Regulation Podcast - Judging Other Countries // Deep Lore About Nothing [86]

Episode Date: January 19, 2022

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about judging other countries based on name, the ""Sure, I'd be happy to!"" email, breaking down episode 1 of season 4, Gavin's 3 stories, and Andrew ""Sweet Swing"" Panton in the news. If you want to send your towel cards in, send to: Infinity Towel, 1901 e. 51st st, Austin, TX 78724 Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail] Sponsored by Hello Tushy (http://hellotushy.com/face), HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/face16 and use code face16), and Nutrafol (http://nutrafol.com and use promo code FACE). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Rooster Teeth production. I always thought, when I was younger, I always thought it would be such a fucking cool thing if somebody who was a champion of, like, a boxing champion or, like, an MMA fighter champion defended their album to the entire Watch the Throne CD and then retired at the end of it. Like, every defense was a different song of Watch the Throne, and then they retired at the end. That would be sick. That was my, like, fan fiction for boxing that's not written. Fan fiction for boxing. It's essentially fan fiction for boxing that's not written fan fiction for boxing it's essentially fan fiction for boxing and I mean I'm not writing it down but it's the same

idea of like as a kid being like this is fucking this would be cool imagine someone did this man hello hi Gavin hey what's up Jeff what's up hey what's up let's talk about music I know listening to a lot of Vanessa Carlton recently and there's a whole thing.

Annie is just a rip off of my bittersweet symphony or at least part of it is. It's odd. It's fascinating when Banes accidentally steal songs from each other. But bittersweet symphony is a rip off. Sometimes they on purpose steal songs from each other. I present to you the entirety of Led Zeppelin.

That's fair. What do you mean by my bittersweet symphony? Is that a thing? Are you fucking with me? Are you asking about bittersweet symphony? Yeah, I feel like you could be Peter Stormare-ing me right now. I feel this feels very Stormare-ish where I don't quite have... It's like a weird instrumental version of a Rolling Stones song that they recreated.

Which also leaves the door open to be stolen from somebody else. So we might not be able to track the origin of it. Was that the song, Bittersweet Symphony? And I'll have to apologize. I wasn't super into that kind of music

at that time, so I don't know it very well. But wasn't that the song that they ended up losing all their fucking royalties to the Rolling Stones over? I don't know. I don't know anything about it. Yeah. They didn't end up making any money off the song that they ended up losing all their fucking royalties to the Rolling Stones over? I don't know. Yeah. I don't know anything about it.

Yeah. It wasn't? They didn't make any money off the song. Yeah. I thought it was a U2 song. Well, I think at some point they, I think they gave it back to the Verve guy. Hmm. Oh, like we don't need this?

Oh, they gave the royalties back a couple years. Is that like a power move? Be like, we don't need this song. You can have it. Or like, we've made all the money on it now. Yeah. You know, we're about to die so feel free yeah i don't think i can name three rolling stone songs i'm not a big rolling stones guy well hold on to that and let me let me intro

hello and welcome to another episode of the face podcast my name is jeff ramsey with me always gavin free the brit and and Andrew Panton the Canada guy and you are listening to episode uh season uh uh fuck what season season four episode four three episode Christ three or two episode well uh yeah episode three season four episode three technically two and a half season four we're just gonna go with episode three. Season four, episode three. Technically two and a half. Season four. We're just going to go with episode three. Season four, episode three. Overall, episode 86, I believe. So have fun making sense of that.

Why do we get introduced as Brit and Canada person, but you don't say what you are? I'm an American, baby. I'll tell you what. I'll tell you why. Because I do the intro. I'll tell you what. When you do the intro, you do it. American baby. I'll tell you what. I'll tell you why. Because I do the intro. If you want to... I'll tell you what. When you do the intro, you do it.

American baby. America is default, says Eric. America is default. I agree with Eric. When you do the intro, which I highly encourage you to do anytime you want. Done a few. Do it however the fuck you want. I don't think I've ever heard...

I mean, you say you have. There's not. I don't have a memory of a Gavin intro. I'm sure it's recorded somewhere. I don't know if that's true, Gavin. I don't think. I think you've done some outros. I don't think I've ever heard you do an intro.

This sounds like a bet over the past. Who's going to win and what are the stakes? I bet you 10 grand I've done an intro. No. 10 grand. Jesus Christ. Out the gate. I bet you $10,000 I've done an intro. No! $10,000. Jesus Christ, out the gate. I'm pretty confident. Could somebody, Nick, could you

like message me on the side? No, don't bring Nick into this. Can you give me like a statistics, like the odds of You're gonna cut Nick in, you're like, I'll give you a grand if you help me make this happen. Go back and edit the old episodes. Oh, there you go. Oh, Nick has pulled the

percentages, the demographics. Yeah, US is default, according to this list. Do you want to go through it, Gav? United States. 68%. UK. Woo! 11%. Canada, 9%. Wow, we've got

the top three. Yeah, not bad. Representing our respective countries. I don't... Why Canada guy? What did you say for Gavin? It felt wordy. Well, here's what I said. Because Canadian exists.

You know what? If you get Canada into second place, I'll call you a Canadian. But until then, you're just a Canada guy at 9%. 11% gets you the proper nomenclature. Okay.

I can live with that. I'm going to figure this out. I'm going to somehow work the system. New Zealand, 1%. Yeah, well, I wonder who that person is. That's pretty high.

A whole percent for tiny little New Zealand? It's not even on most of the maps. Yeah, we also have 1% in Ireland. I didn't expect that. What an exciting time. What place would you least like to visit that's on this list?

Okay, well, the list... Yes. So should we... Okay. Should we go through the... So the list is United States, United Kingdom, Canada, Australia, which, by the way, thanks, Australia, 6%.

Appreciate it. New Zealand, Sweden, Ireland, Netherlands, Norway, Germany. There's one place I've never been to on that list. Really? Oh, let's guess. Came up in conversation in a recent episode. There's two in my mind

that are very obviously bottom tier. I'm just judging other countries. Just by name. Just by name? I feel like my perception of Norway is that they're always in the Olympics, but they always place like seventh. They're a seventh place.

Ah, so shitty Olympic performance. No, but like good enough to like they're there. They're on the first graphic typically. But I feel like I rarely see a Norway win. That is the one country I've never been to. There we go. Norway. I was trying to figure out. That is the one country I've never been to. There we go. Norway. I was trying to figure out.

Because I'd like, I'd love to go there though. We've been to Germany together. We've been to the Netherlands together. We've been to Australia, the UK. We have been to America together. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. The Mexican restaurant conversation. That's right. Chickpeas and chickpeas and celery in the burrito. Yeah, in Norway. I feel like of all the countries listed,

I'm most likely to get lost in the Netherlands. There's just something about the name that I don't trust myself in. I think if I went to the Netherlands, I wouldn't come back alive. I think I would die in the Netherlands. For what? I don't come back alive. I think I would die in the Netherlands. From what?

I don't know. I just don't trust myself in the Netherlands. How are you going to die from their socialized medicine and superior health care? No, I'm sure it's a great actual place, but there's something... Do you ever just like... This is going to sound fucking crazy.

Do you ever look at a thing and then process a whole scenario in your head that could play out but won't like i could just see when i look at netherlands i process a world in which i am dead by the end of my trip three days pretty severe catastrophizing i had that recently with a with a seal i saw a seal i saw a photo of a seal in a hole but you just thought i'll lose that fight no no well so i asked like so it was this it was like a seal I saw a photo of a seal in a hole but you just thought I'll lose that fight no no so I asked like so it was this it was like a gif of a seal like poking its head up and down from a hole and it was like oh look at how cute this seal is and I thought well if I was there I would be I

respect animals they're fucking they're terrifying to me I once had a panic attack with my cat like you got to be aware and the fuck animals are a crazy thing um so I was like well I was fucking like what would I have done they're like oh this is cute and my head had be like we gotta fucking go I was curious do seals do seals attack seals can attack seals can be fucking vicious and they're fast they are apparently that's what this is I if I would fucking run so fast and then I had this whole moment, I played out this whole scenario in my head. If I was in that fishing hole, I would have been killed by that seal. That seal would have destroyed me.

I would have been eaten by that seal. So your version of Luke Skywalker in Empire Strikes Back in the Dagobah system, going through the swamp and confronting his darkest fear, which is himself as Darth Vader. Your version of that is a vacation to an aquarium in the netherlands it would be the end of me yeah because i know i would run away and i guess you're not supposed to i guess seals like to chase things so then i could just see the seal chasing after me it was this whole thing i went to the bathroom and i googled seal teeth on my phone i just said fuck that when that, when I found, I'll post this photo. I was looking, I was like, fuck this.

I'm fucking, I'm dead. I'm dead if I encounter a seal. They got bobbed teeth? Yeah, I don't want to fucking deal with that. Oh, lord. That sounds terrible. It's just gonna chase me? That's really cool.

That looks like a recipe for a broken tooth. How do they hold on to that? Eric asked, how are they going to chase me on land? They strike me as very slippery creatures. They got some movement to them. Like, yeah, it's a fucking crocodile, alligator, whatever it is. They're faster than you'd think. Or a snake.

You wouldn't think a snake could outrun you. I'd like to see a seal go down your slip inside. Oh, my Zim and Glide? Zim and Glide. Get the product. Zim and Glide. Yes. It's very different from the slip inside oh my zim and glide zim and glide get the product we're gonna yes it's very different from the slip and slide zim and glide um i have a thing that i'd like to talk to you guys about that okay real fast before you do that yeah go ahead can i just say something sure go ahead i just want to say happy new year happy new year it's our first recording since the new year I believe

it's almost like the latest we could possibly go to have one we're almost 7 days in what was I going to say now I'm derailed now I'm thinking about news you have a thing oh it happened new years eve

the thing I'm gonna talk about oh i watch triple x oh i wish what a time i should have watched all of them there's three of them now i could have done a whole night it's a great trilogy by the way uh i'm gonna how do i want to set this up i'm gonna post this email and then i'll just i'll have one of you read it well have you know i'll have Gavin, I'll have you read this. I woke up on Saturday morning, and I had received this, and it is maybe the most I feel I have f***ed faced myself in a long time. It's been a while.

I'm going to send this to you. Feel free to read it, Gavin. You'd say the name of the person, too. Yeah, read the name of the person and read the text. And do it out loud. Okay, an email from New Year's Eve, from Kevin Donovan to Andrew Panton. The email reads,

Sure, I'd be happy to. That's the director of the tuxedo. Oh, no! Oh, no! That was my reaction, Gavin. Oh, no! Oh, no! oh no that was my reaction gavin oh no oh no i woke up i woke up saturday morning and looked at my phone and groggily said oh no sure i'd be happy to so we have recorded and i'm not sure if it'll be out at this time but we did a commentary for the movie The Tuxedo because it's the movie that Gavin was most disappointed by from watching the trailer to seeing the final film.

But you knew that and you thought, hey, I'll get the director involved. Well, this is... Listen, there were two... You signed me up for failure. No, we'll get to that so i reached out before and i didn't i didn't expect see i saw this the way i wrote the email was like hey do you have any stories or anecdotes or anything that you could share because i thought it'd be funny if during the commentary track i could be like hey, hey, I talked to the director. That's a weird random thing. This is something he had to say about it.

That was my plan. We have since recorded that commentary. We're not kind in a lot of different ways. Absolutely nothing personal against the guy. Just the tuxedo is not a good movie. Doubling down? Well, I'm doubling down on that. It's not a good movie. Ibling down? Well, I'm doubling down on that. It's not a good movie.

I'm not saying it's his fault. I think that's subjective. I don't think it's his fault. I'm not saying he's at fault for it, but he's directed one film, and it's The Tuxedo, and I don't know his relationship. As far as I can tell,

he's never talked about The Tuxedo, post-Tuxedo, so I don't know what his feelings are on it overall as an experience, and who knows? This fucking making a good anything is really difficult. What if he doesn't like it?

It could be like a Mike Judge idiocracy type thing where the studio got so, or like Run Ronnie Run where the studio got so involved. He had a brilliant Jackie Chan movie and then the studio got involved because he was a first time director and they all put their fingers

in the pie and ended up muddying it all up so that's a possibility I will say the one thing against that is I believe on his website he refers to the tuxedo as a kung fu movie classic which would lead me to believe that he has favorable opinions about the film

when did the movie come out? 2002 maybe so 19 years ago and people are still making podcasts about it opinions about the film. When did the movie come out? 2002, maybe? So 19 years ago and people are still making podcasts about it? That sounds like a classic to me, buddy. Sounds like a classic. What if we did a commentary with him on our commentary?

We're doing a second... Well, this is... I gotta progress this story. So I look at this email and to me i interpret this as he has interpreted my original email as saying that like i want to interview him or talk to him more extensively i was i thought this would go one of two ways either he wouldn't reply at all or he would reply and be like oh when we did this like this happened like a little story about

the movie i never considered the possibility of it being interpreted as like an interview which i'd love to do i would love to have an interview with kevin donovan and i was hoping that that could even possibly i could come in here today and be like i recorded an interview with the director of the tuxedo and talk to you guys about that i feel like you should be up front with him on how much we shout on his movie so he could be mean to us that's the dilemma gavin because i want to be kind to kevin like i have nothing against kevin donovan i'm sure he's a great guy but i would feel so disingenuous writing this like we yeah we'd have to be honest maintaining this very kind tone which I have like on a human level for Kevin Donovan.

But at the same time, I feel like such a dickhead being like, hey, nice to meet you. Thanks for replying. We thought your movie fucking sucked. It was terrible. But I'd love to talk more with you. Please. That'd be great. Like, what do I do? Like, what is I felt so faced and like I don't know you

faced yourself there's no good way of this there's zero good way out of it the upside the only saving grace is that we had a great time watching it and maybe he'll be happy with that but we did shit on it we shit on it a lot it was a lot I do like the idea of doing

a director's commentary on our commentary like I like the idea of doing a director's commentary on our commentary. Like, I like the idea of getting him involved and having him do... I wonder what the most nested series of commentaries over a property is. Like, what if we just did a commentary over our tuxedo commentary, and then, like, every two months, we just do another commentary on top of that. I think it's really funny if we just go forever if we have a more extensive bonus feature section for the tuxedo than the release of the tuxedo had like what we're offering is better than the dvd final

package um what was in the dvd bonus stuff gab because you were a big fan of judges commentaries and bonus features and stuff was it well Was it during the time where they were like interactive menu? Do you remember that? Like when DVDs were coming out, they put that as a feature. Interactive menu. You could click stuff. Some DVD menus

would go all out. They would. They would put so much up and some would just be like text on a plain background. I have never cared about a DVD menu. We used to go out of our mind when we would make those red versus blue DVDs. They were class.

Piling on extra features and Easter eggs. We would have like 40 or 50 Easter eggs per DVD. Just tons of shit. Yeah, you'd go to like chapter select, and then like chapter five to eight, and then press down, and it would like take you to a secret. It cool stuff like that there are some cool things that is cool that is awesome i i don't like the ones where like it would be a sequence and then they'd loop you

back like your menu would freeze for a second and then would restart the sequence i don't want a freezing menu right i think i think for a first time director who was working with a lot of money and some of the biggest stars in the world at the time, and he pulled it off, and I'm disappointed in how hateful you both are towards this film. Not hateful at all. Which I don't remember expressing any discontent with at all. I count myself a fan of Kevinvin donovan and i'm 10 grand

you didn't that's the other concern with this is i don't remember specifically what we said in the commentary track like i can't i don't know what i'm defending fully yeah i just know there's a lot of it i don't remember exactly what we said i just know we were treating it very much like the director wasn't listening to us. Yes. And never would. Absolutely not that we would contact him and make ourselves known to him as we were doing it.

So that was my dilemma. I woke up Saturday both excited that, holy fuck, I can't believe Kevin Donovan actually replied. How do I reply to this? And I had the same dilemma as Gavin brought up of like I feel like if I'm just super nice I can immediately get this done but that feels super wrong and disingenuous

and I need to how do I approach how do you tell someone that the thing the one movie they made you thought was really bad this might be one of the rare scenarios where being nice is the meanest you could be that's a great way of looking at it um so i replied i will okay oh god i wrote back on monday and then i had this realization because it took a few days obviously there was some time period between when i sent it and when it arrived i had the realization that it is so classically us

that i like in the original email i didn't really say anything about what our show was or or what kind of the tone of it is just that we were doing a thing with the tuxedo and i'd love to do you tell them the name question no i don't think i did in the first email um well without a direct link our podcast is impossible to find so we're probably safe yeah well well i sent that in the second email i provided a direct link and damn it andrew i provided provided a direct link and then i had the realization that by the time he probably gets around to looking at that email if he were to decide like i'm gonna give this show a chance the episode he would listen to is the most broken and chaotic episode think

about the one that came out on wednesday this past wednesday the one where i tried to print the law and everything broke down that will be his introduction to this show well apparently according to almost every comment i saw on that episode it's the best one we've ever done so maybe we're lucky people fucking loved that i oh my lord i thought it was a train wreck but i like that we came away from that thinking we had 18 minutes of andrew's audio uh nick how how many minutes did we actually have we had most of the backup but zero of the raw recording. Right.

So zero. Okay. Thank you for bringing that up. Pivot away from Kevin Donovan for a moment. I meant to mention this. I forgot I did. There was a point in time in which I was back in, and I could hear you guys talking, but I couldn't talk at all, but I could hear everything you all were saying.

And I felt like there was a point in which Gavin was snitching on me for pausing my recording the previous week in a panic and then yeah i heard that or i caught the tail end of that and then gavin you made a point where you were like why didn't why didn't we just pause for like three minutes have andrew reboot his computer and then just get on so this would be fine it takes like 20 minutes for my computer to reboot but i was so annoyed with you i was like fucking you don't think i'd fuck it okay i'm gonna fucking reset it and i'll reply in an hour when it turns back on so i start holding down the power button on my computer while everything's fucking broken and then i remembered i haven't saved that we did two episodes that was the second one I did not save the recording for my first one because it takes like 10 minutes to save and we're going back to back so I'm

holding the power button and then I realized that I haven't saved my first recording I'm gonna lose it if I turn my machine off so then I let go of the power button and I spent the next 15 minutes frantically trying to save before the chain of events realized that it was supposed to turn my computer off. And I was just a frantic mess behind the scenes trying to just make sure I didn't lose literally all my audio. I'd given up on that recording being useful, but I also almost punted away the perfectly fine recording for the first one we did on that day. Wait, Andrew. What. Oh, Andrew. What? Oh, yeah. I'm just reading what Nick said. I can understand what he's saying.

Oh, yeah. It was terrifying. My heart was beating fast too, Nick. Well, if your computer wasn't choking on the law, I assume it would have rebooted a lot sooner. Oh, it would have died so quickly. Yeah. Saved by the law. It was. I was saved by the law. Here was. I was saved by the law. Here's what I'll say

about Kevin Donovan. I don't know how this is going to end. I assume you're not done, Andrew, with the story and that it'll probably go somewhere. But I will say,

and I had a light bulb moment just now, if things don't go well with Kevin Donovan, what we will have is our first enemy of f*** face. No. I don't want to be enemies of Kevin Donovan. What we will have is our first enemy of face. No. And that's a list that's bound to... I don't

either, but he might want to be enemies with you and there's nothing I can do about that. And if he's an enemy with you, then he's an enemy of us because we're a team, right? So I'm just saying, there could be like a fuck face list of f*** faced haters and he might just be number one on it. Think of like this...

No. No, we're not. It's bound to happen at some point. Right? I know you've already run afoul of the legal lawyer people by continuing to hide on their system for a long time. I still get emails occasionally. I don't

count them as friends of the podcast. Oh, I think they're friends. No, I'm involved. I'm there. I'm in there. Comfy. Okay. Are you talking about the lawyers or the judges?

The judges. The judges, yeah. Yeah. I still get emails from higherjudge.com. What is a judge, Gavin, but a lawyer who got a promotion? Because I think we're enemies with both. I think we're also enemies with two dipshits um so i replied i replied to kevin donovan and i i wrote like first the first section of it was

very sweet and i'm not going to read the email but it was like very much like it's so nice to hear from you thank you so much for getting back to us and then the second the second part yeah the second part is the pivot of i just want to be up front with you because i would feel wrong doing so otherwise we made a fun of the tuxedo quite a bit we made a lot of jokes i said something like that along the lines this is where i probably made another mistake was uh i i was very i was very polite i feel like i wrote as kind of like a hey we shit on this thing that you worked on as i could i felt like i needed to show that i was i can't i don't know this is a weird like i had to put something on the line. I had to put stakes on the line. So I was like, if you have any questions,

feel free to email me back here or you can text me at this number. And I gave him, Kevin Donovan has my personal cell phone number. So he can just text me at any point. You have so many different phone numbers. Why did you give him your real personal one because i i i don't know it just seemed like i wanted to be like listen i'm coming from a genuine place this feels so much if i was in his position i think it would feel like a trap or that has been

text surely you wouldn't even bother like someone says hey we shout in your movie feel free to text me like it's a helpline like what do you what are you expecting him no i don't i just like that is a personal thing that could go wrong like i felt like i was wagering something at that point like i was putting something of value on the thing you were giving something back i was this movie like not hey i i shat on your movie and i want to be friends with you to the point where i'm letting you have personal direct access to me whenever you want we shouldn't let you talk to people no i'm great at talking with people i got i'm talking to kevin donovan it was a timing issue it wasn't uh talking to people with you. If I'm Kevin Donovan, I start a new podcast called Fuck-Cito,

and I just shit on our podcast for an hour every week. That'd be really funny. I'd actually like that a lot. I still don't... You're acting like, oh, no, look what's happened. It's unfortunate. You still reached out to him in the first place

knowing that we didn't like this movie. No, I did it before... I did it before we recorded it. we recorded what before we recorded it yeah but we already didn't like the movie but you knew you didn't like it it's like hey cosmic crisp we love your apples i want to talk to you hey kevin donovan your movie stinks i want to talk i have more anger with cosmic crisp than the tuxedo but um the tuxedo I was open to liking I remember watching it as a kid and not being the biggest fan of it but I went in hopeful that I would have a better experience and I'd have a great time in conversation because I named it as my most disappointed I've ever been but I don't always I don't agree with every fucking opinion Gavin Free has why am I why my

opinion is is more valid or important I'm just saying that's how it came up that's not that's not the reason to reach out to the people who made it yeah but you have ridiculous opinions about the new matrix movie too so i don't know how to evaluate your movie could be wrong you don't know man i don't know uh did kevin call or text you i have not heard back from kevin donovan since I replied with my phone number and that episode has released. You sound like a fucking stalker. That's probably why.

It's like, hey Kevin, let's hang out. Here's my number. Give me a call if you want to. Where do you live, by the way? What's your address? Would you mind if I came visit at you? What do you like for lunch? I'll bring sandwiches. No. It was a nicely written email. I think, I don't know. I'd be surprised if we hear back, but I don't know I would be I'd be surprised

if we hear back but I'm hopeful I have questions for like I genuinely have questions about that movie I want to know why James Brown is in it I want to know if there's a list of suit functions that they didn't cover are there any edited suit scenes what is it like working with Jackie Chan because like he openly

hates all of his American movies that must be a weird thing. I would want to know because these things always happen on film sets, right? You work intensely together for months and months and months. I wonder like what lifelong friendships he built in the process of making that film. Like are he and Jackie

Chan's close and they still send each other Christmas cards? Yeah, does he have Jackie Chan's phone number? It's funny you mention that. He filmed a commercial with Jackie Chan in like 2018, I want to say, maybe a bit earlier. So he has done, he didn't stop there.

There could be a deeper connection. Do you think Jackie Chan remembered him? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I do. Kevin Donovan, I hope I get a reply back. I'd love to hear from kevin don what questions do you guys have any questions you would like to ask ask kevin donovan yeah what did you think when you heard when you received this initial email or contact from andrew and what do you think now

you guys are going to do your own kevinovan interview about his interaction with me. Are you, Eric said, are you mad at us? Well, yeah, here's my, here's my question for Kevin Donovan. Will you accept my apology?

I was very excited about that. I was excited to bring that to the show. I wish that, uh, in my head, it would have been really funny if I had an interview with Kevin Donovan as well, but I just hope he doesn't hate us, is where I currently stand with Kevin

Donovan. I'm glad you're honest with him. Well, I kind of wish you'd never talked to him in the first place, if I'm being truly honest. Why? Why? Why? I mean, why? Why? Because now we have a hate list, and he's at the top of it, and now we have a competitive podcast on the way out called The Fluxito

that's just going to shit on us all day long. I would genuinely love to have a talk, Kevin Donovan. I'm more, as I said, I'm more upset with Cosmic Crisp than I am Kevin Donovan and Tuxedo. I think they're a bigger rival to us. I don't know. I don't know what that means. Why are you upset with Cosmic Crisp?

Who, by the way, should cut us in on their Apple profits because we have sold so many fucking apples for those people. Not only that, Jeff. That's why. That's why I'm getting into it. I've been sent screenshots of fucking Cosmic Crisp promoting YouTube content. They're out there promoting content. And they haven't worked with us?

Yeah, I mean, it's weird that you wouldn't see a tweet from Cosmic Crisp, the Apple company, saying, hey, check out F*** Face. Yeah, what's more synonymous with apples than F*** Face? We are an Apple podcast. I get you're making a joke there, Gavin, but we have done more for the Cosmic Crisp than maybe everybody outside of those who invented it. Yeah, it's fine, but no one's ever going to talk to us because of our stupid name. That's because we faced ourselves. When you talk to people, maybe

I'm sure I haven't. When you talk to people that don't know about the podcast and like that, like you're trying to bring them into the world. How do you describe? Do you immediately feel the need to describe what the name references? i don't think i've ever told anyone about this i don't think i have either every time as soon as i'm like the show is called face and then i'll always add it's a reference to a baseball card air

like i immediately go into like you have to clarify it's a great name i've even had to do like little like interview bits and stuff with our marketing department about like hey we need a soundbite or we need a like a little two paragraph thing about what face is about and stuff i don't even like doing that i'm just like it's just a podcast about nothing i don't know i don't know i don't know how to explain it yeah i don't wanna there's no way there's no way to do it without having to start like unraveling a fucking ball of string that never ends sure no yeah so i just i prefer not to i just say uh you know what don't listen to it it's not a big deal yeah i would say it's like a deep lore about nothing deep lore about nothing nick said whenever my parents ask me at work i refer to it as bleep

face since they get weirded out when i say fuck i go with f face is what i i bleep face is a good idea though deep lore about nothing i like that that is good yeah that's poetic kevin who wrote that for you was that meg oh yeah She wrote that for me. Wherever you're going, you better believe American Express will be right there with you. Heading for adventure? We'll help you breeze through security. Meeting friends a world away?

You can use your travel credit. Squeezing every drop out of the last day? How about a 4 p.m. late checkout? Just need a nice place to settle in enjoy your room upgrade wherever you go we'll go together that's the powerful backing of american express visit amex.ca slash ymx benefits vary by card terms apply did you ever have stories as a kid like Like, as you get older, you get more stories. You get more things to tell, more experiences. Do you remember, like, the first... What?

You described that like you're fucking Peter Molyneux. Like, you're gonna sell me on a video game. Like, you're on a stage and be like, you started as a child, and as you grow, you gain more stories that enrich the lore of this universe sorry well forget that that's obvious isn't it it's obvious but do you remember like the first stories you used to tell people like i'm not talking about like like here's what i did at school today mom i'm talking about like a story that you thought was good enough to remember and

tell other people yeah do you yeah i remember three that I used to like my three go-to stories. I thought at the time, I thought they were absolute bangers. And I must have been, what age was I? I was riding around on bikes, maybe like seven or eight. One of my stories was that I watched my friend ride his bike and he tried to spit at me but it blew back in his face i thought that was an amazing story uh another one was that my friend got a football stuck in his tree so he threw a broom up to try and get the football down and the broom got stuck i thought that was an absolute knee slapper. And my last story, my last ghost story was that it was,

it was once so windy that it rang the doorbell, which I still think, I still think that's a bad story. Those are bad stories. I think I should retire. I retired the first two, but I think it was the wind rang the doorbell is still a good story. I think I've told

two of those, two of my stories on the podcast probably. One is that I tried to set up that bit where you dump water on somebody's head when they walk in a door

by putting the bucket on top of the door, you know, but I didn't tie it to anything. So when my mom opened the door, a full bucket of metal

bucket of water hit her in the head and I knocked her out. And there was that story I think I've told about how I jumped that ramp on my bike that everybody said I couldn't do. And when I landed, both of my tires popped and there was a bunch of smoke

and I thought I had died and I had heard myself die and I had to wait for the smoke to settle to realize I was still alive. And the other one that's probably my oldest story that I don't remember enough to tell it accurately is I remember playing, there was a hilarious sequence of events playing a game of Uno in the first grade with my friend Scott. And I remember he said, I don't have any reds in a really funny way. And I probably told that story till I was like 15. I wish I could remember it now.

I thought that was the story. And I'd be like, yeah. And then Scott said, I don't have any reds. And I'm like laughing. And people are like, what the fuck? OK. But, you know, when you're nine, it's hilarious. You were nine in the first grade?

Oh, I don't know. How old was I in the first grade? This is Alabama. So I might have been 16. I don't remember. So those are the first stories that you remember telling? The ones that you would cycle around? Those are like my bangers that I'd bring around. Oh, and the time...

I used to tell these other two stories. One, I loved telling this story because I thought it made me sound like a badass. I was digging. My friend had a pile of dirt in his backyard. They were doing some landscaping. And that same kid, Scott, and I were digging with shovels. And I got behind him and I wasn't paying attention.

And he swung the shovel behind him and hit me in the forehead and split my forehead open. And I was just gushing blood. And I went to his mom and I said, I need to I need stitches. I need a bandaid or something. And she looked at me and she said, I have to take care of the baby. You need to go home. And I had to ride my and I said I need to I need stitches I need a bandaid or something and she looked at me and she said I have to take care of the baby you need to go home and I had to ride my bike home covered in blood and I was a latchkey kid so my mom was at work

so I just sat in the bathroom crying with like towels on my head while I just fucking bled like an inch over my eyeball and then another time the other friend we had a kid named Casey we we were fucking we were at a construction site and there was a little fire there that somebody had built like at night the

kids or something and it was still going so we put a ramp and we were jumping over it on our bikes and he hit it wrong and fell and i thought he was gonna fall into the fire but he didn't instead he fell and impaled his neck on rebar jesus christ yeah i'm not kidding dude what yeah through like the side of his neck and came out the other end and he goes what i swear to god i swear to god and he he stood up he like popped it off and there was like blood and i just ran him home didn't hurt him that i mean it went one it like was like the tail like on the far right of his neck like if you pull your neck out it just like pierced it right there

and it bled but it didn't hurt it it didn't it didn't hit anything important it was just stitches and a terrified trip to the emergency room and I don't think he was allowed to hang out with me after that I think I for some reason got all the blame he got banned he's like Shaun of the Dead at his own neck

yeah this would have been 1983 Probably 1982 It was fucking gross and scary That's horrendous That's a way better story than the broom No I don't know the broom's pretty good Cause how did he get the broom out I didn't get nearly enough credit for getting Casey home

That day I got in a lot of trouble I fucking saved that kid but whatever what about you Andrew I know I put you on the spot yeah no I'm trying to think I don't I don't well no I got I'll think about this more there are two that immediately come to mind I remember being like

I don't know maybe five years old I was at my grandparents house and my my grandpa was talking to our neighbor Jan and I decided that like oh I want to get in on this conversation I'm going to need to have a real banger of a story to like cut in and wow the room and so it was like there's like a cop show on TV and I walked out and I was like I'll just make up like some story I'll be like I walked out and I said something like did you just see that on the news

there's this guy who like solved crimes and he dodged like eight bullets and then I like five-year-old brand I was like this is the coolest story ever and they immediately said oh that must have liked that That was a show or you that that was that's not real That's not what you just said didn't actually happen, and I just walked away dejected They didn't shut you down They shut me down immediately and it was fair to the other store the other story it's not so much a story this is just embarrassing i remember getting xbox live when i was like 10 and uh as a 10 year old playing xbox live this was a time where people actually talked on xbox live there were party chats so you'd go in the lobbies and i had like my go-to

move at that time because it's like 2004 and i'm a 10 year old i would like essentially every conversation i'd be like so you watch family guy that was like my cut in to it and i had it was set up in the living room and i joined like a lobby once and uh as soon as i joined i was like hey and my mom from the kitchen went so you guys watch family guy making fun of me and i've ever since that moment have a hyper awareness if i'm in a room with anybody else that i'm talking i was it might be the most embarrassed i've ever been in my life and to this day i struggle with talking with somebody else in the room like if it's a phone call it doesn't matter what it is because the family got, and that's just burned into my brain. So she just knew that you were going to say it. Oh,

she knew. Cause I said it fucking 97 times a day, every time I joined a halo lobby. So she just immediately said it. And it just was deaf because I knew how lame it was even at that time, but to get called out on it. Is that why we can't do this podcast in person? Cause you're so,

yes, that's the only reason I'm starting to person because you're still yes that's the only reason i'm starting to realize why you are the way that you are really was that what did you uncover from that you got from there to the pencil what i don't know just people just like chewing down your confidence and then you're just like overthinking stuff to the point where yeah you're just an insane person well i okay makes total sense i i it's funny that you say that because i had one of those recently i recorded a second episode of the q a thing that i'm doing and one of the questions was what is your favorite holiday treat and i open with is eggnog a treat like i went in on eggnog

specifically a thing i've never had and eric called me out for it and he's like you are a psychopath the question is what is your face why are you talking about a thing you've never had the reason why i did that is because that was the third version of that recording i had done and i didn't want to answer it in the exact same way that i answered the previous recording i had done and i didn't want to answer it in the exact same way that i answered the previous recording i didn't like how they came out the other two so that was the third time i answered that question and i felt like even though nobody would hear the other two in my head it was lame to use the same answer over and over again so i was like how do i switch this up a little bit i'll make a little comment about eggnog and it just seems insane I like the idea of like a celebrity doing interviews but they never want to answer the

same way like on all the talk shows they just start telling lies and making up shit it's not telling lies I was just like how can I how no but I was saying I'm like I never said I did I said is it is it considered a holiday treat because I never had give that answer though Because thing that I was bringing up to you is the question was what's your favorite holiday treat? And you said is eggnog a holiday treat. I've never had it. Yeah, because I wasn't trying to spice it up holiday treat you've never had no you fucking you guys are missing the thing entirely I'd answered that two times already And I just answered clearly,

these are what I view as. Since it was my third time, I didn't want to duplicate that. So in the moment, I'm like, how can I spice this answer up a bit? I'll do a thing about eggnog. I'll talk about eggnog for like 10 seconds, and then I'll get into the exact same thing.

No one else has heard it. I know that that's how my brain works. I'm saying this is how Gavin's right. I'm overthinking this thing that nobody's going to hear. But I'm like, I can't say the same thing three times. You've been left with this weird level of confidence where you overthink everything. And then you over correct and just go blasting in with all this crazy confidence in other directions. Nothing works about you.

That's maybe the meanest thing anyone's ever said to me. I don't think it's mean. I don't think it's bad or mean. You don't think that's mean? Nothing works about you. I think lots works on you. It just works weirdly. Yeah, nothing works as you'd expect.

And what it produces is actually a very nice and very funny person. But it's all built on... What? Nice, unless your name is Kevin Donovan. That's... Well... No, I was nice to Kevin Donovan. All my interactions with him, directly.

I would argue that reaching out to him at all is not nice. Really? I don't view it that way. Knowing what was coming, I do. Jeff, I don't view it that way. Knowing what was coming? I do. Jeff, I like the men bridges. That man could have lived in blissful ignorance

for the rest of his life not bothering to know that the three of us hated his fucking movie. But you chose to initiate contact. You chose first contact.

Nah, I don't know. I don't see, I don't, I disagree. I respectfully disagree. I think there's a world in which we become

great friends with Kevin Donovan and none of that would have been possible without him. I respectfully disagree. I think there's a world in which we become great friends with Kevin Donovan, and none of that would have been possible without him. Well, I hope so. I hope so. Hell of a recovery. Imagine if Kevin Donovan directs the Childkicker movie. We ever make that into a thing? Best case scenario, Kevin Donovan becomes a full-time member of this podcast.

I would love to have. Maybe he's the piece we're missing. Can we, I don't know, maybe like do, I don't know, get Kevin Donovan involved in some way. I'd love to have Kevin Donovan. If he gets involved, I'm buying him like a hamper or something. We've got to make some sort of nice chest. I agree.

I'd love to get a fruit basket, maybe like some nice jams. I don't know. Yeah. Cosmic collection of jams. Maybe. I don't know. We'll figure that out. We could send him an apple basket that you weave.

I don't know if that will mend without context. There's no context. A man just receives a poorly woven basket full of a specific apple, and he just goes, what did I do? What if a Canadian sent me a crushed tumbleweed in the mail? do what if a canadian sent me a crushed tumbleweed in the mail um so i had i had kevin donovan and i had one other thing uh that i wanted to to talk about that is a very funny funny discovery i have a new i have a new nickname i have a new nickname oh Oh. That is exciting. Somebody emailed in.

Somebody emailed this to me. They were looking through, like, just news archive stuff. You know, like, they're just searching different, like, news clippings, whatever. And they found a news clipping of me when I'm, like, seven playing tennis. You were in the news? I was in the news. I remember this happening, too. I used to do, like, tennis lessons at were in the news I was in the new I remember this happening too I used to do like tennis lessons at this place but I was in the news they like filmed it probably is like trying to do advertising for their tennis program that they're doing

let me foster sewing machine it is a continuation this is the entry point of me eventually learning the sewing machine let me introduce you to andrew sweet swing panton oh my god you're adorable i was expecting some like like distant photo of like a bunch of they'll let you look like the tree and you let your freaking roger federer look at the picture the wording on it is really funny of andrew payton keeps his eye on the ball in preparation for his return during the no he does not like your eyes are nowhere near that ball dude there look you are spiking the lens the phrasing of the return is like i am like this tennis prodigy that got hurt and i'm not coming back out of retirement yeah so i feel so bad i'll credit next time next episode i'll give proper credit to the person who found this. So the person found it and they're like, this is look at this ridiculous thing I found.

They then took it even further and they made Andrew Panton sweet swing rookie cards. There are there is this is an existence. They went to the top website. Good. They made a collection of Andrew sweet swing as a rookie. We need to sell those in our card thing someday. That's brilliant. The fact that it's taken from a black and white newspaper, clearly.

You could look at that and have no idea what year that was. That could easily be from the 40s. I guess the tennis racket style gives it away. It looks like 1975 to me. It's 19, I'd say 99 would be my guess. What brand racket are you rocking there? Oh, that's a good head, maybe. Is that one of the...

Yeah, I think it's a head. I was always a Schlesinger kind of guy. I've never heard of Schlesinger. Is it head? Oh, it is head. Look at me. I fucking called the logo. I swing a Babelot myself.

A Babelot? Babelot. Although I canot? A babalot. Although I can't play tennis anymore right now. But when I get back to it. Dude, you're a cute kid. You know why I can't play. Arthritis and injuries. I thought it was because you're training to throw a faster ball.

I can't even get to the training yet right now because of all the other issues, but that's okay. I don't want to talk about me and my broken old ass body. Jeff, do you remember when you committed to hitting a thousand baseballs? Dude, the baseballs, the baseballs are in. I got to do that. What do you mean they're in? Mallory told me the baseballs are here.

But you can't do that. There's no way that you can, if you're not in a state in which you can't play tennis you can't hit a thousand balls well i i can't play tennis for fun but i can hit a thousand balls and do more damage to myself for you know my job i'll do that that's sad i know there's no way I think you might die if you hit more than I'm going to say 115 I'll get it Eric can you get that set up thanks bud appreciate it

god we're almost an hour in already I love that photo of Patton so much that is such a great photo it's just like a really good picture. Can we put on a shirt? I don't, I've never looked that cool in a still image in all my life.

I don't think I look cool in that photo at all. You do. I guess like, how many kids have like a properly professional action shot taken of them? That is, you know what, I will say that that photo has more of an action shot than 90 of the baseball cards we open it's true balls and frame it is a good photo

between that and your men in black photos dude i can't wait to see what else you've got you're holding on to i don't i think those might be the greatest hits i fellow i remember the men in black getting that for halloween and like running the suits and like having to lie that i was going to a wedding for it that's like my main memory are that are we gonna post a story tuxedo i hope so what are we gonna do i was trying to think there's another photo i want to i want to i want to make posters and sell them i want to get i want the world to have it it's genuinely the last time i wore tuxedo and i think there's only one other time and there's a photo of it somewhere that i'll try to find it's a terrible photo it's great i think i've only worn it twice tuxedo well does

anybody have anything else they want to cover before we end uh not anything that uh i would i would say is like expansive i have one little little thing if gavin or yeah um and this is more of a directed to the audience so uh i i tried to mention this a couple episodes ago but we i got distracted but i have uh i've been thinking a lot about um well first off let me say i've been hanging out a lot in uh laundromats and i'm really into it i'm really digging laundromats these days why uh well they're they're like they're they smell good first of all and they're warm on a cold day not that we have a lot of those and uh they're empty and there's like a there's like a rhythmic uh thumping and sound of all the machines going on at once it's it's it's quite uh but you're not doing laundry corded uh and i'm

doing laundry are you you are doing laundry yeah no i don't hang out at laundromats just to hang out yet but i could get there well you made it sound like you were because i assume you i assume you have a washing machine i do i do but you know henry the bulldog uh you know he has he has problems with his pp and sometimes at night And so he wears a diaper. And then sometimes it doesn't get it or sometimes he wiggles out. And sometimes the sheets, the duvet and everything get a little Henry on them. And it's hard to wash king-size duvets and dry them in my washer and dryer. So we've started going to the laundromat where you can knock it out in no time at all, like in those industrial dryers and industrial washers. And I just quite to the laundromat where you can knock it out in no time at all, like in those industrial dryers and industrial washers.

And I just quite enjoy the laundromat. So I've been thinking maybe into my post-Rooster Teeth, post-podcasting career, when it's time to settle down and retire, I don't think I'll ever want to stop working. But what I do think I want to do is open up a laundromat. I think that might be my second act, is being a laundromat owner. So I wanted to talk to the audience. If anybody out there owns a laundromat, has experience running or managing a laundromat, what was it like? Did you enjoy it? Is it as much fun as I think it would be? Is it profitable? I'd love to know. Just email Andrew and then he can filter

all that to me. And yeah, I would love to hear your laundromat feedback or your personal experiences with laundromats because I'm really fucking jazzed about them right now. It's weird that that was like the one appliance that could be put in a different building and run as a business. Like you don't, you don't get a business that's just like 18 fridges and you could just keep stuff cold. Like a freeze on that. A cool on that. Yeah. keep stuff cold. Like a freeze on that. A cool on that. Yeah, like if you have room for your own fridge, just keep your shit in a

fridge of that. Or like, oh, do you need some extra space for your casserole? Come on over to oven, Matt. You call ahead, we'll preheat it to whatever you, 425, it'll be waiting for you. You just text the preheat up to the oven. Anyway, I would love to...

If you've ever worked in a laundromat or owned one, please let Andrew know and he can let me know. I don't think I've ever been inside one. I want to check. Maybe I'll wash some... Yeah, maybe a big... Come on to the laundromat with me someday. Hang out with me at the laundromat. And we'll spend some time Yeah, maybe a big deal. Come on to the laundromat with me someday. Hang out with me at the laundromat.

And we'll spend some time together. It'll be fun. I like that I started off as a fan of Rooster Teeth and I end up later in life doing laundry with one of the guys that started it in a laundromat. We're just hanging out doing our laundry. That's great. I'd love to do that.

Yeah, I'm looking... You know, I don't think I ever want to stop completely, but at some point, I don't think I ever want to stop completely, but at some point, I don't know that I want the high stress, high pressure career that I've had, constantly reinventing yourself and trying to be funny and create new products and share all of these foibles.

You know, at some point, I'm going to be tired of that. And man, laundromats smell good and they're the perfect temperature and they have a nice hum and they're empty. People come in, they throw their clothes in and they leave. That's also something I like about laundromats, or at least the laundromat I've been going to,

is that there seems to be, it seems to be populated and propagated by decent human beings that understand that they're all in the same boat. You know, like I remember when I worked in a, lived in an apartment complex, I would do laundry and sometimes I'd come back and I'd be like, somebody stole my fucking pants.

Somebody else out there is a 32, 29 or whatever and stole my fucking blue jeans. That doesn't seem to happen at a laundromat. People seem to be respectful of each other's stuff. And I appreciate that too. It's like, it's like a place where decorum still exists in the world. It does seem like there's a very unique person.

I don't know, like personality isn't the right word. I feel like if you discover, once you discover the laundromat, you don't go back unless you are in a situation which like, if it makes sense to use laundromat for your lifestyle or whatever, it would be extremely useful i wonder what the maintenance is like like how often you have to clean them and i mean potentially

you've got like 40 plumbing problems about to happen i was trying to get in get behind and kind of look at the machinations of it and stuff and i i i get a sense that because these machines look old as dirt but they still seem to be running fine. I think they're built to last. I'm sure that there's maintenance. I'm sure there are problems you have to deal with. I imagine it would be quite scary. It would have been quite a scary place to own in the freeze last year, but

I get the impression that it basically runs itself. You just provide electricity. There's a thing you can go buy soap and shit if you need to. It's all coin operated. All you have to do is have a change machine in there. And then like,

I've been in that laundromat probably four or five times over the last few, since Thanksgiving. And I've never seen anybody working there. Yeah. I was about to say, I feel like it would be great for money laundering. You don't really need a staff. It's just like a business.

It's in the name. Yeah. It's a little on the nose then at that point, isn't it? It would be like obnoxious to make a laundromat your money laundering operation. You should see if you could call it money. Oh, Eric said the same thing. Call it money laundromat and see if it raises any high points.

Well, to see if it raises any high fives. Woo! Well, I wasn't sure what today's podcast was going to be like coming in, but I quite enjoyed it. So, obviously,

this is coming out, I don't know, third week of January or something, but this was recorded on, well, it was recorded on January 6th. I liked it.

It's the first time I've talked to you guys in the new year, so I just want to say I enjoyed it, and I hope you guys are having, I hope you had a good New Year's Eve, and I hope you have a good new year. Right. And I hope you listen to this podcast and all the future ones.

Not you, I'm not talking, I was talking to you, now I'm talking to the audience. I realized I switched gears. Yeah, you kind of pivoted mid-sentence. I pivoted mid-sentence. Yeah, no, I pivoted mid-sentence, and then I realized that's why I called it out.

Okay. Yeah, dumb move on my part. That's the end of this one. So, if you, I don't know, just fucking... What's our newest merch item? Oh, did you see there's a GrownTube update? Fucksticks, right? In the Slack? There's a Fuckstick update that's interesting.

Are they delayed? No. It's an interesting update. I'd say it's a positive one. Well, tell us what it is, dude. What is it? Well, I don't fucking look for it. It's different colors. We can talk about it.

Now we can end the show and talk about business for like three minutes until Jeff goes, I gotta go. Okay, face team. The grown sheep situation has evolved. Oh, my God. What are you doing? I'm just reading what it says. Right but we don't have to it's not for the episode. This is for us. It is now. Orange is common

with 600 years. We don't have to do what he's laying out. This is his idea for the way he's laying it out with like these colors. I like it. I like the colors. He's saying we can't do white because white is too expensive. You can only. I like the colors. He's saying we can't do white because white is too expensive? They don't,

and you can only get it from one manufacturer. Oh, you know, you know those like, those like when you throw a bouncy ball and it like lights up the different colors

like that magnet? I have like, apparently like my uncle invented it. I'm somehow related to the person that invented that in some way. What is happening?

What? They're not, I don't think they're my uncle, but they're definitely in the family tree somewhere well this is what second cousin end this end this what is happening we got a cliffhanger now hey audience would you oh I see pink yellow green and orange what is your favorite color I love orange I like orange too but I association with orange. It always makes me feel like I'm picking it because of that.

I like greens not bad. There's no wrong color when it comes to a fuckstick. Thanks for listening. I think we should wait until we can get white. They're expensive. Yeah, and I like the orange one. What do you have against orange? Nothing.

It sounds like something. It's weird to see a color come through the logo. I think that's what's weirding me out. Is it? It's a witsy face that's colored in. Huh. Bye. Well, we'll talk to you guys later.

And Gavin, next week, I want to get into why you were in such a bad mood in this podcast. Talk to you later. Oh, that was it? What do you mean? Hey, guys. Minor League fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face.

Andrew talks old school achievement guides. Gavin destroys everything with an Apple remote. The boys talk about killing Betty White and doom Tom Hanks in the process.

Jeff celebrates Zim Day. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on the next episode of F*** Face.