Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - Now That's What I Call Parenting Hell - Volume 6

Episode Date: January 3, 2023

While we're on a very short break to see in the new year (Happy New Year everyone!) here's a hand crafted selection of the finest tales and advice from the Parenting Hell podcast archives. Each one a guaranteed banger... (We'll be back for series 6 on Tuesday 10th January) TRACK LISTING: TOM PARRY (S2 EP19) First up, it’s Tom Parry on navigating nights with a newborn… NADIYA HUSSAIN (S2 EP17)  Nadiya Hussain on bonding with her kids and their response to her post Bake-off fame… MICHAEL SHEEN (S2 EP5)  Michael Sheen mulls over the merits of children’s TV… JAMELIA (S2 EP9)  Jamelia talks about living with three daughters: a twenty-year-old, a teenager and a toddler… JOE SWASH (S2 EP13) Joe Swash reveals his favourite ways to spend his free time… JARRED CHRISTMAS (S2 EP21)  And finally, Jarred Christmas shares a truly extraordinary panto story… If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] TWITTER: @parenting_hell INSTAGRAM: @parentinghell A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Willicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice and, of course, tales of parenting woe.

Because, let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing. Hello, you're listening to Now That's What I Call Parenting Hell, Volume 6. Hello, Tom Parry. Hey, dudes, how you doing? Good, how are you? Well, am I the newest parent you've had on? I'm six weeks into being a parent. Oh, yes, you are.

Yes, here I am, yes. I haven't listened to the podcast because I have just become a parent. So it didn't apply to me until now. So, yeah, I've just come off my – I'm on a night shift at the moment. So I've got a six-week-old daughter. I had her until five, and then I woke up about half an hour ago. So this feels like – it feels like it's 8 o'clock in the morning for me. Right. Right now. So what are you doing in o'clock in the morning for me. Right.

Right now. So what are you doing in the early hours of the morning for those night films? I did the Tom Hanks Da Vinci Code trilogy. Absolutely scraping the bow. The first, I don't know, I don't know if you guys are the same,

but like when my daughter's called Gloria, when she first came along, I was like, I'm going to watch all the best films with you. I'm going to talk you through all the best films. It's going to be like rediscovering cinema. So I sat for the first week watching my favourite films, but by now I've just run out of films to show her. So it's just any old shit will stick any old shit on.

So what's Gloria doing when you're watching these films? She wakes up. But she, like, she sleeps really well on someone at the moment. so what's Gloria doing when you're watching these films? She sleeps, but she, like she sleeps really well on someone at the moment. And it's like, and it's like, we can put her in this. We've got this beside me cot and we can put her in that,

but we get less like Jane gets less sleep because she's, she knows she's up and down. So instead, like I get a bit, I get three hours kip in the evening and then I kind of get into this night shift. And then every three or four hours, I take her up for a feed and come back down. But I am absolutely loving it.

I feel like a student again, because it's like I'm staying up all night. You can eat whatever you like. It's like four o'clock in the morning and you're like, I'm going to bang on a Kevin Costner film. You just think, oh, I haven't done this. I haven't done this since university. Oh, absolutely loving it.

Right, let's be clear. What hours are you keeping? I want to know your shift pattern. Like about half ten, eleven till five. That's kind of the shift on. So I get three hours before that. I go to bed at about seven, get as much sleep as I can in the evening.

Then I get up at about ten, then I'm on hours before that. I go to bed at about seven, get as much sleep as I can in the evening. Then I get up at about 10, then I'm on the night shift. I try and get through till five. How are you so happy? You're living a terrible life. I'm so sleep deprived. I feel like I'm on drugs. I feel like it's the final day of Glastonbury.

It's just like every day, every day has got like this gentle hum to it where I feel like I'm like slightly buzzing off my face because I just haven't had any sleep. It's amazing. And then the other thing I do is I watch BT Sports. I really want to work on a show that's like new dad sport report

because I end up watching. The other day I cried at an Australian rules football. Cause I ended up watching the other day. I cried at an Australian rules football game. I didn't know who was playing. I didn't know who was playing, but it was just like, I don't know the rules of the game. It's like,

there was like a last minute win and it was just like, Oh wow. The magic of sport glow. Gloria, this is what life sports all about. I didn't have a fucking clue what was going on. It's amazing. When she sleeps, she's just fast asleep and I just talk to her. I don't know if you remember the early days.

How old are yours now? Five and three. She's three. You're through this bit, aren't you? Tom, this isn't a normal thing that all parents go through. We're not all sat up watching fast and furious till 5am yeah there's a critical phase where i've got one of those donut pillows well jane has it's one of jane's donut pillows there's been several occasions now where gloria because like i i've got like um i'm always a bit overweight, but I've put on a lot of weight.

I haven't weighed it, but I'll tell you this, I had to do a day's filming the other day, and it was supposed to be filming in February. And I'd given my costume measurements. And I went in and they said, so you said you were 36 waist? And I said, yeah, but I think I'm probably 38 now. So they gave me 38 and I didn't fit 38. I've been proper daddy. So, so upon weight and now Gloria,

there's nothing worse than when your baby daughter stirs on you and like, I've got, I've got enough breasts for her to think that there's milk in there. So the other night she promptly started trying to have a go at my nipple because she figured there might be some milk in there. Was there any milk in there? Did she strike gold? Well, skin on skin is very important, Josh. They preach that.

I don't know if it was that back in your day, but skin on skin is essential for bonding, not just for the mother, but also for the father. That's what they say. Yeah, that's what they say. There's got to be a cut-off date. There's got to be a cut-off date, though, isn't there? There's got to be.

I don't know when. I'm not going to pick her up from school, topless. Quickly, I'll drive you home because you're waiting to do your driving lesson he's at the house when she graduates when she graduates

I'll have the old top round the head exactly you need it just to get your head in the game for A levels you know it's good for your development

piggybacking it to school skin on skin yeah but yeah so like I'm holding her I hold her in like a cradle type setup but then there's a critical stage where i get i let go of her and put her onto the donut pillow that's around me so i can have both hands free yeah and that's like that's like the pivotal because if she doesn't wait when i do that then i know i'm in for a good three hours. A good three hours just yourself at night on your own in a way.

I'm starting to get slightly jealous of your routine. Oh, I've got like a routine. That's the thing you crave. As long as you've got some kind of system, then you can kind of get through. It doesn't feel like chaos. So I have two flasks. I have a flask for my right hand and a flask for my left,

just in case... How much... You sound like one of them, like, 50 Stone Men that don't move and just... They've got that... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's how I feel. I have a flask for the left hand, flask for the right, in case I... It depends on what side I've got. So, what's in the flask? That's water. And then I've got a thermos

pint mug of coffee. Thermos pint mug of coffee. Thermos pint mug of coffee. That stays warm for a good hour and a half. That's in front of me. Two satsumas and a biscuit. Right? Two satsumas and a biscuit. And that's me then set up.

Carrot pie and a milk. I can get till five o'clock on that. I do satsumas and a biscuit, and that's me then, set up. Carrot pie to milk. I can get till five o'clock on that. It's only when I know she's entered into deep sleep, like when both of her hands have come up by the side of her head. When she gets into deep sleep, both her arms come up like she's celebrating. That's when you know she's deep sleeping. That's when I can go for the crinkly wrapper. Too early for the crinkly wrapper.

There was a stage where when mine was so small that I could cradle her in my arm still and play FIFA. I could get the controller in my hand while still holding her, and that was a great moment. But then when she got a bit too big for that, it was terrible. But that was a great couple of weeks. And you have to temper your celebrations, I bet. Yeah.

Yeah. So do you worry that what it's going to be like when you go back to because presumably you're going to everything's going to open up soon and so you're going to be away again do you think you'll look back on this as a kind of a real period of bonding with your children yeah we've definitely I think in in in all seriousness I think sometimes we know, we're never going to get this time back. And we've been able to spend time together that we wouldn't have had otherwise. So one thing I realized was that sometimes I've been so busy, I've not looked in their eyes. And so sometimes I just hold it.

Genuinely, if you think about how busy we can get sometimes, how often do we just hold their faces and just look at their eyes? That's what I do. To a 14-year-'s been like, I do, I do, I do. To a 14 year old? Yeah, he hates it, but I love it. And Nadia, you've got like the thing I remember most about like the first time you rose to fame is you've got the most kind of, your eyes really like look at people. Do you know what I mean? Your eyes really stand out.

So the idea of you holding your 14 year old's face and just staring into their eyes. Yeah. It's an arresting image, Nadia. It is, but I also threatened him with taking him out of the inheritance. If he doesn't look back,

it's like, I will, I will, I will cut you out the inheritance. And that usually works yeah it must be like of all the people we've spoken to um in your children's life your life has changed so dramatically in what you were doing before I don't know what how old your children would have been when you did Bake Off what was it six or seven years ago now yeah like it was it was, they were, my eldest was eight, so really little.

And has that effect, like, how have they adapted to that? A lot of children, people who we spoke to when they've had kids, like their job and there's been the same throughout, but did it change how you parented and stuff like that? Of course, I mean, our challenges became different, you know, going out, whether it's restaurants or just down the street, you know, when people recognize you. It's not as easy anymore because I think

as they've gotten older, where it felt like fun at the beginning, my eldest has become quite protective. And he's, you know, he's bigger than I am. You know, he's bigger than me. If he doesn't like what I'm saying, you know, he just grabs me around the waist, picks me up and takes me back in the kitchen. He just picks me up. He doesn't say anything. He holds me around the waist, picks me up off the ground, takes me in the kitchen. I walks out, shuts the door and he's gone. And so it has changed as they've become older. It's definitely

changed. Like they had this, my eldest had a task to talk about somebody that inspires them, somebody in the public eye that inspires them. And I said, so you're going to be writing about me? He goes, don't be ridiculous. So for them, they couldn't care less. Like the boys do not care what I do. They don't want to be a part of it. They're not interested at all. The idea that I do this, it makes no difference to them. But I remember really early on when they were having this in school when we'd just moved them, because we used to live in Leeds and we'd just moved them to their new school. And the teacher asked him, what do your parents do?

It was a question they were asking all the kids um and he didn't know what to say and I remember we always have this conversation it's really funny because like so much has changed in the last six years and he was like and she he said miss can you come back to me so he couldn't work out what I do because like I don't have holidays it's just it's a bit it's freelance isn't it so yeah so for him he was like I don't really holidays. It's just, it's a bit, it's freelance, isn't it? So for him, he was like, I don't really know what she does. So he couldn't put a name to it. And then he just said, she follows her dreams.

And I was like, oh man. Oh wow. Like, throw that on a pillow, man. Throw that on a pillow. Like, genuinely, when he said that, I was like, and that sticks was like and that sticks with me that stays with me forever and ultimately as parents you know what we do doesn't really matter as long as they believe that we're following our dreams in the hope that they'll follow theirs and that's ultimately what I've always ever wanted so the fact that I do this job means nothing to the boys but my little girl can I say um she loves every second of it every when we would go

out to town and people didn't recognize me so we'd be walking past and if people don't look at me or recognize she watches she watches to see who looks who twitches who might turn back around so she's out there watching looking she loves all of that. And one day we were walking past, nobody recognised me. I was like, great day, we can get on and get stuff done. And she, in the middle of the town centre, turns around, walks up ahead of me, about 10 yards, stands in front of me, turns around, hands on her mouth, and says, oh my gosh, is that Nadia from the Bake Off? And what happens? Everybody turns around hands on her mouth and says oh my gosh is that Nadia from the bake-off everybody turns around oh it's funny and I'm stuck in town for an hour signing things taking selfies and I was like while I was I don't mind any of that I try to stay away from it when I'm

with my kids yeah she just stood there and I bet bet the Bake Off crowd take ages to take a selfie. I mean, the age demographic, they've got leather cases on their phone. They've got their thumb over the camera. They're a bit doddery, some of them. It must be a lot.

Yeah. Bad angles. Bad angles. Yeah. Unless it's Mary Berry. Nevermind everyone else. So what kind of stuff is she into? Is she watching a lot of Peppa Pig or CBeebies?

Oh, a lot of Peppa Pig at the moment. Really? I mean, I am a big fan. Are either of you in it? Are either of you doing any kids' voices? No, I've never done one. But we interviewed Doc Brown and he'd done the... Is it Jack and Norris? It's not Jack and Norris.

Bedtime Stories. It's the Bedtime Stories. Yeah, which a lot of people want to do. Would you do any of them, Michael? Oh, yeah, absolutely. I could see you appearing in, you know, an episode of Justin's House, getting pied in the face, something like that.

I'd love to get pied by Justin. Well, I mean, what's the deal with Justin? Because he's... I mean, does he own CBeebies or something? What's that all about? Because he does Justin's House. They do Mr. Tumble. I think Mr. Tumble's the best one.

I mean, that's great, Mr. Tumble. He does the game show where he plays all the characters. Is that the skit show? Is that a far show for the kids? Yeah, that one. That one's one step too far, that is. He's jumped the shark. I've got a theory on that one. I reckon, one step too far, that is. He's jumped the shark. I've got a theory

on that one. I reckon, you know, when someone's got a lot of power at a channel and he's gone, if I do another series of Mr Tumble,

you have to take that sketch show I've been pitching to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's good, but it's not vintage. No, it's not classic. It's good.

It's all good. Don't get me wrong. Talking about bedtime stories, you know, it's always a little bit of a thrill to go, ooh, who's doing bedtime story today? Oh, look, it's not classic. It's good. It's all good. Don't get me wrong. Talking about bedtime stories, you know, it's always a little bit of a thrill to go, ooh, who's doing bedtime story today? Oh, look, it's Tom Hardy. Or, you know, it's Sam Mendes. Or, you know, it's like some odd people show up.

The big gig for that, I'm guessing, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day. Oh, yeah. Guess who did Christmas Eve and Christmas Day? Who? Bloody Justin. Both of them. Because he's just not on enough.

He only comes out for the big events. I'll do Christmas Eve. Oh, yeah. Leave it to me. Night before Christmas, that's mine. Because he actually did the night before Christmas on the night before Christmas. That was a big gig, and he got that.

But, I mean, all that. I mean, I do think his show is amazing. designing and all that would you be good as a kind of children's mr tumble actor i don't know about that when you're watching that are you seeing the craft do you know what i mean like well we have we have a lot of conversations about it is a real skill to be able to do the you know talking to talking to kids on TV without, on the one hand, sounding patronizing and condescending, but then on the other hand, coming across as really creepy.

Because a lot of actors, I've noticed a lot of actors go on the bedtime stories thing, and they've clearly gone, right, I'm not talking down to the kids. I'm not talking down. I'm just going to speak to them straight. They come across really scary. And I think it's a mistake. So it's a real skill to be able to do that. A lot of them are really good. But what I do find myself doing, and this

happened with Lily as well when she was little, and essentially really had made a difference to my career. Because people now think that I'm very good at, you know, I must have been good at doing impersonations and that kind of stuff good at, you know, I must've been good at doing impersonations and that kind of stuff when I was growing up. I was terrible. I couldn't do impersonations. I wasn't that person at all. I couldn't mimic anyone or anything like that. And then when Lily was really little, she would watch, you know, Disney films, Pixar films, whatever it was. And she would then want us to, you know, tell her stories about those things that she'd watched. And she would like, because she was totally nonjudgmental,

I would just have a go at doing the voices of those characters. And slowly over time, I found like I was quite good at doing them. Like I get really quite close to the voices and stuff. So it eventually ended up to the point where it gave me the confidence to have a go at doing Tony Blair and that kind of stuff. I wouldn't have had the confidence to do it had I not done it. If you hadn't done, you know, Woody from Toy Story or whatever. Exactly, yeah.

Yep, Sully from Monsters, Inc., all that, yeah. And all seven dwarves in Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. Yeah, she used to... All seven? She got to the point, yeah. She would say, Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, Daddy, and she to... She got to the point, yeah. She would say Snow White and Seven Dwarves, Daddy, and she would be Snow White and she would just sit there and then she would make me

be all Seven Dwarves doing stuff and she would slowly get quieter and quieter so she wouldn't add anything to it as Snow White and the Seven Dwarves would just have a conversation around her. That's what she enjoyed the most. Wow. I was exhausted by the end of every day. Exhausted.

Grumpy must have been easy then by the end. Yeah, exactly. But with Lyra, what I'm finding now is because we watch so much, like, CBeebies and all that kind of stuff, I do find myself, because you were asking, do I do the voices of any characters? I don't. But I do find myself trying to have a go at all of them,

all the Peppa Pig characters, all the Moon and Me characters, all in the nightgown, all of that. And in the back of my head, I'm like, yeah, I could do that. I could step into that. If old Derek Jacoby decides to give it a miss, I could pop in that. Could you give us a line or two of a children's CBB? Well, I mean, Moon and Me, I think is the best. Moon and Me is the best. I think it's a wonderful, wonderful show. I've not, Moon and Me, I think, is the best. Moon and Me is the best.

I think it's a wonderful, wonderful show. I've not seen Moon and Me. Oh, it's so good. I have to give it a whirl. Yeah, it's great. It's fantastic. Your kid's a bit old for it now, I think, maybe. Oh, really?

It's shot so beautifully. It's like a good In the Night Garden. Yeah. And they should swap it around, because In the Night Garden is quite frantic and gets her a bit worked up, whereas Moon and Me, which is on earlier, is very relaxing, so I think Moon and Me should finish.

Anyway, that's all there is. In the night garden, it reminds me of the weird bit of Glastonbury. In the night garden. I mean, you go in that one field, you're in there for two minutes, but nah, nope, nah. Let's go back, killers are on. I had to kill for an hour to get into this field, and now it's just...

You're a fucking lunatic. Oh, no. It's the Ninky Doms. Not for me. Rob, you've got this to look forward to. Oh, God. So we've got this thing in our house called Shark Week. Have you ever heard of Shark Week?

Do you know what that is? Is that on National Geographic? Were they... It is also a show on a geographic but it's also what um i think a man came up with it by the way what some people call being on your period but when i know i know i know you guys and you don't want to talk about it but you've got girls and you're gonna need yeah yeah you're gonna need to know this so something to do with the moon, please get someone to email in or whatever,

let you know exactly what it is. But something to do with the moon causes all the females in the house to be on their period at the same time. Oh, my God. Yeah. So my husband, like, he goes to B&Q for, like, eight hours. But you all acknowledge it and you've called it shark like that's a good way of kind of yeah it there was a there was a point where at first my husband was like what the hell is going on and then and then we kind of realized it I mean we'd always known

but it wasn't like it wasn't a thing but when're all on lockdown, you can't help but it be a thing. And yeah, and so, yeah, periods are something that we just talk about. And it's just like, yeah, OK, so this is happening. This is why I'm being an absolute B. And, you know, and not you just have to deal with it, but just can everybody just tread carefully? Yeah, so it's sort of like an accepted thing. And then that way he's not going to get in trouble for moaning and then you're not being defensive.

It's sort of another thing. It's all going to be a bit touchy this week. It's Shark Week. Let's just keep your heads down and plough through it. Exactly, exactly. But yeah, as I said, you've got that to look forward to. That's a great term. Yeah, I can't wait for that and I'm

really regretting getting a female hamster and a female cat. Definitely. A tsunami of sharks. Do you find it more difficult to talk about your teenage daughters than you would about, say, your three-year-old or stuff? Because are you worried about what you would say about them in public? In a nutshell, yeah.

Because I kind of, well, first of all, I know my kids are going to listen to this because they love the show as well. So yeah, I am definitely conscious of what I say. But the thing is as well, like, I would like to think that I communicate enough with my daughters for them to know exactly what I think of them, you know, and how much I love them and how amazing I think they are. them and how amazing i think they they are um and and also as well i'm their mom they're so used to me being outspoken and saying things and embarrassing them and like oh my god did your mom really say that and it's just like yeah she did that's what she's like you know so um yeah i don't i don't think they'd be you know too too upset i hope not anyway no i think that's it isn't it if you're open at home and you know i think that's so much of the battle isn't it definitely definitely communication is key that's um yeah number one uh number one apart from with the toddler that's i mean as you know

it's just that's very much about number eight do you feel like she gets away with a bit more though like how's your parenting changed from a 20 year old to like a three year old now like are you a lot calmer and more laid back than you were with your first born yes definitely I think with my 20 year old I say this all the time like my 20 year old and kind of my 15old, they were kind of tester kids. And I feel like I can give my best to my youngest just because I feel like I know what works. I've tested what works and I've tested what doesn't work. And also my eldest two are very different to each other.

So I've got a feel for, I feel like two ends of the spectrum. And so, yeah, with my youngest, I mean, let me tell you one thing. Lockdown has definitely changed. I was that parent that my child is never going to even touch an iPad until she's six. And, you know, I was that parent and now she's, you know, I've got an iPad, but it's more or less hers. And I just, oh, my gosh, I saw this wicked quote the other day

and it said, if you're worried about your child watching too much TV, put it on mute, put the subtitles on, and then they're reading. And I thought, do you know what? That's a shout. I do think, though, if you're worried about your kid watching too much tv then the reality is you haven't got too many worries in your house I mean it was the last thing anyone was worrying about with what was going on that's really you've got to get yourself lucky because

you know people are worried about you know getting them to school or whatever or getting their dinner on. Yeah, exactly. A bit of telly won't hurt no one. It didn't do me any harm. Nah. It's not going to be Marcus Rashford's next campaign. No, exactly. The problem is, because for me, though, I was going, I'm all right.

I couldn't even read properly until I was about seven or eight. But I say that to Lou and she looks at me in disgust going, but that doesn't make it okay. and she looked at me in disgust going, but that doesn't make it okay. If you got a day completely to yourself, right, for whatever reason, like one night, full day, full night, what would you do with yourself, Joe?

What would be your day? Do I have to be, is it with or without Stacey? Let's do with Stacey and do without Stacey. Without Stacey, what would you do? Oh, you know what? I haven't gone to the gym in about two years, so I'm getting really fat. I'd like to probably go gym.

I go gym in the morning. I love my fishing. I go fishing all day, just by myself. No one around me. I put me rods in and just freaking zone out. And golf, you like golf as well, don't you? I was talking to Josh about it. Yeah, we went. Yeah, we went golf.

I took Beckett Golf, right? It was talking to Josh about it. Yeah, we went. Yeah, we went golf. I took Becky golf, right? On the hottest day of the year last year. 35 degrees. And we didn't have no suntan lotion. I've never seen someone, and I'm the ginger one. I was fine. I've never seen someone go so red in my life. Honestly, Becky, didn't we think you had heat stroke at one stage?

Yeah, at one point I had to lay down on the buggy, didn't I? Just in the shade. And you poured water on me. You like a bit of golf now, don't you? Yeah, I've started now. I've tried to explain to Josh it's a great way to get away from kids. Do you know what? This fishing's sounding good.

Because you don't actually have to do anything, right? I love it. You know what? I've only just started getting into it the last three months with my boy. And we love it because we found a little place up in Essex where you get a little cabin. And in the cabin, you get like a little TV

and a couple of beds and a little fridge. And they bring you over your breakfast, your lunch and your dinner. And you just put your rods out and just sit by the river. And have a chat. Listen, I've been fishing for three months. I ain't caught one fish. But there is not one bit of fishing equipment I haven't got, mate.

I literally, if you was going to draw a picture of someone with all the gear, no idea, it's me. But you know what it is, Beckett? Beckett, you know what it is? It's a step up from golf, because golf gets you out of the house for about three hours, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the fishing, the fishing gets me out for like two days, mate.

I love it. I'm out for like two nights. My father-in-law was talking to my mum about it. And he went, yeah, I go down to the coast and I get down there and I get my sandwich out, my thermos, and I've got my chair. And he went, sometimes I don't even

get my rods out, I just sit there for the day. Honestly, it's brilliant. We get a little fire going. Yeah. I love it. I love it.

And our life, what we do as well as a job, we're so busy and we're always sort of 100 mile an hour and everyone's like in your face and you've always got to be happy like you said always yeah give the best side of you and stuff like that and i think there's nothing better than just to do

nothing and just to really just fucking just think about real things for a little while yeah totally agree and just sort of like re-re-energize where i'm just giving out energy the whole time exactly one one second boys Let me just put this kid in the bath. Wait there. Do you want to get in the bath? Give me one second. Stay there. Okay. This is great, though. It's great. This is live parenting in an interview.

Oh, is he actually getting in the bath? Yeah. You know what? I had a bath run earlier on. He was going to get in it, but he didn't. And I was just saying, he's chucked everything in there, all the deodorants, the brushes. So let him just play with him in the bath. It's easier this way.

Yeah, exactly. Fair enough. Do you do shifts with Stacey then? So you'll have Rex now from half ten to half two and Stacey can do some work or whatever. How do you split it up or is it? No, I mean, we just sort of take it as it is so like yesterday stacy was at work she's at loose women so she leaves at about seven o'clock so i just got up i have the baby all day we go for a walk in the forest and stuff i have to do breakfast and

lunch and then and then when i'm at work she'll do the same but during the day when we both haven't got work we there's no timetable to it but like Stace will go I'm just going to have a little 10 minutes and he should have 10 minutes or I'll say I'm going to have 10 minutes so it's an unspoken thing but yeah we do sort of do shifts

of such what would you do Joe if you and Stace you've got a day together no kids around I think I'd you going to take her fishing I'd love to take her fishing

she's not having it at the moment no I think me and Stace I think it'd... You're going to take her fishing? I'd love to take her fishing. She's not having it at the moment. No. I think these days, I think it'd be nice to get up, cook her breakfast, then we'll go for a little walk, then we'll have a little bit of time together in the afternoon,

and then we'll have some dinner. Yeah. And then we'll have a little bit more time later on that night. You know? Just some lovely time. There's not been a lot of that time recently. There's not been a lot of that time recently. No, so you'd like more more time when was the last time you had time when was the last time you had time together oh mate honestly isn't it bad isn't it bad man i don't even know i don't even know

but yeah yeah just just i'll be getting the time in as much as i could yeah fair enough um i've got my final question i always ask everyone josh um yeah um what would um sorry why don't you know you're genuinely talking to me then no no joe one final question joe um we're so similar me and joe swash i know that's why i get it it's just all i can see is just big curly ginger air that's the problem um is is there something that your partner does in this case say stacy something stacy does that um as a parent annoys you a little bit that you can't really say about being a row obviously it's taken that stacy's an incredible mother but there's something that she does you disagree with that annoys you a bit that you can't bring up

because there'll be a row, but if she did listen to this, she would sort of hear it and go, oh, yeah, maybe he's right. What would that be? So Stacey lays out certain rules, parenting rules, that we've got to follow, but she doesn't follow her own rules. So, like, for instance, I give the baby a little bit of orange juice in his cup, yeah, and she'll go, oh, my God! You're going to rot him with his teeth!

You're off your head! She'll make a big finger about it, yeah? And I'm like, oh, I'm going to do that again. And then, like, a week later, she'll be like, oh, shall we let him have a little bit of orange juice? I think sometimes it's the hypocrisy of her parenting that does me in. It's the things that she's allowed to do that I'm not allowed to do. But apart from that, like you said, she's amazing.

And what would she say about you? What thing annoys her about the way you parent? Yeah, she hates it. I've got this thing where I'm a little bit lazy when it comes. Because sometimes you have a little smell. You're like, is that a shit? Is it not a poo? I don't know

I've got to take all his clothes off take his clothes off to realise it weren't a poo and put all his clothes back on so I like now just to dip my finger in so I just I just find a little gap in his baby grow

and I work my way down and I find a little gap and I baby grow and I work my way down and I find a little gap and I dip my finger in and I go, no, he's alright. Nothing there. On a lot of occasions you don't have to smell your finger. You're like, yeah, yeah. The orange juice isn't the issue there, Joe.

I'm more on Stacey's side than you there, mate. I think Stacey's got a point. It's too much of a risk I'm more on Stacey's side than you, though, mate. I think Stacey's got a point. What? You know. What? No, you can't just... It's too much of a risk to put your finger into potential human shit just to save a bit of time. Come on, you must admit, your own child's shit is not... I look at Rex's shit like it's Play-Doh.

Do you know what I mean? Because it's his. Because it's come from him. Could you love him so much you don't mind his shit? Is that what you're saying? I could be, I could be,

I could be elbow deep in his shit and I'd be like, oh, sorry. This is... I don't think there's a person who's spoken to who loves their kids as much as you, Joe.

And I think it comes across. I've got an off-topic question about restaurants, Jared. Oh, love it. Yeah. I don't know if this is the forum. We'll soon find out. You once told me.

What the hell are you going to ask? Yeah. You once told me about Priscilla Presley taking you to a restaurant. Yes. And it remains one of the best anecdotes I've ever heard in my life. And I know it's off-topic. It is off-topic. Can I just ask? Do you know what? Let's set up normally. Jared, have you ever been to a restaurant? I know it's off topic. It is off topic.

Can I just ask, do you know what, let's set up normally. Jared, have you ever been to a restaurant with Priscilla Presley? You should get a chat show, Josh. That was so slick. Well, funny you should say that, Josh. That's weird. That was my next question. Well, yeah, I did Panto with Priscilla Presley.

What was she like? She was amazing. She was genuinely amazing. Look, she's such a big celebrity that everyone was really, the first rehearsals, everyone was really nervous of what she's going to be like and stuff like that and they're basically wanting us to you know tread on eggshells around her until we could figure out you know what she is like um i had to do a photo shoot with her and warwick davis at the savoy hotel and i am i'm aware that like i was third build in this panto but i'm aware there's a big

drop from second billing to i'm you guys know me i'm a realistic bloke right you know when a football team have spent all their money on ronaldo yeah and then there's there's there's there's some good players in the team thomas graverson And then there's some good players in the team, Jared. Thomas Graveson turns up. There's some solid players in the team. Yeah. Yeah.

But Priscilla Presley's selling the shirts. Big time. Big time. And, you know, Warwick's selling a bit of merch too. Oh, no. Yeah. So we're in the Savoy Hotel and they've got paparazzi there. I'm talking like 30 photographers.

And I knew what was going to happen and it happened exactly how I thought it would. And so Priscilla goes out and they're all clicking away, clicking away, shouting her name and stuff. Then Warwick goes out, clicking away, shouting her name. Then I walk out, one click. We're done now. Right?

One click's worse than zero. Mate. Is it though? I got a zero click at the NTAs. I was behind Talisa and it was like every single flash of every comer went off when Talisa walked past. And then I stood there and they went, yep, keep going. I went, yeah, fair enough.

So I've been no clicked. So one click, I'll take that, Jared. Mate, one click and then I stood there and the pr person said do you want to take any more and i said no no i think i'm done thanks guys thanks when i used to support steven merchant on tour amazing and we'd go out afterwards and there'd obviously be loads of people out the back of the theatre and they'd all queue for the photo with him. And then occasionally someone would ask for a photo with me and it'd be embarrassing. But worse was occasionally someone would say,

do you want me to get a photo with you? And that is a pity. Yeah, a pity. They're offering me. A pity photo. Is there pity. They're offering me. A pity photo. Is there anything worse? So you've been one-clicked.

You're in the Savoy with Warwick Davis. Yeah, one-click. And then we go into this other room to have interviews with journalists. And, you know, all the big papers are there. And then I'm in the corner with the Wimbledon Gazette. And the journalist guy says to me, do you think I'll get a chance to interview Priscilla? And I said, no, absolutely not. And he was like, well, can you just go in?

And I was like, mate, there's a reason I'm having an interview with you. I don't even want to be, you know, I'm not looking over at the Guardian going, I wonder if I'll get a shot at getting an interview with the Guardian. Let's do the interview and let's go and get some lunch, mate. It doesn't matter. I really want to talk to Priscilla Presley. And I'm like, yeah, I want to be in the Telegraph. Come on, mate.

Just realize where you are in the world all right and they priscilla prisley had a fake apple and she says do you want me to bite it do you she said something like do you want me to actually bite it and i said before without even thinking only if you want to fucking die and there was silence and then priscilla started laughing and everybody did that really annoying sycophantic sort of once she started laughing everyone was like oh oh that's spoken like a real comedian. I felt that feeling before. But that silence for a couple of seconds where everyone's like, oh, my God, I can't believe you've just said that. So she was great skill.

She was awesome. And this has taken me a long time to get to the story you wanted me to tell you. No, but I loved the story on the way. I didn't know there was more. Oh, there's been a hell of a journey with her. There has. In the panto, I used to, I was her henchman. I was the woodcutter or whatever it is. I was the one who was meant to murder Snow White, but I didn't.

So every time I went on stage, I would improvise a new name for her. Hello, my queen of delayed tubes. You know, hello, my queen of anything negative that was in the story in the news i would try and spin it in each time um and there was one time where i went on and called her the queen of awkward family photos do you remember that website yeah yeah so i called her that at the time yeah it was massive in 2013 it was popping off on Bebo. And MySpace. It was all over MySpace.

Yeah. And so I said that, and she, on stage, just turns to me and says, what did you say? And I went, queen of awkward family photos. And she said, what photos have you seen? And in my head I'm going, oh oh man that she has taken this she doesn't know about the website awkward family photos so i'm just panicking on stage right looking at her thinking um i thought this was a pretty safe bet this line but it has gone into murky waters

and then i said i haven't seen any photos and she said we'll talk about this we'll talk about this off stage the audience the audience are wetting themselves right because i'm i am oh i was shitting myself but i was aware i was on stage so i was really playing up the panic as well yeah and in panto if things like that happen people just think it's part of the show so they're just laughing and going with it and And we walk off stage after that scene and she says, I'm not talking to you, and just walks off. I was like, oh, man, oh, man. And then I had like 30 minutes until my next scene with her where she's in a harness and she's being hoisted up to fly across the stage.

And I think, I'm going to talk to her before we go on for this scene. So she's getting hooked up in the harness. Could I just going to talk to her before we go on for this scene. Oh, God. So she's getting hooked up in the harness. Could I just say, this isn't even the story I asked for either. I'm sorry. This isn't what the podcast is about. This is unbelievable.

I genuinely, I'm in a spinny chair and I've had to turn away from my mic because I'm too awkward. So she's getting hooked up in this harness to fly and I go up to her and, you know, I just say, look, Priscilla, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to offend you about that awkward family photo. There's a website called Awkward Family Photos and it's, you know, people just putting in their own family photos on it. And, you know, a lot of them are from the 80s

and it's all about their hairstyles. And, you know, some people dress up in the same jumper and it's just, you know, I'm just rattling on. She's just staring at me and then she slowly starts getting lifted up, slowly starts getting lifted up, and then she just says to me, yeah, I know what it was. I was just winding you up. And then just gets taken on stage. And I was like, I cannot believe she just played me for 30 minutes.

I was sweating, man. Oh, my God. She actually went on stage giggling. Oh, wow. Actually went on stage giggling. Oh, wow. Actually went on stage giggling. So she was a lot of fun. And she came to Nando's with us a few times. Turns out her favorite drink is Red Bull and vodka.

I know. Awesome. But the story you wanted me to tell, she invited me to lunch with her and her assistant in between shows. And she said, we found this great French restaurant in Wimbledon Village. And she said, I just love it. The ambiance, it's just genuine French.

It's so good. So we get in the car and we rock up to Cafe Rouge. And I'm kind of getting out of the car thinking, oh, I can't believe this. And we sit down and I say to her, what is it about this place that you really like? She said, it's just so authentically French. And she said, you know, we ate here the other day and I had quite an incredible beef boujouon. And I'm staring out the window at the Carluccio's across the road thinking, why couldn't she have gone there?

And so we eat the meal and I didn't want to be the guy who popped the bubble about it because she was genuinely delighted about it. You can't in that situation. You can't. She was dropping French to the waiter. You can't. She was dropping French to the waiter. And we get back to the theatre and, you know, I said, thanks for lunch. And she was like, oh, that's great.

We should go back. We should take some other people back there. I'm sure they'd love it. And she said, it looks, you know, maybe if we take a big group of us there though you know as it's an independent restaurant they were really it was at that point i said to her look priscilla it's it's a chain restaurant there's loads of them and she said i don't believe you i don't believe you um and then i just dropped it i dropped it and then probably three weeks later we were standing in the wings about to go on stage and uh she hears her queue line and then just turns and looks at me and she says cafe rouge is a chain restaurant i'm so disappointed and then walks on stage and does the scene

that's it for this special best of episode we'll be back next week That's it for this special Best Of episode. We'll be back next week. Josh, do you fancy going for a beer? Maybe like the 14th of April? I can't do the 14th of April, Rob. How come? We're doing the Parenting Hell Arena Tour at Manchester Arena.

Oh, OK. How about the 19th of April? Oh, no, I can't do that. I'll be doing the Parenting Hell Live Tour in Nottingham. What about the 20th of April? Cardiff Arena. Parenting Hell live, Cardiff Arena. 21st? 21st of April?

No, I can't do that either. London, 02. 23rd of April? I can do the 22nd. We've got a day off. 23rd, yes, yes, Wembley. What about the 28th of April? I'm in Birmingham. Do you know what, Rob? Parenting Hell live tour? Yeah, but we'll just have a drink afterwards.

Yeah, shall we do that? Yeah, that'd be nice. We need to plug the live tour, by the way. Oh, yeah, yeah. There's a live tour of Parenting Hell, and I cannot wait. It's genuinely going to be an absolute thrill to do. And do you know what it would make?

A perfect Christmas present. Two of those tickets. Oh, great Christmas present. Or Father's Day present, or Mother's Day present. Exactly. See you there. Hello, Tom Allen here. And Susie Ruffell. We have a podcast called Like-Minded Friends.

It's very much a celebration of, I don't know, what would you say, Suze, being queer? Being queer, but also chit-chat. There's loads of straight people that love it. So I think that you should come along and listen to it. There's something for everybody. It's been described as white noise for gays. But also, we had a lovely section about Glade Plugins. So why don't you listen to it? There's something for everybody. It's been described as white noise for gays, but also we had a lovely section about Glade plugins.

So why don't you listen to it? Search Like-Minded Friends wherever you get your podcasts. That sounded quite professional, didn't it? If you are not in the queue and you are waiting, then step to the side. He got in touch and said, yeah, sorry, mate, you didn't seem like yourself the other day. You've only met me three times.

The self-service checkouts. I don't care what you're called. I'm not getting tricked into working here. People at festivals in those stupid jester hats. I glanced at a tampon. £2.69 for a bottle of water. Why is your Wi-Fi code 10 characters long? The press starts guiding you.

I don't care if you're watching. Boost cut jeans. What's upset you now? I'm Sean Walsh. And I'm Paul McCaffrey. We are the hosts of What's Upset You Now? The UK's angriest podcast. And we are back for Series 5.

Booyah! We all love a good moan, don't we? And Sean and I, well, Sean mostly, are two of the best in the absolute business. And every Tuesday and Thursday, we moan about all those little things that really get our goat we also have guests what guests have we had sean we have had romesh ranganaithan rob beckett mark lamar joe brand katherine ryan tom allen 15 minute episodes every tuesday and thursday brand new what's up set you now out now. Oh, for God's sake. Soap from the Box is the TV podcast that goes behind the scenes of the nation's favourite shows, including Coronation Street, Emmerdale, Hollyoaks and EastEnders. You know, it was literally, we couldn't sort of go anywhere without being recognised.

I'm Lee Salisbury and I directed the shows and the stars in them. On this podcast, I delve where no one else has been. You can listen to over 70 episodes right now with stars including Sue Johnston, Glynis Barber, Denise Welsh, Sid Owen, Sally Dynevor and Danny Minogue. No more, no more. In this week's episode, I chat to the star of one of the biggest Christmas films of all time.

Hi, I'm Martine McCutcheon. Yes, love actually. And EastEnders actress Martine McCutcheon goes behind the scenes with me, especially for you. It's such a beautiful thing, like, to be part of your legacy, to leave behind. Soap from the Box, the TV podcast you don't want to miss.