Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S01 EP44: "I want a dog...."

Episode Date: September 25, 2020

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' - S01 EP44: "I want a dog...."More misadventures in parenting from Josh and Rob.Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent INSTAGRAM: @lockdown_parentingA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ooh, French lavender soy blend candle. I told you HomeSense has good gift options. Hmm, well, I don't know. Mom's gonna love it. She'll take one sniff and be transported to that anniversary trip you took to San Tropez a few years ago. Forget it, she complained about her sunburn the whole trip. It's only $14. $14? Now that's a vacation I can get behind.

Deals so good, everyone approves. Only at HomeSense. A fresh voice can speak to you and open your ears and your mind to new views and new perspectives. The call of the wild, a crescendo of culture. Listen as a chorus of fresh voices moves you,

taking you to greater heights. Add your voice to the mix and let fresh answer back with perfect harmony in pure Michigan. Keep it fresh at michigan.org. Hello, I'm Josh Whitacombe. And I'm Rob Beckett. Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell. The show in which Rob and I discuss what it's like to be a parent during lockdown,

which I would say can be a little tricky. So, in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation... And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills... Each episode, we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you, the listener, with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because, let's be honest none of us know what we're doing hello and welcome to lockdown parenting hell with so can you say josh widdicombe josh widdicombe and rob beckett rob beckett widDicombe Ooh, good one Doubled it up

Doubled it up We've got Dorne Porter on on Tuesday And that's a bit similar to the way they've amalgamated their names Yes, or was it Rob Becker-Dicombe? If we got married and have children I think, I mean, I think personally Our name would be the least of our problems There'd be lots to sort out, two divorces

I think we would get record figures though for the podcast yeah imagine that episode uh so me and josh have been having an affair uh we're getting married and having a kid and we're going through two divorces anyway we caught up with gary lineker uh who's going to tell us about his lockdown imagine if we just did it as the intro to an interview yeah and it just carried on. How are you, Rob? I'm all right, actually. Yeah, pretty good. You know, the kids have sort of gone back full-time to school now.

And it was like the Sunday, and I was like, you know, you get that sort of like overwhelmed feeling of anxiety about, I've got this stuff to do, but over the weekend you couldn't do it. And I had this massive, what felt like this insurmountable to-do list on my phone of stuff. And I thought, well thought once it gets to Monday and I've done the school drop off I can spend all day doing it and then hopefully I can get it all done and then when I get them up from school I can carry on for a couple more hours and

get it all done but like as soon as the kids are at the house I did everything I need to do in about 19 minutes but on the Sunday I was just like it was you know it just grows in your head this stuff that doesn't even exist and then like once you've got out of the house, you've had a coffee, and you can just think. It gets done in about 10 minutes. I bought a chalkboard for the fridge to write things to do on it. And two of them, I text someone. That's on my to-do list, and they've been on there for about four or five days.

Who are you texting? Plumber. All right, fair. That's not just a text is it like that is not in my house no but that i can understand why it's been left for a bit because it's not just like how how's it going mate it like opens up a whole chain of communication about something you've got no idea about rob it doesn't open up a chain of communication the amount they reply to my text i could tell you that for free okay and what is the issue in your house because you've got no idea i'm not gonna lie about rob it doesn't open up a chain of communication the amount they replied to my text i could tell you that for free okay and what is the issue in your house because you've had a few you've had uh snails mice boiler getting the loft turned into

it's the ensuite in the in the loft oh we just it's uh it's ready for the next stage oh okay what you're just getting it done oh lovely look at. Look at you getting an en suite. Lovely stuff. No, no. We had an en suite anyway. We just had it re- Oh, right. Okay. Re-done. So it's not a fun plumbing job. It's just a maintenance plumbing job.

It's a maintenance plumbing. Well, it's more of a, you know. What are we fucking going on about? No one's listening to this shit, are they? No. No one. In their right mind you know what what have we done even on boards and i'm in the conversation jesus christ that sounds like how you know like a like a 50-year-old bitter comic

who imagines Young Comics podcasts. That's how he imagines it. Just two people boringly talking about nothing. Oh, when did you stop listening to it? I think it was the episode where they were talking about Josh's plumbing, basically. I've got some stuff for you. I've still not sent the text, though, have I? Do it now.

Text him now. 10 to 9 on a Monday. What day is it? No, it's Friday, Rob. It's Friday. We don't do this live. Calm down. I had that said to me once.

You know how I do the voiceover for Celebs Go Dating? Yeah. And it's not on at 9 o'clock every night on E4, like Monday to Friday. And I was playing five-a-side football with this geezer. And we was playing eight till nine. He went, so where do you got to go to do the voiceover thing? Are you going to make it or are you going to be late?

Absolutely unbelievable. I was in Crystal Palace at like five to nine. I went, oh yeah, the recording studio's around there. That's why I just do it after football. That's why I play football here. He went, oh really? Oh yeah, yeah. So I better go, mate.

I don't want to keep chatting. I've got to get on there. Just do the VO for a TV show live like everyone else does um i've got a worried development uh josh at home oh yeah um is it related to a new uh ensuite it's it's relating to parenting oh i've got something to tell you by the way that isn't parenting related and then we'll get on to the parenting all right okay Is it as exhilarating as the last chat? Well, I don't know if I've told you this already. This is how tired I am. So I returned to gigging on Saturday.

Oh, yeah? Got to the bottom of the stairs in the, you've done Always Be Comedy, James Gill's gig, I'm sure. Yes, in a nice pub in Oval. Yeah, the Tommy Field, which is a kind of gastropub with an upstairs room. Obviously, mask on, in I go. Bottom of the stairs, quick pump on the old hand sanitiser they've left out.

Yep. And it was one of those pump action mayonnaises. So I just confidently walked into the pub, went over to Man A's, squirted some in my hand. Now, I wonder if they had a text fucking slipping out your little Hellman's hand. So how much did you squirt? Well, I'd say probably half a squirt, because you get the initial and then you obviously realise, you don't continue once you realise.

So I'd say half a squirt. Like get the initial and then you obviously realize you don't continue once you realize so it's like half a squirt like 10 pence piece worth yeah enough that it was trouble but rubbed it in obviously and i haven't got covid so maybe it's doing the job did you rub it in no i i got a napkin see that's the difference between you i would have licked it off what just pure mayo yeah just straight in straight in. Wouldn't you have done that? No, I don't think I... Because I actually think that would have looked even worse to a bystander in the pub if I'd walked in. Is that your pre-match ritual? Walked over to the mayo, splurted some into my hand, taken my mask off, eaten the mayo, and then walked upstairs.

You know, some footballers do the you know the cross the catholic cross or you know touch the grass oh winnicombe pump a mayo off he goes pump of mayo yeah there we go oh god that's that you don't need that that's because you were thinking about do you still do that um weird little thing you do before gig where you get water and you tap it on your wrists and on your like your is it your temple uh on my face to cool myself down i don't really do that anymore i do occasionally if i'm quite if i'm nervous it's like the first couple of shows of a tour yeah but by six or seven tour shows in once i'm dead behind the eyes i don't need to do it anymore six or seven come on but no i'm not going to bring the

mayo in as part of my pre-match ritual you can't bring a pump around from theatre to theatre. I could just get those little sachets from Wetherspoon. Yeah, one of them in your hand. Give it a rub off your go. They're normally free anyway. No one's going to judge you if you take them. Josh, the worrying development in our house, okay? So now, the current sitch, five-year-old is...

Four-and-a-half-year-old, is in primary school five days a week, and then three days a week in preschool for the two-and-a-half-year-old, nine till three, okay? Yeah. And Wednesday of last week, my wife Louise said to me, I want a dog, I miss my babies in the day. No, no. What haunted me about that was, like, I miss my babies during the day. She's not called them babies.

They're not babies. They're grown children. They're not babies. I miss, I want a dog. I miss my babies in a day. And I've had a picture of a different dog each day from my wife asking what I want. I don't want a dog, Josh. I don't even want a dog just for Christmas.

No, of course you don't want a dog. You've waited four years to have your life back. Yeah. And I i'm gonna be the silly bastard that walks it and clears up all the dog mess well that's you've been clearing the last five months mate but like there also is going to be a point for instance the weekend where the dog isn't replacing the babies it is working in tandem with the babies g Ganging up. It's ganging up. How big are you going to get the dog? By the way, just to be clear, you are getting a dog.

It's very clear. I'm not getting a dog. No, right. I said, this is the start of me getting a dog now, isn't it? I said, I don't entertain it when they're both in primary school five days a week. And also, secondly, the eldest doesn't like dogs. She hates them. I don't know if I've told this story.

The youngest loves dogs, okay? We'd let like an Alsatian lick its face, okay? Which is very unadvisable. Don't let a kid do that. But you have to pull her away from dogs because she wants to jump all over them, okay? I was driving, there's this lovely little old granddad-looking dog. You know, my little beardy ones that gets tied up outside of school near our house. And every time we drive past, the youngest one goes, oh You know, my little beardy ones that gets tied up outside of school near our house.

And every time we drive past, the youngest one goes, oh, look, a little doggy. And then I go, oh, look at that cute doggy like that. And I said, oh, look at the doggy like that. And the oldest one was quiet in the car. Out of nowhere, she went, I hate dogs. Oh, wow. Yeah. So you've not got a child.

Both of your children have got unhealthy relationships with dogs. Yeah. In different ways in different ways it's like one's an addict and one's in recovery so so the thought of bringing in a dog into that situation is going to be absolute carnage

awful it's not fair on the one that hates dogs so we just said when they're both in school and then we could talk to them about it and if they're into it then

we might do it but that's me trying to get out of it but the other option is if she's if Lou starts pushing me to have another kid I can't I can't do it Josh I can't go three no i'd get a dog but i'd get a small jog a small job job has she thought about getting a job rob yeah you miss your babies in the day i bet you

go work yeah yeah or she could get a job in a pet shop win win yeah yeah exactly get a job in a pet shop. Win-win. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Get a job in a pet shop. Look, I'll go be a dog walker. But I don't want Lute to get a job, but she's going to go back to work when they're both in private. I'm going to retract that. Just leaving you and the dog. Yeah. Like Turner and Hooch in the house together.

I'm sorry about that barking in the background. It's me and the dog I didn't want. Oh, wow. This about that barking in the background. It's me and the dog I didn't want. Oh, wow. That just cheered me up. DQ presents Picture This. Picture a freezer, but it's no ordinary freezer. It's an extraordinary

freezer, holding all of the Blizzard flavors of the past. Behold the DQ freezer. Now picture the DQ freezer opening to bring back two of your favorite treats. Delectable Rolo and legendary Brownie Batter. Back for its 20th anniversary. But it won't be open for long. So hurry in and get these flavors before

the DQ Freezer closes. And keep your eyes open. You never know what may come out of the DQ Freezer next. Only at DQ. Happy tastes good. Only got small amounts of time but want big amounts of flavor? Knorr has got you. Our new Knorr rice cups deliver all the taste without the prep or wait time.

We're talking yummy, creamy, hearty goodness. Choose from loads of delicious, more-ish flavors ready in only two and a half minutes. It's not cup food, it's good food in a cup. Visit Knorr.com to learn more the other thing that's going on josh as well is um i want to ask your opinion this analysis basically i don't know whether to correct my kids anymore with stuff like for example when we went down to visit my mom and dad there was those bungalows right near where they lived and i expect there wasn't what's that little house but it's not a little house it's a bungalow

because it's got no upstairs bungalows are one story you know and oh and then we told him and then they just obsess with bungalows now and then they keep going oh bungalow that's a bungalow because they so want to see a bungalow if it's just a normal house it goes to bungalow and i go no it's not a bungalow it's got two floors but it is a bungalow but so now i've just started going yeah it's a nice bungalow isn't it yeah of course we've all been there yeah so what you can't just give in till all the time but then you can't i can't i don't care either josh you don't want to be a pedant do you i think the way you can do it so i've heard a thing i remember this which is so

if they pronounce something wrong yeah so if they if they called a house a bungalow you'd go yes it's a lovely house so you're kind of correcting them but you're not overruling them and then over time they'll learn it's a house so they'd go that's a lovely bungalow and you go yeah it's a lovely house you idiot you meant that i meant that but you know what i mean so that's that that's i don't know whether that works but it's a way of if they were pronouncing house mouse and they said look at that mouse you wouldn't go yeah that is a lovely mouse you'd go yes it's a lovely house if that makes sense yes okay so i'll do that because the other game they play at the moment they go dad what Dad, what's your favourite colour?

And I go, like, red. And then if red goes past, go, you win. And then the game is, my favourite colour is yellow. And if yellow goes past, go, I win. Oh. I'm sat there going, what the fuck is this game? This is the worst game I've ever... What are we doing?

Who's ours ever? So we've all won. Come on, guys, have you heard of Warzone? Can't we just play that? Monopoly? That is a bad game. That is an awful game. Unless they want to have the chance.

I hate Monopoly. Ease off, Josh. They might come in. They might come in, yeah. Do you want some emails? Oh, yes, please, Joshua. It's the lockdown parrot in mail bag but it's actually

emails and there's no bag now do you remember the discussion of the munchkin 360 which still makes

me laugh as a name what is that is it a it's a sex position I know what would that look like it's got these

shoulders up to the ears get it seven's on top What would that look like? It's got these shoulders up to the ears. Get it? Someone's on top, shoulders to the ear, squat up and down 3,000 times. So the Munchkin 360 is the cup that the person didn't realise their kid was drinking from the mouldy cup because they didn't... Oh, yeah. Hi, this is from Nick Roberts.

Hi, Joshua Roberts, just listened to your email regarding the Munchkin 360. We went to visit friends in February who have a similar age child to ours, three and 18 months. Whilst having dinner, a couple of drinks, I noticed a look of horror on my wife's face. I asked her what was wrong. She mumbled on her breath, everything was fine. It was only on the journey home that she told me that she'd noticed

that our friends had the Munchkin 360 that our boys have but theirs was on the training board disassembled with the rubber lip detached from the lid when we got home we immediately took the cup apart to find a layer of scum that grown over the last three years oh no oh this is like this is like a public service announcement if you've got but i don't want to get like sued by the munch. We're in a very tricky position here. What I should say is I'm sure that if you were to read the instructions when you receive the cup, everything is covered. However, this is just amusing people that haven't read the instructions. Let's be clear on that.

Yes, let's be clear. I'm not going to lie, Rob. That's not the only email we've got about this, but I'm not going to read them all out. Is it a thing? Okay, so this is a public service message. I want to tread delicately here. It has been alleged that if you do not clean the Munchkin 360

as instructed in the manual, there may be a residue. Which would happen with anything that you didn't clean yeah if you didn't clean my arsehole it'd be a right mess down there but i do well we've got some emails about that as well lou disassembles it on the draining board and removes the rubber lip and i'm ready to go again so guys if you any this is what we've done we've actually because we had i counted 12 different plastic cups and straws thing right and probably they all just end up tasting like plastic and all get a bit leaky and stuff like that so we've got rid of them all and we just bought two good ones this

this is not a sponsor but these yeti ones and they're really good and you can take them apart wash them and they are just their drinks indoors now unless they want cups right there's no other plasticky ones and stuff like that but all i'm saying is just if you've just if you've got plastic cups guys give them a good wash that's what we're saying we're not in any way making any points about any specific cups give all cups the wash they deserve yes also i would like to suggest if you are into a bit of mold investigations there's two other locations you'll be able to find some, you know,

the little mat you have in a bath. So the kids don't slip over, flip that over. Absolute mold hell. Oh, I bet. And also the kids' plastic toys in the bath. Water gets in there.

You don't really clean them and dry them properly. That needs to be chucked out every three months at least, I'd say. Let us know if you've got any other places where you're finding mold. Yeah. It's quite a plumbing, water heavy it is it is I do need to text my plumber actually um but I will update people on that now could we uh hear the sweet dulcet tones of Miss Macy Gray uh now you remember we discussed Macy Gray having children in swift succession. And I asked some people.

Yes. She's known for it, if anything. Yes. I'm not a parent, but love the podcast. I list a Friday's podcast where you spoke about somebody having two children 10.5 months apart. And I know a family that can beat that. Oh. My boyfriend's colleague had four children in eight months.

What? They had a daughter, December 2010. Funny. What? They had a daughter December 2010. Funny, no? They had a daughter. Just a bit of fun. Just a bit. It's a good job.

I mean, that after the plumbing chat we had. We're on fire again. I mean, there's no rest for us. They had a daughter December 2010 and then fell pregnant almost immediately afterwards

with triplets who were born prematurely in August 2011. All of the children are in the same school year and they've struggled to find a place that would take all four of them. Oh, bloody hell, that is brutal, isn't it? Mad, isn't it?

They've attached an article about it from Women's Own, as if I wouldn't believe. Did I say the author's name? because she's just read the paragraph saying please don't use my name which i'd implore people to put at the start of all of their emails yes 100 that needs to be the first thing you say before you tell us about you found a rat in your we're gonna have the crew on our case, man.

I think what we should do is we'll bleep what we found the rat in and people can decide for themselves what you said. But we could do a full bleeping episode. Because a couple of C-U-N-T's slipped into one episode. Yeah, I do apologise. My mum texted. Not that she was annoyed, she just wanted to make me clear. Just wondered if I'd noticed. I'm quite pro the C word, actually.

But some people are like, oh, I might put them off their breakfast. And you think, oh, you boring c***. Imagine not being able to eat your cornflakes because someone said a word. Well, exactly. You've got to really readdress the balance. I'm not having a go at your mum. I don't know what she eats. Cornflakes, Cocoa Pops, whatever she fancy.

No, no, it's fine. Honestly, it's not ruined her breakfast. Oh, good. This is, I'll say it's from Natalie Cornwell but i'll probably have to take that out at the end just listen to the bit about three kids in 2.5 years compelled to email you this didn't happen to me thank god but when our little boy remy was due we went to nct all the couples had the first child january to february then a few months later one of the couples announced they're expecting again even bigger shock came when they went to the first scan to be sold they were expecting twins.

Oh. In a nutshell, their son was born Feb 2017 and their identical daughters were born in the December of the same year. Oh. Three kids, ten months.

Three kids, ten months. What? You should get that. That'd be such a funny thing for them. Someone's moaning about their kid and they've got one kid and they're just walking into conversation. Three kids, ten months should get that. That'd be such a funny thing for them. Someone's moaning about their kid going, they've got one kid and they're just walking into conversation. Three kids in ten months.

Take that. It's not whinging. Now, Rob, you've discussed kids' parties. We were discussing them being... The Danish way. Yes. So would you like to know the Mozambique way? I was just saying that this morning that I'd like to know.

You were just saying that. Yeah. And Jude has come through for you. Come on, Jude. I've got three kids, eight, 10, and 16. I was listening to Friday's episode about birthday parties. I noticed your astonished realization that some stage parents will stop accompanying their children to birthday parties.

Just be thankful that chaperoning very young kids to parties is the norm in the UK. In Mozambique, where I live, it's completely acceptable, indeed expected, to invite about 10 children to your party and to experience the following. Anything up to about 50 people of various ages, including many unaccompanied kids, turning up about three hours after the party start time and staying until well into the night. It's highly likely that you won't even know some of the attendees. They'll be extended family or very possibly some neighbours

who are having to hear the music and fancied popping over. No way! Oh my God. This is the best bit. I've even been to a funeral uh we're standing around the grave as the body was being lowered into the ground someone next whispered to me who died really they just love a meet-up yeah she says in mozambique people just love a get-together kids party funeral whatever happens to be going on oh my god i mean what's the social distancing like there at the moment i don't know what the COVID situation is in Mozambique,

but that sounds like an absolute breeding ground for you. So there's bowling. To be fair, I don't know if it's a class thing as well. When I was growing up, people would just turn up at my house and come in. Yeah. Did I tell you this? I grew up in Devon. We didn't have a front door key.

We didn't need it. The house was permanently unlocked because there was no crime. So we'd just go out and the house at night was open. Really? And we'd go out and leave that. We'd go on holiday for two weeks and the house would just be open. Oh, no. Yeah, I grew up in South East London.

That is not an option. No, no. But I remember coming home. I should just say that my parents' house is no longer operating those i remember coming home once my mom and dad were like downstairs watching telly and i went upstairs and just like one of my neighbors was just in my room playing on my playstation he's like you're right rob and i was like yeah mate you're right oh wow well rob mozambique isn't not the place for you it's my spiritual home do you know what though i think if you're aware that's the vibe i mean it could be quite a nice community thing but if you're not aware

that's the vibe and you've just arrived that is an awful awakening but i would love to know the different kids birthday cultural experiences all around the world we've heard the danish way i think i'm quite an efficient person though josh yeah i like getting stuff done i'm a very bish bashbosh person that's why i quite like the danish way for that for me there's too many unknowns there of people that i wouldn't want to talk to just in my house into the evening because you know how do you get rid of people from your house you are you allowed tidy upper um no that is a good way um i i think obviously child's bedtime is a very good way of getting rid of people yes three in the afternoon um i better get down for the night

self out it's not locked i'm from devon child's bedtime is a good way to get rid of them um do you know what i've started doing um so long since i've socialized well yeah exactly something i think about what i used to do you know what i've started doing yeah so long since i've socialized well yeah exactly something i think about what i used to do you know me they're sort of our family members just to turn up and then start to say they're welcome i started getting um i've used to call them for coffee cups right so a little cup so you know you normally have your mug of coffee or like i've got these little ones from ikea and they're like sort of like two gulpers they're really small but bigger than an espresso but smaller than a

normal cup or mug of tea right yeah so I call them a fuck-offy cups so that they fuck off you know what cup I give them if I want them to fuck off what's that well I can't say the brand but the the old mold milker. We're going to get sued by him. We'll beat that one and people can judge for themselves.

I tell you what, the retraction episode will be great. Yeah. I'm not saying, I'm saying, I know exactly the cup they mean. She just wasn't into it. But if she had been, we'd have cleaned it as specified in the instructions. Yeah, of course. As instructed by the head honchos at... Anyway, so that'd be good to know other places around the world,

what a difference. Yes. I'd love to know what it's like in Asia, in sort of like Japan. I imagine that's a very efficient situation. I think that's what is interesting about this. Are there people listening in other parts of the world to whom our weird Britishish customs with parenting sound

absolutely mad yes and what way do you do it that you think is a better or worse way than we do it yeah that'd be that's great i mean to be fair we probably could have had that conversation off air and tied it up into a 10 second amount of podcast but you know we did it we got there in the end we got there in the end in today got there in the end. In today's economy, saving money is like an extreme sport. Coupon clipping. Robo code searching. It takes skill, speed, sweat. Unless we're talking Kudo's new phone, internet, and streaming bundle.

With the Happy Stack, you can sit back and stack up the savings on Kudo Internet, a sweet phone plan, Netflix, Disney+, and Amazon Prime, all starting at just $99 a month. Stack more, spend less. The Happy Stack, only at Kudo. Conditions apply. See yourself buying a home one day? Do future you a favor. Open a Questrade first home savings account and help that future come faster.

The FHSA is a tax-free account where all your investment gains are yours to keep and put towards your first home. With Questrade, you can open an FHSA online. No bank appointment needed. It's easy and only takes a few minutes. The sooner you get started, the more time your down payment has to grow. Open an account today at questrade.com. I've got some salty emails, Josh, unless you've got some more birthday stuff. Oh yeah, that's got me up. I've got a non-salty and salty Rob Beckett story. Myself and friends managed to get tickets to a warm-up gig for Ricky Gervais'

David Brent Band at the Bloomsbury Fierce in London. In the audience were several comedians. We spotted Rob Beckett walking to his seat. Instead of bothering Rob by talking to him, we decided to tweet him. The slightly cheeky tweet mentioned that we were at bloomsbury watching david brent live we also thought rob beckett would be taller so he's tweeting me saying i'm a little yeah the show sold out in minutes we were only able to get standing tickets at the back once the tweet was sent we could see rob get his phone out laugh and show his friend his phone then rob tried to like

type a reply saying i'm just really far away which is even funny we were literally standing right behind me lovely bit of business business yeah um anyway a few months later we were talking about this encounter at a friend's barbecue we decided to bring up the tweet on sam's twitter to show the other people present only to find that rob had gone back to the tweet and deleted the comment. How salty. Mark later buzzes. So what's going on there, Rob? Do you know what happened?

Basically, you know what I've got? I did a couple of Saturday night shows for the BBC. Yeah, they've made you delete all your salty tweets. No, I did it in case I said something awful about Ginger Spice or Lorraine Kelly. Oh, I see, yeah. Because we do know comedians that are close to us that have been caught with old tweets. Yes, not naming any names.

Not naming any names. Robert Schwenkenhafen and James Goulden. Yeah. But that's all got settled. They're fine now. But yeah, so I just basically saw a few of those stories and thought, you know, like the photo of Deli Alli

in a cardigan in the bathroom, that kind of stuff. You know, you don't need it. So that's why. So I wasn't being salty. That is just... I think all of my old... I think think but we're both with the same uh agent or agency yeah i think they came to me about two years ago and they're like we're deleting all of your tweets from three up to two

years ago or something well i think it's a good shout because the stuff changes so much it's something that would have been okay 10 years ago to say that can then be reproduced in a paper taking our context can just could ruin your career especially all that you know you hate to tweet about i i actually got involved in a um a long debate on twitter about a uh brand of child's cup that actually ended up with me coming to get my lawyers involved so yeah also josh i've had a few bits of correspondence about um some of our listeners that follow me and follow the podcast and instagram have been getting messages from a creepy little imposter pretending to be me oh so guys have a story if you got a message from and he called it because my name's rob beckett comic he's called himself and he used all my same pictures rob beckett com full stop and a c okay oh right and this is what he's been

sending to people so if you've had this message i apologize but it wasn't from me but i do think you can tell it's not from me okay yeah first of all hey sweetheart i don't say sweetheart but it's something you may think i would say no do. Do you think? Yeah, I buy that. Yeah. You know, I'm married. I'll always address all women as mate just to be on the safe side. I think that's the rule, isn't it now? Yeah, you usually call them munchkin, don't you?

Munchkin 180. Let's see how it goes. Hopefully we can progress. Hey, sweetheart, thanks for being a great fan. And also, thanks for your likes and comments under my fan page. I have been monitoring your page and I can see you're a true fan. May God continue to bless you. Praying hands, red heart.

May God continue to bless you sounds like you're about to assassinate them. Yeah, I mean, I'm not a religious guy either, Josh. I would never offer God's blessing without, you know, checking with him first. Him upstairs. So how has this been brought to your attention? Well, first of all, my wife was sent a very awkward message from one of her good friends thinking that I was trying it on with her. It's Rob OK? What's going on?

And she thought, I shouldn't have pushed for the dog so early. It was the kids going back to school. Yeah. But it was, yeah, which it wasn't the case, but it was a very awkward first five minutes. And I was like, I've probably been hacked. Panicking. But I wouldn't have said that anyway.

Yeah. But yeah, and then loads of other people did, and then we got it taken down in the end. So sorry if you've had a weird little message. That is superb. Do you want a question, Rob? Oh, please. So this is from Adam in Essex.

Here is my question. I am due to become a dad in March 2021. Once the baby is here, what are the things that I can do, open brackets, out of the norm close brackets in your experience the mum will really appreciate oh now I would say genuinely not this isn't out of the norm but I think the role of the dad is really in those first couple of months you've just got to do everything you can to make life as easy as possible for the mum who's got to do things that you physically can't yes get the house as tidy as possible all the little jobs done all the little jobs text

text the plumber text the plumber wash out the musk in 360 cook um do all of that stuff i think another thing is to remember how uh dehydrating it is to breastfeed so you'll constantly need to keep them topped up with water that made a wife sound like a goldfish yeah um but um what i would recommend on that is a lot buy one of those large jugs with a lid so they've got a constant two litres of water with them when they're stuck with a baby on them. Can I say what I think is quite a good technique, which sort of made us a little sane, is I think if you want to breastfeed fine,

if you don't want to breastfeed fine, up to you, right? I'm not going to get bogged down in that debate. Is that to Adam or is that to his wife? If you want to get involved, Adam, go for it, mate. If you can, do. Yeah, just do it. Adam, if you want to get involved adam go for it mate if you can do yeah just do it adam if you manage to breastfeed as well there's money to be made from those kind of magazines like best and stuff that do those weird well there's weird oh yeah take a break you know you could be you

could be semi-famous in dentist waiting rooms yeah um but what i'd say is i do think whether they're being breastfed or it's not it's formula one bottle of formula in the middle of the night I think fills up the kid and lets the mum sleep and I think that's a very underrated thing and you can do that because if you're not if they're breastfeeding all day or whatever it's a bit easier if they're already on formula but if you just give one bottle of formula in the middle of the night it means your wife or partner can sleep properly and be better in the morning to deal with everything I'd also think it's quite good to sort of encourage your partner to walk to the shops just to have 10 minutes at the house

or i think sometimes if they're breastfeeding and the baby's sort of like attached to them even if the baby's kicking off just go like you go out just go for a walk for 10 minutes i know you don't want to be away from the baby but just like have a bit of your own time and clear your head ever you know it's different for everyone else but I think that's good because sometimes it gets like three months and you realise, I've not been apart from this baby. Yeah, excellent tips. Another tip is if your baby, like mine, for the first three months has colic

and so screams for three hours before going to sleep every night, do consider taking your own life. But don't do it don't do it but but playing with the thought there's nothing wrong with that that's totally natural obviously don't don't do it also can i say i've got another thing as well to sort of this is great for a um either some i think it's any point of a pregnancy or just a nice thing to do for your partner. They do. Have you heard about this?

Don't feel worried this Josh posh advent calendars. Oh yeah. They're a bit lumpy, but they're incredible. Okay. So it can be like, they do one. They do like that.

Clinique do what I think Liberty do one or like the, the candle people do one. I can't Yankee candle. What it is, whatever they throw into candle beauty products. Right. And it could be costly but you get this like um and you can always also get the box do it yourself but make like a little advent calendar or buy one that every day leading up to christmas they get a nice little beauty product and i think if your wife's six month pregnant and it's getting that make you feel good about herself and it's something to look forward to

each day and then also you get so much because you get one bit every day there's something that should be able to use over the next sort of three to four months when the baby arrives and stuff that's good but that's they do them they get liberties like the pop prop and fortnum and mason are really expensive versions but then there are cheaper ones in different more high street shops there's a john lewis one and i think that it's it's rather than chocolate or sweets and stuff they are they are banging. But that is something that got me massive brownie points. There you go. There we go. Adam, I hope we have answered your question right.

Thank you for listening. See you later, guys. Bye. Bye.