Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S01 EP20: Aircon vs. Heat Wave

Episode Date: July 3, 2020

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' S01 EP20: Aircon vs. Heat Wave Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent Got something to send us?LPHPO BOX 76748LondonE9 9DWA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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A fresh voice can speak to you and open your ears and your mind to new views and new perspectives. The call of the wild, a crescendo of culture. Listen as a chorus of fresh voices moves you, taking you to greater heights. Add your voice to the mix and let fresh answer back with perfect harmony in pure Michigan. Keep it fresh at michigan.org. Refresh at michigan.org. Hello, I'm Josh Middicombe.

And I'm Rob Beckett. Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell. The show in which Rob and I discuss what it's like to be a parent during lockdown, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation... And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills... Each episode, we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you, the listener, with your tales of lockdown parenting woe.

Because, let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Hello and welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell with... That is Freddie, who is three years old. His favourite toy is a little, nasty, cheap children's keyboard. The moment my wife brought it home last year, I knew it was a big mistake, and sure enough, two months into lockdown, the thing was driving me round the bend.

Not sure which is worse, the incessant loop of the demo tracks or the infernal ding made from smashing the keys in a random order to his heart's content. I know I should be encouraging him to develop his confidence and musical abilities, but enough was enough. With the dumps being shut and the charity shops not taking donations, I had

to think long and hard how to get rid of it. One evening, I left it in my neighbour's recycling bin. As I walked home, the feeling of elated relief turned into guilt. How could I crush his dreams like this? I went to turn it back to retrieve the toy but then was too afraid that the bin might be contaminated with coronavirus

oh god yeah that's the breeding ground inside the bin when i was in it i probably wouldn't notice but like clockwork he came and asked where it was the following morning i told him that they don't make batteries for it anymore, so he had to send it back. He was so distraught for three days, and I felt so bad. I ended up ordering him a new keyboard online. It's bigger, it's louder, and it was more expensive. And even worse, it has more demo songs on it. That is from George. You can't rush sadness, I found with kids.

You just have to put up with your awful life until it slowly gets better. You can't rush it, because it just makes it worse yeah I saw it was the day after boxing day this year so December the 27th and I there's an Oxfam just down the road from me I walked past and there was a big children's keyboard just propped up on the wall at Oxfam and I thought what is the story of that that was that was a Christmas present less than 48 hours ago yeah what has that child done that has led their parent to leave that outside an Oxfam within 48 hours yeah because also it's gonna rain it's bad weather it's gonna really you know people just panic and dump it outside the shop yeah have you ever been to an Oxfam or like a charity shop in a posh area I was at a meeting round by Marlabone, around that area,

a proper old school sort of rich area in London. And I went past a shop and they had a Gucci jumper for 250 quid. I mean, it's a great saving. They're normally about 800 or a grand. But I was like, who's buying secondhand Gucci jumpers from Oxfam? But I just didn't know who's going in there because surely if you want a Gucci jumper, you're madly rich that you don't really care

that it costs a grand. And anyone that sort of wants to save up and get one, I mean, you could get a secondhand one, but it isn't getting something high end. I like the experience of going to like a Selfridges as a special event to go and buy a bag or a jumper, not just like, oh yeah, i was in here for you know vinyls i was having a look through the vhs's nostalgia reasons and i thought i might pop

pop that hoodie on for 250 an old autobiography of des linem and then i'll get a gucci jumper it's ridiculous that's gotta be you have made it if you're doing your clear out bag and you pop a gucci jumper in there stick it on ebay you lunatic that's i tell you what that is mate that's that's a couple that have broken up someone's left the gucci jumper at the other one's house oh yes that isn't it yeah sometimes i like i love you know being in a happy relationship but i do sort of think like the fun of like revenge you could get if you actually broke up with someone stuff like that like you really let your imagination go mad just like i'm just gonna get every heart of my clove and give them to oxford because you couldn't go in and claim it back could you no if you're on the

end of that no go excuse me my wife came in here with a gucci jumper the one that's in the window for 300 quid i i didn't okay that so it's technically theft and your hand is stolen goods because that's what it is, isn't it? Yeah. It's like that situation if you need to tip, but like you've only got a tenner or whatever. And you're like, and it's four quid or whatever. And you're like, am I going to ask for a change on this? It's all very awkward.

I massively tipped the other day by accident. I bought some like jerk chicken from a market stall. Yeah. And it was like i thought he said 1850 but he said 1150 and i gave him 20 quid and we keep the change i went looking like an absolute baller but i was like fucking hell eight quid eight eight pounds fifty and i was like i could have got another portion of chicken wings and still tip four quid and I'd have had more food and still look like a legend um how's your week been Rob I

mean the heat wave last week was just outrageous it was um my children didn't go to how was your daughter sleeping what was her was she the same so we've got we bought an air con two years ago unit that's like a portable one or one on the wall properly? No, like a portable one. Yeah. Do you remember, was it 2018,

wasn't it? That absolutely, yeah. Oh, the World Cup. Yeah, that period. Greatest summer of our lives.

So we bought that. It's portable, but it's portable in the way, the heaviest thing in your house, in the way a sofa is portable. Yeah. Yeah. Like a car is

without tires it's technically portable but you don't want to move it so it sits in her room all year and then probably gets what five days of run out every every year like mezza urzel so it's it just sits there and she's scared of it so So you can't have it on at night. What's the point of it? But you can cool the room down. Your quick blast of cool down before she goes to sleep. And that's got us away with it. I think we may have to invest in that because basically the front of the house doesn't get that hot. But the back of the house gets like red hot.

Like it's like, it's like Torquay in our back garden. The way the sun comes down. I've never known a hotter garden in the UK. But yeah, basically they just went feral. And're just they were like so for five days they were surviving on about five hours sleep it's like two little thatchers in my house just no one's sleeping so it all came to a head on saturday two little margaret thatchers this woman's not for sleeping just tearing around the house they've been going preschool though but preschool's four hours so it's not quite enough to tire them out,

but it's enough to G them up. Do you know what I mean? And they come home blood red because they're in this sort of like, it's like a little scout hut sort of building with a garden and they go off to that forest school, but it's like 30 degrees. And kids don't think of the consequences of running all day. And then they come home and their heads dripping with sweat their eyes are all bulging then they don't eat because they're hot anyways they were fine it got to saturday and then i went around my brothers um sat in the

garden and they've not seen their cousins so they were madly excited about seeing their cousins because of lockdown and then they came home then i've had a few friends come around sit in the garden and then they love attention so much my daughters it's it's awful they're basically me and I'm in denial about it we had a little school report thing come back and said she likes telling jokes and she sets up little theaters to perform puppet plays at the end and I was like oh god and I personally you know some people would love it if their kids were like that I'm like please do anything else I don't I feel like, please do anything else. I feel like a boxer or a criminal.

I've done this so you don't have to. Go and study. Be a barrister. You don't have to live this life. You're going to be, in 20 years, you're going to be sat in a small room in Edinburgh watching your daughter's Edinburgh show. I tell you what, they can be whatever they want. I don't care what they end up doing.

I don't care who they marry. I don't care what sex you up doing i don't care who they marry i don't care what sexual i don't care about you know all the kind of things that horrible parents disown their children for i don't care but if they join a sketch troupe i'm having nothing to do with it i'm not sitting there watching my two daughters in edinburgh in the skin bl sisters, crazy wacky sketch group. So I don't know it. I don't know anything, Josh comedy. I know and understand.

And I think I'm good at it. And I, and I can do that. Right. So I don't want them to do that. Cause I'll keep telling them what to do all the time. I want them to go off and be a doctor or a barrister where I could just go.

Yeah, you're right. I don't know anything. Good luck. I'm here for you. If you need it. When she's 18 and she goes, is that money you're saving for university?

I want to go and study improv in Paris. Well, you know, it's quite interesting. Ruby Wax, his husband's Ed By, the director of Bottom and things like that. And his two daughters were in a sketch group and he went up to watch them in Edinburgh with Ruby. Wax has done like comedy and theatre shows and stuff. And then they were watching.

And then at the end, they was like, oh, have you thought about doing this or doing that and they went you don't stop telling us what to do i was like he said literally directed bottom like if you want someone to tell you how a double that works or a sketch group but it's there but anyway so they keep performing and they all my friends come like round and then they were stood in the middle we've got like a corner sofa outdoor seating area with a table on it it's quite a low it's like a coffee table size table she was stood on it right the oldest stood on him saying right it's time for the show phones off everyone phones down right and then just started performing but not to the people just to her own reflection in the window right anyway so this was going off she was screaming and she was so tired and i said just go upstairs right and just have your ipad and just

rest for a bit and she was like and she's losing her voice josh she spoke so much she cut she's like but i don't want to miss out i don't want to miss out on people so she came back down the youngest the two-year-old is exhausted this point came and just laid on me but like passed out immediately like she was either drunk or seriously ill, right? And now she's just, she's never done this ever. And I was like, I was having to do that thing. You see if her chest is still breathing. She was so out of it, right?

So then she's on my lap. The other one's screaming and crying and running around because she's all amped up, screaming in everyone's face. And I'm trying to like have a conversation with the adults that are there. And then the youngest wakes up on me and cries a bit goes oh oh and then cuddles into me and then I realize she's not had a nap for about a year and a half right she don't do naps yeah and she's potty trained but not a night she wears a nappy so she woke up cried a bit started pissing pissed

all over me complete I'm on the sofa oh my god covered me in piss but like not just a little bit out i'm talking like a bucket worth and it like i my shirt was wet my shorts was wet she was soaking wet all the way down from sweat and bleed and then i carried her and she was still pissing on me we got to the toilet the sofa was covered in piss oh my god how did you react did you keep your cool i just went she's pissing and all my got to the toilet the sofa was covered in piss oh my god how did you react did you keep your cool i just went she's pissing and all my mates were in the garden laughing at me right because i've got her on my lap in the front room i've got her up and put her into to bed but they were just manic they were just like at like wild animals but then that we went to bed earlier

because it got a bit cooler on saturday night they went a bit a bit earlier and then they slept until seven and they've just started to catch up on sleep again but they were and then and i was so stressed by it josh i got drunk really drunk because lou would come back from her friends and i'd had them on my own because there was other people there but lose and i got so pissed that i went to bed at 3 a.m on saturday night and then i woke up and then i couldn't function all day and then i had a nap yesterday guess what time i had a nap 7 p p.m. till 10 p.m. 7 p.m. till 10 p.m.? What?

I put them down. I put the kids to bed. And when I laid in my bed, shut my eyes, woke them up. It was 10 o'clock. Oh, my God. What did you do at 10 p.m.? I panicked. I come downstairs and I tried to make a coffee

because in my head we were supposed to be doing this podcast. Because I'd had three hours. Not before. I'd only had five hours sleep anyway so I was all over the place but today I'm back in the game but it was just awful want visibly glowing skin in 14 days with new Olay Indulgent Moisture Body Wash you can lather and glow the 24-hour moisturizing body wash is infused with vitamin B3 complex and has notes of rose and cherry creme for a rich, indulgent experience.

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What, a big thing that can just do the whole upstairs? Ours just does her room, which is actually quite galling when you're still in a boiling room yourself. Yeah, well, but what we could do maybe is cool her room down and then put it in the hallway and let it do the upstairs. Wait, it's so heavy wait it's so heavy it's so heavy um but yeah sorry for sort of just random i think it was just horrific absolutely it's absolutely what we're here for the other thing that they do um the eldest when she goes right

it's time for the show it's time for my show it's time for my show she says her name she goes right i'm just gonna go and get her so she pretends to be her own mc and then she comes around with ice creams pretending that she's she's playing about four characters oh what so has she been to the theater yeah so we've taken her to the theater a few times and stuff and so i think she's seen people walking around with the signs that say no phones so she's took that in and also it's quite when you get told by an adult serious like at the theater those people say no phones are quite serious i don't think yeah like toddlers ever see an adult being serious to them yeah yeah she's really taking that on board she's gonna be like chris rock

everyone's gonna have to put their phones in a little bag um do you want to hear from our listeners yes please josh it's the lockdown parody mailbag. But it's actually emails and there's no bag. Josh, we've had some new salty emails. We've got two unsalties and one salty. I thought this was dead and buried, but it looks like there is enough salt to go around from you, Josh.

You know, TV's most likeable man has got a bit of a nasty side, but let's have a couple of unsalties. Okay. Okay, so I had the pleasure to meet Josh at the recording of QI in early 2018. I was a special guest brought on to race Josh in a sack race. I'd just beaten the world record in it,

previously held by Mo Farah. As a bit of a gimmick, they made Josh race against me on a 10-meter track in the studio. As we lined up on the starting line, it was all fun and games until Sandy shouted, go. It was as if a demon overtook Josh. He took off at a rate of knots with the winning line in sight. Luckily for my ego and record, he fell flat on his face at about the six-meter mark. Do you remember this, Josh? Yeah. So this was, I genuinely, he was the world record holder at the sack race.

Yeah. And I outpaced him for the first five meters. I couldn't believe it was happening. But then I went too hard and I fell over in my sack. And I almost broke my wrist. I like genuinely, you know, like you go on League of Their Own and you think, well, that's a show I might get injured on.

I almost broke my wrist on QI. Also, you are very competitive, aren't you? Yeah, it's a genuine issue I have to deal with in my own psyche. I didn't realise it until I got to know you more, but you are fiercely competitive in everything. It's awful. You know like the athletes where it can ruin the vibe because someone's so competitive.

You manage it well, but you have the potential. And I can imagine stood in a sack in a studio floor, you are so competitive. You do have, but you manage it well. But you have the potential. And I can imagine stood in a sack in a studio floor, you are peak competitive. Oh, mate. Exactly. You're thinking this could be a huge moment in my life if I win this 10-meter sack race. Anyway, he said, after the recording,

I approached Josh to have a photo and a quick chat. Although he'd experienced a crushing and humiliating defeat in front of the nation nation he was as nice as and highly and i stress this highly unsalty it was briefly mentioned that he had not had a good night's sleep because he had a baby only weeks possibly days previously i hope that wasn't me giving an explanation for why i'd lost the sack race because that is pathetic from me if i was going i would say that is your competitive saltiness coming out there, but he's not seen that as a friend.

I noticed that, but that is you. Awful from me. That is from you. Well done, mate, with your world record in that, but I didn't get much sleep actually.

I just had a kid. So I've got a child carry on in your little sack. That's what I'm getting from that. Awful. That goes down as salty. Right. Okay. Yeah. I think that could go down as potentially salty. We've got another non salty. Hi guys. your little sack that's what i'm getting from that awful um that goes down with salty right um okay yeah i think that could go down as potentially so we've got another non-salty hi guys just another story about meeting josh and him not being salty at all i work at a venue in newcastle and josh

performed with us last year great gig afterwards we asked if josh would mind recording a short instagram video for us in support of the theater josh was an absolute pro friendly and willing and delivered a great message on video completely off the cuff. So that is a huge non-salty love-in for you. It was lovely. It was a lovely day, actually. I went to St. James' Park and watched Newcastle beat Man U 1-0. Oh, that was electric.

It was brilliant. And then Ivo Graham was supporting me and we were starting at 8 o'clock and he wanted to get the 8.26 from Newcastle to London. And then Ivo Graham was supporting me, and we were starting at 8 o'clock, and he wanted to get the 8.26 from Newcastle to London. That's not acceptable professionally. But five minutes before the show, the guy popped his head in the dressing room, and he was like, a third of the people still haven't shown up, and I've never laughed so much to see Ivo's face at that moment.

So it's a delayed start. Did he get his train? He got his train. He did 18 minutes, which is unprofessional. That's not okay. That is unprofessional, Josh. So what time did he get off stage?

22 minutes passed and he managed to run it and get the train, which to be fair, I couldn't believe he'd achieved it. It was unbelievable. That's the best victory of the day in Newcastle

after them beating Man United. The venue I did there, basically the venues are lovely, the venues are lovely, the people are lovely, right? But the problem is, at the bar, all the drinks, you can only have no beer or two pints of beer in a massive cup. Because I think their idea is you buy that at the start of the show and you don't need one at the end of it. Which is nonsense, because what happens is people drink two pints

and then at the end of it, go and get another two pints and then in the interval go and get another two pints so the interval was taking normally 20 minutes was taking about half hour 40 minutes and they was all going yeah we can't work our white tapes on I was like is it because every drink literally takes twice as long to make because it's got two pints in a cup instead of one pint so surely it just doubles the amount of time I was like oh yeah now you put it like that everyone's desperate for a piss as well the queues for the toilet must be unbelievable you can't anyway so they do two piners there but i love i love the crowd in newcastle i love the very very different audiences i do the opera house you do the two-point place

and my mum came with her mates that she's met in spain there was 24 of them right and i say to i always after a gig i don't know about you josh i like five minutes to just calm down a bit because they're big rooms aren't there's like thousands of people laughing and you know and it's a bit of an adrenaline rush and you're so relieved that the gig's finished and it's gone well and all this emotion and just ah you just like if i had five minutes and then i'll go out and i said to my mom go to a pub next door and then i'll come and meet you and then that way I can manage it a bit more and I could just calm down a bit. Anyway, she found my tour manager.

I went, yeah, Rob wants to see us. First, I came off stage, right, at 10 to 10, at eight minutes to 10. There was 24 people in there having selfies. I didn't know what was going on, right? There was 25 people in my dressing room. It's only small. I'm holding half a bottle of water. It's the only bottle of water I've got left.

My mum went, oh, give me that. I'm gasping. And dropped my drink. Anyway, that might have been a bit salty for me, but lovely time. Anyway, so here's a salty Josh. Oh, no. Hi.

My story starts with one of my best friends, Carl, who used to live with Josh. Ooh. Carl, yeah, Carl Walters, lovely bloke. Lived with him for a year when was this what he wasn't very good at fifa oh that's a problem so it was me him and tom crane used to live together in turnpike lane right when we moved him and tom we started a kind of game of fifa you know where you play on the same team and you do the try and build up the leagues yeah like go

through the leagues we take a half each and he was such a liability no fifa but we didn't have the guts to tell him that we used to wait till he'd gone to bed and then sneak back down to play without him oh that's oh that's awful that is worse than salty anyway let's just we'll have to start a new chain no but you've got to be aware snidey josh no he used to run his defenders out like oh no so it's basic stuff isn't it basic stuff you couldn't even rely on him to grind out a nil nil no exactly you just see a center back like running at top speed in the wrong direction past the ball and it would just i couldn't i know why you're a good man josh you let him go to bed lesser people would have been spiking his drink so

he slept sleeping tablets crushed up just so we could get a few hours in anyway so my story starts with one of my best friends carl who used to live with josh he was really good mates with one of josh's very good mates ian they all lived together for a while in north london before going off to become parents i went to a pre edinburgh show to see josh and the guy i was with was being a really annoying idiot during Josh's set I went to apologize to Josh afterwards but he understandably was salty with me Ian informed me that Josh was really not happy with me at all I got it you know I'd brought this idiot along who was heckling so I didn't blame him anyway fast forward to Latitude Festival where I was going to meet up with Ian

Ian told me that Josh wasn't up for it when he found out it was me they were going to hang out with. Apparently he said, no, just no. And Lisa has gone with salty as fuck. This was at the end of the matter. Josh then seemed to be everywhere I went. I went to gigs at Brixton Academy. He was there.

He spoke to everyone but ignored me. Josh, this is so filthy. I don't remember this. I saw him at Christmas Carols in East London again. He spoke to friends cheerily but blanked me. Oh, my God. I saw him about, this is like sixth sense. You sure you're not dead?

You're not just a ghost? I saw him about six times in a year at various different places and each time we did not speak it became a huge source of amusement for my friends oh no it came to a head at a christmas party i mean it feels like there's been a real narrative here that you don't know you're involved in anyway it came to a head at christmas party hosted by ian josh was there and i decided i needed to have it out with him to apologize once and for all for pissing him off that day after some dutch courage i spoke to josh and it became clear he had zero idea who i was it turns out that ian had been on quite a big wind-up with me and the universe had also decided to get involved.

As you can imagine, this is rather embarrassing, and I have managed not to bump into Josh since. Oh, wow. That is unbelievable. So Ian's the troublemaker here. That is amazing. But also, oh, my God, just the coincidence of repeatedly bumping into this person.

No idea. The worst thing is I've got no idea who this person is. Yeah, most people heckle and interrupt your shows, don't they? It's quite difficult for you to remember such an event. Yeah, they said they walked out. Fifteen people walked out that night. Don't remember it? No.

Another day in the office. Heckling at a preview as well. Oh don't know but she i feel sorry for her because i know it's like you go somewhere with someone and if they're being an idiot and you and you're with you're associating with them it's awful so um bless her but yeah to be fair joe i think you're i don't there's not much saltiness coming in that was that was fake canoe salt yeah that was genuinely it felt like it was going to be salty, but it was quite opposite. Order up for Damien. Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go, by the way?

Did you ask about Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that's... Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis.

Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis. Hey, I just got us a new Coca-Cola spice. Nice. What's it taste like? It's like barefoot water skiing while dolphins click with glee. Whoa, let me try. Nah, it's like gliding on a gondola through waving waters as a mermaid sings.

Nah, it's like Coca-Cola with a refreshing burst of raspberry and spiced flavors. Yeah. Try new Coca-Cola Spiced today. Rob, we've got a request for what would Rob Beckett do? Always, always here. Don't be scared to use a device. The timeout step can be your ally. Don't be afraid to say no to your kids. No to your kids.

It's okay to apologize as a parent apologize apologize never hit them but don't let them think you won't you're listening to wwrbd what would rob beckett do okay this is from kimberly halpin my son is three and a half and he is obsessed with his willy i spend i spend far too much of my time shouting hands off your willy to which he replies but i love my willy which always without a doubt makes me laugh i really thought it would be a good few years before this became an issue, to be honest.

I have no idea what to do to stop him at least not have his hand on his willy for 90% of the day. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Well, they, to stop kids biting nails, they put a horrible little like cream on them, don't they?

That makes taste disgusting. So you could maybe just put that on his knob, but then I think that's probably going over the line, isn't it? I don't think that's allowed. Also, he's not going to taste it with his... I suppose then he'd put his hands in his... He'll touch his mouth, his fingers. Could you put deep heat on his hands? Yeah, but then you can't put deep heat on a

child's knob. Can you? Even if it is your own. I think that's against the rules, Josh. Yeah, I know. The more you make a thing out of it, they want to do it more? Don't they? Yeah. I'd say if he's getting his dick out, we need action. If the dick rules josh yeah the more you make a thing out of it they'd want to do it more don't know yeah i'd say if he's getting his dick out we need action if the dick's down in the pants but he's got his hands down his pants i just think just hands out your pants but three and a half you've got that thing in kimberly's head she must be thinking in a year he's going to school this needs to be over

by that yeah that's the problem is that you need to get these things ironed out before school or he's just going to be called like nickname dick touch or something that's his name and he's going to be like at uni and go oh dick touch is coming down for the weekend who's dick touch and you guys don't know what you call dick touch he used to touch his dick a lot stuff like that so it's like you've got to nip it in the bud but i don't know because i've only got girls i just tap out of that and let lou deal with it i don't want to be like a 1950s dad and i'll you know i'll talk to girls about anything but when it comes to them touching their vaginas, I'm tapping out. But then you don't want to be that overly try, try hard dad that's like,

hey, I can talk about fannies. What's the problem? Yeah, sure. How are you feeling about your first period? Sure, I can talk. I mean, I don't know if you should be like that or I'm being an old school dad by not getting involved. Knowing the age of your daughters, if you say, how are you feeling about your first period? You're going to have to give them

a lot of information they don't need at this stage in their lives. That's an early chat, isn't it? That's something you've got. I think, let's wait. So yeah, I mean, I don't, I mean,

I just, it's a hard one, isn't it? Yeah. Well, hopefully not, ideally. That's even worse. Do you know what, Rob? I think it shouldn't just be the fannies that you're not allowed to talk about. do you know what Rob I think it shouldn't just be the fannies that you're not allowed

to talk about do you know what when it comes to children's genitalia I'm tapping out I think that's for the best when it comes to a strange woman's

son's knob I'm not giving out any advice what would Rob Beckett do not get involved get on with it case not closed case closed

case closed fannies or dicks i'm not your man we should put that on the uh on the jingle um yeah anyway um thank you for all your emails um they are genuinely uh hugely appreciated also we uh we get loads and so there's loads i haven't got to read we will get through them one day we keep them coming in also we have a po box number what is the po box number rob we've got a po box so you can send us send us stuff maybe kids artwork or broken toys broken telly's stuff that's gone wrong that you want us to look at and talk about, put on the social media channels. The address is P.O. Box 76748 London E99DW. Who have we got next week, Josh? Who are we interviewing?

We've got some great ones in the can. That's what they say, isn't it? We've got four great ones in the can. Next week, we have the amazing Russell Kane. I'm not going to lie, Rob. He parents in a different way to me. Eye-opening. He's got his methods and they work.

It's just if you're into them or not. But that was fascinating. I love that one. Absolutely brilliant. See you next week. Bye. Hello, I'm Susie Ruffell. I am a comedian, a writer and a cat lady, amongst other things.

I am creating a brand new podcast called Out With Susie Ruffell. It is about the lives of LGBT plus people. It will be about realising you're different, coming out, being out in the public eye and finding your place in the world. And it's not just for the queer community. This is for anyone who has ever felt like an outsider. And let's be honest, that's pretty much all of us. The line-up of interviews I've got for the first series is so good, I mean, I've actually surprised myself.

I've got an Oscar winner, a BAFTA winner, successful broadcasters, stand-ups, writers, activists and a sports star. But that's not enough for me. I also want stories from you. Why don't you tell me what it was like working out who you are in the world? You can send everything that you want to tell me to hello at outwithsusieruffle.com and you can be anonymous if you like. I can't bloody wait for you to hear it. Subscribe now to Out With Susie Ruffle.