Regulation Podcast - The Boys of Dumpty // Apple Facts & the Regulation Apple [79]

Episode Date: December 1, 2021

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about if we're recording next week during our recording this week, the Boys of Zimmer, Geoff's real doll & his bike dump pants, and Andrew's never had a milkshake. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail] Sponsored by HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/face14 and use code face14), Honey (http://joinhoney.com/face), and Hello Tushy (http://hellotushy.com/face). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

🎵 Hello and welcome to another episode of this podcast called F*** Face. Jeff, Gavin, Andrew, uh... How's everybody been the last eight seconds? Great! That might be the shortest time... Oh, shit, my audio. It might be the shortest time between recordings you've ever had.

Oh, if I start a new file, it starts repeating myself in my own ears and I got confused. I don't know how it happened. I don't know how... Episode 79, by the way. I don't know how it happened,

but I ended... We just ended the podcast and I felt great. I was like on top. I was like, oh, I got my energy back. I had some Gatorade. I'm feeling good.

And then the second we started this podcast, it went away. Really? Why don't we do the second we started this podcast, it went away. Really? Why don't we do it a different day then? No, no, no. We got to get through it. Next week's Thanksgiving.

We got to do this. It's Thanksgiving for one day and then Black Friday. There's still a whole week before that. Okay. You're making yourself available. Is that what you're saying? Next week, I'm available.

Mm-hmm. Is Nick and Eric? I can, yeah. I'm good. You guys want to do Tuesday? I mean, we're already recording, so I don't know why we would stop. Here's what we should do.

Here's what we should do. Let's record. What are you doing in the middle of? What do you mean? Let's record next week as well. Oh. Okay. Well, I assume we were going to record next week anyway.

I assumed we weren't because it was a holiday week. I also assumed we weren't. Oh, okay. But you know what the problem is, Eric? You and Nick and I are the Americans. You know what? Thanksgiving means shit to these two.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I still barely know what it is. It's our second biggest holiday. I celebrate it. I'll have a turkey going on Thursday. The mashed potatoes and everything. That's awesome. You got to.

You got to. You have to. and everything you got to you have to if you watch sports you have to because I got sick of like well also just on social media you're seeing turkey all day and you feel left out you need to have it even if I didn't work for an American company I would be celebrating this because it's just you can't there's only so much turkey you can have shoved in your face

without having it it ruins my day lack of cranberry sauce and thanksgiving no mashed potatoes it's like it's fucking ruined there's no replacement do you get it in that can and it like sloughs out no like a no no no no i'm making my own cranberry sauce you don't make your own cranberry you gotta make your own make your own yeah what you actually like buy cranberries you buy cran cranberries, you put them in the pan, they start popping. Oh, it's a time gap. You put them in a glass of water, you eat them in the bar. When you

have your five-star meal in my bathtub, I'm gonna get a candle for you, I'll make you some fresh cranberry sauce. It's gonna be a great time. You put on your favorite, Maya, you put on your favorite Dolphins fight song. Or maybe it's the Chicago Bears if you want to support your rookie.

Somebody needs to. The coach isn't helping. Someone needs to support Justin Fields. He has no offensive line. I got a thing about that too. Let's talk about stuff not being evergreen. First off, can I just at the top hit a couple of notes just so I can feel like I made some progress on myself? Yeah, please do. Number one, here's the

first thing I wrote down. Let's all record our farts and then see if we can tell them apart. Oh, I can't do them. You can't fart? Well, they're just really quiet. I'd have to have a microphone in my colon to get any sound, I think. Well, I'm not opposed to

that if we need to do it. I'm about to do a whole colon thing tomorrow. I can pick up some pointers from the doctor about inserting cameras and shit. I think it would be fun. We get a bunch of... Everybody farts. We just label it with some random name

so we don't know who it is, and then we mix it up, and then we give it to Nick or somebody, and then they... Well, I would like Nick to be a part of it, actually, so we give it to somebody who's outside of the episode, and then we listen to it. We all see if we we can get it right i think it could be fun okay gavin if you can't fart that'll in itself will be you'll be easy to figure out because you'll be the one that goes i'll maybe i'll eat like two tins of beans and see what i can work up i knew the fiber one bars i'm telling you get some fiber one bars going you'll get a fire

oh you'll you'll you'll be going eric said good name uh gavin you didn't get credit for that i The Fiber One bars, I'm telling you. Get some Fiber One bars going. You'll get a fire. You'll be going. Eric said good name. Gavin, you didn't get credit for that. I might have missed it. What was the name? Wheel of Fortune. That's a great. Oh, that is a great name.

Wheel of Fortune. That is a great name. Wheel of Fortune. That's a fantastic name. I was trying to conjure a fart during the Cosmic Crisp review the entire time as a protest move, and I just couldn't. It wasn't...

You were going to fart in the middle of us eating apples? You're an animal. I was... No, I was trying really hard. It was the only thing I could do. It was the only weapon I had, a protest move and I just couldn't. You were going to fight in the middle of us eating apples? You're an animal. No, I was trying really hard. It was the only thing I could do. It was the only weapon I had and I couldn't build it in time. The bomb was not ready. I should have went in prepared. Oh, you know what I think we should do? While the Cosmic Crisp apples still exist at RT?

Yeah. I think, and then Andrew obviously, actually maybe we should wait until you're able to get one. But the day you get a Cosmic Crisp, I think all of us, one. But the day you get a Cosmic Crisp, I think all of us, Nick and Eric included, should put a Cosmic Crisp apple in our fridge in the back, and then we all agree to pull it out 365 days later and eat it. Yeah.

I think we got to test the longevity of the apple. It's one of their major bragging points. It's one of the major selling points about that apple. What about when this winter, all of my power goes off for four days? What do I do then? You'll be fine because it's 20 degrees outside when your power goes off. The apples will be... Take it out of the fridge and put it outside. It'll be fine.

Wait a second. You're the guy that was giving me shit about refrigerating my apples. Did you just ask me what would happen if you were not able to refrigerate an apple? Is that what just happened? I'm saying if I'm like 10 months is that what just happened am i like fridge locked to it oh so at what point does it become acceptable to like refrigerate an apple according to you no my only point was i don't buy enough apples to need to store them that long yeah i'll just eat them as they're out and it feels weird to eat a cold apple versus a room temperature

apple. Yeah. I agree. But the selling point of that, but that's, this is the irrespective of Gavin and whatever

we agree or disagree with in him. The major selling point of the Cosmic Crisp is that it lasts up to a year in a fridge. So I want to see that. I think we need to test it.

I agree. No, I completely agree. I think it's a great idea. So the day, the day you get your hand on, the day you get your hand on a Cosmic Crisp, let us know, and we'll figure it out on this end.

I just really want to find out if the 8 rating stands for an apple you've eaten. Yeah, I do too. We'll find out. Let me see if I can... I'll check right now. I don't think I'll be able to order one, but there's a website.

It doesn't matter. Anyway, continue. Sorry, what other notes do you have, Jeff? Man, I got so much, I realized. I'll check right now. I don't think I'll be able to order one, but there's a website. It doesn't matter. Anyway, continue. Sorry. What other notes do you have? Man, I got so much. I realized we had a comment lever regulation listener named Ben Davis, who's really awesome. He's very communicative on social,

who made a really cool action figure of me in a porta potty that i want to show you guys at some point that i think i should have talked about last episode it's amazing fucking you've seen a little bit of it that's really cool i also wanted to show you guys i got a really really cool baseball card out of a random ass drop the other day and i was so blown away by it that i had to i have to i wanted to show you guys immediately but i figured it'd be better to do it on camera. This is a baseball card I legit pulled from a pack I bought at a baseball card shop the other day. Didn't know this card existed.

It's a cool... Oh, the boys of Zimmer. The boys of Zimmer. It's Ryan Sandberg, Andre Dawson, and Greg Maddox. These would have been Chicago Cubs like in the probably 1990, 1991. And I was so blown away i thought it would be fun for us we need to remake this baseball card with us and sell it as a poster boys of zimmer which one would you be jeff you'd have to be in the middle i think

i would like to be andre dawson if i'm being honest with you he is the ever all those guys are hall of Famers but Andre Dawson is the coolest motherfucker and he's got a cool pose I want a bat, I want to hold the bat Andrew's the bat, Andrew's Ryan Sandberg I'm Greg Maddox and I'm just holding my own hand it looks like you're holding your dick dude

what you're doing is you're covering your phone you have just received a text from Jeff and you're affectionately looking at the others. What you're doing is you're covering your phone. You have just received a text from Jeff, and you're affectionately looking at how great the text was. That's what I'm doing. I'm really excited to respond. Anyway, just a little thing, but fucking very, very cool. I thought that I would share that with you guys.

Don Zimmer continues to make his presence known in our lives weekly. It's despite the fact that the man is dead. Did he coach all three of them? I guess he must have. Yeah. What? What a weird. What did he coach?

No, he coached two of them. One of them never met him. It's the boys Zimmer card. What are you fucking talking about? Maybe the dumbest question I've ever heard. Two of them were his players. I was just a Zimmer fan. No, but it might be like they're an organization.

And one person knew him. Oh, yeah. The baseball team, the Zimmers, everyone's favorite. These are the boys. Do you think these are his sons, Gavin? Like, what are you asking? Did they play for him? What did you say?

Was a player even know? Did they know him?? What did you say? Did you was a player even know? Did they know him? They met Don Zimmer. Fucking boys, the Zimmer card. So you're putting that up there. Top three dumbest questions on the Facebook. I see that. I'm not saying overall.

I'm saying it's one of the dumbest questions I've ever heard you ask. I'm just surprised his face isn't on there. That's that's mainly it. I'm just like, well, he's not a boy of himself. Why would you ask on the show. I'm just surprised his face isn't on there. That's mainly it. I'm just like, what do these people have to do with it? Well, he's not a boy of himself. Why would he be on the- These are the boys of Zimmer. Boys of me. They're not his sons.

What the fu- Like it's a teletub- You want fucking Zimmer's head in the top right just looking down on them? Like, what do you want? Where's Zimmer in this card? It's just expecting a lot. It's expecting every single person who sees that to know who Don Zimmer is sure but I like what are you I don't I'm so I don't know how to reply to that I got so many issues with that statement I don't know where to begin you're buying baseball cards in the world of baseball Don Zimmer is so famous that simply putting the boys of Zimmer on a card instantly every

baseball fan on earth knows who they're talking about I don't think there's a single person Gavin who knows who the guys on the card are who would then not know who Zimmer is it's like a baseball card it's like a baseball card that just said the boys of Baker

and it was a picture of three hands If it was Dusty Baker that would make sense Would it? Well if it was three Houston Astros I guess Okay but they were called It was a whole I think you're taking the boy thing is where it's really

Thrown you Gavin it's like it's what they were called The Boys of Zimmer I think you're taking the boy thing is where it's really thrown you Gavin it's like that's what they were called the boys is immer the whole team was because the tape that VHS that we're going to watch is in that called like the boys is immer as well I think so yeah I believe it was like a play off the boys of summer right yeah other little one I just threw up

it's just a picture of a Humpty Dumpty that I ran into when I was in Detroit I had a whole Apple weekend I kind of covered it in the the regular the supplemental episode so I don't need to go through it again but I was in Detroit. I had a whole Apple weekend. I kind of covered it in the supplemental episode, so I don't need to go through it again, but I couldn't remember if I shared that creepy ass fucking Humpty Dumpty

with y'all or not, but it definitely stuck out to me. Once again, Humpty Dumpty also. Don Zimmer, Humpty Dumpty, they're everywhere in the world. You just don't realize it until you open your eyes. See, that would make sense.

The Boys of Dumpty and Three Eggs. Everyone would know who that was. What's wrong, Eric? What don't you get? The Boys of Dumpty? Well, it's the same format. I don't know. It's a colloquial name.

Guess who just got back today the boys dumped that had been away jesus and i'd also be wondering their connection to Dumpty himself. Are they affiliated? Like, were they in the same packet of eggs? Were they also cannons? Yeah, were they cannons? Were they muskets? That's where my confusion is, because we talked about how Humpty

Dumpty wasn't necessarily an egg, and so your thing is, it would be an egg, but then he wouldn't be on there as an egg But we know he's a cannon so it's just three eggs and it says I agree. If it said, if the first thing we saw was boys of dump T and three eggs,

I would say this format's incredibly weak. This is so funny. I feel bad for the, I feel bad about the last episode. Oh, I just, I feel bad for the- I feel bad about the last episode. Oh god. I just- I- Oh my god. Do you think- Gavin, did somebody have to sit the eggs down?

Did someone have to sit the boys down and explain what happened to the Humpty? It was a tragic accident. We tried! We could not put it back Those three sad eggs Oh I'm also deeply alarmed by the slushy flavors In that photo What the fuck is a blue razz

What is a blue razz Blue slushy is a raspberry flavor aren't they But What It's like the universal slushy color for a raspberry To differentiate from strawbs Really I think so Like the universal slushy color for a raspberry to differentiate from strawbs. Really?

I think so. Okay. Like a blue slush puppy? I never would associate that as like a raspberry. Huh. You wouldn't? No. It's just blue.

It just tastes blue. It has a blue taste. I mean, you know it's all based on a fruit, right? What fruit would you think? I would assume blueberry. If you're going blue. blue like typically you make the color match the fruit that it is not the other way but does anyone really on the tip of their tongue know what a blueberry flavor tastes like yeah i love blueberry what are you talking about i'm a big blueberry fan too it is it's up there i mean i'm a fan i like this i like the flavor it's just not you don't pluck you can't like

pluck it from memory As easy as a strawberry I don't even know what you're saying At that point I don't know how to argue The memory Like it doesn't remember well What does that mean?

It what? It what? It doesn't remember well Like what does a dragon fruit taste like? I've never had one I've never tasted it What? It what? Does it remember well? What does a dragon fruit taste like? I've never had one. I've never tasted it. Okay, bad example. There's not a single fruit that I've had that I couldn't

remember what it tasted like. Really? Yeah. I think I'm with Andrew on that one. Oh, shit. You have fruit forgetfulness. It's only a little bit. Like, if I ate one, I'd be like, that's definitely a blueberry.

Like, if I ate one blindfolded. Right, you would recognize it. If I drank blueberry flavor, I don't think... Oh, I didn't mean to send the... Sorry, continue. So, okay, Gavin, if we're doing... If we're making a poster that said, The Boys of Berries,

what berries are you putting on? What are three what are your berry types um well strawberry and raspberry are in and probably banana a banana is a berry i remember that was a crazy banana is still chalky i will stand to that it is a chalky texture you got banana memory. You don't even have fruit memory. I can't trust anything that you say about what fruit tastes like. You don't remember. They're not chalky. Chalky to me is almost like powdery in terms of texture and taste. I don't know.

I'm telling you how it is. And I think it's the highest ranked Halo Infinite player here. I think my opinion stands above yours what are you gold for as the diamond as a diamond one okay I don't want to your fruit opinions are wrong and I will hold to this what's the correlation between

fruit and Halo it's just rank you know Jeff as you brought up it's a military ranking in the past I just feel like I hold a higher standing in an argument I could just I'll pull rank I'll pull halo rank regardless of how relevant it is halo rank you gotta be careful

of that because Gavin could get himself promoted real quickly there's no way Gavin's ever gonna pass me in halo rank there's a 0% chance it could happen I could play with some good people I don't know about that maybe some of jeff's new friends yeah wait till i find my new friends you can play with them then they won't be my friends anymore they'll leave me for you hey do you want to play halo tonight uh yeah with you yeah yeah andrew are we doing ranked or like what are we what are we doing this is right oh uh right face place hailer i like

that i like that one thing i would like to add uh before we move on just because he did such a great job with it i just i wanted to send this poster or this picture of the accessories been made to go along with this action figure including a an iced coffee four different hands so that i can have different hand articulations a butterfly net uh to i don't know to catch apples with uh and then a fish and pull so i've been getting updates on this jeff for like a year at this point i've been a lot of people have seen piece by piece yeah and it is amazing and then seeing it all come together it is wonderful i love the uh the all come together, it is wonderful. I love the Port-A-Potty photo shoot. It's perfect.

Yeah, he shot it in the real Port-A-Potty. Yeah, because he... How did he do it, though? Well, I think talent. Yeah, but it's like, how many different talents do you need to do that? So he works in the film industry in England, and he is in the art department. I'm not exactly sure what his... And he told me, but it's hard to remember the particulars, but he is in, uh, like art department. I, I'm not exactly sure what his, and he told me,

but you know, uh, it's hard to remember the particulars, but he is in the art department. He, he does a lot of graphic work. He does some physical work. And then he, uh, I guess is real tight with all the other people in the art department and they do this kind of stuff for fun occasionally. Like, and so he got some other people to make maquettes and, and they, yeah, it's fucking, it's the craziest thing about it is I took my clothes off. I got a dick and it's not bad. It's like a real dick.

He took me. Do you guys want to see my dick? I'll show you. No, I think I'm good. No, I want to see. And, uh, he's got, he's in the fucking Don Pedro shirt. My, all my tattoos are there physically, the real tattoos, which is insanity. Is my nose on there?

I believe so, yes. I'm excited about taking this photo of my fucking cock. All right. Pull your little pants back up, Jeffy. Pull your little pants back up. Stuck on your butt. Okay. There we go so stupid

it's like a real doll well TBD I'll let you know how it works if I he Eric said it's like a real doll

so I said I'll let you know how it fucks uh no I not actually going to have sex with it but i yeah oh oh god there's pubes on it and i got a bell i've got a bell you're circumcised i am circumcised i got a dick well i'll tell you something else, Gavin.

Our artists are an interesting bunch. Did you know that this is years and years and years ago at the day job, we had an online comic called RT Comics. And another Canadian, a guy named Luke McKay, he drew it. And then my ex-wife wrote the comics. And Luke would draw us. It was all the RT characters characters and like you know whatever scenarios that that she wrote for them he drew our dicks under every pair of pants every time

he drew anybody from our company he drew a dick before he put the pants on he showed me in photoshop layers he's like when i put the books together you know because we had like five books he would show me he'd be like hey you want to see your dick there it is every fucking time he drew any of us from the from the knees up they had a dick the entire time how was the detail it was a commissariat with the rest of uh his art you know similar in vain and style that's interesting i can't wait for jack to look at these images without context that's gonna be a good one we should start we should start um having jack record like one minute summaries of the episodes but he hasn't listened to them yet and put them as like next week on face oh oh how about this do you guys think we need some sort of a hand signal or handshake because i came up with one well i i

feel like that was yeah we talked we talked about that, right? Like we're going to invent the next. Yeah, that was the whole thing we discussed. When did we discuss that? That was like two episodes ago, like around the Dusty Baker thing, which kind of led into the high five different things of like a long distance, a new version of it. I guess that must have been why it was rattling around in the back of my head.

And but I hit me the other day. I think I came up with something. We asked people to send them. OK, well, I came up with one of my head. But it hit me the other day. I think I came up with something. We asked people to send them. Okay, well, I came up with one of my own. Did anybody send any? Yeah, there was one that I think was called the belly flop or something, or it was like both hands downward, I want to say.

This is a few weeks ago at this point. It's not clear. It's not fresh in my mind, but I'm excited to see yours. Nothing of note. I think I'm going to film it right now just because it's easier to show you guys. So let me put my video. I'm going to record.

We starts with a baseball, baseball bat, choke up, swing into an apple, and then you take a bite out of it. It sounds like you're just doing a TikTok dance. No, no. I feel like I just heard a TikTok dance. There's no dancing going on. Let me just... Can I get that up on the...

Let's watch this be too big for Discord. It's going to be too big for Discord. I'm holding my hands like I'm holding a bat. Is that phase one? Yeah, phase one is the bat. Okay. Are both people doing this, or is one hand of each person... No, you just do it when you see somebody.

Yeah. I'm going to watch this now. Where's the high-five part? There is no high-five. this or is one hand of each person no you just do it when you see somebody yeah all right i'm gonna watch this now i don't know where's the high five part there is no high five what are we what was the what was that well it was a hand it was a hand signal okay a hand signal got it yeah i didn't say anything about a high five i just said that we need like a handshake or a signal you know maybe if you do that into a crowd of people and anyone does it back they know that you're a facer they know that you're a f***facer. They know that you're a regulation listener.

Like NBA players, when they go out onto the court, they do like 75 different wacky handshake thing and they touch their toe and then touch their elbows and do a cool thing. I thought it'd be cool if we had our own version of it. And I think it hits baseball because we used to be a baseball podcast. And then it hits apples

because we are an Apple podcast. And I thought it's a combination of the old and the new. I feel like it's a universal sign if you're a boy of Zimmer, or not. You gotta be careful. The only area you gotta worry about is when you're making the apple sign with your hands,

you gotta be careful you're not making one of those anime hearts that everybody loves to do. Because it's not. It's an apple. We're not taking a bite out of a heart to take a bite out of a big apple. I just don't think I've ever taken a bite out of an apple that i'm holding with both hands i need both hands to make the apple

the representation of the apple why do you have to be difficult do you yeah i feel like you could otherwise you just have a half with one hand i feel like you got to like pretend that you're like rubbing it off on your shirt. No, no, no. Well, now that's interesting. Rubbing it off on your shirt is interesting. I do think, though, if you start with part one, the swing, you swing, that if any of you just come with one hand

and you make a half circle, it just looks like you've got a baseball now because you've just hit something with a baseball bat. I think the apple sells it. So you're saying that the second hand differentiates a baseball from an apple? Yes, the second hand differentiates a baseball from an apple. Thank you. I will say, I think if you just show a photo to people

of you doing your apple gesture, I don't know how many of them would say that you're making an apple with your hands. Well, that's because it's designed to be viewed fluidly as a video. It's not a static thing. Do you have an Apple shirt on? I do have an Apple shirt on, yeah.

So have you been more into apples or cider? What was that trip mainly about? Was it about, I guess you're not drinking alcoholic cider? No, that trip was my yearly Apple trip. And honestly, it's about two things. Well, three things. It's about cider, fresh, hot cider on a cold day it's about uh apple cinnamon donuts like these hot apple cinnamon donuts you get in in in michigan and and it's about uh apple sliced apples with caramel drizzled on it and nuts that's what i always get when i go those are like the big

three things but it's like it's like an apple orgy dude andrew would lose his fucking mind it's it's insane it's in detroit Andrew would lose his fucking mind. It's insane. It's in Detroit? It would be like Shangri-La. Outside of Detroit, yeah, like in Grosse Pointe, that area. There's apples, there's cider mills everywhere,

and it's just like apples for days. Huh. Yeah, it's really cool. That's where I got the shirt from. Could I, is there like, hmm, is there like a days of summer type thing, but with apples, just touring like different parts of

the u.s getting the apples as they ripen across the season i think that's a great idea maybe that's like a journey i go on fully embrace the apple lifestyle i think there's a lot you could learn from it i like for instance i have a bunch of apple facts i could throw out oh i'd love an apple fact did you know that apples are the second most valuable fruit in the United States? Oranges are the first. These are, um, there were a bunch of apple signs, and I just took pictures of all of them at the cider mill so I could

second-hand them. Sounds like a top-tier fruit. Johnny Appleseed Chapman brought a small variety of apples from Europe. He spent his life planting apple trees across America. Oh, who cares? Uh, don't care about him. Here we go. The most beautiful apples are known to grow in the state of what?

The most beautiful. We're talking just apple beauty. Where are the most beautiful? There's a little bit of apple trivia for you. Maine. All right.

Gavin's answer is Maine. Andrew, where do you think the most beautiful apples in America are going? I'm going to say they're going to keep it. It's a humble brag. They're bragging about themselves. I'm going to say Michigan're going to keep it. It's a humble brag. They're bragging about themselves.

I'm going to say Michigan. Michigan. All right. And Eric, your answer is Washington. Nick, do you want to weigh in here? Do you care? I mean, Washington have the organization, don't they? The answer is Washington.

Yeah. The most beautiful apples are known to grow in the state of Washington. However, the most flavorful are in the eastern states. While Washington ranks number one in producing apples in the United States at nearly 60%, New York, believe it or not, is number two at 11%.

Michigan is a distant third with 8%. Cosmic Crisp Apple is from Washington. That is correct. Eric was asking. Yeah, it's from Washington. It is a Washington apple. Those are my apple facts. I learned that the Granny Smith apple was made accidentally.

Learned that the other day. One was just like throwing apples out her window and accidentally made the Granny Smith apple. Wait, what? The inventor of the Granny Smith apple accidentally made it. She was throwing crab apples out her window and they lived on like an orchard and it just happened to mix with a different type of apple and it created the the granny smith apple complete accident that brings up a question i have

what's so funny about that gap she died two years later she never even got to live in the world of the granny smith apple no she's a last name smith uh it was it was her husband's last name and they both died two years later and then somebody bought the orchard and was like i'll just call them granny smith apples and then they became super famous what a what a sweet homage yeah if they didn't realize what they'd come up with though why would it be a memorable story what do you mean what are you asking sorry yeah why are you asking did they know the success of the apple that was okay so she made the app she would like make apples and apple pies and like sell them

and then she made this apple that was like holy fuck this is a good apple people like this apple it's a great baking apple she had some success with it and she had somebody come in and like characterize and be like yeah this is a new species of apple. She started growing it. Then she died. Then her husband died like shortly after. And then somebody just bought the orchard and just mass produced them. So she never got.

Yeah. Like the person that created the Granny Smith apple has no real awareness of how popular it became. It didn't become like a huge success until after the guy bought everything. It didn't become a huge success until after the guy bought everything. So what if we just took every single known apple and had a big food fight with 100 people throwing these apples? Would we potentially make an apple in the middle somewhere? I don't... Not... Oh, this is where I wanted to take this.

That is phenomenal, Gavin. That's a great idea. I want us to make our own apple. Okay. Why not? Why not? This is what, that was a note I had written down.

I'm seeing you birth the idea in front of me. That's exactly what we need to do. I think we could do it with a little bit more intent, but I love the random nature of it. But, like, the Cosmic Crisp was invented in our lifetimes. So why can't we invent the F*** Facer, or whatever we call it? The regulation apple.

Regulation apple! Oh, it's like it was meant to be! A regulation apple! That's what everybody needs! Then you know out the gate what you're getting! Oh, we've got to invent it! Oh, we have to invent an apple that's regulation. So what are the requirements for crossbreeding?

Do we need one seed from one? How does an apple make a baby? I feel like, from what it sounds like, we just need a viable window. We just need a good window to throw some apples out of. Are we going to get into splicing? I think you have to splice it. I mean, Granny Smith didn't.

Granny Smith did not splice. It sounded like she just had a lawn full of rot that made an apple. It sounded like Granny Smith's backyard trash can just yielded unexpected results. Well, we'll look into it, right? Yeah. I don't know how to

make an apple, but I think we could invent one. And then, when we invent our own apple, here's where we go with it right so we invent the apple takes the nation by storm eventually the world hopefully then we follow up with it we already working on in the background because it's gonna take a while then we follow up with our boom our fucking our badass hot cider whatever that is regulation cider and that's people love cider great on a cold day you can we can make some people can mix booze with it if they're into that thing uh i see a lot of potential for us i i apologize if we've already covered it i feel like we let into this episode and then haven't actually touched on the thing you wanted to create an unscrumpable bag i

feel like this also ties into that well yeah that's why I asked earlier before I dumped into that or I dove in and I said, are we going to continue with apples or should I peel it back? Get it, peel it back. Should I peel it back? Because I don't want to dump a lot of energy on the apple front if it's not a direction that the podcast is headed. You know, I don't want to

just like sit and retread old ground because there's a whole world of apples out there I was not aware of. Do you guys know there's black apples? I've never heard of a black apple. Yeah, let me find it. I also saw people posted pictures of an apple that's like red on the inside. It's like pinkish.

I did see that. I want to try that one. That looks good. I also want to try it. Yeah, look at this. This is going to freak you out. It's a little freaky. Oh, that's Apple little freaky. Interesting.

Oh, that's Apple Watch. Here we go. Copy. This is called... I'm waiting for Jeff to just send his action figure dick again. I'm not expecting that. Hey, I warned you I was sending you my action figure dick. I didn't just throw it at you.

Unannounced. Okay, boom. There you go. That's what a black diamond apple looks like. Cost about seven bucks an apple. They're expensive. It looks like you're looking into space. It looks like you're looking into space.

Should we have a rare apple taste? Well, we're gonna need we're gonna need Apple experience if we're gonna invent the next Apple. What if our Apple was black also? It could be. it really could be it would match our color palette for the podcast that's an excellent point oh i wonder if anybody's

ever been able to design an apple that you that has the logo branded in it as it's being like could we could we grow an apple that already says regulation apple on it grow an apple that knows English it's a well I don't know much about apples yet

but I like the black diamond apple so far yeah it's beautiful it looks like a galaxy, kind of. Anyway, there's a whole world of apples out there. If that's the direction we want to continue down, if we've already beaten the audience over the head with apples for too much, then I don't want to do it. But I think that there's a lot of potential.

Maybe it's something to come back to at some point. Yeah, I think we've got to go to the lab. I feel like we could definitely make... If we got Eric to get a selection of maybe six rare apples in a nice foam case again, and we'll have Andrew watch, we could definitely do a nice new tasting. Give our reviews of each one. That's a great idea.

Eric says already working on it. Ooh. That's a great idea. I think I could buy some black apple seeds. Hmm. You don't have to grow the freaking tree every time well it's just I can't see anywhere else to get this apple

I want this apple I already said I'll fly you here I'll use Betty White's money we got about 650 bucks after taxes burning a hole in our pocket I really want to win the Betty White contest i want you to it's already

over now by the time this comes out it is it will be known we were picked or not wherever you're going you better believe american express will be right there with you heading for adventure we'll help you breeze through security. Meeting friends a world away? You can use your travel credit. Squeezing every drop out of the last day? How about a 4 p.m. late checkout? Just need a nice place to settle in?

Enjoy your room upgrade. Wherever you go, we'll go together. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamx. Benefits vary by card. Terms apply. Can I tell you guys a funny, embarrassing thing that happened to me? Of course.

Is it about your bike? Well, sort of, yeah. So I got bike problems. You've got to get into the bike stuff. All three of my bikes are down. Actually, my bike is back up. But it's been a whole thing. I'm currently in the market.

I'm currently shopping for a new bike right now. Yesterday, I did go for a bike ride and I've been having a problem with butt rash, sore butt from riding my bike too much. It's a common thing. To combat it, some audience members recommended I buy some of those, I don't know

what they're called, but those little bike shorts that it's like a diaper, sort of, but it's like padding on your butt. Like it's around your, like your gooch and your butt, but it makes you have like a big dumpy bubble butt. The other day. Yeah. Yeah.

So I bought a couple pair and they're great. They actually work very well. And so I wear them every time I go on a bike ride. And the other day I came home and like, as I was coming home like the mailman was there and I needed to sign for something and the dog needed to go to the bathroom and then I realized like oh shit I need to go buy uh some stuff for the to prepare for the colonoscopy I needed to buy some like a laxative that I didn't have yet and I was like oh shit I just got my keys and I ran to the store and I was standing in line at the grocery store with like me and like I don't know

like seven or eight like ladies that are just doing their daily shopping. And I noticed one lady kind of give me a dirty look and I'm used to it. Right. Like I get it. I get it. You know, I did somebody I saw I recently did the RT podcast and somebody said I look like I do meth at a gas station. So it's like I get it, you know, I do meth at a gas station. So it's like, I get it, you know? And I'm covered in tattoos and stuff. So I am used to getting like weird looks.

But then another lady gave me kind of a weird look. And I thought that's weird because this is Austin. And this is my grocery store. I come here all the time. And then I realized when I moved, oh, I've got my dumpy underwear on. And I looked behind me. And I just looked like I was walking around with a fucking fucking like I had taken seven shits in my pants. It was just like I had a hanging dumpy asshole and they were just and it was very noticeable. And I had completely forgotten that I was still wearing him because I normally I take him off immediately.

And yeah, so I I was I was a little embarrassed for that. Yeah, I can't believe you're wearing those. That must be quite a contrast to all the tattoos. I feel like you've actually moved over from person who rides a bike to a cyclist. Oh, well, here's the thing. I definitely am not a cyclist. I was wearing them, Gavin, under my pants.

That's the thing. I'm not going to wear them just the shorts and look like a bicyclist asshole. No, I was wearing them under a pair of pants, which is what made it look extra dumpy. It's like, if I was just wearing the cycling shorts, then they would have looked at me and said, oh, he's a cyclist.

I see. He's just gross. What they saw was, that guy took a bunch of shits in his actual normal pants, and it's just hanging. It's just all gathering at the bottom, and it looked like my butt was melting. So how do they have more padding is that how they're helpful to you yeah they have a ton they've solved they've

solved the problem would you say it's a more effective solution than covering your ass and tiger bomb yes okay as long as we've moved forward from there yes we're not gonna do that again we've uh no we've definitely uh we've learned we've learned forward from there. Yes, we're not going to do that again. We've definitely learned some lessons there. That will not be happening again. I don't even know. For a guy who rides his bike six or seven days a week, I think I've ridden my bike three times in the past six weeks. Oh, wow.

So what's the main issue with some of your bikes? Okay, so I have three bikes, right? I have my bike, have emily's bike and i have millie's bike uh they're all the same bike uh mine's just a little bigger right uh and so but they're all the same e-bike so uh i was riding mine on a trip and i was riding my bike uh the other day and well actually i couldn't here's the deal i was riding my bike the other day. Well, actually, I couldn't. Here's the deal. I was riding my bike about six weeks ago, seven weeks ago,

and I popped a tire and a spoke, and I didn't have a spoke, and so I couldn't fix it. So I called to get it repaired, right? And then the guy was going to take the guy about a week to come out and repair it, which is fine because I have two backup bikes. I have Millie's and Emily's, and they never ride theirs, right? Was the spoke a nonstandard size? Uh,

everything about an e-bike is nonstandard. So, and, and complicated. So, uh, I, uh,

I'm like, no problem. I can wait. I got other bikes. Right. So I just hop on Emily's bike. I start riding her bike. The second time I ride Emily's bike,

I'm about seven miles from home and it just turns off. And an e-bike is an amazing piece of machinery when it's on. When it's off, it's an undriveable behemoth that weighs... It goes from being, I don't know, 12 ounces to 400 pounds. So wait, you can't... When the little motor dies, it doesn't just become a bike yeah it becomes a very inefficient bike like you can pedal it you can work it it's got gears it's just heavy as sin and it's and it doesn't work well it's a nightmare i feel like you downplay the effectiveness of the bike when it's working no and now when the bike doesn't work it's like oh

my god everything is broken all of the stuff to assist when the bike when the listen when the the the effectiveness is great when it's working i don't think i'm downplaying it it's just that when it's off you're it's first off you've got like a fucking 25 pound battery the frame is heavy it's three times as heavy as a normal bike so it's just more work than a normal bike would be when it's not on i get that i have a normal bike i'm actually going to get it out of storage and start riding it again because i'm getting sick of these e-bikes but i am still going further down the e-bike road i'm not giving up on e-bikes because i love them uh anyway so uh seven miles away from home it it goes dead so i have to ride it slash walk it home it's for some reason and i'm i swear i'm not kidding it is any direction

i ride from my house coming back is uphill it's like i live on the tallest i live in the tallest point of austin so i ride this fucking this hunk of shit seven miles home take it apart the battery just won't turn on anymore i look there's scorch marks where the battery part connects i'm like oh i must have blown the battery out or something. That sucks. Battery's, by the way, 500 bucks to replace. So I'm like, that fucking sucks. No worries.

I'll just ride Millie's bike. Thank God I have a third bike, right? The next day, I ride Millie's bike, and six miles away from home, it dies in the exact same way. The battery exploded again? It just stopped working. I walk, push it home, take it apart, look,

same problem, it's scorching. I call the company, they're like, yeah, these batteries are only rated for two years, so we can't replace them. I've had the bikes for a little over two years, of course. So I'm like, fuck. Well, that's okay, because tomorrow, the guy's coming to fix my bike.

And then I, uh, well, it wasn't tomorrow. It was actually, it was actually, I had, uh, I'm getting it wrong. Sorry. This is, this is a while ago. This is like six weeks of nonsense. Uh, I think what had happened is I had bought another battery in advance. And so then other battery came and I was able to put it back into Emily's bike.

And the new battery, it just, I was riding about, I was about seven miles from home on the first ride on Emily's bike again after I put the new battery in and it died. And so I had to walk push it home again. And six miles is no joke on foot. That's like a two-hour walk.

It was about two to three hours, depending on, yeah, and it's all uphill, too, and it's also October and November because this is about six weeks. It's October and November in Austin, so it ranges anywhere from 90 to 105, right? It's hot as shit still.

I am apoplectic at this point. I'm miserable. So it's my fourth time, third or fourth time the bike has, I think it's the third time it's broken on me. I get home. I look at it. It's not busted.

I turn it on. It just turns back on. It's fine. It just needed to be like re-shocked awake. And I'm like, well, that's fucking weird. Hopefully that never happens again. And I think I'll big brain this. I'll take the battery off the Emily's.

I'll put it on Millie's different setup. And then we'll see that never happens again. And I think I'll big brain this. I'll take the battery off the Emily's. I'll put it on Millie's different setup and then we'll see if it happens again. The next day I ride my bike. This time I'm about nine miles from home and it turns off. Oh no. Yeah. And by the way, every single time this has happened, I need to be somewhere. I have a fate. I have a, I have an annual pass to record or I have to pick Millie up from school or she has a doctor's appointment. I, it's never a leisurely thing.

I, I gotta like hoof it to get home. So, but I'm thinking like, I'm trying to, you're trying to rationalize it in your head by saying like, I'm getting double exercise today,

right? Like I'm getting in shape. Sure. Then I'm done. I'm like, I can't, I fucking, I'm not gonna ride any of these piece of shit bikes anymore. I've been I'm done. I'm like, I can't, I fucking, I'm not going to ride

any of these piece of shit bikes anymore. I've been stranded four times. The guy comes to fix my bike. He fixes it. He does a bunch of work on it. I ask him about these electrical problems in the process waiting for him to come. I bought a whole new electrical system

for my bike and a new battery for Millie's other bike, right? And I bought a whole new electrical system for my bike because of the squirming and stuff. And I thought like, I'll just have, the guy comes, he fixes my bike, the whole new electrical system for my bike because of the squashing and stuff. And I thought like, I'll just have, the guy comes, he fixes my bike, the other stuff.

He won't touch any of the electrical stuff. He won't touch any of the e-bike stuff. Can't find anybody who'll touch any of the e-bike stuff, right? And I'm like, okay, whatever. So I get it all. I just don't put that stuff in. I just get the bike fixed.

My bike works fine. The battery never died or anything on my bike. I was just trying to be preventative, right? I was trying to get ahead of a potential problem. Hop on my bike, rides like a charm. I drive seven miles and it doesn't explode. And I go, oh, my bike didn't turn off at seven miles. Last time I did it at nine. I go nine miles. I'm fine. I go 10 miles. I'm fine. And I go, okay. Problem solved. I get about 15 miles away from home.

You only go for half a marathon at this point. I know exactly how far away from home I am because I have a because I have an app that, you know, records all my rides. That's how I made the fart that time. And I'm right at about 15 miles from home and I'm on the hike and bike trail and I'm zooming and I have my headphones on 15 miles from home, and I'm on the hike and bike trail, and I'm zooming,

and I have my headphones on, so I don't hear anything, but something like jars the bike a little bit, and I look, and I feel something brush my leg, and I look over to see what brushed my leg, like a stick or something, and I see this 20 pound battery on my bike,

shooting about 12 feet out in front of me, It hits my leg and just keeps flying. Like, I gotta... It goes faster than the bike. Like, I gotta pedal to catch up with it. And then... And I'm like, I'm just in disbelief.

And I look down and there's just a hole where the battery was before it exploded and violently ejected itself from my bike, clipping my leg, and it's just like...

It just, like, hits the ground in a pile. I swerve off. I fucking, I put the bike down. I walk over and I look, I pick up the battery and it's just like, it's just like the bike exploded.

I don't know how else to describe it. It's like I go back to try to put it back together. Everything is sheared. All the bolts are broken in half. The plastic casing is broken in half. The part that it connects to where the scorching was on the other bikes,

that part is melted to the battery. Like the scorching part has physically melted, like hot melted to the battery. I'm like, what the fuck? And so I'm 15 miles from home and I think well I guess I better get to walking

and so I figure out the bike without the battery is actually kind of light like it's a little easier to ride and so I'm like I can make this work but the problem is I don't know if this battery is savable or not because the stuff is melted to it but I feel like I can rip it off and see if maybe the battery itself is good, or maybe I can

get it refurbed, because I know that these batteries can be refurbed, and it's like $550 to replace it. So I'm like, I gotta take this battery home with me. How the fuck do I do this? So I have to hold the battery in my left hand, it's like 20 pounds, hold the steering wheel with my right hand and pedal

home, you know, at one mile an hour because this bike barely goes and i get about three miles and i'm like i gotta throw this fucking battery in the river or like not the river but i gotta throw this fucking battery in the woods or something hide it and try to come back for it and i'm like no i can't do that it's too like i just gotta take this i just fucking eat my medicine just take my medicine and just get home and i'm about seven miles into the trip of, uh, I've given up on riding. I'm exhausted at this point because holding a 20 pound heavy ass battery, that's, you know, 18 inches long and hard to like, there's no way to like, I can't set it on anything. I don't have a backpack. There's no, the only thing I can do is hold it in my hand and try and steer and pedal uphill.

And I'm like at muscle failure pretty much. So I get off the bike and I add about seven miles and I start walking it. And I'm about two miles into the walk and I have my headphones on. I'm just listening to like, I don't know, I think I'm listening to like Polo G or some really, really loud rap.

And I just sensed something out of the corner of my eye. I'm on like lamar boulevard on a sidewalk and i look over and i see a dude in a truck like screaming at me i'm like what the fuck is that and then i realized it's my friend joey who has nothing to do with rt he's one of his friend from my girlfriend the guy from the boat the boat it's the boat guy the fucking boat guy the go-go now my friend joey. Yeah, boat guy. Boat guy Joey. And he was just driving down the road and he saw me walking a bike and he's like, hey man, you need a fucking

ride? And I was like, oh my god. And he gave me a ride home so I only had to walk like nine of the 15 miles. But so in five out of I think out of like seven bike excursionsions five of them ended with me walking a minimum of six miles home uh anyway i get the bike home i fucking am angry i

won't look at it for like four days then i finally i look at it i see everything that's broken and i start calling around and nobody wants to touch this fucking bike and i'm like god damn it and i i don't know if you i don't know if you guys know this about me, but I don't like working on stuff. I like, I grew up in Alabama in a very like mechanically minded family where, you know, I'd go,

I'd drive home. I might, I'd be like, I think something's wrong with my car, grandpa. And he'd be like, go get the toolbox. And then my entire weekend would be me and my grandpa fixing something on

the car. And which was a bonding experience for him. I hated it. I love my grandpa. I just, I'm not, I just, I don't like't like i was a i was a tool repairman in high school i hated that although i liked the job i just hated i just don't like yeah i just don't like fixing shit i'm not it just frustrates me you know and so i try to avoid it if at all possible and i couldn't so i fuck it and i have all the parts so i sit down to fix my bike it took me

12 minutes to fix this piece of shit bike. And now it works great. So what happened though? Why'd it explode? Yeah. I don't know. Is it like a lithium vent on it or something? I don't know.

I don't know if it like, if I just hit a, I don't think I could have hit a bump or anything hard enough to shear the screws in half and to break the casing. And I was going downhill on a smooth ride, so I don't know if the bike, like if the battery had like a... Because it was all melted and stuff. I assumed that there was some sort of event where it

exploded and the force of that shot it off my bike, but it didn't do any structural damage to the bike. And since I had re-bought all the electrical stuff, I had to splice some wires. I said 12 minutes. It probably took me more than that um it may have taken god i just would love to see like can you imagine being a guy just jogging the other way and then a bicycle shoot some missile at you yeah it was like that it was like a 20 pound missile shooting at you yeah it's fucking it was brutal so when did when did happen? How long has it been since you've had a bike issue?

Did this just happen? I have ridden my bike twice since then. Okay. Both times this week. So it was last week or the week before that this happened. You're not selling me on these e-bikes, I'll be honest.

Two weeks ago this happened. Well, I'm not trying to sell you on this e-bike. You were before. I am going to try to sell you on a different e-bike that I am currently shopping around for. I've on a different e-bike and that i am currently shopping around for i'm i've been going to e-bike stores and talking to people and doing my research and i've got some some clues i got some good leads on some good new bikes but uh yeah it was a it was unbelievable now the bike works fucking great of course but uh i it might be the most frustrated

i've been i can't even tell you like every time i get on my bike and I go like, today's the day I don't get stranded. And then just at the most inopportune moment when I'm just happy and, you know, heading the clouds, enjoying a ride, beautiful weather, listening to music,

whatever. It's just like suddenly, suddenly it's like, and you're like, oh, fuck, here we go again. You say the bike is working great.

I assume if you were asked before it exploded, if it was working great, you would have said yes. How do you know that the bike is working great i assume if you were asked before it exploded if it was working great you would have said yes how do you know that the bike is in fact working great and you're not just like moments away from well everything's great until it explodes exactly yeah no totally i have no idea you're right i'm saying it worked it's working great as of this moment but it might not be working great in an hour i don't know that. That's why I'm buying a new bike. That's why I'm getting another better bike. I'm paying more money to get a better bike that lasts

longer. The bikes I was looking at yesterday, the guy told me they should last 10 to 11 years before I have any of these kinds of problems. I explained every problem I had. It's like, yeah. I think that there's a bike out there for me. Oh, for sure. I was just at my wits end with this motherfucker.

I can't believe I had three bikes all break at the same time and strand me as far as 15 miles away from home five out of seven times. I'm amazed that you're willing to still ride the bike because I think if I am sitting in a vehicle that explodes, I'm not getting back in that vehicle even if I think I may have fixed it. I do not trust myself. That is how dire the need for bike riding is.

What if you became a one-wheel guy? Ooh. Now, I feel like there's something physically about moving and the pedaling, even though it's used it. Can you ride your one-wheel from home to the office? I've not done that, but it has the range i mean i would be interested in the one wheel as an addition to a really good e-bike and a really

good normal bike i have one i just need to pull it out of storage for when this kind of stuff happens again because i i've realized i don't want to stop riding like i still need to ride my bike it's like it's how I maintain my sanity. And so it's gotta happen. I gotta have a, so I need to have a backup. Uh, I thought I had three.

I thought I had a bunch of backups, but it turns out I didn't. So I wrote, cause I was going to say, I feel like the last time we talked about you and your bike issues, the story ended with you saying that you had ordered a bunch of spare parts for that was the spare parts yeah yeah just for extra shit yeah

it was your tail is like goldilocks if she just fucked up every option every time like it was just all three constantly broken none of them were right they were all broken in various ways do you have a bike entry no no I don't

of any variety e-bike standard so if you if you want to go somewhere that's it's walkable but you need to get there quick what do you what do you go for i leave early oh that's pretty good what an answer there's never a situation in which i immediately need to be at a place where i couldn't just like if i need a cab i could call a cab or an uber or whatever it was similar yeah you just drive guys we talked about everything on my list did we that's exciting i'm glad not everything less not everything uh there were three other things i've invented a new blow dryer that i wanted to show you guys but i need to make a that's exciting I'm glad we went through your list not everything there were three other things

I've invented a new blow dryer that I wanted to show you guys but I need to make a prototype no wait what no you can't be like I finished the list

and then be like I invented a new product I just I saw the part I missed yeah I invented a new product I have to make a prototype for it I'm very excited about it

it's for blowing it's for blow drying your hair on the go I think you guys are gonna love it I think it's gonna be a big seller for us okay uh also uh one other thing and this is this is a bit of a bummer uh two weeks ago andrew our rookies played each other they did in the nfl the uh they did the the teams played uh it was naji harris versus uh your guy, Justin Fields. And my team won, of course. And it was a little touch and go for a while. I was watching it in bed. And I decided at that moment, I had been trying,

I talked about this earlier, I'd been trying to let Najee work through his rookie season on his own without any help from me. But I was a little nervous going head to head against you so uh for the first time in in our magic competition i did some incantations and some good luck spells did two different good luck spells uh multiple times and uh you know they won zeal is one so i think that i think the first time i i felt the need to to inject magic into the competition it worked so i just i gotta let you know i'm using magic i hate that gavin is currently winning this bet mccorkle that is the worst part of this and i also hate that we didn't i feel like if we all would have known that his name was actually michael jones and the mccorkle thing i feel like that would have been the guy.

Like, that's just it's so it's a clear. It's iconic. Also, no magic. Yeah, no magic. Like, that's just it's upsetting on several levels. I'm still I believe in Justin Fields. You should believe in Harris. Jeff, he looks phenomenal.

He looks great. It's just it's going to be tough. It turns out the real magic is in the mccorkle it is did you see that like there was when they played the announcers made like a big deal of the fact talking about i guess naji harris grew up homeless and they told this story about how like yeah when he went to college he slept on the floor for a few weeks because he just he didn't he didn't feel comfortable with it and then after the game he was like i didn't fucking where did you get that from they never happened he's like i slept in my bed why would i not sleep in my bed

what are you saying i did not sleep on the floor in college but i'm upset i'm upset that uh i don't feel like fields you better start doing some magic man I have been pushing magic really hard I've been doing my I feel like the fact that Justin Fields became starter when he did

I would like to take some credit for that I feel like I deserve a little bit I think that's fair putting potions and magic

and all that towards what kind of magic have you cost you know it feels weird for me saying i deserve credit for it but for putting the ball in motion for putting those who are capable at casting such

things in the direction of him playing i feel like some credit is deserved i feel like this show let's not say me this show the people of chicago okay well for most of the show, 80% of the show deserves some level of credit for Justin Fields starting when he did. Andy Dalton being on the bench. All I'm saying is hiring people enlisting help

on the magic front I think is super valid and useful, but if you haven't already, throw some magic his way via yourself. Pick up that wand. Do some spells. It worked out well when I did it. I think I might get into that.

It's worth a shot. I'm gonna look into that. Andrew. Yes? Have you noticed that your redemption year is coming to an end? What do you mean? Coming to a close. This is a weird no it's not no it's not no it's not it because it was the end of the first year of the podcast so the redemption year year two doesn't end in 2021 it ends in when june i think the first week

of june so you're halfway through the redemption yeah so we're halfway through redemption we're just started redeeming gavin wasn't it on your birthday that we started redeeming no it was uh it was the start of the podcast it was year two and we did the year the show's been going on for a calendar year year two redemption year yeah nick asks a great question what's left to redeem uh still, obviously, the marathons. The thing that needs to happen at some point. And I think that's... I feel like I've gotten redemption on most things at that point. I think that kind of covers it.

Yeah? Yeah, I think pretty good about a lot of the things that... I mean, I feel like... I don't know if you guys have any... What do you think needs redeemed at this stage? I'd say that was about it. So it's kind of the only loose thread at this point. I redid the salad.

I think the salad cream 2.0 turned out great. I redeemed the chocolate. I redeemed the the soda. Tried that again. I can't think of a single thing you're missing here. I think I covered everything. Hey, I noticed that Nick is the one that told us to stop talking. Does that mean Eric's gone?

Eric seems to have left a long time ago. I assume that Eric's internet dropped once again. He has been gone for a while. Oh, that's beautiful. that's beautiful that's beautiful because earlier today i left a meeting early the one where they were pranking me uh i left a meeting early because i sat down to get ready for this podcast with about 30 minutes to go and had an audio like conflict and i told him in that meeting i was like i'm gonna leave this meeting early to fix my setup and he was like oh my god you and your fucking setup again.

And I'm like, I know. It won't be a problem for the episode. I'll get it fixed. And I did. But where's our fearless producer? Having tech problems again. Ay, ay, ay. Should we call him? No. Then we'd have to talk to him. Tsk, tsk.

As Nick said. We could go on forever. There's nobody to stop. We could just continue on. Well, we don't want to. Nick's got a family. He doesn't need a family. That's true.

You know what? You're right. That's a great point. I do have one question, though. I feel like a couple weeks ago, a couple episodes ago, who knows what it was, we dropped a pretty big thing in the face being officially represented by a superhero. What was that guy's naming in the the something sportsman marty baxter yeah but his the care so that's i just want to point out the

fact it's not we haven't actually we don't want to sign a superhero we want to sign a guy that has arthritis who is possessed by an alien technically not a superhero who we're getting at this stage and what what is his superhero name again uh the smashing sportsman smashing sportsman that's right yes so uh i just where where are we on that i uh we talked about it and then i think we forgot that's i i would love an update on it i don't know how to push that ball forward internally that is something that uh i i don't know you'd have sounds like sounds like it's on eric sounds like an Eric. She was here. If only he was here. Well, if you're related to a distant relative of the Smashing Sportsman,

or you know his family in some way, Marty Baxter, or maybe if you're the president of DC Comics or Warner Brothers, and you want to hit us up and allow us to use that character as our official superhero, we promise to do good. Now we should probably throw it to minor league fan Jack Petillo to tell us what's coming up on next week's F*** Face. On next week's?

What do you mean? Your idea was that he'd look at the images for... What are you talking about? Like, we would record next week and we would let him read the chat and then he would record a based on that and we stick it on this one i'm so we're gonna edit this in no he's right he's right like imagine what we did today but next week we came up with the idea in this one so we can't do this one. Okay. As long as we're always one ahead.

But we don't even know is what's weird about it. We don't know what's coming next week. That's why I feel uncomfortable about this. But Jack does. You're right. And then next week, they can shoot it and see how accurate it was. You're right. I think that's a fantastic idea.

We'll try it out. We'll experiment with it. Hey guys, minor league fan Jack here to give you a preview of next week's episode of F*** Face. Jeff gives an update on his pitching. The gang gives their thoughts on karate movies. Jeff goes on about his favorite Apple related film. Andrew

loses his mind about dark chocolate candy. Jeff returns from the proctologist and makes a shocking discovery. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All this and more on the next episode of F*** Face. I gotta drink so much gross water. Good luck with your colon. 46 ounces in the next, like, hour.

That's not a lot. How much is an ounce? It's not just water. It's about an a lot how much is an ounce it's not just water and now it's about an ounce how much is an ounce it's in an ounce like a diet coke like a coke cans like 12 ounces right 16 ounces something like that sick okay so

like a coke so you need to drink what like three cans of coke essentially I think it's probably closer to four but it's not just water. It's like a solution that's gross. I remember when I got x-rayed, I was told it would taste like a milkshake. And that's one of the most, like the worst lies anyone's ever told me. I've never felt more betrayed, especially as a child who had never had a milkshake before.

I was like, I'm going to get to fucking try a milkshake today. I'm going to get some lab work done i'm so excited i remember the person saying when i got there being like yeah you're gonna have to drink the solution and as a kid i remember replying yeah i heard it tastes like a milkshake can't wait and just seeing the the confusion on their face like that oh somebody has clearly lied to you and registering like that was a weird facial response to my deck one of the worst drinks I've ever had it was a traumatic experience maybe that's why I've never had a milkshake to this day

maybe we're going deep into the core of never had a milkshake maybe drop that on us when we're ending the episode like we've talked about the fact I've never had a milkshake I'm sure like that's I'm sure it's been mentioned in the list Nick Nick doesn't remember it I don't Gavin do you remember him ever saying he've never had a milkshake. Have we? I'm sure it's been mentioned in a list of things I haven't done. Nick doesn't remember it. I don't.

Gavin, do you remember him ever saying he's never had a fucking milkshake? No, I feel like I always dwell on the eggs and meatballs, but milkshake as well? I'm gonna make you dinner. When I come to stay, I'm gonna cook you a three-course meal, and I'll give it to you at the bar. Okay. You cook the meal. I will design

the toilet table to make it look really nice you have an eggs and meatballs and milkshakes and pickles right i've had pickles i've never like i've tried pickles i've never this is not a big yeah not a big pickle guy banana maple syrup bananas suck i tried them again i went in with an open mind have you ever had a banana split no god damn man is that like is that would that elevate the banana because i'm putting in other things so i could see it because i don't have an issue with the taste it's the purely the texture i mean it's pretty fucking fantastic but you never had a milkshake so you won't have anything to come i don't know we need gavin's right we need we need to spend some time with you

putting stuff in your mouth because all the time i've spent with you so far i've apparently forgotten about so i need some memorable time with you that's uh i don't know how to that feels like an insult that feels like we went through that i'm just like a dig on the way out nah i'm gonna cook you i'm gonna cook you dinner I thought you were about to say, I'm going to cook you a milkshake, which would be alarming. I truly don't know how they work. I'm going to say this right now, Andrew. This is an honor that you should, and you should feel as such.

Gavin lived with me off and on for years, over the span of like seven or eight years, but he legit lived with me for a couple of years, like day in, day out. And I don't think he ever cooked anything for me once the entire time. He certainly ate a lot of food I cooked for him. I don't think he ever cooked me anything.

Well, I kept an eye on the meat once while you were grilling. So what I'm saying is, savor it. It's not often you get world-f often you get world famous gavin free to cook you a meal you threw a stick at his head when he was suntanning in the front lawn once i feel like that also might have certainly certainly did not and that was that was toward the tail end of it and maybe and if i did throw a stick it might have been because the motherfucker never lifted a finger to help cook i like you going like full oj on this i didn't do it but let me explain if i did here's why i did here's why i would have done it

i didn't do it but i'm plenty emotive and let me explain to you why let me tell you all the reasons that i i rightfully you should give me credit that i didn't do this because this is all of the ammo i have for why i should have holy shit good couple of eps yeah well this one was pretty good the last one i wasn't crazy about but uh we've done we've done it again annoyed i was i. I was so off. Oh, you should have heard Jeff before you got there, Gavin. Oh, boy. So did you piss him off

before we started? Is that what happened? I quit the podcast before we started. Yeah, it was a bad... He was not happy. It was just like the exact... It was a perfect confluence of things.

Like, I... You know, feeling like hammered shit and i mean i just i haven't eaten a meal in days so i'm loopy i know my blood sugar's all fucked up i'm thirsty or not thirsty i'm just fucking i'm like full of liquid i'm i'm literally like shooting piss out of my butthole like a fire hose it's's very uncomfortable. I spent two and a half hours just on the toilet this morning before I even got up. So I'm just so diminished. And then I sit down. I have to have a quick 30-minute meeting about merch. I realize I don't have

a lot prepared because I was in bed until the moment I got up to have that meeting. And I sit down. And while I'm having the meeting, I'm setting up audio for the podcast and suddenly none of it works. Even though all I do on this computer is Slack and this podcast. I don't even go in this room unless I'm podcasting. So I don't know how it all got fucked. Well, yeah.

Well, it's a problem. I never wanted this to be my office because I knew when it became my office, I wouldn't want to come in here anymore because I would associate it with work. And unfortunately, the pandemic made that happen. Before the pandemic, I spent all my time here. Post-pandemic, I look at it and I see work. Anyway, so I sit down and then all that shit's broken. And then immediately I'm like,

all right, I'm going to have to leave this meeting early so that I can fix this so it doesn't affect the podcast. Eric's immediately yelling at me about all my stuff's always broken. I'm like, got it. Definitely needed to hear that me about how my stuff's always broken and I'm like, got it. Definitely needed to hear that right now. Then I'm like, as I'm leaving, I think, oh, I'm leaving Andrew and Eric in a meeting without me. They're gonna fuck with me. And then I sit down.

I finally get it all working. I sit down to start and then they start recounting how I had already agreed to sign hundreds of items for something that we hadn't talked about. And I was just like, not doing it right now. I was like, I'm not having it. I'm not doing it. I'm not doing the gaslighting thing. I'm barely hanging in here and they doubled down. And so I was just like, I'm done. I'll be back at two when the podcast starts. And I just put my headphones down and I left and I came back.

In that case, I'm impressed you managed to pull it back mid episode that makes it even better yeah I was more than anything it was just energy and nausea you know like my stomach my stomach improved a little bit and then I wasn't feeling so sick to sick should we end this episode yeah what time we plan Halo today I don't I

feel like Jeff just gave me a huge list of reasons of not why not to play Halo but Jeff right now what What does that mean? Oh, you're sick. You're under the this is a serious thing. What else am I gonna do? I got nothing but time to sit and stare at the wall. You wanna do seven?

That's five for you, Andrew. Okay. Maybe. Maybe I'll be there. Maybe I'll be eight. When's competitive for you? All three of us wanna play. Seven I'll be there. Maybe I'll be eight. Maybe I'll be there. Well, when's competitive for you? All three of us want to play. Seven's better for me. Okay, I'll do eight.

I'll do eight. I wanted to play at seven. You can play with me. You know what? It's okay. No, no, no. You play at seven. No, you play at seven. You guys have a great time.

I can show up at eight. Why is this so aggressive? We're just making a nice plan. Here's the deal. No, no, no. We're having a great time. I could show up at 8. Why is this so aggressive? Here's the deal. We'll have a nice plan. Why don't we do both? Here's what's going on behind the scenes. Here's what's going on behind the scenes. Andrew doesn't want to play video games with me.

It's clear. I would love to play video games with you. I'll be there at 8 to play with whoever wants to play. I love you guys. Irrespective of how you feel about me. I love this podcast. I love you, Nick. I love you, comment leavers.

I love you, regulation listeners. I love Halo. Some would say that Halo is the reason we're all here talking right now. But if you feel the need to exclude me from it further, that's fine too. Thanks for listening. See you guys next week. See you tonight.