Regulation Podcast - The Ultimate Question Fart//Biology Homework [9]

Episode Date: July 29, 2020

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about tying up loose ends, recorded farts, accidentally making money, and the latest trend. Sponsored by Manscaped. Get 20% Off and Free Shipping with the code ​FACE​ at http://manscaped.com Also sponsored by Raycon. Get 15% off your order at http://buyraycon.com/face! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On your mark, get set, go. Hello and welcome to another episode. Jesus Christ. Andrew! That was loud. That was very loud, Jeff. Andrew, was I too loud? Or did you step on me?

I said ready, set, go. You said ready, set, go. I was excited. We haven't done this in a while. You blasted right off. You've got to think, Jeff, that people might start this podcast as the first thing they did that day.

They don't know where they left their volume. They could be sleeping next to you. Someone could be in bed next to them asleep, and you've just blasted their eardrums. I will ramp it up in case it's the first thing they do. Okay. Could you come in with less energy? Do you want to do that again?

Do you want to repeat it? If you'll shut the fuck up. Come with less and with more. Okay. It's loud. Hello and welcome to F*** Face. Ooh. A podcast about friendships and feet and monkeys and baseball cards. My name is Jeff accurate i'm gavin i'm andrew yeah you are

yeah yeah it's not a question uh how's it going guys oh you know pretty good pretty good after the after the last podcast i was um we were talking about coolio we're talking about stevie wonder so i started listening to those songs and I found this amazing clip from the Billboard Awards in 1995, where Stevie Wonder just walks out into the middle of Gangster's Paradise and starts singing it with them. It was amazing. What's your news? I bet that was a really cool moment, actually. Yeah, they were like trading lyrics back and forth. It was amazing. I'm going to go ahead and guess that was the highlight of Coolio's life. I mean, what a cool one to have,

but goddamn, getting to sing with Stevie Wonder on stage, probably not something I'm going to do. Yeah, and Stevie Wonder was singing Gangsta's Paradise, but then Coolio and LV are singing Pastime Paradise. It was top. Fucking, they flipped the script. That's pretty cool. Stevie Wonder is blind, right?

He's blind? I feel pretty proud. It's one of the things people know about him, yeah. Yeah. Although a lot of people say he's actually not blind at all. Well, that's what I was going to say. How far was that walk? That's almost impressive in itself.

Listen, Gavin and I, and Gavin, I'm sure you know where I'm going with this. Gavin and I lived with a blind woman for a year and blind people are better at not better at seeing not seeing than anybody with two or three or four eyes on earth we have too many senses we lived with daredevil

she could see way better than I could and I can see yeah it was amazing she could smell like, it was unbelievable. She's an unbelievable woman, our friend Patricia. She's also an Olympian. Yeah. Wow.

So pretty impressive lady. But yeah, blind people can see way better than people with eyes, I think. Yeah, not using their eyes. Yeah, not trying to discriminate in any way. It's just, I don't know how that works. It's impressive no i'm not i'm giving him props that was an achievement or it wasn't i don't know how i don't think it looks okay well you're doing well so far uh we were talking earlier gavin before you got here about how you know we joke about how this podcast has kind of ruined our friendships because we don't want to talk off camera.

Yeah, it's a little waste. It's almost making Andrew and I adversarial. We realized we were both talking in the lobby before the recording. And I wanted to talk about what I wanted to talk about, but I didn't want him to hear it. And he felt the same way to the point where we were avoiding talking to each other about F*** Face in the F*** Face lobby. Is that why the second I arrived in the lobby, you were like, roll audio now. Let's go. Because it was getting real awkward.

I got some farts sent to me. I did. I sent you some farts yesterday. I'm jealous. I didn't get farts. Why did I get farts? Because I wanted you to hear them for the first time on, I want to get your genuine reaction.

What about his? You didn't get his genuine reaction? I respect his reaction less. Dude, I got a fart because I was talking about how my farts are lame and they all kind of sound like questions. Jeff sent me the ultimate question. You know, I'm going to just go ahead and play you.

We've talked about my question fart in previous episodes, I think, and I'll play this one for you right now. This is the question fart of all question farts, I think.

Here we go. Hopefully you can hear it. It's ponderous as if to say, what is the context? It's like you were doing a task that you were enjoying and someone said your name and yeah yes yes i went back and curated like 60 farts yesterday and deleted a bunch and

recorded a bunch and i'm glad you actually brought it up gav it was one of the things i wanted to talk about today um and i'll get back to it in a second uh i i was uh i was telling or avoiding telling andrew earlier that i did something uh this week that i have never done before i uh i went back and i listened to old episodes of face and yeah i don't really listen to i'm one of those people that doesn't like to listen to himself because i all i can hear is how dumb I sound. And so you guys were hilarious, by the way. But my performances are C- at best. Anyway, so I went back and I listened to a couple episodes of F*** Face. And I took some notes. And I realized there's some loose threads out there and things that I wanted to talk about, not the least of which was the fart thing. And then Andrew mentioned he

had a couple of notes as well. So I I was gonna pull them up and see if you guys didn't mind if we just go through it absolutely it's like a clean cleaning house you know tie up some some loose ends first off Andrew how is your foot oh my foot my foot is better than it was still not great a little bit better though had it what is that like on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being normal, 1 being misery. Misery? Okay, we're doing reverse. In my head, I was going, like, 1 normal, 10 misery.

I'd say it's about a 4. That's not great. That's not. That's only 3 up from James Caan in misery. Well, I started at a 2 So I'm up through four. Things are looking up. Are you doing physical therapy or anything? No. No. No, I'll figure it out.

I'm good. What are you going to figure out? Well, I didn't mention this. I don't think you know this, Gavin. I learned like nine months after doing the chicken dinner challenge, which is the PUBG thing I did, I had a partially dislocated wrist for like nine months.

I had no idea. I didn't realize it. Yeah, it just, it really hurt. Like whenever I tried to like put any pressure on that hand, it would really cramp up on my wrist. It was really painful. So instead of going to a doctor, you were just sat there for nine months trying to figure it out. No, well, no, I didn just sat there for nine months trying to figure it out. No, well, no, I didn't.

I thought, oh, I sprained it. Like, this sprain sucks. He was rubbing dirt on it and walking it off. Yeah, I was doing like the old method. I had leeches. I got this figured out. Throw some snakes on it. God damn.

No, yeah, it just sucked. And I didn't, I thought, wow, this sprain stinks. I hate having this sprain. And then like nine months passed and it would flare up and I noticed it at other times and then I looked well how long does a sprain take to heal and it said like four days like between two to four days and I was nine months in I thought oh that's not I don't have a sprain, I don't think. This is bad. So then I just started trying to roll it whenever I could. And one day I rolled it across my knee and the entire forearm like snapped, like everything adjusted. And then it was good.

Zero pain. Back to normal. Have you been rolling your foot over things? Trying to get a snap? No, the toe doesn't work that way. I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure I can't heal it that way.

So you relocated your wrist on your own without any medical advice? Yeah. Nice, I'm impressed. I don't know if it's impressive. I wouldn't give me props for that, but it worked.

You're a real Canadian mountain man there, Andrew. I couldn't be less, but sure. I'll take it. Might want to consider seeing a doctor just for the hell of it. Maybe if you get bored on a Wednesday or something. You know what I am actually going to do soon, though? What's doctor who needs doctor? I have some good news. I've been meaning to bring this up. Keep slipping my mind. Very good. This is the moment. This is yeah,

this is a great moment to do it they are relaxing the restrictions to entering long-term care facilities where i live that's some good news you know what that means i can get my haircut soon we're getting there step by step it's coming up that's one of the things i want to talk about today actually okay we'll get to later i i think we might be doing back-to-back episodes again so if we don't get to it this episode we'll get to it the next but i'm glad you brought up getting your haircut because that that plays into something i just feel like if you accidentally bring the virus in there that could be the most damaging haircut history has ever seen it's a good point you could wipe out an entire

care home i'm in i've been in quarantine for like how long have you been doing this i barely go out i'm good four months four months that long it feels longer although you had to re you have to restart your timer based on when you've emerged from the the bathroom after your move i think that's true. That's true. Oh, man. Next thing I wanted to talk about, a couple episodes ago, we mentioned Andrew won a Microsoft Surface by spinning a wheel,

spinning his Microsoft reward points. First off, I wanted to know if that Surface came in, and if so, if you like it or if you dislike it so yeah kind of this is a very of course this is how it would work for me turns out you don't get the surface you get given store credit to the value of the product you want so you had to then buy the surface well i guess you could buy anything then yeah that's i was like wow this is i'm like a kid in a candy store i can get whatever i want with this credit this is exciting i think i'm gonna get the the surface anyway i kind of the tablet i have is old i could use a new tablet this is perfect and i go to buy it and it sold out so i won a sold out prize couldn't claim it if i wanted to so that was

my big win did you go for something else or are you just going to hold the credit? Oh, I did. And that was a nightmare too. I've always wanted an Elite controller for the Xbox. I've never had one. That's so good. I've never had one. I've always wanted one.

I thought this is it. This is the perfect time. So I ordered one. And funny enough, when we were recording, the the last time we recorded I got a phone call from a private number and I thought that's I don't know whatever I just threw my phone and then it clicked that's probably the controller and so

it turned into it was he didn't know where to find my place and it turned into a whole nightmare the website said one thing I called to arrange the delivery at another place it was a disaster I ended up finding it but they didn't want to give it to me because i didn't have an id with my current address on it so it became a whole negotiation i ended up walking away with it but that's close to my prize being a

controller i couldn't get that was almost my big win it almost ended up in the australian postal system so yes exactly so did you get a series two i got a series two yeah oh it's so good is it great are you happy oh it's it's awesome i mean i don't use the paddles at all because i don't of course not for how i play that's the first thing i took off but i don't know what i do with the paddles because i play with my finger curves so uh i i use the paddles if i'm not using the paddles in the game, I've set my volume on the paddles, so I just use them to control my telly.

I can do that? Yeah, you can do that. That's good to know. I didn't know that. Yeah, it's very convenient. I take those paddles off immediately like Andrew and throw them in a drawer, but I wouldn't mind changing the volume. Yeah, I taught myself how to use them.

I usually have jump, crouch, scope, and sprint on my paddles in the same place for every game, and it works pretty well. That's pretty, you would think you'd be better given that. Oh no, it doesn't help me play at all. I just have to move my thumbs less. Well, I'm glad to hear that your Surface turned into probably a much more useful, honestly, Elite 2 controller. But that reminded me that at some pointavin mentioned that he had something like 26 000

microsoft reward points lifetime or some shit yeah and uh i got to wondering i wonder how many i have so i looked it up and about an hour ago would either of you care to guess how many lifetime microsoft reward points i have so basing it on the fact that we all used your credit card for years and years, I'd be blown away if you had lifetime less than $50,000. Are these prices right rules? Can I go one? I don't give a shit. You can do it.

We're not competing for anything. I'm doing one. It's always a competition. Okay, well, that was stupid. I have apparently, as of one hour ago, 354,248 Microsoft Reward points at my disposal. So fuck you. I'm rich. I'm retiring.

I'm cashing out. You're going to hit that pinata. You're going to win store credit for the sold-out Surface, and you're going to have to buy other stuff and sell that, and then you'll be rich. I'm going to retire on Elite 2 2 controllers that's a lot of points it's a lot of points are you gonna thump the piñata see if you win anything uh at some point we killed the piñata the piñata is dead i last time i looked it's not there i think people started playing that after we talked

about it we beat it to death. It crashed my browser in the recording when I was doing it, and I've never been able to load that page again. I'm pretty sure I can use it for hundreds, if not thousands of dollars in gift certificates and stuff, from what I can tell. That's awesome. If there's a pinata or a wheel, I would rather

throw caution to the wind and gamble with it. Anyway, all you have to do is never spend or look at your Microsoft reward points and let an entire company charge stuff to your personal credit card. And there you go. I think they expire,

which makes that even more impressive. Oh God, don't tell me that. My fortune is dwindling away. Also, one other little thing some people have pointed out and I wanted to apologize and issue a retraction. Throughout the course of the last few podcasts, Andrew and Gavin have repeatedly referred to Jane Goodall as Diane Fossey, and Diane Fossey as Jane Goodall. And for shame, you guys got it backwards.

I should have stopped you. It wasn't me. What are you talking about? I have no idea what you're saying you you referred to uh jane goodall uh as uh as gorillas in the mist but that was actually diane fossey oh so you're saying the thing that you said is something that we said what you said is the thing yes okay okay well i'm very sorry about that it's okay you're you're forgiven i think okay uh also wanted to uh i know that there was some there was some confusion recently and it was a maybe yes maybe no but I went ahead and I just wanted to

clear it up I went and I looked and I can confirm that Halo 4 is in the Master Chief collection so now that now they're like definitively we know that it is there now. So no more cause for confusion there, guys. I got to the bottom of it. You're welcome. Oh, I also have an update about something else we're talking about that I read in the comments. Thank you, comments, for informing me that One Night in Bangkok is indeed about chess because it's from a musical called Chess. I also saw that.

That was one of my notes as well. Which I've never heard of, but that's great. Congratulations on that one. You were wrong there too. What else? Oh, a lot of people have asked me for an update on my pinky toe nail falling off. Like, is it growing back?

What's happening? Is it gross? Does it hurt? I'll be honest with you. I have made a decision in my life. It's a very personal decision to me, but I will share it with you I have made a decision in my life uh it's a very personal decision to me but I I will uh share it with you uh not to look I have no idea how my toe is I haven't looked at my foot since that day I'm a little scared to I don't feel any pain nothing feels out of whack

but I figure I'll just go a year or so without looking at it and and then maybe in 2021 I'll see if I have a pinky toe I mean mean, maybe you just haven't had enough emotional support around looking. Like, we're here now. We're here for you. If you want to take a look, just give it a glance. I'm not going to do it.

I'm not looking. I can't. I appreciate it. Maybe we'll do some sort of a charity drive. Maybe it's a stretch goal. Look at my pinky toe. Jeff looks at his own foot. Extra life

Hit this tier in extreme close up Jeff's foot Jeff do you want to talk about a different fart that you sent Uh yeah well I was gonna I'm gonna get there I'm gonna get to the fart Cause I can't wait for you to get to a fart that you sent to both of us Okay both of you You and Andrew? Yeah

It wasn't the question fart? No It was the one that you sent Andrew I assume it was Andrew I don't have Andrew's phone number But I just guessed that that was was the one that you sent Andrew. I assume it was Andrew. I don't have Andrew's phone number, but I just guessed that that was probably the one. Is it the one where I shit my pants? Yes. Yes. I didn't prep that fart.

I prepped other farts. I didn't prep nothing. But here's the thing, right? You sent me this fart and you sent it to Andrew. But I noticed that because I assume Andrew doesn't have an iPhone comes in as green and I think what that does is that compresses the file because it knows it's not going to an

iPhone so it sounds like really old audio from like a phone like 20 years ago because I think it had to go to Andrew too so all of the fidelity of the fart is gone and I said to you that it sounded like dash cam audio of a car crash.

Well, in some ways it was a car crash in my swim trunks. How did you not prep that? That is very alarming. How many times have you shit yourself since that happened? That was the last time I shit myself. It was not the last thing that's worth mentioning yeah andrew that's a good point that doesn't even register for jeff that was like

it happened it's gone well yeah all right i'll try to i was gonna say i had a whole thing going where i was gonna you know a lot of people think that i am a perfect farter you know like i know that uh i'm kind of i've achieved a level of success partially through farting and fart related content and i think a lot of people think it comes naturally to me and that like all farts are magic or all farts are gold for me and that i'm in some way better uh that i'm a better farter than you and while that may be true i don't want you to think it's just pure talent and that's not something you can achieve it's kind of a 10 000 hours type thing uh but uh you know not all not all farts are created equal and i thought i would play a couple that are like

here's one uh from just the other night it's going to be hard for you to hear but there's going to be the slightest the slightest sound of uh like compressed air like that's the fart and but you can hear my frustration at the end of it i think because i i woke up at like three in the morning and i held it and held it and held it to find my phone to then put it up to my butt and then it happened. So I just want you to guys to know, because I realize when we professionals, whether we're comedians or musicians,

nobody puts the outtakes, right? You don't hear the finished album. You don't hear all the hours in the recording studio that you just threw in the fucking trash. So here's me at 3 in the morning trying to catch gold, the golden anus, and falling a little bit short. So here, I hope this plays here.

Free birds. Oh, wait, wrong one. That's funny. I didn't have these in order. You had time to prep. I did, I did, I did. That one was labeled free birds uh it wasn't there it was well anyway i bet this we're just gonna go through the farts and then

i'll tell you what it was all right here we are it's a waste it's not loud enough i'll have to boost it and get back to you the free birds one is uh it's it's where you can start to hear my family getting sick of me okay oh no that's a good-ass fart I just hold on I didn't organize a nearly your thoughts are not file probably they're just all in a bag I know I know free birds I didn't finish it you can't hear I don't know if you'd hear that but that was uh emily and millie being disgusted by me i sensed it i got one of millie doing homework the other day let's find that one real fast well see i i hadn't i hadn't had time i thought gavin pushed me into the fart conversation

sorry i was really excited no yeah no i understand how about biology homework that's me helping mill. How about biology homework? That's me helping Millie with her biology homework. It's like a weird poetry. If anyone in your family hears you just describe the moment, they know a fart is coming. Oh, I think this might be me shitting myself. S-U-V fart. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was it. That's the one.

I'll play it again. I'll play it again i'll play it again it's perfect just get real quick suv fart it really sounds like someone getting rear-ended yeah that's uh well it was it was it was my shorts getting rear-ended by me yeah that was a that was a wet one it was a messy duty i had to immediately wash those shorts so you just you were in an suv you were in the car when that happened yeah i started labeling my farts for you because you suggested it and so now i'm good i try to put a little head and tail on all my farts and uh and then yeah and then i i like try to give some context to what's going on in the world like we were eating free birds for dinner when i did the free birds fart. You put a little too much tail on that last one.

Oh, man. It was way too much tail. Yeah. But on the bright side, it disgusted my girlfriend, who had to look at me, run through our front yard, cupping my butthole in my hand and going, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'll clean it up. So have you just completely let yourself go in front of her now? Not on purpose. I wasn't. Yes, but it wasn't what I was gunning for. It just kind of happened.

On that one, so you clearly stopped recording before you realized you'd shat yourself. Or maybe you stopped to have embarrassment. But I feel like you should always leave a little bit more tail room. No pun intended to just sort of take in and realize what has happened. If anything, I was so shocked and horrified. I panic stopped, but yeah,

no going forward. I'm going to try to be more present in the moment when I'm recording and I'll, I'll try to make sure that I don't, I don't cut off early again because yeah, that was a, that was really, that was a real letdown that we, I mean, I'm sure that I don't I don't cut off early again, because, yeah, that was that was really that was a real letdown that we I mean, I'm happy that I caught myself how smug I felt at the beginning of the recording. And then I caught myself literally shitting my pants. But then we get none of my shame of which there was much.

So, you know, then another thing I've been I think that's all my old notes from the past. Oh, no, it isn't. Andrew, did you ever draw your ups? You're looking up face. No, I've been, I think that's all my old notes from the past. Oh, no, it isn't. Andrew, did you ever draw your looking up face? No. I completely forgot I was supposed to do that. I forgot that was a thing. Yeah, next time. Next to your face.

I'll prepare. Because I still can't picture it. I still don't know what that means, even. Yeah, I don't either. I think you're right. I don't think it makes sense visually. Is this something that we can commission? You know, I think I could do it. I just, I don't, once again, I don't have a paper. Well, I don't think it makes sense visually, but is this something that we can commission? Uh, you know, I think I could do it. I just I don't once again. I don't have a paper

Why paper? What kind of person like I get you might not have paper on you But what kind of person can't get access to paper within the next hour like walk to a printer? We're in a we're doing a podcast. What do you mean? I can't take this with me. Okay. No, I know What do you want i can't take this with me okay no i know this is a backpack what do you want me to do well just before the next podcast if you forgot i will i promise i will i forgot it was a thing do this spray the fire extinguisher on the floor and then draw it in the fire extinguisher yeah that'll work great and maybe jeff and i were playing a duel with our notes i could have done it before we recorded but but we're in a fucking duel. It's very intense.

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Just need a nice place to settle in? Enjoy your room upgrade. Wherever you go, we'll go together. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamx. Benefits vary by card. Terms apply. That's pretty much it for my notes, Andrew.

So I would like to cede the rest of the podcast to yours. Okay. Well, mine is just sort of like a what's been happening. Because we haven't talked since July 3rd, right? Right before July 4th. I think I accidentally made $100. I'm not positive I did. I feel like it would be illegal what I did

it feels like a scam too good of a scam to be something that actually happened but I think I made $100 on a refund I think it's possible I pre-ordered something months ago and then I cancelled my

pre-order and I think it was a product in a different country, so it had an exchange rate on it, and I think the economy has shifted to where on my refund, I got $100 back. Like $100 more than what I put in. I don't think that's illegal. I think I profited on a refund, and it was totally accidental.

That must have been an expensive item if it fluctuated by $100. It was pretty expensive. It's called currency manipulation and you are going to federal prison. Oh, great. Can we edit this? We can edit this, right? No, this is live to tape. Oh, okay.

It goes on Jeff's tape. Yeah, it goes live to my tape and then I release it to the FBI. No, it's not illegal. I think that there are rules around it if you're doing it as a practice, but I think you just got lucky. Legally lucky. Yeah, congratulations.

Yeah, I'm up. That was good. It's a good thing that's happened. What are you going to spend $100 on? Oh. Surface? Ooh. I could. I could with the credit i have left i can

get a surface i like where your head's at gavin this is a great idea i could draw the face on the surface right you can draw on tablets that's that's what i was hoping yeah wow i won't need paper this is genius and with any money left over you can use the surface to buy hamburgers which is its intended purpose anyway. That's true. That is the main goal. I wonder how many burgers you could buy. How many points did you say you had?

325,000 or so, I think. 325,000. I'll look into that. But when we're talking about that, while I'm looking into that, so I was sitting at my desk since the last time we spoke. And there's some stuff happening out my window there are a bunch of cops a bunch of people something had happened outside and so i kind of walked away for a minute i was watching from my window and uh i saw these people a lot of cops a lot of people and i noticed this woman with two bags and she like kind of walked past the cop and I thought that's interesting this seemed

Something might be happening here. What's in those bags? It was like a mini investigation I was like where where's she going? What's she gonna do? So I was watching her and she walked past the cop Then she started walking down a little bit and she went up this little hill and I could see to the back of a business And they have like a grass parking lot like that's also weird This is she what she got is she planning the bags like what what's in the bags what's gonna happen and she keeps walking a little bit more and then all of a sudden she takes her pants down and goes into a deep squat and i'm now watching this this homeless woman pee that was my day god

that was i was shocking it went from like is this a mystery what's gonna happen what's gonna happen oh god that one was peeing that one waseing. I didn't want to see this. What was your reaction? That was my reaction. Oh, God. I didn't want to see this. It was a side profile. I couldn't see anything, but I could see the act.

It was not good. I did not anticipate. This is perfect for something for me. I love this. This is great. You love a homeless peeing story? No, no, no, no. It goes right into the peeing perv. Okay.

Yeah, no, that's great. This was not premeditated. This was not a good event in my life, but there's a payoff to this, which is amazing. So I watched the pee, and that was terrible. And so then an hour later, like an ambulance shows up

I'm like well What's going on now and so I'm looking at the ambulance and then I noticed the back of the business door open That the person peed in the line of and I'm just watching this person with a garbage bag over their head And they're walking down the steps, and I'm just watching saying she's gonna walk and pee that woman's gonna walk through pee And she absolutely walked through pee I felt so bad it was like watching a horror movie and I'll be able to help the characters there's nothing I could do to communicate don't step through that she totally could have yelled well I well yeah well that'd be weird why am I gonna just yell from my balcony what would you have yelled if

you'd have if you'd have had slightly more warning? I think I just would have yelled pee. I would have yelled, hey, hey, hey. Pee. Pee. You. Pee. That wouldn't have helped anyone. How could I have... You're not describing anything. You just sound like a

madman. Yeah, but sometimes when you describe people don't know who... There's a lot of people that are going to look at me. You think, like, I don't know. I don't think I could have helped. I had five-second window. I feel like I've yelled That is a massive puddle of piss why didn't I also didn't know if they'd walk through it? There's a possibility they wouldn't and I want to think like you overreact Yeah, and then also to Jeff's point. I seem super fucking weird Am I the yeah, I like known the P guy like this seem super fucking weird. Am I the P guy? Like, now I'm the P guy.

Like, this was a coincidence that I'm not the P guy. It happened once. It was a coincidence. Now I'm not. Yeah. I witnessed it. It was terrible. I felt bad.

She probably still doesn't know she walked through P. Well, maybe she listens to F*** Face and she's about to find out. And she's going to say, like, oh, those were brand new shoes. I saved up months and months and months for them they were like limited edition like nike sbs like i don't know and uh and and and they're one of only 300 made and uh and i just trudged through homeless piss and if only if only andrew had stopped me he could have saved me the indignity of swallowing in your ear. I don't think it's possible to stop someone. What would you have said? Stop! Well, what, she's going to know?

Nobody stops. If you're yelling at a crowd of people to stop, I don't think most people stop. I think maybe a few do. I think you'd get lucky at that point. I'll be honest with you. I don't know what I would do in the moment, but I don't think the moment would happen because I wouldn't be a peeping Andrew from the beginning. You don't, if there's an ambulance outside your window,

you do not peek at the ambulance? You weren't looking at the ambulance, you were looking at a homeless lady peeing in the back alley. No, I didn't know. First of all, it's the back of a business, not a back alley. This is a very public area. Second of all, I didn't, that's not what i wanted i thought i was getting a mystery jeff i thought this is gonna be a good mystery you got a mystery and

you solved it the mystery of is andrew a peeping tom yes no no no if i did if you'd have known that okay so if you knew that i was about to watch you walk through piss and i didn't say anything and you just walked through all the piss would you be annoyed at me uh well if we if i said what the like if what's the context is just you and i is it the same scenario what is the context oh yeah so i'm you in your situation you're okay no i'm you you're her no you're you're the person who was walking through the piss and i call you two hours later i'm like andrew you walked through a piss today and I call you two hours later, I'm like, Andrew, you walked through a piss today. And you're like, how do you know? And I'm like, I watched you do it.

And you're like, why didn't you warn me? I'd be like, oh, I didn't know what to say. Yeah, I never tell the person. If I knew them personally, I would never tell them. Right. But if I did know you, would you be annoyed that I didn't scream out, watch out for the piss puddle? I would have said, why didn't you warn me? And then you would have been like me and said, what am I supposed to say?

And then I would have said, good point. There's nothing that's just uh chaos is in motion you can't stop it there's too much momentum. Here's how it would how it would really go Gavin uh hey Gavin earlier today you remember we were hanging out? Yeah. And I waved at you and you came over uh you walked through a puddle of a homeless lady's piss. Oh I mean uh did you wave me over so I would walk through the piss? 100%. I steered you toward the urine. I don't like you anymore.

I know. Okay. Goodbye. Fair enough. This did, you know, I didn't expect to get slandered by Jeff, which I should have.

That's foolish on my part. Slander. But this, this reminds me of something Watch this Gavin. I thought it giving me time is dangerous, and I had time okay We last recorded this Jeff say something slanderous about me. You call me out once again Andrew I think this face face I just fucking weaponized our show name.

Yeah, that's genius. Whenever we need to. But weaponized the show name. Why haven't we been doing this? If you extended the first word in our show name for like 10 seconds, would it be a 10 second bleep? I don't think so. Well, I don't think so. No, I don't think so.

That would be a creative decision.ep i don't think well i don't think so no i don't know i think if it's followed by face it would have to be face yeah that was bleep that's that's i think you probably i think this hold on your mic face yeah i don't think my mic cut out i didn? Yeah, I don't think... My mic cut out. I didn't hear anything. I got bleeped already. I got bleeped before I cut. God damn it. That was a live one. That was a dumb name for this show.

It was a dumb name. Eric is typing, this is terrible. Huh. What does that mean? Like a terrible audio experience. Oh, he's like, this isn't a good show. It's an indictment on our ability to entertain, I would assume. That's rude.

It didn't work. I tried to face him. It didn't work. It still just sees. Also, have you noticed, like as much as we try and pretend that all of the listeners to this podcast aren't already aware of us on roosterteeth have you noticed that if you type face on our own website this podcast doesn't come up you actually have to type the asterisks that's mental i think it's for all of

them right i don't think it's just this site it's a real shame because uh it's a it's a good one you but you really got to put the work in. If you listen to F*** Face, you deserve it because you put some effort into getting there. Yeah. Congratulations. Your reward is you get to listen to a really funny dude and a British guy and a piss fetish kid. God damn it. Whoa.

I just got two fucks off. Shit. I got to be quick on the draw now you're very proud of yourself that was great that went really well that reminds me of speaking of proud and face as a podcast and directions to go in and stuff as you

know I wanted to approach the subject to you guys as you know maybe this will be the last thing we talk about before we end up. Cause we get, we should probably wrap up soon and, and then stop and record another one. Uh, which by the way, get ready,

get Andrew, your P thing is definitely involved in the next episode. I don't like it. I already see where it's going. I don't. Okay. So I listened to a lot of other radio and podcasts. Uh,

if you know me and, uh, you two do, but if you're listening, you might not know me. Why would you? We've probably never met. But I have listened to The Howard Stern Show my entire life, since 1995 or so. And I listened to a lot of other podcasts, because this is basically all I've ever tried to do is be a shitty version of Howard Stern meets Joan Rivers my entire life. But the other day on the Howard Stern show, I noticed a thing that they did where Sal,

a person who's on the show, Sal the Stockbroker, just a normal dude, a little weird, but he's got a long foreskin. His foreskin's like, they say like three inches long as it hangs. And he was able to pull his foreskin up and around and stick it in his own butthole. So he was able to like push his foreskin, not his penis, because he's a normal dude. He doesn't have a giant cock. But he was able to push his foreskin because it's so pliable into his butthole so that his butt was eating his foreskin, essentially.

Like a rubberous. Yes. Kind of like that picture you drew of your brother. Then I was listening to your mom's house podcast, which is the Tom Segura, Christina Prusicki podcast. They're famous comedians. And on their show, they had a dude on who they had found on Twitter or TikTok or something.

And I apologize, I don't remember the guy's name, but I think he's maybe a gay porn star. But he's also kind of like a... From what I understood from the podcast, he's also kind of like a Johnny Knoxville jackass kind of kind of guy like they were describing he does a lot of like sex related stunts and then puts him up on social media like he uh they were saying that he stuck a dildo on the front of a skateboard and then like they had somebody ride the skateboard up a ramp and into his butthole you know like that kind of stuff well that guy that guy was able to take his balls are so big.

He was able to take his balls and shove both balls in his asshole. And then, well, then I think he proceeded to masturbate because it was like a porno or something. But he was able to fit his balls in his butt. And Sal on the Howard Stern show was able to put his foreskin in his butt. And I like to stay abreast of popular trends. And that's obviously, I mean, both of those happen within two weeks of each other. You can make the claim that one was maybe copying off the other or just great ideas happen all the time.

But I'm taking it as a sign that one of you two needs to put something of you in you. I don't think I've ever been so horrified when the introduction to that was Your story's gonna fit perfectly with this not knowing what the expectation was gonna be at the end that was horrifying Yeah, I mean firstly there go the sponsors for this one again, and secondly how do you pee? Through a three inch foreskin you can be circumcised and still have one. Yeah, he apparently it's messy and he constantly has to clean out the inside of his foreskin with paper,

with like toilet paper. And apparently toilet paper gets stuck in there. And it's a whole thing. I'm just really, I mean, but you don't have a, I know you're not circumcised, but I don't think you have a three inch foreskin. I don't think you got a big, a big udder dangling from the top of your dick.

Like he does. Yeah. Not even close. It's like, it's like a deflated balloon. It's like an oversized turtleneck situation. Yeah. It's like,

it's like Steve Jobs is turtleneck on Steve Jobs. Now. Oh, what? So do you think that guy could fit his giant balls up the foreskin of the other guy oh yeah yeah that's they made a big thing i mean to my knowledge these shows don't know each other exists let alone the people but uh i mean i know that one time they they've done a lot of stunts on stern where they'll put stuff in sal's dick and i I know one time, I want to say he put like 25 M&Ms

in his foreskin at once. So I would assume he could fit another man's testicle in there. That's the worst, like, guess how many are in the jar game ever. That's the funniest thing you've ever said. God damn. You're funny for a sex criminal.

I'm going to get you one day. I'm going to count on one of those one day. This isn't embarrassing. It's like we're having a duel and I'm getting my shot off after I'm dead. My hand hitting the sand. I am so slow on the draw. Like you shot a bird in the air as you're falling. Yeah, exactly.

That's what I took out with me. Anyway, long story perfectly timed and told. I don't expect either of you to come up with something off the top of your head. Why are we involved in this? Well, it's great. It's a great question and it's a great point. And I have a great answer for you. On the Howard Stern show, Howard Stern doesn't put the foreskin in his butt.

Sal does, another member of the show. On the Tom Segura, Your Mom's House podcast, Tom Segura doesn't put his balls in his own anus. Somebody who's there from the show to entertain does. So it wouldn't make sense for me to put anything in me because I'm the Tom Segura or Howard Stern of this. It's gotta be one of you guys. We're like the Robin or the Fred, though. We're not the Sal's of this podcast. That's a good point.

Well, I mean, I would say that maybe that's up for interpretation. And listen, Gav, I'm not asking you to do it right now. I'm just saying I want you to think about it and we'll come back to the table. I'm just saying I want you to think about it. No, if anything... And we'll come back to the table. I mean, you're a person! Two things. First off, now you're getting me riled up. Because A, I know that you would let me shit in your pants,

in your lap, because we've talked about that extensively, to the point where we got so gross with it that we had to cut most of the conversation out of this podcast because we all agreed that we were on the wrong side of gross over funny. I would say the whole balls and foreskin is on the wrong side as well. No, no, that's up here on two different very popular podcasts or radio shows, way more popular than us. And the other thing is you were going to let me, you wanted to stick Mentos in your asshole and then a funnel

and then fill it with Coke and then watch Mentos and Coke explode out of your butthole. And I had to stop you because I saw a video where it looked like a guy's asshole died. And I'm pretty sure though, once again, that was you saying you should put Mentos in your asshole. And I was like, I mean, you know, okay.

You were all about it. You were like, get the Mentos. I don't think I can fit anything in there. And I had to back us off. I had to back us off. So I know you're up for it. If what we're going on is like, you know, the sows of the show doing these things, that's not Andrew or myself. That's Eric. Okay, that's

fair. That's fair. Eric, if Eric can fit something of Eric's in Eric, I would accept that. Eric, how do you feel about it? No, thank you. I'll take that as a maybe. Anyway, this is just a jumping off point. We'll discuss it as we go forward. I'm sure Eric heard the Your Mom's House episode and the Stern episode for that matter.

Eric, weigh in. What do you think? Is this the future of radio and podcasting? No, I hope not. Face. He said yes. He said yes. Just anyone who's curious.

He said yes. Andrew, you got to get faster. You got to be ready. I think Eric's in a grumpy mood because I just mentioned his like two favorite things in the world except for wrestling. And he is like all like. You just told me to put something of myself inside myself and you want me to be thrilled. I told you to consider it. Okay, no.

I'm hearing maybe from it. Okay, no. I'm hearing maybe from you. That's fine. We're not looking for a commitment today. I'm just thinking if we all want this podcast to succeed, I think we follow in the footsteps of legends. I want it to succeed. I don't think I have the natural talent to do that, Jeff. Even if

I was on board, I could train for years. I don't think I could ever pull that off. I don't think there's anything I could do on that level. We'll have to get creative. Like I said, Rome wasn't built in a day. I'm sure that it took Sal

and that dude a while to figure out the mechanics, let alone to have the idea, you know, to have the inspiration, that light bulb moment, and then figure out, will the light bulb fit in my ass

or is that dangerous? Let's find something else. It wasn't built with foreskin either. I have a serious question. This is getting ridiculous. I have a serious question about this. If Sal farted with his foreskin up his ass, would it inflate and get stuck?

Yeah, I would assume so could you inflate your foreskin like an like a balloon we're doing back to back so i can't do an update on this one i'll read i'll find a doctor i'll talk to a doctor about this i'll get some info i'll see if we can figure this out that's a great question ask the jane goodall uh institute right you've got you got a line in there they've got doctors uh really just quickly i'd like to point out that jeff has positioned himself like the howard stern or tom segura of this podcast the majority of this episode is jeff playing his own farts. Something I don't think Stern would do now. So something to consider, I guess, on who's the Sal and Richard of this podcast.

All right, touche. I have no defense of that. Well, at least they were well organized. You know, listen, I realize that it doesn't matter even though I'm 45 and much older than you two. I have said, listen, I realized that, uh, it doesn't matter even though I'm a 45 and much older than you two. I have to do a lot of the heavy lifting and a lot of the heavy farting. Do you think you'll find farts funny in your sixties and seventies?

I hope so, man. I hope so too. I think so. There's no way at this point. Absolutely. You will. It's never going away. I don't think it will.

I mean, you know, know yeah because i'm still into the exact same shit i was into when i was 15 i listened to the same bands sing the same songs i ride my bicycle and i play video games like and i read comic books sometimes like what else like why would farting change you you turn me on to a new song jeff uh that i've listened to maybe 10 times called we are the Meat Men and You Suck. What's that song about? I think it's a musical. That's a statement song for the band.

That's their name. That is an old punk rock band from the early 80s, and they were incredibly... I feel like I should preface this. If you look up the Meat Men and you listen to any of their songs and they were incredibly, I feel like I should preface this, if you look up the Meat Men and you listen to any of their songs, they are incredibly offensive. Yes, incredibly offensive. Like one of their most famous songs is One Down, Three to Go, and it's just about how we got rid of John Lennon, now we need to kill the rest of the Beatles. And there's like probably some really, really offensive stuff in their catalog i just

you just i don't even know where it came from you've mentioned you did like one of those yeah trevor posted uh like you have to combine your day of the day you were born with the date of birth or something and you get two funny words and mine came out as meat men was the name of my band oh right yeah it was just taken i saw them play live once at emos in uh 95 i want to say it was a good show but that is a band that the world has changed has moved on past that band i'll just say that now hey should we uh should we stop so we can start again yeah i think that makes sense all right uh well gavin i think you would ask to do the outro this week, so

go for it. Oh, dude! Thanks for watching, f***face. Andrew, final thoughts? Don't have any. Keep up with it, Gavin. Take us to the end. I realized I said watching. Did I say watching or listening? I wasn't really listening. You said watching. He wasn't listening.

Back to you, Andrew. Not back to me, back to you. I don't I don't want to go over to Jeff face Well you got to say all this subscribe right and thanks for watching No, no, you didn't do that. Thank you for listening To face you can technically watch it on the site it comes up as a video on the site So that's not incorrect you can't Touch or you can but you can you can watch

a black screen or a rooster teeth logo or a face logo or whatever uh i mean i assume you have eyes even if you're listening to face you're watching something with those eyes unless your eyes are closed and then you're just listening to the dulcet sounds of our dreamy voices in your head as they reverberate around uh that's cool too uh as long as you have a good time doing it. And maybe like and subscribe. Tell some friends. I gotta be honest with you. It's a challenge to name a podcast F*** Face and have it exist and continue to exist.

We got over the first hump in that they let us make it, but now we have to keep making it. That has a lot to do with you and your desire to listen to each episode 7,000 to 8,000 times. Thank you. Love you.

Like you very much. You're okay.