Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S01 EP36: Jump starting a tent

Episode Date: August 28, 2020

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' - S01 EP36: Jump starting a tentMore misadventures in parenting from Josh and Rob.Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent INSTAGRAM: @lockdown_parentingA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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New eligible clients only. Complete criteria by August 30th, 2024. Visit rbc.com slash student100. Hello, I'm Josh Whitacombe. And I'm Rob Beckett. Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell. The show in which Rob and I discuss what it's like to be a parent during lockdown, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation... And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills... Each episode, we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping.

Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you, the listener, with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because, let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Hello and welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell with... Garth Reckon. And Rob Beckett. And Rod Beckett. There you go.

A bit Roddy. A bit Rod Beckett. That was a bit Rod, but it wasn't off the border. So that is... This is Archie's intro. His birthday is on Friday. So that is today, Rod. Oh, happy birthday, Archie. Happy birthday, Archie.

Doesn't say how old he is. Yeah. Arlene is the mum. Hello, Arlene. And the dad has a name that I can't pronounce. Oh, come on. E-I-L-I-D-H. Hang on, Gargan, what was that?

I feel like you're doing a conundrum. Yeah, come on, give it to me again. E-I-L-I-D-H. Oh, yeah, I've got nothing on that. It's like, that's like, I'd have to retire me scrubber land for that. That is mental. E-I-L-I-D-H. What's Google?

Hang on. It's A-L-I. A-L-I. A-L-L-I-D-H. What's Google? Hang on. It's A-L-I. A-L-I. A-L-I. A-L-I. Anyway, happy birthday to Archie. Okay.

It's a female name, A-L-I. Oh, well, there we go. Sorry. I do apologize. It's two women.

They could have kids. We've had Jen Brister on Josh. Oh, come on, mate. Oh, come on. I don't.

No, it's, I'm saying, mate. Put your magger out on and leave this podcast, mate. I've been singing Real Britannia for all my life and I'm saying mate Put your magger out on and leave this podcast mate I've been singing Rule Britannia For all my life and I'm not going to stop now

For anyone yeah It's a little curly head Piers Morgan isn't it Giving it the large one on the last leg We know your true colours Look we ruled the waves And we're going to sing about it so piss off And this is a joke I'm winding you up

It would be a disastrous first episode for anyone to dip in on. Stanley Tosby going, I listened to one of your podcasts the other day. Oh no, which one? Please tell me you started from the start. Hello Rob, how are you? Yeah, good man. I'm tired though. I mean, I think I'm having the biggest coffee ever.

I went camping, didn't I? Oh, yeah. How was camping? One of the most horrific experiences of my life. That's camping. That's camping, guys. Well, do you know what? The problem is the kids absolutely loved it. Oh, no.

More. The happiest they've ever been. And once, to be fair, once the camp was all set up and stuff, I actually did enjoy it. Can you describe your tent to me? Were you all in one big tent with compartments? Mate, I went to Cafflaw like a lottery winner. In many ways, you are. Got quad bikes in the back garden like Mark and Carol.

Have you ever seen that show, Romesh Ranganathan and the Lotto Lout? It's a really weird show. Romesh explores the world by this lunatic that is so happy to be there, keeps getting dressed up and laughed. No, because basically, because we cancelled the Spain and France trip because of quarantine, we were like, because camping was like 30 quid a night like to pitch up we were like well we would have spent this going to spain and you know when you keep saying it like we might

as well get that because it's the same as you would have a big tent oh we've got a big i've got a one that you just inflate no poles that's a that's a bouncy castle rob i wonder why i'm so wet in there because The kids loved it. Lou insisting you take your shoes off. Anyway, we said it all out. Once we had terrible conditions, it rained on arrival. So I was setting it up in the rain. Setting it up in the rain.

And then trying to pump up this bed. But we went with some friends. So we went with Jess and Steve. Steve, absolute legend. He went, you're having a bit of trouble in there, Rob. What's going on? When I'm trying to pump up this inflatable bed, we went with some friends so we went with jess and steve steve absolute legend he went you're having a bit of trouble in there rob what's going on when i'm trying to pump up this inflatable bed he went he went i've got electric pump i went i ain't got any electric he went i've got a car battery rob he turned up in my car battery and then hooked up this pump and i was just in awe that's something else isn't it well that's what happens when you go camping with people from southeast london they bring their car battery he's giving he's giving your tent a jump start

anyway we got it all set up and the kids loved it they could roam free and it was lovely we had a great time were you on like a campsite then with like yeah it was a really small campsite there weren't much on it but it was it was nice and everyone was a quiet one so i wanted to be asleep by half 10 but the problem was josh the wind I've never known that wind is a problem with camping I did not sleep the first night because the wind was so bad I had to keep going out and re-pegging it I didn't sleep all night Josh right and then and then the next night I slept for about two hours well because it was so loud it was keeping you up or because you were worried about the wind a bit of both probably but it was it was properly and Lou kept on waking up it was keeping you up or because you were worried about the wind? A bit of both probably, but it was properly loud.

Lou kept on waking up and the kids kept on waking up. And we're sitting by the fire and one of Lou's mates there was going, oh, yeah, it's fun, isn't it, camping? Everyone loves it. But, you know, it's not a restful trip. I mean, Katie, I've been here for 48 hours. I've not been to sleep. That's like sleep deprivation.

That's not restful. I haven't slept in 48 hours i like the idea of camping do you know what it was the worst conditions but i still enjoyed it so i think that did you did you get the rain on the tent that's the best bit isn't it being in the tent and then it's raining yeah and it feels all snug no no it is if you weren't in the rain before and but when you go yeah yeah of course it But it was fun, but, you know, there are better holidays out there, but I was just so tired. Yeah, well, that's what holidays do to you, mate.

They exhaust you, and then you get the relief of going back to work and having a bit of a relax. I know. Just want to go to the end of my garden and sit down and rant to you, Josh. That's all I wanted. Would you go again? Yes, I would, but i would check for wind and i know a lot about wind now josh because i spent eight hours of my sleep googling when it would

stop were you making a funny face and you're worried there's two types of wind reading on the bbc website there's wind and then wind gusts. So you get your average wind and then it shows you what it could whip up to. Oh, wow. And then that's what can catch you out, the wind gusts. I don't think I've ever checked the wind. I mean, I think I made up for 34 years of not checking it in that night.

Oh, do you know what? I remember it was really windy last week, wasn't it? Yes! I was camping! Was that when you were camping? Yes! And I remember it was noticeably windy. And I never think about the wind.

No, I'm telling you what the worst part was. I was like, it's so bad. It's so windy, right? Anyway, I had to move the car, got in the car, shut the door, couldn't hear a thing. Absolute silence. Might as well have been in some sort of soundproof box. What you need, mate, is a camper van.

Have you considered that? Well, I think I've got to go at least two more times to make price per use worthwhile. Oh, yeah, that's the thing. You buy a tent, you've spent a lot of money. Yeah. I'm not going to lie. We bought a pizza oven for our garden, Rob.

Of course you did. You live in East London. Of course we did. We live in East London. The cost per pizza I'm operating on at the moment is absolutely disgusting. You could get Dr. Urquhart to come round and do one for you for the same price. Genuinely.

And there was a period during the World Cup where we had people watching the World Cup in our garden. Yeah. And the pizza oven was there, not in use, and everyone was ordering pizza. And it was just the sheer disappointment. You know when you've made a bad investment yeah but i keep convincing myself that my daughter's going to be about six at some point and cooking pizza in the garden is going to absolutely be very exciting but i would why don't you do like a little like gathering in your house and it's pizza but pizza pie well i tried

that mate i tried that post covid and it was the weather was too bad so then we ended up just doing pizzas in the oven and you're like this is absurd we've got people around to do pizzas in the oven what life am i leading here oh it's so depressing just that's when people have ever heard that when it's a bit rainy and someone goes oh don't do the barbecue just put it all in the oven yeah no. No, I don't want oven-cooked sausages. I'd rather stand in the rain. Do you know what? You often get that with the veg, if it's a veggie,

they'll go, oh, I don't want to put it on the barbecue with the meat, so I'm just going to pop yours in the oven. So you're the guy that's inside with a halloumi in the oven while everyone else is outside enjoying the barbecue. Oh, you've just reminded me I've not washed my little barbecue set. Oh, no. Oh, no. Is that euphemism?

Yeah, my dick stinks. No, basically I cooked sausages and bacon on this barbecue thing and it was obviously too windy to clean. Of course. So I just threw it in the bag and I went, I'll suck that out when I get home and I haven't. Oh, mate. The camping holiday comes back to bite you on the arse.

Yeah, I'll suck that out later. Anyway, how are you? You're good, sir. I'm good. Yeah, no, I'm fine, really. I keep ranting at you. I keep ranting at you, Josh. No, it's good.

Am I okay? Am I all right? Yeah, no, you're fine. I think you're having a better time. It's all going fine. Do you know when not much has happened, really? Is your daughter in nursery still then? Yeah, so she's going in two or three days a week.

There's no term time, mate. Ah, that's why you're happy. That's why I'm happy. We don't do term time. I was like, oh, I know what's going on here. Like, well, I'm just having a breakdown and Josh is cruising. But your daughter doesn't do term time nursery. She's just full-time nursery.

That's why you've got joy in your voice. Yeah, exactly. She's there at the moment. It's her main carer's final day. It was quite sad and emotional. Oh, God. She's not dying, is she? It's tough to break to a child at nursery, isn't it?

She's moving to Amsterdam. Oh. Yeah. That does sound like what you'd say when someone's dying yeah she's just moving to um Australia for a bit grandma's moving to Amsterdam this this is what I thought could be quite a good thing for our listeners to um to check in with so I've cut you off again Josh this is quite bad but you haven't at all but I've realized I say things like a child and in our family you know we have chip and burger for McDonald's I say things like a child and in our family, you know, we have chip and burger for McDonald's.

I say other things like eggies. Oh, we say eggies. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't, but it's only when I said it, I went,

well, cause I said to Lou in front of like adults when there weren't any kids, do you want some eggies? And they were like, eggies, what are you talking about? So I just wondered if there's words that you said at work or in front of friends that has got you in trouble.

Do the things I say. Eggies is one that we say, I just sort of think of other terminology that we'd use. Do you know what, Rob? I'll come back to you on that next week. You come back to me and listen. If you've got one,

let us know. Come back to us next week. We've had so much good listener input. Yeah. I think we should just try and get through as much as possible, Rob. You're up for that. Yes, let's do this. I'll stop banging on.

It's the lockdown parody mailbag. But it's actually emails and there's no bag. Can we just say thank you? Thank you for... We literally... We do read all the stuff you send in, but it's so hard.

We do, and there's so much good stuff. I keep putting everything off until middle of September when the kids are back at school. I've also got to lose a three stone as well as check all my emails. But once the kids are back at school, I'll be able to get more involved and make sure we get through them all. But thanks. We will read all emails, but we can't read all of them out.

We do read all emails. They're great. Thank you. Rob, we've been offered some free stuff. I'm going to get it sent to you, Rob. Oh, okay. But do we have to do like hashtag spawn or something? No, no, no.

You know, like our peers over on the food podcast, that popular food podcast that... What's that one? Oh, you might have heard of it. There's a popular food podcast, right, with a couple of comedians on it. Oh, those two? Those two. Oh, the old Mock the Week Reserve? The's a popular food podcast, right, with a couple of comedians on it. Oh, those two. Those two.

Oh, the old Mock the Week Reserve. The old Mock the Week guys, yeah. When we're too busy, they get on Mock the Week. That crew. They get lots of free food sent to them. So I'd like to thank the person who's offering to send us. What I like is, you know, when you've got, like, parents that have come up with an idea and they've started a little company to make stuff.

Yeah. For like other kids. So I'm going to get some stuff sent over to you, Rob. But if you guys have got anything you want to get to send to us, we do have a P.O. Box number. It's P.O. Box, which is P.O. Box 76748, London E9 9DW. What are you after, Josh? What are you after? Is there anything particular?

I just like the idea of us getting some free rusks. Oh, I don't want rusks. I want a pair of Louboutins in size 6 for my jacket. Wait a minute, you're a size 6, right? No, actually she's a size 7, but she'd be annoyed at me for saying that because it's

quite big. But I've done it now. I don't want to say the wrong size in case Louboutin's listening. Christian, she's a 7 UK and in denial about it, but I've done it now. I don't want to say the wrong size in case LeBou on's listening. Christian, she's a 7 UK and in denial about it, but send a 7, but just write 6 on the box. Cheers, Chris. Introducing Tim's

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Listen as a chorus of fresh voices moves you, taking you to greater heights. Add your voice to the mix and let fresh answer back with perfect harmony in pure Michigan. Keep it fresh at michigan.org. Josh, what do you do when your daughter goes into the nursery? I sort of forgot what happens. Do you just sit in your house doing nothing?

No, I go to the cafe. So I go to the cafe around the corner. Oh, go on. What time? What time? Talk me through it. So drop-off's 8.30. Oh, you bitch. So I drop off at 8.30. Yeah, go on.

And then I walk around to the corner to the cafe, and they're still doing the, what's it called, eat out to help out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a cup of tea, toast, butter, preserves. It's like two quid for both things. Oh, my God. It's just so good.

And then do you know what I do? I think about doing work, but I just look up transfer gossip on my phone. God, this is like a dirty phone call yeah messy to plymouth oh god so i'm just like there's not there's not enough articles about whether lionel messy is really serious about his move i just really need to get to the bottom of this before i start some work oh anyway i'm jealous sorry that's why i'm having a meltdown right so let's do some correspond. Do you want to hear? This is an image that just has stuck with me. This is from Roz Duffy.

A work colleague of mine had two small children and at the end of the day would use one of those massive brushes they use in supermarkets to sweep the aisles to push all of the kids' toys to one side of the room. Wow. Imagine that. Your kids play all day. You know the ones where there's two big kind of, it's like a

two-pronged thing, isn't it? Oh, like the V that's clacking me. Yeah, the V that they take down the middle of the aisle of the supermarket. And then she'd just walk into the room with one of those. She's obviously had to buy it especially. She's been in the supermarket. She's seen that.

Where's she storing it? I don't know. Like hanging it up? Maybe it's got a special hook? I have thought about it. I had to send it back because it was broke. Boring part of the antidote alert. But a leaf blower.

Maybe I could use that when I get the new one and just blow all the toys. Oh, yeah, just blow all the toys into the car. It's so powerful. Lou, for a laugh, just turned it on in front of my face for like three seconds. I did not breathe for that entire time. And then as she turned it down, I went, please never do that ever again. I could not breathe in any way.

You've had a terrible week when it comes to gusts of wind, haven't you, Robert? I know. It's been a nightmare. What a disaster. I swear, like, my children are making toys. They just keep appearing. Stuff, there's probably 30% of their toys. I couldn't tell you where they came from or where we built them.

They've come from the front of magazines, Rob. Oh, yes. I forget about that. I know I go on about it, but the toys on the front of magazines are the absolute bane of my life by the way best purchase since we came to yours we bought the uh i could say it the crayola suitcase of pens and once putting the pens back in the suitcase becomes a game at the end of the drawing we haven't lost one pen in two weeks i tried to take a picture of the pen suitcase the

other day for our instagram account but they've only lost a fucking felt tip oh mate it's ruined the aesthetic josh heartbreak disaster that's i'll take a photo of ours i'll take a photo of our one which is still a hundred percent you know we've broken a couple of crayons but i think that's collateral damage of course it's a crown isn't it got no respect for crayons but that's another story have you got any more emails? Yeah, cinema. You talked about going to the cinema? Oh, yes.

Terrible time. Hi, Rob and Josh. I do not have children, but I've worked with the ages of three months to six for the last eight years, so I can half relate to the wacky stories you both have. Rob, you spoke about your child needing to go to the toilet during a trip to the cinema, which sparked a memory I have as a child i'm a triplet and my mom would take us three to the cinema as a treat when we were young but she told us as soon as the film began the toilets were closed and locked by staff this prompted us to force out a wee before the film started and if we needed the toilet during

the film we were told we'd have to use the one at home. So naturally we held it in. Cut forward to me as a teenager on my first adult free cinema trip, trying to get my friends to go to the toilet and then looking at me. Wow. Like I was spewing absolute nonsense. Mum had never told me that she was lying. Oh.

That is a humiliating situation, isn't it? To be fair, it does make sense, though, because, like, you would say, oh, no, they shut it to stop people going to disrupt the film. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? So there's a bit of logic there, you'd think, as a kid. Yeah. But it's those things that, it's like my wife, when she was a baby and toddler,

she had dummies. And then her mum decided the way to get rid of the dummies was to just say that the builders had taken them and my wife believed this until into her mid-teens that the builders had stolen her dummies she wasn't still annoyed by it but then she like brought it up with her mum and her mum was like no of course that was bullshit i think you're gonna say with the builders everyone out with the builders She got an email and said, get out of my dummy's back, please. This may be a contentious thing to say on a parenting podcast, Josh, but I'm willing to raise my head above the parapet.

Yeah. I can't stand it when you go somewhere, you see those kids are about, all kids are different as well, so there's maybe specific reasons why they need it. You're about to lose a third of our audience here, Rob. Play careful because, you know, think of our advertising numbers, Rob. I know. I'm just trying to think of the revenue in my honesty.

I'm just trying to balance it out. We've all seen your career. Do put the revenue first. Do you know what? I haven't got an opinion on it. Right. Any other emails? Yes.

But when they're about seven or eight and they've still got a dummy and they're like, I'm just like, surely you've got to, when's the dummy? I'm not pro or against dummies, right? If your kid needs one, if your baby needs one, have one. Our eldest had butt dummies since she was six months and then it was two years old, the second one. But like when he gets about seven and they've got a dummy. But you know what I don't get?

I just don't think it looks very nice to do. I wouldn't want a dummy. I don't know what they're getting out of it. It looks disgusting. Yeah. You know, it looks like, you know, when you get to the end of chewing gum, that kind of feeling. Yeah, forever.

Yeah. But some people, you know, if a kid's got some sort of behavioural problem. No, no, but I'm not blaming the adult. I'm blaming the child. I think the child should go, this is disgusting. So you're saying the child should take ownership at eight of having it done. I said the child

should take the ownership at one month and go, what the fuck are you doing to me? Putting this weird rubber thing in my mouth. Get it out. Get this shit out of my mouth. Those are blankets. You know kids who've got a blanket they had since they were born and it's like seven years. It's like a bit of thread. They always make me laugh. You see them kids who've got a blanket they had since they were born, and it's like seven years. It's like a bit of thread.

They always make me laugh. You see a kid just squeezing onto it around an airport, red-eyed, screaming. Also, whenever I see a kid with a comfort blanket, they're always screaming. I think, how much comfort is that blanket bringing? On the topic of what age do you give stuff up, we were talking about booster seats.

Yes. Okay. You were talking on Tuesday about what age your child will be when you abolish the car seat. Abolish? I'm not the House of Lords. Sounds like a family meeting. Guys, it's time to abolish the car seat.

You joke, but I'm fairly sure I was in a booster seat until I was 13. Oh, my God. You joke, but I'm fairly sure I was in a booster seat until I was 13. At this age, I was finally freed from my booster seat obligation. However, I believe this was only because my 10-year-old brother was getting too big for his, and my parents wanted to spare me the embarrassment. Oh, my Lord. I am 4'11", so she's short. Oh, okay, so she's small for her age.

Yeah. On my first driving lesson, my instructor came to my door, took one look at me, and asked if I had any cushions. Oh, no, the booster seat never leaves her. No. I collected two cushions and went on to my lesson. Turned out they were for me to sit on. If only I still had my booster seat. Fortunately, by lesson four, I'd upgraded from sitting on two cushions

to driving a car normally and can now sit in any seat of the car without a booster seat stroke cushion. Oh, good on you. Also, that's weird. Let her try first, mate. And also, she said, oh, it's for the seat. So at some point, when that driving instructor first said, I need two cushions, she didn't know what it was for.

What did she think that was going to be? That was going to be that was going to be oh my god help over there reversing getting her back got two cushions off we go do you remember um i used to have to have a booster seat on what the week do you remember that i did too did you but it's only because there are freakishly tall people on that show by dara yeah of course. It's 6'7". But then Chris Addison used to do it. He's about 6'5", 6'6".

Hugh Dennis is 6'2", 6'3". Did Parsons have one? No. But he's surprisingly, do you know what? Andy Parsons is surprisingly tall and ripped. Exactly. Do you know what? If I was listening to this podcast, I'd go, this is what I'm tuning in for.

Honestly, I remember because on it, he doesn't look, because I think because everyone's so tall on it, he always looked quite small. And I saw him stand up, I was like, Parsons has got fucking pecs. He's ripped. He's ripped and he's 5'11". This telly's doing him no favours. We should throw this out because, not throw this out,

we should keep this in, that's not a note to the producer. We should throw this bit out as shit. Parsons deserves praise. No, we should throw this out to the nation because this is the second time we've done it. I'm going to first ask you, Rob, who's more ripped, Andy Peters or Andy Parsons? Which, if you haven't heard the previous episodes,

is something we've discussed before. Oh, look, no offence to Parsons, but it's Peter's all day he's an animal for it he loves it but I want to throw this out to our listeners have you ever met a celebrity or seen them and they were more ripped than you expected Parsons for me I was astonished I still think about it to this day the first time he stood up he's got a kid he's got a kid he's got a kid. He's got a kid. He's got a kid. We should get him on here. Andy, you've got a kid. Now, yeah, all right. We heard enough about the kid. Let's talk about your abs. Well, I do. I do need to talk. I need to talk to a parent that's ripped because I'm getting fatter and fatter. You know, Christmas used to be a problem for me. At the end of Christmas,

you put on weight. It's the six weeks holidays. It doing me in it's a nightmare but I think when they both go to primary school that's your decision point you either give in and just become a fat parent or you go for it hardcore there's two ways to tell you that I am on a diet you are there's nothing of you but that's because I'm on a diet what you're shredded Josh well I just do you know why I this is, there was another parent at Kiddy Kicks and he looks great. And his wife said that he was on the 5-2 and I was like, I'm going to give it a go. You sure she won't tell you what the score was? Hey, lovely bit of business. Lovely bit of business.

So it's 5-2, was that calorie deficit or something? So you do two days of 600 calories. I'm on one of my two days today so so far lunch i had i mean this was a bleak lunch rob yeah cottage cheese and cabbage come on mate it's got to be happier than that you've got you've josh why the cabbage you can't have both have one or the other well i needed some veg to kind of bulk it up without it adding to the calorie count. And then I just, it was the only green veg we had in the fridge. Cabbage, Josh.

Come on, mate. Do you know what? Put some Tabasco on the cabbage. It really gave it a kick. Human shit would help. Never want Tabasco. Do you know what? human shit would help. Never once have I asked them.

Do you know what? What's the calorie count of human shit? They're crying, isn't it? Depends what they had for dinner there. They're on the 5-2 as well. Right, sorry, let's do another email. Have we got to the bottom of booster seats? Oh, yeah, so.

You'll be delighted to know. You know when we throw something out and you forget that you've thrown it out? Can we have the music, please, to maybe like who do you think you are or something about kind of history, right? Because just listen to your last latest episode and heard the call to find the youngest Gavin and Malcolm living as siblings in the UK. Yes, please.

Now, don't get too excited about their age when I tell you this email comes from someone called Agnes. Agnes? Yeah. Before we start, Josh, can I say, if there is currently no historical music playing, the producer has no respect for you. I'm just dropping that now. And then we'll find out when we hear back. But carry on.

So, Agnes. she sent a photo as well of them um following on from a previous email i can help you start the search we have a gavin and malcolm who are 58 and 56 respectively oh where's this where's this did she say i've attached a photo of them as children in which they appear to be at school in wartime, when in actual fact it was the 1970s. Sorry, have I missed it? How does Agnes know these people? She doesn't say. So Agnes... This could be absolute

bollocks! No, I don't think it is though, can it? It might be. I'm going to send you the email. The pic. Send me the pic. So she must know them. Unless she's been to like the census or something so we've got a picture of

two children here called Gavin and Malcolm she points out they also seem to be wearing girls shoes are they sat in Gavin and Malcolm like Ant and Dec or do we not know we don't know we don't know which order they're in Agnes could you get in touch with us

and tell us how you know that they're Gavin and Malcolm and they're 58 and 56, respectively, and whether we're allowed to put this photo on our Instagram? Yes. What is our Instagram, Rob? Our Instagram is lockdown underscore parenting. We don't want to put this up if Agnes has just Googled old photo of boys and then send it to us.

It could be a childhood photo of Anders and then send it to us so yeah also it could be like a childhood photo of like anders brevik or something and i don't know do you know when donald trump retweeted that tweet and it was savile or whoever it was we don't want that on our conscience so um agnes get in touch i get in touch but if anyone can beat 58 56, that's a combined age of 114. Yes. Then do so with your Gavin and Malcolm. Yes. Are we doing it on a joint age as the youngest?

Because it has to be, doesn't it, added together? Because if there's a massive 25-year age gap between them. Yeah, exactly. If you've got a Gavin and Malcolm who are 70 and 45, submit them. To be honest, if you've got any Gavin and Malcolm siblings, we'll take them. If your name's Gavin, just say hello. Just say hello. I'll take that.

And then we can match you up with a Malcolm or something. So they're the youngest so far we've got so far. They're the youngest so far. We have 56 and 58. That's 114. Yeah, so there must still be eight alive. So we need more info, Agnes. be a line. We need more info, Agnes. Get in time.

We need more info. We all have the power to shape the world. We're connected to the world we share, to each other. I am future. I wait in the world of Echo. Discover the extraordinary with Echo, the spectacular new show by Cirque du Soleil. Opens May 8th under the Big Top at Toronto Lakeshore Boulevard West.

Tickets at CirqueDuSoleil.com. The world is yours to create. Echo, thanks to its presenting partners Sun Life and its official partners Air Canada and MasterCard. Order up for Damien. Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go, by the way? Did you ask about rhabelsis? Actually, I'm go, by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis?

My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that... Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis. Here is another email. Rob Davenport.

Dear Rob and Josh. Slightly behind on episode 17, but I've noticed you're looking for regular bedtime routines. We were, yes. I'm a father of two daughters. During their showers, I become redundant. So I thought up a great way to pass the time for regular bedtime routines we were yes i'm a father of two daughters during the showers i become redundant so i thought up a great way to pass the time and a surefire way to tire them out before bed as my eldest is in the shower i asked my youngest if she wanted a game of football

with a small stuffed football two bedrooms opposite each other which are perfect as the door frames act as goals after a little kick, my eldest came out of the shower and wanted to have a go. Seeing this as a success, the following night at bedtime saw the inaugural Davenport Cup. That is Rob Davenport's surname. With a plastic trophy on the landing window sill at stake, we had a three-way round robin competition while each daughter was waiting to go into the shower.

We picked our teams. I was Corby Town. My youngest we picked our teams i was corby town my youngest was arsenal my eldest was manchester city and asked our upstairs alexa smart speaker to play match of the day theme tune to act as our timer for each half play commence once the tune started half time came about when the song ended we then switched bedrooms and played the theme tune again for the second half. We marked all the results on a mini whiteboard, along with the final league table. And my youngest, also known as Arsenal, walked away with the Davenport Cup. You delighted with that, Rob?

Oh, yeah, it's good. We're good in cup competitions. We can't handle it in the league. But, you know, get us in a knockout stage, we'll do it. That sounds great. It's great, isn't it? It is. That's such a great idea

door frames as goals was a big deal when i was a kid yes we used to break because i had loads of brothers in the little house so we break we weren't allowed to play football in the house or the garden because the garden was so small and we used to kill all my mum's plants it was brutal and to the point she put decking in to get rid of all grass oh my word yeah there was there's always we used to play wall ball. Is that like spot where you'd kick it like a bit like squash? So you do wall ball where you have to just hit the, like the side of a garage and then wherever it went,

you had to hit the, hit the garage from it. Yeah. Classic. Pat balls, pat balls, the tennis ball on the side of the house. Do you ever played that?

No. Did I grow up in the Victorian times? Double checking. Are you one of Gavin and Malcolm? Yeah. I'm one of those game boys and I'm slapping a tennis ball against a wall like a dog. How many hoops and sticks did you have when you were running down the road? Yeah.

Well, we used to play pat-ball beats in my school where you'd play this pat-ball and if you lost, you got beaten up by all the others. Oh, wow. Did you play donkey's arse? Was that with your PE teacher? That would be headers and volleys. Oh, yeah. But at the end, whoever lost would have to bend over,

and everyone would pelt the ball at their arse. Yes, yes, we used to do that. Sore arse, that was called. That was called sore arse. Oh, great days, great days. oh great days great days the next so all was fine until my eldest burst into tears because she didn't win i let her know that we could play again tomorrow and she might win then the next night arrived and the davenport cup was in full swing this time with my eldest claiming victory in the trophy with

a slight bit of max switching from me only for my youngest to then refuse to hand over the trophy, then both fighting like cat and dog, myself walking into the bedroom where my wife was waiting to read bedtime stories, giving me the biggest glare as to what I'd started. The Davenport Cup has become extinct. Oh, no. There you go. Such a shame.

Such a shame. The problem with parenting is when you try and do a good thing and make it fun, it all ends in tears and everyone hates you. That's what I've learned. Yeah. That's the problem with life, Rob. It's the problem with parenting is when you try and do a good thing and make it fun, it all ends in tears and everyone hates you. That's what I've learned. Yeah. That's the problem with life, Rob. It's the problem with life. It's good to learn that.

Learn it early. Everything goes wrong and everyone will hate you at some point. Yeah. Just learn that. Exactly. Just learn that early on. Do you know what, Rob? Yes, mate.

I mean, we've got more, but my wife's sister said to me, she said, you really need to make the Friday ones longer. And I insisted that you need to leave the audience wanting more. So we're going to stop there. Really? We're going to stop there. And we'll be back on Tuesday. So you're going against your sister-in-law's...

I'm saying don't give the people what they want. Yes. Don't let them be in charge of the show yeah um so uh we'll be back on tuesday yeah that's enough and it's free so stop ranging i want more you're lucky you're getting this yeah is that is that is that our messaging is that is that a fair representation it's exactly we've we get we're slugging our guts out here. Yeah. You're just sat in your car getting into a free going, I wish it was longer. Fuck off.

Don't listen to other podcasts and get into them. Don't listen to other, just sit in silence until Tuesday when we'll be back with Joe Brown. See you then. Bye.