Regulation Podcast - Smallest Item at a Grocery Store // Sneaking Feet Talk [145]

Episode Date: March 15, 2023

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Ferrigno vs schwarzenegger, OJ Simpson, the smallest item you can find at a grocery store, If it’s Andrew’s or Gavin’s rules, Weird foot guy by association, Gavin’s warzone challenge for Andrew, F**kface promos, Dental updates, Waco, Survivor diarrhea, The last beard oil for the rest of your life, Toilet paper showdown, The perfect ultimate recipe, and Eric getting mad. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail]  Sponsored by ExpressVPN http://expressvpn.com/face Better Help http://betterhelp.com/face and Hello Fresh http://hellofresh.com/face60 and use code face60 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Rooster Teeth production. Hello and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast. My name is Jeff Ramsey. With me, as always, Andrew Panton and Gavin Free. Uh, hello, fellas. Hello. That felt weird. How we doing? That was very sudden.

We're just into the show immediately. That was a really good transition by you, Geoff. Oh, thank you very much. What were you talking about before? We were talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger, and that if he could become more cancelled than he, like his is there any new offenses that could appear out of his closet and i don't think there is like i feel like everything bad that can come out would have come out by now probably just doomed the guy but

yeah i'll be great if it does happen though imagine that that'd be fantastic i'm sick of us killing people i'd rather just like some scandal appear. So I'm going to say that there will be no more. Because people are like, oh, they mentioned this person. Then they died. You're willing some weird shit into the air right now. What if something really good happened to Arnold Schwarzenegger? That'd be great.

We talked about him. I would love that. What if we flip the momentum of this? And like, I don't know. Only good things happen to people we talk about. What's the best thing that could happen to Arnold Schwarzenegger at this point? Oh, gosh. I don't know only good things happen to people we talk about what's the best thing that could happen to Arnold Schwarzenegger at this point oh gosh I don't know him personally uh he really likes Humvees

I remember that maybe he's got a llama he's got a llama what if he beats Lou Ferrigno again in a sudden weight lifting competition comes out of nowhere him against Lou battle to you I don't know if they've had more than two or one fight.

Here's what I think about that. I think that Arnold's beaten him enough. Arnold has this entire successful, amazing, wonderful life in front of him. Not that Lou Ferrigno also doesn't have an

incredibly wonderful, amazing life, but I did the convention circuit with Lou Ferrigno also doesn't have an incredibly wonderful amazing life but I did the convention circuit with Lou Ferrigno for a couple of years and um let's give him a win yeah have you seen Pumping Iron uh when I was a kid it's the entire it's just a documentary centered all around Arnold Schwarzenegger being better than Lou Ferrigno and Lou Ferrigno not knowing how to deal with this. Like him trying and just not being able to process that Arnold Schwarzenegger is significantly better in every way to the point where Arnold just

kind of trolls him for like 90 minutes. It's a great documentary. If you're Arnold Schwarzenegger. If you're Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah, absolutely. Hey, what a weird way to start this episode. What are we even fucking talking about? We're talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger getting cancelled. He's not cancelled!

He didn't get cancelled! Stop saying that! He kinda... I hope he doesn't die, but I'll settle for cancelled. Huh? No. Well, this was pre-cancelled. His scandal. I think he could have been... I think, well, he got... When all the stuff came out that he was cheating on his wife

and he had this side kid that nobody knew about that was pre-canceling that was not like in the culture in the same way so i i don't know he could have i feel like that was a cancelable offense i feel like he kind of did some really shitty things for a brief period and that we're okay everything's fine it appears oj would have been canceled you think OJ would have been cancelled now? Oh, OJ would have been so cancelled. Absolutely cancelled. OJ's still around. He's on Twitter. He's a fucking celebrity. I think he can do

cameos and shit. Like, if he was gonna be cancelled, why not cancel him now? He's still there. He's still cancelable. He's still playing golf every fucking day. I think everyone's scared. As they should be like the allegation I mean yeah of OJ absolutely of OJ

did you ever hear those like OJ had some of the best trolling stories I've ever heard before he went to jail for stealing back his own memorabilia from that dude in Vegas yeah that's what they got him for.

Stealing his own shit back. In a very menacing and threatening way with guns and stuff. But before that event, when he was just like hanging out, living his best life in Florida on a golf course, there was like a one or two year period.

I heard this talked about on Howard Stern years ago, where somebody, I don't know if they ever caught the person who did it, but somebody was flying over his house a couple of times a week and dropping golf balls over on top of his house, like hundreds of golf balls on his roof. So we're just going like, just a couple of times a week,

randomly. And they never, to my knowledge, he never caught who did it. And it was just like somebody menacing. It's funny. Cause that's such a go-to thing for when it's hailing You're like oh man. There's golf. Oh, no. There's a golf course

As a golfer I feel like he might be okay with this too like an initial annoyance I find OJ so fascinating because it seems like he killed the people that he was accused of killing I haven't looked deeply in the case, but I just feel that's the sense I get, that there's overwhelming evidence. Should we start this episode again? Why? What's wrong? What's wrong with this? I just, I think it's... He's fascinating. I feel like if Eric were here right now, he'd be so angry and annoyed

with us. Where is Eric today? He'd be like, what are you doing? Uh, well, I don't know if he wants me to say, but... Okay, well, we did a whole bit with him, which I assume now we have to save for the next one. Yeah! He's not here for a good reason. It's we did a whole bit with him, which I assume now we have to save for the next one. Yeah. He's not here for a good reason. It's not like a bad thing or anything,

but he just had some stuff. There's a bit with Eric? Totally makes sense. I have to wait for this bit now? What is this bit? You asked us, you texted me three or four days ago

and said, hey, man, before the next podcast, could you do one thing for me? Can you go to a grocery store and try and find or purchase the smallest item you could find? And I asked you for clarification,

does that mean cost or does that mean size? And you said size. And so Eric and Gavin and I were doing a merch photo shoot yesterday at RT, and after it was over, we all went to the grocery store together. Gavin, you're missing some context. So this was actually Gavin's idea, and Gavin is a lunatic. He's a crazy person.

This is your idea, Gavin? This is Gavin's idea. The whole time we were going around the grocery store yesterday and looking for shit, you never told me this was your idea, Gavin? This is Gavin's idea. The whole time we were going around the grocery store yesterday and looking for shit, you never told me this was your idea. You don't even know the extent of this shit. I was referring to this as Andrew's idea this whole time. No, this is Gavin's idea. It was described to Eric that it was Andrew's idea.

Oh, no, this is my idea, but I just thought you were saying because Andrew's not here that he could be the judge. So I was like, oh, I wonder what Andrew will say about this. Andrew's the one that asked me to do it. When you and I got into the argument over the item yesterday, and I was like, it doesn't matter what you think because you didn't set the rules. I was wrong because you did set the rules. Why would you come up with this myth and then give it to me through Andrew?

I'm so fucking annoyed and confused right now. Well, Andrew told you to do it, I guess. I didn't know we were going to. No. The only thing I didn't know was when we were doing it. He's an idiot, Jeff. He is so stupid. Oh, we're playing God. We're playing Call of Duty. Thanks for the invite. Yeah, you're welcome and He he said I'm gonna go to the grocery store tomorrow to buy the smallest thing I could find and I said that's funny

Why are you doing that? He said because I can't like why wouldn't I so then we started getting on to like I wonder what what is like what would I what is the smallest thing I would go there for and then it was like what is the smallest thing you can get and walk out like without a bag and just the item you're missing a key part of the story you said you're gonna do this the next day

and I said oh I also happen to have plans to go to the grocery store the next day we should do this as a thing and see who could get the smallest thing. And then Gavin was like, yeah, that's great. Let's do that. And then and then he brought up, should I should I tell Jeff about this? And I was like, yeah, I'll text Jeff and I'll let him know. And we'll do this thing.

It'll be a bit on the show. Then the next day, I didn't plan on bringing this up. But you're crazy person, gavin i need to i'll drop this in the chat gavin sent me it was the day we were supposed to do this and gavin sent me a photo of this jeff let me uh i gotta go to our text you want to fill i'll just i'll just say what it is gavin sent me a photo of because because we talked about what small things could be, I said I bet you it would be something in like the bulk section. Where you could buy like individual nuts

or whatever. Like I would assume that is where the smallest item would be. So the day it's supposed to happen, Gavin sends me this photo. It's just a shelf. It's a shelf of bulk items. You you got seeds you got nuts

you got all this shit I just put in the discord Gavin sent me that and I said oh did you get your small item what did you get he said nah it's just scouting that's like what is I talking about I assumed we would introduce this bit on the episode and then discuss it discuss the rules and then go and do it between episode you think this is a two episode bit why would this andrew andrew i walked around for fucking maybe 35 minutes in a grocery store with this asshole yesterday having a conversation what annoyed you hold hold on a second i'm talking don'm talking. I don't understand. No, I don't understand. So shut up.

Having a conversation with this guy about what does packaging count or is it the item and what is Andrew going to say? And Kevin's like, yeah, I really don't know which way he's going to go. It's your idea. You'll make the decision. It's your bit. Why did you have these conversations with me as if Andrew was in charge?

This is you! This is so confusing! We said, I asked you, I was like, did he say that he was doing it? Because I didn't know if Andrew was doing it, I don't remember him- I told you! And I said, I don't know, he just asked me to do it, I assume we're all doing it and you're like, Fair point! Eric, find a small item!

Right, so then we all went and did it, and then we were talking about like, I'm not sure what counts, and then we were like, well, let's just have Andrew be the decider on what counts. Just because I came up with it doesn't mean I'm the judge of it. I don't know what's good. It's your bit, man! At no point did you tell me this was your...

You're in the driver's seat the whole time! I don't have a license, I don't know how to be in that position. I want to participate. Stop getting behind the wheel, asshole. I just wanted to have the idea for the wheel and then be in the passenger seat. Did Gavin let you know, Jeff, that he had already scouted? He had already done research.

No, he didn't. He walked into the grocery store as if he'd never looked at a grocery store before. You're all the most stupid people I've ever met. I was up front in every point. God. I had this idea with Andrew last night. I said that to you and Eric. You never said that.

I wish Eric was here. I wish Eric was here. You never said that. Now, it may have been that you said it to him and not me because I went off on my own to try to do this. That's true, actually. You guys were stuck in your thumbs up your asses and goofing around I was trying to I was trying to complete the task well in fairness We were very distracted by the anal numbing cream that we found oh

There's anal numbing cream well not in the store like on the way just on in the grass In the grass on the path to the grocery store was an empty tube of anal numbing cream and then another empty tube of uh like astroglide i was never trying to hide the fact that it was my idea or that i'd been to the store yesterday to look around i was i literally said these things in public to you both not to me you didn't say it to me you did not say it to me. You didn't say it to me. You did not say it to me. All right. I wish Eric was here. I do too! Although he's a... He loves to not side with me. No, he tends to...

The thing about Eric is he tends to side with the truth. He sides with the funniest, I think. Sometimes. So we bought small things. Yeah, do we want to do the small things? Should we just go into it then? You didn't want it to be a two-episode bit. Well, it's just I don't know why we'd set it up in one

and reveal it in the next. I just can't imagine. Because sometimes we come up with an idea and we discuss the rules and then we do the idea. That's true. I just felt like this was... When I said let's try shopping from the end caps, you didn't just do it right then in the moment.

No, but it just felt like we had already scheduled doing it before. Like, it just, that's where it was. Yeah, man. Like, you should, listen, when I have an idea for a bit or a game show or something, I'll come to you guys and say, like, hey, I want to try something out on Tuesday. And then I let you know what we're going to do.

I just get a fucking random text from Andrew that says, go to a store and buy the smallest thing before the next podcast. Yeah, I think Andrew messed this up. What do you mean? You asked, should I do that? You're like, oh, I said I could text Jeff. You're like, yeah, it's fine.

Whatever. Like, let's do that. Also, I played Call of Duty last night for like an hour and a half and you guys were nowhere to be found. I didn't play last night. Where was the invite? Yeah, thank you for the invite.

Yeah, it's held up with all the invites you guys don't send me. So far, I've invited you five times, and you've never invited me once. Five times, my ass! In the last 20 years, yes, you've invited me five times. Speaking of Cod, I've got a challenge for Andrew. Wait, are we pivoting off?

We're not doing small things? Are we going to circle back around to small things? Let's vote on it Eric's not here. Does anybody have a point this episode are we going anywhere with this? What do you mean? I was like it than any other upset. I don't know man. This feels on par. I usually have an idea where we're headed uh This is a you wish let's finish the small thing before I get the car. I'll get my small thing ready Do you know do you know what Gavin small thing is Jeff because I was shopping with them I know what his is I know what Eric says another whole fucking bit

Except what the bit is and who made it see now that's weird to me Gavin that you would allow this because I feel like the Entire point of this whole bit is that we reveal to each other and react to the moment to this I just had a stupid idea. You know more about the bit than I do. That's my whole point. I just had a stupid idea. You're the one who turned it into a challenge in a bit. I need you for the rules. No, we were 50-50, though.

I was like, oh, that'd be fun. I'm going to do that. Should we do this as a thing? You're like, yeah, we should do it as a thing. You can't shit this into the universe and expect me to know all the magic rules that you didn't say. Well, no, but I feel like as somebody who has done, what, 100 plus episodes of the show, who's done several things, you'd kind of just know that,

I feel like the structure makes sense. It would feel weird. Name another time where we all know each other's things and then we show each other the things anyway. It's never happened. There's never been a thing. This bit really got away from me. I just, I got really confused and I just couldn't,

I didn't know what was happening. I was just so excited to be just walking through the supermarket with everyone and shopping. You know what's fucking weird? Last week was like the week of weird Gavin. You're just as weird this week, but in a totally

different way. It's like you're trying to throw smoke on the foot fetish stuff by doing it in a totally new way so that we forget about you and celebrity feet and you wanting to suck on the fucking fetish stuff by being weird in a totally new way so that we forget about you and celebrity feet and you wanting to suck on what's her, the fucking, I kissed a girl

and I liked it and then I sucked her toes, lady. Like, you're trying to confuse us with this nonsense. I'm not gonna forget about it, though. I mean, he was such a weird guy.

He almost made me a weird guy because I was talking to other people about how Gavin's a weird foot guy now and it came out of nowhere. Yeah. And I was I was talking to other people about how Gavin's a weird foot guy now and it came out of nowhere yeah and I was like this is he found a pair of feet that he thinks are great feet he thinks these are a great pair of feet and I almost instinctually sent them the feet and then I realized then I would be a weird feet guy yeah so I can't forward it starts

yeah yeah so I just had to, I mean, this is, I'm in complete agreement with you, Jeff. Gavin is, this is a weird Gavin, but in a completely different way. He's like a, he's like a last of us style foot fetish fungus trying to infect the rest of the earth.

That was old Gavin. I don't know what this current, this is just chaotic mess. He's obfuscation free is what his name is it's okay Let me put it to the totally normal geniuses. How do you want to do this? What how should we have done this bit? I think how we should have done it is we all do it independently and then we Reveal our items at the same time and discuss what our process was and our day

I know I mean, I know what I did. I know I did okay. I Salad creamed it. Yeah. Is this your first salad cream? That might be it. That might be the one. Well, I think by trying not to salad cream it, because I feel like you just like blow into stuff.

You're like, I'm doing it. I'm in the middle of doing it. What are the rules, huh? I've got a mouth full of shit. Whereas I was trying not to do that. And by not doing that, I like obfuscated information and then we just went straight into it

so we like I hesitated on the salad cream and then I went full cream oh god damn this is great I'm so disappointed because I feel great about the item I got I really think I'd be shocked if anyone had something smaller I'd be Andrew I'd be shocked if

you had something smaller than my item really okay Yeah, I'm gonna post mine in the discord all right, okay. It's Gavin's bigger than yours Jeff Well, I mean you'll have to just walk okay That depends on your rules. I guess I don't know it's Gavin spit Okay, play that play that clip. Okay. I gotta play a clip now, okay cherry a singular cherry did you just you just took did you oh okay you weighed it that came out that's fancy okay i don't have that i yeah i found uh i was trying to find something like grapes or something that was done by the pound

but by weight uh that would register on a scale. And I found that one cherry cost me 12 cents, which I thought was quite a lot for a single cherry. It feels expensive. So after Gavin bought his cherry, I thought that's brilliant because we had been trying to weigh other foods like a single grape and it would register, but it wouldn't print a ticket. And there's actually a lot of stuff

that wouldn't print tickets for it. But for some reason, it prints off one fucking cherry, right? So I went and found a slightly smaller cherry and scanned that. And it was a nine cent cherry. You got a nine cent cherry? I was so fucking proud of myself.

I went up to Eric and Gavin and I was like, look at what I got. And Eric was like, you can't do that. He got legitimately angry with me. And then he and Gavin had a conversation about whether you were going to allow this in the rules or not.

And they're like, it's not within the spirit of the competition. It's the way Andrew's going to let it. Once again, thinking that it was Andrew's fucking thing. Well, I think we just decided

we didn't want it to be by the smallest cherry competition. No, but I think that's funny too. Eric just gave me cherries. So that was locked in for me mine was cherry so you had a nine cent cherry jeff i had a nine cent cherry but i found something else okay do you want to reveal the other thing you want me to reveal my thing now why don't i yeah i'm trying to like take a photo of it and stuff so why don't you okay so i went immediately as i said my kind of philosophy was i wanted a singular thing so i went to the bulk section i looked around my initial

hope and i thought it'd be really funny is if i could buy a singular grain of rice and then i was going to try to cook the rice to make like one grain i also thought about doing that with a coffee bean but i just i don't know how to grind that and then turn that into coffee so i was looking around and uh i determined i found the smallest thing you can't really tell what it is like the how small it is in the context of the machine but i went with chia seeds i was a black chia seed i'll be honest we also looked at this is right next to flags we also decided that black seeds would have been amazing if it would weigh like if we could so that was the problem i couldn't i don't have a fancy like it doesn't weigh and print a sticker for you you just like

you write down the number and then you take it to the self-checkout and i was so worried that it was gonna like the machine was gonna lock up because it didn't wait it was like error and like somebody would need to help i was just i was terrified of that happening but i grabbed my seed i put it in a bag very difficult to just get one singular black seed you can see it on the scale went with that oh it's an analog scale too yeah oh we're in the past where i live i guess um so secured that and i was able to buy it it weighed out at 0.005 kilograms 10 cents more than jeff's cherry i think jeff got a hell of a deal i would definitely take a cherry over my 10 cent chia seed so i put it on a plate this is it next to a toothpick for context and scale. That is my one item that I bought from the grocery store.

My black chia seed. You're an idiot. Why am I an idiot? Because you've also bought a cooked turkey breast. Oh, no. I just bought a bunch of other groceries at the same time. Yeah, but the whole point. What do you mean the whole point?

The whole point is to go in and buy one small thing. I thought the point was just the smallest item you could buy. Everyone's a total idiot. Myself included. Yeah. There is salad cream all over all of us. No, I said I was going to the grocery store anyway and I would do the same while I was there.

At the time, I told you. Yeah, we'll put it on a different receipt the whole point is to but is to buy something stupid there's a single item i might my cherry so first time i'm hearing these points by the way which could have been brought up he was in the rules and regulations committee with you and he never said that i said it when i said it when you and eric were going through the checkout together i was like no let's do them individually and that's why i did mine individually and anyway i put my i scanned my cherry barcode and uh it gave an error saying uh minimum receipt amount or something and the person the person had to come over and override it and you can tell she has never done that override

before she was like huh and then looked at my cherry just on the thing with a sticker on it it was like she was like rolling her eyes you then looked at my cherry just on the thing with a sticker on it. She was like rolling her eyes. You live my nightmare. It was everything I hoped for. And then I had lunch. I've got to say, Andrew, I think regardless of what Gavin said about you buying turkey with it, I think he won.

That is smaller. That is definitely smaller. You won smallest item, but I think you won. That is smaller. That is definitely smaller. You won smallest item, but I wanted you to just buy that. Okay, well, next time I'm in the grocery store, I'll just buy that. I got the world's smallest battery, but it's still... I mean, it's the size of four of your seeds, but it's still... It's like four times the size

of your seed. But then I wasn't sure how you would treat the packaging, Andrew. Do you think that's actually quite a big item? Well, I's your idea it's your bit so you tell me now see i asked him and he said we had to talk to you because this was you know i just think i just think that's something that you might like a normal person might walk in and buy i was worried that you guys would ding me for having it in a bag i thought you'd count that potentially as the size of my eye see i didn't get that the point of of my item. See, I didn't get that the point of this at any, until just now, I didn't

get that the point of it was that you had to buy the item by itself. I thought the item was to find the smallest thing in the store. I didn't know I was to find the smallest thing in the store and only buy that thing and make a show of buying that thing and saying like, look at me, I'm buying this tiny tiny thing. I didn't realize. Yeah, I would have loved an episode

to discuss all this and then we all just sort of go and do it that would have been my uh oh yeah well you know it would have been a great way to start this instead of saying half the rules and go shut up shut up if only we had a conversation oh wait no this did happen where we went back and forth and i said i'm gonna do this and you're like yeah let's do that and then it's like cool everything was established beforehand we had to talk do you know how this would have worked how it could have and should have worked why this this this would have been no issue at all how should you guys if you guys liked me enough to play video games with me outside of work i would have been there and we could have had the conversation in the moment all

three of us and it would have gotten hammered out immediately. We've been playing more Call of Duty. This is where the work friendship thing gets in the way. I will say that you're acting like we've been playing a million games without you. I think there was one night you weren't there for. You've been part of every other Call of Duty session that at least I've been a part of. I find that hard to believe. And to be fair, I did say

I did say, uh, should we text Jeff? But you had to get off soon anyway, so we ended up, like, by the time you'd come on, Andrew would be leaving anyway. It was a very short session. Yeah, it was like 40 minutes. We played like one or two games. I played last night. It was fun. You didn't invite me. You could have texted me. Where was my text?

Uh, you guys weren't online. No, I always appear offline, though. I'm never online. That's not a good excuse. You could have texted me. You're right. I could have. I just, uh, I guess I just, uh, I'm never online. That's not a good excuse. You could have texted me. You're right. I could have. I just, uh, I guess I just, uh, felt so discouraged I didn't text you. What sucks about this and how this little challenge went is that there was, um, well,

I'm just going to get railed again by Eric when he comes back next week. Can we just tell him that it went really well? Uh, totally smooth and we don't need to discuss it. Andrew, what? He's going to hear this someday. Oh, my God. That's so fucking funny. Can we just tell him that went really well? He's gonna hear this someday. Oh my god. That's so fucking funny So weird that I don't know why that's a great I can't believe you got one of your scales to register a single seed really struggling. We couldn't even get a grape I couldn't I tried a peanut it wouldn't let me do it by a peanut Yeah, you try to coffee beans to a peanut. Yeah, you tried two coffee beans too at one point. I would have loved the two coffee beans.

Would you have like grinded it up and tried to do something with it? Ideally. Oh, that'd be great. Like the world's smallest cup of coffee. I just think I was helped by having antiquated technology and how to do all this stuff. I mean, I feel like I paid for the bag and not the seed. I feel like it's not aware that the seed is there.

But do we want to talk about the other challenge that you tried to pivot into earlier, Gavin? Yeah. So Andrew's very good at Warzone. He wins all the time. He even wins when he's trying to make us both lose by flying us into the gas. I was going to ask about that. By the way, I'm joking about

you guys not. I don't want the audience to think I'm really upset about us not playing Call of Duty together. I'm really just giving you guys a hard time. I very rarely am online playing games anyway but we did play the other night and we uh you had this brilliant idea andrew to get a bunch of gas cans and then fly at the top of the map and just avoid conflict yeah until we got to the last uh to the very end and then i it took me a second to realize you were trying to kill us all no I wasn't I don't believe you I don't think I believe you we have lost every combat exchange essentially that we've been a part of outside of we did good in the bathroom that one time but like when you get to the end

and it's in the open we're not winning any combat exchanges so the thought was what if we just avoid combat entirely and try to out-survive everybody? So we hung out in the helicopter. We had gas cans to fill up, and we just floated above everyone until the final circle. Which was very fun, by the way. And we were laughing. It was hilarious. You guys were, like, throwing mines down at people from the helicopter.

It was very funny. We talked about mines and then all of our money. We made a rain. Yeah. It was very awesome. We talked about molotovs and mines and then all of our money. We made a lane. Yeah, it was great. But my thought was we were near a shopping cart and my plan was to fly to the shopping cart because I had money from going to all the gas stations and I was just going to continually buy gas masks.

What happens is once you're in the final circle, the gas fully covers the map so everyone is dying constantly and you can kind of delay it a little bit by having a gas mask so my plan was go to the buyback station and then just keep buying gas masks because they do not have one near them for where they're at and we could be near one the problem was the gas completely covered everything i went to to the buyback. The buyback was locked down. It would not let me purchase anything. But luckily, I had a self-res, and I had a gas mask,

and I think I had like one other. I had like two self-reses. But can I tell you the real? If we would have lost, we won the game. But if we would have lost, what really would have hurt my soul, Jeff, especially, would be the disappointment from Emily. Because while we would have lost, what really would have hurt my soul, Jeff, especially, would be the disappointment from Emily. Because while we're doing this, Emily was in the background.

And I don't know if she walked up or if you pointed it out. She's watching the whole thing. She's the world's biggest Warzone fan. Well, she was like, what are you guys doing? And she kind of made fun of the fact that we're just in the helicopter not playing to get to the end and then so then I flew into the gas which made it worse and you said like

oh Andrew just flew into the gas is going to get us all killed we were going to win and he ruined it and then Emily just said why like in such an annoyed way I was like no I can't I gotta make this work I cannot have Emily be this disappointed in me and so I was like frantically can't i gotta make this work i cannot have emily be this disappointed in me and so i was like frantically trying to use my syringes timing out my revives as best as i

could we barely won but that was the biggest relief i was like oh i did not fuck up in front of emily it's because emily's been watching me lose call of duty for like three straight years i just love the idea from the perspective of the other team wandering around as the gas closes in like where are these idiots? Where's the other team? And then they just see a helicopter just take off into the distance and then they lose.

Just complete cowards. I don't think you or Gavin shot at anybody. I had maybe one kill. We did nothing. We just lived. I threw shit. So that was our win but you had an idea for a challenge Gavin well Andrew so damn good I'm not yes. You are very very good games constant wins, so I thought I Wonder you know the elite controller comes with those stupid like slightly taller thumbsticks

Yeah, yeah, I thought could he win with those on and I thought what if every time he wins his thumbsticks. Yeah. I thought, could he win with those on? And then I thought, what if every time he wins his thumbsticks get a little bit longer? Let me post something that I've done in Slack. I'm so excited to see. So I'm starting at like one inch. Let me drop this in.

Is it going to be too powerful? It's definitely too powerful for Discord. This is going in Slack. Oh, okay. Alright. When you see it, play it. Everyone play it at the same time. Oh, it's video.

Okay. Are you ready, Geoff? Yes. I'll do it quick. Three, two, one, play. It's buffering for me. That was a pointless countdown. It's going for me.

Oh my god. Oh no! Is that your 3D printer uh it's meg's printer but i took use of it and i did my first little cad design oh um so does it work and then i'm gonna reveal to you the final stage if andrew works his way up through all that is this is gonna have to go in the slack as well okay I'm sorry audience audio podcast that is the funniest

little video it is just they keep going longer next 3d printer 3d printing like 40 thumb thumbsticks and in varying lengths this is the final form which i hope andrew can get to i'll give that a play okay okay here we go oh my god oh my god are you serious how long

is that gavin that is as tall as i could print in that printer that's nine inches nine inches that's so tall that's why i was like oh by the time you get to this one you're gonna be using your chin can you can i get a can i get a photo of that for the thumbnail yeah that's awesome definitely uh and then i've got i'll post you one more this is i think somewhere in the middle i was just testing the way it feels okay so i have to win a warzone game and i can't like hold them like joysticks like you're gonna have to use them like levers like an analog i think i'm gonna have to you have to put my hands on top of them right but how do you do that with your weird claw yeah i'm gonna have

to adjust how i play yeah i think you're gonna have to the struggle is is gonna be touching the nubs at the end and also trying to hit the buttons and triggers. I think that one is three inches. That's going to be somewhere in the middle, that one. Nick is losing it. So I thought, if you can win your way up to nine inches, that would be absolutely incredible. What does he get?

I don't know. We didn't talk about that. That's a good point. It's a lot of work and effort. He gets to pick a piece of gum. From bragging rights. For being better at us than video games. What's funny is my controller

is already broken on top of these attachments. My left bumper doesn't really work. My right trigger is really squeaky. I feel like that's not its way out. It's already a fucked up controller. This is going to be insane. work my right trigger is like really squeaky i feel like that's not its way out so it's gonna be it's already a fucked up controller this is gonna be insane so i can't just to be clear on the rules i have to have my hands above the top i think you have to interact with the stick by the nub on the

top and not by just the neck of it where it meets the controller okay Okay. Is it physically possible? I'm assuming he's going to be getting chins and feet involved. If I'm honest. Yeah. Okay, so if I could use my chin, then I could use my palm, right? It's going to look like you're making season two of Red vs. Blue by the end of it. So if I put

my chin on the one that moves forward and backwards, could I then do my palm on the one that aims and then my right hand on the trigger so I could shoot? I think so, yeah. Would that be allowed? Okay. How good are you with your toes?

Could you use your feet? You know what? I haven't tried. I might be good. Gavin would fucking love it if I did. Maybe this is just another way for Gavin to sneak feet talk into this goddamn show. Oh, I hadn't thought about that. Maybe this is just another way for Gavin to sneak speak talk into this goddamn show.

Oh, I hadn't thought about that. That's subversive, Gavin. It is really. That's a sneaky move by you. Yeah.

Wild. I think I could do it. How many? So it's nine. So it's it's progressive an inch for each stick.

If that's what you want. I figured I would talk to you first and let you pick which which iterations you wanted.

Like if you didn't want to play nine different games, then maybe I'm some i thought i would do a nine no i think i should go the whole way okay so you each victory is a new inch each victory is a new inch yeah i think that's really funny okay i've never seen the 3d printer do that though uh where it's like it's trying to print the really tall one and the entire thing is like swaying around yeah somehow it's still printing i don't know how that works but i was i was surprised it was trying to print the really tall one, and the entire thing is swaying around. Somehow it's still printing. I don't know how that works. But I was surprised it was able to print that

without any support. So I feel like by the time you're at six, though, that's pretty similar to nine in terms of what you'd be doing, I assume. So it's like, do you want to go six, seven, eight, nine, or just go six to nine? I think I want to go an inch for every win. I think it's funnier that way.

Do I have a deadline for once these arrive, how long I have to do this? I don't think so. Can you stream some of these so we can watch? Sure. Maybe I'll stream a nine-inch one. I don't know. What would be the most interesting one to watch? I don't know.

I think it'd just be fun to watch the progress as it goes. I don't think you need to stream every inch or anything, but I would like to just see some of watch the progress as it goes. I don't think you need to stream every inch or anything, but I would like to just... I'd like to see some of the progress, not just at the very end. Okay. We'll figure that out. Yeah, that's definitely doable.

I was just giggling while... When I pulled up on the printer, I was just giggling, imagining all the scenarios that are going to screw you. Wherever you're going, you better believe American Express will be right there with you. Heading for adventure?

We'll help you breeze through security. Meeting friends a world away? You can use your travel credit. Squeezing every drop out of the last day? How about a 4 p.m. late checkout? Just need a nice place to settle in? Enjoy a room upgrade. Wherever you you go we'll go together that's the powerful backing of american express visit amex.ca slash ymx benefits vary by card terms apply nick just brought up a great scenario i

didn't even consider these are all solo wins right i have to do this solo i can't be in teams or duos or whatever has to be i'd say it has to be either solo or trios with us or duos right because we're not helping at all it's like it's worse than being solo okay this is great i do are you gonna mail these? When can I expect these? Do I have time to prepare? I don't even know how I'd prepare. I could mail them, or you could come pick them up. It's up to you.

Yeah, you can mail them. I'm not coming to pick them up. I'm excited. This is a funny idea. I'm excited, too. I do think we need to come up with some sort of a prize for Andrew if he's able to complete it I

agree because it's a huge monumental task this is gonna be tough he's gonna win he's about to win warzone nine more times than all over win warzone I did ask Gavin like how he thinks he would do with like the four inch one and his reply was I can't win on the normal sticks I've actually never won. I've never worked so hard. I can't use a double control

normal people use We um We had an office day recently Yeah, did a bunch of stuff that was that was close phenomenal. We have a recorded since then huh? a bunch of stuff that was that was phenomenal we haven't recorded since then huh we haven't recorded since then i had a really funny conversation with nick and i'm curious if you guys are in the same boat as me or if this is just a me thing uh we did the office date nick never posted a link for me to upload my stuff and so he did it the next day and i put everything in and i was like it's all there good Good to go. Like have a nice weekend.

Then Nick messaged me early the next week and said, hey, I looked. I can't find any of your files. I thought, oh, that's weird. So I looked and they weren't there anymore. So I don't know what happened. But then I just put them back into the thing. They reuploaded and I apologized to Nick. I was like, I'm sorry that happened.

I don't really know what went wrong, but that sucks. I'm sorry. I delayed it if I delayed anything. And he said, no, it's totally fine. I was just worried that you had gotten rid of the files already, to which I realized I just never really thought about it. I haven't deleted a single recording since we started the show. I have all of my recordings still on my computer.

Yeah, no, I think everybody should, right? I have every recording and a backup of every recording. I have two copies of everything I've ever made for F*** Face. I've got every recording of eight hours of a fireplace. So none of us deleted. That's great. That's awesome. All on the same page. I was going back through.

I found the recording of the first commercial we recorded. We recorded a commercial that will be put on all of the audio for every Rooster Teeth podcast. Can we talk about that for a second? Yeah, absolutely. We were doing the merch shoot. So we have some baseball jerseys and baseball caps that are coming out for F*** Face at some point in the future.

And man, by the way, our fucking merch game is strong coming out we've got some fun stuff coming out uh but anyway it's some really stupid stuff in the best ways coming out uh but anyway so we were doing the photo shoot for the baseball jerseys while we were doing that i mentioned i got the file of the completed uh fucking promo So I played it, and I was like, this is so good. And Gavin was like, it's perfect.

I played it for, and Eric was like, it's terrible, I hate it. And then we played it for Barbara Dunkelman, and she hated it. She was like,

don't use that. Am I crazy? No, it's great. It's great. Yeah, we're using it. I think it's great if you've already heard this podcast,

and you already know about it. If you've never heard of us, I don't think it's great if you've already heard this podcast and you already know about it if you've never heard of us i don't think it would bring in a single other viewer i don't care about that though which i think is a total face move and i think it's perfect i think i mean it's within the spirit of the name of the podcast also to be honest with you if i if i heard that commercial sight unseen i'm i'm immediately rushing to listen to whatever Should we play it in this episode? Yeah, can we insert it? Eric, Nick, could you just cut it in here? We just plop it in right now

My name is Jeff Ramsey and I would love to invite you to listen to our fun podcast. It's called F*** Face, and it's about, well, it's about those two things. It's about, we cover faces. We talk about who's got a good face, who's got a bad face. Do you want to fuck it? We do. This is not usable.

What? This is not usable. What do you mean? This is the most professional show. We can't say any of it. And then the audience is wondering why it was bleeped the first time and not bleeped the second time. Tune in every week for a new episode. You'll like it, and so will your mom.

What? Tell her to bring her face. What? What? No! Tell her to bring her face. What? What? No. And then coming out of it, it made me go back and listen to our first commercial, which I don't remember if we recorded one episode first and then recorded our commercial

or if we recorded the commercial first. I don't remember that. recorded one episode first and then recorded our commercial if we recorded the commercial first i don't know that one yeah we absolutely did it was the first one of the first recordings we ever did it's funny because we didn't know what the show was gonna be at that point but we made a commercial for a thing that we just didn't really know what it would be and i'm surprised by how much thematically you could see like where things would go. And in some ways, it's a very similar commercial. It's Eric saying that what we've recorded is completely useless. That's the same thing in both things. It's a terrible read, but it's just interesting to go back and listen to our first commercial.

My name is Jeff Ramsey, and I am the co-host of the new Rooster Teeth podcast, F***s, here with Andrew Patton and Gavin Free. Hello. Andrew, what's a f*** this? A f*** this is an event that happens that makes you look like an idiot and the only way to deal with it is by laughing. And that's the podcast.

Do you think you have anything in there? No! This is it. This is the trailer. You're an idiot. This is it. This is the trailer! You're an idiot! This is it! This is the trailer! Like and subscribe! Now, in that commercial, did we insinuate

we were gonna fuck anybody's mom in the face? Oh, God. Not even. We didn't get close to that, but it was equally unusable in Eric's opinion. What part was Eric pissed about the first one? Just that we didn't really explain anything. We didn't give any indication of what the show would be at all. We just

kind of talked for like 10 seconds and then was Jeff in sort of a dejected way was like, is any of that usable? And Eric says, no, absolutely not. And then that's just the commercial. I think we just still don't know what this how to describe this thing.

I don't know how the fuck I'm supposed to... Even the stuff we say doesn't mean anything. Have you ever told somebody, like, oh, what's your podcast about? And you go, well, technically it's deep lore about nothing. And they go, what does that mean? And you go, I don't know. I honestly don't know. I always get defensive

when people are like, what's it about? And I'm just like thinking in my head and I'm like, I don't what do you want from me yeah what are you about fuck off i will say i've tried to describe what this show is multiple times i have never said that it's about fucking mom's faces that is i don't think anybody specifically said that i i feel you heavily implied it i mean that could be if that's what if that's what you took from it, sure. Have we ever reviewed a face before? Has that ever been a thing that we've done? Like even as an aside, obviously

that's never been a bit we did, but have we ever commented? Isn't that a Mark Zuckerberg thing? Is it? Isn't that why he started Facebook? I don't know. I have no idea. You said that like you had more to expand on. Yeah, I'm waiting to hear. I thought it was like he was rating how hot the women at that college were.

Is that specifically related to faces? Oh, I don't know. I saw the social network once. Isn't that what they were doing? I don't remember the movie very well. I don't remember them reviewing faces in the social network. Oh, shit. Why is it called Facebook, then?

Maybe that's what it was used for but i've never heard anyone open with such confidence that they were an expert on the subject to have nothing else to contribute after that statement tell me more about leona wandel or whatever she makes baskets okay yeah she uh the wicker basket queen she's the head of the baskets interesting what is what is a facebook before facebook it began this is from britannica.com it began at harvard university in 2003 as face mash an online service for students to judge the attractiveness of their fellow students so facebook Facebook started as hot or not? Yeah. I had no idea. I still, I feel like,

even though Gavin's sort of right, describing it as evaluating faces is odd. It's like a strangely specific. Well, it's a very Gavin thing. I mean, it is. Yeah. This is on par with the weird Gavin that we've done in this episode.

Yeah. Let's see if footbook.com is registered. You know it is. They got the same joke at the same time. In this episode. Yeah. Let's see if footbook.com is registered. You know it is. I'm digging the same joke at the same time, feet book. Gross. I don't know if this is worth

expanding on at all, Jeff, but have you had any dental updates? Because that's also a thing you left off on that you were doing on Monday. Yeah. So I went to the... Okay, so I saw you guys,

we did office day on Friday. Yeah. I was fine to the... Okay, so I saw you guys. We did office day on Friday. Yeah. I was fine. I was pretty fine. I'm doing okay. Then Saturday, Emily and I went... I had an interesting experience. Emily told me she wanted to go

spend the day in Waco. Now, I don't think I've been to Waco, Texas since I was in the Army when I was maybe 19 or 18. It's actually one of the first times I was actually... It's probably the only time in my life I was propositioned for sex for money.

Somebody offered me money to have sex with them at a Denny's. I've probably told that story a million times in RT podcasts and stuff. But it was very flattering, and the guy was actually quite a hunk. I felt pretty good about myself that day. Anyway, but not a fan of Waco. Waco is just kind of like, it's a college town.

Baylor, it's like a Christian college. It's a pretty boring, milquetoast, kind of like not so exciting, uh, fucking middle of nowhere Texas college town, right? Uh, no need to go to Waco because we have San Marcos right down the road. Uh, but I hadn't been there in like 25 years. So, HGTV became a thing. It's like a huge thing, obviously. Everybody watches the home, the flipping shows and all that stuff, myself included.

Uh, the Chip and joanna games i've never seen their show but i know of them because i see their magazines in the grocery store and i see their commercials all the time and they have like magnolia or whatever the fuck it is i didn't know that half of waco texas is dedicated to them they they have have a compound downtown in Waco, Texas that's like HGTV Disney World. You walk in and there's a grain silo where you can buy sheets and bedding and there's

a purse store and there's a shirt where you can buy hats and there's a little mini baseball field for the kids to play and they have a big cake cupcake shop. Nick knows all about it, the silos And they have a big cake, cupcake shop. Nick knows all about it. The silos.

They have a big cupcake shop. They have like tons of stuff everywhere. It's like, it's like seven West Elms and a, and, and a CB two and like four pottery barns all together in one big campus. Just, and just with like 500,000 35 year old white

women it was I almost lost Emily 86 times I actually told her I was like god forbid if Emily ever dies early I'm never gonna I'm done with love after her I'm not gonna try to find another uh person to fall in love with I'm not gonna move uh move on i'm gonna emily's my last shot at love so if she were to die tomorrow it'd be the worst but uh but if that were to happen i think i would start going to waco and i think i would just sit at the magnolia compound on a park bench and just watch women from behind because it's almost like she's there. It's the wildest thing. It's just like a thousand blonde ladies all wearing the exact same clothes as my fiance. From behind, it's just like, oh shit, there's Emily.

No, there's Emily. It's insane. We were laughing about it all day. There's got to be better phrasing. That was the worst phrasing. How do you mean? Just watch women from behind. Oh, I see.

No, just like from the front, I can tell that it's not my fiancé. But if you just like see somebody in your peripheral vision, like somebody who's the relative height and size of Meg with red hair, you'd go, oh, that's not Meg. But for a second, you're like...

Maybe you just need to go and squint at women. Yeah. So for a second, you're like, oh, you know, I'm near that person. It gives you like a little dopamine hit of like, oh, they're still with me in this world. Yeah, that's I was with you. It's just so sad. I think it's sad, too.

I hope it never happens. It would be really, really sad if it did. Anyway, so that place is fucking weird and bizarre. And I wasn't a fan. But while I was there, my tooth started hurting. And by the end of the day, it was hurting so goddamn badly that i was googling yeah so i was googling just out of the blue it just started uh i was googling like 24 hour emergency dentist again and i couldn't find anything and then i found one i got an appointment

first thing sunday morning at a dentist across town saturday night i uh i had some painkillers left over from my gum stuff. So I took a painkiller. It calmed down. I went to bed. I woke up in the morning, no pain, totally gone. Like, what the fuck? I went to the dentist anyway, because I'm like, I can't fuck around with this anymore. It's killing me, right? It's pain, no pain, pain, no pain. They'd look at x-rays. They're like, I don't think you need a root canal. And you're not in any pain, right? And I'm like, I'm not in any pain. And they're like, yeah, it's just, it looks fine. They were like, you should just go back to your dentist tomorrow and see what they say. So I'm like, fuck. Okay. I guess.

So I get up the next day and I go to my dentist and we have a long conversation about it. And she retests the tooth 20 different times. And there's really not pain in the way that they think there should be for me to get a, a root canal Now, I realize I'm on painkillers, so that might be part of it. And she was like, let's go another week and just see what happens. One thing she did do was she ground the tooth, the temp down so that it's maybe not like she was afraid that maybe it was a little larger than it should be. And maybe it was like causing extra pressure when I chew or something. Anyway, the sum total of all that meant that by the end of that day, I was ready to kill it should be and maybe it was like causing extra pressure when i chew or something uh anyway the

sum total of all that meant that by the end of that day i was ready to kill myself again from pain uh i took a pain pill and i was going to get up the next morning and call her and go hey i need to come in and get this fucking root canal because it's brutal and there was no pain the next day and there really hasn't been any pain since and so there have been it's like a one or two i've taken like advil a few times here or there i have an appointment to go back next monday i'm assuming this saturday i'll be in intense pain because it only surfaces on saturdays apparently um when i'm the furthest away from the right it's like when it likes to kick in uh it likes to maximize the misery it can it can cause me

uh but yeah i gotta go i gotta go check in next monday and i think i'm just gonna tell her let's do the root canal let's just fucking do it and just get over with just get it over with just get past this because this has now been like a three-week ordeal and it's just like i every day i wake up with like pain roulette and it just i hate this so much because i we can't help you no there's nothing we can do i just feel so helpless every time this happens to you i feel pretty helpless too because i've you know made mouth care a big focus of my life for the past few years and i'm doing and this podcast me too and and yeah and and i'm really i'm really doing everything i can i'm trying not to get

down in the dumps about it um you know i i'm trying to have a good year in 2023 and be positive, but it's getting difficult. I'm really struggling with this one fucking tooth. Is this the last root? How many root canals have you had on this tooth already? Zero. This was just a crown, right? I've never had a root canal.

Okay, you've had a crown. I thought I had, but I've had so many root canals, I thought it was one, but they were like, no, it the one of the rare ones it doesn't i would this is terrible but you know how like in survivor and it's not so much a recent seasons but they used to do that game where like you could everyone would have like three sandbags and if you got the question right you could chop down somebody's sandbag and then whoever's the last one standing one if i could see that with your tooth because you can have three root canals per tooth right like if we could just have a visual

of like what each tooth is on as far as how many root canals it has left in it there can't be there's got to be a lot of ones it's like mario kart battle mode with the balloon exactly yeah it's that i would love to see a per tooth like how many each one oh man oh speaking of uh not to change the subject but survivor starts soon i'm very excited yeah next week like next week i i read an article recently uh well emily read it and showed it to me but uh from a woman who was on survivor like many many years ago and they were asking like what things don't they tell you about Survivor? And in that article, she said that you have, that every single person on Survivor

has diarrhea the entire time. Like the entire show, constant violent diarrhea. And also every dude has jock itch the entire time. Just brutal, painful jock itch. Surrenders. They don't cover that on tv but apparently it's a fucking nightmare and then i think it becomes worse the different environments they filmed in like they all film in fiji now i think but like there are other like when they're in brazil i think like rashes were especially bad they don't really cover that as you said but like difference between like fresh water and ocean

water as far as being able to clean and whatnot like just nightmare well i was getting a uh this is something that made me think of like do you guys have anything like this i was getting a little haircut the other day and the guy finished up by wiping what what what are you laughing nobody's saying anything oh that's someone the guy finished off by wiping up he's right i did laugh because my brain when you said haircut my brain immediately went life hack if you want your hair shorter go to a barber or a hairstylist i just had that that was a little moment to myself that i didn't intend to do. Here's a tip. Hair grows.

Sorry, Gavin. Go ahead. I didn't mean for that to pick up a mic. That was like me on Call of Duty. He wiped... Did we lose Gav? Yeah. He wiped him down and Gavin was never seen again. Gavin?

I think he's gone. Can you not hear me? Well, now he's back. Hey. You're back. So you got wiped down. Some guy finished off on you and then wiped you down. I don't like this.

It's my internet shit. Why is it cut out? I'm talking to the same... You get now. I can hear you. Yeah, I can hear you fine. It's just it cut out. You said wipe down and then we lost it.

So you got wiped down. No, I didn't get wiped down. He finished you off. He wiped some beard oil in and I thought that smells lovely. Do you sell that? And he said, yeah, here's a big old pot of this stuff with a little squeezy top. And he said

you've got to uh just squeeze in like maybe a quarter of a pump like you don't even need to press it all the way down just a little like tiny little grain of rice amount rub on your hands rub it in and i was like look at the size of this bottle and he said yeah that'll probably last you till the rest of your life and i just thought that's a morbid item to have. Like I now own the last beard oil I ever need to buy from now until the end of my life. And I was wondering if either of you guys have already bought the final something. There's a very good chance I bought the last fridge I'll ever own. There's just something worrying about the fact that like i either die or i lose it and that's

the reason i buy more of that stuff i have to i'm not gonna feel the pressure to keep that item wherever i go for the rest of time i see what you're saying but i feel like it's odd to have that tag when your toilet paper roll looks like this when you have enough toilet paper to last you seven years gavin posted a photo of his bathroom recently it's the worst toilet paper rule i've ever seen i don't have an issue with the amount of paper you live your life do what you want to it's in such a shitty spot it sucks i feel like it'll get knocked over and what's like what's the difference in your mind between that purchase and is it just the longevity because you will have to buy another toilet paper roll, but that's long

down the road, I assume. I cut out again. What did you say? I was making fun of your toilet paper roll. I was making fun of your toilet. How long does your toilet paper last you? That lasts me a month. Each roll is a month. One month. I bet that's not even a week for me. Yeah.

Do we test that? Do we see how for me. Yeah. Well, the thing is, it's... Can we test that? Can we see how quickly you can go through that, Jeff? Should I give you one and we'll both just use only that? I think that's a great idea. Let me ask you a question. How many shits a day do you take? Between one and two. Okay.

I'm at four so far today. I'm going to destroy you. Oh, my God. I'm going to destroy you like I destroy toilets. It lasts me a month, but it also, because it's so big, it doesn't dwindle very fast because there's so much

surface area around the large part. So it looks like that for a really long time and then it suddenly disappears. Interesting. Yeah, that's how stuff works. When you use it, it gets smaller eventually. it's not it's not linear in terms like every time you pull five off it doesn't really affect the shape of a giant

one as opposed to when you pull five off a narrow one i mean it it does affect it it's just less noticeable um i do i do think i do think that we should do this so if you'll deliver me one uh can you ensure that meg doesn't shit with that paper for the next month? And I'll ensure that Emily doesn't shit with mine. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

I don't want any outside influences. What did you hate about Andrew? Just that it's on a tiny little stand. That it's right. It's on a tiny little stand. The stand to paper ratio is way off. And also it's like right next to the shower in a way that I feel like is, it's going to get damp.

And I don't want like eight feet of damp toilet paper. Like it's just, it's like right next to the shower in a way that I feel like is just going to get damp. And I don't want like eight feet of damp toilet paper. Like it's just a disaster. It's a big risk. Like you're putting yourself at risk unnecessarily with that placement of the toilet paper. Well, it's gloss in the way. That's fair. I just you get out. I don't know.

Water goes everywhere. You're on me about bathroom stuff. It spreads. You're always it goes. It spreads everywhere. It goes, everything goes everywhere. And then when it comes to your water situation, you're like, I control every droplet. You're not. You're getting water on that paper.

Dude, I think that's an incredibly fair criticism of Andrew. I think it's absolutely fair. I'm doubling down on myself. What were you going to say, Jeff? Is this the bathroom? Are you using a bidet in this bathroom? No, this is my office one. So this is like, my office is the guest bedroom.

So that's just the en suite. So that's if I... So I'm just going to take all of my poos in there then. Okay, you're going to be pooping without a bidet for a month. That seems rough. Or I could just... Well, I mean, it's either that, or I have to tell Meg to get a second one in the master bedroom,

and we'll have his and hers giant bog rolls. Well, it's just like it throws the... I don't know if it's a competition, but it throws the experiment off if I'm using a bidet and you're not, and I'm it throws the experiment off if i'm using a bidet and you're not and i'm not gonna take the month off of using a bidet so i think that's fair i mean you already had to take off a week that's true it was a long it was a long cold week and do you want to come and get this or do you want me to mail it to you i'll definitely come get it. You don't need to mail it to me or bring it, bring it over Sunday.

Okay. We, Nick is being Eric about it and telling us we should start wrapping up, but I do have one more thing to talk about. If y'all, I'd love to hear it. Yeah, definitely.

Don't mind. So I'm working on the cookbook, right? As a matter of fact, I don't know when this airs. I think we're three or four episodes ahead right now. Not recording next week. I'm bummed about that. but anyway, so I don't know when this airs. I think we're three or four episodes ahead right now. Not recording next week. I'm bummed about that. But anyway, so I don't know.

The cookbook may have already been turned in at this point in real time when this airs. But I'm pretty close on it. I still need a recipe for some minor things. Gavin turned in a phenomenal recipe for his cold cheese sandwich. I really appreciate it. I do still need a Plowman's pizza and a Popol's recipe. And if I could get those two things from you, I'd be pretty set.

I can make everything else work. I also, I think I could go back and watch those episodes or listen to them and make it myself, but it sure would be easier if I didn't have to do that. And I also, I think you guys, I don't,

I, you know, I want to be true to your recipes. Anyway, point being, I feel like maybe the book is missing one thing. And I was talking about this with Andrew. And we came upon the idea of what if we built the perfect ultimate recipe? And the way we do this is... God damn it.

What the fuck was that? There's Gavin popping in and out of the discord chat what what were you saying so for the final recipe of the cookbook what if we build together the ultimate recipe and the way that we do that is i will present a recipe like one ingredient and what to do with it and then andrew presents builds on that ingredient and then g Gavin builds on that ingredient, and then Eric and then Nick, and maybe we all go through it twice, and then we see what we've built.

I love the idea. Do we want to make, like... I was thinking of, like, what the structure would be. Could it be, like, a sandwich or, like, a salad or, like, what's something that we could add stuff to that would make sense? Can I tell you what it hurts? Yeah, go ahead.

Hey, what if we bit 10 seconds of silence and then we'll see what we built? Alright. There you go. You've listened to another episode. Just sum up real quick. Is he out? Is he out on the recipe?

I mean, I already summed it up twice. Yeah, you did sum it real quick. Is he out? Is he out on the recipe? I mean, I already summed it up twice. Yeah, you did sum it up twice. We build a recipe by committee, dickhead. I go first, Andrew goes second. I have an idea. I have an idea. Gavin, call Jeff right now on your phone, and then it's a direct communication.

I don't have any signal. You suck. I tried. Move to the city. Oh, my God. Okay, Jeff, you suck. I tried. Move to the city. Oh, my God. Okay, Jeff, you start writing an email right now. Gavin, get ready to receive it. Jeff, do a little summary that's like 10 seconds that we can cut.

I want to build the ultimate recipe, and I want to build it with you guys. I think the book needs one more big, fun thing, and so I was thinking it could start with maybe, Andrew says, okay, you start with chicken and you boil it. And then Gavin says,

okay, and the next thing you do is you add cheese, this kind of cheese. And then Nick adds an ingredient and then Eric adds an ingredient and then I add an ingredient and what to do with it. And then after maybe two rounds,

we have something built that's a food. Love it. It's like the ultimate recipe. I'm all in on that. I don't want to do it anymore. After saying it three times, I no longer want food. Love it. It's like the ultimate recipe. I'm all in on that. Fantastic. I don't want to do it anymore. After saying it three times, I no longer want to participate in it. But I will. You'll come back

around. Once you see the other ingredients, once it gets to your turn on the list, or maybe you even start, I think you'll be back in. Obviously, I don't want to do it today because we don't have Eric, but I think everybody should be involved. But next time we record, which will be in two weeks, be thinking about like what what you want to know. I think it should be a main dish because we're a little light on main dishes.

OK, so interesting. That's fascinating. Yeah. Are there any ingredients that are banned? No. OK, no, I don't think so. I'm worried about Gavin. Nick's banning Piccoli

okay Nick says no Piccoli alright alright alright maybe it's like maybe it's like Rainbow Six Siege maybe we each get to ban one food get to ban one ingredient oh my god can we just all gang up on Gavin you know which ingredients I main

yeah I do. I need to decide, though, if I want to counter the Branston or the South. Gavin mains Branston. I main Branston, typically. Bob Roll. Just back on board. You son of a bitch, I've been.

Oh, my God. why is that so funny? Should we stop now? Yeah, we should stop. I'm just going to brace for whatever Eric says about what happened this time when we talk to him next, but thankfully that's in two weeks. He's a little trickster. He's a little untrustworthy trickster, so I wouldn't be surprised if he completely and totally backs you up just to throw it all into turmoil.

We'll find out. Yeah. Oh, Andrew, we need to record our episode of our of our XFL sports show. And then I don't know what that is. And release them. I don't like to have a release plan because it feels really weird if we release an entire season recap after the season is done like there's no seems seems like a real face thing to do you made a topical podcast for the thing that's already happening and you have no release yes yeah

that's what happened yeah as a test i've spent a lot of time jeff the last few days thinking like i don't know what this show is because it can't be that but it is that maybe we go back to the drawing board uh because i'll be honest with you andrew um i have been really distracted by tooth stuff like my, my tooth is just like present enough to always be distracting to me. You know what I mean? Like I was talking about this with my therapist

and with Emily this week. I feel like I've got nothing done because I feel like I can't focus on anything other than like how annoyed I am about my tooth. And the fact that it's coming on Saturday? Yeah. I feel like the X,

yeah, I'm two days away from misery. I guarantee you. But yeah, so I feel like the X, yeah, and then I'm two days away from misery, I guarantee you. But yeah, so it's like, it's fucking, it's thrown me off my game and I haven't been able

to focus on getting our sports fan podcast out, unfortunately. Do you think Best of F*** Face is out at this point? Yeah, I think so.

I hope so. It was fantastic. Does it come out when the office day, when Sausage Talk comes out? Yeah, I think Sausage Talk comes out It was fantastic. Does it come out when the office day, when Sausage Talk comes out? Yeah, I think Sausage Talk comes out. I don't know when that is, yeah. We should talk about that before we end.

So we filmed the office day. We mentioned that. What did we record in the office day? We should probably talk about those things just so people are aware they're coming. Episode two of Sausage Talk, it was definitely recorded. It was a long one.

I think it was a good one. Eric was mad at me yesterday because we didn't talk about merch stuff that he wanted to talk about in sausage talk uh he's he's just mad all the time now you've noticed that i have he's just angry he looks really mad today when i took a picture of him do you want to see yeah sure oh he looks he he i don't know what it is with these little rooms like eric has an office i assume but everyone's like tucked in these little cubes which is fine for privacy but why the massive window i had so weird like i've never seen this it looked almost like an old painting originally like the way it's formatted just like oh that's such a great idea i want to print a vinyl that's of me having a meeting and i want

to put it on the inside of the window yeah he's upset uh what else did we do uh we recorded a uh what is the name i keep forgetting the name of all these shows because it's so stupid we did a does it do spin-off thing do we do we do we did do we do so that won't come out for a long no that's gonna be gone that's gonna be held for a long time that'll come out after the next season it does it do comes out i found a bunch of s seen on tv products and i showed jeff and gavin and eric the ads for them and we decided does it does no do we do we do we decided do we do which would then become a does it do do we do this for does it do was the premise of that but you won't see that for a long time we recorded a secret audio thing for the 10 gerblers

the 10 golden gerblers for the draw bag we do that have we talked about what that is on air there was some confusion about whether we have or not I don't think you mentioned it yeah I think we've talked about it just to be clear we're making more gerblers uh there

has been a tremendous uh desire for more gerblers uh amongst the the community and and also in my kitchen as well i only have one gerbler and i just want more and so we're gonna make another run of gerblers way more because we don't want uh we want everybody to be able to get one that gets one and so i think we're gonna make a couple thousand and're going to make half of them blue and half of them purple. And then it's going to be like a blind box. Like you're going to have some green. I'm sorry. Green,

green or purple. I'm a fucking idiot. Half of the green, half of them purple. Uh, and then it's just kind of like a blind box. You don't know if you're going to get the green one or the purple one. And then within that,

there are going to be 10 golden Gerblers. They're just like the green and the purple ones, but they're golden. There will only be 10. They will be randomly inserted, so you have no idea of knowing ahead of time if you're getting the golden Gerbler or a green one or a purple one, which are going to be fabulous. You're going to be very happy with your green. You're going to be just as happy with your purple uh as you would be with the golden gerbler the only difference with the golden gerbler is it's going to have a usb drive in the bottom of it with a very special video that we recorded

for you specifically it's i think a great idea i'm excited to see if the people that get those will release them or not or if they'll keep the audio slash video private. Exactly. Video as well. And that's the thing. The video, audio, video, the little presentation that we created that we put on the 10 flash drives that go in the 10 Golden Gerblers, they're yours.

It's up to you. If you want to share them with the world, we encourage you to do so. If you want to hoard it, keep it to yourself like Martin Shkreli did with the Wu-Tang, you can you to do so. If you want to hoard it, keep it to yourself like Martin Shkreli did with the Wu-Tang, you can do that as well. If you want to get your Gerplers seized by the FBI like Martin Shkreli, that is your

business and we will not interfere. We need to wrap this up because I'm getting sick of looking at Eric. He looks like he's in a giant Polaroid and it's upsetting to me. It just looks like a Polaroid to me. It's like he's yelling at us right now from the photo. End this. What are you doing? Stop.

Stop. End. Alright, let's end. Alright. Hey, we'll see you next time. We sure do love you and we love that you listen to this podcast and then watch all the extra content that we make and if you wouldn't mind, let a friend

know. Tell a friend. Fuck a friend as we say. No, don't. We don't say that. We've never said that. It's not like have sex with a friend, but like fuck a friend by like telling you about the face and then they're like, oh, I'm a fucker too now. No. Fuck a face. Yeah.

There's 8 billion people on Earth, somewhere between 7.5 and 8 billion people on Earth, and most of them haven't heard F*** Face yet. And that seems unfair. Why didn't my internet cut out for that bit? I wish. I wish mine did. We'll see you next week.

Hey, guys. Major League Fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. How many chews does it take to finish a hot dog? Is Gavin a host? More merchandise talk? Jeff has a new reality game show? Who is your favorite XFL team? And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil.

All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face. We'll see you next time.