Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S01 EP25: Judi Love

Episode Date: July 21, 2020

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' - S01 EP25: Judi LoveJoining us in the studio this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) during the lock down and beyond is the brilliant comedian and presenter, Judi Love. Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Behold the DQ Freezer! An extraordinary freezer holding all the Blizzard flavors of the past. It's opening to bring back Rolo and Brownie Batter. Grab them before the DQ Freezer closes. Only at DQ. Happy tastes good. Whoa, what are you listening to this for? Wait, who's talking? You know you're driving a 2024 Ford Escape with available Alexa built-in, so you can change the music. Oh yeah. Alexa, change station to 99.2. See? Purchase a 2024 Escape ST line all-wheel drive with Tech Pack at 3.49% APR for 72 months

with down payment. That's just $267 bi-weekly. Cash value of $40,294. Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca. Hello, I'm Josh Whitacombe. And I'm Rob Beckett. Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell, the show in which Rob and I discuss what it's like to be a parent during lockdown, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation... And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills...

Each episode, we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you, the listener, with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Hello and welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell with... Rob Beckett. And... Josh Whittaker.

Pretty good? Really good. I like the energy, I like the volume, the real strong Beckett and Whittaker. Pretty good. Really good. I like the energy. I like the volume. The real strong Beckett and Whittaker. Who was that? So that is from, so the mother is called Louisa Mingo. Sebastian, saying your names. Oh, well done, Sebastian.

He is three and a half. Sebastian Mingo. What a name. Good on him. You've got to be a performer with that name. He sounds he sounds like an artist oh that's a mingo yeah that's that's sebastian mingo um wonderful wonderful wonderful painter good on yourself he interrupted uh his father chris's video call with 30 people including senior management to say daddy i did a poo poo on the potty that's good which i think is very nice i imagine he

articulated it very well indeed yeah daddy i've done poo-poo really hit every syllable chris mingo's like sorry about this top table that sounds like you know like when people don't call it christmas and they're like are you looking forward to chris mingo can't wait for it. Chris Mingo's coming up. What are you doing, this Chris Mingo with the rellos over? Hey, guys. Well, talking about interruptions, my daughter, as we just started doing this, has been banging on the door,

and I had to grab it off her off camera. Gave me a flower for no reason. This is what they do. They're vindictive children. She knows I'm working. My wife said, Dad's working. Leave him alone.

He'll come out and speak to you in a minute and do, you know, whatever. So she knocks on the door and goes, Daddy, I love you. I've got you a flower. You don't give a shit about me. You're doing this to distract me and get an attention. You don't actually,

she's never done this ever. Where's the flower from? Was she ripped off one of your flowers? Yeah, she's ripped it off the flowers of the garden. I'm about to say thank you. So I said thank you there. She's disturbed me at work and she's ripped up the garden flowers

and somehow I'm the bad guy. They are shit at gardening, children. So I was... Oh my God. So I got some chilli seeds, right? Made loads of chilli plants. I misjudged it. I've now got 35 chilli plants

and I only need the four or five. Have you? Have you popped a... I didn't realise every seed would grow. I thought it got 35 chilli plants and I only need the four or five. Have you? Have you popped it? I didn't realise every seed would grow. Like, I thought it was like a kind of, you know, like a one in ten or something. That dippy egg looks a bit bland. Have a pepper on it.

A bit chilling. So she's got one, my daughter, in a pot and she was, I was like watering the garden. She was like, can I water my chilli plant? I'm like, yeah. And she gets the watering can and she's just drowning it. She's just drowning it in his pot.

And I'm going, stop! Stop watering it! You're killing the chilli plant! She's just looking at me carrying on. Because in her eyes, obviously, it's all more water the better. They need it, don't they? It's only going to soak away. Do you know what I've realised is,

if they haven't had enough sleep, they're awful. is if they haven't had enough sleep they're awful and if they've had too much they're awful so they're just annoying in a different way they're either grouchy and having a go at you or they're like daddy daddy daddy you know fuck off this morning do you know what i did i've never done it before they were annoying me they were fighting shouting and all that and i had to tidy the kitchen up before preschool i decided i'd put two headphones in and just listened to a podcast, as loud as I could, to drown them out. Is that allowed? I don't know.

They weren't those big headphones you're wearing now, are they? No, not these big bad boys. They were like earphones. But it's still full of noise, isn't it? An headphone, that's the point. Yeah, but they can't see it. They can't see it. They knew.

I went, I'm not listening to this anymore. But I just had enough, Josh. I had enough. Oh, that's fair enough. We're at the point with sleep where she's not got the energy to get through a full day without a nap, without being an absolute horror show from about 4.30. Yeah.

But if she has a nap, she's up till about 9.30. Brilliant. So it's a really difficult period. And I prefer to have her being an absolute horror show from 4.30 till 6.30. Have you So it's a really difficult period. And I prefer to have her being an absolute horror show from 4.30 till 6.30. Have you thought about a cold flannel mid-afternoon

just to keep her awake? For myself? The Russell Cain technique. That's what you did with it to keep him awake. We've had a lot of feedback from certain episodes, haven't we, Josh?

We have had a lot of feedback from certain episodes. I love to hear your feedback on people's advice and techniques. If you've got any issues with them as well, let us know can read them out that's always quite a good yeah good form there's there's so far there's three guests that we've reported to the nspcc isn't there yeah they uh it should have been five we've we forward the tape straight on we just find it easier we're basically we're the crime squad we're actually it's a big ruse we're not actually comed. We just do this to try and get info on kids

that aren't being looked after properly, but we'll get there. And we are sorry that the Ramsey's podcast will be no more, but in six months' time when they're both out of prison, it'll be fine. I mean, they're too powerful in the podcast world. They're like the Obamas.

We've got to bring them down. You know, like the Clintons. There must be some sort of email chain. I'm sure Chris Ramsey's in some fruity WhatsApp groups. We can hack that. If we can hack that, like, you know, five-a-side foot, we don't know I'm too well, some of the dodgy videos come through. You know, we could try and pull the empire down.

That would be a good start. That's the dream. That is the dream. How has your week been, Rob? Well, okay, so we have booked a summer holiday this week. Ooh. I know, a lockdown summer trip. We are...

Yeah, Ocean Beach in Ibiza. Yeah, Wayne Lillick has sorted us out. I've got a bed, so we're just going to sleep there day and night. But I have realised, though, certain things with social distancing is, stuff's better, isn't it? Just more space in restaurants, more space in bars. It was never fun being rammed in, was it?

Into a small space. That wasn't any good. No. Have you found greeting people's easier? Because you don't have to worry about the type of greeting you give them. So what are you doing? Just sort of an awkward... Just not touching them.

And it's brilliant because I did a TV show. Yeah. So I did celebrity catchphrase. So we can't discuss how it went. Oh. Oh, yeah. We spoke about this. I absolutely smashed it, didn't I? Yeah, you did absolutely smash it. I'm interested to see how it went oh after oh yeah we spoke about this i absolutely

smashed it didn't i so yeah you did see how it goes did they talk about me they took all the lads talk about me down there still honestly mate it was tiresome so how was it they talk about you like it's like you know when there's a pub and they're like a celebrity like the time steve davis came and played pool in a pub. It's like that. Fucking hell, Josh. Your reference points. That is mental. Steve Davis at a pub.

Well, I was thinking about what happens in a pub. And I was thinking pool. And I was thinking of a snooker player. And who's the best snooker player? It's Steve Davis. Oh, my God. Yeah. My heart would have loved that. Tell me, if you were in a pub and Steve Davis turned up and played pool,

you wouldn't be keeping that to yourself, would you? No, do you know what would happen? It's half the pub who have no idea who he is going, oh, that skinny ginger bloke's good, isn't he? Jesus Christ. It's like someone's uncle. How's he so good at that? So what was I saying?

You've got, yeah, they talk about you in hushed tones. They do. The time Rob Beckett did it. But yeah, I didn't have to have any of that problem of greeting people who you've not met before, but who you're aware of from the television. So for instance, Gemma Atkinson from Strictly and Hollyoaks, et cetera,

who I've never met before, but obviously I'm aware of. Yes. How am I meant to greet her for the first time? Yes. Used to be an issue. It used to be an awkward hug, cheek kiss, it would be, and a bit show busy, which you would never do the first time you met.

If you started doing office, they went, oh, this is Gemma. She'll be working with you today. You wouldn't go, ooh. You'd say, hello, or handshake. But in telly, everyone starts getting off with you. They go, we're going to need you to go to HR straight away. Please, Mr Beckett. I know, I went from a market stall to that.

It's ridiculous. Anyway, do you know what? Something's going to have to happen soon, though, Josh, because people won't stick to just not doing that. It's just all a bit too awkward teenager. I just think fist bump, boom, you're done. Elbows too close. If you do that, you're about a metre away. Fist bump, bump boom you're done elbows too close if you do that you're like about a meter away fist bump bang you're off that's what vladimir klitschko did when i met him

clang and i was like why are you doing that because he gets alpha male men trying to squeeze his hand too hard because he's a right boxer and also germs if you do that you don't really touch your face you can wash your hands so i think fist bumps the way forward because in my view would be that you shouldn't you shouldn't really touch anyone until you kiss them on your wedding day that is my view yeah and that got you through school university didn't it and it was a great get out it was a great get out on it when you come home from the club with all your guys all your mates exactly people Yeah, exactly. People are going, the thing about Josh, he's very germ-phobic. He's very germ-phobic. He will not have sex with women for years and years because of the germs, okay?

Not because his chat-up line involves championship manager or Steve Davis, Vance. Stop. In today's economy, saving money is like an extreme sport. Coupon clipping. Robo code searching. It takes skill, speed, sweat.

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Nice. What's it taste like? It's like barefoot water skiing while dolphins click with glee. Whoa, let me try. Nah, it's like gliding on a gondola through waving waters as a mermaid sings. Nah, it's like Coca-Cola with a refreshing burst of raspberry and spiced flavours. Yeah. Try new Coca-Cola Spiced today.

Anyway, let's talk about my holiday, right? Because this has been stressing me out. We were supposed to go away in June to Greece, but that just got cancelled, obviously. And then we decided, right, to go to my wife, where she goes to Northern Spain with her family. It's an OSA area. So, and I don't know why I've agreed to this, but I have.

We are driving from South East London to Northern Spain. Oh, my God. With two kids. That is a journey. Oh. So, how long is that drive drive 12 hours from calais so what time's your boat we're getting we're getting the euro tunnel guess what time what like six a.m 502 a.m He can't be there. No. What time are you getting up? He can't be there. 45 minutes before departure.

Oh, my God. That's a 4.15 arrival at Folkestone. Jesus. It's only 35 minutes in a tunnel. How far are you from Folkestone without giving away your exact location? It's about 50 minutes, so it's far. About 50 minutes. So that's not too far. So we've got to leave about 3.15 a.m.

Are you going to sleep? Well, the plan is Lou's going to drive us two folks to drive us onto the train. But I'm going to throw it at her now and I don't want to be all

sort of stereotypical mad about this. I imagine when it gets to the point where we've got to drive onto a train, Lou will freak out and I'll have to do that. Even if it looks like

the easiest, it's just a tunnel. It's just a tunnel that will move at a later date. It's just that tunnel that will move at a later date. It's just that she will go, you do it. Anyway, so she's going to drive down there. And then once we get to France, I'm driving from there.

So I'm going to try and sleep on the way down. But then we're stopping halfway between Spain and the Calais. So we're going to drive for like six hours, stay in a B&B and then carry on driving. I've got to get a roof box. It feels like I've gone up three levels of dad within one conversation. I'm driving two children, a four-year-old and a two-year-old to Spain. I've got to get a roof box to put all the stuff in, bikes or whatever.

I don't know. Do you take bikes to Spain? You can't be taking bikes, can you? So I'm basically using this as a platform now. If anyone has done one of these long drives, help me. Do's and don'ts. And also, as well as do's and don'ts, horror stories. So that if mine descends into a disaster,

I can reread that email and sort of find a bit of joy. So please email in. Do you think driving is actually, is a better role than being the passenger that has to keep the kids occupied? Do you know what? I like the cut of your jib here, Josh. I feel positivity from that. But I agree, yes.

Because Lou will have to be a bit more in charge of snacks where we're stopping on the journey and things like that. And I'm just, I'm a machine. I'm just going. Slugged in. If I smash you, I could be there about half eleven. Should have got a later one, Luke. But yeah, so please email in any horror stories from those drives

and any tips. That'd be greatly appreciated. Because I'm driving to Cornwall. I'm worried about... See, that's a beast. Yeah, but we're going to stop in Devon, I think. But that's not equidistant, obviously. Basically, what we're doing is we're stopping 45 minutes from our destination,

which is absolutely absurd, but it's because my parents are in Devon. Yeah, nice little stop there. Should we stop at Exeter? Nah, keep going. So we're going to Cornwall, which is six hours, which is a lot, but it's not compared to that. We were thinking about Cornwall, but I just think it's going to be too busy. It just gets narrower and narrower, doesn't it?

You just think the people get followed in. It's like piping on a cake. And then basically you just have to eat Rick Stein. Whatever Rick Stein's decided to cook, you have to eat that close to each other's face. if you've got anything on the things we've discussed this is how to get in touch email us hello at lockdown parenting.co.uk or we're on twitter at lockdown parents banging guests this week josh absolutely Genuinely, I think this might be my favourite episode we've done so far. It's really funny and also it's really kind of poignant and interesting.

And honest. Very honest. Honest. Very honest. Julie's wonderful master chef, loose women, comedian, radio show. And she's a single mother with an 11-year-old and a 15-year-old. So, yeah, strapping, though. It does get a bit emotional at points, but it's well worth it to hear a different side of parenting, I'd say. Wouldn't you, Josh?

Loved it. Judy Love. Hello, Judy Love, and welcome to the podcast. Hi, guys. How are you both? You all right? Yeah. We're all right, aren't we, Josh?

Yeah. We've just been having a weird conversation off mic, me and Judy, where obviously Judy knows how well she's done in Celebrity MasterChef, but I've only watched her get through the first round. So I'm telling her not to tell me, but I'm also hoping that she's going to hint that she's won. Oh, really? You can't do that, can you, Judy?

I could never do that. At the moment, you can see I'm a semi-finalist. So you have to watch. You're going to have to watch and see what happens next. And you were saying beforehand that you like Greg, but you didn't like John at all. That's what you said, wasn't it? Listen, I'm trying to get the job to come back

and judge other people's foods. Don't mess up my food. Okay? I love them both. You're a woman of many talents though, Judy. You've got MasterChef. You've got a radio show. You do stand-up.

You're a loose woman. You're a mum of two children. Can you give us a quick outline of your setup at the moment? You're living in South London, aren't you? South London. I've got two children. My daughter just turned 15. So really that's like 25.

My son, she's like the granny of the house. I don't know how. And my son is 10 going on 11. And they're just so different. But then they've got similarities. The difference is my daughter's probably a little bit more serious, but she can have a little bit of fun but she can find her own corner and just be chilling with herself and be fine and my son he wants constant stimulation constant stimulation that's teenage boys for you oh from netflix playing a game from having a conversation, from a rap battle to a debate. He just is constant. And then if he gets up and no one else is up, oh, he's not waking you up on purpose,

but he is, you know, walking up the stairs quite loud. You know, he is like coming in your room. Oh, I thought you called me. Like he's one of those. All right. So it feels like he's got your energy, Judy, that sort of performer attention seeking. Because I do like he's got your energy, Judy, that sort of performer, attention seeking. Because I do feel like what you described there, someone could be describing you, a voice, loud, busy, engaged in stuff.

Is that wrong? Maybe a few qualities that he has collected from me to say just maybe, just maybe. What's your style of parenting judy we just heard you dealing with a delivery and um would you say you lead with respect with fear and with personality my style is let's get this shit done yeah all right by eight o'clock i want to be in my bed watching one of my films or something I don't want to see I love you, I fed you today I've chatted with you today

I've kind of looked at the school work Just get by, it's survival mode And yeah It's survival mode, let's just get this shit done Okay, I do love you Just know that I'm quite friendly with my kids We have a lot of fun. They know what I do.

I don't know if they really think I work. I don't know. They see me on TV and they're like, oh, yeah, great, Mum. That's nice. Sometimes I think they just think I'm just this woman who rants and makes noise. And they're like, yeah, Judy, love, yeah, that's my mum. Mm-hmm.

I don't know. But what's it like for, your son's 11 and his mum is an officially professional loose woman on telly during the day, so how is that for him at school, because you know they're not a bit more oblivious because they don't see it because they're at school, but that's quite, Loose Women's a big

show on ITV That one's still sinking in, I think from the kids, especially like the teachers and mums, when they go to school, they might know who I am. I don't think it really sinks into them because there's no Stormzy on there. Do you know what I mean? There's no Dave.

There's no Jay Haas. They're like, yeah, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Like they're not, so they realise that it's quite known, but none of the subjects really touch them unless I mention their name. And then it's a battle of, oh, why did you mention my sister's name but you didn't mention mine? Yeah, because normally it's just like Michael Ball flogging a new album, isn't it?

Which is not really going to hit through to an 11-year-old kid in South London. It's not going to, it's not, it's not. I had Alfie Bow on today. did you mom yeah i'm trying to engage him i really do i'm like i say to my daughter look at my eyelashes babes they look really good today because you did them and you know i mean talking about you know women and and and how hard it is and incontinence and stuff like that and she just she just allow it mom and she's gone about her business so how was it when they were younger though because did you did you raise them on your own yes is that right yes from from young you know

they've got the same dad um we've spent years now when my son was like newborn um i probably was yeah maybe throughout the pregnancy you might as well say. And so I've constantly been that single parent. And sometimes, you know, the person can almost be there, but you're still the single parent, you know, when you think of decisions and things that have to be made, you're the person. So I think because I grew up in a single parent home, I think I grew up in an age group, especially as a West Indian culture,

you don't ask your parents a West Indian coach you don't ask your parents nothing yeah you don't ask them why is this happening or you just be in a room and be quiet so I've kind of taken on a role where I have conversations with my kids you know a lot look this is what's happening how do you feel about that oh you didn't speak to your dad this week how do you feel what's going on I have really quite open conversations with them um I think my daughter finds it annoying she does but I don't she finds it so do you try and talk to them about like did you find that you totally comfortable talking to your 15 year old daughter about you know boyfriends and what she's up to and all that kind of thing yes my mom i grew up and my mom she would be like no boyfriends they're just gonna want dig you out now if i break that down in like translate that in english it means they're just gonna want to

have sex but her word was dig you out that was that was her that was a... Dig you out. That's a graphic image. That's what? Like a fucking highway maintenance worker. Treating it like it's tarmacking. Fucking hell. From your mum. And depending on what kind of person you are, you might actually find that line quite intriguing. Yeah.

I'm going to treat you like HS2, baby. I'm going to open the thing and dig you out. My dick's going to be like a shovel. Oh, shovel dick's turned up. Again, you know what I mean?

Don't say that shovel dick. He might not have a job, but he's got a shovel dick. You know what I mean? Could I just ask, was it just your mum's phrase or is everyone saying dick you out? I think there's a few people that might use the term and it's a very vulgar term, but I think it's in the term of like, there's more context to it, you know?

There's more layers to it. It there's more layers to it it's more about not just the physical but it's the emotional and mental analogy behind it in the sense of having no respect for you and just digging someone out the term i was like taking the mickey out of them or being horrible if someone's digging you out you go oh they were digging me out for my outfit and stuff not not that term so i think maybe just like the message was maybe just disrespect. Was it just disrespect? Yeah. Yeah.

Just like disrespect, you know, have sex with you and leave you and haven't got no, you know, feelings for you. You've got to be careful. So I've kind of taken a different tone, you know? Yeah. Was that a conscious decision then that you thought, well, I didn't really get what I needed. I had questions about dating or growing up and stuff like that, but I didn't really get the chance to speak to my mum about it.

Was it a conscious decision to realign your approach for your daughter? Yeah, I think so. Because I think, like, my mum was great. And, you know, my friends, we used to talk with my mum, we used to laugh and she'd just say, because she was older, most hilarious things but i still think like in this day and age i think i've got to come with a little bit of a different angle i find these kids have got so much other kind of um areas where they can hide information so i feel like i have to kind of you know i mean there's so much different apps there's's so much different people out there.

Their reach of speaking to people is just so wide. So I thought, you know what, let me just try and, I work to both of their different personalities. My daughter's more the one that will cringe and not want to hear it. And my son, he's open. He knows everything. Oh, he wants to ask questions and he wants the answers. My son's the kind of kid where he knows the answers already,

especially if it's quite an uncomfortable question, but he will still ask you just to see you embarrassed. Oh, really? What kind of things does he ask? He'll just be like, oh, you know, so labour was really hard. I heard there was a thing called tearing. What is that, Mum? My God, bloody hell.

I only heard that three years ago. Yeah. Well, this is what I'm saying. He would ask, I don't know if he's asked that specific question, but that in a kind of, he will ask a real deep, where you're like, what the hell are you? Do you ever double down and try and embarrass him back? No, this kid.

Have you ever tried that as an option? No, this kid's different, man. He's got, I swear to God, he's a different, this different's a different breed. He really is. And so it must be strange to have two children that are so different in the house. You know the little one?

He can debate. He will debate your arse off. You will sit there and question your life. Like, really, I'm arguing, not arguing, having a debate with a 10-year-old. So I just try to encourage him and be like, yeah. I'll be like, you know what, son? You could get into politics or you could be a lawyer, you know, because you really like to challenge

and put forward your opinions. And, yeah, I think it's a school he goes to. They really encourage the kids to have opinions. God, I am absolutely avoiding that school. I can tell you that for free. They're great. They are quite great. But he definitely, I had, he was on the council board at the school because i you

know he's a young black boy and i felt like i wanted him to do something more than he's quite great at sports as well but and maths but i really wanted him to venture into another area because i feel like young black boys always put in the areas of sports. So that's why I put him in there. And it seems like I was bloody right because this kid can chat. That's great. It's interesting, though, because it does feel like you make conscious decisions about how you're talking to your daughter and how you want your son to sort of learn and be educated just from, you know, the way you was brought up and stuff like that.

Does that just happen naturally or was it a conscious decision? I think because I think it definitely is a conscious decision I think you know because I am a single parent and you know I'm not in a relationship with their dad and you know I felt like I really for my son I really wanted him to understand like women's rights and how you make someone feel especially a woman woman if he, you know, grows up to date women. I want him to understand how you consciously make someone feel. You know, his role as a man, him thinking about relationships, because I think it's important. I think we're at a time where so much stuff has happened around relationships consent

and um sexism yeah and all these different areas I think it's really important for us as mums who have sons um to educate them because uh I think that's what's needed I think the boys need educating we always we always down on the girls oh you've you know i mean you've you know don't wear too much of a short skirt and don't do this and don't do that and you know don't date too much and oh gosh if you have lots of kids it'll be hard i remember having my two kids and a family member said to me oh you better not have no more kids because you won't be able to get a man you know so i think yeah you hear those things the real pressures put on a woman but maybe we need to have a conversation with our sons. Like, son, you know, if you go to hug somebody, especially a girl,

you need to know that she actually wants you to hug her. You need to ask. You need to, you know, it's okay to touch someone's son and say, you're right, how are you? You know, how are you feeling? Or, you know, mummy's not feeling good today. You've got a period. You know, just tell him straight.

That's an older generation thing as well. It is. Your mum would say, don't go there because a boy will do that. Not boys need to be told off for doing that. It was almost your fault for getting with a boy because you know what they're going to do, whether it's right or wrong. So that's, you know, it's again, the pressure is put on the women to avoid men because that's what men do. Not, you know, the message really should have been women to avoid men because that's what men do. The message really should have been you shouldn't treat women like that. Yes.

You're an idiot for getting involved. It's not your fault that they're being dicks. Yeah. How was it when they were younger as well? Because obviously now they're older and you've got this great relationship and you're really successful. You're a master chef who's swimming, you radio shows, your stand-up tour next year and stuff.

What was it like when they were younger and stuff? How was that when they were little like sometimes I think the other day I was just reflecting back on when they were toddlers and I just was like I felt quite emotional and overwhelmed because I remember days I really struggled I struggled you know being a single parent on your own there's different different things that the the routine financially the emotional support the physical support child care always had a child care um problem and it was just it was just like wow it was it was just it was such a heavy period and I and I had a sick mum at the time as well um she had dementia and she'd had quite a few strokes. So it was just like, it was quite a dark place in the sense of, yeah, definitely was depressed.

But it was, you know, those areas, you know, not having the partner and not having my mum as well. You know, I think for women, when they have kids, it's that mum that gives them that kind of support. So not having those main characters um and support networks in your life when I had the two kids was really hard it was definitely really hard especially you know once I had the two of them I think the hardest period is once my son was born yeah that because my son was born and then I think my mum died maybe about five weeks after no no five weeks before he was born yeah so tough so I was I was like yeah eight months pregnant my mum died and I she would be in care for us since I was about four months so it was really it was a very

very very difficult time and after that it was just like it just it just seemed like I was in this this bubble if it was so grey I love the the babies oh I tell you what the kids though they definitely are the one that got me through the kids and the laughter and that's probably what pushed me into comedy so it's just trying to I think there's so much pressure on um that expectation from people that you just, you know, you've had a child, you just know how to be a mum. And sometimes it's not always like that. It's actually a learning curve.

So for dads, you learn on the job, but you're learning on the job to something that's going to be an adult one day that contributes to society. It's a really big job. Do you know what i mean if you if you're in a nine-to-five you make a little job and i teach you've got something else to call you've got hr or so on but if you make an issue and a mistake in the child's life then you you're not going to know how well you've done until that child's an adult yeah yeah of course you um you know did you have any techniques to cope with it

or did you just kind of head down and you just had to get through it kind of thing i think my way of coping was definitely like laughter finding some kind of spiritual um something to engage in spiritually like motivational speaking and and and um finding people that kind of resonated with how I was feeling to be honest with you especially as um a black female you know there's this real emphasis on um being strong so I think there was a period I was definitely very I was very scared to like say to friends and family, I don't feel good or I'm feeling really sad or I've cried for like three days. They'd be like, come on, man, you're strong, man, you're strong.

You know, that's it. And then I started to think strong. Strong kind of made my mum sick. She did so much. She was so powerful. She was so, like how much other women and just people, not just women and all backgrounds are going through this. Oh, I've just got to get on.

I've just got to get on. And then there was just one day I was like, sod it. I'm just going to text all my family and friends and say, listen, I love you, but I need a break. And I think I'm depressed. There we go. And that was it. And they were like, wow.

Tough message to send. It was a very tough message to send. like wow tough message to send it was a very tough message to send it really was because you have to you to allow yourself to be that vulnerable um and just it's just sitting there waiting I remember I was I was in my bedroom at my old flat and even where I lived, I had so, I had so much problems. I was living in a flat and there was like damp and it was affecting my son's health. You know, my son, he ended up in intensive care. My neighbor's husband died in my hands. You know, there was people coming in, you know, I worked as a youth worker in the area and there was people coming in who was doing drugs and vandalising the place.

I had people put, oh, feces at my door, oil in the... It was absolute... So I was fighting all of that, trying to work, trying to support the kids, trying to make home seem nice, even though outside was crap. You know, dealing with grief, a a breakup it was just so much and then it was just like no I I'm actually not happy I tell you what it was I saw my daughter had this um you know them v-tech little mini um mini computer things yeah like when they're two year old and it's like a fake one but she can record it and she must have been doing something recording and she'd recorded me and I just watched

it and I was walking so slowly and slumped and I thought oh that does not I don't look I look sad and it was just that one word sad and I thought no no forget this I need to get myself together so I can get someone to dig me out so how was the reaction to the uh text though Judy people text back and like look after you and step up and were they oblivious to how you were feeling until you said I think some were shocked to how I'm feeling and then I think what's funny is you've got some who are the same but they will not break that strong woman mold like because if they if they break if they like are too empathetic then they're gonna have to deal with their own stuff that they're going through do

you know what i mean and so i i saw that in some people and some people's like you're so brave like you know i just so respect you for doing that and we're here for you and and then you kind of sit down and think about all the things you got you went through and got through and you're like yeah like i'm all right you know i'm not that bad like well i managed that because you're so in it you don't realize oh my god yeah i really went through that as well so how old were the kids how old were the kids how old were the kids when you sent that message and it got too much and you were struggling I think my my daughter must have been about four and a half five and my son must have been about five months because when he was 10 five when he was yeah when he was about 10 months I went away I went to Barbados I so it's got to be just before 10 months because

I literally after about two months I said I've got to go away I said you you can either um not have the kids now or have them for a longer period when I can't go I need to get what's up to you bitch I need to get away you're gonna run for two weeks now forever and about another six right right it's up to you I did send the bitch bit at the end of the text but that's what I meant you're kidding me you're going to be around for two weeks now forever and about another six months basically right it's up to you I did send the bitch bit

at the end of the text but that's what I meant okay and what what was your career at this point as well then had you started doing any of this

like radio or comedy or was you just youth working I was doing youth work and even youth work was so challenging I was begging them I was begging

crying to my manager that I needed to cut my hours down to part time because I can't manage the kids. And what I was doing as well was working. And then there was like, if your kids go to school nursery, it's free. And then you go private nursery, you pay for that. But I didn't have enough. for that bit I didn't have enough so I was instead of having a lunch break I agreed to like work from nine till like 11 30 I would stop work run and go and collect my son from uh private nursery to school nursery then finish from there come back oh it was I'll tell you what it was madness and then come back for three hours

and then have another like 15 minute break to run back to pick him up, to take him to like private nursery. So basically I could cut down how much I was paying because I couldn't afford it. So yeah. Yeah. How do you go from this Judy?

You've had, you know, the two kids, you've had depression, postnatal depression, you've lost your mom. There's been other experiences of grief and you've had to text your friends saying you're not coping and all this tough stuff you went through at what point did you go you know what I fancy doing stand-up comedy I mean what the hell did I have to laugh about I think I think it was like um so like West Indians we especially Jamaicans we can laugh at anything like when my mum passed away um and I had to go and um view her in her casket yeah I was big barely pregnant I literally broke up with my kid's dad and my mum died all in like the same week and we went to the funeral I'm laughing because it's just went to the funeral home from

the funeral home I was like I started to have like like panic attack but I'm the loud crier in the family so that's not a shock to me by the way i think i would have assumed that you know me well babe so i'm the one that the rest of the family will phone each other first and say we've got to tell judy and they'll be like okay i'll drive there you stand behind her i'll stand to the left and then we tell her so that like they prepare they prepare so i'm the loud crier so from when we was going i was with my sister she was going jude you're right and i was like yeah i'm gonna be i'm fine i'm fine literally there was this lady my sister another family member we walked in that room and i i just remember this screaming noise and i realized that's me and this rolling on the floor and the poor woman like this little slim petite

white lady was she just had this 18 stones pregnant mama on top of her like almost begging her to carry me out and although it was and there was people came in to obviously view their family and the way they saw me screaming, they ran back out. Yeah. But the thing is, is that in the midst of that, like by a couple of days later, it was the family joke. Like we'd be phoning her cousin. Oh, dear Julie, Julie was bawling. You said she panned the floor. Like we just laughed about it.

She panned her big belly, her raw a raw lad got her mother would have laughed and and thinking about i know my mom would laugh and we we this is just our thing of coping i think in a lot of the black community um is to try and get through like emotional trauma so i think because some of the hardest things I've been through culturally for me, I can't say for everybody, but within my family, we still laughed through it. So I think I started to realize, Oh, this is a natural thing, but I started to realize everybody laughed with me or it made them laugh or it

made them feel comfortable. And, and it made it, it brought a feeling of healing for me. And I thought, Hmm, I might have to try this on stage maybe this is what you know I think when you go through a stage where you feel like you've lost everything which I would I don't regret going through that it took me in a place where I had to say well who the hell am I like I've been Judy with a sick mum since I was like 10 years old I'm now Judy a single parent the broken relationship the mum's not here like who the hell am I now and what do I really what do I really want to do with my life

because life you can see you can see it you can try and be happy or you can just let all these things take over and because I was in that place where I felt like I had nothing left apart from these two beautiful children I just just said, sod it. Let's try and make people laugh. Amazing. Do you feel like kind of a different person now? Do you feel like you're a different Judy or do you feel like you're just kind of in a better place with it all? I feel like I'm like Judy, but I understand myself much more. And I don't feel disconnected from what I've been through

because I think it's definitely maybe the person I am but I do sit down sometime and think like you know I just like give thanks in the sense of feeling like I've come through that stage it was a chapter it felt like a very very very long chapter but I just I just I still feel like I'm me um I'm just I'm just grateful to be in a different chapter that's what it is I think that's what I think what would you say to someone if someone's listening to this going god I think that sounds like what I'm going through what would your kind of advice be to them oh without crying I'd say to them let go just let it all go I mean I think the hardest thing is we we walk on this earth with so much pretense um I'm telling you there is hundreds thousands of people that you you know you speak

to or they come to work but that morning they have been on their face. I mean, like in tears, questioning their life, questioning love, questioning all kinds of things, dealing with things from childhood. But they come into work or you speak to them, oh, hi, you're right. And there's so much other pain underneath. And I think you need to let go.

You need to find that safe place. Find things that kind of bring you some kind of peace find that person that you can have that conversation with and don't let other people's expectations stop you from healing like stop you from talking your truth or being your real self because that's what the problem is the expectation of everybody sees me as this strong person oh my god you know I'm not provides i've got to do this it stops you from actually saying to people i don't i'm not feeling that well at the moment and and if you if you don't stop it's only going to get worse where do you think you'd be now judy do you think your life would have panned out the same way if you hadn't have sent that text message to your friends and

family would that be your turning point you think and if there's anyone listening to this that's hovering over that send button to sort of send it i think i think because there's so much access to stuff the kind of things i was reading and and getting myself involved with it would have come to a stage where maybe it would have been something else or spoke to somebody else but i do believe that the more things you hold into, it affects you physically. So I think, you know, when I look at family history and stuff, my worries would have been that if it didn't affect me emotionally, it would affect me physically, you know.

I always had that in the back of my mind with regards to, you know, I saw my mum sick from a young age. And those are other fears that was in my mind. So I think at some stage I would have been like I need to find something to to deal with this feeling and and the friends and family that I have around me I personally think some of them would have been like no what's going on because I remember I had one particular friend and she came to my house one day she was like what the hell's going on why is your house like this i've got friends that will tell you about yourself so i think at some stage they

would have been this only so long i would have been able to be like oh babes yeah no i was gonna come around here but i can't come around babes or like yeah oh no i left my phone in the bedroom i didn't hear it or i'll go i'm busy this weekend they would have been like we're coming to your house yeah they would have made their own intervention I tell you something we have travelled a long way since we were discussing having sex with a man with a dick like a spade haven't we

I'm telling you babes and this is what I'm saying this is what I'm saying it's a more serious episode than normal but maybe we can redo another one. I'm so sorry. No, it's the best one we've ever done. Yeah, it's unbelievable.

It's an unbelievable story, Judy. You should be so proud of your journey and what you've done. It's incredible. And I think everyone listening will be inspired by what you've been through. But, I mean, on a personal level, the spade dick was absolutely incredible. LAUGHTER This episode is brought to you by tresemme wants silky smooth hair that's still full of natural movement the tresemme keratin smooth

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you can open an FHSA online. No bank appointment needed. It's easy and only takes a few minutes. The sooner you get started, the more time your down payment has to grow. Open an account today at questrade.com. Judy, it's been an absolute pleasure talking to you. Thanks so much. You're both the most inspiring and the most graphic person we've spoken to. And I mean that as two of the biggest compliments I've ever given. Thank you, babes. You know, obviously, you know, we're trying to live our best life out here.

And just be yourself. I think that's another thing I've realized. I can't think that's another thing i realized i can't do anything else babes thanks judy so good thank you uh that was judy love that was amazing wasn't it oh i got a bit upset i think my voice broke when i was trying to ask her a question halfway through and then because it was so moving and like passionate and like inspiring i was just then because it was so moving and, like, passionate and, like, inspiring, I was just like... I felt so much pressure. I'm like, one, I didn't want to say anything disrespectful,

like, if I was trying to go for fun. And also, I just felt... Because it meant so much. I just thought every... I was like, oh, my God, you've got to say something. Say something that makes you not look like a prick. It's difficult. It's difficult.

Because someone's... You're like... It's so, like, moving. And you're like, oh, my God and you're like oh my god i forgot that i'm interviewing someone i just felt like i was listening to her and then i was like i am going to need to ask another question at the end of this yeah and all i can think about is i am uniquely underqualified for this conversation but then i've imagined lots of people feel like that but yeah when you get qualified at something if you engage in it if you go i don't hear about and tap out imagine that in the podcast i don't hear about that just

tell me about time when they fell over on their knee come on you know judy well you've got to have a story about stepping in a shit haven't you come on man come on yeah oh my god but it was i thought was really good because there must be people listening to this and if you are listening to this you're having a difficult time and stuff like that, definitely reach out and speak to people because, you know, people do want to help. It's just I think people get a bit embarrassed. Particularly at this time, I think it must be, you know,

people must be having a really tough time. I think almost it's a kind of weirder time because when we're in lockdown, you're like, this is lockdown, this is how I do lockdown, da-da-da. And now people are trying to re-establish their life but kind of with these rules and stuff I think it's kind of a difficult really difficult period for people because I just don't I don't know what I should be doing or not be doing like if I like you feel like you should just don't hide away forever but then you start bowling down a shop and you think

do I really need to go and buy some socks in person in a shop do you know what I mean is that causing a problem but then I'm like I need to be supporting the local economy. I've got to go out and buy a birthday card. Yeah, these three pound socks that were made in China nine years ago,

they need to be bought. So, thank you to Judy. It was brilliant. We should say, we've been trying to get Judy on for about two months.

I'll be honest with you, I tapped out after the fifth attempt and I thought, it's too much effort for this. It's too much. It's too difficult. It's not going to be worth it.

And then, do you know what? It surpassed any expectations. And I'm so glad we stuck with it. Judy has been, she's been desperately trying to get on. We've been trying to get on. To be fair, her laptop broke. And then we sent her the wrong mic. And then there was a mix up with

times and all kind of stuff like that so it's just it wasn't all her fault but i would say there's a strong 80 20 split do you know what i mean none of us are angels in it but uh yeah we got there in the end we will be back on friday uh when we will be uh going through uh some more of your correspondence we'll be talking about my week and um that's about it, really, isn't it? Yeah. My daughter will have graduated. She will have graduated from preschool. So we can talk all about a gap year summer.

I think she's going to go to Thailand on her own. Thank you for listening. We will see you on Friday. Bye. Bye.