Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S01 EP32: Twice as long as a weasel

Episode Date: August 14, 2020

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' - S01 EP32: Twice as long as a weaselMore misadventures in parenting from Josh and Rob. Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent INSTAGRAM: @lockdown_parenting(And the NikNak account is @penrosehouse #niknaksafety)A 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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It's easy and only takes a few minutes. The sooner you get started, the more time your down payment has to grow. Open an account today at Questrade.com. Hello, I'm Josh Whitacombe. And I'm Rob Beckett. Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell. The show in which Rob and I discuss what it's like to be a parent during lockdown, which I would say can be a little tricky.

So, in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation... And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills... Each episode we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you, the listener, with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. us know what we're doing. Hello and welcome to Lockdown Parents in Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Winnicombe.

Oh, that was good ones there, wasn't it? Yeah, who was that, Rob? I did those. Yeah? That was just me. Did you think it was a kid? Do you know why? No, I don't. I wouldn't say a kid.

I thought possibly a dying gran baby well basically um i couldn't find any uh contributors this week so i did it myself so that was um rob from london age 34 yeah zone five is barely london but we'll move on zone five oh yeah let's we can talk about that can't we judge what do you want to talk about first you want to talk about the incident of the one show What do you want to talk about first? Do you want to talk about the incident of the one show or do you want to talk about our parental meet-up? I think let's go one show because that was the most recent and that literally happened last night.

And I think there's a lot you need to get off your chest and chin in order to really sort of burn these demons. But we did the one show last night, didn't we, with Chris Ramsey, fellow comedian and podcaster Alex Jones, burn these demons but we did the one show last night didn't we with chris ramsey um fellow comedian podcast alex jones and they were they were hosting it and we we dialed in didn't we josh uh so we did the one welcome to all our new listeners who uh uh hear from the one show yeah thanks guys thanks guys well first of all i love the one show but they did set us up on it like we were actual like super nanny parenting experts like me and you've done a course in parenting

because they threw dilemmas at us. Like we knew what we were talking about, but we haven't got a clue. I'd like to apologize firstly for taking the piss out of one of the people who threw a dilemma at us. That was so out of order, Josh. I mean, it was edging on salty. I thought it was. It was salty, wasn't it? It was.

Well, no, it was just an amusing. It was just an amusing, you know, bit of banter. But then I did realise that he's just some bloke in a park who they've gone up to film in the lunch break. Yes. And they asked him. His dilemma was. It's consoles. Yeah.

Yeah. I've never had a console for our kids. We've never bought consoles. Me and mummy don't think it's right for them to play on computer games too much and what you said on tv to about three million people i just said i think the first issue you've got is you you shouldn't be calling your wife mummy it's creepy it really was funny though that was a very funny boy it did feel like he was norma bates in psycho like a principal skinner but anyway that was by the by.

They then did an animation of our podcast. Now, Rob. Yes. We have put a picture, if you haven't seen this, on our Instagram account. What is our Instagram account, Rob? Lockdown underscore parenting is the Instagram page. There's a few bits of Bob's on there.

But they did a brilliant animation, actually. When I first saw it, I thought, this could be great. We could do this on YouTube with some of our stories. And it's got Rosie Ramsey in the middle, who literally looks like she's a film premiere. She looks unbelievable, like a Hollywood actress, right? Then they've got me. And really, there's a lot going on with my one.

But the problem is, you look so awful. No one cares. If you actually looked at that picture of me in isolation, it looks like I've been punched in the eye. But no one has even noticed or mentioned it because you look like about 45 stone the fattest man i've ever seen you've never looked that fat your face is huge i don't know what they've done so they've done one of those things where they kind of animate they get a photo and then they move the mouth up and down yeah but they've like it's like they've laid an extra yard of chin so that the mouth can move up and down within it i don't know what's going on it looks like you know when you put your face in an app where it makes it obese yeah and then

they've used that and your teeth look like they've just been placed in you've got no bottom teeth just like top old grand teeth you look blown up i look like i'm i mean it's difficult to say what i look like without being offensive actually let's difficult to say what i look like without being offensive actually let me just get it up should i just read out what you wrote in the text message yeah no i look yeah you said to me i look like i'm on drugs for an illness you look like you need water retention tablets you look like you're retaining too much water and it's mainly being retained in your face. I'm not going to lie to you. It's the worst I've ever looked.

Yeah. And at the moment, you're in incredible shape, Josh. You're working out a lot. You look lean. You look powerful. You know, sort of like slim. You do. You look like one of them wiry blokes.

You look like a boxer from the war. You're lean, but it all looks powerful, Josh. But this photo. It's genuinely, it's a chilling vision of the future that I need to put above my desk. You've really got to, you can't put on weight, Josh. You cannot allow it. Like, you know, some people can carry it off. You won't be able to.

It's insane. It looks hilarious. I can't stop looking at it. Do you know what? I'm looking at it. And my face is so big. It looks like. I can't stop looking at it. Do you know what? I'm looking at it. And my face is so big. It looks like my glass is no longer fit. How is that the case?

Your chin's... I've got a theory on this. Basically, a researcher or something. Let's put a call out now. If you know the person, you work in TV that did this on the one show, let us know because I think there's some beef. There's some salty beef between you two. At some point in your career, you've been salty towards them,

and this is their revenge. There's no other explanation. It's got to be. There's thousands of photos of you online not looking like this. Did that guy that came to The Last Leg and said that I didn't do enough crowd work, does he got a job at The One Show in animation? It looks like some of your salt victims started to work in TV

just to bring you down, to end your career. It was an absolute pleasure to be on the one show. Oh, it's lovely, isn't it? Such a fun show. Such a fun show. Really nice. Lovely video about water shrews. I've never really given the time of day, to be honest, but what a creature. Exactly. And there were a couple of those shots, they tried to make the water shoes look fatter than they are, actually. And the water shoes were livid at home. It's a tough show to be on as a comic, though,

because they have to cover everything. It's a magazine show. It started off with sending out condolences to the people that passed away in a train accident. They spoke about that we'd slipped into a recession. They spoke about coronavirus. And then it was a scam about double glazing. And then it was about the exam for Raw. And then i've got a bang on about talking about screen time and i was like

it's a jump in it yeah you us two are the water shrews trying to keep this keep this ship afloat it's a bit of a dark show just make josh look obese yeah why not um so we'll be we'll be using that picture i'm sure uh forever can we do some merch i want that photo on a mug or we could do we could have that photo could be we could do i tell you we could do salty and unsalted salt and pepper pots so salty we'll have a photo of you looking moody on the last leg and then unsalted in brackets it's just pepper we can have your big, big chubby head. Yeah, that's going to be great. Can I just put my name down for not having them in my kitchen?

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Stack more, spend less. The Happy Stack, only at Kudo. Conditions apply. Now, we should say that since the last recording, our children have met. I should play out what my daughter was saying in the car home, Rob. All right, okay. So Tom Allen was there.

If you're not aware of Tom Allen, he's a wonderful comedian. You might have seen him on Bake Off Extra Slice or there's something about movies or various things. He gets it. He's doing it all himself. Yeah, so it was lovely. It was, you know, you came around about midday and your daughter, do you know what, your daughter, they played really well.

Do you know what's fascinating? It takes two hours for children to acknowledge other children's existence, doesn't it? Yes, sometimes, especially like when they first meet, they're sort of a bit clingy and stuff like that. But what was good was by the end of the day, they were all playing lovely and eating together and playing games and stuff like that. And it was good was by the end of the day, they were all playing lovely and eating together and playing games and stuff like that. And it was good.

It could have been awful. Can I just say, what a wonderful family home, Rob. What a wonderful family home. I'm going to say it. It makes me realise that I live in an adult's home that has been adapted to have a child also living in it. Rather than you basically live in a crash a wonderful soft play no you basically live in a wonderful family home that i'd love to grow up in and i came home and i thought that is

the home i would want to grow up in maybe we should do that to our house and then within 12 hours i changed my mind yeah but for a moment i thought should i put my daughter first well no it's because we bought this once we had kids, where you moved into your place before you had kids. So hence the knick-knack collection, where we are very light on knick-knacks in our house. There's one room with a few knick-knacks in, but ultimately it's not that knick-knack heavy, is it?

Yes. And that's because we had kids when we sort of were getting it done and stuff like that. We've already made a purchase based off the back of... What have you bought? We bought uh a a suitcase of pens what a success the suitcase of pens has proved to be yes we had huge pen coloring in problems where we had like just basically like a drawer of loose pens lids everywhere no respect to the pens they were treated like animals awful horrendous right so that was the situation we've

been in and since you get the suitcase of pens yeah and enforce a put the lid back on and then you can have fun with tidying up the pens afterwards yes and then it's a game changer yeah because also there's only a set amount of pens and they've all got a certain space in the suitcase haven't they we've got a trolls one we got it from costco it's at about 10 quid you've got loads of paper and coloring in like like pictures of trolls to color in and also we had crayons felt tips pencils all have their specific points so what you do is you go right we've put in the suitcase of pens away now we're missing a pen and that's a game hunt for the pen and if they don't respect the suitcase and the order of the suitcase no coloring in and we don't have any other coloring pens or pencils

apart from the suitcase of pens this is the thing about you rob it's fun fun fun it's just the fun do you want some fun now do you want some fun i'll give you some fun one never ends in your house but they got really well that was quite a relief though josh and um it was i know our wives have met before but not properly yeah and it's not I think we'll be able to continue with the podcast it's it's all fine there was one moment though there was one moment because your daughter's dropping her nap she got a bit stressed didn't she for a bit but you know what that was great because other people's houses who don't have children that would have been a real like that's it's it. That's game over. That's we're going home. That is goodbye.

Yeah. Good night, Vienna. See you later, Pencase. Yeah. But no. No, you clawed it back. Honestly, when you, you went, because she was playing up a little bit,

but nothing too bad. She was just getting a bit stressy. You took her into the other room. Gave her a Valium. Screamed in her face until she was quiet. And I said, me and Lou were taking bets. I was like, right, I reckon there's a chance here. They might just panic and leave. screamed in her face until she was quiet. And I said, me and Lou were taking bets. I was like, right, I reckon there's a chance here they might just panic and leave,

or they're just, they're going to stay. It's going to be interesting to see what your approach is. And I would like to say, I'm going to credit you now. It was the spirit of Istanbul. You were 3-0 down at one point. After a great start, you went 3-0 down in a blink of an eye and brought it back a 1-4-3. Because like I said,, we were the same.

If we'd gone round other people's house and our kid was doing that, that didn't have kids, we would have gone. But when his other kids – because then ours were kicking off later on. It's just – it's fine. It doesn't matter. But it was good that you pulled it back round and stayed. Well, I felt yours were a little out of order when they were kicking off, actually, Rob.

But, yeah, it was good, though, that you did that, because like you say, if you do visit your friends that haven't got kids, you just think, oh, let's just go home and let her sleep in the car. And then you're at home feeling fed up. That was good. It was a great day. Let me just say, my daughter, this is her on the way home, talking about her highlight.

Rob Beckett's office. She absolutely loved Rob Beckett's office. She absolutely loved Rob Beckett's office. My girls love it as well because I don't really, because they've got the house, it's just full of all kids' stuff. So up here, I don't really want toys up here and them playing up here because it is a bit knick-knack heavy in my office. It's one of the knick-knack zones. I think it's because they weren't really supposed to be in here

and I was quickly showing you. They were like, oh, can I have because they weren't really supposed to be in there. And I'll quickly show you. They were like, oh, can I have a look? Can I have a look in there? And stuff like that. But I'm glad that your daughter liked my office. She loved your office. She just loved your office. I mean, it's wonderful. She sounds like she was coming back from Glastonbury, though.

She sounds like she had the time of her life. Voice going, like, chilling out in the car. I should say, what do you think Tom Allen made of it well Tom Allen was supposed to be popping around he popped around at midday I said um Josh is coming over um for the afternoon he leans around the corner and he and he had to pick his bike up went well you come round have a you know have a drink and then pick your bike I went I'm gonna you know have one and then I'll pick my bike up and then I'll go he He arrived at midday on Saturday. He left at 10 a.m. Sunday. Basically, we all had a couple of drinks in the afternoon.

And then you guys left around like six-ish or something like that. I couldn't drink. Me and him got absolutely battered all evening. So drunk. He did an exercise class on the Peloton bike at midnight. Yeah, you sent me a video of him on the Peloton at midnight. What were his stats like? He did a 15-minute ride and, to be fair to me,

he burnt 17 calories. What I didn't get was he was so drunk and he was pedalling so fast because basically the Peloton thing has got a screen and it does a cast for you, right? Yeah. And it tells you go fast here or go slow. The whole time he was going as fast as he could and it was a cast for you, right? Yeah. And it tells you go fast here or go slow. The whole time he was going as fast as he could, and it was so funny.

Just like pulling off it. But yeah, we got a bit drunk and had a good time, but he really enjoyed it, to be fair. There was one point where our daughter was just stuck, I would say, about over 500 stickers on him. Yeah, we should put the picture on our Instagram. Yes, we should do that. Of him with the stickers on him.

He enjoyed it, actually, to be fair. And also, Tom Allen hasn't got children, on our Instagram. Yes, we should do that. Of him with the stickers on him. He enjoyed it, actually, to be fair. And also, Tom Allen hasn't got children. And if our children were hard work and not getting on and being difficult, he would not have stayed all afternoon. So I think he gives the play date the seal of approval of a non-parent. Because I've been two hours before

without my kids, and it's all kicking off, and you just do one. You just get out of there. But he was happy to stay. So, you know, good on him. him oh i should also give a shout out to uh to lou for a wonderful lunch box you made uh pearl for the way home oh yes i mean the tips i've picked up rob i've almost become a parent from this trip yeah so you've got like cardboard style boxes like the happy meal

boxes like a like Happy Meal box. Like a cardboard box that you order off the internet and it comes flat and then you can build it and fill it with snacks and stuff. Yeah. What a win that is. And so you fill it with snacks and then it's like exciting for the child to get the snacks out. Yeah.

So we do that when we've got friends over or if we're going to the park, rather than just putting it in a carrier bag, you put it in there, and there's a special box, and they like it. It's like a little fun treat. But you've just got to make boring stuff exciting. Exactly.

That's the key to parenting. Because the reality is, all you need is a bit of grass in a field for a few hours, and they keep busy. All right, let's not talk about drugs, Rob. But yeah,

just make mundane stuff. You know, we do car picnic, where when it's 100 degrees, you just sit in the car with the aircon on and let them eat a sandwich or something. And it's like car picnic, you let them climb over the seats a bit. But make boring stuff fun.

And I think that for kids, you know, you don't want to waste money on something epic. Genuinely. I know obviously we're here to say how bad things are and to mob. But it's nice to get these tips and give them to the listeners. Well, exactly. Yeah, and now, according to The One Show,

we're going to get Super Nanny series. Exactly. Rob, do you want some correspondence? Yeah. It's the lockdown parrot in mailbag. But it's actually emails and there's no bag. Mate, I've been inundated with salty stuff from you. Oh, come on.

It's really gone up a notch. I think, if anything, the exposure on The One Show is going to make it worse. Oh, no. That's the guy. I can put a name to the face now. You know, that big fat-headed man. That was horrible to me. Before that, Rob, in the spirit of The One Show,

can I ask Rob Beckett um so this is from stewart dow walder i need your help bath time for us is stressful enough i have a three-year-old boy and an 18-month-old girl but my oldest has just started making this worse as soon as he gets in the bath he tells us he's done a piss he calls it a wee don't worry my partner tells him off makes a big deal of it me i think kids will piss in the bath it doesn't necessarily ruin the bath we often fall out about it as i claim we shouldn't be making such a big deal of it could you tell me a your thoughts on it b if you think pissing in the bath even now as an adult is actually that bad and c what

percentage of water will be piss i believe believe a tap running for five, six minutes compared to a bit of piss will mean the amount of piss is so ineligible it won't matter. Personally, I don't think you should be weeing in the bath as an adult. That's a massive no-no. Massive no-no. Also, I don't think people really appreciate how much piss one person can produce.

It's so much of it. It's like pints. If I really need to go i reckon i could do a two pint piss i can tell you that is true well not for you obviously i don't know about you i can tell you that's true because have you ever been at a festival in a position where you can't get to a toilet in a big crowd yes and if you piss in a bottle it's way more than a bottle oh yeah easily you're looking at a pint minimum. So anywhere from a pint to two pints.

I don't think anyone's done bigger than a two-pint piss. Maybe someone like Shaquille O'Neal, but that's just relative, isn't it? Yeah. But, yeah, so I don't think any adult should be weird in there. And I don't think you should make a big deal out of it, but I think get them out. Like just, you know, you've got to just try and encourage them to do it. It can't be just barfing in peers.

Can you? Do you think that they should say you can't do this? Yeah. I think they should say you can't do it, but don't go mad on it because then they, it becomes a thing, doesn't it? So you're coming down against Stuart really there?

I'm really, yeah, I'm against Stuart, but I don't think you should go too hard on it. Like his partner wants to, but I think it's just to just explain, no, you can't,

it's not a big problem you can't do it but next time you need one but then always ask them before the bath you need a wee and put them on the toilet yes i think basically part of the schedule is right have a wee let me get in the bath and then they'll learn yeah we're going with it that's my vibe you know what rob they're coming to you for the advice if they can't tell you the advice they need to they they shouldn't be coming to you for it. Exactly. And Shaq, if you're listening, how much do you piss? How much do you piss? Is it more than two pints?

But do you know what? That's to all of our listeners. Send it in. Measure it up. Send us in your scores and we'll start a kind of Top Gear-style league table. Oh, yes. I mean, that's something I'm into. I don't know if you're saying that as a joke.

I was saying it as a joke, but all content's content. Yeah, exactly. I mean, have you changed? Like, you know, when a kid is like about, you know, three or whatever or four and still wearing a nappy overnight, the piss in that nappy in the morning. It's like they've just dunked it in the toilet. It's insane.

Rob, this will blow your mind. This is from an anonymous person who doesn't want their name. My six-year-old is really into science and nature. After watching Steve Backshall, we decided to buy a motion-sensitive wildlife camera. Oh, yes. Alex Horne said about this, didn't he? Yeah.

He said it was great, yeah. Yes. Well, let's see. We used the camera overnight in our garden, hoping to find evidence of hedgehogs or foxes. We drew a blank at home, so we decided to go further afield and place the camera in a local woodland.

Oh, no. Success. Oh, God. We managed to catch the video evidence of deers and red squirrels. Kids were delighted. So, we scoured the map for somewhere we might spot a badger or a pine martin

as we live in rural Scotland. What's a pine martin? I don't know what a pine martin is we live in rural scotland what's a pine martin i don't know what a pine martin is to the point where i wonder whether he's written something else and it's just changed it i'm googling pine martin i mean uh right pine what was the other thing he's after a badger badger that's real a pine oh my god a pine martin it's like a little mongoose thing oh wow it's mental i want to see a pine martin oh mate pine martin is like a cross between a it's like a little mongoose thing oh wow it's mental i want to see a pine martin oh mate pine martin is like a cross between a ferret and a fox and an otter well they found

something much much worse oh no i put my camera deep in a pine wood overlooking what i suspected was an animal path through the forest the following evening i returned to collect the camera exciting to see what i find imagine my surprise when I found imagery of a late middle-aged gentleman passing the camera. My initial surprise turned to horror as the chap returned a short time later, this time stark bollock naked, except for his sports socks and hiking boots.

Oh, he's not... Are the kids seeing this at this point? Yeah. Just when I thought this couldn't get any worse, he stopped by the camera and proceeded to interfere with himself while standing naked

in the woods during broad daylight. Oh, no. Suffice to say, what began as an innocent part-time to satisfy the curiosity of the kids has become a minor

police matter with our memory card seized as evidence. Oh, God. I mean, that is a lesson for anyone who's trying to catch footage of a pine martin.

Do you know what, though? It just really sums up how disgusting men are. You can put a camera anywhere, and after enough time, you'll find a man wanking. So that's not an ask Rob. That's not him saying, so what should this man have done? Yeah. He'll turn his back, wear a balaclava when he's wanking.

He can't get caught. That's what I'd suggest. I don't know who the advisor's for if you want to see a pine martin google it because i found one already and i did have to see a bloke's cock so oh you're also a pine martin you're looking at it's four times the size of a weasel it's 60 centimeters long are you still talking about the pine martin yeah sorry yeah it's twice as long as a weasel, that is. So we're still learning, isn't it? Are you twice as long as a weasel? Yeah, I've learned that.

I was with this bloke last night. Size of a pine martin he was. That's what you see in him. Absolute nightmare. Someone at the swimming pool, what have you got in there? A pine martin in your trunks? Absolutely packing our pine martins turned up. So Josh,

do you want some salty emails? Yes, please. Here we go. I've got one about me being a bit salty. Okay. I have a teller going, Rob, being a bit sassy for your podcast. Oh, sassy. We went to a show in Liverpool last year. Hello, by the way, although I'm sure you won't read that bit out. Yes, I will, mate.

It was kind enough to chat to some fans at the stage door afterwards. He was lovely and it made my year. However, one fan had made him a cake and when presented with it he, well, he declined. Can you believe it? The poor woman. I mean,

we got his point. Who knows what the hell was in it, but wouldn't you just shove it, gratitude, be polite, and take it and bin it. It's not like she laced it with her hypno and planned to follow him. Brutal of him. Alas, it didn't alter my opinion of him, and I still love him.

My husband had got me the tickets as a gift, and they hadn't arrived. Instead, he wrapped a paper mask of Rob's face to open. You wouldn't have enough paper to wrap a mask on my face after the one show. I'd set the mask on to the night, and I think he was a tad scared. Yeah, I do remember that. She sat in the audience with the mask on.

I mean, in my defence, if you've just done a gig to a woman wearing your face as a mask, and then they'll give you a cake after, and I'll be honest, if you do give me a cake, I will bin it. I'm not going to eat it. If a stranger gives me a cake, I'm I'm not gonna eat it because I think that's reckless yeah I think that is right I mean you'd have to really like cake yeah so apologies for not taking the cake I would always go oh thank you and I would have taken it and then probably not eating it I may not bind it or I may have just put it in the staff room of the theatre or something

so it wasn't wasted but I I probably wouldn't eat it because I just think I don't know what's in that. But I can't remember that. Also, that gig in Liverpool, I was going straight to a pub to meet my family. So that may have been on my mind. Yeah. I once did a tour show and it was Susie Ruffell was supporting me. This was a few years ago. I'm vegetarian.

Susie at the time was dabbling with being vegetarian and the promoter who is a great promoter put out a wonderful rider all of its meat all right and um and we've we thought we can't just not eat it but we're not going to eat it so we kind of emptied the packets kind of into our bag to kind of look like we'd eaten it as a polite thing as a polite thing then the gig ended and we were really hungry obviously because we hadn't had any food but we told him we'd enjoyed the rider and we were like oh could you recommend an indian to go to and he was like oh actually i'm hungry as well i'll come with you so he came to the Indian with us. And as we were driving, I said to Susie,

because she'd only just gone veggie, I was like, you're going to have to at least have a fish dish, mate. I don't think he would have caught. Because I was like, I'm just going, oh, God. Do you know what? I just fancy a vegetable curry. I'm just going to have the veggie one. I had all that meat earlier, which is lovely.

I think you should have balanced it up. I love meat, though. But it's so tempting, isn't it, to have the lamb? But you know what? I think I'm going to have the veggie one i had all that meat earlier which is lovely i think she balanced it up i love meat though but it's so so tempting isn't it to have the lamb but you know what i think i'm gonna go for veggie um yeah so did she order a fish dish yeah she did i mean she let's be honest she was veggie for about two weeks yeah okay so you know fish is basically a veggie it's hardly meat it's a swimming cucumber. On the subject of your tour, Chris Marsland, I won't go into the full email, he talks about his tough life parenting. And then at the end, he says,

thank goodness I have signed permission for a single glorious night out by myself to see Rob's show at the Churchill in Bromley. Oh, lovely. On October the 20th. Yeah, well, fingers crossed that still happens. We find out, we should find out by today's Friday. So that's the 15th is when they're making a new decision on gigs.

So look forward to seeing Rob in April, Chris. There is your night out in April. Yeah. Also, I don't think, right, you know, I know what we do is like we're in the public eye and stuff, but imagine if you worked at Sainsbury's and as you come out from your shift someone come up to you and i really love what you do in the aisle here's a cake i've only seen enough cakes for one day anyway so sorry i should have taken the cake but then i just think i'm gonna bin it anyway but oh

god i mean what no i think i don't think you come out of that badly, Rob. You're going out on a night in Liverpool. You don't want to be taking a potentially drugged cake with you. Yeah, well, seriously, it's a cake a stranger gave me. Well, not a stranger. Some have come in the audience. Anyway, Susan Doherty. I quite like this from Susan. I think you'll agree with this from Susan. Hi, Josh and Rob. I think these so-called salty emails are very unfair. I just think people's expectations are ridiculous.

You're both delightful, doing your best, and you should consider cutting these messages out. Really enjoy your podcast. Best wishes, Susan. Oh, thank you, Susan. Suzanne, I think. Suzanne, sorry. Thank you, Suzanne. I couldn't agree more, Suzanne. Embrace something new at Starbucks.

Introducing the Ice Lavender Cream Oat Matcha Tea Latte. A creamy drink where smooth matcha meets subtle floral notes. From our airy lavender cream cold foam. Only this spring, only at Starbucks. Ice Lavender Cream Oat Matcha Tea Latte includes dairy. On April 5th. You must be very careful about it. It's a girl. Witness witness the birth bad things will

start out evil things of evil it's oh no don't the first omen i believe the girl is to be the mother of one it's the most terrifying 666 it's the mark of the devil movie of the year the first omen only theaters april 5th 666 is the mark of the devil. Hey! Movie of the year. Real story. Real story. Who said that? The First Omen. Only theaters April 5th. Right, okay, Josh. We have a follow-up email from the Last Leg Salty debacle.

Oh, no. With images. How do we put that to bed? With images? With images. Okay, right. So, hi again, Rob and Josh. Thank you. So, this was the person who came and saw you

at the last leg where Daisy May Coop and Joe Lysak was on, said she was salty and being rude and on your phone the whole night and stuff like that. Not during the show, just in the advert breaks, obviously being on my phone during the show. In the recording breaks. Thank you for taking the time to read my previous email about my girlfriend's sudden disdain for Josh

after attending last leg. Listening back and reflecting upon it, I was probably quite harsh to criticise Josh for being salty, given the explanation for the mobile phone use. There we go. Because I think part of the show was you had to order a takeaway to be delivered into the studio and you was basically set a challenge. That's why you was on your phone a lot, sorting it out. Okay, so that's been put to bed.

That's been put to bed. Right, thank you very much. Next email. No, no, no, there's still some more. It's very possible that I slash we got things wrong. I asked my girlfriend, as you said, you'd like to hear her side of things.

And she just said he came across as a bit of a prick. So you've gone from salty now to prick. I mean, I mean, that is, I, I thought this, this email was a thanks for reading it out.

An agreement that the explanation made sense. And rather than the calling of a star witness. It's escalated. Yeah. Also, it's not even gone salty to a bit of a knob. Yeah. Also, mate. A prick cheats on you.

A prick. I think he was there. He can make his own, you know. Well, he's scoured it back because of your explanation. though mate a prick cheats on you I think I think he was there he could make his own you know well he's just he's he's he's scoured it back because of your explanation however he went to her again for a second being right bit of a prick and she vaguely remembered a story from Josh at the beginning of the show bemoaning his week on tour and specifically a hotel room he seeked out the episode and he's found it on YouTube it's on YouTube well that needs taking down that is

absolutely illegal can you remember can you remember what happened then, Josh? I think it was that one. It would have been when I had the hotel room that had the glass wall between the toilet and the bedroom. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Anyway, he said upon seeing the first 10 seconds alone, I had to agree

with my girlfriend's view of Josh's demeanour on the night in question. Why did it make me wrong to my girlfriend's view of Josh's demeanour on the night in question. Why did it make me wrong to label someone's thoughts via having a resting, miserable bastard face? He looks incredibly sour slash bored listening to Daisy's story. What? I've attached a couple of screenshots. Bit creepy, he said about himself. I think show clear evidence of this.

I have no evidence to support the claim of Josh's lack of over-humility. But let me just say that Adam Hills comes across as one very humble man. Again, Adam Hills is coming out of this he is very humble he's a very humble man he's a very humble man he's humble anyway um it's not fair to compare Josh with the lovely Joe Lysett but um when literally compared side by side it's pretty damning thanks again so he's he's taken a photo of the of what the four shots of the people on the sofa yeah exactly so he reckons his first let me just play his first 10 seconds we'll get sued for this one had a recent dream about boris johnson oh yes i did i had a dream that i had an affair with boris johnson i mean i've just watched that it's, Josh. And you look, you're looking away a bit,

but I just think it's getting blown out of proportion. I think Chris may have too much time on his hands. I feel like, I'm going to say it, Rob. Yes. Part of what has got me rebookings is an ability to laugh along and be positive throughout panel shows, but sometimes over my comic ability or my actual enjoyment of the experience. Oh, you're the

king of looking like someone who's enjoying himself on a show without necessarily saying anything funny throughout the show i would say you're the king of that that's how you that's how you work i'm doing it now i'm doing it now you're great you're you're my you're my emil hesky you're just sitting here like at me. Do you know what? This is the thing the fans don't realise. You need the Heskey for the Armin to play. Or the Milner. You've got all the records going, all the awards.

You haven't won any awards. But keep the engine ticking over, Joshua. The comedy engine. You know what I mean? So feel free to attack my jokes. Feel free to attack my big fat face. Feel free to attack my annoying voice. But never say that I don't laugh along during a TV show.

That is my absolute number one skill. That's your calling card. Exactly. You're most like an audience member that's on the stage. It's excellent. It's great for team morale. So, you know, I defend you on that. And I just think you've looked away at one point

and I think they've blown it out of proportion for a bit of airtime to be fair. I await further evidence when the wire tap within my dressing room that day is revealed by this man next week. And I think we can put any beef between you and Daisy May Cooper to bed because he's been on the show. It's great. I'll put the salty picture up of you looking Daisy May Cooper to bed. Oh, yeah, definitely. She's been on the show. It's great.

She's brilliant. I'll put the salty picture up of you looking away, but it's very much taken out of context. I don't think you can read too much into that. And I'll call this case closed. I've known Daisy since before this country was on. She's a wonderful performer. So my face not being contorted in glee for two seconds,

I do apologise for. Yes, exactly. Also, if Jack D was on it, you wouldn't go, oh, he just looked like he was miserable. Yeah, I went and saw Jack D on last night. He looked like he had the ump a bit. That is allowed, isn't it? But anyway, Josh, I say no, no salty.

I've got a few ones that are actually salty about you, but apart from that. Okay, no. Oh, what's that? Where are you, an airport? That's our door. Shh, don't tell anyone I'm flying back from Spain. Don't tell anyone.

I've got to stay in the house for two weeks. So we've got plenty more emails we can go through next time, Josh, but we have to put that one to bed, I think. Yes. How can people get in contact? This is how. Email us hello at lockdownparenting.co.uk or tweet us at lockdownparenting.co.uk or tweet us at lockdown parents or instagram

lockdown underscore parenting and you can also send us stuff p.o box 76748 london e99dw uh thanks for listening people we've got another episode on Tuesday. It's Ellis James. Oh, I mean, people have been waiting for this. The miracle man. Exactly. The greatest dad in the history of humanity. And it is an absolutely brilliant episode. I absolutely loved it.

The first 10 minutes where he basically does a monologue about his schedule during lockdown was breathtaking. And if you haven't listened to Izzy Sooty's podcast episode you have to listen to that they're a couple with kids both excellent comedians and if you listen to her one first before Ellis's you'll get a lot more from it because it's basically answering a lot of questions that were posed in Izzy's episode so enjoy thank you very much we'll see you then bye