Regulation Podcast - Rerailing the Train // The Bathroom Waffle Maker [24]

Episode Date: November 11, 2020

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about turnip root & gooseberry, Geoff's bloody cummy dick heart, 70 pounds of pancake mix and more. Sponsored by Tushy (http://hellotushy.com/face). Listen to Fluke Face: https://bit.ly/flukeface Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵 🎵-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D I thought we had more time because Andrew was pissing about I took a mouthful hold on what are you eating you weren't talking you just interrupted the intro to say that you couldn't talk when you weren't talking it's a peanut butter thing it'll take me forever hold on it was a nutty buddy oh nutty buddies are good

is that like a candy do they have those in England not that I've ever seen that's why America's better what is a nutty buddy America loves putting peanut butter and chocolate in the same place oh yeah baby Not that I've ever seen. Yeah. That's why America's better. What is a nutty buddy? America loves putting peanut butter and chocolate in the same place. Oh, yeah, baby. Oh, yeah. I'm okay with it.

It's because we know what's up. All right, you can continue on the intro. What do you guys... All right, hold on. Hello, and welcome to another hilarious or deep-thinking or provocative or boring episode of F*** Face. I believe it's episode 23? Is that sound right, Nick?

24. 24, whatever. 16? My name is Jeff and oh, the 16 joke is so played out, Andrew. Please.

That's so passe. That's so last week and the week before and the week before and the week before. You're the absolute worst. You're Andrew Panton. I am Jeff Ramsey

and Gavin Free has got a mouth full of penis or peanut butter or something. His mouth was so full I couldn't understand what he was saying. the week you're the absolute worst you're andrew pantin i i am jeff ramsey and gavin free is uh got a mouthful of penis or peanut butter or something it was his his mouth was so full i couldn't understand what he was saying that's me yeah hey penis mouth uh you were you were you were just talking about how i'm padding i'm padding a little bit because i have to have a potentially uncomfortable conversation with you in specific and i i'm beating around the bush here but you were just saying about my anus no no no uh not well no not that i can see but uh if you can draw the line out and connect the two it'll be interesting okay uh and i'm willing to go there uh you were just saying that in uh america loves to put peanut butter and chocolate together

which is i guess uh i wouldn't think a unique thing, but not done as much in England as it is in the States. Is that what you're getting at? If it is done, I'd never noticed it. I never noticed it. I mean, it's a thing here. Everything with peanut butter is with chocolate. So let me ask you this. What are two things that get put together in the UK that are kind of synonymous with like,

like in America, it's like chocolate and peanut butter. It's a joke. Is there like black currant and I don't know, toffee? What is the combination in England that is in everything that you just don't see here?

Tea and hot water. I don't think that answers the question. It does. All the tea here is freaking freezing. Well, it literally is. There's iced tea in it. Nobody, wait, I'm not a tea drinker. Nobody drinks warm tea in America?

They do, but it's like, it's not the, like usually if you order tea, you have to specify if you want it hot or cold. Oh my God. That's not what I expected you to say, but I'll take it. I'll it what did you expect it's definitely not as popular here as it is uh what what i would expect like potato chips and prawns or i don't know like you guys always have oh yeah we've got prawn cocktail crisps you're right they're pretty rank though i mean sorry to anyone

who likes a nice walker's prawn cocktail do you does your family eat those uh not really we never really like uh junk food family what is is there a food that your family ate a lot that you just couldn't stand but that like your family is really into like for me I'll give you an example for me growing, growing up in the South, in Alabama and Florida and Louisiana, my family, they ate collard greens constantly. I can't fucking stand collard greens. And the thought of them makes me retch a little bit. Is there like a thing that you guys, like every meal, there's just a plate, like a bowl of collard greens and they're like, eat up, it's iron. One thing that was strange for me after I grew up and started working in a supermarket with veg and fruit and stuff

is, you know, like a gooseberry. No, what is that? Spelled like gooseberry. It's like a green thing. But apparently you're supposed to cook them or like mash them into jam and stuff. But everyone in my family just used to eat them cold and raw.

And I think that is not the way it's supposed to be. But honestly, I can't eat them any other way. And there is this. So, yeah, there you go. Eric just posted some good sprees. They're actually like awful. They're hairy. I don't know why everyone in my family just started snacking on these things.

And they're so immensely sour. You're supposed to wait for them to get squishy, guess and they turn a little bit sweeter but everyone in my family ate them under ripe and raw and that's the only way i know how to eat them i have a similar thing every everybody in my family they're fucking gross looking by the way uh everybody in my family eats turnip root raw like an onion or like uh like if you were to eat a raw potato i don't know if you've ever eaten turnip root but i don't know anybody outside of my family that does it i don't even know anybody else in the south that did it it was just something that we do just get a big ass turnip root and just walk around chewing on it all day it's always

weird when something you grow up with as normal is revealed to you as incredibly strange behavior and i i noticed that a lot more after having moved to america like looking back on the way americans react to the monarchy and how that is totally normal for me to have a queen but now i've lived here for so long it's like it's actually super weird that there's still a monarchy in the year 2020 that's crazy it's a little Yeah. You guys just love your tradition. I don't think I have one of those. A tradition? No, no. Tradition's obvious, but I'm saying like a cultural barrier.

Like Canada, I don't feel like we have a shocking twist like that. You guys have poutine, which I think is really gross. Why is cheese with fries gross? With gravy? It's not cheese. It's cheese curd. It's the curd. It's the C-u-r-d it's like lumpy and weird and inconsistent and gross i don't like it it's really good

no i've never had paper on paper it isn't great and even a picture of it isn't great but poutine is delicious down the throat i can't i can't i respect people like it, and I recognize that I'm in the minority, but it kind of creeps me out. I honestly didn't realize that you disliked a food that wasn't white. Yeah, I listen. I don't like...

It's well documented throughout my professional career that I do not like most things that are white. But there are some other colors in certain combinations that I'm not crazy about. Definitely poutine.

I don't like to say it. I don't like to think it. I don't like to think it. It's a fun word. It's not. Poutine is a fun word. I'll fight you on that. It sounds like a diarrhea.

And it kind of looks like a diarrhea. Eric has just posted a picture of some poutine. And looking at it in comparison to that pot of gooseberries, the poutine is way more appetizing to look at. Yeah, that's true. I'll give you that. I have a, I think there's something that Andrew needs to answer for based on when I was listening to a previous episode. I think it was the one from two weeks ago. Okay. Where I don't know if you remember, Andrew, but you said this.

For kids, and so let's change all the weapons of the puke guns so the bad guys puke because kids think puke is real funny. Is the drowning scene in the game as well? I've never played or watched Minority Report. I've never played or watched Minority Report. Yes. Is that a good movie?

It's not bad, is it? Minority Report? Yeah, I remember it being a very blue movie. I think it's okay. It's okay. I enjoyed it. It's not one of those movies I've, I think I've seen it twice,

but I don't think I, it's not a movie I'd want to see again. No. I feel like the action in it and the kind of just the pacing of the movie is really good, but. No less than 25 seconds later, you contradicted yourself,

I assume to mess with us, and somehow neither of us noticed. How often do you do this to us? How often do you just lie to our faces? Have you seen it or not? I definitely haven't seen it, and I completely anticipated you two to make a joke about it. I wasn't anticipating just having a fake minority report review in the thing. Because I just said I didn't see it, so to then immediately give an opinion in which i'm talking about the pacing and action is absurd so i expected you to make a comment about it and it just nothing happened so that i was listening to that back i was like what the hell how did that slip by both of us yeah it's not like we went to somewhere else in the conversation it came back that was no that was just the conversation as it played out

zero reaction by both of you i have an answer to that and i gotta was just the conversation as it played out. Zero reaction by both of you. I have an answer to that. And I gotta say, on the face of it, it looks pretty bad to us. It makes us look fucking stupid. I'm gonna double back to where I was the other week. When Andrew talks, sometimes I just check out.

But it doesn't make any sense because I'm so excited to listen to Andrew every week. I literally hear him for about an hour a week. And the fact that half the shit he says I don't hear is disturbing to me. I will say I appreciate you bringing that moment up because I did some work. I have a lot of stuff prepped for this episode. I have a lot to talk about. But one of the things I did, Jeff, a few weeks ago, we recorded a bunch in advance.

This is going to be a little weird. Went on this whole thing about Jack's moment. Jack loved the gavel, the gavel line by Gavin. Judge Gavel. Super fan, Jack. Absolutely. Super fan, Jack. Yes, exactly.

As we call him. Love the gavel line. So I asked Jack, could he give us a moment, his favorite moment of the last episode? And that was the moment. The minority report scene, Jack moment, he scales it 7.5. That's a 7.5 Jack moment of the week. So just anyone keeping track. Judge Cavill's a nine, just so we have the scale.

Jack really loves the shit that gets no reaction whatsoever. He does. He's a big fan of it. I believe he said it gave him a solid chuckle or two, but that is a 7.5 on the Jack scale of, I guess, missable moments. That's funny.

Hey, by the way, I don't want to derail that, but when there's an appropriate time to crowbar it in, this whole Minority Report joke thing reminded me of a f***face story from my past that I haven't thought about

since I was like 18. Is that you saying you're not going to tell it yeah no i just i just don't want to derail uh andrew if he's going in a direction but i wanted to i wanted to i wanted to pipe in and say it just so we don't get too far down there yeah but now i'm offering to re-rail andrew you derailed the train to say you're open to re-rail it is what you did that's fine you go ahead you tell your story i'd love to hear it okay when i was i'm gonna try i'm remembering this it's pop it's it's popping into my head as we're having the conversation so i'll do my best to to explain it when i was in uh you guys know i was in the army for five years from 18 to 23

and i was a journalist and uh army photojournalist and print journalist. And I was in journalism school in the military, which was a very difficult school. Only about 50% of the people that enter that school graduate. It's got the second highest failure rate out of all schools in the military, or at least it did at the time. I think it was

behind linguistics and maybe air traffic controls. Maybe it was the third. Anyway, I never expected to pass it because I was a shit student and kind of a shit everything. And I was super mediocre. And I just realized that throughout my life, I've been a C student. No matter how difficult school is, I could go to Harvard and be a C student, or I could go to a community college and still be a C student, no matter how difficult school is, I could go to Harvard and be a C student, or I could go to a community college and still be a C student. I just, I just am like dead in that 70 to 75 zone, always on the, on the brink of failing, but just doing just enough. Um, I don't know how I, I don't know how I've been able to, to make it 45 years like that, but that just seems to be my trajectory. So, uh So I didn't expect to pass journalism school

because people were dropping like flies all around me. And I think we started with 48 people and we graduated like 23. So more than half the people failed out and had to go like fucking hump guns and be artillery and MPs and shit. And so

during journalism school you go through this intensive period where you, it's called feats where you learn, have to learn how to write features. And the goal is the first one you turn in, they dismantle you and just destroy you emotionally and mentally. And like, there were people you would turn in the paper. There were people that got like their first grade was like a negative 70. Uh, there was some, like one of my first grade was like a negative 70 uh there was somebody like one of my best friends got like a negative 25 i got like a 30 and i felt like a fucking hero but your mind is just swiss cheese during this period because you're still like

training and going and like fucking living in the woods and it's freezing and how do you get a negative though they will just they just find enough mistakes to give you negative it's it's freezing. And how do you get a negative though? They will just, they just find enough mistakes to give you negative. It's, it's purely only to demoralize you. If instead of turning it in, I turned in like an apple, would I get a higher score? Cause yeah, potential potentially, but that's not the point of the exercise. The point of the exercise is to, is just to shit down your mouth and see how you respond. And, uh, it's kind of the army as a whole so i was in like the third week of this like feats three and i was known as uh the the school's called denfos the defense information school and i was known as the denfos sleeper because i could not stay awake um i i fell asleep in class every day they would make me stand up and go to the back. I fell asleep standing up, fell onto a wall once, kind of like you did in the closet during the making of RVB season five.

And I went to do an interview with a guy, a very serious interview for my Feats 3. It was a dude who was on a shooting range in the military, and a Marine went nuts and started shooting at people. And this guy had to kill the Marine. He had to shoot him and to defend the other people. It's a guy just like lost his mind on a shooting range. This is in the late eighties probably. And I was interviewing him about this and I kept falling asleep during the interview. Oh my God. But there were two other people that are with me. And so I thought I got away with it. I would like nod off, catch myself, nod enough and wake up.

And when I got home that night or when I got to the barracks that night, I started to transcribe my notes from my little tape recorder. And in the tape recorder, while I was sometimes I was sleeping, he would stop telling the story. And they just start saying shit to me about me being asleep or being an idiot or how it was never going to pass. And then as I started to come back around, he would just effortlessly dive back into the story. And I interviewed the dude for fucking 45 minutes and he never said a word to me. I never knew. I left thinking that was a pretty good interview and I don't think he caught me sleeping at all. And the two people that I was with never said a word to me i wish i still had that tape in the tape he's

just like just making fun of me calling me dumb making fun of my big ears like telling me there's no way i'm gonna pass this class just making up shit and he probably did it like seven or eight times throughout the course of this interview and i got back and i felt like the dumbest motherfucker i was so fucking embarrassed uh and then i passed with like a 74 that's crazy that because you probably heard the entire story you must have kept waking up being like i feel like i'm still on board every time i would like jostle back awake he would just be in the middle of i'd be missing some of it but i cut with context clues it doesn't sound to me like that would be a boring story.

No. No, it wasn't boring at all, dude. I was fucking, I was just tired. I was just, I was sleeping. The concept that you think you could sneakily sleep. Like, when you sleep, there's nothing subtle about sleeping. Not at all. Not at all. You can't hide that. It's so obvious. Like, your

head tilts. Absolutely. Were you, like, facing him in a chair? Yeah. hide that it's so obvious like you your head tilts absolutely you can't were you like facing him in a chair like what yeah he was in a desk and i was the other desk but he was talking to two other people as well and so i'd be like three people isn't a lot you don't get lost in a crowd i know i know i know it sounds ludicrous and i wish i had the tape to go back and play it to you because it sounds impossible i i guess they must have been in on it or he signaled them or to shut the fuck up or something but like when i transcribed that tape it was like it was like my heart fell through my body and then like dribbled out my dick all over my shoes and i just had like bloody

cummy dick heart all over my feet oh my god and i was like i heard that story i never i haven't thought about it since then probably and uh and i was just like there is no fucking way i'm passing the school he's gonna tell my teachers these teachers are really smart and hard uh and i'm fucking done and then i i asked somebody about it later and they were go and they said, Oh yeah, he does that all the time. Uh, people are always falling asleep. We keep you guys so tired that it just, it's common because you know, they're getting you up at like five in the morning and you're like doing like a five mile road march and then you have nine hours of class and then you go do drills

and stuff in the evening and then you get to start writing your paper at like 8 p.m and you have to have and you have to do it till like 3 a.m and then you get three hours of sleep or two hours of sleep and then you do it again you did that for eight months essentially and so they they keep you so like it's almost like scientology right they keep you so sleep deprived you'll believe anything that tape has to be somewhere right i don I don't think so. Maybe. Well, certainly it's somewhere. I have a briefcase full of my old journalism school shit. I can go through it and see if it's there. That would be amazing.

I doubt it would be, but maybe I kept it and didn't realize it. Anyway, that's my 18-year-old f*** face journalism school story that Andrew's Minority Report thing just popped into my head that I probably haven't thought about in 25 years. that Andrew's Minority Report thing just popped into my head that I probably haven't thought about in 25 years. Wherever you're going, you better believe American Express will be right there with you. Heading for adventure? We'll help you breeze through security.

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Visit amex.ca slash yamx. Benefits vary by card. Terms apply. I just want to give you credit. You perfectly tied a bow. You put the train back on the tracks with a Scientology comment. It was perfect. I don't think that was even intentional. You did a great job.

Thanks, man. That's a great transition back. Are we about to go into Scientology? Nah, I have... Going back to the food, if we want to put the train in reverse, I've had... I made a change in my life recently, food-related. Oh, no. And it has been groundbreaking.

You started eating eggs. No, haven't done that yet. Oh no. And it has been groundbreaking. You started eating eggs. No, haven't done that yet. That's not even in consideration. What I did, and let me tell you, this is, you're going to have to stay with me. This is a little, it's a little weird, but it may be the best choice I've made in a long time. I bought myself a waffle maker.

I make morning waffles. Soon as I wake up, I put it in my bathroom. I brush my teeth. I mix a waffle. I have a waffle every day. So you're like a La Quinta Inn. I don't know what that is. It's a hotel famous for their morning waffles.

Make your own waffles. Did you say you put the waffle in your bathroom? I do because the sink is right there and I have the mixer under the sink and then I have the powder. You can't just casually say these things. I'm like properly listening now, all right?

Every time you put it in your mouth, I'm listening to every single word. Are you an insane person? What do you mean? No, no. It's, listen, being able to make a breakfast food from your room is revolutionary. It's maybe the greatest thing I've ever done. I put it in the bathroom because the sink is there.'s maybe the greatest thing i've ever done i put it in the bathroom because the sink is there i put the mix i i put the mix in the container then i add the

water with the sink i stir it up and then i just pour my waffle i got a waffle in the bathroom sink no it's next to the sink i have like a counter it's like a sink it's i probably should move it out of the bathroom that i think that's a moisture area reason that yeah like a bathroom not the most hygienic place if you've got a toilet in there it's like the particles literally it's down by us you're flushing that thing it's going everywhere landing on your waffle machine it's definitely not it's definitely not landing on even even if it did the waffle machine would superheat it away it It's just, it's been a huge change. And I would recommend maybe don't put it in your bathroom, but get a waffle maker, put it somewhere in your room,

get a little bit of Pam. It's great. They're easy to make. It's all of that stuff in the bathroom with the waffle maker. Oh yeah. I got my measuring cup under the sink and then I got the mix in one of the side drawers next to my razors and stuff. I'm going to just, this and stuff. It's fantastic.

This is a bad idea. Okay. A, it's a terrible idea to have food prep in a place of fecal excitation. Everything is very secure. And two, waffles every day, you're going to die. Well, here's the thing. We haven't got to...

I made a mistake here. Let me just first... Let me just bring up... I'm working... I have some pretty fucking cool... This is my waffle maker. It is fantastic. It makes Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle waffles

that are really fucking cool. So it's just a good way to start your morning. First of all, just some joy. It's fucking awesome. It wasn't even that expensive. Can I come out in support of this i i i think the opposite of gavin i think this is ingenious and i think it's efficient and i'm i'm all for it this is just imagining you soaking wet like towel wrapped around you mixing waffle mix taking a dump you get off the waffles are made it's ridiculous no there's the does the

waffle maker make you sing the song to yourself while you're doing it no it's just the whole thing is a joy jeff every part of it i don't even need to sing the song it's fantastic do you keep syrup in there with you no but i have a mini fridge in my room and i put the butter in there so i'm set i'm not a big syrup guy but i got a little bit of butter butter in your bedroom waffles in the bathroom What's in the kitchen shampoo? No, I got a lot actually I'm looking into getting a second waffle maker for my kitchen No, no, no I get way more use out of it my bathroom than I would in the kitchen But it's just sometimes you want a waffle in a kitchen and it's an inconvenience to go all the way to my room to get the waffle maker

and pull it back. It would never happen. How far is your bedroom slash bathroom from the kitchen? It's a different floor, so it's some work. It's some stairs. It requires thought. You gotta think about it if you're gonna go down there. Have you noticed a change in your health since consuming... What is

waffle mix? Like flour and eggs every day? What is it? We're going to get into that. You guys are going to laugh at me. Because some waffle mix, you have to get an egg. Yeah, I mean, I go with ones that don't need eggs. It's often optional. I think he's right.

It's usually you just mix it up with milk or water. Oh, boy. This is... I don't even know how to approach this. You guys are going to laugh. I feel like you're about to admit something that you know is insane to us. Well, did you know that pancake mix and waffle mix are not the same thing? Correct.

I thought that they were because sometimes you see pancake and waffle mix as a joint product. So if you can make pancake and waffle mix, why wouldn't every mix you make be a pancake and waffle mix? What's the point of even having a specific pancake and a specific waffle milk mix? It makes no sense. So I bought I was on Amazon yesterday and I'm running low. I'm running low on some mix and they had a really good deal on. And I thought, you know, it'd be good. I'm really enjoying this. This is a lifestyle change.

I'm just going to buy. I'm just going to buy some some pancake mix, assuming it would work with my waffle maker. And I kind of panic when they show only a few items left. I buy all of them So I house you bought 70 pounds of pancake 10 pounds times 7 did it come on a pallet? God! I bought a child's worth of pancake mix. Dude, that's like a 70-year-old's worth of pancakes.

Yes! Jesus! Here's what you do, man. You just get yourself a hot plate and one pan and a flipper. But I like the turtles. And a spatula. And then you just make pancakes in your bathroom just like you make waffles. Did you think it was ounces?

No, I knew it was 10 pounds but it was a good deal and they only had 7 so I thought if I buy it and I like it then I'll want more. What if they're gone? So I just bought a whole. Like the Krusty's company, it's a limited edition pancake mix. They're like, oh, we're all out for 2020

you have to wait for next year's edition how much was that it was a good deal wasn't that much the problem the problem is i didn't know until after i paid for everything that they're different and so i've been asking people is this okay And I'm getting answers all over the place. I've had people tell me it's going to break my waffle machine because it's too gummy. I've had people tell me it's totally fine. It's all over the place. Well, have you considered just switching to pancakes considering you have 70 pounds of pancake mix? Great point, Gavin.

Fantastic point. I thought that too. They don't make any cool pancake machines. I really like my turtle. No, there's zero turtles pancakes. It's what you do then. Under saturn. You could sort of maybe get a piece of metal, like a brand for a cow that is turtles,

and then just stab the top of your pancake when it's done. That seems like work though. The whole point, I'm making bathroom wafflesaffles you think i want to add additional steps to this this is all about convenience 70 pounds yeah that's the thing a lot of people have said i don't know just try it and see if the pancake mix thing works in the wall also i don't know am i making a waffle or a pancake at that point i'm putting pancake mix in a waffle maker is that a waffle or a pancake you're you're gonna your heart your arteries it's a pain it's a waffle it's a w or a pancake? You're hot. You're arteries. It's a waffled pancake. Okay. I've been calling it a waffle.

The waffle's part of the process, right? You waffle something, so it's a waffled pancake. So you're pretty much teed up for another food challenge. I don't view it that way. This is just a daily joy, and hopefully the pancake mix works. Daily joy for what?

Like two and a half years? How long is it going to take you to eat 70 pounds? That's the other problem. I, uh, I think this- Because it's not 70 pounds of food. You're adding stuff to the mix. It's going to be way more than 70. You're going to be eating like 200 pounds of pancakes. I viewed this as like my lifetime supply of pancake waffle mix.

I figured I'd be good for a long time. I'm never going to have to think about it again. It's fantastic. It's not like honey, though. It's going to expire. Yeah, will it go bad? I'm getting to that. It turns out that the Krusty's buttermilk pancake mix is best before six months from when they made it.

Oh, no! God. is best before six months from when they made it. Oh, no! God. So if I wanted to consume all of my pancake slash waffle within the time it was good, I need to eat a little bit more than 10 pounds a month of waffles.

Could you make 70 pounds of waffled pancakes and then freeze them? That doesn't seem... They'll keep them like a year and a half in the freezer. That's what Eggo waffles are, right? Millie has Eggo waffles. That's a great point. Eggo waffles are a thing.

She pulls them out of the freezer and sticks them in the fucking toaster and boom. You need to open a kitchen or something you're gonna have to get rid of these by giving them away do you have how do you live with family i i mean i could give them the family but it's like once it's 70 pounds of mix that i was very excited about and uh has turned into a problem what's crazy this is this isn't an error this is a face you've done this because you are you and it's funny.

Oh, I was very excited when I made this order that this was a great decision. And then I woke up this morning and thought, I can't believe I bought 70 pounds of mix for a thing that might not turn out. These could be total shit. I'm going to have to try and see what it's like. I've never had a pancake mixed waffle. So it was really. I just don't understand the mindset of it being a good deal. Like, anything in bulk is a good deal.

You could buy 90 kilograms of toothpaste. It doesn't mean it's a good idea. You'd probably be way cheaper. But you've got to store that shit forever. Yeah, but then you just don't think about it. Imagine never having... If you're having a waffle a day, and you all of a sudden just have to...

You don't have to think about where the waffles are coming from. That's a big thing. That's a nice change. I used to be big into the bulk purchases. Like I once bought 200 rolls of toilet paper because I thought, you know, this doesn't go bad. I'll just wipe my ass forever. And that's all fun and games until you have to move house.

And now I'm filling up like four moving boxes with just bog roll it's it's a terrible plan don't even get him started on the fucking boxes and boxes of salmon colored shorts he got off that truck another thing i asked i went to twitter about this and i thought i chef mike is like the only chef i'm aware of that i know that might answer me so i asked chef mike he gave me a little like he gave some insight but then he also just said Chef Mike is like the only chef I'm aware of that I know that might answer me. So I asked Chef Mike. He gave me a little, like he gave some insight, but then he also just said this. And I've got no fucking idea what that means. I have no clue how to translate.

Surprisingly, ketchup will do the trick. Andrew Panton, surprisingly, ketchup. Is he saying add it to the batter? I don't know. I asked, would it work? And he's like, yeah, it's actually, it's fine. And then he just made a second tweet and said, surprisingly, ketchup will do the trick. I got no idea what that means.

Where do I put the ketchup? In the thing. Here's the deal with Chef Mike. I love Chef Mike. I think he's a great dude. Big fan. Consider him a friend. But all of his food advice always comes down to just make ice cream bread. And I don't know what that is but

if you ever get any advice from me he's like yeah yeah and then uh then you make ice cream bread he can say whatever he wants and people listen because he is a chef that is what makes it confusing if anyone else would have said surprisingly ketchup will do the trick i would be unfazed and walk right by but i have no idea what that means but i assume it's a good tip i started watching his youtube videos his shit shit looks delicious. Not his actual feces. The stuff he makes looks damn good. It looks incredibly unhealthy too, which is, I guess, why it looks good.

Was a clarification needed? Was there any thought by anybody that Chef's Mike's YouTube channel was him filming his shit? Did we need the clarification? Chef's Mike? Did you say Chef's Mike? I don't know what I said.

Listen, I'm heated about these waffles and pancakes. I've got a lot going on. I'm really excited to see a picture of them when they arrive. Saturday. It won't take long. Oh, you know, pancake day is coming up. It's a poor fucking Amazon delivery guy. He's going to pull his back out trying to take the palette

of pancakes. He separated it into three different things. It'll be fine. It's not one 70 pound box of batter. Dude, Shrove Tuesday is in three months. I reckon that's your day. That's when you whip them all up. You give them out. Walk out. Give one to the woman in the alley. Everyone's going to be wanting pancakes.

I don't think I could make 70 pounds of pancakes in a day. Not even with your bathroom set up? No. I don't think I could make 70 pounds of pancakes in a day. Not even with your bathroom set up? No, I don't think so. Even if I incorporated the tub, I think that's just not enough. The making of it, the time to cook would be too much. The tub? You gotta mix it all in the bath? Well, if I'm making 70 pounds of fucking pancake mix and I'm in my bathroom, why wouldn't I utilize the tub at that point? I don't think the mixing stage is the bottleneck. I think it's the cooking them stage.

But I just want, you need the rapid. I could just scoop. If I put it in the tub, I get my thing. I just scoop from the tub, pour it in the machine. It's way faster. You should get one of the ores left over from the bathtub races to mix it. And then you should-

They don't use ores. That's absurd. You should- Okay. You should overnight, like three more teenage mutant ninja turtles uh yeah you need more makers so you can start mass producing these things how many outlets do you have in your bathroom two okay well you're gonna need some power strips

because there's nothing safer than a power strip on the floor of a bathroom. If anyone has a waffle maker or pancake maker suggestion, feel free to send them to me. I'm the market for a second. Pancake maker is a pan. It's just a pan. No, they make pancake machines. No, no, no. Andrew, let's think about it this way. What's the first part of the word pancake?

Pan. Yeah. It's because it's made in a pan there's no pancake maker it's just a pan it's a cake and a pan first part of the word is waff waff and you don't make a fucking waffle in a waff i don't i don't get your point that's not a word waff i'm just you're just saying you're putting three letters together and saying that's how you cook it you definitely there are pancake machines you told me the hotel no i said there are waffle i said there are waffle machines no oh maybe you did yeah i've seen pancake but pancake machines definitely exist i've seen things that like will in will just squirt a circle and then they'll go through like a heater yeah yeah yeah you have to

get like an industrial hotel pancake machine is the waffle machine the turtles one is it one of the ones that flips or does it just no no you just pour it in you close the lid you're good to go so you get an uneven cook basically the top the tops are going to be softer it's worth it for the turtle all right is that a teenage mutant ninja turtles or a teenage mutant hero turtles waffle maker? I don't get that joke. What is that joke? When it was on in England originally, ninjas were too violent, I suppose.

Ah, okay. So they named it Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles. And also there were no nunchucks or something. One of the characters' weapons was cut. I didn't know that yeah i actually for christmas one year i got gavin a bunch of teenage mutant hero turtle merchandise from i had shipped it over from england as his present it's true i've still got that stuff and they even changed they like sung the theme tune twice with both versions

we're not allowed to play uh turtles theme tune on here are we eric i think it's a i think it's a safe assumption now he said no absolutely not europe has very strict laws for like what type of content you could be producing on television or airing on television at certain times like one of my favorite sports stories of recent years was there's this mma event calledator, which is like the second biggest promotion. And they were doing their first big show. And they had a card. It was airing in London. I mean, Europe generally.

And every single fight went long. There were no finishes. Every fight was as long as it possibly could, which they didn't project for in the scheduling. And they did it to accommodate North American time. So it went all night. And during the main event, the second round, I want to accommodate North American time so it went all night and during the main event the second round I want to say the five round fight they hit 7 a.m. or I guess it's you can't have violent content on at that time so anyone watching in London immediately had the fight flipped from that to Peppa Pig and they could not reverse it so people had stayed up for hours watching this thing

and they finally get to the main event and it flips to Peppa Pig in the middle of it and they could not see it. Yeah, the Brits used to be, or maybe still are, pretty fussy about violence on the old television. So what does this have to do with Scientology? You gotta sell waffles to the Scientologists? Yeah, I gotta sell waffles to the Scientologists.

That's not the only thing. That's not the only thing. That's not the only change that has happened in my life since we last spoke. We took a week off last week. Because of the show. We did not record last week. From the show. We did not record an episode last week. It will mean nothing to the people listening.

But I missed you guys. I miss you guys a lot. I have a lot of fun doing these. I missed you guys. So I put a thing together. Because it's so fun to these. I missed you guys. So I put a thing together because it's so fun to do. It's a project I've been working on kind of on and off for over a month. I did some community casting. This is going to be an interesting podcast moment where we potentially listen

to a podcast on a podcast. I miss you guys so much. I made a new podcast, very original title, called Fluke Face. It really is just, it came from the heart because I missed you two a lot. I'm trying to, it's still working and getting it on Spotify and iTunes because RSS feeds make zero sense. But we recorded an episode last week when we would typically record and I'll just, did the image not load? Do you guys see the image? I can see it. I see it. It's a fantastic

piece of art that I had made. So here, if you want to listen to a little bit of this, what I did was it's on SoundCloud at the moment. I transcribed our first episode. I had it transcribed. It's essentially word for word. And I casted three people

to play us and they read the script of our first episode it's actually the first time I've ever listened to the show wasn't a bad first episode a little slow but but that's that's fluke face I I got a friend of mine named Evan to be me I casted a friend named Jeff with a J to play Jeff well I just I just tweeted, anyone have a British accent that I could use for a thing? And I took the first person who replied, a woman named Meg, and she did fantastic as Gavin.

What if I'd have replied? That would have been weird, I guess. I think I would have cast you if you were first. Can I start playing this? Yeah, go ahead. You I listen to it now? Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, go ahead. You can listen to it.

It's a thing. It is word for word the transcript of our first episode. It's not the whole episode. It is the whole episode. Oh, I saw 104. I thought that was minutes. It's 104 hours? It is the first episode and there's zero editing.

There's zero editing. So there are some pauses because instead of laughter, because that would be forced whenever there's laughter and it's in the script, they just say laugh. And sometimes a person would miss their laugh and then there would be a long pause where they're waiting for a laugh to happen. It happens a few times. I've got an honest question. Is this better than our original episode? I haven't listened to our actual original episode, so I don't know. I couldn't an honest question. Is this better than our original episode? I haven't listened to our actual original episode, so I don't know.

I couldn't comment on that. Are you okay, Jeff? Yeah, I'm just kind of at a loss. I'd recommend giving it a little listen. It starts a little slow. I'd say it picks up maybe 15 minutes or so in. They get their footing, but it's quite... Us too, by the way. The first 15 minutes of our first they get their footing but uh it's it's quite us us too by the way the first 15 minutes of our first episode was a little rough the person playing me has a really nice voice

that's yeah the meg absolutely killed for literally being the first person who my casting was you replied first you can do it did amazing how did you explain this to they just were they just like okay i'm gonna pause it now because i'm gonna listen to this later. Were they just like, all right, yeah, makes sense? Or were they kind of questioning your motivation? Oh, no, everyone was on board. I knew two of the people already from a long time ago, and Meg was not hard to convince. Are you going to have them record episodes two through 16 and then all the 16s? I thought about it.

That's a lot of work, though. I don't think anyone will actually listen to this it was more of just an exercise of me missing you two and getting to continue to do the podcast that's so sweet that's really sweet I missed you too I was honestly and still am blown away

that we moved the entire podcast for a shelf we were discussing whether we were going to be filming or doing one this week, weren't we? And you and I had a little conversation on Slack, Andrew. Jeff said, I'm good for tomorrow. This was yesterday. I said, I'm okay for tomorrow, but my floor has some fluff on it and I need to vacuum.

So maybe we should move the entire podcast. Andrew said, I also have concerns that a strong breeze might rattle my door. I'll check the weather reports and report back. Jeff said, your jokes mean nothing to me. It was a lot more than that, wasn't it? Also, you guys are acting like we took last week off for the shelves. We moved the podcast two days for the shelves. Last week, I was out of town.

That's true. Yeah, it had nothing to do with, it had nothing to do with the shelving. You got, if you want a bitch that we, we, we had to move the podcast so that I could go to Detroit. You can do that.

But, so this and the last one is the longest gap we've ever had between episodes. Because not only was it a week missed, it was two days earlier than normal. Then, you know what? Since Gavin, you said a nice thing, and Andrew, you obviously missed us terribly, I'm going to say, for the purposes of this podcast,

I missed you guys too. For the purposes of this podcast, I'll say this is nice. Yeah, there you go. That's a nice thing. We're all friends. For the purposes of this podcast. I got to wrap up real soon just because I got to go trade in Gavin's car for a new car.

You're getting rid of it? That's the uncomfortable part. I got to... If you don't know, Gavin won my car in a bet. I've had it for... Six years? Six years now. I got it quite soon after you bought it it was within like three

months and uh i have to i have to it's time and i'm really sorry but on the bright side i guess the ownership transfers to you so you're about to get a really nice new car dude uh what does this mean for my tax return this year do i have to do it we'll have to work that out with the lawyers oh i'm excited that you're getting me a new car i'm really sorry that uh i'm trading in your car without getting your permission but it's pretty much a done deal i didn't even get shots to say goodbye as soon as we as soon as we hang up i'm hopping in your old car and i'm driving it to south austin to say goodbye to it i i really liked when i when i your old car and i'm driving it to south austin to say goodbye to it i i really liked when i when i owned that car and i still lived with you because

i'd walk by it like to get to my little studio i'd walk past it and be like that's my car oh by the way uh by the way millie uh who is 15 and has a learner's permit, has driven your car now infinitely more times than you will ever drive that car or your new car that I'm picking up today for you, probably. I gotta get a license. I can't have Millie beat me to a driver's license. You got like seven or eight months before you're fucked. Easy.

I'll be driving before Andrew finishes his pancakes. Oh, easy. I'll be driving before Andrew finishes his pancakes. Oh, definitely. Well, congrats. I'm happy for you. Thanks. I realized today when I was making the deal that I hadn't actually asked your permission to trade your car in. I'm not lying.

I was at the dealership going, I feel a little shitty about this. I thought, oh, I'll just gloss over it really fast in the podcast and move on. That's amazing. Yeah. By the way, 2020, great time to put a bunch of money into buying a new car.

Wouldn't be doing it if it was at all possible, but I gotta be honest with you, man. Your car kind of fell apart this year. Kind of a piece of shit. Didn't it fall apart like a year ago as well? I feel like you've been dealing with this car dripping apart for ages.

Your car's been a bit of an issue. What finally did it for me was two days ago, I went out to go run some errands and your car wouldn't start. And I had to call a guy. I was going to have him tow it. And he was like, no, no, no, it just needs to jump. Your battery's fine. So he jumped it. And I drove it around for a couple hours to let the battery charge up. And then yesterday morning, I woke up and went to similarly take your car to go run some errands. And it was deader than dead.

And I called the dude and I said, take it to the dealer. And then I just drove to another dealer. And I said, I'm going to buy a new car. I have a piece of shit at another dealership getting its battery replaced. I'm trading it in and I'm done with it. It was like two dead batteries in two days was too much for me.

It proves how good a friend you are though, because you've put a lot of money into my car over the years. Dude, I had to put $10,000 into your car this summer that I'm never getting back when they had your car for two and a half months at the dealer. That was like,

that was the straw that broke the camel's back when they had your car for two and a half months and I took it in to get the air conditioner fixed and it cost over $10,000. And then, and then, oh, it's $10,000. And then... A money pit.

Oh, it's a huge... It was a perfect car for like five years. And then when it hit the wall, it just hit the wall super hard. And then, yeah, the two dead batteries in two days was just too fucking much. I got that kind of mad

where you don't yell or get angry. You just... Your entire body catches on fire, and you you're burning and you get real calm. And I just I took an Uber in the pandemic. I took an Uber to a dealer and I just walked around and I was like, I want that car. He was like, all right, man. There is something impressive about you, Jeff, that has been consistent the entire time I've known you. And that is it takes you like 10 seconds to

buy a car. You will just be like, need a car, and then you'll just have one that day. You won't have any thought. You'll be like, oh, I want a BMW. You come back with an Audi or something. It's like, oh, I didn't really want one that bad. How did you know I'm trading the Audi for a BMW? Are you following me, really?

That's amazing. That's amazing. That's amazing. You like your German engineering. I do. I do. And part of it is in response to everybody that we know getting a Tesla. You just want to keep burning petrol. Yeah, I just want to roll coal all day long.

No, I just don't want to drive the same car as every single friend I have. I feel like I'm in some sort of A weird car club. I haven't seen like a lot of Tesla Roadsters. You get one of them. Yeah, I'm just I'll buy one They're only like 250 grand or something. I have a I have a hate. Well. I'd listen I did That's never gonna happen. I'm never gonna pay a house for a car. That's fucking ludicrous I only buy used I when I buy your coat when I buy you new happen. I'm never going to pay a house for a car. That's fucking ludicrous. I only buy used. When I buy you new cars, I only get them used.

I'm buying you a very nice 2019. Maybe next week we could bet you a house. No, fuck, dude. To fucking hell. But, no, I want to move, I want to join the electric revolution, but I just, Elon Musk is so gross, I just can't.

You don't have to get a tesla there's loads of electric cars yeah yeah i know but they're all pretty fucking expensive and i want to wait till like the next generation dude have you guys seen i'm not a fan of hummers uh i had to drive home these in the army they are not fun but uh that have you guys seen the commercial for that new fucking hummer that's coming out that electric hummer with a thousand horsepower that's coming out in like two years you can already pre-order it. No. I can't remember the last time I saw a car commercial. It was on during the World Series. It crab locks where it's fucking crazy. Watch the video. It's like it moves all of its wheels. What? Yeah. Yeah. It like it

shows it trying to go up a hill and then it encounters a rock. And instead of like it just drives sideways around the rock and then forward it was it's the fucking weirdest thing so parallel parking is done it's just perpendicular parking yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah 100% that's exactly correct is that what you needed Gavin is this the technology

that has held you back from getting your license we finally innovated to the point where you feel confident I mean parallel parking sucks ass. Especially on a hill. It's not, it's mechanically not that bad, though, once you learn it. Well, I did learn to drive. I have done it.

I just didn't get a license. Also, all the fucking cars now that come out, like, in the last two or three years, you just hit a button, and it goes, parking spot detected. Parking for you, idiot. It doesn't. Yeah, maybe this is it. just i was just waiting for car tech yeah i think i think car tech has caught up with you finally i wonder if you could use it to really violently change lanes yeah there it is the hummer ev jesus christ it's like a side swipe in a video game get kart racer just hit a button and it like launches to the other lane that's way

cooler than that cyber truck oh it is way cooler than the cyber truck eric said it's like you can paint it like halo or saints row it is absolutely like the ludicrous vehicles you get in saints row three and four that just do dumb shit speaking of saints row i didn't realize until i went to california the first time that those freaking like kneecapper things that stick out of rims are real. People drive on the roads with those. What's that about? What are they for? That's the thing here more than back

home. I've seen them mainly in California. You've seen Saints Row, right? That's what they're for. How is that road legal? There are some laws about cars where it's like well you can't have a light uh this bright underneath the car door because of safety but you can have a freaking spinning piece of metal that sticks out like a foot

from the car insanity no no i have an ejector i think a lot of them are illegal actually and people just don't give a shit same way like you can only get your window tinted so dark you know but people don't care they just blow through that and get it like limo tinted and then like you play the percentages like what are the odds you're gonna get pulled over and get it is an ejector seat possible okay oh my god that is absurd dude emily's dog is farting so bad i can't take it oh have you done any fart cameo yet only farts oh i haven't started only farts yet i need to get on that i really do uh when i was listening back to the other episode where andrew was lying to our faces or maybe it was the one after that uh you you played a fart that was like broccoli and what was it i don't know what it was it was

like two food items like broccoli and brussels sprouts I don't know what it was. It was like two food items. It was like broccoli and Brussels sprouts or something. But it sounded exactly like the double-barreled fart from the fart machine. You know, like that classic sound bank of farts. It was like, it was exactly like that. Thanks, man. That was, it was a good one.

I've been having trouble capturing my farts lately. I mean, it's actually, I've been thinking, I obviously don't have the technical expertise to do something like this, but if somebody out there does, I'm dealing with a real problem, which is when I realize I have one in the chamber, I get excited, right? And I hold it for a second and I go and I grab my phone and I have a, I swipe down to

hit record, voice record. And then by the time I get it over to my butt, my butt gets like fart fear or something. And it's like, it's something psychological that I can't work out and I'm having a real trouble like seven out of ten times if I by the time I go through that process which is very quick my butt's like no I've changed my mind and it eats the fart and then I don't fart at all or it gives me like a really lame fart I was thinking somebody should develop like a belt or something you can wear that essentially works like xbox does when something cool happens in a video game and you hit the jewel and you go record the previous 30 seconds like you should be able to do that where you like rip an awesome

fart out of the blue and then you can just like hit a button and it records the last 30 seconds of your butt you can easily do that yeah you just need like an audio recorder that yeah it has like a ram buffer or something, like a loop. And then you can save your backdate your farts. I was going to say, the technology exists and it's not in belts. I don't know why you're thinking about belts for this. Well, I don't want to put it in my butt. No, you have pockets.

You certainly have pockets. Yeah, I don't know if that would muffle the fart sound. Listen, you guys both sound really smart and really clever. I will be the first person to sign up for your GoFundMe. I think the answer is boxes with an additional layer of fabric

and between your asshole layer and the outer layer sits a small condenser mic and we'll just plug it into something in your pocket. I will donate $1,000 to your GoFundMe if you can get that made. Why am I making it?

Because you're the one that had the brilliant idea, the dual-layered fucking fart mic thing. I presented the problem, and you're coming up with a solution. You're a... Look at what you did with Slow Mo Guys. I have the ultimate faith that you can do... You could make this fart mic.

The re-fart is what you... You don't have to call it that. You can call it whatever you want. You're a clever kid. I don't know. I feel like I'm more of an ideasman than a maker. I feel like Andrew, the one with the kitchen bathroom, he's the innovator here with the tech.

I think we should combine forces. How about this? Gavin and I will be the money men. We will be the silent partners that fund your very unsilent machine. The problem is I don't like pants. I'm not a pants guy. So this goes against my moral code. Eric says we're the silent partners.

I don't own any pairs of pants. I don't like pants. You don't wear pants. You wear shorts only? Shorts only. Always. Yeah, but you still have to wear underwear. Yeah, but I don't know what that has to do with pants oh i guess if it's what are you doing sorry in my head i was still thinking the belt idea i

had forgotten that we'd moved on to the underwear system well no you said it would go through the pants that's what my confusion was you said the charge would loop through the pants i guess that could be short so it doesn't have to be yeah just cut a hole in the pocket yeah you'll figure it out you're smart. Why don't you... Do you wear boxes? Yeah. Okay. I don't know what you have against...

You live in Canada, too. Don't you want to have, like, warm shins occasionally? Nah, it's fine. I don't mind the cold shins. It's claustrophobic. I don't like pants. It's a lot of work.

Pants are so much more work than shorts. It makes no sense. Why would anyone go with pants? You have to get them hemmed. I would with pants? You have to get them hemmed. I would assume weather. You have to get them hemmed. Who's buying trousers with the bottoms unhemmed? You gotta, there's adjustments. I always feel like there's a whole process with

pants. You buy the pants. They don't quite fit right. You have to go, you have to take them to a person. They put pins in the pants. It's a whole thing. Just buy shorts. I'll go one up. Shorts are worthless. Buy fucking, buy swim trunks. Then you're ready for a pool party. 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year.

Do you only buy like suit trousers? Why are you getting these? Just buy a pair of jeans or something. I've never bought jeans. I don't know. They're pretty simple. You buy the jeans and you put them on. If you need a belt and you put them on.

If you need a belt, you wear that too. I want to figure out a way to fund the day, Andrew's big day, where he wakes up and he puts on his first pair of blue jeans and then eats eggs. That sounds terrible. And then we'll do like four other things. We'll do four other things you've never done. It'll be like Andrew's one big day

where he tries all the stuff he's never tried like jeez andrew you're getting like denim you're getting weirder by the week this was a weird one for you it was it was great content there was three really weird things you said this episode i think all of them are reasonable and if you attempted them what were the weird things the the waffle thing I think if you tried a breakfast waffle from your room setup, you'd be on board. It's a great idea. I agree. I don't have the space to put... I've got like no surfaces. Waffle makers aren't big.

You just need a counter. I'm probably going to move it to my end table. I'm going to sleep next to my waffle machine. A counter's got like a toothbrush and toothpaste and a razor. Yeah, move it out of the bathroom. You don't even need it in the bathroom. Just put it in your room somewhere. Dude, you know what you should do while you're at it? You should figure out a way to tie your waffle maker

to your alarm clock. So like five minutes before your alarm goes off, it turns on the waffle maker and it starts cooking your waffle. And then you probably get woken up by the smell even before the alarm. This is totally doable. How do I get the mix in? Well, you can pre-pour it the night before.

That seems like it would be bad. Wouldn't it be terrible, the mix? I don't feel like the mix would last. Wrap the whole thing in like a cellophane bag or something. Once again, the key thing with all my ideas is lack of effort. You're adding effort to this. It ruins it. It's not adding effort.

You're putting the mix in either way. Just try it. I bet it keeps overnight. No, but he's saying to put a bag in it. He's done. Don're putting the mix in either way. Just try it. I bet it keeps overnight. No, but he's saying to put a bag in it. He's dumb. Don't put a bag in it. That was a joke suggestion. Before you go to bed.

Fucking do it tonight, Andrew. Do it in your bathroom. Before you go to bed, pour some waffle mix in. Go to sleep. Wake up in the morning. Click it on. Do a taste test. See how it compares to a fresh waffle.

See if there's a difference. Okay. I'll live dangerously. It's just waffle mix and water, right? That's all you're doing? Yeah, It's just waffle mix and water, right? That's all you're doing? Yeah, it's just waffle mix and water. Yeah, so I don't think that the water is going to activate it in a way that's going to make it go bad.

Yeah, I think this is doable. You could even, if you don't want to have it to an alarm, you could put it on one of those smart switches with a phone app and you just flick it on with your phone when you wake up. That is a great idea. Yeah. I think that would be a practical way of doing it. I have one more thing I feel like I should say before we will say jeff's gotta go and sell my car though it'll be brief

it's just a quick it's a quick thing it was another big life change and this one it hurts my soul to report this i am no longer a judge i've been i've been stripped of my judging abilities. That was short-lived. It was very short-lived. Oh, it goes deep, though. So one night after the podcast came out, which I revealed I had joined the judges, that I lived amongst them, I received a random email. I'll just read it word for word from one Blake Longfellow. Greetings. It has come to our attention that you have entered into the hired judge pool of judges with dishonorable intentions. This dishonor is evident in your self-evaluation of yourself as an A-grade judge in every single category,

despite probably not knowing what most of these events are. The hired judge staff pride ourselves in providing high-quality judges for competitions across the country and it has been deemed that you do not meet the criteria for judge assignment. Thus you will be, then it just ends, we wish you and the whole F*** Face crew the best of luck in your future endeavors. Best regards, Blake Longfellow, Hired Judge Founder." So that was upsetting. So like the main guy, even though he knows who you are from face. Yeah, it's still

Judge them no tolerance for it at all. I was hurt It was a person you just lied on the test you just aced the test Oh, it says you can give yourself your own evaluation So yeah, I just put my an A for everything and I said that in the episode so I thought I guess he heard it And you know what that's whatever I think it would have been fun to keep me there I think I'm a good judge, but they stripped me now. Here's the real controversy I got sources and the judging I got I got ears everywhere and hired judge calm and I got sent another email What happened it wasn't that he listened and he found out about it. We have a rat

Somebody ratted to him directly and told him that I had snuck in to... A listener? A listener emailed in. This is what a listener said. A user named Andrew Panton recently, and then in quotations, became a judge on your website. He is from a semi popular podcast called F*** Face

and recently had a dispute that was solved by one of the judges on your site. He is a sneaky little eel and often does things like this. Wanting to get his way onto a website such as yours clearly goes against the principles you stand for. So I suggest you kick and block him. Feel free to let him know who reported him too. It'll make podcast content.

Either way, he shouldn't be able to abuse your website for his own selfish and dishonorable purposes. If he's already been reported, feel free to ignore this. Have a good day. F***face fan won't say their name. You've been stabbed in the back by a fan with the pencil you refuse to eat. Dude, that's definitely a pencil guy, isn't it? That's a pencil.

That is. That is an upset. Yes, that is an upset pencil guy uh blake replied thank you for bringing this to our attention we're familiar with andrew and his dishonorable antics he has been removed from all higher judge databases of judges and will be marked on our blacklist so i'm on the higher judge blacklist i went from i went from the highest standing of judge to being blacklisted from the entire community. I'm banned.

What do you think the chances are that that blacklist has one name on it? Very high. Very high. I don't even know. Can you have a list of one? I think overall that's awesome news, though, that we're semi-popular. That's great. Yeah, I'll take that.

I'm glad you could take that from that. I'm in shambles over here. No honorable still gonna call myself honorable but the official title is gone i feel like that was a great podcast there's no better way to end it than uh you know the loss of andrew's judge hood there's also one more loss that i'd like to mention andrew is that someone beat your final garfield time, it seems. I saw that. I didn't know that. And that's the one that you were like, no one's ever getting that one.

Yeah. You think there's a reason I fell to waffle, to breakfast waffles every day? I went to a dark place, Gavin, between the judge stripping my title and losing Garfield. It's been a rough time, but the waffles are bringing me back I don't think you can I don't think you should stand for that Andrew I think you should bin your waffles you should get back into Garfield smash everyone back the greatest origin story ever of a guy just throwing his teenage mutant

Ninja Turtles waffle maker off his balcony and then playing Garfield take your 70 pounds of waffle mix and dump it in the nearest harbor. You're gonna make like a Rocky montage with the 70 pounds of waffle mix? You should trade it for lasagna. Get back in that game, buddy. Yeah, I never really like lasagna. It's probably a thing I shouldn't admit.

Never really into it. It's okay. It's just okay. It's alright. It's a fine food. I think a good ravioli kicks a lasagna's ass any day of the week, but I'm not going to kick a lasagna out of bed. I don't think I've had a ravioli. Oh, God. We'll put it on the jeans egg day.

We've got to have, like, the first day, if we ever record this podcast in real life together, all three of us as friends, we should just have a food episode where you eat all the shit you've never eaten that is normal for people to eat. And we'll just get your opinions on them. Okay. Like gooseberries. Yeah, gooseberries. I'll bring the gooseberries. I'll bring you a turnip root. A gooseberry looks like a grape that wants to be a melon. It was a very confusing photo. It's like a sour, hairy grape. It seems very confused in what it wants to be. hairy grape. It seems very confused in what it wants to be.

Uh, alright, well, I'm gonna go, uh, I'm gonna go get rid of Gavin's car. Okay. Goodbye, old friend. Don't worry, you're getting a shiny new car that you'll like even more, I promise. Ah, does it have any good features? The new one? It's got everything to the 2013

note, I know that, but it's got all the features that were invented in the last seven years that the 2013 didn't have sweet well that'll do it for F*** Face don't forget to check out store.roosterteeth.com or the description below to get the new Gerple shirt oh yeah we should have talked about Gerple

like comment and subscribe tell a friend about F*** Face it's a podcast that's really hard to describe and when people say what is this you just go I'm not I don't know so check it out and we'll see you next time hey eric can i have a freaking shirt at some point can i get the gop can i get the face shirt yeah i've i've i've asked uh i've asked the store team again to uh send them so hopefully there's one this week sweet yep so you seemed really mad about that but i was already taking care of it. So we'll see you next time

on F*** Face. Bye. Bye-bye.