Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S01 EP14: Shappi Khorsandi

Episode Date: June 12, 2020

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' - S01 EP14: Shappi KhorsandiJoining us in the studio this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) during the lock down and beyond is wonderful comedian and writer, Shappi Khorsandi. Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Best Western made booking our family beach vacation a breeze. And it felt a little like... Come on kids, back to the hotel room. Good night kids. Good night, kids. Good night, Mama. Life's a trip. Make the most of it at Best Western. What's better than getting a small premium roast coffee and your favorite McMuffin?

Getting a small premium roast coffee and your favorite McMuffin for only $4 plus tax. For a limited time, only at McDonald's. Exclude Egg BLT McMuffin. A participating McDonald's in Canada. Prices exclude delivery. Hello, I'm Josh Whitacombe. And I'm Rob Beckett. Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell. The show in which Rob and I discuss what it's like to be a parent during lockdown,

which I would say can be a little tricky. So, in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation... And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills... Each episode, we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you, the listener, with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Hello and welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell with... Rob Bucket.

And... Josh Whittakin. I think that's the best one we've ever had in terms of sheer quality of the delivery. What I would say is the only criticism I would say, maybe a little bit too chilled. It's like the baby's just had a big bifter, just like, just chilling out, high, saying names, enjoying their life. Who was that?

That was Jessica. She has nailed potty training. It took a year on and off, but it's finally all clicked into place during lockdown. She's nailed dry nights without even planning to start that yet. Oh, that's great. Look at that. Congratulations to Jessica. Thank you for that. If you have any children that want to intro us, the usual email address, please. How have you been, Rob?

Not too bad, actually. Pretty good actually pretty good i was gonna ask how's your potty training going not great i'll be honest with you oh come on well we she wanted the nappies off yeah and then she just wouldn't do anything with the nappies off and it was causing her quite a lot of distress oh okay because she was holding it in until she got put in a nap bedtime and nap time yeah so she'd go hours holding it in. Oh, God. It was really the worst of both worlds. What I'd have done to step in a turd at that point is genuinely... Completely dry, arid, arid condition. Honestly, it was like the Sahara in our kitchen, sadly.

Oh, well, she'll get there eventually. She'll get there. Everyone does. Josh, we've got some podcast beef i don't know if you're aware of this um not really with me either more with you i've been dragged into this by you have you heard of a podcast called the fight disciples uh boxing yeah it's a boxing podcast um i'm a big fan of it listen to it i'm actually getting a bit quite pally with the guys that do it and i i text them and i said really enjoying your podcast and then he said thanks mate and he went enjoying the new

podcast with josh we beat him and his boys into second place at the british podcast years ago your football podcast quickly kevin um they've won it a couple of times now, beat you. And he says here, Nick Peat, nice guy, met Josh in the bar after and he was real salty. Salty? Yeah. What does that mean? Salty, a little bit annoyed, a little bit bitter, a little bit angry.

Oh, really? Yeah. God, that doesn't sound like me. I'm not going to lie to you. I didn't take the British Podcast Awards defeat as a real kick to the ego. I mean, I've only ever heard people say lovely things about you. I've never, you know, some people in the industry, people can slack off a bit.

I've only ever been positive of you. This is what was a shock to me. But no one's ever seen me once I've just missed out on a poddy, Rob. I'm a completely different person. Of course, you know, you've got the BAFTA, you've got the NTA. I haven't got a BAFTA or an NTA. Haven't you? What have you got? I've got the FFTA, you've got the NTA. I haven't got a BAFTA or an NTA. Have you? What have you got?

I've got the FHM Stand-Up Hero 2010. Yep. What a wonderful magazine to be a year off. And I've got an RTS award, the Royal Television Society. But I still, I've missed out on a poddy. You've been nominated for a BAFTA. Yeah, but you haven't got a podcast award, have you? No, exactly.

So, oh, I've just got a text here from the producer. Who's listening. We came third, not second. Fuck those Fight Disciples. Guys, I'm going to try and separate myself from this. Obviously, this is a quickly Kevin and Fight Disciples problem. Not mine. Okay.

And Josh, it seems like you was very arrogant and rude. And I think you should apologize. I will apologize. Because I'm going to fully apologize. Because I tell you should apologize i'm not i will apologize because i'm gonna fully apologize because i tell you if i'm going to start a feud it's not with a boxing podcast i know i mean both of them would beat us up and their followers i could imagine would bash our followers up but i've seen an angry parent and i think they could take on most boxing fans yeah i don't know i think we've got i think this this podcast has got some of the um tiredest listeners there is i can't imagine anyone is up for a fight but yeah i'll try and

smooth things over with those guys oh thanks mate much appreciated just less salty behavior in future is that okay i will do less of the salty behavior in future but if you've still got a problem with him i can arrange a bare knuckleknuckle fight. If you're interested, John. Do you know what? I don't do this for the award. I do it for you. Quite clearly, yeah, with your track record. You get it for a nomination, though, don't you?

No win. Always the bridesmaid, and I'm happy that way. It's lovely. It's lovely to clap someone else achieving what you wanted to at the evening. That is the main thing. Right. Do you want to hear from evening. That is the main thing. Right. Do you want to hear from some of our listeners? Yes, please.

It's the lockdown parenting mailbag. But it's actually emails and there's no bag. I've actually got quite a good parenting tip here from Tom Laws. Oh, yeah. Top tip if you're still working from home and required to be in video calls. Always take your one-year-old with you. Set up the clangers on iPlayer just out of shot. And when the meeting has dragged on enough, pause the TV.

The child will kick off and the meeting is over. That's amazing. Such a good tip, isn't it? Yeah. And now the problem is he could never do that. People will be trying to, you know, if they've listened to this, they'll know what his trick is. But that's a blinding idea.

It's a great tip, isn't it? Maybe we should do, like, if you've got any top tips that are kind of like that. We don't want, like, you know, try a bit of warm milk or whatever. The tips that are like top tips that are, like, morally reprehensible. That's what we're looking for, really. Stuff that you're a little bit ashamed that you do, but it's effective. We've got another one on that, actually. Rob, we have got another tip.

This is parenting tip. This is from Tom Tafe. Feeling a little tired, lie down on the floor, give each kid a highlighter and let them draw all over your back. Kills 30 minutes and gives you a chance for a little nap that can't be worth it no you're never gonna you're gonna have to have someone employ someone to scrub it off yeah you can't get to that bit you're back i'd prefer half an hour of parenting to having to go into the shower.

Highlight is difficult to get off at the best of times. It's degrading. Also, again, you're their prison bitch. You've got to try to eradicate being their prison bitch. They're just abusing you, lying down, they cull you in. Talking about that, I have carried my daughters up the stairs on my back as a horsey ride up the stairs every night for three months doing the last time and it's so degrading and then they drag me around by my neck of my shirt and make me be a horse for two minutes and it's just it's sometimes easier to give in and be the

horse yeah it is the bedtime routine so what was your tip last week the secondary tip was to keep it as shiny shoes yeah but look what your shiny shoes are doing. They're going so fast and build it that way. Well, I've got good news, actually, that it's kind of sorted itself out because she's done the shiny shoes so many times that she's now developed the ability to walk at pace in them anyway. Oh, perfect. Yeah, she's been doing that.

So now the time's just falling off that section of the bedtime. She's hitting PBs every night. Exactly. So it's not as much of a problem. She's created her own turbo shoes, in a way. Exactly, mate. Maybe she's listening to the podcast and she thought, I need to up my game here.

Yeah. This made me feel better about bedtime. This is from Debbie Button. Hi, guys. You're asked today for bedtime routines that take forever strap yourself in my son's bedtime routine takes an hour and there are four adults present myself his dad and our two adult daughters our son is four the routine starts with a 10 minute game of hide and seek followed by the bathroom to go to the, he has to crawl down our king-size bed

whilst under the quilt, come out at the end, then all four adults open their legs and he crawls through our legs to the bathroom. Once that's done, we play a game of catch, basically where we all throw his pyjama bottoms to each other whilst shouting each other's names. We then repeat with the top

and then he gets a sticker for brushing his teeth and getting his PJs up. FFS, Debbie debbie that is insane he's like a prince it's like it's like i've been it's like when you get sent the pitch for a kind of new quiz show it's like kind of it's astonishing he'll be one of those people in an office that can't understand why the whole office isn't stopping to celebrate their birthday all day. You know, those sort of people that are like, but it's my birthday. You can't come to my birthday. Where's my cake? It's my birthday.

I mean, it's amazing. He's got them all playing to. I mean, obviously, we're not judging these. I can't judge because we've all got. Josh, I know you want to sit on the fence. I'm judging it. That is unacceptable. Someone's got to say it. If you want to sit on the fence. I'm judging it. That is unacceptable. Someone's got to say it.

If I'm not saying it, people at home are saying it. You can't have four people getting one kid to bed. I understand it's probably a bit of lockdown ban that's got out of hand, but stuff's opening. One guy in Dandando's, things are going on. You won't have time to do that all the time. So what they're going to have to do is wean him off it, isn't it?

Just go down to three adults. This kind of salty attitude is what they're going to have to do is wean him off it, isn't it? Just go down to three adults. This kind of salty attitude is what you're known for. We're not going to make friends. You're supposed to be the peacemaker. If you've got any bedtime routines that are as bad as that, this is how to get in touch with us.

Email us hello at lockdownparenting.co.uk or we're on Twitter at lockdownparents. In today's economy, saving money is like an extreme sport. Coupon clipping. Robo code searching. It takes skill. Speed. Sweat.

Unless we're talking Kudo's new phone, internet and streaming bundle. we're talking Kudo's new phone, internet, and streaming bundle. With the Happy Stack, you can sit back and stack up the savings on Kudo Internet, a sweet phone plan, Netflix, Disney Plus, and Amazon Prime, all starting at just $99 a month. Stack more, spend less. The Happy Stack, only at Kudo. Conditions apply. Navigating adulting isn't always easy. You're not just working, you're working late. And dinner dates are all, what's your five-year plan? And you're thinking, paying off the bill for this fancy pants meal probably. So when you need to break free from responsibility and experience something that feels more you, reach for Kraft Dinner. Because when you're starved for moments that

bring you back to who you really are and what you really love, that's when it's gotta katie when you gotta do you it's gotta be katie shop now right now we have a guest a wonderful stand-up comedian um you all know her she's brilliant she's been in lockdown with her two children let's see how it went shappy call sandy shappy call sandy hello hello how are hello. Hello, how are you? I'm good. How are you? I'm all right. You sure? You don't sound like you are, Shappi. I'm OK. It's just so weird because I've forgotten how to socialise

and I so rarely have conversations with people over the age of 12, apart from pleasantries in the park what's your setup at home then shafi okay so it's me on my own with my daughter who is going to be seven next uh week and my son who was 12 and then from like saturday night to about Tuesday, my son goes to his dad's house, but they're only like a 10 minute walk away. So once during the lockdown, they had my daughter overnight as well. Okay.

What was that night like, Shafi? That night was really odd. I tried to get someone to take the dog as well, but I couldn't. was really odd I tried to get someone to take the dog as well but that night I just do you know what I did I just sat on Twitter actually wrote a good few bloody pages of my book. I worked. I did work. And I wrote. I wrote.

I don't know if what I wrote was any good, but I just sat and wrote because at nighttime, like I fall asleep or I'll be honest, even though my daughter's only seven, we stay up till about 11 watching box sets, like the three of us. Oh, really? Yeah, because that is what we have missed as a family with me being a comic because we're out every night and normal family things like squabbling over tv channels i've never done it before i've never sort of had my spot on the sofa before i've got a my spot now

yeah but the brilliant thing about this generation I mean your kids are very little now still right toddlers I think I salute you and your partners this whole lockdown I've had moments where I just wanted to cry for parents or toddlers because because particularly when they're sort of two I I mean, by three, three-year-olds are the most intelligent people on the planet. And they know it. But until that point, yeah, and they know it, and you can't reason with them and you can't plonk them somewhere without being sure they're not going to harm themselves

or find a piece of barbed wire to chew on somehow. So that idea, because, like, like you know my kids are an age where i can just go into my room like read my book by myself for half an hour before someone goes mama mama um but yeah does that happen when you started plonking what date should i mark in my diary with my son it was about two with my daughter i'm hoping by sort of next week when she's seven they're very different children i do think parenting parenting is like you know it says a very much a you know before plonk and after plonking vibe isn't there where they're so in your face and then at some point in their age where they don't really want

you around that much and they're happy to go off in their room and then at some point in their age where they don't really want you around that much and they're happy to go off in their room and things like that. Do you find yourself, you sort of miss being needed that much? Well, my daughter and I have had a brilliant time. We've like bonded on another level because I was away for so much of her infancy because of touring and all of that. Like any working parent, it wasn't like... But I'm not... Every time i feel guilty about it i just remember that it was for work and that's how

i feed them now when i haven't got any work um but with my son he is very much um can i go upstairs now can i it's all about minecraft yeah he talks to his mates to his mates on his headphones all day. And then he does his school from eight till four. And then it's Minecraft. And what's really interesting about him is that he's got to an age now where his humor is his humor. And he's not that interested in my, like the times when I've made him laugh, he sort of does it with sort of he's

irritated that i've managed to make him laugh it's like you know can i swear no he doesn't swear but his attitude is like fuck you i will not find you funny only me and my friends are funny only our humor counts i don't want no old lady humor what does he think of you being a comedian, Shafi? Does he like it? It's really interesting because both myself and his dad are comics. He really enjoys it when he was little and he came to all the festivals. Yeah, I used to remember you bringing him to festivals and stuff. Yeah, I still do.

He really, really loves it and he watches me, but it's so ordinary. Like he doesn't get. Don't be down on yourself, Shafi. Well, you know, I'm realistic. The people he hangs out with, the people they have met and hang out with, like when I was their age, I would have just been beside myself. But it's really fun.

Like he'll say to me stuff like, oh, oh mummy have you seen James Acaster's show like he's discovered James Acaster I had to then get my phone out and go listen kiddo here's you playing football with James Acaster on a beach in Melbourne when you were five. So he shut up, educating your mother about comedy. And then he slightly resents that. He slightly resents the fact that he'd met James H. Castle when he was five and I introduced him. Isn't denial that you've got links to the comedy industry. He thinks he's finding it out for the first time himself.

Yeah. Which is really as it should be. Is he quite funny, do you think? Because both his parents are comics. Do you think you haven't noticed that? Well, he's very... He used to come on stage with me. I went to the Applecart Festival when he was really little and there was about 1,000 people in the audience

and he just skipped on stage and sang... Oh, what's that song violent you were at that gig yeah josh yeah i was at that gig he was born at queen charlotte's hospital i was there exactly yeah you weren't there for the conception as well was you no do you know what the worst thing is he's now got into james acast you couldn't give a shit that I've followed him around for 12 years. It's absolutely... No, the thing is, and also, like, he was saying to me

that you've got to understand, Mummy, that YouTubers are, to my generation, what stand-ups were to your generation. I don't break my heart. Don't get me wrong, they're good YouTubers, but they're not funny, wouldn't say it's the first word but you know the thing about the pressure to be funny it's um he's a quiet boy you know he's very much like he's a geek you know i say that in a good way because i think most comedians

are geeks we're all nerds we're all geeks if we were cool would be rock stars be quiet dog someone should do a podcast about what how hard it is in lockdown has been in lockdown with the dog i can't help you now oh god right here's my situation is the only adult in the house the dog wants to go out the dog cannot go out because i've just turfed my lawn and she'll go and dig and now she's barking and i'm going to have to go and shout to my seven-year-old to come and look after the dog. Hold on. Vivi, can you come downstairs and look after the dog, please? Thanks, darling.

But anyway. Shout instruction but whisper the thank you. Sorry. Look after the dog is such a vague instruction. What's it need? And can you entertain the dog? Can you take her in the drawing? I'm saying drawing room just because I'm on the podcast.

Can you take her into the drawing quarters? Of course. Take her into the... Can you take the dog out, baby? Take her board. Take her into the drawing quarters? Of course. Take her into the... Can you take the dog out, baby? Take her board. Take her into the living room. But you're reading in your bedroom. Okay.

Okay. Can you read in the front room and take the dog with you? Why don't you rename the drawing room the reading room? The reading room. Yeah, in the library. The library. Go to the upstairs library and then come and read your book in the downstairs library have you had any um any sort of like nightmares in the

in lockdown with the kids any arguments with them stuff they wouldn't do is it or has it been quite calm well they've been fine i've i've been mad but in what way i've just had tantrums. I've had a few tantrums because at the beginning of lockdown... Oh, by the way, I've got... Hold on. Sorry. Thank you, darling. Get her ball. Thank you, because she keeps barking.

The dog killed a squirrel in the park yesterday morning. In front of the kids. In front of the kids. Oh, no. Oh, we've had blood baths. we've had an entire nest of baby mice baby rats killed by the cat and then brought into the garden and the dog uses them as chew toys and then buries them and then goes and digs them up and then eats them in front of us while we're trying to picnic in the garden and yesterday i have been in a nightmare i have been in an absolute nightmare with the pet so yesterday the dog catches a squirrel it's a golden retriever i didn't think the breed through when i got it right it kills this squirrel runs

towards me and my daughter me and my daughter run away from our own dog screaming people think that we're being attacked by a dog they're trying to help us these two macho joggers then try and wrestle my dog and i'm like no it's my dog anyway so we managed to get the squirrel out of its mouth. It's all good. So anyway, today we went back into the park. I'm so enjoying talking to adults, by the way. Oh, my God. And she went and found, the dog went and found the squirrel she killed yesterday.

What? And we had the same scene all over again. Blimey. How do you think you would have gotten, Shepi, with your kids being toddler ages in lockdown? It would have been really hard. So at the beginning of lockdown, the anxiety, like with everyone else, was intense.

And also I wasn't drinking because I can't drink. It just feels so strange to be locked up with two children and hit the bottle. to be locked up with two children and hit the bottle it's not like it's not like i i did that before i never drank on my own yeah kids before so it seemed an odd time to start so how i coped was um having to explain to my children about mental stuff like we had this incident that we still talk about the kids and I the first few days of lockdown was the milk tray incident oh wow what happened in the milk tray incident well I was trying to make life golden and happy for my children still because that's what you do as a parent right you just try and make everything magical and then the first few days of lockdown I just um well we started cooking and eating together

all stuff that I don't really do because I was out of work and um I got this box of milk tray and this milk tray box meant a lot to me because I went to the co-op to buy it when you know where you felt like you were putting your life in danger just stepping into a supermarket yeah and I bought it and I you know left it for a couple of hours so it I don't know the germs ran off or whatever so it stopped being a box of death and then and then my son went to open it and him him and my daughter was squabbling over how to open it and my son's like he's he's really clever and um he's normally really careful with things but he just ripped the top of the box off so you couldn't close the box

again he just ripped it open next thing i knew it was in the bin like I put it in the bin I just went right you're not having it you don't deserve you kids have had everything given to you on a plate I never had milk tray when I was a kid my parents had nothing we didn't have swimming lessons um but and all of this shit came out of like screaming at my kids at how privileged they are and how lucky they are to have a box of chocolates. You know, we had one chocolate once a year. I was, well, not Willy Wonka, Charlie. I was like Charlie from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Just hellish, hellish. It was awful. How many days in was this? I think it was day two and um how did they how did they react i mean they realized they were dealing with a mad woman like they understood that this wasn't normal and my son just he's so polite and he's so calm and he looked at me with like fire in his eyes and he said you are behaving really badly they went up to their rooms and then I had to call them down and I sat down and I said listen sometimes like thunderstorms happen in my head and I can't normally I'd go

out the house or I'd go up to my room or whatever but there's I I behave very badly and of course I went out the next day and I bought another box of milk tray that we all quietly ate none of us enjoying it and it's just sort of yeah the milk tray incident was bad and that's when I thought, right, I need to meditate. I need to, you know, really look after my head. Can I ask a question, Shappi? Yeah, please. Do you think you'll ever enjoy a milk tray again?

Do you know what? I bought another one just last night for the first time. I think enough time had gone. I think that's really good though, Shappi, though, because you weren't in denial about it. You haven't lied to the kids and you acknowledged your behaviour and explained it to them. And I think that's a much progressive, better way to,

rather than being denial about it, being honest and discussing it and apologising. It feels weird to apologise to your kids, but I do think sometimes it's necessary. It's so important, I think, to apologise for times when you have behaved badly and even if they you know even if whatever they did do did get on your nerves always you know whatever but during lockdown everybody i know it's like the thing to sort of go oh my

kids are driving me up the wall but i think my kids have done really well with me they've been amazing because they've been i'm you know i'm they've been so supportive and kind of the worst bit the absolute worst bit is their squabbling yeah do they get on then are they like mates or is it um the age gap is very uh different it's very big it's almost six year age gap so um and and also their personalities are wildly different my son is um much more introverted and my daughter is exactly like me and the poor my poor boy he's stuck with as he calls him because he's a corsandy riley and we're corsandies and he's a Corsandi Riley and we're Corsandis. And he's like, oh, you Corsandi women. fee, unlimited debit transactions in Canada, Avion points on debit purchases, and so, so

much more. Unlock more perks for less with RBC Vantage. Conditions apply. Offer ends June 30th, 2024. New eligible clients only. Complete criteria by August 30th, 2024. Visit rbc.com slash student 100. Hey, I just got

us a new Coca-Cola spice. Nice. What's it taste like? It's like barefoot water skiing while dolphins click with glee. Whoa, let me try. Nah, it's like gliding on a gondola through waving waters as a mermaid sings. Nah, it's like Coca-Cola with a refreshing burst of raspberry and spiced flavours. Yeah. Try new Coca-Cola Spiced today.

If you had that moment to yourself where you did loads of work when both your kids were staying away during lockdown, what would you do now if you had the whole day to yourself and you weren't allowed to do work? No kids, no dog, no nothing, and just you in the house. What would you do? And I wasn't allowed to do work no kids no dog no nothing and just you in the house what would you do and i wasn't allowed to write no work possibly finish painting the hallway i've been painting my hallway does that count as work no decorating decorating that could be a hobby because with um our jobs you're away so much and i feel like I bought a house and then I just spent all my time away

from it yeah and I've just been like wandering around just sorting it out really you turfed your garden didn't you did you do that yourself I did I have done some serious graft I I have I have hurt myself I've I've carried like something twice my own body weight through the house and i've laid down a floor at the back of my garden and then astro turfed it for the garden furniture so i had to like rake it all carry in like 10 bags of sand sand it all down and then glue the turf on and then i had to rake up the garden and then lay down turf it's been fucking amazing i love it i love all that stuff and um if i wasn't a comic i would certainly go and do something manual landscape gardener that is the one of the most unlikely revelations

i don't know if i could do it for someone else because if they didn't like what I did, I'd get really upset. Has the turf taken, Chappie? That's the big question. I don't know. It's only been two days, but it's mine and my daughter's birthday at the weekend, so we're having the government-sanctioned amount of people in our garden, so I thought I'd just do it for them. But you know what else happened in lockdown with with the kids is um just teaching like learning with

them i wouldn't call it homeschooling because i'm not a teacher yeah but learning with them and um watching my um son he's so diligent he gets up at eight he does does all his work. It really matters to him that he does all his schoolwork. I never have to force him to do anything. And then I'm like, found myself getting really envious of him. Just thinking, God, I really wish. I used to love studying, like, not at school because I was dyslexic. But once my dyslexia was diagnosed it was like a whole new world and so I've signed up to do a MA at the Open University what in English literature oh wow

yeah I'm going back to university you're going back to university that's already and you know what boys I think I'm going to go all the way if I live long enough i'd like to be professor corsandi oh wow i think i live long enough that's what four years like with everything that's happened with all of this stuff and like you know i was a comic look at me using it in the past tense 25 years 25 years of my life living this lifestyle and all the the gorgeousness wonderfulness dream come true stuff that's happened on top of the awful nightmarish pit of hell stuff that you go through as well and it's been such an incredible roller coaster um but there's other things now that i want to do

are you announcing your retirement on that no no no because i haven't figured out another way to make a living yet please please it still brings in the beans it's just pretty shabby though that would be great for some pr if we say that you're now then they can link us back to the thing so if you could just say you're like i've decided no because no because thing is i want to i want to still do festivals i still want to do all the outdoor gigs that you do that are so much fun like bristol comedy festival all of that stuff that are joyous but if you're a professor you can do the book tent and there's no pressure to be funny you just sort of hold the book up and talk a bit and then leave that's the dream gig. There's just no way I'm going back

to the same intensity of work. Because it's weird, isn't it? Because it's all or nothing. Yeah. I was going to ask, Shafi, what your highlight and low light of lockdown is. But I guess the low light would be the milk tray incident. And then the highlight, the degree and being a professor.

Or is there another highlight you know of lockdown where you just thought oh my kids this is bliss the highlight is um having this uninterrupted time with my kids it's honestly i could cry like i i have not had it before i haven't had that that time where i'm with them and there's nowhere to be in the evening. There's nothing to prepare for. There's no pressure. I'm not thinking about where I've got to be or what I've got to do, what I've got to say. I'm with my kids and I had never properly, properly experienced, you know, full-time mummying before.

I've always had other people helping me and being here and that's been amazing but um the highlight has been just rolling around with my kids all day i could cry it really is wonderful it's wonderful i know it's funnier to sag it off i wish i could you're not a comic anymore so you don't need to can you stop saying you're not a comic anymore you're going to drive me to the institution I'm sorry to hear you've officially retired from comedy on the show

but good luck with the being a professor thing I can't believe you've retired me just because I'm a comedian don't shoot the messenger it's been a great inning, what a career thanks for ending it with us I believe you've retired me. You've retired. Just because I'm a champion. Don't shoot the messenger. It's been a great inning.

What a career. Thanks for ending it with us. Yes. Thanks, Shafi. Bye. Shafi Korsandi always delivers. She's had a right time of it. The milk tray situation.

Do you know what, though? It's good that she did the milk tray situation early and it got that out of the way. You sometimes need that kind of blowout, don't you? We both know Sh know shappy and i don't think it's a surprise to us or shappy that there was that milk tray moment and i just think for the good of the family it was good it happened early doors they could address it and move on rather than waiting for it do you know what i mean i think it's better that way getting it all out in the open to label something like that as this event rather than there being a long-running tension calling it also the milk tray moment makes it feel light and kind of doesn't make it feel like an incident also he still eats milk tray that's what i couldn't get my head around because do

you realize there's for a roche and like celebrations you're still banging back milk tray you know bauntons ghoulion that ghoul shells. Oh, yeah. What are the balls? The chocolate balls. Lint. That's the ones I like. The lint balls. Oh, they're little one-pot bastards, aren't they? Lovely.

Love a lint ball. No wonder the Corsandis were angry. I think the dog needs sorted out in that house, though. That dog does what it wants, doesn't it? I quite like the idea of getting a dog, but I feel like I'm at least 15 years away from it now. Oh, yeah. I don't think anyone would look at Shappi Korsandi's household

of a single mum with two kids and go, do you know what this house needs for lockdown? A golden retriever. I don't think that helps. Do you think if your daughters wanted a dog, which might happen in the next, say, three years? Yeah. I always say I'll get a dog when Lou dies or leaves me.

That's always been my motto. That's quite possible in the next three years. Yeah. It wouldn't be a surprise. They're leaving rather than death. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. To keep the morale up. I genuinely, and I think it's nice the

great thing with shappy is she's such an open person yeah there's not much you know when you talk to shappy you're getting a genuinely honest appraisal of what she's been through she's not trying to sugarcoat it no exactly and i think it's so big of her to like pull up a problem like the milk tray incident and apologize for it explain it and then move forward where a lot of parents i think would never mention it ever again and nothing gets resolved by like ignorance of it so i think it's good thank you very much shappy we are looking for people that are you know willing to talk like that we don't want to hear it's going well that is the last thing we need if you want to get in touch about anything that we've discussed in the show this is how email us hello at lockdown

parenting.co.uk or we're on twitter at lockdown parents who we got next week josh alex brooker who we interviewed just after shappy and the difference was stark both having different times in their own different ways. How'd you manage to book him? I'll look forward to that next Tuesday. Thanks for listening. See you later. Cheers. Bye.