Regulation Podcast - Layering 100 Pees // Banana Shaft [203]

Episode Date: April 17, 2024

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Andrew’s voice, why birds don’t have visible balls, animal kingdom penis’, old tweets, Dollar Hot Dog Night, being in a Whataburger commercial, the solar eclipse, Xbox 360 best features, Way of the Dogg, Undercover Boss, recording every piss, hobbies we’re running from, internal goo, snorting Tums, justice for Graysie, NBA stars with pets, Eric the super producer, hollow Whoppers, and more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

hello hey what's up what is happening well this is weird uh what's going on what do we do i don't well i mean we have to wait i think we give him 45 seconds and then we just call it call what does that mean call it like don't do and then we just call it. What does that mean, call it? Like, don't do the episode? What does call it mean? Do we have another episode in the can? No. No.

We gotta go. Yeah, we have to. We don't have a choice. Nick isn't here also. There's no Andrew. I don't really understand what's going on. I feel like we might need Andrew. I would say at the very least. Oh,

there we go. Are you ready? I'm on time. Well, there's no way he's ready and recording. I'm already recording. Go. All right. Don't that tone is not. Oh, whatever. Just start. Hello and welcome to another episode of the face*** Face podcast. I believe this is the 203rd iteration of this carnival of stupidity and cum we call a podcast. My name is Jeff Ramsey. With me as always, Andrew Panton and Gavin Free. How's everybody doing? Pretty good. Fantastic. Why on earth were you late? I on time what do you mean you were you

there's one there's one when i was here that's fair you were within the 60 second grace period why on earth were you on time better question why I early? I had to use the bathroom, and it was a bigger ordeal than I was anticipating. So you traded pleasantries for what I assume was a liquid shit. No. It was just more. I thought I just had to pee, and there was more. It was a combo, and I thought I was getting an individual item, and it took more time than i anticipated so were you panic wiping there's no way you've done a good

job no i i'm listen i was thorough the job was done clean but yeah i was definitely actually i had a slow-mo guy's tiktok running and i was like i got four more rotations of gavin before i gotta go i gotta hurry well i appreciate the views you're welcome yeah i just listen it's gonna be my algorithm have you ever filmed somebody shitting with a phantom no gavin no well it's not it's not that fast unless you've really got it'd still be interesting to see in slow motion wouldn't it maybe don't do a human maybe do like a dog then it would feel more scientific uh why did before you finished asking the question why did andrew answer if somebody is asking to the group have you filmed someone shitting i think it's important to declare no it doesn't matter if it was aimed at you or not I wanted to be clear. No. I have not.

Yeah, but I was asking Gavin. Yeah, but listen. I'm not really a scat boy. No, but you're like, you're into science. And fecal matter is just science at the end of the day. That is true. What isn't science? Exactly.

I'd say Garfield. Garfield isn't science. Andrew. Yes. Science of Garfield. How do you feel? I feel great. Because last time you felt great but sounded like shit. This time you sound even worse. I think I sound better. I disagree. I think I sound better than I did. You do not. You sound older. You sound like worse. I think I sound better. I disagree. I think I sound better than I did. You do not. You sound older.

You sound like 10 plus years. You sound like you've seen some shit. Well, I have, but I haven't filmed it. You saw it at normal speed, unfortunately. I did. I saw it at normal speed. I think my vocal cords are recovering, and I think yelling a lot, screaming when they were bad to show my

enthusiasm maybe it wasn't a great idea maybe kind of delayed my overall recovery there was a lot of yelling in general and especially towards eric last week see i don't even remember that yeah it's very rude you had five more words left in the podcast and you used four. I got to save one for later. You never know when you need a word. Great. Hey, do we know where Nick is or no? He's dead.

Well, okay. He's sick. All right. He's not dead, but he's sick. Ah. Is that how you lead that up? He's dead. I mean, he's at the doctor.

The death doctor. He's at the mortician i was actually part of the reason why i was worried about getting here on time is because i told him i would make sure craig was here so i was like i gotta get craig in they can't start without craig i made a promise before you got here i mean which is great yeah he but he asked me to so i felt a specific obligation. Do we ever explain what Craig is? I feel like we talk about Craig. I think we have, yeah. Okay. It's a Discord recorder thing. If not, just Google Craig.

And now we have a gig. Now we've explained it twice. Let's do it every hundred episodes, to be safe. Hey, let me ask you guys a question that came to me last night. Actually, three of us were hanging out together last night. I won't say which three. We were at a baseball game, watching a baseball game,

and I was watching some birds fly over the field and cast shadows, and that got me thinking, how come birds don't have visible balls? Like a boy bird. Like Albert, his balls dropped, and his little balls swing every time he walks. Wouldn't it be funny if birds had balls, and when they dove, the balls hung behind them

and fluttered in the air? And then when they slam on the brakes, the balls shoot forward? How come birds don't have... Wouldn't it be cooler if birds had balls? Like visible balls? I assume with birds evolving to be as aerodynamic as possible, you wouldn't want balls spinning and slapping in the wind.

Dude, I agree, but wouldn't it be fucking awesome? It would make birds so much more interesting. Those are two separate conversations. I don't think evolution factors in what would be hilarious. Fuck evolution. Evolution made a platypus. How does that make sense? I want balls on my birds.

I love the idea of a bird flying up to something and then doing the thing where it like holds its wings up for drag so it can stop. And then the bulls just swinging around that it just does a backflip

because it can't stop on time. And then like, think about it, like if you're a snake or like a small rodent and a big bird grabs you and it takes you up into the air and it's like fucking dunzo, dude,

that it's over for you. You have one last defense. If you can get to the balls, I bet it'll drop you. I feel like it would also be a problem with the birds that land on water because fish would constantly be nibbling. Oh yeah, can you imagine? The balls would land before the bird does.

Not even nibbling but you know how like fish will jump out of the water like going in for a fish and then just getting whacked in the balls over and over again as all the other fish are just coming up just like a low pass and your nuts just get a blip it would be the worst if you were like a nearsighted bird with big balls is constantly smacking into shit do you think it would be the worst if you were like a nearsighted bird with big balls is constantly smacking into shit do you think it would be too cruel to craft a very small rubber set of testicles and give them to a bird to wear just to see what the aerodynamics would be that's science that's sort of well we do know a bird expert i feel like we could run this we can run this by them and maybe see. You know what?

I'm going to Google it. Do birds have balls? Yeah, they're internal. I'm sure it has external balls. Like, there's got to be like one now. I mean, think about skydiving with no pants. And that's what you're positing. That's exactly what I'm thinking of.

That would be, fuck, that's what I want to see. Every time I see a bird, I want to see a dude skydiving with no pants on. I feel like that would be, there are some birds that can go faster than human terminal velocity. If you had a falcon with a set of balls, they might just get ripped off. Could a bird castrate itself with speed? Could a bird outfly its testicles? itself could have put out fly its testicles you get the bird gets snapped by the bungee cord but the balls keep going and make a tsunami the water below it's times like this that i wish i wish i was an artist i'd love to be able to i'd

be able to draw a falcon with a big old pair of hairy balls. Do you think when a bird gets back to the nest, it's just nuts out? It's just laying down, popping the balls out. It's like Al Bundy. Yeah, it's just... I saw the most amazing animal dick the other day on a video. Can you guess which animal kingdom penis I was looking at? Do you want to give us a multiple choice? Yeah, could you give us a little bit?

There's a lot that's wide range. It was a barnacle. A barnacle? Really? I've learned that a barnacle is a little creature and it swims its head into a rock or something and then it builds a little shell around itself and it might be

like, I don't know, a centimeter in length, but its penis is eight times its body length. So you have a load of barnacles all sat on a rock. And then during mating, they're all shooting their penises out and dipping their cocks in all the other nearby barnacles. And they're all just like sharing. There might be a bit of three on one. It's the craziest shit I've ever seen in my life. And are some long i think it's the longest penis in the animal kingdom in relation to its body length so are there boy barnacles and girl barnacles then no they're all hermaphrodites okay the ones that i was watching so it doesn't really matter where they land it's just like a

soggy cock orgy down there. Yeah, it was tremendous. There's nothing freakier than just nature on planet Earth. This guy's got so many dicks. Look at this dick face. Oh, God. He's dicking about. Cocks everywhere. We don't even know it.

I don't know his character name from Pirates of the Caribbean, but that's immediately where my brain went. do you think he just walks into a cave for mating season because it's too embarrassing to talk to people oh no I don't want to imagine that's why you gotta buy the DVDs this deleted scene that's on the unrated that's the director's cut mating season with that guy what's his name he was in Thor that guy's in a million things oh I don't have the slightest guard. Yeah, there you go.

Good pull. Thank you. Speaking of pull, I got a photo. Oh, let's see it. Unrelated. This is a this is a callback. As we know, we're talking, Gavin, you're talking about some potential joke thievery in the past. Oh, and I like to settle things. i like to make sure everything's cleared up

so i went and i did my due diligence and i found the tweet and then immediately closed the case because uh not not great i don't think jack saw that nine likes one quote five reposts so you think the chances are slim i think they were very slim it wasn't it didn't get a lot of attention what but i mean they worked in the same office oh no not in november though not in november that would have been after my first stint. So, that doesn't show views, though. No, but I mean... No, that's true. I don't know. Nine likes is pretty rough.

Sorry that my tweet wasn't very good back in 2009. No, I'm just saying as far as, like, I don't think that went around. I think the algorithm didn't help that tweet, is my argument. Did people like tweets that much, though, back then? I feel like. Are you proposing that Jack would have liked the tweet? I think that the likes reflect how many people see the tweet. And the fact that I think I'm one of the nine that have liked it does not help the case that this was visible at any time.

I had to search it on your profile. I think that just lends itself to the idea that Jack felt comfortable stealing it because he knew not a lot of people would see it. A hundred percent. I don't know what Andrew's trying to prove here. It feels like it proved the inverse, right? It's also,

that's a pre, that's a pre slow-mo tweet. So I wasn't known. You've damned Jack. As a matter of fact, Jack is probably one of the only people who could have seen it back then because nobody knew or liked Gavin back then. I think Andrew's proving it to be true. Also, have you checked the date?

Was that, in fact, before the podcast? I was having a hard time aligning your version of the podcast with... Because I did look in there as well. I don't think what you said was exactly accurate. The timeline didn't come up when I listened. It didn't come up? Where am I getting it from? I don't know. I think

you may have misremembered when it happened. If the podcast came out before this tweet, then that means Gavin stole it from Jack. Yeah. Oh, that would be a twist. Now you're excited to find Yeah. Oh, that would be a twist. Now you're excited to find it. Suddenly he's reinvigorated. I like how quickly Gavin agreed with that.

Yeah, I must have stolen it then. Absolutely. Speaking of lab, I have two lab things I want to get to today at some point. But we don't have to do it right now. Should we talk about the baseball game last night? That was pretty good.

Go ahead. Dollar hot dog night. Talk about the fact that you're too sick to record a let's play, but good enough to go to dollar hot dog night. I wouldn't say I was good enough, but I was definitely better at the end of the day than I was at the beginning of the day. I was on the mend as it were.

I was just, I was just like, so I went out of town with Millie over the weekend to go visit a college and I got sick on like Monday. And then by last night I was mostly better, but I just like, I got real sick all at once, but only for like 36 hours.

And I think I just must be cause I'm run down from, I don't know all the tragedy and trauma of losing my career and whatnot. Um, I think I'm must be because I'm run down from I don't know all the tragedy and trauma of losing my career and whatnot I think I'm just running on empty but but I couldn't I was still

sick enough that I couldn't eat my hot dogs I was only able to eat one okay well then yeah never mind take back what I said you're

yeah you're sick yeah I was pretty it was pretty ill I barely had any cotton candy we've been hanging out quite a lot recently

we have it's been nice I've enjoyed it you not so much i i but i've enjoyed everybody else i enjoy meg a lot you're just there usually but that's okay i'm used it's i think i'm just i gotta be honest it's been a long friendship i got over it i mean can't argue that i'm kidding i've had a lot of fun lately. Whose idea was the baseball games? Was that Eric? I believe it was mine. Oh. Thank you for saying that.

Yeah, you know what? Yeah, never mind. It was Andrew. Yeah, I sent you all a Google invite. It was great. Didn't you win something at the baseball game? I want to know about you winning something. What did you win?

What did I win? I got a... At the third inning, they do do like trivia and they asked if i wanted to do trivia and i was like absolutely not and then emily and eric were like yes he does and i was like i really don't and the guy goes oh it'll be oh shit are you is you're jeff and i was like ah fuck and i was like yeah and he goes all right you're definitely doing it and then i was like uh i was like oh um gavin's here too. I tried to throw Gavin under the bus. He's like, cool, we'll mic him up too.

And then when they came by, Gavin conveniently went to the bathroom, which was very smart of him. And I had to do Whataburger trivia. So were you in a spontaneous ad for Whataburger? Yeah. Yeah, I just was suddenly, they were like, they asked me the me the question like what is the one animal that is allowed to go through the water burger drive-thru and it was like horse bull or llama and so clearly it's horse we live in texas and so i said horse and then they were like wrong it's bull and i was like are you fucking kidding me and then they were like april fools it is actually

horse we don't know why the card is wrong wait when was uh this was yesterday it was last night yeah uh april 10th the classic day of april fools yeah april it was just an error was it i think so yeah okay and they gave me a bag with a water burger koozie so i'm fucking set we also hung out for the eclipse and oh yeah we saw little glimpses of totality through quite a lot of cloud and and everyone was you know taking pictures and stuff and i thought when i was looking at the thing i want to get a picture but how would the I got this little back that is the moon exactly in front of the sun that's fantastic

that's exactly how Gracie would take that picture really good classic British jackal right that's awesome right Gracie did you did you get any pictures of it?

Did you see it? Yeah, I'm actually, I mean, y'all know I have trouble with this. I'm trying to get my photos on the computer so I can send them to y'all. Are you my mom? What's going on? Yeah, what do you mean? I don't know why the photos don't go well. I'm trying to get photos on my computer.

Oh, it worked. Yes, it did. Whoa, that's really good. That's cute. Oh, that's great. That's awesome. She's blind, so I guess the glasses didn't matter. You know.

It would be cool if the eclipse shocked her back to sight. Oh, did the reverse? Yeah, I don't know that she could handle that. I think that might be the straw that would break the camel's back of cinnamon. Cinnamon came in for a recording of another podcast not too long ago, and I've never seen a dog sundown in the middle of the day while pacing infinitely. Would not stop

at all. Cinnamon is in her own world. Perfect. It's what she is. That's what Arrow was like for the last year or so. What's this one? It's another heck. Dot heck. Look at that. You got a better view of it. year or so. What's this one? It's another hack.

Oh, wow. Look at that. You got a better view of it. Wait, did it work? I had to download it and open it. Oh, well, here you go. Oh, wow. That's like the diamond ring, they call it or whatever. It looks kind of like a ring. When there's a lot

on one side, so it looks kind of like the shape when there's a lot on one side so it looks kind of like the shape of a ring yeah ah what if what if the eclipse stole everyone who stared at it without glasses it stole everyone's vision but one person and then they got the power of everybody else's vision right they got like supervision yeah like 20 000 20 000 vision so i don't think i'd want that but for eyesight i think that'd be a nightmare to have like yeah the one's eyesight if you could see everything like see a speck of dust just i think you'd realize how dirty everything is it would be terrible there was a there was a comic book i read many years ago called rising stars where

everybody in this town that was fucking when a comet went over the town all got pregnant and then they all had kids and then those kids were all born with superpowers. And then every time one of those kids would die, like get hit by a car or something because they're young, everybody else's powers would increase. So then one of them became a serial killer and started killing them all and they were all becoming more powerful. And then but so was the killer and they were trying to figure out who it was

that was killing them and I never finished it is that different to the Triffids thing Day of the Triffids I never saw that doesn't that get everyone blind I don't know and then it's like plants I know of it but I never saw it there's the movie Blindness

where they all went blind for no reason and then they got their sight back for no reason wasn't good wouldn't recommend it i also took a an eclipse photo because i saw my social media feed was filled with everybody else taking photos this was my contribution to the overall conversation look at this crazy eclipse oh my god it's really the white cover in the silver is that an umidigi uh yeah that's my umidigi bison uh unfortunately not watermarked or so you wouldn't have to ask do you have a sprinkler i do yeah okay it terrifies me you have made me terrified of sprinklers you've made me so scared of them.

You did that slow-mo video of how they work, and in my head, it's just like the most flimsy piece of glass just holding everything together, and I assume if I break one, they'll all go off somehow, and I'm terrified of them. It's just like my video, except the water pressure in reality is like five times higher. Oh, God. I don't know what I'd save.

I don't know what I'd grab. I could grab one. If you're a chief hunter, you wouldn't save anything, apparently. You'd just let it all soak. God, I forgot about that. I didn't. Set that room back a year. I have a Rooster Teeth question for you, Jeff.

I don't really work there anymore. Yeah, I know. Well, you were there at one point. You were there. I was. You may remember this. How did you make the mouse move in 1-800-MAGIC? Oh, my God.

How did I make the mouse move in one eight? No, the mouth, mouth. Oh, the mouse move in a one 800 magic crazy. Yeah. Do you,

you work on one 800 magic at all? I did. Yeah. Uh, we used a program called crazy talk. Oh wow. Okay. It did.

Uh, the did mouth move. It's yeah. We use it a lot in those early days. I think that was mostly a, I think Joel directed that production if memory serves. So he would have done the lion's share of it's yeah we use it a lot or in those early days i think that was mostly a i think joel directed that production if memory serves so he would have done the lion's share of it i did a lot of the machinima but yeah joel and matt really did a lot of the crazy talk stuff yeah you would just like

it was very it was like pre-vtuber stuff right real rudimentary not great but it was like one step up from those conan o'brien bits in the old days we watched episode one eric and i uh recently i'm gonna hold up it exists you can definitely watch it i genuinely don't remember anything about it i don't even know if i'm in it it you yeah you are are i think i can't tell but i think you are i think your voice modulated andrew found it on his xbox 360 as he went through his previously downloaded material and re-downloaded it so we could watch it oh wow we're doing some uh videos and at the end of every episode of the video we're watching episode one of Hitler Magic. We got three more to go.

It's so fucking goofy, dude. It is, you can tell when it was made because it's attempting to be so cinematic and you're like, huh? And what purpose does this serve? And it really is, well, you know, to be cinematic. It's fucking great it really is well you know to be cinematic it's fucking great it is so much fun to watch i remember that game being difficult to machinimate in but the reality is fucking every single game other than halo was difficult to machinate in that's why we only did a few series yeah it's uh one of the nice features about the 360 is you can view your entire downloaded history and the 360 marketplace is closing in either June or July.

So I went all the way down to the bottom yesterday and I am just going through grabbing every weird thing I downloaded at the time thinking it was good content or uh just fascinating so like i have like 15 videos on e3 2007 i have uh wacky bloopers with seth green uh from when he did mass effect voiceover at shia labouf interviews i got a lot of stuff for us to unpack eventually so what are you doing with it how are you keeping it it's just on my 360 i'm downloading it to my hard drive on my 360 oh i see oh yeah that is so cool yeah you should it is a massive annoyance but uh it yeah so slow going from menu to fucking menu is just like eating glass it sucks and you suffer through it so you can watch the first episode of 1-800 magic it's fucking crazy some of it though is uh great because it's things i didn't even know existed but i downloaded and played so example, I got a real steel demo. I didn't know they made a video game of the movie real steel.

Uh, and I have that. What was, I don't know what it is. It was a huge Jackman action movie. We're like a kid control thing, right? Yeah.

That I think failed. I had no idea they made a game for it, but I guess I did because I downloaded it. And yeah, I have that demo. I'd like to do a video with everybody where it's just us going through weird stuff that I probably thought was cool when I was 14. I think that's a great idea.

I think I'd love to see all of our download files. Well, everybody has to get on it soon because that marketplace is going away. So it's like part of it also is just preservation stuff. I think they just turned off all the Wii U and 3DS stores too. They did.

It is sad. It made me realize that there's probably stuff I wanted there because I realized I found a game called The Way of the Dog that I just didn't know existed. Like Snoop dog made a three 60 arcade game that he is prevalent in that I've never heard anybody talk about or seen any gameplay for was during his Snoop lion phase.

It looks insane. So I, Andrew showed it to me and I thought that that's what we were going to play. And then we didn't. So I just it was just like, well, why then? What was this? Why did you trick me? Why did I get tricked?

And he's like, oh, I didn't think that I didn't think I I thought I made it really clear that like we weren't playing this. And it's like, well, this is the only thing you showed me to be I open with we're not playing it but I just learned this thing exists and I need to show you this because I don't I've never seen this I didn't know this is recorded like the first 10 minutes of this fucking other gameplay that is just us

looking at stuff for way of the dog and then we didn't play it we'll get there we'll eventually get there. We'll eventually get there. I got very excited because I have the Expendables 2 game demo, and it is so bad. The voice acting is so hilariously terrible,

and you can't buy it anymore. I just have access to it because of the demo. Apparently, Eric bought it, so we might do a deeper dive. I have this game. I just had to look it up. I have Expendables 2. I've beaten it a bunch of times. We should make a point with the new thing of playing the most terrible video games that are on there.

We have to really hunt to track down like that. That's a great idea. Like Raity Boy? Yeah, exactly. Expendables 2 and Raity Boy. As an example, yes, Raity Boy. As a thing in practice, no Raidy Boy. As an example, yes, Raidy Boy. As a thing in practice, no Raidy Boy. Exactly. Right. I had an idea for

when we get jobs at the mall. Oh yeah? Okay. Because, you know, we're going to have free time. We could do it. Yeah. But I think what we should all do first is go through some quite heavy makeup to mimic what the undercover boss does so that when we apply for a job, they'll definitely give us the job some quite heavy makeup to mimic what the undercover boss does.

So that when we apply for a job, they'll definitely give us the job because they'll think we're the undercover boss. So I'm thinking like taped on beard, some sort of wig and a cap just to make us look slightly out of place. So we're going to impersonate undercover boss impersonating an employee. Exactly. I love this. Just to give us the edge.

And it will probably keep people off our back and it will keep people friendly to us. I like it. This is a brilliant idea, Gavin. And then we should just secretly keep having like what look like serious calls in the corner. And they'll be like, oh, sorry, I'm back. And just constantly be like

writing stuff down in a notebook. Like furrowing your brow yeah exactly now i want to do undercover boss stuff this i'm looking at undercover boss makeup stuff some of these are so good we all need to go through the undercover boss makeover. Maybe we can employ some of the people from the show. I want to know what I would look like if I was a CEO working retail. These are great. Do you think they get any control over what the outfits look like? Because we're looking at a guy with brown brown hair and they put him in a blonde

wig and gave him blonde facial hair point sure oh that's the least convincing makeup i've ever seen it's a guy with like very clean cut and then like the shaggiest we're gonna do this yeah i'm'm so... You sent me down a fucking rabbit hole. This rocks. The Yankee Candle guy is amazing. Man. We just need a group photo of all of us as undercover bosses, I think. I think it'd be a sick poster.

What the fuck? I found some of them at Borderline Offensive. The on-scenes. That's awesome. The thing with that show that I thought was always so funny is the notion that a person working at Yankee Candle

in the mall would just know what the CEO looks like. Like, that's such a ridiculous assumption. That is such a self-like ego thing of like, well, of course they'll recognize me. I gotta be disguised. The manager might.

I listen. I don't know about that, but I can. I don't think I can name. If I go into a mall, I bet you I don't know what the CEO looks like of any of those places. Dude, I worked at Sidney's fried chicken in high school they had three stores in uh in the area where i grew up and i couldn't have told you what the owner of those stores looked like to save my life no fucking clue ridiculous that dude never never showed his face in my sydney's fried chicken in theodore we deon sanders is like the exception of like yeah it makes sense you need to

why did we never dress up matt and give give him a job in achievement that would have been class i actually would have been a funny idea to see if you could have convinced the other people that this is not somebody they work with be like yeah this is a streamer coming in see how they do is this the point where i admit to everybody that jeremy dooley was was actually matt hullum in disguise oh my god we got too deep into it we didn't know how to get out so we had to move him to boston the only way we could in the bit I never saw them together it's so fucking funny

it's by virtue of Matt not being there yeah I've never seen them together Matt Holland had to walk around on his knees for three fucking years he was sick of it by the end it is a great qualifier because

Eric's saying it means nothing. I've never seen John Adams and Albert Einstein together. That doesn't mean they're the same person, but I like that just applying that to anyone. Big Show and Brad Pitt never seen them together. Can't rule it out. Don't know. Eric and Andrew never seen them together.

It's true. That's your fault because we have been together even though eric doesn't know it what oh probably like a pack yeah like i went to packs and you were like we interact got it yeah yeah okay yeah so i agree that's gavin's fault yeah yeah it is wherever you're going you better believe american express will be right there with you heading for adventure we'll help you breeze through security. Meeting friends a world away? You can use your travel credit.

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Then sit back and let your matches start the chat. Download Bumble and try it for yourself. Hey, I want to give you guys opinion on something. This is one of my, it's a minor lab thing. But y'all know how I'm recording all of my farts so that I can release my audio book, 1,001 Farts. Yeah.

Which I'm making great progress with, by the way. I woke up the other night at like 3.30 in the morning and just had like, let's just say I had a burst of creativity. Got like seven or eight good ones out. But while I was recording my farts, or while I've been recording my farts, I've been thinking of other things to record.

Well, you're already in the middle of recording 1,001 gallons of piss. You're just doing that simultaneously. Well, yeah, that's what I was going to say is, should I be recording all of my pees? No. No, hold on. Hold on.

Let's see where I'm going. What if, Andrew, you recorded yourself peeing what would it sound like it would sound like you peeing and right or it would sound like the beginning of goonies when they're trying to figure out how to get down to the basement it would just sound like a person pissing but what if you layered 100 of your peas on top of each other would it sound like niagara? Would it sound like the piss version of a roaring waterfall? And if so,

would that be the first ever piss waterfall in existence? Wouldn't we be breaking new ground? New sonic ground? Do you think if you record a thousand people whispering, it sounds like people yelling? No, I think it sounds like

a thousand people whispering. Yeah. It'd be pretty loud, though. i don't know gab i don't know what happens when i record myself peeing a hundred times and lay it all on top of each other but it might sound really fucking cool so i think we should find out so i'm gonna i haven't started yet but as of today i'm gonna start recording all of my peas if I found out that the waterfall sound that I fall asleep to is just a dude's pee a hundred times over, I would be so mad. I would be outraged. I can't wait,

Jeff, we have to have that finished file because we could just overlay it on footage of Niagara Falls and see how out of place it is. We have to upload it as an ASMR video. I was about to say, what if we did the most amazing, like, gentle, get your, like, fall asleep like to, like, natural

earth sounds, but it's all pee and poo poo stuff. And people just don't know it. You know what? This is a perfect audio game for the listeners, too, because we can maybe, like, record some actual water sounds and then put yours in and see if anyone can tell

the difference what like a guess the piss sort of thing yeah well like if jeff does his waterfall piss thing if we get some audio of real waterfalls and then be like which of these three are jeff's piss to see if anyone can figure it out i think everyone will figure it out i don't think so i don't know that's like i want to do that i want to do a game called who farted where we all record a fart just for it and then we mix it up and we we put it in jumbled order and then everybody has to take the test to see if they can correctly identify all the farts including their own i'm gonna have to get my c-pap out again i meant to ask you that because you mentioned passingly recently you're on the CPAP again.

Did you ever solve that problem? No. You're just living with it. Oh, no. Oh, no. I'm off it again. I just got full of air. I need it turned down, but they lock you out of all the settings.

That's so funny. You need the person who charges 80 bucks to change the setting on it to do it. We're talking about a lot of things we might get into did you guys see the email tbg sent us this week i haven't had a chance to look at it yet but i saw that he sent a video was it good yes it's so it is so good i'll have to watch me uh let me post a link to it give me a second uh he one of my favorite things at tbg is when he just sends us a random video about things and this is specifically at us as well as a talking point in general so i'm going to post it we can watch it it's very short it's only 53 seconds

uh and then we can we talk about it i also have to the thing that i love about tbg sometimes it's hard to tell how intentional some of the stuff is because he has the his comedic timing in this is insanely funny he nails it so this is the video right now you load up watch it's called future hobbies it's black and white it's black well it's a serious video. All right, I'm starting it now. What's up, face team? It's your boy TPG. I'm out here on another walk. I was thinking about one thing,

and that's if you guys ever find yourself running from future hobbies. Future hobbies. I feel like I see a lot of birds, and I've recently been like, you know, I'd like to get deeper into that, but then I get afraid that birding is like an old man hobby. And then I don't do it. But I probably should. You guys ever have hobbies that you feel that you don't do because you associate them with that later stage of life?

I just think about that a lot. Like fishing. I don't know if I want to be a fishing guy, but I like being outside. Quilting or sewing. I miss you guys. Hope you guys are doing well. Why am I running from my future hobby self?

Should I get a kite? Should I get a kite? Kills me. Dude, I've been exactly where he is with the birding thing. I finally just embraced it. I've got a haiku box and everything. My yard records birds 24 hours a day. Get into it, TPG.

It's awesome. Are there any hobbies that you rant from outside of birding? Or is that the one where you're like, I don't know. I don't know about this. This is an old man thing. I decided not to get back into comic books in my 40s. I thought about it briefly. So the reverse. I thought about it, and then I thought, no, no in my forties. I thought about it. So the reverse,

I thought about it. And then I thought, no, no, no, no. I'm past this. I don't,

I don't, there's, I want to go back to this. Interesting. Oh, what was yours? Gracie? Gracie said she also had the reverse.

Yeah. Um, I saw this girl on Tik TOK who makes coloring books and I was really tempted. Then I was like, well, I'm not five anymore. You should make coloring books.

What do you mean? I think you should definitely make a coloring book, Grayson. Oh my god, of course. Can I tell you all a secret? I bought it anyway and I do have it. Nice. This is cheating at the game. This is so creepy. No way I'm getting into this. By the way, I have it. I see it.

And you were talking about getting potentially back into moonshoes at some point so maybe you're just in an era of nostalgia I think every day I get a little closer to reverting to my childhood self I feel like that's just what acting is it's just like you're pretending

it's like when you're playing as a kid and making stuff up it's the same thing just on a larger scale it's okay to revisit those do you i don't think do you have one andrew i'm trying to think of uh i don't know if i have a passion that i was i guess video games but that's not necessarily a kid specific thing um i'm trying to think of like a through line and a lot of things I got in and out of hobbies I've avoided because I never even occurred to me the idea that an old man hobby represents that I'm getting closer to death. I have more things where I'm like, oh, I wonder when I started caring about this. Like I, I really want to, I want to get a recliner.

Like I want a lazy boy at some point. I got really excited thinking, I haven't looked into that world at all, and I bet you there's some crazy tech in the Lazy Boy recliner world. I wonder what the most expensive Lazy Boy does. You got to think it's like a massager. While you're looking that up, Gav,

I'll see if I can jog your memory. I remember back, this was a couple years ago. I almost think it was while we lived together. I think it was after we lived together, but I remember you were telling me that you always wanted to you were like i wouldn't say desperate to get into it but you always were really intrigued by the idea of giving strange dudes hand jobs in like a public rest station but you were scared to start is that the same thing do you guys think maybe what is it 2012 again

just thinking of hobbies that you know you're scared that you want to do but you're scared to do and i remember that do you think he was afraid to start because he wouldn't be able to stop i think so i think that's where the fear came from yeah well i think the stopping would be out of his control yeah i feel like that's on the other person. I think he just, I think he referred, I don't remember, I'd have to go back. I wish we'd recorded this conversation. I just remember you being really into the idea but being scared that you'd get lost in it,

I think is what you said. You're an idiot. Oh, man. I was really intrigued there. I was like, oh, I wonder what I was really intrigued there I was like oh I wonder what I was trying to get into Oh no And then it was hand jobs I was like oh Oh it was a bit Son of a

He got me again I thought I had another forgotten thing Like my forgotten life hack Gotta keep you guessing Oh you, Jeff, you thing. Like my forgotten life hack. Gotta keep you guessing. Oh, Jeff, you said you had a new life hack. Did I? Yeah, when we were annoying Eric at the diner the other day.

Oh, are you talking about my banana thing? Oh, yeah. Was that not for F*** Face? Yeah, the banana thing. What was my life hack? I don't remember it. The banana thing? It is the banana thing. The banana the banana thing no the banana thing is for face that that is if that's if that's it andrew we've talked a lot about bananas in the past no wait no time wait time out we've done the

banana thing what's the talk about the banana what's the banana thing isn't about peels isn't it something to do peels absolutely like Absolutely not. Go ahead. Never mind. You didn't even remember what it was? You just thought peels? Well, I feel like we talked about bananas recently, and I assumed it was one and the same. No, it's absolutely not. He's not annoyed in this picture, but he's miffed. I can tell.

Allow me to blow your mind. Okay, y'all know how we've talked a lot about bananas in the past, how they're kind of a C-plus fruit at best. Nice thing about a banana is it's always about as good as a banana is. Very rarely is a banana bad, but the ceiling for a banana is just low. Like, there's no such thing as an A-plus banana. You've never had a banana and said that's an A-plus banana.

I certainly haven't. You've had a lot of C-plus or B minus bananas. I've had great bananas. Sometimes a banana just hits the spot. Good bananas, but they're never better than a banana. The ceiling for a banana is not an A tier fruit. And I like bananas. I just don't like

bananas. But I figured out a way to break the banana ceiling, Andrew. Okay. Does it involve hand jobs and bathrooms? No, no, no, no. This isn't... Get your head out of the gutter, man. Don't be Gavin in 2012. Okay. I'll try. Here's what I would like to invent. I'm going

to invent a metal straw that's similar in shape to a banana. And then, what I want us... What we're gonna do is we're gonna start taking bananas. We're gonna peel them, you know, about a third of the way down, as you would do when you're about to eat a banana and then you take that metal straw and you stick it in the head of the banana and you take it all the way down through the center till about i'd say eight tenths of the way down the banana

then pull it out and what that's going to do is it's going to create a little uh a little hole through the center of the banana that runs all the the way down, like a banana shaft, right? Then with that banana shaft, clean out the stick or get a different stick, insert it back in. And then through that stick, if you get a little funnel, if we need to, we can create a little banana funnel, pour in chocolate syrup or magic shell or caramel, and then take the straw out. And then when you eat a banana, you've got a little bit of chocolate in you, or a little bit of caramel in you, but it's in the middle of the banana, so it doesn't get on your hands, it doesn't get messy, it's self-contained. And if you want a frozen treat, stick it in the freezer for 15 minutes,

and then you've got a crunchy chocolate center in the middle of your banana. Boom! We just flipped the banana world on its head. It feels very infomercially what you're describing. And I support that. I don't like bananas. Think about how it would taste. It would taste amazing! I don't know.

I just don't like bananas. I think we could do this. We could do this this week. I think the banana shaft is an idea that's desperate to come to fruition. I really do. I think everybody's going to be blown away. I'm a fan of the name banana shaft.

That just sounds fun. That sounds like a good product. Think about it. You've seen people try to plus up a banana, right? They do it in Austin. You get a frozen banana that's dipped in chocolate or whatever. But that shit gets messy. It gets all over your hands.

It's the same thing as like eating a drumstick or an ice cream cone. This, you get the structure of the banana, but all the flavors on the inside where it's not messy. And it's delivered perfectly to the inside of your mouth. Just enough. Just enough. Oh, I think it's going to be, I think it's going to, it might change the world.

Why isn't everything messy on the inside like why is the icing on the cake not in the inside that's a great point and maybe it should be gav maybe that's where we should be headed with this I think all goo should be internal kind of like uh kind of like when you eat gum and then it's got the little like uh or like a hard candy and it's got this the gooey stuff in the center exactly yeah yeah what about where do you fall on barbecue though like ribs how you doing if the sauce was in the ribs oh uh i don't know if i want that honestly in texas we don't have sauce everything is dry rub so we we don't need it if the rub was in the ribs oh oh no an, now an internal rib rub.

That'd be interesting. Gracie said every time she eats a banana, she pukes. What's going on? I don't know. I think I might be allergic, but I just avoid them now. Can we have you eat one? No. Why would I voluntarily do that?

We'll just time how long you can keep it down. Gracie, if you were to eat a banana, if you were to eat a banana shafted banana, recognizing that you don't eat bananas, but if you were to eat a banana shafted banana, would you rather it have a caramel filling, a chocolate filling, or like a magic shell frozen filling?

What do you think would be the most appealing to you? I mean, as a chocolate hater, caramel. Caramel, caramel. Okay, so if I could put, if I mean as a chocolate hater caramel caramel caramel okay so if i could put if i could shaft a banana full of caramel do you think you'd give it a shot it might fix bananas give it a shot okay it would hell yeah painful the um of all for her doing this uh for some reason being backed into a corner you proposed that by saying recognizing you don't like bananas and you don't want to eat one pretty fucking cool what if that was really great what if you caught out the banana and lined it with Pepto oh and then it would settle your stomach on impact and then

the banana would stay down medicinal banana stick banana. Or what if we just stick a bunch of Tums in it? Yeah, line it with Tum goo. Well, there's not really goo involved. No, it's crunch. They're very chalky. Powder? I'll just bite into it. A banana powder in the middle?

Yeah, powder them up and then just get a bit of moisture and make a paste. No! We'll like roll it in the powder and give it a coating. This is turning into something very different from the banana shaft. I'm totally on board with the medicinal Pepto banana. If you...

It would start involving dry materials. Well, the Pepto goes inside. The Tums go on the outside. You've probably OD on Tums and Pepto. I was about to ask, do you think if you grind it up Tums and snorted it, would it have the same effect? Can it only be chewed?

No. No? I think I'll try. If it didn't go into your blood, it would probably work. Next time I wake up with heartburn, I'm going to grind up some Tums and snort it solve the problem i think we should all go to the lab at some point over the weekend and try to create our own banana shaft so what are we using we need a uniform item to core out that we can all get hold of i'm just gonna use like a either a straw or you're gonna get around the corner

uh i don't know i just going to get around the corner? I don't know. I'll just try to straighten the banana. It's not going to be ideal, but just make do with what you got. That's a part of it. This is the process. It's like figuring it out, right?

Yeah, I have some straws like that. I have some straws like that. Can I borrow one? Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Okay. I'll have to think about this. That is the exact straw i was thinking of when i when i pitched this yeah because you can kind of go in and then give it like a little curve you know yeah should we then all meet up and present up why can't i say present

present our bananas yeah i think that's a good idea i mean we're not going to do it together we're going to do it independently and then bring bananas to each other open bananas I'd rather we do it here so I can see what everyone does or at least that makes sense so we'll present them next Thursday I want to be part of the experience but that's hey if you want to if Gat wants to box me out

that's fine the British Jackal trying to box me out again. It's fine. You'd be on a little laptop. That's fine. We'll figure it out offline. We don't have to figure out the particulars.

The British Jackal once again. You mean Gracie? No, Gracie's great. I have to come up with a new name for you. Let me think about it. The people really took to Gracie becoming the. I have to come up with a new name for you. Let me think about it. The people really took to Gracie becoming the British Jackal. It's a great name. It's such a good name.

To go from Metal Snake, which was so strong, to British Jackal was unbelievable. I don't think anyone's had as good nicknames at this company. No, to out of the gate with two just absolute bangers of nicknames. That's pretty impressive. Yeah. They also really took to my picture of how full my bathtub was. You took that picture like a fucking crazy person.

Like, of course they were going to come at it. Well, Gavin specifically said, put your arm in it, put your hand flat on the bottom so that we can see where the water hits on your arm. And then everybody else was jumping to conclusions saying that i didn't want to put my feet on the internet which i don't but there was a reason i did it the way i did it i was just pulling away that your head was in it and you did it backwards you did like a selfie with like an aggressive

i didn't know how else to get like i wasn't going to do a selfie timer and flick it to the wide lens or something oh well that's always the exact way oh when you put it that way I couldn't but look what we got out of it yeah

at no point was I mad it was amazing no it was great like a psychopath I realized the audience had an extreme love for Gracie. We did a trivia tournament and Gracie cheated during it and admitted that she had cheated and still failed. And I thought people are going to be so outraged about this cheating. And all of the comments were that game fucked gracie

she used the lifeline and it gave her the wrong answer that's some bullshit we got some justice for gracie going on there was justice for gracie but she cheated she cheated the game what do you mean we've got the best it makes no sense you can never predict yeah and the shark there's one of the gracie photo but it's in the shark is the backdrop very i know i've already pissed uh or pissed i know i've already pitched a whole piss thing and then uh and then i pitched a banana shaft to you guys but i have one other idea i'd like to throw away before the end of the episode. I think this is an opportunity for us to go viral, extremely viral.

And I just want to throw it out there and see how you guys feel about it. I woke up the other night from a dead-ass sleep with this idea. Like four in the morning, first thing that came to mind, I woke up and thought, how come you never see NBA stars holding pets? Like, think about it. Think about Shaq. Shaq's like seven feet tall, but you've never seen him hold like a kitty cat or like Chris Dabbs Porzingis

is like seven three or Chet Holmgren, who's like seven two. But you never see them like playing with a ferret or a bunny rabbit. They would look so comically small in their hands. Then it hit me, Victor Wimbinyama, most promising star, future of the NBA, I googled it, I don't think he's

ever been photographed holding, oh, see, that's perfect. Shaq and the cat is perfect. That's a full-grown lion, a full-grown tiger in Shaq's arms right there. See? What if we got Victor Wimbinyama? We started a campaign to get Victor Wimbinyama to hold a chihuahua in his hands, and we can call it hashtag Wimbywawa.

Oh. Okay, yeah, so thoughts, guys? Go ahead. I'm all for it. I heard some of this idea the other day i wanted to get uh my suggestion was kevin durant and he would just hold an ant yeah yeah well that works well i like victor wimbiana because he's close he's just yeah he's close in texas there's a lot of chihuahuas in texas the chihuahua is the smallest dog he's like the biggest dude wimby Wawa.

He could just hold it in his hands and it would look like it would look so comically tiny and it would be so cute. What's cuter than NBA stars with cute little pets? And then we just find pets that are appropriate for different NBA stars names. And then we just start up a social campaign. And before long, you know, the San Antonio Spurs are going to see it and they're going to go, listen, we are in last fucking place right now. Anything we can do to get eyes on the Spurs right now while we have this

Wimby phenomenon. And then boom, there you go. Well, my first, my, my two immediate thoughts are one. If there is ever a time to start a new series at rooster teeth,

this certainly is it. It's great timing. Big fan of that. Also, I think it's very funny to pitch and film a video with Victor Wimbyana for a website that will not exist by the time it is done. Well, maybe we don't start it until the new thing flips over. Maybe we hold off on our viral moment for like a month. Sure.

Okay. I just think we got to strike while the iron's hot. Season's almost over. They're not going to be in the playoffs. Although it's an interesting way to get some eyes on the Spurs while the other teams are playing in the playoffs and they're sitting at home. He'll have a lot of free time on his hands. And all he has to do is put a Chihuahua in his hands and then boom, the world will notice.

Should reach out and really make sure that he knows that you recently won a trivia thing at a baseball game. I think that'll really impress. Round Rock Express. And that I've run out the San Antonio Brahma's, a local peer team to the San Antonio Spurs. It's true. They're multiple leagues now, right?

Yeah, I'm like locally known in San Antonio sports parts. As a sports game attendant. I've attended multiple games in the San Antonio area. Why is it attendee and not attendant? Because the attendant is the person who takes the tickets. Huh? What makes an attendant super? Yeah.

Why did it? Why do other jobs not have super? Like, super producer. Eric, I think we should all agree that Eric should only be referred to as super producer from here on out. I like that. Thank you very much. I just found out superintendent is one word and not two words. That's pretty exciting. I thought, I was looking up what a regular intendant was, and that's just simply not a word.

So I don't know if super producer really fits, but I'll take it. Thank you. Why don't you take intendant? I suppose I could. It's spelled different. This is Eric. He's our intendant. The administrator of an opera house or theater.

That's kind of appropriate. This is kind of theater. Theater of the mind, if you will. Yeah. I won't. If you will, I won't. I won't. I'm excited.

I get to record a bunch of pee and inject uh we all get to inject caramel and chocolate into bananas and we got to figure out a way to get a seven foot five tall man to hold a chihuahua I feel like this now does wait future's pretty bright before we wrap up I just want to clarify for this does it have to be a banana could it be another could it be a different product if I have a different vision but for the same idea, I'd rather do something. Okay. I don't know that it would be considered a banana shaft

if it's not a banana. No, but, you know, I think it's important to corner a market. A hot dog. Right? Well, they've already done that with hot dogs and cheese. They've already done that. Cheese dogs are the fucking bomb. Hmm.

Gracie's idea is to remove the hot dog from the corn dog so you can just use the coating of the corn dog? Yeah, like just that good batter. Instead of bread crumbing an item you want to use one from a hot dog. From a corn dog. Like every once in a

while you get a hollow whopper and it just like collapses on itself when you eat it. What? You know whoppers those candies whoppers oh i thought you meant burger yeah oh sorry no whoppers like milk balls like those things every once in a while yeah okay no i get it i get it now yeah yeah you know when you get a big mac and sometimes the buttons don't do up at least my thing was called a whopper yeah it just is a much less known whopper it depends on what parts you're in i guess i hear from what i hear people don't like burger king i don't know anybody that doesn't like whoppers uh you don't like whoppers oh you mean the candy not the hamburger still i i understand it's just confusing this is why you have to refer to well

no i am it just that part really got this is why i referred to it as sonic the hedgehog and sonic burger so it's like you just you can tell them apart you know what i mean everybody likes a whopper candy see that's great are they like maltesers yes yeah they are like maltesers yeah same thing i wonder which one is better i don't like maltesers i don't like maltesers i like whoppers malted milk duds milk that those are good or malteds. Is that what they're called? There's another brand too. What is Malt? What is Malt?

It's the next rating after Super. It goes Super, then Malt. Malt Intendant. Oh, this is about to be a letdown. It is a cereal grain that has been made to germinate by soaking in water and then stopped from germination further by drying with hot air. Ew. So it's like blue balls cereal?

Yeah, it's like edged cereal. It's edged cereal. It's been gooning like crazy, and now you have to eat it in candy shape? That's all you. You got it. Ugh. All right, we need to wrap this up now,

on that note, I guess. All right. Well, thanks for listening to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast. This has been episode 203. We hope you had a good time. We sure enjoyed talking at you. And why don't you check back next week,

because we'll be here, and we'll be saying a bunch of other dumb shit. Until then, bye. Bye. Andrew said no. No more. why don't you check back next week because we'll be here and we'll be saying a bunch of other dumb shit until then bye bye Andrew said no listen my throat is sore we don't need to all say bye at the end of every episode

you two both said it it's fine bye no it's too late now bye see that was so late that's going to be on the beginning of next week's episode. Hey, guys. Major League Fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. Of course, they aren't ahead in recording yet.

So instead of guessing next week's episode, I'm going to guess what they said in this episode. Jeff mourned the loss of OJ Simpson. Eric talks about how the cookbooks are in people's hands. Andrew remembers a recipe he meant to put in that cookbook. Gavin is confused about a legal matter. The British jackal once again steals the spotlight. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more was on this week's episode of F*** Face. Who knows what happens next week?