Regulation Podcast - Gavin's 1 Piece of 64 Pieces of Clothing // The Regulation Bagel [98]

Episode Date: April 13, 2022

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about being relegated to coworker, hot dogs vs bovril, who is the previously on voice, sponsoring a hockey team, My Hubby's Bagels coffee, and urinal etiquette. My Hubby's Bagels Coffee Blend here: https://bluowl.ca/products/my-hubbys-bagels-blend Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail] Sponsored by Honey (http://joinhoney.com/face), BetterHelp (http://betterhelp.com/face), and Fum (http://www.breathefum.com/face + code FACE) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Rooster Teeth production. Previously on F*** Face. Hello and welcome to episode 98 of the F*** Face podcast. My name is Jeff Ramsey and with me as always, two people. One of them is a friend, one of them is a co-worker. I'll let you figure that out. Gavin Free and Andrew Panton. How's it going, boys? Good thanks,

Andrew. Which one do you think you are right now? Well, considering that in the description of this show, I'm not listed as the friend, it would be just a ridiculous upset if I was the friend and not co-worker. If I have somehow elevated the friend it would be like just a ridiculous upset if i was the friend and not go if i have somehow elevated the friend during the 98 episodes of the show that'd be ridiculous everyone involved with this show has been my friend at one point or another just not always at the same time i would

be gutted because i would consider to this day to hour, Jeff, my best friend on the earth. And if I was relegated to coworker, it'd be very one-sided and I'd be upset. I have definitely also considered you my best friend on earth many, many times. Why are you saying it in the past tense? Not in the entirety of my life, but at different times. Hey, by the way, speaking of, you said gutted. Speaking of gut, Eric, our producer extraordinaire, how many hot dogs can you eat in one sitting? It wasn't really a sitting.

There was a lot of walking and walking around and eating more hot dogs. Last night, I ate four regular hot dogs and one grilled cheese hot dog. That doesn't seem like a lot, but I also had like three 32-ounce beers and peanuts. It was... So four regulation hot dogs and you had, you had jalapenos on them, right? I put jalapenos on every single one of them and I don't feel good.

So I might be running back and forth during this, but please proceed. Like I'm here the whole time. Huh? Running back and forth to shit. Uh, uh, is what you're saying.

Okay. Yeah. I think there's all sorts of implied things that could happen in that scenario. Why imply let's get into the, I don I think there's all sorts of implied things that could happen in that scenario. Why imply? Let's get into the weeds with it. I don't think he knows. Why'd you do that to your buddy?

Because it's hot dog. What do you mean? Why did he do that? It's dollar hot dog night, dude. What are you going to do? Last night was Round Rock Express, a local AAA baseball team, is opening week. They're playing the El Paso Chihuahuas and I was dollar hot dog and soda night.

And so I had to take advantage. I walked in, walked right to the counter and I said, give me two of those bad boys and a 32 ounce Budweiser. And I got to say as the only American of the main three in this podcast, uh, I, I,

I got to commiserate with Eric. I don't know what it's like in your countries, but if you go to a baseball, any sporting event in America, and they have dollar hot dog night, you are legally required as an American to eat at least four. I think I would have gone six or seven probably.

Yeah, definitely. Because how do you say no to that? Is there a Canadian or a British equivalent? I don't know where i would go to watch baseball but i feel like any any sport i'd find hot dogs for like eight quid so i think if there was one there for a pound i would i would go ape shit on them so when you go to a tottenham hot spurs game that's your team up in england uh and they have like what what are the do they do they have hot dogs what's the food at a soccer game, or sorry, a footy game in England?

I used to go for like a burger or kebab outside the stadium to save a bit of money. You get a little cup of Bovril or something if you want. What the fuck is, what is, what? Little hot Bovril? What? I don't know what that is. What the fuck? What?

Hot Bovril? Yeah, Bovril. I don't think i could spell that based on how you're saying it it sounds different every time you say it i don't know it's like a what is bovril it's like it's like hey if you guys had to guess before gavin tells us what do you think what do you think a cup of hot bovril is fantastic i'm imagining something black like it's a black gooey oh it's definitely black okay i'm on the right i'm on the right foot here what about you jeff do you think it's sweet i think it's savory it has to be savory is it like a some sort of a toddy like a like a mulled wine type thing or is it more of like you guys boil vegemite and drink it i think it's very similar to vegetable i think it's like yeast and meat lip paste liquid it's like a like uh it's like a beefy

tea everything in your country sounds hideous nobody hideous a beefy tea oh eric's written bovro is the trademark name of a thick and salty meat extract paste, similar to yeast extract. Yeah, so you get that, and you pour hot water in it, and it's like beef paste tea. I am so sad I guessed that essentially correct. Oh, God. You nailed it. Ugh.

I mean, isn't that sort of just broth? You're just eating broth. uh yeah it's really good it warms you up on a nice you know cold winter evening at the footy I think we've I think we bumped that to the top of the list for Andrew to try yeah yeah a nice cup of hot bovril do they ever have like one quid bovril night where people just like down five, six, seven Bovrils and then they're at work the next day going like, oh, I'm having a bit of a bubble gut from my Bovril. I don't think it's.

I don't. I'm not sure it's physically possible to spend more than a pound of Bovril. I had nine Bovrils. Oh, God. I'm shitting straight paste. I've just Googled it, and it says, in quotes, this fluid of beef fed an army and makes a hearty tea. It never ceases to amaze me,

the off-ramps these conversations take that I just don't see coming. I could easily have gone the rest of my life not having ever heard of Bovril. If it weren't for Eric coming in going like, I'm going to be on the toilet most of the episode. I remember it fondly because when I used to go to my dad's work as a kid, one of the vending machines had Bob Roll and you could just dispense hot Bob Roll into a cup. I'd be all over that. Be my little Bob Roll spot. Oh, this looks terrible.

That's so fucking gross. How is that real? That's so fucking gross. How is that real? What's the Canadian version of a hot dog or bovril, Andrew, like when you go to a hockey game, when you go see the Canucks play? I don't feel like there is all that different of a food experience from Canada to America as far as sporting events goes. I've never been to a baseball game as

a Canadian. I fantasize about like I'm going to go to the baseball game. I'm going to get hot dogs like when I think about baseball, the experience of the game is very secondary to what I'm excited about. Everything I'm excited about is drinking. You'd be outside, enjoy the sun, eat some hot dogs.

So I don't have a Bovril. We wouldn't let Bovril in. I don't. I'm right there with you. I think more than any other professional sport, and I think I've been fortunate enough to attend all the main players now that I've been to an F1 game as well. I think more than any other professional sport, a Major League Baseball game is a day long experience.

Yes. Where you take in so much more than the actual game. The game is in some ways secondary to everything else that's going on. And food and drink is a huge part of that. So you like really long games? Maybe not on TV, but definitely in person. So you'd like cricket then? Like a test match?

What do they eat? I don't know. Usually in the summer, so I probably wouldn't be good for the bovril. Nice chilled bovril, frosted bov, summer bov. Bovril and ice. Oh, like a slurpee.

Can we do like a slurpee bovril? A meat slurpee. Bov pops. That's the new face and vision. I'm gonna freeze meat paste. Bov pops. Oh, I hate it. Cool down while you heat up.

I hate it. Like a slurpee or not. Freezy, like a freeze tube. Just having to like push out the paste. You know what would be funny if we filled a groan tube uh with bovril or some other drink so that when you drink it it goes that's what we should do we should make we should make we don't have our fucking groan tubes yet because we can't get them made thanks to the supply chain so let's combine them combine them. A grown tube that also dispenses drink.

I feel like you're thinking of one of those cups, you know, like you tilt over it, it would moo like a cow, like mug type thing. But it's just the grown tube noise. I think this is feasible. If I was a cow and I got liquefied into a hot paste and then the sound that I made it when I was alive played with someone drank it,

I'd be livid. Can we make the sound just go, instead of the traditional sound, can it just go gross? Gross. Every time you drink it. I'm excited to drink a nice hot Bovril out of the new Gerpler. Can you imagine

a liter of Bovril? Oh, God. Like a full meal. How many calories would be in a liter of Bovril? It's like a third of a cow, probably. I'm blown away that I've, Jeff, I've known you for, you know, the better part of a decade and a half, two decades. And we've never talked about Bovril. The better part of your life, buddy.

Yeah. We've known each other more than half of your life at we've never discussed bavarol not once thank god thank god it was today so who's the co-worker that's a great question uh maybe the audience can figure it out uh what else you guys want to talk about today what do you got going on i have a question for and. Ooh, okay. I'm excited. What are you doing? Like in this moment, or? No, no, just with face in general, what have you done? What have you done to it?

I don't know what that means. You're putting shit, like, I'll get a review cut, right? It's not the final cut. You've been adding shit to it. That's not what I'm putting shit, like, I'll get a review cut, right? It's not the final cut. You've been adding shit to it. You've been putting shit on after it gets to it. What's the beginning? What's happened to the beginning of F*** Face?

We've talked about it. It's a previously on. It's a previously on voice. Yeah, but who is it? Well, that's what I figured would be a great mystery for you two to find out. I thought, I don't know, maybe we could do like a thing where you could ask a question, an episode or something about... Oh, okay.

Can I ask the first question? Can I ask the first question? Go ahead. Right now? Yeah, go ahead. Who's the voice? I can't say that. That's a bullshit game, Jeff.

That's like asking a genie for more wishes. That doesn't count. It's illegal. We were in the airport getting our luggage as part of our tour and minor league fan Jack walked up to both of us and was like, who does the previously on voice on face? And Jeff and I were like, huh? Because I just, you know, I just approved the first cut of the episode where there was no previously on voice, Andrew. And I was like, huh? And I had to listen to the version that came out.

Jeff and I listened to it and we were just like looking at each other like, huh? And I had to listen to the version that came out. Jeff and I listened to it, and we were just like looking at each other like, what? And then I started writing out a Slack being like, does anyone, like, how did this? And then I realized this is a question for content. I'm not going to waste this over Slack. But it sounds like Andrew's not going to tell us. No. It's a little mystery.

I already established this. This is long established. It's not my fault. We talked about this before. I wanted to bring in the variety guy to do the voice, and that didn't pan out, so I kept at it. I do remember your idea being to have, you know, previously on F*** Face, but

it's the entire episode. It's just confusing. It makes no sense. It's really more of a currently presently happening on the face. Yeah, that's exactly it. So I was just as interested to see if you two could figure out who it is. It's somebody, I'll say it's someone

in the universe of the show. I didn't just pull a random person. Everyone's aware of this person and they're in our universe. Is it the same person every episode? It's, yes, yes it is okay well i my question michael i already used my question for the week so gavin do you want to take one question um yeah what do i want to know that he's going to answer though i will say i'd love to hear eric's

input eric is the only other person who knows who it is okay okay well let me ask you this then okay can i have a hint? I feel like I already gained a hint. I was going to say, I think you already got the hint with it's someone in the universe. It's in the universe. I feel like. So it's the variety guy or it's the director of the tuxedo or it's. I mean, he already said it's not the variety guy, right? Oh, so it's the director of the tuxedo.

That was fast. Is that your official guess? Is it the director of the tuxedo? No. is that your official guess is it the director of the tuxedo no so we get one guest per episode one guest per episode brilliant we'll see how long it takes i think it'd take a while i i'm excited for this to all be over i accidentally revealed who it is to eric because i'm an idiot and that'll be fun to talk about we get to the end. I thought that Eric was genius when I said to him, I'm just dumb. It's a dumb mistake.

I was nervous though, Gavin. I didn't know what you're talking about. I was like, what do you mean? What have I done? Did you, now is, I guess I can't ask any more questions till next week. Damn it, I have so many questions.

Okay. Next week, I have an ongoing bet. It would be really funny if one of you would have just guessed it immediately, I have ruined everything all of my plans everything out the window no point who have we talked about so many people we've talked about a lot of people a lot of discussion i think maybe you should go over the keenan and kell rap there's a lot of people there just even within that well most people in that are dead so that's true but that would be one hell of a pull if i got that is that a thing where uh if keenan and kel rap about you

you will die soon no i don't think so oh yeah keenan kel didn't do the rap it's coolio oh yeah that's true i don't know i'm not of your generation we have talked about it like six times on this show though yeah whatever regardless of generation if you got coolio to do it it would be amazing it would that would be really cool does not sound like coolio what if i'm not gonna give anything away well i let's try it and finish this episode because we're double bad we're double recording today so i can ask another question in 45 minutes. Oh, yeah. I'm just going to start preparing my next guess.

So last time we recorded one of these, we were very proud of ourselves that we tied up a lot of loose ends. That we're like, we did it. We're typically so bad. We set things up. We forget about them. We move through. Yeah, we did baseballs. We did bean hole.

We did a lot of stuff gerbler we're all excited about it we miss one thing we miss one thing that is important it's a vital thing i was gonna say what the item of clothing gavin had to wear was yeah i'm really glad you missed it because now every podcast i'm on everyone's just screaming at me that i'm not wearing 64 pieces of clothes well we all forgot it I don't think that's fully my fault. We threw like a fucking parade of we did it. We covered everything. And we just missed it.

So I'll put it in the group chat right now. I'll link to it. Well, what? We're all part of the show. Yeah, but you're the one coming up with it. That's fair, but in my defense also, I wanted to collaborate with Jeff on it. So that was sort of the idea. But he didn't. He didn didn't collaborate with me is it because he's a co-worker and it was outside of ours i strongly disagree with this tag by jeff it was open i said i want him to send me

some stuff he was like i think that's perfect i said him one thing he's like i think that's good so we're gonna go with the thing oh i did like is that the thing i did like it you're right well i just assumed. Yeah, there's no other discourse about it. I mean, there are other suggestions that were sent. I thought it was on brand. This is the one item I'm suggesting. Just the hat.

Doesn't have to be the tie. You want to do the tie. That's fine. Just the headpiece. Although I wouldn't say no to an additional tie to go with all my ties. The headpiece is my pick. There were a lot of suggestions. really mean oh my god terrible suggestions people are gonna be so hot and that you don't know what i rejected people wanted straight jackets people wanted wet suits like there

was clothing it's like handcuffs being clothing i I think handcuffs are an accessory. I wanted to put you in a sandwich board that says Jeff is awesome. Thank you, Eric. I'm going to sit down. You won't. So I didn't want to be too mean. I just wanted I want something on brand. I thought it connected well.

There are all sorts of angles. We could have went sandwich board. It is very funny. I mean, technically, like a mascot outfit is a singular piece of clothing, depending on how it's designed. Yeah, you don't want to cover up all the other clothes, though. I mean, if there was if we had this talk before, I would have seen if I could get like a giant Bovril suit. Just like a mascot foam bottle of Bovril that you have to work through. But if Bovril wants to sponsor my appearance on that podcast, I'd be open to it.

So then, Gavin, you have to wear the Donkey Kong hat or headpiece and 63 other pieces of clothing. Is that how this shakes out of your choice? That's how it shakes out. I'm excited to see what you do. The audience cut Gavin some slack.

He can't put the Donkey Kong hat on until it comes in the mail. It's going to take some time. Oh, yeah. I want to get this out of the way as soon as I can. It's such a burden. I like that it's just getting

10 degrees hotter in Texas every week that you don't do this. That's great. Can we talk about... I wasn't even going to necessarily bring this up, but we're talking about Bovril sponsoring.

I found a sponsorship opportunity for us that I'm very excited about. I don't think there's any way it will happen. But like sporting events and sponsorship, I was reading the news the other day and I saw this story that was like the NIMA Buccaneers have a new owner. I'm like, who the fuck are the Buccaneers? I've lived here my whole life. I've never heard of the Buccaneers. They're a junior hockey team. I guess they just sold.

They won one game last season. They lost. They played 48. They had one win. I'd love to know how much that team sold for. It was purchased by, I guess, like people moving to the area. Anyway, they have a sponsorship opportunities tab on their website. And so I was looking through because I kind of want to get fully invested in the Nanaimo Buccaneers for their next season just to see if they can get two wins.

I'm all about two wins. get two wins i'm all about two wins so i was considering and i thought i could run it by you guys one of these sponsorship packages to see if we can officially get sponsored or sponsor sponsorship opportunities now a lot of them are sold out but there are some good ones like the face off there is a uh let me scroll down oh dude, dude, these are affordable. They're very affordable. And there's some good ones. I think the opening face-off is a strong one. And I'm assuming it's for the season and not a game, based on the premise of sold out.

Helmet, $750. How do we put face... Eric brings up a good point. How do we put face on a junior hockey team? That's the hurdle. I could see them being very resistant to that. But I do like the idea of this opening face off is brought to you by face opening face off. Oh, what if it's what if it's uniform or the Gerbler itself?

Dude, uniform. That is. Well, OK, I thought about that and i i thought it was funnier if it was face but there is something to be said if we like trojan horse face in through uniform yeah just if they if they if they shut down face immediately because uh why wouldn't they then we should be prepared for a backup i guess the problem I didn't really think about this. If we do the face-off, they have to say fuck at the start of every game. There's no way around it.

I'm so used to our censorship. Oh, we can send it to Ericsson, they can bleep it. We can send them one of our buttons. They can push the button at the same time they say it. Joe, we can sponsor this, but you have to update your audio system, your PA system to use it. We will not pay for that.

But we will pay for the opening face-off. Yeah, I guess face is even less viable than I considered because in my head it's always the, hmm. So we might have to go uniform. But I'd like to, I don't know, I thought this would be a funny thing to get invested in i'm blown away at how much is sold out there's a lot of stuff we can't get like the jersey the shoulder patch the pant shell whatever that is i feel like i feel like it has to be the opening face off because i don't think the logo on the helmet would be that

big but for the announcer to be like this this face-off is brought to you by Uniform or whatever. I think it's very funny. Oh my god. Can we make him say the full spiel too? Like, this face-off is brought to you by Uniform. Uniform. Combining the power of one with the fabric of the form. Uniform. Go! Or however you start it.

Did you start a hockey game with go? Did you start a hockey game by yelling go? Go. 3, 2, 1, Go. I'm so for this idea. I love this idea. Same. And I can't believe the prices.

Yeah, I was so excited about it because I clicked it thinking like, this is going to be way out of our price range, but, uh, it's, it feels viable. It feels like a thing we could do. Let me see if I could pull up their record for,

for the league, their league standings from the regular season of this year. Okay. Nanaimo Buccaneers, 48 games played one win, 43 losses in regulation, three losses in overtime 1 shootout loss

isn't this kind of how the mighty ducks started though like we're 1 away from being a kick ass dude they got some crowd advertising to an average attendance of 400 to 600 people that's more people than listen to this podcast I would love to attendance of 400 to 600 people. That's more people to listen to this podcast.

I would love to... I guess they'd never find us because of Unifarm, but it would be... If we could do F*** Face, do you think we'd convert two people into listening? Yes. That should be our goal for return on investment. We should pay $1,500 to acquire two listeners.

And just to put it into perspective, so they got six points. So they got two points for a win and then four one points for the overtime losses. The second to worst team in the league had 33 points. It's 16 wins. There's a gap. There's a large gap between them and even the next-to-worst team. Oh, this is great.

Can we see a game while we're there? I'd love to. I don't know when their schedule is. I need to look more into that. I'm going to... Maybe, depending on what time it is, crabbing in the morning and buccaneers in the evening.

And then we'll celebrate with some bagels. Oh! I really like this. If you can get that schedule, maybe we can plan our trip around that schedule, their hockey schedule.

Absolutely. I'll look into that. But I should talk about bagels. Please talk about bagels. I don't know about Gavin, but I've been waiting for all week to hear about this. I don't know how much

Gavin knows about bagels. I know you know a little bit more jeff this is this has been i need to thank let me pull up my notes first of all i need to thank jimmy jenny almond specifically because she accidentally put all this into motion so last we left off i talked about i accidentally followed them on the pod account and i started following them and uh they had 23 followers at the time i believe on twitter uh and i was like oh man i hope they fall back or something happens earlier uh last week i got a dm from jenny and she was like hey i emailed them and told them about the show because i was curious if there was anything i could buy like i live in america like if there's a way i could support them in some way and so i just talked to them and i thought oh

shit like they have somebody has now interacted with them that is from the audience like they now are absolutely aware that we exist in some capacity yeah that's good it's i guess it's great in based on all of your previous correspondence and all of as a podcast i'm terrified now i'm terrified of where it goes from here absolutely well i was nervous it's like well did you think they would listen do you think they just like looked at i don't know what would they do because now they know they're mentioned and then that evening they followed the face pod twitter account and i was so excited then they followed me it's the most excited i've been to get any notification ever i was losing my mind that i got on my hubby's

bagel follow then they dm the podcast account and i was i was too starstruck and nervous to reply that evening it felt i don't know if you've seen the movie swingers you know like when john favreau gets the number and they're all like you you got to wait two days to reply. You can't seem overeager. Like Heather Graham's number, right? I think so. Yeah. Yeah.

In the movie. I had that experience, but it was just like, I'm too excited about this to like actually reply because they wrote a super sweet message. They had never heard of the show. They had no concept of our awareness of Rooster Teeth's existence. They're very confused by all of it, but in like a nice way. So then we started going back and forth and we've become like friends over like the past two weeks or texting. It's been great.

And it's been very we've talked about how this is a show that is a deep lore about nothing. And I've never had to try to explain some of that lore to somebody completely removed from it and boy has it been a time just like a normal person a normal man of society yes a normal it is so hard because somebody I tweeted about it and so

replied like I guess I should I'm going out of order here they they said that I will get to name a regulation bagel so I'll get to come up with a name for a bagel and it'll be the regulation bagel it'll they said that i will get to name a regulation bagel so i'll get to come up with a name for a bagel and it'll be the regulation bagel it'll be something that anybody can get if they go into the store they can order the regulation you're saying the name of the bagel is the regulation bagel it's well i'm still working out the specifics of it i think what is going to end up being is like a menu item that you could like if you're a fan of the show and you

go to my hubby's bagels you can order the regulation bagel they will know what it means and it will be a specific thing it's like it's even better than being on the on the board it's like uh it's like a secret menu item that's exactly it's sort of i think where we're leaning is the secret that was such a funny uh because they said that and then a few days went by and uh the, Drew, who I was talking to, his name is Drew, which is very funny, was like, yeah, I'm kind of I'm trying to struggling to figure out like how to incorporate regulation into this into this menu I'm working on. And I was like, oh, you know, that's that's fine. Like I would be so much happier if you had a menu that you were excited about and fully happy with than you trying to shoehorn regulation in if you don't see a fit. Like, just do it, like, makes you happy. And he's like, yeah, I'm not having a hard time with the regulation.

It's trying to get face on there that I'm struggling with. And I was like, no, you don't have to. Nobody, nobody expected it to be called the face regulation bagel you don't need to do that we can just move on from that just regulation bagel is great and then we came up yeah we should make a clip don't pivot your own business we'll bend to you yeah you don't need to work we don't even say our own name it's fine so then like trying to i always have to feel like when you start those conversations explaining why we're called what we're called and then somebody replied to you and they said

that i could name a bagel someone was like andrew's gonna salad cream these bagels and then they replied i should really learn what that means before i let him into my store and i'm like that sounds terrible so then i had to explain to a normal person what salad creamed means and how it makes sense it's like trying to teach a different language yeah i like that you're having to explain what salad creaming as a verb means yeah not what salad cream we need we need a handy face pocket dictionary that we can give out to help translate We need a stationary so I had to explain that and then there was a time So they're getting ready to open and then all of their burners

There's something wrong with their burners and like the electrical wasn't going as planned So they couldn't make bagels and they learned this while they were like preparing to open. So it seemed like there was a window of time in which it seemed like they were going to have to open up without the ability to cook or make bagels. So they would be a bagel shop that couldn't sell bagels. And I'm like, you guys are perfect. This is the greatest like phase integration ever.

A bagel shop that can't make or sell bagels we're all about this um they luckily they figured it out so i explained they're like so what does salad cream mean and i'm like uh salad cream it sort of is like when you screw up an anticipated moment and they immediately replied i guess we salad creamed our opening and i'm like yeah that's perfect oh my god it's inadvertently you found the perfect people what a great sort of unwritten partnership they're they're incredible they've been so sweet and their food is absurd it is so good i talked about before like not wanting to commit to like doing a review or talking about it because i wouldn't want the audience to interpret that as like, I didn't like it or whatever.

It's incredible. So you went down there? They had a soft open yesterday. I went down there. They're nice enough to bring some challah earlier in the week to try. They brought me some coffee. They have a coffee partnership. I have a cup of coffee.

I'm going to have my first coffee in a moment, like a proper as part of the redemption year I forgot I did this but I made a monstrosity of a coffee at one point on this show and I've never tried it again Well, didn't you make like Cheerios with coffee? It was it was like I had a cured cured pod that was like vanilla walnut Italy was the flavor like it didn't make sense that was like vanilla walnut Italy was the flavor. Like it didn't make sense.

And then it didn't taste good. So then I dumped a sugar cookie in it and I poured in a bag of Sour Patch Kids watermelon. It was a mess. It was terrible. I was just trying to salvage. I was like, this is bitter. I don't have any sugar. Here's some sugar cookies.

Have some sugar cookies. I like that you did that with the coffee you also did that with your salad well the salad i think those were different issues but i see her i see her point trying to think am i missing they're the biggest uh the coffee i have the the thing uh that was fun i had another one where like a few days after we're texting where he was like yeah I had to delete a comment from our Facebook because they were like cursing and stuff and talking about the Vancouver child kicker like well I don't know what that is

and then having to explain the downside is that the other associations that are out of context are horrendous can I just take a second to speak to our wonderful audience be very kind audience to my hubby's bagels and all businesses

if you're speaking to them on behalf of F*** Face. We are a wholesome podcast. We are about uplifting and shining a light on local businesses and supporting them, not deriding them in any way.

So let's make sure that any interactions we have with any bagel company that we like or any coffee company for that matter, let's make sure that we're any interactions we have with uh any bagel company that we like or any coffee company for that matter let's make sure they're positive yeah and it's important to also remember that anyone we talk about or mention they didn't necessarily choose to be mentioned by us absolutely yes yes we have yeah i felt i felt they i've tripped into their world but it ended up being like. They're the most wonderful people. Their food is absurdly good.

Their cream cheese is ridiculous. It's all the best food I've ever had. Genuinely, it's incredible. Well, that's good. It would have sucked if we had to pretend to like this stuff. It would have been a problem. Wherever you're going, you better believe American Express will be right there with you.

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Wherever you go, we'll go together. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamex. Benefits vary by card. Terms apply. So I don't want to jump the gun if there's more to tell, but have you settled on a regulation bagel? I have something in mind.

I'm pretty sure, like, we kind of talked about it a little bit and then you know they're in the process of opening and they didn't want to be like hey well you're fucking figuring everything out let me talk about this thing that is all that important so i haven't yeah yeah clarified it with them but i feel pretty good about what it is and you did you introduce yourself when you were in there? Well, so that was... Yes. Yes, I did. Well, we met before. They were kind.

They are so ridiculously kind. They dropped some bread off to where I live. Jesus Christ. They're so sweet. They're amazing. People are saints. How did you manage to get there? Was it under the power of your own legs?

It was under the power of my own legs. The legs are back. The legs are fully... We moving it's great nice yeah congrats thank you you're gonna start that marathon tomorrow then or no today i'm gonna enjoy not being in pain it's uh i got checked out and everything i'm good but yeah um bagels are amazing i have the coffee they sell the coffee i don't know if we could put a link or something to the coffee they sell or whatever i have their blend i'm about to try this is my do you have any any tips well first off let's read the notes on the coffee what kind of tell me about the flavor that's a that's a great that's a great question i should have i don't have the bag with me do you think I would do that?

It's a give me a second. I'll pull it up. I put sugar in it. I bought one of those custom pods that you can put in a Keurig. Still still Keurig coffee. Well, what's a custom? Like you make your own pot. Yeah.

Yeah. Like it's a reusable pod where you can grind coffee beans because it's a bean based coffee. So grounded the beans up and put it in. It's like a portafilter almost. Yeah exactly. Did you just say it's a bean based coffee? Well you know like it's Am I fucking

stupid or is that isn't all coffee bean based? I don't buy coffee I'm assuming there are some coffees you can buy that are pre-grind, that are already grinded for you. I don't know if that's a thing. From beans. Yeah, it's an unnecessary.

I meant not grinded is what I was going for. They sent you ground, by the way. They sent you full beans and then you had to grind them down. Yes. Okay. Exactly. I think Eric is big into grinding. To eliminate any confusion, this coffee does come from coffee beans.

This is the most insane conversation. Like, this is, I'm like, I'm fucking grinding my teeth listening to it. This is nuts. I don't, I'm not a coffee person. I'm trying. Yeah, clearly. I'm trying. We can throw some beans in eric's mouth then

he just spits it into the custom cure cup and we're ready to go uh okay so it's it's a guatemalan chocolate berry is okay is their is their blend um so it's gonna be chocolatey and fruity yes it's a chocolatey fruity. That sounds pretty good. Pretty good. I put a little bit of sugar in. Nothing else. I didn't get crazy. Just a little bit.

No cream, no milk, nothing like that. Just sugar and coffee. No cream. No chow mein. Just no chow mein. No, no ramen noodles. Nothing like that. You're OK.

OK, I'm going to take a sip. This is a big moment. I'm like, I'm actually trying real coffee. this is a documented moment of my life I want to like it too I want you to become a coffee I want to like it like Eric it smells great and take a sip that's actually really good yeah yeah I could get I can get into this that's that's not bad at all yeah that's way better than what i made yeah it's pretty good when you don't put a bunch of shits inside it there's a probably a reason it's like a multi multi-billion dollar industry that's delicious what have i i've been fucking up why have i not

this is amazing i've been telling you to drink coffee for a very long time it's fucking amazing this is very good i think i think we can potentially talk to them about being Nanaimo's exclusive Bovril vendor as well. I don't think Nanaimo needs that. I think we got enough. It's cold there sometimes, right?

Yeah, it gets cold. Dude, a little cup of Bovril in the snow. Oh, amazing. Oh, while we're watching our hockey team go. Dude. Blue Owl Coffee Roasters in the Nymo, Vancouver Island. That's a cute logo. It's a very cute logo.

Very happy owl. He looks wise. But whimsical at the same time. That should lead to the blunt but yeah that that's been i'm in the process of finalizing the regulation bagel their food is amazing if you're ever in the area i'd highly recommend checking out my hubby's bagels they're delicious well i gotta say andrew on a scale of uh salad creaming to 10 i give you a 10 on drinking that coffee thank you i'm glad it's terrifying like there's a weird pressure with because they're so sweet and i wanted to like accurately represent all

this stuff yeah you don't want to you don't want to lie right no absolutely not you gotta you gotta stay true to yourself yeah just also just like describing it poorly or like i don't know it feels i'm okay making myself look like a total idiot. They don't deserve that. The stakes are higher when other people are involved. Yeah. That's really good. I'm going to drink more of this coffee. You should drink it every day until you die.

Like most people. I have a quick question about urinal etiquette or urinal etiquette. Okay. If you say you've got like a bank of five pisses, right? Then you've got a guy on the left one where do you go the right most uh yes that's correct right the wait well is it now it depends is it a stranger or is it you because if i walk into a urinal and you're pissing i'm getting as close to you as possible to make that's true no it's a stranger okay okay furthest right and

then the next person goes middle and then the next person goes middle, and then the next person who comes in has a real evaluation they need to make. That's where the choice gets tough, once there's three people in the stall. I have switched up my urinal etiquette. What? Okay.

Well, I was pissing at the Alamo the other day. What movie? What did I watch? Everything, Everywhere, All at Once. Oh, I was pissing at the Alamo the other day. What movie? What did I watch? Everything, Everywhere, All at Once. Oh, you're in that, apparently. I'm not in it. Well, I gave them a clip. Yeah, but you're even in it.

So, I'm going to get you in the credits. That's very cool, buddy. Yeah. Congratulations. That's nice of them. There was five, and just a big old puddle of piss under the the right most three so i thought i could either stand in all the piss or i could stand at the one that's right next to the guy on the left yeah yeah and i went for it i thought you know what i'm gonna stand on dry ground and piss right

next to this guy and i think you may have been confused but what would you do in that situation i mean i think you're a lunatic immediately that's my initial response really i'm yeah i have a lot of questions because there are a lot of variables to this that may change my opinion on what you're talking about how badly did you need to pee was there no ability to hold well i don't think i did it that bad but you know you get that thing when you're when you're in eye shot of a toilet you just absolutely yeah so it was it was on the brink i was it was coming i get it yeah there's no hold with me once i enter the bathroom there's we got it's going there's no but i thought you know i don't need to conform to this social norm over

getting my shoes covered in loads of piss see this is this is where i think there's two layers to this it's not i think a social norm as much as it is a basic decency someone would still stand if there were four people at the other five sure someone would go there so it's not like an insane move it's it's a normal move under different circumstances yeah it's i think it's i understand what you're saying my other question would be are there toilets in that bathroom? Like, were there stalls? Yes, were there available stalls?

Ah, yeah, but you know, it's just a piss. You've lost, you've lost me. Nah, then you gotta touch shit, you gotta touch a door, you gotta touch a seat, you gotta rummage. You gotta touch, what do you mean you gotta touch a seat? Toilet, like, public toilets don't have seats. What are you talking about? Well, touch a flusher then, I don't know. I didn't go in there. Damn, a lot of public toilets have seats you gotta look. have seats what are you talking about well touch a flusher then i don't know i didn't go a lot of public toilets have seats you gotta look yeah what are

you talking about yeah well there's like the seat you sit on but not the cover seat yeah but what if it was up well why would that was down i mean what he's got to be precise you don't want to that's rude aim small this small well what are you what are you doing in the situation then andrew i'm definitely going to the toilet. I'm not going to stand next to... I would do one of two things. I'd either go... Let's say the stalls are gone.

There's no stalls. Okay, there are no stalls, and I'm matching your level of need to pee, but I can hold it for a little bit. I'm okay. I'm not going to explode. The only scenario in which I'm using the urinal next to the guy is if i'm going to explode so you're gonna well i guess this is very fitting of piss

boy you're gonna stand there and watch a guy piss is what no no this is what i'm gonna do i'm gonna go to the sink and i'm gonna like wash my hands i'm gonna do something i'm gonna pretend that i have busy work to do at the sink you're gonna pre-wash your hands i mean i get it you don't want to touch your dick with dirty hands. I need to do something in that room, so I'm not just waiting, as Gavin said, just watching this guy waiting to finish. I would go to the sink, and I

would kill some time for a minute. I'd wash my hand, I'd probably pretend... But you really need to pee. And there's four open urinals. Yeah. I mean, I'm saying, in case of, in an event of an emergency, I completely understand why you did what you did. But outside of that,

I would never do that. Gavin, I'm gonna say that I think what you did was 100% correct and I would have done the same thing. The idea, I'm not at a point in my life where I want to hold where I want to hold back and create discomfort in my own body to make it convenient for somebody else.

And I can't, like the idea of standing in somebody else's stale piss makes me want to vomit. I sit crisscross applesauce most of my life. I'm sitting crisscross applesauce right now. And basically, that's just asking to get dirty pee on the sides of your legs. I'm sitting crisscross applesauce right now. And basically, that's just asking to get dirty pee on the sides of your legs. I couldn't do it. So I would, and I'm not gonna,

I assume, I don't know who this fucking person is, and I'll never in my life see this person again. Probably. So I'm gonna go up and I'm gonna stand next to them and I'm gonna use the urinal

that's there to be used. Interesting. What about Eric? Just use the urinal. Just piss. Just used interesting what about eric i just use the urinal just piss just what are we doing which one though far far right like at that point you're gonna stand and piss stand in the piss it doesn't matter you're it's hey i don't know how clean you think the rest of the bathroom is but it's not that's a great point it's cleaner than standing in standing wet then spread your feet a little bit for like to me it's like you're going in the bathroom already don't intentionally step in

the piss there's a way to stand where you're not stepping directly in the piss but but to get so hung up about like oh i don't i don't know if i'm gonna go walk over there bro where do you think you are what do you think has happened in that bathroom because it's been way worse than that i like the idea of doing like a trick shot like standing behind the p and yeah he's turning into a fucking contortionist trying to do like complicated moves i'll just take two steps back and rainbow it in you know what i mean it'll be fine just stand next to another human being doing the same thing you're doing. It's like you probably arc the piss in from a distance than just piss in a clean urinal. Yeah, you know, you just arc it.

Stand on my toes, lean back a little. You know, just go for it. If I was pissing on the far left, and then I just saw a load of piss land in the urinal, without seeing the guy, I'd'd be like this is way worse you know i take my pants all the way down to my ankles and then i just i arc it back and i rainbow it in can you imagine you're just peeing at the urinal and you turn to your right and somebody's being held up like fucking simba pissing into the urinal at a distance. Oh, God.

Yeah, you just go to the clean toilet and pee next to the guy. Yeah, I thought I didn't really make a, it wasn't really a huge decision time, but it was a little bit of a dilemma in my head. And it was a slightly guilty piss. One of my guiltier pisses that I've had. Let me ask you a question, because I was thinking about this the other day. We were in a fuck.

Where were we? Gav? I think we were at the event in San Francisco and I was peeing in the bat, one of the bathrooms there. And there were a row of your urinals. I almost said it the weird way you do. There were a row of urinals. And,

uh, and I went to the, I was like the closest one to the door was the, you know, was to the left. And then there were like, I don't know, five or six that went all the way to the right. And it was kind of like dark and out of the way, like the closest one to the door was the you know was to the left and then there were like I don't five or six that went all the way

to the right and it was kind of like dark and out of the way the far right one and I was wondering to myself I wonder if you could see urinal usage over time like has the far left one has this

been peed in 1 million times but the far right one been peed in 45 times like I'd love to see the heat map yeah the heat map i want to see the halo bungee heat map of like how people piss and which stalls are just getting hammered and which are relatively used you know just use free yeah it's got to be the left one i feel like in an english-speaking country you start left like you'd

read a book i think everyone goes to that one on a completely empty set oh okay for me it's actually dependent on where the door is i want to be pissing as far away from the entrance as possible oh interesting okay yeah i want space i want space and i feel like i'm freeing up all the lanes for anybody who comes in after me what i feel like like you don't get quite as much in this country is just the big piss troughs that you get at a football stadium. You get those a lot at venues where you go to see bands, like bars. If you go to Emo's, you're pissing in a trough, probably, in Austin.

Or if you go to some sporting events. I've definitely been to some sporting events. I've definitely been to some football games where you just... I went to see the Lions, and I'm pretty sure people were just straight trough pissing in that one, if I remember correctly. Straight trough pissing.

And that's even worse because they just pour a bunch of ice into the trough, so you're pissing hot piss on ice and watching... It's a good game, though, isn't it? Piss mist. It makes steam sometimes. sometimes yeah it makes urine steam and you're just breathing some guy's piss next to you

you're like the worst survivor challenge ever get immunity this week one block of ice per side do you think you could piss If you had like an ice cube Say the size of a mug Could you piss a hole straight through it

My gut says yes but I have nothing To back that on I drink a lot of water Every day I feel like I pee Enough that I could do some damage to that Oh cause isn't that the purpose of the ice, actually? Isn't that to prevent steam? Like, it stops the steam on a cold day?

What is the point of ice? I think it knocks the smell down to cool it and knock the heat smell down. Piss smells worse the hotter it is, yeah. I bet I could piss through a mug. Yeah, what about, like about one of those giant circular... Well, hold on. Now, do you care?

Because I could freeze up a mug real fast. Do you care to place a wager on that? What would you do? What are you prepared to bet? It's a volume thing for me. I'm not sure my bladder's... I don't think you can do it. I think it would melt far too slowly. Yeah yeah i've thought of the times you pour like you turn

on the hot tap on ice and it does take quite a while doesn't it yeah it does it does i feel like much like burgers like a half second into your piss you would realize i've made a terrible mistake yeah that'd be interesting though what if we had when we all meet up, we'll get four frozen mugs. No, no. And we see, we'll stick a stick into the dent that you made and measure,

see who went the furthest in. Who has the hottest piss? Will it be piss boy or will it be one of his friends or coworker? What? Now that's interesting. If we do a temperature test

on seeing who's got the hottest piss. Yeah, because one of us will have hotter piss than the other. Oh, guaranteed. Guaranteed. Well, we need three thermometers and we might as well fill up some mugs with ice too. Craig needs to get off his fucking bullshit.

What is Craig's problem today? He heard about all this piss talk and he wanted out of here, but Nick dragged him back kicking and screaming. Do you have a problem with the piss content in this episode, Eric?

I don't personally have a problem with the piss content, but I am thinking about how we're supposed to sponsor a junior hockey team and this is a very piss-forward episode. Well, maybe this isn't the episode we show them.

Oh, and Jeff, which episode do we show them I think we just edit all of like the my hubby's bagel thing put it as it's own fake link so your plan is to show them all the stuff that's just local to your town and then they think it's just like a local podcast well I'm trying

to think of a wholesome and then we have to piss review I'm trying to think of what's the most wholesome block. It would be interesting to do like an hour of wholesome f***face. What that sounds like and what that is. Where is that? Like, I don't... I'm not sure. I'm sure there's enough moments across 98 episodes to do that.

Oh, sure. I just don't know what it would sound like. This is heavy piss talk that only potentially half of all people on earth can relate to as well. Because it's male piss talk. But we could have female, like a woman could pee through a mug. Yeah, but it, you know, the urinal etiquette doesn't come into

play. That's true. It's unrelatable. That's true. Totally true. Totally true. I wonder how, man, it's too bad we don't do, we don't have guests or interviews on this podcast, because I'd love to interview a female about what the etiquette's like in women's bathrooms. I mean, you can just do that. I don't see why, like there has to be a precedent

for this on this fucking show. Also, that you need a structure of a show to have that conversation. You can just have that conversation. You can just get that info. Yeah, yes, but like I said, absolute operation. Like, we need to find ourselves a female to talk. Like, the hell?

I mean, this episode is about Bovril. You can do whatever the fuck you want in this show. I guess that's true. Yeah. I don't know if I care that much oh man the Bovril saga who saw that coming I didn't know it existed

Andrew you should go across the street and see if they have any I should look yeah I'll go to that store I'll look it up Bovril I don't think there's a thing I would enjoy less in paste like if you gave me an option of putting a thing in paste meat would be pretty low tier it's just like an edible thing yeah meat and fish i can't think of anything else that you when i googled it there's images of it being

spread on toast and also images of people drinking it i can't think of many products where it's a spread. Yeah, I don't think I've ever had like the Bovril spread. Okay, we're talking Bovril again. I tuned out for a second and then we were talking about putting piss on toast. Okay. Bovril. Got it.

You got to melt the butter some way, Jeff. Oh, man. Well, I think I'm Bovril'd out. I don't think I have any more bovroed content do you guys here's a question for you cause we're about to record episode 99 we're about to jump right into it do you guys have stuff

for it you guys got any shit you want to talk about 99 I have a little thing I have something I want to talk about in this episode that I just I remembered that we should absolutely I have stuff for next episode 2 I know this is a tiny thing just fucking calm down Eric you're gonna see I just remembered that we should absolutely. What? I have stuff for next episode two. But this was the wrap up. I know.

This is a tiny thing. Just fucking calm down, Eric. You're going to see. But this was. No, because this happens all the time. No, I understand. This happens all the time. It was specifically with you. That's fair.

I hear you. I hear you. This is a tiny thing. It's going to fit. It's not tiny, but it'll fit within this. The significance of it. I want to thank everybody that put us into Reddit place. That was really cool to see. Oh, shit whole there's a whole thing that was going on i wasn't as involved

with it as i'd like to be reddit place was this i i don't even know if necessarily i'm qualified to explain it if i say this wrong if you know more feel free to correct me it is a thing that reddit brought back for april fools it was like this giant wall where people could submit tiles of colors and make art on it but you can only do it once every five minutes and it was this board that had limited spaces so people were like fighting for spaces it got strangely political we're like from what i could tell the thing they made they made alliances with the halo people and the doom people and like another subreddit like it was Poland ball people I think as well yeah I think Poland was involved like it's this very interesting thing that is awesome in the

sense of it it makes other communities that would never interact become friends and kind of unite over a period of time and uh face was on I should have grabbed the screenshot of our I have our place oh that'd be if you could post it that that'd be awesome. But I just wanted to thank all the people that spent it was like a three or four day thing where like they had to rally and fight people against like defend the space is very cool. Yeah, I was I wasn't like in the discord discussing it and all that shit. But I was it was when we were on tour, Gavin. And so I had it up on my phone the entire time we were on tour.

And I was helping defend not only face. I was also helping defend red versus blue and Ruby because they were on there as well. And it was so much fun. It was like I had alerts set up so that every five minutes my phone would ding and it would remind me to go like put another tile down because there was a couple there was like a full two days there were people were just trying to fuck with RVB and I was like trying to hold that back. But the face community was was awesome. were really cool it was wonderful all the people

that did that thank you so much it was funny too because i i didn't so i was sort of like you jeff where i was in and out of it i didn't really know what was going on they added so we had a border where it said the name of our show and then it was surrounded by pencils and then they added another pencil and so i looked at it pencils and then they added another pencil and so i looked at it and i was like oh that pencil has like it's missing a piece i have a tile i'll put the piece back so i put it back what i didn't realize is that that pencil was made against an alliance i think was poland it went against the polish alliance yeah and so they're trying to get rid of the pencil and i had just further stated it. And then people were like, well, Andrew's building the pencil.

Like, fuck the alliance. Like, we got to keep. I accidentally created all this conflict because I'm dumb. And so then I had to step in and be like, no, just get rid of the follow the alliances. I don't know anything. I was trying to help. You accidentally invaded Poland. I accidentally led a charge in continuing to invade Poland.

Historically a bad move. Yeah, Not great. And I will say that the final form of the f***face was the f***face logo with the pencil border and then one giant pencil with a bite taken out of it, and I thought that was phenomenal. Very funny. Very good.

Very good. It was nice to see a lot of regulation listeners and comment leavers at the live shows we just did. It was. It was. We. Oh, that's.

Well, you know what? We'll talk about an episode 99. I had forgot about it, but we do have some face. We had some face interactions during the tour every night of the tour that we should probably discuss because it's germane to this podcast. OK. All right. Good. Are you are you happy with that, Eric?

Did that fit in nicely? Like I said, is that good? Yeah, that'll I mean, that'll take us to time. It's just, you know, it's fine. It's great. It's good. I loved it. Andrew, I loved it.

Check this out. I'm going to do the best outro we've ever done. I'm going to be super professional. Okay. I don't know if Eric shot this episode. Yeah, Eric, how's your tummy? Did you go poopy? I rolled around on the ground for a little while,

but I just turned my headphones up, so I'm good now. Okay, that's good. Well, hey, audience, thank you. You have listened to another episode of F*** Face. This was the 98th iteration of this nonsense. We sure do appreciate you tuning in. If you liked it enough to listen again,

maybe you could recommend it to a friend or an enemy. We're not particular. And then also, if you feel like writing a review or giving us a rating on not particular. And then also, if you feel like writing a review or giving us a rating on whatever podcast platform of your choice is, that would also be peachy keen. And if you don't, that's okay. We appreciate you just listening because we love you and we hope you have a fantastic week. See you next time. Bye. Hey guys, minor league fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of face. Episode 99 is coming in gross. The gang goes X rated. Andrew's mom did not need that. We've got Gerpler developments. Jeff has a new golden toy. Gavin is all about the Bob grill.

And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face.