Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S01 EP15: Alex Brooker

Episode Date: June 16, 2020

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' - S01 EP15: Alex BrookerJoining us in the studio this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) during the lock down and beyond is presenter and comedian, Alex Brooker. Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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a sweet phone plan, Netflix, Disney+, and Amazon Prime. All starting at just $99 a month. Stack more, spend less. The Happy Stack, only at CUDO. Conditions apply. Hello, darlings. This is Lisa Vanderpump. Will you join me in France for a new reality show? Meet my hand-selected staff as they work, live, and play at Chateau Roosevelt.

Their job is to provide once-in-a-lifetime experiences for our guests. And of course, they'll have to meet my standards, and not everybody has what it takes. Vanderpump Villa has first-class luxury and world-class drama. I'll be there, will you? Vanderpump Villa premieres April 1st, streaming on Disney+. Hello, I'm Josh Whittacombe. And I'm Rob Beckett. Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell. The show in which Rob and I discuss what it's like to be a parent during lockdown,

which I would say can be a little tricky. So, in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation... And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills... Each episode, we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you, the listener, with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because, let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. of Lockdown Parenting Woe.

Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Hello and welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell with... George Devinis. Can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And Josh Whittakin. Rob Beckett. Josh Whittakinombe. George Buckingham. Josh Widdicombe.

George. George. Josh Widdicombe. George. It was a good attempt. George. George. George.

Getting more aggressive. You know the first one where I thought it was going badly, it actually turned out that that was the best one. Yeah. You should have tapped out then that was the best one. Yeah. You should have tapped out then, just carry it on. What's the name of the kid, Josh, who introduced us? We'll try to. The name of the kid is Bamba Martinu. George.

It's cute, though, when kids say things wrong. My daughter says juju for orange for some reason. Juju. So it's always like, oh, that. And not even just like the fruit. It's like if something is orange, oh, that's the color juju. And it's sort of quite funny, quite cute. But then she starts saying orange, and I hate it.

But she can't say juju forever. But I might start correcting her and go, no, it's not orange. It's juju. Well, do you start using that term? Because my daughter, she'll say, whenever she, say we've got this book, Where is the Green Parrot? And she'll call it, Where is the Green Carrot? And now she's got a parrot dress and she calls it a carrot dress.

So she sees, she says carrot instead of parrot at every opportunity, which isn't many, to be fair. No. I mean, it depends what kind of career she goes in, doesn't it? It does. You know, she's a pirate. She's ridiculous with a carrot on her shoulder. She does.

That would be a worry. That would be my main worry. It could be worse, a farmer planting loads of parrots upside down in the field. Make sure you don't write the new Peter Rabbit book. Just rabbits wandering around eating parrots. I've never known someone to have such an extensive knowledge of the situations where you'd need parrots. Oh, mate, I could go all day.

Do you correct them on the word? I consistently say parrot as if I'm a kind of awful pedant to kind of correct her, but is that a mistake? I don't know what the answer is on that. I don't know, really. I mean, I find it quite cute and quite funny, and no one's going to get to 47 and still get carrots and parrots confused. Oh, no, no, I'm not going like, it's carrot, actually.

Actually, you little moron, yeah? I know you've just woken up from your nap, but that is not a parrot. Are you thick? Are you actually thick or something? What's wrong with you? I'm kind of thick, though, you little dumb idiot. Can't you actually thick or something? What's wrong with you? I'm kind of thick, you little dumb idiot. Can't you see what it is? Oh, no, it's a parrot.

Look at the parrot in the ground. Carrots flying. You can never talk to kids like that, but you do want to, don't you, at some time? You know, do you ever have that thing where you think, I'd love to see how the world would play out if I could then just go back to the point and it would never happen?

Ramesh has got an amazing routine about um teaching his kid to read and it was something about like go go shopping or something like that and he said I'm butchering the routine but his kid said I'm gonna go strawberry and he goes well he doesn't say that does it quite obviously can you you can't even go strawberry go on go strawberry now do it now if you can go it's so funny but on that topic of saying the wrong thing my eldest always says for some reason for mcdonald's she calls it chip and burger chip and burger yeah so not even burger and chips or burger and chip chip and burger okay which sounds like some sort of cartoon double act chip and burger it's it sounds like a trendy

east london burger joint it does doesn it? And you get one massive chip with salt on it. But a big, long 15-centimetre chip. You get a huge chip and then you get 30 tiny little burgers. It's actually a very good idea. I think we should open Chip and Burger, Josh. I'd be up for that. I love those little burgers. How has your week been, Rob?

Yeah, it's been good, actually. They went back to preschool. Actually, I didn't think much happened, but they went back to preschool. They used to do Monday, Wednesday, Friday, 9 a.m. till 3.20, like a normal school day, i have lunch there and all that um anyway now it's 10 till 2 because they're in a school site so they have to come in separately and there's all rules in one out one out you know one way systems which a lot of people aren't adhering to and it drives me insane and i would say something but i don't think i can because i'm

off the telly people say oh you've changed like when you've done telly I've changed I've become politer I'm way more relaxed polite right and have more time for people now than I did before I was famous because I said who the fuck do you think you are turn around it's a one-way system if you keep doing this you're gonna fuck it up for everyone and the kids won't be able to go to this preschool yeah but I can't do that now it's a bit aggressive especially if you're off the telly but anyway they're doing 10 till 2, and then me and Lou were like, oh, yeah, it's good, isn't it? And then what we managed to do is we emailed the preschool and said, any chance they could go Tuesday and Thursday?

Because we worked out it's the same amount of hours spread over five days. But they couldn't do Tuesday. It was full. But they're now going Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Oh, no. But it's the same amount of hours. It's i keep saying it's the same amount of hours it's fine the only difficulty is they're at preschool now and it's lou's birthday this week and normally with a present and cards i normally do get her stuff but i normally say when you go to preschool tell them

it's mummy's birthday and make something. And then I don't have to get involved in it. And then they come back with cards and a crown. That's really good. Yeah. And then you go, don't tell mum. It's a little secret. This is a little tip.

Never, ever let your children see the present you've got for them because they will tell them immediately. So I bought this little ring. And then it's sort of like an expensive ring, just like a nice little ring. And they wanted to see what I got. I went, I've got this for mummy. We're going to wrap it up.

And she came in from the shops and they'd run straight up to it. Mummy, dad's got your ring. I was like, brilliant. So it was my, it's my wife's mother. Was that mother-in-law? It was her birthday. It's about their untiring weekend. You would have made it as a comic in the seventies, mate.

Don't even know what they are. Take my wife's mother, please. But anyway. So it was her birthday and we couldn't get her a cake, but we'd gone to get her a cake, but they only had like little cakes. Oh, yeah. So we met her in a socially distanced garden. And the first thing my daughter says is,

we've got you a birthday birthday cake which wasn't true so she's heard that we've tried to get the birthday cake not really probably failed and then she's so you think it's bad are announcing the present that you've got imagine them going in and delivering the news that you've got something that you failed to get i know it's so hard as well now the shops are open it, it's easy. But it's so... Last week, I was like, I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't get anything. I'm going to have to make it all. Like your Tony Hart.

We've got a toy shop, which has obviously reopened now. But it does appointments now. You have to book an appointment with the toy shop. Imagine having to cancel it if your kid's been naughty. No, we're going to have to...

That's it, I'm firing the toy shop. The toy shop trip is off. Hi there. I'm phoning the toy shop. The toy shop trip is off. Hi there. I've got a 320, but she's just smeared shit on the windows. So we'll move it to next week, if that's okay. Is that chip and burger? We won't be in today. So I will tell you about my week on Friday,

because as restrictions are easing in England, if not in the rest of the country, or I suppose we've got listeners abroad as well, we are making some changes now. We've had a lot of emails saying, please don't stop the podcast. Yes, because it's a lockdown podcast, but lockdown's sort of easing off, isn't it?

It's easing off, but this has been more of a success than we thought, so we thought we'd capitalise on the problems of the nation and carry on with our podcast. Yes, we are carrying on into the uncertain new normal. Exactly. This is the new normal. Are we going to change the name?

We should think about that. We should think about that, but this isn't the time. No, okay. Send your suggestions in. Send your suggestions in what about rob beckett's parenting show yeah yeah i'm not sure about show no it's a bit much a bit needy in it um so um we're gonna carry on on tuesday and friday but um we've got so much good correspondence and we're not getting through it, that what we're going to do is Tuesday is going to be the normal episode like it was, and then

on Fridays, we're going to do a shorter episode where we're going to go through your correspondence. I'm going to tell you all about my week. We're also going to, Rob is very excited about his new feature. Would you like to explain your new feature, Rob? Oh, yes. So, my new feature, because we was informed that Josh Whittaker was very salty towards some of the podcast industry, we have now opened this up and we want to hear your salty or unsalty stories of Josh Whittaker. You can email them in to hello at lockdownparenting.co.uk.

Are we going to do them now or later? We'll do them on Friday. So, tune in on Friday. On Friday for some salty info from Josh Willicombe. Yeah, let us know if you've encountered Josh Willicombe out and about and if there's any saltiness. And whether I'm salty or not. Also as well on Friday, I'll tell you what you should

put on Friday. We can play out my mishap with the age rating of a film for my kid. Oh, I'll look forward to that. So we've got that, we've got my week, and we've got your correspondence. We've got some look forward to that. So we've got that, we've got My Week, and we've got your correspondence, we've got some more disastrous bedtimes, we've got also what we call... I know your new feature!

Milk Tray Moments! Milk Tray Moments, which is based on Shappi Korsandi's terrible, when she flipped out over a box of milk tray, we've received someone who thinks they've had a worse milkshake moment, milkshake, worse milk tray moment than Shappie Corson. Milkshake moment?

It was Tommy Robinson. Shall we have one bit of correspondence before we talk to Alex Brooker? Yes, please. It's the lockdown parody mailbag. But it's actually emails and there's no bag. Would you like an email that's titled Clever Little Shit? Yes, please. This is from Elise Williams.

Hello, Rob and Josh. This is about my youngest son, Tom. When he was about six years old, he's now 16, which has a whole new host of parenting challenges. I went to a school to pick him up and was called aside by Tom's teacher who had a little tooth fairy bag in her hand. She informed me that Tom had lost a tooth in school that day. Perfectly normal.

No need to think any differently. Tom was very excited that the tooth fairy would be visiting and had planned what he would be doing with the one pound. So he put the tooth in the tooth fairy bag under his pillow at bedtime. Being the incredible mother that I am, I completely forgot about the tooth and was awoken to the sound of my six-year-old crying. Oh, no. Feeling like the worst parent in the world,

I quickly hatched a plan that would perform a sleight of hand and swap out the tooth for a quid in the little envelope. Whilst his dad comforted him with, but you are a good boy and maybe the tooth fairy was having a night off, I went to make the switch. As I opened the envelope, it became apparent the tooth in the envelope was not Tom's, but a large plastic molar from the classroom's educational skeleton.

Hang on. Hold up. Did no one look in his mouth to see where it came from? You've got to ask questions about the teacher at this point. Also, kids, they don't just fall out it's a big event they're wobbly forever they're wobbly for so long teeth you think they're gonna fall out it's another four days minimum the kid's gone to the teacher with a large molar from the plastic skeleton and talked them into this being the tooth that's just fallen out and they bagged it up i harried downstairs with the evidence clutched in my hand and asked Tom why he thought the tooth fairy hadn't been.

He did not relent. He did not back down, but looked at me with enormous baby blue eyes and said, because I have plastic teeth. He didn't get the money. He put the tooth back in the skull at school and remains a sneaky little shit to this day. That's very clever though, isn't it?

That is an astonishing trick. I think he deserves a quid. Yeah, I do. He deserves a quid. I totally agree. I totally agree. Credit to Tommy. He's 16 now.

I can only imagine what kind of hell he is causing. I bet he's doing some sort of white-collar fraud, isn't he? He's probably doing that pyramid scheme stuff you get off Instagram, selling diamonds to old people on the phone. If you have any more correspondence, anything you want to tell us about how you've been treated by your children or anything, this is how you get in touch. Email us hello at lockdownparenting.co.uk

or we're on Twitter at lockdownparents. Great guest this week. We've got the one and only Alex Brooker. Don't know how he managed to book him, Josh, do you? No, it was, it was, it was difficult, but I know his agent. So we went through the agent obviously and made things happen. Grease the palm. That's not a joke. That's not a joke. Oh no, I didn't mean that. I had to open loads of prawns for him in Australia once.

Did you? Because he just couldn't do it. And I went, do you want me to do them? He went, yeah. It's very awkward. You don't know whether to ask. Yeah. Why were you in Australia?

Oh, doing I'm a Celebrity with him. Yeah, he came out and did that. He ordered loads of prawns. He was having an absolute nightmare. I went, why have you ordered them? He went, I don't know. It's not happening, is it? And then I, these shells done prawns for him,

and now he's paid us back by coming to the show, and it's an absolute blinder. Alex Brooker, hello. Hello. How are you? I'm all right. Basically, I've just been parent-shamed, I think, for the first time.

Yeah. I've still come into terms with it. We've just been on a little trip, me, my wife, and terms with it. We've just been on a little trip, me, my wife and my two kids. We've just been to a little trip to some little like moors in Yorkshire. Yeah. Not the famous ones.

Like a nice one with a little stream, but like we were, we were like walking through it. It's only like, you know, kind of ankle height, the water. And it was all good fun. The youngest Georgiaia she's holding my hand and she was told specifically

keep holding daddy's hands and then she just says like she just decided against it she just went no and then she stepped back and like slipped and like went in the water a bit she went on like her hands and knees but all the parents have looked over and they've definitely thought i've dropped her and they've seen me in there they've seen me in my shorts obviously they've seen me with the leg and the arms and i'm sure they've seen me walking along thinking this is gonna end badly sure enough it has and it was like i was going to a c like deliberately loudly so people could hear. Just going like, C, told you to keep hold of daddy's hand, didn't I? This is why I don't like the youngest.

And I keep saying it. If lockdown has taught me one thing, it's that the oldest is definitely the better one. How old are your kids? So my eldest, Mia, the good one, who's absolutely mint, she's three and a half, and Georgia is two in a couple of days. Wow. That is tough ages, though. Yeah, she's the one who's let me down.

Do they get on, Brooks? Yeah, do you know what they actually do? They're not too bad um with each other it's just with me they just they've turned on me for it's been coming for a while but i think lockdown has kind of shone a bit of a spotlight on some of the problems they've they've got no respect for me you know josh i told you a little while ago george just started calling me alex yeah like i've lost the dressing room straight away before we did my wife was working upstairs and she so that was that was how it was going to be in lockdown that

she was going to be working working upstairs and that lasted a day because I just needed the kids to know that she was around so she ended up starting to work downstairs in um in the dining room and she was kind of like you know when sam allardyce used to go up in the stands and kind of oversee things he's kind of in the stands overlooking things and i'm i'm like uh what's his face the sammy lee from afar in my little headset so she's doing the main management and you're just the kind of person down there having to enact her plans i'm trying to point and get them going and it's not really work is she is she working full-time then alex no do you know what um i can't believe i'm

actually saying this but we had a result because she got um her hours reduced and i mean for her obviously it's not a result but for me i was like as soon as she went down to like 15 hours a week i was like fucking get up there but yeah i was quite happy when i knew she was going to be around more because the first couple of days it was just i don't i can't describe what it was like just having both them on my own i was clock watching you know like you used to do in some jobs when you'd like look up at the clock and think ah it must be nearly lunchtime and it's like half nine that was only half nine i've already had my sandwiches so the time was moving so slowly and And I realized it's like, I kind of ran out of things

to kind of amuse them with very quickly. The end of like the third day, they were just drawing on my face and I was like, yeah. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH,

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Do you know what? This is one thing, mate, where I think a lot of people will be like, how can you moan about this? My kids get up every day solidly about half eight. Do you know what? This is one thing, mate, where I think a lot of people will be like, how can you moan about this? My kids get up every day solidly about half eight. What? Oh, my. What? What?

Both of them? They get up. Both of them, they're like, literally, it's like clockwork. Every single day, about half eight, they both go up the room on their monitors. And the monitor is always a good indication of what sort of day you're going to have. If you wake up and, like, you can hear a little bit of singing a little bit of winder bobbing up you think shit that like especially the youngest she's in a good mood here this is going to be a good one if you wake up and it's like straight away time for mummy it's like oh no because she's only going to have mummy for a little bit and then it's daddy, and she's not going to like that news at all.

This was a big note. I go in there. I'm sure you two must have had this before, but I go in there, like, get her up in the morning, like, full of beans, thinking, you know, we'll make the most of this situation, me and you. And she just turns around, and the first thing she says is, like, not you.

What's the point? The problem comes, I've gone, all right, and then just turns around and the first thing she says is like, not you. What's the point? A couple of times I've gone, all right, and then just walked out again. But you can't leave them on their own, can you? So not you. Yeah, but I have that. So you wake up and she'll be calling for her mum, and then you go in and your first job is really the convincing job

that it's you that's going to do the first hour and a half. It's almost more galling as well when you're the one that's got up and you're the one getting the blame for getting up yeah not you i've had it i've had not you um no mummy also because the vocabulary's getting better it go away isn't is one that i came down to the other day, which I can't respect, really. It's very, like, on the nose. Go away. Yeah, go away. The eldest, as I said, is just, she's a joy. She'll get up and she's just, like,

just dead happy to see me all the time. So do you think, has that always been the case with the eldest? Nah, she's, like, in the last, like, year or so, I think she's started to, to like find me a little bit entertaining also just another thing that's come out of today and it's been a big parenting day for me this morning um she's noticed my hand for the first time it's the first ever time my today and she was kind of like she literally was going um daddy you've only got two fingers and i really want like technically it's

three but two are stuck together but it's fine if you want to call it two but it's the first time and like like it's one of those things where you know like obviously for me when i first went to like started thinking about having kids that was like a really big thing it was like i wonder how they're gonna find it and she didn't give a shit it was like yeah obviously the youngest was that was the one that weren't having it because she let go of me and then ended up facing and i feel like the eldest has seen that and thought yeah it's not an ideal hand to hold but it's better than nothing like the first i remember we first um when Mia was a day old, I went and met one of my mates at the pub quickly at lunchtime. And I was like, how are you finding it?

And I was like, mate, I just keep thinking I'm going to drop it. And he was like, well, everyone thinks that, doesn't he? What's the worst that can happen as soon as you have a new kid? You drop it. And that's like literally everyone kind of worries about it, whether you've got big... I'm sure David Seaman worried about it. Do you know what i mean it's like he was worried about being lobbed he was worried about the baby going over his head backpedaling i used to have

like really weird nightmares i was holding the baby and then rolled over it while i was asleep and slept on top of it and then i'd wake up in the night and the baby's in the cot and i was nowhere near it but these mad dreams everyone feels the same they do and like i was do you know what it was as i said the eldest i feel like we're really making progress at the moment she's got over like the hand thing very quickly i was surprised that was absolute you know 20 years of my life worrying about nothing um but then it was do you know what it was as I said, it's quite a big thing for me today, that. It's one of those things where I'll probably think about it a bit more later on. But yeah, it was like, I was genuinely up until today, like really properly worried.

And also, I have thought to myself more recently, it's like, you're nearly three and a half. You should have noticed. You can count now. We've done a lot you know how many times have i sat you in front of the ipad and just put like the count in youtube video on does she notice the lag oh mate they love the legs three different ones haven't i so today i had my blue waterproof on and like so it's okay i was gonna say that in a stream there must be a rust risk but if you've got a waterproof one you know what when i did that um that swim last year they gave me one for getting in and out the water so it's basically wood which is isn't the most flexible thing but it was

literally for the first time i've got like a wooden leg so it's not like you imagine it's not like a pirate it does have like a foot on it they got you a parrot as well which is a bit insensitive but you were on the feet but i uh yeah they um they she's obsessed because it's like really colorful and blue and that and she just like calls it daddy's blue leg i've taught her now to put my put my leg on sometimes when i'm like slobbed out on the couch and i've got my leg off I've like started to teach them it took me a little while with my eldest but I've taught her to like what like different bits go together to her I think it's like a big bit of duplo yeah yeah you are really

like a big bit of duplo that's that's how I view you yeah yeah best for under fours yeah yeah best for under fours Alex as as your disability stopped you doing anything as a parent like that you would have wanted to do the one thing which I'm still always like in the grand scheme of things this isn't like a big thing but the one thing I'm always slightly wary of is you know when you have like parents and they have like their kids on their shoulders or something like that yeah i mean i that we're not delving into that we've we've given it a little go on the sofa and you just go this is the juice isn't worth the squeeze for i'll be honest alex i've you know i've got all the necessary limbs to do that and it's still an absolute nightmare.

And they launch themselves off and I've lost both my kids to terrible shoulder accidents in the bars. So it's probably best left. We gave it a little go and I just said to her, just make sure you hold on to daddy's neck. And I don't think she quite realises how important that bit of it is because I'm not really holding on to her. She's carrying

everything for us and straight away we did it on the sofa we just fell backwards on the sofa I was like you know what well why don't we just let's give it let's give it something else but do you know what that's pretty much if I'm being honest the only thing that I'd like I've not really done on the flip side Alex has um your disability enabled you to get out of doing other things that is a bit of a relief? Do you ever play it up so you go, actually, I don't think I can do this because, you know, the old hand and leg situation

is probably best you do it. Have you ever got out of anything with that? Honestly, if you ask my wife, it is literally every single week I'll use it like my leg takes i reckon about three seconds to put on and the amount of times when like something will be happening i'll be like yeah but i ain't got my leg on have i as if it's like just like and it's just that's like the ultimate excuse and she'll be like yeah, but you can go and put it on, can't you? And it's like, well, yeah, but you're up, aren't you?

So you've got both your legs on. It is quite hard to argue. If your legs are already attached to make someone put a leg on when you could have just done it. It used to be the best one is when they moved out of the bedroom and it was like both of them, when they've been in their own rooms and the baby monitor would go off and it would just be like, well, I've got to put my leg on now, haven't I?

So maybe you go and then I'll just join in a bit. There must be stages of how long it takes you to get your leg on. Like if you're like just waking up, it must add a couple of seconds or drunk must add a couple of seconds. Or is it always three seconds, whatever state you're in? I'll be honest with you. Drunk, I just tend to like slide like a slug. When I've been staying up and I've been like getting on it on my own recently because there's like a little,

I leave like a little trail in the kitchen like a snail she she knows at the moment there's no hiding it what's better than getting a small premium roast coffee and your favorite McMuffin getting a small premium roast coffee and your favorite McMuffin for only four dollars plus tax for a limited time only at McDonald's exclude egg BLT McMuffin a participating McDonald's in Canada, prices exclude delivery. Only got small amounts of time but want big amounts of flavor? Knorr has got you. Our new Knorr Rice Cups deliver all the taste without the prep or wait time.

We're talking yummy, creamy, hearty goodness. Choose from loads of delicious, more-ishish flavors ready in only two and a half minutes it's not cup food it's good food in a cup visit canora.com to learn more how are you dealing with lockdown like do you know what it has been good uh being around a bit it has been with two it's always quite hard sometimes if they both want your attention at the same time it's always hard there's always they both want your attention at the same time. It's always hard. There's always one that slightly doesn't get it.

And I'm not going to lie. I've lost the youngest a couple of times this lockdown. And I'm going to admit it right here, right now. I didn't know where she was twice. And I don't live in a massive house. I live in a bungalow. But there's a couple of times when I've gone, Georgia? Where's Georgia

one of the times she was hindered underneath their little mini trampoline which afterwards after about an hour of my heart rate like going back down I respected but at the time I genuinely thought like she'd gone out the house but as I said you know I've had that game with Plymouth going on football manager and it does distract you and I've been doing really well on it I mean I won the Champions League with him like what six seasons which is an astonishing achievement I've managed to substitute um quality parenting for quality football manager I do find when you can't socialize with a lot of people you do something that's very impressive like I've been playing Warzone and Call of Duty and I got down to like seventh place on my own

and I went and told Lou and she doesn't give a shit. She's got no, doesn't understand if that's impressive or not. And even if she did, she wouldn't care. So you miss being able to tell your mates or your workmates the stuff you've done. Because what you've done there on a foot manager is incredible. And you're not getting the respect it reserves at home. Also, the other thing I did to try and help it along

when Georgia was having her nap and I still wanted to play, I started getting Mia involved. And her role in our management team is she just presses the continue button on the iPad. And I keep getting... but she's just like, as soon as like Lindsay's finished work, she's like, I've just been playing the football with daddy.

What do you mean? She's like, on iPad, been playing football with daddy. It's like, yeah, no, it was only for a little bit. And it was literally about two hours we sat there. Does she enjoy it? Do you know what? She loves it. She absolutely loves it.

She's very easily pleased, like her dad. And she's just really, you know. How does she understand the game going on? I don't think she quite understood the difficulty it was for me to get some of the loan deals over the line. Alex, are your kids in preschool or nursery or anything? Has that started back up for you yet? They've started back.

It's started back, I think it was this week. They've not gone back at the moment. We basically were kind of holding off because they were only doing, they were doing two half mornings. But we've held off a little bit just to stay, basically, from my point of view, I don't want to put them in, get used to having that time back. And then all of a sudden they all shut again.

So when, when I want them back in, I want them back in for good. So I can really enjoy it. Like, I don't want to go, that Tuesday morning was mint. And then all of a sudden it's like,

Oh, I've got them again. So new hobby. So at the moment we're kind of holding off just to see how it is. But I do feel for them because it's good that they've got them again so yeah new hobby so at the moment we're kind of holding off just to see how it is but i do feel for them because it's good that they've got each other but you want them to be socializing didn't you so it's kind of good that they've got each other but other than that like i do want them to be back in nursery and kind of because mia's really shy and so i was enjoying like she was just making progress like socializing with other kids and

stuff like that so yeah yeah i do want them socialising with other kids and stuff like that. So I do want them to be back in because as much as they do have fun with each other, more often than not, that fun does my head in. So I'd rather it was on someone else's phone. You know, when they really go quiet, it's always something bad. Yes, if you can't hear them, something awful's happening, like they're drawing on a wall or there's shit somewhere. There's something awful's happening when they're quiet.

The other day, Georgia was in her little tent and she was just in there and she just kept saying, like, mud, mud. And I was thinking, how's she got mud in the house? There's no block. We don't have any pot plants at ground level. How's it happened? And, of course, I got in there and it weren't mud that she was smearing

on the tent she was like a political prisoner she was so I mean I didn't I'll be honest with you I didn't clear it up like Lindsay was more than happy to do that she was just there at the time

so yeah she she ended up clearing it up but that's the first dirty protest we've had we're potty training georgia a little bit at the moment she's getting all right at it but she doesn't take her nappy off on the potty so she just sits on it and shits in the nappy so i kind of take that as like a small victory if we can get you the next next stage going it's like Rome wasn't built in a day so I think that's a positive I think I think with these things as well there's all kids are going to find their own way through it aren't they absolutely do you think that your kids have like known it's lockdown or known something's not quite the same as usual

when she's in a really bad mood I always try and blame it on lockdown and think, oh, she must be picking up on these weird times. And I suppose I'll only work that one out once lockdown's over. Alex, have you had a highlight and a lowlight of lockdown? It's been a moment that you thought, this is, I'm losing the will. I think the lowlight, the poo in the tent thing

was pretty low um yeah for everyone concerned um also i'll be honest with you another low point came on like the first morning of it when i kind of sat them down and like read them some books and you finish reading the book and then i thought they're gonna go that was all right and when it that's just like sit and chill out for a minute and the first word i heard was again yeah don't get me wrong i know this the caterpillar was hungry and it's had it's had some food and it's turned into a butterfly there's not a lot of substance but i don't think you need to hear this again straight away a bit of time before it's like you know i love the godfather the first time i saw it but i left it a bit of a while before i watched it again when you were a kid growing up what was there any kind of stuff to teach you about disability

no there wasn't really there was um there wasn't any but like people who were always missing legs are already always baddies so they're always like pirates or something like that steven alkin is all you had with it he was the main the main one wasn't he I remember the best thing for me as a kid was the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles they had um three fingers yes it was like the best thing ever I was just like when they reached their like peak popularity I was thinking if only one of the Ghostbusters could have had one leg i'd have had an absolute there wasn't a lot of it knocking about and there wasn't a lot of examples really as i said i didn't really know any other like disabled people so it was quite it was quite weird for me uh for me as a kid uh alex what about your highlight? Has there been a highlight which was just a lovely moment?

My definite highlight came last week and the kids had their paddling pool out and I went and got in it with them. We'd just finished a morning meeting on last leg and I went and got in the paddling pool with them and it was so hot and I managed to teach them to use their little cups of water and

pour them on me. Like, they're keeping, like, a beached whale alive. Honestly, they were either side of me. They were so happy doing this game. And they were just literally getting cups of water and just pouring them on me. And honestly, like, it was just so blissful and perfect for me. And it was almost like you sit there and you go you know

what this was worth it like all those early days the telly went on and you had to keep them amused to lead to this moment it was just it was just proper happiness it almost like brought like fear to my eye oh what a lovely story i didn't expect that from where we were earlier. No, what a lovely image to be left with as well. Yeah. I mean, there's probably going to come a time in about 10 years' time when they'll watch Free Willy and start crying and not know why. But we'll get there.

Alex, that's great. Thanks, mate. It's been a pleasure to speak to you. Cheers, Brooks. Cheers. See you later. Bye. Alex Brooker there. that's great thanks mate it's been a pleasure to speak to you cheers brooks cheers see you later alex brooker there i i think genuinely i i know this sounds like a weird thing to say because because i work with alex so much and obviously i forget because you're so familiar

with it that he is a disabled man and that comes into everything he does in a way in the way that it's easy to forget yeah definitely because you know as much as you don't want to be defined by having disabilities it does influence and affect everything you have to do within your life everything has to be planned for it but what I love for Alex Brooker is on one hand it'll be so progressive and informative like oh my god I've never thought about these problems before that a disabled person would worry about how they could be a parent and then he'll say something to sound like a dad from the 50s and i just can't he's like the most woke modern guy ever then he'll be like oh yeah i'll get your dinner on with such a hard thing to compute but i think it's great he speaks so

honestly about it where a lot of people would be know, a bit shy and embarrassed to talk about that. But I think we caught him in a real big moment that, you know, he realised his daughter acknowledged his hand and that was it, and it was fine. And I don't even think he really knew what he was worried about either, but he was worried, which is ultimately... I suppose, you know, in a weird way, we're all kind of, when you're a kid, you want your parents almost to be as invisible

or just blend in as much as possible yes yeah embarrassed by everything they do and everything they say and so if anything that's slightly different to what all the others do or have it's like a thing but i think um they're just kids kids are so resilient and just don't care you know it's more of the adult's own anxiety that gets pushed on them i find at times but um and also if anything like you know it's more of the adult's own anxiety that gets pushed on him I find at times but um and also if anything like you know his daughter is just going to be totally familiar with his disability from it's just totally normal and everyday to her do you know what I mean the best way it could be in that sense and I think as well the way Alex is and he's you know

he's been on tv on the last leg for years talking about his disabilities and talking about all the different stuff he's gone through it it has generally you know before him really there wasn't many people with such obvious disabilities on TV or in the media and he and I think you know because of him when she's at school and stuff people will understand and know about it because of what he's done and you know what people have done with the Paralympics and stuff like that so I think it's yeah I can say amazingly inspirational but also you think ow is people have done with the Paralympics and stuff like that. So I think it's, yeah, like I say, amazingly inspirational, but also you think, ow, is he getting away with that at home? I think, you know, you've got to make the best of the situation.

Oh, yeah. I can get my leg on. Yeah, exactly. I mean, if I had one leg, I'd use that to my advantage as well, to get out of doing stuff. Yeah, or to get around in Channel 4 show. Either way. Thank you to Alex. If you want to get in touch channel four show either way uh thank you to alex um if you want to

get in touch with the show this is how email us hello at lockdown parenting.co.uk or we're on twitter at lockdown parents thanks for listening everyone don't forget to rate and review us five stars please it all helps get us up that chart. And we'll speak to you next week. Cheers, guys. Bye. Bye. What a weird way to say it. I don't know why I did that.