Regulation Podcast - Who is the Host? // Geoff Ends the Podcast [54]

Episode Date: June 9, 2021

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about STILL not doing intros and outros, the continued Halo bet between Andrew & Gavin, Geoff hiring Apple Jack to fix a fridge, and the fake outro. HelloTushy (http://hellotushy.com/face), ExpressVPN (http://expressvpn.com/FACE), and HelloFresh (http://hellofresh.com/12face) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Should we get into it? I'm going to assume that Eric and Gavin have been recording for a while. I'm recording. And we now need to ask Andrew. Oh my god. I flipped it. You yelled at me last week. I'm recording.

I'm good. I'm ready. Alright, well kick it off then, Andrew. What do you mean? Season 2, Andrew starts. No, wait. You're gonna be the... No, no, no. I was the season 1. I did the season 1 in Jones. Welcome to episode 54 of F*** Face.

That was pretty good. I think he gets the... That was a good... That was the handoff point. That was the handoff, so then someone else take it. Oh. You know, I got a little bit of insight this week. I did the... I did one of our sister podcasts that gavin usually does the rt podcast yeah and uh i did it with eric uh producer eric uh of this very same podcast uh and uh i found out through the podcast that he he it annoys him that we haven't nailed the intro and the outro yet he finds that to be uh uh i guess a annoyance oh are you annoyed eric you annoyed what's that voice he expressed

displeasure it's been over a year and i feel like i'm not looking for the most consistent intro and outro, but if there was something like, hey, welcome to F*** Face, I'm Jeff, along with Andrew and Gavin, and then you guys get into it, like, that's not a lot, right? Like, that's pretty easy. The thing about the intro is that, you know what? The show's gonna be the show. The thing that gets me is the outro, because, and I don't want to say that it's bad it's that we do the outro and it doesn't seem to matter because then we just keep going well nobody why would you want to stop making

face it doesn't really make any sense what you're saying i don't i don't know what to tell you that is logic right there that That is an excellent point. Because you know, like, think about it, Eric. You have a life outside of this podcast. You know that the second that we power down, life gets shitty again for seven fucking days until you get to turn back on for this podcast. And so it's like, why don't we extend the good a little

bit well i love the idea of the podcast ending and then a timer for six days and 23 hours begins of misery it's like it's like a soccer match it's like the the time ends then we go to ot and nobody really knows how long it's gonna go for there's extra time it just goes beyond i don't think we need that's the best analogy the thing that i learned is that jeff sees this as a triangle with uh himself uh gavin and andrew where he does not consider him the host but it's like three hosts and i think uh that just given the year we've been doing this that that's insane and uh there just needs to be the one host jeff and then why does it need to be a host it's just three people because someone won't be doing the intro

and the outro and the heavy lifting for getting us through the things that we have to get through uh i would argue i feel like the the description of the show lists you as the host jeff singularly yeah but listen to what gavin said No, think about that for a minute. Yeah, but it's labeled. I mean, you declared, I feel like, from the beginning. I mean, change that if you want to. Listen, I feel like, and I was just trying to make a point, right?

I was just trying to make a point on that other podcast that we, I consider us, and this isn't to discount Eric or whoever's editing the week, but the three of us to be like a comedy triangle, right? And I feel like it's a perfect triangle. I don't think that there's, I don't think that any point is elongated,

and by that token, no point is more important than any other point. And so I was just saying that, like, I think hosting duties, like intros and outros, since we are such a perfect triangle, that we should probably div divvy them up uh as such you know you do a third i do a third gavin does a third i already do all of the ad reads which i'm happy i'm happy about i never i never make you guys do those except for the one time

andrew had to do them because i had an emergency so i feel like i just feel like i just feel like we we could all share the burden of the intro and the outro because Eric makes it be more of a thing than it needs to be anyway. Also, we may mess up the outro for a week, but last week we went to the major effort, or was it two weeks ago? We went to the major effort of bleeping out a word so it didn't

spoil the story. We bleeped out Jeff talking about his car and then Eric names the episode Jeff's Car Wreck. Listen, I don't know how you have time to do this show. Don't you have a halo bet that you're on the clock for right now? I do. I'm wasting time now.

That's a great pivot, Eric. That's fantastic. Get the heat off of you. Just before we move on, once again, I'd just like to reiterate the description of this show. F*** faces shooting yourself in the foot for a laugh. Host Jeff Ramsey is joined every week

by longtime friend Gavin Free. Yeah, but I don't think I wrote that. Also, it says bi-weekly. Yeah. That doesn't sound good either. Everything about this is awful. Yeah, once every two weeks. What?

Two every one week? What does my week mean? Well, it's neither of them. It's weekly. It's once a week. Yeah. Oh, okay. Now I see what you're saying.

Okay. You like this intro, Eric? Is this a good one? Jeff, take it away. What I... Hey, hello! Welcome to episode 54 of the F*** Face podcast. What you have been listening to up until this point is a simulation of the difficulty we

go through each week trying to start the podcast. We wanted to put on a little... That was actually scripted and seen. Sorry. And so you guys can go ahead and throw those scripts away. We don't need them anymore. I wanted to just give you guys a little taste of what sometimes it's like. I'm Jeff Ramsey.

With me always Andrew Patton and Gavin Free. What's going on in your world this week? I'm miserable. It's great. It's great and awful. It's great. We are deep in this Halo bet, which when it started last week, kinda, it was great. I had a pretty open week.

This week, I've been shooting every single day, and I've been having to come home, shoot entire days, you know, like 12 plus hours, knowing that I'm gonna have to come home tired, download all my footage, and then play Halo. The same piece of level over and over again.

And somehow, i keep beating andrew's time so this has been following me every single night of the week i have to beat the time by like one second and it is i'm so tired it's dreadful andrew thoughts i'm gonna argue against you saying you're available last week the reason why we're doing this this week is purely because of you you kept well that's because i didn't want to start and have the 24 hours go on to my birthday speaking of like you talked about how miserable you are this week i want to hear all about this bet i'm super invested in it and i want to get into it and i think it's probably the meat of this episode uh especially because somehow this

goes on every night and everybody knows about it but i don't like i i don't check twitter so i guess i just never know when the streams are happening or anything i hear jack's involved at one point like i am ignorant of the whole thing eric's been watching there's been hundreds of people watching every night for andrew's gavin after we're with this, I would like to challenge your idea of a bad week with my life. Oh, I'm sure mine doesn't come close. Mine is just normal work, and I'm tired. So, how are you guys able to keep shaving off time? And how many times have you gone back and forth?

Okay, well, this is, I have another, you know what, Jeff? You just remind me of another thing. You are a motherfucker. I fucking, you piece of shit. You've caused another layer to this bet you son of a bitch so what i do you'll find out in a minute so we've been going back and forth i haven't been able to figure out how gavin has consistently been beating my times i've been showing how i've been doing it and as mentioned before i've been doing it like the speed running

method i'm grenade jumping i'm hopping over things like I'm doing everything properly with zero skulls on no skulls I've been doing it cleanly Jeff Andrew Andrew found my uh new techniques he found out what they were I discovered his new techniques because I kept doing this thing and eventually what our time started at like four minute 20 something Gavin when this started and you had to beat 422 i think was the first time that i'd left you with from over well like nine months ago so the okay 422 the fastest run i had seen used this like pelican you jump and bounce off a pelican in a certain way and that was for three minutes 59 seconds and i just couldn't figure out how to do it and i was demoralized and for the first time, I had a genius idea.

I googled the level and put in the word speedrun after it. I just like all the research I'd done at that point had just been on YouTube looking at runs. For the first time, I looked it up and I found a website that was like Halo speedrunning. And they had a bunch of times and their lowest time was three and a half minutes. And I tried to figure out what skulls gavin was using and he refused to tell me for some reason well yeah you asked me i have a i think i had seven skulls on and uh you had nine which would yeah nine and you asked me which ones that i just said a bit of this bit of that yeah but i'd asked you at multiple times throughout this what skulls are

using you'd always just say i knew techniques i'm using new techniques give no details then you eventually told me that you would use a ghost and i was like oh now you're willing to talk about what you're doing because i'm showing you how i'm doing it and then i asked you the skulls and you're like a bit of this bit of that completely useless well here's you missed out the part where you beat my 422 and you got 420 and i thought I'm going to whip out my new techniques again and what I was going to do was just get a time because my new techniques allow me to smash the world record without skulls like it's way faster

than playing normally but I was just going to wait at the end and then drive through the finish with like one second so I was parked at the end and I was trying to film it i was trying to film me waiting at the end but as i was doing that i fumbled the controller and i drove to the end like over 10 seconds faster than your time i think what did i put it at it was it was like

shockingly low i thought you couldn't beat 420 i accidentally went from beating your 420 i accidentally put in a 406. And at that point, you were like, wait, what are you doing? And I was like, no, now he knows that the skulls are definitely my new techniques. I hate you. What was it? What did it feel like the second you saw him beat your time by 14 seconds? Oh, stunned.

Like before you rationalized it. Did your heart fall out of your body? It was Oh, stunned. Like, before you rationalized it, did your heart fall out of your body? It was depressing, Jeff. It was shocking, and it just heightened my sense of, Gavin isn't this good. What the fuck is Gavin doing? What is happening here?

He's tenacious, though. I knew I was going to think about Gavin. A huge mistake. So Andrew then started fumbling around with skulls. I actually have the clip, Andrew, from your stream, of the moment you discovered what happens when you put those skulls on should i play it sure holy shit wow that's uh

uh okay so andrew realized i'm just playing golf i've got sputnik uh feather and boom on which combined you just throw a grenade to the ground and shoot like 200 feet in the air and you can just blow yourself over half the level at the beginning and that's how i've been like by the time he's driving or like walking over the rooftops to the hotel in 30 seconds I've been there in like 15 seconds alas my new techniques have been revealed but it was so

you make like it is easy like it's a lot easier it is difficult to get those grenade jumps you have to be so specific because Halo 2 doesn't have fall damage it has if you're in the air for a certain amount of time you just die. What is the Sputnik skull?

What is like the description of it? I don't know that one. They actually added new skulls to Halo 2 but I think Sputnik is one of the originals. Sputnik skull Halo 2 I think it reduces gravity but there's a few different like there's a grenade modifier. I don't think that's in other halos

No, that's one. That's only halo to massive objects is decreased making them ease more easily displaced Gotcha, okay, and that applies to you as well, so so that happened, but before we're getting too far ahead So I'm still doing I'm doing the skull is runs right and I finally, I realized Gavin's been fucking golf balling it up, flying around, and I beat his time by however many seconds. And I post a screenshot. This is the first time I've used skulls. I've done this as legitimately as you can until this point. And then all of a sudden, this narrative got created of,

Gavin's got nine skulls. You only got four? What are you doing? Like, my runs all of a sudden became lessen because people equate more skulls to harder, including you, Jeff. You had a little fucking snarky tweet about, oh, four, like, five skull difference.

That's interesting. It is interesting. It's harder. It's harder what I'm doing. But everyone thinks it's easier because I have less skulls. So then, when I took Gavin's time back the following day i put on fucking 10 skulls because you can just add like the i would have been your daddy skull which does

nothing like adds dialogue the gross birthday yeah original thing i put on nine or so skulls but i was really only using three i just putting on more to throw them off but yeah i had like profit birthday party which there's no profits in that level. It's just a skull to throw on. It's ridiculous. So in my anger of this, Jeff, I just throw on all these skulls and one of them is a grunt funeral

or something like that. I don't remember the exact wording. Do you know what it is, Gavin? Okay. Yeah, grunt funeral. Okay, it is grunt funeral. And grunt funeral is when you kill a grunt, they explode.

And how we're doing this we average like maybe at most like one or two kills per run and so i'm thinking in my head of like well do i kill do i kill a a grunt at all in this no i don't think i do like why would i kill a grunt there's one fucking grunt that blows up on my path and it added like an additional 30 minutes to my run because every time i tried to go past it, it would explode and I'd blow up and I'd have to go over again. All because of this fucking skull narrative. I don't need any of these skulls on, but we're now at 10

skulls and it has continued to progress. You also are fantastic at getting my exact time. You get all the way to the end and you land on the exact time I got. So I put in the 406 by accident. Then it was, you you know all of the the mysterium and the mind games are all out the window now i just have to rely on skill which

i don't really have much of you then put in a 354 was it that low yeah and then somehow i sat down last night after shooting all day i was like i'm gonna be up until like 2 a.m. And then I got to get up at 6. It's going to be a nightmare. But somehow in about 45 minutes, I put in a 3.52. Not only did he put in, we need some context also once again. Every single time Gavin tries to beat my time, there's just a text chain of whining and complaining. Why doesn't your timer work? This sucks.

This is terrible. He's just always... Blink if you can hear me. Yeah, blink if you can hear me, which is Cortana says at the beginning when you load in that level. So when you're trying to do the first part, you just hear blink if you can hear me over and over and over. Fucking is awful. Shake it off, Marines. But there's always this text chain I get from Gavin of like, it's going to be miserable. And we had been talking earlier in the day and he's like oh i gotta shoot all day i'm not even gonna be able to start until seven your time this is just like i've got no chance i got like two hours to do this and so i i texted back you know what and i've done this a few times because it's weird when the when it's

not on you when you don't have to beat the, you're like kind of cheering for the other person because it's so miserable. And you're just hoping. I'm like, you know what, Gavin? I'll let you. I'll extend your time from it was like 11 p.m. for you. I'll let you go until we record the podcast tomorrow. If you as long as you beat the time by that, that's like 30 something hours. And I was very appreciative because I needed the time because i'd wasted so much doing work yeah gavin sent me this thing of like oh i'm gonna have like no time to do this

that's you know what hey i really appreciate that that's kind of you so i'm having dinner i eat my meal it's 7 p.m gavin should just be starting now and i decide i'm gonna have a bath i'm gonna have a nice bath i've been streaming every night this is suck doing this thing this is the one night where i know for a fact i can just stretch out relax enjoy myself hop in the tub spend seven minutes in a tub filling with water it's all nice and warm i'm just loving life and then out of nowhere i get a text from gavin saying never mind with a new time he beat my time by two seconds. There was no text chain. There was no warning.

Just immediately stabbed me in the heart. I'm just devastated. I was still one night behind when I said my last score, which was 352 after your 354. That was you put in the previous night a 349, and then I sat down and very quickly did a 347. a 349 and then I sat down and very quickly did a 347 which at the time when I get when I said that to you I looked it up that was like number 62 in the world on that leaderboard in the game yeah well like the times are weird so we're doing like save and quit so it's not like a continuous run so it's not like yeah it's not real submittable time but it was just the fact that every other time there's been like some warning or like a

message of like hey i'm gonna start i have never been more comfortable and like i don't need to worry about this right now and then i just got that text and i've never been sadder in a bathtub in my life because it was like this is ruined now i need to now go out i need to do this i need to stream this i had i got out of my bath it ruined my bath he ruined my bath it's the angriest i've been in a tub i couldn't believe it for ruining your bath because i know what a bath means to you and you know you're usually in there for like an hour to 90 minutes yeah no you got it it's a whole extreme you've been in it it is by far i was irate at having to pull the drain it was just just terrible. I put a towel...

You had 24 hours. You could have enjoyed the bath for 15 more minutes. No, it's not how... Because I need to put the pressure back on Gavin, and I got to stream it. He starts streaming every time, and it is so, so good to watch. There's like hundreds of people in there.

They're all cheering him on. I'm, you know, I'm taunting him, really, if we're honest. Oh, yeah. So are you just streaming from your Twitch channel that I used to watch you stream? No. Okay.

So I lost that, that account I don't have access to at the time. So I've been using my Andrew, the Donkey Kong guy, which was a fake account I made to stream Gavin when I was doing the Donkey Kong thing.

So I've been on that. That's why you probably haven't got any notifications. That must be why I probably haven't seen any alerts or anything. Yeah. Yeah.

So it's been. I gotta subscribe to your alt account. It's been a whole process. So wait, who's currently got the record, Andrew? That's a great question. So then I came out of my bath furious, and I was hot initially.

I did really good. First few jumps, no problem. 347 to beat. 347 to beat. Oh, you're all steamed up from the yeah i've steamed up you're all lubed up i put a fucking towel over my head of sadness while the water drained i was just devastated sitting so i came i had a new level of anger and wanting to get this done and for the first time as gavin said what would always happen in my runs is i would tie it

i tie his time and then i'd have to do it again because the tie he still wins I need to pass him and I beat him in about an hour it took one hour and I'm one second is it one yeah it's one I got him by one second I improved on his time by one second it's all on Gavin now so it's 3 21 p.m I have until 11 to beat 346 you do and i've never been more confident that you will i'm fully why what really yeah because it's only two seconds and i feel like i could have shaved i feel like there are things i could have done better this is the first time where i feel like you're going to take the time back it is so bizarre how it works though like i'm always so excited when I beat you.

I'm just like, oh, I'm like hands in the air. I'm like jumping up off the couch. But the moment I'm watching him stream, I'm rooting for him. There's a bit where if you get through this corridor and down to a ghost in good time, it's like, oh, it's a good run. And I'm like, oh, he's going to do it.

I'm cheering him on. And then he actually does it, and I'm just miserable and filled with dread. It's a roller coaster. You have seven and a half hours to do it and it sounds to me like what's the current time?

What is it? Yeah, I think that's right. I think you need 345. 346. So you only need three minutes and 45 seconds to beat the record. That's true.

Seven and a half hours is way more time than you need, buddy. Way more time than you need buddy way more time than you need you only need three minutes 45 seconds are do you use the same ghost ghost path as i do gavin that's the only part of this that isn't okay interesting well you're like uh no i don't i'm slightly different well because i i didn't ever watch when i say new techniques i just figured that out from just farting around with skulls

because I realized that three hour on legendary achievement, you can still use those skulls as long as they don't have a zero multiplier. So I was just throwing them on back in the day. I was like, wow, you can actually shave so much time off like this. But I just basically carved my own path

through that level. And it was actually very similar to that video you sent me in the end. Huh. I can't wait for this to be over one for my mental health and two i just want to see what your ghost does because it is truly i've never been in a bet before where like gavin said where when it's not in your court when you just the other person has to do it i'm cheering for him i kind of hope he does it but if he does do it the like the moment it happens nothing but

dread and anger at myself because i when i set one of the times that i passed gavin on i said fuck this i'm tired of him watching my runs and just figuring out what i'm doing i'm not going to stream this so i didn't i set a new time and then i sent him the fucking link to the speedrun that i was using anyway so it's like what am? It's ridiculous. It's a weird up and down emotional rollercoaster and it doesn't seem to want to end. And I'm terrified. And I like that I'm shaving total time off that achievement that I'm eventually

gaining. Yeah, you're actually gaining stuff. Oh, it's actually helping you work towards that achievement. That's awesome. So this definitely benefits you. So I just realized this may be the last opportunity we have to discuss this particular conversation while it's still going on.

All three of us together being recorded. So could we go over what the punishment and the reward is? That's a great question. Just so we're all clear. That's a great point. I don't even know what I'm playing for. I don't even care. Even the chat didn't really know.

Why doesn't anyone go back and listen? Why don't you? You're the person that does that. Okay, well, I'm busy tonight. That's fair. That's a great point. Somebody will figure it out. Because I just feel like, you know,

I feel like we've had some productive conversations recently about ways to streamline these processes in the future, right? Yes. Like, we've talked about getting a permanent judge. We even talked about a group, a quorum, if you will. I think fuck force, we called it. I feel like we've had a lot of good ideas out there to head off any intransigence when it comes to results.

But then I feel like all we've done is throw a lot of good ideas out there, but we haven't actually solidified anything. And we could be this time next Wednesday or next Thursday whileursday while we're recording i could be i could be trying to play middleman between you two screaming at each other because you disagree about the rules of this bet and i feel like this is our last opportunity to do something about it before it goes down that dark angry road i think if i lose it's gum it might be gone i don't i don't really know but i feel like this bet has entered a different tier jeff you know what like the end of like just a fucking gritty boxing fight like

it's it's like there's a level of respect it almost doesn't matter what happened like the result that's where i feel like gavin and i are entering that territory we're seven or eight rounds into this going back and forth i don't really care i just want to win like whatever the supposed to the result is yeah the prize doesn't really matter to me at this point sometimes winning is all you need and losing is the only punishment yeah no that's okay i have one more audio clip that i want to play um from andrew stream uh what we didn't really discuss on here is the reason i use the ghost and not the warthog is that that Sputnik skull or one of the feather skull one of them it just makes driving the warthog

impossible if the warthog gets hit by plasma it shoots like 60 feet in the air like you end up driving on the ceiling and the walls and this is Andrew's reaction this is Andrew's reaction to discovering that that's pretty clean oh no oh no I know, but it does explain why they came here with such a small team. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. It's just such a... I love these streams so much because I know what you're about to stumble upon. The moment you swapped into the walk, I was like, oh, it's going to be so good when he finds out why you shouldn't do that. It feels like there should be a way we can

i mean i guess twitch records the streams and it feels like there should be a way we can we can archive this stuff so that people can go back and watch it later they should all be yeah all of the streams i've done on the andrew the donkey kong guy account are recorded i believe okay that's cool yeah you can go back and view them. Yeah, maybe we should cut a little compilation from all of them. That'd be interesting. That'd be fun, right? I'd love to do that. You could cut it in with little clips from the podcast and stuff, too.

That could work. Explaining the bet. Yeah. Like a little documentary. It's fascinating. This is the bet I'm most invested in, but have the least to gain from at this point, I think. Like, I don't, whatever it is, doesn't matter.

Bragging rights, right? I guess bragging rights, yeah. It's just like the pain has been so deep. at this point i think like i don't whatever it is doesn't matter i just cannot i guess bragging rights yeah it's just like the the pain has been so deep it has sucked so much to do this and i hate that we're actually getting good at it like this is a skill that we're developing it's very it's it's odd i feel like we've bonded since starting this because we're just sharing the same experience and we have the same emotions but at different times yeah it's it's a different it's like a teeter-totter of fuck you like it goes back and forth there's nice times but it's mainly just like one of us beating the other's time and then a large text thread of you're

fucking suck you're the worst how could you do this it must be you guys must be so exhausted from talking to each other that that's why every time I text the two of you in our group text exchange, nobody responds. I responded to you at a minimum. Boy, do I have a dental story for you guys. Crickets. What do I have a repair story for you guys? Crickets. What are we going to do? Ask about it? I'm just excited for the episode.

I'm excited. Yeah, that's the exact same. Hope you're okay. I don't want you to suddenly just tell the end of the story without us asking. Thumbs up. I'm not going gonna spoil the fucking story but i didn't man i didn't realize that that was i said like six things in a row over the course of a week to that before and eventually the only way i was able to get anybody to respond to me was to ask a pointed question that had a yes or no answer i didn't know those statements were questions i thought you're just telling us things i didn't know if we replied there. I thought you were just telling us things. If we replied, there was the risk of A, you telling the whole story right then,

or B, you giving us the origins of dentistry. A, A, A, A, A, I don't know the origins of dentistry. B, don't make me find out, because C, I will fucking tell you next week. D, how often do you text somebody a statement of fact and never expect an acknowledgement? Gavin, you don't text me and then expect me not to respond to you. It's different when it's like, I view that as like a show text. I don't view that as like a friend group text.

Andrew, if you said, boy, do I have a fire extinguisher story to tell you guys next week, I would go, can't wait. Ooh, that's exciting. I'll make sure we cover it. Whatever. Jeff, I do want to apologize. Also, also, also, by the way, I had, I had the one person that does still talk to me

and therefore because that person still talks to me, I'm elevating him back to super fan right now. Super fan Jack. I had coffee. I had coffee this morning with fan Jack, but this afternoon looking back on it, he became during that coffee he became super fan jack again because he fucking showed up and talked to me which was nice and is

he up to date on face super fan jack is up to date on face super fan jack uh was very upset at and thinks that andrew is lying about setting off the fire extinguisher at all and demanded yeah i only saw a picture of his bag. Yeah, I only saw a picture of a bag either. And I was like, no, Andrew wouldn't do that. My phone was dead. Jack was like, I don't trust his performance. I listened to it a couple times.

I think he's lying. I think he made it all up. And I was like, well, you know, the basket thing was great. I thought that was even funnier. And he's like, yeah, yeah, the basket thing was great, but you need to get to the bottom of that

because Andrew's lying. And I defended you, Andrew. I defended you, but I don't know why. Okay. Well, I mean, I don't know what you want. That was over two weeks ago. I don't know. Like, it went off.

It wasn't as big as I wanted. I'm just letting you know what the people are saying, that's all. I don't want anything. Jack is saying. Not the people. I read some tweets. Okay. The people?

Who are these people, Jack? There were a few tweets. Outside of Jack. How did this get Jack back in the super fan status? I already some tweets. Okay. The people? Who are these people, Jack? There were a few tweets. Outside of Jack. How did this get Jack back into super fan status? I already told you. I explained it like three times. Well, he talked to you? Is that it?

Yeah! I will say. I do apologize. Yeah, he paid attention to me! I was lonely! In your defense, it does look bad. When I look back at our group text right now, I remember my thoughts each time I saw these texts.

That's the thing, yeah. I reply in my head. It looks like what it was, yeah. Thursday, Jeff tweets a photo. This is the thing. You tweeted a photo about a thing you're working on, and it looked like a fucking time machine to me. I didn't know how to process it.

And internally, I was like, that's cool. Then Jeff on Friday, boy, do I have a surprise dental story for you guys next week. No reply. Tuesday. Boy, do I have a broken house shit story and picture for you guys this week. That did get a reply. You did get something on that.

And I also replied to Jeff drinking a whole soda without burping. That's true. That's true. That's true. I did do that and you did do that. That is true. Because I sent you a video. Yeah, it was awesome. Thanks, man. I was surprised at, and you did do that. That is true. Because I sent you a video! Yeah, it was awesome.

Thanks, man. I was surprised at how easy, A, it was not to burp, and then, B, how hard it was to burp later. Well, that's why I thought the toucan challenge would be the real challenge. I really did, honestly, up until I burped, I thought that the whole thing was a prank on me, and that drinking a whole soda without burping

makes you painfully not be able to burp for a while? Because Millie and I were both unable to burp and we were in agony. It's funny because I was looking, like Millie's on the left, you're on the right. I would look to the left and be like, oh no. And I'd look to the right and be like,

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Visit amex.ca slash yamx. Benefits vary by card. Terms apply. So do you want to tell one of these stories, Jeff? I've been waiting. Yeah, that was a big lump of halo. That was probably too long. So why don't you... All right.

Well, okay. So I feel like... I feel like... Save it for the text. Oh, I could do that if you want. Eric says I should just save it for text. No. I'm not telling the joke. No, you should tell.

I want to... This is going to be a great story. Both of them... So here's... I don't know if they're going to be great stories. It's just a part of the rich pastiche of uh dog shit that is my life uh so uh you guys know that i usually come in hot i either have a i either have a bike wreck i have a dental story i have a something broke or something related to my house broke right those are like the four

tent poles of of feces that that support the structure of the foundation of my life. Those are like my shit bricks. They're the load-bearing shit bricks that keep me alive. And also suppress me into a life of fly-encrusted doo-doo. So,

I am happy to report that from last recording until this recording, I had zero bike wrecks. That's awesome. That's great. That is all I am happy to report. That's all the good news.

The only reason I am happy to report that I had zero bike wrecks is because I didn't ride my bike for the entire week because there was goddamn constant rain i assume because somebody had a birthday recently and made some plans yeah it was uh it was a wet birthday that's for sure i don't know if i'm to blame but it's continuing oh yeah good i just opened the weather app can you can you see that oh my god i gotta post that in the discord. Please post that. What do you mean? So let me, I'll go canonically. Last time we talked, I had, did I mention to you guys about having a leak on the outside of my house coming, like water streaming out of my, out of my. I don't think so.

Yeah. I don't think I was ready to talk about it yet because of the depression. Oh god, that looks rough. Goddamn, dude. Another week? That's what? Thursday to next. Thursday to the Saturday after this Saturday is all cloud and lightning.

It's my fucking birthday coming up. Are we going to have like a birthday to birthday blackout of weather? We're going to have a birthday to birthday fuck you blackout. And the thing is, if we still power through and make a plan on one of those days, it will be good weather. But we won't go through with it. That's the downside to it. That's the problem.

It's just lies. We're going to figure this out. We're going to spend time together. I promise you. We're going to figure it out. Anyway, first thing is, I'll go back a little bit. I was walking my bike down the path

to go out to the front of my house the other day, maybe six weeks ago, and I to the front of my house the other day, maybe six weeks ago, and I noticed the side of my house, the siding, some water dripping out from under the siding onto the concrete. And I went, ebbe.

So I called a plumber. It took the plumber two weeks to get here because this is Austin, and listen, it takes, it's really, really fucking hard to get anybody in any kind of home service industry to come to your house right now. Because on for some reason, 65% of America

is moving to Austin as we speak. And so everybody is stretched thin because there are 150 million new residents in Austin and there's nowhere to put them all. And they all clog toilets. It's just become impossible for us to get for anybody in Austin to get anything done in their house. So anyway, two weeks later, they come out. Guy looks into it. He goes, I'm going to have to cut into the wall to fix this thing. I don't have the right tool for it. I'll come back in three weeks. All right, this is going back further than six weeks now that I'm doing the math in my head. Three weeks later, I'm like, where the fuck is this guy?

So I call them and they're like, oops, we forgot to schedule it. We'll be out next week. So then now I'm five weeks into this, if my math is correct, maybe six weeks into this. This was last week, Friday or Saturday or something. They come out and they go, hey, I got the tools now. And they cut out the hole.

And basically what happened is when, I'm going to call them an asshole, whoever they were, when the asshole put the siding on the side of my house, they weren't paying attention where they were fucking hammering and they hammered right through a plumbing pipe. However, it sealed until the nail rusted.

And then it started to leak slowly. So it didn't cause any major damage, had to have in my laundry room an entire wall cut out right so they could get in to fix it did all that of course of course so that's where i am friday morning right is i have a i have a fixed plumbing issue now i think or i'm about to get it fixed i have i wake up on friday morning a little bit of anxiety because i have to go to the dentist i I had, it's a no big deal. I just, I have an old silver filling and the dentist was like, I'd like to take that out

and maybe put a crown there. I think it'll just, it's not going to hurt. It's not going to be painful. I know we, I know we just went through that marathon of shitty root canals. This is going to be a, just a minor, minor thing. So I said, yeah, sure. No problem. And then I scheduled it for fucking three months later.

Three months later was last Friday. Get up. I go to the, I'm feeling, I'm feeling itchy, you, no problem. And then I scheduled it for fucking three months later. Three months later was last Friday. Get up. I go to the, I'm feeling, I'm feeling itchy, you know, getting up, going to the dentist because I've had like, I had that run. I had that like five root canal run, right? And so I don't want to go. And I like calm myself down. And I'm like, you being a fucking baby.

And so I go in and I get in and I go in and I'm like, and I sit down and we do the, we do the, take the filling off. And she's like's like okay and she cleans it up like that and she's like looking good this is fine and i'm feeling really good she's like this is all so easy no pain yet right and i'm like no not at all and she's like all right we're just about wrapping up and you know what here's what i'm gonna do though instead of just putting the crown on right now i'm gonna go ahead and give you another root canal and then a then a fucking nurse came out and she had an air horn, and she went, and then they all held their drills up in the air,

and they went, what? Wait, what? Fuck, Jeff. And then they gave me a root canal. Right there and then. Yeah, and so I had an immediate root canal on the spot. Right there.

Wait, did they know that you needed this, or did they realize in the process? No, they discovered in the process? No, they discovered, they discovered in the process from removing the old silver filling that the root was a little close to the edge and they just thought it to be safe.

That's why I had another root canal. So anyway, that was most of Friday. I had that, that hurt like hell. Real sore, real pain, a lot of pain,

a bit misery, a lot of misery there so then go and uh and the plumbers come and they're like hey we cut your whole fucking wall out uh but your plumbing's fixed and i'm like cool and then and then i'm like you're not you're not gonna put the wall back are you and they're like yeah we're plumbers asshole we don't do drywall i'm like of course you don't uh how stupid of me so i had to hire somebody to come out and have to patch and replace the whole wall and unfortunately

to do this because the I'm coming to hate the person that flipped this house before me. Really, really, really hate that. So the entire time

you've lifted it there's been a nail stuck in a pipe that was sealed? Yeah. Yeah. It was sealed the whole time. It's probably,

honestly Gav, it had probably been sealed for 10 years. It's not new sight. I wonder if that freeze like nudged it and then it started getting wet and rusting probably the best thing about it was that it wasn't a busted pipe or anything like it was easy to fix right yeah and it wasn't expensive to replace the drywall however then i get the drywall done now i have to get it painted so i

have to get it all painted and then the last time we fixed the other bathroom when we had to have the drywall done and i had to have it repainted, the paint color was wrong. Oh, yeah. Did I tell you guys that? Yes. Well, it's been festering and annoying us for a very long time. So since we were getting the laundry room repainted,

we went ahead and had that painted too. So I ended up having to have two, kill two birds with one stone there. I thought, well, this is great. I've got, well, oh, also, another frustrating thing is they built this really cool, pretty wooden structure around

my washer and the dryer. Unfortunately, I had to rip all that out to get to where they could replace the wall, so I had to put all that back together, which was a giant nightmare, and I smashed my finger brutally, and was very, very mad.

And, uh, so anyway, I hate everything. Um, but then it's like, okay, root canals done,

right? Root canals down. I survived that, uh, fucking, uh, got the, got the plumbing fixed,

got the wall repaired, got the bad paint job painted, got the current paint job fixed. All good. Everything's fine. Then I'm going to take a a second you guys vamp amongst you i'm gonna send you a photo now and then we'll get into the next thing the thing i love about jeff's on discord is is that you forget what problems are happening in the story there are

so many that you forget i forgot that the fucking the dental thing happened yeah i was just listening then with a smile on my face and then i just started laughing just because there was more to come like the way the inflection is like this is halfway through the list of shit and i just started laughing at that here's what we're gonna do we're gonna i'm gonna put this photo up i'm gonna let you guys look at it on discord and then why don't you discuss what you think is going on okay i'm looking at a broom wedged between maybe the dishwasher and the fridge I assume either the fridge door or the dishwasher door

can't stay shut I'm gonna say that they're maybe getting into high jump they're getting into an Olympic move if you'll look to your left you'll notice a towel on the ground that's to catch the water leaking from the If you'll look to your left, you'll notice a towel on the ground. That's to catch the water leaking from the ice chest that is now my refrigerator.

Because the next day, the next day, I wake up and Emily comes in and goes, I think there's something wrong with the fridge. Everything is warm. And we go look, and the fridge isn't cool. And so it doesn't feel like it's sealing properly, you know? Like maybe the seal, like sometimes. That's such a nice fridge. Oh, yeah.

Well, yeah. Yeah, it is. So. Believe my fucking mind uh so uh so we think like maybe it's not sealing properly because sometimes that fridge is the door is heavy sometimes it doesn't shut all the way so we try to push it shut and throughout the day we realize it's still not getting cold and then i can't tell if it's sealing or not so we shove shove the broom in there. Freezer! Freezer's working fine, by the way. I should point out that the freezer is working fine. So, at this point,

most of the stuff in the fridge is bad. However, we shut it, and then we leave it like that for 24 hours, get up the next morning to see if it was the seal. Oh, and I call a repairman. He's like, I'm gonna come out this day. So this was, at this point, this this was yesterday he's gonna come right so uh so uh he he we leave it like that for 24 hours get up the next morning which is yesterday morning open it deconstruct it open it up and uh

it's hot as hell in there and it's like okay so the ac is just not working open up the freezer freezer still works fine my popsicles are frozen. Everything's looking good there. Shut it. Guy shows up in a fucking Toyota Prius. I thought he was an Uber driver. Like a little angry dude shows up, looks at it. And you know how like when you see a dude, you know how like when you see a dude look at something and you watch him and you think he doesn't know what he's looking at. Like he's lost. when you see the expert go yeah you're like oh god a lot of hmms you know and like like scratching his beard and stuff and

i'm like oh this guy is in over his head he's fucking lost but i have to like record and film and stuff so i'm going in and out emily's handling it uh then i had to leave or something to deal with a millie thing and uh come back and he's like emily's like yeah so it was uh he he well first off the freezer is now uh everything in the freezer is now melted because he had the freezer and the fridge open for two and a half hours while he fixed it uh so everything melted uh all the meat and everything it's like you remember the cow yeah yeah we saw the meat was was starting to melt so we gave it away we just put it in a bag and gave it away to people before so uh so it didn't go bad uh but uh so he he spends about two hours working on it while i'm not home and then uh then he replaces a fan says all right a--OK, problem solved.

Shows Emily that the fan is not working. Everything's looking good. Shows it feels that it's cold or whatever. He leaves. It sure didn't feel like it was getting cold. But you think like it's an older fridge and it's a big fridge. You know, it's one of those deep freezers. So maybe it takes some time.

And so then this morning got up and uh not only is the fridge not cold but now the freezer is broken too so i now so i called him at 6 50 in the morning uh because i had his phone number and woke him the fuck up and i was like you didn't fix it. He argued with me for a while about whether he fixed it or not. At 6 a.m. I bet he argued. He kept pointing to me that the freezer was working fine and I kept telling him, come to my house and look it is no longer working fine. You have disrepaired the freezer.

Anyway, so it ended with him yelling at me that he'll call me tomorrow. I've given up on life. I don't care. If it gets fixed, it gets fixed. I have a cooler.

I got my diet. Pepsi's in the cooler. You got your towels. Yeah, I got a towel for any drips. And if he comes tomorrow, maybe he'll fix it. If he doesn't, I don't give a fuck anymore. I don't care. I quit. I quit at life, maybe he'll fix it. If he doesn't, I don't give a fuck anymore. I don't care. I just, I quit.

I quit at life, dude. I fucking quit. This is more than a human being should have to deal with in a seven day period. Not only that, but it's every seven day period of my life. So anyway. I can't believe it. Yeah. How does so much happen to the same person?

What kind of karma am i dealing with oh it's i gotta say maybe the greatest thing that's ever happened in my life is you buying that house it's been a complete joy man what a time that is a nice house it looks well cosmetically it's excellent visually beautiful so friday i'm gonna get up and I'm going to go fucking fridge shopping. Of course, I've already done a little bit of preliminary fridge shopping. And because I didn't buy this fridge, I didn't put this fridge in the house. I certainly didn't build custom cabinets around it. However, the person who lived here before me did.

So what I am left with is a fridge that is a nonstandard size. There are zero fridges the exact same dimensions at Best Buy. There are zero fridges the exact same dimensions that Best Buy. There are zero fridges the exact same dimensions at a lot of places. I have to go to a place that sells expensive fridges. Do you know how much a fridge to fit that space is going to cost? I'm going to guess seven grand. You are a little low. Nine grand.

Nine grand is what those fridges cost. Or I could get a fancy Samsung with a screen. You'd get that for like two grand. Gavin, I could buy Millie a car so she could wreck that one and not mine. There's a lot of things I could do with nine grand. I could buy a smaller fridge and live with the misshapen live with the weird hole I could get new custom cabinets built around that fridge

I don't know I don't want to think about it there's no way you're going to live with a big gap around that fridge Jeff you and I share a love of the movie Bottle Rocket one of my favorite movies yeah it's one of the best movies ever made I've seen it probably 50 times I love it now you're watching of that seeing it so many times of the movie Bottle Rocket. One of my favorite movies. Yeah, it's one of the best movies ever made.

I've seen it probably 50 times. I love it. Now, you're watching of that, seeing it so many times. Did you immediately recognize the repair guy as an Applejack? Like, did it just immediately give you that vibe? Is this immediately what I thought of? I'm just looking at a guy who doesn't really know.

I can't do it, man. I lost it, man. And he's like, you didn't lose it because you never had an Applejack. Yeah. It's Applejack. You hired hired an applejack and you called him back i hired applejack it's great so i don't know if applejack's gonna come fix it tomorrow or not he i'm i'm gonna cancel i well i'm not gonna cancel a check but he paid i paid him 600 bucks not to i paid him 600 bucks or rather emily paid him 600 bucks to break the. So I'd like to at least get that fixed. I could do that for a lot less. Yeah, I want to come in and fix it.

God damn it, man. I bet I could fix your freezer. I think I could too. I think the last thing I said to you guys, which was in a moment of honest to God pain, was... I can pull up the text right now. I never meant anything as much as I meant

when I said, in all seriousness, it's gotta let up eventually, right? I'm drowning in content. I am drowning in content and I would like to not for a little bit. I mean, drowning in content could mean a lot.

That doesn't necessarily mean negative. You're drowning in just like, just misery content. You are the content breadwinner. You're supporting this triangle. You've been doing fantastic with your house problems. It's great. As I said in the text, it's like I get Christmas every three weeks. A new disastrous thing happens.

This week, it was like four things. This is great. I like to think, too, that whenever something happens to Jeff, it means it won't happen to me. Like, it was a chance things this is great i like to think too that whatever something happens to jeff it means it won't happen to me like it was a chance for my fridge to break but my fridge didn't like it the coin landed the other way and i was like oh i hope that's the case man i hope that's the case i also i got really mad at you two earlier today i calmed down but i got really mad at you two because uh and this is super irrational, but I was thinking about how you weren't responding to me on text. And then I got it in my head that I was in the middle of being pranked right now.

And I just haven't figured it out yet. And there's some sort of a port-a-potty-esque prank like lingering above me that I hasn't hit yet. And I was ready to murder you both. So I was like, if these motherfuckers are going to prank me right now in the middle of this. And then I had to be like, wait, wait, wait, wait.

That's a take a step back. There are no there's no indication of pranking going on right now. You should not murder them yet. And so I calmed down. But God damn, dude, can you now technically expense your fridge to the show?

Because it's content. I wish I could. Oh, I got to get it fixed. I can't buy a new fridge. I want to get it fixed. You know what? Yeah, I need this. I can't buy a new fridge. I want to get it fixed. You know what, Jeff? I need this whole gotta go. I need Applejack to fix my fridge.

He did. Well, yeah, he broke it. You had a toilet issue. I helped you with that. I think I could figure out something for this. I got you covered. Don't you worry. We'll figure something out.

Somebody did point out that when my toilet broke, you sent me a new full-size toilet. But when my brand new BMW broke, you didn't send me anything. Ooh. Okay, I'll do that too. I'll add that to the list. You could have sent me a new BMW.

Yeah. Full-size working BMW, like the toilet. Well, yeah. I don't even care if it's pink. Okay. I'll see what I can do. So what else is going on with y'all?

I was wondering, Andrew, have you replaced your fire extinguisher? No. No, I've never. I got one fire extinguisher in my life. I don't. What do you mean replace? Wait, how long have you had that one? I got it when I got the flamethrower. That isn't a flamethrower.

Okay, so you fired it and now it was useless in the firing. And according to some a lie, according to you, not. I don't carry, and now it was useless in the firing. Yeah. And according to some, a lie. According to you, not. I don't carry the wave, to be honest with you, because I think the basket more than made up for it. But you now have an empty fire extinguisher

that I assume is serving as a mic stand still? It's just next to my desk. It feels very full. Just nothing will come out of it. It feels very full. Why don't you get it fixed for free, I think? Well, I'd have to go to a fire hall to do that. I don't, like, I'm never just at the fire hall.

What if you have a fire? Yeah, also, why do you not like doing anything in a week? Are you mad if you leave the house? No, not at all. What do you mean? It's just, I'm never going to the fire hall. Also, COVID pretty bad here right now. I limit my trips.

I get what I need. That's fair. That's fair. That's fair. i need that's fair that's fair that's fair yeah that's fair totally fair i i just uh i've never just happened to be at the fire hall i also never happened to just have my fire extinguisher on me it's not a well i mean it could be a thing that one makes a point of doing uh but you don't have to stumble into it as if like oh how did i end up here at the fire hall and what i have my fire extinguisher on me as well what a happy coincidence um but i gotta say andrew having never met anybody else who lives in your apartment complex i'm gonna make an assumption that i feel pretty safe in making is that every

out of all the people in that apartment complex you're the one who needs a fire extinguisher the most oh you know what i do have fire extinguisher this is a really dangerous thing that i have i have a fire alarm in my unit like that you'd find in a building and i stare at that almost every day and just think i could pull that did i lose you guys i i can hear you yeah i can hello what is jeff gone can you not hear me did he just know us whatever the jeff hear me did he just know us whatever the jeff did he freeze okay is uh i got you hey what does he think we're pranking him but we're not i thanks for listening to another episode of what is he doing episode 54 if you like the podcast and you want to give us a review give me the old five stars whatever it is I want to hear about the fire alarm thing

we will appreciate it have a good have a good week stop ending the show that's the best I'm sure he's done what's going on? I don't understand what Jeff is doing why did he do that? I don't know what are you doing. Why did he do that? I don't know. What are you

doing? You can hear us. What are you doing? What's the point of that? I'm not going to get pranked by you guys. What is happening? He can only hear Eric, I think. What the fuck is going on?

What's happening? Is he paranoid? Can you hear us or not? I can hear everybody. You can hear me? Yeah. Why did you end the show? Why did you end the story? What was that?

It went silent for like a minute while I was talking. No, it didn't. No, it didn't. I was still talking. I never stopped talking. You were just like, hello, over a story. And then he was like, hello. And then he continued his story. You just ended the podcast. You were just like, hello, over a story. And then he was like, hello. And then he continued his story.

And you just ended the podcast. You just started ending the show. No, I said something. And then I was waiting for Andrew to respond. And I didn't hear anything, anything, anything for a long, long time. And then I said, hello. And then Eric's like, we hear you fine. And I went, oh, OK.

And I thought Eric was telling me that you guys were hearing me because you were saying you were making it sound like you couldn't hear me. You kept being like, what, Jeff? We've been doing this for over a year your instinct is never to end the show why is this suddenly you're now ending the show what was that let me know why did you do that uh i thought you were pranking me so i ended the show everything isn't a prank jeff i'm gonna be so sad when we do these in real life because this kind of stuff could never happen in real life. Can you imagine someone just doing that?

I just don't even like we're just in the middle about hearing a hearing about a fire alarm. And I'm in Andrew's going and I could just pull it. And I'm like, oh, man, this is getting dangerous. And then all of a sudden, well, thanks for listening. Dude, that is screaming opposite of what happened on my end. Like, we were having a conversation. I think I said, I said, I said, out of everybody. Like, did you hear the part I said?

Like, out of everybody in your apartment complex. Yes. I think you're the one that needs it the most. You never drop. We heard everything you said the whole time that was terrifying it was silent for at least a minute it was it was you guys didn't I couldn't hear you guys at all it was like the word fire alarm was like Jeff's activation code like he just went cold how it was just closing how would we even coordinate

that I don't know how we would even work that out and then for Eric to say that we still hear you Jeff sometimes people just want to know Christmas music it's not always a prank Greg is real everything isn't a conspiracy what happened with the fire alarm it doesn't even matter now I feel like we've

gone long past the fire alarm well here's the thing Jeff worked himself into this paranoid space where he thought that you guys were pranking him earlier and now you must be pranking him now there's no

other explanation well listen I've never been impressed with your pranks but I don't know that I call him shitty okay just move now makes sense. He's like trying to counter the prank by ending the show of like if we're gonna. I'm just ending the show to counter the prank. What a weird thing that was. Oh, man.

That was strange, Jeff. Because the editors of the show, they do a good job to make sure that we're talking over each other as little as possible, like muting and like boosting stuff. We have to leave all that the way it is. Wait, the episode isn't over yet? Yeah. That has to be exactly how it came. Wait, I thought we're still going. You guys were just, you guys were completely silent.

I didn't hear anything. Wait, are we done? It just got like, I just got silent. And I was just like, okay. Is the podcast over? I'm so confused at this point. This is still the podcast. Okay.

And then I was like, well, they're fucking, I just went on a whole thing about how you guys are going to prank me. And then suddenly everybody's quiet. And then Eric's like, no, no no we can hear you and I'm like what if I was like we heard you totally fine if we have to submit this podcast

for an award at any point this year we have to use those two minutes can we can we stop now well okay we could yeah do you want to do another outro? You seem to really nail it the first time. This episode is called Jeff Ends the Podcast. Should we bleep the thing and then just name it?

I just want to go dig a hole under my house and crawl in it. Well, careful. Don't hit a pipe. Yeah. I've got to go play Halo. That'll just speed up the drowning. You know. See you guys next week if I'm alive still.

Bye. Bye, Jeff. We'll see you next time.