Regulation Podcast - In The Owl City Lab // Andrew Got A Cock [192]

Episode Date: February 7, 2024

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Payday 3, sending Gavin to the Owl City lab, measuring the brightness of 10 million fireflies, ear patterned baldness, buying bugs online, Ladybug Johnson, nursemaid Tittle, the things we could get away with in a hi-vis vest, high school football field dick chain, how invisible is Nick?, the kitchen day competitions, keeping your guard up with a sleeping mask, Andrew’s hamstring injury, zodiac based financial predictions, Chinese New Year animals and elements, Andrew got a cock, the “it all happens” invite, the Missing Children Milk Carton program, food related advertising efforts, best newspaper section to eat, grip strength, the ball squeeze, and more. Sponsored by BetterHelp http://betterhelp.com/face , DraftKings Sportsbook Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app now and use code REGULATION Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I wonder how many balloons I could fill with a can of compressed air. It's a great question. I don't know that it's a great question, but it's an interesting question. Hello and welcome to the F*** Face Podcast. My name is Jeff Ramsey. With me, as always, Andrew Panton and Gavin Free this is what episode 192 I believe is that right shit did I get that right is it is it guys you're going in and out of the fish tank for me I don't you can hear him but only kind of right yeah like his sounds fine

for a minute and then he goes underwater and then he emerges again yeah oh you guys are having a problem with my audio yeah now you sound good. Yeah, there's something wrong with all of our audios. Oh, do you guys want me to stop down and reboot? No. I can do that real fast. Hold on. I'll be back in like five minutes. Let me shut everything down and reboot. What's going on?

Jeff's having a bad day. I don't know. Jeff's in a bad mood. No, I'm in a great mood, but they said my audio's messed up. Then we said you sound fine now. Sounds good to me. Yeah, I mean, a great mood, but they said my audio's messed up, so I need to probably... Then we said you sound fine now. Sounds good to me. Yeah, I mean, we were just mostly confused about the bit you've been doing

like the last 10 minutes. I don't know what you're talking about. Coming into the chat and then leaving. I think he's trying to sync with Gavin perfectly, was my guess. Oh.

Is that what you were trying to do? Yeah, I don't... I'm not sure what you guys were talking about. I'm just here to do the F*** Face episode. Is it 192? And then you guys said that there was maybe something wrong.

I sounded like I was in a fish tank. I just want to make sure that my audience... You're all good now. Okay. Yeah. All right. So we can just keep going. We don't have to stop now.

Yeah, absolutely. He's in my mood, Gavin. How's everybody doing today? I'm doing fantastic. How are you doing, Jeff? I'm good. How did the... You guys played Payday 3 today. How did that recording go? Oh, it's. How are you doing, Jeff? I'm good. How did the... You guys played Payday 3 today?

How did that recording go? Oh, it's so much fun. It was a great time. Can't wait to make more of them. Really? I haven't played... We used to play 2 a lot in Achievement Hunter, and I remember when 3 launched,

I got kind of excited about it, but I guess it launched with some bugs or something, so I held off on downloading it. Yeah, I did the same. It does the thing I don't like where you have to make an account on their own platform before you can play it, which is always annoying, but once you get through that, great time.

Definitely going to be making more of this. That was annoying as shit. It is always annoying. I don't know why companies still do that. I guess it's helpful for cross-play stuff, but it's not nobody wants to be immediately greeted by that. No, it's like it just guarantees that I'm going to block whatever email address they email. Yes.

It also is like maybe let me let me make that choice. Like if I want to make cross play more inconvenient for me, let me do that. Don't force me to go into this system. I want to pick my own inconvenience. Yeah, absolutely. I do. Yeah. Let inconvenience. Yeah. Absolutely, I do. Yeah, let me inconvenience myself. How about that? What episode? 191. 192.

I might have said that during the fishbowl time. It's episode 192. I had a question for you, Gavin. I had a thought, and it's kind of science-related, and I view you as a science guy. Could I send you on a science mission and then maybe have you report back to me?

Are you sending me into the lab? I kind of want to send you into the lab if that's OK. Sure. I was as you remember. And this is a really random thought. Do you remember Owl City? The band Owl City? No.

The Fireflies? What? You would not believe your eyes if 10 million fireflies. Oh. I remember muting that a few times, yeah. Remember that? There's a TikTok song

that a woman released recently who was sick, and it has a line in it about fireflies. And it made me think, how bright would 10,000 fireflies be? Could you do a flashlight that would actually... Because in my head, it's very magical, but I would love to know what the actual brightness of 10 million fireflies is. Does it stack, or are they all just the same

I think it stacks I think it's I think it would build would it not Are a hundred flashlights brighter than one flashlight or do they just cover more ground Well first you need to determine how much light a firefly generates

and then times that by 10 million I want to see what 10 million i want to see what the light of 10 million first off i thought it was 10 000 that's 10 million it's 10 million i believe okay you did say a thousand earlier but that's fine i did yeah oh no that's you also said fire you also said fly flies so i let that slip dude i'm having such a bad word day today as you know i've really it's been a struggle but i think it's is it 10 how much somebody pull up the owl owl city lyrics for firefly nick said 10 million yeah it is 10 million okay it is definitely said

10 000 a few times is where i got it absolutely i did it yeah i've never heard of this song before so i don't know 10 it is. 10 million. I want to know the 10 million brightness. And then I think there's a line in it about tears. If they all cried. I want to know how much liquid if all the fireflies cried. Oh, like would it be a waterfall?

Yeah, like how much? Is it a pool? Is it? You assume it would be vast. Is it an ocean? How many tears? How much water is in a tear? What's the count of a tear? This would be vast. Is it an ocean? How many tiers? Like, what is... How much water is in a tier? What's the count of a tier?

This would be such a good video for Cardo Crew to do, like, a CG... Like, a literal recreation of shitty lyrics. It would. But I'm sending this mission to you. So, I don't... If you can't figure it out, I understand. You're just science guy in my head, and this feels... The light thing feels like a science thing.

How many... Are there 10 million fireflies? yeah easily they probably are right it's probably 10 billion fireflies probably let's see used to be used to be joel had to go fuck that up yeah joel fucked it up how many fireflies are there in the world i just see people asking if they're endangered and then a lot of information that says no. But I like the idea that the people thinking they're endangered is because they haven't seen one because I don't think I've ever seen a firefly. Oh really? I see them all

the time. I thought earwigs got extinct. Earwigs? Yeah, I used to see them all the time as a kid and then I swear there was like a 15 year period where I never saw it. Is there ear pattern baldness? What? What?

Could you? Is there baldness, but just around your ear? Is that a possibility? You know how like male pattern baldness is like a specific zone of hair loss? Yeah. You said ear wig. I thought like, what if you, there was like a toupee for ears essentially specifically like an ear only toupee i feel like ears are the last place you want hair

to grow but it's where you're it's where all the hair ends up as you get to 95 years old yeah but it would i'm just saying like it'd be unfortunate because i don't think there's coverage for if it started going bald on the ears i uh i found a reddit thread that answers this firefly question if you guys oh really yeah i put it i put it in the chat oh did you find it too is there a visual representation this is gonna get uh it's just called this is from they did the math uh it says uh well the first time it's how many would cover the earth and then he answers it. It's four quintillion fireflies.

Okay. But then he said, but that's not exactly the question. The question is how many, 10 million to light up the world, not cover entirely. The question is a little harder due to the vagueness of lighting up the world. But I'm going to take it to mean that fireflies give off enough light to see the ground around them if it were pitch dark. Fireflies have a luminescence of about 0.0006 lumens. Human scotopic vision, dark vision, needs at least 10 to the fourth power CD over M2 to function. So theoretically, flying about a meter in the air with an apex angle of 135 degrees, one firefly could light up about 1.457 meters squared.

Given that we only need a firefly per 1.5 meters squared, the new number is actually about 330 million fireflies to light up the world. They're like nature's plasma pistol. Yeah! There you go!

But they don't explode if they're on too much. You never see a Firefly go out because he held his button too long. He just shakes. And then it all just dissipates out around him. Oh, man, if Fireflies could explode like the plasma pistol, that would be so cool. That'd be awesome. Oh, man.

I wish that was a thing. So does it ever say how many lumens, specifically, it would be? Yeah,.0006, right? That's per one, right? But what's the math? So, that would mean 1,600 fireflies, approximately, would be a lumen. Yeah. I have a flashlight that's 120,000 lumens.

I have a flashlight that's 120,000 lumens. So if I turn that on, that would be the equivalent of 200 million fireflies. Okay. And how big is that? How many lumens did you say that was? 120,000. 120,000 is the equivalent of 200 million? Which is, what, 20 times the amount in the song?

Yeah. So would that be like 12,000 lum,000? I got a 20-hour city flashlight. Yeah. A 20-hour city flashlight. There you go. Can we just... Can light be only referred to in fireflies from this point forward? Like going into a

store and being like, I'm looking for somewhere between 10 to 20 million fireflies on this flashlight. The way they measure light has always confused me because there's lumens and there's lux and there's like candelas and I don't know what any of it means.

And then there's light temperature as well. You have to measure the warmth of it. I can't even accurately measure my own hand. I'm just going to be like walking around a room with a ruler looking at it. I don't know what do you want me do i measure the shadow it casts what how do we do this i don't i can't articulate or even process where to begin i wonder how hard it is to buy 10 million fireflies like if you were like say you're elon musk and you've got more money than god and you just go like i want 10 million fireflies in my front yard next Wednesday.

And money is no object. And they all need to be alive? They have to be alive and fireflyin'. Let's assume it's the right season, right? Because they're seasonal creatures. But let's assume

it's like May in Austin and it's supposed to be Firefly City. Like, is there a place on Earth he could buy 10 million fireflies from? I bet there's not. I don't think...

Well, you can buy like ladybugs in large quantities, right? Right. You can buy that shit on Amazon, I think. But like, why? I think it's not. I don't think... Well, you can buy, like, ladybugs in large quantities, right? Right, you can buy that shit on Amazon, I think. But, like, why? I think it's inaccessible. I think for gardening purposes? Yeah, they did a thing, like, years and years and years and years ago

when we were signing the creatures to the Let's Play family right before they splintered in half and made things very complicated for us. They did a prank where they unleashed, like, I want to say a thousand ladybugs in their office, and they almost got kicked out of the building because there were other tenants. Oh, wow.

Wow. Yeah. That's a good prank. They pinch you, too. Have you ever been bit by one? No. No, I haven't. Maybe we should cover Jeff in ladybirds

and see if he gets bit. I don't want to get pinched. You will just cover Gavin in Ladybugs. I got my balls waxed. It's your turn to do the extra work. That's true. Yeah, he's got a good point. Jeff has ratchet.

I got my anus waxed. I was there. Yeah, same. He's elevated the game, I think. I think it's time for you to... Oh, I'm not doing this. I was gonna ask, did you call ladybugs ladybirds?

It did sound like you said that. Is that what they're called? Yeah. I didn't know that. I think I learned that from a game. In England? Is that what they're called in England? I guess so. I mean, that's what I call them. I don't think it's just me.

I also don't think it's just me. I also don't think it's just you. I agree that that's probably what it's called. I don't think at any point I thought it was just you. Oh. Yeah, commonly known as Ladybugs in North America and Ladybirds in the United Kingdom. I don't know

about the rest of the world. It was Americanized in the USA to Lady Bug and not Lady Bird. Interesting. So why don't you call it Lady Bug Lake? Because it's named after a woman named Lady Bird Johnson. It was President Johnson's wife. So why wasn't she called Lady Bug Johnson? Why are you called Gavin?

Should we dig up her parents and grill them on why they named her Lady Bird? Yeah, but Gavin is an actual name. That's like saying, why aren't you called Gavin? Should we dig up her parents and ad grill them on why they named her Lady Bird? Yeah, but Gavin is an actual name. That's like saying, why are you called Flavin? Now I will say I gotta agree with Gavin on this one. Why is her name not Ladybug Johnson? I 100% What's a Ladybird to her?

If you don't call it a Ladybird, what is a Ladybird? Yeah, I think that Hank Hill's dog should be named Ladybug. This is great. This is good. They need to rename that movie Lady Bird. Yeah. I think that Hank Hill's dog should be named Lady Bug. This is great. This is good. They need to rename that movie Lady Bug. This is fantastic.

You know what? Flavin's right. I agree with him now. We should retroactively change Lady Bird Johnson's name to Lady Bug Johnson, and her family and estate should have no say in the matter. Yeah, but what is it? What? Like, what is what does that mean for her?

I man, I don't know how we're supposed to answer. Yeah, I don't. This. I'm not sure. Is it just nothing to do with the bug? No. Lady Bird was her nickname, actually. Her nickname Lady Bird came from Alice Tittle, a nursemaid who remarked that she was as purty as a ladybird.

Well, that person's surely talking about the bug. Surely. Or is she talking about a female bird? That's also possible. Is there a bird called the Lady Bird? All birds, all female birds are called Lady Birds. Lady Bird is two words? Did you not see the movie?

Yeah, I did. is two words? Did you not see the movie? Yeah, I did. I've seen the movie as two words, but I thought Lady Bird Johnson, her name was like Lady Bird. It was like one word. I didn't know. It's weirder that

her nickname is Lady Bird. Where was Alice Tittle from? Yeah, also there was a lady named Tittle. Alice Tittle from Texas. And she was a nursemaid. That's a perfect was a lady named Tittle. Alice Tittle. And she was a nursemaid. That's a perfect name for a nursemaid. Where does Larry Bird fit into all this? Larry Bird?

Greatest trash talker in the history of the NBA. That's how he fits in. Was his wife Lady Bird? No, here's the thing. Lady Bird had a daughter named Linda Bird Johnson. Yes. Now it makes even less sense. Now it's just Linda Bird.

That's not. You didn't know about Linda Bird? Her name should be Linda Bug. Actually, I think I have a recording of a Lady Bird chirping. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, my God. Either way, it's a beetle. Either either way it's a beetle either way it's a beetle uh that you're right about that it's not even

yeah uh I uh I had an idea the other day I wanted to run by you guys okay I think is a product we shouldn't make but it would be so cool if we did this right it would be so cool if we made this I was driving through my neighborhood

the other day and i saw one of those dudes walking around uh like a construction dude he just had like blue jeans and like some fucking torn shoes on and a white shirt and a high vis vest and he had one of those sticks that has a spray spray paint can on the bottom of it you know and they just like walk around ground yeah and they like mark a circle where there's a gas line, or like a line where there's, I don't know, whatever the fuck they're doing. Water main or whatever. And I got to thinking, if I had that high-vis vest on,

I could pretty much do anything, and no one would look twice at me. Yeah. I could, if I had that, if I went to that guy and I said, give me, I'll give you $500, give me your high-vis vest and the spray paint gun can thing I could walk around any neighborhood in Austin drawing dicks

wherever I wanted to and no one would even see it I could do it in front of somebody and they wouldn't be paying attention because I'd be invisible to them because construction goes on all the time in Texas which just got me thinking man uniform could really fill a niche market there if they made high-vis vests.

I have thought about this a lot, but in a different way, as somebody who enjoys Sloppy Joe's Bingo and just watching the Sloppy Joe cam, but they have the worst mic setup I've ever heard. I've often thought about, I bet you if we just throw Nick in one of those vests, he could walk up with a ladder and put a new mic in and nobody would ask any fucking guarantee it he could be like hey i'm the guy from the web place where do you want me where's the box i need to plug the new mic i got a new setup yeah it would be a great service to all of us because their mic sucks

it's so bad the reason i don't think we should do it is one, I don't want to be blamed for all the dicks across the world that people draw. Dicks across America? Dicks across America. I assume it'd be global. People draw dicks everywhere. But it also seems like a really good way to rob a bank

or a grocery store. You know what I mean? I don't want to get involved in any kind of high crimes. So, I think we should let that one go, but man, it would be cool to have a uniform high-vis vest. What is the longest dick chain? What do you mean?

Like, if you were to draw a dick, draw a dick and then put another dick next to it, how many dicks in a line have there ever been? Oh. Because you could spray that chalk stuff that just kind of like blows away. Right? Yeah. I bet it's not very long.

What's the longest dick ever drawn? I don't know. Like if you started, if you made the balls at one end of a football field and then made the shaft run all the way to the other end of the football field and then draw the head around the goal and then come all the way back and you've got like a football field and then made the shaft run all the way to the other end of the football field and then draw the head around the goal and then come all the way back and you've got like a football field long dick. Should we contact football

stadiums? Or maybe not stadiums. Like high school fields and see if any of them Maybe not high school. College. Let's go back to pro. Let's go back to pro. And see if we can just do it like a temp spray penis

that could be seen from the sky with a drone. And if they say no, we just show up in high-vis vests, we walk right on and do it anyway. No one will look twice. There was a pause of terror when you said football, Gavin, that felt like you didn't know what to say next which made me really laugh I thought you were just gonna end it at we should call football

because you don't know where else to go you just know they got the fields get Mr. Football on the line oh man I think a uniform high-vis would be fine to sell we just obviously don't promote crime but I think i feel like be

cool no don't use it for crime for sure or a uniform like dhl brown shorts and button up like that also get you into places i think the move is like i said we make one prototype we give it to nick we watch the sloppy joe's. And if he's able to replace the mic without being detected, then it's a viable product. If he gets caught. Just a series where we just, there's just called how invisible is Nick. And we just see what Nick can do in high-vis.

He is such a regulation guy. He's already invisible. The most regulation guy. And I mean this in the best possible sense, Nick, but you're already invisible. We put a high-vis vest on you. You just like disappear in front of our eyes that's a brilliant idea like i feel like jeff and eric and maybe me sometimes we're a little bit eye-catching for just various features of our faces and body tattoos or big noses or whatever yeah yeah this is great what can i mean what can we get nick up to could we get nick

into onto the roof of one of the skyscrapers downtown i don't think he wants that nick how scared of heights are you you have to be near the edge i'm not but that's pretty high yeah no just like through the stairs You're not like scaling the side. I mean, that still sucks. That's a lot of stairs, Kevin. We should see if we can get Nick to wheel

stuff into busy businesses. Yeah. Like on a dolly in the high of his vest and just be like, where's the break room? And the guy's like, oh, it's over to the left. And you just leave and just like drop it and then leave. And it's just like an empty cardboard box or a bunch of old magazines. Could we get Nick to the thermostat of the Frostbank tower?

Do you think there's a thermostat? The basement thermostat. Well, I'll tell you, I'll tell you on I'll tell you, on those big buildings like that, because I did a tour of one a couple years ago,

they have like weird sub floors that are just for that kind of stuff that are like, it's almost like being John Malkovich, like weird half floors that they go through. You'd have to get involved in one of those,

which would be really fun to explore. I feel like Nick's not necessarily excited about this idea. Yeah, but he may not be up for it, but he's not down for it. He seemed to like the mic idea. He seemed enthused about that, because that season audio guy would actually be doing his service. That seems less likely as a terroristic threat

than wheeling in an empty box to a busy store. What if inside the box was a note that's handwritten that says this is not in any way a threat? I feel like that's even more threatening somehow. Okay. That's like pulling out a gun with toy gun writ on the side. What if it was a box with 10 million fireflies in it and then at the bottom of that was the note? That's great.

That's great. What if it was the box that Elon Musk really wanted? Oh, now that'd wheel around. There you go. What if it's 10 million fireflies? You just put a note on it that says free to a good home. You just got to poke holes in the box. Looking forward to you fixing the audio at Sloppy Jez then, Nick.

Hey, thanks, man. So am I. I can't wait. Me too. Hey, so we've been filming a lot of shit uh a lot of supplemental stuff lately a lot of ancillary content lately like i know i was saying earlier you guys i think just filmed payday 3 today um and did you guys play anything else or just that one just that okay and then i know uh you guys also we did the the recently did the break show where i opened up

the andrew's nuggeties and you filmed a special commentary on that we just had like a kitchen day Friday where I it's all been filmed but it obviously hasn't come out yet so I don't think we can talk about like who won what contest or anything I want to try to get a read though because I have a feeling you guys did the crouton off you and crouton crouton yes yeah uh you and Gracie i i think gracie won and i don't want spoilers what makes you think that though uh i think i was saying to eric that jeff has had a lot of teeth issues and croutons are very crunchy things and i think that there would be a level of fear which would be completely earned je Jeff to chomp at the rate

in which Gracie who to my knowledge hasn't had the same tooth issue history I think it would make it would add confidence and more risk in the chew game I'll tell you that if she didn't before she will after what we just went through she probably

we both probably took five years off our teeth life oh no yeah oh I'm so excited to see that yeah I also feel like Gracie had a has a blemish from maybe other things

that I think there may have been like an additional competitive I need to I need to take a win somewhere. That's another piece of supplemental content we've been filming behind the scenes. And that is not at all a spoiler to the results of that thing. That is in reference to just an insane confession

that I cannot wait for people to see because it has changed my perception of Gracie in the best way, but in a way that I never anticipated. And I don't think and maybe you do have an awareness. You have to let us know, Gracie, that is going to follow you in a way that I don't know if you realize it will. It is. That's that's that's part of, you know, whatever that Gracie Gracie, you planted a flag in

that moment. Yeah, I do. I do regret sharing. So my that's sort of my belief is Gracie. I think to some degree is aware that that flag was planted and wanted to plant a new flag as quickly as possible, which would be

the crew turnoff.. That is my guess. We got a shitload of flags over here. Don't panic. I'll say this. It was a hell of a competition. I think it'll be interesting to see the results. One contestant definitely played more clean than the other.

Yeah, I'll say that. There's a lot of ways to interpret that. One played more clean than the other I will say well I don't even want to say if it was a blowout or not I don't really want to give any kind of it was a competition for sure and two people came

and they came and they competed I'm excited that sounded weird you're right they showed up and competed. And then we did another competition where we made regulation sandwiches with our eyes closed.

And then were rated on the presentation and taste, which was pretty fun. Goddamn, Nick, you okay? Yeah, dude, that was weird. I'm laughing at that the idea was to do this in a pitch black room, but we went low budget and everyone just closed your eyes. No, we wore blindfolds. Oh, that's good.

Originally, I wanted to do it with all the lights off and thermal cameras, but sleeping masks also work. Well, we did it at one in the afternoon. It's where we came up with the idea for a sleeping mask. Have we talked to you about this, Andrew? We have an amazing idea for a new product. No's where we came up with the idea for a sleeping mask. Have we talked to you about this, Andrew? We have an amazing idea for a new product. No, I want to hear it. It's a sleeping mask.

It's a high-vis sleeping mask. Now, kind of. When are you at your most vulnerable in life? When a sleeping mask on is definitely up there. When you're asleep, right? That's when your guard is as down as it's going to be. So you can't protect yourself. yourself however what if you were wearing a sleeping mask that had andrew you and had your open eye this doesn't work for you it works for

everybody else on earth but you it had andrew it has your open eyes like from the sunshade right so when somebody goes down like say somebody say i am uh say i'm like a btk kind of guy and i come in and i'm gonna i'm gonna murder you real good'm going to stab you and kill you and chop you up. And, you know, it's going to be brutal. There's gonna be blood everywhere. And I'm coming in the house just to just to give it to you real good. And I go to put my arms around your neck when you're asleep in bed. But it's dark.

And when I lean over, your eyes are open and you're looking at me. It gives me pause. I freak out for a second. I either run away scared. Maybe I bang something which gives you a moment to wake up and alert yourself right and then uh you can defend yourself hopefully also why not since we're already making a sleep mask with somebody else's eyes on it why not have it extend down a little bit and put a big mustache a sleep mustache as well so the other option is

somebody comes in to kill you and they have a picture of you because they've been hired by you know somebody in high school that didn't like you or whatever that wants to rub you out and they look at you and then they look at the person in the in the sleep mask with the mustache and they go well this is not the same person at all different eyes different mustache and then they just leave your life has been spared that's interesting you're thinking about it from a security perspective i am it. It made me think of, I don't know if you've ever seen the movie Strange Wilderness, but Justin Long plays a character who tattoos his eyelids to be open eyes so he can just sleep in public without people knowing.

Yeah. And that's one of the things. I think it could be beyond security. It could just be a convenience thing of if you're in a meeting and you don't want people to know your eyes are closed, you just close. You get that set up. Like a really low profile sleep mask. Yes. You can't tell is a sleep mask.

So it's like flesh colored or hair colored all the way around. If someone from high school wants to kill you, but you are homeschooled, does that mean your parents want to kill you? Probably. You should probably look into that, Andrew. Yeah, I guess. should probably look into that Andrew yeah I guess wherever you're going you better believe American Express will be right there with you heading for adventure we'll help you breeze through security meeting friends a world away you can use your travel credit squeezing every drop out of the last day how about a 4 p.m late checkout just need a nice

place to settle in enjoy your room upgrade wherever you go we'll go together that's the powerful backing of american express visit amex.ca slash ymx benefits vary by card terms apply well i'm you know what this has been a tough enough year. I watched a thing. This is a big pivot. We're going on a different story here. I have a grade one. I hurt my hamstring. Grade one injury. Oh, I still don't know how this happened.

Yeah, I teased it. Do you have any predictions as to how I injured my hamstring? I have a prediction. What's your prediction, Gavin? I think you slipped on a gob of lotion. I think you stood up i i tweeted about this and i asked people to guess nobody got it exactly right there were a lot of like getting out of the bathtub guesses or or just uh getting getting up in general uh i this is this is reminiscent this is almost a throwback remember when i slipped on the on the sushi container no and i didn't do that but in an

effort to almost prevent that you know new year trying to trying to take better care of myself make sure i'm on top of things i decided that I'm like redesigning my room and doing a full clean. It's going to be great. And so I've been in the process of that and everything is clean. This is the nicest it's looked in a bit. Not that it was bad before,

but you know, when you do like a deep clean and it's like, ah, this is great. This is fantastic. So you rearranged as well? I rearranged. I'm resetting up new bed, all that stuff. Oh, we we control your room again yeah you could do a redesign of that if you want um but i was all happy and it was a friday

night last friday and i'm like this is having a great time i'm gonna get up and get a little glass of water i'm looking at my phone next thing i know i am sliding i'm sliding across my floor i got my phone in my hand what i did was i put my foot in one of those swiffer wet jet boxes and it just went i did a full yeah it's you know like the the pads you can strap on to the bottom of swiffer i put my foot landed right in the middle of one of those that was next to my bed that i didn't remember was there and it fit perfectly like a shoe and I could not stop the momentum and my hand I had a thing in my hand and I did I did the full splits and then landed on my face trying to push the mic stand away like that. But a plastic one is what Jeff is. I know. I know what you're talking about. I know the plastic one.

Yeah. Yeah. It's the plastic one. My foot smelled great. First of all, great aroma. It smelled very clean in the area, but I felt like my knee pop.

And then it was, it was like my entire hamstring tightened up. And it was, it was a moment of appreciating that I watch football because I can explain it as a grade one hamstring injury and not as a Swiffer wet jet slide it sounds a lot more

official that what grace that is what I put my foot in I have to my phone wasn't such a piece of shit I take a photo of the box it is destroyed the plastic container saved the container I saved it because I want to take a photo of it my phone sucks so I haven't take a photo of the box. It is destroyed, the plastic container. You saved the container? I saved it because I wanted to take a photo of it, but my phone sucks, so I haven't taken a photo of it.

But I have it still, because I wanted to show you guys how much I wrecked it. Are you just saving it until you buy a new phone? Well, I might have another phone in the works. I tried to buy a new phone last night as a bit, but maybe I'll have another one in a different way. Anyway. Okay.

That was terrible. And the first things I thought of, maybe Jeff, you're aware of this. Tyrese Halliburton on the Pacers recently had a split injury against the Celtics. Yeah, I believe that was the Celtics, right?

Yeah, it was. It was. Yeah. And I laughed at him for that because it looked like a guy trying to do like the James Brown splits and it not working. And I did essentially the same thing. And then the second thing I thought about, which is really even more ridiculous. I was scrolling TikTok in December and I came across, you know, this is random things pop up.

This ridiculous, insane crypto guy that is also into astrology and he like makes financial predictions based off of like the zodiac signs and all that thing and uh his whole whole video was about how it's gonna be a dragon year next year and that if you are a year of the dog you gotta watch out you gotta be on your toes because the dragon is your rival, apparently. Hey-oh. I'm getting to that. The dragon is the rival

and if you try to do anything as a dog this year, you gotta be careful. Your day's gonna get fucked up. So I realized that in the month of January, I got attacked by medication I was taking. I now have fucked up my hamstring and knee. That's still really sore. I'm recovering, but it was painful.

And I just thought of that guy. And now I'm haunted by dragons. So this year, I'm banning all dragons. No Imagine Dragons. If How to Train Your Dragon came on, like as a trailer for a movie, I'm walking out. I'm avoiding dragons. They're doing a live-action remake of it, too.

Oh, what? They are. Well, yeah, I'm not seeing it. I don't want to know anything about it. I'm keeping away. I've decided to outlaw dragons. But then I learned that that son of a bitch down there, that Gavin Free, is a dragon. Sup?

He's a dragon boy. So are you a dog, then? I'm a dog, yeah. And Gavin, you're a dragon? Yeah, I think I'm an earth dragon. dragon boy so are you a dog then i'm a dog yeah and you're gavin you're a dragon yeah i think i'm an earth dragon eric what are you fire tiger oh did you say fire tiger fire tiger that's shit well what about what about nick and gracie how the hell do you just google it chinese uh new year yeah yeah it's the it's the year you're born. There's an element and an animal. Do you remember what yours is, Jeff? I just know I'm a rabbit.

I don't know what the element is. How do I find my element? Were you a wood rabbit and we made fun of you? I just said what was the... Okay, here we go. 1975 Chinese zodiac element. Wood. God damn it.

I'm a wooden rabbit. It's a fire element. Wood. God damn it. I'm a wooden rabbit. Yeah. It's a fire rabbit. Wow. Oh, great. Metal snake. That's fucking awesome. What year is metal snake?

I'm a fucking rabbit. 2001. Jeez. Jesus Christ. I feel like there are some cats older than Gracie. That's so fucking hardcore. Yeah, it is. I mean, think about Gracie That's so fucking hard I mean think about it. That's gonna be shmeesh me is gonna outlive so many people You should start a band Gracie metal

Can y'all refer to me as that from now on? Cool Slack you can put a nickname right i don't think the company needs to see that what was that just you should be fucking proud to be a metal snake what was that nickname we we thought might be a fun trucker name for you the other day andrew we were talking do you remember oh fuck no i don't remember it's salmon right it was something salmon oh it was like big salmon was that big salmon or something like that's pretty cool i like that salmon big salmon's not a bad name no it's not not the worst for sure why big no metal snake because we were talking about the game and andrew was saying he

was really the night he joined with uh the truckers and i he was really intimidated by the map we were on and i was telling him that the next side of that map, because there's multiple maps in the world sometimes, between two and four. The next one over is a map called Big Salmon Peak. And I was like, it's the best map in the game. It's just fun, and it's not terribly hard, and it's just pretty, and it's just great. And he was saying Big Salmon would be a good name for a trucker. It would.

Because we've got Free Bird for Gavin, Big Salmon now for Andrew. I'm G-Bone. And then Metal Snake apparently for Gracie. Muddy Buddy for Nick. It has just been a chain though. We're not even out of January. I also didn't get Darla. I'm missing a Nugget Buddy.

That was a big miss. Yeah, how was how did you feel about that? Did you think you'd get it? Were you surprised? Well, I sent you like 20 of them. It was a lot. I expected Darla to be there. That was devastating. I also, to add to the list of things gone wrong, there's a product

I like, and they did a fun thing where they were selling mystery boxes. And they have a bunch of different flavors of the product. And I thought, oh, that's fun you can it was like spend $20 on a mystery box get $50 worth of the product so I bought five because I was like this will just be a fun like a blind box type of thing this is going to be great and I waited for it and I finally got them and I opened them and I was like okay so you so you get like four packages of different sizes and then a big package

at the end. I didn't really like the biggest package for it, but I thought that's fine. I got four other ones to go through. Next box, completely identical to the first box. Third box, same as the first all of the mysteries were the same. It's a mystery box, but it's

just one mystery. Yeah, it's because they don't It's a mystery box, but it's just one mystery. Yeah, it's because they don't collate at the shipping warehouse. Unfortunately, what would have probably been a smarter decision, other than fucking on shipping, is to buy like one a day. Oh, no, no, no. It didn't matter. I reached out about it. I was curious.

And it's just every box was the same mystery. Oh, that's stupid. You just didn't know what was in the mystery box. Oh, I see. So that was, I blame that once again. Dragons. It's a dragon fault. Can I bring something up? Of course.

I feel bad that you are having a tough time. And especially with your mystery boxes and everything. But you did receive a package today, right? I did. I got a package from Eric. Do you want to get into that want to do you want to get into that you want to open let's open this and and while you're opening that up let me tell you andrew i have an extra darla it's one of the ones i got two of and i've been holding on i really wanted i wanted to see if you got it first but if you want my darla i'm at my extra darla i'll have i'll throw it in the box when we ship your shit back to you and that way you'll have your complete collection.

That's very kind of you. I'm mad that I didn't essentially pull it. You know what I mean? It's a different experience, but I appreciate it. I need to throw something in that box, by the way. I'm opening this box. Did I get a box, Eric? No.

I would have just handed it to you. Oh, shit. You don't... Oh, shit. It's got that styrofoam stuff in it. Oh, no. I'm sorry. Exacto knifed it. It's everywhere.

Okay. What do we got? This is... Whatever this is is securely... I hope it's ice cream again. Well, we had to ship it internationally. You know what I mean? Oh, so it costs $60?

Roughly. Fucking sucks. Oh! Oh, what the fuck? What'd you get? I got a cock! I got a cock award! What?

I got a cock award! What? I got a cock award! What? I don't- Can we have a- well you can't take a photo because your phone is in the passbook. Yeah, it's- you got the cock? Describe it. I got- Let me air compress all the stuff off it, one sec. Things. Okay, I got a cock- oh my god, this is nice!

Take a potato picture of it. I have photos once he sort of once he kind of talks you through it. Okay, great. It's a beak. It seems to be the other beaks. It's for a category. As someone who voted multiple times, I didn't see this category on the

ballot. It was an unrelenting spirit? It was a secret ballot. It was a secret ballot uh you know what the funniest thing about the ballot is my votes didn't count i got to see the votes and what people mine did not make the cut for myself uh but this this is i i think is has to be true oh wow that's so nice dude that is a stunning cock wow that's a one-on-one right there and 2023 longest back let me take a photo i mean longest back i feel like you're gonna take this home every year there's no one else that can win that it was as far as our voting

went it was a runaway victory for Andrew who deserved the beak award for 2023 for longest back so congratulations Andrew thank you so much Eric we wanted to get you something nice to let you know that

you mean a lot to us, and your back is continually the longest. Speech! Speech! Speech! Well, I guess I would like to first thank the company as a whole for not honoring me to begin with, so I could receive this, because if I would have won one there, then I couldn't have won one here. I would like to thank the inventor of the

Grown Tube. Not for any specific reason. I just appreciate their work. I'd like to thank TPG for writing a series of scripts that are well done. And I would like to thank the Academy that voted for this.

Who did vote on this? What was the process of this? Anonymous and secret ballot, so we can't... Anonymous and secret ballot. Yeah. I see. That's my potato phone photo for you my god Jeff Jeff take that picture it's a Jeff vote I guess oh my this is but we can just we can just

reassign all the bad photos to Andrew Somehow has motion blur from multiple directions at once. I don't know how you do it. Did you rub Vaseline on the lens? No, there's no motion either. That's just the natural thought. I can't. Oh, this is so nice. Thank you so much, guys.

Yeah, man. That was a great acceptance speech. Interesting not to thank your parents for giving you the back. Well, they want to kill him. Yeah. Oh, I forgot about that. I just went over this. Dude, you better get that eye mask ASAP. I need it. thank your parents for giving you the back but well they want to kill him yeah oh i forgot i just went over this dude you better get that eye mask asap i need it speaking of tpg i feel like a few people here got the calendar invite for uh oh yeah an event called it all happens yeah all happens

yeah i got that too What the fuck is that? Well, you already said you're going. It says, coming to town and I'm up to something. I'm going to go ahead and accept that calendar. Wow. Hey, that's pretty bold. Gavin accepts and doesn't just say maybe. Maybe I'm going to switch mine to maybe maybe I'm gonna maybe I'm gonna switch mine

Maybe I'm gonna switch mine to maybe Just the maybe guy of the group I need to talk to TPG because he I got TPG on some covert stuff for this show And he can't crack I need him to keep up his cover. I don't like this. I love it. I get together I Got a check- in with him. I can't. Oh, this is so cool. Did milk ever help find a kid? Oh.

Yeah. Yeah, I think it did. You said that like you know it to be true. No, I just... Like, what happened to the whole milk? I don't know why you answered, Gavin. Oh. Jeff said, I think it did.

And I said, you sound like you know it's true. And then Gavin went, no. And then. Yeah, I thought that was odd. I thought that was odd, too. I thought you were saying it was a loaded question. Reading an article about it recently, I remember. I think it.

Well, I just Googled it. It says, milk carton kids campaign proved only marginally successful in helping locate missing children. Well, I would think marginally successful is better than no success. It was eventually abandoned as paper cartons were replaced. But it's like we stopped trying to find kids because we've switched to plastic. I mean, my milk still in a wood, not wood, like a cardboard carton. But there's never any kids on it. Yeah, I don't think Canada ever got in on that

with the whole milk in a bag thing. That would have been incredibly difficult to get that photo to be useful. Is it known? Is there like a milk kid? Yes. And if so, how is that? That was the first milk kid.

There was an original milk kid. Johnny Gosch. Yes, correct. But can we get back in on milk advertising if this now opens slots oh that's a great idea andrew do you want to start contacting milk milk like what if instead of the billboard in in deputy we just went on milk just go on i reached out to that pear punk band haven't heard back so like fuck your face with milk like a slogan kind of thing i like that i like that i when i said

milk kid i meant like someone found by the way not not like the definitive like the first kid like is there a known just to clarify kid that was found i don't think so it was credited with with raising awareness that missing children were a problem but i don't know that anyone any kid was actually found because of a milk carton. That's terrible. Yeah. Because that would be like a double victory because you both like, you've saved a kid

and that's obviously amazing, but then you also have like the greatest brand ambassador of all time for your milk. It's like a two from one. Oh yeah, sort of like milk. It did my body good and now I'm with my family again. Yeah. Yeah.

I feel like it would have been better to put the kids on the cereal box, because as a kid, I wasn't allowed to leave milk out. I just had to use the milk and put it back in the fridge. I don't think they were hoping kids would be the one that would find the kid. But the cereal was the stuff that stayed on the table. I see. It was in that moment when staring at my box of Lucky Charms that I realized, wait a second. I've seen this leprechaun.

I've seen this child. Yeah, I don't, if there is anything that would cause brand loyalty, you would think it would be that. And I haven't thought about those in a long time. I feel like I've never seen one either. That's something I've only seen on TV. Like you've seen reference to it, but you've never experienced it. Well, I think it was done in the... I think it started and finished in the 80s.

I don't think it made it to y'all's generations. That makes sense. I feel like it's a Simpsons thing. Yeah. They did away with... They made the switch to plastics in the 80s anyway because it was cheaper and more sturdy and i think that that was part of it too so you think cereal would be the best for advertising

gavin i think so kitchen uh i think waffle makers also good angle to explore what if there was a waffle machine that had some sort of way to change the top structure and every morning the news would be on your waffle. Oh, like a smart waffle maker. Yeah, like a different headline. Like news of the day while you're eating your breakfast. Yeah, like if you could just eat your news every morning, I feel

like that's, oh, Eric says he would never read the news, he would simply eat the news. Well, I feel like read and eat. Imagine you're Ethan Hunt and your next mission comes in and you have to scan it and then eat it so nobody can read. I think there's a safety to this. I would have a two-factor verification code pancake to me. A pancake scan.

I like the idea of Ethan Hunt reading his mission and then it says it will self-destruct in 60 seconds and then syrup and a fork just pops out you gotta work if you're like you're like hey do you read that thing about what's going on in the Netherlands and he's like nah but I tasted it no I was too hungry I didn't read it it's a

little too burnt today Oh wait I already cut into the horoscopes Fuck I'm imagining you could do it you know those You're like oh fuck who died at 78 Who died at 78 You know those pin things that you could push your face Into

Yeah yes If the top of the waffle maker was made of them and and that's how it would update and then that would press your waffle how many waffles do you think it would take to put a newspaper on it i feel like a pancake would work better like a pancake machine yeah how many flapjacks do you think it would take to have all the news of a newspaper be on a flapjack. I feel like you could get three headlines on a pancake. So we're doing headlines only? We're not doing stories?

It's going to have to be bullet points, right? I think it depends on how many waffles you enter into the waffle maker that morning. If you're going to have three, you could have headline and then the subtext under it per pancake. But if you're just making one then it'll just squeeze three headlines on i mean i think that's what it probably it's smart enough

to give you an option it's like do you just want the headlines of these four stories or do you want to drill in on this one story and just get a full pancake on this and then you kind of you dial it in sorry i'm late for work i didn't realize that the road was closed because i didn't eat four pancakes i stopped at three. Well, that's the same with every news. You're not going to read every headline every day. You stop somewhere. I exclusively eat the funnies.

What do you think the best section of the newspaper would be to eat? Would it be the funnies? Oh, the games. Yeah, the crossword. 100%. What's six down... Fuck it. I'm the crossword. 100%. What's six down? What is this? Fuck it. I'm just deening it. We're just done. We're over.

Did it. Oh, man. So. You guys got any more podcasts left or is this where we end the show? Oh, that's one. Uh,

we can do the, we can do grip strength. We could do the base, uh, grip strengths. Yeah. Well, we did that.

I sent mine in. Yeah. I, uh, I think I said on the show, Gracie slacked me and said, so are you going to mail me the results for that? And as,

as ridiculous, but I guess I said that and I completely understand why she would think that that was the thing I would do. That that seemed realistic. But you're not gonna do that? Double check. No, I just sent it in. It seemed like too much work. I didn't think the bang was worth the buck.

Buck was worth the bang? Do you wanna explain this? Do you wanna bang the buck out of this? Yeah, what we're doing. We already talked about it, didn't we? We already established this. Yeah, like a fucking four episodes ago and nobody's going to remember. Maybe we do like a...

So Andrew and I have decided to see how much we can raise our grip strength in the year 2024. So we're going to set a bog standard normal baseline grip strength test in January. And then in December, we're going to test our grip strength again and see who was able to get stronger.

Do they at the every four games of basketball, do they say, we're trying to win games to win the championship at the end of it? There's been no game between this and the last four episodes. We just mentioned it once for 30 seconds in an hour long. We established it.

Oh my god. Did we not establish it? What gets mentioned now? That's what I'm saying. The baseline. I'm just explaining to the audience that if they're like, I don't remember why they're doing the base. Why are they testing their,

like, shouldn't we list our grip strength now so that we can see the progress a year later? You want to keep it secret? Yeah, I thought the whole point was we were keeping it secret. And then we would see what Eric, Gavin's and Nick's and Gracie's is at the secret. And then we would see what Eric, Gavin's, and Nick's, and Gracie's is at the end. And then we reveal where we started and where we finished.

Wait, I'm involved in this? I think it's funny to see. Apparently there was a lot of shit that didn't get communicated to anybody else but Andrew. I said it in the show. Did you? Yeah, but it feels like maybe we should reset it. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's fine

Thanks for listening to the F*** Face Podcast We're gonna see you next week We'll be back We'll have an even better episode than this one Which is gonna be hard to top Because this was a f***ing banger out the gate Slap, slap, slap It was slapping up and down all day long

Think about it What's the longest dick on earth? Tune in next time We'll see Hey guys, Major League Fan Jack here long. Think about it. What's the longest dick on earth? Tune in next time. Hey guys, Major League Fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of Face. We're going note-less. Gracie is having pet issues. Another trucker enters the fold.

Jeff is bending the rules again. It's time to buy a blimp. Lots of video game talk. Eric loves a long podcast. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face.

Hey, this is Andrew. I wanted to record this because I was blindsided by my cock award. And it caught me off guard. It was something that meant a lot to me. It was really touching. I know it's just like an award that is made up. But all awards are just things that are made up.

And the fact that my friends went through the process of giving me one means a lot. I have it on my desk and, uh, it's really stupid, but it, it's really important to me. Um, in a silly way, I guess. I don't know if it's silly. I don't know. I'm bad at this. Anyway, I salad cream the fuck out of my acceptance speech because I was not prepared for that. And I also, I don't know, it felt strange to suddenly shift into more honest discussion

about it. for that and I also I don't know it felt strange to suddenly shift into more honest discussion about it but uh thankfully this exists and I'm able to to redo this so this is my second attempt at an acceptance speech which what is more face than that than trying to do another acceptance speech um so I'm talking about receiving my wonderful back award longest back of rt i first have to thank jeff ramsey for being just an unbelievable friend and for believing in me when i didn't believe in myself i need to thank gavin for just being an endless joy and elevating everything that he's a part of and just being such a wonderful friend as well um i want to thank eric for being not just like an insanely great producer but for being unbelievably funny and somehow an even better person it's been such a joy to get

to know you through the process of making the show same goes to nick um nick is just so much fun to have around and i can't believe that we went through like a hundred episodes without him being in the background, just being muted. Uh, he is such a warm person to be around and I thank you so much for not murdering me when we started because I had no idea what I was doing as far as recording audio goes and I was an absolute disaster. and I was an absolute disaster. I want to thank Gracie, who's relatively new to our team, but has immediately fit in and provided so much. And it's just a really awesome person. I am so excited that you're part of our group and just seeing where things will go.

And the content that we've done so far, it has been nothing but pleasant surprises and i'm i'm just so glad that you're part of our group um and then i also want to thank kelly who edits like almost all of these i don't get to interact with kelly directly as much as i would like to but um you do such an amazing job i appreciate what you do so much and it just it makes me always so happy when you pop into the slack and like share a show thing um obviously my my family and my partner for allowing me to invest so much into something so silly and always being so supportive and loving to me i'm very lucky to have that and then as well as thank you so much to our amazing community who allow us to create all this ridiculous stuff and support us in all of the ways that you do.

This show has helped me in so many ways. And having that time that I get to spend with my friends and just be silly in a time period in which so many difficult things have happened in the world as well as my personal life uh has been invaluable i don't know how i would have managed through some of the events of like the last three or four years so thank you so much for supporting us and for just being amazing so that's it that is my proper acceptance speech. I love you all so much. Thank you. And if you have a really long back, please don't apply to Rooster Teeth. Because that's my lane. I don't have many lanes. That's the one lane I have.

You find your own lane. Maybe like a regular ears or something. I don't know. But you figure it out. That's not my problem. Just fucking stay away if you got a long back. And I say that respectfully. Bye.