Regulation Podcast - Gavin Was Early // Geoff's Dead Dogs and Duck Dicks [135]

Episode Date: January 4, 2023

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Gavin's perfect clock he built, jet lag, holiday movies, busy work, lifetime falls montage, tripped in San Antonio, the mall is back confirmed, Geoff's weird notes, the worst smelling pee, Florida Duck Kicker, the Bussey Bus, and sports fatalities. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Ro was on my clock. That's all. Do we need to sync clocks? I'm not accusing you of anything. I'm not saying anything's wrong. I'm just, I'm simply stating a fact. It was 11.59. Well, hold on a second. Hello and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast. Eric, what number is this?

This is 135. Episode 135, probably. My name is Jeff Ramsey. With me, as as always Gavin Free and Andrew Patton and uh Gavin you were one minute early today you've never been early in your life why did you decide to change things up uh I wasn't early

I was I joined exactly 12 o'clock I'll be honest I'll be honest you yeah you warned us about this I think that this is some jet lag stuff for you. I think you're maybe a little, like, your time hasn't quite caught up. Do you know what solved

this issue? Wrong. If we all had an anal passage of time. Sync up. Every week, I use a perfectly synchronized GPS clock to join at exactly 12. This is, I don't know if it's the angle that this is taken out or whatever, but it's, like like giving me a headache to look at it.

Like it's really hard to read. I think I could expose lower. But I literally, I wait until 11.59 and then I wait probably halfway through the next second and then I click so that as it turns to 12, I'm in the recording and I do that every week. I was looking at the time on my computer waiting to see when it was going to start. And it was eleven fifty nine when I heard you ding in.

Yep. Me too. Yeah. It was definitely close. I don't. Why would you buy that that clock? I didn't buy it. I built it.

You built it. OK. Why? Get a hobby. It looks like you stole it from the world's shittiest scoreboard. I don't know what I'm looking at. It's just a GPS clock that goes to the... It says trust this clock even less now that I know you made it. That did not help your case at all.

No, it's a tough argument when the clock you made is wrong and arguing it's right. That's I just put it together. I didn't like. Well, what do you mean? No. Well, all right. Come on. Wait, what does that mean?

It's like a kid. I sold it together. Okay. That's a little bit more hands-on than I expected. It would be like, the way you phrased it would be like if you built a Lego set and said, I invented this. The thing is... I invented Lego Hogwarts.

You can't set it. It literally just has like an antenna for the GPS. That's all that happens. Well, okay. This is the problem that you're overlooking. That room is dumb. We have weeks of establishing that this room is stupid due to all the air. Your clock is dumb.

It's slightly off. That clock is breathing nothing but CO2, right? That's very possible. I want to say that the second picture that you sent, great. You can read it perfectly. I agree. Before, it looked like the worst scoreboard. Now, it's great.

great you can read it perfectly i agree before it looked like the worst scoreboard now it's great i also want to say that with gavin saying i built a clock and seeing this it all makes sense to me and i get it if this were flipped and andrew was saying i built the clock i don't know where this episode would go or what we would be doing but time would just be like a construct we would be like drilling down into like tenant style situations that would not be good i don't think it would be tough to build well what type of clock are we talking one that's apparently a cut by 10 seconds too fast yeah i could do that i could build a clock that incorrectly told time no problem. I mean look look That's what we could do I can take a picture of the clock the second I press stop right yeah, we can take the length of the audio clip and deduct it from the current time to see when I joined I

Checked out three words into the sentence Nearly enough about whatever yeah, you you do i'm sure you're right i'd rather just say you're right and then we can move on please do that and then uh explain it in some way that makes us not trust that you're right and then you can move on okay i'm gonna i'm definitely gonna forget to do that oh 100 it's how are you doing, buddy? You texted us all earlier and said you were going to be loopy from jet lag. Yeah, well, yeah, jet lag. So my body just decided that it was morning about 4 a.m. So I've just been up for ages.

What did you do from 4 a.m. until you would have normally gotten up? Were you productive? Yeah. Did you get up, put clothes on, and walk around the house? Or did you just lay in bed? No, I can't lay in bed. I hate that. just so boring you're just wasting what are you serious no i i hate being in bed get out of here i spent last night just like i laid in bed for probably two hours last night oh no way it's like when it when when evening's coming around when it's getting to be about like 11 45 i'm I'm just annoyed that I've got to stop.

And I want it to skip to the next day. Are you serious? As soon as it turns dark, I start to feel like I'm ready for bed. I'm ready for bed by 6 p.m. every day now because it's dark early in Texas. We watched, we've been trying to watch like one Christmas thing a day. And I was struggling, yawning through Home Alone last night. And as soon as it was over, I was struggling, yawning through Home Alone last night. And as soon as it was over, I was like,

I gotta go to fucking bed. I am exhausted from another year's watching of Home Alone because it makes me laugh so goddamn much. And I looked at my clock. It was 7.48. And I was like, oh, fuck,

I can't go to bed for at least another hour and 10 minutes. I've watched Home Alone with you before. And you would think that it's your favorite movie. It is. It's up there, man. You know, I never considered it, but it does feel very much like a Jeff movie. and you would think that it's your favorite movie it is it's up there man you know i never

considered but it does feel very much like a jeff movie it makes his love of the most recent one make more sense like he loves genre wise yeah you got a guy doing pranks and stevious it feels very jeff there is nothing on earth funnier than when it becomes 9 p.m uh on the night of the robbery and uh macaulay caulkin or kevin mccallister gets he just gets home from stopping by the church to pray before he unleashes hell on these two idiots and then they pull up and they're like it's nine o'clock let's get to it from that second on until honestly until he cuts the cord on the Ziploc line. That, I don't know, it was like eight minutes is like the funniest eight or ten minutes of all time.

And I can't not laugh. I've seen that movie. I saw it in the theater five times in a row in five days in high school because it was the year I turned 16. It was out and I went every day to the Dollar Theater to see it. I've seen it a thousand times, but I laughed just as...

I had spit coming out of my mouth. I was laughing so hard. I was drooling last night laughing so hard. I'll be honest, that movie, soundtrack, absolutely slaps. It's an amazing soundtrack. How old were you when you watched Home Alone, Gavin? Do you remember?

Do you watch this as a little kidavin uh do you remember like do you watch this like a little kid or do you watch it later yeah i must have been seven yeah i feel especially lucky to have seen that movie uh as a child because of the neighbor being genuinely scary like watching that as a little kid and being terrified by the guy that just is like clearing snow out of his driveway i think adds to that experience the what do they call him the south bend uh stalker or yeah something like that i haven't seen it in a long time but but i just remember as a kid being genuinely terrified of that character and i just don't think i would have had that experience if i watched it when i was older he's a pretty feeble old dude yeah seeing it later in life there's nothing really scary about it but it's very clearly like these

kids creating this narrative god through the course of watching holiday movies i uh trying to watch holiday programs uh because emily insists that we watch one piece of christmas content a day sometimes it can be like a five minute looney tunes cartoon or what it's like hbo max has this has this like a different present to unwrap each day and it's like a different show and then like peacock has some different like you could go watch an episode of Alf Christmas or whatever. We watched fucking, what is it called? Spirited the other night that Will Ferrell,

what's the other dude that owns the soccer team? Ryan Reynolds. Ryan Reynolds movie? The new one? Oh my God. That movie is long. It's not super good. It's a musical first of all, which is fine not super good it's a musical first of all

which is fine they wanted to make a musical but there's no reason for it to be a musical there's no point neither of them are particularly good singers the songs aren't

particularly funny if you cut the musical part out it would be an okay 90 minute movie but it is just dry it's like a Wes Anderson movie where you like you think the movies over and they're

like no there's an entire other movie. I mean, is there a reason for any movie to be a musical? I think if you've got some particularly interesting songs and it can tell a story in a way that you wouldn't normally see it, sure.

I think so. But I don't want to hear Will Ferrell sing. That's fair. He's not a Dina Menzel, you know? It's different. He's not a Del Nazeem. He's not a Del Nazeem. He's not a Del Nazeem.

Freaking Travolta. Yeah, like, Willy Wonka, should that have been a musical? I mean, it could be. I'm sure if you get somebody who's talented in that space, they could make that

into a good musical. It was a musical. I'm saying, like, should it have been? Oh, it was? I had no idea. Have you never seen Willy Wonka and the Chunk Factory?

No, I guess I just don't... Yeah, I don't associate that as a musical. But you're right. What? I just don't think... When I think of classic musicals, I don't think of Willy Wonka in that category. But you're not wrong.

But I think it would have worked if instead of, like, whenever a kid got obliterated, if the Oompa Loompas just came out and just sort of mopped up the blood and left without a song, it would have been fine. Isn't that what the Tim Burton movie is? I don't know know i feel like that's the tim burton version and that was terrible once again though the oompa loompas those songs were fucking awesome and they add to the movie nothing ryan riddle's saying added to that what has been the best piece of christmas content

that you've consumed this year outside of established classics what. Established classics. What's a new Christmas? I'll tell you what, fuck, what's the best? I don't know. I haven't seen a lot of, oh, you know what? It's not great. It's actually not very good at all.

But the sequel to Christmas Story, I watched that, Peter Billingsley, and it's rough for the first 30 minutes, but once you buy in, it's got a lot of heart and charm. And I'll say like I enjoyed it. By the end of it,

I thought it was a pretty faithful sequel. You can see how it goes from a mile away, obviously, but it's just like a happy family Christmas movie, right? I thought they did a decent job. I thought they did a decent job of adding on to that story without like beating you to death with it. What's it a sequel to?

A Christmas Story. Oh, what were you watching a christmas story too i only had christmas story i was like christmas story's a sequel you had to a christmas story what if there's just several christmas stories that were unrelated it's just like a title completely different movies i think that movie christmas story i think it's gonna get some hate for this i think it's a dog shit film that's a strong take yeah i don't like it i don't think it's a dog shit film but i would be happy never to see it again having had to watch it every christmas my entire life i mean it definitely like the runs of it playing 24 hours a day on christmas The way they promote it. Definitely overplayed. Calling it a shit movie I think is strong. I mean it's no Christmas vacation.

Same boat for me. Seen it way too many fucking times. Also from the moment he goes up into the attic and he starts watching family films, the movie just grinds to a halt. There's like a solid 22 minutes they could cut out of this

like the five eights five minutes of the way through that movie that they could just flush and get right back to cousin eddie and it'd be good that shot of his shins coming through the ceiling and landing on the bed that might be the best shot in any movie i remember watching the first time seeing that the scene where he he's like putting up christmas lights and he falls and he grabs the gutter and the gutter launches through the window i was maybe the hardest i had laughed in my life to that point i remember like going back and rewinding on vhs and watching in like slow-mo like frame by frame of the gutter flying out great movie has some amazing scenes have i ever told you guys a story about when i was in high school and I worked as a tool repairman

for like the last year and a half I was in high school before I joined the army and I this really sweet really sweet old dude who was like obsessed with Paul Harvey and he only had one arm and he was he was just like a really fucking badass dude who could do anything he'd worked in the tool

like in the oil fields his entire life and had done all this with only one arm and he opened up a tool repair shop and he would hire high school students. And he tried to give me the business because he was trying to retire. And I was like, no offense, but I don't want to be a tool repairman for the rest of my life. And so I joined the army. But really lovely dude. And he taught me about productivity and about being efficient and working at all times. And like there was, if there weren't tools to fix, and I was a hydraulic, electronic, and pneumatic tool repairman. So any kind of pneumatic drill, any kind of like electric bandsaw, any, a lot of

pumps, like a lot of pneumatic pumps for like tugboats and shit we would fix. And he was always kind of scraping by. And so whenever we would run out of stuff to do, he would tell me to get creative and come up with work. And one of his favorite things to have me do would be to pull nails out of old lumber and then straighten the nails and then regrind points on the nails and then save them.

So that we would have cheap. Oh my God. Like he was that level of cheap. One time he came into work and he had he had like three 55 gallon or like five 50 gallon drums full of batteries that he had found in an industrial dumpster and he goes these might be bad they might but we're gonna find out they were all like a like double a d cell c cell and i spent like an entire saturday testing batteries to see which ones were good and which ones are bad like this is the kind

of stuff he had me do all the time and so he would leave for a while and he would just say like find something productive to do and a lot of what I would do is I would fill I would find old broken like saw like band saws or like hammer drills and I would try to

rebuild them so he could sell them as used tools from like discarded pieces and I would try to rebuild them so he could sell them as used tools from like discarded pieces. And we were in this giant warehouse that was like 30 feet tall, I guess, maybe, I don't know. It was a tall ass warehouse. And he had built these out of recycled wood, which goes into this, I think a little bit. He had built these shelves that went all the way to the top that were just covered in just whatever nonsense and bullshit that he had accumulated and collected and i would climb up there to look for like tool parts and stuff and there was one that he had that was suspended from the ceiling by chains and it was just like

it was like a like a wooden flat that was suspended by chains from the ceiling just hanging loose and you had to like climb up on this one really tall shelf to jump over to it and there was like some kind of something up there that i saw that i thought i could fuck with and so i went up there to get it and then i i liked being up there because you could like kind of swing on it and it felt dangerous as fuck because you're like 25 feet in the air swinging on some fucking rotten wood and uh and i got up there and then i realized that i was having that it was a little scary to get down and uh i and I just picked a clean spot

on the top of a shelf, and I jumped down to it, and I guess I was just high enough up, and the wood was old and free enough to be rickety or rotten. I fell straight through that shelf into the next shelf, up to my chest,

and so my legs were danglingling and my arms were above me. And I was suspended maybe 18 feet in the air on the fourth out of five, maybe the fifth out of six shelves high. I went totally through the sixth shelf, into the fifth, and embedded, kind of like Clark Griswold. And I was fucking physically stuck, and I had to stay there like that for

like 30 minutes until he came back to get something and saw me, and I was like, Dean! Dean! Help! I heard the door open up, and he had to run in and figure out how to get me out of there. He like pulled me loose. But I was like suspended in the air like 18, 20 feet up in the air

with like, just like fucking rusty saws and shit all around me. It's amazing I didn't fucking die. Just like a movie, completely stuck for a good half hour. I cried for a little bit. I laughed for a little bit. I went through all the emotions. I was like 16.

Were you crying because you thought you might get more hurt? I think I was crying because it was a Saturday morning and I thought, what if he doesn't come back? I'm going to die up here. Your 127 hours moment is just stuck in the shelf. I was just wedged in so fucking tight I couldn't get anywhere. It sucked.

Wouldn't you just love to see a montage of all your greatest falls and blunders like that yeah jeff i'm sure you would have i'm sure i you would have the best montage of anyone i've ever met you fall and flip through the air and bounce so well there's like an alternate reality where you're like a Jim Carrey level. I say this not to be braggadocious, but I assume I have forgotten about more falls and trips and blunders like that than most people have in a lifetime. Do you remember the one where we got an achievement in Gears 2 and then we tried to do a diving high five?

No. Onto the beanbag. I lost Gavin. Yeah. He's just dying. We didn't hear you, Jeff, but I was. What was the story? It died out. It was like you walked away from the conversation. I basically did.

But Jeff was focused so much on nailing the high five part that he completely overshot the beep. And something about Jeff's old living room floor, it was so loud. Whenever he followed it, it was like earth shattering. Boom. I've got, i think two videos of uh jeff just falling in his living room like one was that dive and the other one was like uh

i can't remember what it was we were just filming i think it was the the webcam of my laptop we were filming and uh you tried to hit me in the nuts at the beginning of the video and then i tried to hit you in the nuts and you sort of went out of frame and you could just hear you slam. It sounds like you slammed into the ground at like 45 miles an hour from a standing position. I bet we can, I bet I can trim those out and post them. I don't like the half-assed things. Yeah, even though you don't see the fall in one of them,

the noise is absolutely phenomenal. And then I think you said you slipped because you had your sockies on. I would pay a premium for a loud floor. If every impact could just sound massive, I would pay so much money for that specific material. Like a wrestling ring floor? Yeah, exactly.

I'd love that. You've got a great montage too, Andrew. I have a few. It's just a great montage too, Andrew. Yeah, I have a few. It's just like, it's just Andrew Panton, the ankle sessions. I think mine would be a lot of mundane, like you'd look at it and go, that's what kept you out for two days?

You're just stepping off a curb. I think it would be great in a different way. I don't have anything that's comparable to being stuck in a literal shelf. I one time was in the Army. I was maybe 19. And if you lived in Fort Hood, if you went to Fort Hood,

if you were in the Army and went to Fort Hood, you would understand this. But you got the fuck out of Fort Hood the second you could every week. And so that's how I ended up falling in love with Austin was I would drive down to Austin just to go to bookstores or coffee shops after work and just spend as much time. Like I'd get out of work at like five and I'd start driving to Austin and I'd come home at like two in the morning, go back to sleep and get up at five, like 5am to do PT and just get no sleep just to pretend like I didn't live in the army.

But one time we were in... So we'd go on weekend trips a lot. We went to San Antonio. It wasn't the trip that I told you guys about where I almost got run over by the train and then the scary car opened up all the doors. Same dudes, same city, different weekend. And we were walking around the Riverwalk,

which I really like because it's gross and touristy but it's also where the chase scene in cloak and dagger happened which is one of my favorite childhood movies because i thought dabney coleman was like the coolest fucking dude ever and uh so i love to go down there anytime i anytime i get the opportunity and uh there was like a local tv crew filming uh just people walking down i don't know they're doing like a tourism segment or something and i thought i was gonna be funny and do like a local TV crew filming just people walking down I don't know they're doing like a tourism segment or something and I thought I was gonna be funny and do like a little like little like kick my leg and spin in the air and like point at the thing as I was walking by and

I started to do that and I somehow tripped myself and kicked my own leg out from under me and fell fucking off like hard on the concrete next to the uh next to the edge hit my head and rolled like i was probably like three feet from going over but i was like i got like i like hit so hard and was so disoriented that i almost fell in the fucking riverwalk and some local some some san antonio like fox affiliate probably still has that footage i found a i found a clip oh did you really affiliate probably still has that footage. I found a clip. Oh, did you really? Okay, Gavin is

sharing a Vimeo link. Now this says 11 years ago, but I assure you it was uh probably 15 years ago actually that it was filmed. Everyone ready? Yeah. Three, 2, 1, play! Mine buffered. Got you an achievement. Mine doesn't play. Mine's still buffering. Suddenly this video has had four people trying to watch it at the same time. It's working fine for me.

Jeff just got me an achievement. Okay, here we go. What we get, we got for the fallen. Alright, here we go. Connect all the cog tags and gears will all one. There you go. It's an achievement I've been missing for about two years. This is our celebration.

I totally missed the beat back there. Go. Three, two, one, go. It's so loud. It's so loud it's so loud just the impact the camera well it's like a it was like an 85 year old pier and beam house so it's pretty loud yeah i think that was 2009 or 2007 we've known each other for a very long time we've been each other for a very long time.

We've been hanging out for a very long time. Yes. That's ridiculous. So what happened to the future? Still never found anybody we liked more. I don't know if that's a good thing or bad. Yeah, that must have been 2009. That's wild.

What happened to the woodshop guy, Jeff? I don't know. I joined the army. I think he hired another high school student. It was like part of a work placement program. And he was like, yeah, I know you're going in the army, or you're thinking about going in the army, but he thought I had a really...

I'll be honest. He thought I had a really good brain and I was really, really smart and had a really good mind for fixing tools, but that I was awkward and my hands were stupid. Like I had the brain for it, but not the body for it or the dexterity. But he was like, but we could get you there.

And he was like, I'd really like to pass this. I don't have a kid. I'd really like to pass this down to you someday and this could be your business. And I was like, that's really humbling and gratifying and really sweet of you, but I want to go be a journalist. And I never saw him again. I think I went back and visited him once after basic training. He was still there. And then I went back a year later, and the shop was gone. Have you considered that he's Jigsaw?

You were the first Jigsaw. first the way you described that you trapped yourself there's blades everywhere it's rusty like what happened that's why i'm asking i'm concerned you may be patient zero the jigsaw story you didn't even know it that's entirely i never considered that i'm like the only one who got away yeah inspired an entire franchise i feel i feel uh i i uh i'm right up there with carrie ells and chris rock i guess that's pretty inspired an entire franchise. I feel, I feel, I, I, I, uh, I'm right up there with Carrie Ells and Chris Rock, I guess. That's pretty fucking exciting. Yeah.

Yeah. Did you see the people are posting their Spotify end of year stuff? Yeah. And I guess in one of the Spotify UIs, when you come back to the app and your most recent podcast, it just says hello there. But if you've just listened to this podcast podcast it just says hello there but if you've just listened to this podcast it just says hello there someone posted a screenshot i think it was on instagram

but it was that's fucking great that's fucking awesome this podcast name continues to reward oh oh man i was i was talking about this with gav with uh you're g. I was talking about this with your Gavin. I was talking about this with Gus and Eric yesterday. If we win that stupid inside award, then I think that we have fulfilled the purpose

of the podcast. To have somebody at an award ceremony where I hope there are like tables with tablecloths and people sitting around looking up at a dais and somebody has to

stand up there and say award for best buddy podcast of 2022 goes to face will be like i it's like we won we won the video i don't know what else to do after that we need to consider i mean things are looking good currently i just pulled it up we currently have 78 of the vote the next person behind us is nine percent there's what like three days left two days 13 hours we're also it's funny they have a section of their website that's most popular categories best buddy podcast is most voted on i'm assuming by a lot so thank you so much to all the listeners thank you thank you so so. Thank you comment leavers. Thank you regulation listeners. We need to decide, because the ceremony

I think is in January. We should send somebody on our behalf to accept the award. Who'd we send? Who should we send? Greg? That's a tough one. Should we send Jack? Yeah, Jack's up there. Greg or Jack.

Someone. It's just something to consider. Because things are looking good. I don't want to jinx it. Do you know where the awards are? I have no idea. I think Eric might have a better idea. I'm looking. I've been looking.

I couldn't find where they're actually doing this thing. I wonder if it's just a virtual thing. Yeah, it might be. There's a section of their site that's like we're having an in-person ceremony. Here's the thing that worries me, though. If you go to the bottom of the page, all signal finalists are selected by the signal awards jury. Does that do you? I don't know.

It just that's a thing that just makes me. Well, I think that just means the finalists like we're all finalists, right? Like they selected the finalists. Now the audience selects the winner. So I so it just still makes me yeah i know no there it's confusing i've done a little bit of a deep dive into this i think what it is is there's the people signal awards and then there's the signal and i think those are two separate things i think we are undeniably going to win a people signal award but they may give the signal award to somebody like a different there's two awards essentially from my understanding of it

we could be screwed over by the jury well don't be so sure gus told a story in the that anima podcast i did yesterday about how roosteeth got fucked out of an award uh i can't remember if it was a webby or a streamy way, way, way back in the day. They did something similar to this where we they let the audience vote. And then like two days before voting ended, they locked down the voting and nobody else could vote anymore or see what the percentages were. And then when the awards were announced, suddenly our competition won, even though we had been up by like thousands of votes. Huh? Yeah. It is a wild move to do that while displaying the vote count though yeah that'd be insane we'll see we'll

figure uh speaking of i did that i mentioned that other podcast uh we did that at the mall yesterday which is back and i bring that up because eric is here he can confirm eric is the mall back or is the mall back? I was talking to Nick about this because he's editing that, and I confirmed with him, with the amount of background noise that we have throughout the entire show, boy, the mall is back. We got there and sat at a food court that was mostly empty at 10.15 a.m.

By 11 a.m., that place was packed. On a Monday morning. Packed. Crazy. Crazy. It's back, baby. Now, I guess my question at this point would be, did the mall ever go away? Oh, yeah.

Did it go away from the mall? No, the mall went away hard. The mall went away? Okay. So there was a decline in the mall from your viewing. 2000 to 2021, the mall did not exist. But is that the mall's fault or your fault? No, it's the mall's fault. Well, society's fault.

You just took a break. No, it's just like people got into outdoor malls. People got into strip malls. People got into places like South Park Meadows and The Domain, and nobody went to indoor malls anymore. And half of them across America closed because of it. It was a huge thing. I knew the mall was in trouble when I lived in

New Jersey and the mall near me started to allow cigarettes in the mall. Like in 98, you could walk around the mall and smoke cigarettes and just put them out on shit. And people started to. And you were like, oh, I see where this is headed. Like they're going, they're doing anything to get people in the store. They're like fucking, they're like, smoke your cigarettes and put them out on the wall. We don't care. Just show up.

And it was pretty much what did the mall do to get you back? What was the move? How did you realize the mall was back? Uh, well, it has nothing to do with the mall. It has to do with the fact that it was a cold, rainy day and I wanted to get some exercise. And so I went to the mall because I thought it's indoors and it's big. So I could do a couple laps with the old mall walkers. And imagine my surprise to find out that there were people and stores in the mall. It wasn't just a place for senior citizens to walk. I don't know if the mall has ever existed where I live. What you're describing is just outside of like the holiday season when the mall is packed.

I feel like it's just always old people. Do you have a mall in Nanaimo? Like an indoor mall? Oh, absolutely. We are, Nanaimo is mall city. It's almost to a flaw. Like the concept of attracting people to the town. the idea was like malls are the future. We have like four malls. Oh my God. How big is Nanaimo?

It's not, it's like long, but it's not, I would say each mall is probably like 10 minutes apart. Really? Yeah. Do they just have the same shit in them? Really? Yeah. Do they just have the same shit in them? No, they don't.

There's like one main central mall that is massive compared to the other ones. And the other ones I'd say are pretty tiny malls. Some don't even have a food court. Like they pulled out the food court. It's not great. Not a great mall scene, but a lot of malls to choose from. What if they linked them underground through rail like airport terminals? Now that would be fucking awesome.

I'm all about that. You could. It's a straight line. They all line up perfectly all about that you could it's a straight line they're all they all line up perfectly what do you mean it's a straight line everything's a straight line if you tunnel underground no you have to zigzag not all tunnels are straight you've never taken a curve in the tunnel well if i'm good around stuff but what you got a lot of tunnels already no what are you talking about? What? I'm saying if you put a marker down, right, on one mall. Yeah. If you shot a gun from one mall, it would go in the direction of the other malls.

Right. They're lined up perfectly. They're lined up is what he's saying. Yeah. It's a straight shot. I'm saying it's convenient. Yeah. Straight line under all of them.

Yeah. I get what you're saying. Yeah. That's my point. Straight line under all of them. Yeah. I get what you're saying. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. But I'm saying even if they weren't all in a line, you could still put them together with straight lines. Maybe not one straight line. Yeah.

There'd be turns. If they weren't on the same. My point was how easy it would be, Gavin. What a stupid conversation. We're arguing about nothing here. Eric chimed in to say, why would you shoot a gun? I don't know. I was just, I was, honestly,

I was confused by what you were saying. It caught me off guard. I was trying to get my balance of just something that you can't turn. Wherever you're going, you better believe American Express will be right there with you. Heading for adventure? We'll help you breeze through security. Meeting friends a world away?

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Benefits vary by card. Terms apply. I have a question for Eric, and speaking of, uh, well, stupid. Stupid. Stupid. So our pizza videos came out. Yeah.

One of them's called Eating the Plowman's Pizza. Yeah. One of them's called Pizza Day. Pizza Day! And i think that one didn't didn't have a thumbnail who who's in charge of like our youtube strategy that's a great question i think i think gavin's that gavin's gunning for a promotion is what i'm hearing that's you know what jeff you might be right gavin might be the one in charge of our YouTube strategy. I can get some meetings on your calendar and we'll get that going.

I did have to slap the group to say, can we please have a thumbnail? And you know what? That's the kind of initiative we need in the YouTube strategist position. And that's why I'm nominating you for face YouTube strategist. Gavin, you've been here long enough. 20 years into this company. You've been here long enough to know that if you bring something up, suddenly it's your responsibility to get it fixed for whatever reason that is.

So why would you even do it? To be fair, the person who typically makes our thumbnails is brendan uh yeah content ops team and he has been swamped and also was very sick so uh fine but youtube automatically picks three frames from a video any one of those would have been better than just the black logo nah i, I like the logo. Nick swooped in and saved the day. Because he is an underrated star of this podcast.

It just looks like both videos went up without any knowledge of each other. One's called Eating the Plumber's Pizza. The other one could have been Making the Plumber's Pizza. Right, but it's Pizza Day. It is Pizza Day. Yeah, Pizza Day. That was the day we ate pizza. And it's pizza day it is pizza day that was the day we ate pizza and it's two videos

uploaded what minutes apart 30 minutes apart the same thing 30 minutes apart we're terrible we're terrible at video while we're listening to Gavin complain can I add on one little thing

what do you want your new job responsibility to be? Go. I just don't, I just, well, never mind. I'm good. I gotta say it. The bathroom waffles video came out today. Yep. If you don't know, it's regulation animation.

I was gonna do a whole spiel about them today and how people should watch them, but then I was listening to the most recent release, and I just picked a random spot to pop into, and it was me talking, trying to send these up, and trying to get people

to watch them, so I guess I've already done that, so I'm not going to beat you guys to death with it. But the Bathroom Waffles regulation animation came out today, which is,

if you want to know where the genesis of waffles in F*** Face, it's there. So I would highly recommend watching it. It's very good. It just seemed to cut off in the middle of the episode at the end and just get like a hard cut into uh an outro for i don't know some

rt shit which is fine but i just didn't know if it if it was supposed to cut off that hard or if that was a oopsie no i does it do that it did when i watched. Does anyone watch the final export? That's a great question. Something a YouTube strategist probably would do. Yep. It does. It just cuts off. It just cuts off a little abruptly, right?

I just thought that was odd. And I was going to bring it up to you, but then after Gavin started, I didn't want to fucking... But now, I think that's just the end of the bit. Just the end? Okay. It just hard cuts too hard. Okay.

But now instead of Eric talking at the end of the episode... just hard just a hard cut okay okay but now instead of eric talking at the end of the episode oh oh i didn't know we now have just other people who aren't on face yep it's pretty cool right do you love it do you love it. Pretty cool. I will. For every good thing we could do on this show, there are just so many things to drag it back down into the mud. Regardless of how much we put into it. How about this? I proof all the audio, right? I always do that every week.

Give me the video too. I'll do it. You got it. I'll have them send you the video. I'm totally fine with that. I'm fine. I'm I'll do it. You got it. I'll have them send you the video. I'm totally fine with that. I'm fine. I'm happy to do it. Okay.

Okay. I'll let them know. I just want our content to feel like we made it. Oh, Gavin. I completely understand. I think it kind of does. I think that's part of the problem. Yeah.

Well, maybe a little too much. Maybe it feels like somebody at one level above us made it. Maybe that's what we should be shooting for. Is there anyone else in the company? Yeah. So I'm checking my notes for stuff I want to talk about today. And I don't have a ton. I have a little bit.

But I have a note I don't understand. And I was wondering if this will trigger something to you guys. And maybe Andrew specifically. Okay. I have a section about asparagus and pee and stuff. I had some, by the way, I ate a shitload of asparagus last night to get an update. And in my notes, I have any pee updates, pee saga, ate a bunch of normal asparagus last night and no smell at all. These are my notes. And then I have an idea about us trying to create the worst

smelling pee ever. And then I have a note that just says, just had a whole bucket of asparagus, Andrew said. What does that mean? Oh, Andrew had a bucket of asparagus? No. Did you have a bucket of asparagus? No. I haven't eaten asparagus since we've last recorded. I don't know what that note means. I don't know what I was trying to convey there. It just had a whole bucket of asparagus dash Andrew said. Here. I'm going to take a screenshot of it. It's so fucking weird. I feel like this has to be two separate things that you've accidentally linked together.

Maybe. Because I haven't held a bucket in the time between. Never mind. I know. I don't know if it was like something, like I'm referencing something from an episode that I don't remember that you guys do or something, or just like, I just don't, you've, so you're

knowledge, no buckets, no asparagus. No buckets, no asparagus. God, that makes it even more confusing for me. Yeah. Andrew said. Here it is. Here's my note. I put it up in Slack. Thank God it was powerful enough. NEP update. What if uh... Under, yeah. here it is here's my note I put it up in slack thank God it was powerful enough any pfd what if in under yeah I was looking at my notes today oh I can

go through inflatable the first note is inflatable I think I everybody in Austin has a fucking I assume all over the world has Christmas inflatables you know like snowmen and Santa Claus and there's a bunch of like elf and Clark Griswolds and stuff. And I was thinking it'd be funny to have like a face inflatable, like if it was Ian or I don't know, something else, because apparently they're easy to make because they're licensed

out the fucking asshole. Everybody, everybody in my neighborhood has some sort of property on their front lawn inflated. And I was thinking maybe next year we should try to have some sort of flood place Christmas inflatable. Ooh. Then I wrote, underwater hand hockey, because I watched that Chris Hemsworth show,

where he like, was trying to live longer, or whatever. And there was an episode, where he was trying to, hold his breath better. And he played a game of hockey, underwater,

against another team, and they had hockey sticks, and a puck, but it was all played on the bottom of the pool. And I thought that was kind of cool, and that we should consider that i thought we should consider that for our alternative sports podcast what if hockey didn't have it yeah it's like hockey didn't have enough barriers of entry already like let's make this more accessible everybody underwater we're all gonna be underwater and play this sport and you gotta hold you yeah it's episode if you want

to see it in action it's episode three but apparently it's like a whole sport so i kind of wanted to look into it i wanted to see if you guys have ever heard of underwater hand hockey before no uh and by the way i'm calling it underwater hand hockey because that's what it looks like to me i don't know if it's got a better name but it's a bunch of dudes a full hockey team underwater in speedos holding their breath uh slamming a puck on the bottom of a pool. I was against this at first. I guess. I don't know. That wasn't the point of the episode. The point of the episode was he was trying to fast

and catch his food so he's having to learn how to hold his breath longer so he can spear fish or some shit. I don't know. I'm now on board after thinking about this. This is the premise of like that the penalty box is you just have to be on the surface. You just have to like be not underwater is great. I want to see underwater fights like this is the dog battle for three minutes for you

can get then I wrote fights. Then I just had a whole bucket of asparagus. Dash Andrew said, and I just don't know what that is. Then any pee updates? I was just wondering if anybody ate any asparagus. And if you did, are you any updates or smelled any particularly strong coffee? Has anybody noticed any pee updates? I was just wondering if anybody ate any asparagus, and if you did, did you get any updates or smelled any particularly strong coffee? Has anybody noticed any pee smells lately? No.

I'm asking. No. I'm just, I'm still processing. I don't think asparagus is an appetizing food. Like, I enjoy it. Oh, it's great. It's so good. Yeah, it's good to enjoy it,

but I don't think it's like a food that people would get super excited about. I don't think it's like a feeling. Like no one craves it? In that way like it's not like anyone's like wow this fucking i'm so excited for this asparagus this is going to be like the star of the dish it's not an appetizing food in that sense and serving it in a bucket has to be the least appealing mechanism i don't know something disgusting i don't i don't Bucket of asparagus. Where that came from. I wrote that. I just don't know what it means.

Or what I'm referencing. That'd be psychotic. It smelled like a KFC bucket of asparagus. Yeah, right? I will say I ate, Emily made asparagus last night and she put it in the air fryer and she melted some parmesan cheese on it. Holy fucking shit was that good.

I ate so much of it because I wanted to see if I could blast my fucking pee smell out. And I had nothing. Nothing. Just like the most bog standard piss smell ever. But it furthered. No, it wasn't the cheese. It was furthering the experiment. Last time I had the bad smell from organic asparagus, right? This is just like

bog standard H-E-B asparagus. So I'm thinking there is something to asparagus versus like traditional store, like traditionally available. So I'm going to go back to try to find some organic now and do it again and see if I can blast out the smell. And if I

can, that gets me to my next point on this list, which is, can we create the worst smelling piss ever? If you like fully ingest like a ton of super strong coffee and a ton of organic asparagus and other stuff

that's supposed to make your pee smell. I know we looked some stuff up and you just try to like ingest only that stuff and then hold your pee for as long as you can. Can you unleash unleash the stinkiest piss on earth? What would we have to do? Have a judge that's smelling three cups of piss?

Who are we going to be able to get to do this? I think you can self-judge. I think you can tell, like, oh my god, this is the worst smelling pee I've ever had. And then if so, we should take it on the road and we should go to the Alamo Draft House or go to someplace where people pee a lot and then piss in a place and see if anybody is like, oh my God. Like, let's see.

Like, that's the ultimate. If you can make a pee smell so bad in public, that's a stranger comments on it. I don't think a stranger would ever comment on a piss smell. I think they might. I certainly wouldn't. I think if it's hideous enough, I think they would. No. I mean, they're in a bathroom. I mean, I'd they would. No. I mean, in a bathroom.

I'd like to get there. I'd like to try it. I'd like to smell it. I'd like to curate a urine smell so strong of coffee and asparagus and other things we don't even know yet. I don't know. That it's unavoidable. People can't walk in. They're like, oh, my God.

I can't handle this. It doesn't make up my eyes water the other day when I had that asparagus pee. I would assume that it wouldn't combine. I think just one of the things would overpower the other. I don't think I have a sophisticated enough nose to distinguish what percentage was coffee as opposed to asparagus. I think it's just going to add. I assume the asparagus would win. I think it's just going to add to the smell.

Like, if you took a stinky dead dog and you threw it on a pile of garbage, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between the two stinks. It would just create a greater stink. I thought I had worst example locked up with firing a gun off of a building, but you just threw a dead dog randomly. You ever smell a dead dog, dude? No, I haven't. Oh, God. I grew up in Alabama. There are dead dogs randomly. You ever smell a dead dog, dude? No. No, I haven't. Oh, God. I grew up in Alabama.

There are dead dogs everywhere. They were... Why? There are so many dead dogs in Alabama. Just on the side of the road and shit, people hit them and then they just like... And they, like, in the summer they would get bloated

like with gases and stuff. And then, like, kids in summer, they would get bloated, like, with gases and stuff. And then, like, kids in my school would throw rocks at them and try to pop them. And then, like, a dog would explode with, like, maggots and stuff. And it's a hideous fucking smell. It's a hideous smell. There are, like, big windows of your life that whenever you start telling a story from, I, like, brace myself. You guys have never seen a bloated dead dog on the side of the road and a couple of kids from your school

chucked rocks at it until they hit it to make it pop? No. I never went on a dog popping spree. Well, I didn't say I'd ever done it. I just said I've seen it done. You just watched it? I've never kicked a duck, but I saw a kid do it at the fucking...

I saw a kid do it at the bus stop one time. A lot of people in Alabama hate animals. Why was a duck waiting for a bus? Well, that was in Florida. The duck had business to attend to. Now, I lived like next to a bunch of ponds and shit. And so there were all these ducks around.

Eric or FTK Florida duck That's what I That's It was at that bus stop That I saw my first duck dick You guys ever seen a duck's dick before? No

No I haven't Jeff You should look it up No I'm good You should look up a duck's dick Is that the corkscrew one? Yeah It looks like a corkscrew. I've heard of that.

The razor one? It's like they're horrible. There you go. I'm not going to Google that. Yeah, don't worry about it. No need to. When you said there you go, I had legitimate fear you were about to drop a photo in the Discord.

I found one. Do you think you you're about to drop a photo in the Discord. I found one. Do you think you could pop a dog with a duck dick? If you could use it as a whip, maybe. They're like long corkscrews. They're really weird. Anyway. Are you okay? I'm lightheaded.

No. Are you? Jeff, are you alright? I'm lightheaded. No. Are you? Jeff, are you all right? What? What? What do you mean, am I all right? Of course I'm fine. I'm going to change the title for this episode to be Jeff's Red Dogs and Duck Dicks.

What's going on? What happened here? Stop! That's a duck. That's what a duck's dick looks like. What? They're fucking weird. It looks like...

I hate it. It's like the worst fused Disturbed Emission Cosplay movie. Stop posting duck dicks. Dude. That's why you don't... That's why I remember what a duck's dick looks like.

Because I saw one at the bus stop. Why was it because it was banging another duck. This show better win an award. We can't win an award. What's Jack going to say about the preview?

Anyway, I think we should try to make the worst smelling piss. Okay. Yeah, I think it would be funny. Next note, what if Andrew said it was one of us? That got me thinking. We still don't know who the mole is, who the pickle mole is, who was going around Austin taking pictures of the pickle

because Andrew hasn't told us yet. He had a prime, you had a prime moment. Because at no point did I consider that it was Nick, Eric, or Gavin, really. But you could have totally created so much paranoia in that moment if you would have just said, I'm not going to tell you

who it is, but they're on the Discord right now, and if they want to come forward they can. And we would have eaten each other apart well i don't want to we talked about this i'm honestly surprised they haven't talked to you already about it no we also talked about the fact that andrew didn't for a second think that we wouldn't believe that he was in austin yeah so is that on top of the fact that now that, you know, I've said I wasn't, I'm not going to just reveal the person unless they're okay with it. What about if you reveal the person, I'll reveal the name of that number?

What number? 67 or whatever. Yeah, no, the fact that I didn't remember what you were talking about at all, I don't care. It's fine. You pretend not to care, but you do care. Yeah, I forgot, though. So I'll probably forget again. Doesn't matter'll i will care for the next two days no i can't well it's weird because

they said they they were gonna tell and then they didn't so they haven't responded to me uh also i wrote down i want the bussy bus it got me thinking i was thinking about the tuxedo that we have and how we had that whole idea to do Ripken's Believe It Cause Why Not Traveling Museum and we were going to do it for the live show that fell through. Wouldn't it be awesome if that bus still existed

and we could buy that bus and then convert it into a mobile museum? Like the bus How do we to a mobile museum? Like the bus? How do we find out if the bussy bus is still on this earth? We could figure that out.

Even if it's just a shell, we could put an engine in it and get it roadworthy again. We could restore it and turn it into the mobile face museum with which we have all of our, uh, oddities.

Cause I've never been to a museum where the building itself is one of the exhibits. Exactly. That's a great point. Exactly. I don't know. I don't know how to do it. Andrew,

I'm going to have to rely on your expertise knowing more about bussy than we do. Can you do some research to see if we can figure out who to talk to i'll look into it to find out i'm sure they're not still using it although if they were that'd be even better we could just buy i would pay out of pocket for that bus no matter like no matter what my fear is we're gonna learn that that's like the bus that was into the wild like that bus is just in alaska in the middle of the wilderness. Like it's, we're going to find it, but it's going to be impossible to retrieve. And they had to,

that actually would be easy because they had to, they had to actually go and remove that bus because people kept dying out there. Yeah. Yeah. It's gone now. It's terrible. Yeah.

People kept dumbasses kept going out there and getting trapped and having to get rescued or dying. And so they finally had to go helicopter the bus out. What a complete misunderstanding of that story. I feel like if that story conveys anything, it's don't do this. Yeah. Don't go to the bus. Yeah.

What's like that bit of old crane and Chernobyl, like the deadliest item on the planet and people still go and try and find it. They had to like chuck it in the woods. Yeah. Wait, what? It was like a crane arm that they were using to like pick up all the radioactive graphite and stuff from chernobyl i think but it became it became basically the most radioactive item on the planet and people just want to go and see it

i don't i mean there's so many layers to that. I don't... That's such an odd... Speaking of dying, while we were talking about underwater hand hockey, I just googled water polo, and the first thing that came up was fatality rate. And under it, it says water polo was the only female sport to rank among the deadliest sports with a 42...

Oh, 0.42 fatality rate per 100,000 participants. Oh, that. Okay. Is that really, is that high? 0.42 or is that 42? I think 42 per 100,000 would be completely deadly.

Yeah. Yeah, that's the crane. Yeah. World's most deadly crane. There you go. I don't want to go and see that. I want nothing to do with that. I'm happy to look at the photo.

That could be next door. I'm not going to go see it. I don't need to see that. If it was next door, you probably wouldn't want to move away from it. Those dudes are fucking dead, right? Oh, they must be. We got a check in his fucking phone standing next to it. Why would you look? Jesus.

Police sports. Water polo. So it's 42 or 4.2 or i can't tell because it's in like the weird google can you not tell because it's on your clock is how it's displayed the number oh it says point four it says 0.42 yeah that doesn't seem that's like what one in almost 200 000 people yeah i guess i mean i don't when i think of like people dying in sports it's not That's like one in almost 200,000 people. Yeah, I guess. When I think of people dying in sports, it's not super common across mainstream sports. I guess that's true. I don't think I've ever heard of anyone dying in baseball. I mean, boxing is what comes to mind. People dying.

Football? Rugby? Has anyone died playing baseball? I mean, I feel like statistically it probably happens. Oh, shit! Ray Chapman was hit in the head by a pit... Oh, fuck, where'd it go? Death.

On August 16th, 1920, Ray Chapman was struck in the head and killed by a pitch thrown by Carl Mays during a game against the New York Yankees. At the time, pitchers commonly dirtied balls with soil, licorice, and tobacco juice and scuffed, sandpapered, scarred, cut, or spiked them, giving a misshapen, earth-colored ball that traveled through the air erratically,

tended to soften in the later innings, and as it came to the play, it was very hard to see. He threw a submarine delivery, and it was late in the afternoon. Eyewitnesses recounted that Chapman did not react to the pitch at all, presumably unable to see it. The sound of the ball striking his skull was so loud he thought

it had hit the end of the bat, and he fielded the ball and threw it to first base. God! Home plate umpire Tommy Connolly, noticing that Chapman was bleeding from his left ear, screamed toward the stands for a doctor. Tris Speaker, who'd been on deck,

rushed to Chapman as did several players from each team. He tried to walk, but his knees buckled. As he was helped off the field by his teammates, he mumbled, I'm all right. Tell him not to worry. Ring. Katie's ring. He said, I'm all right.

Tell Maze not to worry. Dot, dot, dot, ring. Dot, dot, dot. Katie's ring. He said, I'm alright. Tell Maze not to worry. Dot dot dot ring. Dot dot dot. Katie's ring before falling unconscious. He was taken to a hospital where he died at 440 in the morning from brain damage. His pregnant wife! Oh my god, he had a pregnant wife. That must be Katie. Yeah.

Oh, that's so sad. That's terrible. That's tragic. Can I, not to make light of the situation but you're about to no no i'm just curious i mean i assume they called the game you can't continue playing after that well if he died later they might have just well okay so let's say he didn't do they just put somebody on first because that wasn't an out like throwing the first like because you hit you get given the base right it doesn't say like what's the role for that yeah i don't know that's like somebody died and i just know there's somebody in the stance that's like this is fucking bullshit we

should have a guy on first right now the well they should be moved i mean they didn't know he was dying right like they just took him off the field to the hospital, so they probably just didn't even play. It might have just been, like, an injury, and then... Or treated like an injury, I mean. I feel like a guy passing out with blood coming out of his ear is pretty alarming, regardless of... Sure. I think the assumption wouldn't be

that things are gonna be great. They don't stop playing when some kid gets hit by a foul ball in baseball and gets his head split open. They got to carry him out. You know, like the game continues. And that happens like once a season, I feel like. They're not an active player.

Yeah. A Padres pitcher got hit in the face by an Albert Pujols line drive. It like hit him in the head. And like the game stopped and everyone like gathered around and prayed because it was bad bad uh they took him out of the game the game continued which is i mean i guess what you're asking they just you know you put another pitcher and in the game continues from 2008 i think uh but that guy who got hit in the face is now the general manager of the rangers and that's so i guess you can just kind of keep being in baseball as long as you don't die from getting hit. Well, and you take you take special precautions to maybe like didn't John Olerud wear a helmet when he bat like when he fielded.

Because he had some sort of a brain issue. And so he wore he wore like a batter's helmet anytime he played baseball. Even if he was like, I don't know what position John O'Rourke played. Third base? Have you guys seen... First base. He was first base. Alex Torres was a pitcher for the Padres.

I think he wore it for the Mets also. Oh no. This is real. Okay. Is that a helmet with a hat on? It's a hat. Helmet hat? It's a hat that is supposed to, if a ball comes back at you, it's going to hit.

You know in a video game when you pick up an item and it shrinks down? It's like Mario halfway through Picard. I know it looks photoshopped. It's not. That was what he wore as a pitcher. He wore a protective hat. I like it. That, I think, is actually...

I think that's great. I'm a big fan of this. I'm not making fun of that. That's genius. Not at all. It's stylish. Yeah, I'm a big fan of this. I'm not making fun of that. That's genius. Not at all. It's stylish. You can just wear that around. I'm sorry.

It's stylish. You can't tell me that that ain't style. I'm not saying it's great style, but that's a definite style. It just looks like every picture of him, his hat is closer to the camera than he is. See, I'm personally excited about this because it looks like a hat i could actually wear which is very rare this is an exciting thing for me have we found you a hat yet andrew no but next we should wrap this up after talking about dead dogs and people getting murdered everyone's favorite comedy podcast um i have a photo to

show gavin of uh my big head dilemma. Okay. I can't wait. Should we wrap this up? Yeah. I mean, if you guys want to let it go for about five more minutes, that'd be fine. I got to stop down between recordings to go get Millie from school. So I'm trying to minimize things. But why would us continuing five more minutes impact that at all? Because we give the audience more content, and then it'll be time at that point for me to go get her.

Otherwise, I got five minutes to kill before I need to leave to go get her. I'd rather spend the rest of my time. I was going to use this between time to eat lunch. Don't do it. That's another thing, too. It would diminish the between time so Gavin can't eat. No, you know what? Maybe Gavin's going to eat a bunch of asparagus.

This could be important research. None of you are going to eat asparagus. It's just me. I love asparagus. Nobody else wants to try. I'll do the asparagus challenge. Yeah, important research. None of you are going to eat asparagus. It's just me. I love asparagus. Nobody else wants to try. I'll do the asparagus challenge. Yeah. I'm not at all opposed to this.

I think we're also going to chug soda from a Gerplaw this episode. Oh, yeah. We talked about that too. I assume you didn't have your Gerplaw. I also...

Wow, that's a fucking big surprise there. I also... I have the apple. I think we'll break that out next episode. It's been over a year. It's time. It's been a year.

The Cosmic Crisp apple will come out. Still don't have a new fridge, which is great. It looks real gross. I definitely don't think I had the fridge for that apple. No. I might try again. We'll cover it next episode.

Oh, we should wrap this one up. Jeff is successfully just filling time. Look at him. Look at the way he works. it next episode. Oh, we should wrap this one up. Why can't you just leave early? Jeff is successfully just filling time. Look at him. Look at the way he works. I don't think this is successful in filling time. Do you guys think... Let me ask you a question.

How long do you guys think you could eat the same thing and only that thing every day before you had to eat something else? A couple weeks? Jean, what about foods that you can rotate the topics on like pizza no i mean i mean it's like it's like yeah it's like the same thing like you go get a red baron pepperoni pizza and you only eat a red baron pepperoni pizza or you eat cheese enchiladas from your favorite mexican restaurant or you eat captain crunch with milk. It's like the exact same item.

I mean, I would definitely be fed up after a couple of weeks, but I mean, I feel like I could do it indefinitely. Like, Andrew, he spent a month eating chicken dinners. I'm assuming there was some variety in how the chicken was prepared. But like, if it was like McDonald's Chicken McNuggets, and you could only eat McDonald's Chicken McNuggets, like, how long do you think you could go before you had to quit? Like, if we had a contest. We're not gonna do this. I'm just curious. Yeah.

Nuggets, it would not be super long because there's such a range of being good or bad. Like, it's temperature-based for me when it comes to McDonald's Chicken Nuggets. I think I could have pepperoni pizza every day for like two months and not really think about it. But wouldn't you drop dead?

No. No. I guess you might want to be strategic about what it is you're eating just for vitamin and nourishment input. But I guess I was thinking purely taste. I think I could eat the same thing every day for a year. I guess I was thinking purely taste. I think I could eat the same thing every day for a year. Like if I only ate, I don't know, Big Macs from January 1st to December 31st of 2023.

I think I could do that. I'm not going to do it, but I think I could do it. I think I could do a year. I'm not a fan of the Big Mac. I wouldn't be after long, but I am currently. I finally figured out how to not get a Big Mac. Because I feel like I always crave a Big Mac. If I see McDonald's, I'm like, ooh, could go for that. But now I'm successfully able to pull the memory

of what it feels like to have just finished a Big Mac and how shitty and rank it feels. And I just remember that now before I eat one, and I don't want to eat it anymore. I think a Big Mac is the worst burger at McDonald's. Oh, no you're crazy it's it's fine i think that i'm over secret sauce uh like it's whatever but it doesn't appeal to me anymore i've replaced the big mac with just two cheeseburgers just two bog standard mcdonald's cheeseburgers and that's it's this i find i enjoy that more i feel like sucking down the first third of a Big Mac is one of the best things you can eat.

I think a quarter pounder is way better. Yeah, we fell for Jeff's trap. Well, there you have it. I mean, he fit. God damn it, Jeff. You've listened to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast. Thanks for hanging in there with us. Sorry things got a little bit weird, but you know how Andrew gets with his duck dicks and his

exploding dogs and stuff. So hopefully you'll tune in next week when we do this all again. I hear that Jeff might eat an apple that's a year and five days old. There's no way you're eating that. There's a syrup that's a chance. I'm going to eat it. What are you talking about? What?

I'm supposed to eat it, aren't I? No, I don't think. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're supposed to eat it. Wasn't that the point? Yeah, yeah, yeah. See you guys next time.

Next week. Yep. Bye. My headphones cut, yeah. Wasn't that the point? Yeah, yeah, see you guys next time. Next week. Yep. Bye. My headphone's cut out. I don't know what just happened. Shut up. I'll tell you what happened. I fucking won.

I got that. Hey, guys. Major League fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. Andrew had the biggest baby skull. Jeff tries the cosmic crisp. Don't mix up Liam Neeson and Leslie Nielsen. Mmm, moon pie. Let's get paranoid in 2023. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face. We'll see you next time.