Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S01 EP17: Lorraine Kelly

Episode Date: June 23, 2020

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' - S01 EP17: Lorraine KellyJoining us in the studio this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) during the lock down and beyond is the broadcaster and national treasure, Lorraine Kelly. Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Offer ends June 30th, 2024. New eligible clients only. Complete criteria by August 30th, 2024. Visit rbc.com slash student 100. Hello, I'm Josh Whitacombe. And I'm Rob Beckett. Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell. The show in which Rob and I discuss what it's like to be a parent during lockdown,

which I would say can be a little tricky. So, in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation... And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills... Each episode, we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you, the listener, with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because, let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. woe. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing.

Hello and welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell with... Rob Beckett. Rob Beckett. Josh Willicam. Josh Willicam. That was a great one, Josh. Who was that? That was Evelyn Connor, who is two. She has successfully been potty trained during lockdown with the help of an iPad and sitting on the potty for for some times hours at a time brilliant what a win that is i'd kill to sit on a potty with an ipad for hours of time that would be my dreams to know it i had a whole routine about you know

when you're a kid and your mum goes right if you keep if you're at a party somewhere if you keep being naughty i'm going to take you home put you in a buggy and take you straight to bed. You're like, oh, it's the dream now. If I could just get battered at a party and someone takes me home, bath me, feed me and puts me straight to bed. Oh, that's all you want, isn't it? You should offer that as a service. It's sort of like a weird mum prostitute, isn't it? Without any sex.

They probably do offer it as a service if you pay the right amount of money, Rob. Yeah, but they'd make you dress as a baby. I'm not into the weird kink. I'm not getting off in this sexually. I just want someone to put me to bed, Rob. Do you know what? I'll tell you how my week's been. Absolutely.

Josh, you sound stressed before you started. How bad has it been? I'm so on edge. It's unbelievable. Well, I don't know where to start. What's happened? It's been Father's Day. To give you some perspective from my daughter's side,

I do think being two must be shit. You know, like, it's great for, like, a week, and then she'll obviously enter some kind of developmental stage where everything is bad. I've written a list, Rob. I wrote a list over five minutes of things she was annoyed about, right? So this was this morning. Okay. So I want mummy. I want daddy. I don't want daddy. I don't want to wear a dress. I want to go downstairs. I want some frozen blueberries blueberries I don't want you to open the freezer I want more frozen blueberries than that no I want them in a cup please don't turn on the blender

she didn't say please don't turn on the blender um so she went outside it's too cold outside so I want to wear a dress that was five minutes and that's been... All of them happened in five minutes. No way. Nothing is making her happy. And it must be... I feel for... You know when you're hungover and you're always looking for the thing

that's going to be the solution? And you're like, it's going to be a cup of coffee. No, it's going to be a pizza. No, it's going to be a nap. And nothing works. She's going through that, but she's trying a different thing every 10 seconds. That's why they call it the terrible twos though,

because they are like that. And then they go back to normal again. So Father's Day was an absolute shit storm. Genuinely. She's not yours. I fucking wish, mate. It's not her fault. It's not her fault.

It's like she's having as bad a time as I am, which is a little bit of a consolation for me, if I'm honest with you. Yeah, because she's not enjoying being that angry, is she? No, she's not. She can't be. She's not enjoying being that angry enjoys being that angry so she's very frustrated with the world uh father's day we went for a walk and the the stress the adrenaline i had

going through my legs you know like when you you're overworked and you're going to miss a deadline and you're like you're feeling like i just felt and we got back and she made us bring this the you know you get those little prams that children have that she normally likes. And I went into the house first and I got into the sitting room before her and Rose. And I knew I was on my own. So I kind of, I had the joy of throwing down the pram because I knew, it was like a bit like, you know, a tennis player, racket abuse, but thinking you're not going to get spotted.

You know what I mean? Yeah. It was like a kick when the referee's not looking, that kind of thing. And so I had a milk tray moment, but just to myself. But it didn't work. I still felt awful. So no one knows about the milk.

So that's a half milk tray moment that you had it. It's a half milk tray moment. It's a secret milk tray moment. And then my wife went to the toilet, which I later found was just to kind of get herself together. Oh, no. Just to like... This is the most British family.

Yeah, that's how bad this walk was. Everyone's upset, but internalise it alone until the inevitable, like, volcano. Well, my daughter's not internalising it, I can tell you that. What happened on the walk that that was that bad? Just not enough puddles. Not enough puddles. Too sunny.

But then didn't want to wear sunglasses. So pick a team, mate. Pick a team. Yeah, it's these things. It's just everything's a defeat. So anyway, it was a very long day. Yeah. My friend had a particularly bad weekend as well with his almost two-year-old son.

And he said the lowest point, I'll read it out because he texted me. So he was having a terrible time. But he said at his lowest moment was when his son was losing his mind in the street and a couple went past on a tandem both holding beers and laughing what a sight when you're thinking i wish i wasn't a parent at this point a couple on a tandem with beers imagine people owning a tandem bike having a better life than you. What a low point. Oh, gosh.

Any brushes with the public? Were you salty with the public because you were so angry? I wasn't salty with the public, no. We didn't go out afterwards. We had some friends come over in the garden, and they've got a daughter who is absolutely perfect. I mean, she's nine months or she's 11 months something like that yeah but she's very well behaved oh i hate it when they turn up with them but is it worse when they go oh it's a nightmare she just she's just non-stop and they're

just sat there with like a one ball dribbling on it and licking it you're like it's not moving it's not moved for 25 minutes oh you're knackered are you look at this old feral gremlin i've got licking the walls when you see a chilled out baby and you're like you know i deserve some kind of karmic payback like this insane energy that she's got is she's going to turn it into being a multi-million pound novelist or something in a later date do you know what i mean you're like i hope that this is because i'm like when i see one this is because she's got such an amazing mind yeah when they're quite like that i just think to myself probably simple probably simple that kid that's right it's the same way as when i see someone's like a brand new range rover i'm like probably on finance

probably can't afford it all gonna come down crumbling bricks in a few years isn't it when you don't get that don't get that sales sales bonus next month hey but it's probably kind of full of range over probably a lovely kid that's fully functioning but just quiet but i have to try and pretend something else is going on yeah you have to convince yourself that all the bad behavior is their kind of brilliance activating itself at too early an age which is of course complete bullshit yeah you might just have a little arsehole. Might be just an arsehole. Grow up and be an arsehole.

Exactly. And then you get to 28 and you'll go to O'Shea Watt. She's a bit of an arsehole, isn't she? She's not a novelist. I'm sure she won't be, Josh. Don't worry. I'm sure I'll be fine. No, it's fine.

It's fine. And then, thought we'd treat ourselves to a deliveroo in the evening nice so we got cauliflower katsu curry right both vegetarian rose edging it me i'm good at it right yeah they deliver chicken katsu two chicken katsu curries get wait for this we go on the deliveroo complain right do you want your money back no No, obviously we still need dinner. Send it. Could you send another one? 30 minutes later, two more chicken katsu curry turn up. Oh, so in a way

you've killed more chickens complaining. Exactly. For no reason. I'm putting these corpses in the bin. Oh, but can you imagine the rage of the people that got the cauliflower ones? Well, I hope they've got a really easy child.

I hope that that's their punishment for having a really easy child. Oh, Josh, I'm sorry. What I would say is though, my two and a half year old, she's really lovely at the moment, but she did a few, how old, how old's yours? Just two or two and a bit? No, two and a half. Two and a half. Yeah. A couple of months ago, she was like,

so angry, just pure rage about everything. And then she calms down a bit now, but I think it's just like, you know, a developmental leap and then their communication skills get better so that they can communicate it better. Well, two weeks ago, I texted you about this. Cause I was worried about it she like for for three days she had a stutter and it was like like really like just couldn't say words and then suddenly it went it's just like these the brain moving at a different speed to the body or

whatever but I'm not gonna lie to you it's a tense old household at the moment Rob so um how was your father's day Rob well um Lou let me have a lie-in, slept in, and then woke up. There may be breakfast. Then Lou took the kids around to Mum and Dad's garden for a few hours. I just had a shower, a nice chill. And then she came back, saw them for about 20 minutes, had a bit of lunch, and I went to Lou. Might have a nap.

Is that all right? She went, go on. I had a four-hour nap, Josh. Two till six. You had a four-hour nap? Four-hour nap, two till six. And then woke up. What?

I woke up, and they were already in the bath, the kids, because my wife's an absolute legend. Oh my God. And then this morning, Lou woke up, 6.30am, did an exercise bike. Have I married Mark Wahlberg? What's going on? I'm worried. Is she having an affair?

She went, I'm just going to go downstairs and do a half an hour spin class. Are you all right to watch the kids? I was like, who are you fucking? What's happening here? Well, I think if you're having four hour naps, mate, she could smuggle him in and out of the house. She could do half the street in that time, four hours. Yeah, so I had a lovely time.

What I did love is I saw your wife's so I had a lovely time and I'm sorry I'm sorry what I did love is I saw your wife's Instagram post of a lovely it said lovely father's day walk and I could see the back of your head and then your daughter with the pram and I was like I know what happens to that pram later absolutely absolutely livid I tell you what on a friday we'll do all the correspondence and i'll talk you through we had a day trip to the zoo we can talk about which is a pretty good fun oh lovely i look forward to hearing about that a fresh voice can speak to you and open your ears and your mind to new views and new perspectives. The call of the wild, a crescendo of culture.

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It's not cup food, it's good food in a cup. Visit canora.com to learn more. I've got a couple of salty emails about salty Josh Whittakin that I can do on Friday.

Oh no. Is it from my daughter? No, it's not from her, it's from the pram. Do you want a quick email? Right, shall we get into the mailbag? It's the lockdown parody mailbag. But it's actually emails and there's no bag. This is from Bernadette Sumner. Hi, Josh and Rob. Just a little insight into my lockdown life.

I started lockdown off with three kids and three weeks ago gave birth to our fourth child. Thank God. I thought it was going to be a really bleak one, that. Started off with three, down to one and a half. My children are 11, seven, five and three weeks. A few weeks ago, I could hear my five-year-old daughter screaming at her iPad from another room. She likes to use the microphone on YouTube Kids

when searching for programs to watch. Her latest binge watch is something called Peep and Quack, and I could hear her shouting, put Peep and Quack on, extremely annoyed at her iPad. I then stormed into the living room, and she said angrily, this iPad is stupid and it's not working. I looked at it and under the search section, it said no results found.

And in the search engine, it read, put people on crack on. So my advice to every parent out there is to make sure you've downloaded YouTube kids and not the real YouTube for your children. My Sadie would have had a real eye-opener if she'd been searching for people on crack on the unvetted YouTube.

Kind regards, Bernadette O'Hare. Oh, wow. People on crack would be the easiest watch for a child. But what if that became part of the bedtime routine? Ten minutes of people on crack she's nearly off we've just put in that we're just watching the bloke put the elastic band around his arm he's nearly he's getting a vein up so she'll be what are we on people on spice just slowly like um so uh yeah the lesson there is don't let your child on normal youtube thank you for your emails we've got so many on friday's episode we will go through all the great

correspondence rob um we will be answering a uh a question about a man who has made his own nando's experience for his children at home we will have have more emails, Rob, will we, about me being salty? Yeah, I've got, it's very 50-50, though. It's quite like the Brexit vote, your saltiness. There's a lot of people that believe in it. And so, yeah, we've got a good one and a bad one, I'm afraid, Josh. Also, great, we will have an email called Rob's Day Out. If you want to get in touch, this is how.

Email us, hello at lockdown lockdown parenting.co.uk or we're on twitter at lockdown parents our guest this week is i'd say a national treasure in waiting if not already there it's uh lorraine kelly a wonderful broadcaster who's kept us sane during lockdown and also implied live on tv that i had a two-metre long cock. Yeah. That was quite an interview. Which would be actually unworkable. It would have been awful.

I mean, you probably get a bit of work in sort of just like shock porn. Yeah. But I think it would cause more problems than it solved. I don't think it would solve any problem unless you were trying to have sex with an elephant. And that's not something I'm into. No, don't believe the rumours. He's not into it. Don't believe those rumours on the internet. But a hippo? Oh, yes, please.

Yeah, it's on YouTube, that interview, me and Josh, me and you did, Josh, on Lorraine, where at the end, she implies that I've got a two-metre-long knob on daytime TV. So have a look at that, and have a listen to this. She's an absolute legend. She's got a one grown-up daughter, Rosie, who's 26,

and living with her and her husband and Rosie's dad, obviously, in lockdown. Enjoy. Hello and welcome, Lorraine Kelly. Hi, guys. How are you doing? Good. We're delighted to have you on. Very excited. Oh, we need to thank you as well, Lorraine, because after doing your show, we had a spike in listeners. We like to call the Lorraine, the post-Lorraine effect of our podcast.

I like that very much. That was fun, wasn't it? See, the trouble with me at the moment is I keep forgetting that I'm actually on the telly. Yeah. I know, I have to be very careful as to what I say. How many hours have you done in lockdown it seems like you're on all the time for like much longer as well well i've not had i've

not missed one show i've been on since lockdown um i mean don't get me wrong it would be lovely if i could sit up really late at night and have a few scoops but i can't so i've got to go early so i have to behave but maybe that's just as well because I'd be, you know, I would be actually drinking far too much. It's that thing, isn't it? We're waiting for the pubs to open so that we stop drinking as much. It's a bit of judgment in the room. So, Lorraine, what's your setup parenting-wise?

Well, we've just got the one and she is a grown woman and far more sensible than I will ever be. And she just celebrated her 26th birthday. got the one um and she is a grown woman and far more sensible than I will ever be and she's she just celebrated her 26th birthday and she was over in Singapore and working in Singapore been there for the last sort of three and a half years and I've really missed her and then she's back here which is lovely and like of course we're driving her crazy but that's kind of our job. Have you defaulted to um like when she was a teenager again have you defaulted to those like, when she was a teenager again? Have you defaulted to those roles? Not really.

It's quite different. I think she is kind of more like the parent. She's looking for us and telling us to tidy up. It's really quite weird. Really? It's, Mum, you have to tidy up. You know, and she goes out and does the shopping and we have to say what we want.

It's really quite nice. I'm quite enjoying it. But we do drive her nuts but that's fine but you know what she was quite good um the teenage years weren't too bad I mean there was a lot of eye rolling and a few doors slammed but it was actually okay but the thing with us was I was away for quite a lot because I worked down in in London and we were all together until she was about 12 and then went back to Scotland for her to go to secondary in in London and we were all together until she was about 12 and then went back to Scotland for her to go to secondary school in Scotland and my husband really wanted to go home as well so I did the commute not every morning surely not every morning it was crazy it was crazy but it was doable then because um Dundee has got an airport

and tiny tiny little airport and which is so easy you know to get. And it's just a doddle to check in and everything. It was a joy. It was like getting the bus. And we went from London City. But Steve was the parent that would say, eat your broccoli, brush your teeth, do your homework. And I would be the parent that was like, hey, look, I've got a heat magazine and then free lipstick.

And I was like a good cop, bad cop a little bit. So it was a wee bit kind of strange. But it was, it's all the time. I mean, I just feel as if it's been two minutes ago that she was a wee tiny baby and it's just gone by so fast. I know everybody says that to you, but until you're living it, I think it was literally two minutes ago that she was a wee toddler and interested in everything.

I love the toddling stage when they're interested in everything and it takes you about half an hour just to walk down the street because puddles are really interesting and the questions and the why why why I just I loved all that the curiosity of kids I think is the best thing how was it how was it um as a teenager when you know were you being so famous and on the telly every day and everyone knowing you know household name knowing that you know her mum was Lorraine Kelly how was that as a teenager was she proud of you? Was she a bit embarrassed?

I would say on the whole, probably more embarrassed than anything else. I mean, of course, she was really funny. I remember when she was tiny and she said to me, and it was before people would come up for selfies. And she did say to me, she says, mum, why do you scribble your name on bits of paper for people? It's weird. And she would look kind of quite bemusedused so she's never really known anything else and and the thing is when I'm at home I'm just her mum she was never really that impressed which I think is quite healthy although when she was five and she met Westlife she quite liked that

did you like find yourself using because obviously there's a lot of kind of stuff parenting wise that you could use in your job so were you like having to call Dr Hilary if there was a rash and stuff like that like you had all the best people on tap Lorraine you know what that Dr Hilary has been all throughout this incredible that's that was one thing that was quite good but I think with me I think I was lucky that she was never really a problem and we had we had one thing when she was two and she'd one of those horrific febrile convulsions because she'd had a fever and then she was fitting she had a fit and that's when i realized that i am beyond hopeless steve was brilliant he just skipped it up we went you know we called the ambulance we got her to the you know to the hospital and it was

it was all fine but oh my god you know You know what it's like when anything happens to a kid and it doesn't matter whether they're two days old or they're in their 40s, you know. You just want it to be you. You know, that's all you want. You just say, I can deal with it if it's me, but I can't deal with it if it's my child. So that was terrifying.

I can't imagine you, though, being, like, nervous about something. You're such a kind of filled-out person. But I was nervous, love. I really was. I was nervous a lot. I mean, you know, and I think you're always going to worry about your kids my main thing was always is she happy has she got pals you know the parents meetings has she got pals and is she happy because right now that's all that matters you know it really is we can start thinking about whether

or not she can speak fluent Japanese and we can talk about that when she you know at a later date but I just think there's at that stage when the we it's all about have that when she you know at a later date but i just think there's at that stage when the wee it's all about have they got friends you know have they got are they sociable are they all right are they being bullied worse are they bullying because i can't imagine you know it must be hellish they're bullied but can you imagine if your kid is the bully oh what do you do then yeah it's a kid's party when like a kid's been bitten you're you'd rather you could be bitten than be doing the biting. Oh, yeah.

It's horrible. I mean, at least when... You know, I was bullied a bit at school, but at least when I went home, it stopped. Because we didn't have media. Obviously, we didn't even have a phone. So there was... Real effort to bully you at home there.

Got a telegram for you, Lorraine. It was a bit like that. You know, it was a kind of a pigeon. Real effort to bully you at home there. Got a telegram for you, Lorraine. It wasn't that late, though. You know, it was a kind of a pigeon. How old are you, Lorraine? Are you 200? I'm not 135. I'm 60. I'm going to be 61 in November.

I don't know how that happens. Did you have a career break, Lorraine, when you had her? Or did you go straight back into work? How was the maternity leave? What was that like? Because that must have been tough at that point as well because stuff's moved on a little bit now but to have a career break you can't as a woman you're judged unfairly well it's very interesting because what happened was I did get pregnant and then I got a phone call two weeks before I was due to come back to work so I had her in the June and I was supposed

to come back to work in the September so it wasn't much of a break it was just a couple of a couple of months to a couple of weeks actually to be honest it was just basically July and August and I got a call two weeks before saying actually don't bother coming back we've got someone else and thanks very much so wow that's really scary no it wasn't I mean I wasn't sacked in the sense that i just didn't have my contract renewed that's what happened didn't have it renewed they just you know what it's like they wanted a change and that's fine that was a bit scary so what i did was i got you know i put her under one arm and my cv under the other and and went around and basically said you know i'm available to just about everybody and as luck would have it work at gTV it was at the time and they got a sponsor a sponsorship deal

and from a company and they said we need a mum to present this only two days a week nine o'clock till half nine happy days and and they said and they got in touch me and said would you be interested in that and I was like yeah so I did that for a couple of months it was and then I got my own show from that wow was the culture that once you had kids you would that for a couple of months, it was, and then I got my own show from that. Wow. Was the culture that once you had kids, that was you sort of done then as a female presenter, or was it you encouraged to come back?

It's interesting because actually it makes you so much better at your job, particularly the job that we're doing, particularly daytime, because so much of that is about family and about, you know, and about children and having that empathy. I'm not saying that you can't have that empathy if you, you know, if you don't have kids, of course you can. But it just made, certainly for me, it made me less selfish. It gave me a much, I don't know, much more understanding.

I had a greater understanding of someone who, you know, maybe their child was ill or their child was in a difficult position or whatever. It just makes you better, makes you a better person, person I think to be honest with you anyway were you working pregnant then right oh right up until two weeks before she was born I worked right I had no idea it was I had this thing in my mind that I was going to I was going to take a month off beforehand and then obviously just like a month or two after and and she came a couple of weeks early and I had it all planned I was going to sit basically sit eating chocolate and watching Bette Davis films.

That was all I was going to do for two weeks. And of course, I still feel cheated that I've still not had that two weeks of chocolate. Still holding it. Yeah, even in lockdown, the busiest you've ever been. I know, it's nuts, isn't it? It's bonkers. And I know that one day it will end and it's been fantastic and I've loved it, but you can't take anything for granted. I don't think it's bonkers and i know that one day it will end and it's been fantastic and i've loved it

but you can't take anything for granted and i don't think it will lorraine i think you're fine i think i genuinely think 200 years time you'll still be presenting gm tv or whatever it's called i'm confident of that what's new in cockroach fashion this week? Let's see what they're wearing on the high street. I think you might be right. So did you sort of split the parenting up then? Would you do the afternoons and evenings

and Steve would do the mornings because obviously I couldn't really drop her off at school at five in the morning. That would have been Yeah, we've always done that. There's not like a rota or anything but we've always kind of done that because he's a freelance cameraman he had you know I mean obviously when he became a dad had to turn down an awful lot more jobs he wasn't away as much and things like that but yeah it just kind of it kind of worked out and he's he took to it much better

than I did I think you know he he is an absolutely natural when it comes to being a dad. I kind of had to learn it a little bit more, I think. It didn't come as natural to me, I don't think. Although I obviously loved it. It's the hardest job in the world, but it's the most rewarding job in the world. I know everybody says that, but it's true. We all have the power to shape the world. We're connected to the world we share,

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Echo thanks its presenting partners Sun Life and its official partners Air Canada and MasterCard. The world is yours to create. 27th to 31st people across canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone help camh build a future where no one is left behind so who will you rise for register today at sunrise challenge.ca that's sunrise challenge.ca do you think like most people obviously the thing that they have is they're like oh my god the early mornings but you were getting up at five and anyway so you were probably getting up first anyway it wasn't a problem for you I know it wasn't that was one that was one of the joys of working back that you you add up and when she was teeny teeny tiny a couple of times I was able to take her into work um and that was because you can just pick them up and carry them so that was okay and obviously I wouldn't

leave her on her own who knows that you know one Who knows that one of the team would keep a wee watchful eye on her. But I didn't do that very often. But at least occasionally I could do that. They were really good. So you were sat there doing an interview knowing that there's some runner who's looking after your baby in the green room. She'd be sleeping. She was sleeping.

But like I say, that probably over the years only happened a handful of times. It was only if there was a you know an emergency or something and of course when when I needed them my mum would come down I mean my when she was born you know my mum was like right it was 11 o'clock at night um and I phoned my mum and she of course she's in Glasgow and she's like how do I get to you obviously I'd say the country's got a kind of view of Lorraine Kelly you're a very kind of clear character would you say as a mum I can't imagine you discipl got a kind of view of Lorraine Kelly, you're a very kind of clear character. Would you say as a mum, I can't imagine you disciplining a child. Can you tell someone off, Lorraine?

Can you get angry? Oh, yes, I can. I mean, it takes a lot. I am like the Incredible Hulk. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. We saw the Esther McVeigh clip. I've seen that. I don't do it very often.

I really don't. But like, I mean, that but like i mean that's who let my pals know do you know what i mean that's who that's when i'm sitting having a few a few days then that's and then they say tell me about this one what do you think i go well wait till you hear this i have to keep her caged but yeah i think, I find it really difficult giving her into trouble. But thankfully, she hasn't really given us much trouble. The thing I am, though, the thing I would always say is I'm not her best friend. I'm her mum.

You know how you hear your parents sometimes saying, oh, we're really, really good pals. And some people go out with their kids. Not that, I mean, we would go out for something to eat with her or something. And I would like to think that she tells me everything of course she doesn't why would she I'm her mom you don't want to hear everything and that's why you've got your pals to tell all these things so I think I think it's a bit of a strange idea to think that you can be your

children's friend and I don't think it's a good thing so so if she says mum I need to tell you and you go I don't want to know actually just tell your mates I'm going for a few drinks with my friends to talk about Esther McVeigh see you later I'll bet Rosie she's a you know wonderful young woman very polite and very successful but if you was looking back is there anything you would have done differently with um parenting um like you know big or small really but anything when you think oh i shouldn't have done that i wish i did that differently probably i think it shouldn't have been all on steve to do the kind of like the tough stuff you know like they do your homework and eat your broccoli and brush your teeth and i should probably have been a little bit better at that and not wanted to be loved do you know what i mean but all the time you know you know because that's very and that's that's really human you know to want that but I think probably we could

have shared it a little bit more definitely definitely yeah but no generally I hope that she's in I mean I know that she has a happy kid anyway and I hope that happy because and not despite yeah what were you like as a child Lorraine in the sense of because I imagined that you did I can't imagine you rebelling I can imagine you being similarly easy to parent you want to talk to my mum oh I was I was horrid because up until I was six years old I was the spoiled brat and the princess um and then my brother came along and he was like a child from central casting big blue eyes blonde hair and I loathed him I mean you honestly we've got pictures of me and him and I am my face I look like the devil I'm horrible I used to nip him under his wee fat arms I was gasped you know you used to get free

orange oh you probably don't but and when I was growing up you used to get free orange, or you probably don't, but when I was growing up, you used to get free orange juice. And I used to drink his. It was horrible. I mean, I get on so well with him now. He's a brilliant guy. He's really, really funny, but he does now bring it up, you know, now and again. He says the trauma of his childhood. Getting bullied by Lorraine Kelly because no one will believe him.

Oh, we love Lorraine. You weren't there, man. You weren't there. She would never nip you under the arm where nobody could see the bruising did you have any parenting fails that rosie brings up now and again because once my mum tried to cut my hair of a bowl and snipped my ear and it was and it reminded her about that every what three to four months i know well my mum tried to do that with me you want to see in the stage but no i tried to and rosie wanted her hair colored and i bought the packet thing and you know the way in the advert but no I tried to and Rosie wanted her hair coloured and we bought the

packet thing and you know the way in the advert and it all looks all gorgeous lovely that was probably when she was a bit 13 and oh my god you should just say I look actually to be fair it did look like tartan I mean I wasn't expecting you know in a way I actually achieved something quite remarkable do you still worry about her when she's out and about even though she's you know in a way I actually achieve something quite remarkable do you still worry about her when she's out and about even though she's you know a grown woman she's 26 because the thought you know mine are only four and two but the thought of them like going somewhere on their own without me like does that get easier obviously it does when they are away like when she was in Edinburgh studying or when she was in Singapore I didn't worry about her because I didn't know

it's when they live with you it's when they're here and obviously because of lockdown she's not been allowed to go out so it's been wonderful occasionally when she'd come back to Dundee when she was in Edinburgh and I would I would have to wait up until she was back in the house and you would just say oh no I was fine I was just up for a cup of tea and she's like no you've been sitting up waiting to see you know you can't help that but it's weird how when they're not under your roof that you don't think about it as much. You really don't. It's really strange.

But when they're at home with you, you do. Have you found you've bonded with Rosie more though? Because, you know, you are home and locked in and you can't go anywhere. Yeah, it's been really, really good. And she's been cooking because I can't cook. I'm hopeless. I mean, when she was little, she would say,

Mum, I've got pals coming round. And and I mean it was only slamming in a few fish fingers but she would say can you not do that gonna let dad do it I think you've shown your skills by the word slamming in I think that's that's never been used on a cooking show in the history of cooking slamming in the fish fingers let your dad do it that's a sentence that'll never leave me she's been cooking for us which is fabulous although she uses up every single pot and pan and leaves a mess but it doesn't matter that's my job i don't mind um but yeah it has been really it's actually been really good just to sort of sit and have a chat and everything but i think the first i think the lockdown thing

i'm really you know i'm really looking forward to doing just really wee things like going to the pub and having a drink or having a coffee. It's not great big giant things. And I don't think I'll be travelling for a wee while. I think it's just little things like being able to see people. Actually, God, I really miss cuddles. I had no idea I was such a tactile person. My dog runs away from me now.

So I was in the petrol station the other day, paying, you know, doing all social distancing and I dropped my card and then the person picked up and gave it to me and I was like, I touched their finger and we both looked at each other and I was like and I was like, I'm so into it because I've not touched anyone apart from my friend and I was like

and it was horrible and we just both like guilt me because you don't touch anyone, you have to do an awkward wave didn't you, in the garden? We're not quite sure what to do with you. I've been doing Vulcan salutes like Mr Spock. I've been doing them. Anyway, Lorraine, thank you so much.

Thanks so much, Lorraine. Any last bits of advice for me and Josh with little ones that you can give us to help us through? Just enjoy every single second because, see, you turn around and honestly they're in their 20s. And just enjoy them. I think that's the main main thing and just let them play and let them have pals and don't don't get too worried about things like because they'll do you know what they will learn to go to the toilet it'll happen yeah yeah don't make a competition between you know in the next door neighbor or the group or anything like that just you know they'll go at their own place

at their own place and they'll find their own way and it's fine and they will learn to breathe and write and it's all grand. Thanks, Lorraine. You've made me feel better. Thank you, guys. It's so nice to talk to you. Take care of yourselves. Lorraine Kelly, I'm going to say it, Rob. Yeah? National Treasurer.

Easy. If it was ever in doubt, cemented over lockdown. Yes, totally. And do you know what I love about Lorraine Kelly? Is as time goes by and she becomes more and more of a kind of fixture, she's giving less and less of a shit about what she says. Yes. In about five to ten years, Lorraine Kelly's going to be like a shock jock.

Yeah, like doing other peers. She'll go full circle she's just brilliant i love her i love lorraine kelly she's the og of like itv daytime yeah because you have people come and go like holly and phil on this morning it's still called this morning piers and suzanna good morning britain it's called good morning britain. Lorraine's show is called Lorraine. Not even Kelly. Lorraine. Imagine having a show on every day on the biggest channel in the UK called Rob.

Or Beckett, this one. Yeah, that's right. There's no other Lorraine. Yours would be called Beckett. She has put Keish second in the list on Google. Lorraine Kelly, then Keish Lorraine. She is the most dominant Lorraine in the history of TV. And, I'm not going to lie to you,

I can't, when she said she was 60, her and Dr. Hillary look exactly, you see her and Dr. Hillary talking now. Those two people haven't aged. I don't know what they've done. It's unbelievable. Yeah. Also, they've been getting up at fucking 5am for the last 20 years. When I get up at that time, look 13 years older what's wrong with them

i know i look like i'm about to die at any moment if i get up at five in the morning once what once to go on a day you get up at half four five and that it takes three days of the holiday to recover they do five days a week up at five thank you uh to lorraine um if you want to get in touch with the show this is how email us hello at lockdown parenting.co.uk or we're on twitter at lockdown parents and thanks for all your reviews and all your listeners we're up to second in the charts still behind through tough toughoux. Tough to break through, isn't it? The BBC stranglehold. But yeah, it's number two in the charts.

Thank you very much. How many reviews? We know you love reviews. 4,000. We're on 4,000. We should celebrate. We should celebrate the special 5,000 reviews. We've got more reviews than Theroux.

We've got more reviews than Theroux. And it all counts about the of reviews it's not about the amount of people that listen i tell you what change the charts that's how we're doing it from now on how many reviews oh it's easy to listen isn't it anyone can listen you know put it on 1.5 speed through it but have you taken the time to review it no you haven't through that's why we should be number one so i think change change the chart. Yeah, exactly. A bit like what the government did. We're number two.

Chris and Rosie Ramsey have gone back to number one. I've got bad news for you. Rob, they've got far more reviews than us. Oh, how many reviews? Maybe we should do it. They've got 23,000. Fucking hell.

What are we going to... That's mental. I tell you what, Joe Rogan always fucking sneaks up as well, doesn't he, with a big guest? Oh, who the... I mean, Joe Rogan has a sneaks up as well, doesn't he, with a big guest? Oh, who the... I mean, Joe Rogan has a cheek, doesn't he?

Oh, you're plugging away. No disrespect to the people we've had. Lorraine Kelly, she's a great... But she ain't Kevin Hart, is she? She's not in Jumanji. Oh, it's easy to get to the top of the charts when a geezer from Jumanji turns up for a two-hour chinwag and sticks it on YouTube for extra coin.

He's absolutely loaded, the geezer. Anyway. Do you know how many episodes Joe Rogan's done? How many? 1,491. Are you fucking kidding me? Get a life, Joe Rogan, you little nerd. Sat in your basement, gossiping.

Pathetic. Anyway. Have a listen. Give it a review. We'll see you next week. Cheers, guys.