one I decided, and maybe this is foolish. I was pretty nervous, to be honest, because I listened to three years of Jeff's horror stories of endless encounters. And I hadn't been to the dentist prior to this in like a decade or a little bit more than that. It's been a while.

So I had work that needed to be done um so i booked my haircut to be right before which i figured would would calm things out highly recommend uh johnny listen to podcasts sometimes my barber great shop check out johnny's barbershop then went to have straight hair rules uh my hair was just really long and it had been bothering me. There's a dress code at the dentist. And I just figured... It's like getting a tattoo in England. I just figured knocking it out all at once.

Yeah, it's a dress code situation. So I did that, but it also just, I don't know. It allowed me to focus on something else that day other than just that I had a root canal, which I was stressed about because of Jeff's experience. I imagine it looked like Tom Hanks at the end of Castaway where he's all tidied up again. Like you've just re-emerged.

I have, yeah. Escaping the cave. Finding my own front door, which is a difficulty even for me to enter the wild again. That should be the name of your autobiography someday. Finding the Front Door. The Andrew Patton story.

A self-help book. The real Raymond Sommar. It's just like some bullshit. Yeah. So I went and I was told the process and I got numbed. I remember Jeff's suggestion of saying that if they ask like, hey, do you need more numbing agent? Always say yes.

Well, it didn't come up that way. It was a thing where like if I felt anything i just would let them know i was terrified in the chair lean back also very difficult because my long back situation i had to be at quite the angle to get down because of my height and for them to get good good access on this they bring out one of those like extension boards for christmas the dining room table at Christmas. They didn't pull out the board, but they did pull out the neck pillow because I was it was like an amusement ride for the angle I needed to be downward. Oh, my God. So I'm in the position. I'm terrified.

And then it was the easiest medical procedure I've ever had in my life. It was fantastic. Did they give you nitrous or anything? No. Okay. They gave me like a little, they swabbed me and then I got like a little injector thing and then... You need a shot?

Yeah. Listen, I'm not a doctor. How many shots did they give you? I think only one. I believe it was just one at the top of the palate, I want to say christ so then then i just laid out it was very comfortable i couldn't really feel a thing i had a panic attack in the beginning in the first like 40 seconds because you got like the dental thing in your mouth like

you have a sheet essentially in your mouth to separate the tooth that needs work done and i had a a mouth block i don't know if you had one of those jeff or like it's like a parking or like a doorstop for your mouth to just keep it open and so like first 40 seconds in i got all these things in my mouth i got fingers in my mouth it was a definite like oh my god anxiety panic but then i was all good to the point where and i felt. I texted Eric like I felt bad explaining this experience. There is a point at which I fell asleep in the chair after they they did like the scans because like they put the like pics in your tooth and then they x-ray it. And then once we we went through that process, I didn't I don't think I had anything in it.

I had my mouth blocked in. I was just laying down. I was so cozy, I fell asleep for like two minutes. I definitely drifted off. Well, first off, this is the experience I was hoping you would have. This is the experience I wanted you to have.

However, before you go any further, I know you had two root canals, so I refuse to believe the second one went this well. But I want to hear the rest of this story. And that was essentially, it was just so smooth. I was like, that was so easy.

I was after everything you had said, Jeff, I was like, this is no problem at all. Book me in to the next root canal as soon as possible. This is fantastic. I love these are, it's almost like a getaway.

It's a little nap time. I'm scheduling out a nap time from my son can't get enough Give me another and so the thing is the one that I was the second one I did I've had an abscess in my tooth for like a year at this point Yeah, and it was it's bad like it was a bad situation. I knew it'd be the worst one What what is an abscess just like a big hunk of pus? Like what's going on with it? So it started with like a small hole and then I'd have to use a toothpick to shovel out food that got in the hole.

From inside the tooth hole? Yeah, inside the tooth hole. I would have gone straight from the toothpick to the emergency room if that were me. Well, I just didn't have dental insurance and i have other responsibilities so it's like and i was paranoid because i hadn't been to the dentist in so long at that point and i didn't necessarily have the greatest full experience and with dentists in the past so it was a whole hurdle i love my dentist now something i'll be on top of going forward but i had that and so i would just scoop stuff out and used a numbing agent for like a month to cover the pain and that worked for

a while then eventually just the back of the tooth fell off and that that was an inconvenience and then it's been that way for like seven months of just having this giant and having the shovel and it's been a nightmare seven months yeah just have been making it through but i knew i knew it would be bad but i had such a good first experience that i went in like ah i'm sure everything will be fine and this is where i had i think the jeff experience the other end of the spectrum the first root canal took about 65 minutes i would say uh and it was very relaxing yeah second one was a little over two and a half hours um it was a lot of drilling it was a lot of um i guess like the the decay had gotten so far into the tooth and or gum area that

like they had to go deep and then they couldn't get my gum to stop bleeding in that area it was a an absolute uh nightmare it was not nearly as fun it was everything you described i had i think three shots jeff for numbing on that one and like a little toothpick thing that was that was fun to start like it was a little stick with numbing agent on it that just was like put this in your mouth uh went through all that felt terrible was not feeling good then learned at the end that i thought i was done the saga continues james bond will be back at the end of the movie i have one more root canal but apparently it is like the least of the three that i had it is a very minor

it's like i had an infection and it just reached the root so it's like something i have to do but so i have one more for next week so the one the one you did the second one the bad one it took two and a half hours it's done though it is completely it is fully done are you paying i'll need a crown on it i'm pain-free i'm having to learn how to chew again yeah uh which is something i didn't anticipate because i'm so used to there just being nothing essentially when I bike down in that side so it's been a little bit of a weird process of adjusting you have a temporary crown right now and then you'll have to go back in and get fitted for a full one I just have a filling at the moment I don't have any yeah crown situation but yeah I need to go in and get a crown for that but I got one more root canal so I'm hoping that I'm glad

I've gone in the order I did because because if I went the second one first, it definitely... The stress would have been real going in for the first one. So I'm hoping for round three, it's more like round one. So why don't they just tackle them all at once? Is it like a... Fuck you, dude. Is it like a time thing?

Is it like a pain thing? It's a cost and pain thing. He'll die. Yeah, I would... I will be honest. I... after the second one i came home and i don't know because it was like you have no point of reference but they were like oh so this is a lot of blood we can't uh we can't get the blood to stop it's just it keeps bleeding and uh when i got home i felt light-headed like i had lost blood, which I don't know. Like maybe it's just the angle once again

for being there so long. But like I was I was out of it. I was gone after that root canal for a few hours. It's it's exhausting to be frozen in an uncomfortable position for hours while people are stressed out on top of you trying to fix

something in you like it's like it's saps your it saps you mentally and emotionally and physically after a while it absolutely does it was a weird thing where i was trying to like text or write messages and i couldn't think of the words i wanted to say like i was emotionally just uh and physically out of it i did some i did some i did some bench crying after a couple of my root canals out in the really yeah it's just like because you just feel like i i mean i just felt hollow after him and just like you know just worn out in like every different way all at once

but mostly like emotionally from having to go through it you know it's like it sucks yeah no it's not fun but thankfully i i only have one more i thought the panic in my voice where the dentist was like yes no no we just have one more and i was have one more i thought the panic in my voice where the dentist was like yes no no we just have one more and i was like well well i thought i just had two and they like pulled up my dental records were like no unfortunately like i can see in the x-ray so they can always see in that fucking x-ray can't they it's yeah like you can't hide nothing from that x-ray it's bullshit you're gonna have such a brand new mouth now after this i already feel like i do because i had a chip tooth the first one was a chip tooth on the left side of my mouth and then i had the abscess

on the right so eating for like the past i don't know two and a half months has been a disaster it feels weird to just eat without issue i've seen that classic picture of you the one we stick on all the all the stuff like the balaclava so many times i can't actually remember what your teeth look like i don't know what you're that's such a specific thing to remember i don't think i know what anyone's teeth look like off the top of my head that's not a thing i read memory no i don't think about that at all have no idea what your teeth look like gavin and now that i think about it i don't want to know that's fair yeah that'd be a real break nick said tooth blindness yeah i have teeth blindness yeah i also have teeth blindness feet and mouths i don't want

to see no if someone said draw an image of jeff without seeing a photo of him and the only thing nailed was the teeth, I would be freaked out by that person. If I had to draw a picture of any of you, it would just be a flat line across where a mouth would be. So your mouth is closed or a big black circle and you would just assume there's teeth in there. We should just Photoshop our teeth onto Ian's and see if we can get some of it. Do you think, as sort of an aside, do you think we'll ever see the front of Ian's face? Do you think we'll ever get slowly lowered perspectives? I assume we need a drone or something.

Speaking of drones. Well, that should be the top of our blimp ian's face and the top that no one ever sees will be the only way you can see his face and if you want to see it you have to fly a drone over our blimp that's great what were you gonna say about drones jeff sorry oh that was gonna segue into another story we don't have to get into right now but i was gonna say i i've been i've been warming up to the idea of drones and uh i think i think i might want to get one i think i want to fuck around with the drone i think i would like it because i've been doing another remote control thing lately

that i've been really enjoying um i i uh so we recorded some let's plays yesterday and i had to do i had to be somewhere at 9 a.m and then we were going to record let's plays at noon and so i had like a window of about three hours and i thought oh this would be a perfect time to squeeze a bike ride in because the weather in austin is now fucking awesome it's 75 degrees every day and so it's time to start hitting the streets again, getting back into shape, right? And so I grabbed my... So I've been going like every day. And so yesterday, I grabbed my bike like I normally do. And I thought I have three hours is plenty of time to get a good long ride. And I might actually do like a 30-mile ride instead of

my normal 24-mile ride. And I got going and got about 12 miles away from my house. So right around halfway. And my bike died. And I looked at it and it just said, engine off. Alert. Engine off. It didn't say the batteries were dead or anything.

And I didn't know what to do. And so I was looking at it and I was like, man, this is a 2022 problem all over again. And I realized I never, from the moment I took my bike out and drove all the way to where I was, I never looked at my screen to see like my battery level or how fast I was going.

Like I couldn't go back and think of one sec because if I had I would have seen if there was a problem or I would have known like oh I'm only at 10% battery for some reason or whatever I just never looked at that screen the entire time but I was about 12 miles away from home and so I had to get home for

the fucking let's play recording and so I had to ride this thing home a dead e-bike is not a bike. I've explained that in the past with the old e-bike I had. This thing is way, way, way better than that bike, and it is actually, you can ride it as a bike, but you realize pretty quickly,

I did some Googling after I got home. Average bike weighs about 18 pounds, 18 to 22 pounds. My bike weighs like 54 pounds, 18 to 22 pounds. My bike weighs like 54 pounds and it's carbon fiber. So I had to ride. So it's like carbon fiber to make it even lighter, right? But it's still 54 pounds. So I had to ride a 54 pound bicycle 12 miles home yesterday morning. That might be the most exhausted I've been in my entire life.

I made it all the fucking way home. And I made it home with 20 minutes to spare to sit down and do the Let's Play recording. But holy shit, I have never... I hit muscle failure for the first time since the Army, I think, where I just had to stop for two minutes and just recover before I could get back on my bike.

It was the most effort I've ever put into. I tried to make it fun. I tried to make it fun. I tried to make it as enjoyable as possible. But goddamn, dude, it was that. And the whole time I was riding home, I was thinking, how am I doing this in 2024? How? And is my bike broken?

Is the battery dead? Is my bike broken? So when I got home, I realized I had unplugged the brick from the cable somehow. And so it wasn't charged. But I also realized I rode a bicycle 12 miles without ever looking at it.

So did you throw up because you were working out? No, I didn't throw up. I didn't throw up. OK, I was actually pretty excited about that. But but I was pretty mad at myself that I rode a bike for 12 miles

without ever looking at it, because if I had, I would have seen instantly that I didn't have any battery. Is it maybe the most angry you've ever been? Because you love the electric bike. It gives you a little boost, a little bit of zoom to your ride. If you had just a normal bike, this isn't a problem. Was the 50 mile or 50 pound, 12 mile, whatever endeavor worth all the convenience of the other trips absolutely

100 really okay yeah because i would be so fucking mad that i can't use my bike to bike because the engine doesn't work it's so much i mean i did use it i got drove it all the way home it's just heavy it's not as fun right it's it's harder to go uphill but it's just twice the weight or two and a half such an avoidable problem well if i was mad at anybody in that situation like with the old e-bike i would be mad at the e-bike because it was a hunk of shit and you know batteries were exploding on while i'm riding it and stuff this one i was 99 sure i was the problem and i was i confirmed right and so i would be dumb to be mad at the bike because my my like i was in such a hurry to get on the bike and go have fun that I never looked at it.

Right. Like I just like I just grabbed it and assumed everything worked properly, which is so fucking stupid. So like any ire I had was only pointed inward and I didn't feel like being in a shitty mood yesterday. So I just decided to be happy about it and try to make it a challenge and have fun with it and like enjoy it as best i could and i did yesterday was so hot though it started to get pretty hot toward the end there yeah uh that last like two miles was pretty fucking hard um and but i'm saying the whole time i was on the bike all i was thinking about is how i'm this is a 2022 problem in 2024 and i'm also going to go home and clean up dog shit in the backyard for 15 minutes and realize I'm just I'm constantly surrounded by

dog shit on my body at all times now and it's just like wow it's just a fucking back there right in the middle of it all over again I uh I have a game for you guys to play. I've been so excited. I've been in the lab. A lab may be a strong word. Gavin asked a very specific question on a recent episode of how long does it take to fill your bathtub? And I wanted to as soon as we finished, I immediately I went in, but I didn't want to stop there. I thought, how can I make this a little bit of a game? So I have done three different things since we last recorded and I timed the three things

I have while sitting in the bath, filled the tub to the line. Oh, you I had today chugged a soda like you guys did using our face crazy straw thing. And I added 100 words to the 20 000 word list i'm gonna i'm gonna type in three times into our chat just give me a second copy and paste this uh and you have to guess between you know all of you Which time represents what act? This is great. So I'm putting it in. The first one is 4.15. The second one, I believe, is almost seven minutes.

And the third one is a little over 11 minutes. I'm struggling to get to our server on my phone. Great. I should have prepared. Yeah. Where is it? I like we went through all that bad stuff too. Kind of to see what

Gracie's tub would fill in and we never asked her. You guys are seeing the real Gracie start to pop up here. This is really good. This is good. How much time do you need, Andrew? I posted it. It's right here. We got the times. It's right here. Oh, okay.

We got the times. It's 4 minutes 15, 6 minutes 49, 11 minutes 26. One of these is a soda chug. One of these is a bath fill. One of these is adding 100 words to the list. This is a great game. I wonder if the longest one is the chug. It's got to be the 100 things, right?

The long one? I think the 100 things is four minutes. Me too. The soda chug is 11 minutes. And the bathtub is six minutes. We know his bathtub fills around six or seven minutes. You think he's done 100 things in four minutes? How hard is it to write down 100 things? Yeah, I don't.

Gavin, are you serious? You got to factor in the person. If 100 things is the 11 minutes one, I don't have a lot of confidence that we're ever getting a full list. That can't be possible. It has to be the shortest one. It has to. It has to.

And what's Tubb? The seven minutes? I would think Tubb would be seven minutes. Yeah. How many, how long do you, hold on a second. Just a second. Banana. That takes like, what, two seconds to write down?

A second? Right. 60 seconds in a minute? Yeah. 30? Yeah, but he's not writing banana. He's writing Tony Hawk Pro Skater 3, Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2.

Right. But how long did those two things just take you? So that's minimum 6 minutes. So let me ask... Can I get... Can I ask about specifics of the soda chug? You can ask whatever you want. Thanks.

Why was that a crazy response? Ask away. So this was the soda chug. It was a single soda, a single can of soda. A single can, a regulation can of soda. What kind of soda? Coca-Cola. Okay.

And you used the silly straw for this? I used our silly straw for this. Okay. So that's the 11 minutes. By the way, have you guys seen that Supreme has ripped us off? No way. Did they really? They just announced and launched Supreme Silly Straws that spell out Supreme.

Oh, wow. No. They're not ripping us off, clearly. Yeah, I was going to say, that's not. But I'll be mad with you if you want. But that just goes to show that we're just that far ahead of the curve. We're cutting edge. We're like a month ahead of the curve.

Yeah. We cut the edge that other people ride. Gavin, do you have any thoughts? That's a rough straw. It is. You have any thoughts on the times, Gavin? What do you think? Well, I don't know.

I still don't entirely understand the geography of his tub. Also in it. You're in the tub. So it's going to be a short fill. Oh, okay. Yeah. Due to Andrew's mass Displacing the water

Uh huh Um Yeah maybe it's What if he had a four minute tub with him in it That's crazy isn't it Four minute tub No Well with him in it

So wait you were in the tub yes tub was empty i sat in it then i turned on the water to what i would typically okay i'm changing my mind i'm i'm flipping it i think the tub is the four minute one and the thousand things is the six minute one but you just fill it to an arbitrary amount though you didn't fill it to the overflow. I filled it to the overflow. Oh. That was the measurement I felt that we set. We know it took less than eight minutes to fill up, and he's in it.

So it's going to, let's say, I don't know, half the time? Yeah, is Andrew half a tub's worth? I will say, to paint a picture of this tub measurement happening i i tub in the dark which was a problem for this so i had to turn the flashlight on my phone and tried to it was a real difficult thing to assess when the water hit exactly but i think i nailed it you wouldn't just turn the light on not well because i'm then gonna have a bath and i don't like how bright the light is it's a very it's a piercingly sharp have you ever have you considered uh sunglasses for the bath no i have those for shitting only i feel like i would be worried i can mix up my shades if i were to do that tub shades and shit

shades yeah you don't want to cross those. Those are very different experiences. I feel like you guys have said a lot but have not come to much of a consensus. I feel like you've just lost it. I can give my final picks, I think. Let's hear your final picks. Okay, let's hear your final picks and I'll tell you if they're right or wrong.

415, tub, 649, chug, 1126 things. Wow. Disagree. Disagree. I don't think 1126 is the things. I don't think so.

I think it's 415 tub, 649 is clearly the 100 things, and then 1126 is the chug. I'm going to go 415 is the 100 things, and the tub is 649, and 1126 is the chug. Yep. Nick's the same? You and Nick agree. I will say one of you got all three correct.

Okay, so it's not me and Nick who were the two guys who agreed on it, so that's good. It isavin is correct a 4 minute 15 tub fill a 649 soda chug and an 11 26 100 word edition okay wow that's i would yeah i don't think you could torture this information out of me 12 solid minutes to name 100 things. First of all, there's a list of things, and you're forgetting the type time.

There's some other factors. You want to spice up the list a little bit. I think I put too much thought into my things. Yeah, 11.26, man. I agree. Clearly. I find it harder to believe you chugged that soda in six minutes. I agree with that.

One of the worst experiences of my life in consuming any beverage. I almost died and it took me like 11 minutes. I didn't, the straw never left my mouth. I was chugging as fast as I could. I was sucking away. I was trying to find different angles. You can't really tell how much soda is left in the can

while you're doing it, which is demoralizing. It's also wild because you'll drink an entire soda and at the end of it you don't feel like you drank anything but air yes it's like you never actually got the soda in yes it feels like you're somehow only absorbing co2 from the can like it's the liquid or like it's separating the syrup from the water somehow because of how tight it is. It is a very strange. I mean, it's probably like pushing against the vapor pressure because it's so much. It's so tight.

I wonder if it's just actually separating the stuff out. Do you see what Nick wrote? Chugging that he, no wonder it took 11 minutes. Killed so many brain cells. He's right. Cause I did do it in the sequence in which I posted. It was tub first,

then chug, then 100 things. It is interesting that you get no enjoyment from it. It's like if you had a really high quality, nice bite of sushi, but you had to eat it in like 250 pieces. You just wouldn't enjoy any of it. The enjoyment doesn't stack in that way.

You can have sushi, but you have to eat the rice one piece at a time. Yeah, one grain. Yeah. Wherever you're going, you better believe American Express will be right there with you. Heading for adventure? We'll help you breeze through security. Meeting friends a world away? You can use your travel credit.

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Terms apply. Oh, that's an awesome game. That was an awesome game, Andrew. I have another game as well that is sort of based off Gavin's idea. If we want to talk about what I knew, Jeff, as well. Some creation. You broke up. You're breaking up.

This is 2022. Oh, God. What year did he print the law? Is the law being printed? It sounds like he said, is the law being printed? Wait a second. Wait. Oh, no.

Why is it flickering? We suck. We suck at podcasts. I think I'm back. No. Oh, no. Are we in the season 2022? It's all the same shit again,

but it's all just slightly different. Andrew's the one getting the root canals. Are we in the lawn mode now? Am I back? No. Oh, no. This is officially season 2022. Oh, no.

That's our new era. Old problem. Oh, I don't want them again. Wait. I think I might be back. No. No. While Andrew's...

I could fill it with a quick two-minute story, if you want. Go for it. The other day... So we've been taking the puppy to doggy daycare because it needs to get socialized with other dogs. That was the only problem with Henry was that he just didn't like other dogs. Right.

And so you got to be really careful with that with bulldogs. And so we took him to a new place, not the place Henry and Arrow used to go to just because it was kind of far away. So we decided to try this new place because it's kind of close and it was okay. It was going whatever. I was a little ambivalent toward the people. The other day, I go in at like 5pm to get the dog. And I walk in and they go, I'm here to pick up Albert. And she goes, Oh, the English, the French bulldog. And I go, No, no, he's an English bulldog. He's a little English bulldog

puppy. And she goes, Oh, right. I'm sorry, Albert, the English Bulldog. She looks to the guy next to her and he goes, she goes, hey, can you can you go get Albert the English Bulldog? And he looks at her and he goes, oh, and she goes, get the little English Bulldog puppy. And he goes, oh, French Bulldog. And she goes, no, no, no. English Bulldog. And he goes, oh, English Bulldog. And then he goes in.

Can I stop you? Can I stop you right now? Is this really happening? Is the dog called Albert? What's that? Did you just tell me the name of the dog? Yeah, so the dog's name is Albert. I fucked that up.

What are you doing? I just, it was bound to happen. You said it like six times. Yeah, I just realized I did. I knew it was going to happen and I was going to be the one to do it anyway so I was like she's like no Albert the dog go get him and uh the guy's like and he goes away for like 10 minutes and then other people come in and ask for their dogs and go and I'm still sitting there and then after like

10 or 11 minutes like two people have come in and got their dogs and gone and i'm like uh and i'm sitting there fucking waiting and he goes uh don't worry you guys can make fun of me and stuff after this for the for saying the dog's name i just this is a good story i want to get it out and uh and he comes back in in my dog's my dog has like a boston celtics harness obviously because he's a fucking good boy and there's a geriatric old french bulldog swimming in my dog's harness. It's three times the size of this dog. And he tries to hand me this 90 year old French bulldog. And he goes, and I got that's not my fucking dog.

And he goes, what? And I go, that's not my fucking dog. That's a French bulldog. And he goes, huh? And she goes, yeah, that's the French bulldog. And he goes back again and he's gone for another 10 minutes and i think my dog is gone like they've sold him on the black market or something and uh and and fucking two more people come in and get seen and leave and then eventually he brings my

dog out and i'm like what the fuck i'm definitely never coming back here again so i put my phone in my pocket i stand up i take the. I go out the front door. I open the front door. Dog runs out. My phone falls out of my pocket. And so he's out the door. My phone's in the door. I bend down to pick my phone up.

The door hits me in the face, knocks my sunglasses behind me back in the door, my hat out the front of the door. And so I've got like sunglasses and a phone on the ground inside, the dog and my hat outside. The dog's pulling me outside. The door slammed in me. I'm trapped between the door and so I've got like sunglasses and a phone on the ground inside the dog and my hat outside the dog's pulling me outside the door slammed in me I'm trapped between the door

scrambling around I'm like I'm fucking dazed because I got hit in the face with the door I'm like I'm trying to pick stuff up and the two fucking employees who are working there are just laughing at me the entire time and I eventually get it all up and throw it in the car and then I was I'm never going back to that place again.

Also, I completely fucked up and told you the dog's name. I'm so glad I did. I'm so fucking glad I did, because it was so annoying to try to keep it hidden. And I was so bad at it, and I kept saying it in front of people. And so I'd rather just have it out there in the world. The dog's name's Albert Einstein Hatfield.

Or Albert Brooks, I'm sorry. The dog's name's Albert Brooks.field or Albert Brooks. I'm sorry. The dog's name is Albert Brooks. Wait, what? Albert Einstein Brooks. That's Albert Brooks's full name is Albert Brooks. We named it. We named the dog Albert Brooks after Albert Brooks. Do I still sound like shit?

No, you're fine now. Okay. That was insane. I can't. I didn't know what was happening for a second there. Why would they laugh at you? Because they suck. They're shitty employees.

They were high and they're like 20, like the fucking burnout people. And they just, they sucked at their dog. They were half alert the whole time. They fucked up other people in front of them around me. It's just not a good place. And so I, after that, I was like, we're never, so I took, now I take the dog to the old place

where we used to go. It's further away. They sucked at their dog. So it sounds like that was like the thundercloud subs of dog places yeah dude it is it was like i mean i don't want to say that they're all on drugs or whatever but they were just just out of it and the fact that they put like you i don't know how a guy can take a harness for a 35 pound bulldog and try to fit it on an eight maybe 15 pound french bulldog like it looked it looked like he was walking a runway in like some sort of an outfit supported by wires you

know what i mean like he was in it was fucking bizarre oh that's i can't believe i learned the dog day i'm glad that when my audio is fucking up i could still hear you crystal clear or else i would have once again missed the dog. I'm pretty sure I guess Prince Albert at one point. That sounds right. I don't think you did because I would have told you. Speaking of other

dumb things I've done today, I did. I didn't charge my bike. I was I let a door hit me in the face. I told you the dog's name. Also, Emily walked in the other night while I was watching the All-Star game, and she goes, why are you watching that? And I go, what do you mean?

It's the All-Star game. She goes, no, you're watching that weird feed. And I was like, what are you talking about? I'm watching the All-Star game. And she goes, you're watching, it says it right there in front of you, Altcast. You're not watching the fucking All-Star game. You're watching the alternative feed.

And I realized she was right. I watched three quarters of the All-Star game on the wrong feed. What does the other feed do? It's Charles Barkley and Draymond Green green it was draymond green and uh like i don't know charles barkley talking and then they would like bring people in and talk to him and they were beat they were like pipped in around and like the screen was minimized and i was just like i guess that's how they do it now it's fucking annoying i'm not enjoying this at all and then i switched

to the full all-star game and it was just as bad. And so I turned it off. But yeah, I get 2024, I'm getting real dumb real fast. So you also accidentally told people recently, right? At the Super Bowl party, I told I said his name twice in 10 minutes

in front of everybody. Eric heard it. Nick didn't. So Nick didn't know until today? Yes. That is correct. You and Nick and the other one, Andrew, heard today. What a great day. Phenomenal day. It's fucking hard to talk around the dog's

name. I mean, you're the one who did this. I'm the one who does everything to me. I'm the enemy. I get that. I'm. Dude, I'm the one who does everything to me. I'm the enemy. I get that. I'm my own worst enemy always. Since day one, 48,

almost 49 years into it, of course it's me. I create all of my own problems. The full fucking podcast is called F*** Face for a reason. It's my life. My life has been one Jeff F*** facing Jeff over and over again in every conceivable possible way.

Why wouldn't it be me? I mean, he's not wrong. He brings up some fair points. It's a joy to be around. Yeah. Listen. You have no idea how fucking annoying it is to live with me like you guys live around me

oh and you but you get breaks gavin you and i are best friends in the world but we very rarely see each other most of your life is peaceful in your house where i'm not around you when you're with me you get me in a small dose it's fine i have to be around me so much it's just like there's no escape i'm always there. I can't ride my bike fast enough to ride away from me. Certainly if I don't charge up my own fucking batteries because I'm a fucking moron. It's like, oh, now

I'm in a... Anyway, how's everybody? Your audio's fixed? Audio's fixed. I don't know what that was. Maybe an internet blip. I have something incredibly sad to show you in the audience jeff in relation to another game yeah game 2.0 i don't remember the specific this is sort of your idea gavin we're talking last episode about adjusting food orders like

getting oh yeah like customizing it to oblivion and customizing it yeah and I couldn't remember if it was like trying to make the best dish or like trying to make the dish that would be the hardest to figure out what it originally started as yeah I think it was that variations okay well I have that as soon as we finished I did

a lot of research on my various apps that I could use to order food I looked at different stores. I use different material. I'm going to put in the chat the image that the thing I made using only the options they gave as far as additions or subtractions. We can then describe the item to the audience and see if you guys can guess what I originally ordered.

And it is the saddest piece of food that I've ever seen I said to Eric earlier the week it is depressing I just I'm a fucking idiot and I just sent it to myself in a different hell yeah dummy I'm a dummy this is a dumb era yeah

they would imply that we were ever not in a dumb era it's always just the dumb era it's always it's just the dumb air it's always yeah but we're like 2022 stupid again that's what i ordered it looks like a crime but i know i know you took the picture because it it's watermarked in the bottom left hand corner still i can't tell if all all of that stuff in the box is grease or just like lens dirt. It's grease, I believe. Okay.

So that's cheese and chicken. It is cheese and chicken. It is a thing of cheese that is largely stuck to the side of the box and the roof of the box. There is a little dollop of cheese on the top there on the chicken. Oh, a little, a tiny bit. You can tell it was intended to be there, I would say. But most of the cheese stuck to the front of the box and the roof of the box, sadly.

Hmm. Now, are we supposed to say what we think it is? Yeah, you guys now have to try to figure out what you think it started as. What was the original item that I modified to what that is? We got no thoughts. I'm going to say it was a spicy bacon chicken sandwich, and you held all the vegetables and the bread and the bacon,

and you just got the chicken and the cheese. So you think like a chicken burger sandwich? Yeah, like a chicken sandwich kind of thing. Okay. I'm going to guess that was a Caesar salad. You think that was a Caesar salad? So like I would have added cheese to it because like a block of cheese like that

is not common for... Now, Eric, you know what this is, right? He doesn't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. I did see it previously. I do think it's from KFC. Oh. Canada KFC.

That's my guess. I think that you tried to get a zinger twister, which I think is like a little burrito thing, and then you said no tortilla, and then also no vegetables. And so what you are left with. But would that big hunk of chicken fit in a tortilla? No, but I think that's, I think that's,

but look at the box too. It doesn't look like KFC, does it? I can't tell. I can't tell. It definitely doesn't. It could be like a cheesy chicken wrap. Hold the wrap. I'm also fully ready for Andrew to be like,

this is a double western bacon cheeseburger and made complete substitutions he must have started with something big yeah it's gonna start with something that looks like like a double big mac or something i uh i will say to maybe add some additional flavor to this photo this image was taken with me in the bathtub when I did the 4 minute 15 time. That's definitely additional flavor. That was an efficient bath. Yeah, I got a lot done.

It's pretty bold that you took a picture in the bath like this. I don't think I would do that. I gotta know, so what is it? Where's it from to start with? Okay, it's from a local chain called Big Wheel Burger. Okay. But it is an accessible item.

I will say that I don't want to say that Eric is wrong, but the item he described, it's the first time I've ever heard of that item. I have no idea what that is. Okay. I don't think we have those in our KFC. Okay. I'm going to put in the photo right now what it is. Nobody was close.

I would say Jeff is technically the closest. This is what it was. It started as a grilled cheese sandwich. Hold the cheese. Hold the bread. They had an option to hold the bread, which I was curious how they would even grill the cheese at that point. So then hold the bread, fry the chicken.

I clicked hold the bread, add a chicken breast because I didn't know. I just didn't know what it would come out as if I just said just cheese. I mean, that's pretty close i ordered yeah and it was i was hoping the cheese would be on top of the it was delicious the chicken itself the cheese as i said stuck to the box very difficult to enjoy were you able to drag it back over the chicken or did you just sort of i I tried. I kind of... I did the best I could, but it was sort of a lost cause. It was delicious. I have more of these.

Are they all from the same place? No, I need to... I have one I did with... Hamburger sandwich shops? I had one I did with Jeff that is so innovative that... They failed to execute my commitments. Jeff, do you want to show them what I sent you and then they have to guess maybe what it is?

Yeah, do you want me to upload all the photos that I sent you? Just send the photo of what the box looked like, the inside of the box that I sent you. Okay, just this one. So this is what I sent Jeff. This is what I got delivered to my house from Andrew. Oh my god. I don't want to say yesterday.

So to describe it to the people just listening, it is a box of just a patty in it. One patty. One patty. And it's from McDonald's. It's a McDonald's order. I don't recognize the platform it's on.

Neither did I. I thought that was a weird American thing. I've never seen that for what this item is. Yeah, I don't know where the platform came from. It just had a clear plastic shell over the top of it. I think it might be a hot cake tray. Yeah, it could be. It definitely is.

I'm going to guess that it's a double cheeseburger and it's just one single patty. Is that what it is? Now to note, they made it incorrectly. They did not listen to my specific instruction. They made it. Andrew was very, very upset

when I sent him the picture. Because Jeff said you should have and i i needed to see the photo because it's gonna make something around it what we're looking at uh is a quarter pounder but but where it went wrong is i said hold everything i said no no quarter pound beef no bun no lettuce like no sauce nothing i i asked for everything to be pulled and they clearly didn't know what to do so they just threw in the beef anyway as you can see in the the receipt no cheese plain no salt no quarter pound beef no bun i wonder if you'd have been better off ordering just salt 64 b-o-b-e-6-e is what it is uh i i will say when you order it because i'm i'm there now i was putting one together uh my idea was to remove everything from the double cheeseburger and then re-add it for extra for double cheeseburger

which makes it a more expensive exact same item. It goes from $3.99 to $5.87 when you re-add everything. Great. So you can get just salt and it

will be just the price like they would just send you salt I guess. Or throw a free patty in just for the hell of it I guess. I'm gonna send Jeff just salt. For next time we'll do more research on the next episode. I'll send you a salt just a salt

container as well as one I have in my head that I don't think anyone is gonna Be able to guess but yeah, I want to try one next time I feel like you get more customization at the kiosks than you do on the apps you definitely do yeah It can be tricky finding because I felt like it was cheating to manually put in special instructions I felt like I had to use the tools that they had created right you Submit the product. I will say that my whole idea for this was to tell Jeff that I sent him a quarter pound air,

which is 2.0 of the quarter pounder kind of Emperor's New Clothes burger of sorts. So them sending the beef patty really fucked up the idea, the overall image I had of jeff opening up an empty box to then have to determine uh what the item was and so i was just curious just to see like what the process would be so i i started because it's all automated you don't have to talk to people you don't have to make like an official submission until the end i went through the process of what if i tried to get a refund based on, so this was the,

this was what I submitted for, like what I wanted. Uh huh. And then this was my, my refund. My issue was I specifically wanted no beef and they included beef, a quarter pound of beef. So you're getting a refund for the beef they did send that you didn't yes that was

yeah if i was making the submission i was just curious what i would be offered in return and if i were to have followed through with my demand of not being met the order i wanted specifically i could have got a sweet $1.88 dang yeah really a real savings I don't know how much the quarter I think it's like a $6 burger so like drop down to Eric's double cheese essentially for next time but I'm I'm I'm gonna be back in the lab I have one other idea for a place, but it's just it's been difficult. Been difficult finding a time in which it's open on the app because it's a new restaurant in my area.

And it's sort of I'm excited. I've meant to check Big Wheel again. When I used to do things to do with Matt, like the greatest honor was to do one of those and then see patch notes related to the thing that we had done i'm hoping that i can get them to change a menu item on this app that's i feel like the ultimate goal of this is that they realize oh this is fucking why are we allowing this uh so that i'm going to continue to pursue that dream hey i have a uh i have a proposition for y'all. Oh. Oh.

By the way, I think this is the perfect lab for you to be in. I'm very excited to see the next iteration. But here's my proposition to you guys. I think we should change the way we say something. Y'all know how people say footlong, like $5 footlongs or like a footlong hot dog? Wouldn't it be cooler if instead of saying footlong, like $5 footlongs or like a footlong hot dog? Wouldn't it be

cooler if instead of saying footlong, we flipped it and we just referred to them as longfoots? I got a longfoot hot dog. No, because I just imagined Nick's feet. Longfoot sandwich. I'm just eating Nick's feet. The words are the same.

Now hang on. I understand. I understand hang on. Hang on. I understand. I understand your reservation. I get it. Nick was, like, interested. Andrew's maybe not on board. Let's go to the foot guy.

Gavin, what do you think about this? I'm not foot guy anymore. I'm the weird tongue anus guy. Well, tongue anus guy, what do you think about it? Long foot. The longhorn long foot. foot yeah i like it i like it too it feels good to say it feels a little dirty but it's not it sounds like an animal yeah kind of and it's like and which got me thinking because in my head i've already endeavored that

i'm gonna refer to things as long foot from going forward i would i would love it if you guys were along for the ride. But it got me thinking, I bet there's a lot of words we can transpose like that and completely reinvent how cool a word can be. I thought about every word that changes a letter when it becomes plural, like

leaf becomes, it has a V in it for the plural, leaves. I thought, what if you had to say the V plural as a singular? Like you had to talk about your mouth. What? What? Hang on.

It'd be a different way of talking. How long till someone called you out on it? You just kept saying leaves. Instead of leaf, leave. I feel like we're entering a pronounce, pronounce.

I'd like that. It's a great idea. You'll find that on my notes about 200 weeks ago as one of them that I just left and thought it's not even worth bringing up.

But we came close to it. We came close to it, so I brought it back. Yeah, I appreciated the swing around. We should have an era that's just the Gavin's notes era where we just go through his notes and however many episodes it takes to catch up, to get Gavin to zero notes. We have to do pocket lint of my notes You're talking about changing the names of products Jeff and like modifying words and like making them cooler

I had a thought let me pull my list up I won't share everything I've written at this time but I had a thought of like let's say that I was the head of approving inventions for the world like we're starting up and established products were being presented to me I was thinking things that I would reject that I wouldn't have at all understood what I was actually rejecting. Just as a title. Okay. And the number one on my list, let me look at everything, I have a lot.

Hearing AIDS was number one. I wouldn't understand. It seemed, AIDS by themselves, terrible. The idea of hearing AIDS, I would not get at all that it was a modifier. I would assume it was a medical, that we had somebody in the camp trying to create a new medical issue. But aren't hearing aids around longer than AIDS? Probably. I'm just using my context point.

I'm not saying this logically makes sense. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. All forms of sweats is another thing. Would not get approved. Sweatpants,pants sweatshirts i don't understand it i don't want it first of all any pant would be tough to get approved by me to sneak through the cracks right because you're a shorts guy when was the last time you covered your shins with fabric um it was when i worked in a warehouse and uh they they got what's the what's the term for it? Were they audited? Maybe.

Is that the word I'm looking for? Or they'd somebody come in and have to, like, look at the books and, like, evaluate the standards of the warehouse. And I had to put on sweatpants. I was told by the head of the facility that I had to wear pants because I guess I was supposed to as far as protection goes for safety. That was the last time. That would have been the year Destiny 1 came out. So that's the last time I wore pants. Was that like 2013

or something? 2014 maybe? Is that like... What? I think it's 2014. Okay. I left in like the month that Destiny came out is when I stopped working at that job. Why'd you okay so I left in like the month that Destiny came out

is when I stopped why'd you leave I was just it was it's a tough job how many yeah they make you wear pants yeah

the pants was a fucking deal breaker for him uh Andrew's like I'm sorry about the audit but these pants thing it's a non-starter I just don't touch fabric

uh uh uh he's Sorry about the audit, but these pants thing, it's a non-starter. My knees don't touch fabric. How many pairs of pants do you think you own? I probably still own those. Right. You didn't turn in your pants after? No, I don't think I gave them in. But like if you haven't worn pants since 2013, do you even own pants? Or have you got, they're useless to you, so you get rid of them?

I probably have them, but I may have given them away at some point. I don't know. They're not in the rotation. That's for sure. Nick said, did you turn them in with your badge and your gun? Yeah. I think that's the real reason you went to the wedding. I did talk about that prior to.

I almost made that joke. It didn't. I said that I would be forced to. I almost made that joke. It didn't. I said that I would be forced to wear pants if I went. I would say no, you wouldn't have. But yeah, you probably would have. Yeah, I would have absolutely been forced to wear pants.

Yeah. But no, yeah. When did Destiny come out? 2014, I think. Do you think you could afford them them if you spray-painted your shins the same color as your shorts? Oh! You should have just worn, yeah, like, socks the same color,

pulled them up, and then just spray-painted your knees. There is some body paint stuff I've seen that it's, like, very tough to tell. Like, it's very artistic. It's what that kid in the Hunger Games does, right? That's how he stays alive. Yeah, that's how he how he it's like the hunger i'm just at your wedding going pointing at my legs going it's like the hunger games it's the same thing stealth pants

oh my god i've heard something from uh meg recently she likes er Eric more now because apparently his TikTok etiquette is so good. I have been sharing stuff that comes up on my For You page with Meg, and she has just been saying, what is your, what is this? What are you doing? But then also, when people send me videos, I watch them, and then I'll comment on them or give them a thumbs up. Well, I can't say that for everyone, even in this podcast, when they're sent TikToks

that they watch them and have something to say or like them. Okay, listen, I feel like that's maybe intended at me. Is that right? In some degree. And I think it's completely and totally valid. You're 100% right. But here's the thing. Anytime I see a TikTok that I think,

oh, I'm going to send that to Eric, I look down and it says, Eric Bedore reposted. And so I realize you've already seen it. So then I think, like anything I think to send him, he will have already seen, and I'm already seeing what he's sending me anyway.

But I send you stuff, and you don't do anything to it. I'm just so bad about it. You are. You are. It's true. I only look at Emily's and that's only because when we get in bed at night, she goes,

let me see the TikToks I sent you. And then she snuggles against me and then we watch the TikToks she sent me together. And that's the only time I ever go into that inbox area or whatever to look at other people. I mean to. I endeavor to. I'm just bad at it. It's a failure on me because I suck. It's okay. It's okay, Jeff. We also know the just bad at it It's a failure on me because I suck

It's okay, it's okay Jeff We also know the dog's name, it's a whole thing Dog's name's Albert I don't think you ever sent me a TikTok Are you on TikTok? No Why would I send you a TikTok if you're not on TikTok?

Well, some people text me TikToks I'm not gonna be i'm not that guy i'm not gonna try to send you stuff for an app you don't use that's that's not i don't like that i don't like doing that i don't like when people do it to me um okay i i will say after jeff told us the dog's name i texted emily and i said jeff just said the dog's name on the podcast. Unreal. She replied, I fucking ran from the guest room to try and stop him.

I'm so stupid. I really just couldn't believe what I was hearing. Like you said Albert. I was like, wait, do I know Albert? Is Albert out? And then you kept saying it. and I just had to stop you. Yeah, I had to. I'm glad you did.

I didn't even realize I had done it. I was so deep in the story fog. You said it like four times. I was just trying to get to the part where half my life was on one side of the door and half was on the other. And my face was the only thing, you know, keeping them separate.

Learning that, it put me in the middle of a detective story because Jeff recommended an albert brooks documentary to me that i watched and i texted him about and i believe the dog's name was that at that i don't remember when that happened yeah but it's possible there was an overlap with that and uh i had no idea i was saying the dog's name left and right had no clue yeah yeah and i gotta say now that you know now that we pivoted from arty to albert i actually think he's a he's an albert it makes much more sense to me it fits his personality and i like albert better so ultimately i i think you guys really helped out i think i

think you found his true name and uh he may he may not have otherwise so thank you i will say before we move on completely from tiktok etiquette i i haven't vocalized this, Gavin, but I agree with Meg completely because Jeff is the first person I interacted with on TikTok. And I didn't know the procedure of like, should you message? Should you react to the TikTok? And Jeff and I were like,

we just will never acknowledge each other. We just send the thing and assume it will go well. And then I think I sent something to Eric on TikTok and he sent a message reacting to it. I went, what the fuck? What is, we can do this? This is so nice. This is a very courteous, it's an acknowledgement,

and also makes you feel good about sending the thing. You know what, Eric? I sent you a TikTok the other day. I sent you A-Rod giving batting instructions. That was fascinating. I don't think you quite comprehend what I'm talking about here. Every once in a while, you send me

a TikTok and I respond to it. Every once in a while, you do. But go through the list and see where you don't. And that's why I don't send them to you. No, you should because one day I'm going to sit down and I'm going to have like 300 amazing TikToks to watch. I'm going to snuggle up with Jeff in the bed.

Yeah, you're going to have to snuggle up with me and then tell me to load up the TikToks you sent me and then I'll watch all at once. Snuggle up with Jeff in the bed. Yeah, you're gonna have to snuggle up with me and then tell me to load up the TikToks you sent me and then I'll watch them with you. We've gotten a lot of joy from Eric's TikTok. We wouldn't have gotten Master Rob in our Let's Play Hattie Dive show if it wasn't for Eric sending me that TikTok. Anytime I see a TikTok that says Eric

reposted it, I love it. It's fun. I like TikTok in the way that i liked vine where it's just like well i guess i'm gonna sit down and eat candy for dinner and uh just really like none of this is none of this means anything but i'm going to enjoy it for a little while and that's absolutely a lot of fun is it similar to the the instagram story vibe which is mainly like eight seconds of a song and a picture of a dog smoking a cigarette. You know, my TikTok reposts are a lot of stuff like that.

Let me just look at the stuff that I had recently. A man laying on a floor wearing rubber gloves under a sink, getting a football thrown at him. That's a that's a new one. There's one that is, I think, about 10 seconds, nine seconds long, and it's just a guy punching holes in drywall. That's been a good one. I found new creatures that I've been following called Peruvian Maras. Been kind of reposting them.

That's been a good one. You know, just some hot stuff. Oh, a guy who's going to punch his dog, but like as a joke, and the dog makes a screaming noise. It's like a lot of that stuff. It's fun. It's fun. I love the dudes getting hit with footballs. I'm not as crazy about the creatures.

Oh, dude. I think you nailed it, Gavin. TikTok is essentially ice cream for dinner. Yeah, it is. And it's awesome. And you can have ice cream for dinner every day of your life if you want, because you're a grown-up,

and you should. My ice cream for dinner right now on TikTok is I found this channel that is just like security or police training and you have to get tased as part of the process. So it's just people getting tased and not reacting well to it as part of like they have to go through it is great. I get like four of those a day. It's wonderful. It's funny saying that you could just do whatever you want all the time because you're a grown up. I was walking. I was walking to the store the other day and I walked past a school and I was just imagining what they were just, they were bored in there probably in the class. And I just felt really lucky to be free and outside of the school.

And then I thought about all the stress and responsibilities of being a grown-up, an actual grown-up. And then I was like, school was pretty cool actually. of being a grown-up an actual grown-up and then i was like ah school was pretty cool actually yeah that was for me my example of that is when i was like 12 maybe 11 or 12 i wanted an airsoft gun so bad but my my mom wouldn't let me get one and you had to be 18 to be able to legally buy one yourself uh in canada and so i was like fuck if i could just accelerate time so i could get myself a cool ass airsoft pistol that would be incredible what a great thing and now i've gone back and i've reflected on it i got a bb gun eventually i used it for a day and then never used it again and also like the idea of trading off the ability to live tax free. Like I pay taxes now. I have bills.

It is not a fair trade to go forward in time to gain the right to buy an airsoft pistol in exchange for any base responsibility as an adult. The problem with that airsoft pistol analogy, though, is that like what could have really happened there is you missed a window in time when you could have really like endeared yourself into airsoft and could have like it could have hit you at the right time in your life where you could have become incredibly talented at it and become like an airsoft pro and then gotten into shooting and then suddenly you're because you're in canada and you're shooting out all the time outside you get into cold weather and then you get skis and then you're one of those dudes at the olympics

that shoot shit on skis and you have a gold medal and you didn't get any of that because you didn't get to pick up a fucking a bb gun until too late after the window had closed no i'll tell you what happened jeff i got a bb gun and i committed a crime with it the day i got it and then had to hide evidence so that was that was the end that happens that was the end and then it broke i remember wanting to accelerate time so I could be 15 so I could rent South Park from Blockbuster. And then I think when I turned 15, I didn't even think about doing that. I remember wanting to be 18 so that I could rent adult videos. I don't know if I've ever told this story, but I wanted to rent pornos from the video store so I could watch porn at 18. And then when I finally turned 18, I went to the video store and

I was too scared because it was the video store my parents went to. So I signed up for a video store on the other side of town and I would drive like 20 minutes to go to it. And then I would have to sit in the parking lot and build up enough courage to go in and then look a person in the face and hand them a dirty... Hand them Edward penis hands or whatever and then look a person in the face and hand them a dirty like hand them edward penis hands or whatever and then leave it and i would have to psych myself up so much to do it and i remember sitting in that car thinking it's fucking terrifying being a grown-up like sure you can do all this stuff now but has anybody tried to do all this stuff it's fucking hard and scary the the idea of you at the counter being like did did I need to watch Cum Sluts 1 through 6 to understand what I'm getting here?

Just feeling like I'm doing something. Even though you're 18, you're like, I'm not old enough to do this. They shouldn't let me. They're going to call my parents. If I have a fucking driver's license, I'm handing them. If they couldn't give a fuck and you're like,

oh, they're judging me. They think I'm a loser. They think I'm fucking lame. It sucks being a killer. No, I get it. Yeah. Anxiety. It's. It sucks being a killer. No, I get it. Yeah. Anxiety. It's also awesome

because you get to eat ice cream for fucking dinner and then cry yourself to sleep. There you go. We need to end this episode. This was episode 195, so get excited because next week's episode is 196,

the greatest episode of this podcast. Are you guys feeling prepared for it? I'm ready. I could be more ready. Yeah. I'm going to get ready. I mean, you guys are... So it's like...

Oh, are we telling people what we're doing? Is that the plan? I thought we did already. I'm sorry. That was my Albert moment. I apologize. Air of dumb. We got to wrap this up because I'm sorry. That was my Albert moment. I apologize. Air of dumb. We got to wrap this up

because I'm going to keep saying stuff. Yeah, I got a whole other story I want to go into. So I'll save it for episode 196. Let's just say I've fallen in love with a new kind of trucks. I'm very excited about it. Oh, damn.

Yeah. All right. Well, fucking let's start. All right, bye. Oh, I'm sorry. Hey, thanks for listening to the podcast. Boy, fucking let's start. Bye. Oh, I'm sorry. Hey, thanks for listening to the podcast. Boy,

we really appreciate it. Your ears and you pointing them at us for this period of time every week. If you like the podcast, tell a friend or a coworker or a family member about it. If they don't want to listen to it, sit them down and stand over them and make them. They can't, they won't say no.

If you're intimidating enough, they will listen to it. And then also, as always, check out our supplemental content. And if you feel the need to buy any dumb merch, there's probably a store somewhere where you can buy our shit. We'll see you next week for the greatest episode of the face podcast ever to this point. Hey, guys. Major League fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. Next week's episode is the funniest ever episode of F*** Face.

And because of that, the gang hasn't recorded. So I'm going to predict what we have in store. Jeff gets a tooth removed during the podcast. Gavin lets everyone know that he took a driving test and passed. Andrew regains his burger confidence. Nick reveals that he's been wearing the mask The whole time Gracie takes a stab at becoming a desk engineer Eric gets his dream

And the podcast ends on time And once again Andrew does not eat the pencil But if he ever was going to This would be the day But he probably won't All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face