Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S01 EP41: Matthew Crosby

Episode Date: September 15, 2020

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' - S01 EP41: Matthew Crosby Joining us in the studio this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) during the lockdown and beyond is the brilliant comedian, Matthew Crosby. Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx  If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] TWITTER: @lockdownparent  INSTAGRAM: @lockdown_parenting A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Tresemme. Want silky smooth hair that's still full of natural movement? The Tresemme Keratin Smooth Weightless Collection is your simple solution. This new collection features a wide range of products from nourishing shampoo and conditioner to lightweight heat protectants and a silky smooth serum for a sleek finish. Wave goodbye to frizz and say hello to three days of smooth hair with the Tresame Keratin Smooth Weightless Collection. Visit Tresame.com to learn more. This episode is brought to you by Secret.

Secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection. Free of aluminum, parabens, dyes, talc, and baking soda. It's made with pH balancing minerals and crafted with skin conditioning oils. So whether you're going for a run or just running late, do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. Hello, I'm Josh Whitacombe. And I'm Rob Beckett. Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell. The show in which Rob and I discuss what it's like to be a parent during lockdown,

which I would say can be a little tricky. So, in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation... And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills... Each episode, we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you, the listener, with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because, let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing.

Hello, and you are listening to Lockdown Parenting Hell with... OK, so Rob Beckett. Rob Beckett. And Josh Whittacombe. And Josh Whittacombe. Close enough. Do you know who that is? No, is that very well spoken for what is supposed to be a child? That is Malcolm, who is Agnes' dad.

No way! An actual Malcolm? Oh, no, sorry, sorry. That is Gavin, who is Agnes' dad. Uncle Malcolm was unavailable. I mean, yeah, I didn't want him to drive for it. Imagine that. Guys, you've got to come round.

Well, I thought he'd be really Scottish. I thought he'd be really... Hey, wee-ma! Hey, Rob, bake it! George, will you come? Like that or something. well I thought he'd be really Scottish I thought he'd be really so that is Agnes who obviously sent us the photo of Gavin and Malcolm yes still listening to the podcast very much enjoying it Uncle Mal was unavailable but attached is a voice

memo from me and Gav he is dead chuffed about this whole thing a greater achievement than his medical degree. Wow. Gav and Malc. I love that you thought they were posh when they had a completely nondescript voice. Anyone that doesn't sound like Ray Winston, you consider to be the queen? Anyway, Rob.

Yes, Rob. That is Gavin and Malcolm. Good to have them on board. Apparently, we asked for the names of the rest of her family. Her mum is called Gina and her sister is called ellen ellen there you go the good news is that she says that she is happy for us to put up the photo of gavin and malcolm on our instagram so that can go over and i'll do that josh yeah um uh well that's great it's great also it's been a i am i don't know if you're picking this up guys guys. I am full of beans.

I am high on life. Can you get that? You're getting that, Josh? I am. I'm just closing down my WhatsApp because it's beeping on my laptop. Yes, I am a whale full of beans and high on life. But that's your calling card, Rob, isn't it? Well, yes.

But for once, it's not a mask. It's the real you. It's the real me. It is my calling card. But sometimes, and the last two weeks of summer holidays, was having to put on that mask josh because things were tough but my daughter the eldest malcolm yeah i had school this week primary school five days a week also mate i didn't realize it but the school run can literally make or break your life this is what i've realized if you've got a short school run your life's just better but our school run is a five minute walk yes that's a 10 minute round trip some people are

driving 20 minutes josh yeah i am are you oh off the nursery yeah because um well that's a 40 minute round trip there 40 minute round trip back yeah that yeah that's good for you isn't it so you're you're in your house at 3 25 and then you're at the gate or whatever it is what the drop off's mental as well it's any time 8 35 they have to be there right or it's like late yeah but any time between 8 and 8 35 you can drop them off lovely window so what are they doing in that what are they doing it for that 35 minutes um outside play i think it's to be flexible for people working like if you're getting into town or what, so it's a bit earlier.

And then there is also like preschool clubs. Tell you what, 8.35 is an early start. Well, yeah. And then they finish at 3.20. Gah, blimey.

I was, I was nine o'clock in high school. Was it? They're getting 25 minutes extra learning. Well, I think they just sort of stood outside playing, but five minutes, I just would quite like to know,

I think we should do shortest and longest school runs on here. Because I think a five-minute walk is short, but I'm sure there's people closer. Do you know what? You don't want to be too close, do you? There was someone at my school, they lived next door to the school. Oh. And it was a bit weird.

Do you know what I mean? I always thought it was a bit weird that they lived next door. So you'd see their parents like coming and going and like, I don't want to, when I leave my house, see my child over a wall when they're at school. Do you know what I mean? You don't want to be able to see them from your window. No.

That is too close. But people listen. You want to pretend they don't exist. Yes. I had a really, really bad thought, Josh. Can I tell you this? I don't want you to judge me. I don't want our listeners to judge me.

Okay. So I dropped off the four-year-old at primary school at like half eight, 20 past eight, then came home, had a quick cup of tea, and then dropped the other one off at preschool at 9 a.m. And I walked back. Right. And she's 10, 15-minute walk. So quarter past nine, I'm back in my house, right?

Got to go anywhere until 3 o'clock. And as I was walking back, I was like, oh my God, it's finally happened. I've just got them out of the house for the day, for three o'clock. And then I thought to myself, how do you feel if indoors was like a three-month-old baby, right? Like we'd gone for the third.

And I was nearly physically sick. You know that physically sick, like if someone shows you a horrible picture or someone mentioned, you know, some people don't like toenails being or whatever or fingers breaking. I was like, oh, God. The thought now, I'd have nothing left to give, Josh. Nothing left in the tank. So are you saying that three would be almost impossible, Rob?

Can I read you an email? Yes, please. So, you know, we were talking about distances between the children. Age gaps, yeah? Age gaps. Distance. But, yeah, sorry. She's downstairs.

We've got quite a weird bit of a bedroom arrangement. So we'll do more of these on Friday because there's some astonishing ones. So this is from William Radford. I was listening to the Joe Brand episode and thought maybe my mum could beat Macy Gray's kids' reproduction record. I forgot that it's Macy Gray. Yeah. Maybe we should have a bit of Macy Gray underneath these when we discuss them.

I'm born on the 1st of June, 1995. My brother was born on the 1st of June, 1996. Oh. To top this off, a year and a half older than me 21st December 1993 is my sister so that is

three kids in two and a half years oh my lord I was listening to your podcast and I understand why my parents might have been a little stressed

while we were growing up Will do you know what I'd love the picture of the parents before the first one was born and then like

six months into the third one. It'd be like, you know when you see Tony Blair when he got in? Yeah. And he was like, yeah, I play the guitar. And what? Let's go. I want to see a sit down and shit. And then after that, the war in Iraq.

He's just this big grey mess. Or just Matt Hancock at the start and end of this year. Oh, it's just two pictures of a c*** that is. I'm sorry. Sorry, we shouldn't get political on this programme but if you like no I don't think

that we bleep the word you said so people can put their own judgement on it they can decide they can make their own mind up

what I said yeah but there's people at home going bloody hell I agree back he's a legend strange isn't it to bleep political

legend up there with Mandela what a weird sentence to bleep out. Anyway, three kids. Oh, God, that is good going, though. So it's three. They basically got pregnant when the baby was three months old,

12 weeks after the birth. Well, we've got more from our, we'll call it, we'll call the feature I Try, because that's the name of the Macy Gross. I mean, that must have been the first time they had sex after, surely. Well, if you think that's mad rob yeah wait till friday oh god no i've got some emails for you okay all right all right okay um so if you want to get in touch with distance to also on friday i'll tell you about my play date that i i set up yes so if you

want to get in touch about uh the longest and shortest distances you take your children to school no one who's like sent their children to that scottish boarding school that prince charles went to or anything like you have to take them every day like hong kong what a commute that is 10 hours whoa what are you listening to this for wait who's talking you know you're driving a 2024 ford escape with available alexa in, so you can change the music. Oh, yeah. Alexa, change station to 99.2. See? Purchase a 2024 Escape ST-Line all-wheel drive with Tech Pack at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment.

That's just $267 bi-weekly. Cash value of $40,294. Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca. DQ presents... Picture this. Picture a freezer, but it's no ordinary freezer. It's an extraordinary freezer, holding all of the Blizzard flavors of the past. Behold the DQ freezer. Now picture the DQ freezer opening to bring back two of your favorite treats, delectable rollo and legendary brownie batter, back for its 20th anniversary, but it won't be open for long.

So hurry in and get these flavors before the DQ freezer closes and keep your eyes open. You never know what may come out of the DQ freezer next. Only at DQ. Happy tastes good. Josh, I need to say this about the school thing. Yeah. It's I've already seen an impact in behavior from the four-year-old, okay?

What, she's got better? She's got better, right? But just like to the point actually almost too polite, yeah? So I was reading a bedtime story to the two girls and normally you read and they go, oh, look, the two-year-old's like, it's a dinosaur. Look, it's out. And then doing that and I thought, gosh, she's being quiet.

And then I turned around, she sat there on the bed with a hand in the air, waiting to be asked. And I just, I literally couldn't, it felt like someone had possessed my daughter. But this is a thing that happened. My friend, he, so his daughter went to nursery and he thought, she was about two and a half, whatever. And he thought, she's so well,

I'm doing such a good job with my daughter. then he went to the like parents eveningy thing and suddenly he realized that every good thing she did was was made it was done by nursery he's done none of the job but he's a facilitator he picked that place he's a delegator so as soon as he saw how she behaved and how the teachers treated her he was like oh that's why she's a nice child oh do you know what i've nailed this parenting when i don't spend any time with them the less i'm with them the better they are as people god i'm good um this is how you get in touch email us hello at lockdown parenting.co.uk or tweet us at lockdownparents

or Instagram lockdown underscore parenting. And you can also send us stuff, P.O. Box 76748 London E99DW. Right, Rob, who we got today? We have got Matthew Crosby, a comedian, member of sketch group Pappies. Got Radio X show with Ed Gamble. Yep, a comedy writer.

He writes on loads of comedy shows. He's a good man as well, Matt Crosby. He's a good man. South London. South London, isn't he? He's South London massive, Southeast London massive. He's a new dad. You'll find out what is through this.

It was a great chat. Very positive. Very positive man. Very positive. Very positive, man. Very positive. In what is a very sort of semi-difficult working situation at home, isn't it? Which you'll find out in that one bed flat of a kid and his wife. And at the end, we come up with what I think is going to be the biggest feature we ever do on the show.

So that is something to look forward to. I mean, he basically invented a feature for us, didn't he, really? He invented a feature for us. What a man. Enjoy. This is Matthew Crosby. Hello, Crosby. All right. How's it going? Good. How are you? I'm really well, thanks very much. Thanks for having me on the show. Now, you were just telling us that there's a certain reason why you're very excited to be on this. Well, you didn't say you were very excited, actually. No, I never said that at all. You put those words into my mouth. I mean, Crosby, it's assumed.

We're doing numbers, Groff. We're doing numbers. This is a real Frost-Nixon type scenario. You've painted me into a corner here where I said a thing before we started recording. You went, oh, let's talk about that. And now you've said, oh, Crosby's really excited to be on the podcast.

I've never said any such thing. I'll be honest. I've absolutely. I'm hoping that it wasn't recording when you said the thing so that we can't trace it back. And it's quite a badly misquoted. I don't think anyone's ever been excited to do this podcast. But I think at the end they go, Joe, that was all right. That's our aim.

That's what I'm hoping for. Yeah. To walk away going, I didn't completely waste my time. I think the feeling of doing a podcast really is is neutral followed by thinking would i prefer to watch tv and i suppose we'll see how that comes out crosby we'll ask at the end whether you ask me at the end yeah i was gonna say you did say your uh wife charlie and mother mother of your child correct let's get that all sorted um is a big fan of the show you said that's huge fan huge fan yeah yeah Never misses an episode.

Loves it. So if you hadn't been on this, would you have been sat there while she listened to it? Is that basically the... Well, if one of us is in the kitchen, then, yeah. So if she was in the kitchen, I was going to say if she was in the kitchen cooking, which makes it seem like I just sit there,

not in the kitchen while she does all the cooking, which is not the case at all. I do lots of the cooking in the house. But it's, yeah, I is not the case at all. I do lots of the cooking in the house. But it's, yeah, I definitely hear it while I was sort of tidying up the other room or whatever. So, but I have listened to, you know, I've listened to some episodes, but I'm not leaping for joy out the window to, you know, to be on the podcast.

I'm very delighted. I'm very delighted. Does Rose listen to the podcast still? Yeah, Rose does listen to the podcast. Lou's tapped out. Has she tapped out? Episode four. That's bad, isn't it?

Four episodes. I mean, that's barely at all, is it? Oh, no, nothing. Hardly anything. I think last time Rose watched The Last Leg, it was still the 2012 Paralympics. That's most of the country, though, Josh, to be fair. She's also tapped out of my 90s football podcast,

which I find hard to believe. I can tell you now, I've not even listened to the episode I was on of your 90s football podcast. Crosby, sorry, do you feel like the pressure's on though now? Because obviously you can be talking about your child and will your wife have questions for you and pull you up on stuff?

Are you worried that what you're going to say may be back into your face? Yeah. You know, you said you're very excited. I'm actually, I'm shitting myself about being on this podcast. I'm the same way. You know, I do a radio show with Ed Gamble. And Charlie used to listen to the podcast of that. But I mean, that sort of fell away during breastfeeding.

Once you stop breastfeeding i think a lot of people must feel this when you when you stop breastfeeding the amount of podcast you listen to goes right off yeah you know just just disappears and it just falls off the cliff so she now just listens to like the first bit of the radio show so not all of it and it's only a matter of time before you know she's tuning into radio too um Crosby do you want to give us your situation then what your parenting situation is so parenting situation is um well we have a 13 and a half month old daughter uh you're going the half month yeah she's 13 and a half months yeah wow I would have gone for about a year but that's impressive she. She's 30. Well, yeah, it's her birthday on the 12th.

So what are we now? We're on the 1st. So, yes, and a half. Yeah. I mean, why not? I'm not disputing it. No, no. I'm just making sure I was getting it right. But yeah, I will tell you now, this is amazing. Just before I was giving her a bath and Charlie did come in and go, by the way, don't forget, eight months at the start of lockdown, 13 and a half months now.

So she's prepped me for this. I'm not just pulling these figures out of my back pocket. Charlie's sat me down and gone, right, you're going on my favourite podcast. I want accuracy. So she's like a kind of alistair campbell figure to your tony blair kind of feeding you the info i'm not gonna lie to you i'm wearing an earpiece but matt across me that would imply to me that either your child is very advanced or very behind

because that's the kind of thing a parent says if they're like she's 13 and a half months and she's like cooking dinner and doing like a handstand or something or it's still just like throwing one ball in the corner yeah so like it's i'm not sure what side we're falling on you never i mean you don't want to be the kind of parent that goes actually nursery says she's advanced but nursery have said she's advanced so i am that kind of parent of course you did of course you you could smell the blood in the water there couldn't you you could tell something's up something's up here this kid is counting to 15 already and matt crosby wants people to know about it 13 and a half months actually can count higher months than her age.

She's advanced. Oh, that's good, though. It's nice to have an advanced child. Yeah. Well done. She's so advanced that when Charlie came in and said eight months at the start of lockdown, your daughter corrected her and said it was seven and a half. Is she walking yet, Crosby?

Well, here's the thing. Oh, not that advanced. One of them clever sitters. One of them clever ones. But you know what? Here's the thing i i think with walking you get to a certain level and you you stick with it right yeah with talking you can get better and better and better you know yeah you could be you could become you know she could become a great orator but no one's gonna go no one's gonna pay money to watch someone just walk around a stage. Well, they come to my shows. Fair enough.

I get what you're saying, though. I think there's sometimes people in a rush for their kids to walk. I reckon by the time you get to seven, eight, you've got walking down, right? That's as good as you're ever going to get at walking. Unless you become a pro athlete, one of those sort of speed walkers or one of those speed walkers but so you're already giving up on her dream of being a speed walker that's that's the first profession that you've crossed off i think unless you're walking by 10 months you're never becoming a speed walker speed roller maybe speed crawler certainly but never a speed walker you know those i mean you

won't cause because i know you despise football and all of its things but you'll see like footage of lionel messi at two and he's amazing do you think those little do you think there's little kids walking at pace up and down the kitchen who then go on to be olympic walkers i think absolutely i just don't you know as well we don't have the floor space oh that's the other thing i should say about my situation is we are in a, because we were just about to move. Basically, we sold our flat just before lockdown. Lockdown happened. We didn't have another place to move into. So we've been in our flat since. We're in a one bedroom flat. So that is, yeah, it's tough.

All in the same room. All in the same room at 13 and a half months. Oh, I tell you what. And how is that? I suppose you don't know any different. Yeah, but I do because 13 and a half months ago, I didn't have a baby. So I do know slightly different, yeah.

I don't want to be that guy, but can I tell you when my kids started walking? I don't have to turn this into Top Trumps. No, go on. I think it feeds into your thought process about the smaller space because our eldest

started walking at 10 months which is quite early yeah yeah when we was in a smaller flat and then we moved to a bigger house with a garden the second one started walking at 9 months

right so is that science I think that's an experiment there it's certainly a small sample size. What that also suggests, Rob, is that even in your small flat, you're still in a bigger flat than me. Yeah. I mean, yeah, it's come out a bit braggy.

I know you're doing all right. I know you're doing all right. Look, I've done a show off, but I had a two-bedroom flat once. I've never had a two-bedroom flat. That was just part of my life, okay? It was a downstairs two-bedroom flat. Sorry.'ve never had a two-bedroom flat. That'll just part of my life, okay? It was a downstairs two-bedroom flat. Sorry. Solves.

It's all right. So when are you, what's the plan with moving now then? Well, we've bought a place now and we're just going through the, you know, the nightmare of talking to solicitors and all that kind of stuff. So hopefully,

hopefully within the month, we're going to be moved out. So we've got all that to look forward to. It kind of would have been like i sort of wish we'd kind of done some work on boxing up the flat while during lockdown but we just never didn't know what we were going to do so now you know obviously work's come back so charlie and i're now kind of pretty much both working full-time and it looks like we're going to move in about a fortnight and so that's something to look forward to i'm going to say it matthew the best money i've ever spent is you could get people to do that whole thing for you for 300 pounds oh we yeah we called the company today 300 pounds

you say yeah because we in fact this is bad but we had a chat today my wife and i as to we asked for a quote and they're going to come around have have a look and give us a quote. We were basically saying any amount of money, we're going to say yes. Whatever the quote is. Yeah. At one point, at one point I was saying, I can't think of a cutoff point. And Charlie went, what about two grand? And we both looked at each other and went, yeah, we'd still spend two grand to go to a cafe for three hours on our own. Well, well, you know,

while Cleo's with her grandma and the flat gets completely cleared out. Especially with a kid. I totally agree. You've got to just get something. I don't think it'd be physically possible with a baby. I mean, whether it's, you know, got the ability to walk or not,

but certainly she, the baby sat in the corner, giving instructions on how to pack, judging by her advancement. She can label the boxes, all right? She can label the boxes. Just don't expect her to carry anything. How's her sleeping going, though, Crosby? Obviously, is she waking up a lot in the night?

Is it difficult? To be honest, she's actually sleeping pretty well through the night, but she's just she's just slowly coming out of a phase of waking up way too early so like you know she goes to bed you know she goes to bed about 7 7 30 she falls asleep really quickly she's great like that um reads a few chapters of ulysses before bed absolutely yeah spits on the treadmill absolutely yeah but she started waking up uh around the kind of you know it would usually begin with a five and that's no good that's no good yeah um psychologically bad yeah it's in fact

it's the other day i was chatting to um ellis james yeah to make yourself feel better yeah absolutely very much so oh i was texting ellis all the time when this was happening yeah what time is it for you this morning he'd be like oh 4 16 i'm like well fuck that that's fine he's great as a benchmark he's really yeah you know he'll be up you know he'll be up to text yeah the one before ellis is andrew's ashes the one before that's tougher he has to read that to make himself feel better but uh i was chatting to ellis uh he he came on he came on the show actually and uh i said what time did um what time did steph wake up this morning he said 6 20 and i went oh my god that's fantastic 6 20 and ed who obviously doesn't have

kids went no thank you and you realize how the goalposts move of going 6.20 is a dream. I will take 6.20 any day of the week. I remember back in the day before I had kids, you know, if I had to get into work, you know, and most media starts quite late, I had to get into work for 10 o'clock. I think, how am I going to do this? I'm going to have to mainline coffee on the entire journey. If I have to start work at 10.15, how am I going to do that? It's mad, isn't it?

It's mad how much your views change. I think the most galling thing is when you get, because obviously I'll get up, I'll listen to the radio. It's when you get to the breakfast show and you feel like you've had the morning. There'll be people, Matthew, that listen to your 8am show on xfm and that'll be like hour three of their morning yeah oh and there'll be other people that catch the last hour of it who haven't got kids who are just rolling out of bed hung over yeah or getting in from a night out getting in yeah yeah that's the thing is when i'm when i'm because obviously i drive in on a sunday and it's such

a delightful it's such a delightful drive you know especially in lockdown because i was doing it all the way through lockdown it was the only time i wasn't in the flat basically i loved it but um when lockdown started to ease and you'd see people wandering down the street with like still with a plastic pint pot with like half a pint in at 6am. And it was a real mix of like, how do I feel about those people? Do I pity them or do I hugely envy them? I still haven't quite worked it out in my head. I was out two weeks ago and you were getting up for your X of M show, but I was out with your wife, with other people as well.

She really loves the podcast. There's a reason I brought you on the show yeah what a scoop this is terrible but great for us imagine all the podcasts we could do Charlie and Josh's new life in the in the box room it turns out I am staying in that one bedroom flat aren't I anyway so she was she was out when I went home at two she was still there and she was doing the morning because you had xfm how did that go for because i remember leaving thinking she's in some serious trouble here not with you i mean with oh with you just just on the prowl she's in some trouble no the um i mean that's that's fine isn't it because in that instance i wake up at 5 55 something like that i i uh i have a shower i get in the car i leave i think on that

day cleo hadn't woken up by the time she was just waking up as i was leaving right and so charlie's got you know charlie's got a whole morning of hungover parenting. So that's the trade, isn't it? If you go out on a Saturday night, then you're going to have to do some solo parenting, strangely hungover. You used to be quite a party animal, Matthew. I used to be an it boy, yes, that's right. Socialite. Out on the town with Tamara Beckworth.

You and Lee Ryan and Sarah Harden hitting it up. Mid with Tamara Beckworth. Yeah, you and Lee Ryan and Sarah Harden hitting it up mid-noughties. Yeah, sure. I was always getting turfed out the hippodrome with Dean Gaffney.

Of course I was, yeah. What I'm saying, have you heard from Paul Dunan recently? Dangerous Dunan, of course. Me, Callum, I was the fourth member

of Callum Fran and Dangerous Dunan that they don't talk about. Always got cropped out of photos. So have you had to ease off going out? And how are you dealing with the hangovers when you... I don't think you go out any more than me or Rob did, but I just, you know. No, well, obviously we have had to ease off,

but also lockdown has sort of corresponded with that easing off. So I haven't really been to pubs that much anyway. In fact, the one time I did go to the pub, I went to meet a friend. And obviously, we put Cleo to bed. So it sort of wasn't really an issue. And I was only going to go for a couple of drinks. But the cat escaped. You've got a cat in this tiny flat as well?

Yeah. Oh, my God. She's doing the lion's share of the babysitting. You've got a house cat in a flat? I know. We got the cat first, didn't we, as practice've got a house cat in a flat with a... I know. We got the cat first, didn't we, as practice. Where does the cat sleep? Just wherever she likes, really.

So, you know, just sometimes at the foot of the bed. So sometimes there's four of us in the bedroom, all breathing the same air. It's bad. So the night I got a night off, the cat escaped and I had to come home and find it. But yeah, in fact i was yeah i'm sort of i think i was probably in lockdown early lockdown i was probably drinking

just enough at home you know i was probably i was probably going through a bottle of wine most nights uh because just before lockdown i had a i turned 40 and got lots of you know what do you give to a person who's turning 40 a bottle of red wine so i had about you know 15 20 bottles of red wine in the house and as soon as lockdown started i just kind of polished them all off in about a fortnight the um the text saying how bad a time the partner who has the baby is having uh which you are completely helpless to do anything about when you're at work. I'd say it's one of the most, obviously it's very stressful being the partner, but it's also one of the most stressful things you can receive on the phone. Yeah, I found going back to work, I found it harder than I expected to.

I thought I was going to just, you know, get straight back into it and sort of almost be glad of the time. But I felt like I was, you know, still, you know, 50% of my brain was still at home uh sort of wanting to help out and the other 50 was you know sort of trying to work but feeling a bit out of practice through lack of sleep but yeah anytime you got a text you just thought there's absolutely nothing i could do i'm miles away and it's it's really hard to work out those one or two words that don't seem like you're brushing somebody off.

Yeah. I can think of two words that would feel like you're brushing them off. It's weird, though, because you feel like you're quite powerless to do anything. I remember when our first one was born, I went back to work because I was filming Taskmaster and it was minus three degrees in the middle of December. And I was on this, if anyone's a fan of it,

it was one where I had to like get to this microwave without walking. So I just rolled on the floor, covered in goose shit. And then I jumped over this fence and was really sick. And then I remember getting a text off Lou going, oh, I'm really struggling today. And I was like, fucking same here. I'm rolling in goose shit. I'm no help. I don't know what to do either. I, oh, I'm really struggling today. And I was like, fucking same here. I'm rolling in bullshit. I'm no help.

I don't know what to do either. I'm struggling. I've got no idea. I can't even look after myself. Hey, I just got us a new Coca-Cola spice. Nice. What's it taste like? It's like barefoot water skiing while dolphins click with glee.

Whoa, let me try. Like barefoot water skiing while dolphins click with glee. Whoa, let me try. Nah, it's like gliding on a gondola through waving waters as a mermaid sings. Nah, it's like Coca-Cola with a refreshing burst of raspberry and spiced flavors. Yeah. Try new Coca-Cola Spiced today. Order up for Damien.

Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go, by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that... Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis.

Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis. Obviously, you're on a trendy radio station, Matthew. We spoke to Chris Stark, who is arguably on a youthier radio station. But the first time he had a kid, he didn't really address it on the radio and he didn't really talk about it. Well, I've got fuck all else to talk about.

That's the thing. That's the thing. And my, my worry is that you like hearing about parenting in general, but specific stories about your kids are interesting only to you. You know, that's sort of the case isn't it that's you know and so i i never know if i'm about to start i mean the good thing is ed will tell me

immediately if it's a boring story that's good but you never know because it's always seemed so delightful um i'm good i'm now going to tell you the story uh when um why i've said i've set it up um when she was learning different animals. She's learned them all by now. That's advanced, isn't it? For 13 and a half months. She's taken over from Attenborough. She's ready to do it.

She's always like, turn off Mr. Tumble, stick on Blue Planet. Come on. Something I can sink my teeth into here. But we were learning goat goat we had a little puzzle of like you know this is this is a sheep and this is a goat and she started singing um row row row your boat because it's like row row row your goat right and i was like oh that's a fun little pun and um i uh i said to uh i actually told my brother said like do you think this is a fun enough story for the radio? And he's like, no.

Well, that's the only thing that's, that's the only thing that's happened to me in the week is that she sung row, row, row your goats. You've mentioned Mr. Tumble, Matthew. You're,

I know you're a big, you're a huge Mr. Tumble fan, aren't you? Yeah. My wife and I are big, big tumble heads. We love him.

Justin's house as well? Justin's house. Do you as well? Justin's house, do you know what? Justin's house we like, but Something Special We're All Friends is the key show for me. Justin's house is a bit roomy for you, isn't it?

Yeah, I don't want to show Cleo what she's missing. He's got a robot in there. Look at that. He's got a robot on an upstairs um but no i um yeah we love love something special what about a sketch show one he's got like a sketch show yeah giggle biz we've we've we watched an episode of that the other day it's a little bit um i mean basically there's not enough mr tumble it's a bit sophisticated for cleo it's not it's like he

wanted to leave to do a proper sketch show and the cBs were like, we've got to give him something or he's going to take something special. That's exactly how I felt. It's like Arsenal signing Mustafi to go with Ozil. Do you know what I mean? They didn't want him to go, so they got him in to keep him happy. It's a children's answer to the fast show.

Not my words, the words of Justin Fletcher, because I have watched interviews of Justin Fletcher. Do you know what makes me really annoyed? Is when he watches himself as Mr. Tumble, right? And he's being Justin. He goes, oh, wasn't that funny? Mr. Tumble is funny.

Yeah, you've got to do that. He's like NLP. I'll be the judge of that. Yeah, I know that's you. Don't tell me you're being funny there. I'll make up my mind. You can't come on in the second half of a tour show and go, that first boat was brilliant wasn't he do you know what that's that's true he does do that that's that's

like one of the only sticking points i have with mr tumble the rest of it i absolutely love there's some you know and we just we plow through it but i do feel i do feel bad because sometimes i'll just stick you know i'll stick it on thelayer and just sort of let it, let it play on the telly. Three, you know, three episodes on the bounce. And,

you know, it's, and I, well, I get on with a little bit of work or something. I mean, I say that I'm, I'm watching the episodes myself.

Yeah. There was a, there was a point in, in lockdown when we were watching an episode of something special, the three of us. And Charlie said, do you think, do you think lots of, lockdown when we were watching um an episode of something special the three of us and uh charlie said do you think uh do you think lots of lots of mums in lockdown are sort of developing sort of like a real crush on mr tumble and i was like does that mean you've got a crush on mr tumble

i don't think tumble some like andy in the odd socks and he's a hunk is he the adventure guy yeah yeah he's a good looking guy i do sometimes watch those presenters you know they have like a couple in the house like yeah like introducing all the programs and showing up pictures and i just look at them and i think you're all smiles now but i bet you've done some awful stuff in east london on your nights off haven't you i bet you've lived a life yeah it's all fun now and it i can tell i i don't think that's true of tumble though i think no not not tumble i think tumble walks it like he talks it i yeah i genuinely think he does i don't

think he's got like because there's how many interviews have you watched with him um i've watched a hand like he's he's he's a love kids is he he's a lovey he's no yeah he's not got he's not got kids but he cares he's thespy cares about the craft. He talks about who he trained under at drama school and stuff. Or a marriage uncle. Yeah. Do you think he thinks that he'll make a move into Ant and Dec world from kids TV or that's where he is forever and he's happy with it? That ship has sailed, hasn't it?

He's 50 and he's got an MBE. Yeah, exactly. As himself with Mr. Tumble. He's in Shung the Sheep asBE. Yeah, exactly. He's got an MBE. Yeah. As himself with Mr. Tumble. He's in Shung the Sheep as well. This guy is absolutely minted. He does Wembley Arena shows. Yeah. I think if Mr. Tumble announced a live show,

I'd definitely get tickets. Again, it would be like moving house. No amount of money would be too much to get tickets to see Mr. Tumble. And I think I would obviously be way more excited than any kid there. Yeah. I just think he's a genius. Do you? I think he's the greatest comic working on British television.

No offence to the two of you guys. I've been on television since the pandemic. Still working on television. Can I ask you a question on Tumble? Of course. You know the friends, friends. What do you do with friends?

What can you do with friends? Yeah, of course. So, there's a line, and I don't understand what it says, and it sounds like balance sea. Paddle in the sea. Is it paddle in the sea? Yeah. Yeah, it's, is it ride a horse, paddle in the sea,

maybe you could come and play with me. Yeah, that's it. he's off and we have to pay him for this episode yeah he's absolutely cleaning up enough money already uh you know what i i i love the opening song as well i've learned all the signs to it because we've we've learned a few a bit of baby sign language as well um and uh a lot i just love singing along to the song and learning all the the Makaton signs and stuff. It's great. Does Cleo like it?

Cleo loves it. Yeah. Yeah. In fact, she can't turn it over, can she? She's not there. She's not seen any other television.

Well, that's the thing. Once they get into Netflix, well, it's like with my first one, they literally just watch CBeebies till she was about two and a half. And we're like, yeah,

it's the best one. It's the pure one it's the purest one there's no adverts now my two-year-old walks in with an ipad it goes netflix netflix and what's she watching on what's she watching on netflix like not like all sorts mate uh making a murderer she wanders in and goes do you think scotty pippen was paid enough because i just don't think he was do you reckon carie Pippen was paid enough? Because I just don't think he was. Do you reckon Carol Baskin killed her?

No, they sort of watch loads of... Baby Bum, they quite like. Oh yeah, we've watched Baby Bum as well. Yeah, they love that. And Mother Goose, do you watch Mother Goose? Yeah, they've watched all that. What do you think of The Baby Club? I think that was the one that used to annoy me the most. Baby Club, I really got into the Baby Club first half of lockdown. The Baby Club.

Yeah. The Baby Club. Who's your favourite? Did you like Nigel or did you like Giovanna? Well, the one that turned out she was married to one of them at Fly. That's right. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

What are your feelings on Bing though? Because Bing's... We've discussed Bing. I can't stand the kid. Have we talked too much about Bing? No, I'd love to hear your feelings on Bing, though? Because Bing's... Discuss Bing. I can't stand the kid. Have we talked too much about Bing? No, I'd love to hear your opinion on Bing. It blew my mind that Mark Rylance tapped out after Series 1. Yeah.

And then they got David Thewlis to do an impression of Mark Rylance for Series 2. So now you watch it and you go, well, this isn't real Bing. It's not real Rylance, is it? This isn't RSC. So why is he tapped out and they've done an impression of him i've got no idea i guess you don't in an animated thing you don't have to um write out the characters do you just get somebody new to new to do the voice and but i think the rylance brings a real um a real empathy to flop i think he's got a he's got there's more tenderness i feel like fuelus's um flop is a little bit more,

it's a bit pass-ag. What's pass-ag mean? Passive-aggressive. Oh, pass-ag. I've never heard pass-ag. Have you not heard pass-ag? I've never heard pass-ag. There's no passive from where I grew up.

Everyone just shouts it. It's just pure ag. Yeah, it's just pure ag. Four Gs, ag. But I can't work out when he squeezed bing in before or after bridge of spies it's quite a big um character jump isn't it do you think um would you like to get into children's television matthew i've actually i've googled who does all the writing for um for something special because i'd love to i mean that would be a great

job to have writing the mr tumble sketches i'd love that are they written i just presume that was what mr tumble they just put him in a situation he just riffs it's like jazz it's just an obdoc isn't it it's just a it's just a fixed rig obdoc they just put uh put set those cameras up and just say off you go mr tumble go about your day today you're giving tumble ted a bath that's fine great we'll we'll watch that we'll chop it up um what i'd like to do kids see i mean i'd love to i'd love to write one of those shows the great i think the great thing about it i mean yes you've got to write 57 episodes a series but yeah they get show i mean there's you know most of them what's bing seven or eight minutes long and it just gets

shown they've done two series of it just gets shown over and over again it's just wall to wall is being on every single day the repeat fees must be amazing so you're in it you're in it you're in it purely for the month i mean it's totally acceptable what do you do this for it's a very good point so have all your conversations become about being a parent um yeah that's a really good question, actually. Yeah. Because we haven't really had a lot of time when we don't feel like we're being parents. Yeah. Yeah.

In fact, actually, a lot of our conversations are about parenting or about work. It's quite hard. You know, we had a night out the other night. And in fact, we obviously went to meet you guys. And before that, we went for drinks to meet you guys and um before that we went for went for drinks and you've got to really force yourself haven't you you've got to actually force yourself to not talk about it and then you go well what else do we have in common we talk at we you know we talk about holidays we went on before she was born

yeah that's uh that's a good one yeah if um if the iphone throws up one of those um ad you know those memories yeah yeah watch one of those of um what we used to do i get them and go oh is there some sort of skinny filter on that no i'm just a fat prick now that's what's happened do you both do you both work full-time uh we're both now going into pretty much full-time work yeah yeah how do you share the responsibilities? Do you have someone come in to help or does your daughter go to a nursery or anything? Or are you just sort of divvying up the stuff in between me and Ryan?

She's clever enough to look after herself. Yeah. Yeah. She just goes down the British library. Hangs out for a day, hops on the tube, comes back. No, she goes to nursery Monday, Tuesday, which is great. So we've just had- All day is that yeah that's all day all day at nursery um about drop over about 8 30 and pick her up at about 5 so it's that's a pretty good day at nursery it was going to be um one grandma well one

one set of grandparents on the wednesday one set of grandparents on the thursday but um both parents uh both sets of parents have got um have managed to get ill recently so they're out the they're out the picture not the picture so what we've we've done a few days where it's been both trying to do full-time work and trying to look after her and that's when that's when mr tumble takes over that's when you know you you know you give her give her a bit of fruit stick her in front of the telly and sort of try and work at the same time but i've never managed that because that's it's what we don't have an office as well so we have an office space so what the way it'll work

is i'll start in the bedroom she'll play in the front room then i'll go to uh then i'll go to the front room she'll go into the bedroom and have a nap uh then you know so it's just it's constantly moving around uh charlie will be in uh in the little room by the kitchen it's like it's it's tricky it's lots of sort of working out who's going to be in what room the little one by the kitchen is the toilet isn't it yeah that's right she's zooming from the toilet what is the little room by the toilet what is that well it's sort of like a dining room except it's not sort of big enough to have people in but it's like it's like another it's like another living space basically but it's not it's not it's not an office um so yeah it's just kind of it's

just sort of moving around from from room to room and trying to work it out and then obviously you then put her to bed and just carry on working after that so that's that's a bit of a bit of a nightmare how are you so chirpy this sounds really hard um because it's not every day you know it's not every day and also monday and tuesdays and then yeah it's monday and tuesdays and also it's still you know it's just it's writing jokes isn't it you know i'm not doing a proper job i'm still i'm still able to do it from home and i'm still and it is the sort of job where if i need to take half an hour out of the day to look after and actually sort of spend some proper time with her that's that's doable yeah and as long as you've got all your stuff together to like

submit by the end of the day it's fine it doesn't have to be done by a certain point do you know I mean it's like you can choose your hours a bit more exactly it's not air traffic control or anything you know it's fine I can just loop it over it yeah have you guys got i mean you're quite a chilled out guy charlie's quite chilled out that sounds like a situation which could get fraught um it had i mean yeah but i think you know what this is not the podcast no no no this is the only podcast Charlie can come and talk and give her side as well she can have a right to reply just unload this is what we're here for get it off your chest and then Charlie can come on later it doesn't the thing is it's never I'm not I'm not very good

necessarily at going this is the thing that's bothering me so I'm going to dress this head on I'll fixate on a thing that's completely, completely not the thing. So for example, the, right at the start of lockdown, a few weeks into it, what didn't seem like the start of lockdown, seemed like we were right in the middle of it,

but you know, what I now realise was the start of lockdown. We saved up the TV show quiz to watch, you know, the, about the major Charles Ingram scandal. So we saved it up to watch um and we're gonna watch it over three nights it's the three part or over three nights so this is going to be

fantastic on the uh on the first night load up the itv player start watching the uh start watching the first episode and uh charlie says well they're going in they're going in pretty uh pretty sort of immediately into the story aren't they sort of dropping you in it they're not giving you a lot of backstory they're not sort of walking you up to it and i and i me being a bit of a prick goes well actually you probably just don't remember the story from the time it was and i sort of talked her through what was happening and we watched the episode and um we got to the end of the episode and they started showing real footage of major charles ingram and his wife and i realized that we'd watched episode three first and not episode one and then looking back on it i was like of course they're going to start

the they're going to start with him actually going on who wants to be a millionaire they're not going to start with him getting his dog you know his dog getting shot so that's not that's not that's not how you start the show um but i just went into such a sort of rage about it and i was so with myself and i was and charlie had to leave the room and i was like right well well right that's brilliant isn't it because i was looking forward to that was i was looking forward to watching that and i've watched episode three right here's what we're doing charlie come back in here's what we're doing right we're gonna watch episode one two and three back to back tomorrow night we're gonna watch three again all right and then and then like maybe a week or two later i went

it wasn't about quiz this wasn't about this you had other stuff going on you're in a one-bedroom flat with a nine-month-old baby you're not annoyed about some michael sheen drama and that's that's what i'm like so the thought of charlie having to go to that weird little room by the kitchen while you're in a meltdown just waiting stood there touching both walls yeah poor old charlie was that would you say i mean i don't know if you listened to charlie will listen to the shappy cor sandy episode when she had a milk tray moment where she just lost it in lockdown i imagine quiz was your moment where it just it all blew up for you it was definitely yeah yeah definitely and also as well because you know like

now we're trying to sort out getting a mortgage and all that kind of stuff so there's loads of it's like you know that they always say that's that's a stressful time um you know it's one of the most stressful things you can do is move house so all of that is is um is building up um the other day oh this is bad as well this is this is this is going to paint me in an awful light but the other day i thought she'd gone to bed and i was just silently sort of just like feeling loads of stress in you know just like you know when you can sort of it's like in it's like in your stomach and it's in your chest and you're like right i've got to let this out somewhere really angry i'm just sort of like oh like not but it's not even anger is it it's just like it's like a combination of anxiety and and stress and

everything else and so i'm like right i'm just'm just going to, without even realizing, I didn't even think about it. I just sort of took my fists and like slam them really hard down on like a kitchen surface. What I didn't realize was they like, I'd actually slam them down on like a chopping board. So it made way more noise than I was expecting it to make. So it's like, like just suddenly this noise came from the kitchen and not only had charlie not gone to bed so she wasn't sort of miles away from the kitchen she was sat reading a book and so just just came in it was like is everything okay i was like yeah yeah yeah just just we're just a bit anxious about the house moving and all that. You know, it's fine. And she's like, okay. She's there hiding all the knives.

Oh, I thought you were going to say you got caught having a wag. Yeah. I went in the kitchen and just slammed it all over the chopping board. Do you know what? I really should have done. But it's hard. You're cooped up in that room. When I was a kid, I used to have to scream into a pillow to release energy.

Yeah. Have you ever done that? That helps. I can't do that because the pillows are in the room where she's napping so it's not good when when charlie goes why are you taking that pillow out to the garden um matthew it's been an absolute pleasure oh my god it's been it's been such a delight do you feel like your wife who is a fan of the show will feel like you've done a, um, a service to, you know, summed up the situation. Do you think you've been fair? Yeah, I think so. I think so. She, like she, she did say, just make it,

make it clear that I'm lots of fun. And, um, I don't think at any point have I suggested that she's not lots of fun. I've suggested I'm a bit of a fucking nutcase at the times you know especially if i can't operate itv hub properly but um but i you know we and we did the thing is at the ultimately it's it's it's brilliant you know like i think the privilege i've had of um being able to watch her go from eight months when she couldn't do anything you know she literally couldn't she could she she started crawling this is mad she crawled the first time she crawled was on the day of the first daily briefing she genuinely crawled away from the

television while the first while boris johnson was giving the first daily briefing and that was the first time she'd ever crawled so i've seen all of that i've seen her going from you know i've seen her learning words i've seen learning signs i've been there for all of that and it's been it's been an absolute joy and you know yes occasionally i snap a chopping board in half but small price to pay to get them to be there for you with your kids isn't it um now you know charlie's listening to this is there anything you'd like to say to her through this podcast that you may not um you know be able to say face to face matt is there anything you want to get off your chest now yeah charlie writes the all over bibs that cleo wears you can't hang them on the taps to dry for their very nature the taps are wet if i turn the tap on they run water out of

them going back all over the all over bibss. We hang them on the oven door. That's where they dry. No, it's not going to drip on the floor. And even if it does, it's water. We've got a carpeted floor in our kitchen. Amazing. That's a hill I'm prepared to die on. I think that's a fair comment.

And I think it's best that you get it out in the open now. I think that could be a new feature. Yeah, that could be a really good end, new feature to each one. Please send in, you know, we'll think of a name, but is there something that's annoying you about your partner and the way they're parenting? Please send us in an email or a voice memo and we will get it aired so that you can clear it up.

Well, I'm privileged to be part of the first parenting amnesty yeah i think yeah crosby's amnesty i think it's only fair crosby's law yeah where you're allowed to just say what's bothering you and no one could be judged for it crosby's law is final yeah cheers guys thanks so much. Thanks, Matthew. Thanks, mate. Cheers. Bye. Matthew Crosby there. I think we will come to, A, how much it's a pleasure for Charlie Crosby to be a fan of the podcast. But we should talk about our new feature there that we've stumbled across, Rob. Also, I think we didn't really mention, Charlie's a producer of TV shows,

including Game Face with Regine Connery. Is that correct? Yeah, that is correct. I didn't want to bring it up but i did have an audition for that that she didn't uh with her and she didn't give me the part but i'm over it now it's fine but just i think just so we know the full story um it was to play rachine's brother i mean i've met i'm born for that part aren't i josh you're born for it you're absolutely born for it apart from being able to act. Who got it in the end? Oh, fuck no. Do you think I'll watch that after getting turned down?

No, I have actually. It's really funny. But I can't remember the person's name who got the job. But they were great, sure. Yeah. Matthew sent us a text, which is Charlie's phone, when he walks back into the room. And she was 19 minutes into listening to the Joe Brand episode of this podcast.

She's a proper fan, Rob. She's a massive fan. She's a mega fan. I mean, her phone's also on 6%. She does need to do something about that. On 6%? It's insane to start a podcast on that. Is it not plugged in?

No, not from the picture. I couldn't live like that. Three-wheeling hippies, this family. All in one little house, rolling on 6%. It's actually just gone camping i'm more than that off a bloody car battery um so our new feature rob yes crosby's law crosby's law sounds a bit dark though doesn't it yeah it does it does it sounds but do send them in if you if you want if your partner listens to this and you want to pass on a message to them,

you want us to do it, and we will pass on what they are doing wrong about their parenting. Yes. Okay, Rob, have you got one off the top of your head? Yeah, I've got one. I want to just clear the air with her. Luckily, she doesn't listen, so she won't hear this. Of course.

What will happen is this will sort of sit on the internet for three weeks, and then normally her mum's mate listens and then tells her mum and then Lou gets a text and she goes to me in four months time did you say that I'm like I don't know it was four months ago but yes I did what I'd like to say is I in our house sometimes as a parent your house can get messy can't it it can just get a bit messy a bit crazy and it's sort of like an unspoken thing of like let's not tide it now or tide it later whatever but what annoys me is i don't know if this is when lou decides it should be tidy immediately but i've not been brought into the conversation so it's been a shithole for three days i'm low and all of a sudden it's like oh well that's everywhere i'm like whoa whoa i didn't know i thought we were just happy living

in shit for a bit that's fine okay. Okay, I'm happy to tidy, but at least give me forewarning that it's PM. It's tidy time. I'm sorry, Rob, that I do that. I absolutely do that. Do you know what? You've shown a mirror to me and I realise I'm wrong. So I'd like to apologise to Rose for that,

but then have a go at her for this. Go on. Give if and take if away. if i go to get something out the fridge and she tells me oh no no that's out of date right if she knows it's out of date why is it still in the fucking fridge oh josh i'm i'm i'm so with you i'm next to you this is fucking sparta and i'm willing to die for this yes Yes, please. How is it in the fridge if you know it's out of date? You've seen it

because you know. You know it's there. There's fucking mould on that tomato, right? They were the ones we had for the pizza, but we haven't used, aren't they? Oh, that, yeah. Put it away. Why wasn't it thrown away when you found out?

Oh, John, I'm so, actually, I think that's my new one. Can I get rid of that? Can I get my tiny time and take that one as well?

I love the way, immediately, nothing to do with kids, just probably. Yeah, so this has been going on eight years. Eight years.

Actually, it's out of date now. It's been going on for so long. Just before. So, yeah, well well we'll see how that plays out when this episode goes out yeah email them in or send them it'll be quite nice to hear a voice note i think yeah if you can send those yeah yeah if you just i don't know what the best place is but you can record it in your phone just pop it in an email um and do it perfect that'd be or or yeah do it that way however you want but that is a lovely new way to add multimedia to the podcast yeah i love a bit of multimedia don't you absolutely love it multimedia uh probably gifs all right you know what you cannot beat the humble jpeg

never gets enough respect i'm talking about videos and gifs and boomerangs what about pictures man lovely pictures what about pitch what about the old pen and paper that that's the original gif I'm talking about videos and GIFs and boomerangs. What about pictures, man? Lovely pictures. What about pictures? What about the old pen and paper? That's the original GIF. The HP? The king of pencil rankings, isn't it? The HP.

Everything starts with a HP. HP, isn't it? Well, HP is the right one. And then all the others are the wrong ones. Mad bastard ones when you've got too much time on your hands. The soft ones where you'd write

and then your hand would get it on and it would smite. Fuck that. Coal in a tube. Leave it out, mate. Give me the HB. I'll do something neat.

We'll be back with more of this great, absolutely... I've got loads on pens, mate. Whenever you need me, I'm ready to go. Well, how about Friday? I've got loads of pens,

ink cartridges, at a school, the playground. It was like paintball. See you on Friday. No. No, we're not doing that. We're not doing about Friday? Ink cartridges at a school, the playground. Oh, it was like paintball. See you on Friday. No, no, we're not doing that. Friday? See you on Friday.