Regulation Podcast - Sanded Down Meal Cube // Peeing In The Bean Hole [183]

Episode Date: December 6, 2023

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about the Lost island, Tony Soprano, who’s to blame for the lack of asshole waxing, the horse with a hole, the Musk and Bezos boxes, perving on the files, weird pet names, cat Eric, the joke book, Andrew’s memory of Cirque du Soleil, wasted experiences, sushi quality, Gavin’s not a taste guy, protein bricks, the sanded down meal replacement pill, the complications of eating wings, Crash Bandicoot, Geoff’s lack of bladder control, backyard pee zones, the most difficult glory hole, getting gizmo’d, arson and more. Subscribe to the LetsPlay channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkxctb0jr8vwa4Do6c6su0Q Sponsored by BetterHelp http://betterhelp.com/face , HelloFresh http://hellofresh.com/facefree code facefree , Gamer Supps https://gamersupps.gg code FACE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How's that asshole feeling? Uh, my asshole feels fine. I had some really, I was telling Eric earlier, I had some pretty heinous farts yesterday, but my asshole's fine. That's what you expected, Andrew. What did you think was wrong with my asshole? Just from all the spicy food and stuff? Lack of waxing is mainly my issue.

Oh. Well, yeah, my asshole feels hairy. I wish it was waxed, but unfortunately, we can't seem to get that done. Which I think is my fault. Yeah, I'm... Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. I mean, I just

took the blame for it yeah not in the order of operations it should have gone what does that mean took the blame is maybe strong you said it might be no fucking kidding what is that I just said I think it's my fault

that we're not getting our asshole waxed that's the second part of what you said after leveling it clearly not on yourself what does that mean oh my god just now just now i said hello and then i said my asshole is dirty you're rewinding too far at first you wouldn't go far enough and then you went too far that's ridiculous what was the first part i said ridiculous ridiculous oh for some reason we can't get that done yeah i agree and then big beat big beat big beat oh i think

that's actually my fault yeah yeah i mean that's how it works i was like oh yeah we can't get that done for some reason and then i thought why can't we get it done then i realized i was the problem and then i took ownership of it i really don't see what i mean there's some odd criticism for a guy who just took the bullet uh willingly no no you didn't you did not shot the bullet gun took the right around the block and then jumped in front you put your hand up and said i might take the bullet you didn't you didn't take the bullet you offered my god up for bullet taking. Hold on a second. Hey, what's up, everybody? Hey, what's going on, Jeff?

Not much, just hanging out. Hey, did I mention recently for no reason out of the blue that if we don't get waxed this week, it's my fault? Just want everybody here to know. Oh, that's good. We got that on tape, right? That's good. That's a big stupid deal for some dumb fucking reason that you guys are all upset about no nobody's upset yeah i don't think

anybody's mad i am now i got fucking assaulted when i walked into this what are you fuck you what are you talking about no no no remember hang on no what did i do remember you said hello yeah then here we are I said hello and then asked about your asshole then you got really mad for some reason Gavin's late oh he is late oh my god do you think Gavin knows we're doing this I doubt it Jeff that

delivery was like such a grizzled action star what you just did that oh my god that was great I'm gonna kill all these Aliens I mean if they're named Andrew Oh I mean we know that

It's not a question of will you Choke them out Drown me in pickle juice I thought Somebody was gonna try to do a pickle juice chug When I saw the pickle juice Andrew if it was something else I think I could probably do The pickle juice. I thought somebody was going to try to do a pickle juice chug when I saw the pickle juice jar. Andrew, if it was something else, I think I could probably do it. The pickle juice.

Oh, the pickle juice. I can't. It's just so brutal. It's not for me. It seems like a thing that people either hate or love. There's no one's indifferent on pickle juice. Love it. I hate it. How do you feel about it? Love it. I hate it. I'm not a fan. Love it. I hate it. How do you feel? Love it. I hate it.

I'm not a fan. Love it. Do you want me to text Gavin or does somebody else want to text Gavin? Should I text the group? I mean, you're the producer. I will.

I thought we were going to get a sharp Gavin today. Yeah, I text him. I said, how is your sleep? He said, good. I don't understand why when I got. I said, how was your sleep? He said, good. I don't understand why when I got into the chat, everybody was already spicy.

Like what, what did I miss in the pleasantries? No, I, I, I had the, I had the spice. I had a lovely morning with Eric.

We, we already did a podcast together. It was great. Yeah, it was fantastic. It's totally fine. We, then you have to think about,

so if the factor was me and you, and that was super positive, you have to think about what other things, what other elements got added here. Is it Gracie? Oh. Gracie's been pretty quiet, so I don't think it's Gracie. I wasn't quiet before you got here. Oh.

See, there you go. See, spicy. Gavin didn't accept the invite. Gavin didn't, well, yeah, but Gavin didn't accept the invite Gavin didn't yeah but Gavin didn't accept the invite is on par with his tenure here at the company but I remember Gavin saying yeah

oh that was really good Gavin that was I mean that was really good well I've heard that no yes about 3,000 times in my career with Gavin. Do you think this is the episode that we're doing right now? I don't know.

It depends on if Gavin shows up or not. If he doesn't show up, then no, this is nothing. But if he shows up, probably. Okay, but what if he does show up? No, it's something. We've gone too far for it to be nothing. It's only been three minutes. So is Andrew mad that we haven't waxed our assholes

yet and he's waxed his pubes is that what's good is that what i'm is that what i'm walking i wanted to i wanted to just see where we're at with it i think the audience is really excited for the bit we were gonna do it tuesday afternoon but i can't make it tuesday afternoon because i have wedding stuff yep yeah everything just got it like we just have to move there's like a lot this week that we won't be able to get to because of that that's why again that's why we're recording on like a monday but uh yeah we have there he is the latest boy we've ever seen it's harder to be on time to the changed the changed days what's the same time though i like i agree it's a different day but it is the same time yeah I just my alarm was on the other day oh but I did text you earlier about it I did

check your sleep I did say we'd get a lightning-fast Gavin and that is not the case if it makes you feel any better I was at this exact desk just not in here why were you at the do. Were you editing slow-mo guys or something? I was. Yeah. How are you doing, Gav? You slept well? You feeling okay? Yeah. I feel like I need to apologize for my last two episodes.

No! No, no. Not at all. Maybe for the moment in between the two episodes when you yelled at us when you found out we were doing two, even though you already knew. No, no, I yelled at you after the second one when you said that we didn't have to have done two because we're doing this one right now. You could potentially

apologize for leaving delicious McDonald's outside of your door for an entire evening. I mean, if you want to apologize for things. Did you leave your McDonald's outside your door for an entire evening? Well, I didn't know you'd sent it. Even after I thanked him for sending the McDonald's in our group chat?

I just didn't know what you were talking about. God forbid you ask. Yeah, you just didn't reply at all. I assumed you had 10,000 cameras on every angle of your home, so I just figured't reply at all. I assumed you had 10,000 cameras on every angle of your home. So I just figured you would see via like a ring or something. Oh, somebody dropped something off. If you get within 100 yards of his house with a cucumber, seven alarms go off.

Exactly. Apparently a McDonald's employee can walk right up and tuck it right in. I think it was hidden behind the giant stack of bubbly. Nick, I would have sent you cheeseburgers too from McDonald's, but I don't know your address, which is probably smart, but I don't know where you live, so I can't do that. But I did send them to Gavin or Jeff.

I know your address, Nick, and I would have given it to him had he asked. What you've just leveled to Nick is such a double-sided sword. You are saying I will send you free cheeseburgers and he wants that so desperately but no but the but the what negative may come to you yes is very he has to be nervous about it i would well that's that's why i've never asked for your address eric or nick's

address because i understand that there is a a that extends. It's not a simple question. Yeah, you get a happy meal, but instead of a regular happy meal, the burger is in a giant pink port-a-potty. No! That's hard to dispose of. I like to Eric's use of the famous saying, a double-sided sword. A double-sided, I couldn't

think of the phrase. I was like, man, I'm grasping at straws here. I'm like falling apart. You know what happens is that we change it to a different day, and that can be hard on people. A different day throws everything off. That's a real both sides of the same coin phrase there. He's grasping at double-edged straws.

Yep. It's real Alyssa in the pool. Yeah. I forgot about that. Both sides of the same coin, right? Colin Smee Shmee. It's perfect. This is episode 183, by the way.

Thank you. Real zazzle of an episode. Well, so far, it's been an interesting one. I'm not sure when it started. I got to say, Gav, I walked into it, and they were feisty that we haven't waxed our assholes yet. They were feisty towards Eric because we haven't waxed our assholes yet? Eric was feisty towards me for some reason

because I didn't accept blame hard enough. I think we all accepted the fact that the ball was dropped by Eric two weeks ago. Whoa, the ball was dropped by Eric? Listen, I don't want to. Yeah, we went through all this. Yeah, we did. I didn't mean to pull the pin on this. Yeah, you did.

No, no, no, you did. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You did. I was trying to turn it. No, you did. It doesn't matter. No, you did it. You did exactly what you meant to do.

No, no. No, this is what you meant to do. This is exactly what it was. This is exactly what it was. We all knew exactly what it was. About how Eric's overextended right now, and he's maybe got too much on his little plate there. No, no, because we had a day and a time locked in for this week.

Unfortunately, we're unable to do it, and there's people who are unavailable in the coming days and perhaps week. So yeah, Jeff knows what he did. It's fine. It's okay. It's fine. It's fine.

Anyway, Gab. Episode 183 of the F*** Face podcast. Wow, guys. Did you believe what we've done so far? Season 2-2. Anyway, Gab, I just wanted to let you know if you notice anything being a little off. People are a little prickly today for some reason.

Since you got in a little late, I wanted to make sure you were aware of that. Just like how Gooch's will be in a month? A month? That's optimistic. Dude, I'm so ready to get my asshole waxed. I can't even tell you.

I can't even tell you. I'm so ready. I'm so ready. Do it to meed I don't even I can't even tell you no you're not I can't even tell you I'm so ready I'm so ready do it to me right now do it to me right now wax my asshole right now I just don't even know what to say to that yeah I don't know I don't it's really yeah I mean really I guess I mean I would say it's a bluff

but I just don't even know what to do there's something fearful about a man yelling wax my asshole right now to himself i'm just i'm intimidated oh hold on let me look pull up my notes for today uh okay here's my notes for today okay that was it i don't have any what do you guys i have a note i have a question for you jeff okay i think i've been thinking about this we were yeah filming something and it was immortality which is going to come out soon, which I'm very excited about. And I talked about that.

You have to view like the game world as our world, like it's a shared history. And then you said that you view all fiction through that lens already. Like, that's just how you interpret stuff you consume. Unless I'm told otherwise by the author or pretty quickly, I assume anything that I'm reading exists in my timeline. So my question is, does that mean you inject yourself into every story that would fall under that category? Like you're not part of the story, but you're in that world? I guess in some sense yes that uh that

would that that tracks yeah it's just such a weird thing to like watch i don't know like entourage and be like yeah i'm in this universe i i could i could show up right behind vinnie chase at any moment unfortunately i've never seen an episode of entourage so i don't know you're not missing anything at this about that one but uh but like, have I ever thought like, watching Lost, could I end up on the island? Yeah. Of course. I love that. Isn't that why we watch stuff?

To get invested in stories? No. Not for myself. I like the escapism, but a part of escapism is that I'm not there yeah I can appreciate it on that level too but man I love to

think about like how I would interact with a world or yeah absolutely those are two different things because I agree with that like thinking about how I'd interact with a world is funny the way that you're setting it up to me is hilarious of like watching Lost being like oh I wonder if I'm gonna show up this season will i be there i could be

there no i'm not wondering if i got cast and lost and didn't know about it unfortunately i do i do know about it because i'm me i didn't get cast and lost but i'm just saying like if you're watching lost you never and the plane crashes or whatever and you never think like oh i fly to australia sometimes hope i don't end up on that island you've never just thought about that before like like it exists in our world right now no because it takes place during our time i've never worried about crashing onto the lost island can i just be honest with you yes please i i honestly and please don't take this the wrong way i feel really sorry for you no that's fair that's fine i i feel like i get a i feel like i get a much more fun and explorative uh relationship with content if i i feel like there's a whole angle i get to enjoy

that you don't and that just seems sad to me no i appreciate it that's very fair yeah i mean i definitely think that i i put myself in certain situations and just like little thoughts but i don't feel like i'm constantly there. I don't watch The Sopranos and think oh man Tony Soprano might whack me. Like that's it's a show that I'm watching and enjoy. Oh yeah you live in Canada what would he be doing up there? That's a great point.

That is the biggest hole. That is the biggest hole in that happening. Yeah god damn. I mean you've been to New Jersey Jeff. I lived in New Jersey for a year. Yeah, I mean, that's pretty dangerous. Tony Sopranos might whack you. I was never worried about getting whacked by the character.

But if you're asking if when I lived in New Jersey, I didn't think constantly about the mafia and construction dudes and dudes and like that whole world. Of course I did. Every time you drive by and you see like a you see like a landfill and somebody dumping stuff. You're like, but there's bodies in that. I mean, like that's what living in New Jersey is. Right.

But I don't think that's what he's asking you. I think he's asking about specifically Tony Soprano, the TV show. Yeah, the character. No, I was never worried about. No, I'm never. No, I wasn't worried about Tony Soprano. You can't act like that's a ridiculous question when you just said you've never thought about crashing onto the Lost Island.

It's the same thing. I guess. Those are the exact same. I guess, yeah, sure. I feel like the Lost Island is a little more, I feel like the Lost Island is a little more of a fantastic playground, whereas The Sopranos was sort of a rooted

in reality crime drama you know that's true i feel like there's there's like there's less room for experimental play in your brain when a show is that uh believable and grounded in reality whereas lost is a made-up island in the middle of the ocean that has magic things happen to it so it does it seems a little less weird for me to have a daydream where I end up on the island and get to experience the smoke monster or whatever.

That seems a little more, I feel like, I feel like it's, I don't know, more excusable because I don't think any of it's inexcusable, but I feel like it makes

a little more sense for me to, for my mind to play in that world than it would for me to be worried about big pussy killing me when I'm not looking.

Gavin, were you ever, were you ever excited to hang out with Mr. Bean or what? He met him. I didn't think it would ever happen. I still think it won't, but it would be amazing. Imagine hanging out with Mr. Bean. You met him at the grocery store.

I mean, he wasn't in character. Oh, I see. You met Roland Atkinson. I met Roland Atkinson. I met Rowan Atkinson. I was with his kid, and he was just being a normal dad. Oh, he wasn't going to dare, and then ducking into things? I feel like I'm being made fun of, but I really don't know why, because I don't know what I've done.

I think you're very defensive today, Jeff. I mean, this and the asshole waxing thing. I think you're on guard. I don't think you're as waxed as you think you are. I mean, this and the asshole waxing thing, I think you're on guard. I don't think you're as waxed as you think you are. I mean, play back the pleasantries. I got attacked walking in. Not at all. I did. I got attacked, Gavin,

because I said, oh yeah, they were talking about the asshole waxing. Andrew asked how my asshole was, and I said, it's fine. Why? And I thought he meant the spicy food that I had to eat on Extra Life, because I did have, like, you know, I had spicy food that I had to eat on Extra Life because I did have like you know spicy food ass for a day and he was like no is it about the waxing

and I was like oh yeah I guess we can't do that this week for some reason and then I thought about it for a second and I said oh I guess I'm the reason and then Eric jumped on me for not recognizing that I was the reason faster and he's like you drove around the block before you accepted responsibility even though I accepted responsibility and it's like you shot the you drove around the block before you accepted responsibility. Even though I accepted responsibility.

And it's like, you shot the gun, went around the block, and then went, I should get in front of that thing, I guess. How late was Gavin to this podcast? Four minutes. I'll be back in four minutes. Oh my god. Are you guys good with gross shit? Yeah. Because I'm not good with it and someone uh put on

put on the subreddit that when i was talking about how cool it'd be to have a dog with a handle and they posted this video of a horse i didn't look at it did you look at it no i was too grossed out apparently a horse just has like a hole straight through it and i was wondering if anyone could tell me more about it without uh yeah to look. I can't do that either. I can't look at it. I have to hide it. How do I hide this thing? I can't look at this fucking horse.

Okay, so for the audience, it's some sort of illness this horse has, I think, but it's got a hole right through its neck. You can see all the way through, and I just don't know how the horse is alive. Is all of its important stuff going around the hole? Was it born with a hole? It's crazy.

It's kind of got a handle. Didn't they think in Ghostbusters that you could drill a hole through your head? Uh. I'm pretty sure that was a. In Ghostbusters. I'm pretty sure that that was one of the, like, the jokes that they'd. Egon had convinced himself that he could drill a. You could drill a hole through the side of your head.

And then they were like. They referenced it as if something that they'd stopped him from doing in the past. And then that was also what that movie Pi was about. You are right. That is, I just looked it up, and that is a joke in Ghostbusters. I don't remember that at all. How weird.

I don't want to look at this horse anymore. Make this go away. Can you delete the horse? Yeah. Thank you. I don't like it. You guys said you were great with gross stuff, so I just thought... Andrew, did anyone say that they were great with gross stuff? He's in his four-minute height. Oh, he really left. Oh, he's gone.

I thought maybe he would step out. Okay, I see. He doesn't want to work one minute harder than Gavin does. I mean, if it's easy, I can continue working four minutes after we end. No, dude, I'm just happy to have you when you're here. It just sounded so backhanded. It wasn't.

I had a money-making dream, and I don't know whether it's... It might actually be a good idea in real life. Oh, let's hear it. In the dream, I had a box, and i just kept posting pictures of this box and i kept posting that elon musk really wants what's inside the box hoping that he would eventually he would get the attention i'd get his attention and he would actually buy the box off me this is the this is the smartest idea in the world this is is so fucking smart, Gavin. This is crazy. And I kept just making videos being like,

trust me, Elon Musk really wants what's inside this box. And yeah, maybe it's worth doing in real life. What's in the box? Do you think it's just a USB drive? It's just really something

that he wants. Trust me. I trust you. But I think you're going to have to build the box and put something in it. Yeah. In your dream, you didn't know what was in the box, right?

I think I knew, but I didn't actually know. Right. Your dream, like your dream you knew, but you didn't know. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I wonder if, I wonder if, I wonder if if it is worth it to make a musk box and then while we're at it make a Bezos box and then we could you could plot them against each other like Bezos really wants the musk box

I don't want Bezos to be in my box yeah I just put up it I'll be like on eBay look Elon Musk really wants what's in this box but I'll sell it to anyone do you have to create the hype Like on eBay, look, Elon Musk really wants what's in this box, but I'll sell it to anyone. Do you have to create the hype first? You're like, this is the box that Elon Musk wants.

He wants what's in this so bad. Jeff Bezos now wants this box because Elon wants it so bad. And then you say, and I will be putting it on sale on eBay like a week later. I think that's, this is really good. This is really good. I'm liking this a lot. I do too. It worked out well in the dream.

What was the, I guess like the end of the, like what happened at like the end? Did you get very rich? No, I don't think I ever made the sale, but it was just getting really out of hand and it was, and everyone was talking about it. I think it was heading that way. Sounds less like a dream and more like a prophecy. I think this is something that you need to do.

Deja vu all over again. We got to get this box. I'm interested in this box. Yeah. I'll sell it to you. Well, here's the thing. I don't know if I want it. I'm just, you know, I hear a lot of people talking about the box.

So I'm very interested in what's going on. You know what I mean? What's happening? I have a box. Ah, you missed it and Elon Musk really wants what's inside it. Really? Yeah. Is it tungsten? What?

What? Is it tungsten? Is it really heavy? Gold? Silver? What's in the box? See, it's intriguing. There you go.

I'm very intrigued. Brad Pitt over there wants to know what's in the box if you want instead of selling it to uh elon musk i'll sell it to you andrew how much how much do you want for it i mean how much do you want to pay for it i need to get better at this i'll send you another order of m's for your box. Oh, yeah. That's all you got to pay to get the box? Was McDonald's? Unless someone wants to give me more for it.

Going once? That's fine. Going twice? I mean, I think you're just selling it too early. I think you have to really get it on the open market. I thought you were going to put it on eBay. Sold! Yeah, that's a good point. Void sale.

What? What? What? I got a feeling, Andrew, that if you had been here four minutes ago, you wouldn't want this box anyway. Oh, really? Yeah, but I also think that there's a world where you definitely want the box more now.

I agree. I just need to... Was it ever explained what was in the box? Kind of, yeah. Oh, fuck. The closest you're going to come is you're going to have to wait until this episode comes out and go back and listen to it. I will.

He'll perv on the files. No, I will. Yeah, you're right. He'll perv on the files? He's a file perver. He is a file perver. He'll go to the Google Drive and start listening to our individual tracks. Oh, my God. are you a file pervert

Andrew well I dabble in some file perving I'll be honest what when you file perv what do you get out of that what are you looking for it's mainly like so the last time I did it was when I left the show for the Austin thing with the cucumber to hear your guys reaction

oh yeah went to all the files so it's just stuff I missed. Or if somebody did something that I thought was really funny going back to it. So not very often then. No it's only happened less than I don't know three or four times. Yeah. What figures

that tracks. Yeah. I'm sorry about that. I had to use the bathroom. That's why I left. I was trying my best to hold but I used the Gavin excuse. That's not the same as being late, though, if you leave. Well, I'd say at least I was here. I let people know.

Oh, wait a minute. So are we confirming that you're not in the bathtub for this episode? No, no, no. I'm not in the tub. It was too dangerous. I was giving away too much information.

I was too relaxed. We can't do that again. Your guard was too down? My guard was way relaxed. We can't do that again. Your guard was too down? My guard was way too down while in the tub. It also was just a nightmare because it's kind of echoey, so I was trying to do my best to mitigate that, but then I was

just holding a shower curtain in front of my face while I was talking for large sections. I made trying to look at my notes really difficult. There were some disadvantages to it We need to work out if we wanted to continue bathtub recording So for now I'm back at my desk Do you know what's been a huge disadvantage in my life?

What? If I meet a dog Giant nose What? I thought he was going to say being British Oh You meet a dog If I meet a dog

And it's got a human name it's burned into my head that that is a dog's name for the rest of my life so henry is a dog's name to you now no no because i knew a henry before i heard it as a dog's name i see i see so like anytime i meet like a cleo or a monty or like a Tilly, it's like these are dogs from my childhood. And it's so confusing to me. So you always thought of so it bothered you that Monty's name was Monty? No, I got used to it. OK, but you always thought of it as a dog's name before a human's name.

Yeah. Interesting. But you have that with any childhood animals that you knew? No, I'm trying to think. I mean, I had terrible names for my pets. I had a fish named Fluffy. That's a cute name for a fish. It's not very fluffy.

Yeah, my first cat was named Smokey, and I don't think I've ever met a Smokey. That's great. But if I did, I might think of my cat can I ask about it going the other way what if you get an animal and you name it after a person like it's a name that like you knowingly

like I had an idea in college that I wanted to get like a cat and name it after my roommate David Berger and just name the cat David Berger and then like yell at it because it's not doing a very good job at being David Berger which it sort of doesn't really understand what that is but I think naming an

animal after a person that you know that you live with it can lead to confusion but I think it'll also lead to like a lot of fun like Howard Stern named his bulldog Bianca Romaine Stamos yeah I want my cats to be named after dead actors or dead legends yeah didn't didn't robin have a cat named jennifer aniston i think and you had bob hoss smee as bob how was the cat's full name smee technically

full name is bob hoskins is smee bob hoskins is me have you ever explained the Dave Berger idea to people Eric outside of this thing or is this just the thing you're gonna do no I've explained it to other people before I've also explained it to David Berger and he wasn't thrilled at the time because you don't live with him that's

true and so no I'm just maybe I'm maybe it's less of an idea that I will do. And if you like it, if you're listening to this at home and you're like, I'm going to get a cat, maybe I'll name it after my roommate. Now you'd have to name your cat small wife. Oh, or yeah. Or hey, if you're listening to this

and you're going to get a cat or a dog, maybe name it Eric Bedour. I don't know why you would do that. That's the opposite. I'm saying the person you live with is the fun situation. That's what I'm saying. Not name it after, don't name why you would do that. That's the opposite. I'm saying the person you live with is the fun situation. That's what I'm saying. Not name it after, don't name a cat after me. I think you should name it after Eric.

I think you should. Eric Badour, the cat. You don't have to do that. Everyone else spell it wrong. It's whole life. Then all the people who meet the cat before they meet you will think it's weird that your name is Eric Badour. That would be, okay.

So that would be crazy if you met the cat and then found out, like, about this show, like, years later. And then me. And you're like, oh, I had a friend who had a cat named Eric Badour. All right, I might be on board for this now. Just for, like, the long game. The advantage the cat has over you is it won't realize its name is spelled wrong. None of it means anything. The advantage that the cat will have over me?

Yeah, because you can get annoyed by the fact that you see your name spelled wrong. The cat doesn't know how to read letters. None of it makes sense to the cat. That's the advantage? Yeah, there are a few advantages that the cat has. That's one of them. What are some other advantages the cat has? Claws. Night vision. Night vision.

Claws. Better sense of smell. When you get older as a cat, you can't retract the claws, so you don't want to always be claws out. That could be a problem. There's a disadvantage with claws as well. They come with advantages and disadvantages. They can jump real good.

You always land on your feet. Better warmth protection. I'd say being able to poop in a box of sand whenever you feel like is pretty good. That feels like something I could do if I wanted to. Yeah, but it's not. It's frowned upon. You get celebrated if you do that as a cat.

Better at birding and mycing than you are? Birding and mycing? Yeah, like it could kill birds and mice better than you. I just didn't know there were terms for that. I think so, yeah. I don't know about mycing, but I've heard birding before. I assume I see it as a thing. That's different.

You've explained that. Cats are better at dogging than you are I made a discovery the other day about my cat Bob Hoskins is Smee He understands pointing Okay Like most cats If you point at something

Sometimes I'm like look at that bird out there It just looks at your finger Because it doesn't understand what that means But Smee actually knows to look where i'm pointing and it really freaked me out so you send out the applications to harvard or like what was the response to realizing your cat recognized points yeah what is the cat equivalent of harvard harvard for cats it just lives in the dorms You would send it to a meow-niversity. Thank you.

Thank you. Nobody said thank you. When was the last time we read from the joke book? I don't know. I need to find the joke book. Maybe it's time to get a different year. Yeah? Oh, that's actually a great idea. Like, go further back? I wonder if there's, like, the jokes of 98.

The jokes? I 98 i ate that i had i had a crazy encounter with somebody in a grocery store do you want to hear a joke yeah oh i'm sorry me out me anniversary doesn't want to hear in a comedy me anniversary that's it that's the anniversary of when two cats fall in love Oh, I'm sorry. Meow-niversary doesn't want to hear any comedy. Meow-niversary? That's the anniversary of when two cats fall in love. Whatever you said. Meow-niversity is where a cat goes to get higher education. Jesus Christ. Yeah, that was a fumble.

I have a terrible joke, if you want to hear it. Yeah. This is, so for context, I was in line at a grocery store, and there was an older woman in front of me that you could just tell was sort of uh crazy you know how you just sometimes get crazy vibes off of were you checking out oh you like i was checking out yeah i was in line to check out and there's this this older lady in front of me and she asked the person behind the counter hey do you want to hear a joke i write my own jokes and so i overheard this joke that she told and he's like i guess and this is this is her great

joke there are two there are two one year this is this is so bad they're two one-year-olds uh and they're at the doctor's office and uh one of them says to the other one, why are you here? What are you getting done? And the one says, oh, I'm getting my consoles removed. And the one said, oh, that's great. You're going to get so much candy. I had that done myself. You get treats and stuff after it. It's fantastic.

You're going to have a great time. What are you here for? And the other one says, oh, I'm here to get circumcised. And then it says back to him oh that's rough last time that happened to me i didn't walk for a year that was her joke shit that was a written joke she just walks around and does that to people i did you know in 1998 that Titanic overtook Jurassic Park to become the highest grossing film of all time?

You can tell this is a little dated. I guess the Titanic can't survive an iceberg, but it can beat a Spielberg. What do Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common? This is not good. This is not good. I'm trying.

I'm being very loud about this as I'm distancing myself from whatever's about to happen. Let it happen. What did Billy Mays do on 12-31-1998? He partied like it's 1999. $19.99.

Was he still alive at that point? I assume so What was the vending machine one? Here's one Time zones are weird In Australia it's 2020 In America it's 2019 In Des Moines it's 1998

In Alabama it's 1865 And in Saudi Arabia it's 1576 So that was just a joke with 1998 in it. Yeah, I just googled 1998 jokes and that one popped up. I realized as I read it that it was just, I think that that's the only connection. Oh, did Fidel Castro die in 1998?

No. All right, that's it. That's enough. If you're looking to name your pet something, Fidel Castro is available Feel free I think our worst bits on this podcast Are intentional jokes

Like whenever we're talking about Jokes or doing jokes Horrendous It's not great Ugh Alright Ugh. Alright. I have a question for you guys. Is the question, should this episode come out because I don't have the answer no relax calm down listen you're gonna get married in like a

week this isn't a time for you to have one of these negative spirals for your head oh I'm not no I'm not negatively spiral we're far enough ahead that we can flush this one and still be fine no it's fine second my question is have there been amazing experiences that were wasted on you? Like for me, as an example, do you remember I told that story about the last straw when I was with my cousins and my grandma and she told us to shut up.

We went on that trip to see Cirque du Soleil, which is I think one of like the biggest circuses in the world. Like it's this very... Can you say it again? No, I can't. Cirque du Soleil? Okay, thank you it's this very can you say it again no i can't uh cirque du soleil okay thank you well how should i say it i just want to make sure that's what you're saying

i just wanted i was just asking okay i just getting clarity okay well anyway i went to that so i saw it's a spectacle show obviously like these top of the line whatever in that field the only things i remember from that experience are a piece of confetti on the ground after the show ended and walking into the tent, how big the electrical cables were running out of the thing. I don't remember a single detail of the performance at all. Those are the only two things that are actually my brain. You just took away like logistics.

Yeah. Well, I saw the cable and I and i thought wow that's a thick cable that would suck the trip over and then years later a ufc fighter blew out his knee tripping over an electrical cable while doing an interview at fox is like i was justified that was a understandable fear by me i called that so i was curious if you guys had those where people spent money or brought you on this adventure or this experience that is notable but you didn't take anything

away from it. Oh, I'm sure that's how Gavin and Eric feel about the NBA Summer League trip I made them go on. Oh, I had such a great time at that. I was going to say going to the Grand Canyon when I was a kid. I love the Summer League. I thought that was fun as hell. Yeah, I had fun at that. I was going to say going to the Grand Canyon when I was a kid. I love the Summer League. I thought that was fun as hell. Yeah, I had fun at that.

I would say for me, it's going to be like fancy stuff, like a nice wine or something. It's wasted on me. Andrew, my first thought was like, yeah, every time I've ever eaten sushi. Really? Really? Yeah, which is like, like I go to Uchiko or whatever,

and it's fine, but I don't enjoy eating sushi as much as I would just enjoy having a pastrami sandwich somewhere. But I'll eat it because everybody around me is in heaven, and it's fun to be around people enjoying something that much. To get sort of an understanding,

Uchi is a very expensive, high-end sushi place here in Austin. Gavin, you've been, yeah? Yes. How much better is it than just getting regular quick sushi? It's probably incomparable. Gavin is maybe the worst person to ask. Also, you said you got sleep, Gavin.

That was fucking 40 seconds. That was just silence. I'm having time now. I'm on probation. Well, I was thinking, are you talking like, are you talking like rolls or like, well, I mean,

Jeff is saying that like he gets sushi and he's like, it's fine. You know, it's sushi, whatever, but you've had regular just, you know, sushi,

whatever. And then you've gone to Uchi. Like is like the, is really like the gap between like regular sushi and Uchi, like really, really high. Like, is it very,

it's like super high end. I've had sushi from H-E-B more than I've had it from Uchi. Right. But how do they compare? Yeah. Jesus Christ. Let me answer. I've had grocery store sushi,

Eric, and I've had high end restaurant sushi and they taste completely different. Like the rice you could tell is a better quality. Just all of the ingredients feel fresher. It is a substantial taste difference between the two products for me i could tell it's it's lower quality but it's still not it doesn't justify the leap in price like i was still happily yeah but you would if you could you would eat a flavorless protein brick every day that just gave you nutrients yeah that's true

yeah so like hang on that's wait g Gavin has zero respect for food or drink. That's true. Uh... Yeah, I mean... I can eat the same thing every day. It doesn't need... I don't need my mouth to be that excited. Like, I just want it to be not repulsive and just glide down.

What are you saying? He is not for you guys No, but that's not even having an excited mouth doesn't mean fancy I Had a chocolate chip cookie the other day Gavin my mouth was very excited. I was not a fancy thing It's a two dollar cookie you're just not a taste guy and I'm not I'm not judging you for that that's an established thing for you I'm not a big taste guy I'm surprised Eric didn't realize this well I yeah I didn't know that he would eat a protein brick or whatever every day I just figured that he was the only other person here who had been to Uchi he just wants food to be efficient as possible

and gavin's what yeah like he is i don't know why i'm talking on behalf of gavin you're here yeah if there was food that was like three times as efficient like if i only used to eat in the morning and then not eat until the next morning i would take that isn't that what all those protein like huel and uh like soylent and all that shit is, though? There's like meal like. Yes. Scientifically designed meal replacements that are just like weird green powder. Like you could do it.

You could live like that now. How healthy is that? I think it's super healthy. That's why it's a big deal. Oh, we should try putting you on one of those because from what I understand, like they hit your nutrients, but they taste awful to the point where I feel like it's been outlawed in some places those bricks

eating just takes quite a long time especially if you go out right but isn't that the it's more than just the eating isn't it it's like the experience hanging out with friends like even I recognize while I've never had grocery store sushi before when I go to Uchiko it's kind of a

whole event and you put on nice clothes and you feel fancy and you have like a lot of fun with you go doubles date or something and you like you have conversations and you try on paper it's great but in austin it's just really loud people all around you and and if you're like at the sushi bar you got like some knobhead next to you who just won't stop talking to the chef. And I'm just uncomfortable. It's like, shut up, guy. Just order

your protein brick and leave. No, stop talking the whole time. And he's not clearing all our little bowls because you've still got freaking food in yours. Shut up! That's how I feel. There you go. I freaking food in yours. Shut up! That's how I feel. There you go. I hope that explains it. I wish you could have seen my face, Eric,

when you went to ask Gavin a question about differences in taste between two products. Had no idea that this was a thing that you, like, that you don't care for food. I don't mind the occasional nice meal, but... The occasional nice meal. We don't want the occasional nice meal, but... The occasional nice meal. We don't want to get crazy. We only have nice meals on occasion.

Listen, I don't have the energy for my mouth to be excited 24-7. We got to space it out. If you just combine all the time in a day that you spend eating, it's quite a lot of time. He's too busy. He needs that time for editing he does yeah were you four minutes late gavin because you were you're enjoying something you were lost in your palate your palate is a wonderland so when you taste something and it's

exciting to your mouth do you get annoyed with yourself for liking it are you like oh no great enjoyment great question i'll take the enjoyment i just don't ever seek that out david having a like delicious bite of steak and just slamming the table fucking great like listen if a delicious piece of steak falls in my mouth i'm not gonna kick it out but i'm not gonna go looking for it well like like like a massage feels amazing it's so relaxing feels really good but i don't i don't go and get them yeah but you don't need them to live like you have to eat food three times a day or you'll die that's true that's a good undercut on that analogy because yeah you're right yeah you'll die if you don't eat yeah it's not it's not like you have a choice on eating or not eating.

You need to do it. And if you need to do it, you shouldn't your mouth be excited. Okay. So, so say I invented a pill, right? A little,

uh, I give it to you, Eric, and you don't have to eat for six months. You can eat whenever you want. You can have a meal. It won't, it won't,

uh, so wait, stack up too much. Is that extra calories for you, though? Are you getting the caloric intake from the pill? He will get all the calories he needs for six months. So if he eats on top of it, he's going to blow up. No, it just doesn't count that way.

If he still eats the regular amount, that's fine. So he has like 2,000 flavor calories allotted daily. He has 2,000 backup calories that he can use every day, right? Yeah. Eric. Yeah. How often do you eat? What the fuck?

You've got the cube inside you. How often are you going to eat? He doesn't mean generally. You've got a cube inside you? The pill is a cube? Yeah, it's a little cube. How do you swallow a stock cube? This is what the question's about.

The cube's gone down. Shut up for a second. The cube's gone in, Eric. It's got sharp edges. I've sanded the cube. Eric's downed it he's chugged the cube he doesn't have to eat

for six months what's at the center of the cube what's in the box oh Christ but how how often are you gonna eat Eric is this what Elon Musk

wanted that was in the box this whole thing guys guys don't worry about what's in the cube just is it a sign of Peter Molyneux

telling you you've won we're like a microtransaction away from peter molyneux game oh man oh i i i don't think i like this is beginning on a weird note because i just wouldn't take this thing i like food too much you can still eat food you can still eat food. You can still eat all the food you would have eaten. What point are you trying to prove? What is your point? I'm saying, would you bother eating for every meal of the day still? Yes. Yeah, probably.

Because it's an enjoyable experience. I enjoy cooking. I enjoy food. I enjoy flavors and tastes. I like food a lot. Now, when your mouth gets excited from food, Eric, do you feel like a... Do you feel an intense

self-loathing that you can't quite describe? No, I've never thought about it in terms of my mouth being excited, but last time I had COVID, I lost all sense of taste, and my mouth was so depressed. I was so sad, because if everything tastes the same,

as somebody who enjoys food, you realize there's no point in getting anything. What choices do I make? None of it matters. It all tastes the same. This is awful. My mouth, it hit a new sadness. It hit a sadness I didn't know was possible.

They do say flavor is the spice of life. They do. It's a double-sided weapon. Both sides of the same coin. Double-sided sword right there. I really do. I think that you eat

because you have to and you don't enjoy it. I have to control my eating because I want i love flavor and like the sensation of eating so much i it's so enjoyable to me it's so enjoyable to eat i'd say that's the norm i think so too but now you've invented a cube that you've sanded down and by the way i appreciate you saying it on the cube. Yeah, thank you. I don't want to swallow a cube.

I'll swallow a sphere, I suppose. If I ate the cube, or if I ate the corners from Eric's cube, I would eat probably once a day. I don't think you would do that. I don't. I disagree. Yeah, I don't think you would eat ever. I think you would only eat in social situations.

Yeah, but I feel like it's a... That's nice to have one today. But then when you eat, are you eating your flavorless protein cube or are you eating fun food? No, if I was only eating one today, I'd make it count. Well, you could do that now, asshole.

Why don't you... Yeah, I don't... What? No. You can make it count for every meal. It absolutely counts, actually. Let's go back to the episodes where Andrew was the freak. I understand.

The genesis of what you're saying is food, eating, the concept of eating takes time out of a day. And if you're a busy businessman like you are and you could eliminate that time cost from your day, it would add to the efficiency of your life. I get that. But there is a danger with making things so efficient that there's no fun or flavor in life itself. And so I think the break, the mandatory – it probably serves multiple purposes, right, other than just nourishing your body. But it also forces you to stop what you're doing and then focus on you for a little bit, at least in terms of ingesting fuel into you so that you can continue

to exist. So I'm assuming something happens in your brain in that moment where you're also taking stock of your life and present in the moment. And you don't realize it, but it's probably a really important check-in a couple times a day that you go through subconsciously without even knowing it. Yeah, I mean, I've identified what the reason is, mainly that a lot of the work I do, because it's just me deciding to do it whenever I do it. That's the worst, isn't it? I don't really feel like doing it all.

Like, if I have an edit I need to be done in two days, I rarely feel like doing it most of the day. And then I'll just suddenly start doing it or just get on a roll. And it's around that time where it's like, oh, I'm starving. So it's like, because so much of my effort feels mood-based, it just interrupts the rare times

where I feel motivated. Totally. Does that make sense? I understand that. Similarly, I have to self-motivate myself to do stuff now. And I don't ever feel like doing the thing I want to do. I need to do like,

I've never felt like recording. So all right. Right. But like, once I do it, once I'm doing it, I don't want to stop. I don't feel like stopping if that makes sense.

And so anything that gets in the way is like, it was so fucking hard to spin myself up to do the thing because it was so much easier not to do it. And to like, to fucking, to sit there and yell at myself and force myself to get in front of the computer and start working now that I'm doing it I don't want anything to get in the way of it

because once I stop it's going to be so much fucking harder to get myself to start again and then also just like a hands on task you're limiting what foods you can enjoy like I have you ever tried to eat wings while playing video games nightmare doesn't work absolute all time mess.

Ribs, same way. I think it's commercials are always like that. People are eating wings in situations that you would never eat wings. Yes, that's so true. I thought you meant that commercials were the time to eat wings, which is a problem I face in video games where like I love the innovation, but we're now in a world where there's almost no loading screens and i have no window of time to eat my wings it has been a real problem the xbox one x

is too fast it is yes i got sauce all over the place there are times i've been playing the texas chainsaw masker game a lot i love that game and uh as leatherface you're on the go constantly and there are times where i've said hey can somebody else take over this role? I just want to eat some wings. I want to get like two or three wings. There's no wing time when you're Leatherface. It's so funny that we're at a point where that problem is almost solved.

I was thinking the other day about, I was talking to somebody who had just moved to Austin and they were living in an apartment and I was thinking about apartment living and I was thinking about setting living. And I was thinking about setting up my first apartment in Austin. And I was trying to remember what I did at 23 years old for fun.

I remember I used to go mountain biking. And I remember I had a PS2 and I played a shitload of Crash Bandicoot. I was a real big fan of Crash Bandicoot. And it triggered just that thinking like, oh, I remember I sat in the living room and played a lot of Crash Bandicoot and then i got hard triggered this memory of how fucking mad i used to get playing that game because i timed it the loading screens for crash bandicoot were longer

than the levels i would i would time it with like with my watch and be like all right it took a minute and 19 seconds to get into the game and it took me a minute and eight seconds to beat the fucking level. Like something is wrong with this. And I had forgotten that I used to, that was like a problem we used to have all the time because I've gotten so used to quick loading screens. Yeah, I have that with when I play old games, like I'm playing games for the first time that I just missed, like Dishonored and stuff. But my PC is so much better compared to PCs at the time

that I can't read any of the tips. Yeah. Yeah. Even modern games that still like, I feel like they include that because that's what you do in those screens, but like impossible to read. They just instantly go away.

Jeff, I had no idea about your connection with Crash Bandicoot. I'd love to, did you ever play the remaster they put out like a few years ago? No, I don't think i've played crash bandicoot since then oh my god we need to do i'd love to watch you play some crash bandicoot and the remaster and see like how much you remember and all that oh i'd love to i remember really enjoying the game i think i think basically what happened is not too long after that the dreamcast came out and then gus and i were dreamcast boys

for a while and then then. And then we were Xbox boys and now I'm a truck boy. I have a note. But I don't know how I got this information. I don't know where I heard this. Okay. But, Eric, did you know that where Jeff

was digging, or where we were digging the second bean hole, that Jeff pisses there sometimes. What? We dig a piss hole? How do I know that? I don't think that's true. What?

How have you got it written? I don't know. How did I write this thing I made up? I have definitely peed in my backyard a couple of times when like I'm running home from a bike ride and like I don't think I can make it inside, you know, but I wouldn't pee right there because I would be visible to

my neighbors and to the street. I pee in a and I there's like one spot in my backyard where if I really have to go, I'll pee like wedged in between a tree and your house. Yeah, but I had a to go, I'll pee wedged in between a tree and a shed. You never had a pee corner, Gavin?

Here's the deal with my house, though. The bike goes in the backyard through a long gate and stuff, right? And then there's no way for me to get into the back of the house. There's no key or number pad or anything, so I gotta go all the way. If the doors are locked, I gotta go all the way back around to the front of the house and let myself in. And, you know

what, when I was 30, that wouldn't have been a problem, but at 48, it can it's, I guess, when I gotta go, I gotta go. But you've already been on like, probably like an hour long bike ride. Yeah, that I didn't want to fucking get off my bike to pee, and so it's come to an issue. So you can't wait another

25 seconds to get in the front door? No. Andrew couldn't wait more than three minutes into the episode to leave and pee. When a guy's gotta go, he's gotta go. Yeah, no, that was, I've never done that in this show. My stomach, it was, listen, I share a lot of the issues you have, Jeff. I just don't talk about it as much. That was a nuclear scenario.

I'm glad you were late, Gavin. You gave me a great out. I appreciate that quite a bit. So, Jeff, if you got intercepted by a neighbor on the way back from a bike ride, it'd be a disaster. It could be, yeah. Which is why I don't talk to my neighbors. One time, you know how you were talking about how you walk in therapy sometimes? Well, I only want my powers off.

Yeah, and you were talking about how somebody stopped you when you were having therapy and somebody stopped you. Yeah, I was holding my shoe as well. Yeah, you were holding your shoe. I and somebody's holding my shoe as well yeah you're holding your shoe i do the same well i did i don't i don't do therapy anymore but when i was doing it i would walk and and talk at the same time i get like fidgety i can't sit still so i have to walk and so i would always walk around my neighborhood or like drive to a different neighborhood one of the last times i did therapy i had to pee so bad i had to stop therapy go into a porta potty at a construction site and that piss probably cost you 10 bucks it's fine it was worth it it was really worth it

I was like talking to my therapist and I was like I gotta pee so bad and he's like well just call me back and I was like I'm just in my neighborhood and I was like oh wait there's a porta potty I gotta go and I just fucking ran for it he and he said he told me he told me it happens more often than you would think so i don't know where i heard that maybe from emily somewhere but you probably heard it from emily but i i would dude listen i remember where i pee i don't think i've ever peed on that specific spot and i wouldn't because i would be afraid that that would fuck with emily's seeds ah that makes sense. So you haven't pissed that since the seeds? If I'd

ever pissed there before, I don't remember it, but I definitely haven't pissed there since the seeds. There's no danger that you were digging up pee if that's what you're worried about. It makes sense to me. I had a few pee zones as a kid in my grandparents backyard, but

you didn't really have a backyard, Gavin, so that makes sense to me that you wouldn't have that. I had a grandfather who, on my dad's side, his dad, who would only pee outside. Like, he'd be in the living room watching TV and he'd have to take a piss and he'd get up and go out into the backyard to piss. Is this a normal thing?

He just thought men should pee outside my logic as a child i'm like four probably when i was doing this was i'm having so much fun playing outside why would i bother going all the way into the house and using the bathroom when i can just pee in these bushes why wouldn't i just do that i had two p zones i had one there's a little bush area on the right corner of the yard and then there was a shed behind like at the very back of the yard and there was a like a pvc pipe that stuck out of the ground and you know when you would like when you cup your hand around your ear you hear that sort of oceany kind of sound i had convinced myself that that pipe led to like the downtown waterfront park area,

like into the sea, and I would pee into the pipe thinking I was peeing into the ocean and that I was being very cool. Those were my pee zones as a kid. Do you have any pee zones now? No, I don't have any pee zones now. I watch homeless people pee across the street,

but I personally don't yeah i know you do yeah you know that that reminds me a couple years ago i we were doing some stuff at comic-con and i was helping gus out he had to interview a bunch of people from like dc tv shows like uh like i don't remember who but it was you know just like those dc superhero tv shows like doom patrol that kind of stuff titans and we were interviewing it was just one of those things where you're like you're sitting in like director's chairs and there's one open and somebody comes and you ask them 10 questions they're all fucking stupid like is a taco a sandwich or whatever it was like that era of the rt podcast and some of we got to talking to a dude and somehow we got

talking i think he was an actor on black lightning i I think was the show, if I remembered it correctly. But we were talking about peeing outside, and he was like, dude, have you ever pissed out of a second story window? And Gus and I were like, why would we do that? And he's like, you've got to try it. I'm telling you, it's the greatest feeling in the world. And he would not stop talking about how great it is to pee out of the second floor of a building. And so I've never done it, but if maybe a comment lever has done it, he can let us know. So if you ever get a chance, maybe pee out the upstairs window and see what that's like,

because apparently it's really liberating. Huh. Where can we do that? That guy was on TV, so he probably knows. Work doesn't really have any upstairs. No. I wonder how high becomes scary like six floors seems even more fun to me but to pee out of a 20 story window dude intimidate well

i think you don't want to go too high because then you're stuck in updrafts yeah you're gonna you're gonna be wearing a lot of pee i guess maybe it depends on the window setup too like you know how there are those windows where like only the bottom half opens up and you swing the handle for it? Like those, I feel like are great pee windows, regardless of... Do you know what they should invent? They should invent in tall buildings,

like in cities like New York, they should invent like little piss doors that you can slide open, stick your dick out and pee outside. Like a little porthole? Yeah, like a porthole, like a pee hole. When I was in the army, like when we would fly C-130s sometimes, which is this airplane, they literally had like a porthole like a p-hole when i when i was in the army and uh like when we fly c-130s

sometimes which is airplane they literally had like a little like i don't know that's like almost like a urinal you'd saddle right up to and you'd like stick your dick in it and then you'd piss out the side of the plane essentially huh so does that also count as the most difficult glory hole as well i'd be pretty fucking hard because the other side of it is going to be like a really fast flying seagull or something. You don't want to leave your dick out when it's window cleaning day and that's set up. That'd be a bad time.

There's something really funny to me about the idea of your balls being caught by the draft, just like blasted away, blown away with a gust of wind. Especially going like 350 miles an hour out of the side of a plane. I think I, I think we should try to pee

upstairs out of something. Yeah. What do we do? We film it? No. I think we just discuss it. I'm just making sure.

I'm trying to get on the same page here. That's all. No, no. I'm just making sure. I don't think we should film it page here. That's all. No, no, I don't think we need to. I'm just making sure. I don't think we should film it. I don't think we need to film it. It's not me saying we should. How can we do it without being seen?

What? I don't think this has to be an elaborate thing. I think maybe if somebody just does it, let us know if it was more liberating between all of us. I just don't really have any way I can think of whether I'm not in full view. Maybe I'll buy a two-story house next time. And then in a couple, like if I ever buy a new house, I'll try'll buy a two-story house next time and then in a couple like if i ever buy a new house i'll try to get a two-story what about this a two-story

porta potty oh a porta potty stacked with an upstairs oh no what if we just piss off the top of a parking garage i think we should have two port potties. Stack them, right? We'll get rid of the actual toilet on the second one. That one goes on top, right? Yeah. Exactly. It's a substance, yeah.

Absolutely. Okay. But there isn't one on the top. It's just a hole straight through, and you just piss from upstairs down into the toilet. Oh, like a long distance piss, but you still have to aim it. That's what I was talking about.

I brought that up along the lifeguard. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. Same type of idea. You're right. Get some distance. But for me, it was fear of toilet snakes. This is just for pleasure.

So you don't know why you think I pee there. I just don't know. I just didn't remember how I got the info it just says that you piss there after a bike ride it feels like there's a mole in the house and that mole is a little incorrect mole as well

does it or does it just feel like Gavin is writing stuff it just feels like Gavin is writing stuff no I think he must have talked to Emily or something, but she's wrong. Oh, maybe it was at Halloween. Oh, maybe it was at Halloween.

Where that kid almost got gizmo'd. Because I could just... Oh, I'm looking at my notes right now. We almost watched a kid get engulfed in flames. Oh, my God. What? What happened? Burn Dog saved his life.

Really? You know those, like, blow-up... You know those, like, blow- know those like blow up air suits that people put on that's like a dinosaur they walk around well we had uh first off you know there's like a halloween parade in my neighborhood and so we had gavin meg and bernie and vanessa over and we invited eric and his small wife but they weren't able to make it and we set up on the front in the driveway and i got the chiminea out and we because it was cold and we made a little fire and then we were sitting out

in lawn chairs just like saying hi to people and waving and then when they would want candy we'd point to where the candy was which was far away from us and some fucking kid walked right up to the chiminea thinking there was candy in it and got real close to it and he was like all blown up he was a gizmo like from gremlins and he was like he like with the hug it almost and burned i got to grab him and push him i think he just couldn't see it oh my god is that what it was yeah he was just about to walk straight into it he just he seemed like he was coming straight for it and this is where where i realized um that burn dog and i took different approaches to it where he took a very preemptive strike

in basically tackling the kid away from the fire. And I just froze. I was just watching it happen, and I was making a plan. I was like, okay, well, this kid's about to catch on fire. So I started looking around for stuff to throw at him. But I just couldn't get anything done. I just felt like I'm gonna go into action when it happens and I didn't think for a second I've got to get up and prevent it from happening and I just

don't know why I didn't go to that you were waiting for the problem so that you could solve it there was no problem to solve yet I'm I think it's just in my nature I just that I don't want I don't want to make a scene unless the scene is guaranteed to happen Eric said I like calling it getting gizmoed. What would that be, getting gizmoed? It sounds sad. Getting melted into your costume, I guess. I guess so, yeah.

Gavin explained it to me as getting gizmoed when he told me this story a while ago. And I just keep thinking about getting gizmoed. Have you ever caught on fire while wearing something? Yeah. Caught on fire? Unintentionally? Unintentionally.

Oh, no. No. I've been put on fire for, like, shoots and stuff, but never. Have you ever caught on fire, Andrew? I have. Once. It was uneventful. It was about as uneventful as a fire setting as

you could have but i was wearing we're getting ready to go to our soccer game and i was sitting in front of the fireplace getting all nice and toasty and i lit the back of my jersey on fire and i didn't i didn't notice until there was a giant cloud of smoke behind me and everybody in front of me was freaking out and so then I had to play with a hole in the back of my jersey for that game because there wasn't enough time to get a replacement I I didn't get burned

in or anything but I minor fire I definitely used to set people on fire a lot now that we're having this conversation I'm starting to think back definitely set people a lot. Now that we're having this conversation, I'm starting to think back. Definitely used to. Set people on fire? Definitely used to. Anytime anybody

read a newspaper in front of me, that newspaper was getting lit. You would just start pulling out a lighter and do it? Yeah. You just light the bottom of the newspaper in the middle where they're reading and then suddenly it all catches on fire. Those things like, those things go up fast. Yeah, they do.

This adds a whole new layer of context to your story about the subway guy covering himself in soda. He's just worried about you setting him on fire. He's making sure he wasn't lightable. That's entirely possible. He knew. Yeah, I

used to set people's shoes on fire a lot. I used to. Jesus Christ. I'm learning that I got off easy in the time I've known Jeff. Have I never set you on fire? I think you have tried with a lighter on my shoes. That does sound familiar, but I don't think it went. It didn't take.

I was about to say, I'm pretty sure I was still doing that when we were friends. No, yeah, you're right. I don't know why I would forget you trying to burn me. I definitely slowed down, but I would say from like 18 to like 28, do not have paper around me and not be paying attention. We did that immersion video where,

was it NBA Jam where the ball catches on fire? Yeah. Yeah, so they wrapped, it looked like shoelaces but like dipped in sticky napalm-ish material or like rubber cement or something very flammable and those were tied around the ball

and it would catch the ball like nice and evenly on fire but eventually the string would just snap and on one of the takes it snapped, flew off and wrapped around my head. And it was like stuck to me, like flammable glue all around the back of my head. They had to,

well, initially, they had to punch me in the head a lot until the flame went out. Why did Jack and I have to do that too? I don't know. We did it for like one second. I remember thinking,

this is so dumb. Gavin and Michael already did this. Why do I have to get set on fire? i don't remember i remember not liking that like not having fun doing that at all oh i had fun i did not i think i was i think i was pretty i think i was probably pretty i was probably like in a bad way you're probably live actioned out a little bit yeah i think i was i think i was at my drunkest and like most unhealthy too probably i was having to play sports i don't know who i could source this to but my notes say you had a great time it was actually one of your favorite shoots no idea who who would have said this but because i wrote it it must be true

you must be that wrong little mole again i mean A little pesky mole just leaking stuff about you, Jeff. Notes that you peed on the basketball. I got a note that says, Gavin has been snorting mustard for pleasure. I don't know who told me this or why, but I guess it's... You want to talk about that, Gavin? Yeah, tell me about it.

Well, no, I mean, you're the one that did it. First of all, it's a lie, because all you consume is protein cubes and... That's true it's true that you once a day once a day he likes to excite his nose with hot mustard uh i you know i said i didn't have any notes but i do have i do have a note here that says hot dog blow gun oh yeah that was from last time do we talk about that oh yeah you getting a hot dog launched at you trying to catch it and like we went deep on yeah we're gonna find one over stage four i think that was less a note for talking about and more a note to remember to do so build i think i i think i want to build a hot dog blowgun yeah okay that's that's cool i like that you wrote the note so you can remember what

it was don't remember what it was and when i have a note yeah but i'm not i wasn't expecting to have to know like at some point uh when i sat down on my notes I'd look at it and I go oh and I go back and listen to the episode this is just because we're recording so fast in advance so those those are lost episodes to me right now they don't exist until they're published yeah you gotta you gotta get that going Eric yeah hot dog blowgun over stage four I think we

shoot over stage four oh there was a there was a whole spoon thing you and I wanted to do Andrew oh I forgot about the spoons yeah I got shit next time yeah next time again a spoon cliffhanger There was a whole spoon thing you and I wanted to do, Andrew. Oh, I forgot about the spoons. Yeah. Shit. Next time. We'll tease it again. A spoon cliffhanger? A double spoon cliffhanger.

Man, it's really going to be a letdown, too. It's such a letdown already. Yeah, because it's not. It was just, yeah, it was a small thing. But the movie Cliffhanger was also a letdown. And if there's one thing that shouldn't be a letdown, it's Cliffhanger. So it's okay. Was the movie Cliffhanger a letdown? I feel like one thing that shouldn't be a letdown it's cliffhanger so it's okay was the movie cliffhanger a letdown i feel like it wasn't well loved i haven't seen it so i

don't know i don't have a personal opinion i remember when it came out thinking it was awesome really yeah there was maybe have a total misread on that but you may not i just i remember liking every sylvester stallone movie. I see. Like, I grew up with Sylvester Stallone, so anything he did was cool to me. I have no idea if it holds up or not, but I do remember thinking it was fucking awesome at the time.

I remember it happening in Ace Ventura. What? What happened? Yeah, that's, that's what, when I think of Cliffhanger, I think of the same thing,

Gavin. I haven't seen those movies either. If I see the parody before, it's like the whole, if I have a dog with a human name wow that's I'm totally on your side now on that you dude wow we went the whole episode you brought it all the way back around I'm 100% on the same side when I think of cliffhanger I think of the parody first that's so funny wow when I think of cliffhanger I think

this is happening in my universe I could be there you could be a cliffhanger i could be dangling all right that's enough right is that enough shouldn't we end eric said a while back i don't think we should flush it though i had a good time i had a wonderful time oh no i don't want to flush it you got real weird there for a little while gavin i don't think anybody wants to lose that maybe we should flush it we got Gavin not wanting his mouth to be excited free for just not three times a day

oh is that the parody from I don't even remember it's the only thing that I remember is the raccoon falling. That's got to be the sequel, right? Yeah, that's the second one. Yeah, that's why I fucking hated that movie. It's the one you hate. Although I'd stand by him coming out of the rhino's anus.

One of the best things that ever happened on film. Yeah, I hate that. I viscerally hate that scene. I hate that. Wouldn't it be fun to rebuild it and have Gavin come out of a rhino's anus? Let's just first get anus waxed.

There's an order for these anus gags. After our anuses are all smoothly waxed, we'll be primed to slide out of rhino asses. There's no better time. Has anyone ever for Halloween dressed up as a rhino with a tiny ace ventura figurine coming out of their ass let's look ace ventura rhino halloween it'd be a great two-part costume you know how like people do the front end and back end of a horse, but it's just like one person just runs out. Is there part of the gag?

Gavin? Kind of counts. I think that counts. Oh, yeah. I mean, that's definitely intentional, right? Photo of somebody doing a discusion. Yep. Yeah, that's great. Well, you go get married, Jeff. You have fun with that. Oh, I will have already been married by the time this happens. Yeah,

we're taking a little break because you got to go get married and all that stuff. All right. Well, why do you sound sour about it? No, I will have already been married by the time this happens. Yeah, we're taking a little break because you gotta go get married and all that stuff. Alright, well, why do you sound sour about it? No, I'm just saying he's getting married. So we're gonna take a break. I don't like the way he says it either. That's weird. Jeff is getting married to Emily.

So we're gonna be on break for a little bit. Are you trying to do a new take? No, I just, I don't know. Jeff! Jeff is getting married to Emily over this next weekend. I don't know.

I don't, what do you want, how do you want it to sound? Give me some notes. Give me some direction. Any appropriate amount of enthusiasm? None. Jeff is getting married to Emily use promo code marriage if you want 10% off your wedding

so you know he doesn't mean it no I'm very excited that's wonderful I'm so happy for Jeff and Emily that sounded very insincere there's nothing I can say that sounds sincere but it is it couldn't be more sincere. It was definitely your best take.

Yeah, I think we'll go with that one. Yeah, I think that's it. And quit. Yeah, that's perfect. All right, that's a wrap, everybody. Thank you. Hey, guys. Major League Fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face.

Is that a dog or a horse? Gavin made a speech. No tattoo for Nick. The best greasy spoon in Austin is Top Notch. Let's buy a franchise. The regulation sandwiches are in. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face. All right.

Well, I'm going to miss you guys. We're not going to play. I thought we were going to play podcasts together anymore for a little bit. I thought we wrapped. Is this the post credit scene? Did you cut your audio? No, I'm still going, but Nick even posted upload audio here.

I thought we were done. Okay, I guess we are then. I'm sorry. Here, let me. I'm very excited for Jeff and Emily to get married. I thought we were done. You're going backwards, man. Hell yeah. Bye.

Oh, fucking hell. Hey, we're done. We'll see you next time. Thank you so much. Gavin, do you want to do one too? No. Let's get married! Woohoo!