Regulation Podcast - Not Having the Optimal Ramen Experience // Not Blow, Suck [62]

Episode Date: August 4, 2021

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about cooking ramen, Geoff's continued poop adventures, and people watching in Vegas. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail] Sponsored by HelloTushy (http://hellotushy.com/face), ExpressVPN (http://expressvpn.com/face), and Hello Fresh (http://hellofresh.com/face14 and use code face14). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello and welcome to another, what was that? Uh, Gavin went mmm and then I didn't hear your hello, I heard ello, welcome to, your open was weird for me, like Discord didn't pick it, I'm sure it sounds fine on your end, I just didn't. Well why don't you do it then? Hello and welcome to episode... No, I see what what you mean yours cut off for me as well yeah i got a low yeah it was so it sort of caught me off guard then gavin hummed yeah we need to so i need a i need a hard h in this intro or we're not going to be able to get started why don't i provide the H and Andrew continues? Got it.

You throw it up, I'll catch. Yep. Okay, I'm going to make a little bit of sound before the H just so you definitely get it. Okay, I'm ready. Here we go. Hello and welcome to episode 62, I believe, of F*** Face. As always, we're joined by myself, man with no name, Jeff Ramsey, and Gavin Free.

Hello there. We'll go back to back. How are you two doing? Oh, never been better. Never been better? Things are at an all-time high for your old pal, Jeff. How about you guys? You know what, Jeff?

You've gone through a lot of misery lately, it seems, with house stuff going wrong, all sorts of disasters. I had my own disaster that I wanted to talk about that I was excited. I was excited to talk about. It's very rare that like something horrible happens. I'm like, I can't wait to talk about this because this is one of the most absurd me problems I've encountered in a long time. We've been very cooking centric recently, and it is a cooking thing.

But I tried to make ramen and like ramen's great love ramen don't have it all that often with or without the keurig without the keurig so that's that's an important no no keurig because this was i typically buy and i think most people get the pre-containered ramen like it's already in a thing you pour the water into it you heat the water up then you seal it this was just ramen by itself like a pot noodle yeah like a like a pot like a cup of noodle style thing this is just ramen in a bag so just noodle plastic bag got your your whatever seasoning yeah that's how i do my ramen usually it's just the packet really you do the packet that's it's not that's a less it's a less common i watched the whole thing about ramen recently It's not as popular as the cup cup ramen.

It's way more pop. Anyway, I typically get the cup ramen. So I've had this pack ramen and I could never and I don't know if this is just a weird in my head thing. I could never get the water boiling enough. I felt like to like properly heat the ramen like I'd always feel like I was putting in like kind of medium heat water and it wasn't just doing nothing. It was just soggy ramen like i'd always feel like i was putting in like kind of medium heat water and it wasn't just doing nothing it was just soggy ramen like it wasn't cooking and this would drive

me crazy i go ahead so wait so in every recipe that you've ever made you struggle with like step one boil the water for ramen and in the plastic yeah well because i just i feel like i don't know how to like i don't boil it enough or I just I'm bad at judging what does it look like I don't understand that question what do you mean what is the water is rapidly bubbling like how do you not understand the question okay well it's I

you know you get the tiny bubbles you get the tiny yeah I understand this is why this is why I open with I think it's an in my head thing I think I'm probably pouring fucking lava into the bowl when i do it but in my head i'm like this isn't enough i'm not doing enough there's no such thing as boiling enough boiling it's boiling or it isn't you can't have hotter than boiling and if it's below that it's not boiling what it is is i put i put it in the bowl and then i cover the bowl and i can't see what the water's doing in my head

i'm convinced that i've ruined the boil. Why are you covering it then? Well, because you're supposed to to keep the heat in. You're supposed to keep things... I'm just saying I have an irrational thing when it comes to heat with ramen in the water. I feel like I'm never doing it right. The only thing that's going to affect your boiling water is

your altitude. Andrew, I feel like you've been very clear that this is irrational and I feel like Gavin keeps pointing out that it's irrational, but does this affect you in other things or is it just in terms of boiling water for ramen? Do you have trouble boiling water for, I don't know, I was going to say eggs, but you don't eat eggs, so I don't know

what else you would boil water for. Yeah, I guess your example would be maybe something like a tea, yeah, or a hot, no, not really. I don't know why, there's something about the fact that I feel like I'm supposed to be cooking this. I think there's a like thing in my head of like i'm under cooking the ramen somehow i'm just ruining it i'm not having the optimal ramen experience that i could be having but i only have this in a bag this isn't an issue when it's in a cup for some reason anyway so you could boil it and pour it into a cup but if you boil it and put the ramen in yeah because it's

like i got an open face bowl and i don't know there's just i'm i've said this so many times it's not a rational thing it's just how my brain is i feel like i'm losing heat in the transfer so i've been struggling with like well how am i going to do this and so i came up with the perfect way to make this and not have to worry about that is what if i put the ramen in the boiling water instead of bringing the water to the ramen i didn't have uh i didn't like have a proper like pan that i could do that i never even like occurred to me to use a pan the pots i have are too big i'm confused as to your process before that then because that because isn't that what you do you

get a pan you boil the water and then you drop the in it. See, that's maybe where our confusion is. I've never done that. I've always poured the water out of the pan into the bowl with the ramen in it. I've never put the ramen in the bowl. I've been doing it the other way. But you're supposed to boil the ramen for three minutes, right? Well, you put it in the hot water for like three minutes. Yeah, while it boils.

Yeah, but I guess, I don't know. That's what cooks the ramen. Okay. Yeah. Mine mine's bubbling away and then i chuck the ramen in and then it bubbles less because the heat in the water is going into the ramen and then you still have the heat on for a few minutes and three minutes later you pour the sauce in and then you eat it yeah exactly well i just that's where i was screwing up when i was doing it in in a in a package i would move the water to the thing because in a cup you don't just as shit you're just pouring boiling water into a bowl oh yeah i'm pouring it into a bowl yeah absolutely that's that was my system how are you alive so i thought i'm gonna bring the ramen to the water instead and so i put it in a

fucking kettle i've got this big kettle it's like a ceramic kettle and it was i'm like this is a genius idea what do you do with pasta i don't really make pasta all that much i'm not a big pasta guy i assume you wouldn't have that in the bowl yeah i just i feel like that's a bigger bowl item than a ramen thing ramen things are small real quick are you saying pasta as to comfort or assuage Gavin, or is that also how you say it? I never know if it's pasta or pasta. It's a Chevy Chevy Chase situation for me.

I never know what's right. Sometimes I say pasta. Sometimes I say pasta. Just curious. Gavin's the only person I know that says pasta. So I didn't know if it was maybe you and Gavin, or maybe it's a Canadian-British thing, or you were just a just it's like yeah gotcha much like you jeff i'm trying to just please people i don't know what they want me to say i'll say pasta i'll say pasta it doesn't matter to me

i never know it's correct i don't care either way i was just curious as to the the reasoning behind it that's all so i put the the fucking ramen in the kettle and it's boiling hot like it is there's smoke shooting out the end of it's boiling hot like it is. There's smoke shooting out the end of it. I'm like, this is going to be great. So I turn I turn steam. I turn I turn the heat off. I'm like, this is really hot.

I'm going to turn off. And I just I know I want to turn it back on. I want to keep those bubbles going. We got to keep we got to get a good ramen cook going. I walk away for 30 seconds. I come back all the water shooting out of the kettle covering the electric stove top smoke is shooting everywhere as the water the water hits steam it's just it's it's going everywhere there's a smoke alarm that i've set off nearby it is 12 45 a.m on a sunday morning and if my fire alarm

goes off everyone in the building's fire alarm goes off and at that hour i'm i feel like there's people are gonna leave the building at this time because you're gonna get a victim this is gonna be a problem this steam set off the smoke detector well no i was scared it would because the whole fucking kitchen just got coated like i couldn't see it was just everywhere it was sizzling stove kettle it's not an electric one no no it's it's a stone yeah it's like it's not an electric kettle at all it's it's like a heavier stone one so then you're gonna see it in a minute i panicked i run out of the kitchen i open up the patio door i'm turning fans on i am terrified that this is gonna trigger the

alarm it doesn't we're all good i'm like oh thank god like this is what a fucking chaotic mess this is this is a true disaster i'm gonna i'm gonna then share so what i realized i didn't think this plane through it's really tough to get ramen out of a kettle it is not designed to wait wait go ahead i've just missed an important part of this okay the ramen is inside the kettle yeah i dropped the ramen in the kettle i was cooking it all in the kettle i missed that part yeah no i put i put because all the water's boiling and i didn't have a pan so i'm cooking everything within the kettle. What the fuck? Because it stays

boiling. It's going to cook well. And it was a great idea. It's the same as a pan. It's the same. It's just you've got you've put a spout around your pan. That's what you've done. It's well it's a deeper I don't have any deep pans. I feel like the pans I have would not be deep enough for

water to cook the ramen. How do you cook anything? Why do you keep saying pan? Put it in a pot. Put it in a pot. I feel like the pot is too big. You make cookies in a pan. You make ramen in a pot. When I say pan, I mean like saucepan. Yeah, pot. That's what I mean.

Okay. You might have those, otherwise you wouldn't be able to cook anything. I have a fucking tank of one, okay? And it just seemed absurd to cook this little square thing of ramen in a tank of a pan. How did you jam it in a kettle? And it doesn't seem absurd

to jam it into a tea kettle. You're gonna... Well, I didn't jam it in, okay? It fit perfectly fine. I put the ramen in. Then all the water started shooting out the broth and it fucking caused the smoke steam disaster we deal with that and then we get to the part where we

need to pour the ramen out of the kettle and it is not easy to do that the shape of it isn't so at first because i got so much water this it's a big kettle so at first i trained this literally only thing designed for liquid only well i you can cook ramen in it too confirm this you can cook it but can you get it out that's the dilemma jeff so i start draining the broth because there's way too much broth and i'm like the kettle's fucking hot how am i going to navigate this how am i going to move it so my issue is i go to pour the ramen out of the kettle and then it goes like it clunks down the kettle joined with the bowl it locked into each other they became trapped i could not remove the kettle from the bowl that i was trying

to pour it into and the bowl is half filled so we're gonna put this image in this is exactly so you're about to see what happened to me so I'm trying to pour the noodles in to the bowl that's not a kettle it is that's absolutely a kettle how is that a kettle what what are you talking about that's a kettle what do you mean

it's a fancy it's like a it's a ceramic kettle where's the top? So the top pops off, so you see the metal handles on it? You fold up and that locks the top in, you can remove the top of it It's a pan with a lid No, it is a, I will fucking

take a photo of this kettle later fully formed and you will see it's a goddamn kettle Please do! Just trust me, it is a fancy, nice, goddamn kettle I don't understand the difficulty getting it out then Because you're just getting it out like you would any pot No because it's okay so it's super hard To hold and because it's fucking hot

Because it's been on an oven forever I have to hold the metal handle part And it's just not easy to navigate Plus with broth and putting it into a small bowl But the real problem of this story Gavin is it's now Locked itself to the bull I cannot move either thing. I do have of emits Nick. There's in the fucking photo. It's still difficult than that

You weren't there. This was a real problem So is the metal bar that holds the lid on is it gripped around the bowl? Let me show you like yeah, so like you hop it back. No you fucking idiot. Yeah, just pop it back Like I didn't consider that I spent 20 goddamn minutes. You're gonna call me an idiot You're the one making raw noodles and look at the handle Jeff looking where it is just pop it off looking at I'm looking at the most bizarre kettle on planet Earth Andrew I earth, Andrew. I cannot. I tried to lift the metal part back. It would

not work. I tried to adjust it forward. It would not work. I cannot tilt the bowl because it's filled with my fucking broth. It's half filled with liquid. So I'm just stuck there. I spent 20 minutes trying to solve this. Hey, Gavin. Gavin.

Gavin, real quick. i just like you in this moment to take one oh let's take a beat and just realize this is the person i aligned myself with in the condiment argument oh oh bad guest not with i don't know why of all the things in your cabinets you picked this contraption to cook ramen in. Well, it was the most viable option that was on the top of the oven. And I went with it. And I didn't expect it to fucking lock. It was like a face hugger on a bowl.

Like I could not. There is no hope. Teach me how that kettle would work if there wasn't ramen in it. It still gets very hot. It still has the thing where you have to pour it from. Yeah. How do you get the stuff out? You tilt, you pour it down the front end of it.

What do you mean? Right back. The spout. If you could do that, then why didn't you do that with the ramen? Because there's way too much ramen to do it, and it would just fall all over the place. I had to kind of guide it into the bowl. Surely you did that with the broth.

No, I didn't. With the broth, I got a kind of guide it into the bowl. Surely you did that with the broth. No, I didn't. With the broth, I got a cup and I put it in and I drained the broth that way until there was an adequate amount, but not too much because there was a lot of liquid in that kettle. It's a big kettle. The real dilemma, you're fucking caught

up on the wrong details. I almost burnt the kitchen down and then I'm just trying to pour my ramen, just have a nice little evening treat and i it lot a lot i don't i can't even speak it latches onto the bowl so by the looks of it judging by the top image there are two metal latches yes right so do they swing up over a lid swing up and then yeah and then you would hold them both together as your handle? Yes, absolutely. That is how it would work. Right. Okay. And then that weird, that handle off the side is the spout, I guess.

Yes, the thing to the left that extends out that is the same, that is not metal. It's all part of the same thing. At no point with this device are you ever expected to decant out the side while it's hot. No. It is not designed for that. It's not designed for ramen. I mean, we went over this. It was just a used best thing available,

and it got latched on. I didn't know what to do because I couldn't push it forward. I couldn't pull the handle off of it, off the back, because it went down and under and over. If you're listening to this, you truly need to go and find the image on Instagram.

We will make sure we have the images up. I don't know how I would have described... It's not what you're thinking of if you're picturing a kettle. I promise you, this is not a situation where you can take what Andrew said and draw his room from it. You will not get to the kettle bowl situation that you've got in front of you.

Standard handles. A part of the kettle is swung down and mated with the underside of the bowl. And it appears to be like a nice ceramic bowl. I also like the kettle is swung down and mated with the underside of the bowl. It appears to be like a nice ceramic bowl. I also like the fact that you've got yourself a drink. You're like, I'm in this for the long run. Is that butter next to it? It's butter. It's what's left of butter. That's just what was on the counter. That is unrelated to you. I did not butter my ramen. Okay. Yeah, I had my water. I was gonna just have a nice, nice little evening. What flavor is this ramen? It's a chicken ramen, Jeff.

That's a great question. We're going to pivot. I don't think I've told this story, but the moment it latched on reminded me to one other time in my life. You know when you were like a kid, I'm going to assume everyone did this and it's not just a weird me thing.

You'd have like a cup of water on the table and you'd like try to see if you could make a seal by sucking on it and then like lift the glass off the table am i the only one that did this i mean any idea what i'm talking about continue i'm just asking that was a question if either of you've done i've i've not i've never tried to blow a glass of water no not blow you suck it's a sucking thing it's not a blowing thing why are you what's the goal of it well it's just to like create i don't know it's a sucking thing it's not a blowing thing what are you what's the goal of it well it's just to like create i don't know it's like a dumb i'm a kid this is gonna be goofy i'm lifting a glass of water without using my hands like i'll create a seal by sucking onto the top of it it'll form

around my mouth and then i could lift the glass up i think i've done that you think you've done i feel like that's not like the craziest of kid things but with glass yeah well well maybe like a cup it doesn't have to be a glass it's just what what came to mind just elevating using suction to lift something like a drinking thing off the table when i was i'm gonna say 14 maybe 13 14 in that range it was 2 a.m and you know voss water and they have like those giant caps. I don't know if you're familiar with Voss. But they have massive silver bottle caps. And I had one on my desk.

And it was 3 a.m. And I thought about being a kid and creating that seal. And like sucking it up. And I was like, ah, I'm going to suck up this bottle cap. And just lift it without my hands. The dumb 3 a.m. idea. I sucked it in. It slid from my upper lip down. And locked onto my lower jaw. Like it looped around my chin perfectly.

It was the exact, it's the most secured clamp I've ever experienced. And that's what it felt like when the kettle. It fell securely and attached to your chin. It attached to my chin and it hurt like a motherfucker it was so bad it was like just the worst pain i struggled to remove it from my chin i eventually did it took like probably two minutes i got it off it's like that was stupid i'm never gonna do that again what a dumb thing i went to bed i wake up go into my kitchen my mom says why do you have dirt on your face it's like what do you mean i don't have dirt on my face she's like get over here she tried to like clean the dirt i gave

myself two giant hickeys that were like it sealed so tightly the lid gave me hickeys down like my left and right side it was truly like a hickey goatee well how did you get multiples did it like well because it clamped on both sides yeah it clamped on both sides like it was a circular cap it clamped on both sides and i had equal goatee hickeys down the left and right side of my chin it was so embarrassing i didn't know how to lie about that injury like some if somebody brought it up i'd be like i fell into a fence like i didn't know what to say like i didn't want to say that i gave myself hickeys by sucking on a bottle cap by accident it's a dumb thing but as soon as that fucking kettle locked onto that bowl that's immediately what i thought of was that bottle cap because i was like i'm fucked how do

i do this bowl is gonna get a hickey this bowl is gonna get two massive goatee hickeys i cannot have this this is a great bowl so eventually i decided this is what i'm gonna do i need to tilt everything to its side that's the only way to get this bowl out of here but to do that i need to obviously get it underneath a pot why don't you just drag the bar back towards the kettle i couldn't it would not let me like it's it the it do you see how like the the width of it went beyond what the yes the lip of the bowl was further out than what the metal thing would let me pull i could not reverse the pull it was latched on and there's nothing the

only way i could get it out is if i lifted it and like pulled it up and over the kettle was the only thing so i got a bowl i'm like i'm just gonna pour everything into this pot and we're we're fine and i'll just pour from the pot into another bowl so i start the handle swings over mates to that one too so what happens is i lift the kettle and i start moving the bowl and then this happens immediately oh the bowl instantly shatters. That's how tight the clamp was. As soon as I moved it a slight bit, the bowl shatters in half.

My broth leaks out onto the counter, and I just watch sad as it goes over the side, hits the floor, and is just done. So then I panic. I grab napkins. I clean it up. And that was my ramen. I was trying to make ramen.

I broke the bowl. That looks like a bowl that's been in your family for years. It's an old bowl. Yeah, I don't know. I don't think it's valuable or anything. It's just it's a nice bowl. Did you get in trouble for breaking it? No, it's just my bowl.

Dude, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you lost a bowl. Let me ask you a question. Were you able to salvage any of that ramen? Or did you? Oh, I ate all of it. I ate all the ramen, it was brothless it was a it was a sad it wasn't great it was a bad ramen experience did you get any uh fun ceramic chunks it broke so cleanly it it's in three pieces it was a clean break like it's easy to fix i'm gonna try to glue it back

together just haven't done it yet if that's there's a part missing, it probably means someone's trying to kill you there. Let me ask you a question. What did you... Did you glean any insights from this experience? Is there anything that you've decided to take away? I'm not gonna cook ramen in a kettle going forward. You shouldn't do anything with that kettle. You should bin that thing. No, it's a great kettle.

What do you mean? It's a fantastic kettle. It's a fantastic tell that to the bowl it's a great the bowl is my fault i put the bowl in that position i put the angle where it was why not get a kettle with a spout that has just had a lid on it it's like that scene in 127 hours when it locked you know where like the boulder is on the guy's hand he's just like this is my life i can't wow that happened that was the that was the click once it clicked on as like this I can't reverse this we got a deal with this somehow I'll be surprised if that's ever happened to anyone

Just like the most absurd chaotic I almost set the kitchen on fire that I broke a bowl using a kettle because the handle latched on. You should sue the kettle company because this is how warnings get on ladders. The end result could be, you could be a warning on all kettles going forward.

It could be your legacy. I'm going to try and find a stovetop kettle. I wish I knew the name of it. Try to find his kettle. Oh my God. What are the the first things Is it my kettle Is it like a hook over lidded kettle I can't believe I've never seen Maybe they're more common than I thought

Put a link in I want to see I think that actually might be the same kettle Well it's not the same But that has a complete spout It's not like a half spout No that's a half spout. It's not like a half spout. No, that's a half spout. That's like two halves. It looks like the top comes off, yeah.

Yeah, the top comes off. Oh, so the other half of the spout is on the lid. Yeah. The other... Yeah. The lid completes the spout as an example. I'm looking at it. I think it seems...

It's weird. It seems like a functional tea kettle would not probably try to make anything other than tea in it. Yeah, I think that's a good idea. Oh, there's like a little dangly tea container. Yeah, does yours have the dangly tea container in it? No, I don't think it does.

I'm not seeing any warning to not cook ramen in there. That's a $200 kettle. It's a fancy kettle. It's a nice kettle. Was yours similar? It is similar. I don't think it's that exact one, but it's's a similar idea wow well i i feel uh i feel dumb then i guess i've never just i've just never seen that style interesting kettle uh flex there yeah i mean you know i gotta flex where i can't jeff i got

sushi containers on the floor i gotta have like i gotta have something that bowl flexed real nice. The bowl completely shattered. I love any story of pictures in your kitchen. That always is so good. Wherever you're going, you better believe American Express will be right there with you. Heading for adventure? We'll help you breeze through security.

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Visit amex.ca slash yamx. Benefits vary by card. Terms apply. It was a time. What about you guys? How are things? Well, I think you should be looking for larger signs, larger meanings in these things that are happening,

these minor inconveniences. For example, I'll tell you how my day started out. Well, yesterday, I need some tree work done, right? I need to have some canopies lifted. I have a dead tree and two trees that died from the great freeze that I had to have cut down. So I had some fellows come out yesterday to do some tree work because I don't schedule things on Tuesdays and Thursdays because those are the days that I record annual pass and this podcast currently. And so I try to avoid anything, any people in and around my house those days. I need not only quiet so that I can record because

I'm recording at home, but I also, to be honest with you, it takes a little bit of preparation to get ready to record podcasts. And so it's nice to have a little bit of time to gather my thoughts. So Wednesday was yesterday. I had some fellows come out to look at doing some tree work. And I thought they were going to do it then. They did not. They said, well, we'll give you a quote. It's going to be this much. We said, okay, cool. When will you do it? And they said, it'll be a couple of days. We'll call you and get you on the schedule, right? And get you on the books. I was like, no problem. This morning I got up.

Emily went to work. I had a coffee with minor league fan Jack this morning. And so I left my house at 845 or so to go see minor league. Jack came home at 10 to what appeared to be like 12 dudes in various trees around my house with chainsaws just going fucking ham all over my yard which is super appreciated you know i wanted to get the work done would have appreciated a heads up probably would have told him not today because i need to record a audio podcast there there were if there was if there was was one chainsaw there were 20

there were i saw at least four chainsaws going. It was very loud. So I was like, I look at my watch. I'm like, well, shit. I got three hours. Maybe they'll be done. And then I went about my life, proceeded to get ready for the podcast as much as I can amongst all the noise. Super appreciate that they're doing the work, doing great work.

As we get closer to the podcast i have a i have arrow in her crate because i have to leave the door open for her uh otherwise you know if she encounters one ounce of resistance she will just piss and shit immediately where she is yeah so i have to i have her in the crate she's napping uh and i'm getting ready for the podcast about 15 minutes before the podcast starts the last one we, I've given up on the idea that there won't be chainsaws. I'm just hoping that y'all don't hear them. Judged by the fact that

I haven't heard from you guys complain, I don't think that you did at any point, which has been nice. Yeah, you also didn't notice when I got up in the middle of a podcast and left to go tour the yard and give the guy a check. But all that happened

while we were recording as well. In this one? The last episode, yeah. Why? Because the guy rang my doorbell and I had to go talk to him. Maybe say that, though. We could have just stopped. What were we talking about? I cover.

Don't worry about it. Say it'd be a fun game for the audience. See if you can go back in time and figure out when I was paying a bill. Anyway, so we record a one today at about 1245. paying a bill. Anyway, so we recorded one today at about 1245. I realize we're still doing it, and

it actually wasn't... It might have overlapped with the Discord disconnect, but it had nothing to do with it. I'm answering Nick in the chat. So, it's 15 minutes to go. We're about to record. I'm trying to figure out how the fuck i'm gonna communicate with you two when i'm uh so disappointed in you both uh in the moment and uh trying to

collect my thoughts listening to the chainsaw realizing that that's that's just i'm just gonna have to deal with that there's no way the universe is gonna let me off the hook on the chainsaw stuff uh anyway and then arrow barks once i hear her go alright she probably wants to get out and go to the bathroom I can't really let the door open though because there's dudes outside with chainsaws and it would scare Henry and it might scare Arrow you know and so but I get up to go check on her and as I

and by the way I'm already I already have Discord open I'm about to join the chat room I see you guys in there and Arrow barks once so I go into the into the laundry room and she's standing in her crate pissing all over it and i go wow that was the one bark notice i got great so i open the crate up uh and of course the underside of her is covered in piss and of course all of her bedding is covered in piss so i take her out and i give her a little quick bath in the hallway there.

I'm still not going outside because of all the chainsaws and stuff. And so I wet some towels down and I scrub her clean and I get her nice and clean. And I think, well, at least she's peed now. So I don't have to worry about her barking while I'm doing the podcast or whatever. And then I take her bedding and I take all the bedding out of her crate and I start washing it. And then I scrub the bedding or I take the all the bedding out of her crate and I start washing it and then I scrub the bedding or I scrub the bottom

of the crate because there's a little bit of pee there and get it all cleaned up and then I stand up and I look and I'm like oh I have like seven minutes

I did it pretty fast I'm feeling pretty good about that I turn around to see a line of dog shit across my house she didn't just have to pee.

She had to shit. And, you know, Arrow doesn't like to shit all at once. She likes to make a journey out of it. Maybe it's breadcrumbs so she can find her way back to the original turd. I don't know. So then I had to clean a rug and clean up four piles of dog shit, all then to race back in and sit down with one minute to go to start the podcast with you lovely people.

And I got to thinking why I was telling you, Andrew, you should look for larger meanings in life. I realized that this is my fault because I got on my high horse and I said, I understand that my place in the universe is on a level that is par with shit. But that was where I misspoke. I misread the tea leaves. What the message was is I'm not on a level as shit. I am one level below shit.

So I apologize to the universe for attempting to say that I am of the level of feces. I recognize that I am more like the universe's doormat and I'm the thing that, like, you guys when you go into your house and you don't want to bring shit into your home or into your lives, you'd like to leave the shit outside. So you wipe your shoes off, the mud and the shit. You wipe it off on a door. I am the universe's

shitty doormat. Is what I've gleaned from, well, 46 years, but certainly from today. And so I would say to you, Andrew, maybe look for, the universe might be telling you something in that kettle story. That's, hmm. I'll have to analyze what it is telling me.

I do have, it's an unrelated update, but I feel like I need to offer you an official apology, Jeff. About what? The universe has spoken in a weird way. We made fun of your recipe. I don't want to go back to the whole condiment thing, but I just got this notification.

A French fry company has responded to my family recipe, which is your recipe, calling it absolutely delicious. Your recipe is approved by a fry company i feel like it officially is in the condiment thing i can't argue against the verified fry camp i don't know but it just happened universe works in weird ways jeff i apologize yours is absolutely a condiment well apology accepted thank you andrew uh and they do make tots uh yeah but uh i don't think the universe wants me to win any so um you know i i don't know or uh potatoes they side with you that's a win i'd say you gotta win you won a lot of vegas you've got some wins i thought I would go a day

without cleaning up shit but I did not I did not do you have like a board in your house at this point of like days since I've had to clean shit you're just constantly

never getting past one there would be no point there would be no it would just be it'd be extra work to erase it every day do they make like a special shit back

no I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know do you have to deal shit in vegas kind of i was in vegas fair enough fair point they it's just fucking man i'm vaccinated and all and and yeah but man vegas is a is a throng of people and we really tested out that obnoxious yeah scary people man vegas scares the shit out of me.

You always just see crazy stuff. Like I was just behind, I was behind someone I know watching them play roulette. Some guy walks up, drops about five grand on a single number, the only bet.

It immediately lands on that number and he walks away with close to like 200 grand without even changing his facial expression. And I just looked at the person I was with. I was like, what just happened? What just happened right in front of us? And was that normal for that guy? It was mental.

What's the odds of that? It's like 30 something to one. He's probably like, keep it together. Keep it together. Yeah. You look cool right now. Forget the hotel room. It's the coolest moment of my life.

Because in my opinion, five grand is an obscene amount of money to place on a single bet. That's a heavy loss. But to get 200, like, what is it? Like 180 something back. That's life changing. Yeah. Maybe it just wasn't to him. Maybe it was just like, I'll put it with the others because he does it all the time.

We were just so confused as to like, did he know? Like, how could he know? Maybe he was so far in the hole, he's like, well, that's a start. That is, yeah. Maybe. I just still to this day,

like the whole experience, it was, you know, slightly amazing, but mostly terrifying. Just how it played out in front of us as if like nothing happened i just don't want to know anything more about that guy well that's uh that's like the fun of most of the fun of vegas for me especially now that i don't drink anymore is just watching people it's like the best people watching because it's like it's people that are it's cutting loose or you, just going wild or are losing money and freaking out or winning money and freaking out or winning money and being very calm and collected.

Apparently, that's the first I've heard of that. It's just it's just it's never dull. You know, it's a high risk scenario, though, in Vegas, because like let's say great people watching is like at a blackjack table. But then you have the pressure of you don't want to be the person fucking up the table it is oh yeah the table etiquette I got called out I was playing I was doing like an online casino thing where I was playing blackjack and I got called out there and I felt like a little kid in school like even the dealer was like what are you you doing? Stop doing that. And I just like I wanted to hide. You got called out online. I got called out online to somebody else.

How do you mess up online etiquette? Well, because I kept splitting tens because I was like, I feel lucky today. And you're not supposed to split tens. It's like a low probability unless you're in like a tournament is the only context where you'd want to do that. And I guess it's bad table etiquette. So people people like two people at the table like that's the third time you split tens why are you doing that stop doing that and then the dealer was like stop the game was telling me like the math probability of why i shouldn't split 10 the whole

table is mad at me that's just in my living room and i felt so embarrassed and like i'm sorry i'm just i'm playing i didn't mean to fuck up your thing. So are you like on audio? Like, can you hear each other? No, I have no audio. Like you, the dealer has audio. Nobody else does. You could text chat if you want to.

I never do. I guess I just don't know the, I don't know the rules of blackjack. So I don't really understand. Is that the one where you can like wreck the entire game for everyone else by what you're doing? I think there are like certain bad plays and good plays that is standard i'm not super knowledgeable about blackjack you're just trying to get as close to 21 without going over yeah you can't really fuck anybody else over with your bad decisions in black yeah that's what it's it's craps the one where it's like

your moves affect everyone else's i mean if you roll shitty i think you can in black because i think it's dependent on like what card the dealer has so like you can make Bad hits or like stays depending on what you still understand Why if it doesn't affect other people at table why are they annoyed well because? Because I'm taking cards from the chute that could potentially harm the dealer and I'm already in an advantageous position Like I'm already in an advantageous position. Like I'm probably going to win anyway. So I might just be fucking up for everybody else. And I also am already ruining like a near perfect hand to like out of greed, essentially. So they're upset.

But I stopped playing for like eight months after that because I was so embarrassed. And like it was just like, I don't want the dealer to yell at me. I was just having some fun. Have you done real Vegas in front of real people? I've never done real Vegas in front of real people. When you do, can I be there? Yeah, you and I will be. We're going to be like swingers at the budget table,

just people watching. I think you could be that guy. You could be the guy who walks up to his first table, drops five grand, and walks away with hundreds of thousands. I would not be able to contain myself. I could not be the calm. I would blow the moment. I would immediately become extremely uncool in everybody's eyes it would be very apparent that i was stunned i'd not be like this is nothing guy that couldn't be me another

weird vegas experience i had i got into a i was with dan we got in a lift and some other woman got into a lift too and her her purse was like overflowing with chips and she was like spilling them all over the floor like on the way to the lift and like she the door closed and she'd lost some and they were like all over the floor of the lift and we helped her pick them up and they were all like thousand dollar chips and i was just like i had like i had like 10 grand of hers in my hand i was like oh my god you've she must have had like 80 grand's worth or something but i was just like man you're you're rich off the off this one vegas trip did you encounter the person who robbed the 200 000 guy is this like second part of the story like you have

you've seen two ends of this thing without realizing it just the way she was treating them though was really mind-blowing they looked like there were tens or something but she was just spilling thousands all over the floor i was like you left you left probably two or three grand outside the lift downstairs she was like yeah she was really drunk she's like yeah i don't lose anymore i was like oh oh my god i was tempted to like go back down after it what's the fucking the name of the bear in spyro that has like the sack of gems like this is what i'm imagining of this woman with like a sack of poker chips just leaking out the bottom being careless yeah we made sure like we made sure she got to where she was going without dropping anyone because she was all over the place and i think by the time i don't think

either of us went back down to see if there were any left on the floor. But I assume someone found them. Gavin told me that he has great roulette luck one time. I'm 100% on roulette. Are you 1 for 1? Are you like 10 for 10? What is 100% for you? I'm disputing this. Yeah, what is your 100%?

In my head, you're like 4 for 4 is what it's like roughly. Yeah, that's 100%.%? You made it, in my head, you were like four for four, is what it sounded like, roughly. Yeah, that's 100%. Because Bernie, you know, the guy we started Rooster Teeth with, he likes to brag that he has a perfect field goal-kicking record because he's one for one. I don't think that counts. So Gavin might be 100% roulette

because he's played roulette once and won. Yeah, I went on colors because I don't understand. I don't understand i i'm just i don't understand any gambling really it's like the simplest stuff so i just like put a put 100 on black got 200 put 200 on black got 400 put 400 on red and i think i did it four times and i won four times i just thought i'm up on vegas forever now if i just walk away yeah the way the way gambling works for people that don't gamble a lot is essentially you go up to a complete stranger

in front of other people and you give them an amount of your money, like a hundred bucks, let's say, and then you say, do something complicated in front of me and then keep that money and then they do. That's typically how it works.

It is. And then you go, thank you, thank you. I don't exactly understand why I don't have my hundred dollars anymore, but people around me seem to be having fun so i guess i am too dan was like annoyed by my luck so he he then went in i think on on a couple of them he was betting against me uh and he lost twice and then he was and then we were like well you know if you you put that money in again and you win uh it'd be like uh nothing ever happened and he kept doing it it landed on green twice back to back he was livid oh it's a great way to lose though like that's almost as good as winning that's better than it

just being the other color i want to lose gloriously if i'm gonna lose i just hate on roulette on a lot of the the tables there's a screen that shows all the previous results yeah as if that has anything to do with what's gonna happen next it all that is there to do is poison your mind yes well you don't you don't understand the mind you are not a gambling man gavin it is if there is four blacks in a row it is universally impossible to be black again it cannot happen that's how how gambling brain works. You put everything in on red on that play. I don't know how rigged the tables are.

Like, I assume they must be in a way. I don't. I wouldn't assume not. I don't think they're rigged at all. I just think the games are so tilted for their rule set.

The game is rigged in itself. Yeah. Like, you could theoretically count cards to, like, increase your probability of winning or like making smart bets and blackjack and it's just illegal like you just can't do it they won't tolerate it yeah how do they prove you're doing it uh because you're betting amounts

so like typically if you're you want to see a majority of the cards right so you're going to be making small bets and then once the shoe becomes more beneficial to you like there's a lot of face cards in it or tens then you start making higher bets because you have a higher probability of winning off of those hands that just seems like a part of the game to me i just don't understand it is that that's but that's why i'm saying they don't need to rig the games because the rules are rigged within themselves right it's i wouldn't be surprised if you were a multi-millionaire andrew just off gambling oh no you just never told us well the reason i know about your perfect roulette record is i went like a historic

oh for 28 and roulette place or i just couldn't win like it mathematically impossible like the five blacks in a row i couldn't win and i kept doing black i was like you i was doing the color thing i'm doing the the wesley snipes always bet on black. I was like, you always doing the color thing. I'm doing the, the Wesley snipes always been on black thing. I'd bet on black, always red, always red. No matter what I did,

even in animal crossing, there's a roulette game you could play. That was red. I just kept losing on red. So I talked to you about roulette randomly. And you're like, yeah, I'm undefeated in roulette.

Every time I go to Vegas, I'm I've win. I'm like five for five. Unstoppable. You, we went oh for four the two of us i'd ask you what color to put down and then you're just like oh i guess it just doesn't translate over i guess i need to be there i think we need to be doing it in person okay and i would be willing to come out of retirement on a real life roulette table with

you and you just bet with me and i think we'll be in it either you'll destroy everything i've worked towards or we'll just continue as normal and you'll be you'll be up on it i'd be great we're gonna just hope you don't bring me down oh i'm gonna bring you down absolutely i'm a glorious you guys if you guys win big in vegas you need to immediately go and buy the two nicest ceramic tea kettles to celebrate. I like the split. Like the, like, if, if, if, I don't know, if like Celine or Hermes or Givenchy

makes a tea kettle, and if it's like encrusted in like diamonds and gold, you need to buy it. I did that with, um, I didn't buy a kettle this is just gambling stuff um my guardian for rtx charles who i now work with one of my favorite people we went to vegas for something and um i was trying to convince him to gamble he was like no you know i'm never gonna do that it's not me i'm not gonna do it and i just sat down at a slot machine I don't have anything special with slots like I just I just lose money in those and uh I just play like

kind of low amounts he sat down next to me at a slot machine and uh you know they come around they offer you free drinks and stuff if you're actually gambling but he wasn't doing anything at his machine I was like look you're gonna sit here let's just just put in a dollar just see what happens and he was like oh fine like caving to the peer pressure he won 650 dollars off a single first spin and he i don't think he ever spun again i think he just cashed out and that was it and i was like man i've got i must be providing a little bit of luck so i i would love to test that out with you andrew at in vegas at some point i think my bad luck counters your good luck and it's not even close as lucky as you are and it's not even a statement on how lucky you i'm sure you're incredibly lucky i i don't think i think i i

overpower and the bad yeah i gotta agree with that i think those and those opposing forces andrew's uh it's luck or karma or whatever but i feel like it's a lot stronger yeah i don't honestly i don't think my i don't think charles winning was my luck transferring it was just he's very lucky uh because when i watch dan play roulette yeah but come on it's dan the universe has a sense of humor maybe he's like sub dog shit level as well. God damn, dude. Dan and I are in the same level.

He just doesn't know it probably. He's also a universe's shit doormat. This is a good, I'm having, this is a fun episode. Do you think, Jeff, we should start recording

in person? Well, how are we going to record with Andrew? Well, I mean, you and I could be in person. I mean, yeah going to record with andrew well i mean you and i could be in person i mean yeah that would be fun but i feel like we'd be in it'd be in like it wouldn't be balanced for andrew i feel like we're all in the same we're all in the same playing field when we're when we're alone but i feel like the dynamic would be weird if you and i were in person but

andrew wasn't you might be right i'm just really excited to do stuff in person i don't know i'm not i'm not opposed to it. That's how we do the break shit stuff. But how would you feel about it, Andrew? I think it would be a little weird because the timing is just different for you guys. It's more immediate, like conversationally. I think we're kind of all equally in a delayed window, which makes this work. I mean, I'm not opposed to trying it.

I think we would have to do it with headphones because on the break shit, it's kind of hard to hear through the little speaker. I also don't know that you guys would have benefited by me being in person in front of you last episode, for instance. You know? Well, you weren't. You're paying a bill.

Well, because you would have been in your backyard. You're literally not there. You know. Well, I'm going to... This is like we've recorded a bunch because people are going on like summer breaks we're taking like a little it's not going to stop for the people we've got like six

this episode will come out on August 4th this is an August 4th episode you know what I feel worst about in that whole deal is that the amount of time since we decided to record the bike trick is it is that the amount of time since we decided to record the be the bike trick is it's it's been a bit of time yeah like maybe a week but it's been like six episodes

yeah we should do that this week we should do it this week but it's not going to come out till october at this point as long as we've got it in the bag yeah yeah as long as we got in the bag i mean it's to be fair to us too every, every time we've tried, there's been rain. And when you're dealing with badass bike tricks in a drainage ditch, the ditch has got to be drained. That's all there is to it. That is a great point.

Yeah. I do see on the old weather map, though, there's some sun peeking behind a cloud coming up. Really? Well, I'm out of town next week. I'm not around next week. But I am around tomorrow and throughout the weekend.

We could try tomorrow. The icon is a cloud with lightning with a 90% chance of rain. That'd be great. The universe does not want me to pull off this badass bike trick. You know what, though? Even if it's raining, it would me to pull off this badass bike trick you know what though even if it's raining it would add an element in the slow-mo that's true it would it would look

cooler you'd look like a very rad dude jeff why don't we just do it tomorrow no matter what well what is tomorrow wednesday or thursday friday tomorrow's friday yeah well it's it's not it's the isn't he worried about the landing? You shoot the rain, right? I'd have to go through... Listen, if... It's not a boat. It's a bicycle. So, the bike's not going to go through the raging river that is the drainage ditch if it's too wet.

Yeah, man. I have a thing from 10 to 11, but other than that, I'm free. So, right after that, I'll hop on my bike and head out. Maybe a little noon bike trip. A little noon bike trip. I'll get the Phantom ready. I think that's all we need. Just a lovely slow-mo. We don't need any behind-the-scenes or anything.

No, no, no. Not at all. It'll be fun. We'll just have to make sure that it's... I was going to say I'll do it after this, but I've got to go into work to do First Night. So I'll check I was gonna say I'll do it after this but I gotta go into art into work to do first night so I'll uh I'll check tomorrow to make sure the curse is clear before you roll out your phantom this is turned into like a shuttle launch you're just doing a bike trick I don't know why like we need

ideal like perfect weather weather conditions once again do you want to be mission control yeah I'd love to do the trick if it's submerged. Sure, that's totally fair. Just in my head, it doesn't like in my head. It's a puddle Jeff at the bottom of like a pool like a ramp. It's not a it's not a waterfall, but I'm sure it's I'm sure it is okay. That's just in my head. That's

the visual. I'm excited about it. I'm excited about it. Well, that's all that matters to me. As long as you're excited about it. This is great to be excited about stuff. It is you know, it matters to me, as long as you're excited about it. This is great. It's nice to be excited about stuff. It is. You know what's weird? When this comes out, my birthday's tomorrow.

I don't know what I'm going to do. Your birthday's tomorrow? Well, when this comes out. That's how far ahead we are. Your birthday's the 5th of August? My birthday's the 5th of August. Hey, let me be the first person to wish you a happy 27th birthday. Is it 27?

It's 27. You got it right. If you wouldn't have second-gu is it 27 it's 27 you got it right if you wouldn't have second guessed it i would have been impressed i uh i'm just making sure i said it right and i wished you a happy 27th birthday before anybody else did i think thank you yeah no you're you're definitely the first i have a gift for you guys as as a thing to celebrate to celebrate this a bigger gift in that kettle bowl a bigger we'll see we'll see how this gift goes this is as well established this is a redemption year for me last year a lot of things didn't necessarily go the way i'd planned there were some pretty big obvious ones the main one i'd say is the fire extinguisher the fire extinguisher bit did not go as planned so I have

a new fire extinguisher no way I have a new fire extinguisher I have it bagged up just like last time it really is going all in on this redemption are you serious I'm going all in on the redemption tour I got it in my hands right now I love that you did that whole mess of whatever last episode was next to a new fire extinguisher yeah it was behind me so like when we were talking about do we even want to do a second episode it's like yeah we want to do a second episode i got a fucking fire extinguisher in a bag ready to go we're doing a second episode i can hear the bag yeah i'm trying to find the handle through the back where are you going to be videoing any of this I I you do like

I need both hands on the bag the whole even hold this let's you just proper camera proper fine I don't you don't you don't much like the kettle Gavin you do not know my reality right now I need I even just find... Where is the... Okay, so that's the nozzle. So where is the top of the... Is this a brand new fresh fire extinguisher? This is a brand new fresh fire extinguisher. Never before been fired.

Never before been fired. It's fully charged. What's that pressure gauge reading? It was in the green. It was solidly in the green. That's where we want it to be. Oh my god! We did it!

Fuck you, minor league Jack! That one went off. Happy birthday to me. That was an extended spray. Yeah, I mean it was a disappointment last time. I wanted to make sure I got it. There you go. A fucking fire extinguisher for you. Happy August. Was it all contained?

Oh yeah, it's all contained. I don't know, like, I thought it was gonna fire like a rocket was my concern. So it's in like 15 garbage bags. I'm surprised it didn't rupture any of them. It may have. I don't know. We'll find out. I could start opening it. I mean, it's going to take a while.

It's like a Russian doll scenario. It's going to go bag to bag. I love the way you do stuff. You just start doing it. There's no build up. There's no countdown. You're just like, yeah, so I got a new fire. I'm actually, I'm not going to.

I opened one of these bags already. I feel like it's in the air. I feel like my eyes are starting to burn a little bit. So we're going to just put it back in that bag. And we'll deal with that problem later, but there we go. I feel fire extinguisher redeemed. I hope you will document this in photo

form for us to put on the Instagram at some point. I will take a photo of the bags and the unopening of it when I get there. I'll take a photo of the kettle as well. I have some work to do. Maybe with all this redemption happening, there'll be roulette redemption. Maybe this this is it all of this stuff will turn your luck around i could be it i bet if i picked a color for you now it would win yeah do you want to do that right

now yeah okay give me a second i'll i'll log into my account nick can edit this so it won't be an awkward long pause although because i said that Now he probably won't And it'll just be extended Nick I'm glad you're back I miss Nick It's great having Nick back Do you have a gut instinct Gavin As far as what are you feeling right now

What is your process or is it just like in the moment You'll say you'll know I know what I'm going to say And I feel like I'll just is it just like in the moment you'll say you'll know uh i know what i'm gonna say and i feel like i'll just say it to you in the moment okay how much are you gonna are you thinking about putting how much do you think i should uh well i'm gonna feel pretty responsible if you lose so one dollar fifty fifty dollars that's a lot well i can't remember what we were doing last time my bets with je Jeff on the NBA were 10 cent bets and you want me to come out roulette?

I'm willing to do 50 because of the energy of the 5000 guy. But last time you did roulette and I made you lose. What did you lose? I think 20. Oh, 20? I think so. Yeah, definitely not 50. 50, that's a lot of ramen.

That's a lot of ramen. That's a lot of ramen. You should bet enough that if you win, you can replace the bowl you broke. Okay, I got to figure out inflation. It's an old bowl. I haven't seen a bowl like that since the 80s. I think it's that old. What am I putting in?

What is the bet amount? What are we doing? Is it 50? Is 50 the roulette bet? What about a nice 25 so that you win? Okay, 25. 25 and you have 50. We'll do 25.

I sometimes do this anyway. I call this a free lunch bet. If I win, I get a free lunch. I'll buy myself lunch. Don't have to think about it. If I lose, I'm not going to have a free lunch. Make something. Okay, we're authorizing.

Deposit successful. Okay, we're going to the live casino good lord hey try not to piss everybody off okay should i share my screen can i do that yeah okay let's do that oh yeah i see it okay so here we go so what are we doing? Where are we going? What's the bet Gavin black? Yep. Oh shit. I didn't mean to put it there. I'm due Okay, there we go. I was gonna say red interesting. I was hoping that Gavin and I would be on the same page We are definitely not click zoom in. Okay, here we go. What I bet on black I'm gonna black. Okay, it's fitting You're the worst What I've been on black? I've been on black? Okay, it's spinning. I fucking hate it.

You're the worst. It was red. It doesn't translate at all. I think I need to be betting too. I think that's how we'll do it. Now you have a system? We couldn't have the system before? I don't know why we just did that. We already knew it

wouldn't work. I said black. I never went on black. I maybe thought all the redemption would have turned your luck. No. No. Let's end the podcast happy birthday to me down 25 to start the day just made you lose 25 dollars again yep you sure did on the uh hey on the bright side you're one birthday wish richer you can always spend that and the show I'm gonna get you a gift I'm gonna

make up for that I'm gonna send you something you're gonna send me $25 worth of fucking Branson pickles you son of a bitch what are you gonna do wait wait wait you mean Branson pickle the condiment the condiment yeah everyone's favorite condiment thanks for listening to

F*** Face!