Regulation Podcast - Why Are You Yelling // Medium Strength Water [35]

Episode Date: January 27, 2021

Geoff, Gavin, and Andrew talk about Geoff stepping in dog poop maybe, Gavin's sink-shroom, Andrew's dwindling buger bet confidence, and more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

boy do we have a lot to talk about today do we i don't know we got a few things uh i'm gonna say a list of shit that i don't want to get dropped all right because i'm why are you yelling talk about it i don't i'm not yelling no he's kind of quiet to me gavin i don't know what you're talking about. Oh, really? Yeah. He's screaming down my ear hole. No. Oh, my God. All right. Well, step one.

The first thing I want to talk about is how you need to go to the doctor. You need to get everything checked out because you're all wrong. I want to go to the doctor and say, Doctor, I can hear too well. Yeah. Check out if I have super sensitive hearing. A lot of that going around these days uh what was that i just said hi to the people listening what okay uh i wanted to talk about the baseball bats they came out right after we yeah and i wanted to talk about that i forgot to talk about about the Billy Ripken thing that I discussed with you guys in text.

And then how Eric completely and totally misinterpreted my my recommendation. No. And how and how Andrew thinks that he and I are. Andrew thinks that we are ridiculous on the same scale. And I think that that's ludicrous. What do you want to start with? What episode is this? That's a lot.

That's a good question. What episode is this? 38? Is that a guess? 35? Welcome to episode 38. That can't be right. 35 feels low.

I feel like last week was 35. You think we've done a few 35s already? I think it's possible. I don't understand what you mean when you say that can't be right. What does that mean? You know what? No, you know what?

You're right. You know what? That was my fault, Eric. I accidentally called last week's episode 35 when I saved it. That's why I thought that. You're right. This is 35.

You're right. That was my mistake. Thanks. You're right. You know, I have a wallpaper in my office, and I was just looking at it, and I just noticed that if you look at it from a certain angle, it looks like a flower. It looks like a bull is getting anally penetrated by a dildo with spikes.

I don't need a picture. I don't think that's going to come across too well. I'm going to send it to you right now. I think I'm okay. Do you remember his last topic? No. No, I think that's gonna come across too well. I'm gonna send it to you right now. I think I'm okay. Do you remember his last topic? No. No, I think I'm good. I don't think I need that one. I like that his last topic was that he is less

ridiculous than I am. And then we transition to this. So how did that start? The slack was kicking off today. I didn't get involved. I didn't want to waste content for this. So what went down? Hold on. I need to sit still to take the for this. So what went down? Hold on. I need to sit still to take the photo better.

Okay. Let me text this photo to you. Here's what happened. Here's what happened is fucking Eric. Wait, wait, wait. Before you do this, maybe we should ask Gavin because he didn't look at it. We can just get Gavin's opinion on this. Yeah, you just tell us what happened. Gavin, you know how Jeff has been doing the blow dryer thing?

Yeah, I get out of the shower do you what is there any other process outside of using the blow dryer based on what jeff said what what do you mean so you get out of the shower like jeff gets out of the shower and then what does he do uh well i see towel off and then give yourself a blast insane thank you no thank you that is not what it is thank you thank you jeff has never brought up Well, I see. Towel off and then give yourself a blast. Insane. Thank you. No. Thank you. That is crazy. That is not what it is. That's absurd. Thank you. Thank you.

Jeff has never brought up a towel. Thank you. He has always presented this. No. I even talked about how the towel was a good thing because it acts as an astringent and it sloths off the dead skin. Yeah. It's about a towel.

Okay. Eric was bitching that he dried himself off with the dryer and it's bullshit because his arm is sore because it took too long because he didn't dry his body off with a towel first. Okay, but Eric, does that mean that you get out of the shower hair soaking wet? Yeah. Go straight to the hair dryer and get your hair dry like that. You don't put a towel through it. I didn't.

He didn't say anything about a towel. I wanted to see what he was talking about. I'm talking about just in general with your use of hair dryers. You get out of the shower. No, here's the thing. Here's the thing. Here's the thing. I don't want you to think that this is something that I do all the time.

I'm trying to put into practical use what has been talked about on this podcast. So I took a shower one time and didn't dry my ass and then put on clothes because Andrew talked about that. That was terrible. That was a terrible. Just a terrible moment. That was terrible. That was a terrible, just a terrible moment. That felt awful. I don't know why. I don't know why you would ever,

I don't know how you would forget to dry your own ass or whatever, but it was awful. I did not like it. It's a terrible experience. Yeah. So here's, here's what I said. I said,

when you get out of the shower and you, you tell yourself off, you notice parts of you are still wet. Like your butt, your butthole area might be a little damp. Under your balls is moist. Sometimes you miss some stuff on your back. And so when I'm drying my hair, I hit those moist spots with the dryer,

and I fell in love with it, and I've got a whole new routine. I think that was very clear. I don't remember. And I think if we go back and look at the tape, we can find multiple instances where I mention a towel. Yeah, I'm sure we could do that. I'm not going to do that, but I'm sure we could do that. I'm not gonna do that, but... Gavin understood it to be that.

I've never got dripping wet and picked up a hairdryer for a start. Usually a hairdryer is just... Well, neither had I! So why were you doing it? Because that's what I could have done. I just told you that I'm trying to put into practical use the things that were talked about on the show, so I thought I was doing

what Jeff was talking about, drying himself with a hair dryer because i remember him saying the towel was astringent and i thought that was a bad thing maybe no i said it was good because it's it's we were talking about something else and i was just saying a towel can act as an astringent it's good because it rubs off dead skin and you and both thought this, Andrew as well? Yeah. I thought that Jeff was selling a towel-less world, which I could get behind, and I was excited about this idea. I mean, you could probably shake off if you want to

avoid the towel, but I wouldn't be soaked through, throwing water all over my bathroom, propelled by air. That sounds a bit mental to me. I dried my entire body with the hair dryer. It must have taken you a year. My arm was so exhausted. I just went, why does he, I kept thinking,

why does he do this every time he takes a shower? Here's what I, here's what I know. I know you're a reasonably good guy, Eric, and I know you're not as dumb as you're sounding right now. So what I'm going to assume is you probably had to leave for a quote unquote meeting when we were talking about it fully and you missed the part. No, I just remember you saying the towels are stringent and I thought that was a bad thing. So I was that wasn't even that that wasn't even the part when that towel was stringent thing.

That was recently. I have been promoting this as a as a time saving, life improving tool for a long time. How is it time saving, though, at that point? No, it's apparently it's not. I don't think it was a time-saving, life-improving tool for a long time. How is it time-saving, though, at that point? No, apparently it's not. I don't think it was a time-saving thing. I don't think there's any time-saving. It's saving time compared to what Eric's doing. And here's how it's saving time, Andrew.

If you're drier and warmer and comfier, I bet you move faster. I would certainly get dressed quicker. Yeah. You get dressed quicker. You do. A towel can only give you so much dryness what does that mean you can't get completely dry with a towel you at some point the the harder you

work with a towel you're getting diminishing it's diminishing stress yeah uh your hair especially like the the scalp area you can't really shove a towel down all of those hairs this is insane to me what do you what do you mean then what why use a blow dryer for anything well i guess the hair no it's you know i just don't use the blow dryer it's not part of my routine so it's just odd to me i think the towel is fantastic i didn't use a blow dryer for probably 35 years and then someone convinced me to or i read about it or something and I tried one and I'll never go back. Changed my life. And what way? Uh, well, it makes your hair, it made my hair a lot less plaster to my head. First of all, it got me out of the house. It got me out of the house faster on cold days. Cause I didn't have to wait for my hair to completely dry.

It got, it made it faster for me when I had to like put shit in my hair and style it and stuff. I didn't have to wait an extra 15 minutes for my hair to dry like and it made me warm and happy and it led to me discovering that a blow dryer on your balls and in your butt crack and behind your knees and under your arms is fucking awesome find the knees it's not even any hair though I don't see the point of that one there's water there Eric you said earlier in the week you said that you deliberately didn't dry your ass yeah I wanted I'm trying to explain that I'm trying to put what is happening into this show into practical use to see what it's like. What practical use is there with Andrew forgetting to dry his asshole? I had to see what it was like, because I don't think I've ever, like, it just seems like so insane to dry your entire body and then not your ass you forget about just to be like well i got

my legs skip on up got my torso yeah you have to actively jump the gap no i definitely i'm clearing that gap frequently and i'm not aware of it and then it's it's a real sadness that i'm glad eric can now relate to and you put your underwear on and it's just damp. It's just a bad start. It felt like, you know when you're about to jump in a pool and you know the pool is cold, but you're just going to go for it? That's how it felt putting on my underwear, knowing my ass was still wet. It was just like, oh, we're about to get into something that's not going to be good.

That's a whole other layer. I never see it coming. I can't relate to that. That's got to set you up for a bad day. It is demoralized. It's a lot to recover from. It is rare to feel like you've lost when all you've done is enter the bathroom,

but you feel like you've lost on the day, and you have ground again. It's not getting over. Just take them off, dry them, and put on new ones. Gavin, you got to try it. It's a real demoralizer. If anything, it's sort of a motivator because you feel like you need to win the day back like you're starting at a deficit like you

fumbled the ball on the first drive and you now need to get those points back so in a way it may be a good thing i love it oh i got another thing too i hate to say it i got more foot related problems oh god you might remember remember recently I had an issue, which continues to persist, including the socks I'm wearing right now. My yellow van socks that I had today

fucked me in the butt and switched on me, as my socks do every day. Well, it's been brought to my attention, my girlfriend pointed it out, because I'm always bitching about it.

I can't leave the house without stepping in dog shit i i my backyard i got two old dogs they shit a decent dog amount um i clean it up constantly i try to stay on top of it because i spend so much time spraying dog shit off my shoes they they don't they're not inordinately large shitters you know they're normal dogs they have a they have a I think they're actually on low residue diets. So I don't I don't understand. I had an idea, you know, because I have been trying. I've been trying for.

Well, Emily moved in in March. Right. And we'd been dating for a couple years before that. I've been trying to catch her in the act of shitting. Yeah. Because she persists that she has, her body does, much like Kim Jong, her body produces no fecal matter.

And nor does it fart, it just burps constantly. And she apparently expels all of those things through her mouth. But I don't buy it. And then it struck me, I've been stepping in shit so much, and it's more than two dogs can shit, and I sleep in the yard constantly. I think Emily's shitting in the backyard.

Or maybe she's shitting into a bag in the toilet and then throwing it in the backyard. But it fucking hit me. Two things. A, not only am I cleaning up my girlfriend's shit in doggy bags, but I'm also stepping in it. Why are you in your backyard so much? Well, I gotta get to my bicycle.

And I gotta pick up the dog shit. I got so many windows in my house, I can't look out. If I look out my back window, I will see a pile of dog shit and I have to run out. It's like an obsession with me. I have to run out

and immediately pick it up because I don't like the idea of feces just languishing about relaxing uh like it's sunning in my backyard i mean that's where most of the feces is though it's just sunning i mean not human most human gavin most of it is smushed into the waffle print of the bottom of my veins that's where most of it is i have to bring up the earnestness in which you wrapped up your whole thing about your girlfriend not shitting with i don't buy it that was incredible you said that was such an honesty like it's implausible like it could be a convincing lie

i've been mad about it for years for a long time dude it's impossible she moved in two weeks before the goddamn pandemic and then we didn't leave the house for nine months wow i tell me that that woman that five foot six little blonde lady is has not shit in 10 months at this point it's bullshit i think we only we're down to one bathroom guys because my fucking toilet because the plumbing under my house disintegrated, right? So it's two people, one bathroom. The bathroom's in our bedroom. I'm in our bedroom a lot.

I sleep there. I'm going to see it if she goes in there. I hide in her closet sometimes. I'm telling you, if she shits, she does it in the yard. I don't know how. I think it's more likely. She's classier than that it's more likely that while some of the yard work was going on or while some of the you know the library work was going on she had a secret bathroom commissioned that you don't know where it is i think that's much more likely i like i used to

think i used and i was gonna follow her but it starts to get stalkerish i don't want to do that you know i don't want to i don't want to be a creepy dude but like i used to think that maybe on her way to or from work she had like a starbucks or like an office depot or like a best buy she stopped at that's like her her toilet away from home where she does all of her secret shitting because she insists that you can't shit at her salon because there's people there getting their hair done and it would stink so nobody poops at her salon either so that so if she doesn't shit at home and she doesn't shit at work, she's got to be shitting in route.

So it's like the mentality of like if you're in a hotel room with someone, you don't know each other super well, you'll go down to the lobby to take the shit. Yeah, shit in the lobby. 100%, 100%. But then the pandemic happened

and she stopped working for a long time. So it wasn't like she could like pop on off to Best Buy to drop her load, right? Anyway, I got off on a tangent. I just wanted to say I'm so fucking sick of foot related issues and I'm so fucking sick of cleaning dog shit off my feet.

I've had to wash this pair of Vans that I'm wearing now three, what's today, Thursday? Three times this week. If I gave you $100,000, well, let's say that I was going to cover the entire cost of ripping up all your pipes. Job done. But you have to shit in a Best Buy for a year. Would you do it? Yes. You can only shit at Best Buy.

Middle of the night, you've got to hold it in until the next morning. That's such an easy bet. What if it's like a diarrhea situation? Then I hope you're in a Best Buy. I have to? I shit in my pants last week Could it be any best buy?

Any best buy, yeah, not a specific best buy And I can only shit there Like this isn't a thing of like What if I shit myself outside Like it's an uncomfortable shit I lose the bet, it has to be in a best buy All of your turd has to land from anus to water In a best buy

Okay What if I shit in a Best Buy. Okay. What if I shit in a bucket and then bring it into a Best Buy? No. Okay. No, no, no. I think I could make this work. I don't think you could do that, though.

I don't think you're allowed to walk into Best Buy with buckets of feces. Well, I feel like for this bet... If they don't catch you... Yeah, that's what I'm saying. For the bet rules, if you're allowing me to do that, I feel like you'd let me. Here's what you do, Andrew. Here's what you do. I have the perfect cover cover for you what you need to do is you get like a dickies jumpsuit right okay that just put put a name on the front of it like an embroidered name doesn't have to be your name just be craig or bill or whatever right then just get a just get

a paper a clipboard with some paper on it doesn't have to be anything just a clipboard with some paper on it. It doesn't have to be anything. Just a clipboard, and then in your other hand, get a tool chest. Put the shit in a box, like in a bag in the tool chest, and then walk in like you're on, like you're there to fix something. Okay.

Nobody questions the repairman. Yeah. That's a great plan. Yeah. I think I'd be, I'm a personal home game shitter. I don't shit on the road that much. I don't like public restrooms. But if I have to shit in essentially one Best Buy, I think that would become my home game shitter i don't shit on the road that much i don't like public restrooms but if i have to shit in essentially one best buy i think that would become my home game pretty quickly

that'd be like my home stadium that toilet i'd get to know it really comfortably so i think if i can make it through like the first week i'd be do you think if if you picked if you if you chose to go this route what is it a year do you think after like maybe a month of shitting in the best buy you would bring stuff from home to start to make it feel more, to start to modify it to make it feel a little more... Like a candle in a magazine? Yeah, or a doily. You spruce it up a bit.

I would bring my own toilet paper, 100%. Can't use their bullshit. You got to bring your own toilet paper. I don't know. I don't think I've ever been in a Best Buy toilet. Do they even have them? Mm-hmm. Okay. I assume they do. Yeah. I shit. I shit. I don't think I've ever been in a Best Buy toilet. Do they even have them? Mm-hmm. Okay.

I assume they do. Yeah. I shit. I shit. I don't shit. I'm similar to Andrew. I prefer to shit at home and not in the yard. Home advantage.

But I pee in a lot of container stores now. I pee my pants in a lot of container stores, a lot of Home Depots and Lowe's. And they also have decent bathrooms. Speaking of bathrooms, I don't know if I was telling you about how i had a blocked sink yeah the guest sink it's usually where dan sleeps when he's here but hasn't been in about a year so it's been a just a bit empty the other day i was just i'm washing my hands in it or something and the water just it was draining slowly before. The water just stopped dead in the sink. I was like, oh no, what's going on here? So I put some, I did some Drano,

which I've heard can sometimes be bad for your pipes. That didn't do anything. It just, the Drano got stuck. And then I did baking soda and vinegar, which I also thought was going to work. Didn't do anything. In the end, I bought off Amazon a little, it's like a plastic

orange thing with a bunch of barbs on it and you shove it down it like it's gonna pull hair out did that shoved it all the way down uh struggled with it a little bit pulled it up a gigantic drain hole sized mushroom what it was it was i sink shrooms. It was just a massive mushroom that had the cap was completely, I think I got some like major mold problems in the guest,

in the guest bathroom. Gavin. I don't know what to do about it. Yeah. That, that sounds, that sounds bad. Yeah.

That sounds, there shouldn't be enough standing anything for it to grow in there. You know what it sounds like? It sounds like the problem I'm having. You should probably call a plumber and ask them, tell them what you just told us in the exact same way you told us

and say, is it an issue in my house, which I think is a fairly new house. My house is like 100 years old. Your house is pretty new. Is it an issue that my guest sink is growing giant mushrooms? And I'm going to guess they're going to come down immediately. And you and I are going to be partners in misery for a couple of years. I immediately turned around. I went and got a mask and some rubber gloves,

and I just had to smash that thing to pieces until it all went down and I poured bleach down it. I was trying to murder this fungus. I just don't know how far it goes down because I assume there was just some... I assume there was just some water that sat in the little u- It was like slimy and black. If you had to guess

how many feet in it is, what would you guess? I think it was growing from the base of where it curves. So not in the wall yet, just under the sink. I don't know. I don't want to take off the... I don't want to open the pipe. I know what I don't know. I don't want to take off the... I don't want to open the pipe.

I don't want to... I know what's in there and I don't want to see it. Because I was gagging. I was... As I was trying to flush it down, I was spitting. I was choking on the look of it. I almost threw up in the mask. It was splashing on me.

It was a nightmare. All I did, I smashed it all to pieces, flushed what I could of it down. I made sure the water drained again, then I closed the bathroom door and I closed the room door and I haven't been in there since. That's the joys of homeownership, man. My kitchen sink stopped working.

If you both have to dig up your entire yards, I'm going to be the happiest I may have ever been in my life. I'm so excited. I think I'm going to have to open the wall, Andrew. I think I'm going to have to... I don't want to live in a fungus I already did. Did I tell you about my carpet mushrooms that I had in my first house? No

You have a whole mushroom thing if you would have pulled the mushroom out of the fucking sink while I was there I would think you're doing a magic trick. I can't I've never even considered. I've never heard anything like this. For some reason, it happened, what, six years ago, seven years ago, maybe. I had my carpet mushrooms, and now they've returned seven years later. The carpet mushrooms were, it was in my office, which was an old garage conversion. It used to be like a two-car garage, then it became my office. But every so often, I would just get this this cluster maybe like the size of a cereal bowl a cluster of mushrooms that would just grow up through the carpet and i'd have to trim them and

then i and then i'd just take the the vacuum over like i was mowing my carpet and they'd come back every like few months i'd have new mushrooms that i'd trim them again and eventually i moved you never like asked anybody about the? You didn't go for a you just lived with your carpet. The house I got sucks and I should move out of it. Can I ask one more question

about this? Is this guest bathroom is it on the it's upstairs. I can't imagine that improves the situation. I was really well you're upstairs on the grass it's an upstairs i can't imagine that improves the situation i was really hoping you were gonna say it was a downstairs bathroom what for my for my sake or for comedy's sake well for your sake for comedy's sake it being a second floor bathroom i think is way funnier i think that's i think i think that is uh that's a bad sign. I assume Dan shaved in it once

and then gauzed on it, brushing his teeth or something, and it just sat. He left and it just sat without a rinse. I think that's what happened. Well, he's probably covered in fungus anyway. Eric says definitely Dan's fault. Yeah, I agree, Eric.

Yeah. Man, Dan's a human being I haven't thought of in a long time. I wonder how he weathered the pandemic. He's just enjoying himself. Yeah, I bet he is. I had my own house issue as well.

I can relate to this. I have my own problem. I have a Donkey Kong 64 update as well. Very sadly. Close your ears, Jeff. Oh my God. You guys were doing this shit in text the other day too. By the way, the fucking face show,

it just never stops now. It's a 24 hour a day fucking onslaught via Slack and text. I'm so fucking, I'm so mad about Donkey Kong 64 and how I'm not mad about it now because you fuckers I don't give a shit about it I don't care talk about it

I have good news Jeff for you this will be the last Donkey Kong 64 update I'm never gonna beat Donkey Kong 64 um I was getting ready for bed and I have a fan that I turn on before I go to sleep just as like a noise thing to drift off to you yeah a bit of white noise a bit of white noise and it wasn't on like it was working and it wasn't it was just wasn't start so I thought

sometimes the plug gets loose so I shoved the plug in and it like puttered and nothing happened I was like that's weird and I shoved it back in puttered like puttered and nothing happened. I was like, that's weird. And I shoved it back in, puttered, nothing happened, shoved it in a third time. Then like a large spark flew out of the plug and then I smelt smoke and it didn't work. And I tripped the breaker in my room and everything went out. And my Donkey Kong 64 didn't save properly. So I lost my save. Lost all progress

trying to plug this fan in. I had too many devices plugged into my room, I believe, shockingly. I don't know if you believe that. Yeah. And I lost Donkey Kong 64. It's because you've got

half a kitchen there. Yeah, that's, you know, that's a great point. I think you're right. I think the kitchen took down my Donkey Kong 64. But it's a great point i think you're right i think the kitchen took down my donkey kong 64 but it's a fair trade i'm loving the keurig machine i was here earlier the reason why i had craig in here is because i somebody messaged me like you should make ramen using the keurig because

i never really thought about it it's just like a hot water machine so i tried that pretty good i thought it was gonna shoot water everywhere and i was gonna burn myself i was very nervous about it that's why i wanted to have like a recording of it it's like the saddest sputter of water i've ever seen there's no risk i don't know what the strength button does does anyone know what that what does that mean i think it just makes your coffee stronger but what does i think it just puts more water through the pods before saying, hey, I'm done. Okay. Infuses longer, maybe. Okay.

Well, I did medium strength, and yeah, I made ramen. Medium strength water? Yeah, medium strength water. It doesn't affect... What the fuck is that? Jesus Christ. Medium strength water. What do you mean? It only affects the pods.

Unless you had a ramen pod in there, which I don't think you did. I don't think the strength affected it. No, no, no. I just had the ball. Well, what does this... Well, the buttons, it doesn't manipulate the pod in any way. It'd be how the water flows, would it not?

What? What are you... What? The pod is just the pod. The pod is a stationary object. I don't think any of the buttons impact the pod in any way. Yeah, but I'm saying the strength probably affects how long the water stays in the pod or how quickly the buttons impact the pod. Yeah, but I'm saying the strength probably affects how long the water stays in the pod

or how quickly it shoots through the pod. If it goes slowly through the pod, I assume it gets stronger coffee. Yeah, but I'm saying whatever... Flow rate. Medium water means nothing is what he's saying. When you take the pod out, you can have hard, medium, or soft water.

You're still going to make the same fucking ramen. Which, by the way, just get a tea kettle. Well, I have a Keurig machine in my room, so why would I get this too much work? Yeah, well, it's it's it shoots hot water. It can be it's whatever you want it to do. I feel like honestly, a kettle would be so inefficient. Yeah. Well, how am I going to heat the fucking kettle with it?

I have an electric one. I don't have any. I can't naturally heat the kettle from my room. You just plug it in. Just plug it in. Get an electric little fucking kettle. I'd have to bring something else in. I don't have any, I can't naturally heat the kettle from my room. I can't. Just plug it in. Get an electric little tea kettle.

I can get an, do I have this? Yeah, I have, that's what I make my coffee with. I use French press. It's what I make my coffee with every day.

I thought you need to like put those on like an oven and then that has to sit that way. that's a teapot. Ah, well no. That's a tea kettle.

That's a stove kettle. That's a tea kettle That's a stove kettle Yeah it's different One with the whistles at the end You don't know you can electrically heat water What do you think a microwave is doing No I know what a microwave is but I don't want to put a whole microwave in here If I could just get like a kettle That's something to consider

Yeah you can get tea, you can get like instant coffee You could do your ramen Maybe a little curry pot I feel like that's redundant though, now that I have a Keurig. I feel like I should have just bought that and not got a Keurig. Well, what's the difference? It's more specific. Yeah, I think a Keurig

has narrowed you down in what you can achieve in your bedroom. Yeah, a Keurig is for one cup of coffee or one hot cocoa. In your case, I think hot cocoa. Ramen as well. The ramen turned out pretty good. It's not for ramen. It's pretty good.

It worked pretty good. My medium water. I'm going to give you medium water. I'm going to guess the amount of work you put in to make that ramen is way greater than it needed to be. What do you mean? I opened the lid. I poured the packet in.

I was very worried about what the strength meant. I put it on high heat and i clicked go it was just like andrew cough do you put the what you put the packet through the keurig what do you mean what do you mean i thought you were heating the water are you no no are you making the ramen in the keurig machine well i i mean i can't put the fucking ramen in the machine but i just put it where the cup would go. Oh, I see. Okay. I thought... The way you said it.

The way you said it for a second. Yeah. No, you scared me for a second. You dumped the fucking ramen in the water tank. You just put the ramen in the reservoir and it just spaghettis out the other end. Jesus. Honestly, Andrew,

I think your life is overly complicated. The way you operate is absolute insanity. I think... How is that complicated? The way you operate is absolute insanity. I think this will help you a lot. You need to move your bed to the kitchen. And I think all of your problems will go away. You're making it too complicated by bringing the kitchen to you. You need to go there.

He's right. And sleep. How is this complicated, though? Explain to me how this is in any way complicated. Well, you blew a fuse for a start. You blew the breaker. Yeah, you lost 20 hours of Donkey Kong work, dude. Yeah, which you've now got to do again.

No, I don't. So that you can save 30 seconds on a ramen packet. You cost yourself 20 hours. How many hours in that game were you? Easily, like, probably 25. I think you should try it. Maybe start with a sleeping bag, and then maybe work on putting a small bed in the kitchen. I, there's no, I love my bed so much,

and it wouldn't fit in a kitchen. It wouldn't fit in my kitchen, at least. What about the dining room? I could make this work. Uh, I don't, I really don't feel like I'm gaining anything here with this move. I feel like what I'm doing now is perfect. mean there are adjustments to definitely be made i i shimmy to my bed every day uh i i agree like there are things i need to adjust about my room but um i don't think moving to the kitchen solves that since you say your situation's perfect but you have set off multiple fire alarms yeah you almost burn the

place down you had the whole waffle bomb scenario you don't like he had desk floor dogs you had desk floor dogs you had you're spending 10 times the amount of effort to make a ramen noodles than you would be if you were just sleeping in the kitchen and you you know you're lucky you didn't burn your whole room down with that fan. It doesn't sound like it's going well. You know, things I think are going great. You guys are greatly overestimating. Didn't you just get trapped outside naked the other day?

Had to show the delivery guy your dick? I don't understand what that has to do with my room. Nothing. I'm just throwing it in there because it's funny. Because I've never seen where Andrew lives, I'm picturing it as like a seven-story building

with a different room on each floor and each floor is just the size of one room and it's so much effort for you to go to the kitchen from the

bedroom. It's like a trek. You need to put on boots to do it or something. It is a real effort and I don't think moving down there

would be useful in any way. Why don't you just get a stair lift? A stair lift? Ooh. Like, is that one of those chairs? Like the old lady in Gremlins had.

Ooh. Nah, that doesn't, that seems like work. Do you hit a button at the top of the lift? The Keurig starts boiling the water by the time you get to the bottom. You just put a mug in and keep moving. It'd be great. I don't think so.

I like my, i need to move some things because i do as i said i shimmy to my bed every day i need to move some things but outside of that it's great it's interesting the life hacks that we share on this like jeff's obviously got his uh full body blow dry andrew's got his kitchen in his bedroom yeah what do you what do you have gavin you have the the bathroom. You grow mushrooms in the bathroom. You have mushrooms. I've got the fungus. We need to combine rooms, Gavin.

We've got a kitchen set up going on. I could use those mushrooms. Maybe we can make some for the dish. Oh my God, it was so bad. I think my main life hack, the one I do, it's not a funny one, it's just very convenient

because it's got rid of a problem that I used to always have, is that I keep a Phillips head screwdriver and a pair of scissors in almost every room. Because I constantly, I would not like to add up all the amount of time that I've spent looking for scissors in my life. Because it's like, open this quickly with scissors. Where are the scissors? No idea. Now they're everywhere.

And the same with iPhone cables. I have the same thing with fingernail clippers. I probably have 20 pairs of fingernail clippers because when you need them, they're never there. When do you emergency need fingernail clippers? Surely you're just like, these are getting long. Let me just... All right. Here's... Although you do compulsively trim. Yeah, I'm kind of compulsive about my nails.

But then also there's... I don't know if we need to get into it today. I don't know that I want to get into the whole fingernail thing. You can trust us. No, I know. It's just that I just really want to talk about the bats and Billy Ripken. This is going to be a whole thing. You guys are going to make fun of me for this and stuff.

No. I can't cut my fingernails, all ten fingernails at once. You get bored? I get bored. I'm good for three. By the time I do, and I'll do two. I have a system worked out where I'll do two on one hand and then one on the other.

And then that's enough. And then I'll get to the rest later. And so I need to have fingernail clippers in my car and in my backpack and in my nightstand and in the bathroom and in the in the kitchen and then how do you keep track of oh that sounds like a nightmare surely you've got some fingers that haven't been trimmed for like a month and the other ones have got like a week on them no it's never i don't let it get that out of control but it's like but the end result is i i have i have this problem with gas too like i have trouble sitting still while

i'm pumping gas so like i'll get to like a half a tank and i'll go that's enough i'll finish that later and then i'll just get like a half tank of gas and then leave because i just it just it's so hard for me to sit still and just watch the fucking meter go up i thought you're gonna say like you couldn't fart all at once i'm really really confused as to what gas is going to be. I have to release my farts in stages. No, it's just like... So how do you get by brushing your teeth? Because that's boring.

That's like, you've got to just sit there and do it. Do you just do half and then the rest later? No, I just... This is an upper day. I just brush my teeth. It's like some shit you've just got to do. Because that takes longer Than cutting all ten fingers

Oh for sure Totally Yeah it sucks How many nails So you do three nails So this is Sometimes more I've done

There are times I'm sorry what's that Is it like once a day You do three Or like what is the average How long does it take For you to do all your nails On average

Oh less than a week Less than a week What do you mean less than a week i would i really want to see your calendar i can't make this meeting you gotta trim the ring finger and the little finger like i can tell right now my my right thumbnail and my left pinky nail are too hot i need to be that the out of syncness would drive me ape shit. Oh my god. It takes maximum 90 seconds to do all 10.

Oh, it's the worst. So boring. I can't do it. So, you know, maybe I'll do it like, I'll do it in like an hour

I go back and do a few more. Sometimes I'll do more. I have done all 10 at once. I just don't, I just, I wouldn't say, I'd say like, maybe twice a year.

How long does it take? A couple seconds. You're just like, do-do-do, do-do-do. Whenever I get annoyed by one finger, I'll just go? A couple seconds. You're just like, do-do-do, do-do-do. Whenever I get annoyed by one finger, I'll just go do that finger and then I'll go like, well, now the rest are long.

And then I'll go like, well, I'll just do like the two that are the longest. And then that's good for a while. And then like three days later, I'll go like, oh, I noticed this one's gone. So I'd say about a week

I cut all my fingernails. Oh my God. Maybe less than a week. Anyway, I didn't want to talk about that. That makes me sound weird. What's that? The hassle of having to cut one fingernail is just awful.

Yeah. Oh my god. I know it costs me more time in the long run because of setup and teardown, right? I feel like there's a small period after you've done your fingernails where you've got to get used to them being a little bit shorter than they were and that's that's like a little bit of adjustment but you must be constantly adjusting to that yeah yeah probably yeah there are days

when i just can't take it and i'm like oh i hate how this finger is shorter than the others and i'll just like buckle down and cut the rest of them this is insane this is one of the most mental things you've ever said you are right yeah we i, I'm going to make fun of you for this. You're absolutely right. That was crazy. I didn't really want to go there. It certainly wasn't where I wanted to take today's podcast. I'm happy about it.

As somebody who's saying that your chest is weird and it's just taking a longer time for it to come out, you're on a roll. You're on a roll with this nail thing too. I don't think that's weird. I think I just have a short attention span. Yeah, but your attention span is so long on other things. Yeah, well, it's a little stuff that I like.

You've put so much thought into this. So much thought into what? Cutting your nails. The amount of thought and effort. It's not a lot of thought. It really isn't. It's a whole process. The nice thing about my brain

is it can do two things at once most of the time too. So it's like, it's not like it requires all of my mental faculties to deal with the fingernails. I bet, because this is F*** Face and we have a wonderful

F*** Face audience, I bet we're going to see a bunch of those comment leavers saying that they also do the same thing with their nails. I'm going to guess that I get less positive feedback about the fingernails

than I did about the nose flaps but way more than I do about than I did about the left sock I think it'll be in the middle a lot of people have taken objection to Eric's statement Eric did you see this there's a lot of people there's a lot of comment leavers Eric who are saying that they are actually

normal people leaving comments well yeah that's what comment leavers would say. That's the thing about comment leavers is that they don't see themselves as comment leavers. That's the hard part. That's the thing they have to overcome and understand is that they are just own it. That's okay. If you're going to leave comments, be a comment leaver.

But don't tell me that you're not in the comments. That's crazy. What are you doing? Wherever you're going, you better believe American Express will be right there with you. Heading for adventure? We'll help you breeze through security. Meeting friends a world away? You can use your travel credit. Squeezing every drop out of the last day? How about a 4 p.m. late checkout? Just need a nice place to settle in? Enjoy your room upgrade.

Wherever you go, we'll go together. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamex. Benefits vary by card. Terms apply. Speaking of the comment leavers, those people also tend to buy bats. Should we talk about how the fucking bats went? Yeah.

They were on sale for like eight seconds or something. I think I don't know that. Well, I think somebody told me seven or 13 seconds. I don't know that they can get that grant like that down to the second with the detail. But they were out of they went out of stock immediately. And there are some there were some question as to how many were for sale i think i made 50 the ones i made for you and nick and andrew and eric were outside of the 50 like they had i had extra bats so the ones i made for uh and

the one i made for me as well those are not a part of the 51 that i made so i think out of the 50 like they had i had extra bats so the ones i made for uh and the one i made for me as well those are not a part of the 51 that i made so i think out of the 51 that were for sale 49 of them went for sale because one went to jack and one went to uh rebecca in england so yeah so i think it was 49 bats that went on sale and they sold out in i don't know fucking nothing no time like less than a minute 10 seconds that's crazy they say like super rare yeah that is really crazy uh and and i feel bad about it i mean i'm excited about it because i'm excited that people thought enough of the the whole thing to buy them but so we you know we feel bad about it because a lot of people wanted to get bats that couldn't so i think we're gonna we're looking into it right now but um i we're looking at making like a second run of bats.

But then I don't want the first bat people to feel any less special for their bat, so the new bats that we make would be different. We'll do a different design or a different style. Well, that would be different, but maybe the colorways would be different on it. It would be like a pair of Jordans. I saw a picture of the one where you wrote

f*** face on it. I guess the person who got that one. That's number one, yeah. Boy, where you wrote face on it i guess the person that's the very that's number one yeah uh boy did you make a dog's dinner of that dude i can see why you switched to numbers you know you're right and that's blown up dude that thing is tiny like you know how big your bat is now transpose it to look at it like look at your knob and think how did he write those eight fucking letters on that thing it There's no room. It's brutal. And I'm not burning shit anymore. The next run will not be hand-numbered by Jeff.

Maybe we'll have an autograph card in it, and we'll all autograph it or something, but I'm not numbering anymore for a while. The next one will just be fucking bats, and they'll be cheaper, and they'll be available for people to get. Who wants that? Yeah. The people that get the first bat. The pain and the turmoil is why people bought them. I feel like you're overvaluing

how many people wanted actual bats. The bats, I feel like, the actual material, I don't think matters that much. And they don't function as bats. No. I think there has to be a level of suffering, Jeff, for this game. All right, I don't want to number them, though.

I can burn them. I just want to do it differently. All right, I don't want to number them, though. I can burn them. I just want to do it differently. Why don't you brand them? That's a great idea. I just don't want it to suck. I don't want to lose a whole weekend again. It took you a whole weekend to number 50 bats? In stages.

Because I get bored. I was about to say, I just talked to the fucking it takes you a week to do your fingernails. Why am I shocked that it took you a whole weekend for 50 bats? In my head, I would spend an hour sanding the bottoms and then I would spend maybe 90 minutes numbering them. In my head, that's how it's going to go.

Way more than 90 minutes. It's a thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How do you deal with magnifying? Oh, you know what? With a wood burner and a magnifying glass and all these tools and the wood burner gets overheated and then it burns too fast so you got to take breaks

and unplug it for a while and let it cool down and then burn it. I got it down to a science. I would say from bat 30 to 51, I was fucking humming. But those first 30 were rough. I could do the lot in half a day.

Well, then you're going to do the next batch. All right. All right. I have all the equipment. I'll drop it off at your house. How much is the lot? Are we doing like another 50? No, we would do,

I would say we'd probably do 200, 100 or 200. There were at least that many people. Does that change your scale gavin for how long you think it would take nah i'll get them done i love i think i could do a day max bats in like three hours if i'm just numbering them that seems super easy should we briefly with all this confidence flying around the room do we want to briefly mention that uh in between the last recording in this one je Jeff, Andrew suggested a third burger bet

and then turned his back on it immediately. Oh my God. I forgot. What was that? Was that like a momentary lapse in sanity? That was so weird. I felt so bad that he was going to, basically it was going to be double or nothing again.

And I just couldn't, I couldn't let him go through with it. I was like, I don't care what you've thought of. It still isn't going to happen. It just seemed desperate. I wasn't sure what was going on. No, there was no desperation at all. I woke up really early that day.

I was in the shower. And I was like, you know what? Those burgers are no fucking problem. I can eat those burgers. No problem at all. You've done it twice. Yeah. I had a slight adjustment.

I was like, you know what? This is a mental game, and I think if I make this small change, I can make this work. I think I'm good. I had so much burger confidence from between like 4 a.m. until like 9 a.m. Then it began to reduce a little bit,

and then I had a burger in the evening, and it was shot. It was shot by one burger. And I was like, I was grounded back to reality. Because you were aggressively confident for a little bit. I felt really good about it from four to seven. It was on Monday. You started the text conversation with,

I'm feeling spicy this morning, Gavin. Jeff replies with, what does that even mean? Andrew says, 25 double burgers, round three, double or nothing again, but if I lose, we bump it from a pencil to a 30 centimeter ruler. The burger confidence

is back. I have a new strategy. Jeff's saying that's a ton more wood. That's so much wood in a ruler. Yeah, and then I think, so that was at 9am uh by oh it went down a little bit oh yeah

when the burger confidence hits there's no stopping it that was about 3 in the afternoon by 7.30 the burgers are off the table not possible what happened was i was like a fighter who's in retirement and just got a little excited for a minute and i did one sparring round and i realized uh this is not i'm i'm talking beyond my death

it's ever a big deal when a boxer who's never won a fight comes out of retirement. I never said it was a big deal. I just said I felt like I could finally win one. I know what you mean. I know what you mean, Andrew. Every once in a while, I go to the beach and I'll think, I'm going to go surfing again. And then I get to the moment when it's time to surf and I go, that's a lot of work. You know what? Never mind.

So leave it to my youth. What was the revelation you had that didn't pay off uh well i mean you bring up a great point gavin and that you'd think that i've me never being successful at it would make me less motivated but it just makes me want to do it more i feel like it's this mountain i'm gonna eventually climb i just haven't got there yet and uh your question was what made me realize what was like my sparring session that that like is that is that we were asking i guess you've already explained like what brought it on and yeah i had a burger yeah i there was nothing that brought it on i just felt i had the burger confidence i woke up with burger with the burger in my mind i was like i

bet i could fucking do this let's do this but that's why it's not gone this isn't not gonna happen we have a deal we have the framework of a deal in place now and when i get that burger confidence back i can just roll with it and i don't even need to talk to you there's no negotiating where your stomach is the same size yeah but i it this is a mental game i think and i just i need to get there that was a big factor of it if i'm gonna do this it's gonna be a day where i have ridiculous amounts of confidence about it But this is a mental game, I think. And I need to get there. That was a big factor of it. If I'm going to do this, it's going to be a day where I have ridiculous amounts of confidence about it. And I didn't have that after eating that burger. I felt a little full.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but Gavin, I think he's 100% right. I do think it's all mental. And if he can strike while the confidence is high. The reality is, Andrew, if when you woke up that morning and you felt that burger confidence, if you'd immediately placed that order and had those burgers in your house within an hour, you probably could have done it right then.

I would have had a huge start without a doubt. That's all I think I need. I think I just need that initial momentum and I can carry the rest of the way because I was close last time. It wasn't like I missed it by a lot. I was pretty close. You weren't close enough to try it again. Yeah. I had like 42 of the patties. That's pretty good. The patty is

part of the burger. You're saying it like you had 42 burgers. You had 42 patties. You also lost count to a factor of two. You're eating singles thinking they were full burgers your math was so wrong my math was really wrong but once again that just it's a confidence thing i don't need the math for it to be right like if anything my math being bad just makes it better i think you've lost the plot and i think you're gonna try again you're gonna lose again you're gonna say i'm never trying this again six months down the line burger round four i think we're in a we're in a constant face cycle here.

Until I do it, I think, yeah, it's going to be a thing. And it can be done. People have eaten way more burgers. It's not an impossible thing. But it'll happen one day. I will climb that mountain. I will climb Burger Mountain. Dude, do you have a ruler in your hand?

Like a 30 centimeter ruler in your hand? I, uh, no. But I distinctly... Do you own a ruler in your hand, like a 30 centimeter ruler in your hand? I, uh, no, but I distinctly... Do you own one? No, I used... Okay. They're so big. They're so big. No, they're not that big.

I remember... That's like five pencils worth of wood, man. I have... When I was in the third grade, my teacher yelled a lot, and then I'd get upset about it, even though i was like a really good kid i just didn't make me uncomfortable i didn't like the conflict so they

try to like go the extra effort and connecting with me and there was one time where they're trying to prove some point about like uh leverage i guess was the lesson and i had a wooden ruler and they knew it and they said try to break your ruler and they they knew i couldn't they knew i wouldn't be able to with my hands and so they're like try to break your ruler and they knew I couldn't they knew I wouldn't be able to with my hands and so they're like try to break your ruler and so like I'm trying my hands and then they continue on with their lesson and then I thought well he wants me to I misinterpret I thought he actually wanted

me to break my ruler so I put it on my knee and I cracked it in half and the crack was so loud and it just echoed through the room and everyone went quiet and the teacher just had like the biggest sigh i'm just like did he try and make you eat it is is this like no okay no no but he was just so disappointed i'm saying like i've i've i have a ruler in my mind because of that experience i got you it's stuck in my ruler story, so it is cemented.

I know what I'm dealing with with the ruler. It was mainly my point. I don't think you should eat one. Well, I don't think I should eat a pencil either, but at a certain point, it doesn't matter. I think if you gave yourself

six months to fully finish the pencil, you could do it without... I think the shavings are the way to go with that. A bit of garnish. I wonder what's more dangerous for your body. Like, what's less healthy eating a

ruler or eating 50 burgers oh i'd say i think i think the burgers splinters would be an issue yeah it's not it's not like so much what a ruler andrew i know you know what one is but guys a lot of wood, when you fail this bet, what's round four going to be? You're going to just eat the contents of a pencil case? When does it end? In my head, I kind of like the idea of elevating it every time to eventually just be a door

to where we start. It can't be the door. I think that'd be the goal. That'd be the dream. But yeah, there is burger confidence and it faded, but we have something on the table. So next time I really feel it, I'll just go.

Yeah, I think you gotta start striking when the iron's hot. Yeah. Absolutely. For sure. Oh, another thing, since we were talking about bats, Billy Ripken.

Yes. Kind of the namesake of this podcast. If you don't know, we got we got the name because he the idea for the name of the podcast came from Billy Ripken wrote face on a baseball bat

and they ended up making a 1989 Fleer baseball card out of it. It became an error and highly sought after in the 80s. Anyway, I have a real fucking problem that's not related to dog shit or plumbing or my girlfriend's shit or any of that. The problem I have is that Andrew and this podcast

have started me on a fucking dark path of collecting cards again, and it is not... I don't have a healthy relationship with it. But a part of that is that I spend way, way, way, way, way too much of my free time lurking in baseball and basketball card forums across the Internet. Now, a lot of my free time, I feel really bad because I used to lurk in architectural forums about Austin, just like all the Austin skyscrapers and stuff going up. And I've completely avoided that community now for the basketball card community. However, in the process of this,

I noticed, especially over the holiday break, on like four different threads, two on Reddit and two on other websites, where people were talking about this Billy Ripken face card and they couldn't figure out why it's worth so much money all of a sudden. It used to go for like 20, 25 bucks. And now people are saying it's worth so much money all of a sudden it used to go it used to go for like 20 25 bucks and now people are saying it's on ebay for like 300 and people are like what the fuck happened

this has always been a funny joke card but it's never it hasn't been worth anything in like 20 years like did billy ripken die he did not by the way like did he get it did he get added to the hall of fame like what's the deal and they don't seem to know why and i think we can take credit for that i mean that might be true i don't know i mean who else is pushing billy ripken's face card right now that's a great point is that the most valuable card you have now you think who me yeah no no no no you don't think so well okay what about for for how much well emily got me that box of that immaculate box i had a lot of stuff in there what's up that's true i'm just thinking of like well what do you think is your most valuable card i have a charles i have an autographed charles barkley rookie card that i've had since well that's how i got the charles barkley story

from um that i've had since 16 he was less than excited to do it right yeah he was less than enthused um i don't know man i got a lot of like i got a really cool randy a rosarina like one of one the other day um i got some stuff uh i'm right now i'm collecting uh i've decided i'm gonna i'm gonna own every marcus smart rookie card he's my favorite player on the celtics and so i and now i'm flirting with the idea of instead of just having every marcus smart rookie card like, because, you know, there's like, Andrew knows this, but there's like 60 versions of a rookie card in a year. Like probably literally there's probably 60 different Marcus Smart rookie cards from

2015 or 2014. So I was thinking I'll collect all of them. And then I was thinking instead of collecting one of each, what if I just collect every Marcus Smart rookie card on earth? So now I'm buying because they're not super expensive i'm buying like lots of like 20 of his donruss rookie card at a time because it's like eight bucks and i get like and now and i'm getting like this is where it's what i'm saying it's getting dark this is getting really dark i'm getting way too way too into it but i think that we have manipulated unintentionally but i think that we have helped increase

the value of the Billy Ripken card because it's going for like a couple hundred bucks on eBay, whereas before our podcast, it was going for like 20, 30 bucks. You know what you need to do? I didn't get one. No, that's your problem, Gavin.

I'm going to continue this. You can get in on this. There's a very clear thing we need to do now. What is the cheapest most bullshit card we can find and then buy a bunch of raise the value on that media profit well i'm kind of trying to do that with marcus smart cards right now i don't think i don't know about the market smart market i think we need to pick because marcus smart has value he's a loved player he's popular i think you need to find someone who has no value at all.

No disrespect to that. No value at all. Terrible player. Just own that market. Is it legal to do this kind of artificial inflation? It's almost like insider trading. Who's going to stop us? Fucking the Panini company?

What are they going to do? I'm not worried about Panini. Don't think of it as a social experiment. Don't think of it as a money-making venture, Gavin. Yeah. Think of it as like, you know how everything is terrible? Do you know those dudes, the people that they collect the Jerry Maguire VHS tapes? And they're building like a shrine in the desert with like hundreds of thousands of Jerry Maguire tapes.

Think of it like that. It's like performance art. We're collecting every 1991 Detlef Schrempf fucking Topps card or whatever it is. We just need to figure out, and I bet the audience could help us, who's the best character to pick

to do this with? Just a useless, why do they even have a card player? I feel like Andrew was going for money, though. Oh, I definitely was, but I mean,

I'm open to performance art, too. But for the purposes of us saying it in public on this podcast, he's not. No, exactly. It's performance. Bad play. It's art. Yeah, we just need to figure out, like, who's the, like, who's the Matt Bragg of professional sports? Gosh.

Think about it. Poor Matt. That was unnecessary. That was a blow, Jeff. That was just mean. Only because I love him so much and he'll never know because he doesn't listen. I think I'll know about that one.

Yeah, that was unnecessary. Do you have any collectibles, Gavin? Do you collect any shit? I don't think collectibles. Do you remember when Hurricane Katrina happened and Bungie sold... What? I'm sorry.

I just didn't expect... I didn't expect Hurricane Katrina to come out of the collectible talk. Go ahead. I apologize. And they sold a shirt. I think all the proceeds went to some Katrina

charity or like money pool. So they had this diagram of Master Chief kicking the flood and it said fight the flood on a shirt. They sold that shirt to make money. Anyway, I've got the original sketch of that which I bought at the

charity auction at the end. That's probably the only thing that's, I would say, collectible that someone who likes Halo might actually want. You get a certain piece of art from a certain artist that's pretty fucking cool. One of a kind. What are you referring to?

Damien Hirst? Yeah. Yeah, Damien Hirst signed some, like a coverall that I was wearing. That's pretty cool. Not really a collector. It's not really like a well-known item, though it's just he doodled on me i think a damien hurst doodle is pretty collectible those are cool options yeah i just like it's i i feel like i need

i just have dumb stuff like that's the best collectible items i have are just items nobody needs like i think my force whitaker autographed battlefield earth card probably the best collectible items i have are just items nobody needs like i think my force whittaker autographed battlefield earth card probably the best collectible i have nobody needs that that's not a thing anyone wants i'm jealous of it it's a really stupid it was a rare pull i think this is probably the greatest pull i'll ever have in my life from a box and it's for a card nobody actually cares about should it should we do this once or should we do this like because you know i'm sitting here trying to think of who's like the goofiest athlete uh or like like the worst baseball card you can think of to pick but like but you bring

up you bring up that like should like we could uh we could pick a daredevil the movie card too or it could be like a garbage bill. That's true. It doesn't have to be sports. That's true. Or entertainment cards. I don't know. Although I do think sports probably makes more sense.

I think so, too. There's a hockey player. I don't know. I should look if Dale Weiss has cards. Okay. I like Dale Weiss. Dale Weiss is this hockey player who's like a fourth line guy, meaning that he's a professional athlete, but he's as barely a professional athlete

as you can be within the sport of hockey. And there was a lockout a few years ago, and almost every player went to either like the Swedish Elite League or the Russian like the KHL, like the main Russian league. And Dale Weiss went to like this Dutch league that no other player went to that is like barely above amateur. And he scored like 50 goals and had like 60 assists in 20 games. And so then he came back after the lockout. Everybody was calling him Dutch Gretzky, which I thought.

He lit it up over there like nobody has ever seen. It was like he's the LeBron James for like two weeks and then came back to reality. So Dale Weiss I'm going to put in the ring. It's maybe a card that I can't imagine has any value. I don't think anyone's collecting Dale Weiss cards. We'll put him in the ring. And I'm going to think of people.

Yeah. Hmm. Okay, I'm on it. I'm going to come up with some options too. I'm fascinated to hear what Gavin will come up with. Yeah, me too. That's. I'm on it. I got to I'm going to I'm going to come up with some some options too. I'm fascinated to hear what Gavin will come up with.

Yeah me too. What I'm interested somebody who doesn't know anything about this. Yeah I don't know. I tried to get Ernie Johnson to intro this

podcast on session. No you didn't. I can't. Yeah. Yeah. Did you really. I did. Yeah.

I didn't go anywhere but I tried. Yeah. You don't know who that is but he's a basketball announcer. That's fucking cool. One of the best. Yeah. His didn't go anywhere, but I tried. Gav, you don't know who that is, but he's a basketball announcer. That's fucking cool. One of the best.

Yeah, his DMs are open on Twitter for some reason. I thought that was crazy. I was just like, hey, Ernie, what's up? Sliding into Ernie's DMs. I slid so hard into Ernie's DMs to try to get him. It was when we're doing, I don't, did we even do an intro to this episode? I don't think we did. Hey, hello and welcome.

Yeah, we did because it's episode 35 or 38. Oh's right yeah no i guess we did i he's he seems really professional so i thought he'd be able to give us a good intro so i tried i reached out nothing happened well hopefully the audience will have some suggestions for us to uh the collective uh brain power of the uh of the christmas if they can make a christmas album they can come up with a funny card for us to collect, for sure. Valentine's Day album on the way, from what I hear. Are you serious? Yeah. Oh, shit. It's rare.

Not many people make Valentine's Day albums, but it's in the works. Also, if anyone in the audience has tips on drain mushrooms, whether I should deal with it, whether I should move, let me know. Oh, yeah, and if you have a line on bat knob manufacturers, let us know. Oh, fuck, Jeff, I've been meaning,

thank you for saying that. I even queued this up to load. I'm going to post a photo in the Discord. I have a knob guy, and when I was talking to him about knobs, as one does, he showed me this photo. and was like, which one do you want? I feel like as much as I hate to say it, Gavin might have a point because those are definite Gavin understandings of what a knob is.

Well, the one on the right looks like a butt plug. I'd say the middle one is the best knob. That could be a cabinet handle and you could write something on it. I think the one on the left is like that's what a knob is to me that's what a knob is to me on the left that's just that could be anything that could be the back of a pin what like a badge yeah but yours could be a fucking doorknob as you said like i don't know yeah but that's you gotta have a little bit of stick to make it a knob a knob on its own it's i think think of it this way gavin we could flip that that knob coin it's like a knob coin just the knob you could flip that and it might be

selling coins then if we want to be flipping stuff no it was a knob it is a knob what do you mean that is all knob what you're arguing for is beyond the knob it's not a knob a knob needs some shaft as a context to qualify its knobness that's not true that's absolutely not what are you talking about a knob is a knob what do you mean what do you mean look if i know there's a knob man it's like saying it's like saying a wheel needs part of an axle to still be a wheel. But you couldn't open a door. You couldn't twist a door open with what you've got on the left.

If you hammered it into a fucking thing, you could. What thing? Well, you couldn't hit a baseball with any of those. Well, they're not bats. They're knobs. Well, the one on the right

is half a bat. It's like a tenth of a bat okay look by definition what's a knob does anyone know something you can grip you can definitely grip that knob with

hold on I'm looking at that knob definition a rounded lump or ball especially at the end or on the surface of something. Oh! I think I just won. No, because you could remove it from the thing. It would still be a knob.

Okay, if that's not a fucking knob on the left, what is it, Gavin? A circle of wood? Like a completely useless coin-shaped piece of wood? What do you mean? What would you call that? It's just not a thing now? I wouldn't call it anything. That doesn't exist.

That's not a thing. The one in the middle is an actual knob. No, it's not not a thing that doesn't exist that's not a thing the one in the middle is an actual knob no it's not well they're all knobs technically they all have a knob but i think there's an unnecessary amount of shit eric what are these which one's the knob yeah maybe we'll have to let eric decide uh i think we should let the fans decide but i think it's the middle one because the one on the left looks like a coin yes and i and i understand where everyone's coming from but i think i think if you were to show people on the left the like or people the one on the left i think they would look at it and go well that's a button and then the middle one looks like a knob i'm sorry but that's how i don't think

anyone would say the middle one is a knob either though without context Without context, that just looks like a bottom part of a bat. Yeah, right, right, right. The bottom part of a bat, which is known as the knob. We just need to post a poll, A, B, or C. Yes, I agree. Well, listen, listen.

C is ludicrous. If we're gonna make C, we might as well make the bat. C is ludicrous. A or B? Please. We'll put the picture up. We'll build a as well fucking add. C is ridiculous. A or B? Please. We'll put the picture up. We'll put a big red fucking cross in C. Fuck C.

It's got to be A or B. Okay. I think that's good. Okay. All right. We'll let the audience decide. Andrew, can this person, can this knob person crank out knobs? I said, well, I believe so. I asked how many knobs could you make me,

and they said as many as you need. Okay. Well, let's put them in touch with Tony in merch, or Robert in merch, and let's get, well, first off, we got to get, well, let's make the introduction so that they know each other, and then we'll figure out what the cost is and stuff.

Why are you, what are you doing? What are you, what is this? We're going to sell knobs! Yeah, I don't know why you're doing the business end of it right now with teaching Andrew how to do it. Oh, it's a pair behind the veil. The audience loves to see that. They're way into it. Andrew, it's the secret

sauce. Are these the knobs, or are these the knobs of a full-size bat or tiny bat knobs again? I, uh, I don't know how bats work. If we're gonna sell bat knobs, they need don't know how bats work. If we're going to sell bat knobs, they need to be full-size knobs. I agree.

There's no point in selling the bat that we sold in knob-only form. I want to see a nice finished kitchen, all looking really nice, but one of the cabinets has our bat knob on it. Yeah. That's the dream for me yeah that's the dream yeah i agree i think those are normal size knobs are they not i don't i don't i haven't got there's no scale there

yeah but i i that's a boy wait wait wait wait wait it is there is some scale that's a pool that's a pool table so That's a pool table. There's still no scale. It's not right by the pocket. No, it's not. No, you could kind of... I feel like you could kind of figure that out. I'd say that's like the size of a pool ball. The middle one's probably about the size of a pool ball, right?

No. I think the knob... I think the knob would... I think you could put a pool ball on that, just the knob. I think it would sit on there fine. I really like the middle one, guys. I really like the way that looks. I'm with Andrew, but, you know, here we are.

I think we got to let the audience decide. Do they want a little bit of, do they want a little bit of stick in there? Do they want a little bit of knob? Yeah. I can't talk. Which one is the knob, A, B, or C? Not C. Fuck C. A or B. Which one do you want? It, B, or C? Not C. Fuck C.

A or B. Which one do you want? It's in the picture. Yeah, I'll put it in there. In like a year when this comes out. How far? When does this air? Two weeks from now.

In like two weeks? We're not that far ahead. Okay. Yeah. We will be so... We're not that far. Hey, man. Yeah, but we...

We're not that far ahead. Come on. The way our dumb shit works we'll be so far past knobs by in two weeks we'll be talking about some other dumb yeah we'll be trying to sell gavin's magic mushrooms or whatever biohazard are we just doing one or two today no we're just doing one i gotta i gotta yeah it's just one and we should end this one oh yeah let's do that hey thanks for listening uh to another episode of face i believe it was episode 35

but it also could have been episode 38 either way it was 35 is what I'm hearing potentially probably not 38 probably 35 like and subscribe I don't know why I say that this is not on YouTube but hit give us all the stars and leave us a review

and be sure to let us know who you think we should own every basketball or baseball or sports card of. That's a great call. Also, I'm looking to sell not the Rooster Teeth store. So interested, let me know. Oh, yeah. Also, bats are out of stock. The hats are also the Russian fuck hats are out of stock.

But we do still have Ian shirts. That is true. So if you wanted to pick up an Ian pocket tee, they're still available in the store. Can I have a hat, Eric? Yes. And we have our own section now in the store. And I'd like to point out that the Ian tee has been in the store now for a while, and I still don't have one. I don't have a Gerpl shirt, Jeff.

I don't either. Do we sell that yet? Yeah. Yeah. That's a lot of stuff. Oh, Jeff. I don't either. Do we sell that yet? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's a lot of stuff. Oh, my God. End the fucking episode.