Regulation Podcast - Panton v. RamFree // A Popular Misconception [17]

Episode Date: September 23, 2020

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about the root canal store, a true villain, surprise key character witnesses, and more. Buy the red F**k hat shirt: http://bit.ly/RedFshirt. Sponsored by Manscaped. Go to http://manscaped.com and use code FACE20 to get 20% off and free shipping! Also sponsored by ExpressVPN. Go to http://expressvpn.com/face today and get an extra 3 months FREE! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

🎵 Hello, and welcome to episode 17 of F*** Face, a very special episode. If you've been listening to the past ones, you'd be aware that today is a trial. We're having a trial over a burger dispute. Now Gavin, myself, and Jeff had a deal, or a bet I should say, that I could eat 25 doubles in 10 hours or less, and if I couldn't, I'd pay Gavin $100. Now Gavin, out of nowhere after I lost this bet, claimed that I also said I would eat a pencil. This has been very disputed. You will find no evidence anywhere of me ever saying this.

This is a completely manufactured lie by Jeff and Gavin. And quite frankly, I'm sad that they went this way. Like, it's upsetting to me. We've had a long friendship for a long time. And for them to try to force me to eat a pencil like this has been difficult. It's been some soul-searching. I wouldn't say there's any love lost between the three of us, but, you know, I've had to find it a little bit. Had to go

searching. Typically, by now you would have heard Jeff and Gavin, considering this is our court date, but 90 minutes before we were supposed to do this, out of nowhere, no warning, very mysteriously, I may add, Jeff puts out an email saying that he was not going to be available due to a dental issue, a tooth problem. I don't even think he specified what was happening, but that he couldn't be here and that they need to change the recording tomorrow. You can't just change a court date 90 minutes before it happens with no real excuse. I'm calling complete bullshit on this.

I think they know their case is weak. I think they know they're lacking the evidence to force this pencil upon myself and that they panicked and they needed extra time. But you can't do that. I reject that. You cannot move a court date 90 minutes before it happened. So we are here today. We are at court.

Jeff and Gavin, feel free to make your opening statements. I'll give you the entire floor. Say whatever you want to say about this case. Oh, that's right. They're not here. They didn't show up because they know that they're in the wrong and they just they're too cowardice to address. But that doesn't stop me from being here because I'm an innocent man.

I want to clear my name. I'm a man of honor. I'm a man of integrity. And that's what we're going to do today. So I have a few clips. I had this whole thing planned last week. I presented a document that went over my case from my legal team. Very established group of lawyers.

And I don't even think I need to go that way. We've already filed it. I'm an innocent guy guy so I don't need to work too hard to defend this I just brought a few clips mainly to show my character and to display the character in which we're dealing with in this case now normally two great guys but there's been some conflict Jeff has been blinded by Garfield jealousy and I've got the tapes to prove it So we're gonna open here. This is first just a a kind of general Character examination of what we're dealing with this is not at all doctored and anyway

This is a very authentic audio clip of the two people that are making these charges against me so here we go Here's the clip clip one exhibit a, exhibit A, you may say. Jeff Ramsey, Gavin Free, admitting their lies. How are you going to trust that? You can't. They're lies. Anything they present, anything they would have brought today would have been a lie. It's looping again because I don't do this often.

So that's the first exhibit now the second exhibit to further show how good of a guy i am in my character in contrast to them i have a very interesting clip of them talking about how sweet i am so here's exhibit b andrew will drop whatever he's doing to help me i love him so much he's like it's like i care about him he's the sweetest nicest human and he's so patient with me, like he was I had to platform through that bit in Crota so he could basically tell everything. He's like my he was like, yeah, up there, and he was like shooting where I should jump and I was like, you should be a good, you should be a teacher

He's like my other daughter. He's like my other daughter. High praise from Jeff Ramsey I mean, it's just, if anything, it makes it sadder to know that he succumbed to the perils of lasagna. That he did not want to climb Lasagna Mountain as a man, but instead tried to take me out via pencil

with this whole made-up story. I have a mountain of evidence. I mean, you can't deny those last two clips, but just as a cherry on top, this is Jeff Ramsey's own daughter, sadly, disappointedly admitting that not only am I a man of honor, that I am a trustworthy individual, that Jeff Ramsey succumbed to Garfield jealousy. He could not beat the pizza cup. The pizza cup turned this man against his most important ideals.

Here's Millie Ramsey. Hello, my name is Millie Ramsey, and I am a character witness for Andrew Panton. I am here today to ensure that the court knows that Andrew is not only honorable, but extremely trustworthy. On top of this, I must share that my dad, in fact, manufactured the audio of the pencil bed agreement. chair that my dad, in fact, manufactured the audio of the pencil bed agreement. After his hundreds of failed attempts to beat the pizza cup, he was blinded by jealousy that he could not achieve the same level of Garfield's success. I mean, think about it. One of the heads of Rooster Teeth, he must hold some kind of power to be able to do this. I hate having to reveal my dad would do such a thing, but it's true. Andrew Panton is completely innocent, and I am personally saddened

knowing that my father has made such poor and petty decisions, but I hope he will grow after this court and become truly unclear after this all. So thank you so much for listening to this. I couldn't have said it better. I feel that this whole process at this stage is unclear. I thank you for your time. I thank you to the courts for listening to this and to have to take time out of your day to deal with such a nonsense allegation by the other side. I appreciate your time. Have a wonderful day.

Hello and welcome to another episode of... Not another. A continuation of Jeff. Just so you know. This is part two of episode 17. Did you just say episode? Episode. Doesn't matter.

Episode. Episode. What do you mean it's a continuation? You interrupted a perfectly good intro there to clarify that it's... No, no, no, no, no. We don't need an intro. I already did the intro. We don't need an intro. Don't worry about it. I'm not doing the intro. I'm not. I'm not

doing the intro fight this week. I don't care what episode it is. No, no, no, no, no. This isn't a fight. I don't care. The show already has an intro. I don't care if it's a continuation or not. It's still F*** Face. It's still episode whatever the fuck still episode. Whatever the fuck it is It's Andrew says seven to you. I think it's like a percent chance. You're correct Nobody knows what episode it is. I named it episode 15 on the file

I know what episode it is because I've already recorded part of this episode wait There was an intro already recorded prior to this we already did this I already did this you guys don't need to worry about a thing where was i well yeah here's the thing where were you two is the great question well how about this i'm gonna do an intro that will be edited in before yours no it can't be it makes no sense oh wait a minute can i get to the bottom of this are you bitching right now uh because we didn't record yesterday when we were supposed to. Not at all bitching. I'm just stating the fact of what happened. Listen, let me explain what happened. We had, we agreed last week our big case

was gonna be next week. We record on Thursday, next episode gonna be on a Thursday. We all agreed. Important trial. 90 minutes before the trial was supposed to begin, I an email saying jeff's out can't do it mysterious tooth injury suddenly appears no warning very suspicious and i reject that i reject that

you should be able to move a case 90 minutes before it happened so what did i do i went to the courts on time i showed up for the court date and i won my goddamn trial because you two didn't show up i won by default jeff was the second person who failed to make it yesterday eric was already out he's the judge eric already couldn't do it no no i went to the case nick can agree nick was a witness i pled my case it was recorded for judging I gave you guys the floor I gave you guys an outrageous amount of time to speak no words coming from the other side makes no sense

that you would do court without us considering I went to the date I showed up on time it's not my fault you weren't there there's nothing mysterious about it first of all it was very mysterious not to not to be at ends with my two best friends here, or one of the two idiots

that I call best friend, but Jeff Ramsey, Gavin Free, Andrew Panton. F*** face. Already did it. You don't need to do it. The judge is Eric Bedour. He already was out. No. And it wasn't just like mysterious circumstances.

There are extenuating circumstances, which I would love to get into, if I can, if I may. But you said you wanted to do the court case first. Yeah, because the court case already happened. I was just letting you guys know that I won. I see. Okay. Well, your practice court case already happened.

No, the real case is done. I showed up on time. You can't change a court case 90 minutes before it's supposed to happen. Andrew, I know we're backing you into a corner. You're freaking out. You're getting all uppity. I got to say, in addition, the world has been tweeting me clips from that other podcast where you incriminate yourself by agreeing to the pencil.

You've been replying to some I've seen. You've been all over the Twitter. I'm so fucking dizzy right now. Jeff, were you on codeine yeah yeah um here's why you guys know i had a you guys know i had a root canal a few weeks ago right yeah well i i i i fucked up i face fucked i faced myself and i scheduled uh i faced myself and face fucked myself uh only one of those should have to be bleeped. Because I scheduled a dentist appointment on the day of the recording of a f***ed face.

And it turned out to be a root canal, right? So I was all loopy and out of my mind and in pain when we did that recording. Well, I scheduled the follow-up to finish the root canal Wednesday, day before the podcast. Big Brain Jeff did that one. Shouldn't be an issue, right? That was a burp. Right. But here's what happened.

I went to my dentist. They said, let me just tell you the whole story. I got to my dentist. I got a toothache. They go, you need a root canal. We're going to do 80% of the root canal today. And then when you come back in to get a new crown put on, because we're going to need to put a permanent crown on your tooth,

then we'll finish the root canal and put the crown on, kick you out the door, happy as can be. That was supposed to be Wednesday. Wednesday, I go in, they spent two hours in my mouth and said, well, this is a bigger job than we're capable of handling. You've got, it's a big root canal. it's a, it's a big root canal. It's a little bit more than a typical dentist can do. We don't have the right equipment. We could do it. They're skate, they're, they're skilled. They're trained technicians. Uh, the doctor seemed very capable, but they didn't have the right equipment to do it. So they sent me to an endodontist, I believe is what they're called, which is a, apparently a dentist who just does

root canals. That's like the root canal store. And so I was in a tremendous amount of pain and they were like, you better get in to see this endodontist as soon as possible. So the only day the endodontist works is Thursdays. So I left Wednesday in incredible pain

and Thursday morning got up and went to the goddamn endodontist and had another root canal. On the same canal? Same canal. So round three on the same tooth, that started at 11 a.m. on Wednesday. I wasn't done till four.

God damn. And this was off to two hours the day before? The day before, the day before, yeah. Here's how that ended. By the way, great guy. And then everybody, the dental assistant, the day before. Here's how that ended. By the way, great guy. And then everybody, the dental assistant, everybody was lovely. It was actually, being there in the moment was painless.

They did a really good job of numbing me. Just fantastic bedside manner. If you're in the Austin area and you need some recommendations on endodontists, I'll hook you up, hit me up offline. That's for the audience as well, not just you two idiots. But the result is i uh that was round three i am scheduled for round four oh no in two weeks and then after round four there will be around five are they like putting bolts in

your gum no no no it's not none of that. It's just that like they have to like the without getting too in the weeds with it. Like the dentist was able to get two of the three nerves and then the and part of the process of them making it weight

is they have to put medicine in to sanitize it. And then you need to take a round of antibiotics and steroids and shit. And so when I couldn't do that for the third tooth, I then got kind of reset. And so the endodontist had to go in,

fix that third nerve, and then I have to do a round of steroids and a round of treatment and a round of antibiotics all over again. So I have to wait two more weeks before he can then go in and finish it. But he doesn't put crowns on. He only patches holes in root canals.

So after that's done, then I have to go back to my dentist to do the crown, whereas the fifth trip is involved. So by the time it's all said and done, this goddamn root canal will be minimum five visits with people in my tooth,

people up in my mouth, minimum of five. We're talking about like 11 hours under the knife or to the drill, maybe they say in dentistry. I don't know. And it's going to span over two months. I will have been with a temporary mouth, not being able to use the left side of my mouth for two, maybe three months. And I would be lying if I said it's a struggle not to cry out of frustration and pain and sadness every moment I'm awake right now. I hope you feel guilty, Andrew, that after hearing that story all of the hours, the five different trips that you went to court, you went to court without him and are now blaming him for not being there.

How do you feel about that? I'm not blaming him at all. I feel absolutely great. I think the thing I took away from that story is he learned on Wednesday. He had to go on Thursday. Why did we not get notice of this? He went in at 11 by the sounds of it. They told me it wouldn't take more than an hour, hour and a half.

I thought I would be done. It's a risky move. And I was in the slack and I said, hey guys, this is going to be a game time decision. It's taken longer than I thought. Just letting you know. I thought I was going to be able to get it, come in, mouth all numbed up on Novocaine, full of drugs and be like,

and be funny and loopy because I thought it would be, I thought my misery, my pain would be y'all's pleasure. Instead, it was just a lot more of my pain. Also, Andrew, we knew that the judge was absent from this court case. Eric's not the judge. Yes, he is.

And you weren't even in the slack. We've been talking to you for like six weeks in our personal slack where it's just all of the f*** face crew. And you weren't even in there. You were just ignoring it. Well, it's not my fault. No, that's not my fault. I wasn't ignoring it. I didn't know I was in it.

I disagree. I disagree that it is not your fault. How is this not my fault? Elaborate it i didn't know i disagree i disagree that it is not your fault how is this not my fault elaborate this is absolutely your fault so when i when i add andrew pantin onto our slack group and andrew pantin does not get the messages how is that anyone's fault but yours this is okay well here's something that's crazy That first of all that I never Replied to any of them when I'm replying In other slacks like You guys I talk to you in different Slack chats I know I just thought you didn't give a shit

Like I'm giving I'm there giving notes on Episodes we're like doing suggestions we're like Sending files that we talked about so we can put Them in the picture version on our website Silence and I just thought man Andrew don't give a shit he's a real prick That Andrew And on top of that, Eric said he sent me

multiple messages, and I never replied. And he's like, oh, I guess he's just not a Slack guy. I've talked to Eric about the fact that I could message him on Slack, and he didn't consider that weird that I never acknowledged that any chats had previously happened, apparently. I absolutely thought it was weird, but you're also

the guy who's going, well, I'll eat the eat the pencil no i'm not gonna eat the pencil so like i never said i need the pencil it's a terrible example also i never and no offense to nick i love nick i think nick's great and i think he would have done a great job as a judge but i didn't approve it and neither did gavin and eric threw it out there eric threw it out there as an option eric isn't the judge well then who's the judge i know more about this case. That's for Eric to reveal. I'll let Eric make that decision when he's ready to. You don't get to make, there doesn't get to be a secret judge. That's not how court

cases work. You don't go up to the Supreme Court to present who the judge is either. You don't fucking miss your trial 90 minutes before it happens. You do when it's a medical emergency. You can't, I can't yell. Don't make me yell. It hurts. It wasn't a medical emergency! I can't yell. Don't make me yell. It hurts.

It hurts, Dan. It wasn't a sudden emergency, though. You knew a day in advance. You're saying you've already done the intro. You've already done court. Yeah, this podcast is almost at 20 minutes, actually, even though we've been recording for 11. And you're saying that Eric isn't the judge anymore.

Well, no. I mean, I don't know who the judge is, but Eric isn't the judge from my understanding. Eric's not the judge. That's what I was told. I'm just relaying what I was told. You already vetoed Jeff as the judge. Well, he couldn't be a judge.

He's definitely not impartial. I got to say, I just feel great also that this weight of having to eat the pencil is off me. It's a nice stress relief knowing I have won this case and we can put this behind us. You are a true villain. Not at all. I showed up on time. You are gaslighting on

Trumpian levels, my friend. Not at all. I showed up on time. I was excited for court today. It's the end of the day. I've been waiting for court. I was excited for court too. That's why I showed up. Why don't we just have our own court? Why does he have to decide?

He's not the boss. twice for two crimes? For one crime? You can't double charge me. I'm already cleared. You haven't been charged yet. You can't be clear. We went to, what do you mean I wasn't,

I was at court yesterday. You can't be clear if you don't even know who the judge was that cleared you, you idiot. No. Think about it.

No, no. It's not like the Supreme Court. It's like a blind box. You don't know who you're going to pull. I made a deal. Eric told me that there's a judge in the works. I was so confident about my case. I didn't need to know who the judge was.

Well, then how have you already done court if there's a judge in the works? Well, because from my understanding, and I guess I'm going to have to fucking explain the whole bit. Eric was going to take the audio from my defense and your argument and then present it to the person who would be the judge and then they would make the ruling and then that would be relayed to us. That was my understanding of the process. That sounds great. How do you boot someone from the discord just so we can do court without Andrew?

Eric. You can't. For what? What am I being accused of? Eric. Yes, I'm here. What is your assertion of this? Is this case over?

Has Andrew already won? Oh, no, no, no, no. The case isn't over at all. The case is absolutely over. I went to court. I showed up on time. Has the mystery judge ruled? No, no, he has not, because I have not received Andrew's defense, and I have not received

your defense. I have. Well, they can't receive, they missed their window to receive the defense. They weren't there. No, they can't submit any defense. I had a hell of a defense, by the way. I had character witnesses. I didn't even need to go with the legal thing

because as an innocent man, I didn't need much evidence. I just let the truth come out. Every single step of this court case Has been tampered with And twisted around By the defendant And I'm not having it

I don't think it twisted at all I got audio I can play audio if you want Play some audio You're making William Barr look like a humanitarian right now You know that right I showed up to court on time I don't know how I'm the villain here.

I'm the only one that showed up. Court wasn't in session. You may have shown up to the cup next to court. No, it was scheduled. We all agreed. We all agreed. And we all agreed beforehand in the agreed upon slack that it wasn't happening. Well, I wasn't in that slack. That's not our fault. We weren't in court. That is your fault. You weren't in the

slack and we weren't in court. We never, Hang on. Now, we never explained why I added Andrew to the Slack channel, but he didn't receive the Slacks. Why is that, Andrew? Okay, so this is why I have two Slack accounts is when I went to add Slack on my phone, I couldn't remember if I used my work email or my personal email.

And the guess i made in the car was not the right guess so i accidentally just made a second account and then panicked signed out of it never thought of it again so that's why i have two accounts my main account has limited access privileges i'm only allowed within the achievement hunter part of slack my fake account complete access to everything. It has more privileges than what my actual account has, and I have several messages. I signed in after this reveal

that I was in a f***face Discord or chat Slack that I didn't know about. I signed in, and I've got a lot of messages. I have like seven or eight, and some of them may be related to hats and may be related to the store, which makes it funny that I'm so aggressive without realizing. You've been shitting on the store this whole time, but you've actually been ignoring them. Yeah, I may have actually have appeared to have ghosted someone who is trying to get a hat to make the hat. We can go back to that minute.

I just have some very important audio to play. This is part. This is a key character make the hat. We can go back to that in a minute. I just have some very important audio to play. This is part, this is a key character witness for me. I think really summarizes the case really well. Hello, my name is Millie Ramsey, and I am a character witness for Andrew Panton. Thank you so much for listening to this. First off, let me say three things. One, there's no proof that that's actually Millie Ramsey, my daughter.

Two, I've never taken a DNA test. I don't know that she's my daughter. I've always just assumed. Wow. I gotta say, I did not expect that Jeff's plan would be disowned daughter. Three, at two, Millie. And four, I have my own character witness that trumps my lovely, beautiful daughter, who I think the world of, and who just pissed away her birthday next week, which I think

is strange. It is going to be a cold, sad 15 for Millie, unfortunately. We got to wrap this up early. I got a lot of shit to send back to Amazon tonight. I got a lot of packages to unwrap. You got some audio over that, Jeff? I got a... But, you know, if we're going to throw character witnesses, this is what I would call, and

I think we would all agree, this is what they consider a smoking gun, so I'm going to play it right now. Hi, this is Andrew Pantin. I've promised something. I distinctly remember. Someone can eat a box of pencils. I want that on record. This is an actual accurate fact. We don't need a

lawyer. Everything has been above bar board. Andrew, that is you in your words, clearly identifying yourself as Andrew Panton and then agreeing to eat not only a pencil, but a box of pencils. A whole box, Andrew. That is clearly a manipulated audiophile.

I don't know. I mean, it's just clear. I don't even need to defend that. That was terrible editing. It was very choppily put together. Yeah, well, it's about as good as hearing my daughter read a script you wrote for her. How about that? I didn't write anything. That's a false, harsh accusation. I mean, it's not for me

to determine the veracity of this audio. I will say that it was discovered, and we went through it. It seems legitimate to me. That's definitely your name and your voice and you agreeing to do it. And it's really, at this point, up to the judge to decide if it was real or not.

We sent it to an expert who examined it for splicing and he found no evidence of such things. You know, it's funny that you bring that up too because I also have some audio I'd like to share. Just kind of like I made a character witness for myself and I just wanted to display to the court what I was up against. So here's my audio clip.

Jeff Ramsey of Gap and Free and we have a lot of guys who can't be trusted. Once again, I have audio myself. One of us is better at editing than the other. One of us didn't do the editing. Sounds like it was edited on a microwave. I think that's my phone, actually. I wouldn't blame the...

The person that edited that did a wonderful job. Appreciate their contribution. Can you play that again? Jeff Ramsey. I'm Jaffin Free. And we have a lot of people who can't be trusted. See, I pulled... Slop this shit.

Listen, you have no fucking idea how hard it is for you to find a clip of Gavin saying liar. It is infuriating. Do you know how hard it is to find Andrew Panton saying the name Andrew Panton? Because he never does intros. Well, yeah, the intro is stupid, doesn't need to exist. It's a useless thing hey

real fast real fast would you do me a favor andrew yeah go ahead would you would you say andrew panton andrew pant excellent thank you you good yeah that's good that's good for the future yep could you can you quickly say absolute bag of filth absolute bag of filth that okay yeah thank you can you say can you say real fast uh is a what did you say is a oh okay is a okay cool this will be an easy one to see where uh that yeah i don't know where that's gonna go well i just want to point like okay maybe hard for me to find me saying my full name i pulled audio from chump which is a show gavin has been on a few times and the whole point of that show is to say if someone's telling the truth or is lying and you'd think a show where they say are they lying

constantly gavin would say it he refuses to he uses every other possible word but liar. It is impressive. It is so frustrating. I think he's telling the truth. Do you think he's lying? I think he's telling the truth. I think that's bollocks. He never fucking says lie. You'll be mad because in the episode with Alfredo, I referred to him as liar the entire game. I called him by the name liar constantly. That's where I think I pulled the Liar from, or I found the Liar. Okay. You could probably watch any Fakenit episode from Achievement Hunter. Get it that way. I didn't go there. I thought Chump would be an easy

pull for that word. I only used clips from F***face. I will say that. Everything was lifted from episodes of our show. So you're limited in your vision is what you're saying. No, I'm just trying to keep it germane to the point of the show. Here's the thing Andrew. I feel like if you'd have taken

this court date seriously and you'd gone through the proper channels all this stuff, I think you would have been okay. I am okay. I won the case. You didn't win shit. Eric, where's the judge? It's over. Cover-up is I won the case. You didn't win. Shit! Eric! No, it's over. I won the case. Where's the judge? It's over.

Cover-up is bigger than the lie at this point. If he wants to take the audio from the case... As I was building the case against you, finding the clips that I presented as evidence last week, I noticed that there would have been a valid path you could have taken to get out of it. You didn't choose that. You just denied it being you, and then you made up some bullshit audio, and then you went to court without us, but you didn't choose that you just denied it being you uh and you made up and then you made up some bullshit audio and then you went to court without us but you didn't actually follow

any of the channels which is where's the judge can we get we don't need one here i got one more i got one last clip audio if you want just to like show how i i bring it out it's sort of weird because we're retracing things I played in the first seven minutes of this podcast. Yeah, I don't listen to this podcast. If you want me to hear it, you better play it here. Yeah, I'm going to. No, I don't play me.

I'm going to play this. This is once again, it just shows how sad it is that Garfield jealousy has taken such a toll on the two of you that that you have turned to this level. You've gone this low. This is this audio. Andrew will drop whatever he's doing to help me. I love him so much. He's like my other daughter. He's like my other

daughter. Oh no, why were we so nice about him? To go from there to now, it's sad. I'm saddened by this. I miss you too. You've changed into this Garfield experience. I've also, dude, I don't think

Gavin gives a shit about Garfield. No. I'm not jealous. I'm not jealous. I just fucking hate it. I will say, though, I believe, if I'm correct, unless it's been changed, don't I have the number one time

on one of those levels? No. Much like Gavin's evidence, that's fake. That was manufactured. Mm-hmm. So, Andrew, you couldn't beat fake Jeff's time again? I haven't really tried, to be honest. Bullshit.

I've been kind of wrapped up. No, I haven't. Just being honest. You've been wrapped up in what? You didn't do court properly. What have you been wrapped up in? No, I did. I'm the only one that did court properly.

That's an insane statement. I'm the only one that did it. I went. I feel like there's no end in sight. There's no closure on any of this. It's absolutely closed. We promised court this week. Andrew is over here telling us

that the court, the case is closed and he won the case, but he doesn't know who the judge was and he hasn't heard their ruling. He's just assuming. You do need to hear the judge's ruling, you idiot. How can you lose a case when there's no evidence on the other side? I gave the evidence last week, Andrew.

It doesn't count. You weren't at court. You didn't present it. I presented my evidence. I went to court. I showed up on time. I gave my case. I even said, Jeff and Gavin, the floor is yours.

Take it away. Silence. Because you weren't there. That's a choice you both made. Eric, you're the judge or the person who negotiates with the judge. What's the official ruling here?

Can you tell us what the judge said? You shut up. Can you tell us what the judge said? I've only just now received the evidence. So in order to have an impartial ruling... What? I've only just received it. How's he began and ended in court

when you've only just seen the evidence? Here's the thing. I wanted, because we're making a fucking podcast, I wanted to surprise you two on the show so I didn't send Nick the evidence yet. It's all recorded. It was documented live. He has it. Nick has the evidence. But Nick's not the judge. No, but he's collecting the evidence yet. It's all recorded. It was documented live. He has it. Nick has the evidence. But Nick's not the judge.

No, but he's collecting the evidence. He was there to record it. Okay, so he's like court secretary. Yeah. Well, and the court secretary didn't give the evidence to the judge, so there can be no ruling. That is correct. You can't have a court without a judge or a prosecution.

Eric's not even the judge. What is the matter of Eric? We agreed that Eric was the judge last time. No, we did not agree. Eric was never going to be the judge. We'll have a fucking case about that. If you want, we'll do another court case about that because I distinctly fucking remember after being

railroaded out as judge, which I would have been incredibly fair and impartial by the way, that it was determined that Eric would be as the producer and an impartial person that he would be our judge. Once again, I don't want to step on the bit. I agree that we agreed to that in the time. But since I'm the only one that really cares about this goddamn case, the only one that showed up, I've been talking to Eric about it.

And he said he was going to get a different judge. Why is he so confused now, though? I wanted true impartiality for what's going on here. it and he said he was going to get a different judge why is he so confused now though i wanted true impartiality for what's going on here so that way you couldn't hold this against me and be mean to me in the future so now so now i have all the evidence that i'll need so that way we can get a proper ruling from a judge they don't get to display their evidence they weren't at court you can't mail in your evidence a day later. That's not how it works. If you notify the court ahead of time, I believe you can.

You can't do it 90 minutes before it's supposed to start. It's a big trial. It's a whole football game. What do you mean? No, first of all, you have no idea. Oh, you mean, okay. No, I get it. Sorry, I thought you meant actual football, not soccer. I had to translate my head.

Football games are way longer in my head. That wasn't a diss on... It doesn't matter. Regional thing. But I don't want Eric to... I don't want to step on the bit. You need to fucking eat the bit. The bit's a pencil.

I'm not eating anything. You're going to go from courtroom to courtroom at this point. No, I won the case. There's nothing... What do you mean? What else would I be tried for? So what does Eric have to do with this evidence now? What's the next step?

I mean, whatever he wants. I don't think he even needs to send it because I'm the only one that should. I'll be taking it to an impartial third party and receiving a ruling. And then that ruling, that ruling will be what we abide by in the show. Face. No, not if you present any of their evidence. That is total bullshit. They did not show. This is insane. No, not if you present any of their evidence that is total bulls***. They did not show up. This is insane.

They didn't show up. What do you want me to say? We don't need to see this evidence. Hey guys, Eric here. I decided that I'm the judge now and Andrew has to eat the pencil. Oh! That doesn't mean anything. You can't just decide. Hey guys, I decided I'm the judge.

Go f*** all of you. i'm not eating your pencil i won the case already i can say things too i showed up i followed the process you did say things you said i'm gonna eat a pencil if i never said that that's what you said never said never happened you won't find a clip of me saying that anyway i think this went well. Uh. Wherever you're going, you better believe American Express will be right there with you. Heading for adventure?

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Terms apply. I feel like... Let me see. Let's try this. Andrew Payton, I've promised something. Are you just playing the same thing over and over? Someone can eat a box of pencils. It took three hours to make that.

It did take over. It took three hours. I believe I heard you say you were going to eat a box of pencils. I don't even want you to eat the box. Just one of the pencils. I'm not eating any pencils. I won the case. There's no need for me to.

If I would have lost the case, I would have done it. We've been recording for 32 minutes. You've been recording longer, obviously, but we still have potentially 8 to 10 minutes of pencil eating to go. So if you want to just grab the nearest pencil and crack on. There's no reason for me to. If I lost

the case, I would have done it. I'm an honorable guy. I'm a trustworthy guy. I think I've established that. Did you not just hit Eric? He just said you lost the case. No, it doesn't matter what Eric says. The case is done. It's over. It happened. You know what's... Oh. We're like five minutes away from sending in bailiffs.

You know, the saddest thing to come out of this, Gavin, is finding out that our friend Andrew has no valor. No valor, no honor, and there's just no hint of any gentlemanly conduct. And it's sad to realize. Like, I thought this was going to be, you know, real court, real evidence getting presented, real emotion.

And it's just passive garbage. It's a kangaroo court. It's a kangaroo court. No. I was at the, hey, I was the only one at the kangaroo court. I showed up. I was very gentlemanly yesterday. You showed up for the case that wasn't happening because your dumbass

can't join Slack properly. No, I, I, everybody was aware. You can't change the judge 90 minutes before it happens. To, uh, Google it. I believe you can. No, look into it. I think both parties need to agree or the court needs to agree no if you went to a movie premier is the court and the movie was pushed today but you still

went the day before you didn't it doesn't mean you saw the movie you stood outside in the rain you know but i went to the thing no i went to the court you can't you can't like you can't have a case coming up and be like actually i want to want to, I'm going to get lunch. So let's just push this to a different day. Can't do that. Because that's what happened. That is what happened. You moved it.

90 minutes before. If you would have put it out on Wednesday, if you would have said, hey, can't do it. Got a dental thing. No problem at all. We would have had a, you would have been there, I guess. But you didn't. You waited 90 minutes before. That's too soon. That's unreasonable. So when did you

go to court, Andrew? I went to court at the recorded time. So yesterday at 4? 1pm for me. Okay. I went at noon, and you lost. It doesn't matter. That was before the case happened. That was the case. You can't show up. It's your analogy once again. You're just

standing outside of a building. What are you talking about? I waited for our case to begin. I went when the doors open and I went in. I didn't expect this to be something we talked about for like 30 minutes. I felt it was pretty clear for like it was pretty straightforward. I won. I'm sorry you missed it.

We would be outraged by your behavior. No, what do you mean? You missed it. Can at one point of clarification, Andrew keeps throwing the word 90, the time frame 90 minutes around. Our podcast starts recording

at what time on Thursdays typically? Three. 1 p.m. I notified everyone at 1224. So that's two and a half hours before,

not 90 minutes. That's as long as a football game. No, it was, I got the email. That's the funniest fucking thing. 90 minutes is like an exaggeration. It football game no it was i got the email that's the funniest 90 minutes is like an exaggeration it's just it was more like i got it like an hour 45 minutes but that's just not fun to say it's a lot of unnecessary syllables in that 90 minutes we're not in court eric i can't be lying in court if we're not in court eric just typed he's lying in court

this is not we have to throw no okay so you may have done court, and we may not be doing court now, but it's void. The whole trial is a mistrial. We're going again. Double jeopardy. Sure, it's a mistrial. I agree. There. It's done. I can't be charged for eating a pencil

twice. It's over. But not eating a pencil. It doesn't matter. You can't charge me for the same thing twice of accusing me of saying I would eat that pencil. No, you can't prosecute you twice. You haven't been prosecuted once. We can't do this again. We already did it once. You can be charged.

We didn't do anything at any point. We did no court. Hey, to you, there was no court. To me, there was a lot of court. I went to a lot of court. I thought you would come in with more lawyer shit. You came in with nothing. You just said I'd done it. I didn't need to. there was a lot of court i went to a lot of court i thought you would come in with more lawyer shit you came in with nothing you just said i'd done it i didn't need to i was an innocent man i presented all you all you came in with was an attempt at destroying my family from the inside out not at all all because you're not man enough to eat a pencil i'll tell you who i feel sorry for i feel sorry for you because the audience is not going to react well to this

you are going to whether you agree i think you are going to, whether you are going to lose in the people's court, my friend. You're going to try to bully me into eating this pencil that I never said I would eat. I think they're going to be outraged. When you were at school and you didn't do your homework and the teacher's like, Andrew, where's your homework? You would just be like, I did it. I got an A. No.

You didn't see it? I did it. I turned it in yesterday. I'm sorry you weren't here. I came in on Sunday. I got an A and you're too late. Is that what you said to your teacher? I never said that. I would show up to court and school on time

as scheduled. That's what I do. I'm reliable. Unlike some people here apparently. Eric, please schedule Andrew's new court date for him. There's no schedule Andrew's new court date for him. There's no need for a new court date. We've done court, court's over, case done. Nope.

I'm sorry you lost. I think you guys had some interesting points that I wish the judge got to hear. You can't keep saying we lost because the judge hasn't ruled yet. The judge who, by the way, you've never met and don't know who is. I don't need to. All you're saying is,

I presented facts and they didn't. The judge still gets to make a decision, even if he doesn't take our facts into consideration, that he or she or they still get to make a decision. You aren't the fucking judge. You don't get to make the goddamn decision. The judge makes the fucking decision. If this was the first episode of F*** Face

that you listened to, it would probably be the... Have we even said what this whole thing is about? I did in the intro. I recapped it because I know what I'm doing. I went to court. Kangaroo court. Call it whatever you want.

You've got a mountain of bullshit fucking stuffed into your kangaroo pouch. I don't know how they do the justice system in Canada, but I want nothing to do with it. Typically how it works is you show up when you're assigned, and then you discuss, you plead your case, make arguments. I believe that's how it works. I've

never been to court before. Would you want to go to court if you'd slipped and you caught your foot on a towel, and you knocked all your teeth out on your bathroom floor? Would you want to go to court that day, Andrew? No, but if it happened, that didn't happen. You're just describing a hypothetical. I'm describing a situation where...

No, no, no, me wanting to go and if I have to go are two completely different questions as well. You're just saying stuff. Here's what I'm going to say, Andrew. And I'm going to put this in Canadian terms so that you can understand it. Oh, can understand great thank you what we were hoping for is that you would be a justin trudeau but the reality is you're a rob ford i mean i think that's just mean i think that's mean spirit i showed up i agree i agree i agree you are uh you are you are you are toronto's

rob ford rest in peace he's dead right i in peace. He's dead, right? I'm pretty sure he's dead. I'm pretty sure I've never done crack. So I don't think I fit that. That was his thing, right? Yeah, he was Toronto's mayor who got caught smoking crack a lot. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't think I've ever done that. And he also, I think he was famous for fucking railroading and bullshitting court cases. Well, I didn't do that either. I showed up on time. Well, apparently Andrew wins the attendance award. Yeah, yeah, I do. Yeah, you get a gold star. He attended a court case that wasn't happening because everyone else canceled it.

Nobody. No, that's not the wording I got. Listen, if I was in that slack, there would be some other context to this. Not my fault. I wasn't in that slack. I think it is 100% your fault you weren't in the slack. How is it my fault? You just admitted.

Andrew, what is it like being against everyone on the podcast every single week? Is it exhausting for you? It's tiring to be the beacon of truth on this show. It is really draining, but you know what? Someone's got to do it. I worry that not only have you become Krampus, and you've just embraced that in its entirety, you're starting to kid yourself. You're starting to believe your own shit.

I'm starting to kid myself. I'm worried for the future. I'm starting to kid myself! I'm the only one that went to court! I was ready! You didn't go to court! You didn't go to court, Andrew! What's the first seven minutes of this episode, then?

This episode was a 45 minute argument still going I didn't think it would be this long I had other things I can talk about think this do you think we would go in your head you you would bullshit your way through this whole thing be like I went to court yesterday and you thought we'd go that's cool Andrew well done good job you don't have to eat that pencil what other faces have you done this week you thought that's how it was gonna go I thought I was gonna explain what happened and you you two being reasonable people would be like yeah we missed the date you're right that sucks man we screwed that up he wins by default that's because that's what happened I thought you'd be more accepting more quickly I didn't think we'd be at technically

minute 47 ish of the show and still be talking about this case that more quickly. I didn't think we'd be at technically minute 47-ish of the show and still be talking about this case that I attended and you didn't. You need to write some better fanfiction because that was not how this was going to go. Now you're taking my Twitter lines. This is a theft as well. What does that mean? You liked that tweet on Twitter yesterday.

About what? Fanfiction. Did you make a tweet about fanfiction yesterday? Yes, I did you like remember dude I can bill I couldn't fucking count to ten yesterday. I don't know I'm saying you subconsciously stole it oh Boy oh well. I guess we coming towards the end. I'm disappointed, but oh, I mean there's nothing to be disappointed about We need a new court date. That's all it comes down to no no we did it Hey speaking crazy stuff, you ever sit on a toilet that's falling apart while you're trying to use it?

Yes. Yes, I have. Is this a Tushy sponsorship? No, it's not. I'm sure their product would actually withstand way better than this. I was trying to take a shit last night and the toilet fell apart while I was using it. What does that mean? Like the bolts popped off of it?

Yeah, not the toilet itself. The seating aspects of it. It's like flying a plane that's falling apart piece by piece. First, because it's already loose. It's kind of like a swivel chair. I should have tightened it down. I've been letting it loose for a while

because it's kind of fun. You swivel around. And then while I sat on it, I heard like it started, the swiveling was happening and I was prepared for the swivel around and then while i sat on it i heard like it started the swiveling was happening and i was prepared for the swivel but then the back of the chair popped off you know like the lid that you close and so then i was trying to navigate that i threw the lid to the ground and i'm still this is all we'll try to take a shit this is very complicated then the actual like seat came off and the seat was completely off it could have fell in the toilet

It was very scary to navigate that I made it though. So wait wait Firstly I had to reassemble the toilet after I was done. Do you like lean on the lid? But I'm always hunched forward when I'm doing twos I'm kind of like I'm stretched back. I'm getting you know, do you know why your seat is swiveling by the way? I mean because the bolts were loose on it. No, I'm kind of like, I'm stretched back. I'm getting real tough. Do you know why your seat is swiveling, by the way? I mean, because the bolts were loose on it. No, it's because constant vertical wiping causes a twisting motion. And you've been slowly loosening your toilet every time you've wiped your ass. If there's anyone who is more justified in their vertical wiping, it's me.

You see that? I've been tweeted this story like 50 times. That guy that got his dick bit. What? He was on the toilet and he got it. A snake came up, bit him in the dick. I can't go down that road. I can't talk about snakes and dicks.

That's that's too horrifying for me. But I will say in 1995, when I was in Kuwait in the army, they had they would bring in these portable trailers for you to shit in. Like, a little portable. It would have, like, two toilets and two urinals and a sink and a shower. And, you know, on day one, it's okay. It's serviceable. But by, like, day 60 of thousands of soldiers taking aggressive, manly, military, macho shits. It looks like the house in Texas Chainsaw Massacre, essentially.

It's funny you say that, because I sat down on a toilet in one of those porta-potties once in the fall of 95, and fall of 95 because I also fell, and it was a little wiggly like that, and one of those porta-potties once in the fall of 95, and fall of 95 because I also fell, and it was a little wiggly like that, and I thought, huh. And then a couple weeks later, I sat on it again, and it was a little more wiggly, and I thought, wow, this thing's not doing too well. And I went to lean back to grab some toilet paper off the,

because it was like sitting on the back of the thing, and the toilet fell through the floor. And I and the toilet fell through the floor. How far did you fall? I fell 18 inches. Wow. Like the base of the toilet was under the, was through the floor. The bowl caught it and half the back was in.

So I was like, it was almost as if I was leaning back in a lazy boy with my legs up in the air, you know, kicking like I'm a cockroach on my back and I'd leaning back against the, uh, back against the, the, the, the toilet back. And, uh, and I had to crawl out, uh, and, uh, pretend like, uh, that, that wasn't me. And that, that didn't happen. And I just went to a different portable, portable, portable body. And I never told anybody. And the next day, there was tape over that. And they fixed it. I was once on a film set out in the woods.

And there were these porta-potties, like two side by side. They were attached together, a little sort of metal staircase leading up to each one. And I was doing a morning too. It was probably like 7 a.m.

It was like right before I was about to eat. But I didn't have time to poo that morning and heavy dinner last night. Sat there doing all the business. Someone came into the one next door, but tripped on the stairs. And I just heard this massive clang, the entire thing rocked forwards and then rocked back and all of the water splashed up into my undercarriage. And I had to do the entire day without boxes on and with

gammy toilet water all up my back. And I wanted to cry. I don't blame you, dude. That's a bad... And those are long days, too. Very long days. And if I remember correctly, it was probably cold. Oh, God. It was like November in England. Yeah, I assume you were out doing

Sherlock Holmes or something because you were out in the woods. I bet it was cold as fuck. Yeah, it was cold as balls. That's probably a day that your balls could have used a nice warm pair of underwear, huh? Yeah. That sucks. You know, while we're on the subject of shit, you know, I think I've talked about this in the past, how my girlfriend has never, I'm flummoxed by the fact that I've never caught my girlfriend taking a dump

and we live together. She moved in in March and I'm still trying. Just to update, by the way, I'm still trying almost daily to catch her shitting. And I have still yet to do it. I have done that before.

Did she just get bored? No, she caught me. But like, yeah, it's impossible. She just doesn't poop. I don't know what it does. I don't know if it's like, you know, like a chicken

excretes, like, 90% of its waste through its skin. Maybe she's, like, part chicken and she's, like, sweating the poop out. That's what they say, right?

Like, chickens excrete a lot of their waste through their skin. So when you pick up a chicken, you're just touching a load of shit? Or more likely the flavor in the chicken skin is poop flavor, but yeah.

Could be a sloth situation. They shit like once a week, right? Isn't that their thing? How do chickens excrete waste? Chickens mix all their excreted waste products with undigested foods, so their feces and urine are combined and pass on a single motion.

They have no need for urethra, since they don't urinate. Instead, they don't get it instead they coat their face that's just a regular bird anus i swear i swear i read that or i knew that or maybe it's something i was wrong about my whole life i mean when you think about the concept that birds shit through their skin chicken shit through their skin is outrageous the idea of the entire skin being linked to the intestines like the neck the top of the head oh yeah here we go it's uh it's a it's a popular misconception and chickens do not urinate through their skin in fact they don't sweat either they don't have sweat glands the it's the byproduct of protein metabolism in mammals is urea which is water soluble and released yeah okay, okay, that's interesting. I love those misconceptions. There's that one in Goldfinger, the third

Bond movie, where Goldfinger kills a woman by painting her gold, and all the people are like, yeah, the skin suffocated. She couldn't breathe. They usually leave a patch of skin empty so that you can breathe. Turns out, nope, you just breathe through your lungs.

Just the lungs. Skin's actually not involved at all. But it was like a common misconception at the time. Yeah, I just, my mind is blown. I've been misinforming the world about chicken excretion for maybe 20 years now. You should probably call everyone who you told that to.

Everybody I ever told that to. Yeah. It would be like you with the license license i've told you a lie like 10 years have passed you're calling someone i lied to you about something oh man that's really funny that i did that i didn't remember doing that but that's very yeah i appreciate you're patting yourself on the back now i totally am it seems like something i would totally do you know, boy, did you do it. Yeah. All right, so we're at the end.

We can't end, obviously, until the next court date is given. But once Eric's given us that, we'll do the outro. For what? What's the court date for? Yeah, Eric, we're going to need you to tell us what the judge determines at some point. And hopefully the judge will declare a mistrial and we'll go forward wait you want the judge to declare a mistrial i don't know yeah present the evidence for the judge to present a mistrial as i believe the the thing he is pitching yes that seems just

disrespectful to my evidence well i mean earlier you just did court into an empty room so anything's possible nick was there i will say having Nick be your only witness as a not audible person is not useful. It's like bringing a mime in as like your only witness. It's unfortunate. Nick who has never said a single word on this podcast but has been listening to all of them. Yes.

Our next court case will be Thursday the 17th from 3 to 4 p.m. Okay. I'm going to write that down in my diary. Central time. Central time.

Let me make sure. I'm going to check right now and make sure I can make it. I can. Okay. I can make it. It's on your calendar. I just want to do it for fun.

By the way, I cannot make the Thursday, September 24th recording of F*** Faced because I have a root canal at the exact same time. So we'll have to reschedule that one because the root canal man only works on Thursdays. It's a good thing

we didn't have a court case on that day. That would have been unfortunate. I'm telling you, don't schedule a court case for Thursday the 24th. There are no court cases left to schedule. Well, if you don't show up, I guess you'll forfeit. I'll be there, but it's not a court case. I am indeed available on the 17th at 3. I'm going to accept that calendar invite right now.

How are your times going, Gavin? You beat me yet? You know, who knows? Who knows? Okay, sure. I'm just asking. I'm just curious. I'm not going to tell you straight away.

I'm going to wait until you have, until I know you have something to do, like you move or you have some sort of appointment. I'm going to tell you right before that. I'm going to really eat into your 12 hours. If we're going to play dirty, expect dirty. I'm the only one playing clean. I don't know what you mean. If you're going to wait

for Andrew to have something to do, you're going to be waiting for a while. Boom! Yeah. Yeah, because I do nothing. There you also who's Ian what's going on do you have time on that I don't know if we have time for that this is we don't I've been two weeks of Ian tweets I don't know what's going on yeah it's annoying is it a lot should we get into the next episode it's not a lot but it's a thing that's not that's not for this episode it's also not for next episode cuz we got caught but maybe the

one after that no we don't have any court we're fine sorry to interrupt the outro just really quick i just want to just drop this in real quick just yeah i just thought this was interesting i need medicine so i'm just gonna put that there just so you know okay sorry jeff continue you can wrap it up i didn't do my i didn't play my oh, oh, that's out, that's outskirts? Yeah. I see you, sneaky fuck. It looks like Andrew played a video game. Congratulations. No, no. It looks like Andrew found one of the levels that I'd beaten him at and hadn't told him

about, and he went and beat it. Yeah. Oh, wait, another one? No, it's just a better view. It's a more clear view of that. Yeah. Okay. I see you.

Let me ask you this. Let me ask you this. Do you think that's the only one I have a better time? No, I beat the a better view. It's a more clear view of that. Yeah. Okay. I see you. Let me ask you this. Do you think that's the only one I have a better time with? No, I beat the other one too, dummy. I know you did too. Wait, what? Did you really? Yeah, I beat both of them. Ball's in your court, dude.

Tune in next week on F*** Face for the thrilling conclusion and the court battle to determine will or won't Andrew eat the pencil. I have been Jeff Ramsey. As with me always, Andrew Panton and Gavin Free. Hey, if you like this podcast, why don't you go ahead and like

and give us a good review. Give us a five-star rating. If it lets you give six, do that too. Unless it's like six out of a hundred. Don't tank us tank us that hard buddy buy the shirt yeah buy the shirt we've got the the russian red mega face hat shirt is available uh branded that way but okay we've already we've already sold a few of them uh thank you to the early adopters who uh were uh had to finger on the buy button the second it went live, you too can get your very own red Russian

face hat shirt. Or the F word shirt, as it's called. Or the F word shirt. And, uh, yeah. And if you are equally as horrified by Andrew Panton and his, uh, just uh,

chicanery, uh, let us know. See you next week. Have a good day. Bye. We'll let up bullshit.