Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S01 EP42: "What's this really about?"

Episode Date: September 18, 2020

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' - S01 EP42: "What's this really about?"More misadventures in parenting from Josh and Rob.Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent INSTAGRAM: @lockdown_parentingA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Two freshly cracked eggs any way you like them. Three strips of naturally smoked bacon and a side of toast. Only $6 at A&W's in Ontario. Experience A&W's classic breakfast on now. Dine-in only until 11 a.m. We are all connected. Discover Echo from Cirque du Soleil. Opens May 8th under the Big Top at Dorado Lakeshore Boulevard West.

Tickets at cirquetusoleil.com. Echo, thanks for presenting Partners Sun Life. Hello, I'm Josh Whittacombe. And I'm Rob Beckett. Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell. The show in which Rob and I discuss what it's like to be a parent during lockdown, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation...

And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills... Each episode, we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you the listener with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because let's be honest none of us know what we're doing. Hello and welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell with... Ross Wiggerton. And Rob Beckett. Rob Beckett. Oh, that's a lovely one.

That's Finlay saying our names. Four-year-old Finlay. His mum, Abby, has sent this in. I'm laughing, but I feel so bad for these people. This is my four-year-old Finlay saying your names. He was supposed to start school yesterday and couldn't because he got struck down by the bloody virus last week. So after all these months counting down the days, I could send him off.

I still now have him at home until he recovers. Heartbreak. Abbey, my heart goes, I cannot express how much of my heart has gone out to you there. I think everyone listening, also as well poor old finley it's his new school and stuff like that so we'll be starting a bit later but i'm sure it'll be absolutely fine um i i moved schools first couple of years and stuff so it will be fine abby hopefully he's better already i think he's better already but he's um gotta wait a certain number of days to go back me, that is absolutely heartbreaking.

Poor Abby, she's had lockdown school holidays and now poor old Finlay has got to stay off school for another couple of weeks. Do you know what? Full credit to Abby for taking him for the test in that situation and not just keeping it to herself. That is a very noble decision. I think I personally, I

think, don't quote me on this, I don't think that gets you out of it, does it? But actually do quote me on it. I genuinely think I would have been tempted to just send him in for a week, get his feet under the table and go, oh yeah, now you say it, he is a bit hot, isn't he? And he was just spooning in English mustard without any taste.

So yeah, I'll probably take him for a test. But well done, Abbie probably take it for a test. But well done, Abbie, for doing the right thing. Yeah, well done for doing the right thing. Brutal, but please let us know how Finlay gets on, because I'd like to know how he got on with his first day at school so we can follow this whole story through, Abbie. Thank you very much. Anyway, Josh, how are you?

Shall I tell you about my play date? So I set this up, didn't I? You've been hooking up with new guys, haven't you? Hooking up with new guys. It went well, Rob. It was good. Nice. It was a genuine success.

So this is the person who goes, so your daughter's friend at preschool, you approach the parent. Approach the parent via text. Met up with them in the park. Nice. And within, I'd say, five minutes, my daughter had fallen over quite badly and grazed her knee oh okay yeah how are you when they fall over right because i'm almost to the point where i feel like i'm a bit heartless because kids you've got to be like don't get up you're all right are you one of those ones the worst thing you can do is go oh that looked bad yeah oh my god no are you all right

yeah okay yeah that's that's what you can't do. Are you sure? It looked really bad. That looked like it really hurt. Are you okay? I think you've just got to let them lead the emotion in that situation. And then try and like dampen the flames, as it were. Yeah.

I don't think, you know, I would never be like, I imagine Roy Keane would be with his child. Do you know what I mean? He'd be like, fucking man up. Get up. Get up. Get up, Ryan. Come on. It's only two stitches.

Walk it off. So then you'd occasionally get glances of the knee when she was going up a ladder and it looked bad, but we were like, we've got to carry on with the play date. We've come this far. It'd be awful to leave after five minutes. The knee was fine in the end. It was great.

Do you know what? She got on with the other child very well indeed. Oh, that's good. to leave after five minutes the knee was fine in the end um it was great do you know what she got on with the she got on with the other child very well indeed oh that's good and they're local are they they're around the corner well they're moving away so the whole thing was totally pointless oh no oh that's a pain isn't it it is a pain but there you go that's life it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all and she had that one play date and now she's back to having no mates yes so then uh it's her birthday in a few weeks uh we uh got in touch with our friend that uh does children's birthdays yeah and we were like let's do this looking forward to it within 12 hours the maximum of six people had been announced

birthday abandoned oh no by that point obviously we discussed it with her what she wanted this is a nightmare absolute disaster birthday abandoned oh and you mentioned it to her as well yeah oh no oh josh this is terrible turn events what would you what was you planning well we were planning it's the middle of october so it was it was a difficult and we obviously worried about you know people being worried about covid yeah so we were going to do something outside but with an indoor option in case it was pissing with rain fair enough but now the dream is dead mate can't you oh no because they're too young as i say she could have a few people over but then you can't well maximum of

six we're three so yeah do you have to there? I'll take one for the team. I mean, I always take one for the team when it comes to kids' parties. The worst case scenario would be that the three children are dropped off and the parents leave so that we're six, but we've got four children to look after. Well, I think that's what some people do when they get older. They just leave the kids. No.

Yeah, that's what happens. When would you leave a child at a birthday party i i reckon from now really from them starting primary school so five imagine holding a birthday party 20 children none of them yours except two well i think that's what happens because they used to being in a group together and obviously so everyone sort of knows everyone because they're all at the school so that's what i'm picking up on is that going forward the party thing will be right here's my kid i'll pick them up at four o'clock do you think it's worth it the one party you have to do a year which would be hell on earth yeah is that worth it for the 19 other weekends when you get to drop

your child off well that's what i'm saying do you know what they do in denmark so i've read this book about having kids in denmark it's called a year of living danishly it's really good helen russell but you should i read it i someone said to me how do you feel about your daughter's time in school and fine really yeah quite chilled but i realized i'd read this book about raising kids in denmark in two days in an absolute subconscious panic worry hell and so why what's the book about raising kids in denmark well i've always wanted to live abroad and i always wanted to i love copenhagen i thought it'd be quite a cool place to live and they've got an amazing welfare system and stuff and it's really just like a

a nice a nice place very progressive country yeah so i'm a big fan of denmark and copenhagen but this book and it just sort of popped up and she also does listen to this show the author helen russell so i think we should get her on because the way they do schooling is so madly different and and child care and they what they do is kids are normally in child care like on state sponsored child care from can be six months if you want like and go off and that and all the way through till school and what they do is for kids parties is they go right it's your daughter's party so we are bringing the whole class to your house at midday for one hour. And then in that hour, you play a game.

They have some cake. They have something to eat. They put balloons on, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And then the teacher takes them away. So you can set it all up. They're there for an hour. So it's just done, bang. And then you keep the weekends to yourself.

Oh, that's nice. And that's a good plan isn't it yeah that is good oh my god but what how slow that hour will feel come on just it's only an hour it'll be fun wouldn't it it's only an hour we've all thought that when we're sat watching something that's long and an hour and rubbish and also you're never gonna like them all just by probability no of course not if you've got 30 people in your house and like you're not picked they just all decide to go to that school there's got to be a good percentage that you would hate some that are okay some you like and you can't you know and you can't show that emotion can you you're not allowed cake because i think you're

going to be a bitch at 40 and what about like other parents are going to have rules on sugar and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, exactly. I mean, but anyway, that's how they do it in Denmark. But I've realised I do want to raise my children in Denmark, but I'm six years too late. I also think, I do think it would have an impact on your career if you're having to commute from Copenhagen. Yeah, but I'd be so cool though, wouldn't I? I'd just turn up with little Scandi glasses.

I'd probably be thin because they're all thin. I think you just catch it, don't you? In like Scandinavia. I think you, it's like COVID Covid you just catch thin and tall imagine if you turned into a kind of Scandinavian heartthrob imagine being six foot two it'd be too much wouldn't it if I was six foot like three it would be too much to take I think there's too much of me at this height it would be a bit much if you were like if you look like tom davis it would just get a bit too it would just get a bit too much because it's a bit much already but imagine like i'm sort of like energy and like in your face like but this i imagine being like looming over you like there's absolute bulk

but is this your is your personality that you're trying to make up for your small kind of i mean i don't want to compare you but like people people always say about Napoleon being very short. Yeah, maybe that's what I'm trying to make up for. Would I still be funny if I looked like Thor? This is how you can get in touch. Do you want some emails, Rob? Oh, please. It's the lockdown parody mailbag.

But it's actually emails and there's no bag. Right. Before that, do emails and there's no bag. Right. Before that, do you think there'll be another thing that comes in to replace emails? What? This has turned into tomorrow's world? I'm just saying. Can emails get any quicker?

The thing slowing them down is the person writing them. Dictation will happen. No one's doing dictation at the moment, are they? You'd have to be mad to be doing that. Well, I'd love to be able to just think something and it appeared in word. I would absolutely hate that. That would be one of the worst things that could ever happen.

Really? Why? Because you'd leave it on and it would start putting up your thoughts. Yeah, like, better work. Oh, it's a funny parenting idea. They've gone out, actually. Maybe I can pop upstairs quickly. And then you'd like, the email would forward on or something.

You'd like go for a piss and you'd be caught in your own thoughts and then you'd come back and you'd just send all your pissed thoughts to your agent. I should definitely carry on cutting out wheat because my ass is in pieces. Have you heard back about Lime of the Apollo?

is in pieces. Have you heard back about Lama the Apollo? So let's be clear. When it comes to shipping internationally, can I provide trade documents electronically? Mm-hmm.

The answer is FedEx. Okay. But what about estimating duties and taxes on my shipments? How do I find all the... Also FedEx. Impressive.

Is there a regulatory specialist I can ask about? FedEx. FedEx. FedEx. Thanks. No more questions. Always your answer for international shipping. Fed Margaret. It's the girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start out. Evil things of evil. It's her. No, no, don't.

The first omen. I believe the girl is to be your mother. Mother of what? It's the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Movie of the year. It's not real.

It's not real. It's not real. Who said that? The first omen. Only theaters April 5th. Also, I've got to tell you this before we do emails. I went and did some filming in Huddersfield last week, and I stayed in this hotel that was completely empty. I met up with Alex Brooker on one of the evenings. No one in the hotel apart from me. They went to me, what time do you want breakfast?

I went, when can I have it? They went, whenever you want. You're the only one here, right? And then I found out out listen to this headline huddersfield hotel transformed into uk's first coronavirus care home in three weeks the uk's first nightingale care home to help the surge in front of all people amidst the coronavirus pandemic has opened in a hotel in west yorkshire and it was just me wow anyway but lovely breakfast oh they could knock out an egg i'm telling you if i if i stayed there as an older person i'd love those eggs but um yeah no it was um all good should we crack on and stop coronavirus should we get some macy gray on okay you asked for stories of

siblings born close together this is from jane crockett my brother-in-law had a colleague in the u.s this colleague and his wife were unable to get pregnant so they decided to use a surrogate Oh my God. So it's three months age difference. So it's basically twins. Imagine having a child and thinking there's another one on the way in three months. Oh, my. Oh, no. I mean, I think that is that better or worse than twins?

I think it's better because one will be a bit more stable and settled. But you've got to do it all again. Just so close after. You always want to do it in one blast there is i know people with twins would dispute this obviously there is the advantage with twins every night you're getting through two bad nights do you know what i mean yeah and also as well you've not got the stress of another labor because they are stressful yeah you know like oh god is it all all right okay uh this is from claire hunt i just wanted to let you know about the gap between my first and second babies.

They are ten and a half months apart. Oh. Right, okay. So this is the record so far from the same woman. Basically,

when my son was 11 weeks old, a time in which they had not stopped crying and slept no more than two hours, I discovered I was six weeks pregnant.

Fuck off! People are animals, Rob. No offence, Claire Hunt. Claire Hunt! Every week between the middle of September and the end of October, my son and daughter

are the same age. I'd like to tell you what the first two years were like, but they were a total blur. You were shagging all the time, probably. That was four years later.

Well, you're not going to believe this. So have you got any thoughts on that one, Rob? When are you allowed to have sex after you give birth? Because we're currently up to five and a half years in my house. I've said this to my friend, right? And he, I don't believe this is true, but this is what a midwife told him. He said...

Also, do not get too graphic about it. It obviously depends on how traumatic or not traumatic. Of course. Because if there's a caesarean or if there's stitches needed, I think it's probably the most delicate way to put it, that it does put you out of the game for a little while, doesn't it? It also depends. You can't judge.

No, well, i'm not judging but yeah yeah yeah i it also depends how knackered and ruined your life is some you know some people have more stamina than others some people have more robust vaginas that's just a way of life so we cannot judge can we josh that's how you end your stand-up tour show as well isn't it with that speech yeah yeah that's that's just a part life. Some people have more robust vaginas than other peoples. My name's Rob Beckett. Keep supporting Life Quality.

Good night. Good night. Stay safe. So, my friend, I told this to... Am I allowed to say robust vaginas as a cis man? Yeah, it's one of my favourite bands, the Robust Vaginas.

The Robust... That'd be a great band name, wouldn't it? It would be good. I would reckon the fans would call them for short because Biffy Clara are called... It's Mon the B name, wouldn't it? It would be good. I would reckon the fans would call them for sure, because Biffy Clara are called Mon the Biff, isn't it? Right, yeah. So what would the Robust Vagina call themselves? I think we should leave this conversation just as...

The R-Badge. The R-Badge. Should we leave this conversation? I feel like you're a bit uncomfortable with my Robust Vagina. Well, you're not going to believe what I'm about to tell you. Oh, no. From my friend. Go on.

Our midwife, I told him this, and he said, our midwife told us she once delivered the baby, spent about an hour doing all the checks, put the baby in the cot, left the room, came back five minutes late, and the parents were humping. No. That cannot be true. That is not correct use of a hospital bed.

I mean, there's robust vaginas in this robust vagina. I don't think that's human that is unbelievable and to the point where i actually don't believe it um so if you've got children that are closer together than what's that nine ten and a half months yeah i mean that couple i mean you can't you can't get pregnant an hour after giving birth can you i don't think everything's back in order then, is it? No, I don't think you can. From a science perspective. Because that would be literally bang on nine months.

So, yeah, ten and a half months. That's the winner so far. I mean, that is unbelievable. Do you want to hear some more stuff that isn't about this? Yeah, let's move on from the age gap. I feel I have to email to discuss Rob's opinion on the name Agnes. Okay, yep. Please find attached a photo of my toddler. Her name is Agnes.

Though I do not hold authority on baby names, I can assure you Agnes is very much still used in the 21st century. Side note, my partner has warned me against revealing this. She was six weeks early and we hadn't firmed up a name for her given her sudden arrival we panicked and named her after our dog oh no so the dog is called agnes as well yeah i think that's weird isn't it i'm sorry i can't wait for her to ask why she's called agnes when she grows up well how old's the dog if the dog's 16 yeah and then you know and by the time you know agnes the human grows up the dog will be gone so it won't be

really an issue but to have them in the same house for a long period well it says they've had the dog put down for the for the very reason of the name no i'm joking we've killed the dog agnes okay yeah well that that yeah i wonder if there's any parents listening that regret I'm joking. We've killed the dog. Agnes. Okay. Yeah. Well that, that, yeah. I wonder if there's any parents listening that regret the name of their child. Oh yeah.

Send them in. That's got to be. She's a very cute little child. The photo. She's a very cute little Agnes. I'm starting to fully get on board with it as a, as a name, but I'm not going to be using it.

It's a lovely name. I'm sure she, you know, she's a cute little kid. Did a bit of cross stitch going down the bridge club. Do you know what I mean? Bits and bobs and all that. Loves VE day.

Oh, I've got a quick IVF email and I can't remember who it's from, but it really made me laugh that said there was a fan in the room and he couldn't concentrate

because every time he nearly got there, the fan went on him and it put him off. Oh my God. Like a cold breeze on his bum. The old deposit room. Let's cut to the chase.

Rob, you got any salty emails? We have, actually. It's quite a lot of saltiness coming in here. It's a very unsalty Josh, which I'm not a fan of. Oh my god, I haven't told you about my salty incident. Oh, go on. So I got started on in the park come on sorry you're all right though have i not told you this no no but

i'm already laughing so i was there with my personal trainer right sorry i don't know Every sentence gets funnier. Go on. Blake, what exercise are you doing as I come over? What was I doing? Chin-ups. Chin-ups. Okay.

Fair enough. Yeah. Press-ups. So that kind of stuff. On there's like, you know, there's a little bit of equipment, but we weren't totally using it. We were kind of in and about that area. And then we did like a rep on one thing.

And then, you know, you go off and you do like another set and then you come back to use on one thing and then you know how you go off and you do like another set and then you come back to use it and he was on there and we were like, oh, can we use that after you? And he totally flipped. Really?

Just talk me through the bloke who started on you. Can you give us a description? So he was big. He was a big bloke. Age? Probably about 40. He was doing, you know when big strong people in the gym

are doing stuff to try and impress other people to show them how strong they are like doing really fast press-ups and all that kind of stuff yeah and i'd say his what's his body shape like what's his body shape like yeah like a triangle not as big as the rock but bigger than jason stath. He lacked the Rock's charisma and charm. Yeah. Right, so yeah, he's on your bit of equipment. I'd say his personal skills were similar to, if you imagine someone who's come back from Vietnam and they've seen stuff that's happened

and they've never really recovered from it. That kind of hair trigger that he was on so he just flipped it was one of the strangest things like flipped like angry like 1am outside a kebab shop in a parochial town anger oh no it was so mad how big's your personal trainer though she okay is uh about the size of me so it's an unfair fight. He's bigger than both of you. He's bigger than both of us. Yeah.

And it would have felt unfair for me to tell my personal trainer that she had to fight him. You've got the best engine. So why don't you go first, tire him out, then I'll headbutt him after. So anyway, he just flipped. And he was like,

he was ranting and it was so mad. And he was like, I was ranting and it was so mad. And he was like, I'm using the equipment. Right. And then I just calmly said to him, what's this really about? Oh no, you got him. I was really pleased with it. This is about the equipment, mate.

It was like so mad. We basically got bullied off the equipment. We had to leave. We got bullied off the equipment. When we left, he said, watch out if I see you around here again. It was like, it was absolutely mad. It feels like you're a new school teacher in an inner city school and you're getting bullied by the kids at the start. Also, it was 9.30 in the morning. What's happened in his day so far? Oh, no. school teacher in an inner city school and you're getting bullied by the kids at the start also it

was 9 30 in the morning what's happened in his day so far oh no it was one of the maddest things i've ever experienced but it did make me think is he just a listener who's trying to get a salty um is this it's gonna come in on email yeah i think that you as well within your rights to be salty there josh i was totally with him i've never ever in my life to be bullied off a piece of equipment at the age of 37. I was bullied in the park, Rob, by the bigger boy at the age of 37. It never stops, does it? It never stops. Oh, Josh.

Well done for like, stand up for yourself. Because you don't have a fight with him. And I was really pleased with asking what it was really about. I hope that when he closes his eyes at night, he's really going to have a think about that. This episode is brought to you by Tresemme. Want silky smooth hair that's still full of natural movement? The Tresemme Keratin Smooth Weightless Collection is your simple solution. This

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Visit Tresemme.com to learn more. Ooh, French lavender soy blend candle. I told you HomeSense has good gift options. Hmm, well, I don't know. Mom's going to love it. She'll take one sniff and be transported to that anniversary trip you took to Saint-Tropez a few years ago. Forget it. She complained about her sunburn the whole trip. It's only $14.

$14? Now that's a vacation I can get behind. Deal so good, everyone approves. Only at HomeSense. Right, well, do you want some unsalty, Josh? I can see you've had a bit of salty. Well, this is a nice message about you, Josh. We've got a listener here, Terry Smith.

Sounds like a made-up name. Terry Smith. I think I've worked with him. Anyway, he said he likes the podcast, blah, blah, blah, blah. I just want to share a very unsalty Josh story from a few years ago when he started off his tour in Oxford back in 2015, opening night. It was my birthday around the date of the show, and I was looking forward to seeing it.

To be honest, Terry, that doesn't help this message no one cares but happy birthday anyway you know people do that and people go it was my birthday actually it's on no one cares mate I mean you're you're a grown person does anyone care about birthdays you care about your birthday Josh no I try not to no I think I've just got to be fair I'm going to apologize to Terry I've just got a chip on my shoulder because my birthday's 2nd of January and it is the worst birthday in the world. So I've never had a birthday with him. Yeah, whereas Terry, that would have been a lovely early September. That's a great date.

Great day. Kids are back in school. Go out on all day. Let someone else pick them up. Anyway, he was at the gig. There was a message came out and basically there was a power cut and you couldn't go ahead with the show. And you got on the mic mr unsalty josh

willicombe and apologized to everyone the show couldn't go ahead because of the lack of power however you bought everyone who had a ticket that night a drink from the bar did i well yeah i mean that's a regret now yeah i did do that yeah i mean it's only a 28 capacity that menu um it was one bottle of wine no that's a that's a big gig in, it's only a 28 capacity, that venue. It was one bottle of wine. No, that's a big gig in Oxford. That's a lot of drinks, John. That's probably about 1,000 people, isn't it, that gig?

No, it was a while ago, though, Rob. So it wasn't the one I did this time. No, it was the one in between the Glee and the big one. It was about 600 or 700, maybe. You bought 700 drinks. Oh, Josh. I think I'm going to be honest. I think the theater did them for me at cost price. Oh, well, to be fair, like you're looking at around 1500 quid there, Josh.

So well played. It's very kind of you. I remember leaving that gig and bumping into an audience when we were in the street, and they were so delighted with their free drink. The implication was that they preferred the free drink to the potential of seeing the show. Well, I mean, I just think, do you know what? You didn't have to do that.

That was just a problem with the venue. If anything, the venue should have, because it's not your problem if electric goes, you know? No. So if anything, but you and the venue should have gone. It was on the whole street. The whole street had gone down, Rob down you bought it for the whole street josh

i've only told you my other free drink story which i didn't buy so me and james a kester in a train crash oh yeah so it was the night of the leicester comedy thing oh yeah bring this up the time you beat me in a comedy competition josh winombe. Even though you've been going two years longer than me. Let's not get involved in it. I'm fine with it. I'm over it. Dan Bland came second. Dan Bland, yeah.

He beat me. He was not up for doing this podcast with me, but I'm glad you did it. Lovely fellow Dan Bland, and he was a deadpan as well, wasn't he't he yeah well I wasn't there in time for his set because I had been in the

oh yeah turned up late had already done a bit my trainer derailed my trainer I hadn't already done a bit my trainer derailed

terrifying derailing could have lost me and James Acaster I mean the podcasting community you and Ed Gamble would be currently top of the podcast chance together, you and Ed Gamble would be currently top of the podcast charge together.

the money I would have earned in panel shows if you two got knocked on the head back in 2011. Can you imagine it? I'd be buying drink to everyone all the time. So we got derailed, four hours we had to sit there, then we got taken off the train, we had to get walked to the other train,

which took an hour, and we got on the next train, and they came round and they had the little trolley and they were like you can have one thing one thing free off it oh and a guy took a stellar off it and he turned to his wife and he went this is amazing isn't it and i was like are you fucking kidding me mate five hours you've got one free stellar and that's how much people are willing. If you split up with Lou but offered her a free drink, she'd take it, mate. People don't give a shit. The moment there's a free drink sniffing around.

Do you know what? I've got the train up to when I went to Huddersfield, right? I've got the train up. And they booked me first class travel, which is very kind of them, the production company. On the train, yeah, they come around. Normally, if you go first class, you pay more because obviously there's better seats and stuff and you get food and drink, don't you? During the week, it's like free booze, right?

That's part of the deal. Anyway, so I got on there. Oh, yeah, it's a limited menu because of COVID. I was like, okay, fair enough. She went, so you can have tea, coffee, water, and crisps or biscuits. I was like, I've not gone to my fucking nan's house. They spent about 300 quid on this train ticket. Why can't they put a beer or a little bottle of wine in

the same time as they put the water in? What kind of corona is going to get in a sandwich? Why can't I have a sandwich? I think what they've done there is they shouldn't have said limited menu. They should have said we're not doing food. There's no menu. It's just still water or tea and coffee. But anyway, I think it's an opportunity to save money, isn't it?

But yeah, that's what I found ridiculous. Yeah, salty salt. Do you want any more salties? Yeah. I've got another one here. So they came down to London for a little touristy trip in 2018 around Christmas time. Anyway, they was on the tube and he says, I couldn't help but notice what appeared to be the one and only Josh

Whittacombe seated and alone. But for some reason, wearing a pair of bedraggled Converse all-stars that he'd probably bought off a hobo outside the station. You do wear scruffy clothes, Josh. I don't wear scruffy clothes. I wear scruffy trainers.

Can I tell you something right about my parents and their opinion of you? And I don't want you to say it's to harm. They love you. They think you're really funny. They always ask for parents and their opinion of you. And I don't want you to say it's to harm. They love you. They think you're really funny. They always ask for tickets to come and see you. They watch your DVDs. But they say you always look a bit grubby. Unacceptable.

They think you look a bit messy and a bit dirty. How can I? You look a bit grubby. You always look a bit grubby. I'm going to be honest with you. Since lockdown, your parents have got a point. I reckon my showering has decreased by 50%. No, but on the telly this is.

And do you know what I think it is? Because you're not a dirty person. You're not a smelly person. Because there are comics like that everyone tries to avoid. But your trainers, you need to keep them in better nick for telly. I don't want to look like Jay-Z. Like I've gone box fresh. I'll stop you there. You'll never look like Jay-Z. Like I've gone box fresh. I'll stop you there.

You'll never look like Jay-Z. So don't worry about that. But if you, I think you just need some TV trainers because I do that, Rob. I do that. I have my pair of TV trainers. Yeah, but they're not clean enough.

Josh, working class people like nice shoes and trainers on people. They might look like you've put an effort in. Yeah. So I did Sunday night at the Palladium and Rasheen Connery texted me, went, my mum can't stop talking about you. I went, oh, really? She's like my stand-up.

She went, well, yeah, she didn't really mention the stand-up. She just kept on saying, oh, we had a lovely pair of shoes on. Such lovely, shiny shoes. So I think it's your shoes. So the last legs back mid-October, first episode, I'm going to be in a pair of box fresh trainers. Yes. Tune in.

You know what? I'm going to say to my mum, did you watch it? And I reckon they'll go, oh yeah, you look lovely. I think that's the key. Okay,

let's test it. Anyway, so this is from, and this has been brought up by someone else about your battered converse. Well, that is my day to day. It's not 1997 anymore.

You don't look like you're in an indie band. You just look old. You don't look like you're not earning. Anyway, so you sat there with your terrible shoes on. And this guy, I'll grab his name. Mr. Fox. Do you know what I should do? I'll put a photo now of my current trainers that I was wearing this morning.

We can put them on the Instagram. Yes, please. Send them to me and I'll bang them up. And people can judge them. You don't do Instagram. I have to do it for We can put them on the Instagram. Yes, please. Send them to me and I'll bang them up. And people can judge them. You don't do Instagram. Like, I have to do it for you like you're my man. I'll be honest. They look like the trainer version of, you know,

the shoes in Shawshank Redemption that he puts in the box at the end. Yeah, right. Right. So we'll put them up. So he's had a go. Mr. Fox had a go. Anyway, you're on the train. Rachel, my girlfriend, and I are big fans of the last leg. so they gestured with a nod to indicate something of interest behind her she took a sly

glance also when you say a sly glance it's never a sly glance it's most obvious stare at someone ever when people have a I love when people notice famous people on trains the sly people aren't as sly as they think have you ever noticed that Josh yeah very very obvious anyway she took as sly as they think. Have you ever noticed that, Josh? Yeah. Very, very obvious. Anyway, she took a sly glance back and looked back at me with a joyous glint in her eye. Is that Josh, she said. I confirmed it was. And she said, should I say hi? Now, being an out-of-towner in the big, scary city, I'm well aware of the unwritten rules of the underground. Don't make eye contact with anyone.

Don't, under any circumstances, acknowledge, smile, or approach to speak to anyone. And for safety, this includes people you are riding with, especially if it's a celeb of any stature, especially if they have their head in a book, and especially if they also have their headphones in. Now, Josh Riddick, this... Headphones in. Headphones in and a book out. I mean, the only other thing you can have is VR goggles on.

I just love culture, Rob. I just love culture. I'm music. I've got book. That screams to me, yes, I'm on the tube. Don't even dare fucking talk to me. Headphones in and a book. Screens, I'm not here to communicate, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah. I can't even read. Your hearing's not great. I was listening to an audio book of the book I was holding. That's the way I do it. Yeah, just scan along and try and put it all together. See if they've missed a word. Someone must have done that at some point.

Oh, he didn't say that there. Anyway, so back to Josh. A house owner left sitting on the tube, minding his own business in his trampy shoes, reading a book whilst listening to some music through his wide-appled earbuds. And my girlfriend wants to say hi. Anyway, so he didn't want to say hello he felt

embarrassed so he said at this point i'd rather have been playing knock knock and run with oscar's pistorius as it would have been safer so a little bit of a joke about death there so mr fox we haven't got his first name it is very anti uh his wife rachel having a chat anyway so as um she turned and spoke and bearing in mind that no one speaks in the tube and she's had to speak slightly louder than normal to make her voice heard over the unknown volume of the music in his ears. Hi, Josh. I just had to take this chance to say how much a fan we are

and how much we love The Last Leg. And then it happened. Josh slowly lowered his book and closed it without even inserting a bookmark. So you're not reading it, are you, Josh? Can't read. Can't read. He removed his earbuds one at a time,

then proceeded to engage in a wonderful conversation with Rach and thanked her for acknowledgement and recognition. I don't know if that was your direct words. That's quite a thank you for the acknowledgement and recognition. Acknowledgement and recognition. But I think that's what you implied. He was an absolute delight and even posed for the attached photo. I said, what's this really about? Anyway, thank you, Josh, for being completely unsalty.

I only wish I'd seen you again later in the day so I could point it out. Pointed you in the direction of the pre-Christmas salad. Sole trader where they had 70% off men's shoes. All right, that's only for the slam at the end. And it's a very cosy pre-COVID pic. I'll send it to you and the group. They look very, like when you ever see anything now that's like pre-COVID, even if you're just watching a TV show,

it feels weird. It seems mad, yeah. It feels so weird to see. Yeah, it's mental, isn't it? But yeah, so they loved you. You're a lovely guy. Oh, very nice. Thank you. You're not saucy at all. Well, weird to see. Yeah, it's mental, isn't it? But, yeah, so they loved you. You're a lovely guy. Oh, very nice. Thank you.

You're not salty at all. That's the answer there. Well, let's see. Let's see. Yeah, thanks for emailing in. There's so much stuff coming in. We're trying to get through it all, so don't worry if we've not read yours out and responded.

But it's quite – it's getting to the tipping point, Josh, of just – I think I'm swamped. Yes, but it's in a good way good way to keep keep sending it in because some you know some of it is is you know dreadful but most of it's great we do read them all uh thank you very much uh they're generally it's so nice to hear that people are engaged a little too engaged but there we go some people um thank you very much. We'll be back on Tuesday. Oh, we've got a banger of an ep. Who have we got? The one, the only, Peter Crouchy Crouch.

Crouchy. He's got four children. Four children. Peter Crouch, England legend, cannot wait, podcasting legend. See you then. Bye.