Regulation Podcast - Twice Cooked Floor Dogs // Unverified Wipes [26]

Episode Date: November 25, 2020

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about sell by dates, complicated bedsheets, the right way to store ketchup, and more. Sponsored by Raycon (http://buyraycon.com/face) and HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/face90, code face90). Follow F**kface on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/fuckfacepod/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

🎵 Hello and welcome to episode 26 of F*** Face. Hard to believe, feels like just yesterday we were at episode 16. Andrew and Gavin, how are you guys doing? Not bad, man. About as good as i was uh five minutes ago we're recording about 30 seconds since we talked uh i don't think we were recording but gavin and i were making lots of fun of you because you uh i guess you do the podcast on an abacus

my computer's old i don't think it's uh if you guys have any advice outside of making fun of my old computer of how i can make it go faster i take that well here's the thing i press stop on audacity on my computer like on all my computers this is the same way um and we usually go for about an hour it takes about three to four seconds to export and then i upload it just drag it and drop it you somehow export it over three minutes it was just two minute 51 upload or export uh i have no control over that. It's not like I'm failing in any capacity. It's the computer. How am I failing? I'm doing everything.

I just say something must be wrong. I don't have, you don't need like an overly fast computer to save an audio file. It's just a wave file. I mean, you have seen my desktop and nothing has changed. If anything, it's probably gotten worse since I last shared it. So, I mean, there's some reasons. Did you ever find the hot dogs? Is there a chance that there's a hot dog wedged in your

computer somewhere? Do we want to be real honest about this? Do we want to be honest? I would like to be honest. I recovered the dogs that went missing, and those were the dogs I ate later in the evening. Come on! Where did you find them? So, you flung them across

your bedroom, they landed in some corner, and then you dusted them off you find them? So you flung them across your bedroom They landed in some corner and then you dusted them off They were under my desk They were under my desk It's my desk Where your unwashed dirty ankle is Yeah that's like foot dust That's fecal particles from your foot That's me

I'm cooking waffles in the bathroom You're yelling at me about fecal particles I'm dropping stuff in the bathroom you're yelling at me about fecal particles i'm dropping stuff in my my bedroom you're yelling at me about fecal particles i don't know how to make you everywhere that's my point that's my point why are you yelling at me about i can't do nothing about the fecal particles they're everywhere because if you prepare some nice dogs in your dog toaster and then eat them fresh out of the toaster, there's less fecal on that than if they rolled across your door. Rolled around where you put your- Here's my logic. I cooked these at 1am,

and I didn't want to set the smoke alarm off again, especially at 1am, so I thought, these are probably like 60% heated, could cook them on a low setting, and I'll be totally fine. Were they the ones you did in the closet? Yes, they were the closet dogs, were a continuation in the closet? Yes, they were the closet dogs. The dogs were a continuation of the desk dogs.

They were twice cooked. They were double heated dogs. Actually triple cooked two dogs. Yeah. Because they would have been, as you said, made before. Because they came to Andrew cooked, Gavin. He's just reheating them. I mean, I have them in my fridge right now.

You can see. Are these expired? He's in my fridge right now. You can see these expired Fridge right there. I can forget No, let's should I see how long you hot dogs last am I good cuz I've been For a very long time are you sure about that? No a few months probably no There's no way these last a few months. I open the box a couple of months probably. There's no way these last a few months. I opened the bags. Couple months? Couple of months? Yeah, like fridge doors?

I mean, there's gotta be a... Once you break the seal, it might be like a couple of weeks or something. At least a couple weeks. That's what I'm saying. The seal is broken. How long... Oh, is this it? There should be a Best Buy date. There is. I'm trying to read it. Or a sell-by. December 29th. Yeah, a couple months. Yeah, okay. I'm fine. By the way, I don't like...

Can I just bitch about something real fast? I don't like, there's, when you go to a grocery store, and I don't know if it's the same in England or in Canada, so correct me if it's different in your other countries, but Gavin, you live in America, so you should recognize this as well. I don't like that when you go to a grocery store, your perishable goods

notify you in one of two ways. They say, best buy, which makes sense. This hot hot dog it's best if you eat it by november 12th after november 13th like you could do it but you're you're on your own time we've warned you you you're taking your life in your own hands or the infinitely less useful sell by date i don't give a shit when the grocery store needs to sell it by. I want to know when it's safe to eat by. I got to do some kind of weird math at the end of it when it's

like, well, the grocery store said I have to sell it by tomorrow. So how much longer? It's November 11th. The sell by date is November 10th. Is it still good? What's my grace period from when I buy it to when I eat it? They don't tell you. It's bullshit. The sell by is like the minimum time. Stuff will start

going iffy after that. But if they don't give you a maximum time. It could be one day. It could be four days. That's not helpful. The sell-by is just like, get it off the shelves legally by this day and you can't get in trouble. Yeah, that's bullshit. That puts all the onus on you, right? And it's putting,

it's fucking, it's bullshit, crass commercialism right this is what corporations do they're protecting themselves they're protecting like no litigation because we said it had to be sold by this date and we sold it by this date but they're not helping out the consumer the consumer wants to know how long is it safe to fucking eat the thing it helps with the rotation of the products it helps with when when do you reduce it i don't give a fuck about their rotation who gives a shit That's their problem. Yes your own internal system with handle all the way. This is bullshit

Shit, it's it and if you are as a consumer in the world Gavin you should be as outraged as Andrew And I'm saying the people who work in the store which used to be me We don't have special access to these products. We've got to pick them up and look at them, too. I'm not mad at you. We need stuff on there for us. I'm mad at the system. We can reduce them if they're sell-by today.

We've got to get them off the shelves, man. I'm not attacking the day-to-day worker of the store. I'm attacking the corporations in the system in which they've created. That's like saying get these freaking barcodes off these. I don't need the barcode. No, it's not. That's not saying it at all. It's just like sell sell by is only good to

protect the store the grocery store it doesn't help the consumer in any way whatsoever how does the barcode help the consumer i can scan it myself at the till what do you want from me i can just it's easy i know how a barcode works that's just you working like taking the workload off the supermarket yeah well i'm just i don't know why you're defending this corporation this is nonsense this is very big business i don't understand what you're doing i'm saying yeah put a best buy best before on there also but to be honest if you're looking at something that's past its sell by you should probably be eating it then that's that's why it has a sell by no sell by is different from best buy because I've talked to people at the grocery store before and I've been like,

it says you got to sell this by Wednesday. How long is it good after that? And the guy's like, I don't know, a couple days or something. They don't know. It's useless. There's no help there. It only helps.

Because a head of lettuce doesn't overnight go from a nice green, delicious sandwich filler to a bunch of brown goo. It depends on the conditions that it's kept in. It depends where it came from. You have been indoctrinated because you worked at Waitrose when you were a kid. You've got you. They have gotten to you. Dude, we had heists down in the witchers. Take your waitress hat off. If you were caught with something

in your section that was like a day past its sell-by, you'd get a bollocking. You'd get an absolute rollicking. Based on what Gavin said, you know what they should do, Jeff? You know what they should add on top of this? It's like, once again, I think our point is they're just not doing enough work here. They should have ratings of the

storage of the store. I want store rating. I want an understanding. I want a system where I can tell how good their storing of the product is. So I can then make a better evaluation of, okay, sold by is passed. Am I safe eating this? Is this good? I want more information. And here's the deal.

Here's the deal. I totally agree with you, Andrew. And I think independent of this, that needs to exist. But here's a great example of best buy technology fucking exists all right they don't have to invent anything to come up with sure they understand half the products in the stores have best buy technology which means they know how to calculate that all i'm saying is if you're gonna put a fucking sell by date on it put the best buy as well because you already are doing the calculation for other products and you know how to do it.

You're not going to have to invent the whole arm of new technology to do it. Just give us all the information or don't give us the sell by date because I don't give a fuck when you have to sell a buy. I just want to know when I have to eat it by. That's just reasonable. But don't you ever have it where even the best buy is way off? Like your milk goes minging before it or... There are anomalies in in all circumstances

yes it happens on occasion your milk will go bad early uh it but it has to be the exception to the rule the rule is the best by date right but you've sold things what if your shirt went bad after i can't even be i'm not gonna go down that no that's terrible i don't know like as the consumers gavin we don't need to be reasonable that's not our job our job is to articulate where we're being failed jeff did a great job thank you very much i appreciate that that was not a rant i intended to go on no uh it just it just it just was birthed out of you looking for your hot dog i have my own rant as well about another industry. Please.

I had never looked into this. This is maybe the biggest fucking scam of any industry I've ever seen. Nobody's talking about this. I don't understand why this isn't being discussed everywhere. Bedsheets, buying new bedsheets, fucking the biggest gimmick of all time. What's happening? It is so complicated. Why is it so complicated?

Why do I need to order six different things just to get all the bed stuff? It makes no sense. I've noticed that about here. There's like, you get the mattress sheet. You get like a flat sheet, which goes between that. And for some reason, nobody here has like duvet covers. They all have comforters, which you just don't put a sheet on.

I just put a photo in. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that? Do I need all of it? Do I need one of it? You've got king duvet set. You've got king bedding set, king comforter, king comforter set.

What's the difference between a duvet and a comforter? Okay, so you just don't understand how beds work. It's super complicated. It's so much more complicated than it needs to be. So, Gavin, do you want to do it? Or do you want me? Well, as far as I'm aware, a duvet is sort of the fruffing thing that you put on top. That you put a sheet over, right? A comforter, I've never grown up with that. I don't know what the point of that is. That seems to be something that you don't put a sheet on that goes on the bed here's andrew i'm gonna

explain this for you and what is the difference between a comforter and a set like what is so so hold on so i'm gonna explain it to you all right i'm gonna go down the list uh andrew has presented us a list that says king duvet set a king a duvet is like the white blanket yes like the puffy blanket that you have like at hotels and stuff that goes on top of your bed a duvet cover is when uh a duvet cover is when you buy like a big fitted uh typically with a zipper uh cover for that that you put over it's made you know it looks like a sheet but it's all encased and that, if you get sick of having a blue blanket on your bed, you take that duvet cover off and you replace it with a gray one,

and you've got a whole new set without having to buy another $200 main blanket for your bed. The next one is king bedding set. Bedding set is going to be, in most situations, it's going to be your fitted sheet. It's going to be your unfitted sheet, right, which goes between the fitted sheet and the blanket. And then it's going to be your fitted sheet. It's going to be your unfitted sheet, right? Which goes between the fitted sheet and the blanket. And then it's going to be two pillowcases. That's your bedding set. Okay.

A king comforter is just a fucking blanket. It's got a print on it. It's got like Paisley or like, I don't know, it's gingham or some design. And you buy it and you're set with that forever. It looks like the way it's going to look forever. So you buy it and you're and you're set with that forever it looks like the way it's going to look forever so you bought it and it's and maybe it's nice but that's what it's going to look like always but do you put that against your skin no is that on top that goes on top between your fitted sheet and your unfitted sheet it goes fitted sheet right then unfitted sheet then duvet or comforter then you lift up your duvet or comforter and your

unfitted sheet and then you slide in between those so what's that weird thing that people do where they have the duvet but then they have something on top of it that's just on the like below the knees oh that's like an extra blanket but what is the set those things gap i know what you're talking about i know what you're talking about. I know what you're talking about. They're like oddly shaped and weird and long and they look useless. Yeah, it's like decorative shite.

Purely ornamental. It is a decorative shite. All you need is a fitted mattress sheet that sort of hooks under the bottom of the mattress corners and a duvet with a cover on it. That's all anyone needs to sleep. You want a sheet between the duvet? Yeah, you do.'s all you want to sleep you want a sheet between no

yeah you do no you don't because then you can't your legs get all trapped do you know why because you sweat and dude think of it this way you sweat in your sleep sometimes your skin chafes off maybe like you you you you what you release gross shit in your sleep from your body. Yeah, that's why you change your sheets. And you change, but if you're sleeping directly under your comforter, then you're going to wash your comforter all the time. That's why you need the unfitted sheet. Take the comforter and throw it out the window.

No one needs one of them. I totally agree. You just need a duvet sheet and a duvet. You change the sheet. Duvet cover is a pain in the ass to take off. It is, but at least you can clean it. It's way easier. It's way easier just to slop a sheet down

in between the duvet cover. Yeah, you're the dude. This is my point. I can't go down this road with you, man. It's my point. When you change your sweaty flat sheet that goes between, apparently, between you and the duvet,

you've got to change the duvet cover at the same time. No, you're not. You wash the duvet cover. You wash your fitted sheet and your other sheet and your pillowcases once a week. And then you wash the duvet cover whenever the dog has a leaky anus or you spill a soda. It all comes, as Andrew has stated here, it comes as a set.

So you're not going to take off your nice blue sheet and then leave on your big christmas duvet when it's like the next year what what are you saying okay this is my problem we're getting we're straying from the i feel like i already made my point that this is fucking nonsense and it's way too complicated it all makes sense and it's not i just want no it doesn't i just want comforter set is just is your comforter and some pillowcases that look like the comforter don't need a comfort that's great you don't need a company go with the duvet you don't need i want to buy this is all i want i want to just put it in a thing i just want all the sheets i need don't i don't want to buy six different fucking bundles to have a full bed. You don't need to. I clearly do. There's four options.

You're gonna have more sheets than duvet covers. You're looking at sheets and a blanket, essentially. The blanket you buy once, you're gonna have multiple sets of sheets. But if I want a cool themed bedding, I need to buy all of it, and I can't just buy it

in one thing. I have to buy four different pieces. You don't need the comforter. You don't need the comforter you don't need the comforter get the bedding set but right but i can't okay but i have a duvet and i need a cover for it right so i can't just get the do the king duvet set would clearly come with the duvet cover and so if i don't have the cover then it's like i'm just have a blanket it's not part of the cool set what do you mean you're not gonna get in every single one of those options you'll get like the bedding set and the duvet set. It will come with a duvet cover. Oh, really?

Oh, okay. Yeah. That's more reasonable. You want the king bedding set. Okay. See, in my head, this is what was so confusing about this, because I have no idea how beds work. I thought it would be like buying a car. Why would you?

You spend a third of your life in them. Why would you understand how they work? I just appreciate them for what they are. I enjoy it. It's comfy. But I didn't know what to buy. Like, do I buy all of those things? Do I need all those things?

Because they're all... I definitely don't need a comforter and a comforter set. But do I just need the comforter set? Is the comforter set different than the bedding set? It's just very complicated. It's not... I understand... I can understand how there would be a barrier to entry.

But once you crack the code, Andrew, it's pretty fucking simple to keep up with. When I googled, why is this so confusing? I got articles left and right, 19 steps you need before buying betting. There shouldn't be 19 steps to betting ever. What are you doing? This whole system's a disaster. Yeah. I mean, that's all SEO shit. You can't count that. be 19 steps to bedding ever what are you doing this whole system's a disaster yeah and then that's all seo shit you can't you can't count you're not even getting to like throw pillows

and stuff oh so what do you have now did you just get a new king bed or something no i've had a bed for a while i ripped the sheet while i was injured right down the middle totally destroyed so i'm looking into new bedding i love my bedding i want something cool uh what do you have now what do you do you have just the mattress sheet and the duvet sheet this is what i have okay i don't speak bed so you're just gonna have to bear with me here i got the bed i got a mattress support above the bed then i have a cover that covers all of that then i got a sheet above that then i got my duvet no cover just a plain so you're you're another middle shea i guess i'm blown away by this most people are i don't i keep it too hot

it's no you never tuck it in you don't want to feel trapped i'm with you you trap your legs if you tuck it in i like i like to feel trapped but no i guess you don't if you've got the sheet on the duvet it's a two in one it is your middle sheet no because it's way more of a hassle to replace a duvet cover than it is just to wash that fucking sheet buddy like you still can't go down that road you're gonna drool on it you're gonna be like touching it with your hands this is not nearly as often i i do this i i sit at home i do the laundry i wash the sheets once a week. I wash the do-get-they cover whenever the dog drools on it,

which is not all the time. Every time, I just rip all the sheets off, and I wash them all, and I put a new set on. A whole lot at once. Why would you do something at the other? Because then you've got a different rota. You're overwashing. I'm with Gavin.

You do them all at once. Gavin's making it to be more complicated. I'm not doing my mattress weekly. He's dead on. My duvet bi-weekly. He is dead fucking on about comforters. Comforters are a scam. You don't need them.

They're bullshit. You don't. A comforter just, all a comforter does is make you spend more to limit your options. They're doo-doo. You want a duvet and a duvet cover, but you shouldn't be taking your duvet

out of your duvet cover very often at all because that's what your fucking fitted sheets are for. It's a mess. I will say that something else I learned. God, we are 20 minutes into talking about beds. Yeah, I'm not done yet either. This is a very... How many pillows do you guys use?

One. Two. Are you serious? I used two. I used to be a double pillow kind of guy. I used to like sticking an arm between them. Now I just have a very dense, very supportive

single pillow. Oh, okay. I have eight pillows on my bed. Shut up. Well, I mean I have eight pillows on my bed, but you take most of them off. I have eight pillows on my nose. Let me take most of them off Don't get me started It's decorative get them out of there. No, they're all great. I've ate pillows I have two of them are like they're not body pillows, but they're like long pillows. They're like half body pillows

They're sick, so I have two of those and then I have six standard pillows How many pillows do you think I use when I go to sleep? One? That's your guess, one. Jeff, do you want to make a guess? I don't know, man. I would say zero. I don't know.

Why would I use zero pillows? I don't know, because it's got to be the most ludicrous answer. I use eight pillows. I use all of them. You don't. You don't. Yes, I do. Yes, I do.

I use all of them, and I don't even think about it. Why even have a bed at that point? Just sleep in a pillow't. Yes, I do. I use all of them. Why are you going to have a bed at that point? Just sleep in a pillow fort. What do I do? I don't know. It's never struck me as weird. The constant using one pillow. Go ahead.

Let me guess where you put them. Right. Sure. You have two under your head. You're hugging one. You're probably a weirdo who has one between your knees. Nope. Because I know people.

Okay. I've got no idea. I stack them. I put the two hard ones at the bottom to build good structural integrity and then i stack six and then i fall into it the bottom of the bed so we have the bed and then i put the two like body pillow type things first they're down at the bottom they're like wait you say bottom you mean where your feet you make a you make a second bed of pillows no okay so i put the two at my head the two body pillows at my head and they're like the base of the jenga tower and

then i just stack six up that's not that's so you have eight pillows tall yeah it's eight pillows no you see but you sleep both upright what do you mean eight pillows tall no i don't so what i do i make like a comfort mountain and then i put my shoulder into it, and I'm out. I just go to sleep. It's fantastic. But you're sleeping. You're sitting up mostly at this point. No, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm stretched out. I'm laying down. But my upper half is definitely on its side. I'm probably, my head is probably, I don't know, three feet from the bed, two and a half feet from the bed. Oh my God. I'll tell you what's happening. Your heart is just fucking pumping blood straight to a bad ankle. Oh, it's fantastic.

That's what's going on. It never occurred to me it's weird. It also never occurred to me to only use one. I have eight. Why wouldn't I use all eight? Pillows are great. Why wouldn't I use all of them? Your spine! Okay, so I'm imagining if I've walked into your bedroom, I've seen you asleep. I'm looking at, from

the top down, is your head and then maybe the headboard. And then six pillows. Does your head sleep higher than a headboard? I don't think I could sleep with a headboard in my current sleep system. It would be hard. I don't understand.

So are you just lent against a wall of pillows or are you at the top of pillow mountain No I'm laying on the wall So my My ass is on the bed And then my upper half Is just engulfed in this pillow mountain

But where does your head If from 1 to 8 Where is your head lent against Probably like 7 Can you do me a favor? At some point in the future, can you draw this? Yeah. So I'm having

a hard time visualizing it. I'll stack my pillows for how I lay them and I'll take a photo of my setup. Alright, I'm putting it on or I'm going to get it put on Instagram. Just do it now. You're in your room now. I gotta walk around my foot sore. He probably wants to show off his new

comforter and stuff too. Yeah. Oh my god. I'll wait until I get the new sheets and everything. It'll be a whole thing. But it never occurred to me that that was weird. When you lie down, like if you lie down on your side, there's a gap between where your shoulder and your head are. Because your

shoulders can touch the bed, but your head doesn't. Not how I like. Well, if any man lays on their side, there's a gap under their head, right? Right. Put one pillow there. See you later.

Jobs are good in. No, you need way more than that. I like to feel secure. I want everything solid. When I was younger, I was like maybe a three pillow kid, and i would just put them all against the wall and just lay into the wall as hard as i could i had a very

neck very quick neck sleep how is your posture that's great i think my posture is fine i'm sitting upright somehow the way your head has been in your sleep that's somehow affected your ankles i bet yes i bet your ankles are out of whack totally your spine has been tugging on your pelvis ripping your shins up and bending your ankles yeah he's right you're doing something to yourself here oh god

nothing about you is normal no I'm very normal but the pillow thing once again I just think it makes sense if If you have pillows, use as many as you can while being comfortable. You're too high up. Did you ever get a nosebleed? That's too high altitude. It's tough.

It's tough over there. Oh, shit. I have great sleeps. I have a fantastic sleep. It's great. What do you dream about? Do you always dream of a super tool that was i've never had a tall dream i should have i should have one i'm very high up what i dreamt a lot i have a lot when i was on the pain the prescription pain pills i was

constantly falling asleep and then waking myself up because I'd be writing somebody a message and then my thumb would hit the keyboard and I'd get excited that I got an alert. Like, ooh, an email. Wake myself up. I had a lot of sleep. Oh my god. I can't handle it today. I know, I know. Anyway, this isn't crying. This isn't even... I have another

bed dilemma. We're almost... Fucking please, please, what's your next bed dilemma? So, this is a serious issue. It's 12 p.m. at night. It's late. Do you mean 12 a.m.? 12 a.m.? 12 a.m. You're right. 12 a.m.

One of those late afternoons. Yeah, one of those late afternoons. 12 a.m. It shifted. In my head, I was gonna say 11.59, but that's a weird time. That's why I got tripped up. But the point is, it's late by myself. I can't walk now.

I'm out. I need pills. I need to take my prescription pain pills or else there's no chance I'm going to sleep. This is what I have. I'm laying in my bed. I look to my left at my end table. This is what I'm dealing with. What do you do?

You need to swallow two pills. The cans are empty. You got no water. The cans are empty. These are all the resources you have. There's no help. There's no help. What do you do?

All right. Well, you dry swallow the pills because you're an adult and it's not hard to do. No, no, no. You've never. I've never dry swallowed. That seems very intimidating. No, don't dry swallow. He because you're an adult and it's not hard to do. I've never dry swallowed. That seems very intimidating. Don't dry swallow. He's an idiot. You want to take two pills in your hand.

You want to give him a light coating of Pam and they'll slide right down. Shove them in a hot dog and eat it like you're hiding a pill from a dog. Also, why are you just storing the ketchup upside down what do you mean what what do you mean why am i storing the ketchup upside down that's the it's what do you mean no the top is the cap no it's not why would it be the cap that's dangerous

why would you have the part where it could seep out facing down i don't seep out as a seal and it means that when you pick it up, it's ready to go and the ketchup is at the cap. Did you not find it weird that the label's upside down? No. No, why would you have the cap down? If I put the cap down, there's a scenario

in which it comes out of the cap. If I cap up, there's no way in which it comes out of the cap. Every label is the right way up except for the ketchup. What are you talking about? I don't understand. What are you talking about? He's right. You don't put... No, this... what I'm saying makes sense. That's why the cap is flat, dude.

The cap is flat and it has a seal. That's so you don't have to fucking shake it like a psycho to get the ketchup toward the fucking... If you flip that open and hold it upside down, it won't come out. You've got to squeeze through the little anus,

the little sphincter in the cap. I think there's a 1% risk cap down, so I go cap up because there's zero risk there. You don't put a fucking Dr. Pepper face down. That's flat, too. That's liquid. That's gravity with a hole. The freaking ketchup, Andrew.

If there's the risk and you're avoiding that, instead of the risk, which won't leak out, you have to bash and wait for your ketchup to land at the hole. Do you want to get fucking real? Do you want to have a real answer to this? Yeah. Cap down, right? You put cap down.

There's momentum and gravity. And sometimes you open the cap, you're fucking coated in ketchup. Never happens. That's not real. Literally happened the day and you're fucking coated in ketchup. Never happens. That's not real. Literally happened the day I used the fucking ketchup. That's why it's capped. Did you open it with it already squeezed?

Are you squeezing it like you're trying to choke the life out of something as you're popping the cap? No, no, no. I don't know. Air was in there. It's so heavy handed. He's always biting down too hot through his phones. He's always biting down too hard through his phones. He's always squeezing his ketchup. Calm down, man.

I'm telling you, if you have a bottle of ketchup like that and you keep it capped down and you just open the cap, it will spray on you at one point. No. It will happen. It will happen. No. No. It happened to me. Also, I have to ask about the ketchup.

Are you doing the Chef Mike? No, I had something that could use ketchup on it. That's not for the pattern. Oh, a desk dog? That was a desk dog, yes. But is there ready to be used in Chef Mike's whatever he was talking about? Yeah, I still have no clue. I'm sure it was a great tip.

So what did you do? Well, what would you do? I guess is the first question. I would dry swallow the fucking pills because I am an adult human being. Okay. Well, I had a cup too. It's not really present there. I asked people what I should do.

It's kind of a different, like, use the Pam, use the ketchup. Some people just said use your own spit, which seemed crazy to me. That's also doable. I don't know. I tried it. I did do it last night it wasn't pleasant it was very difficult to generate enough spit i also they made fun of me because i started spitting into a cup to try to accumulate why is that grosser oh i don't think that's gross you're this place. You're going to spit out of your mouth. Once it leaves your mouth, it can't go back in. Any liquid that your body produces when stored is disgusting. Yes.

Like if you have a cup of sweat or piss. Listen, I'm not saving this for fucking Christmas. I'm going to drink it in a minute. The second it leaves your body, it can't come back. It's not. You're going to drink it. You already drink spit. Constantly. I don't know why this is a big deal.

I don't know why putting it in the cup is... I don't drink spit. I swallow what is overproduced in my mouth. I don't think, let me just get a nice mouthful going and then drink it down. It's a byproduct of me using my mouth. I'm not like, oh, I'm thirsty.

No, but you consume it. You certainly don't spit into a Solo cup for an hour and then fucking drink it. I viewed it as like chewing tobacco. When people said you spit, I was like, well, I certainly can't generate enough in my mouth at one time. So I started trying to spit into one of the cans and that didn't work well. So that was dead. Oh, my God. So one of those cans is Dr. Pepper work well so that was dead oh my god so one of those cans is dr pepper dregs and what is a can of spit well okay and then i used the bottle i because i

thought well i don't i'm not just going to spray pam into my mouth so i tried to fill it with a cup very hard to fill pam in a cup just kind of sticks to the side smells very good not too bad in small amounts a little bit of pam not too bad the problem amounts. A little bit of Pam, not too bad. The problem is I then looked at the label. I did further investigating on the Pam label, and it says intentional misuse by deliberately inhaling concentrated vapors may be harmful or fatal. I'm not sure if my use was misuse.

I don't know if it would be categorized. That wasn't misuse. Could be huffing. Could be a huffing. Yeah, that's like the aerosolizing stuff they put in, right? Did you, so did you, you just inserted them anally, I'm guessing? No, I used the ketchup. That's what I did.

So you ate pills with ketchup? Yeah, I just had some ketchup and then some spit. I'm impressed that you even considered the Pam. I tried it. It smells good. It just smells like butter. It does smell good how many calories is pam that's probably a lot go see but i can't i mean it's not designed to be it's not

designed to be consumed in quantities my end table looks no different that that photo was taken four days ago everything's still in the exact same position so you're you're like uh leaving cans around the nightstand kind of guy huh i hate when i that. Well, when I can't walk, yeah. Yeah, I can't. I'm going to do that. What do you mean? I'm not walking them out. I just don't understand the point of a can in your own house.

I don't understand your question. What does that mean? Like, cans are good. You're out and about. You've got to store your liquid in a portable container. Why don't you buy, like, a bigger container for home use, and then you're not blowing through cans and leaving cans everywhere i'm not leaving cans everywhere my ankles sore i have a fridge in my room i got

some dr pepper to put in the the thing a little treat while i'm upset do you want this ankle it makes a little treat yeah i don't know what the issue is i think uh i think that's it for my bed issues i think we went through the betting. I have one other thing, completely unrelated to everything. It's just important to note. I feel like I should hit on this. It's a scandal. Was the spit thing the thing you were going to make me throw up with, by the way?

No, I still have another thing that I can read. Oh, God. Do you want to do that, or do you want a quick update? I have the higher judge update. It's very small. Oh, yeah. I also, I have to tell you what, because we're running out of time. I have three things I could talk about.

I'll list them all and you guys can pick and then we'll just cover the others later. All right. What's your hired judge update? My hired judge update is, as everyone knows, I'm a slippery eel, apparently. I was called out. I was kicked out by them. They removed me. I'm on the blacklist.

I might be the only person ever to be on that blacklist. But later that day, I got an email. I got another email. Very interesting one. From Hired Judge. They can try to kick me out. They can put me in the blacklist. They can say whatever they want on their message boards.

I'm still getting the emails. I'm getting the judging opportunities. I'm there i'm watching they can't remove me from the servers they can take me out of their little feed or whatever i'm still getting all the updates they needed an emergency judge i was available i said no that was on them they did that wait this so they... So they're not replacing you with this, are they? No, they put out a thing because they're like, he's out of the system, he's gone.

Little did they know, I'm still hiding in the back. I'm still getting the updates. I'm constantly still getting jobs for Hired Judge. They couldn't get rid of me. They can easily remove you from that list. No, no, no, no, no. Easily. No, I'm still getting in there.

They needed an emergency judge. I was available. But guess what? I'm blacklisted. Sorry. Out of luck. You did that. They did that to themselves.

Someone's going to email them now and tell them to take you off the mailing list. Try it. They already tried. They already told me I'm on the blacklist. I'll wait and see. We'll see what happens. Oh, good lord. I don't think they can do it.

I don't think they know how. I think I'm just there. I wonder which judge had to back out. That's a great question. I don't know. I could have. I could have helped, but no. I'm blacklisted.

I'm a slippery eel, apparently. So, I hope it went well. I hope they found their judge. I hope they did, too. Wherever you're going, you better believe American Express will be right there with you. Heading for adventure? We'll help you breeze through security. Meeting friends a world away? You can use your travel credit. Squeezing every drop out of the last day? How about a 4 p.m. late checkout?

Just need a nice place to settle in? Enjoy your room upgrade. Wherever you go, we'll go together. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamx. Benefits vary by card. Terms apply. What's your update, Jeff? Okay, here's well, maybe we have time to get into more than one, but

here's the deal. I'll let you guys pick. License plate or flat tire or blow dryer? Those are the three notes I had to talk about. Blow dryer, in my opinion. Gavin? Yeah, let's go with that. All right. Well, the blow dryer is the second shortest story, the flat tire being the longest.

I have taken Andrew to heart a little bit and like him finding efficiencies in life. And, you know, I started a few years ago, blow drying my hair. Uh, and I really got into it. I always thought that was like for people that had fancy hair and, and, you know, uh, I was just like a dumb army kid who got out, you just towel it dry and go about your day. Um, but I started blow drying my hair and I found I really liked the ceremony of it all. And I liked the feeling. And I have done this off and on, but never with any, throughout the course of my life, but never with any intent or purpose. And now I've started when I get out of the shower, I towel off. But you know, when you get out of the shower, no matter how long you towel off,

you're still damp in certain places. And there becomes a point of diminishing returns, right? Where you're like, I could continue drying off with this towel that's now wet, but I'm getting less and less dry by percentage as I go. At some point, the towel, you're not going to dry off with two towels, right? Nobody's going to be like, well, this towel's mostly wet. Let me get the second towel to finish the job. You're just not going to do that. But since I'm already blow drying my hair, I've started to do, I got this routine where I put my deodorant on and then I blow dry the deodorant dry onto my underarm. That way you don't like put a black shirt on and end up with like the white streaks or whatever. Or you don't like, if you

use clear deodorant, you don't put it on and just feel like icky kind of sticky a little bit so i blow dry my arms my underarms totally dry to like bake the the deodorant on takes a few seconds then i blow dry the rest of my entire body paying special attention to my my shins seem to hold a lot of water for some reason because i got hairy legs they always seem to be a little wetter maybe it's a little what is it a hair thing you gotta maybe yes i got hair i got hairy legs right i guess so not like gavin harry or anything but you know i'm human uh and so i i pay special attention to my shins make sure my leg hair gets nice and dry which feels lovely by the way and then i blow dry my butthole and my taint and my balls for a while you got to be careful because you will burn your dick on a high setting with a blow dryer. But if you like, if you, you know, and I, and I don't like to dial it down.

I like to keep my settings on high because I like to, I, because I like go a hundred percent all the time. But so you, you have to be careful. Can I ask a technical question? Yeah. Are you using the incredibly fancy and expensive Dyson blow dryer? Yes, I am. Okay.

Nice. Oh, I'm just, I'm wondering what kind of, what kind of blow you're getting. Just a Dyson blow dryer? Yes, I am. Why do you ask? Oh, I'm just wondering what kind of blow you're getting. Just a Dyson blow dryer. Yeah. And I have not been happier. There is something to be said about completely and totally dry warming your body

and then putting on a pair of underwear and a pair of pants and a pair of socks. It's different. I'm telling you, it hits different. And I cannot recommend it enough.

Blow dry your whole body. Getting dressed a little bit damp. Just normally, and then you put your underwear on and you're like, it's a little damp there, or a pair of socks. And one sock goes on a little harder than the other sock, and you realize, oh, I didn't dry my foot as well as the other foot. It happens.

Alright? And I know you know what I'm talking about. Oh, absolutely. But if you just dry the whole thing, give yourself All right. And I know, you know what I'm talking about, but if you just dry the whole thing, give yourself an extra, I don't know, 80 seconds in the bathroom with the blow dryer, it'll set your day. I'm telling you, you will like, it's kind of like how they say, like, make your bed in the morning and you'll, you'll, you'll feel better throughout the rest of the day. I subscribe to that. I do it still. Uh, it's the first thing I do when I get up and make my bed. out the rest of the day i subscribe to that i do it still uh it's the first thing i do when i get up make my bed i'm sorry i make our bed emily and i's bed uh but i have now like i feel like i have better days because i blow dry my butt and my balls and my legs and i recommend you do the same

it's like a hug you're just kind of giving yourself a little nice little warm hug slip into that underwear yeah yeah you don't have to heat up it makes clothes feel like you know how when you put on a pair of pants or a shirt straight out of the dryer and they're kind of like warm and huggy? It makes all clothes feel like they came straight out of the dryer

because your body has that warm. It is a dangerous game. Eventually, do you think you'll upgrade to a second hair dryer so you can get it done in twice the speed? I'm not in a hurry. I think that's too dangerous.

I'm learning to take, and I agree with Andrew, it could be dangerous. I'm learning to take time to enjoy stuff i don't know man you bring it in like you're dealing with precious parts and yeah he said he burnt his dick i have burned my dick having two it's just like you're factoring in a lot of different heat you're moving all over you got to bifurcate your your brain and like think about like you're dealing with two different heat streams at the same time like your micro you suddenly you're you're multitasking my lights drop to like 50 brightness when i turn on my hair dryer so maybe they'll go all the way off

you need to test that oh god that's interesting michael does that you know he stands there completely naked and blows himself dry smart dude dry being a smart dude for that sentence yeah yeah no i i i i support it uh and i recommend everybody try it i'll try a waffle i could do with that that might help me out when people arrive early because as you know i'm putting on shirts and the chest hair is still wet i got like a cup of water i got like a whole cup stored in my chest and then it looks like dry you come to the front door and it looks like you've been working out or something and you've got sweaty chest yeah yeah i'm on board with most of what you said except for the shins thing that was insanity that just kick your legs a few times and the water will come off you got like a sponge shin don't knock it till you shin try it i will say the shin thing is also

puzzling because you're wearing swim trunks all the time. So I don't know why the shins are an area. Well, you know, I have been wearing pants lately. Why? Well, there have been some days when it's been cooler. And like sometimes when I go for my bike ride, it's only in the 50s. I don't want to wear shorts in the 50s. So I'll put on a pair of pants. You don't want shinsicles.

Yeah, I don't want shinsicles. Fucking yeah, I could lose my legs. No, it's fine. It's actually nice when you do that, when it's cold and your feet get cold and you put them up. There comes a time, like, what do you mean? It's nice sometimes. So I only wear shorts or underwear. I've never, there's never a pants situation.

Very rarely fabric around my feet. Yeah, because you have to get them hemmed. Yeah, it's like a whole thing. It's a whole nonsense headache. I want my legs to feel free. And I also used to love always having my window open year round. Doesn't matter when. So there'd be times in the winter months where I'd be at my desk.

I'd be playing a game for a few hours at night. And then the cold would just completely numb my feet. And then you'd go to bed and your feet would slowly heat up and it was a nice feeling it's not always bad that's all I was trying to say okay I thought you were gonna be like heating them by the fire or something no you just go on the bed and you slowly

have you ever had chillblains chillblains have you? no but I was always warned about it like if you have really cold feet and then you immediately heat them up you can get is it chill blains i've never looked up what that is i don't even i've never heard that word it's like oh you'll get chill blains that's just bad i gotta look at what is it i had an anal fissure recently i haven't had a chill blain though i would say i'd say that's worse there goes the there goes the license plate and the flat

tire andrew would you would you care my second waffle maker just shipped that's great sorry go ahead oh hang on well first off is the second waffle maker teeny bean turtles yeah yeah i wanted to secure a backup just in case okay okay that's fair. What's up with the anal fissure? It was a side effect, so I was recovering from my ankle. Of eating so many goddamn waffles? Yeah. Yes. No, it wasn't waffle related. It was the prescription painkiller related. I was saving my ankle

to spite my butthole is what I didn't realize at the time. And it was bad. Is this gonna make me throw up? No, I don't think so. It was just like I was shitting out a rock, and it was awful. It was gonna make me throw up? No, I don't think so. It was just, it was like I was shitting on a rock, and it was awful. It was a terrible experience.

You know when you bite, like, dentine, icy fresh gum, and you get, like, that freshness in your mouth, that freshness taste? Yeah. That's how my asshole felt for, like, three hours.

And at first, it was pleasant. I was like, this isn't that bad. Like someone squirted a bunch of tea tree up your asshole yeah like it was kind of a cooling numbing feeling it was a dentine fresh feeling in my asshole um but then it just shifted the pain and then it was just

really sore and uh I don't know exactly what maybe it wasn't an anal fissure read online what you're just guessing well it the symptoms matched up I didn't hire a fucking team of investigators to check in on my ass gavin we established last episode he's not leaving his house to go to the doctor for anything so i just i went to bed and i woke up the next day and it was fine but it was a unique pain and i think something probably a little tear i probably

had a little tear well was there blood in your stool or on the paper? I didn't observe either. I don't know. Okay, so you're shitting rocks, but you don't think, oh, we should probably have a peek at what that was. And you're shitting and wiping blind? Yeah, I did. I was wiping blind.

I made sure everything was fine. How do you know you're done? Yeah, how do you know it's clean? I just, you can feel. No, you can't. You can't feel it at that time. No, it was not. No, okay, hear me out. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, clean? I just, you can feel. No, you can't. You can't feel it at that time. No, it's not. No, okay.

Hear me out. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Shut up. Shut up for a minute. Let me talk. You can tell when you're having a bad one or a good one. Yeah, but you can also, mostly, yes, 90% of the time, yes, but sometimes you can have a really confident wipe

and think, I've absolutely nailed that one and then you look down and it's an absolute poo bar no no I've never had that I've I'm I've had a very high percentage of accurately projecting I don't I can't you can't you don't know because you're not looking you're not verifying I would

on this one the there are times in your life when you go I was way off base on that one this is the thing this was like i was literally it was shitting rocks there was no substance to this there was no smearing there wasn't there was nothing there and then i thought like that was real i wonder if they were like how big that was that felt horrible it was the worst feeling i've ever had i've never passed a kidney stone but i imagine it it felt like that butt was my asshole. Yeah, it was terrible.

By the way, Nick, in all caps, has written, you were pantsless the last week. Yeah, I was. Oh, God! I was also not a concern. You're sitting down on unverified wipes. Pantsless. No, it's fine. There's no... I clearly was right because there are no stains. There are no marks. There's nothing. Now we know why he's buying new bed sheets, Gavin.

No, I literally ripped them in half. I'll take a photo if I need to. It's like they were split down the middle. So I did that and I did go to check, but the light was off and I couldn't see. So I just accepted that I wouldn't know what they looked like. Where's the light switch? It's on the other side of the wall. It's on a different wall. I couldn't

reach it at that time. I'd have to hobble over, hit the switch, and then hobble back, get a peek. So you didn't have, like, an itchy butt or anything? No. You really were Winnie the Pooh. No, it was an icy feel that was really nice for, like, maybe two hours, and then it was just

constant pain. Two hours? It was like an- yeah. We need to get this kid a bidet fucking ASAP again. Nah, it was fine. He had the opportunity. He didn't want it because he's a vertical wiper. I'm telling you, it works for vertical wipers. I'm sure it does. I'm going through

changes enough as it is. I got these waffle makers, Jeff. I got a hot dog. I'm making desk dogs. Yeah, he's going through changes that are filling up his bathroom. He doesn't have room for things like bidets. I don't know if it's the same for you, but I just went, you know, like I guess two weeks ago now, three weeks ago, I went

on that road trip up to Detroit and back. So I didn't have the bidet with me for seven days, eight days. And man, you instantly notice the absence of the bidet when you have to go back to dry wiping. It is, it feels like, it feels like you're going back in time

to the caveman days. I'm telling you, Andrew, you would be so instantly converted and you would, and I would be more comfortable knowing, especially if I ever come to visit you, that if you're walking around Donald Duck in it or Winnie the Pooh in it

in your apartment 90% of the time, that there's going to be a much higher percentage that I'm going to sit down on a clean seat. Now I never, almost never am in, in Winnie the Pooh mode. Um, it's,

it's a rare occurrence. It just, with my injury, wasn't worth it. I completely agree with you. I'm sure I'd be converted easily, but I'm also scared to take on new things that I would then have a hard time being without.

One of the reasons I don't drink coffee. I don't like the idea of feeling like, what if I need coffee and I can't get it? Well, let me reassure you here. You can get coffee everywhere. Everywhere on the planet. Yeah, but what if... You go to a bank and get coffee. There's nowhere that doesn't have coffee. What if the coffee just goes away one day? Everyone else is stuck on this coffee. I'm fine. It doesn't make a difference to my life. It's not like smack. It's not like you're going to die from going

cold turkey and relapsing. No, but people become reliant on the coffee and the energy. I just don't. I don't drink coffee or tea or anything. I'm not a caffeine person. I don't really consume caffeine. Did you drink Dr. Pepper? I did. I know, but that's irregular. I'm not a big caffeine guy. What's the worst that could happen? I don't

know. Something could, though. That's my point. If I don't do anything guy. What's the worst that could happen? I don't know. Something could, though. That's my point. If I don't do anything, nothing will happen. He'll get debilitatingly addicted to coffee, and then somehow all the world's coffee stores will disappear, and like the rest of us, he'll be without coffee, and then he'll be sad. I really like the idea of making coffee.

He's planning his life around that potentiality. He's also, yeah, he lives on potential risk. He sculpts his life around the what-ifs. No, I don't. You're all about the comfort. You're all about, yeah, I'll have, it's all backwards. You won't have the ketchup the right way up because of the what-ifs. No.

But you won't not put a waffle maker in the bathroom, aside from the electrocution and poo what ifs. It's all backwards. I got ketchup on my shirt that morning. That's why it's up. That wasn't a what if. That was I lived a life. You gotta not be clenched at all times. Clenched? I'm telling you

there was some previous air in the bottle. It was near the bottom. There was some trapped air and it shot out. You need air in there. You don't want to still catch up in a vacuum. It's normal to just flip open. There was some forward momentum, Gavin, that that lid was holding back, and it was just waiting to go. It was like a trap. It was a sprung trap, and as soon as I opened that lid, ketchup everywhere.

Here's where you shouldn't have ketchup stored downwards. If you're on a plane, and it was stored downwards at zero feet and you're opening it at like 38,000, right? That's going to be a risk. In your bedroom, I mean, depending on if you've taken it to the top of Pillow Mountain, you should be fine to just flip open the cap.

Yeah. I do put my ice cream down. Does that make you happy? The lid down on the ice cream. I do that. I don't know, Gav. I don't my ice cream down. Does that make you happy? The lid down on the ice cream. I do that. I don't know, Gav. I don't know what he means. I put lid down for the ice cream.

The ice cream is frozen. What do you mean? The ice cream doesn't kill. What do you mean? No, it's better. I was telling you. It's frozen solid. Whatever you leave it.

You make fun of me all you want. I put the ice cream lid down, not base down, lid down because it's better for the ice cream. What do you mean? How is it better for the ice cream? It does because the moisture, the way the moisture processes in the thing, it's I never in the freezer. I'm saying I'm not just putting this on a table. When I put the ice cream in the freezer, you always go lid down. Are you saying that

Go ahead. It's better for the So you never eat the back of the ice cream. What do you mean? If you eat all of the ice cream So if you go lid up, you know how sometimes when you go lid up with your ice cream I'm sure you've experienced this as ice cream basic people. It gets icy. You get some ice in that ice cream

The liquidy, the ice, the water, it gets in the cup. You're leaving it in your freezer too long and your freezer's too cold. Well, I don't, listen, I don't know about freezers. I just know ice cream, and I know if I put lid down, the ice cream never goes that way. Okay, so the water droplets seep upwards

is what you're saying. So they would seep into the base. They just, it's not a problem. It no longer is an issue. You know, you might might be onto something i don't know about that i just thought you wanted it to be closer to the lid but my point was that it doesn't move no you avoid the ice thing if you put the ice cream lid down it's a thing i do do that you're upset that i don't put the ketchup down so i tell you i put the ice cream down and you're still mad at me. I can't win. Yeah, I'm kind of mad, yeah. Should I show Gavin my waffle, Jeff? That's the thing I think will make Gavin

probably vomit. Yeah, show him your waffle. So, here's some good waffles, Gavin. These are like I'm calling them a poffle because it's a pancake mix and a waffle maker so it's not really a pancake, not really a waffle. That's a quality. That's a quality one.

Is that working out, by the way? Is this from the 70-pound bag? Yeah, that was a 70-pound cook. These are the poffles from the 70-pound. Like, this is another one. Still figuring out the spread. Need a good spread on it. No, you're just not pouring enough mix in.

Yeah, I need to get the spread right. I need more mix. I'm still finding that balance. You got a solid urdle there though. I do. It's a great urdle. Yeah, if you don't up your mix, you're never going to get through the other 69 pounds. Even when they don't turn out well though,

your room smells so good. It is the greatest smell. It is a fantastic odor. But yesterday because the podcast came out and talking about people learned about the waffle thing, I thought I'm going to make some waffles this morning. Show the process. I recorded a little video for it, but the waffle didn't quite turn out well because I'm trying a new system.

I'm putting the batter or the mix in a water bottle and then I'm just pouring water into the bottle. I'm shaking it. That's how I'm mixing it. And I'm still feeling it. I'm not like a like a shake and bake. Like a shake and bake type thing, yeah. But this was the waffle that came out yesterday. It was very wet and it just didn't cook properly. It was not good.

Seeing it next to the good ones makes it look even worse. Oh, yeah. It's a real disappointment. I can see the soggy. It was undercooked it looks it looks like it looks like a waffle that fell in a pool and someone fished it out oh it's a wet waffle it's a wet waffle it was not cooked properly i will say though it did not taste any better than it why did you eat it you got it wasn't that bad you got 70 pounds you don't eat them Yeah, but I cooked it and I was like well. I should try it. Here's the the real dilemma was that nose

You can kind of see it's a hard nose. There was a real bump in that nose I was like what's going on with this nose. I bit into it just powder just the powder that uncooked It was just a chunk of powder in the nose It was really good crepe. It was sad. It was just a chunk of powder in the nose. It was more like a crepe. It was sad. It was a sad thing. So wait, how was their powder? Because you're not meant to be pouring any powder into the actual waffle iron. He didn't mix it well enough. I didn't mix

it well enough. The shakage didn't. The shakage. I've noticed the giant batter stain there on the table. Yeah, that was from that cook. There was a batter stain top left because it was very liquidy. This is why it shouldn't be in the from that cook. There's a batter stain top left because it was very liquidy. This is why it shouldn't be in the bedroom, Andrew. There's no dry wipe surfaces. This is like

varnished wood. You're not going to be putting waffle mix on it. I'm sure it's fine. I haven't cleaned that up yet. You've got waffle stains next to your bedroom lamp. Yeah. It's a nice lamp. I zoomed in. Don't do that. It's glistening. It looks wet. It is glistening it is very wet it needed

more cook but i'm also very paranoid because of the smoke alarm now about cooking stuff in here it is a concern yeah do you have one in your kitchen no i don't so this is though you should be doing it in there maybe but then i'd have to carry 70 pounds of batter back down the stairs, and I don't want to do that. No, most people wouldn't store the batter in their bedroom. Well, you put it where the thing is, right? That's not illogical. I feel like you could tackle that challenge

and find a way to slide it downstairs in some overly complicated way that saves you from having to head. I could actually, you're right, I could literally just drop it from my balcony and it would land on the balcony at that level it wouldn't be that bad i gotta be honest as well the hinge system on that waffle maker is driving me nuts it's completely it's asymmetrical it's pissing me off it's a great waffle maker how dare oh yeah you take that you mean you take that back no he's right it's. No, he's right. It's asymmetrical. Yeah, it's... And there's an odd amount of space on the right one.

Would the bag explode if I dropped it one story onto another surface? Yes, absolutely. Well, it depends on the bag. Is it just a clear bag? No, it's just a plastic bag. Yeah, that's probably gonna...

It does have a seal. It's not like a full zip. Take your ripped up sheet that you ripped in half, cut it into strips, tie it, make it into a rope, lasso it around the bag, and then lower it down like Rapunzel. Make it done with you. Should I do that?

Are we wrapping up? You want me to do that? You guys wrap up the show. I'm going to go lower the pancake. You've got some homework. You've also got to take a picture of the bed situation at some point. Oh, you're right. I should take a photo of it before I do it.

And there's stuff on the bed. I'm not going to do that. I'll see. I'll try it. I'll do it later. All right. Well, thanks for listening to F*** Face. Did we do an intro?

Hello and welcome to episode... Yeah, we did. I think... Did we? No, we didn't. Hello and welcome to episode... Yeah, we did. I think, did we? No, we didn't. Hello and welcome to episode four... Fuck. Hello and welcome to episode 26 of F*** Face, a podcast about nothing.

We did for this one. Nick is saying we did. Oh, we did. Undo it. Undo that. All right. This is a... How do you undo an intro?

Please forget everything I just said. It no longer has relevance to, for the purposes of this podcast, which you have been listening to now for the last hour or so. Thank you so much. This has been another F*** Face production. If you liked it, and I'm assuming you didn't, but maybe you did, give us a like or a rate. People, we love those stars. Give us a like or a rate. We love those stars. Give us all five of them.

We would appreciate it. I don't know where you do that, but the place that has stars. Go to the star store, buy us five. Do we have an Instagram, Jeff? Yeah, we do. We have an Instagram. Oh, wow.

And we got hats in that, although not yet. No, we don't have hats. No, we won't have the hats till January. Can we? Well, wait. Okay, so that was the whole thing. And I haven't responded yet. Can we pre-order have the hats till January. Can we? Well, wait. Okay, so that was the whole thing. And I haven't responded yet. Can we pre-order sell the hats?

No, no. Pre-orders are a whole thing. It's, there's, let me just, can I just say that my 18 years of this industry and starting the Rooster Teeth store and running it for seven or eight years and pre-orders are a nightmare logistically and legally that you don't want to do if you can't get it. Fascinating. It just seemed like a great face thing

of the best Christmas gift the store has to offer doesn't arrive until after Christmas. But I think maybe we'll get the Ian shirt. So maybe we'll have that. Where's the Ian shirt? I don't think I've even seen that. It's back a bit. It's just like a pocket t with the ian face yes the looking at this yeah oh that's ian yeah that's ian that's his name yeah oh okay i guess you weren't a part of that

conversation where was i well i don't think i don't think you were on that text that andrew and i had about it oh well did you want to be i could here's what we're thinking gav we're thinking about naming that that character ian yeah how you feel about that i think it's great all right we like we like and i'm telling you too selling these bat knobs i think it's i think it's a great plan nobody wants the knob if we can sell well listen listen gavin i'll say this it's a desk toy if we can if let's let me sell the first however many bats we bought and if i can get through those and there's additional demand then maybe we'll sell the knobs but what if that what if the demand for knobs is so much

higher and people are holding out for knobs it's just okay if people really want the knobs they're getting a whole bat what a savings we're bringing to them. We're selling the knobs, but you get a whole bunch of other wood, too. What a fantastic deal. Yeah. I really want a product called the F*** Face Bat Knob. I mean, I think we have one. I think it's going to be sold at some point in the near future.

In the next six months, you will see a limited edition Face Bat Knobs as signed by Gavinavin free were you mad at me for pushing that you had to sign this i i hope you didn't mind i felt like i really no i was happy to do it i wanted i wanted to feel like a special limited edition authenticated thing uh it's kind of the whole point of this you know sure of course so i'm i was happy to do i mean i'm happy right now We'll see how I feel 200 bats from now. But yeah. It's sort of funny that I lied and said that you tore your asshole and then I tore my asshole. I'm here weeks later. That was foreshadowing.

I didn't even think about that. That's what's called asshole karma. Yeah. It really came back to bite me. You know who's not tearing their asshole, by the way? Dudes that use bidets. Can you delete that, Waffle? Probably could.

Give me a second. It's disgusting. Yeah, it's fine. Can you delete that waffle? Probably could. Give me a second. It's disgusting. Yeah, it's fine. Thanks, man. You posted it again. Let me, here, just let me push the waffle out

because it's, I don't want you to have to look at that one. I need all these, I need these saved for posterity because I have to get help on the Instagram. By the person that does that. What?

I'm back. I left. Okay. I guess we should go, right?? I'm back. I left. Okay. I guess we should go, right? This is running low. I'll be Eric. Stop! It's time.

Stop! You're too funny. You're too talented. You're being too entertaining. Knock it off. The podcast's over. What podcast is he yelling at in this context? Because it's not ours.

That's Eric yelling at us for being too entertaining. Bye. It's hard to end without Eric yelling at us. Did it end? I don't know. I hope you guys have a really nice rest of your day and I'm excited to tell you guys about the second best license

plate I've ever seen. And the flat tire. And about the flat tire saga. The longest of the stories And about the flat tire saga. The longest of the stories. Yeah, we'll see. Tune in next time.