Regulation Podcast - Gut Full of Tots // Child Picking Day [61]

Episode Date: July 28, 2021

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Geoff not participating in the sauce segment under protest, a chunky chutney of cheese, betting in Vegas, and Scripps National Spelling Bee. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail] Sponsored by BetterHelp (http://betterhelp.com/face), Camp Betrayal (Only on Rooster Teeth), and HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/face14 and use code face14) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello and welcome to another episode of F*** Face. My name is Jeff Ramsey and with me as always, my constant companions, Gavin Free and Andrew Panton. Hello! And not to be forgotten, our sound engineer, Nick, and then Eric, the producer. Those guys, they're there too. They matter.

So please don't forget them. Leave them, don't forget them in your prayers every night when you go to bed and you pray for us. And it's important. Nick, I feel like, is going to have a big role in this episode to an extent. I mean, he automatically will because of one aspect,

but we're gonna have to have some clarifications i got a gut full of tots do you i guess we should explain that right do we want to just immediately go into yeah i think we should it's been it's been the highlight of the week between recordings for sure we had an argument like a weirdly i don't like just more of a bizarre i don't even know how to classify it i'll be honest i'm blown away that jeff is here today that is true what happened in the slack this is my job and i take my job extremely seriously i think i would argue i take my job more seriously than anybody who works in our company uh yeah i would agree so the idea that i would not show up uh to do my job is uh is insulting well not insult in the context of

you're under protest right now uh i'm i'm protesting a specific bit on the show but that doesn't preclude me from uh participating in the show uh i won't be participating in that segment i've i've registered an official complaint and that's fine uh i'm more than uh but it's not my show it's our show i'm merely a piece a wedge in the pie as it were so if you guys want to do if you guys want to do that segment right now i encourage you to do it and i will cede the floor to. So you're selectively not showing up. No, I'm here. I just, I can't contribute to this segment, but I'll sit here, I'll listen. What good are you if you're

here, but you're not going to contribute to the show? I'm contributing to the show. I can't contribute to this segment because I'm protesting it, but it's part of the show. It's so stupid. I just don't understand. I just don't understand the protest. We got to get into it.

Andrew, where did this begin? Well, this began with you. It's sort of, as mentioned, when you were telling your fly stories several episodes ago, you've been re-watching Breaking Bad. I have. And there is an intro, I believe, to one of the episodes

where a character is eating a bunch of dipping sauces. Yeah. You sort of reveal the boss behind the main boss of the previous season. Yes. A company called Madrigal in Germany. And the episode opens with a guy tucking into some honey mustard. And I just took a picture of the screen and said it's Andrew. And I just said, is this your favorite scene from Breaking from breaking because he's been on a honey mustard tear recently i don't i mean

it's just come up naturally quite a bit i don't feel like i'm on a tear i don't think like i've been excessive about it just it's there have been windows to talk about it and it has come up but it extended so gavin sent me that and then we're i don't know how we got on the subject of it we're talking about like ideal dipping sauces. And if you were making a sauce, because they made a sauce called French for Breaking Bad. And so we're talking about like, what would be your mix? And it just turned into a thing of, oh, we should make sauces. We did a salad thing last week.

We could do a condiment thing this week. It'd be kind of like a fun, dumb thing or whatever. Yeah. So we got into a conversation of what's the a condiment thing this week. It'd be kind of like a fun, dumb thing or whatever. Yeah. So we got into a conversation of what's the best condiment. And then we got into this whole other thing of like, well, what we need to know what's being used with the condiment because like a burger sauce is different to like a nug dipping sauce. I was talking about tots at one point and we eventually settled on we're going to be

dipping tots into this condiment. Yeah. Well, we want you wanted to make something specifically for tots so then i said i wanted to make something i didn't want to make a completely different sauce item so i figured i'd make that we could both make our sauces and because it was like a goofy fun thing we opened it up to everybody and uh it was a mistake apparently well should we read through what the uh what the people's sources were uh we could do that or do you want to first go through the protest and how we got to that point well i feel like if we read through all of the submitted sources ending in jeff's okay we'll reveal the protest okay Okay, that's fair. Nick submitted base ketchup, about two ounces,

one squirt Dijon mustard, one squirt mayo, two dashes of Louisiana hot sauce. I actually submitted mine first, so mine was just a very basic combination. I didn't really go too much into it. Mine was in ratios. Mine was two-thirds ketchup, one-third horseradish, and then a little splash of lemon.

Andrew's was two teaspoons of hot sauce, one teaspoon barbecue sauce, one teaspoon honey mustard, one teaspoon ketchup, one teaspoon maple syrup, half teaspoon red chili flakes. And I should point out that he originally wrote one eighth teaspoon of pineapple juice. At that point, you're into drops drops just a teardrop of apple you might as well write 380 fourths of a cup of pineapple juice yeah you upped it to a one half teaspoon of pineapple juice i did okay process then we get on to jeff's submission well jeff technically submitted two and i will say that that there's some confusion mainly over his first submission okay this is the one i've got in front of me okay sprinkle hot sauce with light dusting of chili powder you've already got it wrong you said hot sauce i said hot tots sprinkle you can't even you can't even sprinkle hot tots with the light dusting

of chili powder it won't take much then combine shredded pepper jack cheese with crisped up cube pancetta hard sauteed diced onions and some thin sliced chives and coat the tots done that sounds delicious my problem when i read that a wonderful side it's a great side item i wasn't sure where the sauce was and i didn't see the condiment in there it was yeah i actually read them all out to Meg. And I read Jeff's and she was like, come on.

Stop. What? Wikipedia lists under condiments, cheese. I then modified, because you guys mentioned that it didn't sound like a condiment, I modified it.

I replaced the shredded cheese with nacho cheese, which I would also point out is listed as an official condiment under the condiment section of Wikipedia. I would also like to read the definition of the fucking word condiment from Merriam-Webster. Definition of condiment, something used to enhance the flavor of a fucking food.

Now, allow me to read the definition of condiment from dictionary.fucking.com. Something used to give a special flavor to food as mustard, ketchup, salt, or spices. Let me then read the definition of condiment from the Cambridge fucking dictionary, which listed as a substance such as salt that you add to a food to improve its taste. Then let me read to you from Gordon Ramsay's Cumberland sauce recipe, which he lists as maybe you've heard of Cumberland sauce. Gavin, you're British. I haven't. But he read he read he listed as a popular holiday condiment

that then includes vegetable oil, minced onions, current jelly, two oranges, lemon, red wine, orange juice, lemon juice, black pepper, brown sugar, dry mustard, cayenne pepper, ground ginger, all reduced together. That seems pretty complicated and requires some cooking. Then let me read an article I read on thekitchen.com about how condiments aren't a one-size-fits-all item. And they went ahead and they interviewed some of the best chefs in the world. I'm going to pull from Barry DeCake, the chef at Scotch Apes Prime in the Palms Resort Casino,

who says, I truly feel condiments are more than just the average ketchup, mustard, relish, and mayo. As a chef, I like being creative and making different sauces for topping sandwiches. Flavored aiolis, house-made steak sauces, pickled shallot relishes, creamy mustards, and new spins on ketchup like scotch infused. I also love creamy avocado dressing and seasoned hummus.

Make it smooth, make it chunky. You're the chef. The sky is the limit with condiments. I thought I was the chef, but i guess i'm fucking not i just like that your instructions start with put powder on the tots yeah it's a it's a weird combination it's it's so i think you have some points jeff i think you just worded your initial recipe terribly it was confusing confusing to read. I wasn't sure where the sauce was. This also just reads like a side. Like, are you...

I didn't understand if you were reducing it or if you were putting this on as a topping was sort of my initial reaction to it. I think this sounds delicious. It sounds very gourmet. I think it sounds good, too. We just took an issue with the format and it resulted in

Jeff storming out of the Slack channel. You know, we were hitting him pretty hard on the way out. At one point I said, I would like to change my condiment. My second condiment is an Eggs Benedict. I think what you submitted, Jeff, would be a side version of the tater tots dish. Like you have your base tater tots and then you pay $1.50 and it comes with what you've added to it. I don't think this is a base condiment. Even if you, let's say, argued that it is, I don't think it's within the spirit of what we all submitted.

I think you went very gourmet. I took a picture of all three sauces and they would all fit in a little plastic, you know, like your McDonald's sauces that you've got. They would all fit in there. I just don't know how you... So the people at home know Jeff is disconnected. I don't... He just quit.

He just... He just quit. I'm baffled by this because i was going to eventually get to a point where i think jeff was in the right to an extent i think his first recipe is absurd but i think once he clarified it's a cheese sauce uh i think that's a fair submission he's just not not really within the spirit i think he's off the grid now i think this was the thing that drove him to go like live in the woods this is it we did it i think pushed him over the edge and we didn't even know we were doing it you have to text them you guys have somebody has to text them look we have to all these sauces were made sauces Sauces that seemed good.

I made three sauces. I'm excited to try them. I got my tater tots. Have you got it already? You gotta try it live? I've pre-tried mine, and I already have my verdict. But I feel like Jeff's wouldn't fit in a little plastic pot. Well, yeah, that's mostly because it wasn't a sauce. Yeah, like, it's not... The tots are in there.

Even if it did, like, storing a cheese sauce in a container seems complicated. I'm not sure like the logistics of like it not just hardening. I don't know how you do that unless you like completely manipulate the sauce to the point where it's no longer cheese. So do you want to do you want to try them live now on the episode? Yeah, I figured that's what we do. I haven't tried. I'm interested to hear your process with that.

Should we get Jeff back? He just texted me and he said, my Discord died. And I said, do you have internet? I mean, he did go offline. I feel like the comic value comes from just leaving the call. If he actually got kicked out of the recording at that time, it's absolutely perfect. It is a hell of a coincidence

um i did not expect this episode to go like this no like he like can't get in he sent me a movie of just discord spinning and so we do a 10 count that just like agrees with unless he can get in here in 10 seconds like a wrestling thing? He's out of the ring right now. He is out of the ring. Oh, he's back. Alright, I'm back. Sorry. I lost my internet.

How much money would it cost to make yours, Jeff? That's a great question. I feel like it's like 15 bucks worth of ingredients. I didn't realize there was a price limit on how much it cost. How much did it? No, I will say, I'm on Jeff's side. I'm on Jeff's side with that question.

That doesn't have anything to do with a recipe. I mean, if you had to buy all of the ingredients, if you had to buy all of the ingredients that Andrew just listed, it would cost more than nacho cheese and pancetta. I guarantee you that. He had like nine fucking ingredients. By the way, have you guys ever read the ingredients? Like you were acting like it was overcomplicated.

Have you ever read the ingredients of fucking ketchup? There's like 11 ingredients in ketchup alone, you idiots. There's a lot. So first of all, I was confused by it. I never said it was bad. I've gone as far. I've said multiple times. What you submitted sounds delicious.

I just wasn't sure if it was in the spirit of what was bad. I've gone as far. I've said multiple times what you submitted sounds delicious. I just wasn't sure if it was in the spirit of what was said. I also just didn't understand the first part where I need to. I will apologize to you. I missed the nacho cheese sauce comment. I was just baffled by the complexity of the sauce. But I made a thing yesterday because sauce is confusing. I made a sauce a gram. I know we could have a conversation about how we feel about this. Cheese sauce, I think, fits in the criteria of dipping sauce. It's just it was complicated. So you have different tiers of sauce.

You have your dressings, you have your sauce and you have your dipping sauce. I think cheese sauce falls under the category of a mix between a sauce and a dipping sauce. I think your recipe is valid. I was just confused by the presentation. It was a strange interaction, I'd say. Hey, Jeff. Jeff, when you said sprinkle cheese on the tater tots, did you think this is where it was going to go?

No, I was trying to make a delicious sauce that maybe, I was trying to think outside the box and or outside the box and do a cheese based sauce. I thought that would be interesting. A lot of people when they eat tater tots, they like to have like cheddar cheese and bacon and all that stuff on it. And I thought, why not do the plused up version of bacon and cut up tiny little chunks of pancetta, crisp them up and then mix them in with the cheese, with a little chili flavoring, and some minced onions that are also sauteed, much like a chutney, which is considered a condiment. It's an official condiment. It's a chunky chutney of cheese, is what I had created, that I thought was very in the spirit of, it's certainly in the dictionary definition

of condiment. And at one point, Andrew even said, I think it sounds delicious, but what you've described is not a condiment, it's a sauce. So then I had to explain to him. So he obviously understood it as a sauce. So then I had to prove to him that a sauce is a condiment. And that's when he realized

he had no leg to stand on. Well, it's just, I just don't feel like it fit the spirit of what we were doing. I didn't realize that the spirit of what we were doing was I didn't realize that the spirit of what we were doing was to combine the hard work of the Heinz Corporation with the hard work of the French's Corporation and then

call it our thing. I tried to create, I tried to actually create with real ingredients a condiment. I didn't try to combine two fucking things that have logos on them that were already made in a lab by Scientists into two other things into one other thing and then go look I invented some bullshit to be fair

And you don't have context for this this is all started because of French which is literally just French dress Yeah, the original question was which which condiments would you mix together to make the up like the ultimate condiment? Yeah, that's not what was presented to me together to make the ultimate condiment. Yeah. That's not what was presented to me. I think we left that bit out of the important intro. I think we did. I think that was the context that was maybe lacking. We were all thinking within that framework, and you came in with something very gourmet. I still don't think it's a sauce. I think it's a side. It's a side dish that you made.

It's like, it's coleslaw salad. I think technically is a salad, but you don't view it as a salad, but it is technically a salad. I think technically is a salad, but you don't view it as a salad, but it is technically a salad. I think it's the same type of thing. Technically, you're technically correct, but I technically correct is the only correct. I'm correct in the only sense. I will say that if you came to me and you said and I came to you and I said, I would like you to design what you think is the best salad.

And then you came back to me with coleslaw and said, it's a salad. And I said, you are correct. It is a salad. And if that's what you think is the best salad, then that meets the letter of the terms of the competition that we had. How are we going back to Andrew making salads? I don't...

Well, it's the coleslaw comparison. Yeah. I will say, like, where I screwed up, Jeff, is I missed the nacho cheese line on your second recipe submission. I didn't see the second recipe. Where was that? That was in our text chain. Yeah. I don't

have that text. I don't think that came through on my... I don't know. I never know what we're talking about on our text. That text didn't appear? Anyway, I surmise that you guys have created each other's sauces and are now going to test them to determine which is the best one. I think that's a great bit for this show. We are hammering the food stuff really hard.

The audience is loving it. I'm loving it. So without further ado, I think you guys should dive right in. Let's get saucy. Let's get condimental. You guys did all the hard work of buying two things and then mixing them together with a spoon. I don't want the audience to miss

out on that joy. Let's find out. No. The fucking thrill of combining a salad out of a mixer. That was exciting. That's as exciting as mixing sauces. It's the same. I don't understand how this is different than the salad thing. I will say I've tried my sauce. It's not very good.

I wouldn't put my sauce. All right. Are you in this? I'm eating the sauces right now. I'm trying them. I'm sorry. It's all this. And you the first thing you do after you eat your sauces, you just go, yeah, mine sucked.

Yeah, it's not very good. I mean, I passed the torch to you guys to let you run with it, and that's what you did. You immediately shit on your sauce. I don't know what to do for you guys. Nick's sauce is delicious. I like Nick's sauce quite a bit. Nick, you made a great sauce.

Okay, so you've tried yours, and you've tried Nick's. I've tried Nick's, and yeah, mine. I tried yours, Gavin. I don't know about yours, Gavin. I'm a little nervous. I discovered. I made a discovery with mine. Yeah. Oh, this is this sucks

This is way worse. Your sauce is terrible. Oh my god, so I accidentally made I Made like prawn cocktail sauce. I made like shrimp cocktail dippings It's exactly the same. I didn't realize what i was making it sounded good in my head and then i was like oh this isn't a i'm not holding a shrimp i've got a tart and it's weird uh nix was in my opinion phenomenal nix was great it was like a professional source yours andrew was i i rated yours even below mine I would not put mine below yours. I would say yours, this is the difference between our sauces. They're both bad.

There's a version of my sauce that's good. It's just not what it is. There's a combination there that you can find. I think there's a balance where that could be a decent sauce. Yours is what it is. I don't think there's any balancing of the ingredients you have that would adjust beyond the sauce that it is i don't think there's any balancing of like the ingredients you have that would adjust beyond the sauce that it is yours um i think the syrup is wrecking yours in my opinion it could i didn't know how to like i was trying it that was the journey of like not not knowing

how to make sauce just being an idiot and just being like i don't like how this tastes what can i do to balance this in a different way and And just constantly adding more stuff. For me, yours had the, it had a consistency issue too. It was a bit more watery. Liquidy, yeah, it was definitely the most liquidy of them all. Nick definitely made the best sauce, which I think should be expected. Can I ask a hypothetical? Of course.

Hypothetically, take it, removing Nick's sauce from the situation, just using the three hosts as their sauces, if you were to also make Jeff's sauce, where do you think it would have ranked compared to your two sauces? Probably at the top. Number one, yeah. I'd say that Jeff's would be the best thing.

It just, yeah, by far. I never said it wasn't delicious. We'll never know. Did you still make yours, Jeff? No, I was boycotting the contest. I wasn't given the other sauces to make, so I wasn't going to make just mine. Well, I was just wondering if you pre-tested it.

No, I invented it on the spot. I'd never considered putting those ingredients together before. It was a... Created for the moment. Hmm. I'm going to try to make Jeff's sauce. Wherever you're going,

you better believe American Express will be right there with you. Heading for adventure? We'll help you breeze through security. Meeting friends a world away? You can use your travel credit. Squeezing every drop out of the last day? All right. So should we do the intro and get going? Yeah, let's start the episode. All right. Visit amex.ca slash yamx. Benefits vary by card. Terms apply. Alright, so should we do the intro and get going? Yeah, let's start the episode.

Alright. What about outside of sauce, Jeff? Jeff and I, I felt like Jeff and I had a really good friendship weekend. Did we? I did. I felt that way. I felt we were, Jeff was away. Oh, you know what i'm sorry i have been so blinded by by condiment rage and indignation i forgot we had a lovely we had a great weekend we had a lovely correspond wild weekend you are 100 100 right and i apologize we uh hockey we we gambled, we watched sports.

It was fun. We hadn't watched, like, a basketball game together in a while. That was great. Jeff made a bunch of it. Were you, like, on the phone with each other or just texting? Yeah, we were, like, texting back and forth. Yeah, Jeff, like, had a whole betting sheet, and I copied his bets.

We were in it together. It was fun. You know, I don't gamble, and I certainly don't drink anymore, but I do love Las Vegas for the shows and for the spectacle. And I do like to bet on sports. My girlfriend likes to bet on sports. And so this weekend we went to Vegas. I did a bunch of stuff. I got to go to a Tom Segura comedy show. I got to go to the new Meow Wolf. But the big thing for me was sitting in the sports book and betting on the hockey game. Oh boy, did I lose money on the hockey game.

And betting on the WCF, which I won a bunch of money on, and then betting on horses. I had a run. I correctly bet the winner four out of five horse races. Holy shit. Yeah, I was on fire. I will say that the hockey bet was great, because Jeff just sent me what his bet was, and he's like, how do you feel about this? And I was like, I was on fire. I will say that the hockey bet was great because Jeff just sent me what his bet was and he's like, how you feel about

this? And I was like, I love this bet. This is a great bet. I feel great about this bet. And that's what I do. I was fucked. My lot. Yeah, I accidentally put Jeff in a terrible position or no, I did with basketball. On both days I did. I fucked you on both days. I apologize.

But I was like, this is a great bet. I love it. Montreal at home. I feel like they're not going to get swept. And I was right. They would win one home game, but it was just the wrong one. Within like 10 seconds of the game, they score a goal. Tampa scores on Montreal.

Jeff's immediately down. I felt bad. I think by what they score two goals within like the first five minutes of the game yeah and Andrew's going it's okay 2-0 is the worst lead to have they're bound to come back it's like a cliche in hockey that statistically isn't at all true but it's like yeah 2-0 most dangerous lead and then they would score another and be like oh now they're really in trouble 3-0 you don't want that it's a terrible lead it was there's hope there's hope for a little bit and it quickly faded but then it bounced back I don't know like when the horse racing run

kicked off i don't know when you got hot but it was the next day it was the next day yeah okay did you have a like a scheme for like what was your strategy for horse racing uh you know uh listen a successful a successful horseman uh is only successful is only as successful as the secrets he keeps. I can't list out all. What's a horseman? A horseman is a man who bets on the horses. And if I let my tactics get out, then everybody's going to use them. Then the whole horse industry might change.

So I got to keep some stuff a little close to the vest. Fair enough. We then, I put Jeff in a real dilemma, Gavin, when we bet basketball, because I am an amazing loser. I'm fantastic at losing sports bets. And do you expect to lose? Yeah. Yeah, I do. I go in when I make a bet on a sporting event. It's not about making money. It's about the pain of later. Like it's the hope and pain pain I'm really paying for the experience of disappointment uh mainly and so Jeff sent me this list of like nine or ten bets that he made

and my first comment was there's no way these all lose which is a horrible jinx but it's just how I felt at the time then I even screwed him further though because I was gonna match his bets and take all of his bets and I said if you, I can fade you because I always lose. So if I bet the opposite of you, that might increase your odds of winning. But at this point, I've jinxed you. So I don't know what's worse. And Jeff just chose the great option of he wants us all to sink. If we're sinking, he wants.

So I matched his bets. Yeah. And it was positive. We won more than we lost on those bets. Yeah. You know what they say? A sinking tide lowers all ships. That's how.

But it's not about winning. You know, it was, you know, $10, $5 bets. It's not like it's real money. Oh, I had. Yeah. Mine was 10 cents per per NBA bet. But I was. I think I think mine were $5.

But it's more just like the fun of doing it and just like and honestly half of the reason why i like to do it is to sit in that like sports room with all the tvs and just watch the fucking weirdos that come in oh that's like it is great it's like a bus station in there just the people that meander through it's it's interesting cross-section of humanity so i i've never bet on horses, but I feel like my horse betting philosophy would be the same as my child picking philosophy. You said your child kicking philosophy? Child picking, not child kicking. I could have sworn you said child kicking.

I've never kicked a child. I never would. But my child picking. Did you hear that? Man, that was close to an admission. No, it wasn't even close. I said picking. It was very clear.

You can hear on my audio. Distinctly clear. Child picking. Today is one of my favorite days of the year. It is like a holiday to me. This is the day you pick children? I am so excited. Is it child picking day?

Yesterday was child picking day, Jeff. This is the event for the child picking. Today is Scripps National Spelling Bee what a time what an exciting process I watch it every year it's how my fantasy football league determines our draft order so everybody picks a kid there was a whole process I didn't get my number one on the board I was outraged about it I was very pissed I got my number two though so I believe I got some hope but tonight is the spelling bee. And so the order in which the kids are eliminated determined the picking order for

our league. So tonight it'll I'll be in a group chat with 11 other people who are all in their 30s adults being irrationally furious at kids spelling. Cannot wait. It's one of my favorite days of the year. The oldest the oldest you can be for scripts national spelling bee is 14 years old most of them are like 12 so it's like all these adults just angrily watching 12 year olds try to spell it's sort of where are you in the uh the kicking order uh what do you what do you mean in the kicking order the picking order picking order left again no no i'm here i'm here i well i picked a child named vince wasn't who i wanted what i was getting to at the point i feel like i really want i forget his name there's one child who was sponsored by the carolina panthers which i've never seen before there's always like another

spelling bee or a newspaper there's one guy that's just like no carolina panthers and since we're doing a fantasy football thing it's like this is destiny you gotta go with that can can we sponsor a that's such a great idea i don't know how that works i'd love to that'd be great we must be able to try and do that how do i'll have to look into this but i love to save up our weekly episode budget like pocket money by next year we might have enough i feel like we are the the coins that fall in the couch of like the overall that's the budget like whatever coins happen to fall through whatever whatever assuming the person that we pick doesn't win whatever word they misspell to get out on we should just make that a shirt

oh absolutely a misspelled shirt that's how we that's how we recoup our investment uh well i'd recoup it just personally enjoy i guess it's not my investment but the word is condiment the word is honey mustard. That's two words. That is true. That was a bad example. It's a terrible example. But it's great. I would recommend you both watch the Scripps National Spelling Bee tonight.

How on earth do I watch that? It's on ESPN. Like by television to see that? I guess, yeah. Do you have no television watching options? No. Okay, well then I guess I don't know how you'd watch it. Maybe if you watch it, you could just I'll live text you.

I'll keep you updated on how the bitch is doing. That's my evening. How about you guys? What am I going to do tonight? Yeah, like just what's happening? You seem very defeated today, Jeff. Well, listen. It's been a week and it's

it's been a day uh tonight i'm gonna go host first night for rtf oh shit yeah that's exciting soon as soon as i'm done here i'm gonna go do that so yay that's great what about you, Gavin? I'm playing board games. Yay. What board games are you playing? Bye. What? This episode is just so weird. Andrew asked what board games are you playing and you just said bye? Yeah, you just said bye.

I'm playing Pandemic. I've never played that game. I haven't either. Have you played it before? Yeah, I've started like a legacy. We're like two rounds in. I don't know. Have you played it before? Yeah, I've started a legacy. We're like two rounds in. I don't know what that means. Yeah, it's a co-op game.

It's like teamwork. It's good. It's good so far. Are you a board game guy? I'm becoming a board game guy. I feel like I've only recently discovered that board games can be like video games in the way that they're interesting.

Because I think of board games i just think of like monopoly and mousetrap and shit and it's just like oh yeah no they're better than there's some good stuff out there there's some stuff that takes like 12 hours to finish and stuff over like multiple segments are you shitting on clue clue is a great board game you're like monopolies you think you don't think clue is a great board game it's a murder mystery i i hate that game what do you hate about oh you get a notepad you can ask questions it's great clue is never as fun as it promises to be it's frustrating i want clue to be better every time i play it's a game where the box looks more interesting than the game yeah i well okay i

had a pretty cool clue boxes made out of wood so I don't know if that's a fair comparison. It was a pretty sweet box. It'd be tough for any game to live up to the design of the box I had for Clue. Jeff, do you remember the English name for Clue? Cluedo. Action man. Cluedo. Cluedo.

And listen, by the way, I don't mean, I'm not talking shit about Clue, but I am acknowledging the limitations of Clue. I'm a fan of Clue. I consider myself a Cluniac, as we call ourselves. I even, you know, I've been trying to get a Clue tentpole show like Hardcore Monopoly, Hardcore Clue made at Rooster Teeth for years. But I have to agree with Gavin that it under delivers when you sit down to play it.

You know what I think it is? I haven't ventured into like the actual complex adult board games. Like the more, the pandemics of the world i haven't i haven't played that i'm i'm really like restricted to monopoly the classic favorite so like my comparables is like candy land is bullshit but my peak is something like clue so i just think i i have a narrow range sounds like we need to get you involved we need to have a board game night when we go up to canada maybe that'll be the reward if we can find your your front door man the list of shit we've got to do when we arrive in canada is getting really long yeah we're gonna be very busy maybe while maybe while like

the bondo is drying on our bathtub uh we can hammer out a game of clue is that on again this year i don't know it happened i think it was last month it happens in july typically but it would we can hammer out a game of Clue. Is that on again this year? It already happened. Oh, it happened? I think it was last month. It happens in July, typically, but it would be weird if you know... Everything has been shut down here, so I'd be surprised. Maybe next year.

Maybe 2022 is our bath year. It's going to have to be next year, because I feel like the audience alerted me to the fact that it happened already. Famous Nanaimo bathtub race cancelled on June 5th, 2021 so did they also cancel the cheese rolling didn't you like pick the cheese or something i did yes there was a whole cheese thing that was season one that was the only time that yeah that never happened sadly i think i

think we should go to that at some point we should go to cheese rolling can we sponsor a cheese could could that be like the later thing is Is this evolution of F*** Face? We just start sponsoring things? Just see the F*** Face logo tumbling down a hill. Yeah. I think we got to slowly build to like an actual fast sport. Like we're going to start with the cheese and then we're going to go to the bathtub race. And then maybe eventually, I don't know, a car sponsor.

And then we've got the F*** Face sponsored sponsored kid I think we should just sponsor the weirdest stuff I would love that there's nothing I love more than like getting into a thing that I know nothing about especially if I can gamble on it like Russian handball yeah like handball was like such a fun two weeks of like getting in I've never watched it again I followed the Brazilian goalie on Twitter because their performance is amazing ridiculously talented I'll never watched it again. I followed the Brazilian goalie on Twitter because their performance is amazing. Ridiculously talented. I'll never think about handball again, but yeah.

If we could get into weird sports, I'm all about it. I got a question for you guys. Okay. As of today, I now have 100 full-size baseball bats, 900 bat knobs on my kitchen table for some reason and a thousand little metal tags wait you got 900 you have and i have and i ask you guys what the fuck am i supposed to do with all this stuff i genuinely don't remember where did the 900 knobs come from i thought i don't know i don't know why the knobs ended up at my house i was thinking about that yesterday when i was dragging them in from the front porch because i don't know that i

was ever supposed to do anything with them if you've already got knobs why are you cutting up bats well i think the point if and i'm trying to remember but i think the point was that like that that some that a hundred of the knobs would be made with love from me, right? Like, kind of like how we signed, how I burned 50 bats, but not the other 250 or whatever. So this would be that version of that. And then, if I remember correctly, there was the idea that we would metal tag the end of the knob that I cut

with the end of the bat so that they could be synced up again someday. Am I remembering that correctly? Yeah, well, I remember that part, but I don't remember there being a bunch of other knobs. I thought the whole point of knobs was that they couldn't get made right, and you were going to make them. Well, then they found that they could make the knobs.

They found a knob vendor. But then they were like, we already ordered the bats, and you can still do the thing where you cut the bats in half, and that's fine. Okay, so you might get a Jeff Cutt knob. Well, you're going to tell, because the knobs are very fucking different first of all uh but secondly i thought the idea was that then i would take these

tags and i would put like tag number one on this knob tag number one on this bat end and then you could put one and one together and be like oh we found our match or whatever even though we don't necessarily know what we're gonna do with the other half of the bats yet. But I got a thousand metal tags. And I don't have numbered one through a thousand. So there's no way for me to sync up. I don't have two of the same tag. And I certainly wasn't planning on just putting

a metal tag on every knob of the other 900 knobs. So I think what I need is one to a hundred, and then one to a hundred again in tags. I don't think I need 200 to a thousand. I think what I need is 1 to 100 and then 1 to 100 again in tags I don't think I need 200 to 1000 I think those are useless but they exist and I'm just fucking confused

so I think I have some of what I need and way too much of other stuff but none of it is getting this shit out of my house so I'm just I'm awash in bats and wood and I'm befuddled as to what to do about it why don't you just put the metal tags on all the knobs, one to a thousand, and then...

Well, if I had made the metal tags, I would have made them to fit the knobs. Do they not fit? Not as such. You could always get the ones that are from the bats that you cut, and then just Sharpie number the bats as you go. So like metal tag match with Sharpie.

Yeah, or I could make them make another round of metal tags, one to a hundred. I don't know. All of this is to say that I don't want it in my house. My girlfriend's very kind. Sorry, I kicked half my desk over. My girlfriend's very kind, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't want it I mean it's taken up half of my library and my entire kitchen

table and I don't even have the tools required to I just don't know what to do I'm frozen I'm frozen with with bad indecision I feel like much like my sauce they didn't even know what to do there's like seven

different bad ideas that we've suggested and they've all kind of you've gotten all of them but like part of each one like it's just a mix of things yeah i don't think i have a complete set of anything yeah no all right well i'm just gonna ignore it for a little bit longer then i guess do you have no plan you're just gonna it's a future je problem? I mean, today Jeff isn't gonna fix it. Today Jeff has to go do, the current Jeff has to do with RTX all week and all weekend.

So I'm certainly not gonna touch it now. So I can't even think about it until after RTX is over. So it's a problem for 10 days from now, Jeff, I guess. Do you have a garage? No. I have a little house in the back that's tiny where I put my bikes

and my lawnmower, but it's not suitable for this. Not good bat storage. No, it's not good bat storage. I wouldn't want to put them there. It's not climate controlled or anything. I wouldn't want the bats to swell with humidity or anything.

Ay, ay, ay. What if we kept sending you bats? What's up ay. What if we kept sending you bats? What's up? What if we just kept sending you bats? What if bats just kept appearing? I hope they don't. I'd like to remove... Well, I'll be honest with you. I'd like to get rid of all of the bats I have right

now. Here's what you should do. I'd like to remove all of the bats. You take the bats and you construct a Game of Thrones-esque seat out of them with all the spare parts that you saw off. I like that a lot. The bat throne.

Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna take all those parts and I'm gonna dump them off in your front yard and I'm gonna let you make it. Your idea, you can do it. Ah, shit. Well, how would I even do that? Nails? I don't know. Same way I would probably do it. You got a would i even do that nails i don't know same way i would probably do it you got a bunch of those already that come with the set got all the nails you need apparently no there's no nails it's that's the this thing too that i thought i thought the tags

were gonna be like that i could like tack on with a little yeah with a little but they're not they're like adhesive in some way and you they come with a roller where you have to roll, like press roll it on, which is fine if it's a flat surface, but these are all beveled knobs. I feel like someone just listened to our conversations and then just started buying stuff. And listened to, yeah.

And then listen, I realize that in most cases, I'll go so far as to say that in every instance of my life, I've been at fault. So it's probably my fault in some way, but I'll be damned if I know how to unfuck it right now. So yeah, we'll deal with it. Future Jeff will deal with it, I guess. But if anybody has any ideas, send them my way.

Don't send them to the f***face slack. I'm no longer able to receive messages on that, but you both have my phone, I believe, still. So I don't know if you can reach me on social media. I'm not sure we're following each other anymore, but you definitely have my phone number, so you can text me. I don't.

I really like the tags not being nailable. I feel like that was such a key part of that conversation. I was really imagining like almost railroad spikes, but like, as was like a marker that you would. Yeah. Okay. Or like, uh, if you've ever seen a, like, uh, the, well, anyway, uh, a tiny little attack, but yeah, it's, uh, it's frustrating.

Uh, that being said it, I'm sure it'll, when it's all said and done, I'm sure it'll be a hilarious product that the comment leavers will find hilarious. The comment leavers have been sending in their diagrams of the room. They have. Some of them have been shockingly good. We've already dealt with that recording-wise,

but they're pretty accurate, some of them. I saw one that was more accurate than mine. It was perfect in every way, which was phenomenal. Yeah, I mean, you guys get extra points. You were attempting to place things like the sushi container and all that. I think there was one I saw where it nailed the rooms and everything, but they didn't really protect. The sushi container seems to be the thing that throws people.

They do not know where to place that. Where was that? That was in front of the fridge that was next to the fridge and people are putting on the other side oh i think that's where i put it isn't it i think you did i think you're in the group that put on the other side um i did try to go to my bath nick just said didn't you trip on one in the bathroom no it wasn't in the bathroom was on the way i was going to the bathroom i just got airpods i was very excited it was late at night and uh i stepped on a on a plastic container took fall hard fall maybe the hardest fall of my life

i'm impressed that it was a great landing it was like a stuntman landing square on the shoulders could not figure out why my back was sore though the next day but i had a point i don't know what my point was i've lost uh we i was talking about sushi containers how close are we to marathon at this point oh not not close not close we keep keep re-aggravating keep getting keep i will that's what i was gonna say people are commenting on like where's the shimmy of the thing and i forgot about i had the filing cabinet in front of the bed and i had a tv on the other side of it so i had to shit i can't believe i did that for so long you had the filing cabinet the one that's next to the dresser i had that behind

in front of the bed because that was one of the key components of the fort i made the blanket for you mean in front of the like so when you were in bed you looked at your feet and there was like the back of a filing cabinet there yep exactly that's exactly what it was because that was the the pillar that was a pillar for the fort remember when we were first in the setup i had like a blanket fort whenever so where was the shimmy between the filing cabinet and the desk no it was to the wall so i put the i have a 50 inch tv i'm no longer using that's like an old and it's bulky but i was playing ps2 and it was the only thing that it would work with so i pulled it out and i just put it on the floor across from there's a little wall

between the closet and the bathroom and it was there but it was lined up with the filing cabinet so i had to shimmy past that whenever i needed to go by um it was annoying but i forgot all about it it is well yeah it's just you know people like listening to previous episodes and bringing up that i talked about do you have do you have anything else in your life right now that's like you know is really inconvenient you just need to deal with it and it'll take like 10 seconds and save you hours and hours of annoyance i oh that's a good i don't not really but they're those things for me typically i just don't deal with and it just creates more anxiety even though i know it's not a problem you know like it's like oh i could just quickly do this but then i don't because it just seems like a minor thing and then it just builds it takes me

forever to resolve this i have something that would take 10 seconds to clean up, but I've just been staring at it for about a year and I refuse to deal with it at this point. And it isn't inconvenient. It's just very annoying to look at. I put up a shelf about a year ago and I drilled in the wall and it made wall dust fall down

and land on the skirting board. And it's just still there. And I could easily just go and grab the vacuum right now and suck it up. Why don't you do it right now while we're on in the podcast? I'm encouraging you to do it. Let's I want to hear it.

Could this be the time? We're going to make your life better right now through the power of face. The thing is, I just I feel like I only ever see it while I'm like walking from one thing to another.

Like I'm going to go and get something or I'm going out and I'm just like that thing again I keep walking by it yeah I could just do it now couldn't I it's top of mind right now by the power of face I compel you to clean this mess all right are we gonna be able to go with him

are we just here it's just us I think it's just you and I but let's let's see if we can do let's see if we can hear him in the background while he's doing it what else going on your your world, Andrew? Have you anything you need to clean right now? I have a thing I want to talk about, but it is sort of extensive. I don't know if we have time within this episode.

So I still have a thing. That's a lot of sawdust. That's taking a lot of sawdust that's taking a lot of i don't he made it sound like it was just like you'd run your finger over it it would be gone yeah it's a long long vacuum all right we're good it's all right how does that feel oh that feels good that feels good i'm glad you compelled me to do that in the middle of a you're never you're gonna walk the next time you're gonna forget about this very quickly and then the next time you walk through and you're gonna look over there and it's gonna be gone and you're gonna your heart's gonna smile a tiny little bit yeah i'll be taking the bins out i'll be walking by just be like ah yeah your life just got better man do you have anything that you're

putting off like that something Something really easy to fix, but it's just so far down on priority. You'll realistically never get to it. I feel like you have something for me. Are you aware of something that I have that I'm ignoring? No, I don't think this is a paranoia thing, Jeff. I think he's just asking.

Do you think I've laid some inconvenience in your house? I don't know. Well, I wouldn't put it pass yet but uh oh come on well i don't i just you know don't i don't trust any of you uh at all anymore i had a great prank to do against you jeff but i just don't i don't think i could put it together but i think you'd even like it i almost texted gavin today yeah it's fine do whatever i don't care just well no it's just i think did you know that you could so we like don't spoil it don't spoil it it's gonna be a hilarious prank no i don't think it'll ever actually happen it's too elaborate but it's just it's an amusing idea i didn't know this did you know that you could get games graded

like a card like there's a company that you could send. I didn't realize that. So I was thinking about like, well, what is the range in which you could get things graded? I was wondering, could I get my BTS sauces graded? Can I find a place that would like, could I get 10 mint? Yeah, they're sealed. I want to try to get a 10 mint BTS of each one. And then I thought, well, what if like Jeff went away went away, and we just fucking, we graded every item in his house?

Like, you come back in, and everything's just surrounded in a hard plastic shell with, like, different, this is a 9.7 catch. The fridge is gonna get an F. The fridge is definitely gonna score low. That fucking fridge. Dude, my life is, ugh.

So, I have a fridge problem? Have you got fridge news? No, well, no, no. I mean it's the the same as always it's it's it's just dark fridge dark fridge it's expensive i don't have the money to fix it right now or i don't i it's not that i don't know i just don't want to spend the money to replace it and it's it's so expensive and they're just like and i'm so mired in other shit. It's just, what's the point? Here's how it works, right? So, you know, maybe we should just talk about my shitty story next episode.

Because we're supposed to wrap up, right? Sure, yeah. I mean, we're close to an hour. We can wrap up. Yep, Eric says we should wrap. Are we doing two today? We're doing two. I think we're doing two, yeah.

Oh my God. I got stuff for two. I got a lot of stuff. yeah. Oh my God. I got stuff for two. I got a lot of stuff. I didn't get to any of my stuff for this episode. It was so weird. My whole goal in this episode was to not talk about the condiment stuff and to not let you guys get...

I went in with the goal of not yelling once and I failed yet again. I failed at everything in my life I failed. So why should today have been any different? Thank you for listening to another episode of F*** Face. The podcast where we highlight

the misery and failures of one Jeffrey Ramsey while the much better and much more talented and much more likable Gavin Free and Andrew Patton dance through Jeffrey Ramsey, while the much better and much more talented and much more likable Gavin Free and Andrew Patton dance through and on The Misery That Is Me. Hope you liked it. If you liked it, maybe read or write a review or star it up or whatever.

If you didn't like it, that makes sense because I'm in it. Thanks a lot. See you next week.