Regulation Podcast - Trading Coin Tossers // Elite Log Management [83]

Episode Date: December 29, 2021

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about buying the podcast, trying illegal stuff as a joke, the NFL rulebook, spare socks, and fucksticks. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail] Sponsored by HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/face16 and use code face16) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Rooster Teeth production. As fall transitions to winter, there's nothing better than cozying up with a comforting home-cooked meal. Especially when HelloFresh makes it so easy. Get up to 14 free meals, plus 3 free gifts, with code FACE14 at HelloFresh.com slash FACE14. HelloFresh.com slash face14. HelloFresh.com slash face14. We've been going for a second. We're just starting,

but I loaded into a rank match just when everybody was like, we're going to go. So I'm in the sand right now in a Halo Infinite rank game, not expecting us to be recording. So I'm doing two things at once at the moment. Jeff, what episode is this? Hello and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast. My name is Jeff Ramsey, with me as always, always Gavin Free and it sounds like we have one half

of Andrew Payton's attention oh more than it must be an important soccer match going on if you're not paying attention I believe this is episode three I think this is the second or third episode of year two season three you've confused me with that which is exciting you said you said 81 should be the first episode of series three season three but then you made last episode well see no you you're the reason for that i said 81 should be and then you said we don't have to follow a specific path they don't have to be the same number apart and i said okay they won't be we'll start the next episode so there's one episode of difference so each season will be incrementally longer than the or shorter who fucking knows all I know is that this is officially well into season three year two and uh year three is right

around the fucking corner I don't know about you guys but I'm very excited to be in year three season three that's when I feel like that's when we hit our stride. What if this is the season finale of season three? I like it. It's two episodes long. I didn't really want to be in season three, but I'd love to be in season four. I support that fully.

Don't you think season three of a show is always a really good season though? What do you mean? No, I disagree. I'll go further. Season three of Always Sunny was phenomenal. It was usually the best season at

that point and the best season probably till season 5. Season 3 of Friends, I think, was good. Alright, well, shut up. Joey and Chandler had their stuff stolen. That was funny. Did they? Oh, was that season 4? That might be season 4. Is that the one where Joey and Chandler had their stuff stolen? That was funny. Did they? Oh, was that season four? That might be season four. Is that the one

where Joey and Chandler had their stuff stolen? Is it the episode title? What is the... Or is it a plot? I don't remember. I feel like the... Lost season three.

I feel like sucks. I feel like Lost season three is a dirty one. Well, I feel like Lost sucks. How about... When you look at that show in its totality, you're like,

I wasted my time. Absolutely not. I couldn't disagree more. This is as bad as your Home Alone opinions, which we don't need to get into now. First off... You're going to piss off Eric. First off, let me finish. I was going to say, it's not just TV shows

and things with seasons that are the third of the best. I think the third song on an album is almost always the best song on the album. You guys ever notice that? No. If I listen to a new album, I listen to the third song first every time. Because I know that's where the... Because the first song is always going to be a fuck around intro bit.

Then the second song is like... And the third song is when you get fucking... That's when they kick it in. And that's when it gets good. What's the third song on Thriller? I don't know, but it's probably the best song. Yeah, there you go. Oh, is that the right...

And that's just a list of singles. Track listing. The Girl Is Mine. A little banger from the album. That is a great song. What are you talking about? The Girl Is Mine is a phenomenal song. That's not the song of the album, though.

Your whole point was the best song of the album is always the third song that's not the best song of that album i would say always well i guess i did say always but i find it to be the case more often than not there's probably exceptions to every rule uh but i find it to be more often than not the third song is the best song the um oh god cat just jumped. How many songs did he do with Paul McCartney? Michael Jackson? Yeah. He did Say, Say, Say. Right.

And The Girl is Mine, apparently. And The Girl is Mine. That's more than I realized. And that might be it that I can think of. I don't. So this is what I know, is that didn't Michael Jackson own the Beatles catalog wasn't that a whole thing it's yeah it's it's funnier than that I see like I kind of it's

a thing that I vaguely know about and the way it's described is almost like Paul McCartney got drunk and lost it in a poker game like I don't understand no no I can I can I can tell you I can tell you the story as i remember it i'd love to hear it paul mccartney and michael jackson were friends they played those songs together they were michael jackson was getting advice they were just talking about careers and stuff and paul mccartney said uh gave michael jackson the best fucking advice you can probably give a musician it's what taylor swift's going through right now uh we said you should own all your own music so you should if you can you should

buy back the rights to all your music you should buy you should own the rights to music and Michael Jackson went oh that's really smart and then he went and said why why would I just buy my music the Beatles are really good I'll buy their stuff too and he had the money to do it he said I'll just own the rights to your shit too while I'm at it why not it's great advice

that is fantastic and he didn't it wasn't a move to be like, hey, I got this for you. Merry Christmas. Could you imagine coming downstairs? Thanks for your advice. That was really smart. I'm going to build Neverland Ranch now off the proceeds of Apple Records or whatever.

I couldn't imagine a cooler Christmas gift than coming downstairs and then seeing the entire Beatles catalog is now yours. You just know this. Open up the gifts, just all of the entire Beatles catalog is now yours. You just don't this open up the gifts, just all of the Beatles rights. What a time. What a weird thing.

Why didn't Paul McCartney do that ahead of time? Why did he not? Why? How did he have the foresight? I don't think he realized that Michael Jackson was going to turn around and buy all his shit. No, but if all the shit that if he knew that was a great idea, how did he,

like, how did he know enough that you should do that? Yet didn't, what does he own? Who's not? Did he just have his, like, is this just,

uh, I give great advice, but don't follow it. No, I'm sure he probably owns like the full catalog to wings, which was a huge band. Uh, and,

uh, probably all of his solo stuff and who knows maybe he owns maybe he owns the rights to some of the beetle stuff he wrote i have no idea i'm not close paul and i aren't close i'm just retelling the story that i remember as i remember from when i was a kid i feel like there could be worse people that own the entire beatles catalog that aren't that aren't that aren't jackson like i feel like weirdly and i people like unfairly take digs at ringo it just it would be hilarious to me if ringo ended up with it all i like ringo star so much he has so many albums he has too many too many albums and i say that with one of us should buy one of us should buy face yeah what's it worth uh i don't know but

you're the one it sounds like you're volunteering let's get a price eric what's it worth yeah i was gonna say i feel like this is just a scam where eric will tell us an amount and we'll give it to him and he'll just like write on a piece of paper that you own it this is a great idea this is how nfts work i think so we'll say we'll say 60 000000. 60,000? Yeah. So if you want to make that checkout to me, that's fine. I'll put 500 bucks in. Wow.

Gavin, you come up with the rest. Could I just buy episodes or do I have to buy the entire catalog? Yeah, you can buy individual episodes. However, they are more expensive that way. All the cart options. You get a volume deal. I have no idea if 60,000 is an absolute bargain or a complete ripoff. I have literally have no idea which way that would go. Can we buy somebody?

Can we buy something? Can we enter the market? We're trying to buy a fucking superhero and it's not working. I feel like we're more likely to buy some, like, kind of, who is, like, an artist that is known but not known? Like, not, like, it wouldn't be, I don't know. Trying to think. You would think we'd be more likely to buy the shit that we already own.

This is our podcast. Yeah, but, I mean, this didn't work out well for Paul McCartney. It's the whole origin. Maybe we should, we should pull him out of Jackson. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, well, he's dead as dicks, but I'm gonna, I out well for Paul McCartney. Well, maybe we should, I think I'm going to go. I'm going to, well, he's dead as dicks, but I'm going to,

I'm going to assume Paul McCartney is doing just fine. Oh, totally fine. Financially and otherwise, if we pull a Jackson, maybe we could just buy like black box down or something. I was going to say, yeah,

that's what we want to do. Like we'll go. Yeah. Let's go buy face jam. That'd be fucking awesome. is buy one of that's fine you get that 60 000 also you can just make write me a check for 60 000 do you know what i wish you could do go ahead eric was just saying that he probably owns the wing stuff and i was just gonna say that's just gonna say i don't i don't think wings gets enough

credit it was a fantastic band fantastic music were. Were they Live and Let Die? Was that technically Wings? I believe so, yeah. And Band on the Run, and yeah, there were so many. What were they running from? Michael Jackson. Yeah. I love the idea that Paul McCartney regrets that, and he's like

78 years old and sitting at his fucking kitchen table, balancing his checkbook going god damn it jackson here i am broke trying to pay the bills i'd only listen to my own advice to what and could could we just like throw it on ebay as like an auction like could that is that like a path what are the rules to i feel like there must be rules to this. You can't just buy. It's not just like an open market. There has to be like a shadowy... Well, it has to be for sale. I think step one,

you got to find something that's for sale. Hmm. Yeah. I think that's where you're going to get hung up. You're right. You can't just buy anything. It has to be available for purchase. Well, I mean, if the price is right,

I'm sure you could buy anything. Unless it's a pinball machine. Those tough negotiations. Yeah, I was trying to buy a pinball machine those i was uh yeah i was trying to buy a pinball machine recently and the guy basically was like you know what i'm not gonna sell it my kid wants it and i assumed he was he just wanted more money because he was like you know maybe if the price is right i'll give my kid the difference and that will justify him losing his pinball machine so i was like oh this freaking guy trying to trying to con me out of money. So I offered him more, and he was like, no, seriously, my son really wants to keep it.

The negotiation just died. I was like, why is it on the market? Doesn't sound like it is. Yeah, so I guess I should have just kept offering, like not that I would pay it, but I should have just seen what the guy's price truly was. Yeah. At what point will he betray the request of his kid?

I'd love to know what that number is. Do you ever wish that you could just try stuff out that's illegal? But what do you mean? Like, well, I basically, I wish you could try stuff, but up front say that it's just a joke. So like, don't apply the law to it. No! What are you talking about?

A good example was, I was watching, I was just like falling asleep to crap on YouTube. And at some point, I guess it steered into the realm of like customs agents, like documentaries about airports and stuff. And they were like x-raying bags to see like oh there's uh 8 000 cigarettes in this in this one oh there's a little bag of coke in this one and it's always like it always starts with the x-ray where they're looking for like containers that stand out from the rest of stuff but then i just thought what if you just filled an entire suitcase with just loose cocaine like full to the brim of only cocaine what would that show up like on the x-ray i thought it'd be really funny to try

to see if i could get like an only cocaine suitcase through customs because it would just look like nothing gavin you're also i don't go ahead you're just describing a hidden camera prank show is all you're doing this is all you've done usually do like class A drugs Gavin just invented punked it doesn't need to be actual cocaine you can get something that looks like

you can do the exact same there is yeah exact Ashton Kutcher is just waiting in the you just did punk your idea is punked yeah you uh congratulations also like what a weird fucking do you ever wish that like you get a get out of jail free card is how you set it up and then your get out of jail free card is just being caught with a giant bag of coke like it's not the yeah the problem with the

get out of jail free card is you would use it immediately on something dumb yeah i wouldn't actually want to do the shit. Yeah, I don't want to do a real crime. I don't even want to sell the coke or anything. I just want to see. He just wants to do the coke. He doesn't want to sell it. Let's say you get applied a get out of jail free card, right?

Except it immediately is used the moment you break any law of any kind. How much more complicated your life would be jaywalking technically a fine like you got to always use the line your life would become so much more inconvenienced by like the small weird laws what would you be saving it for though or do you just kill somebody immediately just immediately murder somebody like what do you do you still have to live with the memory and the guilt of murdering someone.

I don't see how that's useful anyway. Okay, I wouldn't, no, I would immediately try to rob a bank. Robin Hood did it, he seemed good. Well, he didn't rob a bank. You know there would be, you know there'd be some sort of a bullshit loophole where you try to rob the bank and the cops come up and you're like, no, no, no, no. I have this get out of free jail, or get out of jail free card, or get out of free jail card.

And the cop will say to you condescending goes, this is only valid in the continental United States. Yeah. This had to be presented before you committed the crime. It's invalid if you walked on the way to the bank. Those fucking bullshit UNO rules. It's like technically yes, but

you are going to get out of jail free for breaking the glass to get into the bank, but every offense after that is a cover. Technically saying put the money in the bag, dickhead, was assault. And that was your first crime. Yeah, the crime would have to be victimless. It would have to, yeah. And I think you'd have to really read up on all of the laws.

Because I assume people break the road laws all the time. Oh, constantly. Without even realizing, maybe. I wonder if there's, like, once you read... Is there just a book of laws? Can I just... Like, where do I find the book of laws? Well, it's the law, isn't it?

It's like the document. I know it is. Okay. Is there a document? Can I, like, airbud rule it and be like, there's no law saying I can't. When you're defending someone in court, they're not saying like, they're not quoting laws from nowhere. It's written like the law is in place physically somewhere.

Where do I download the law? I want to read all the laws. How big is the PDF of the law i want to how big is the pdf of the law canadian book of laws i'm assuming is what it would be called yeah the canadian book of laws now now we know what to do for this one oh i cannot wait to read because we can find i recently and very comparable i just recently read through the entire nfl rule book and there's And there's some fun stuff in there. There's some room to do whatever you want to do. There's a thing.

Speaking of it, this is actually a perfect segue. Fucking Gavin won seven coin tosses in a row. Last episode we recorded or released. There is a rule. That was fun to listen to, by the way. I heard it. Just that part. In the NFL, there's a rule where for the coin toss so every game opens with a coin toss and the away team has to make the call

and then they essentially decide if you win if you want the ball in the first half or the second half is your decision and there's i think an advantage to having it in the second half so there's it's you want to win the coin toss technically speaking the people that are allowed to take the coin toss are i think captains of the team either on the roster off the roster or an honorary captain which typically is used for like members of the armed forces or like just like heroes of some kind but technically speaking you could hire a coin toss specialist as a team and have somebody who's just really good at coin tosses i would love to take an nfl coin toss how could he be good at coin tosses i i think you could what you say that you won seven in a row last week you were exceptional not only did i not flip any of the coins, or I didn't even call the coins. You took the one I was going to have,

and I was left with the dregs. Yeah, but you won seven in a row. That coin tilted towards your favor. I think you are an above-average coin tosser, and there's sadly no official tournaments. I actually think it's the opposite. I think you're exceptionally bad. I don't think it was Gavin being good,

because he's had coin toss problems in the past. Okay, go get your coins, Eric. I think it's your... Jeff versus Gavin. I am not that of a... I'm just saying, I think it had more to do with you and less to do with him. I do think you're onto something, though.

I don't know why, if you're a team, I don't know, Los Angeles Rams, Eric's favorite team. What if you hired the amazing Kreskin or Frederick Da Silva or some famous mentalist, like Shim Lin or one of those people that the cops hire to come in who's psychic and touch a piece of fabric

and tell you how somebody was died. I would have that person on retainer for every coin flip I don't like initially when I read it I thought oh they have to be a part of the staff so like or maybe an active player which you have a cap on so like I would understand maybe not worth having a coin toss specialist but it doesn't have to be you could just have somebody that that's all they do and it doesn't impact you in any other way and i feel like teams are not utilizing the fact that they could have a specialist in that position such as gavin no i agree i think i think you've i think you've found a glaring loophole in the bylaw n NFL bylaws that could be exploited to the extreme. Can all teams share the same tosser?

Or the same coin guy, the coin toss specialist? I love the idea of another team hijacking the coin toss specialist next season. What a play that would be. No, well, I mean, I think per game, I don't know how that would work. I guess it would depend on what contract and exclusivity you signed with the person you deemed your specialist could you here's the thing too that thing snowballs right like let's say i don't know eric's favorite team the rams they uh they hire a coin toss specialist they hire like like somebody from vegas who's a mentalist who's really good at it right pro coin tosser goes really well it's so fucking successful that they put him on retainer on contract, right?

He's now like on contract with the, the Eric's favorite team, the Rams. And, uh, and then other fucking teams start to do it. How long until teams are trading coin tossers back and forth like players more valuable? I would love to see the court.

It's like, yeah, I will trade Adam Vinatieri and and this mentalist for uh two first round draft picks it would be such low value it's like when you're trying to do a trade in monopoly and someone's like throwing their get out of jail free card into the mix it's like wow 50 bucks little do they know they jaywalked right before like it added it's completely useless um i agree i i think it would be amazing and uh i it's something teams should take advantage of it's it's upsetting that they don't there's another just like quick other pivot for rules for a moment you're not

allowed to block a field goal that's going in under the grounds of like if you so it's impossible first of all because the ball is flying like 34 too short too short but if you were able to do it they could still disqualify it on the grounds of that's just unfair so like if you it's like a weird like side rule where if you if you had a team of players drag a tree out in the middle of the play to block the kick it's i mean there's technically no rule against that but it's unfair i like I like that that's what you go for. Get a tree. You don't go for something that's actually doable,

like throw a helmet or kick a shoe. Or I would argue... How about you have like Taco Fall or Manute Bowl or Lexi Pokachep's heat? A team did that. That's where there's a rule. Seven and a half foot tall dude who just shows up to block extra points.

I don't know why they don't do that. No, they did that. There's a team that did that and it didn't work because he's even at like seven feet tall. You're way too short for how high the ball goes. I don't know. That's like a thing. That was the initial setting of the rule. But it's just I love the clarification.

It's unfair. Like just there's no specifics to that. What do you deem as unfair? just there's no specifics to that what do you deem as unfair and i would argue gavin it's easier to drag a tree out onto the field than it is to hit a field goal kick with your helmet by throwing it i agree i feel like if you can if you can throw a helmet at a kicked ball you deserve to block the field goal yeah you should actually get points for that i just really want to see them like staple a jersey to the front of a tree and have it on a wagon and just see a team of like 11 guys immediately try to pull it out that or it's probably hard to hit a field goal

with a helmet but there's 11 people on the field so what if you're throwing 11 helmets at once? It's like you're carpet bombing. It's like that the uprights with helmets. That makes a pretty good wall. When a plane takes off through like a flock of birds. Where's that one of the edges? That's your defense. Like you don't even rush the kicker.

Everybody just stands in place and throws their helmets in the air like it's a graduation and just hope this is great we are innovating the NFL yeah we are I feel like we're gonna I've been thinking a lot about 2022 that's next year right 2022 that's the one yes yes in 2022 yet is this the last one of 2021 uh I'm gonna need some Eric on that this is the last one of 2021 okay I'm going to need some Eric on that. This is the last one of 2021. Okay. Well, that's good. I was trying to, I was thinking about next year, and then I realized, this is about an hour ago, then I realized, I don't know what this year is, and I had to sit down and figure out it was

2021 still. So next year is 2022. I've been thinking about content and what we can do, and I think that we can hit sports in a big way next year and maybe this is it maybe we need to like but maybe we need to we need to be rule innovators in in professional sports i think that'd be great that's plus no no that's that's not plus plus thank you that's a football

he's got a squeaky football nothing else on earth matters or has mattered to henry hatfield in the last 60 days other than this fucking football and it is resilient he usually destroys the squeaky toy by now or the the squeaking mechanism this thing is going strong i don't know if the audience has ever noticed but you only hear the squeaks when jeff's talking that's because i assume nick has to cut out the squeaks from all of the other time during the podcast it's constant work it's one of my favorite tracks to hear somebody else talking and like nobody else speaking except you just hear the squeak just the squeak in the background is great what's funny too is is like and i i truly believe this dog is as intelligent as a human just just doesn't have the vocal cords because this motherfucker has been in this room with me

all day i've had three meetings in here like hour-long meetings he is silent he doesn't care but he knows like he knows when face starts. It's time to start squeaking. He doesn't do it on other podcasts that I sit in on other videos that I guess in on no conference calls, no zoom calls, no nothing. But this particular podcast, he's like, he's like wakes up. He's like, oh shit, I'm sorry. I'm on the clock.

I gotta get to it. It's bizarre. Oh man, I just looked at him and the way he's sitting. I'm on the clock. I got to get to it. It's bizarre. Oh, man. I just looked at him. And the way he's sitting, I saw into his asshole. It was a lot of dog butthole. All right. Oh. Wherever you're going, you better believe American Express will be right there with you. Heading for adventure? We'll help you breeze through security.

Meeting friends a world away? You can use your travel credit. Squeezing every drop out of the last day? How about a 4 p.m. late checkout? Just need a nice place to settle in? Enjoy a room upgrade. Wherever you go, we'll go together. That's the powerful backing of american express visit amex.ca slash ymx benefits vary by card terms apply have you ever seen those little things that that people like put around the tails of their cats and stuff and it like drapes a little uh anus blocker down so it like hangs in front of their asshole. Like an asshole curtain?

Yeah. It's like, if you don't want to see your cat's anus, don't get a cat. Like, that's the most... What if we sold a f***ing face anus curtain? I hate this. Oh, I love this. I hate it.

Oh, is that a kitty butt plug? Oh, that's even worse because that seems sexual. No, it's not a plug. It doesn't go in their ass. What Eric showed is. No, I think that's hanging around its tail. It's hanging around its tail. It almost looks like a medal of honor.

You think they put that inside the cat? I'm looking at a tiny thumbnail of a cat with a blue disc sticking out of its ass. I don't know how it got there. I don't. Here's my issue with this product to me it implies that you're looking at your cat's asshole so much that you bought a product to stop doing it that you just naturally worded the fact that you had to spend money to get rid of this problem i don't it's just it's a strange vibe that that gives yeah it's kind of like it's kind of like at that point,

like you're the one that keeps looking. Yeah. The way that Nick is defending this product, it's like he owned six of them. It's like he's a big. Nick is sitting on a cache of these things. That being said, this is a product I want to sell. Now that I know it exists.

I absolutely want to put a face logo on that. You should make sure it's not cruel. Like it doesn't get in their way when they're cleaning themselves and stuff because it doesn't seem right to hang something over the anus of another creature.

Yet we do it to ourselves all day, every day. Oh, that's true. Like I've never. Gavin, you and I have been friends. How old are you? Thirty what? Thirty three. Thirty nine. Thirty three years old. I've never gavin you and i have been friends how old are you 30 what 30 33 39 33 years old i've known you since you were 15 so what is that 28 years 50 18 whatever i don't know whatever the math is 18 years uh i've never seen your asshole i've never

come close to seeing your asshole you haven't seen my penis either i've never seen your penis unfortunately that doesn't go that conversation we can't say that both ways close to seeing your asshole you don't see my penis either i've never seen your penis i don't unfortunately that doesn't go that conversation we can't say that both ways uh you see my penis so much but uh but yeah i have no idea what your butthole looks like um i mean i don't entirely know i've never sort of yeah gone in front of a mirror it's not an easy thing to get a look at uh what percent of gavin have you seenks Eric. You must have seen 90. You've seen me in like swim trunks. I've seen, I would say I've seen like 87% of Gavin.

I've probably seen 10% of Andrew. Yeah. I'm trying to think, like, how do I even equate that? Hands and face, pretty much. Shins. As a big shorts guy, I feel like 10% is a low number. I feel like I just don't know that. I think a pants guy, you can maybe make that case.

I mean, if I'd ever seen your back, I would probably have seen 80% of you, I assume. It is all back. Yeah, you're right. You're right. That's actually a great point. It is 80% back. I have a question for you, Gavin.

Okay. Because we're talking about, Jeff and I were talking, and it kind of relates to something else we should talk about that we're actually going to sell that we haven't mentioned on this show yet. Is that what I think it is? Yeah, but before we get to that, I'd love to hear Gavin's thought on this. If you were to sell a niche product for F*** Face, and you knew it would be like it would be fine it would

be profitable people would buy it doesn't matter what it is what would you pick oh my god has it got to be something funny no it can be whatever you want doesn't have to be funny at all um one of those things that goes over over the bread bag to keep it closed i what do you mean like well like a clamp like you like a bread clamp not necessarily a clamp sometimes you get those things where it's kind of like a those those plastic things yeah it looks like a dog tag with like a little divot cut in the middle and you just kind of shove it over the spun around bread packet looks kind of like Henry's anus actually now that I think about it I don't feel like i'm imagining

the right thing or jeff is wildly incorrect based on that description i'm thinking of the thing that closes a bread like when you buy it from the store one of those plastic clips right yeah i'm thinking of the hold on i'm gonna pull up i would immediately like i appreciate i mean that's a that's loading um oh yeah okay that's just a fascinating way to uh describe that yeah holy shit that came out on my birthday june 19th that's awesome that's fucking badass me and me and the bread clip have the same birthday. The bread expired on your phone. Look at a picture like that.

Do you ever wonder who took that? Like, who thought, I'll get a close-up of this and post it. Was it taken specifically for Wikipedia? I don't yeah oh dude that's the official wikipedia one that's amazing that's so good i don't know what that means but it means it definitely means something yeah i love it face one of them i do use those i never use those after the first use are you are you a you like a spinner and then crusher kind of guy yeah yeah that's the way of the bread on red yeah yeah generally they're a little tedious i find those things i i spin and

tuck is is is what you do what's a spin and tuck it's exactly what we just described yeah you spin it and then you you put the the other end under the bread and let gravity handle it yeah I do that as well but only after that piece of shit little clip breaks on the second because they suck so if we had I mean that was probably good that's a display model I'm sure that one's made out of titanium or something but yeah what if we had a high quality aluminium custom cut face bread closer i don't think you'd be a spin and tuck guy after that what if it was really nice and smooth to put on too you didn't have to like get it caught in the plastic it was just like a deluxe premium item i love this idea because i feel like this product was invented and

hasn't been innovated on since that time. It's been the exact same for however many years. We could even make it collectible. Yeah. Collectible bread clip? Yeah, like everyone has a different date on it. And there's one for every day of the year. You know how we could get away with this too? This is how we capitalize on this.

This is great. This is the new metal straw. Do you remember when everybody got all up in arms about straws and then they were like holy shit they're destroying the environment this is plastic too we got to eradicate plastic bread clips they're destroying the fish that's a fish killer right there you're looking at that thing murdered a trout you need a metal aluminium permanent bread clip you buy it once you have it for the rest of your fucking life and you save the fish, save the world. Think about future generations.

Think about our children, for God's sakes. But they selling the bread just open them like how are they closing in the stores? Probably with a twist. I thought you're saying I thought your point, Jeff, was that we make an alternative to that. Yeah. And it's just a whole world adopts the face bread clip. We take it over. I like this idea a lot.

I feel like I must have 10,000 of those in my house because I lose every one and I've never seen them again. I don't know where they go. I have pieces of 10,000 of them for sure. Why do you keep them? What do you mean? You said you had a load of they get lost yeah like i they i lose them immediately and i've never seen them again so i feel there's

okay so they have ours ours needs to be magnetic then so you can have like a little storage spot for it when you when you've got no bread in and then you know exactly where it is every time you buy bread i love it okay. Okay. Well, if it has to, whatever we do, it has to be compatible with the wrist pocket and how that carries, whether it's Velcro, whatever it is that needs to be part of that. I feel like we've gotten off track on some of our wrist innovations the last

couple of weeks, which I get. I mean, it's the holidays. We've got a lot going on. There's a lot of business to close at the end of the year. So I think that we're going to dive back into that early, early in 2022.

And I agree with you. I think this is, we're going to end up, oh my God, we're going to have the most amazing utility belt of dumb shit when we're done with this thing. Speaking of dumb ideas, I literally just had the best dumb idea while you guys were talking about this.

I was thinking of shit we could sell that people don't currently sell that makes so much sense. We sell two left socks, right? That's a dumb joke that we have because of my sock issue. We kind of sell the left left sock and the right left sock. Yeah, we sell the left left sock and the right left sock. Do you know what nobody on earth sells? Go for it. Bread clips.

A pair of socks that has an extra sock three socks three socks because you always lose a stock sock in the dryer right so you buy buy us buy a pack of socks but it has a third extra sock then you set that aside and in a month when you can't find your extra your other fucking sock because you did your laundry and it's gone forever you just break out the extra sock. Boom. It's the same thing as when you buy a button-up shirt and they sew that extra button on the inside.

Yeah, but it's like they sew a shirt onto the inside of the shirt. It makes no sense. No, it makes total sense. It makes total sense. Everybody loses socks. No, I agree. I have a drawer full of unmatching socks because socks go missing constantly.

This makes sense. Nobody should ever sell two socks again. You should only sell socks in pairs of threes. But if you're worried about it, buy two pairs of everything. Four is better than three. Why would you ever want three? Because at least with four,

you can use both pairs until you drop one. That's ludicrous. That's ludicrous. Why stop at four? Buy a hundred. I agree with Jeff. I think all socks need to be sold. You agree with Jeff? I do. They need to be sold in odd numbers, and then you have a separate drawer

that is your for not-in-use socks. And then whenever you're missing, you lose a sock, you go into the not-in-use socks, and you're covered. Immediately at the beginning, you have spares. If you have four, there's no waste from storing spares. You just have socks all the time that can be worn no because then i'll be upset that i've now lost okay so if i have three socks now

let's say i have four let's say i have two pairs right i lose one sock now i have a pair and a half and then i might lose another then i have one pair if i have this it's the psychology behind it yeah if i lose you just describe one the worst case scenario being what you want you were like no no no no no it's inevitable he's right it will happen but instead of losing two pairs I have just gained one because I had a third exactly when I buy four socks I can't like even if I'm buying say I buy a pair of socks that comes with two extras I'm not buying a pair of socks that comes with two extras I'm not buying a pair of socks that comes with two extras I'm buying two pairs of socks so that

when I lose one of the socks now I'm down a pair of socks that fucking sucks but if I only buy one pair of socks and then I lose a sock if I can break out the extra then I back up a pair it makes total sense oh my god we gotta do this tomorrow I just Jeff and I looking

at a package that says one pair of socks plus two spares. It just be like you can't fucking trick me. That's just two pairs. I'm buying this bullshit. Oh, my God. Psychopaths. No, we're going to be rich psychopaths. We're going to be sitting in a fucking pile of gold that size.

And then, you know, we're going to do once we got all that fucking sock money, Gavin, we're going to buy your bread clip right from underneath. Yeah, we're gonna be sitting in a fucking pile of gold that Sock's built. And then you know what we're gonna do once we got all that fucking Sock money, Gavin? We're gonna buy your bread clip right from underneath you. We're gonna jackson you and then there's nothing you can do about it. You two are both about just kidding yourself. It's like people who set their clocks ten minutes... What?

Did you travel in time ten minutes when you said that? Like, it was... You left this plane of existence. This is too annoying. I love when your brain can't catch up to your mouth. It is one of my favorite things. Oh, shit.

You know what I mean. Oh, my God. I wish I did. I have two product ideas okay before jeff has a new i forgot you asked me this question yeah that's how we got saying what you wanted to come up with well do you want to say yours jeff because yours were great too i don't feel like yeah my bad idea of this minor toilet related typically uh i wanted i would like to sell face bidets uh i mean we already humped bidets for for fucking advertisers right so why don't and it's something that i use

every day of my life multiple times a day it's something that's brought me a lot it's changed my life so i think so so in syria in all seriousness a face branded bidet i think would be great because i feel like it'd be it'd be spreading cleanliness to the world and I want to promote that the second one is more of a joke I think we should sell giant pink porta potties I think that would be fun too full size like functional yeah like why you always

go down you always go down to like the park or like a construction site and you see it's like shit-o-matic or like whatever their fucking brand is, you know, the turd bird or whatever. Why not one that just says **** face? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, I feel like... **** Facebook for your butt. It'd be cool to be at venues, like when you see them all in a line, like festival shitters, if they all just said **** face on them. I just feel like no one's gonna buy a one-off face bog i i suggested we get some like bootleg legos and have a build your own shitter type thing

have your own little set which could be great to which i suggested we should sell dioramas of andrew's apartment room let people like let people navigate around and move the sushi container and yeah it'd be fun i want to like a shot for shot remake of that halo 3 diorama trailer but with all this shit was was that halo 3 or was that reach it was halo 3 because it's master chief and that was an amazing amazing commercial so i have two product ideas one of them jeff knows about okay okay one of the should i go with the one you know about jeff or should i go with the one i have today because i think the one i have today is a real fucking winner as well oh let's let's go go with the old one and then we'll okay so the first one this is like a strange i can't wait

to hear your reaction to this you know the channel gavin uh where it's just a burning log and it's for like they play it over the holiday season? Yeah. I want us to do one of those, but there's like no bit. I just want us to make one of those and I want to be the log guy because I feel like I'd be a great log guy. What does the log guy do? Yeah, he like throws an extra log in. He pokes the fire.

He distributes it. He keeps the flame going. You got to have good technique. I'll watch those for a long time and I've got a lot of opinions on log technique some of them the guy just has no log management skills at all his placement is all off i would love to do one of this do you see the log guy yeah every once in a while you see the hand come into frame and they start poking it with the fire poker and they throw another log in the log management by some people in these tapes leaves a lot to be desired and i think we could go in and fill this market up.

So we'll just see like your arms and shins? Yeah, you just see my arm come in every once in a while. You see me throw a log in, you see that fire be maintained. I will keep that fire going for the entirety of however long this tape is. You do realize there'll be tremendous judgment on your log management skills. I am right. I have talked it up. I've been practicing in the shadows for years, Gavin,

and I am ready to be judged. I have an elite log management skill, I believe. Do you have access today to a- to a fireplace? No, I do not. You could- I do not. We need to get one. I'm- seriously, we need to get one, we need to film this,

and then we just need to put it up on the f***ing face of YouTube. Channel would know it. We should just- Yeah. Put the appropriate metadata on it. Oh, it's got a loop. It's got to be hours long. Oh, it has to be so long.

At least eight hours, I'd assume. Yeah. Eight hours of real time? Yeah, eight hours of real time. Because you got to have real time to put new logs in. You got to be able to display the log management skills. I bet you don't even know how many logs you'll need. Oh, you don't think I'm a big fucking fireplace

Guy around the holidays In my head you're a log rookie Mmm these are some fucking You know what I was gonna Do it I was gonna buy your dumb bread clip Just as a gag it's now personal I'm not coming for that bread clip I'm gonna get a patent in right now as soon as we're done

Recording I'm patenting Our new bread clip No not our new bread clip. It's already existed. No, not our new version. Not the new version with the magnets and whatnot. I'm taking it.

I'm patenting it. Can I say, Andrew, that this reminds me, in support of your phenomenal idea, this reminds me of a conversation I just had with my girlfriend on Sunday. Before I even knew about this, before you even posed this question to me and you explained the fire idea to me, my girlfriend and I, we had a party at the house on Sunday for

like a work party for her. And on the TV, just so you don't have like a fucking lame off TV, I would turn on, we turned on one of those fire, one of those like Christmas, you know, fireplace videos on YouTube. And then we got obsessed with trying to find the seam in it of where it repeats. Because it's clear that the log is not burning down. And we probably fucked around with that thing for throughout the course of the night.

Probably spent about, I probably spent about 20 minutes staring at that thing, just trying to catch it repeating and never able to and just driving myself mad trying to figure out if the log was actually burning down or if it was just if it was just repeating and uh i'm all about it i think it's i i now it's all i can think about is uh i want i want to watch a fire actually go down over the course of like eight hours i don't want to watch a fire actually go down over the course of like eight hours. I don't want to watch three minutes of a fire on loop for six hours. No, those are bullshit. I want to watch eight hours of Andrew tending a fire.

And I wish I could film it today. I could film it here. I have a gas fireplace, unfortunately, so it'd be boring and lame. We should future proof it. We should shoot it in like 8K or something. Oh my God, that's a great idea. 8K of footage of this. Do you have the ability to shoot in 8K, Gavin?

Yeah. Okay, coming in 2022, at some point, some point during year three, season three, four or five, potentially face is going to release an eight hour fire tending film on YouTube that is going to you will ring in every holiday for the rest of your life in stunning 8K. It is going to be so crisp. The fire is going to be so well tended. You'll swear you can feel the heat.

I'm going to need some more memory cards. How big will that file be? 20 terabytes. You got most of the year to figure it out. This is product two. First one, that sounds viable within itself. That's happening now. That's locked in.

Second one, I think we could do. It's a summer item. So I think we're going into the season for it. It's perfectly timed. This is what I want to do. Let me save a photo of this summer. What is a staple of summer? Summer fun.

It's outside. You're going to play. What is a great childhood item? A toy, I guess you could call it paddling pool. Paddling pool is a great childhood item a toy I guess you could call it paddling pool paddling pool is a great one right Nick nailed it slip and slide a slip inside is a fantastic

thing my images don't want update so I'm not going to use an example I'm just going to explain it this is what I want slip and slide you know how they have like those things that you can inflate over slip and slide or maybe it's like a little bit to the left of it. Well, I want one of those.

Oh, it's just like a piece of, and sometimes it's an elephant. Sometimes it's just like a visual prop. It doesn't necessarily really matter. I want to slip and slide. We're either to the left of it or maybe directly in front of it is Pedro Martinez. And you can be Don Zimmer.

You run at Pedro Martinez, then slide down the slip and slide. Get the real Don Zimmer experience. I think we should do a Zimmer slide is what I think we should sell. Is he holding out like an inflatable arm at the end that you just have to have hit you right in the middle of the head and push you down? I'm open to ideas. I just want to slip and slide with Pedro Martinez at the front of it. I think we should fully investigate that.

And assuming that we, that for whatever reason, Pedro Martinez is not on board with this. And obviously he and the Zimmer estate would be. But if we run into any kind of licensing issues, when you were saying, I thought you kept saying slip inside. And that got me thinking what

if we made a slip inside a slip and slide that's got a like it's like a tube that you uh it's like inflatable and then so you slip it's like instead of going on a slip and slide you go through a slip inside and then you call it slip inside okay but what if no no no no no no you put some lights or something in it it's like i can round this idea out when you enter the tunnel as you progress No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, tube. Which perfectly say what we need to talk about. Eww. Eww. Nick doesn't know about this. He wasn't here.

Eric, tell Nick what it sounds like. Hey, Nick, we talked about on our last break shit, we needed to create a new piece of thing. You know that tube that turns over that goes. Yeah, they're called grown tubes. And baby, we're making them.

It's better than that, Nick. And I'd like to apologize to the audience. We made a we made a promise a long, long time ago. Maybe promise is a strong word. We made a statement a long, long time ago that we were going to try to keep main face canon out of the side stuff. Like the face break shit is like side content. I don't want, if you just want to listen to the podcast, I don't want you to miss stuff

that happens in the break shit because you don't want to watch that content. I get it. But unfortunately, something happened so brilliant on the last break shit that they as the episode was starting which by the way feel free to watch this on youtube or the roosterteeth site it's a phenomenal video as the episode was starting uh the guys got into a conversation about those grown tubes and what they were called and before the episode was over merch had our ecom had already had already mocked up mocked up a version of it and submitted we approved it eric approved it and

we had already submitted the order they are on their way right now before the face break shit episode was over this product was on order and we're're going to call it the fuck stick. And I think it's phenomenal. And I, we also discovered I'd never, I had never seen or heard of these things before. I don't know how you've avoided them. It makes no sense. They didn't exist when I was a kid. It was three people on set just going,

and Jeff going, what, what, what? It was perfect. Should we all do it now? Should we all do it at the same time to recreate what it was like? Yeah, go ahead. So if you didn't watch the F*** Face Break shit, you missed an hour and a half of that.

Anyway, I thought that was a brilliant example of creativity and action. Had the idea, and before the show was over, it was already being built. I don't know when they're going to come out. You can watch it all on YouTube. You can. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's going to be... I'll be honest, I'm not trying to market our shit here or anything, far be it, but you should probably go to that youtube channel and bookmark it anyway because in some six months to a year the world's best 8k fire footage is going to come out and you're going to want to go back and watch it i would be terrible for the environment but it would be really funny to do one of those where it is one of those videos for like seven hours and then the fire leaves the fireplace and then by like the end of the stream the entire house around it burns down just everything's destroyed it just slowly zooms out yeah yeah or maybe it never even leaves frame

it's just like you you kind of pull out from the beginning and can see the whole fireplace instead of being like right up in it like it typically is. And just like, I don't know, maybe like a stocking catches on fire and then it just expands and then the whole wall eventually goes. I'd be right. Terrible. Shouldn't do it, but it'd be funny.

I mean, worse is done for movies. They burn shit all the time. That's fair. That's true. That's a very good point. As long as you get the shot, that's all that matters. It is.

Yes. Literally all that matters. I'm very excited to get my hands on a fuck stick and make the noise As long as you get the shot, that's all that matters. It is. Yes. Literally all that matters. I'm very excited to get my hands on a fuckstick and make the noise because I only know the noise through you guys. And so I'm excited to see it in action. Which movie has the worst carbon footprint, do you think? In terms of how much explosions or... Maybe something like Apollo 13,

where they actually kept doing like vomit comet to get the zero G stuff. I bet that was terrible for the environment. Oh, man. I watched. Hold on. You talk amongst yourselves. I'm going to Google something.

I'm trying to think. Does it have to be that sound? Can we make it whatever we want? Like, what is how does that sound get created? I think it's certainly the physics of it. Yeah, I was going to say, nobody picked that sound. That just had to have been the result of... I bet someone somewhere accidentally put something in a tube once and went, Jesus.

It's not like taking it back to Breaking Bad where they're trying the different dipping sauces. There's no guy sitting at a table flipping those over to a variety of noises there was like that one i want yeah i feel like they didn't audition that sound what do you think the alternative sounds would have been if they were creating them deliberately i don't know but i like the idea of it being like a child invented it it was just like dad i want a toy that goes if a slide whistle is from heaven the the stick thing is from hell oh absolutely undeniable are you done googling chef yeah what is jeff doing yeah like what how long no i'm working i'm working on working on what he's like trying to find a movie i'm just

trying to find out i watched a movie uh last year we're talking about carbon footprint and just like terrible things i watched this feeling eric in like he wasn't listening i've been here the whole time i got it you don't have to reset it's a podcast yeah i'm trying to find the name of the movie it was i believe it was a michael antonioni film from the 60s and i believe it starred monica vitti uh but i can't seem to track it down anyway the point is it was a really cool uh it was a really cool movie about, I don't know, just people in Italy in the 50s that were disconnected from their lives. But it was kind of like a... It had kind of like a weird industrial,

almost like pre-David Lynch industrial kind of like portending that industrialization is going to destroy society kind of bent to it. And it was a black and white film, but they wanted to even such. They wanted to desaturate the world. And so they cut a bunch of lead, like silver paint and gray paint,

and they painted all the trees and all of the nature permanently with this paint and just killed all the foliage in all of the nature permanently with this paint and just killed Jesus, all the foliage in this area of Italy to make it look more industrial. Then, you know, they didn't realize what they were doing at the time, but yeah, it was just fucking brutal.

And I bet that kind of shit happened all the time from like 1920 to like 1960. I was going to say Michael Bay, but I think that's horrendous. I think you won. I think you took it with that. Yeah, it was fucked up.

It's terrible. Is it Linote? No, it wasn't that one.. Yeah, it was fucked up. It's terrible. Was it La Notte? No, it wasn't that one. Anyway, I'll figure it out some other time. It's not important. You guys are never going to watch it. Well, since we have to record two of these, we should wrap this up.

Happy New Year to everyone watching. Happy New Year. Yes. Absolutely. What are you guys going to do for New Year? What are your big New Year's plans? Do you guys have anything crazy you're going to do? New Year's plans. Well, guys have anything crazy you're going to do? New Year's plans.

Well, immediately when we're done here, I'm going to the patents office, and I'm going to file a new product called the Edgewise. That's my immediate plan. People were kicking off about Edgewise comparing it to like well what about like clockwise and it's like how does that make any sense either you want to slowly rotate your point into a conversation what do you want about there's nothing i love more than slowly rotating my

point into one of our podcast conversations. It's something I strive for every show we record. And that's a wrap on 2021. See you guys next year. Here's a little preview of 2022 from Mr. Petillo. episode of F*** Face. Andrew needs a new computer very badly, and he didn't look at the circle. Gavin thinks he's funny. Seriously, Andrew needs a new computer. Jeff continues to defend Home Alone,

and once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on the next episode of F*** Face. you