Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S01 EP21: Russell Kane

Episode Date: July 7, 2020

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' - S01 EP21: Russell KaneJoining us in the studio this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) during the lock down and beyond is the brilliant comedian, Russell Kane. Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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it's something late-night you and daytime you can agree on. Hit up your local Taco Bell restaurant or TacoBell.ca today and try our new cantina chicken menu. Taco Bell, not just late night. Offer available at participating Taco Bell locations or TacoBell.ca. Hello, I'm Josh Whitacombe. And I'm Rob Beckett. Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell.

The show in which Rob and I discuss what it's like to be a parent during lockdown, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation... And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills... Each episode we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you, the listener, with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing.

what we're doing. Hello and welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell with Josh Regiton and Rob Beckett. Rob Beckett. Very good. Very good. Very good from Isla Clines. I'm very impressed with that. Very, very efficient. Job done. No messing. that's how we like it um throughout lockdown isla our two-year-old has developed a deep and unwavering affection for garden gnomes started off with one as i thought it was quite funny and she liked it we now have four they're all called mr know me even the female one she needs to say good night to them all and as they're not designed for two-year-olds keep smashing them meaning i'm frequently spend nap time super gluing them back together at gnome hospital oh no no you've set yourself up for a fail there gnome hospital don't you know like feeders you know these people that get to 40 stone yeah they're just like feeders you're feeding the gnome addiction with gnome hospital you're

creating more problems wait for it mate you're only You're only halfway. Best of all. Oh, she's got to hide out the XL, has she? She loves to pretend to breastfeed them. And I have no idea. It's completely fucking weird to have two tiny men attached to her nipples. Wow. I mean, what are these two all right? It's a hell of an image, isn't it? Oh, gnome hospital as well.

Oh, dear. What are you in for? Broken out again no i just look i just sat down with no clothes on the fishing rod went up my ass there's nothing more sinister than that yeah that's all it was yeah that's not it the thing is like gnomes kids love gnomes but they are i'd say the most breakable thing for a child to have. It's ridiculous. I've had a number of things that have just broken

that I think I should fix and I just never do because the kids forget eventually. So what have you got to fix? Oh, like they keep pulling the heads off these little like Disney princess figure things. Oh. And like, because they just break over through, they're not like, it's not like a weird,

like that Sid kid from Toy Story, just ripping the heads off and burning them. They just fall off. And I just don't bother. I just can't be bothered. I just get glue out. I'm not very good at fixing stuff. Like you're not very handy, man.

I've got more handy. Not, don't, don't call the press. More handy. I've been whistling at women actually. Little cat on their assse in the shops. Why not? Sorry, what was the question? I don't know what that was.

You've become more handy in lockdown. No, no, no. Since becoming a parent, I've really lent into my role. So I've like, the other day, the kitchen door, I mean, this is such a pathetic achievement but throughout in my head i'm just like look at you just doing this like like a normal bloke yeah but one of the cupboard doors came loose the hinge i just got a screwdriver screwed it back in tightened it up just as as like like it was the most normal thing you know like i was just like yeah i could do that

and i did it you want you sort of want like a like a guard of honor clap after, don't you? Because I'm used to, I can't do anything. I have to get a bloke around to hang pictures. I can't, I didn't even know what a raw plug was until about a week ago. But you have to drill it all, put a little plastic thing in. I don't, my dad's awful at DIY. Yeah.

And, you know, he'll get the ump with me saying that. But can I, can I give you a story about him doing DIY? Go on. He's a, he was a black cab driver. He's retired now, but he used to go work about like one, two in the afternoon. So he'd normally get up a bit late because then he worked late. Right.

So anyway, I left for school. He was up early, weirdly. He was like, no, I've got, I've got to put up this hook for the bathroom blind to tie it around right this is eight in the morning as i left for school right i came home at half three so he should be at work by now and as i walked into the house i heard him say oh fuck you you little and then the bad word yeah and he was still trying to put this hook in and since then he's always been so angry and aggressive when he's ever done anything i've sort of you know i had a whole routine about when he tripped and spilt varnish in the house

and he screamed at the floor oh you bollocky cunt and i was like eight or nine here listening to this and then he said this this is basically an old joke now but it's still quite funny. I was laughing at him, obviously as you would, when someone was that angry screaming at a carpet, that he went, keep laughing, I'll fucking varnish you in a minute. As if he was just going to paint me.

Yeah, no, I'm not great at it, but I do like every time, I've got plans this weekend, because we're recording this on Friday, I'll have already done this so you know i might i might have died by this point when i really what's the plan uh we're emptying the shed and so i've got some i've got some um shelves coming from ikea that we're putting so tidying up the shed uh have you got have you got an electric drill no i haven't got an electric drill that would scare me so yeah i've been like that for years i bought one from bosch it was about 20 quid yeah and i've always thought that's not my game i'm not a drill man give me a microphone a load of

people i'll do that job but i'm not i'm not a drill guy i haven't got tools yeah anyway i bought one just a little one and i put up an ikea set of drawers in about six minutes wow and i didn't have a restate because you know you're just turning it just turning it with a screwdriver it's basically a screwdriver but well far yeah yeah but i suppose with an ikea set of drawers i you're not worried about hitting a wire but that would just be my worry obviously i'm gonna hit a wire but that would just be my worry yes obviously i'm gonna hit a wire yeah that yeah i would never go in to a wall bareback with a drill no going bareback's what got you into this problem in the first place isn't it yeah exactly should have had a raw plug on do you know what i've realized i've got to the point where i've realized it's better if i just spend the time i would of putting up the

pictures doing some work that will pay for I would have putting up the pictures, doing some work that will pay for someone else to put up the pictures. That's a great idea, Josh. But I don't know if you're aware of the current crisis the arts and the theatre industry is in. So I think we're going to have to start learning quick. Shit. Shit. Because you can't use that argument. You know what?

It's better off to hire someone and it's their profession and they can do a good job and I'll go out and do my job. But we haven't got a job to go and do, Josh. No. Have we? I was going to say something else that I can't. We're not talking about kids, are we? We're not talking about kids. How have your kids been?

Right, shall I tell you about what's happened? I'll tell you what. We could save this one for Friday. Okay. What I was going to talk to you about. Basically, it's quite a big week this week because our eldest is starting primary school in September. So this week we've had three major events, one on Saturday.

She is going. We've recorded this on Friday due to a family retirement party, which is happening. Anyway, it's bogged down in my details. Anyway, this week we've had school uniform being bought and tried on. This week we've had school uniform being bought and tried on. A meet the parents induction type thing. Because basically they can't do the inductions at the school. Normally they'd invite, you know, invite them in. And also like they was doing this thing where all the kids dial into a Zoom call and the kids get read a book. And it's, I mean, like trying to manage, you know, 20 people, adults on a Zoom call.

Imagine children with their adults all on mute, not on mute, like also parent dick swinging at them. I mean, because it all happens, doesn't it, at the school games? We had a Zoom call right at the start of lockdown. Our nursery decided to do a Zoom call for her class, for Chestnut. And it was basically, so Chestnut are what two to three year olds on a zoom call none of them paying any attention so it's just all the parents really sat there awkwardly worried about how they look what their backgrounds like yeah you're desperately you're desperately

searching the backgrounds of the parents you you know that you've you've got issues with also weirdly my daughter for some reason has picked up a jay mansfield park book who wrote that is it jane austin yeah anyway she brought a selection of these books right and they're like proper books mansfield parks are proper like you read that we like 15 but right she's just been taking it around with her like some sort of like like mic drop like she's reading mansfield park at four and then she went i want to hold this book for reading club and i was like i can't open the zoom call like we're about to get a mouthful of gruffalo and you've got mansell part there anyway it just made me laugh all the parents going bloody hell that rob beckett's daughter's not a chip off the old block is she she's knocking out jade austin once a week she

don't hear about the gruffalo anyway sorry go on josh you were something oh no so we were doing this uh zoom call and then one of the parents was like, shall we sing a song? No. And none of the kids are going to sing a song. Suddenly it's 2.30 on a Tuesday afternoon, and I'm singing fucking whatever the song is. I can't remember.

That Loom song. What was it? Brad Mary. No, no. The hills keep on turning. Brad. Imagine that that like an absolute belter this is me come on kids Wuthering Heights by Kate Bush is ambitious um no so it's two in the afternoon two thirty in the afternoon and there's just 20 sets of parents no kids just singing a wind the bobbin up together that's what the song and you're just like

this isn't living that was like week one of lockdown i can't do this for three months there hasn't been a follow-up zoom call no i think that's the right decision to be honest but um anyway i'll talk about the uh very stressful week oh yeah we're not stressful but it's quite a big week isn't it you're going to primary school and stuff. But anyway, we'll talk about that on Friday. Look forward to it. Look forward to it.

Now, on Friday's episode, we've got some great emails in. We've got Rob. There's someone who needs your help in what would Rob Beckett do. Always. We've got a milk tray moment

and we've also, making me feel better, we've got someone who left their child in the house without realising it. So I look forward to reading you that. Oh, lovely. Yes, please.

Also, can I put a call out for anyone that's had their work meeting interrupted by their child and how it went? Because I've been obsessed with those videos online of like BBC News interviews and Sky News interviews. They're on my Twitter. I've retweeted them. So if a kid's interrupted a serious work chat,

because I know someone was making, one of my friend's wife was making someone redundant and their kid walked in asking for biscuits. Oh, my God. What the, her kid or the redundant, the person who's being made redundant? No, no, no. No, the person making the person redundant,

her kid walked in whilst she was making someone redundant. Because if it was the person who was being made redundant and then their kid came in asking for biscuits, like Oliver. Not anymore! Thanks to this guy! Yeah, for the next three months! Catch it, tree!

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This episode is brought to you by Tresemme. Want silky smooth hair that's still full of natural movement? The Tresemme Keratin Smooth Weightless Collection is your simple solution. This new collection features a wide range of products from nourishing shampoo and conditioner to lightweight heat protectants. And a silky smooth serum for a sleek finish wave goodbye to frizz and say hello to three days of smooth hair with a tresemme keratin smooth weightless collection visit tresemme.com to learn more josh um who we got this week this week he's got a very different approach to parenting rob how would you describe it you sounded so unapart from him

our guest this week is fred west no well yeah russell kane i would say is one of the the nicest most kind-hearted people i've ever met always looked after me at the start of comedy i did his warm-up support and stuff like that however is a he's a he's a he's a maniac he loves comedy he loves gigging he's got so much energy. He's hugely intelligent. He researches everything he does, and he approaches everything with a distinctive plan of action. And fatherhood is no different to the rest of his life. And he has got very meticulous ways in which he parents, which sound very effective, but I don't think everyone would be keen on it. And it's incredible listening. Enjoy Russell Cain.

Russell Cain, how are you? Do you want the lying version or the true version? The true version. The truth, Russ. The truth. It's like Mo Farah has been put in a box. I've got so much energy. I'm used to just running around,

doing these long shows at high energy, going to the gym, doing podcasts. Just my days are normally full and now they're empty. And I've got like twitchy legs when I'm trying to fall asleep. I can't. It's an absolute frigging nightmare. I've had to get an exercise bike just to milk off the excess. You are one of the most energetic and just like busy people I've ever met in comedy.

And you're always doing something. And even if you're not like booked on something, you're inventing a new way to sort of do like with your Facebook rants or podcasts. You are always doing about a million things. So has it really stressed you out? There's a bit of FOMO going on. Every year I tell myself this is my peak creative year. Finally, I have have arrived this is the year where i write the best stand-up or i will ever write and of course now in my head is i'm

sort of taking a year's holiday when i'm sort of if i was a boxer three percent body fat and full of testosterone you know i'm gonna go across the cell cell for a year that's what i feel like so it is really that is doing my head in that. So I feel sorry for my manager because he gets called every day. Think of this, screenplay. And then it just hangs up. How are your family dealing with that? Are you good to live with or is it a nightmare for them? I am fortunate out of most of the stand-ups I know in that before this horrific COVID,

or if you're posh, COVID-19 thing started, I was already doing these blogs called Caneys. The reason I did those was if I wasn't doing anything that was topical that week, I was able to jump in first and get the best jokes before Friday came around and I got news for you came on, for example, I would have done the best Dominic Cumming jokes that I could think of that couldn't be stolen in advance so lucky for me i've already learned the slightly weird timing of performing to a camera and imagining where the laugh is and i've learned

it by afterwards going through the comments and working out where it's sort of like a pause but it's not a real pause so i sort of know i know the timing already yeah so i've just poured my energy into doing a load more of that so for me i've i've had places to stick that energy so it hasn't hasn't impeded too much on lindsey and minna's life not that they're still alive they're two skeletons in the conservatory so you're set up ross you're you live up you're up north now in manchester aren't you is that right so it's your wife you your wife lindsey and then your daughter minna yeah and how old's minna now four good age horrible in it that's the worst oh So it's your wife, Lindsay, and then your daughter, Minna. Yeah. And how old is Minna now? Four.

Good age? Horrible, isn't it? That's the worst. Oh, mate, it's the worst. If there was a statue of Minna in the garden, I'd be tearing it down due to a fascist. But it's true. You tell me stories about Minna,

like where she always went to bed at the right times, a very structured schedule, and she was a good sleeper and stuff like that. And then you tell me stories about, like, on trains, she'd just strip off naked and there's nothing you could do and so what kind of child is she like what how is it i always say to people even a serial killer is peaceful when they're asleep right you can walk into ted monday's bedroom at 3am and go what's the fuss about but you wouldn't want to be there at 8am when you woke up so i have and then it's particularly men that love to hear about this i i've nailed sleep and i say i even though lindsey and i did it together i i was sort of the the the one that came up with the

plan who said what we're going to do what we do to get our daughter to sleep through the night so i will i will admit we've got sleep and i know a lot of people don't like to hear that but blokes do they like to perv in on my full night's sleep and hear how I do it. This is not normally going silent. It's like, oh, just tell me again, Russ. Just tell me again about your umbrella. What was that, eight hours for three weeks straight? Stop it, stop it.

So I'll tell you how I achieved that in a minute because men love to hear I did it using nerdy charts. But it's when the eyes flick open, that is when the hell begins. But that sort of also proves that, that also proves that regardless of the temperament of your child, whether you've got one of the laid back ones

dribbling on its bricks as it amuses itself, or whether you've got a holy water sizzling on the forehead bastard like I have. I do truly believe if you want to, and there's no reason why you have to, there's no pressure to get your child through the night, but if it's something you both desperately want as a couple, it can be achieved.

What was your method, Russell? The benefit I've got is I'm the last one out of all my friends to have kids, right? So the downside is I'm going to be on a ventilator when she's on sports day 100 meters go you can run it for daddy do you remember the war yeah no and but the plus side is um i was able to watch all my groups of friends and what went wrong most often apart from all the usual childhood illnesses was arguments about sleep in the bed, sex life going down the drain, relationship going down the drain, where the child's on the throne, ruling the house as soon as it was born.

So I was thinking to myself, you know what, I don't want that to happen to me. Plus, my mum was a childminder and a nanny, so she's a bit like badass with routine and sleep. So I just, me and Lindsay were bobbing around in the pool on one of those all-inclusive holidays. And we're like, should we go for it? Should we start trying for a baby? And I was like, before we do, before that Marvellon pill packet goes in the bin, we are going to be in agreement on sleep.

And that's the mistake most problems make. Once they've got a screaming satanic object in front of them, that's when, should we have the chat now now the time to have the chat is before fertilization you need to agree about sleep in advance it's really really important it doesn't matter if you both want to be bed sharing hippies baby hanging off the boob and all that and you're both in the bed together and you don't you're going to do attachment and go be up all night and be baby led that's fine no judgment from me you shouldn't be judged by anyone the problem is when you've got one person on one method and one on the other if you've got you know a mum saying i do want the

baby hanging off my boob by our marriage days and you wank in the spare room that's an issue you've been listening in to my house no but like because i always think everyone's putting pressure on women. A breast is best. You need to do attachment. No, what's best is a really buzzingly happy, mentally stable household where the children are being raised in a positive environment. If that means slamming formula into its mouth on day one, so be it.

Do you, I mean obviously the you need to decide this before you get pregnant is of used to about two percent of our listeners it should be a filter on tinder early doors isn't it but to be fair bros for the people listening what age was amina sleeping through the night so we did eight hours by eight weeks and 12 hours at 12 weeks they were my targets oh god it's like the wolf of wall street i love it eight hours eight weeks and 12 hours at 12 weeks tell us how a little bit a little bit of baby trivia which anyone now who's had a kid will know but maybe never realized it before most babies are born chronologically speaking like daytime nighttime speaking back to front so you anyone who's been uh lived with a pregnant woman will know baby

doesn't do much all day sit down 8 p.m watch a bit of britain's got talent or whatever baby starts kicking yeah every time and then kicks are all through the night i've had a rubbish night sleep and then it sleeps all day the reason for this is as far as the stuff i've read is um of course when you're walking around all day if you if a woman's pregnant she's rocking the baby effectively and when she's laying down the baby's not being rocks and babies fall asleep and they're rocked right so they think that's why so many babies are born awake at night asleep during that and where you're so knackered you just follow that pattern and you end up two three four five years of screaming baby all night asleep all day so contrary to what some people think about being some sort of sleep

fascist and forcing a baby to sleep through the night it's quite the opposite you know my daughter was never allowed to cry or self-soothe or any of that nonsense that people hear we just worked initially when she was tight once she'd regained her birth weight towards keeping her awake during the day which is much much easier so you're just stretching we're talking about when they're really tiny just like a game on the kick mat a mobile and inviting the nannies over when they're due for their scheduled naps so babies need 16 hours sleep babies need 16 hours sleep so why wouldn't you 10, 12 hours of that sleep into a night time and have the four hours naps throughout the day?

So whenever she was due for a nap, that's when I'd let my mum in, start rocking her. So if she falls asleep, fine. Otherwise, I'd be getting like a vein in the side of my schedule head going in. She'd be awake by now. So it's not about getting them to sleep. It's about keeping them up. Indeed, initially.

And then what you'll see is you can gradually stretch the periods at night and people like you should never wake a sleeping baby you should never fuck off out my house because what i would do is if mina was due for i don't remember what the timings are now because it seems like a lifetime ago but so she's supposed to have 90 minutes a morning from 10 to 11.30. 11.31, I'm unswaddling that child. Getting her ready, fed on time, awake on the kick mat. We were using like a cold flannel on her feet, anything to keep her stimulated and awake. And our friends were like, that'll never work. That Japanese prisoner of war torture.

Have you thought about working in Guantanamo Bay, Russell? Sometimes I just scream in her face. just play loud heavy metal for six hours it was it was all done with like games but it was our friends every single one across the world weren't they supposed to get up at four you should be on pool nub at four a.m play the game and that's the other bollocks that winds me up is that babies wake at 4am 5am there's nothing you can do it's absolute dog shit if you get on a plane to australia baby doesn't magically know that sunrise has changed it's because people's definition of what they call a blackout curtain is pathetic it winds me up people i've got the blackout just like

it said and you go in and you're like you could kill a vampire within seconds in that room at 6 p.m. You shouldn't be able to walk across a blacked out room at midday. It should look like in Spanish and Italian, people do proper blackout shutters and stuff. So we did. So instead of doing a 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. date, what use is that to a stand up? Because I want to be involved as a dad. I said to Lindsay, let's do nine till nine till she goes to school. then we get a bit of an evening and we and we get a lay-in as well so that's what my daughter sleeps she sleeps from 9 9 p.m to 9 a.m blimey it's amazing

that in this we've discovered that you can't sleep but your daughter can russell during the coronavirus well i thought about training yourself no i can't i i i am more of the uh one of the surprising things about me i'm more like the sort of puppy that runs around the park and then you just look across and i'm asleep in my basket 20 minutes i've always been a brilliant sleeper because i sort of uh leave it all on the stage or in the office or on the phone call whatever i do i am quite good at relaxing at night weirdly you're so wellread with stuff like that. I know you always do your research or whatever it is you're doing, so it's the same with kids and stuff.

Is there any books you recommend? And also, is there any bit of parenting where you've gone, oh, no, I'd hallow with that. That's not worked out, you know, the things that you've messed up. Well, two points there. The first thing is, as you'll know, anyone that's got children, it changes from generation to generation. So when my mum was in, gave birth to me, for example,

back in the cholera epidemic of 1918, when my mum gave birth to me, she was told, you know, routine, read as much as you can. This is the most important thing that will ever happen to you. But if you have a baby now you are literally like radicalized by the maternity nurses don't read anything let the baby let baby will tell you what are the bollocks it's like a milk slug with no brain what's it gonna tell me you can drink milk and keep itself everything else i've done everything i've done in my entire life and the same for anyone else has been enhanced by study and preparation. There is virtually nothing that is not enhanced. But even even when you get married and it's the most romantic thing, but every single thing is studied and planned about the schedule.

And so why would I this, which is the most important thing, we'll second off to stand up. You know, why would you not educate yourself? Don't educate yourself. Educate yourself less. Take knowledge out of your head. Just roll the baby. Roll the baby through a Corona tub and see what happens. No, I'm going to fucking learn my shit. So that's the first thing is don't be bullied into not reading

because unbelievably that is the culture of both your friends and your peer group. Oh, my God, studying, it's a baby. Let baby lead you. That's the dogma. And also the nurses. And then whatever you feel as a couple, go with that. There's loads of – if you're into attachment parenting

and the evidence is split, not one thing is best for the child than the other. What's best is a happy household. So if you're into attachment parenting, go read everything to do with bed sharing, attachment parenting. You go for it. If you want to be more on a schedule like me, there's loads of books to read. Baby Whisperer, I would recommend. I can't remember what the author's name is on the Baby Whisperer,

but Gina Ford's good, contented baby handbook. She provides a military do this. Wake up, have your glass of water at 7am. Proceed to the nursery and wake the baby. Now, some people find that patronising. To me, that was like intellectual porn. I was like in uniform doing like a circuit of the building before. Have you had any howlers, any, any fails with it, uh,

Russ where things have just haven't clicked. Well, I have no idea if I don't want to come off sexist or anything. I have no idea if this is cause it's a, I've got a little girl. I guess it would have been the same if it'd been a boy, but I just, I am struggling with the, uh, uh, you know, Minna will be like, get me a biscuit now, daddy. And, uh, and Lindsay will be like, do let her speak to you like that. And I'll pretend to discipline, but I'll be like, get me a biscuit now, Daddy. And Lindsay will be like, do let her speak to you like that. And I'll pretend to discipline her.

I'll be like, okay, darling, what type of biscuit would you like? I'm just a bit grovelly and pathetic. And that is a real failure on my part. I should be like, you don't speak like that. I should be guiding her better. And I'm just struggling with being the bad guy. Do you think it's a comedian thing, Russell, that you want to be liked? Maybe. She's your audience and you don't want you don't want to disappoint her i think maybe possibly possibly um but i've been doing it this genuinely i mean i don't know how bizarre and freudian this

is it started by me saying to minna because she's allowed to have um the light on in the hallway and a door open as she drifts to sleep. And she started to push the boundaries for the first time ever recently. So we had four years where she never even put her head out of the bedroom. And recently she was like, can I just play on the boundary here? Can I just play in the hallway? And I just told her my dad, what my dad was like, it was like, it's bedtime, door closed, lights off. Don't fuck me. I didn't swear. And she, I now sort of do, she's like, what would your daddy do if i was doing this and then i do an impression of dave kane and it sort of sorts it out

i turn into my dad when i need to get anything done so your dad's now doing the difficult part of the parenting that's a that's of all the techniques you've got you're using your dad from beyond the grave i do like a poltergeist. And how did you get her to stop? Because one of my daughters just takes her clothes off at any opportunity. If you don't watch it for long enough, just sort of strips off. And your daughter, you said, did that on the train. Is that still happening or did you manage to stop that?

I mean, like everyone. She gets hot, doesn't she? Really hot, you said. Mate, last night, woke up at 2 a.m., dripping in sweat. My daughter has air con fitted into her bedroom. i know it's a bit extravagant on 16 degrees celsius every night blasting onto her face 2am last night dripping in sweat dripping was she you know like the aircon's got like the spinny vent thing on it to make it less severe we had to take that off last night she's exactly the same as me just born hot and i'm the same i've got an aircon unit in my

room poor lindsey lindsey has to she's got a heated blanket on her side of the bed my missus you're trying to keep the kitten alive at the vets she sleeps wow the temperature situation so it's actually just hot when she's out and about so she'll take stuff off and that on this right so the naked the nakedness she's still naked so like we've got and she's tall my daughter as well so though she's four she could pass for five and a half six it's not like it's not it's starting to get a bit inappropriate to be totally stark as in the front garden do you know i mean i think on holiday on a hot beach people wouldn't mind but as soon as the like the yodel guy turns up she's out there doing clap the nhs there'll be like tuesday at 3 p.m naked clapping for the nhs and uh it is worrying that my daughter's an attention junkie and likes to dance and be naked i mean i keep having like a flash forward of her on a pole

going pinyo i don't dance and it's terrifying but she just won't wear clothes she just and i'm like please just just underwear would be a start you know what i mean just some underwear and you have sort of explicit yoga stretching in the background of a zoom call yeah i don't know what it is she just that she just will not be impeded by clothing she wears if we go out for walks and stuff she will but on a train if i get the i'm hurt i feel i know we're in trouble i know we we're not normal, me and Minna, because we will go out, I don't know, and it'll be February and we're both walking

down the high street, T-shirt, jeans, and the other children, you know, they've got like the parkas with the fairy hoods and I'm getting looks from parents. I cannot get a coat on her. I've got a coat with me, but it'll be under the buggy. And my coat will start on and then I'll start dripping in sweat.

So we're just like these two freaks with t-shirts. We'd look like we had COVID-19 now. We'd be abducted by the Chinese government if we went out. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health to support life-saving progress

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Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. Order up for Damien. Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go, by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that... Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me.

Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit rebelsis.ca Order up for Rebelsis. You're one of the kind of, I'd say the most well-read people I know. You read a lot and you do a lot of audio books and stuff. Is your daughter following in your footsteps with that kind of stuff? She has inherited the audio book bug from me. So until this mess started, we had a no screens in the week rule. So you were allowed films at the weekend.

And the reason I do films, again, I don't push this on anyone else. It's my own personal choice is it's just my theory i've got and there's a little bit of evidence out there that if if we all watch a film it's longer scenes you've got to follow a story from beginning to end it's you've got to use your concentration whereas if it's an ipad game or really quick cartoons it's a bit more oh you've done one thing let's move on to something else it's not really training the concentration as well of course that's all that's all gone to shit now i'm feeding in the mouth mr tumble in the eyes

when we're doing the daily walks which is just me and minna while lindsey cries in relief that we're both out the house for an hour we never do our family walk together it's just lindsey kicking us out the door we minna has an ipad but she's got earphones plugged in and closed and she'll have um an audiobook on if you can get kids hooked on audiobooks you feel less guilty as a parent because you they still see it as high value because they're holding the forbidden ipad and they can even look at the steel square of whatever book it is they're they're reading but they've got the earphones and you feel like they're having a literary positive experience but they feel like they're having an iPad experience and everyone wins

and Audible have got some like all the Julia Donaldson ones and I don't know if any of you read those Stickman yeah and they really they really go to town and read it slowly. So it takes about 28 minutes to get through Gruffalo. Playing on 0.5 speed. Exactly. Russ, has there been any ideas about parenting or tactics and strategies you wanted to use that Lindsay has said, no, I think that's too much or I don't agree with that? Where obviously I think you're the ones bringing these ideas in. Is that fair?

It takes more the other way around. Lindsay will be the more strict, hardcore one. And then I'll be the, in fact, she's like, why are you being such a pussyhole? And I said, she just spoke to you like, shite in there. Do you want to go back in and correct her? And I'm like, I'm not talking about you. So it's more like that.

The strategy that I did did that i brought in that lindsey was skeptical about at first but that has proved that i've proved because she's quite rightly a bit more you know she just doesn't won't be spoken to like shy by a four-year-old and he's right of course it is and i realize i'm a bit wrapped around the finger but i've read a really brilliant book forgive me i've not listened to all of your episodes. Someone may have recommended it already called Philippa Perry, the book you wish your parents read. Yeah, my wife's read that.

Game changer. And what it is, right in the heat of the moment, when the child is being absolutely vile and has just thrown a drink across your laptop or does something really bad, instead of letting your anger unleash which i'm weirdly good at funnily enough for a highly strong person i'm quite good at staying calm is the first thing to do is identify with why they might be frustrated to acknowledge their feeling now when i told this to lynch and then and i'm like no you identify you identify with Lindsay's feelings at that point?

Yes, I did. Well, you can if you're an adult. It works really well in debates when you go, I understand why you're angry about the Winston Churchill statue, for example. I totally get where you're coming from.

If I had seen it from your point of view, I would feel X, Y, Z. So you're in a non-patronizing way, validating the emotions that that person has. The problem is, you use that phrase it's having this effect on me a minute you know when you speak to me like that it hurts my feelings

i i feel bad afterwards so initially we both felt a bit silly and american doing this method it feels a bit like into an american so it really totally takes the sting out of the child's anger. But I do need to work. Lindsay is right. I do need to work on being a little bit tougher when she's being rude to me and when she's being naughty, I'm a bit soft. How much does your parenting differ from the parenting that you received as a child, Russell? Massively.

Not so much from what my mum did, but from my dad. As my dad used to constantly tell me, I didn't have a dad. So I didn't even have a dad. And I used to whisper, you lucky fucker. All my friends, because I come from a council area, so mostly single parents, my friends or divorced parents or dysfunctional marriages so i was one of the few a mum and a dad and a house very rare where i come from and uh everyone used to tell me how lucky i was but they seem to always seem to be happier than me always my dad was not physically abusive at all and he in fact he wasn't abusive at all on any level he was accidentally just very negative and invalidating so i've put it all down and i've recently released like it's

not so much a memoir but sort of uh it's called son of a silverback it's a book all about my dad growing up as a son of my dad and i stop it before i start stand up so there's no there's no i went on stage and i felt like this there's none of that in there. So I just, I try not to, like my classic example of my old man was I would go for a cycle on my bike and I would cycle 10 miles in the day and I'd be about like 14 years old, so proud of myself.

And my old man would go, I used to cycle 30 a day to work. Fuck you now. And I'd just walk out. If we were going on holiday, the traffic would be shit. He would know in advance the hotel's going to be shit i reckon the food will be shit the whole thing will be a rip-off

so i i try to work on not putting that negativity in because i think i'm very lucky it didn't affect you know it turned me into the opposite it made me resilient but it could have had another effect on me so i'm careful not to put that negativity in. Do you think you'll have more kids, Russell? You'll stick to one? No, no. Fuck it. Absolutely no.

No chance whatsoever. And because me and this four, we're getting the older, you're going to feel different. You'll feel different in a couple of years. We have to hear that from everybody. You're going to feel different. My eldest was six. We never thought. But honestly, if I even a twinge, i'll smash my bollocks off with a spoon

i'll never have another child one's one's enough i've minna has twins in one brain how many of you how many is every josh how many of you got i've got one so she's two and a half that's heaven isn't it one are you gonna have more uh i think possibly yeah i mean um i think the thing with it is help him rob help him no i like having two i think three is have you got a gun to your head rob your missus there going tell him how you like having food? No, genuinely, it is hell for like 18 months. But once they get to 18 months, it's so much easier because they've got a mate in the house. So I would say it is horrendous for that first 18 months.

But once you get over that and they can play together, it's a godsend because they're not on you for attention and games. They've got each other to play with. Do you find with one,sell because i i kind of think the is that everything you do you go well once we get through this that's it i don't have to do it again with once i've done the sleep thing yeah once i've done the nappy thing that's it i'm done i've never got to take that on again that must be quite a kind of freeing thing because you go this phase i've got to deal with it once in my life it's freeing but then you realize how much people have been lying

to you because i remember when the baby was born it was like this is the hardest bit once they get once they can sit up it's gonna be fine and then the fucker sits up and goes huge journey and it's like oh no so there's just another hill and you realize it's like that horrific program sas challenge there is always another hill yeah like it's you just get to the top of the peak it's like some horrific greek myth and there is another peak as soon as they get to school it's gonna be fine is it well i'll find out soon so yeah nappy training and potty training and sleep was bad but there's always another hill to overcome. So far as the specific question of would I like to retackle them, I think if a newborn was teleported here and we had no choice,

I would feel more confident because of the way I've tackled it. I'm really careful not to judge baby-led people. In fact, I'm jealous that they're so relaxed that they can let baby lead the way and lose it together with soy milk. I'm jealous that they're so relaxed that they can let baby lead the way and all together with soy milk. I'm jealous. But because I have approached it in a structured knowledge led way, I would like to think I would find it even easier the second time potty training. I think there's a real fear the first time that you're going to, you know, you're worried you're going to break it or do whatever. But I think the second time, presumably, you just must be so much more confident with the child

because you've done it before and you didn't kill them what's that yeah yeah you are you are more you're more just more relaxed you're not so like oh my god and like nothing escalates as quick as it normally would where like when they're the first one costs oh my god let's go to hospital now and then the second one you're're like, I'll be all right. Let's give it, let him sleep for a bit. Let's see what happens. Do you do the thing where every single noise, you think they're dying, he's dead.

Yeah, and they're watching them breathe. Well, the first one, I remember, just kept sneaking in to see their chest going, is he breathing? Yeah, she's breathing. But like checking it, but like, oh, it's terrible. It's horrible.

But anyway. When you're not a parent and all your mates are telling you what it's like they don't half lie don't they so they're like

you're going to get it home and you just sit there you stare at it together and you go oh my god I've never felt such love and completion

will it be the next prime minister an astronaut a physicist what is this baby going to be and you think you're going to have

all these but whereas the reality is you just sit there going, he's dead. He's dead, he's been beaten by a dog. He's going to fall off. I'll get the blame. I'll go to prison. It's so horrible. It does, yeah, when they're little like that,

everything's so charged. It's awful. The other thing about having two, Josh, I would just say, I don't know anything about your child but there were the benefit of having the type of baby I've had first is it inoculates you against the desire for a second one if you're unlucky enough to have a such a well-behaved relaxed baby first you are tricked by nature into bringing the omen into the house the second i i think i'm lucky in that sense because she is intense like she's at nursery they'll go she's a big character isn't she and you know you know what they mean full of energy

subtitles on that would you Russell Kane um I'm gonna say where do we start wow I mean he's Russell is one of the most intelligent people I've ever met and also one of the kindest and most generous so like this sometimes when he talks about like his schedule for his kid and stuff it is it's all coming out of a place of love and support and he's such a lovely man and a good family man but like it's so like i could never stick to that kind of regime i'd be i'd break it all the time i know this isn't the bit that you know would jump out the 12 hours that he's decided to choose from 9 p.m till 9 a.m are definitely not to the 12 hours i would choose for my baby's sleep or what do you choose i definitely have her going to sleep earlier.

Because what time do your children go to bed? Like, my daughter, we'd probably leave her at about 7.30. And then you get an evening. But Russell's not really getting an evening. Well, no, because he works. I think because he was saying he gets home late. Right, I see. I don't know.

So he can see her before bed. He did say, actually, we didn't actually get it on the show, but his blackout curtains technique is three layers of blackout. So you put like a sheet on the window and then two blinds. That's intense. My question with that, I should have asked this, is does that not pose problems if you go anywhere else? Or is he packing three layers of blinds when he's going to a hotel?

He's packing three layers of blinds. He definitely would take blinds. I know him. I went on tour with him. He layers of blinds when he's going to a hotel? He's packing three layers of blinds. He definitely would take blinds. I know him. I went on tour with him. He would take blinds 100% and wear a sleep mask. But I have always slept better on holiday in places like Spain when they do have those metal shutters. So I do think that a blackout blind does make you sleep better.

I don't think that is in doubt, and I don't know why we don't do it more. So maybe he's on to something. Are you a good sleeper? We've never actually discussed whether we're good sleepers ourselves are you good at sleeping Rob? I mean what a question am I good at it? I don't think I could go pro

but on a Sunday afternoon I can hold me own I can sleep anywhere like if on a plane or if you leave me alone for long enough I'm not working I can nod off but I've not been sleeping that well in lockdown, but it is difficult because you're not being out to get as tired going out of places and stuff.

But I think the worst feeling in the world is, well, not the worst feeling in the world. Obviously there's terrible feelings, but that feeling when your child has gone to sleep in the early days and then you can't get to sleep yourself and the pressure you're putting on yourself to get to sleep.

I used to really struggle when Lou went away for the night and I was in with, because I am such a deep sleeper, so I never wake up in the night because I'm such a deep sleeper. I was so worried about like not hearing him cry out. I just stay awake all night. So you were worried you'd sleep through there quiet. Have you got, you've got a thingy alarm though, haven't you? Yeah, but I'm such a deep, once I've gone, Josh, I've gone.

And that's why Lou gets annoyed with me because she always gets up in the night because I don't hear it. So by the time she wakes me up and kicks me, they've gone from a bit disturbed to like full crying and awake. So she just does it before I wake up. So I've got better now,

but when I was a bit more nervous in my first one, when she was like three, four months old, I just couldn't sleep. And what do you think about Russell reading a lot of books it makes me feel bad that I haven't really read any of the books yeah but Lou has so I feel like that's her vibe and I you know she reads all the books and I read none we're sort of a good middle ground don't we you know like especially I live in South East London about a time you hear someone shout and they're like three-year-old stop being a little shit I mean what kind of London, about the time you hear someone shout and they're like a three-year-old, stop being a little shit.

I mean, what kind of feedback's that? What are you? Stop being a shit. Stop being a little, come here. Now stop being a little shit in front of mummy. And you're like,

he's not learning what he's done there. You're just screaming, stop being a little shit. So yeah, like that. And I try and get them to breathe when they're getting all worked up to do like,

like sort of mindfulness breathing and that helps and calms them down a bit. I sometimes see them doing that like on their own when they're getting worked worked up to do like yeah like sort of mindfulness breathing and that helps and calm down a bit i sometimes see them doing that like on their own when they're getting worked up yeah so just breathe and just sort of just slowing down the emotion as it as it were i think that's like russell's talking about that book the philip perry one which my wife has read which is yes that's really really changed things is that tip of um when they're angry you've got to understand where they're coming from and they don't want to be angry and they're struggling through this and it's you know and you've got to kind of make them understand what the situation is rather than just go in at them and try and kind of stop them identifying with that anger in a way do you

know what i mean they need to work it through and i try and put myself in their shoes as well where i remember when i was a kid and you'd set something up like that and your mum goes i'll tie that up with put that away whatever you're like in your head though it's a child's imagination you've created this little world of figures and toy and play and if someone is someone just like a giant comes and just smashes it all apart but like you just and i try and remember not to just but bulldoze them with sort of like i'm in charge just do that sort of yeah bring them along with me. You know what I mean? Because I remember how angry I'd get. Get them on side.

I'm not a sergeant major. I've got to deal with that. Yeah, you're an arm around the shoulder manager. Exactly. I like to see myself as Jurgen Klopp. That's how I like to see myself. Children are like gas going. They're unpredictable.

They can ruin the day, but they can also bring magic out of nowhere. But they need to be managed and keep them off the booze lou read that in a book didn't she and she told you yeah that's what philip perry bangs on about keep them off the whiskey and they'll be all right um thank you to russell uh genuinely um i'm gonna say it that is the most different from all the other interviews that we've done i mean that compared to the daisy may cooper episode well you should say to us what would you do if your daughter put a union jack flag in a shit she did in your shed what would russell kane do that would be i don't know if

i don't know if he'd be flicking through his books and there'd be no reference to what to do with the Union Jack and his shit. Maybe just consult the books. There's 30 books. None of them have mentioned this. Blackout blind so she can't find the area to shit. Make it too dark. Thank you, everyone. If you want to get in touch, this is how.

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