Regulation Podcast - Two Tardies Away From Being Late // The Salad Cream Runs Through Your Veins [116]

Episode Date: August 17, 2022

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Gavin's potential On Time Intervention, how late before you're absent, beans guys, Geoff's corndog update, the end cap challenge, talking to Cosmic Crisp, Unifarm Fruit Gloves, Floor Cupcake redux, Gavin's red socks Red Sox jinks, F**kface Office Day, knob out knob rot, and wake up fart. Want to contribute to bits? Email what you can do to [e-mail]  Sponsored by Hello Tushy (http://hellotushy.com/face), Better Help (http://betterhelp.com/face), and Backbone (http://playbackbone.com/FACE) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is a Rooster Teeth production. He did it! He's on time! Wow! He should not be! Look at you! Hello and welcome to another episode of the F*** Face Podcast. I don't know the number, year, volume. None of that's important anymore. My name is Jeff Ramsey. With me, as always, Andrew Pantin and Gavin Free. Gavin, congratulations. You made it exactly on time.

I didn't remember to mute my speaker there. That was quite loud. What do you mean? I didn't hear it. Yeah. Didn't come through at all. Which is interesting because last week you were late by a couple minutes and then i was tuning in to one of our sister podcasts this week the rooster teeth podcast which is one of the other ones that you frequent and you were a good i would say nine minutes late to that one and that got me wondering do we need to have some sort of an on-time intervention?

What is happening in your life that the bedrock that you stake claim to being punctual is no longer attainable for you? I could get a car. I think that would help quite a lot. You think that's what it was when you didn't show up to F*** Face? But you haven't had a car before.

Yeah. Well, I got yelled at last time. I got yelled at by Jeff when I stormed off and got to the podcast early without saying hello to anyone. Yeah, but I didn't see you yesterday, so that was... I didn't make you late to the RT podcast with a hello this week. Coming in hot off another video. There's not enough time. People not showing up on time.

Now I'm late. I have been late a lot. I hate being late. It seems like a trend. Yeah. I just want to make sure everything's okay, personally, if you're not experiencing

any trouble or trauma or issues. Do you take some time away? No, I'm just... I mean, if you could see me, I'm not scrambling around trying to make it on time. I'm just stood there waiting for a car to show up

to live my damn time. How late would you have to be before you just didn't show up at all what's your line oh that's a great question um i don't physically know how i could be an hour late yeah i think i'm in the same boat i think i would just come anyway really yeah i guess it depends on the thing if i'm supposed to be there at a certain time, if I'm 45 minutes late, I'm just not going to show up. I'm just not going to go. Dude, I one time had dinner with previous CEO of the company Ezra years and years ago

in San Francisco, and he showed up to dinner that he booked at a sushi restaurant that he wanted to take me to three hours late yeah i've had that same i had that same thing with him you just didn't go you you didn't show up you missed you're not three hours late you didn't go he just didn't go and he would keep texting me like i'll be there in 45 minutes i'll be showing up three hours late is the same as showing up the day after like or you got the day wrong like that's how late that is three hours he made a dinner reservation at seven o'clock and we ate dinner at like 9 45 that's ridiculous yeah busy people i guess i don't i feel like y'all though i i think if you're more than 45

minutes late you just you can't make it you just can't show up that late yeah it removes the lateness in my mind if I never go then I was never late like it would like it is that the point do you think like 44 to 45 minutes is when it big crosses over it like the needle passes from late to

absent I think it also depends on if you're in contact with that person hmm that's a great point as well like did you were you texting Ezra when you were yeah he was texting me going, hey buddy, I'll be there in 45 minutes, running a little late.

45 minutes later. He probably took a different meeting after that. He probably wasn't even in San Francisco. He was probably taking a plane to San Francisco. He's in the wrong state. It was like, that was six, seven years ago. It was a while ago. I don't know. It's not nice to be known for being late. I feel like

if you're usually on time then it's how many more how many more uh tardy tardies would you have to have before you admit you have a problem i think i'm too tardy appearances away from being someone who's late no is this a system that clears or is it like consecutive it's like when your shield recharges if i go like six months without any lateness i think i could then potentially get three late lates before i'm a late person again but i've used up like i feel like i've used up two two lives recently the problem the problem with that is that's that's absolutely how that works but the scale is so difficult it's kind of like how it's like so easy to lose your parents' trust, but so hard to gain it back.

It takes so much more work to get it back than it did, than the offense. I feel like it's this, like you can get, you can definitely knock three or four of those, those, at least three of those tardies off, but it's got, it's an inordinate amount of time. It is.

And it takes forever to reverse that. If you become a late guy, it's going to take four years of on time before you could reverse that as opposed to like missing two things every six months you don't get the perception once you have that label you can't shake it do you think six months is enough time to recharge the shield of one lateness oh for sure yeah i think without it i think so i would say though if you're just looking at amount of effort and work if you think it's possible that you might be late two more times in the next I don't know three months or so would probably be the window I would consider just changing my personality to a little late guy

I think it might be easier than trying to repair the damage to just just go all in and embrace it just become a different person I just could not double down on that. I don't have that in me. Because I would be the biggest hypocrite in the world. I hate it when people are late. I guess, I don't know, it would be a philosophy change, right? You wouldn't be a hypocrite at a certain point. You could have like a coming to lateness moment

where you realize, you know what? This is the life I've been missing. Fuck everybody else. Andrew, your wordsmithing is phenomenal this week. Oh, man. I'm glad you were able to make it on time, Gavin. I'm glad you were here.

Because last time, it was rough. We had a rough start with that. Things kind of collapsed. It was bad pleasantries last time. I wrote down on my notes to have an on-time intervention with you but this is this is not what this was this is more just like concerned friends letting you giving you a heads up than an intervention could be uh on the horizon with a few more tardies under your yeah i mean i feel like off a podcast would be a nicer place to do that, but sure. Dude, dude, it's impossible to stay off the podcast.

Andrew approached me last week and said, hey, man, we need to talk. And I was like, OK. And he goes, you and I, we need a thing. We don't have a thing right now. It's not basketball season. It's not hockey season, though. We have been out of sync on that for a while. Anyway, it was collecting cards for a while, but then we turned that into content we built a show around it we need like a thing that you and I do

like to maintain our friendship in the off seasons of basketball since we lost some of the other things that we had and the second he presented that to me all I could think about is what kind of things we could come up with for the show even today I was like I think I'm missing

the point of this whole exercise because everything you bring up i just want to turn into content oh it's fair and then try to make the case of what if we made the fact it isn't content content what if that's the content the thing that we we're doing this thing that we don't ever talk about but we talk about that we're not talking like two two guys try not to make content i guess yeah yeah what a terrible it's just like this all goes to say gap i think it's impossible to have about that we're not talking about. Two guys try not to make content. I guess. Yeah. What a terrible. It's just like this all goes to say, Gav, I think it's impossible to have this conversation

off the podcast because the podcast is now 23 hours of a day of our lives. It's it's a weird thing to try to think of hobbies in that way, too. I've never really been like I need to find a thing. It's always been like I come across something and think that would be great. The best idea I've had so far and just try to think of hobbies to come up with is Jeff and I becoming metal detector guys. Like buying a metal detector, like being the people that walk on a beach, I guess. I don't know. I like the idea.

Yeah, that was the problem. And it then turned into, what if it was like a sport where you have like a field of dirt and there are bean holes everywhere and you have to try to find the one with the beans. Like you gotta go find the cast iron points. Yeah, exactly. It turned into a whole thing.

Oh, man. And see, very quickly suddenly we're writing content for the show we are yeah or creating challenges for survivor I guess well it's a mix of like discovery and competitive eating like imagine if Joey Chestnut had to

find the hot dogs in a field like it's a two layer thing that we're doing here I don't think competitive eating has ever had competitive searching. He had to have military land navigation skills. He's out there with a

compass. That's where we've been at. It is. It's great. I love it. There could be ones with fake beans. I don't know. We have a lot that we could possibly work with. Jelly beans? Jelly beans would be great dude imagine if you dug up a bean hole and then for dessert you dug up a jelly bean hole i'm imagining it being like a little little bean container within the bean

container like a russian doll type thing just be like a slab of sugar cylinder. It's just melted. I'd be terrible if you melted a bunch of jelly beans like every flavor in the one thing I'd be awful. I think so. Yeah. If you melted every flavor simultaneously, I bet

that's terrible. I bet it tastes like nothing, but it's just unpleasant i gotta i gotta admit something to you guys i'm excited what's your confession the other night we were cooking uh just like it was one of those nights where nobody got a hold of dinner ahead of time so it was just sort of like make what make whatever you can find laying around the house and uh emily found some corn dogs in the freezer state fair corn dogs and she fucking she put them on the air fryer and she cooked up some corn dogs and they smelled so fucking good i thought about eating one you didn't do it though but i didn't do it wow see that would

have been the perfect corn dog update as opposed to last week when you just brought it up close nothing happened yeah and then something happened right and uh it was just like it was almost like as i was almost like they like mentioning it last time willed it to happen this time uh it was close i would say i was like uh i was like 40 60 on eating it yeah it was wow yeah what could have tilted the scale uh What was the ultimate? Honestly, if I hadn't had a microwave pizza to cook, or a frozen pizza to cook, I got saved by a pizza, yeah.

And how long was that in the freezer? Screaming Italian pizza. The corndogs or the pizza? Pizza. Probably three weeks. Okay. Three weeks to a month, I would say. I can't remember when I bought it, but I bought not not too too long ago certainly not like three days ago how does that make you

feel andrew that's fine people can shop how they shop i just have never considered shopping that way i did want to clarify within this episode i don't want to pivot away jeff if you have more to expand i got nothing else i just i that's my i just had another update we've talked about it for a long time i think i'm gonna do the grocery cap thing next week oh the end caps the end caps but i had some questions i wanted to clarify before we did this is gonna start i was thinking like maybe wednesday next week so i'd be a day in when we recorded um so it's the end caps is there any other restrictions like i'm assuming i can't use the back of the store at all you know because there's like the open like deli yeah nothing on the walls nothing on the walls nothing like none of the little island cases that are kind of between

the different things purely i mean i feel like if there's an island you could potentially shop off the end of the island yeah yeah i i'm less islands actually seem okay to me if they're in like the larger thoroughfare i would say if you have to go down a lane okay to get to it i would think that'd be a no because that would be past the end cap so i feel like you can't traverse past an end cap so islands are okay as long as i don't hit the middle of whatever the content is of the island. I mean, I would be okay with that. How about you, Gav?

Yeah, why don't we just say you plant your feet at the end cap. Whatever you can reach is... No, because he's going to come up with... He's going to create some sort of a pole arm with a grab on it. Those little claws. No, it's got to be from the end cap. Yeah, I can't go into the row at all.

It has to be an end cap. Is there any restrictions on how much of an item I could get? No. I don't think so. Really? No, you're going to have access to a lot of batteries. You might as well buy them. No, I feel like because there's always...

It's going to really come down to what's in the freezer end cap, I feel like. Because there's always that kind of open freezer section area that's end cap. I might just have to buy 20 pizzas. That just might be what my life is. Now, how do we feel? How do we feel about the like the impulse buy section at the checkout? Are we OK with the magazines and the Archie comics and point of sale stuff? Yeah, point of sale stuff.

Are we OK? I feel like that's got to be fair game. It's not really. No, because they put a bunch of different convenient stuff there that's gonna make it too easy i think you think so but not to survive off of it's gonna be like fucking pringles and chocolate bars i guess it's true it's like snickers and gum you never if he wants to live off off kinder eggs he can i guess like i'm a good point. You never see a bag of rice at the checkout. Nobody is buying real food at the express. It's true. It's mainly gum mints and magazines about what Meghan Markle's been doing.

You want to take away my gum, Gavin? You monster. One other point of clarification I think needs to be made here that just popped into my head. I'm trying to think of ways that Andrew could flaunt the system. I've already thought of one. If you go to an end cap and there's an out of place item in the end cap, like a bag of flour and you just happen to need flour or whatever, I feel like that's off limits. It's not from the end cap.

It's not of the end cap. It shouldn't be able, it shouldn't be accessible as such because then you could have your partner go in and get like a bunch of frozen goods you need or eggs and then place them strategically around the grocery store for you to find. And I just, I feel like we got to head that off now.

Yeah, my thinking was that Andrew would befriend the store owner and ask for a custom end cap to be made up for it. He was going to get milk and bread in the same end you know that's just as plausible yeah i i appreciate my head was not there but that is a great it would be a workaround for sure so end caps only islands are okay within a certain distance checkout is okay and it's one week right that's the goal survive a week off and cap can i go to the grocery store

as much as i want to yeah i think so uh okay i yeah i kind of don't want you to eat 14 pizzas though yeah i know die well that's i think that's you think that's what's gonna kill him you and i approach that differently i was like i feel like that'd just be kind of a lame way to do this it'd be almost it'd be lame but also it's terrible. He's going to have access to Cheez-Its, powdered donuts, and Gatorade. There's not going to be a lot of food out there for him. He's going to have access to ice cream cones, but not ice cream.

Is this one store, or are you going to end cap multiple stores? I think I'm going to just go to one store. I think that should be part of it i appreciate i the rules of this could be ridiculous like you guys can make it so if it's like aisle six i can get up to six items like there are all sorts of restrictions you could do with this thing this seems kind of simple i'm pretty confident that this will be fine yeah i think we crawl before we walk and then run we got plenty of life ahead of us to come up with aisle six stuff. And are you going to be able to document or provide pictures of what you eat each day? Yeah, yeah, I will.

That's what I honestly think the funniest photo will be. It will be whatever my first haul looks like of stuff from the end cap. Can we have, can I get, can we, can I get with the social team and have one, at least have a daily update on the face Instagram of, okay, that'd be fantastic. A hundred percent. What if we open it up to uh you can also forage I can like hunt or like

go find truffles walk through the woods and find mushrooms and shit he's gonna poison himself eating shit that he thinks is food there's no way I'm definitely getting a metal detector now this isn't a season of Alone on Netflix. I just love the idea of Andrew treating it like he's lost.

Like a solo expedition, but he's just in the middle of his own town that he lives in. I'm going to get arrested going into an old backyard of a place I used to live at that I know has an apple tree. It's going to be bad. You're going to get arrested for scrumping, you dirty bastard. Oh my god. Okay, so I think I got it. I don't think I'll salad cream this in any way. It seems very straightforward. I'm excited to start this process next week.

Here's the thing with you, though. About salad creaming. I don't think you intend to salad cream. Oh, very rarely. The cream runs through your veins. Very rarely, yeah. What percentage do you think runs through my veins?

If I did one of those ancestry spit-in-a-tube thing, what percentage? what percent cream am I? When you're on this day I Think you've got it you got to sit down Yes, it's just six months of no salad cream. You have to... You're almost halfway there.

Here's how you avoid it. You have to sit down with yourself before you present anything or post anything or decide anything. Just sit down and think, what is Jeff and Gavin after? All right. What do we want from it?

What are we trying to see? And just try and provide it. Just try and visualize that and go for that goal. Okay. I don't think I salad cream this. There is a potential for a salad cream. I sent the Cosmic Chris people. I mean, if it's on an in-cap, absolutely.

I sent the Cosmic Crisp people a DM the other day because they followed me on Twitter I was like hey type thing reaching out saying hi brought up the podcast that we that we the Cosmic Crisp and they replied back being like

hey it's so great we appreciate the support so much could you link us the episode in which you guys talk about this? Because the team, I'm sure, would love to listen to it. God. So then I was in a real dilemma. I didn't know what to send

because I could either... You've done it again, you son of a bitch. You tuxedoed it. Stop emailing people. You're ruining everything. Stop drawing people's attention to us who we shit on on this well that's the problem let us

shit under the radar man yeah because i could send the cosmic curse review we did but it's almost all of you guys saying this isn't that great this is very average which i don't think is reflective of the opinions of the show necessarily in our our defense, well, in their defense, we would just talk about how it's just an apple. Yeah. An apple is an average. Yeah. So I think as an apple, it's good,

but it is still just a 6 out of 10 fruit. So then I sent them, I picked the one I had to go into our catalog and find the episode of where I reviewed the Cosmic Crisp. But that is just a general episode, which that happens in. I also gave a review. Your review was worse.

Then realized that it was a pink lady and had to do a second review. There's no way to submit them anything that isn't heavily edited. I would send them both unedited full audios. And then let's just find a new fruit. Let's get into pairs. Yeah, I haven't heard back.

Might as well just be honest with them about what it is and who we are. And then we'll just pivot onto another round fruit. Oranges are popular. Everybody loves an orange. I feel like I rarely see anything about a new orange. A lot of work to get to an orange, too. I hate it. I hate it. There's nothing I like less than

peeling an orange. I don't want shitty fingers, man. You can't eat orange without having shitty little kids' sticky fingers. Like you're five years old, sitting on your grandma's back porch. I hate it. Wait, Eric just said, just bite in. Are you serious?

He's a lunatic. What are you doing? Nobody just bites into an orange. Yeah, I mean, you got to be the change you want to see in the world. If you don't want sticky fingers, just take a bite and then spit it out and pretend like you're doing a grenade or something, you know, you have to bite all the way around.

You got by all the peel off. Yeah. Yeah. But I think you could probably peel some with your teeth and kind of work it through. And it's not as sticky on your fingies. Maybe like once you get it started, you know,

a little bit of that juice out, you know what we need to do. This sounds like a problem for uniform. Boy, we haven't talked about Uniform in a while. Uniform, combining the power of one with the fabric of the farm. Uniform. We should invent fruit gloves. What do you mean?

You mean gloves? Special gloves for you to use that enhance the fruit eating experience. Obviously, they have to do more than just cover your fingers from the stickies. I'm presenting the problem

with which we will come up with a solution for. We have to figure out how to enhance these gloves. We can do that. We can do that. No, I think there's a way we can improve upon the glove. I don't know what it is yet, but now my mind is off to the races, so I'll get back to you guys in a few days.

I assume you'll have something, too, by then. So you're taking gloves, which protect your hands from multiple different things, and you're making a version of gloves specifically for fruit. Yeah, fruit gloves. Hold on, let me write this down on my phone so I remember to do it.

Invent fruit gloves. He's going to look at this in two hours and go, what the fuck is fruit gloves why did i write this yeah well i wrote invent fruit gloves so it's it like it's a full sentence i got it huh i'll be fine i think you got this maybe like padding on the fingertips a little saucy there's a lot of yeah there's a lot for every fruit it's like there's a lot of variation too and how you retreat well that's gonna be a part of the thing it's like there's a lot of variation, too, on how you retrieve it. Well, that's going to be a part of the thing. There's a lot of different fruits, and I assume different fruits have different needs.

So I'll have to spend some time thinking about the particularities of each fruit and how to get the most out of it. Are the needs of a grape the same as the needs of an orange? No. So how does the glove help bring both to their flavor forefront? We'll have to figure that out. It's like when you're buying a cable or something

and it tells you what compatible devices it has. I want to buy gloves that say can't be used with cherries. Right, right. I want to know what the specifics are for these things. These gloves don't support 4K.

Right, these are pear and mango gloves. They don't... Do not open a banana with these gloves. It'll go badly. Yeah, absolutely. It's rated for different fruits. We are one or two ideas away from having a fantastic Kickstarter scam of like, it can tell the ripeness when you touch it.

Get the most fresh fruit. Oh, that's great. Wi-Fi enabled. This is great. We got a complete scam that we can work with. I love this. Yeah. Are you guys Kiwi skin peelers or eaters?

Oh, neither. I'm a peeler, I guess. I'm not crazy about Kiwi skin. I do peel, but only once. You peel once? Yeah, like I'll get a spoon, and then I will take the top off, and then I will just eat the innards without peeling anything else.

That's how I used to kiwi. Now I eat a kiwi like an apple. And it's just the same. I thought the hairiness... Yeah. How do you eat an apple? As Eric would peel an orange. Just bite in.

Like a grenade. Got it. All right. Kiwis are very throwable. They'd make for great grenades. If there's going to be a grenade fruit, I. All right. Kiwis are very throwable. They'd make for great grenades. If there's going to be a grenade fruit, I think I'd go kiwi. It's got weight, but it's not too heavy.

Pretty small, though. Probably a small explosion. Well, that doesn't necessarily equate, does it? Size of thing to explosion? You think a smaller thing will have a bigger explosion? Well, I think it could potentially. I'm just saying that just because it's small doesn't mean the explosion won't be big. That's true. I'm also saying that I'm basing this off of action movies I've seen.

So I don't think that that's an accurate representation of what the thing is capable of. I think a lot of the time, chain reaction explosions is how many pounds of shit you've put in there. I guess you can just change what's in there. That's true. Very valid point. You know that chicken soup for the soul makes movies? You know what they're doing? shit you've put in there i guess you just changed what's in there that's true very valid point you

know that chicken soup for the soul makes movies you know they're doing not that we're a movie podcast but they're they exist still and they make movie i watch this movie i know we're not a movie what are the move here i'll just post a thing can you post a link to the movie yeah i'm gonna they made like a is it like a like a Gak movie or something? No, I thought it was a joke. So this is a movie I watched earlier this week called Willie's Wonderland with Nicolas Cage. And the premise is... Oh, yeah, it's like the Five Nights kind of thing or something?

Yeah, it's like a guy going through town and he has to clean an arcade and the machines come to life and he has to kill them. It opened with a Chicken Soup for the Soul production. I was like, is this a joke? And no, they make movies. But what did Chicken Soup for the Soul normally do? They're like self-help books. Yeah, they were huge. I forgot they existed, but they were

massive when I was growing up. Like the 90s was a big thing. Like the evolution of brands. They make dog food now? It's very weird. No idea they existed. Yet no chicken soup for the stomach. Seems like a no brainer.

Unifar. Unifar. Like actual chicken soup assholes. I didn't have another thing happen. Not my fault, but we've been discovered by a different group. And this is a weird one. It not you can't blame i know 30 cream is not my fault uh so i've talked a lot about my hubby's

bagels we love them they're great great business they're very sweet i don't think i've ever mentioned on the show that the cupcake place i like a wee cupcakeery is like a 20 second walk from my hubby's bagels oh do you always kill two birds with one stone i i will often do both things but i've just i don't know it's never really come up in my mind and uh so my mom was recently buying something from the cupcakeery place and uh she knows the lady that that runs it and they're still back and forth and the woman said i was so funny i had somebody in here earlier today uh who came here purely just because of a podcast um that that uh they listen to that they really enjoy and my mom was like oh what was

the podcast and they're like uh it's uh they didn't want to say the name then my mom was like, did they also mention my hubby's bagels a lot? She's like, yeah, they also mentioned that, that they go to my hubby's bagels all the time too. So they now know we exist. They know face is a thing. And she's like, yeah, I listened to an episode to like to hear the mention of the thing. Cause we've mentioned it before. I've never been more terrified.

Cause the thing that came to mind immediately for me is when I dropped the cupcake on the floor. Oh, yeah. The cupcake floor saga. And now knowing that, like, she knows who I am and she knows she next time I go in there, there is a possibility that she will know that I ate one of her cupcakes that I dropped on the floor. And that's a level of monster that I don't want to deal with in my personal life in like a real way. So I'm kind of scared

to go back in. Yeah, I'm going to agree. Nick wrote in the chat, what a ringing endorsement for them, though. I completely agree. Oh, it's incredible. Like so good,

you'll eat it off the floor. The bar food floor. This happened like last week. So I don't know if they just listened to a recent episode or if they somehow they heard that specific episode but i don't know how you'd even find that episode because i don't i don't feel like it's ever been named so i don't know what the details are but there's a possibility that next time i go and she will know that i ate a cupcake

off the floor here's what you do you dazzle and distract her before she has an opportunity for it to register. I got an idea for you. You love my hubby's bagels. You love this cupcake store, right? What is a cupcake? A yummy, delicious cylinder. What is a bagel? A circle with a hole in the middle. You convince her that they need to create some sort of a pop-up crossover event like Savage Fendi where they make a cupcake that you stick in a bagel and you call it the bagel cake and then it'd be all over everywhere. I'm inventing shit left and right today.

But you get her so excited about that. That floor-eating cupcake incident will be so far in the rearview mirror it'll never pop up again. That's a great point. I've Googled f***face cupcake story, and I've been taken to a Reddit post that says, PSA, don't eat while listening to today's f***face. Oh, no.

Yeah, that's fair. Which is from, I don't know how to see, oh, April 14th, 2021. Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty easy to find. That's unfortunate. Jeff, I like your idea. Through other people's disgust. I was thinking that I might just need to glue another mustache to my face when I go in.

No, I think you give them, you dangle something in front of them that's more exciting than the embarrassment of the cupcake eating, and then you just leapfrog ahead of it. Okay, I'll go with that approach. I'll keep you updated. Wherever you're going, you better believe American express will be right there with you. Heading for adventure. We'll help you breeze through security,

meeting friends, a world away. You can use your travel credit, squeezing every drop out of the last day. How about a 4 PM late checkout? just need a nice place to settle in enjoy your room upgrade wherever you go we'll go together that's the powerful backing of american express visit amex.ca slash ymx benefits vary by card terms apply oh no nick found the episode face a bunch of toilet stories slash the first face app you would not think a bunch of toilet stories would include an endorsement of cupcakes

uh-huh oh no i'm so fucked i can't go back. No, you can't. You might not. It's over. Shit. Your mom's going to be doing a lot of shopping for you. Would you need to change about your appearance until it was like Clark Kent levels of disguise where it's not ridiculous, but people aren't seeing you? That's tough because I'm not, you know what? Actually, very minimal. As a not pants guy i think

i throw a pair of pants on nobody's gonna think it's a good point as a no pants no hat guy throw a hat on throw some pants there's no way zero percent chance i i saw the best comment uh recently it was talking about your keyboard saga and how it's very strange that you could see a woman pissing from like hundreds of feet away out your window, but you can't see the F row of keys. Very different circumstances. Dude, speaking of comments,

can I take a second to mention a Reddit post I saw the other day? And also speaking of endorsements, I think this is an endorsement for the power of Gavin. Did you see the thing posted in the F*** Face subreddit by this poor guy, the username is Bob from Boston?

His thread was Gavin's Bad Luck Red Sox. And then he wrote, In June, the Boston Red Sox were one of the hottest teams in baseball, with a record of 20- six for the month. You're not a baseball fan, Gavin. That's a very good record.

20 wins, six losses. After Gavin first brought up his sock dilemma on June 29th, the Red Sox have been one of the worst teams in baseball. Finishing July with a record of eight wins and 19 losses. Coincident? I think Gavin has somehow jinxed the team without even knowing it. This is how real this curse is. You you've taken down a 120

year old baseball franchise. They haven't been cursed. You know how long it took them to get over their last curse? It took them like 70 years to get past the last curse. Jesus Christ dude. These socks are gonna be powerful They're gonna be a big deal

I was thinking, because we were talking about Doing the thing where I curse a hundred pairs of socks Or something, and I'll sign a little thing to go with them And I'm thinking of using The red socks that I have In the curse I'm thinking of putting those on my hands Waving them over the other socks to spread the curse

But I think I have to use the source so eric and i were having a conversation yesterday about this exact thing and we were going to bring it to you we want to do a like a one hour live stream where you curse all the socks live i want people to see and i'm really glad that you brought up wearing the socks on your hands. That's exciting because visually for an hour as we slide socks in front of you and you curse them, it's going to be really good content. I think people are like truly, we're going

to see how long it takes for you to curse, I mean, all these socks. I mean, I think it should be taken seriously. I don't think it's going to be very funny watching me do this. It's going to be a real curse. We're going to have some other stuff. We're going to have some other stuff going on think it's going to be very funny watching me do this. It's going to be a real curse. We're going to have some other stuff going on. We're going to get a mannequin, and we're going to put the tuxedo on the mannequin.

Which, by the way, I went into Eric's office today, and I saw the tuxedo with my own eyes. It exists. Where is this office that Eric has? It's in Stage 4. And so we're going to put the tuxedo on a dress form or on a mannequin, and then we're going to take a Polaroid. Every time you curse a pair of socks, I'm going to take a Polaroid picture of the tuxedo and then give that away with the socks

so that everybody gets their own Polaroid picture of the tuxedo. How fucking cool is that? Yeah, I didn't see how that're related at all but that is it's like a little bonus to throw i mean i'm i'm with gavin but i'm also with jeff you know what i mean they're called a sweetener yeah i like i'm into it i want to share i want to share the tuxedo with people as soon as possible and this is the first way i could think of in the in the merch thread on slack tony posted a like a mock-up of the cursed socks. And then Maxi from social chimed in and said, will you be selling uncursed versions?

I really want those socks, but I'm superstitious. So I just said, well, basically I wanted to say no. There's not going to be any uncursed versions. But I promised I would do a very mild curse on her. Yeah. Can I ask this? any uncursed versions uh but i i promised i would do a very mild curse on hearth yeah can i i guess that's can i ask this do you think that you using your red socks to curse these other red socks will dissipate the cursed nature of your socks like you're like passing smaller curses onto these other socks and it's like stealing power so you end up with just like

socks that you're able to wear but i think this might be a cleanse because it is diluting across all pairs so i'll be using my red socks to decurse well i'll be decursing my red socks onto the red socks right but maybe a side effect of that will that the red socks as a team would get worse i this is an interesting thought I think it's important you do cover your hands because there could be a real battle of the curse because you're known as the boy with the golden hands, right?

So you need to cover those literal golden hands with some red socks so that way you're not blessing them. You could be cursing and then blessing depending on how you pass it off it's important your hands are covered is all i'm saying this is so stupid and i don't know i don't know what that's gonna look like for an hour it's like at least a 25 second joke dude

we'll do other stuff we'll do other stuff we'll make it an event we'll we'll like i'll put together a full show you can even be off to the side and we can just cut over to you every once in a while checking on how gavin's doing kind of thing if you want you know i'm sure we can fill an hour with other stuff uh god knows there's a million different dumb things we could do and we we should say i mean obviously it's all bullshit it's all a lot of shite, but I will genuinely feel bad if someone dies wearing these cursed socks. I don't know what to do about that. It's not

real, but we've had instances where predictions have been made and some weird shit happens and, you know, I've got to be careful. I don't want to kill someone. But how would you know if that happened? Let's just hope that the person that bought them the socks dies in the same accident,

so there'll be no way for the information to get back to us. What if with the socks comes a card that gets stuck in your wallet, so when they find your body, it will just have instructions on like, firstly, check out what colored socks I'm wearing. If I'm wearing these red socks, please call this number,

just so we can know how dangerous these these socks are we'll put that no i like this because we'll just put a sign behind the tuxedo and you just keep your polaroid in your wallet so that way you have a picture of the tuxedo and also a sign that says if i'm dead and wearing red socks here's who contact gavin free i don't understand why you did this. Why? What do you mean? Well, because this opened with you being like, oh, I really hope this doesn't happen, and I bring up it's an impossibility for you to know, and then

you're like, okay, well, let's make it possible. Let's make sure that I do know if it does happen. Well, he likes to solve the problem. You could have just lived a world of ignorance. Why don't we just say don't wear them? Don't wear the socks. Well, I think we're doing that regardless. Yeah. Do you think people,

do you think people would wear them? Dude. Knowing the risks? Dude, that kid that came to RT Monday night on the podcast to eat frozen spaghetti is eating that fucking spaghetti. And that spaghetti is like a year and a half old and has been frozen and unfrozen like nine times. So yeah, I think people will wear the socks.

If anything, I assume you got some red spaghetti sauce in that mix. It's the power of red. It would, if anything, enhance the flavor, I would assume. Why don't we have any current comment leavers just let us know whether you'd be buying these socks to own or to wear, or both.

There you go. Hey, Gab, I had an idea I wanted to run by you. I mean, Andrew, it applies to you as well we'd have to figure out how to work it in but you know how you were talking the other day about when we filmed sbi um we were talking about how much fun it was for you and i to be in an office together again and uh how creatively uh inspiring it was and i was thinking what if we had you know because we're both busy boys and there's not a lot, we have a lot going on. There's not a lot of free time.

What if we tried to earmark one day a month that it was office day and we go and we spend the whole day in an office together? Maybe with Eric too,

if he's got time and then we can always pip in Andrew somehow and we just have to from like nine to five, we're required to be at work together in an office

and only focusing on space. Oh, I'd love that. One day one day whatever happens happens one day a month i mean maybe we could expand we could expand if it's successful and we get good stuff out of it and we don't hate each other but like one day a month we just for nine hours we go and we just walk and talk and speak face and whatever comes out of that day comes out of that day let me propose this because i don't know what everyone's schedule is like, but what if we do like a second Thursday of every month? Thursday's already our episode recording day.

So why don't we just build that in and we do like a second or a third Thursday of every month and that's just like the day and that's what we got. I think it's dangerous to do on a day that we're recording. Yeah, Gavin will like that because it's technically pleasantries for the thing. Well're recording Gavin won't like that because it's technically pleasantries for the thing

I don't want to see him when we record so I'd have to go home I like that Are we doing it on a Friday then? I could do Friday I could do Friday Andrew? I don't care

What's the best day for you, Eric? Thursday, but I can make Fridays work. What about you, Nick? What's your best day? Okay, we can make Friday. Like, what if we do, like, every, like, third Friday every month, and it's like, like, so this month it would be the 19th if we were to actually do it, which I don't think we can this month,

but, like, we could make that work. I fucking love that. I think this is awesome. I think face will benefit. Hopefully. You could just do stuff that. Yeah. Like instead of having to try to like schedule an MVP too,

like we could just know like, oh, we got Friday. Yeah, right. Right. Oh, we got to hit some. We got to hit some baseballs. Got to bury beans. Like, yeah, absolutely.

This will get off the weekends. Yes, big time. And I really like this idea. I think building a day in where we can all be together and do that is a lot of fun too. Because we can grab the other pieces that we need and just sort of like tell everyone to fuck off. We have this thing. And also Friday works because no one's working on Friday anyway. It's fine. That's's fine that's true that's true and and you can hardly you can hardly call what we're about to

do work so it fits slots in perfectly on a friday very true speaking of which we we should really i know we're we just talked about scheduling a whole day but uh we should probably try to figure out that mvp thing soon too because we're starting to stack up. Okay. What are you doing? Okay. What are you doing on the 12th? Uh, let me see.

Hold on. Let me look at my calendar. Uh, yeah, man, I think I can do the 12th. I can also do anytime tomorrow or this weekend. Uh, I don't want to do it on the weekend. I have to get stuff off the weekends. I have, I don't want to do anything on a Saturday or Sunday. You have a life.

Yeah. The 12th. I have things, I have things to do anything on a Saturday or Sunday. You have a life? Yeah. The 12th. I have things to do. Stuff, other stuff. I'm good for the 12th. All right. MVP two on the 12th. I'm excited.

Hang on. Gab, Gab, Gab. Hang on. No one's not. We are moving forward. That's a great word. I forgot. Moving forward.

You're right. I got excited. Gavin? 12th. Oh, look at that. at that that day is open okay perfect okay oh no no my calendar hadn't loaded hold on no no it's open it's open a couple of calls i can move okay what time works best like do we want to make this like a midday thing or like a morning thing like what works best for you I just want the tech to be figured out I wouldn't

mind what if we started our day with it we had a morning monkey movie and we ate breakfast while we watched it so what what time is that maybe because it's two hours difference for where Andrew is let's say 11 a.m. our time 9 a.m. Andrews time monkey Monkey Mornings. Monkey Morning movie. Fantastic. Okay. I can't imagine watching that movie at 9 a.m.

I'm ready to watch it anytime. We could start now, I'd be happy. 5 a.m. Any hour is an appropriate time to watch MVP 2. I need to record the setup thing then, right? Because you wanted me to do a recap of the first movie to fill you

in on the lore going into the second one. I wanted to edit. I gotta do that. I'll record that. That's good. Jeff has a looks like a meeting at 11 AM, but I put it there anyway, so that's good. What the fuck? What is my meeting at 11 a.m.?

Did we just go through this? Yeah, no, we did. Yeah, Gavin, yes. Oh, yeah, because I haven't accepted that meeting yet. It hasn't been accepted, so I haven't said yes to it, so I can say no to it. Yeah, done. You're not going to say no, you're going to say maybe to it.

No, I just said yes to the monkey thing. Yeah, it's way more important did we talk about how you said the wrong year last week yeah i should have said year three but it was yeah i said year two but it was have you been saying year three or did you know no i just fucked up in that moment they got me flustered and i got all fucked up uh hey gav when we were when we were in that office together during the sbi i told you a story that i had neglected to tell on the podcast because i thought it was too gross and you told me you didn't think it was too gross and that i should tell that story oh god i think it's grosser than andrew

eating a bathroom floor cupcake i guess that was a low though that's like that was a low that was a low well this is a low for me too um the reason I ask is because I have an update to that story. Oh, I'm wondering if I can tell it or not. A while back, uh, this summer before SBI, we were filming. I don't remember. I think it was in June. I was doing a lot of swimming. This is a personally embarrassing, uh, and I don't know why, because it's totally fine.

But I was doing a lot of swimming, and I started to get some dry, scratchy skin on my thigh, like right next to my balls. And I thought it was just... I thought maybe I'm using the blow dryer too much when I get out of the dryer or something. I don't know what it is. But it just started to get more and more irritated.

And then one morning, I woke up, and it had spread. And it was all down my thigh. And it was kind of up on the front above my dick shelf kind of area. And it was getting really painful to touch. And I was like, what the fuck? And so I was embarrassed. And I showed Emily. And she was like, oh, you probably got jock itch or something. And I was like, I can't have that so I was embarrassed. And I showed Emily and she was like, oh, you probably got like jock itch or something.

And I was like, I can't have that. I've never had that in my entire life. Even in five years in the army, I never got jock itch. That's disgusting. How does one even get that? What is jock itch? And also, yes, I'm no jock. I mean, yeah, I can swing a baseball bat, but and so I thought, well, I spent a couple

days just putting like Lotrimine on it and it kept getting worse to the point where I couldn't, it was painful to wear clothes. And so I went to my doctor and I had to show my doctor my business. And he was like, whoa, you've got some, you got a hell of a case of jock itch, buddy. And I was like, I've never had that before. And he was like, well, if he is like, it happens a lot more often than you think. It's a normal thing. It's because if you're if you're if you're outside a lot when it's hot, you're sweating,

you know, stuff gets a little musty. It's very easy for it to grow there. Do you swim a lot? And I was like, I swim all the time. I'm jet skiing all the time. I'm in pools, Barton Springs all the time. He's like, you got it. You got it from that.

Just like like a fungal thing. Yeah, I guess it's like a fungal thing. It's like athlete's cock? It's the same thing as athlete's foot, just on your another area. I think it's like the exact same fungus. Oh, man. And so he was like, you know, what you do is just

bring an extra pair of shorts and just change out of the wet ones into dry ones whenever you get out of the water. And then he gave me some prescription medicine that I had to put on it. I was lucky in that my daughter was out of town for like 10 straight days because it got so inflamed that it was so bad that for nine days,

I didn't wear shorts or underwear or pants. I walked around. Andrew Panton did. I Donald Ducked it just in a t-shirt. I wore a t-shirt and socks only. I didn't leave the house for nine days as I beat down this horrible jock. And I bring it up. I brought it up to Gavin.

I was like, and I think this is probably too close to gross to tell, but I did record three episodes of face during it, like completely naked, sitting in the chair, like with a jock itch medicine cream all over my legs, just in agony. I was, uh, we

recorded an episode one week, and then we recorded a twofer the next week, and, uh, the entire time, I was just like flaming hot jock itch, just in agonizing pain. Anyway, and then eventually, they said it would go away, it went away, and, uh, and when I got the prescription from the

that's the worst Cheetos flavor Nick said Flamin' Hot Jocket when I got the prescription from the pharmacy the pharmacist goes you're gonna need more than this and I go what do you mean he goes they didn't prescribe you enough

this stuff is persistent and I was like okay pharmacist whatever the doctor fucking told me this would be enough and uh and I bring that up because you know this all got beaten back in like by mid July it was gone I was totally fine and uh guess who woke up with jock itch this morning oh no

it's back and it's actually better than ever so the trilogy of face episodes where you've got knob out, knob rot is now a quadrilogy. There's now a fourth episode. Is your cock out right now? No, no, I'm wearing shorts. It's not like so bad I can't wear clothes.

But I already had to call in the prescription. As soon as we're done here, I got to go to CVS and get more jock itch stuff. I can't fucking believe it. And I'm going to tell the story because A, more jock itch stuff. I can't fucking believe it. And I'm going to tell the story because A, Gavin said that it's not too gross to tell. And B, because I want to raise awareness for jock itch. It's a terrible tragedy that befalls upon people all over the world. And it doesn't mean that they're grossy gross people.

It may just mean that they like to swim a lot and it's 110 degrees in Texas all the time. So stop jock it's shaming. Who is shaming? I've never even heard of it. No, it's a thing. I'm aware of it. It sucks so bad. Knob out, knob rot. This is stuck in my head, Gavin.

It's got knob rot. No, my knob is fine. It's not on my knob. It's just on my thighs and the area around the knob. The worst iteration of Fraggle Rock. Knob rot. The worst part about this is that I got the jock itch three weeks before my vasectomy. And so it cleared up.

It cleared up. I was sweating it because I didn't want to not be able to get my vasectomy. So it cleared up the week of the vasect like not be able to get my vasectomy. So it cleared up like the week of the vasectomy. And then I got my vasectomy. So I basically haven't been able to sexually use my stuff in like, it was like over a month because I had like jock itch right into the vasectomy recovery. And then now that I'm finally feeling better,

you know, I'm two and a half weeks past the vasectomy, the jock it's just like like hello hello i'm back the second it clears up they're straight in there with a scalpel i'm gonna have like this period three months of an unusable crotch. It just sucks. Just fucking sucks. How do I avoid it? I'm worried about this. Yeah, it's like humidity, right? I don't know, dude. I don't know.

You use gold bond powder, right? Like powdering walls all the time, I guess? Talcum powder? Although, doesn't that give you cancer or some shit? Oh, does it? Yeah, I think so. I think there's like... What gives you cancer? Talcum powder and cancer. see it's rough feels like a thing you'd have to pull out of the operation guy it's the knob rot section we can make a face operation

at his bad ankle. You gotta reconnect Andrew's tendon in his ankle. Oh, man. Big long back. Oh, yeah, the mouth is just like... You go near the face and the mouth just lights up. I mean, we all... Everyone here

has lower body problems. Gavin's got cursed socks. I got unusable ankles. You got the crotch, crotch rot. Yeah, I don't know how you expect, are you going to be able to do this end cap challenge with? Yeah, absolutely.

No, I'm good. I'm all good now. And the marathon? That is like a distant thought. I'm just, we got to, as Jeff said, crawl before we run. Right.

But that was our point when you brought it up in the first place. You were so far from the marathon when it came out of your mouth. It was. Yeah, you're right. As a burger confidence moment. Remove a shampoo bottle from the butt. Open up Gavin's airway so he doesn't fart to death in his sleep. I like the idea of having to remove the shampoo bottle from the butt,

but every game ships without that piece, like it was never in the butt. This is the empty slot. Oh, my God. Can you fix your farting, Gavin? You still have fart problems? The CPAP is unplugged in a corner still. I can't bring myself to...

I want to wait until I've had some decent sleep before I start ruining my sleep. That's my plan. How are you ever going to get decent sleep unless you figure out the CPAP problem? It is a double-edged sword. That's a good point. Didn't you start the CPAP

because you couldn't get a good night's sleep? Yeah, that is very sick of the clubber. Yep. Good app. You ever wake your... Oh, we're going to end. Never mind. I. Good app. You ever wake you... Oh, we're gonna end. Never mind. Never mind.

I said good app. That wasn't my story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wrap up. Yeah. We're done. You got more stuff? That was smooth.

It's not a small thing, but it's fine. We should wrap up. This is a good app. I feel like you just destroyed the end of the podcast. We haven't quite hit an hour. Why don't you redeem it

with your small thing? No, it's just a small... I was gonna... Because we brought it before. Jeff, you woke up on shitting, and I was like, oh, that's a terrible way to come out of a sleep you ever woken yourself up from farting relation what gavin said oh yeah i don't think i've ever had it happen until like last week i woke my i startled myself because i farted it was a massive it wasn't loud it was

just powerful i think it was the most powerful fart I've ever had. Powerful how? If it wasn't loud, how was it powerful? Like you moved the other way? No, like the sheet moved. If there was a baseball between my legs, that ball would have went 80. We would have hit Jeff's goal. How far would a shampoo bottle have gone?

Oh, a different country. Easily. It would have went north all the way to Texas. Hands down. Easily. So it was like a lot of pressure i think it was like a like a more like a bassy fart than a lot we're at the point now where we can communicate almost entirely in face references it's a language it was just startling so it's curious if you guys have had it happen to you it was it was an alarming thing i was in a great sleep, and then all of a sudden my ass essentially exploded.

No, I think I've woken up with the full feeling of needing to, but I don't think I've actually woken myself up with one. Yeah, I was curious, because I knew you had the CPAP problems, and then you were bloated. I was curious if it ever happened, if that's how you woke up. That'd be fucking awesome.

Especially if it was like one of those 45 seconds CPAP farts like you wake up in the fart and then you're still farting and then you fully come to and you're still farting you can just hear him going further away because it's so constant and the sound is slowly

slowly going oh well you've done it again audience you The sound is slowly, slowly going. Oh, well, you've done it again, audience. You made it to the end of an episode of the F*** Face podcast. Good on you. You're a patient human being. Thanks for listening. Maybe you liked it.

I sure hope you did. If you did, I'll assume you're telling everybody you've ever met. Literally every single human being you come in contact with on the planet earth you probably are mentioning face too and i appreciate that to you and i'd like to say hey uh that's the the bare minimum you could be doing to promote this show you could try a little harder uh no i'm just kidding don't tell anybody about it uh It doesn't matter either way. We'll listen to you next time. How does it not matter either way? Well, I just felt like I was coming on too strong.

So then I tried to walk it back a bit. I really do want them to tell every single human being on Earth. There are seven and a half billion people on this planet, and most of them don't listen to our podcast. And I think there's a lot of issues with that. But I don't want to put the onus too much on the audience, because then they're going to feel like I'm asking too much of them. But I don't want to put the onus too much on the audience because then they're going to feel like I'm asking too much of them and I don't want to do that.

So I tried to like, I realized that, I thought I overstepped. So then I tried to come back. You're good. We can end this. This is perfect. Gavin, don't unravel us.

Okay. Bye. You're unraveling it. What do you mean I unraveled it? It was going great. We had a great ending. Is it over now? Goodbye. Stop talking. Goodbye. We had a great ending. Is it over now? Goodbye.

Stop talking. Goodbye. You did that, Gavin. That's your fault. That was Gavin. That was me. Hey, guys. Major League Fan Jack here with a look at next week's episode of F*** Face. It's the Halo episode of F*** Face.

Let's talk about Tyson. Gavin thought Billy Zane was in the mummy. Star wipes are the best. Who forgot to roll audio? The Halo Challenge has been completed. And once again, Andrew does not eat the pencil. All that and more on next week's episode of F*** Face.