Regulation Podcast - In the Lab with Andrew // Fruit Fusions [167]

Episode Date: August 16, 2023

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about poop game, shit shades, pink eye, juice lab, sleep spaghetti v2, the Panton collection, mystery injuries, gems of war achievements, mouth tape food poisoning, flammable farts, Andrew's realization of seasons, Geoff's morbid American history, and the new flavors taste test. Sponsored by Hello Fresh http://hellofresh.com/50face code 50face , Shady Rays http://shadyrays.com code FACE , Better Help http://betterhelp.com/face Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

🎵 Hello and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast. My name is Jeff Ramsey and with me as always, Andrew Panton and Gavin Free. Hello. Hello, Gavin. Hello. Eric, you said something that might help. I have a mystery.

A small, tiny mystery. It's not a big mystery. It's just a little baby mystery. Okay. And I think you might have just given me a clue to help answer it. When you were reading through what we talked about last recording, which was two weeks ago, I guess, three weeks ago, because I went out of town.

Was it two weeks ago? I think it was two. It was two. Yeah, it was two. Two weeks ago. You said poop brain? two weeks ago? I think it was two. It was two. Yeah, it was two. Two weeks ago. You said poop brain? What is that? I think I remember.

I think that's when you were talking about how people who shit more get less dumb. Oh, yeah, have a higher intelligence. So you were like, oh, you're Einstein because you shit so much. That would be correct, yes. All the alcohol fucked you, so it brought you...

Yeah, you've evened out, you've canceled out copious booze with copious shitting, and you've sort of landed right in the middle. Well, I don't know that that helps. I was looking over at my notes, and I have a note that I, the old note you don't recognize, I wrote down sometime between that recording and

when I got back from Michigan, I wrote down poop game. Oh. And I don't know what that means. And I was hoping that would help, but that doesn't And I don't know what that means. And I was hoping that would help, but that doesn't. I don't think that had anything to do with that. Was that the sequel to Reindeer Games? Or like maybe I was trying to step up my poop game,

but I got a pretty strong poop game as it is. Yeah, I can't imagine it getting better. Were you trying to incorporate shitting into some classic games? Like Twister? Like this is like a new color? Oh, fuck. You just have to shit right there? I think you're taking like performance enhancing drugs

if there's like a poop game. Shits and ladders. Oh, maybe it was something about maybe somebody recently pooped in a famous game. God, I don't know. Well, anyway, if anybody has any ideas for

or sounds like Gavin already has Well, anyway, if anybody has any ideas for... Sounds like Gavin already has a bunch, but if anybody has any additional poop game ideas, send them my way. I have no fucking clue what I was getting at there. Do you think you could have written it on the toilet in your shit shades? Yeah, probably.

Ooh. Which, by the way, just so we're clear, I want you guys to know, I do wear those almost every time I shit still. Like, I'm keeping it legal. That was the assumption. I don't think either of us thought anything else than that. It wasn't a fad.

No. I didn't want you guys to think that it was some sort of a fly-by-night cool shitter. I'm not. I'm in it for the long haul. Can you do me a favor and never lend me those? Yeah, of course, man. Oh, what a move that is. What if I already have,

it's like a way bigger rate of getting pink guy from those. Or do you think it's like the same? I think it's the same. Hmm. Or do you think he's immune to pink guy? I've never had it. He's constantly. Wow.

Nose flaps and pink eye resistance. You're quite the superhero. Oh no, I've had pink guy. Shit. Yeah, I definitely, pink eye resistance you're quite the superhero oh no i've had pink eye shit yeah i definitely i definitely had pink eye once when i was like 15 or 16 i remember it hurt like a motherfucker itched yeah it sucked huh well maybe you're immune since then like you're so much i would say you have more shit near your eyes than most people with your shit shades so i

think no i think the shades protect me from the... I think they act as like poop particle blockers. Yeah, I mean, they're definitely getting it from the front. They're blocking all that. Yeah. But I feel like most of the shit particles, if you're normal anatomy, would be coming from behind you.

That's a good point. I hadn't considered that. It might actually be funneling it all into your eyes this is a weird episode already i feel weird we are recording late we don't ever really record this kind of late when we do the standard recording on a thursday we're starting about 18 minutes late uh not for any reason but because we were recording i mean for a reason we were recording a test episode of something else earlier, and then we had to go run through some business. But I wondered if starting seven or eight or nine or 15 minutes or whatever

off would affect me in some way. And I think it has. You think it has? Well, you also had to wait for Andrew, who I ran through some stuff that we had to talk about for business. And then Andrew was was like i need 10 minutes and then disappeared and kept on muting so fast i didn't know he was unmuting i feel like he's been in the lab what okay well here's the thing okay i'm juicing a watermelon right now so

if i'm a little off that's why uh we've been we've been talking a lot about the lab recently yeah i've brought the lab to the podcast so i'm preparing as you may remember we talked about different fruit combinations that are not common that that we've never we never seen compared so i went to the store and i bought all the fruit that we have and i got a little little hand juicer and i didn't want it to go bad ahead of time so i thought oh i'll just i'll just juice this fruit put the lab on the show while we're recording already run into a massive issue with the watermelon um juices everywhere i'm glad that i put a plate down uh but i'm gonna have to clean that i don't hang on we got are you just using a lime juicer like oh yeah for watermelon yeah well because that's

the best juicing tool i have imagine the size of a lime and then imagine something slightly smaller than that that is what he's juicing with. Well, the point is to separate the pulp from the juice, but watermelon is mostly just like slightly firmer juice where a lime is not. So this is what I'm doing. Okay. I'm going to juice everything. I have little plastic shot glasses all on my desk.

I'm going to juice them half and half. Then I'm going to mix them mix them then i'm gonna try it we'll see if the the combination is good so we're currently in the lab with you right now we're in the lab as we speak and i even have other lab work to share this is amazing but this is uh this is the current lab situation i need to unclog the thing of watermelon and then i'm gonna move on to uh what's the next thing what did I combine grapes well that'll be an easy way so you that sounds delicious cutting chunks from the watermelon first or you just I'm slicing chunks in and then transferring it to I guess the the lime juicer or

whatever Eric said then I'm squishing it into a shot glass okay so I'm gonna I'm gonna continue on with this process are you a big shots guy typically no not at all i uh i just uh went to the dollar store once again and uh secured some plastic i feel like easy to find cups make sense for what you're doing here though that's i think that's the appropriate vessel that might be the only appropriate thing that i've i've grabbed and also can i just say uh tons of respect and admiration? I think it's awesome what you're doing. I'm amazed that you've brought us into the lab to watch you work.

I think that's incredibly cool. I need to apologize. I had promised to present you guys with some grape, lemon-specific flavors from my lab work this episode, and I just haven't been able to make my way to the lab because I was out of town and stuff. So you're kind of a lifesaver for me, Andrew. I really appreciate it. Yeah, I was worried I was stepping on. No, not at all.

My toes are so fucking stupid right now. Just stomp on basically taking it shifts to go into the lab. Well, I do this. Do you want to see the other lab work? Yeah, because I had homework. You gave me an assignment. Oh.

You said that my sleep spaghetti... Sorry, I'm trying to get rid of this watermelon. But you said that my sleep spaghetti was al dente. You said it was too... It wasn't cooked. It wasn't cooked enough. Al dente? Is that...

Al dente. Is that al dente? Oh, come on. Al dente is better. Give me al dente. This is more fun. Al dente call come on al dente is better give me al dente this is more fun al can we can we lobby right here and now to change it officially to al dente from here on out orangutan and al dente sounds way more religious than al dente and rubbish over trash we can't remember true and say trash oh yeah i'll never remember that one. But anyway, Aladente, you gave notes.

You wanted it to be bent. You wanted it adjusted. You thought it needed more curve. It needed to cook more, boil more, you may say. So I, in my great wisdom, bought a staple gun. And my idea was that I would cut them into pieces, like you suggested, and then staple gun them together. Staples, though? Yeah, well...

Are they kept together in the socks? Yeah, so I would layer the socks over each other and then shoot a staple through, was my idea. That was my thought. Sleep staples sound less inviting to me. I'm less inclined to dive into the spaghetti now when I catch my earlobe on a staple. Catch an edge.

No, it's all locked in. Okay. I was advised after I bought this that this probably wouldn't work, and that was correct. That was a correct assumption. Staples do not stick into foam noodles is just a fun fact for people at home.

I tried a variety of ways. I jammed the gun. I accidentally shot a staple across the room. It was very chaotic, but did not work, unfortunately. However, I did get it to work. I'm not going to reveal lab secrets of how we got this done, but may I present to you an updated, more noodle-filled, more cooked sleep spaghetti. look at how comfortable that looks

he's done it that's looking good you got bends you got twists nicks's they look like cigarette butts they do they definitely not necessarily wrong uh they're bendy. There's also a product I'd like to introduce called the sleep macaroni, where it's just a singular strand. Pretty good for sleeping. Will you get a bruised neck from it? Yes. But until that point, it is very comfy. You know, I think I see what you've done.

Just kind of looking at it. And it's it. It seems to have worked really well. I saw one of the comment leavers made a suggestion that I thought was pretty brilliant. They said you should just take one of the long pool noodles and then just cut along it almost in a spiral as you go up, almost like a telephone cord. And that might allow some maximum flexibility while maintaining the the structure and maintaining it as one solid piece but uh clearly you've you've come uh to a different solution that seems to work just as well so uh oh it works great i will say

it's better than just bending an uncut one definite problems with that i have uh slapped my lamp because you bend it and then you lay on it and then i have a tendency to move in my sleep i woke myself up last night trying to use it because it slapped the wall i was like holding it down and it hit the wall and it spooked me um i guess the main question is is this more comfy? And the answer to that is absolutely not. It's terrible. Do not use this. So it is not a great product. Well, let's not throw shade at Sleep Spaghetti.

It clearly doesn't work. I don't know that it's Sleep Spaghetti's fault. I think it might be the pool noodle's fault. I don't look at a pool noodle and think I want to cuddle up with that in a bed. I look at a pool noodle and think i want to cuddle up with that in a bed i look at a pillow and think that and so i would think that the consistency would be somewhere less than pool noodle but more than pillow maybe so like long long pillows i love the idea of being full because you slapped your lamp oh yeah i was terrified that it i mean if mean, if you're sharing a bed with someone, it is a dangerous thing.

Oh, that cracked me up. That's so funny. Yeah. So you're telling Andrew to replace the, uh, change everything about it, basically. I think you could take the filling out and just stuff it with like batting or something and achieve a much comfier result. But, but I also don't want to listen. This is Andrew's process and I don't want to... Listen, this is Andrew's process, and I don't want to get in the way of Andrew's process. Everybody creates differently.

The road to the final product is forked many times over, and everybody takes a different fork at different points. So the important thing is that we get there at the end, and I think we will. So I've just been reticent to throw too much suggestion towards Andrew because I don't want to get in the way of his creative process. What was that convention that had the ball pit?

Dashcon. Dashcon, yeah. Because I'm thinking next RTX, we could potentially have a big spaghetti pit, a big sleep spaghetti pit. Do you think we do a sleep spaghetti pit? I think so. Didn't that adult actress jump in that ball pit recently and break her back?

Yes, that was at TwitchCon. TwitchCon, yeah. Wait, what happened? Adriana Chechnik, I think. They always talk about her on the YMH podcast. She jumped into a foam pit and literally broke her back. Oh, God. I think I heard about that.

Yeah. Yeah. Had to have surgery and stuff, like emergency surgery and stuff. Terrible. Awful. Just terrible. If we're shifting gears out of the lab, unless we're still in the lab for the juice, I don't know where the juice lands. I'm juicing grapes as we speak.

So feel free to take us out. I just have a shot. I wanted to, I wanted to bring up that the Panton collection comes out. Oh no. On 8 25, which is just a couple of weeks away. It'll be Friday the 25th at 10 a.m.

And the patent collection is something that we've waited on for a long time. Yes. And I just sort of want to give... No! So I have stopped going to merch meetings because it felt awkward them saying the patent collection. I didn't really know what it is.

That's horrendous. Andrew, that's not it. We have your face on a ball of lava that you can buy. No! Yeah. No! We also have... That looks so bad.

It's also a sunshade for your car, but it's also... Yeah, koozie down there. But it's also a koozie. Oh! No! Oh, no! It's basically anything that needs to have a wraparound design.

How do you... It is... And I will say, that is true. You have stopped coming to these meetings. And that's fine. You cannot come to the meetings. It's okay. But then this happens.

I like going to them. On the one side of the sunshade is Andrew's giant face. Oh, no. And on the other side of this sunshade, I'm a really big fan of. If I can get this thing to paste. There we go. It says, that way it's facing the inside of your car. It says regulation.

Oh, that's awesome. That's great. I will say that we have gone through a few iterations of Andrew faced balaclavas, and Goovicon, who helped us with the Sloppy Joe's Bingo site, actually received one of these because these were all test samples of andrew's it looks like the end result of a rip-off mission impossible

um there are different so you can see that there's different ways of andrew's face being interpreted here where there's like a mouth hole there's no mouth hole there's bunching there's double layered whatever but Gooby Con has a one and only he has one of these that's signed by Jeff that I asked him not to share but he can share it now because it is fucking insane looking you know what that picture

looks like to me it looks like Anthony Hopkins laid his clothes out for the day and he's trying to figure out what he wants to wear in Silence of the Lambs. It's like when the Mrs. Doubtfire mask lands in the street and gets run over. It's so bad. I love the fact that especially in the first one you posted, Eric,

I can't help but notice that the seam, the join, is on the front. It's right in the chin and between the... Why is it on the front it's right in the chin and between the why is it on the back it's so horrendous i i love it the neck looks awful it's so it's so fucked but we will have these on sale on the 25th which is just a couple of weeks away uh store.roosterteeth.com is where you can grab them or a sunshade for your car where it looks like that's how you make a skin for Andrew's face for The Sims 2.

And you may be saying to yourself, why would we make a balaclava of Andrew's face? And I'll tell you right now because Gavin gets cold in the winter and he wants to wear a balaclava around outside but he doesn't want to look like a criminal. So now he just looks like another dude. He a nice that's where this all started is gavin wanted a nice balaclava that people wouldn't be like intimidated by him wearing yeah so we skinned andrew's face and we put it on

i also had the idea that potentially if we ever do in-person stuff andrew should only appear in his own Battle of Clavabosk. Oh. Well, the nice thing about it is if you wear it, nobody will think you kick children. So that's just a plus. There'll be no accusations of that. They'll just think you ate them.

Yeah. So behind the scenes talk, these have been in the e-com office office since april maybe march or april yeah yeah for a while yeah and uh tony and that crew have been wearing them around the building for off and on for months scaring the shit out of people it is it's become a thing over there it's it's the worst thing we've ever made and therefore my favorite yeah awful it's pretty great i'm really excited i think i think having a koozie with your face while wearing your face like i'll be like drinking a soda with your face on the koozie sitting in my car wearing your face

on my face while my sunshade with your face is up and it's's pretty exciting. One of my collection, going to be good stuff. One of my favorite conversations I've had in the history of working for the company was the conversation about whether it should have a mouth hole or not. And just like how seriously

we took it, trying on the mask, which is creepy, which is creepier, which is just creepy enough. Like there were a lot. The audience doesn't know this, but a whole lot of conversation and work and debate went into whether that thing has a mouth hole or not it's so bad it's so bad i will be at the next meeting

someone's got some notes i i think that um you know the the face rtx break show had all the uh the grown tubes the next one's gonna like the weirdest cult in the world freaks can't wait it's just really like man i i can't wait for people to have this and the image like the pictures that we're gonna get from people is going to be so exciting. Why in summer are we getting this? So that way you have it for winter and you're used to wearing it all day, every day, and you can stay warm. It's perfect.

If you're in a group that has an evil plan, you don't have to wear mascot outfits. Now you can just all wear these. Oh, man. It's like the beginning of point break Gavin congratulations man

you're gonna be so toasty warm this winter I'm gonna be so warm that's great thank you for giving that update Eric I can't believe we've managed to go this long without Andrew accidentally seeing that it's pretty cool how's your juice

I got grape all down my leg it slid down the handle oh were you wearing the shocks oh i'm not i should have you know you gotta get safety shocks on i gotta get my safety shocks on i don't know how it happened it poured down the handle i put too many grapes in, I guess, and it overflowed, and it went down the handle. Oh, the juicer handle? Down my leg. Yeah, it went down the juicer handle, poured down my leg like a fucking spout. Oh, my God.

Oh, God. Okay, well, I'm going to have a shower after this. I'm sticky already. I'm covered in fucking grape juice. Hey, I, uh. We're getting there. So, did you end up putting the grape with the lemon, or what? Not yet. I'm juicing my second set of juice end up putting the grape with the lemon or what? Not yet.

I'm juicing my second set of juice. I got the grape watermelon mixed. I'm getting the grape and the lemon. Are you going to juice everything first? Do you want me to or do you want me to just take the shot? I think you should get everything ready and then we'll go down the line. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. So that's what I'm doing. I'm in the process of doing that. I was thinking the other day about the time where I got hit in the face with a piece of tree while I was lying out in the sun. And I thought it was Jeff. I was thinking of other times. Have you ever,

have you ever been injured, but you don't know what did it just like that moment? Yeah. Constantly. Like when waking up. Oh yeah. Like you get hurt in the night. I've been followed by a gentle ghost for a few years now.

It was constantly invisibly pushing me into shit. I was once in the, in the woods with a bunch of friends, and there was this area where, like, a bunch of trees next to each other had been cut down, and all the stumps were the same height, so I was just lying on my back on all these stumps, and some girl who I had a little bit of a crush on at the time, she just walked over to me and was looking down at me while at the time she just walked over to me and was looking down at me while while we're having a conversation and at one point i shut my eyes and then i got such a impact in my kidneys i think she kicked me really hard in the kidneys but it was so painful i just rolled off the stump and my eyes were shut and when i looked back around she was like with other people and

i couldn't figure out what happened and i'm pretty sure someone just it might have been her just booted me right in the side really hard and i almost blacked out but i still don't know what happened and i was i didn't want to go over to everyone and be like hey did someone kick so i just like sucked up the pain and i was just quiet for a bit but i just really don't know what happened i would love to if i could see my life from alternate angles that would be one of the moments i just i don't know what happened have you ever had that not in that way i think it's hilarious the idea of like there's so many unsolved mysteries and if you had the ability to go back in time and witness what really occurred

yours is what happened to you on the stump yeah you can avoid it all the great yo an absolute waste she definitely kicked you in the kidney you're just gonna get confirmation of what you already know that was also one there was a different one where i was walking home with one of my friends and sometimes we'd have a little scrap we'd like try and uh like trip each other up and shit and we're having a scrap and i i accidentally like grabbed him and tripped him but he banged his face on the floor when we fell over i was like oh you're you're right because it was like friendly fighting and he was like oh shit and uh i was like picking up my backpack which had fallen off and he was like you know in a little bit of pain he's probably like 10 feet away further up and then all of a sudden i had a tremendous pain in the side of my knee and it like dropped me like it you know when you hit like the side of your knee

and your leg just collapses yeah i just went down and i couldn't figure out what happened i don't know if he threw something or but he just kept going and i was just on the floor rolling around for about a minute just like oh and I could barely stand up. And I would also need to know what happened to me there. Like, did he throw a stone at my knee? I never asked him. Isn't it all possible

that you are the reason why Jeff has a gentle ghost in his life? That the gentle ghost has been fucking with you for a long time. Oh, and I shook him. Then when you went to America, you shook him off and it picked up on Jeff.

You son of a bitch. You little, you little prick. Did you shook him off and it picked up on Jeff. You son of a bitch. You little prick. Did you get gentle ghosted before we met? No! Because I haven't been hurt since the tree thing. I've been hurt, but not by unknowns.

You motherfucker. That's not cool. I'm sorry. It's like It Follows follows now I gotta figure out how to give the curse to Nick or something sorry I think you have to get hit by something like a piece of tree and then it transfers to the person you think

through it oh there you go I really like the idea of it follows but not knowing how to pass it on to the next person you just have to keep trying things you have sex with them, it doesn't work. You're like, oh, God. Well, that was a waste of time.

It tries. It tries. Oh, man. Hey, I got a couple of little like housecleaning things if you guys don't mind. I'd love to hear them. One, recently it's come...

We've talked about it. I got my Jim's Award achievement after all those years. Congratulations. Thanks. And then I decided to just go ahead and get the rest of the achievements. And the day I was wrapping it up, they released new achievements, which is fucking annoying. So I have one more to go again.

Yeah, it gets worse. It gets worse. I have one more to go again i have yeah it gets worse it gets worse i have one more to go fuck you jeff no i have one it's not related to me in any way but it's i have one more to get that's gonna take me a couple months uh but then uh you know i don't i got dm'd by somebody at the jim's award company and they were like congratulating me on getting the achievement they were like hey we're glad you finally got it i think they were like probably like took you fucking long enough you know but they were polite about it and uh and they go you know we've been kicking around ideas in the office and i think uh i think we might have another achievement coming headed your way and i was like god damn it so i guess there may they there i don't know there may be a fuck you

jeff coming do you think it'll be like a lifetime one it'd be like 10 times the amount I don't know I don't know that I have it in me honestly like I'm I'm yeah I don't I don't think I'm on my back nine yet but I'm pretty close you know like at some point you gotta you gotta look at how much life you have left and determine where you want to spend it um the funniest part is your opinion on this doesn't matter but what what will happen is you'll enrage an entire community at gyms of war players. Yeah. And you have no say in the matter,

but people are going to be so pissed when another insane achievement gets added. And if it had my name on it, I don't know that it'd be any way I could physically not get it. You know? Yeah. It just feels like a, it feels like a requirement.

Another thing is, you know, those Allen and Ginter baseball cards that we open up sometimes that they have like, that's where the egg was. Remember the egg that I got you, Gev? Was this a baseball card with an egg? Yes. And they have like sandwiches and stuff.

Well, the new cards are coming out in a couple weeks and they haven't released the full card list, so I don't know, but they have released like what the different inserts and stuff are. And they have one called Talented. And it says it's a bird based insert focusing on formidable claws. So I think there's a really good chance there might be a Falcon card about to hit the market. So we should keep our eyes open for that. And one other little thing.

Yeah, we can open on the break show if I can get up. Do you remember the Hamburglar? We had that conversation about the Hamburglar yeah oh yeah that guy Grady Dick yeah Grady Dick I got a Grady Dick baseball card or basketball card I have to share with you guys it's so funny I really want you guys to see it let me anyway the break shows

on 4 p.m. on Mondays on Rooster Teeth and our YouTube channel and then you can watch the VOD the recorded show later while jeff is looking for this thing yeah i figured that might be a good place to plug it since you were talking about cards cut all this out all right here we go great thanks man here you go look at this fucking car if uh if for the audience uh he's wearing it. It's pretty dick.

He looks like the little kid from Soul Plane. Yeah. A lot of people are saying, I know you guys don't watch the show, but a lot of people are saying he looks like BJ on Righteous Gemstones. It looks like what he would look like if the burglary went well. Anyway, you can check it out on the Instagram. It's his it's it's it's like a tops now baseball or card they released but it's his outfit on draft night he's wearing black sunglasses actually andrew you nailed it with the with soul man i think it's exactly what it looks

like and he's wearing this red suit that looks like it's made out of sparkle yeah there you go there's bj he looks like ruby rod i don't know who that is who is ruby rod well from this chris tucker of fifth element oh yeah i could see that yeah that's a great card thanks are you gonna get that card graded are you gonna try to get a 10 gem mint of that yeah maybe i'll see if I can get it graded. Wherever you're going, you better believe American Express will be right there with you. Heading for adventure? We'll help you breeze through security. Meeting friends a world away? You can use your travel credit.

Squeezing every drop out of the last day? How about a 4 p.m. late checkout? Just need a nice place to settle in enjoy your room upgrade wherever you go we'll go together that's the powerful backing of american express visit amex.ca slash ymx benefits vary by card terms apply i have a uh a cpap update oh oh you're you're farting on stop, right? Oh yeah, filling me with air. It still does that. So I'm sort of trying to use it and try a different shit.

I tried having the CPAP up my nose and taping my mouth shut. Still filling me with air. Then I just tried the mouth tape alone. I tried it the night before last. Taping my mouth shut. And then coincidentally at the same time, food poisoning.

Oh no. Now the mouth tape has a little sort of i think an emergency breathing hole it was it was it was a pressure hose it i i threw up in the night and it came out jetting through that slit and then which caused some sort of back flow through my sinuses shot out my nose and it was just all bile and it was it made my whole head spicy and tingly it was probably the worst experience and then after that i just shat myself for about 24 hours just shitting liquid again awful probably the worst combination of things to happen at the same time so the the second time i tried taping my mouth shut, I threw up through it. Let's...

Oh my god, that's so gross! Let's go through this step by step. So, you went to bed normal, you felt fine. Yeah. And you put that thing on your mouth. Yep. And then in the middle of the night you woke up nauseous? I woke up throwing up.

So you woke up in the act of throwing up? Oh no. I woke up throwing up So you woke up in the act of throwing up I woke up with my It honestly felt like I woke up With someone's fist in my mouth Oh my god Did you throw up all over your bed And all your sheets and stuff Yep and a bit of the wall

It just shot out It like blew through that Blew out of my nose and then blew out And then like kind of blew the tape off Because it was forceful. It's like, uh, so like in The Exorcist, kind of. Yeah. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

And to get the feeling out of my face, to get it to, like, stop being all, like, stomach acid-y. Yeah. It took, like, over a day. Yeah, once that gets up in your nostrils and shit, it's like it's there for a while. It's like burns. Are you done with taping your mouth? Or is that... Yeah, forever. Are you going to...

Yeah, you can't. That's not viable anymore. Oh my God. I'm so sorry that happened to you. That's terrible. Yeah. What are the odds? What are the odds?

Do you feel different as a human? Like has this experience changed you? I would be disturbed by this. Do you feel different as a human? Like has this experience changed you? I would be disturbed by this Do you think this was your Vietnam? Well it means Basically anytime I throw up after this It's never gonna be that worse That's a great point, well you'd hope

I'm trying to think of like I don't know if I tend to fate like that Yeah not to get too gross But I'm imagining like you're snorkeling And you puked in a snorkel that'd be pretty bad yeah outside of that from the surface of the water just a load of food come flying out like a whale blowhole but it's vomit and then uh curry and a shark would probably eat you because yeah it was chum oh so how many

let's talk about the shitting how was that like how was that it was bad i was holding my ass closed again because it was just in that you know it's in that water phase where if you're not actively closing your ass something could leak out something that feels like a fart or even just a bubble could be liquid i sat through all all of Always Open yesterday just with my hands pressing my bum cheeks closed. How does it compare to when you were dating Meg that time and you shit on the plane seven times? It was maybe 80% of the way towards that. But that was even more uncontrollable. That was the point where

any time I lost consciousness, my underwear would be soaking wet. With just bum water. I need to drink stuff later, okay? Can we calm down? One last question and then I'm off of it. What do you think gave you food poisoning? Do you have any idea? I mean, I could name the establishment.

Yeah, please do. So he has an idea. A lovely place, a little underground place called... Oh. I had to get this. I had the poo-poo platter, and it was not good. That's sort of on you. That's on me.

That's your fault. I will say, the food was good. The experience afterwards was not good. And maybe, even more annoyingly, the person I was with, absolutely fine. And we shared it. So, sod knows what one single piece of bad meat I ate. But that is always the icing on the cake. Is that the place that's like behind a place

and underground and then there's like, it's like all pirate themed kind of? Yeah, and if you spend like $99 on a shared drink, you get a light show and explosions and stuff. Yes, yes. Yeah, we didn't do that, but we saw another table get it. I went there with Emily and some friends and let me tell you, that's a place

that, uh, for a guy who not the coolest place to hang out if you don't drink anymore it's like it's it's kind of all uh like like uh centered around celebrating drinking together in like

colorful ways yeah and like sharing like one drink four straws sort of situation there was one drink that had I think it was made of 13 different rums. Yeah. Didn't go for that. Wow. But yeah, it was a nice place.

Good atmosphere. Lovely staff. Delicious food. Terrible aftermath. Do you think you'll go back? Oh, not for a bit. I'll give it a year maybe. Was that your first time there?

Yeah. Oh no. I thought I had a bad sleep with the sleep spaghetti. I will say a point I forgot to bring up. I did fall asleep at the bottom of the pile, and then I had an itchy face, and it was alarming trying to get to my face. It was not a good experience.

I just went for a quick scratch, and then I had to go through an obstacle course of noodle. It was not fun. Another negative about the sleep spaghetti experience i have a question for you jeff okay and i've i've run this by gavin as we're talking about uh butt stuff i had a thought okay when do you think how long did it take from the point in which fire was discovered like created the first fire was made to the point that we realized farts were flammable how long was that do you think that was an immediate realization do you think that took some time what is the context of the first flammable fart here Here's a question. Do you think, so do you think it predates humans

or I guess, or Cro-Magnon or whatever, wherever we were evolutionary at the time, do you think it predates when human entities learned how to create fire? Because, you know, like lightning would strike and a tree would catch on fire and there would be fire. Do you think anybody ever saw

a tree on fire from a lightning strike and then ran up and farted on it? Or do you think we had to learn... Do you think humans had to learn how to create and then control fire before they then learned to start doing things like farting on it?

Yeah, I think probably they would have had to have created it first would be my assumption. Yeah, I think so too. I think so too. I would assume that the first fire fart was accidental on the day the first bonfire was made. You think it's the first? I think it would have taken a while.

I don't think it would be immediate. Uh, well, now hold on a second. How many times a day do you fart? Yeah, 13 to 21 times a day, the average humans fart. So if you figure you've got your first fire and there's probably everybody, like everybody in the cave is excited about it, right? Like it's like the talk of the town. So you probably got like 18 or 20 neanderthals

all crowded around and they don't have social graces at all and they probably they're pretty dumb right uh evolutionary brain brain size so they're they're into stupid sophomoric potty humor i bet farts happen so frequently that it could have it could have happened on day one do you think that they made a fire inside their cave and everyone died of carbon monoxide? Yes. I also think... That must have happened somewhere.

Yes, or like one person crawled out and was like... And put two and two together and realized to make the fire closer to the mouth of the cave. Yeah. I mean, that's how you learn, right? Trial and error.

A plausible scenario for when it would have happened is somebody trying to put out the fire in a funny way. Like, I could see somebody thinking that, like, oh, I'm gonna go do this and everyone will laugh and then they would get a surprise when they realize, oh, shit. Or like blowing out a birthday candle. Yeah, exactly, but with your ass

and then the fire came back and nipped them. But then I wondered, if that did happen happen there would have to be a question of is steve's farts flammable and only steve's or is everybody do we all got flammable farts can we weaponize this in some way potentially if we're shooting out fire like what what are the different angles i wonder i that were approached upon discovery i was thinking of it from a different angle like let's say you're the first person who figures out that you can fart into a fire and and and you know make a stream make a little blowtorch does that change the balance of power in the cave like are you now elevated as like like if you were just like an average joe are you now like

the chief like it's like the lion having the biggest mane yeah exactly exactly like that you've now demonstrated your like your dominance in some way over over fire over the elements like do you suddenly get elevated to like chieftain i think it depends on your reaction to the stream touching you i think that goes one of two ways. You either are at the top of the pyramid after that or the absolute bottom. You get ranked down if you if you like scream or whatever. Hmm. If it really bites you.

Do you think anybody like back in those days, if anybody had like a particularly bad fart and like really gassed a place out? Do you think people ever got killed for that like for being a witch yeah like your farts were so bad it like it bummed or scared the rest of the cave crew I think honestly you would have been killed for some of yours

you're trying to argue it's just the acoustics of the cave where you sleep well did you tell them Andrew what you were gonna do You're trying to argue it's just the acoustics of the cave where you sleep? Well, did you tell them, Andrew, what you were going to do? Well, that was okay. So the follow-up is if the idea, my thought was, okay, you can shoot fire out of your ass. Maybe we can weaponize this.

I wondered if someone were to fart a bunch of times into like a jar and then tied a sealed it up and then put like a cloth around the top with a sealed lid lit the thing on fire could you make a molotov cocktail out of gas just by fart but i was saying the whole point of the rag is that it likes you it gets some of the liquid on it so it's easy to light i don't know what what's the rag is that it like you it gets some of the liquid on it so it's easy to light i don't know what what's the rag gonna be doing what's the source of the fire so you light the rag you've got fire you throw it the jar breaks the gas releases and a little fireball comes out i don't think there's enough gas in a fart to have that amount of pressure but what about several what if it was like a day's worth well the trouble is every time you go for a new fart in there, there's no way you're going to get a good seal. Or you need a valve or something on your anus.

It would have to be pretty specialized equipment. I feel like it would have to be attached to your anus. And there would have to be a nozzle fed into your anus with like an on-off valve that you can yeah you know what i mean that you can turn on just so there's no possibility of escape i i was thinking it would have like one of those beaker corks with the straws going through it with like a non-return valve at the end that's the only way you're keeping stuff in yeah but if okay let's just say that that is all a thing that happens that like we do find a way to do this and you can store them like all the mechanisms of getting it are are figured out do you think it would work like if

you you could do that does the science even work for that is what i wonder yeah like if you could solve the other stuff i wonder if the science itself works what a fireball or what does it like because it's it's like methane from your ass right but then do you need oxygen like does it only work in a oxygen rich environment too like do you also need to be pumping other gases in there with it i don't know i i yeah i don't know i don't have the answer to that i'm just curious no i think it's it i think as soon as you throw it with the fire and then the it explodes the the oxygen rushes in and that's your oxygen-rich environment. I bet you could make a... I mean, I don't think you're gonna...

I wouldn't try to overthrow a small government with it or anything, but I think you could probably have some sort of a reaction. How about this? Do you think anybody has ever lit a Molotov cocktail out of their ass? Just by

not filled it with gas, but just had a regular Molotov cocktail out of their ass just by like not filled it with gas but just like had a regular Molotov cocktail and then use their ass as like a flamethrower just to light what a way to start a revolution if you really

want to make an entrance yeah I don't think it's been done before it's something I at least have to think about you could be dude you'd be you can be the next Che Guevara. People would be wearing your t-shirts for the next 150

years if you figure out how to light pot, if you light, start a light a revolution with only your asshole. Light a revolution is such a great name for the true story behind this person. So are you gonna attempt this? I don't know if I have the

equipment to do it, but I'm very curious about it. I'm sure somebody out there is smarter than us and knows science in a way that could break this down. Eric has doubts. He says he can't even juice this fruit. No, the fruit's juiced. It is all good to go. Okay.

I will say I did realize that I forgot to buy bananas. So I'm gonna, next time, we'll do the banana one, but I got the two of the three. I'm just staring them down. I'm kind of scared to buy bananas. So I'm gonna, next time we'll do the banana one, but I got the two of the three. I'm just staring them down. I'm kind of scared to drink it. I think we'll wait until near the end of the show because I don't know what the reaction will be. What'd you guys do while I was out of town? I had a realization. So I've been

writing stuff down because, you know, like I didn't know the caps lock key and all that stuff. So whenever I have a question I've started writing it down or like a realization just to have. I realized, and this might be something that's very obvious to everyone else, that we go through five seasons every year. I had never thought about that. It's a five season year. We go through five seasons a year?

Every year has five seasons that you go through. Okay. Because you go through winter twice? Yeah. You have two different winters every year. I never thought about that. So this is the problem, and I'd love to hear your guys' thoughts on this. We are recording the Summer of 98 content tomorrow, and we talked about if we enjoy

that, then doing something similar as the Winter of 98 content tomorrow. And we talked about if we enjoyed that, then doing something similar as like the winter of 98. And so I thought, okay, if we do, what is the definitive movie of the winter of 98? I realized you have two choices. You either have to use December from 98 and then January and February, which are the furthest months apart and feel ridiculous, or December of 98,

and then the January and February 99, which equally feels as ridiculous, if not more. I think you gotta go with the former over the latter. I know it doesn't make, I know it doesn't really make sense, but I think it's gotta be within the bounds of the year, so you gotta go January, February, December.

I agree. It just seems ridiculous. It's inelegant. Yeah, it's got to be within the bounds of the year. So you got to go January, February, December. I agree. It just seems ridiculous. It's inelegant. Yeah, it's not ideal. Yeah, it's not. Time not being linear in that way is very off-putting. Is that why you never really hear about the winter of 45? Like, is it going to be either end?

I'm going to google winter of 45 that's probably lots of war I picked a bad year yeah not a good winter the Dutch famine of 1944-1945 popularly known in the Netherlands as the hunger winter was one of the major European World War II famines

yeah it's not fun but that was my realization I have this problem with like the NBA. I feel like because it spans, like, it goes over. Like, it just doesn't make sense. Baseball's all in one year. Baseball's the only sport that gets it right in that regard. Because hockey and football do the same shit.

Yeah. Even college football now, yeah. It's like, oh, yeah, the, like, you know, the 2012 season. It's like, oh yeah, the 2012 season. It's like the 2012 season or the 2013 season or the 2011 season? It's that. I don't like that. The year it starts is that season? Yeah, they call it, like in NBA

they say like the 2020, like right now we're in the 2023 2024 season. Right, isn't that a cool way to put it? Like sports games always have the year ahead of the year you're in. It'll just say that. Yeah. Yeah.

Yep. Yeah, exactly. That's exactly why. Like we'll get Madden 24 this year. See, it doesn't make any sense. I don't like it. No, it doesn't. It's very confusing.

No. Oh, can I tell you guys something cool I saw recently? Please. So when I was in Michigan for the last uh for that little vacation um i was in the like detroit dearborn gross point uh area and they have uh apparently ford is a big deal in michigan i guess uh they uh revolutionized the world or something and so that everything is ford uh there's like a ford museum there's a Ford house. There's this place called Greenfield Village, which Henry Ford had built like in the 1920s. It's the prototype.

It was the inspiration for Disneyland. It's like this period. I assume like very similar to what you went to when you went to Colonial Williamsburg on a vacation for some reason, Gavin. Yeah. Like everybody dresses in like period appropriate garb and stuff. But they've built like an entire town. And you can like, it takes more than a day to go through it. And they have like a train that goes through it and you can like get taxis

that are model teas that drive you around. And they, uh, they did the craziest thing though, is that in this Greenfield village, because Henry Ford had more money than God, he just bought everything. Cool.

He bought the Wright Brothers bicycle shop, like the actual building where they invented the plane. And he just moved it and then set it down in Greenfield Village. And then he bought their house and he did the same thing. He bought Thomas Edison's laboratory from New Jersey

and had it brought over and rebuilt right there. And you can go in and tour it and go through all their stuff. Wow. So they have just all this crazy Americana effemina. And in the museum, like the main museum, they have some, they go fucking hard. I saw the chair Lincoln was assassinated in.

Dog. It's still, yeah. It still has like dark spots on it. It's just fucking sitting there, dude. In a museum in Michigan. I never would have thought that that would be something that would be in a museum. I guess it makes sense. You don't think Detroit and all this famous gruesome stuff. I saw the car

Kennedy was assassinated in. I was right there. They just have all this shit where people died. And it's right there. Crazy thing about that Kennedy car where people died and it's right there. Crazy thing about that Kennedy car, you know,

the one where he got popped? Uh-huh. You would think that they would retire that car. They didn't. They cleaned it up and kept using it.

They used it for two more presidents. No way. It's evidence. Yeah. They built a special roof on it and then they continued using it until like 1977

or something so who was the guy when when lincoln got done in the theater or whatever yeah did who was the like how quickly between the bullet entering his head was someone like oh i could sell this chair for a lot like what was the time period between those two events somebody's trying to unscrew the chair yeah it's like anyone can i buy this chair dude i have no idea but something else that's even fucking weirder about that chair is that dude died in the theater right yeah like watching a play and uh and in the theater what do we do we're we fucking quiet and we we mind our p's and q's and we don't make noise it's a rocking chair why would you have a rocking chair in a theater i mean it's if you're the president i feel like i would want a rocking chair if i could demand a

rocking chair anywhere i'm always demanding a rocking chair had wd-40 been invented by that point no i don't think well i don't know i don't think so but who knows was it just one rocking chair and the rest were fixed or were they they all rockers? I don't know. Maybe he only rolled in rocking chairs. Maybe that was like, it was like in his rider. They just knew ahead of time. It was green M&Ms and rocking chairs for President Lincoln. What a weird historical item to look at.

Yeah. I mean, they had other non-depressing stuff, too. The car that Tupac was shot in as well? Like, what other assassination memorabilia was there? I didn't see any other assassination memorabilia that i can remember that was the stuff that just really stood out they had other presidential cars where presidents didn't die in them they had a lot of airplanes and old cars and shit they built a uh a holiday inn motel in the middle of it as an exhibit so you can like go in like a 1950s first run holiday and motel and see like what it looked like is kind of cool.

They had a exhibit. I just fucking weird collection of stuff. They had an exhibit that was an entire like two rooms. That's just every single hallmark Christmas ornament ever made. Oh, wow. It's like, I was telling Eric,

there's like, it's like Snoopy town, dude. There's like 10,000. Yeah. There'd be a lot000 Snoopy Towns. Yeah, there'd be a lot of Snoopy. He would have been in fucking heaven. He would have been jacking off left and right.

What? Anyway. What do you think I do? Right next to Lincoln's death. What? I don't ask. I don't know. Oh,

don't come on the chair. You're in Snoopy Town. What the fuck? Get away from the car as well. There's no safe place to come in here. Get off that Wright Brothers's bicycle get out of snoopy why is there so many historical objects in this museum not on the hindenburg anyway uh that's a cool place but i was just blown away that you could just go to a museum

and just see all the things that people sat in when they got assassinated would you be pissed if someone monetized your assassination? No. No. I think I'd be indifferent at that stage. Yeah. I feel like the money should go to the family at least. Well, maybe it does. Maybe they'll work out a cut or something. I don't know. You know, if I

would have seen Lincoln's death chair without context, I would assume that was just a retired Santa chair. It has real Santa chair vibes. Yeah, it really does. Look at it. It really does.

It looks like North Pole style. Was any of the ceiling from above Hitler there? I didn't look. It was mostly American shit, you know, so I don't know. You might have to go to the BMW or the Mercedes museum in Germany. Could you imagine pulling that as like a trading card,

as like a set, like one of 99 Lincoln's death chair? The exhaust from the JFK car. I don't, you're saying, Gavin, do you want your assassination to be monetized? I would be more upset about the fact that JFK was the beta tester for what they need to do to prevent it. They threw a hood on or whatever Jeff said, or a roof.

They changed it. They took notes from what happened and then made adjustments. I'm pretty sure they'd already figured that out back then. He was just in a convertible for some reason. Well, there weren't a lot of assassinations back then, so they hadn't had been in need. Yeah, I don't think that that was a problem they felt they had to solve,

and then they're like, well, we clearly can't have that happen again. Well, when was Franz Ferdinand? That was way before, yeah, that was World War I. Winter of 48. There's the car. You can see they put that special, like, roof over it. Yeah, now I would have,

if I was a ghost and I was JFK, I'd be like, couldn't have done that before had to do that after didn't i think he before i i think it existed but they i honestly think it existed but they took it off because it was a nice day i want to say i want to say they said that that there was like a little thing that said that like like they had the roof and they could have been on but it was just like a really nice day. And they were like, let's take the top off. And then, you know, they took his top off. Yeah.

Yeah. Then he ended up in a museum. Ended up in a museum. We're getting close to the end of the show here. And I want to make sure that we have time for Andrew to drink. Okay. Explain what he's done and how he's done it and what he's doing and what he drinks

because I need to know what these flavor combinations are. Okay, so I'm going to post a photo of what it currently looks like, this monstrosity. Real mess of a juice situation we got going on. What flavors are? It's watermelon

and grape and then lemon and grape. I don't have banana i will do banana and the other one uh next time they look pretty good i feel like watermelon grape is gonna be delicious i think grape lemon is gonna be a real problem all the smushed grapes just tucked behind well yeah i i realized that with the watermelon, if I didn't clean the chamber, the juice would just shoot out the handle. So we had to take them out. I will be eating this fruit later because it is delicious. I'm about to I'm going to go for the grape watermelon right now.

Grape watermelon. I've never heard of that combination before in my life. And that's the one on the left. No, the right one. Yeah, the red one. Trying it. That was that was not good. That. No look on the right one. Yeah, the red one trying it That was that was not good That was supposed to be the good one wait. What's the ratio? What's the ratio? How much grape to watermelon?

It was equal parts grape to watermelon green grape to watermelon. I went equal parts on all things What do you think's ruining it it that is way more sour than I thought it would be I don't know why it's so sour sour grapes That is way more sour than I thought it would be. I don't know why it's so sour. Sour grapes? Sour grapes. It is a expression. I think the grape probably overpowers the watermelon. You probably want to go to like a 30, 70 mix.

Yeah, I think there needs to be some modifying. I think like 20 grape, 80 watermelon is probably the best. Well, I think you need to just have straight up watermelon and straight up grape to see if you hate one of them. Oh. Okay, well, I'm going to do this again, so I'll have all the drinks ready next yeah, I won't bring the lab to the show Okay, so now I'm gonna try I'm gonna try the lemon and the color on the lemon one is so lemony man I don't know you can tell that it's starting to separate that there's clearly like a bottom layer That's gonna be all lemon. Also, I wonder

if there's a difference between green grapes and red grapes. I assume there would be. Definitely, for flavor, yeah. I felt green was better than red as far as what this test would be. It's not, but yeah, that's fine. Why is it not? Why is red equally good? For juicing, I don't

think a green grape is going to give you what you want, which is sweet. It's going to give you a little bit more of a kind of tart you know i would argue with you but that was very sour what i just consumed so you may be you may be dead on right there so maybe the grape adjustment as well are you guys familiar with cotton candy grapes yeah no they're yeah they're nickets those are the best tasting grapes on earth so good. Are they like injected or are they just bred to taste like that? They're just bred to taste like that. Yeah, I don't think they taste like cotton candy at all. They don't.

They just taste good as fuck. Yeah, they just taste like good. They taste like very, very sweet grapes. I don't know. The cotton candy thing is hilarious. Yeah. So I don't know, Andrew. What do you think of these new flavors you've invented?

So far, first one not great. I'm about to take down the second one. Here we go. Oh, no. new flavors you've invented. So far, first one not great. I'm about to take down the second one. Here we go. That sounded like an Andrew Dice Clay impression. Oh, it's so sour. You just drank straight lemon juice. It's so sour. But it's good.

That was actually better than the first one. It just is really sour. I bet that one would be sold by a smoothie company as like an immunity boost of some sort. Oh, my face is tingling. Oh, what would you do differently with that one? Um. I... Too much lemon? I didn't really taste a lot of grape, I would say.

So probably more grape and a little less lemon, but that was actually... Was that half and half again? That was half and half again. Ooh, that's a lot of lemon. Yeah, no, I felt it. It actually... But that...

The sour was very overpowering but the actual taste itself was not bad i i think the problem is is it's not bad because it's essentially just tastes like lemonade so there's not like an angle to invent an actual drink out of that it's just everything i'm thinking of that would make it taste a little bit better is just turning it into lemonade well maybe we could learn what you didn't like about the first one if you just had lemon and watermelon. Yeah, but watermelon lemonade exists. It does. That's true.

Hmm. Yeah. We're trying to break new ground. Yeah. Good point. Okay. Well, I think this was a successful lab. We've learned some things.

I've taken some notes. I've adjusted some levels. Yeah. Thanks for bringing us into the lab. We've learned some things. I've taken some notes. I've adjusted some levels. Yeah, thanks for bringing us into the lab. Absolutely. Of course. It was my pleasure to do so. I will be back next episode

with a few more drinks. Yeah, that sounds great. I guess we should probably wrap this up then. I will, Andrew, I will endeavor to be back as well. I was also going to do some experiments. I can't wait to see your lab work. Yeah, I mean, we'll see how it to, to be back as well. I was also gonna, gonna do some experiments. I can't wait to see your lab work.

Yeah. I mean, we'll see how it differs. Well, we can compare and contrast and, uh, hopefully we'll have that, uh,

next week. I'll have, uh, ice cream gloves V2 ready pretty soon too. God, that's very exciting. That's very exciting. Uh,

all right. I guess, I guess we should wrap it up then. Um, well, there you go. You, uh, you made it all the way through. I, I, assuming it up then. Well, there you go. You made it all the way through. Assuming that you're listening to this right now.

If you're not listening, you didn't make it through. There's no point in talking to you. You're not one of the real ones. Everybody else, though, we really appreciate it. And here's a little tip. I just got into this new band called Clowncore. I recommend everybody else get into it, too. They play in a porta potty.

And I'm going to go see them play live next month and they are going to play on stage in the porta potty. Do they let the crowd get in there one by one? I don't know. I can't wait to find out. Ta-ta! Bye! That was such a villain laugh by Nick.

That was alarming. I don't know. Ta-ta got me. Hey, guys. Major League fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. Eric is famous. Everyone forgot about it. Penn has a lot of things to say.

Gavin can carry two men. Jeff made a smoothie. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face.