Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S01 EP39: Ivo Graham

Episode Date: September 8, 2020

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' - S01 EP39: Ivo GrahamJoining us in the studio this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) during the lock down and beyond is the brilliant comedian, Ivo Graham. Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent INSTAGRAM: @lockdown_parentingA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Manage expenses with the new TD Low Rate Visa Card. With an 8.99% promotional interest rate for the first six months, the new TD Low Rate Visa Card can help find some balance. Learn more at td.com slash lowratecard. Conditions apply. Limited time offer. Oh no, I can't be out of ink. Not now. Mega tank. Why do I do this to myself?

Ah, what's that printer that comes with 30 times the ink? Mega tank. Yes, it's a Canon megaphone? Megatank. It's a Canon printer. It comes with like two grand worth of ink. Prints me over 7,700 color pages. Megatank. Mega what? Listen to the voice in your

head and get a Canon Megatank printer so you don't have to think about ink for a long, long time. Visit canon.ca slash megatank for details. Hello, I'm Josh Whitacombe. And I'm Rob Beckett. Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell, the show in which Rob and I discuss what it's like to be a parent during lockdown,

which I would say can be a little tricky. tricky. So in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation and to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills, each episode we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping or hopefully not and we will be hearing from you the listener with your tales of lockdown parenting woe because let's be honest none of us know what we're doing hello and welcome to lockdown parenting hell with rob beckett and josh whittakin who's really cool so please find a touch

my six year old Oliver introducing while playing Minecraft and his favourite word play game that I thought I'd share with you very simple rules

all you have to do is replace vowels in words with long ooh sounds it makes everything you say hilarious so he's played that with our names

it's quite nice for someone actually to rip up the rule book and do something different with our names that's sort of just being a Geordie, isn't it? Extending the vowels. Yeah.

Fun. That impressions show you've been pitching to ITV that hasn't got away. Do you know what? My accent work is really underrated. Is it? Yeah. I've always said that about me.

Do you ever do any? No. I do a little bit when I'm touring, but I take the Jonathan Ross approach where I can't do it, so I do it really badly when I'm touring, but I take the Jonathan Ross approach where I can't do it, so I do it really badly, but even worse. What are you saying? That's his approach to what? Accents. Whenever he used to do accents.

I thought you were making a point about his career. That's a big person to take a shot at being rubbish early doors. He's the best. No, but I would say that that's what he does with take a shot at being rubbish early doors he's the best um no but i would say that like that's what he does with his accents isn't it whenever he gets people on the show his accents but he can't do them so he doesn't really badly so i'll be like that in the like oh why are you mad oh mate what for one stack and you eat the widget he grew up and that's that would be my aunt and dick i i think a telling thing about your abilities as an impressionist is you've described

one voice as being both Ant and Dec. Yeah, because I've looked into it. There's no difference. There's no difference, actually. That's why they work so well. You can never tell who's delivering the line. That's one of their greatest achievements as a pair. Where do you think we fall on the double act list now, Josh?

Okay, so you've got Ant and Dec, Hawker and Wise are top. Yeah. Then you go down to Chris and Rosie Ramsey, who are slightly above us. Vic and Bob. Vic and Bob, they're the top ones. And I reckon we're probably down the bottom, around Fred and Rose West. Yeah, around, I think we're slightly, we're between Fred and Rose West and Tim Lovejoy and Simon Rimmer.

Yeah, because we're not as famous as Fred and Rose West, but we're more loved, I'd say. We're definitely more loved. We're definitely more loved. Josh, can I be honest with you? Yeah. I'm hungover. I thought you were, yeah.

It's Sunday morning. We should say it's Sunday morning at 9am, which was your decision. Yes. I said Sunday and you said 9am. Yes, because I'm going out today with the kids and the family, so it was a busy day. So I thought we'd get it done in early. Yes, because I'm going out today with the kids and the family. So it's a busy day. So I thought we'd get it done in early. Basically, Tom Allen turned up at my house.

So we're going to get on the show soon at some point. We're getting him on the show under the guise that he lives with his parents. That isn't that we've got a huge scoop that Tom Allen has a child. Do you know what? He's done lockdown. He's just been wandering around the southeast impregnating women. And I don't know why. It's a new thing he's done. But no, he's done in lockdown? He's just been wandering around the southeast impregnating women. Yeah. And I don't know why. It's a new thing he's done.

But no, he's not got children. But he does still live with his parents, so we thought we'd get the other side of it. Because it would be weird if we did a whole episode where we interviewed a six-year-old. I mean, let's not rule it out. It's hard booking people. He turned up with wine, and I'm not supposed to be drinking,

but he just... Why are you not supposed to be drinking but he just why are you not supposed to be drinking rob well i'm trying to get fit josh but i keep getting drunk and because this is so funny how like lazy you get like during this lockdown is i it's not even locked down anymore rob i know i know but i don't i record this like literally at the end of my garden and i was like oh god i just can't be bothered to go and do the pot and i was like bro it's an 11 second walk from your bed down the stairs to the end of the garden but i i'm happy i made it but i'm feeling a bit ropey what did you drink red red wine oh that's a bad hangover it's a little fact i think tom allen has been drunk in my house more

than i have oh really because i i don't always drink with him sometimes lou does yeah so i think he's been drunk in my house more than me oh my word that's a feat isn't it that is a feat but you know you've got more responsibilities he's got abs this is the difficult thing so you get invited to things and everyone there will be without children. And if you've got children and you're drinking and it's 11 p.m., that's a completely different situation. What do you think Tom Allen's up to now? He's fast to fucking sleep, right?

That's the thing. He left at half one last night, half one in the morning. And also, he will now sleep till 2 p.m and i've been up with the kids and doing this already and i just it makes me sort of resent that line i think parenting is by a million miles the most difficult thing you can do on a hangover like something is slightly disengaged so if you're i'd find it much easier to like to do a gig. Oh, easy, yeah. Because you've got to engage your mind there. But with parenting, it's too close to relaxing. So it's too painful.

Yes, because it looks, and you're looking in your house of all the stuff you could do, but you can't. So like, do you know what's easy? My job, my first job is work at Columbia Road Flower Market, right? I used to get picked up at four in the morning by my brother. We'd drive to the market. My job was to take all the compost into the street and load it on these trolleys and i used to stand in the street whatever the weather freezing cold from like five in the morning selling bags of

compost and that was easy sorry have you just stumbled across a kind of a random east london origin story generator but i used to that was easier than being in your house with your own children. Yeah. That's mad, isn't it? I long for that. I go, oh, that'd be a nice Sunday. Get picked up and sit in the car, get a nice warm coat, get a cup of tea.

I know. I just, I tell you how good it is when I have the excuse of doing work on a hangover and you get to go upstairs. To go upstairs to do something that should be more mentally challenging, like writing something. Yeah. It's not,

how is that more difficult than watching someone draw? But it really is. Or read, reading a book to someone. Oh God. I just, so I can't really read funny bones anymore because I read it on new year's morning on the hangover of a lifetime and every time I read funny bones I

get taken back to that feeling of reading at 7am on new year's day really I've got that with the song jealous guy by John Lennon because I was on a coach in Slovenia and I was listening to that at the moment I realized i have to get this coach to be sick that's that's the thing isn't it it's these one these things that are just completely connected the sick one is like when you throw something up i suppose like i can't have sugar puffs now if i sat down and you forced me to listen to jealous guy by john lennon five times in a row hung over i would just be sick yeah just from like getting like ptsd from that moment can i tell you a disgusting i'm just really not talking about

parenting here but let's hear a disgusting story about that i got off that coach and my two mates got off as well so we had to wait in the middle of nowhere just by this like shack with like a toilet in so i went in there and i went into this toilet to be sick right then my other mate went in there to do a number two and my other mate went in there straight after to do a wee, but the smell was so bad, he was sick on arrival. Oh, oh my God. Oh my God. How awful was that?

He wasn't even drinking the night before. It was just, it was so awful. Like, I'm crying, see. And then was the coach just waiting for you? No, the coach went off and we had to wait an hour for the next one. It was sort of like a jump off. Oh my God. My friends were once going back from a stag do,

driving down the motorway. And the guy in the passenger seat in the front needed to be sick, opened the window to be sick. And it blew back into the face of the guy behind him. He started being sick as well. Oh God. Apologies for people listening to this. Sorry.

Yeah, if you're hung over, this is not the podcast for you. We need to tell the story. I don't know if we do it today. The story about when I saved your career. Yeah, let's not tell it today. Jimmy Carr's Christmas party. We need to build up to that. Okay, let's build up.

Let's save that for another time but the time i saved your your bacon saved my career i think i genuinely did i think i don't think it would have ruined your career but i do think it would have defined you as a person in all circles of showbiz people forever we've got to tell it josh let's tell it friday let's tell it friday okay yeah right josh rob do you think this i mean that mean, that says it all, doesn't it? What is that? This is... I think we've really... If there was an opening chat that was rested on

your laurels, this was the one. Yeah, this really is it. This is very much penultimate game of the season. You're already in the Champions League. Yeah, we've gone 3-0 down away at Norwich. And the players know... But but you know why it is it's because we know we're sitting on perhaps uh well I don't want to build it up too much but it's

one of my it's gone straight into my top five top five well no now we've taken it out of the top five but that's no fault of Ivo yeah I think I think the interviews are in and of themselves their own entity this is just a building to it i don't think you can judge no and you know what the worst thing is when i when we did the ivo one i thought oh this might be like the one we'd submit for like awards and stuff but we've both fucked that one right up oh with this oh we don't have walls you stiff neckers what do you want an award for well i don't well will it make you feel better right this podcast okay we both love doing it we enjoy it a lot of people listen.

They really like it. Everyone goes, what would it... Mate, let me just tell you now. The greatest day of my life was when Quickly Kevin was rated the third best sports podcast of 2018. Would it make you feel any better if you had a little bit of metal next to the laptop? No, absolutely not.

Absolutely not. You won an award. Anyway, hopefully we'll all win an award one day. No, absolutely not. Absolutely not. You won an award. Anyway, hopefully we'll win an award one day. Well, not for this episode. And now it's completely unsubmitted. No, we've done some great stories about being sick. And I've teased the audience about the story about when you nearly ended your career,

which I'll tell them about on Friday. But until then, here is our programme. I've got some good content. Sorry, disaster. The only part of the podcast that was slick there and you just walloped it there judging about how well this has gone i'm 80 sure that we're going to have edited in the wrong interview as well it's just going to be this again somehow due to a kind of editing error we're going to get two intros yeah it was very popular yeah it was very popular um yeah well i don't know what we said this is a joke let's just start let's just

um should we just say we've had lots of requests well you know we've had requests not lots you don't get thousands of requests but we've had requests for ivo graham Graham to do an interview. Yep. And so here he is. Here's Ivo Graham. Bloody hell, this is a disaster. Jesus Christ. We need a planning meeting. We need a crisis meeting

after that. Hello, Ivo Graham. How are you? I'm very well, thanks. Chaps, thanks for having me on your podcast. I love being called a chap. I never get called a chap.

Thanks, Ivo. I feel like that greeting has said more about me than it does about you. But I'm happy to stand by. I think chaps has still got enough charm to make it not completely horrible. We've had email requests, Ivo, asking for you to come on. Right. That's nice of you.

Yeah. You're a popular man. People want to hear about your parenting. What's your situation? My situation is, well, we've just moved back to London after five months in the countryside. We've been quite fortunate in that my parents were... You've been quite fortunate since birth, either. Yes, obviously, it's been quite the parade of good fortune in 1990 to present. But a thrilling new chapter of privilege has opened up

in recent months um it's i've i've got to say that um yet again i've been pleasantly surprised by how many safety nets there are beneath me um because my parents and this isn't going to help things at all, live in Hong Kong, which is a lovely place to kill some time in one's 50s. Or if you fancy being on the edge of some genuinely thrilling civil unrest. But they were meant to be moving back to the UK this year, but because of the pandemic, they have elected to stay there a bit longer, which means that the house in Wiltshire they were going to be moving back to,

where I grew up, was an empty. So me and my young family decamped to an undeniably nicer house. Yes. Even better, with no disrespect to them obviously without my parents in it or as i christened it in the only joke i've written this entire lockdown all of the aga none of the agro so you've just got one is that right i have one child yes i've got an 18 month old daughter and i would say that it's been uh it's been a very good lockdown for having an 18 month old

i would say obviously and you've covered this extensively on the podcast um which i'm a big fan of the dream scenario just from from a perspective, is undeniably no children. But I would say, you know, not from a sort of life enrichment, long term legacy perspective, but just in terms of day to day stress. I would say within the child realm, one is better than two, three, four. I could go on.'ve all counted um yourselves or i'd say even just age-wise obviously newborn has got uh all of those very specific stresses and then as soon as they become toddler uh terrible twos and then a genuine understanding of like the sort of maybe questioning the pandemic why they're missing school um not seeing having to do homeschooling exactly whereas one and a half we've just watched her learn to walk and talk and it's been fantastic like it's

it's genuinely it's all the best bits of of young parenthood i would say and we've had great you know sort of full-time access to it so even in pandemic, you've had child age privilege alongside the country residents. I do. It's an unbelievable set of privileges. It is an unbelievable set of privileges. I would say that while the lovely home is a privilege that I cannot really take any credit for, you've got to say that part of the parenting is just me trying to have a positive outlook about it. And there I sit pouring some of my own good energies into it. I've been lucky in that we don't have a lot of work on. Me and my daughter-in-law are both self-employed.

So we've not had the stress of trying to juggle whole days on Zoom calls or whatever. What I would say to counteract all of the nice things that I've got going on is emotionally it's been a bit more challenging because me and my daughter's mum aren't together. We broke up last year, which was obviously, to quote quite a lot of my family, not ideal timing. But while obviously these things are incredibly sort of stressful and sad and complicated,

we sort of, it was done with the sort of best of intentions and sort of very amicably and particularly over the sort of Christmas period, we started to get, I think, into quite a nice co-parenting rhythm in London. We hang out most days. And I think at the beginning of this year, it was like, okay, we're starting to feel now like we're sort of doing okay at this new chapter. And maybe even now we might be able to start getting a bit more closure from our relationship yeah moving on slightly but still co-parenting it wouldn't wouldn't say it was the best time for a global pandemic to have forced us back into the same um lovely listed home essentially essentially the pandemic has led to you to playing a kind of act out of your own

parents situation when they had children either uh yeah i that's exactly it i mean my parents uh weren't in this specific house they weren't in graham hall obviously they weren't in graham hall they were in they were actually in japan um on another chapter of the wild expat ride. I wouldn't try and improvise what Graham Hall would have been in Japanese because I don't think it ends hugely well. Ivor, just to be clear, so basically you were sort of, were you still living together in London? We weren't living together. In one of a series of quite sort of cruel, ironic twists

that have befallen my life over the last year, I was living just down the road with a couple of friends of mine called Julian and Rose. Basically, if you went to Eton and you fall into any sort of trouble in your adult life, you get sent a sort of emergency Julian to bail you out. So they live just down the road. And so it was perfect.

They had a spare room. Unfortunately, just after I moved in with them, they then told me that they were expecting a baby so my i mean i was never going to be in their spare room for too long because eventually i'll probably get my own place but it did put a a very specific time and that cot is quite small you're a tall man aren't you it's not ideal rob during the you know of course occasional darker moments uh when one wonders sort of uh quite how things have come to this to have a nursery being assembled around you and and they're like uh oh you know obviously you can stay as long as you want but

um we are just we're going to build the baby bouncer today, if you don't mind. That'll just be here next to your boxes. So in a way, was the pandemic forcing you to move out of there a positive? I think it was. I mean, they were absolutely lovely. And I still had, I'd say, at least six weeks left on the clock before their child was literally born. But it was definitely the solution, I think. And I think we're both really pleased with how it went because there were other options.

For me, I've got lots of family in London. But as lockdown started, alongside all the other stress of what's this going to do to sort of work and the sorts of baby things we do you know the classes we go to you would then also having to read about like like co-parenting loopholes which is kind of I mean obviously a lot of people including I'm sure people listening to this will have had to go through that and work it out but it is stressful and particularly when the whole situation is quite new it's just a sort of bit bleak when you've just got good at living just down the road sort of co-pairing together most days but having a

and then you're going okay am i going to be able to go home at the end of the day without getting stopped by the police and having to oh yes let me just explain we we took a very difficult decision at a very strange point in our lives but we're doing it we're doing extremely well and and i've sanitized my hands obviously and so if you could go home to the the other nursery uh that would be fantastic so it became quite clear quite quickly that having an empty house in the countryside was uh definitely the right call and my parents house is like you know we it's it's don't think i'm bragging when i say it's got enough bedrooms for for me and carrie to sleep separately um and i uh that's good and we could

both have sort of time apart from each other there if if required but it was mad that first week of lockdown because obviously even though lockdown was so sort of strictly enforced and observed, there was definitely about a week where I think the paranoia fueled by all the panic buying and stuff was definitely creating things like people were saying,

the motorways are going to be closed. So we were packing up. I don't know if you sort of remember this or whether it related to any decisions that you guys were making, but we were going, we need to sort of tidy up and get our stuff and sort of just get our heads around this. But are there going to be barricades on the M4 tomorrow?

Do we need to go overnight? And obviously, actually, it was fine, but it was quite stressful. And then my parents who, you know, goodness me, managing the intercontinental life is is never easy but uh they had let um a few of um the bits of the sort of house basically they hadn't prepared the the country house for the sudden arrival of their elder son's broken family um so um the heating wasn't working so could i just say ivo when you when you moved to your parents uh or when they when the discussions were ongoing you they sent you what i think is the funniest photo i've ever seen in my life oh which was right which was them demonstrating how how the high chair could be used uh yes that's that's basically it they they

were trying to instagram either um i can't i think i put it as an instagram story which is um what i do with content that i don't really believe in you know if i'm sort of testing it out and uh and if it gets a good reaction then maybe it'll pop up as a post a few days later like nothing happened um but um have you got the photo uh yes i've got the photo so um we've got a a neighbor who will occasionally sort of pop in and like sort of um check on like things right now so they they very kindly got a couple of baby things out of the attic for us even from afar ready for our arrival including this little it's a seat that you just attach to a table instead of a high chair and they'd put um as a demonstration of how well it could work um a massive uh teddy bear in it

which i can't really do justice to it and i yeah i would like to give the photo a much needed second wind on social media with lockdown parenting hells backing. It was one of the most surreal photos because it was a large country kitchen containing a teddy bear strapped to the side of a table. Looking furious. Looking absolutely livid at the situation. We'll stick it on instagram so the listeners can see did you sort out the heating well so we had about we had a week of like an um obviously there's a fireplace so we had a week um of sort of huddling around the fire but the staff not cold ironically their quarters are extremely well heated um it's all part of my father's sort of

very democratic worldview um yeah it was it was it was sort of cold and it felt a bit weird then there was this like april heat wave and uh the heating got fixed as well and suddenly you were so aware of how lucky you were to have like a garden uh while lockdown was being so stressful for people particularly without like like more than their designated hour in the local park and actually all of the last five months while obviously at times very emotionally confusing have been like it's been it's been like a real win i would say particularly that first month was just great we just couldn't really believe that we'd done it and we'd made the sense of like we've made it out and uh and it's all paid off did you like did you

live the same life as a three or was there ways you dealt with kind of the situation like day day to day did you fall into a routine well i'd say we probably just divvied up the time just like most um sort of families did but maybe with a bit more of an onus on you know having our own space both not not just to get stuff done but just for a little bit of you know any semblance of emotional independence i would say with regards to lockdown and just in general it's usually about thirds we try and do a third sort of each individually and then a third together um yeah partly because you know we get on and we think it's really nice to sort of each individually and then a third together. Yeah. Partly because, you know, we get on and we think it's really nice to sort of still be doing nice activities as a young family.

And partly because it's just quite brutal doing handovers. And so inevitably, lots of sort of grey areas are created. I've seen your hair. I've actually loved my lockdown hair and beard. Thank you very much. They're in no way representative of a man on the edge. It's been a lovely project to have on the go. And by project, I mean just not taking care of myself.

But the time when you're on your own, I think if you've got very specific work to do, if you've got tasks that have to be done by the end of the day for a boss or if you just got a full day of zoom meetings or whatever it is then there's no getting around the fact that your child has to be somewhere else in the house and you just got to get on with stuff for as long as it takes being self-employed with not a lot on particularly now the live stuff that had dried up and the lack of any sort of real deadline it's very hard to be disciplined particularly when you're getting all this lovely wholesome time with your child in your own childhood home which is so like it was for me extra special because

you're just constantly finding all these massive bears that my parents had just laid out basically i'd be up in my room trying to have a sort of trying to think up something funny to say at my next stand-up gig which probably wouldn't happen for 18 months and you would either want to go downstairs because you could hear the parenting being quite stressful you know edie would be you know a bit upset about something you'd think i'm not doing anything important enough to justify not helping out or they'd be having such a cute time and she'd be sort of giggling and and sort of shrieking in a good way you'd be like i obviously want to go in and get on that because it's far better and more soul nourishing than anything i'm doing basically

my daughter had to be being such solidly mediocre company for me to get anything done not fun and not a disaster and then i could be like okay right you know now now let's let's let's think up that podcast idea because anything either way it's a bit like when i used to play fifa on career mode with my brother late into night and we established that you could only go to bed on a draw because if if you lost but if you won you had to have that hit again you can't only a draw could leave you emotionally neutral enough to sleep But if you won, you had to have that hit again. Only a draw could leave you emotionally neutral enough to sleep. Do you think splitting up has made you appreciate and not put more pressure on,

but made you kind of more engaged with experiencing these moments with your daughter? I think so. I um partly like last year um I mean just having spent a bit of time not living with her uh and also just other things that sort of inevitably happen when you're at your comic like I went to Edinburgh for a month last year you know there was the sense that my foot that my experience of the first year of her life hadn't been the typical one and I'd missed out on a bit of stuff. I mean, on the other hand, I think being a stand up comedian is sort of great for being a parent because you get all this daytime. Actually, I feel that even through some of the sort of more tricky bits of last year, I was still probably getting more than a lot of dads who just have to go back to work nine to five quite soon after having a baby. But I think, of course, living together, which is, you know, just going to be a sort of longer term challenge about how that all works. But at the moment,

it's we parent around the one flat. And this is what we've just gone back to in London. We parent around the one flat that Carrie and Edie live in and then I'm nearby with whatever friends of mine up the duff at that moment in time um and so you know I'm seeing her most days and I can get you know I can get the uh living with my daughter experience of putting her to bed in the evening going off and then coming back first thing in the morning to get her up but there is still obviously the sense that something has been lost in the middle you do go around then at first thing in the morning i like what time are you arriving well some days and again this is just the sort of like when we were under one roof it was a bit more straightforward because you would just you just take it in turns to have to have the monitor um whereas now if i'm doing an early morning obviously she's we're very lucky as well that

she is a good sleeper. She sleeps pretty consistently through the night till roughly about the same sort of time between sort of 6.30 and 7. But if I want the getting her up and the sort of all the charm of her sort of being bleary eyed when I sort of go in, then I have to arrive early enough for that. And then if she's not awake, I have to make the choice of either to come into the flat, which will probably wake her, or to sit just outside the flat and listen for her waking up through the door. It's not ideal, obviously, and I don't think that's a long-term solution. ideal obviously and I don't think that's a long-term solution um you sitting outside a flat at quarter past six in the morning is is inherently reportable to the police in a way isn't it yeah and I think it's crossed our neighbors minds on a couple of occasions also there was another night

um this was wearing the superman t-shirt shouting let me in don't help either the great thing about being such a young single dad is that all my old superman outfits still fit me so i'm absolutely you're primed for fathers for justice you're ready to go i um before lockdown i'd moved in with julian and rose but i hadn't completely adjusted emotionally or administratively to the new situation and i'm not the most organized person the best of. So I realized at the end of a sort of like evening coming home from a gig that I hadn't got the keys to their place. But I did still have the keys to my old place. But this was when sleep wasn't going quite as smoothly. And it wasn't ideal if she woke in the night. And I thought,

well, I could come in at like one in the morning and just sort of sleep on the sofa because I'm doing the early shift tomorrow anyway but I don't really want to wake her up because that just won't be ideal for anyone and I'm afraid to say that the decision I took given that it was only about five hours until she woke up anyway was uh to instead use the third set of keys at my disposal um which were the keys to our ford focus uh which is part of the flat so just a lovely all nighter in the ford and 20 by the way 21 thinking of buying a ford focus with the potential for their own family taking on this new thrilling shape i would say that the um the seats actually don't recline all the way down in the focus um they did in my in my old toyota corolla but they didn't in the focus.

So it wasn't a terrific night, actually. Did you not go back seat? I'd go back seat. No, but the back seat has the baby seated. Oh, of course. And I'm not confident enough with the ISOFIX to take the baby seat out and put it back in again. And again, you know, because I thought, okay, back is straight across the back seat. And I had forgotten. And again, in a sort of, you know, metaphor for the reminders of my situation, I'd forgotten, of course, there it was the hulking baby seat. A couple of weeks before then, I'd done a gig where I had, I was driving three people to the gig. So I right great one in the front with me and then two

in the back next to the baby seat and I would say the joie it takes up maybe 1.25 seats it encroaches into the middle so my friend who was doing the gig with me looked at it and said oh it's a bit tight in the back do you think there's any chance we could put the baby seat in the boot and it was too embarrassing to say no, because I'm not confident enough of being able to put it back in. It's very stressful. I'm not a very practical man. I went to an all boys boarding school,

which prioritized a sort of intellectual growth rather than practical. So, and also I was livid because they were a couple. I was like, yeah, cozy up in the back. So I had with, through gritted teeth i had taken it out and then of course had found it difficult to put it back in again it's so heavy as well they're so heavy and you click it in on one side and then you go around the other side to click and you've somehow unclicked it on the side you've just left it is you know i'm sure if i did it on on the regs um then i would

be a master of it but as we've established i don't want to be doing it on on the regs really and how's how's your how's your daughter like is she was she well behaved in lockdown she was she i mean it really has been and like it's it's been fantastic it's she's um because you do of course when you're stressed about sort of this slightly unusual situation what it's going to look like in in the future you're obviously just prioritizing your shared uh you know the thing that brings you together and um the thing that you're always going to focus on and just sort of pouring as much sort of energy and attention and love into that as possible so it is really good when she's in a

good mood because of course you then can feel like oh we've done we've done the right thing and we're doing well at it and of course babies of any situation are going to have um very frustrating days uh and you shouldn't take that upon yourself but it does still help i'm i'm i'm looking to my 18 month old daughter for reassurance um that we've made the right life choices which i think a dangerous form of uh emotional dependence um no but i think going that doing that five months and you're in you know you're separated but you still manage to you know live together and co-parent it's such a you know, I don't think many couples that split up could have done that.

So I think you gave it that lovely experience. Well, it's very nice of you both to say. I'm aware that I've essentially spent the last five months living inside a Guardian long read. You should write a book. Well, let's see how this podcast is received, crucially not just by your listeners, but by our families. I think you've been very fair.

Well, yeah, I mean, and to go back to how she's been, it's been brilliant. And the walking and talking thing, having this specific period of time for that to be happening, it's just fun. You know, when there's new words every day and all of those fun little parent surprises, like she's picked up something that you didn't even try to teach her which thus far has all been you know sweet things like fruit and animal noises um rather than uh some of the darker

things that i mutter to myself um it's um it's really it's it's yeah yeah, it's been great. Do you find, Ivo, that, because obviously you're making decisions about how you parent or like the rules at which you'd set a child or whatever, you know, whatever any couple would make the decision on. Is that more difficult because you're not a couple in a way? Like, do you have different approaches to parenting or has that been pretty simple and easy? I think broadly we have not got anything too different really i think that will obviously get more challenging um as she gets older and there are more just decisions to make really but at the moment

it's just been about the things like just you know trying to you know sort of baby things and young toddler things like trying to get into good sleep habits, trying to keep her in a good routine. And actually a, she's been pretty sort of good on, on all of those things. She sleeps well and she eats well. And, you know, Carrie is, she's very good at that. And she has sort of thought a lot about it and read a lot about it and was very good at getting a sort of routine going early doors so i i slot into that i think um

quite quite sort of agreeably i don't bring any radical theories to the table fascinating to listen to russell kane on the podcast bringing a lot of what i would call boarding school energy. Because I guess that's my legacy of the way I was brought up is that even though I think my parents could not have given us more love and sort of reassurance of us being a family unit, at the same time, we did all go to boarding school, which increasingly feels just so alien and to people and is obviously associated with quite a lot of less than ideal uh political patterns that are manifesting themselves at the moment i would say but i think i've still got a bit of that thing of like even though i don't feel i had a sort of a hugely rough or emotionally malnourished time at school i think there's still a little bit of that creeps in when it's like if she wants a snack and

it's not the sort of time of day when she'd usually have a snack i think i'm probably more the one to be like well no she's got to learn that she doesn't need a snack um i would say that is literally as heavy hitting as the debate gets it's about whether to give an apple rice cake um you know at 2 30 p.m when really it should the rice cake shouldn't be deployed any time before 3 15 um what age did you go to boarding school i went when i was seven wow so uh yes um would you would you would you send uh your children to a boarding school i would say no um i think that uh again though i think my parents did it with good reasons and i didn't ask about your parents either i've got to stop defending my parents actually yeah because i think that tells us more it does tell us a lot you haven't mentioned them once um and uh i'm actually working through quite a lot of that

sort of stuff with with my therapist i don't need to do that on on this podcast by the way i should say um psychotherapy um particularly when your life is very much defined by your evolving romantic and familial situation another very strange thing to do in a in a lockdown pandemic under the same roof as your child and ex-partner oh via zoom via zoom oh wow absolutely wholesome morning of parenting and then upstairs uh to make sure the door is shut firmly um to discuss what an absolute wrench it all is yeah yeah you really need to make sure they're in the garden for that phone could you go at the end of the garden for this phone call please yeah well yeah exactly past yet lawn two as we call it did you ponder over how because obviously you're

quite um anyone who hasn't seen you just stand up perish the thought you're quite a kind of autobiographical stand-up you talk a lot about how your life has evolved through the last few years have you had to give a lot of thought as to how you would address your situation as a stand-up i'll be honest josh the cancellation of this year's edinburgh fringe though financially not ideal um it has come artistically as quite a relief. I've really settled into a groove slash sort of trap over the last few years of not really extending my imagination beyond just whacking down an hour of whatever's happened to me over the last year. And hoping that people are emotionally invested in it if not um amused by it and it a few of my february work in progresses had already given a few hints that this year was going to be a slightly trickier sell so i think having having a year to mull on that is um is no bad thing i

mean i think when you have a child at all the onus on any even vaguely autobiographical comic or writer or public figure to think a bit more about how much they're giving away does go up, obviously, a lot. May I say, I think you both do an absolutely excellent job. You know, you watch a Josh Widdicombe show. He's your best friend. He's just like you. And then halfway home home you realize that actually you haven't found out anything about him at all um whereas i think i you know i have set up this thing of every show feeling like a bit of a sort of an evolution from the last and it suddenly is

a little bit more challenging on the other hand as long as you're discreet and uh sort of tact and I don't know, I think there's actually something that's, you know, hopefully interesting about this. There have been, you know, funny aspects. May I refer you back to sleeping in my car for five hours? Let's not forget the Arga joke. It's the best joke I've heard. Well, thanks very much, Rob. Yeah, I wrote that in late March and I'm afraid to say I took the rest of the spring and summer off. I think, though, I don't think you should worry too much I think I share a bit more about my life than Josh does

on stage I think you're a good person and if you're honest then you can't no one can really have a problem with it if you know what I mean and and I think because you're a good guy you know I think I don't think there's much to worry about I think don't listen to the daily mail either oh no but they're so right about everything i um i think even listening to this podcast to be honest which has been a real delight to have it's been it's been my early morninger uh which i listen with one headphone in it's my ellis james watching the last dance but um so do you you listen, I've discussed this before, but I didn't name you, that you have one headphone in when you're parenting early on.

Not, I mean, not always. And certainly less and less so because she's clocked it now, which is obviously it's wonderful to watch your child grow and evolve. But every time they basically work something out a little bit of your own individual freedom is chipped away um and uh so during those particularly there was you know occasionally earlier on in lockdown there were a few more sort of 5amers um where you're just you're sort of waking up into parenting and and sort of they're you know basically you know not not doing anything too challenging either so it would be nice just to pop one headphone in because i think if you play i don't know it's they're both obviously antisocial not that she's

called me out on that yet but um i think just playing anything off a speaker see i put the radio on either in the morning i mean that's that's obviously fine i don't think if you're preparing breakfast and they're playing you can have one ear in as you're doing something like that I think that's and also sometimes then if you're going from room to room anyway these are these are sort of practical issues but the point is listening to the podcast and listening to you both talking um more frankly about aspects of it and listening to all the different angles on parenting provided by the guests it's been very very reassuring I think uh for me that's nice oh good and I think a lot of people listening to this will feel the same either especially you know talking about co-parenting

there's so many people that have to co-parent and split time between different houses and different places and stuff like that and it is you know it's a logistical nightmare it's a logistical nightmare when you're with your partner, you know, trying to bring up kids. So I think a lot of people will feel the same about, you know, your situation. And thanks for sharing it, really. I think what's hard about it is that,

I mean, amongst other things, is that this period has been so nice with our daughter being at such a great stage and us not having too much, you know, obviously if you read or think too much about the pandemic it all just gets a bit bleak but but but if we just concentrate on being you know in in the countryside in the sunshine with our daughter without too much sort of work pressure and also I've not been gigging so we've been making dinner and watching tv and doing all

this other stuff most nights that we so rarely did when we were a couple because i was always out so that's been so much more wholesome so we've gone from feeling like a couple who you know sort of were struggling and sometimes sort of papering over over the cracks to being the best non-couple and the line between the two is so it's such a wafer thin line and it's such a confusing line obviously yeah it's just kissing in it just don't kiss that's the line it's so it's such a wafer thin line and it's such a confusing line obviously yeah it's just kissing in it just don't kiss that's the line it's just not kissing actually rob just don't kiss everything's the same but no kissing is that the rule have i got it right i think i think i think you're absolutely right rob many is the time in lockdown when you know of course you've had a lovely wholesome evening.

You've watched three episodes of Normal People, which really lathers it on from a romantic perspective. And it feels absolutely ludicrous to be retiring to separate bedrooms rather than sort of starting a new chapter in life. But actually, you have to remember that you've made these decisions for a certain reason and you're not in normal people you're co-parenting during a pandemic thank you so much that was brilliant um it was great to speak to you um and uh we'll speak to you again at some point i I'm sure. You'll have to get Carrie on for her side of it. I think that would be completely fair. It would be, I mean, these lockdown parenting or co-parenting hell podcasts,

the doubles are particularly enjoyable. I'm not sure I'd like to, but it's up to you whether you invite her or not, obviously. Ivo. Thanks, Ivo. her or not, obviously. Ivo. Thanks, Ivo. Thanks so much, mate. Cheers. Ivo Graham.

Oh, great episode, that. Genuinely, that is one of my favourite episodes, depending on editing all that stuff out about him thinking that he's better than people from comprehensive schools. No, he did not say that, Josh. I will stand up for him. And I do think it's a bit unfair with either because he gets a hard time because obviously he has gone to

eton and oxford and all those sort of things but he he didn't he didn't pick that that was picked for him by his parents the same way i didn't pick my upbringing of you know comprehensive in a working class area so i do feel sorry sometimes for people that have that upbringing it's not their choice they were thrown into it just the same way. I think Ivo has elegantly leaned into it and made it a funny part of his brand as opposed to people who kind of try and cover up their growing up situation. Growing up situation, bloody hell.

You can tell I didn't go to Eton, can't you? If you'd gone to Eton, you would have been able to say that in Latin at the same time of selling off the NHS. That's what you learned there. So, Rob, I thought that was brilliant. I also think what's fascinating about this podcast is just people in such different situations.

Yeah, it's mad. And really, I think before I thought it was just us moaning about kids, but really the reality is being a parent defines your life, essentially, because you have this huge anchor of somewhere where you have to be, this this big responsibility so it does make an impact on every decision you make you can't just go I want to go and live abroad or I want to go traveling there's there's that tire so I think in all different types of ways it impacts on you and it's about how people deal with it and you know it's great to hear Ivo talk about that the co-parenting stuff because I imagine a lot of people listening are single parents and are dealing with it you know, it's great to hear Ivo talk about that, the co-parenting stuff. So I imagine a lot of people listening are single parents and are dealing with it.

You know, we've had other single parents on the show, Alison and Judy and stuff. So, yeah, I thought it was really interesting. It's really honest. I think also it's just making that situation work. They both come out of it with so much credit for putting the welfare of their daughter first. And, you know, I'm real and having to try and rebuild this situation that isn't you know the classic 2.4 children situation but yeah you're building a situation that's you know just as healthy if not more than people who are in the 2.4 children i do think it's better off to sort of split up and co-parent than be that couple that hate each other and argue in front of the kids and they're together but it's horrendous just because you know I mean it's a totally agree although obviously I wouldn't

like to speculate over whether Ivo and Carrie were that couple oh no I'm not saying they were but I'm just saying in general I've seen it with other couples that are sort of they care you know so I think it's better to be grown up about it and that it seems like they have and also from a point of view of a bloke who grew up in southeast London and went to a comprehensive school to hear that a boarding school kid that went to Eton and then Oxford was sleeping in his Ford Focus outside of his flat in East London. I, you know,

it's, it's, it just made me feel quite good in a weird way, but you know, it's not, the grass is not always greener. No, no,

I know it is on the many lawns of Ivo's parents' house. Yeah. Yeah, but it's so green. The formal gardens are absolutely stunning. I'll go there. Thank you to Ivo.

That was a genuine joy. We're back on Friday where we've got lots of emails we want to get through, lots of Instagrams we want to get through. And so,

we look forward to that. If you want to get in touch, here's how. Email us hello at lockdownparenting.co.uk or tweet us at lockdownparents or Instagram lockdown underscore parenting. And you can also send us stuff P.O. Box 76748, London E99DW. Also, don't forget to rate and review us. We were number one on episodes in the charts the other day. The Chris Clark effect. Oh, but, oh, I've just checked. Amy Hoggart and the old What Do You Want For Dinner crew have took it.

Oh, no. Amy Hoggart. They have absolutely destroyed her. Oh, what do you want. Oh no. I've absolutely destroyed. Oh, what do you want for dinner? Let's talk about that for half an hour. Get a life lads. Fucking hell.

Beans on toast. See you next week. Um, so, uh, thank you very much, uh, to everyone.

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