Regulation Podcast - Geoff's New Lifehack // Asparagus Piss KO [132]

Episode Date: December 14, 2022

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about scheduling struggles, Geoff's discoball shadow monster, sunglasses dump, Geoff's business card, Nick isn't the monkey during F**kface, piss smells but different, pizza vs beans, a grilled cheese problem, Gavin's specific lifehack, Geoff's double salt licorice, best animal shaped foods, Spell Up, Ronald McDonald, and Andrew is Austin?? F**kface is nominated for a Signal award? VOTE HERE: https://bit.ly/FFsignal. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail]. Sponsored by Hello Tushy http://hellotushy.com/face, Hello Fresh http://hellofresh.com/face18 and use code face18, and Raycon http://buyraycon.com/face and use code HOLIDAY. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello! I am interrupting, I believe, the start of an episode because this is, we recorded this ahead of time. We got nominated for a People's Signal Award as the best buddy podcast, I believe, which is absurd. We're excited about it. We've never been nominated for an award before, so I'm here to talk about it and ask you to please vote for us if you wouldn't mind. It would be, to have an award-winning face would be hilarious. On top of the fact that it is, we're winning for the best buddy category, which is an all-time flex to tell anybody in my life, I'm an award-winning friend.

So please, if you wouldn't mind, I'm sure there are links in the show notes. Give us a vote. We would really appreciate it. Thank you. Have a great day. Enjoy the episode. This is a Rooster Teeth production. Hello and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast. My name is Jeff Ramsey. With me, as always, Andrew Panton, Gavin Free.

Episode 132. Eric is frustrated with us for scheduling. I apologize. But it sounds like we got it worked out. Sounds like we got it worked out. Do you ever think, like,

eventually, it won't be hard to schedule? No. I always feel like, you know, we get through this busy patch and then it'll be really easy. But it never is. And it's always busy. And it sucks all the time. I agree this busy patch and then it'll be really easy. But it never is. And it's always busy.

And it sucks all the time. I agree with Jeff. No, it will never be easy. At no point will it ever get easier. It will just be this way. And that is, it's my cross to bear and that's fine. We'll just figure it out and it is what it is. What was, was it the Olympics that were scheduled for the 15th originally?

February? I thought there was like a December 15th at one point because I couldn't do it because of my mom's birthday. What was that? Oh. It's like that that was the last time we recorded, that was the thing that Gavin wanted to do. I got heat for and somebody else is unavailable, I believe.

I think you might be right. I think it might have been the Olympics, but we pushed that to like next February. Yeah. Yeah. Is it really your mom's birthday? It is. Okay okay you and birthdays I never know what to believe no that's fair very understanding as a subtle callback to

Andrew lying about his birthday in uh season two of survive black island available I feel like I should be rewarded for that move i was those people did people like our supplemental i didn't really see it come out yeah i think so from what i saw i have no idea oh people people loved it oh great i mean it was it was the same complaints i think you guys had where you're like oh a bunch of this stiff didn't stuff didn't even make the episodes and it's like right that's how these productions work i think but i think that just getting a glance into the mind of andrew is always very exciting and entertaining and then when you see the depths that he'll go to i think that was very exciting for people to see if we'd have

recorded that after this season had come out we would have been talking about entirely different stuff when it came to like pointing out moments from the show but yeah but yeah it was more additive i guess than i thought it would be yeah i'm happy with it i'm glad people enjoyed it yeah me too man i gotta say uh emily has a uh has a like a christmas disco ball going in this in the office and it keeps making shadows come on the wall and for the past hour i keep thinking somebody's gonna strangle me to death. I just keep... I don't know why, but there's the corner of my eye.

I just keep seeing these shadows hit the wall, and I keep thinking somebody's just about to put their arms around me and fucking just choke me out. Really? Is that a shadow thing? Is that what you assume shadows are coming to do? I don't know why.

I don't know why. I just... I don't know. Maybe it's because I'm facing against... Maybe because I'm in a room facing away from the door, facing toward a wall you know it's like it's a very vulnerable position and then when the shadows and i have headphones on

which mutes the the ambient sound of the room so it's like it puts me at a unique disadvantage uh to protect myself from stranglers i realize and so maybe emily's trying to desensitize you to not flinch at shadows shit do you think that's what she's doing i did hate that though that was where my my seat in a achievement hunter was was with my back to the door and anytime i heard the door i just immediately stand up and turn around just out of fear well that's probably the safest thing you could have done yeah that's self-preservation right there i'm just gonna going to assume I don't get strangled going forward. That's a good assumption.

Yeah. You've avoided it so far. Do you guys have a lot to talk about this episode? Let's check the old notes. I have stuff at the end. Okay. Should we just wait until the end? I just have random stuff.

I'm excited to hear your random stuff. Okay. Here's one. It's not a long story. It's not a long thing, but I was trying to come up with a life hack, like a little thing you could do to improve your life, like, you know,

face presents life hacks. And I don't know that this qualifies as a life hack. I realized after I wrote it down. So I'll leave it up to you guys. But I do still think it has merit and value, much in the same way, I guess, blow drying my body is a life hack,

right? And that's been incredibly successful for me these last few years. This is kind of a similar thing. And I didn't do this on purpose, but let me describe it like this. You guys know in a Goodwill hunt, not Goodwill hunting,

a dead poet society, when Robin Williams like makes all the kids stand up on top of the chair or on top of their desks and they see the room from a different perspective and it teaches them to change and think differently? Sure.

I took a dump with sunglasses on the other day. And let me tell you, it's a different experience. Do you feel cooler doing it? Like what is the shift? 100% felt cooler doing it. And the reason, by the way, I didn't mean to, it wasn't like I set out to take a shit with sunglasses on.

I was coming home from a bike ride and I thought I shit my pants walking back into the house. And so I thought, oh no, I could feel like a greasy fart. And then I could feel like a plop. And I went like, oh my no, I could feel like a greasy fart. And then I could feel like a plop. And I went like, oh, my God, I definitely shit my pants. So I just ran inside to the bathroom, pulled my pants on. Had not. It was a phantom shit. It was like it was like all the feeling of shitting your pants with none of the shit.

So then I just went and took a dump. But about halfway to the dump, I realized something was different. And then it dawned on me. I'm still wearing my sunglasses. And then I realized I kind of like it. You know bathroom lights are harsh they're bright this kind of this kind of like like dims it a little bit makes it kind of a almost a cooler like like visibly visually and like aesthetically you look cooler like wearing a leather jacket wear a leather jacket while you dump too maybe i don't know do you have to show them up when you wipe though? Yeah. Yeah, you do.

It's a good idea. These aren't the darkest sunglasses in the world, but you do want your eagle eye vision when you're checking how clean your butthole is, I think. Well, not if you're Andrew, but yeah. Well, yeah. But so anyway, just throwing that out there, a little life hack. Try taking a dump with your sunglasses on and see how it feels. You might be pleasantly surprised. Do you think you'll leave a set of poop shades in there from now on oh that's a great question that's like shit shades

shit shades uh by uniform now that's something to think about and look into i was just using my regular sunglasses but maybe i need i mean that sounds like a product for the old anal passage website do you do you think that it would be enough to persuade me into becoming a sunglasses guy yes i i never wear okay interesting yeah no i always feel like i'm too lame for them so i've never worn them i just feel uncomfortable just as a person you don't qualify as a person yeah i do not qualify. I'm not cool enough to wear sunglasses. Well, it's an absolute necessity in Texas

where it's 110 degrees in the summer and the fucking sun just bounces off the concrete right into your brain. But I think this is a great, and you know, maybe this is an instructive tool too. Maybe if you're like Andrew out there and you don't feel comfortable wearing sunglasses because you don't feel comfortable wearing sunglasses because you don't feel

cool enough maybe, there is nothing more vulnerable than being in a dump position. But it's also safe and protected. You're in your own bathroom. Nobody else in the world is around to bother you. You can shut and lock the doors. Put on your sunglasses. No one will ever see it.

If you can get comfortable wearing sunglasses while you're taking a poop, you can easily be comfortable wearing sunglasses in public. I promise you that. I like it. I'm going to try this. Does it matter what type, just any type of sunglass and you're fine? Yeah, any kind of sunglasses, I think.

Interesting. Now, was there anything else unique about that experience that could have amplified it or have you tested this multiple times? No, I have been where I have worn my sunglasses a couple times now. Like I've gone to get them. Which is probably why you need sunglasses in the bathroom. It's a great point. If like if on the other side of the house and I really got to go, I'm like, it's going to be a shadeless shit.

But if if I'm like thinking about it, yeah, I'll go grab face shit. We need him. Your face shit shades. We need him. Hey, even Fonzie poops. That should be our logo. That should be our, like our catchphrase. Yeah.

Shit shades. Even Fonzie poops because there's nothing cooler than the Fonz. You don't think that that might be a little bit old of a reference? Or do you think that that's, do you think Fonz is?

That TV show from the 70s might be too old for that? I mean, he's still alive, isn't he? Yeah, he's great. He seems great. He's super nice. Even the local theater teacher from Barry Poops doesn't have the same ring to it. No, it doesn't.

But I feel like that would be more known. I just don't know many products coming to market pumped to use the Fonz as a point of reference for what's going to move their glasses. That's fair. I'm definitely on the back nine of my pop culture experience. I like that that's still cool to you. The pinnacle of cool is the Fonz. It was the Fonz. It still is.

What's cooler than the Fonz? It will remain to be. That's a tough question. I don't think I'm qualified. I'm not even qualified enough to wear sunglasses. I don't think it's my position to declare who's cooler. I get that Arthur Fonzarelli is no longer culturally

relevant in any way, but it's hard to think. You think of that dude with his hair slicked back, looking all sexy with his fucking white t-shirt and his leather jacket, riding on a motorcycle. It's hard to think of something cooler than that that's fair he could fix the like kick the jukebox machine right it would work he would fix it that's pretty cool that was pretty cool i mean he jumped the shark is still timeless that's another it wouldn't be possible without him that's true he literally impacted us in ways yeah he created that trend i feel like looking

back on what's happened in tv since he jumped the shark jumping a shark is totally plausible yeah yeah yeah that's an excellent point more grounded maybe not outside of a diner but yeah definitely yeah maybe not in the parking lot of a diner but not to veer too way far away from shitting but just to touch back on anal passage for a minute i meant to share this i forgot to this cracked me up so much when i was publishing the site this is how it framed and i just think it's such a great photo the framing the text the the backdrop just everything i just think that that's so funny i meant to share that last time. Is that the way it's face? And it's just as perfect. It's God.

I feel like we should print that on postcards and give them out. It's great. It should be like a freebie. Oh, could that be like business cards? Yeah. It's just so good. It is great. I just I was like, wow, this is beautiful.

What you've done here. Fucking wait for Jack to see these comments. good uh it is great i just i was like wow this is beautiful what you've done here fucking wait for jack to see these comments i have the idea of all of our business cards being someone who's not on the podcast space but who we know that's a great idea because you brought up just i don't know if this is on the show wanting to do business cards because people be like oh what what are you doing like they recognize you and they're like, what have you been up to? And it would be easy for you to just give them

a face card. I like the idea of giving them seeing the reaction to somebody that doesn't know what face is to receiving that card with no other info. That's excellent.

So here's what we do. You're right. It wasn't on. It wasn't in the episode. It was during Slack. But I had the idea the other day because I run into like I run into people all the time that are familiar with like Red vs. Blue or old productions we used to do.

And I was like, oh, what are you up to lately? And I got to go like, well, I do a podcast called Face with my friends and we talk about baseball cards and, you know, apples. And it's just it's like a it's like a plotting conversation to have. So I was thinking, if I had some sort of a face card I could give people with just like a QR code on it that's like, here, just scan this and listen to this. And I actually think Nick had the idea to put the QR code on it. I was just going to put a URL.

He brought it into the current day. I'm still living in Fonzarelli world. But if it just, or maybe it was Eric, whatever. I'm giving Nick the credit. If it was that on one side and the QR code on the other and we could just hand that out i think that'd be amazing it's like uh challenge coins for podcasts with no money yeah there you go i i love that idea i feel like whenever i meet someone who knows face it's so easy to talk to them it's like an immediate icebreaker where. Whereas like sometimes people come up as,

you know, the fan of Achievement Hunter or something, but it's, the content is overwhelming and there's, you don't really know where to start with the conversation. So you kind of just have to make small talk almost with face. Whenever people come up about face, they immediately just go into like, oh, can you believe Andrew did? Yeah. We have our own language together. I think that you can tell when somebody speaks f*** face. You've got a friend in your life there.

You know what I mean? It's a warm, comfortable feeling for sure. I have another bathroom thing. This isn't a life hack, but it's a potential... Oh, real quick. I'm just going to go down the line. Nick, are you wearing the monkey mask right now? No, not right now.

Okay. Emily asked me if you wear it when you record. I thought, I don't think so. But I figured that she imagined you always wearing it. And so I thought I'd ask. I mean, he's not nearly muffled enough. Yeah. That's like the mask singer, but he's just producing quietly.

Should we give you a challenge where in the next 20 episodes, you have to wear it at least once and we have to figure out that's great yeah let's do it that is a great yeah so between 132 and 142 you have to wear it okay oh i'm sorry 152 that'd be 20 episodes uh let's just say by 150 150 okay that's great yeah it'd be like our our we'll find out if we, yeah, there we go. We'll never remember that. No, there's no way. So here's my other bad thing. We just don't talk to him that.

Well, then we didn't, then he got it, then he beat us. He snuck it by. Then he wins, yeah. So this is not a life hack, but this is an experiment I think that we could try.

I last night cooked spaghetti and asparagus for dinner. And I went to the grocery store to get asparagus because I'm a big asparagus fan, right? And all they had, they didn't have any asparagus out. And I was like, is it not asparagus season? You get so used to in America things being there 365 days a year and the only asparagus they had was like in a little bag against the wall in the like away from where the like where the like the mint and shit is right and uh but it was organic and it was pretty expensive but but it was like i had a craving for asparagus and i thought well fuck it i'll just buy this asparagus uh and i'm sure it'll be fine it's organic it's expensive it's probably

tastes delicious and it was it was fucking phenomenal i roasted it in uh in the air fryer and it was it was some of the best asparagus i've ever had however here's where i'm going with this people always talk about how asparagus makes your pee smell bad, right? Yeah. I've noticed it a little bit in the past. And I am a guy who's eaten a shit ton of asparagus. Anytime I grill, I grill Brussels sprouts and asparagus because I love them both. I've noticed it a little bit in the past, but never like what people describe. However, last night, two hours after I ate that asparagus,

I took a piss that almost knocked me out from the start. I gagged from the asparagus smell. It was overwhelming. Like it was making my eyes close. It was so bad. And that got me thinking, why is, like, why now, right? And the only thing I can think of is it's organic special asparagus. So is there a smell difference in your urine

from like bog standard normal asparagus or organic asparagus? Yeah, have they been trying to like breed the fumes out of it? Right. Yeah, or like do the pesticides kill the fumes or are they breeding the fumes out or what? But it got me thinking like, is this an anomaly? It was like combined with something else I ate.

So I think we should do asparagus piss tests where we eat like regular asparagus on one day and then pee and, and, and, you know, record the volume of smell and then eat organic asparagus the next day and then see if, uh, if it's noticeably different. And then if so,

if we can narrow it down to like the kind of asparagus that makes your piss smell the worst. I'm very sensitive to it. It takes me by surprise every single time, but it's always very strong. 47 years, I never smelled anything like this. I've even had it where I'll smell it and be like,

oh, I guess there was some asparagus in what I ate. Like even the tiniest hint of it that I didn't even notice. Really? So I wonder, like, maybe you're feeling that after regular asparagus. If I'm right, and it wasn't just like an anomaly, if this asparagus is that much stronger, I wonder if I could knock you out with your bone pistol. Because this shit was strong. I don't feel like I've ever noticed it either. Yeah, or maybe like the air fryer does something different to it than grilling it that could be i don't know yeah but i do feel like

further exploration is warranted i agree when you were making your asparagus piss or whatever when you're pissing with whatever were you wearing sunglasses this is also another important research no no i don't wear sunglasses when i cook uh only when i go out only when i ride my bike or walk or drive or shit no but but but in the act of pissing have you worn them oh uh yeah certainly certainly i've only thought the act of cooking in them would affect the taste i like that idea too you should try that yeah maybe I think at the point of you're saying shitting with them on

is a different experience I think you just have to try every experience that you typically have with them on to see if it is constantly positive if there are some negatives I think there's more research we could do yeah

after this conversation yeah I think that's that's an interesting point I think it's more of just like doing it when you shouldn't or when you wouldn't normally think to wear something. Because it caught me by surprise, right? Yeah. Yeah, because like anytime I go outside, I'm wearing sunglasses.

So like it's the same sunglasses I was wearing when I was hitting the baseballs the other day. Okay. Yeah. I bet I could smell other people's asparagus. I bet you could too. That's what I always worry about if I'm in a pub. What are you talking about?

No, I'm just saying I've only ever smelled my own. Go ahead. Well, I've only ever smelled my own, but I've always worried if I have to, if I have asparagus on a plane And then I unload it in a public toilet in like some urinals I'm always worried can the can the people next to me smell my asparagus? The way you phrased that Gavin was like you're a fucking bomb sniffing dog like I bet I'd be able to detect I

Could tell you what brand they had like what That's what was so alarming by what you said. So you're worried about leaving evidence of your asparagus pee in public places, is what you're saying? Yeah. I don't know whether it's like a... Are you not worried about your piss smelling otherwise? Yeah, piss just generally doesn't smell great. Well, if you're hydrated, it doesn't smell great well if you're hydrated it doesn't smell like hydrated like a pretty clear regular piss doesn't really smell that much yeah and also if it smells

anything it smells like the piss you smell every day it doesn't smell like oh that's different no that's my point though even an optimal piss doesn't smell good there's no scenario in which it smells nice so i don't really know like i i don't get why you said five people are urinal we're all expecting to smell this the same sort of thing but if someone's kicking out some asparagus that's going to register do you think we're going to be wondering who's the asparagus guy no that's what i'm saying so if there's five people in a line do you think you could detect on number two it was number two i I could tell how long it took for the odor to hit me. That'd be a great way to solve a murder mystery.

It's like... That's something that Columbo would do. It's clearly the killer. Yeah. This is cracking me up. Picturing Gavin at an airport row of ur urinals but he's dressed like a detective going one of these men just one more thing anyone have asparagus what if it was you gavin would you adjust let's say you're approaching the urinal you got a bunch you just had a whole fucking bucket of asparagus. You're nervous. It's empty when you get in.

Four people walk in behind you. Everyone's lined up. You're not taking... You can't get out of it. You're committed to this. How do you adjust? Do you bite the bullet on it? What are you doing?

Are you trying to pee in spurts? I'd probably pull my hood up. You wouldn't be like... You wouldn't try to deflect and be like, Whoa! Somebody had asparagus last night. Which one of you crazy kids was it? Do you think if I drink

enough coffee and my coffee piss was so overwhelming that it would throw you off the scent of the asparagus? Wait, wait, wait. There's coffee piss? Yeah. Yeah. Do you not drink? Are you like not a coffee guy, Gavin? No no i have coffee almost every

day oh you should you should try brewing it way stronger and then see what happens or drink more and then pee yeah yeah it is it it's it's like smelling like it smells like coffee it's a lot okay well someone's clearly if it's coffee on one side and asparagus on the other side, someone slid my slider all the way to asparagus because I do not detect coffee. The worst Steelers wheel song. I don't think I've ever taken any notice of piss smelling different with coffee in it. Yeah, I don't drink coffee, so I

haven't had that experience either. How many flavors of piss would you say there are? That's a great question. There's regulation piss and there's asparagus. No, he's right. There's also coffee piss. And this is because Andrew doesn't drink coffee. I bet we could have him drink like five cups of like a lot of really strong coffee and then pee.

I bet he'd be a great case subject for this. That would be interesting. Do you think? Try that. Sorry, Gavin, go ahead. Well, do you think you would overly dehydrate it when you had your extreme asparagus piss? That could be a factor.

I mean, I don't think so. If you had asparagus only for lunch and dinner and didn't drink water all day, what would that piss be like? God, I wonder if we could... Like, if there's something to this that the asparagus I got a hold of is more potent than regular asparagus, I wonder what we could do to manipulate it so that we could come up with the strongest asparagus smell.

I bet if I didn't drink water for 24 hours and then I ate 10 pounds of asparagus. Now, here's the thing. What if you juiced asparagus and that's how you got a bunch of your liquid in? Oh, no. Liquid asparagus. Yeah, but that'd be gross. Jeff, what about this is not gross? We're talking about trying to figure out

to make the smelliest piss. I don't know why we've been trying to get Columbo involved in the investigation when we've got piss boy right here. Andrew's like no he's retired it's his like it's his Keanu Reeves moment I know this

no no no we've already covered your nephew is piss boy now he's taken the middle he pissed on half a plane Columbo had like regular weekly episodes and then as time got on

and he got older he started doing like a few a year down to the point where he would just come out maybe once a year they'd wheel out Columbo piss boy can come out

of retirement once a year for an investigation point where he would just come out maybe once a year they'd wheel out Columbo. Piss Boy can wheel out of retirement once a year for an investigation. Piss Boy is like Doctor Who. It's a new doctor now. It's a new Piss Boy is the head of the franchise. He regenerated? Yeah. He's back. He's a piss lord. And he's your nephew. Piss lord.

Your nephew's the new piss lord. He has two bladders. Well that, so nephew's the new piss lord. It's two bloods. Well, that, so we have coffee, we have asparagus. Is there anything out there that makes pee smell good? Like, you know, like pineapples supposed to make semen taste good. Like,

is there anything that makes pee smell good? Is it passion fruit? That's gotta be something, right? There's got to be something out there you could eat that could make like floral piss. Well, maybe, I mean,

there's that thing you can eat that makes lemons not sour, right? Oh, yeah. There's got to be one for smell. There's got to be

something like that for smell. Interesting. A little miracle thing. All right, well, I don't know where we're going from here, but I feel like experiments need to begin. probably needs to start with me i need to go

get some more asparagus and determine if this was just a one-off or if this is like a replicatable event i'm gonna try having maybe like three double espressos in the same day and see what happens yeah let's see if we can get andrew and gavin to own coffee pee. I'll try it. A lot of pine. I'm, I'm doing some research, uh, things that can make your pee smell fish, coffee, garlic,

human, but pineapple is on the list, but it just says you have to eat a lot of it. Okay. And it smells good. Well, I mean, I think it smells like pot,

like kind of like pineapple. I mean, like when you have a coffee piss, it smells like coffee. Like it does. It doesn't smell like how like asparagus smells bad. It smells like pineapple. I mean, when you have a coffee piss, it smells like coffee. It doesn't smell like how asparagus smells bad. It smells like coffee. It's clearly not as strong as the asparagus then. My question, Gavin, for you is what's worse?

What's more alarming? To be at a urinal and to have a strong odor of the asparagus piss or if somebody ate a whole bunch of pineapple and somebody said smells good while the pissing was happening what's worse I'd personally rather have the asparagus piss than

the good smelling piss that somebody calls out hmm I think I'd appreciate the good smelling piss really that seems so much more comfortable to me I would think what's going on if it suddenly started smelling good I would be what's going on. If it suddenly started smelling good, I would be alarmed. What is happening?

There was a question, and this is from like a while ago, that Jeff asked me that he said he wasn't going to remember. There's like two weeks ago after we. Oh, it's on my list. Yeah. Is it? Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. You should, you should ask that. Okay. Yeah. I think I'm done with bathroom stuff now. I don't have a lot of lists left. Okay, cool. You should ask that. I think I'm done with bathroom stuff now. I don't have a lot of lists left. Okay, here we go.

Emily asked this question to me the other day, and I thought it was a really interesting question. I'd love to hear y'all's take on it. I know Eric's. If we had to do it again, if they were both in front of you, and you had to eat one helping of them, would you rather eat a slice of the Plowman's pizza again, if they were both in front of you and you had to eat one helping of them, would you rather eat a slice of the Plowman's

pizza again or a bowl of the Beanhole Beans? Beanhole Beans. Really? Nick, how about you? The Beanhole Beans, for sure. I'm going to say he wasn't in the mask. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, definitely didn't seem to be in the mask. Okay.

This is interesting. I don't know. I mean, the Plymouth's pizza was pretty fucking gross, but I still kind of have nightmares about those beans. They weren't bad, though. Really? Yeah, they were pretty gross. They looked like... All I can think of when I think about those beans

is the food in Resident Evil 7. It's on like the buckets of food with like flies on it and shit that's what i think of when i think of those beans now do you think expectation has to do with that evaluation for you because you were so excited about the beanhole beans where i feel like and i wasn't present for the experience but i assume that it was pretty clear what the plowman's pizza was going to be at every stage of making it well the plowman's pizza could have been better obviously i don't think it could have been worse from what i heard the middle the middle

was raw and this the side was burnt yeah my point is is that there was hope for the beans until you open them with the pizza knowing what was on it and seeing it being made i don't how do you feel do you feel was there hope jeff were you optimistic there hope, Jeff? Were you optimistic at any point? No, I wasn't optimistic at any point for anything that, any of our food that day. But I will say, after the experience, I am optimistic that he could

modify that recipe to be something super edible. And I think the crust is all right. Yeah, yeah. I also think like if we, like we were using pre-cooked like half cooked crust so it cooked faster than the ingredients on top and then we didn't understand you know i only watched one youtube video and nobody else watched any so we were going off of one youtube video for

the in terms of placement and heat and stuff so i there's definitely so much room for improvement i think a properly cooked plowman's pizza would have been a lot less gross I think if I started with dough it would have been a lot better is that out yet? I don't know the pizza at this point? yeah by the time this one comes out this will be out

in what two weeks it's cutting it close we can try we can definitely try we'll see so you know what? yes it's out yeah why not We can try. We can definitely try. We'll see. We'll see. Should have it done by next week. So you know what? Yes, it's out. Sick.

Yeah, why not? What are you going to do, get mad? I don't know. Well, my bit's done. I forgot to put this in my notes. You reminded me, Jeff. Okay. Since we've done the pizza cook,

and I had that other, you know, like the flat-top mini grill, essentially, I've been expanding my cooking, my desk cooking. I've been trying, you know, like the flat top mini grill, essentially. I've been expanding my cooking, my desk cooking. I've been trying to figure out like what other dishes I could make on that beyond what we currently know. So far, nothing has beaten the waffle, but I have like a list of recipes I've been trying to make. I did cookies that didn't turn out all that great. They just, it wouldn't, it didn't solidify hard enough. Then it would burn to be able to flip it. They just it wouldn't it didn't solidify hard enough then would burn be able to flip it I was just gonna post I tried to make a grilled cheese and I encountered problems with it immediately

Didn't quite fit. It's a little the bread bread was a little too big unfortunately is just an absolute disgrace. It's a cooking station, so it gets messy when we're putting things together. I realize, though, that it doesn't need to work by itself. I joined the machines.

It was working. They collaborated. They worked together so we could get a good cook across both sides. Nick says you can keep that XLR cable Is that a bottle of Windex up there? What is that?

Yeah, you got a Windex You got the bingo machine A bottle of Barks Root Beer With some water in it I was drinking I was drinking some water out of a bottle I don't know what the investigation is I would hate to shine a UV light on that surface.

I'm sure it looks great. You know, it's interesting that you went side to side and not head to head. I thought about it, but look, hey, that turned out pretty good. Yeah. It was so. And even cook. I can't even tell shit. Yeah.

It turns out great. So keep you guys updated. Honestly, it could it could use a little bit more. The flipping and whatnot and organizing it. Cheese, need more cheese. But I think it could be great. I think I gave it a 7.82. Here's what I think.

Here's what I think about this. I think this is a recipe for our cookbook that definitely exists at this point. Because we've made, at this point, probably close to a dozen recipes we could put into a cookbook if we add it all up, include the beans and the fucking 10 million other things we've cooked. So like the double waffle maker cheese,

grilled cheese, I think should be an entry. So please don't forget about that. Salads, that's true. Sauces. I won't. I'll keep adding to it. I want to try some fruit on there. I put some turkey on the other night for it. That was okay. It heated it well. Gave it a little bit of a nice sear. I'll keep adding to it. I want to try some fruit on there. I put some turkey on the other night for it.

That was okay. It heated it well. Gave it a little bit of a nice sear. I think there's room. So I'm excited. I'll keep you guys updated on the current top desk food by Forrest Waffles. I'd be shocked if anything passes that. I have four more things.

Some of them are really tiny. I have a life hack written down oh do it oh but it's so specific to me but i feel like maybe it's useful for someone else it just says learn the names of every classical music piece you hear because the amount of times i want to the amount of times i want to use a piece of classical music as like parody or something in a video, I don't freaking know the name of anything. I end up on the same playlist of classical music, skipping one by one, be like, not that one, not that one, not that one. And I feel like if I just spent the time early on in life to sit down, because it's too late for me

now. I'm not going to take that in. But earlier on, I should have sat down and memorized the top 20 classical tracks. And I think that would have helped me waste way less time in my later life. That's my life hack. I don't think that's a hack.

Knowledge. But that's a good piece of advice. Knowledge is your hack. The fact that you came at me with my with my Happy Meal hack, you were like, that's not a hack.

That's ridiculous. And you just fucking let me tell you my new hack, guys. Learn information. That's a great hack. gavin most hacks are information it's true wouldn't you say but you're not manipulating you're just learning you're just you're containing info what it's not like what if all right what if he what if he i understand what you're saying andrew what if it's ridiculous what if like what if the life hack is learn the names of classical songs that I hear with sunglasses on yeah no if there is a method maybe I think you can make an

argument that that's more of a hack but if I'm just I'm mainly coming at him because he came at my hack and I would say his is less of a hack than mine was Nick Grope also gonna be great for casual conversation with high class folks. Yeah. There's some definite benefits. I think it is a hack if you get ahead of it and you start early. So all advice is a hack. All wisdom, all experience is a hack, is what you're saying. Well, I think it's a hack if you're getting ahead of a problem.

Yeah. Even if you don't have the problem yet yeah it's he that's a point he's trying no it's not it's not it's not a hack if I'm constantly up against the same problem and then I I sit down and do something about it isn't that a little life hack

okay let me let me put it to you this way if I didn't know how to spell a word, and then I learned how to spell it, I would go, fucking hacked it. I hacked it. I hacked the alphabet. That's a pretty... That's a pretty good point

you just brought up. That's a ridiculous hack. Alright, I'm going to change the title of my note of my list of life hacks. That doesn't bode well because I've got a list on my phone called life hacks and that's the only thing on it. So I'm going to have to...

Listen, I've been there. It sucks to learn your hack isn't a hack. You'll get through it. You'll make it through. You'll be okay. That'll be filled with stuff. I will say, I even approached the sunglasses on the toilet things by saying, I'm not sure this is a hack. It's just what I wrote. I'm still the sunglasses on the toilet things by saying, I'm not sure this is a hack. It's just what I wrote.

I'm still on the fence about it. The mind might not even qualify as a life hack, honestly. I think yours is more valid than just no information. Wherever you're going, you better believe American Express will be right there with you. Heading for adventure? We'll help you breeze through security. Meeting friends a world away? You can use your travel credit. Squeezing every drop out of the last day? How about a 4 p.m. late checkout? Just need a nice place to settle in? Enjoy a room upgrade.

Wherever you go, we'll go together that's the powerful backing of american express visit amex.ca slash ymx benefits vary by card terms apply i uh i put something in my mouth the other day that i want to put in both of your mouths what yeah i put something i put something in my mouth the other day and i want to put in both of your mouths. What? Yeah, I put something in my mouth the other day, and I want to put it in your mouth, Andrew, and I want to put it in your mouth, Gavin. I put it in Eric's mouth yesterday. Interesting.

What was it? I'm curious. Is it something to do with how you put it in, or is it just like a flavor you want us to experience? No, just candy. Okay. I stumbled upon accidentally the least edible candy on earth i am a fan and i recognize that it is a polarizing a polarizing flavor out of the gate and i

statistically probably 70 of you that i'm talking to on this podcast are going to have a negative reaction to me even mentioning it. But I am a huge, huge fan of black licorice. I eat it. I love it. I eat it constantly. I can't get enough black licorice. That's the stuff that kills you if you eat it constantly, right?

Yeah, it's the stuff that kills you. Yeah, it makes your ankles hurt. And yeah, so I eat black lic liquors whenever I get the chance. I was at world market the other day with Emily Christmas shopping, of course. And, uh, I saw they have like a candy section and I was looking through their like

fancy candies and they had this stuff called Gustav's Dutch licorice. I was in, in classic salt licorice. It said, and I thought, what is salt licorice? That's interesting. I love salt. I love licorice. And said. And I thought, what is salt licorice? That's interesting. I love salt.

I love licorice. And they had a bag called double salt. So I bought double salt. Yeah, that's it right there. Eric's got a picture of it. And I got so excited. When I got home, I ripped into it. And then Emily's family was there

and they were like, oh, like her sister was like, you're gonna, you like licorice? And I'm like, oh, I love it. I can't get enough of this stuff. She's like, ah, it's too much for me. And I'm like, oh, I love it. I can't get enough of this stuff. She's like, ah, it's too much for me. And I'm like,

no, I can't get enough of it. I put one in my mouth as if to prove her wrong and I almost spit it across the room. I had such a, and I pretended to like it

and I'm like, mmm, delicious. And then I had to wait until she looked away and I ran and threw it in the trash can. I have never had something

try to like, I've never had my mouth try to remove something from itself so immediately and violently. And I love salt, and I love licorice, but this is something unreal. Was it just the salt that came through too hard? It's so intense. Eric, I don't know how to describe it.

Oh, I do. Have you guys ever been to the ocean? I have, actually. describe it oh i do uh have you guys ever been to the ocean i have have you ever been in the water and then you get slammed by a wave and you just get a mouthful of ocean water yeah i have now imagine that it's a bite-sized coin and you put it in your mouth and you're magically transported there and that is gustav's dutch licorice double salt classic salt licorice. It is like eating the ocean. It is miserable. I think this is harder to eat than 100% dark chocolate.

Oh, 100%. Absolutely. Absolutely agree. 100% agree. No question. No question. I have yet to succeed. I've tried four or five times now because I keep thinking,

ah, it's probably better today. Ah, I was just in a bad mood yesterday. I could get through it. I've not gotten through one piece of candy yet. It's immediate how you revolt from it and take it out of your mouth.

It's wild. Is there anything, is there like training licorice like the chocolate has? Are there different levels of, is there like salt and a half and then like salt and two thirds? I don't know. Before you get to double salt. We can look into that, but i want to do some sort of a contest when we all get together uh or sometime on the podcast where we see who can just keep a piece in their mouth long the longest okay whether it's you finish it or not just like can you keep it in your mouth for a minute

oh fascinating wow that's 150 grams according to the nhs website eating more than 57 grams above the age of 40 of black licorice every day for at least two weeks could lead to potentially serious health problems such as irregular heart rhythm. What did it say about piss smell? It doesn't mention piss.

Well, luckily for me, I can't get through one piece of this candy, so I'm safe. Oh, it says underneath, no matter how old you are, you should avoid eating large amounts of black licorice over a short space of time. Oh, stop. Huh. It's like, well, I mean, if it helps, it's physically impossible to eat this kind of black licorice. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm excited to try it. Can I try some tomorrow? Yeah, I'll bring it in tomorrow. That's a good idea. Bring it tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah. We could maybe walk around the office and annoy people with it. Yeah I try some tomorrow? Yeah, I'll bring it in tomorrow. That's a good idea. Bring it tomorrow. We could maybe walk around the office and annoy people with it. Yeah, that'd be fun.

Oh, maybe we could watch the pizza video tomorrow. Oh, dude, that'd be great. Instead of individually watching it on Google Drive, we could just watch it on Sausage... Well, maybe not recorded, but just while we're on office day. You don't want to do a director's commentary of the pizza video? I just don't want to do a director's commentary of the pizza video i just think it's i just don't want three videos

that's a great idea we should definitely do that uh so can i get this licorice anywhere like can i get this on amazon dude i don't accessibility i don't know i'll look into it i'll try to get you some i just i found it at world market and And if not, I'll just go down, I'll drive down to world market and buy some more. Cause it is, it is heinous. I never have. I had two things that I like more, make something that I like less in my mouth. It was unbelievable. Here's the problem.

When I'm looking on Amazon for it, the double salt one, and it looks like most of these other ones come in packs of 12 for like this specific brand and andrew you don't want a pack of one of these to have a pack of 12 is like that's heinous that's enough to kill a 40 year old yeah what's bad it's bad dude so i'm worried what if i like this because i don't like black licorice. Do you like eating a big handful of salt? I do. I do lean on the salt side.

What if that's not what that is? Andrew, that's not what I'm asking you. Yeah. This is saltier than salt. What does it say for sodium on the back? As a child, I used to pour the salt shaker onto my hand and eat it. So I think I may have been training for this. Yeah, I used to do that.

Did you really? Absolutely. Yeah. Back when like Wendy's would have the the actual shakers a little bit of salt a little bit of pepper 230 milligrams of salt 10 of the daily value okay okay i found on prime one day shipping gustav's premium dutch licorice drops cats coins double salt. So here's the thing, Gavin. You asked if there is like a trainer salt. Coins is firm with just a hint of salt. So that might be where to start.

Oh, they've got sweet and they've got firm and there's like salty and firm. Yeah, and they have soft cats. Just bought it. Okay. I don't know why they... Unavailable to me, but I'll see if I can bought it. Okay. I don't know why they... Unavailable to me, but I'll see if I can find it. I'm going to post the picture so that way we have it, but why

is one of them is simply called... They have cats. They have cats. Worst case scenario, Andrew, I'll buy it here and just slow mail it to you. It'll cost you $45 probably. Yeah, but he's worth it. I always say that

cats are deliciously sweet and firm it's just when people think of cats they always say that here's a question what is the best uh animal food like if you're gonna eat an animal or like if there's like a sweet or a candy that's shaped like an animal what's the best of all time and i've got i've got the answer i'm so glad that that's the angle you went with i thought you were like real animals if we're gonna eat an animal what would be the best animal to eat no i didn't think you were going candy um animal shaped is human considered animal uh yeah okay hmm what is yours? Oh, it's definitely Percy Pigs. They are absolutely out of this world. I will say we had these on Face Jam.

Somebody sent them over. Oh, you've had them? Yeah. Had them on Face Jam. Somebody sent them over, and they were... Someone been shopping at M&S? Yeah, dude, they were good. They were really good. They are the right kind of firmness, and they were... Someone been shopping at M&S? Yeah, dude, they were good. They were really good. They are like the right kind of like firmness

and they're good. I hate sweet stuff. I hate sugary shit. I just... I like chocolate, but anything that's like just candy, I hate except for a Percy Pig. Here's my submission.

That's it. The face they make at Denny's or IHOP when they give you two sunny side up eggs with bacon as a mouth. I thought we had to be candy. It could be anything. It doesn't have to be candy it could be anything it doesn't have to be candy best animal yeah I guess if it's animal shaped regular food the American sausage

format is no good by the way well it depends on which we have a lot of different kinds of sausage do you mean a sausage patty because that's not the only kind of sausage we have yeah but patty just doesn't it doesn't work it's not the only kind of sausage we have. Yeah, but patty just doesn't work. It's not a good idea. I like a link as well.

I don't know which I would say I like better or worse, but sausage patties are fucking awesome, dude. Sausage patties are great. Doesn't do anything for me. Really? Put it on a biscuit? Fucking little sausage sandwich? God damn.

Oh, delicious. I'll take a sausage butty like a sausage bap is great sausage bap what is a sausage bap no idea let me get you a bap please how would you describe it how would I describe it

yeah I would describe it exactly like this so it's it's like hmm it looks like what would be a sausage patty unlike that is the least efficient way to eat a sausage sandwich on earth they just put sausages on between two bunts hold on that one I don't think that one has any brown sauce that's like when you go to tumble 22 and you order a chicken sandwich and they give you three chicken Hold on. That's terrible. I don't think that one has any brown sauce. That's like when you go to Tumble 22 and you order a chicken sandwich

and they give you three chicken strips on a bun. No, but a sausage is perfect because they've got the squish factor. It doesn't hold the bread up too much. I don't like it. That's so good. Are those sausages cut to lay flat or are they just round sausages that are in a bun?

A lot of the time they'll be halved lengthways so that they can can sit flat so let me ask you this when they're halved lengthways are they still connected oh yeah they're still connected so you can take a bite and rip and then it all comes apart what do you mean they're still connect so like you cut one in half and then there's two sausages so they're two halved sausages but the half sausages are still connected well everything's connected before you bite it what do you mean it's food no no no no no like like you half the sausage but like they're still it's still like connected by like the casing or whatever like are they still is they? Oh yeah, so it's the bread and then you use your teeth, Eric, to sever the connection.

Okay, yep. I never see how it could ever go wrong not biting all the way through the casing. You're right. Nevermind. You're right. Do you want me to eat one in front of you? Show me how it works.

When given the opportunity, I want you, yeah, no, I want you to eat one in front of me. I want you to show me. Can we eat sausage bops on the day that we film Eric throwing

a frisbee? I want to take a bite of a sausage bop and throw a frisbee 30 feet in the wrong direction. A lot of people

don't know this, but it's a thing with Gavin. When given the opportunity to eat food in a phallic shape, he always prefers it. Is that true? Yeah. What you may not know, though, Gavin when given the opportunity to eat food in a phallic shape he always prefers it mmm yeah

what you may not know though is if you do it with sunglasses 10% cooler that's just science oh my god this podcast uh I still have oh here's why I got my stitches out of my mouth and it sucked

and uh they lied when they said that my stitches... I'm not going to labor on my mouth. They lied when they said that the stitches dissolve. When I went in there, and I'm like, I still got all these stitches. They're like, yeah, we'll cut them out. And I go, why didn't they dissolve? And they go, why the fuck would they dissolve?

What are you talking about? I'm like, you lied again! Anyway, so... My stitches are out, though, and that's so my life is better. Although, God damn it, dude, I have to go back in February. I can't fucking floss or use a water pick or an electric toothbrush until then. At least until then sucks so bad.

I'm I'm rinsing my mouth out like 40 times a fucking day right now. Because it will like encroach on the new gum line. I guess. Yeah, it's like too too dangerous to fuck the new gum line? I guess, yeah. It's like too dangerous to fuck with the gum line. Which is totally different. Like I've started looking at my gums now

as opposed to ignoring and pretending they didn't exist. And it is very, it's remarkably different. Anyway, that was just, I just wanted to point out that everybody lies to me

all the time. Oh, here's one. I invented, you know how everybody likes Wordle? Yeah. Everybody, it's one. I invented... You know how everybody likes Wordle? Yeah. Everybody's like a big thing. Yeah, like a year ago, yeah. Yeah, well, people still like it, buddy.

I still am in a daily Wordle text group every single day where we all do Wordle together. I was like, if Uniform was smart, we'd invent the next Wordle. That's where the heat is, right? Words with friends, Wordle. So I thought, what's a word game you can come up with? Hurdle is a great one as well.

I love Hurdle. What's a word game I could invent, come up with, that we could then market and sell? And I came up with it. This is what it is. You have to spell words, but only using letters in ascending order in the alphabet. Okay. Like for an example, boot. B comes before O-O-T.

Boot. Okay. Foot. So far, I've only got oot words, but I don't think that word exists. Ant is a great one. I don't think this game exists, and I think we just created it on this podcast.

Think about it when you go home. Start thinking about it in your head. Like, what words can I spell that only go up in... up the fucking... What do you call it? Alphabet. Alphabet?

Yeah, the word alphabet. No, it's fine. We hacked it earlier. Yeah, that's true. Who knows? Maybe we changed it to something. Ant. I called it a different name.

Ain't. A-I-N-T. I feel like there won't be much surprise each day. What's the name of this game? Anal Mountain. The word, it's a word ladder, alphabet ladder. I don't know. We'll have to come up with a word, a name for it. The problem is you can't, the alphabet.

Spell up. It's called spell up. Okay. I just came up with that. Spell up. Spell up. But it would be spelling down? Because you're going down, though?

Are you going up or down? We're going up. B-O-O-T-A-N-T. A-I-N-T. You think A is above Z? Well, yeah. To Andrew, A is the northernmost letter. Yeah, that's exactly

right. I always find it, that always mixes me up when somebody's like, I traded up the draft board. I never know if they mean like higher pick or lower pick. Up isn't high? I've never thought about the alphabet as an ascending or descending thing. It always goes left to right to me.

It's just left to right and that's it, it's just left to right, and that's it. How about this? I've never thought about going up. How about this? When we did the alphabet challenge, we numbered the letters A is 1, Z is 26. It went up. That was what made sense to us naturally in the moment.

But is 1 to 26 horizontal? Well, no, that's going... I'm thinking about that on a list on a piece of paper and that goes down. But to get to A, you'd go up. Oh my god. It's called Spell Up. There's a reverse version of it called Spell Down

if you go the other way. What are some examples of Spell Down? Tree. T-R-E-E. Tree. In my opinion, because A is the top of the ladder. You think A is the bottom of the ladder? When you start, it's usually

the bottom. Yeah. You start at 1 or A. That's a good point. Like snakes and lattice. That's fair. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. That's a good point. Snakes and lattice. That's fair. Yeah. That's true. Yeah, that's a good point. Anyway, so that's the new Uniform game. I don't know how we monetize it. Somebody make an app for us.

Everybody will play it and the Uniform Times will buy it from us. Word up. Word down. Spell up. Spell down. I thought it was spell up. Is it word up or is it spell up? It's spell up, spell down.

Is it spell up? It's not word up? No, spell up. I think word up is probably taking it. Word up might be harder to copyright. Yeah, no kidding. It would be tougher. Spell up, spell down. Is it spell up? It's not word up? No, spell up. I think word up is probably taking it. Word up might be harder to copyright. Yeah, no kidding. It would be tougher. Spell up is better.

Okay, I have one last thing. Okay. And I almost, this is so weird, I almost wonder if we've discussed it in private or even on early Facebook before, but have we ever talked about weird McDonald's facts? I've talked about it. We talked about that, right? We talked about the Ronald McDonald's facts? I've talked about, uh,

we talked about that, right? The Ronald's. Do you guys know, do you guys know who in, who created the character Ronald McDonald without looking it up? Do you know who created the character? I do not. Who would you assume?

Probably like McDonald's people or something. Oh, what was, um, what's his name? Michael Keaton. From the movie? Hilarious. Yeah, whoever he was. It was actually created by a famous actor, famous celebrity and actor, who they hired to create the character.

Henry Winkler. You're not the farthest off. Who's the most famous clown? He's not a clown. You wouldn't think of him as a clown at all. You wouldn't be more surprised that this was the person. But I don't want to keep you in suspense. Burt Reynolds.

Closer than Winkler. You're getting closer. Definitely from that era. It's definitely not yucca uh uh wait where did he go i wrote it down hold on a second uh wilford brimley really yeah fascinating when it's not what point is let's not wilford brimley oh i'm sorry is it willard scott it's willard scott yeah it it's Willard Scott. Can we do a take two on that, Jeff? You should do the reveal one more. I cannot believe that fucking happened.

No, I wrote it down wrong. I don't know why I wrote down Wilford Brimley. Willard Scott is so much of a less cool thing. It's so much less. I don't even know who Willard Scott is. Who's Willard Scott? You don't know who Willard Scott is who's Willard Scott you don't know who Willard Scott is I have no idea who I know who Wilford Brimley is

yeah I've seen him in The Thing he's great in The Thing oh my god there he is he's a famous American like weatherman like TV personality he was on the Today Show doing weather since like the 80s

your delivery of oh my god there he is was like he walked by your window jeff you should reveal who it is one more time that was way cool when it was wilford that's why i confused myself because i wrote down wilford brimley but it's like that you stopped to check and then said well i'm likeley. And I went like, no, what? Yeah, so Willard Scott created Ronald McDonald, and they fired him as Ronald McDonald because he got too fat. Really? Yeah, and they didn't want Ronald McDonald to look like he was unhealthy.

They didn't want him to look like he was eating McDonald's. Yeah, he was also a Bozo the Clown. He played Bozo the Clown for a long time. I mean, I didn't know who he was, so this is less interesting. I really didn't think you wouldn't know who Willard Scott was, but... I've never heard of him.

You also... I guess it's referenced the Fonz as the pinnacle of cool I guess it's pretty similar pretty American that's the Willard Scott oh he has a cup on his nose I don't think I've ever seen that person

yeah really oh my god what's he been in what has he been in he's been in films he's been on TV every day for the last like yeah but tv is not it's the weather isn't international no but it's but it's like nationally syndicated in america like if you turn on the today show any in any city in america you'd see him

any city in america you're talking to a canadian and a guy that grew up in europe i'm talking to somebody who lives on the border and a guy who's up in Europe. I'm talking to somebody who lives on the border and a guy who's lived in America for a decade. Has he been alive for the last decade? What's that? When did he die?

What sort of weather was he doing in the last decade? Willard Scott? What do you want to know? What's going on? What are you asking me? I'm just saying I think it's weird

that Willard Scott created Ronald McDonald, okay? what are you asking me i'm just saying i think it's weird that willard scott created ronald mcdonald okay a fucking famous a famous american weatherman created ronald mcdonald and you don't think that's weird it's not i mean i wouldn't if you would have guessed what profession did the inventor of ronald mcdonald have i wouldn't have said weatherman but not knowing who this person is really takes out the shock of the moment. I'm both learning who they are and what they did at the same time. I see, I see your, yeah.

Well, for people who know who Willard Scott is, it's very surprising. That's great. I'm happy for those. I bet you those people are shocked. He's more famous than- Sorry that I'm the wrong audience. He's more famous than-

I don't know why I wrote down Wilford Brimley. That was so confusing. He's more famous than all I don't know why I wrote down Wilford Brimley. That was so confusing. He's more famous than all the people you talk about from England who we've never heard of. Okay, like who? I don't know because I've never heard of him. Next time I shot myself in the foot with Brimley. I did.

It was so confusing. All right, because I don't know why I wrote down Wilford Brimley. Brimley would have been mind-blowing. I know. It was so weird that I wrote down Wilford Brimley. Brimley would have been mind-blowing. I know. It was so weird that I wrote that down wrong. Okay, but moving on. Do you know what the Hamburglar's full name is? That was the best fact ever on the podcast.

Yeah, yeah. Do you know what the... I don't. No, I don't. What is the Hamburglar's name? His full name's Wilford Brimley. Now, the Hamburglar's full name is Hamilton B. Ergler. Oh, that don't. What is the Hamburglar's name? His full name is Wilford Brimley. Now, the hamburger's full name is Hamilton B. Ergler. Oh, that's great. Which I think is an awesome name.

That's fantastic. Hamilton B. Ergler. Did you guys know that Grimace has a family? He's got a grandmother named Winky, and his grandmother is named Ginny Grimace, and his brother's name is King Gonga. I did. I have looked into the family tree because it's fucking wild there's an irish one right i don't know that's all i know about is king gonga i thought that was the interesting one or something like that his brother is like the the his brother king gonga is the uh he's the leader of the grimaceace people, I guess. He's like the king of all the Grimaces.

Irish Grimace is Uncle O' Grimacy. Yeah, thank you. He was for the Shamrock Shake, I believe. Yes, that is exactly right. Okay, so are we going to clip that O out and put it on a soundboard? Because that was like a perfect... That was a really good one. That was a great O.

It was. That was a fantastic delivery I'm self conscious about my O's now you should be that looks like they're great it doesn't even look like that was actually greedy it looks like someone changed the white balance on a different Grimace have you seen like the original Grimace with the four arms yeah with like the bunch of arms

yeah have you seen this Gavin are you aware of multi-armed Grimace? No, I don't know about that. Oh, God. It's terrifying. Grimace was all about like getting shakes. He was like a shakes guy. So that's Grimace.

There you go. Those are my McDonald's facts. They were amazing. I wish to God I hadn't written down Wilford Brimley, but... I'm so glad you go. Those are my McDonald's facts. They were amazing. I wish to God I hadn't written down Wilford Brimley. I'm so glad you did. It seems that I did for some reason. When I meant to write down Willard Scott, who in my mind are very similar.

Old fat dudes from the 60s. Can we start to... Can we wrap this up? I have to go. I have to catch a flight. Oh, did uh cucumber get returned no no i'm gonna i'm gonna i need time to drop off another one on the way do you have to catch do you have to catch a flight so when is your flight like four days from now

no it's it's uh i'm in the being in the city it's easy i'm not i'm not on the island right oh you're in austin you're in austin where are you staying yeah i'm in austin i'm staying at the hilton by the convention center well let me because we've had a debate about fucking sneakiness and how sneaky i was you guys saying i wasn't sneaky is what started this whole thing so i start with the the cucumber photo yesterday i text gavin saying do you have a favorite lunch or dinner spot? And he was useless. He provided zero information at all.

Because you were just going to send your little helper to wherever that was. No, no, no, no, no. I would not. I would go there myself because I'm in Austin right now. So I asked Jeff later in the evening. He recommended a donut place called S-H-H Donuts. Shithead Donuts.

So I went there. I went there. Did you also have your table and Windex and grilled cheesemaker in Austin? No, I did not. I wouldn't travel with that. So this is me this morning. I picked them up. Jeff, you're right.

Kalachis were delicious. Donuts were good. Take a few photos of the store went in no i'm in i have to i have to leave for a flight now i'm just imagining that that's you like you're you're the pickle looking i i'm not the pickle i'm the one taking the photo uh god damn i've been all over well you're not believe i'm the one taking the photos God damn I've been all over You do not believe I'm in a hotel right now Why don't we get a picture of you Why don't we only get the cucumber

We've never had a picture of him the entire face Yeah I don't do that Nick said do you cheat He's 6 foot This is me This's me outside the Hilton hey what was the weather like today you such a little asshole no I'm what do you mean I'm in I'm here I go, though, because we have the recording tomorrow.

We all agreed recently we never record anything in person. Yeah, but we said we never record anything in person. So I have to go. It's going to be a late flight and I'm going to have to leave in the morning to make it before we record. So I was worried about someone did point out that you actually are very sneaky in the fact that you managed to come to pinballs with me and I had no recollection. Here, I'll take a photo. Let me

take a photo of my desk with the mic. I was worried it would sound bad because I'm using the snowball. I didn't want to bring a fucking XLR cable. I brought a few essentials actually with me for the desk. How long do you pretend that you've been in Austin?

I've been in Austin since Monday. Early Monday. I don't know why you think I'm pretending here. Why would you come to Austin, stay for four days, five days, and not see what I'm assuming are two of your best friends in the world? Because that's how fucking sneaky I am. That I've been in this city for a week.

You haven't encountered me. And I put the cucumber down. I was here for business, Jeff. This wasn't a pleasure trip. What did you think of the new immigration? What are you talking about? To get into the US. What do you mean?

I mean, post-COVID. That's what it was. There's not really restrictions. But what did you think of the new thing they've got? Why isn't this? One second. I don't know. My photos are fucking here.

Here we go. It's me right now. Got my mic. Got my cucumber. Got your icy hot. Got my icy hot. I've been icy hot and every time. Okay. So this is our

current Discord window. Yeah. Open on that. Because it's me. So is that like in the room? And that is a shithead donut bag right there. This is my window sucks.

I'd show you the outside. This is my window. It fucking stinks. Who is in our discord that isn't you but this is a thing they're not and i'm looking because i'm like oh maybe it's like a screen grab but it's no seriously i need it's like the browser and everything he's i need to go he's i have a flight he's done is he's i love you guys he's got someone to log into his discord what is happening now or they're just sending him photos and then...

Oh my god. This is just how they... This is exactly how they tricked Manti Teo. I watched the documentary. This is exactly... We're a bunch of Manti Teos. Did Andrew just leave?

This motherfucker. Is he in the room next door? This Manti Teo motherfucker. He got us. What the fuck? It's good. He did good. I motherfucker, he got us. What the fuck? It's good. He did good. I'll say he did good.

Is he just sending screenshots that are being opened full screen currently on someone else's laptop? I think it's more likely that he has someone else who is in Austin in a hotel and he just asked. Yeah, but this, does that cucumber match the ones in the photos? Uh, does it match? There's an indentation. We're going to have to forensic how he's not here. I will say the,

you're sure as shit not in Austin though. The cucumber in the window reflection looks different than the one outside and then different again inside there's a this one's pointier he could have turned nick or eric i i swear i don't know how to assure you that i'm not because this is fucking crazy i'll say this see live pictures from eric and nick's setups setups. Okay, what do you want me... Here, okay. Rep.

Here you go. I can assure you it's not me, but if you look in the bottom left corner, that looks like Eric's little... It's not. I have nothing. What do you want me to do right now? Because this is blowing my mind.

It's Eric. Eric, you forgot to remove your name from that screenshot. It's not. I don't know what to do. Eric, you forgot to remove your name from that screenshot. It's not. I don't know what this. This sucks because it's not me. It's you. He created the dummy Eric and Jeff and Gavin and me.

Remember? He did. Oh, is he using his second Eric? What the fuck? You guys start accusing me. It's not me. I don't know what's going on. This is a screenshot.

This sucks. He's making us eat each other. Huh? He's even got audacity open. I don't. There's attention to detail here that is pretty insane. We need to go also. Like this is more important. But I can't't crack this i don't know what's going on

so he's got secret eric appearing offline maybe because i'll say this i don't think eric's going down to the hilton and taking photos of shit no fuck no absolutely not what the fuck no absolutely and there's definitely a christmas tree in that reflection i was was just worried that Eric had sent a screenshot of our Discord to Andrew to send to his crony. This sucks. Andrew just sent a message that said, sorry for leaving early. My flight leaves in an hour

and I'm worried about making it and then sent another picture of the laptop. His flight does not leave in an hour. There's no way. Is there a flight that I lost? What flight from to Vancouver leave? Is there one leaving at 625? We have to go along just to forensic this. Yeah, we do. Flights.

Flights. But here's the thing. He might not be going to Vancouver. He might lay over in Chicago. He might lay over in Seattle. He might lay over in LA or San Francisco. Oh. Yeah. there's probably nothing direct to Vancouver today is Thursday December 1st

yeah he could this is way more advanced than I initially thought god damn it he could I mean there's a flight out at 9pm tonight that gets him home at noon tomorrow. Can we see? Okay, so Eric's offline account.

This motherfucker, there's a fucking flight at 7.45 tonight. There's a flight at 6.18. This, oh shit. By everyone's name on Discord, it's like a four-digit number afterwards. Yeah. The fake Eric has a certain four-digit number.

Can we see that in the... I can show you mine. Let's see if we can see it. But I don't know how to see theirs. Uh, fuck. I can't. Yeah, it's too... It needs to be slightly higher res, because I can't read the number under his name. Mine is that.

And that's really hard to read. That doesn't look right, though. That doesn't look like those numbers, does it? No, it's not. His looks like it ends in a seven or a one. Right. Oh, it ends in a seven. The fake Eric ends in a seven.

Yeah. Interesting. I've been framed. Why wouldn't he use his own fake account? Did he not make a fake Andrew? He might not have. He might not have. No, he did.

So he does have a fake Andrew, but he didn't use that for the screenshot? Maybe he didn't know the login. I'm so confused. This little shithead. He did a good job. I'll give him that. He did a very good job. I'll give him that. That's good work. He must have been slathered

in Icy Hot today because he was on point with this. I bet he's just sat watching us still in this chat room. Definitely. And Nick said he may have wanted to cause an issue for Eric. I agree. I think that's exactly what he wanted to do. Now, that's an interesting point.

That is an interesting point. Why not sow doubt elsewhere? Yeah. It's a brilliant deflection on his part. We were ready to burn you to the ground. Yeah, that sucks. Oh, I was so ready. That sucks. I didn't do

anything. Is there any other info? I knew he was up to something when he asked me my favorite breakfast place in Austin. I didn't think it was this, but I knew he was up to something. It's a Mac Pro with a touch bar. It is a Mac Pro with a touch

bar. In that most recent pic, can you It's a Mac Pro with a touch bar. It is a Mac Pro with a touch bar. Now let's think. In that most recent pic, can you see the little envelope that holds the key cards? Can you see what the name is on there? No. Damn. No. I think it's Hilton.

I don't know. It's hard to say. It could be an advertisement for anything. I want to know who he's turned. It's got to be someone who works for us, though, right? Otherwise, he's letting strangers into the Discord. You think it's Jack? You think it could be Jack?

Can I ask this? I'm doing some investigating. I'm looking at these pictures. What is that microphone plugged into? Uh... Oh. It's off to the side? But it's plugged into something. Yeah.

What is it plugged into? Whatever it's plugged into isn't plugged into the laptop, right? That's only one cable. Right. Huh. Because if you look at the other pictures, I'm looking at, like, the original one, this, it's not plugged into the laptop.

And it's, well, it's muted, too. not plugged into the laptop and it's well it's muted too so is that the power light i don't know how yeti works also interestingly in the image he's not a member of any other recording groups although i guess he only does this podcast with us so that is possible but i think i've got like a million of them on mine. Yeah, me too. The mic is clearly on because the light's on. But it's not plugged into that laptop. So it's plugged into something else because maybe he forgot the dongles for that laptop.

Is it a USB powered mic? Yes. It is. Okay. So it doesn't need phantom power or anything. And it's probably a big fat mini USB plug on the mic end. Is... Huh.

He's done us. Yeah. I don't know that we're going to crack this beyond what we've got. I think we've done some good forensics, though. I agree. I think we've gotten a lot out of it. I mean, clearly it's not him. We know he's not here.

It's not him. He's definitely not here. He's fucking... He did a good job, though. I mean, clearly it's not him. We know he's not here. It's not him. He's definitely not here. Oh, he's fucking, he did a good job though. He did a good job. Did a real good job. Theta plugged up.

Wait, where's it in this other photo? Yeah, you just can't tell. All right, well, I guess we should end it then. Okay.

Wow. I almost want to drive down to the fucking Hilton now. But he's gone. He's going to the airport. Oh yeah, right. But he's gone. He's going to the airport. Oh, yeah, right. Sure he is. Let's beat him to the airport.

He's got such a jump on me from where I live. We should all go to the airport right this second. Oh, my God. Who's the closest to the airport? It's not me. Oh, man. This little turd. All right.

Well, thanks for listening to F*** Face. That was such a weird ending. I mean, he just he did such a good job. We're going to have to take that picture for the video version and like zoom around on it. Yeah. Let people see what we're looking at. This little this little shithead, man. Two episodes in a row.

He made the website and then he did this. He pulled this thing off. He's been on fire lately. Yeah, he's's been busy he is bathing in icy hot i guarantee you every fucking day coming up with this stuff i wish you could his ears are just soaked i wish you could see who the person in the reflection is taking the photo but you can't it's cleverly angled yeah it is clever but it is a room that faces into the lobby but we do know that he uh he is good about angling himself out of reflections and photos he well he's not i don't know about i don't know if he's good about it but he does do it yeah huh all right light lidocaine

icy hot yeah that's the's the... Where's mine? Is that just the standard? No, I think lidocaine is like a stronger ingredient. But that's like the roll-on. I don't think the roll-on works as well, personally. All right, anyway. Let's end it on a high note.

Thanks for listening to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast. Gosh, I hope you enjoyed it because we sure had fun making it well at least those of us who could be bothered to stick around till the end did some of us uh not so much hopefully we'll see you next week oh and by the way thank you for uh all the people that sent us the lovely spotify wrapped things showing us that faces your number one listen to or in the top five you're listening to. Those sure are delightful

to see and we appreciate the support and we'll see you next time I guess. Hey guys, Pinch Hitter Greg from Finance here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. Gavin has a giant foot. Cartoons are funny when they're about us. The speed of chug is now

measurable. Eric got older. So much us. The speed of chug is now measurable. Eric got older, so much older. Train conductors chug beer. Panama Jack really let himself go. And Andrew does not eat the pencil.