Regulation Podcast - Gavin Was Late (on time) // Is a Bag a Container? [19]

Episode Date: October 7, 2020

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about foods that Andrew has never tried, Gavin's new head dent, do it for Nick, and more. Buy the red F**k hat shirt: http://bit.ly/RedFshirt. Sponsored by Tushy. Go to http://hellotushy.com/face for 10% off! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

So, we start recording at 4, Andrew said let's record at 3.50 as a funny joke, I got here at 3.40. That's what you do. Here's what's fucking great about this. We're all here 10 minutes before we're supposed to be because we all thought the same thing. I was so convinced that you were going to be here and go, I thought you were 10 minutes early to everything. When I said get here 10 minutes early, that means it was on time. So if you're really 10 minutes early to everything, you would have been 10 minutes early to the

10 minutes early. So I just fucking got here 30 minutes early to be safe. Well, I'm already rolling. We don't have to start, but I've already begun. Yeah, I'm rolling too. We just finished face jam. So we're like, I'm coming down off a food coma. What did you guys eat today?

Wendy's has the pretzel pub bacon cheeseburger and pretzel pub chicken sandwich. And it is a lot. It's a lot of food. And I have like a headache. I don't feel very good. We also got Frostichinos. What's a Frostichino?

Is that like a frosty cappuccino? Like they put coffee and a frosty in one cup and then you drink it because you're a pig human. Now, yeah, yeah. Now, I don't want to give the impression that I don't listen to Face Jam. Oh, yeah. Obviously, I do religiously. Right, of course.

But for people who may be listening to F*** Face, who may not listen to our podcast, Face Jam, and why would you? Andrew and I are not in it. But assuming that we're even starting this podcast, do you guys keep a record of your caloric intake per episode? No. I think that would make us all feel worse than we already feel.

Yeah. Like there's no benefit to it. I think it'd be an interesting stat to keep. Well, the audience could do that if they really wanted. Because I imagine everything you just described to me, it sounded like 3,500 calories. Yeah, we ate a whole cheeseburger.

We ate a whole chicken sandwich. We ate small fries and a Frostichino, which is just a Frosty mixed with ice coffee. Like I legitimately have like a headache from, the sodium that I've eaten. Like, I don't feel good. I feel bad. Did you say a coffee mixed with an ice coffee? No, I'm sorry.

A coffee mixed with a frosty. So is that just ice cream coffee? Yes. Okay. And then they gave it a fun name, and then we ordered it. What did you think of the chicken pub sandwich? Because I had one myself. Oh, did you?

Oh, I'd be interested to hear your opinions. Which is good because I don't rate the food on the show. I just make sure they do. I fucking loved it. I thought it was really good. I thought it was like, I don't like pickles. So I picked those pickles off, but I liked everything else about it. What is it you don't like about pickles?

I like pickled things. I like pickled onions. I like pickled jalapenos and stuff like that the pickles themselves are a weird in between of like this is briny and salty but crunchy but soft but it's like there's two it's not any specific kind of thing i just don't like the flavor at all but i like cucumbers i just like pickles. Okay. I've never knowingly had a pickle in my life, so I avoid pickles. But I did accidentally bite into a pickle yesterday biting into that sandwich.

I might like pickles. I'm on the fence about it. I don't know. I'm too scared to go further, but I think I might like pickles. I think they might be okay. This is how you learned? Yeah, because typically they only put two pickles on a thing like that.

So I took the two pickles off. There was a third rogue pickle hidden underneath an onion ring piece, bit into it. I thought that's an unusual crunch. I don't recognize that crunch. Oh, there was a hidden third pickle. That wasn't that bad. Maybe I like pickles. So I don't know.

I haven't decided yet. What did you do with the other half of the pickle? I just took it off immediately. What? But I didn't mind it. I thought it was okay. Wait. Okay. I'm so confused. I feel like this is very straightforward. You took a bite of the sandwich. It had a pickle on it. You ate it. You said, oh, that was okay. I might like pickles. And then instead of taking another bite with the other half of the pickle you took it off even though you were okay with it yeah because i don't know if i like pickles or not i'm still on the fence does that not seem like the opportunity that you were looking for to test a theory you were on the cusp you were there yeah but i'm not that adventurous okay i need to mentally

prepare myself for pickle day and I was not ready for it. I was just there for the sandwich, classic sandwich. I took the pickle off because I was aware it was there. If I went whole pickle, I can be the biggest pickle guy on the planet if I accidentally went full pickle yesterday. But we're still on the fence about it. You just described this as classic sandwich. just described this as classic sandwich jeff the food that we are talking about has munster cheese beer cheese onion rings like what what are you talking about classic bog standard typical classic american sandwich everyone knows there's like a two pickle limit to a

sandwich if you're getting it from a fast food restaurant. If you're getting it from a fast food restaurant. At home, totally different game. There's a two pickle cap that is typically there unless you're having like the pickle burger and there's a million pickles. It's a two pickle average. So I didn't expect the third pickle. Hey Jeff. Yeah. Do you appreciate being

dictated how many pickles are the average from a man who doesn't like pickles or maybe doesn't like pickles or picks the pickles off? As somebody who takes the pickles off constantly, I feel like I am a very qualified person to say this. I see it constantly. As somebody who's confused about, is obviously confused

about his pickle identity, no, I'm no offense, Andrew, but I don't think you get to be the arbiter of pickle placement. I'm not saying I've set the I, I'm, no offense, Andrew, but I don't think you get to be the arbiter of, uh, of pickle placement. I'm not saying I've set the rules. I'm reporting back on what I've seen. It's typically two pickles. Could be different in Canada too.

I don't know, man. You guys might have different. That's a good point. There might be a pickle law up there. There might be a pickle lobby. It's like a metric kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah.

There could be a conversion rate. That's yeah. McDonald's is totally different in Canada. Like, it blew my mind that you guys don't have muffins. It's madness to me. What? One of my favorite McDonald's items my entire life has been their carrot muffin. It's fantastic.

What the fuck? Yeah, I love the muffins. Carrot muffin is something you get at Starbucks. No, you get it from McDonald's here. They have, like, a whole bakery. We got croissants. We got donuts. It's crazy. They don't allow carrots in McDonald's here. They have like a whole bakery. We got croissants. We got donuts. It's crazy.

They don't allow carrots in McDonald's. Oh, yeah, they do. And they put them in muffins. What the hell? Jeff, look at this. I just put it in the... Look at this thing. Hold on.

It's delicious. Is this for real? Yeah. Holy shit. I brought up casually to somebody and it never occurred to me that that was a Canada thing. They have a whole bakery. The Canadian McDonald's menu is way superior than the American menu. McCafe.

Man, McFuck America, apparently. Yeah. Jesus. I want a carrot muffin. Do you see their logo is the red box with the M, and then there's a little maple leaf in it? Yeah, I see that. That's real subtle, Canada.

Mm-hmm. Good muffins. If you're ever in Canada. Can I ask you a question? Yeah, go ahead. Are you guys known for your carrots? Is that a thing you grow in Canada? Is that like, it's like, it's like, yeah, it's like mousse and maple syrup and carrots.

Everybody knows that. That's a great question. I will say I've personally tried to grow carrots two times in my life and it has never turned out. So I'm going to say no, just based on personal experience. Do Canadians just love carrots to the point where they're like, we need a carrot muffin? I think you're really focused in on the fact we have carrot.

We have all types of muffins. We got muffins all over the place. There's like 10 different flavors of muffins. We got croissants. We got donuts. We have all sorts of pastries. Yeah, in America, we have Dunkin' Donuts. I don't have that.

I got a McDonald's. We have a whole other store for that shit, dude. What about chicken balls? Has anyone here heard of a chicken ball? Oh, fuck. What? No. No? Okay. Once again, it's another thing my whole life. Chicken balls, go-to Chinese takeout item, and I was thinking about it of like,

that's a really unappetizing name for a dish, chicken balls. And I brought it up to someone, they had no idea And I was thinking about it of like, that's a really unappetizing name for a dish, chicken balls. And I brought up to someone, they had no idea what I was talking. Let's hear it. What's a chicken ball? It's just like, it's like a chicken nugget, but it's a Chinese chicken nugget. It's a, it's the piece of chicken and it's circular and it's covered in batter. It's just a chicken nugget essentially. Why is it called a Chinese chicken nugget? Well, I'm just saying it's a Chinese chicken nugget because it's called a chicken ball. It's not actually called a Chinese chicken nugget? Well, I'm just saying it's a Chinese chicken nugget because it's called a chicken ball. It's not actually called a Chinese chicken nugget.

I mean, it's not Chinese at all. It's a Chinese restaurant item. I see. You don't just go to any restaurant and order chicken. Yeah, that is a classic chicken ball right there. And I guess it's because they kind of look like balls, which is also... But not chicken, like chicken ball. Chickens do not have balls

that look like that, I don't think. Do they not? I'm pretty confident. I mean, I've never checked, but I'm pretty sure. One thing we do know about chickens is that they don't excrete their urine and their shit through their skin. That is true. We definitely know that. Roosters have testicles, two bean-shaped

testes located against their backbone in the front of their kidneys. Okay, but they don't look like that. There's not a rooster. They're close. Not in scale. There's no way. How's your average chicken ball taste?

I mean, it tastes like an average. I mean, you've had lemon chicken, right? Yeah. And I'm assuming lemon chicken is just like the same type of batter, but it's just like flat and cut into pieces. It tastes like that, but it's circular. Okay. Well, I tell you what, when we come up for the yearly bathtub race, we're gonna eat chicken balls

and carrot muffins in the bathtub while we race. That's gonna be our race fuel. I like it. Can we try eggs, too? I've never intentionally had an egg. What? I'm not an egg guy. I fucking poisoned my girlfriend the other day with bad eggs. I didn't even know that.

But see, I've avoided that my whole life. It's not a worry for me. I gave her food poisoning and she threw up like crazy. Yeah, I make real good eggs, Andrew. I'll make you some eggs. Oh, it's great. What type of eggs? I'll make sure that they're not expired this time.

Awesome. No, dude, like she woke me up the other day. It was like a Saturday morning. She woke me up and she goes, hey, would you make me the scrambled eggs you always make? I know that it's a Saturday morning and you're probably asleep, but I'm just craving them.

And you know, when a pretty blonde lady asks you to do anything, you do it. And so I got up and I just ran into the kitchen and I grabbed the eggs and I cooked them and I made like some beautiful scrambled eggs and I gave them to her and she ate them and she made a weird face. And then, uh, I thought, are they okay? And she goes, yeah, they're good. They're good. And then like two hours later, she was a bathroom city and, uh, we checked and the eggs had been expired for a while. Oh no. How much did she eat? I made her four eggs. Jesus.

Did she eat all of it? I don't know. I didn't check her plate, but I'm assuming she ate a good chunk of it. That's brave. When you can taste something is off, to go the entire way is quite the statement. Well, you know, I don't know.

I think she trusted me a little too much, unfortunately. First time I tried to make chicken Parmesan, I didn't know you had to cook the chicken in a pan first. I thought you just put it in an oven. And so I coated it and I put the cheese on it and then I threw it in an oven for like 25, 30 minutes until they kind of look brown. And I ate about half of a raw chicken breast. Oh! And I realized immediately the texture in this just doesn't taste right.

But I made it about halfway before I decided to stop. That's why I was interested to see if she ate the plate or not despite the weird taste. Yeah, I think she probably ate most of it. But, uh... Hey, is this what this show is?

No, no, no. This has been the f*** face jam collaboration that everybody's been whining about on social media. There you go. You just had it. You had some of f*** face, and you had some of face jam. Yeah.

We talked about food and how it f***s you up. That works for me. Works for me, too. Totally unintentional, but I realized about five minutes in that that's where this was headed, so... Yeah, really. Let's just embrace that

and say that that was intentional, and that's what that was. Should yeah really let's just uh embrace that and say that that was intentional and that's what that was should i try milk what uh did you say no no no no milk is fucking gross dude don't try milk okay people try to tell you how old are you 26 uh yes yeah you're far too long in the tooth to worry about milk your bones are your bones your teeth are your teeth your hair is your hair milk ain't helping at this point. So don't worry about it. It's fucking gross. The milk is a hair thing? I think so, right?

Strong bones and a healthy smile. And where does the bones come into the hair? I've never heard silky coat bones. Maybe I'm thinking of eggshells to a dog. I don't know, but it probably doesn't hurt your hair. What are you talking about? If you feed a dog eggshells, it's supposed to give it a silky coat. How did my

confession of I've never tried milk end up with you being the weird one? That was great. I didn't predict that at all. I went off on a tangent, and that's where we ended up. The point being, I don't think you should try milk. Because here's the thing, too. What kind of milk are you going to try? It's gotten out of hand. Oh, yeah, there's the 2%.

When I was growing up, you had 2%, skim milk and whole milk and that was pretty much it but now there's like a one percent in there and then you've got like oat milk you've got soy milk you've got almond milk you've got fucking alpaca milk you've got eric milk i don't know point is where do you even go with it anymore you don't just get like don't bother but oat milk don't you think that's kind of using a term liberally there like milk like isn't it just juice i don't know i've never had it and i don't know what the process is but i mean like that that's what it's like almond milk is like the same thing isn't it like you like you can't milk

an almond you're not pulling on the almond other to get the milk i understand yeah i feel like i heard almond milk is like terrible for the environment. The amount of water you need to make almond milk, I feel like is absurd. Yeah, you're 100% correct. Almond milk is bad for the environment. And so I think soy milk is not great in large quantities for you.

So maybe I just go chocolate. Maybe is that like the kiddie pool of the milk game? That how I get in? Just get my toes wet? Have you never had chocolate milk? No. I think it's overrated, but you should give it a shot at some point toes wet. Have you never had chocolate milk? No. I think it's overrated, but you should give it a shot at some point. Okay. What do you think, Eric? I think

chocolate milk is good and you can try it, but I don't think you're going to be blown. I think for you, it's not going to be chocolatey enough to warrant having the drink itself. Totally agree. I think you're just going to be like, well, this is just kind of like chocolate-esque drink. I'm not a big chocolate fan, so I don't know if that would phase me. I don't need a lot of chocolate. That's kind of my deal, too. Like, it just tastes like really, yeah, I don't know. I'm not crazy about chocolate milk.

I will probably go the rest of my life and never have chocolate milk again. Yeah, and that's just fine. Totally fine. Nothing wrong with that. Hey, can I go, I know that we're deep

into the part two of F*** Face Jam, apparently, already. Can I go off on a tangent, if y'all don't mind? Please, go ahead. So this all just happened. As I was getting here 30 minutes early to get here 10 minutes early, I was thinking about that bit they do in Curb Your Enthusiasm

where Richard Lewis and Larry always go out to lunch and Richard gets there early. He'll get there to the restaurant like an hour or two hours early. And I can't remember if it's to pay the bill or if it's to get the better table, like the better seat at the table. And that might be both at different seasons. But it got me thinking about Richard Lewis. And the first thing I think about when I think about Richard Lewis is how he looks kind of like a human skeleton. And I'm not trying to be rude or mean to Richard Lewis is how he looks kind of like a human skeleton and I'm not trying to be rude or mean to Richard Lewis at all

it's just like his face is like it's bony in a weird way and that got me thinking about how he and Jamie Lee Curtis used to be in a sitcom together that I fucking loved when I was a kid called Anything But Love. I don't know if any of you guys are familiar with that show or know what I'm talking

about. No clue. Nope. Okay. It was on for like three or four seasons. It was very much like Mad About You. It was, they were like on again, off again, like a romantic thing. Bam.

I found this. Here's a photo of them. I'm going to put it up in the Slack. Here's a photo of them from the show. The first thing you'll notice is that because it was the early 90s, I think it was like 89 to 93 or something. they have the exact same hairstyle, which is fucking hilarious. Is this the podcast? Oh, hey, what's up?

Yeah. Hey, Gavin. Why'd you start without me? I'm not late. No, we're, you know, we, Jeff was there. I showed up 10 minutes early as I usually do. And, uh, you know, we just, we figured we'd start. This is what I'm talking about with the early thing.

Now I'm going to start feeling pressure not to arrive at like 3.50. It really turned into a whole, it was a whole thing. Bang on time, and I'm late. No, you're not late at all. I am late. You've already started. No, well, we were just here. So we started, but you're not late.

You're on time. You're actually early, technically. Weren't you like two minutes early? I was like maybe 90 seconds early. Yeah, which is on time yeah no you were totally fine not today it wasn't no what was funny gavin is this kind of backfired in its own way because i said over the weekend to jeff and eric we should show up 10 minutes early and start the show 10 minutes early because of the whole conversation last week jeff showed up

20 or 30 minutes early because he thought that it was going to be a bit where he was then going to be late to the 10 minutes early version of the show. And I came into Jeff and Eric talking and I also thought that I had then screwed myself and they had started before I got there because I was 10 minutes early.

When did this actually start? 20 or 30 minutes ago. We're 20 minutes in. To the episode? Yeah. Yeah damn what why am i even should i even be on it no absolutely i've already missed half of it come on no we're talking about richard lewis so you see that picture of richard lewis and jamie lee curtis they have the same haircut right which is hilarious is hilarious in itself. But that's Richard Lewis that I think about as a kid. And now below that is Richard Lewis today. And my point being, fucking age is unfair.

He was a really like eight, 90s, good looking guy. And it hasn't been that long. Look at what just a few years has done to that poor man. Looking what he's like putting his hair through though, I feel like he did himself no favors. Like when you have excellent hair in your youth, I feel like you're destroying it for later. Oh, it's the worst.

Yeah. Lots of products. It's kind of long. It's like mullety. What year was the top photo from? 89 to 92, somewhere in there. That was a long fucking time ago. That wasn't-

Not to me. That wasn't like five years. That was a long time. Look at Jamie wasn't- Not to me! That wasn't like five years. That was a long time. Look at Jamie Lee Curtis now. She still looks really good. Yeah, I mean she looks the same old though. No, I mean they both have gray hair, but look at his face and skin.

It's just also a bad photo though. He's kind of like- Yeah, you did pick a terrible Richard Lewis photo. That's the first photo that came up when I googled Richard Lewis. That's like him eating lunch. That's his terrible Richard Lewis photo. That's the first photo that came up when I googled Richard Lewis. That's like him eating lunch. That's his photo from Wikipedia! That's him eating lunch and someone- someone walked in and went, Richard!

Dude, it's his photo from Wikipedia! He doesn't put that on there! Wikipedia is not- not him. Alright, find me a good Richard Lewis photo now. Well, that's the challenge. I wasn't prepared for this. Can we call him? Do you have his number? Here, here's another one.

This is him in a fucking tux. Okay, yeah he is he how well this is gonna happen to us yeah gavin this is gonna be you tomorrow dude i got a horrible tweet the other did i tell you about this so i tweeted about how i found a new dent in my head because it's like distracted me every time I walk past him. I'm like, why is this dent in my head? And I guess it's new because I keep noticing it. And I expected some funny, funny replies. And a lot of them were funny. They were like, oh, you got hit in the head with a moon ball.

Lol, lol, lol. Have you tried like... Yeah, I saw somebody said I did it probably. Yeah, have you tried like holding your nose closed and blowing to pop it back out? That kind of thing? That's funny shit. Then this guy wrote,

it's your frontal eminence growing. I guarantee if you wait, the hair directly above it along your hairline will begin to die off and hairline recede. Not a joke. Not making fun of you. It's just what's happening. It's natural.

That's no fun. And that was such a downer! Because now I'm going to be looking at my frontal eminence every time I'm feeling old. I don't even know what that is. Is it like head lumps? What is that? That can't be good. I don't think it's head lumps. Well, yeah, that's an interesting question. Why would the shifting cause baldness?

I feel like that's almost a title. Like when it's like, oh, your royal highness. Oh, your frontal eminence. Yeah, it sounds very cultured. Yeah. Dude. I'm sorry about your frontal eminence me too, man I was just figuring maybe you were getting fat around that spot. I'd be weird to put on weight only in the forehead It's not really even if you put on a hundred pounds, I feel like There's not more fat under your forehead skin. You get really embarrassed about having to change hat sizes.

It's like a belt you're going up in rungs. I mean, if your head gets fat, it's going to be mainly on the back, like where your neck meets your back. Oh, where you get the rolls. Yeah, the nice head rolls. Yeah. Nice head rolls. Yeah. Wherever you're going, you better believe American Express will be right there with you.

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Wherever you go, we'll go together. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamx. Benefits vary by card. Terms apply. So what did I miss on the first half of F*** Face? Oh, we did a crossover. We did a F*** Face, face face jam face jam crossover where we talked about mcdonald's and uh wendy's and pickles and chicken balls andrew's never had an egg he's never had milk it was a whole thing never had an egg no i have a question gavin do they have muffins

and mcdonald's in england i don't i mean i I don't know because I've, I don't know if you know this about me with McDonald's. I've only ever ordered a Big Mac and it's now such a long streak in my life that I can't order anything else. So I rarely look at the menu, to be honest. Okay. No, that's fair. I'm not going to argue about that. Yeah.

I mean, it's kind of noticed. I mean, you don't live there anymore, but now it's like there's a fucking bakery whenever I go into McDonald's. I mean, I would guess yes. I would guess they have all that breakfast stuff. There's no way that Canada is the only place that has a muffin. We don't have that shit in America, buddy. I know you don't.

But are you talking about a muffin or a McMuffin? Carrot muffin. A carrot muffin is one of my favorite McDonald's items. I don't think I've ever seen that. Huh. We have fruit. Like, you get a bag of fruit. A bag of fruit?

What do you mean by a bag of fruit? Bag of cut up apples and shit but is it like like in a container you mean i've never seen a bag of fruit oh i mean a bag is a container a container is not a bag it contains the fruit it's like a net is a container anything that contains no it's a container there's no way that a container is a bag. Nobody buys dole bags or like cut up like fruit bags. It's not like when I think a bag, I think of like bag of milk in a bag. Like it's a real bag. Container is not a bag. So to you, a container has to have no holes and has to be a solid. It has to have a lid.

A bag doesn't have a lid. It has to have a lid. I think a container must have a lid. A Ziploc is a lid. A Ziploc isn't a lid. It's a lock. A bag with a lid. It has to have a lid. I think a container must have a lid. A ziplock is a lid. A ziplock isn't a lid. It's a lock. A bag with a bag. It's a seal. A lock to a bag is a lid to a box. I don't, you just threw a lot of words at me that I don't know how to untangle and I don't want to trip myself up but the ziplock is not a container. That's a seal. That's not a lid. What are you doing to the contents? What is the purpose? What are you, it's just two different types of storage, but what is it doing though? What is the bag doing Andrew?

They're both protecting the items on the inside, but they're just two different ways to do it a beanie isn't a fucking hat Those are two different things that serve the same purpose beanie is a hat Yeah, no, it's not a beanie is like a beanie is a beanie is not a hat Nobody looks at a beanie and says that's a hat. It's literally a hat. No, it's not. A hat is a hat. Andrew, I think you've got a very, very compelling argument here with container versus bag. But you are way off base on the hat there.

You're making bad analogies here. I think steer back towards you're doing really well. I'm very entertained. I don't know which side. I entertained. I don't know which side. Like, I honestly, I don't know which side I land on. Is it a container, a bag or not? But you're just digging yourself a grave with the beanie hat thing. I'm going to.

It's like, that doesn't help. I disagree. I think a hat is a hat and a beanie is a beanie. I don't think you need that to prove your point. What's a top hat? A top hat is a hat. What's a bowler? Bowler is a hat.

What's a fedora? That's a hat. I think anything with like a brim. What's a top hat? A top hat is a hat. What's a bowler? Bowler is a hat. What's a fedora? That's a hat. I think anything with like a brim. What's a beanie? A beanie is a beanie. You're a fool, Andrew. I listed four hats. You said three of them were hats and then said the other one wasn't.

What are you on about? Because they all have brims. They all have brims where there's like a hard part. There's a structure. A beanie is just like a piece of fabric. It's not a hat. You don't need a brim to be a hat, though feel like you kind of do what about a welder's hat a well well that's not a hat that's protective gear yeah what about a brimmed beanie says eric

a brimmed beanie is just confused what about a thing called a welder's hat oh the welder's hat's not a hat it's called a hat but it's not a hat, but it's not a hat. It's a hat What's uh, what's a hard hat that well? That's a hat why because it's it's a it's got a it's it's not a beanie Seems to me like a beanie is nothing more than a soft hat. What is a welder's hat? I what do you even mean by like I looked up welder's hat. I'm not seeing I've heard of a welder's mask Do you yeah protect? I mean, it's mainly a mask. It's not really a hat. Did you mean mask? No, no, no, no, no, dumbass. No, hold on. Oh, Nick asks, is a fez a hat? I don't know what a- yes. What is a fez?

What do you mean you don't know what a fez is? Is a fez- Oh, no, I know what a fez is. I know the guy from The Mummy had the- A fez is a fez. A fez is not a hat. I don't think you- I think a hat is clothing for your head. I think that's what a fez is a fez a fez is not a hat i don't think you i think a hat is clothing for your head i think that's what a hat is that's too broad i think a hat is a hat and a fez is a fez i think you know what a hat is okay well you might be right actually i don't think a turban is a hat no it's definitely not a hat that lincoln electric that's a welder's hat. Why wouldn't it be a part of the mosque? I don't know.

It's just a hat. It's what welders wear, probably. I don't know why I'm not a welder. I thought the welder thing covered your full head. Maybe it's to create separation between your head and the thing? Probably to soak up heat, too, because it's hot as dicks in there. I just don't think a beanie is a hat, and I certainly don't think that a cup is a bag We could google it is a beanie look up fruit bag and tell me if you find a single cup You're not going to you're gonna find mesh is what you're gonna find a fruit bag. Yeah

Well, that's how this all started. You said they sell bags of fruit, and I was very confused by that Oh, here's another one. Hold on. Look at this. Wait a second Wait a second. Wait a second. What have you got? McDonald's actually sells fruit bags, but it is not a container. Wait, post a picture of the fruit bag? Okay, I'm going to be Jeff. It's going to take me 20 minutes to save this photo and get it there, but it's coming.

Fruit bags exist, but they're not containers. What if you search for Richard Lewis hot? I don't... I mean, somebody has to be into Richard Lewis. Well, I'm into Richard Lewis. I think the guy's hilarious. I think he's very talented. No, yeah, I think he's funny, too, but I'm saying you're talking purely visual. That's a rough one, Eric. That's a rough

Richard Lewis photo. He looks... I sent that. What do you mean you said that? Sorry, I was looking at fruit bags. Did I miss Richard Lewis? No, I just sent that Richard Lewis photo. Oh, I I didn't see it's it's just Eric's photo so I soon peed it Gavin do you see what happens when you're late this is the episode this is the whole episode this is a mess what did you do this is no good I feel like I don't know what's been talked about I'm really

intrigued by the egg thing but I don't want to talk about it because I assume it's been talked about you should should listen to F*** Face. We'll cover it really quickly at the beginning. Here we go. Fruit bag. Bam. I've got a question here. Is a beanie considered a hat? Why or why not? The answer is what is motivating this question? That's a bag of fruit, Andrew.

Yeah. No, it absolutely is. I agree. It's a fruit container. Yeah. No, it's not a fruit container. It's like a fruit container. Yeah. No, it's not a fruit container. That is a fruit. It's containing multiple pieces of fruit, and it's containing them all together. I've never seen a fruit bag. I said, do you mean they literally have them in a bag?

And you said, no, they're in a container. And that's how this all started. I accept that they're fruit bags. I've never seen one. I literally described it as a fruit bag. I said bag of fruit, Andrew. I said, did you mean container? And you said yes, which is what caused this whole thing of a container is definitely not a bag. I think we can all agree

on that. I don't know. I don't know if you're right. A bag can contain fruit. Objective one for a container, it contains the item. And that's what this bag is doing here. I feel like if you ask a hundred people is this a container? Nobody says yes. Out of a hundred, you think a hundred for a hundred.

I think a hundred for a hundred. I don't think anyone. That's ludicrous. You've got a discord, right? Put up a poll or something. How about this? If we need to do that and if you lose, you got to go full pickle. I want to see you go to a gas station.

I want to see you buy. I want to see you buy a pickle in a pickle bag, a big ass honking giant dill pickle the size of like a porn star's cock. And I want to see you rip that bag with all that pickle juice and eat that whole fucking deep throat it and eat that pickle. Have you never had a pickle? Gavin, what you missed earlier is that Andrew's also never had a pickle. That's fair. Not intentionally. I feel like maybe, Eric, we should do a live recording Twitter poll like we sometimes do and see if anyone thinks a bag

Is a container no no don't do it that don't word it in container bag. How would you like it worded? I'm trying to fucking explain it Gavin Just post the photo and say what is this and we'll see what they say you want it to just say what is this yes i do because if you say container bag some people be like oh everyone's going bag i'm gonna be wacky container guy i don't want to that's not gonna tell us anything that's you know it will you just want the question to be what is this yes i do because! Because if you give them A or B, some will just pick container because they want to be goofy and original. Okay, what if you just say

what is a bag? No! That's really confusing, like are we going deep? Like what is the spiritual meaning? What is- Is there anything spiritual about a bag? I mean if you want to get serious about any topic, you could go deep. Like what is a bag? What does it mean? What is the metaphor of a bag

uh i'm not expecting you to have an answer i'm just saying someone would go that way so i think you just take the photo i'm even fine if we remove the bag part of the package and ask what is this wait hang on so you want you want me to post a picture but remove the bag which is what we are arguing about if it's a container or not, and you just want that posted and have it say, what is this? People will just say apples.

That is a problem. You're right. I'm not gonna argue it. But the issue is, nobody's gonna say container. Well, they also, it's gonna, they're gonna say bag, because it says bag on the fucking That's my point that's why I said you can cover that if you want I'm fine with that but nobody would say container unless you assist them with the word container. What if you post a picture

of a bunch of apple slices and you say how can these be contained? That's no good. That's way more complicated. I'll do this right now. I'll post on Twitter. I'll upload a photo of this item. I won't even try to sway people. You are going to word this in such a lopsided, biased way. It's going to be infuriating. How is just saying what is this infuriating or lopsided?

Because no one's going to write container. Exactly. Wait, but that's not what you're asking them. If you asked, is a bag a container, we would have some actual information to go off. Some people would say no. Some people would say yes. But I'm saying if a hundred people reply,

there will be several people who say yes. There will be people, but I don't think anyone actually feels that way. I think people, if you give them the option of container, will pick it because they see everyone else going bag. I don't think those will be real answers. I think if you just post the photo. So you don't trust the audience? No, I don't trust people. No, absolutely

not. I've witnessed two different cults, Jeff. I have zero trust for this bit. Says a lot about you. You're probably at your worst point with the audience, though, because you're deep, like, in terms of what's come out, you're deep in, like, ruining the court case right now. Tomorrow is court case right we like yeah recording this on a tuesday so tomorrow that comes out oh boy are you worried no i'm not worried i i think people

generally understand it's a joke i think there's a percentage that definitely don't, but I think the ones that do will enjoy it. Oh, man. I'm certainly going to enjoy it. Wouldn't it be apropos like, and I'm not saying we should do this, but maybe we should do this, where since Eric and I showed up 30 minutes early, we should get to leave 10 minutes early, and then Andrew should

have to leave 10 minutes after that, and then Gavin has to do the last 10 minutes by himself since he showed up late. So it's like a split timeline episode otherwise we're all working way harder than you i'm okay with this i mean i wasn't trying to work less hard you just made that happen yourself it's i i yeah by caring so much about our job we got here early early isn't good i'm telling you it's not good early is good but jeff said it in a way that was like kind it was this is like a joke bid against you. It wasn't from the kindness of our hearts to be this early.

That kind of flipped against us in our own way. But I'm okay with, I mean, I don't want it to be a nightmare for Nick. I'm happy to, yeah, that wouldn't be fair to Nick. That's a good point. We had to stick around for Nick. Do it for Nick. That's what we say. Okay, the tweet is out.

What's your issue with eggs? I just have never had them. So I've never had them. And once again, I'm sure I've had them accidentally in another dish. Thanks for that explanation. Yeah, I mean, what do you want from me? We're deep in a bag container thing. Fruit bag, not a pencil.

I don't think this is going to be a useful tool to get an answer for this. If I send you a bag of eggs, will you eat them? No. No, I wouldn't. I'll cook them for you. It's not I can't find eggs. I can easily go buy eggs. It's just I've never had them. There's so many different ways to prepare eggs, too, and they all taste

different. I wonder if you... Yeah. Like, you might find... Ooh, what kind of eggs does Andrew like? Like a fried egg and a scrambled egg is night and day. I feel like a scrambled egg would be real good. Or like a poached egg, for instance. Like a poached egg is a totally different world. Soft-boiled, hard-boiled.

Deviled scotch. Sunny side up, over easy, over medium, over hard, runny. What kind of eggs? You could go for balut. I think I'd go scrambled. Feels like a safe, comfort-type egg food. I think I'd start with scrambled. Egg sandwich.

Where did the corn thing end up? I think they ate like 12 cobs. I guess we should describe that to somebody. A moderator on the f***face discord was convinced they could eat 50 corns a cob. Corn on the cobs in 24 hours. Is it corn on the cobs or corns on the cob?

It's corn on the cobs. It's corn on the cobs. It's so tricky tricky it'll stumble you like it just did me but yeah no they couldn't do it they tried hard but it's just it's too much corn i feel like that'd be easier than burgers though no you're absurd a burger has this a lot of density in in a burger a corn is like the inside is empty is that what you meant by it flattens easier when we're talking about this you said it flattens better and I already called you absurd and I didn't even know what that meant so I just I didn't want to repeat it.

Yeah I said I said corn flattens easier and corn is smaller than burger. I mean once again you're right but that makes no difference they're different foods. Corn has a lot of liquid in it that adds up you got more sugar in corn I assume well maybe not. Doesn't digest great either. No, it's real bad. Well, that's where it devolved into, right? Was like, could you create a corn on the cob with a turd?

If all you ate was corn, there wouldn't be anything to sort of stick them together in logs. I was worried they'd come out like birdshot and just blast like a sawn off. Yeah, it didn't go well. I wouldn't recommend it. That's one I don't think I could ever see. Did you get any detailed information on what the bathroom was like the next day? No. Can you go back and ask?

Because I think that would be probably the most useful information. If they, you said they did 13 corns on the cob, corn on the cobs? 13, 14, I'd say. In 12 hours? In 24. That's, oh my God. That's not even trying. No.

That's a cob every two hours. No. Are they eating the cob too? No, but they did hit a problem where their gums started to bleed because of the cobs. So just, so just. You got to scrape it off into a bowl or something. Don't be biting them off the cob. Yeah, scrape it off.

Yeah, well, they went to the scrape off by the time their gums were bleeding. Oh. It was, yeah, it's rough. Yeah, you don't want to put your teeth through that no absolutely no they tried very hard It's just it's once your gums start bleeding It's an understandable point to stop when trying to eat that much corn you should definitely consult a dentist first I also heard from Eric entry that you may have had some sort of financial calamity Oh boy before Before, okay. We can talk about that, but

I want to pivot for a second because we were talking about the court case that happened last week. It didn't happen. No, it did happen. You guys won the case, so I don't know why you're saying it didn't happen. You won. Sorry, you're talking about the one where we got the judge and you actually, we all showed up together.

He's talking about the verdict, not the case. Oh, okay. Well, the verdict is clearly part of the trial. You can't have a verdict with no trial for the verdict to exist. You had a trial without anyone else there at all. So what are you talking about? Why are you arguing about something you won? This is such a bizarre thing.

You won the thing. Why is this a debate? Because we didn't have the trial last week. You definitely had, the trial definitely happened and you won the verdict. OK, but I wasn't so sure about them. So I did some research and I looked it up. I went on their website. Oh, boy.

And you can when you go on their site, it's just one page. It's really it's a simple website. On the left, it says, do you need a judge? And on the right, it says, do you want to apply to be a judge either request a judge or you can apply you're not a judge now are you so i applied and i'm absolutely a judge i gave myself an a i gave myself an a in every category let me drop this down real quick uh the honorable what's more honorable than a judge? The honorable judge, Andrew Panton. I've been accepted onto HiredJudge.com.

I'm a judge. You haven't got any qualifications. Thank you so much for signing up with us. We hope that this experience is awesome. What is this site? I'm sort of, oh God. No, I'm very qualified. As an honorable man, I think that's kind of the first basis you need to get into the door.

This is just an email confirmation for signing up. This't hey you're a judge now no that's that's what you like there's a bunch of steps and i've gone through the steps i am a i'm a judge on their site i'm a functioning judge you're not a judge i am absolutely a judge i'm on hiredjudge.com i don't know how you could deny that so what what cases have you presided over oh no i i'm still you know i'm still looking i'm still looking for a good case to rule on, but I'm in the field. I'm seeing what's out there. I'm in a position.

We've got to be so careful with what we do around this guy. Yeah, we do. We'd never think anything through. Now he's a judge. This is a nightmare for us. I'm assuming any other roosterteeth dispute, I'll have a seat at the table. I'll be weighing in.

So this is, I think, a good position to be in going forward. Once again, you don't have any legal training. I've seen a few episodes of Law & Order, and although that's not a judge show, they certainly go to court in that show. Is that a judge show? Maybe I haven't seen. Have I seen SVU?

Law & Order has a police part and then a judge part. You see, it's like chocolate and vanilla ice cream. You get both sides. So are you the Honorable Andrew Penton? I'm the Honorable Andrew Penton, as I always have been. Esquire. Exactly. Anyone want to talk about me having a long weekend, a financially disastrous weekend?

We can do that. I just wanted to make sure that I got the higher judge thing. Well, before we, cause, uh, fucking, uh, Mr. No fun, but door over here is telling us we're at 45 minutes. Well, I'm at like 25. Do you have anything you wanted to cover today, Gavin, since you've had less time? Uh, no, just know that I'll be extremely early for the next recording. Can't wait to see you there. We'll start with you. Yep. Andrew. So you have, uh, your poverty stricken weekend. I had something I wanted to talk about, but I can definitely wait till next week. I also had a note in my fucking phone because I keep notes and I went to look at today

for the notes. Do you have ball girl folders? We just talked about that last week, right? So here's what the note I fucking found. Ah, shit. How do I find it? Where did it go? Wait, you brought this up without having the note ready? No, I did have it ready and then I hit a button and... Andrew, every time you play audio, you play it twice. So, let Jeff have his not-preparedness. I've played audio twice once.

Twice once? It happened once. My note was... It took me a second to find my email. It says, uh, talk about bike trip when. Okay. When what? I don't know. What am I supposed to get from that?

Why would I write that? Talk about bike trip when? Something obviously happened to me on a bike trip. Here's the problem. I ride my bike every goddamn day. And I wrote the note on September 15th. So how the fuck am I supposed to know what that meant? I feel like everything after when

would have been the important part. That would have been the bits of right. I know! And I sent myself that email and I kept it bold because I wanted to remember it. And it must have meant something to me eight days ago. I just... You sent me a fart.

Fucking hate myself. Did you fart on a bike? Oh my God, I had a good fart. Should we play that one? Yeah, hate myself. Did you fart on a bike? Oh my God. I had a good fart. Should we play that one? Yeah, play it. Do you have it? Do you have it?

Why would he have it? I've been prolific with the farting. He sent me this on Friday. The caption just said, it smells so bad. Taco Bell drive-thru. I did it while Emily was ordering so the Taco Bell dude heard it I got Millie on her birthday

the other day that was a really good one too the idea of labeling these has just changed my life oh here's one here's one called Fartbeat isn't it birthday tomorrow? yeah but I don't have her this weekend

so we celebrate it over the weekend check this out it sounded like a heartbeat if you loop that that's my heart beating we should loop that we should put up an ekg monitor with and then let me find the one the one that millie uh oh my god because it she said it was a question fart oh here we go millie's birthday oh my god i didn't want to just try to eat cake anyway those are my fart recordings andrew tell us why you're poor well no i'm not poor secondly is there no bike story i don't know what it is either my point was i made the fucking note

and then i thought uh oh this is funny because we just had that conversation last week about bog roll holders or whatever and uh and i have no fucking clue i faced myself okay so what what does the actual note say it said uh talk about bike story when i feel like we could predict maybe what it is talk about bike story when the weather was bad the weather's been bad a lot could this be a part two to your ghost could it be a ghost story again when the man man passed me. Is it any of these? No. When my butt was itchy. No, I already told the bike story when I fell over, so it wouldn't have been that.

I have another point of you writing, which I find, I always think this is really interesting to see how our brains work differently for labeling. Okay. So we upload our audio into a drive folder and none of us do it the same way exactly. There's always a slight difference like i label mine drew ff18 gavin writes his ff18 gav eric writes face 18 eric jeff no spaces at all and i'm also just curious about the naming of this one face 16 your two episodes off're two episodes off. You're two episodes in the past. Then you write Jeff, and then it's ha ha. F***face 16 Jeff, ha ha. Were you trying

to write a message to somebody else or react to something? I don't know, dude. I just write whatever I'm feeling in the moment. Also, by the way, I just realized we never started. Welcome to F***face Podcast Episode 16. You didn't even do an intro? My name is Jeff Ramsey. With me is Gavin Free

and Andrew Panton. What the damn? You're joining us about 90% of the way through it, but this is the 16th episode of our podcast. How are they joining us now? What's going to make them be like,

oh, I can sense that the intro is 50 minutes in. We really don't need an intro. Well, we didn't get one this week. I totally, we f*** faced our intro by bunny hopping who could get here the earliest. I totally, we faced our intro by bunny hopping who could get here the earliest.

What episode did you say that this was? 16. Every episode of face is 16 to me. I've decided. You're making this more complicated for all of us. I got news for you. This face file is, I named it 17. Then I said, oh wait, no, this is 16.

Then I renamed it 16. Can you restart at 20? This has gone, I mean, I was saying last week that, can you imagine if that was the first episode? Like, because it's gone so off the rails. What is this damn podcast going to be like at episode 80? Like, what is that going to sound like? Will it even be an audible product?

Well, first off, it'll sound like me saying, welcome to F*** Face 16. I'll be an actual judge. Andrew will have been disbarred, and then found a way to get himself rebarred I'd like to be knighted if I can get that done that'd be a good goal by episode 80

I don't think I can't can people from the commonwealth not be knighted? I think you have to be born in Europe right? I mean Europe is a big place I know I think the restrictions are tighter I just don't want to like I don't know what they are but. I don't think it's... I know. I think the restrictions are tighter. I just don't want to... Like, I don't know what they are, but I certainly don't think you could be born in, like, Canada or America.

I think you get honorary knighthoods. That doesn't count. There's got to be something under knighthood that's close you could get, though. Like OBE? If that's a thing. That just sounds like a... I don't like that. I think it's of the British Empire.

There you go. So you get, like, letters after your name? Nah. Wait name yeah wait let me look up obe it's probably not that i was looked into like i thought it would be funny to have as many titles before your name is possible the most excellent order of the british empire that's kind of knighthood or bus for me and i just i don't think it's possible i was thinking the other day if i were ever to become doctor, like a PhD, which I'm not going to do because I didn't go to college, or if I ever decided to go to med school and become a doctor, I would change my last name from Ramsey to dentist just to fuck with people because then I'd be Dr. Dentist and people wouldn't know what to think. I feel like you're creating more problems for you

than anyone else. What, Andrew, what's the name of this podcast? What do you mean? Obviously, I would face myself with my name. Well, yeah, but I'm saying like, I don't think that impacts anyone else as much as it would impact you. Oh, it would be a nightmare to me because it would be funny exactly four times and then I would be miserable for the next six or seven years. And I've changed my name before, you know, the first time. And while I got a fucking awesome middle name out of it and cool new last name. It totally faced me for about a decade on legal shit. I still have to have my fucking name change documentation with me just in case every time I do anything important. Buy a house?

Who's Jeff Fink? Here we go again. I actually do get a sense of relief when I am filling out important paperwork and it's like any other aliases and you're just like, nah, that's nice. I wouldn't want to have to fill that field in Dr. Dentist is good. I think dr. Judge would be good too. Ooh

Dr. Judge that's interesting. Not as confusing but just cool. I don't think dr Dentist is confusing is my point. I fully encouraged the idea as you said it's on brand for the show Nobody has the last name dentist, but I'm not fazed by last names ever. What? I'm never like, well, that's a crazy last name. Like it never stuns me. I just don't know what you'd get out of it is what I'm saying. Outside of your own misery. The first time somebody said, are you a dentist? And I said, no, it's my last name, idiot.

That's what I would get out of it. Okay. I mean, hey, if you get something out of that, I encourage it. Yeah, that. So how are you going to resolve this bag container thing? No one tweeted. Are we just going to? No, I did. I guess I should check on it. Yeah, that. So how are you going to resolve this bag container thing? No one tweeted. Are we just going to? No, I did.

I guess I should check on it. You tweeted? Yeah, I tweeted it at the beginning of the show. Before I was there? No, after you were there. One tweet in the last hour. Let's see this. Fruit bag.

What is this? And you just posted the fruit bag picture. Yeah, I did it as I thought should be done. I'm not seeing any container. And I think that's the important thing. Someone called Josh wrote, I see a picture of something that doesn't matter

until you eat a pencil. Okay, people are still pissed at you. I don't think they're taking this seriously. Fruit bag? No, there's fresh and juicy fruit bag. Nobody is saying container.

That's my point. Well, it's because you didn't ask. I did ask. I said, what is this? What do you mean I didn't ask? That's like saying like no one wrote that you should eat it with your hands But it's like you didn't ask that yeah, I disagree not a great example of Gavin's give me is he is right I Disagree it's hard to support him. I think this is the most unbiased way to present the question Jeff Help me out do a better analogy. It's a

better analogy it's like posting a picture of tom martin okay we should end this podcast a picture of bussy and saying what is this and if people just say it's a guy in a hockey uniform that would be correct but it's also bussy it's also a guy that was traded for a bus, but people might not know that, but it doesn't change the fact that it's not true. That was perfect, Jeff. It's not the first thing people thought of.

I was just looking at her Instagram while I was saying that. I was just looking at what I saw. I disagree. This is hard. Well, why don't you make that your first case as the Honorable Andrew Panton? I rule in favor of me.

Easy. No, you gotta be impartial. I am impartial. I could be Judge Gavel. That's a good name. You know what? How about this? How about this? It's like if you post a picture of it, I have a Diet Pepsi in my hand. I have a Diet Pepsi in my hand. So I'm looking at this Diet Pepsi and I'm thinking, if I

post a picture of a Diet Pepsi and it just says, what is this? A hundred people might say it's a Diet Pepsi. Maybe nobody says it's an aluminum can, but it still is an aluminum can. That's right. My point was nobody's ever going to say container. And I feel like this proves that.

But a can is a container. What? He's got you there. What? It's a can-tainer. Yeah, I think, you know, I think you might be right. I think a can might be a container, but I don't, nobody's going to call it that.

Is a can a bag? A can is definitely not a bag. Is it a hard bag? A bag is a soft container. You're right, a bag is a soft container. Well, I'm glad this was a short one for me. It wasn't really. It was still 40 minutes.

Yeah, we keep going longer and longer. Eric yells at you for making the end too long, so this week you just made the beginning long. Oh, man. That's a good point. Andrew, I still... Fuck, we're so late. I guess we can't do it,

but tell us why you're poor next week. I want to know. No, yeah, we'll do it next week. And I want to talk to you guys about a neighborhood and whether the neighborhood is a fuckface or not. When are we starting next week? Probably on time to talk to you guys about a neighborhood and whether the neighborhood is a f*** face or not. When are we starting next week? Probably on time.

It'd be really funny if we were late. I don't like all of the content that surrounds the content that isn't in the content. It's inconvenient. It's annoying. The audience is not a part of it. I'm having a good time. I guess it is kind of in this one. So is that it then?

Are we done? I think so. I'm having a good time. I guess it is kind of in this one. So is that it then? Are we done? I think so. I think we're good. Hey, special thanks to Andrew for showing up a little bit early today and for Eric for showing up even earlier. I appreciate your diligence and your dedication to the craft. Anytime, Jeff.

You guys are the best. Some of you guys are the best. Thanks for listening to the podcast. You gotta say that you still haven't said any of the outro. Why's it gotta be me? Why don't you say it? Because you to the podcast. You've got to say that you still haven't said any of the outro. Yeah. Why has it got to be me? Why don't you say it? Because you're the host. Because you're the one who gets paid for making this. I don't get paid for making this any more than you guys do.

Are we done with the show? I do it just to hang out with you guys. I don't make any money off this. Are we done? Did Eric leave? Like and subscribe. Five stars. They left.

They've got a separate ending one. Are you serious? What is going on? Should we go in there? End show chat. Is this from last week? Hello? Hey, what's up?

Is it done now? Hey, we followed you guys over here. Okay. Yeah. Anyway. So, what? No, it's over. Is this the post show?

That's the end of the show. No, this is the end. Well, you got to play us out. Thanks for listening. Rate five stars and subscribe. Tell everyone about F*** Face. Let us know. Follow us on Instagram at face pod by I can't believe we had to chase that guy down just to get you this rice Andrew's not in here anymore

He's back up Hey, you still over here Everyone, end your recordings. We're done.