Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S01 EP55: Carl Donnelly

Episode Date: November 4, 2020

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' - S01 EP55: Carl Donnelly Joining us in the studio this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) during the lockdown and beyond is the brilliant comedian and writer, Carl Donnelly .Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent INSTAGRAM: @lockdown_parentingA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Josh Middicombe. And I'm Rob Beckett. Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell. The show in which Rob and I discuss what it's like to be a parent during lockdown, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation... And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills... Each episode we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping.

Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you, the listener, with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Hello and welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell with... Can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. Can you say Josh Widdicombe?

Josh Widdicombe. Very good. What were the extra sound effects there? Well, that was obviously the TV on in the background, so I've got much respect for that family. But growing up, the telly was never off in our house. Same here. I remember I went down to visit my mum and dad once, and they're like, we was all sitting chatting,

and my dad was like, yeah, yeah, and he had the controller as we're talking. And I went, what are you doing? I'm just putting something on. I went, yeah, but we're putting something on like we're talking yeah it's good to have something on isn't it oh yeah not really no i don't what was you gonna put on is it something that you want to show me but now just reggie yates in china why would you want reggie yates in china on in the background for that background noise it's insane i just don't get it and they've got a sound bar so if ever i stay there i can never never turn the telly on it's

either telly on and silent or telly off and loud but who was that who was that that oh sorry yeah sarah smith has sent this in this is my two year old Charlotte with her older brother Jacob Who's five butting in Thank you Oh yeah we used to have the TV on all the time And then occasionally There'd be nothing on and my mum would say Shall we turn it off and have a chat

And I think you sicko Also do you know what I think that's why it put pressure On your anecdotes growing up. Because if my mum and dad have got Only Fools and Horses on, and I go, I want to tell you something, they'll leave Only Fools and Horses on. I go, go on then.

This guy thinks he might be more funny and interesting than John Sullivan. Off you go. And then it's, oh, God, it better be good. Do you know what I mean? Rather than just silence, everything's interesting in silence. If it was Rock and Chips, I think you were funnier than John Cumberbatch. Rock and Chips.

Proper hardcore Only Fools and Horses fans pretend that didn't exist. Sorry to everyone involved in that, but I just couldn't. You can't do it without Del Boy. For me, Only Fools and Horses ends in December 1996 with The Millionaire becoming episodes.

Everything after that. It's itchy, isn't it? Itchy. Yeah. I'm feeling itchy thinking about it. It was such a perfect ending. Such a perfect ending.

Yeah. Well, some said that about, you know, the 2012 Olympics. But, you know, people carried on going, didn't they, making shows? I'll have you know it was the Paralympics.

Oh, you've done me. Shall I tell you about my week or do you want to hear about your week? Do you want to tell me about your week? I'll hear about my week. What did I do? No, you tell us your week. Come on. It's not what I'm telling you about today, Rob.

Okay. So I've discovered a larger playground in Victoria Park. Have you only just found it? Well, no. I knew it was the hair, but I always thought it was too old. And so we gave it a go because she's now three. Too old as in archaic and falling apart or too old for your daughter? I'd say too old for my daughter.

But since you say that, 50% of the rides are behind fencing getting a refurbed at the moment so there's nothing sadder and it's got it's got three big slides like not like the slides where you climb up a ladder and go down yeah like the kind of you know the kind of mega slides where you have to like go up some stairs oh yeah the ones where like it's basically the first part of your life it's almost it's like uni for a toddler they're all up there with all their new mates just throwing themselves off yeah just have to hope they don't fall off so i didn't realize quite the impact of these slides so we went up to the first one i was like it's kind of done they built it in onto a hill really so you go up to this up the hill yeah and then um she went down the

slide at what i can only describe as a breakneck speed and then i kind of went down the steps to meet her at the bottom and saw that i'd missed the first time a sign saying seven year old or above seven three yeah three seven no wonder you could fit up there She's three. Yeah, three. Seven. No wonder you could fit up there. So she loved it. Anyway, we went down the big one with her on my lap a couple of times. That went well because I thought that's fine. That's a good middle ground.

37 plus, so 40, in fact. And then we went back today. Yeah. And it rained now yesterday it had rained and it was going very fast and then it stopped just after the rain it got like claggy and people couldn't even get down the big one they were having to shuffle down the slide oh too wet too wet yeah so today we get there there's a couple of kids struggling to get down the big slide after another rainstorm right yeah and i'm like and she's like can we go on the big side i'm like well this will be fine i just kind of shimmy down with her it's very claggy and i don't know what

happened rob but whatever i was wearing meant that i had a very different resistance to everyone else that had been on that slide. Was you in a big brown sack? So I was in a pair of jeans, right? Yeah. And so they hadn't even reached the flat bit at the bottom. They just had to get off at the bottom of the flat bit. I'm going to send you a photo of the bottom, and you can see my skid through the sandy water.

We can stick this up on um the insta so bear in mind where the where it starts to level out no one had ever made any progress of that and you can now see the skid of my ass in this photo i'm about to send you is that your ass that's my ass going the whole way down and i got the wettest sandy ass i've ever had in my life like properly wet through that is a steep it's like a soviet russian slide you said built into a hill it's built into like a concrete bunker that doesn't look like a fun place to go so and she made me do it again so i did it twice that is weak parenting but we did it again did you go all the way down yeah we just flew down again but i was just like

of course because we were going probably i don't want to overestimate 80 miles an hour oh god the fear though i put the two-year-old on my shoulders earlier. And you know when you put them up and then they move a bit? Oh, I don't like that. And then he went. And I was like, and I just walk in along. I go, he fell from like, you know, I'm not a massive man. But it's still five foot eight. It's too high to fall from.

I don't like the on the shoulder walk. No? I haven't got enough confidence. Despite the fact I haven't fallen over. I haven't got enough shoulders. I haven't got enough shoulder. despite the fact I haven't fallen over. I haven't got enough shoulders. I haven't got enough shoulder, but I'm working on that. Despite the fact I haven't fallen over since probably Gordon Brown was prime minister,

I still think that I'm going to fall over. Do you know what I mean? I've never thought about falling over. I've thought about dropping it, but not me tripping. But that is a concern, isn't it? The trip. Yeah, the trip. I've never thought of that. it's really good this you're giving more things to worry about well i've got my own health and safety concerns i have to put my child on a seven-year-old slide

seven's too old i then they're just bandying that number around to cover themselves i'm fully aware of that i understand hackney council we get it um understand do you want to hear about my week josh oh yeah i was just going to tell you I was almost salty with someone. Oh, tell me the saltiness. So I was almost salty with a drone operator. Okay. I was a guest on a new show on Dave. So they were bringing something in on a drone.

They do it in every show. All right. And I'm just about to go on, and Alex Brooker's been on the day before. Yeah. And I'm literally just about to go on. I haven't done a tv show in probably three months and so you're slightly nervous and he just comes up to me and he goes your mate was good yesterday

i was like all right yeah and he was like so you better be funny oh and i was uh i was very close to telling him to fuck off i think you should should. I just walked away. I just ignored it and walked away. I would have said, well, you better be good with that drone or we'll get another

fat virgin to come in and do your job, you loser. To be fair, drone operators are like rock and roll stars because they're basically people that have mastered it

before it became a job. And now they're like, I am rolling in the money here because all the TV shows want it and I'm the only one that can mastered it before it became a job. And now they're like, I am rolling in the money here because all the TV shows want it and I'm the only one that can do it. He wasn't aware that maybe you shouldn't get in someone's head before they go on. Yeah, I mean, I doubt if he were doing drones at the boxing, he'd say to Auntie Joshua, I saw Tyson Fury in sparring.

You're very good at punching. I hope you're good at fighting. Did you give him evils? What did you do? Did you just sort of laugh it off? I just walked off because we were in the dark, so I just walked off. I think in the future,

you should tell him to fuck off, but try and do it the jokey way. Do you think? And then they'll laugh it, and then he's got a good anecdote there because he's giving you a bit of banter. They're a bit blokey, some of the drone guys I've noticed.

And you could just go, I'll tell you what, mate, why don't you and that drone fuck off? And then laugh in his face and walk off. Because I'd be walking down the street and I'd get a drone in the head. Two weeks and down the line. Oh, can you imagine? I'll tell you what, though.

You do not want to be a bald man in TV now with drones, do you? There's no escape, is there? We're going to do a drone shot here. You what? I had another incident at a TV show. Oh, yeah? In fact, this relates back to something we've done. So we've talked before about me having not box fresh trainers on TV.

Yes, you're known for being a bit, as my mum and dad like to call it, soapy, dirty, looks like it needs a wash. Yeah, well, I wouldn't say you're known for that. I wouldn't go bandying that around like that. It's been said. It's been said, yeah. Last time I went round there, during Reggie Yates in China, your appearance did crop up. Say what you, during Reggie Yates in China, your appearance did crop up.

Say what you will about Reggie Yates, but you can see your face in those trainers. That guy, even in Beijing, his trainers are absolutely pristine white. So I had to do, they said a different TV show, right? But I realised that because I haven't bought any trainers in six months because i haven't had any reason all of my trainers were fucked except one pair of new trainers i had at the back of the thing that i'd worn once and then i i wore them went outside came back in them i'd stepped in dog shit rob okay and i had no other option of trainers and i was leaving at that point so you took dog shit trainers

in a bag but I thought I will clean it myself when I get there I'm not going to make anyone else clean that I so I bagged them up took them to Pinewood Studios and I was like I'll clean them so you're arriving at the TV she goes with dog poo bag yeah with dog poo bag yeah and Inko does the costume I know she does the costume on the last leg as well. She's like, have you got outfit? I was like, yeah, but I need something to clean my trainers because I can't make someone else do this. So I'm doing, I could say, it's Would I Lie To You.

It's a very popular TV show. And I'm crouched over the sink in my dressing room, cleaning dog shit off, wearing two. It feels like you're just getting content for the show yeah true or false 30 minutes ago i was cleaning dog shit off these shoes you should have put that one in a great one so anyway i've got she gives me those plastic medical gloves you'd wear you know what i mean that dentist wear people are so worried about covid and stuff now i think people like don't care about dog shit as much well the good thing is because people are so worried about covid you've got all the stuff you need to clean dog

shit off they've got all the ppe you need when you're doing so anyway clean the dog shit off the shoes delighted with myself take the gloves off go to makeup put on the makeup i'm thinking absolutely smash this out walk back into my dressing room realize i had thrown in my haste to get to makeup and throwing off the gloves i'd put them on my phone oh no and my phone was like wet with the dog shit gloves rob you can't clean them because the gloves are on them and they're dirty. The gloves are on the phone and the gloves are dirty. Because then it'll never end. It'll never end.

There'll always be something to clean. Exactly. Oh, dear. You've had a right old week, Josh. I've had a hell of a week. Had a hell of a week. Well, I'll tell you about my week maybe on Friday Oh, dear. You've had a right old week, Josh. I've had a hell of a week. Had hell of a week. Well, I'll tell you about my week maybe on Friday because I've got a couple of Instagram things from the listeners.

Should we do that? You know people talk about their kids saying the wrong things with pronunciation. This one from Carly Steele. My two-year-old got a Playmobil castle for his birthday. It was only then we realised he couldn't say castle and instead called it his arsehole, inviting everyone to come and play with my arsehole.

It made for a very interesting birthday party. The implication of that is that they did play with his arsehole. It made for an interesting birthday party. Because they took him up on that offer and they went for the arsehole. Here we go. What have we got here? It's gone.

Oh, this one. I don't know if you can help with this one. This is Joey Ireland said, hey guys, firstly, I enjoyed listening to your podcast immensely over the last few months. It's been very entertaining

despite the clear hell of parenting in lockdown you've portrayed sometimes. I find myself newly pregnant with our first. The world of books and apps is somewhat overwhelming right now. Can you recommend a good book

for first time dad? Yes. I've got a good one. The Governor, Lenny McLean. One of the most underrated autobiographies you'll ever read. What are you going to recommend, Josh? I think the best parenting book I've read is the Philippa Perry book, which is called something like The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read

or something like that. It's absolutely brilliant, and I would highly recommend it. There won't be much, won't be loads of use initially. Yeah, but when your daughter is bullying you to go on an unsuitable slide twice in a row, you'll know exactly what to do

in order for that to not happen. So you've used it really well, I think, Josh, in your life. Honestly, she'll grow up a very well-adjusted person. It's just her dad will have a consistently wet, sandy arse. and constantly panicking about tripping up also i should mention this by my two daughters right you know we've got we've got this like microphone thing that plays songs

you press a button it plays songs press a button there's applause you can record yourself you can put echo like little voices on it right it'll just toy anyway so they were really not turning them into yourself, Rob. Well, they're playing with... But it has, like, preset twinkle, twinkle little star songs. It's basically to sing, right? Yeah. They don't sing with it. I've walked past the other day,

they just take turns holding it and talking about their day. So they're essentially just both doing little stand-up sets. And then I went to heaver castle but they say where they went like it's a punchline amazing very young to realize it's mainly about rhythm well yeah that's there's no jokes there but it all the all that other stuff's there but that's weird i've never seen kids well we've both seen acts that have got away with that kind of shit for years, mate. Also, what's weird is that normal kids sing, don't they?

That's an interesting... I was thinking about this the other day. Do they know what you do for a living and understand it? Not really, because everyone's on screens. It's not that exciting to be on a telly. And they're too young to understand

that it's a TV show or something. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. They're not going, that's a great show. Jonathan Ross Do you know what I mean? Yeah. They're not going, that's a great show. Jonathan Ross is a really good show to get. Also, I've got a confession, Josh. Yeah.

I've started wearing female UGG slippers. Oh, my word. It's the comfiest my feet have ever been. What's the difference between a female UGG slipper and a male UGG slipper? Just comfier. Size, normally. No, basically, I'll explain. Lou's got these Uggslippers, yeah?

So I've been wearing her ones that are, like, size 6 or something, right? But, like, ramming my feet in, and she's been getting the ump with me for stretching them. So she bought me a pair, but they only do women's up to size 8. So I've had to squeeze them into an 8, but they do stretch, but it's so comfy. But the women's have got like this nice cuff. Have you got the boot? No, no, it's backless.

Oh, it's backless. So it's like a, it's sort of, and it's got a cuff. It's a sexy dress. It's quite sexy. I feel quite, I've always, yeah, I've always been quite jealous of women's clothes. Yeah? What would you dress as?

No, just the options. I'll just leg into the big T-shirt, probably. Just looks so comfy, doesn't it? Anyway, but yeah, that's my new thing I'm into, is women's slippers. A big T-shirt. I think, do you know what? I think you could get away with leggings and a big T-shirt

and some backless slippers. Well, yeah, I just think they make men's slippers too blokey. You're just like a little granddad soldier. Do a Photoshop or something, draw a picture and send it in to us of Rob dressed in his hungover women's clothes. Okay, Josh, we better wrap this up because people want to hear from our guests. But on Friday, we're going to be talking about my week,

which was quite stressful. Had the kids for four nights in a row on my own. So I'll explain about that. And we'll talk about lockdown because we'll know more than what's happening with it now because it's sort of going back and forwards. Kids are in school, we think. Thank God. But we'll talk about lockdown and my week of having the kids on my own

for four nights. And we've got lots of emails from you. If you want to get in touch this is how email us hello at lockdown parenting.co.uk or tweet us at lockdown parents or instagram lockdown underscore parenting and you can also send us stuff p.o box 76748 London E99DW Okay Rob who have we got today? We have got Carl Donnelly excellent comedian

one of the best comics on the circuit he's also done Mock the Week and a number of television shows and he is he's quite interesting

really he's his first time dad and he's what was it three or four months or five months four or five months when we did the interview but he's good and he's really funny, Carl.

So enjoy. Hello, Carl Donnelly. Thank you for coming on the show. Hey, mate. How you doing? Yeah, good. Rob, I should say, before you turned up in the interview, Carl said that he's been too guilty to play golf.

And I thought, that puts you in a very difficult position. Oh, really? You felt too guilty to play golf and I thought that make that puts you in a very difficult position oh really you felt too guilty to play golf well not I mean basically what happened was um so we had a baby uh almost five months ago the first couple of months when you know I I actually was relatively um I was playing golf too regular to have a two-month-old baby how often would you play well no I was sort of playing once a week which isn't that often but you know it takes so long it's so it's a full day out when you've got a brand new baby it's and i i was aware that but my wife was really insistent no it'll be nice you go and do that yeah you go you go see your friends and then um and basically what's happened in the last six weeks is just out of the blue my wife's old one one of

the old jobs she used to do called her and was sort of desperate for her to help out because they had a really busy period and it could all be done from home and so she's been working full time from home the last six weeks so i've been you know doing the all the lion's share of the daytime baby care and you know the odd times i can be like look can you just have her in the afternoon just next to you just messing around and i've got something else to do but i couldn't say can i go out for a you know basically a nine hour outing with my friends especially because you live in tat you live a bit further into town than me so like even for me it's four hours when you're there you You've got to get there about

half an hour before. I played the other day. It was a 45 minute drive. I was at the house for seven and a half hours. That's a 45 minute drive. You've hit a really long way there. Am I right? Golf banter.

I can be all right. I can be fun on the link. Honestly, golf banter is so... The crap banter the old men have at you know i can be fun on the honestly golf banter is so the the crap banter the old men have at golf courses they think they're hilarious it's shocking it shouldn't we really just shine a light on it it's awful yeah like you know the sort of golf terminology the sort of modern ones are really bad somebody like who is it i think it's john robbins i was playing with and he referred always might be jimmy mcgee and referred to a shot as a sally gunnell i don't know what's? He goes, a bit of a runner.

It's like, oh, come on, mate. You're 28 years out of date. Yeah, I know. That's one of the newer

golf terms as well. That's one of the new bit of banter. They really broke through after the Barcelona Olympics. A bit of a Linford, eh? Yeah. Oh, that Colin Jackson, that would have kept jumping up over the bunkers.

So you've got a five-month-old baby, Carl, and basically you're sort of full-time parent at home while you're a partner's wife. At the minute, yeah. And she is a wife. And she is, you know, she's working from home because that's what most people are but so she is only basically in the other room but i try and not interrupt as as much as i can you know but she's still being fully breastfed so every couple of hours i have

to like sort of bring her in and go like can you feed her and then i'll take her away and entertain her for the rest of the afternoon do you find it fun to entertain a five month old um i've been loving it but in terms of timing of uh chatting about it basically yesterday we got warned by some friends who've got a similar age you know we've got nct friends yeah we didn't really i've never been in a more underpowered and quicker dying WhatsApp group in my life. I don't know if either of you saw it. I put it on social media, but I had the thing that I feared the most,

which was I sent a message to the wrong group. And it was a message that was meant for three comedian mates. And I sent it to my NCT group. No, what did you say? It was a voice memo where three three I'm in a group of three of my closest comedian mates it's very sort of bantery I suppose but they always they've been winding me up about having new friends in NCT and so I left a voice memo that I sent to my comedian mates sort of saying no they're not you know they're just yeah there's people I'm friends

with because we've all got kids you know it's not like and i said there's only one couple that are actually really cool but i didn't mean it like that basically what i was doing they're actually all the couples are really nice but i just spent that afternoon with and we know we see we see them all regularly they're all lovely but that afternoon we'd spent with one couple in particular who we sort of i suppose we got the most similar lives to and um and my mates have been winding me up about hanging out with all these new parents i was trying to be sort of laddy and be like no they're not even real friends and basically i sent that voice memo to the nct group so what did they say yeah well i deleted it very quickly because one of the dads called me having heard it and went mate mate, you've sent that to the NCT group.

Oh my God. He saved the day. Cause I think I deleted it. And to this day, no one else has mentioned it, but he's the cool dad. He's the cool. He's the one I get on with the most.

They may have mentioned it in the new group they formed after that. NCT sounds. But what I was saying was um um but we got warned by some of the other people in our nct group that apparently between four and five months there can be a shift a developmental shift yeah that and we've sort of sort of got away with it a bit and then the last two days she's been quite frankly a nightmare i did because like she is just she's so hard to like normally i can entertain her quite easily now i've got what's your wonder wall what's your big hit well weirdly it's getting the guitar out she loves just sitting there watching me play guitar because i suppose she can you know it's sort of a lot going on she can hear music but she can see stuff happening as well um sometimes i do have to wear a turquoise cowboy hat which

i don't know that's something she's grown to like but you're now basically a country and western singer is what you're trying to tell us once lockdown fully ends that's what i'm gonna be i'm gonna be a musical comedian and yeah she's just the last few days of none of my tools are working it's she gets so bored so quick like i'm talking two minutes of one thing and then she's like right next oh god like a middle-aged king and is she sleeping all right she is she well she is but we're doing we're doing it a bit weird me and my wife are both sort of hippie-ish. So she's still 100% breastfed. I mean, she naturally wakes up more regularly for feeds. And we're co-sleeping, so she's in the bed with us still.

Okay. What's the line-up in the bed? Is she in the middle? Yeah, obviously. No, we put her down the bottom, across the bottom of our feet. But are you worried about rolling on to her? Well, no, because we're pretty safe. We've read a lot about it when she was due.

And, you know, one of the theories is co-sleeping is quite good for them first six months to sort of make them feel comfortable and not get any attachment issues and things so we just thought we'd try it but we did it for a few nights early doors to check the safety and realize we're both pretty safe sleep isn't you i think you sleep slightly lighter just because you're aware that yeah yeah is it nice that that must be quite kind of bonding right it's lovely like it's really nice you know obviously sometimes you're woken up by a baby that's crying but sometimes she you know she'll just wake up anyway before she yeah it does but before she yeah and also

you don't have to get out of bed to do something which i think is yeah my weirdly it ties in with my laziness really well because the cots you're supposed if they're on a cot it's supposed to be in the bedroom with you for the first six months anyway they say don't they so like it's only just like different position in isn't it? So you say quite hippie-ish. What other stuff are you doing, would you say, in the last five months that's been a little bit alternative to what would be more of a...

Let's see this as a companion piece for the Russell Cain podcast. Why, what's Russell? Is Russell a sleep training? Yeah. That sort of stuff, really. He got to go... I think you're not cut from the same cloth I'm going to say

Russell Kane got his kid to sleep through the night before it was born right it weren't even kicking in the womb he's just very militant

with it and Russell's so chilled about it he's been out such a laid back sort so I'm trying to think what other hippie things we do

so we're no dummies no dummies we've been doing what else have we been doing there's loads of stuff I've forgotten all of it we've not been using a pram oh it's all been carried

all in a carrier really yeah we've got prams I bought a big vintage pram and all. It's all been carried. Oh, wow. All in a carrier car. Really? Yeah, we've got prams. I bought a big vintage pram, and we took her out in it a couple of times early doors, but I just much prefer having her in the carrier. Yeah.

Do you find, you said she's getting bored and stuff, but I found either the carrier or, like, buggies facing forward when they're a bit older, they love that because they can just sort of see the world and see what's going on. Yeah, I mean, she's still, she's only just at the size where she can face out face out all right the carrier but like she just i just find i don't know it's more i'd say this one's more for me but it's i just like i find that the the hand freedom of just having a having the baby in your chest you can just do what you want yeah

yeah exactly no that's nice because i've got a very low body temperature or high, whatever. I'm very like, I never need to wear a coat, but I get very hot very easily. And I found the strapped to baby was like me wearing a, like I can't wear a woolly jumper because I get too hot. So the strapped to body heat of a baby was too much for me. It does get hot, I will say that. We bought a mesh one, like it's got a mesh outer thing, so it does give some ventilation. So it does, yeah, sometimes in the summer when I was wearing it, like, you know, I would take off the carrier, take her out of it,

and I would have a baby-shaped, like, sweat patch on my chest. Oh, yeah. That's real commitment. That's good. That's good dad points, that is. So you're five months now. What are we in now october so in many ways people go oh my god you had a baby in lockdown but to me that's the dream time to be having a baby because you're locked down anyway is that a fair analysis

yeah i thought it was the best it was the best timing in terms of it gave us a lovely distraction you know just in that yeah when everything locked down we were going into that sort of nesting phase Yeah, I thought it was the best timing in terms of it gave us a lovely distraction. You know, just in that, when everything locked down, we were going into that sort of nesting phase where you start getting everything prepped. And obviously nowadays you can order everything online. So it was getting the place ready, working out where everything's going to go, getting it ordered, and then just relaxing. You know, my wife basically got three months to put her feet up and watch Netflix and really relax and get sleep

and you know when the baby came along she was ready to go and then once the baby came along there was nothing else going on so we could just spend the first few months just and you never would have been able to have that much time off like with the gigs and stuff like you'd be traveling around the country touring and doing shows I planned a good few I planned like about you know three or four weeks off without doing any gigs even like London stuff and then I was planning on going back to normal really but yeah I definitely would have had weekends where I'm off in Glasgow or something yeah that's really puts a strain doesn't it when you're doing it on your own yeah well I would

have felt really yeah I would have felt really bad I think as well just knowing that especially during this period it's you know in the early days it is much the nights are interrupted and you know i think me just being away just doing a gig and then getting on the beers and yeah and lying about it on text going no yeah i'm just you know we're having one beer backstage and i'm in like the casino at two in the morning are you are you finding though that you like the thought now so you you said before that you did Birmingham Glee on Saturday. Yes. And that thought, you're going, I've got a hotel, and you've got a bed to yourself rather than three people in the bed.

Well, I did. I actually came back. I got a lift back to London with one of the other acts. Again, as yet, I'm not ready to do a night away. Don't get me wrong. Weirdly, though, I'm really, this do a night away. Don't get me wrong. Weirdly, though, what I've really – this is going to sound worse than it is, but I've really grown to appreciate an afternoon beer since having a baby.

Again, with some of the NCT group, we've had a little afternoon. In the summer, it was lovely, little barbecues where having a sort of end time for drinking of like 7 p.m when the baby's wants when you want to start putting them to bed it's a lovely end oh i find that tough i i find the hangover kicking on in the evening really tough you only have to have a couple i don't think he's gone to sambuca's at 3 p.m yeah i've misjudged it i've had a couple i did have did have a couple of days when it was in a period of adjustment. I used to be a real... Once I have one drink, it's like, that is me up until 6am. I'm going to be last man standing. But that

adjustment to being able to just have three or four drinks in an afternoon. A couple of times I slightly overshot the green. Don't get me wrong. Scunneled it. Roger Bannister. you heard of Jonathan Edwards I watched a great documentary

about Jonathan Edwards as world record oh I'd like to watch that that is the exact kind of thing something that's got a baby on them in the middle of the night would say like I'll put this on

this is good I definitely would have watched this if i didn't have kids i think i've i've had i've really found my viewing habits have changed like in the daytime if i ever had time and i wanted to watch something it would normally be something like you know the walking dead or some quite violent show yeah now during the day when obviously i'm entertaining a baby you know even if she's asleep I just can't bring myself to put anything violent on. I end up just watching really twee rubbish. Well, yeah, could you just sort of think,

well, I don't really understand it, but surely just the imagery of a zombie getting stabbed with an axe, it's definitely not going to do good. It may not be doing bad. And how did you find the labour and stuff? Because you're quite zen and quite chilled, but obviously that's such a stressful situation. How did you find the labor and stuff because you're quite zen and quite chilled but obviously that's such a stressful situation how did you find it i mean it was the most intense thing i've ever

been through but it was really chilled up to a point like we'd really planned it like my wife was really sort of certain she was going to have a natural birth so she got they mentioned in juice and she absolutely just refused and it was just it should it would been planned but then the last few weeks before uh the labor like she she was two and a half weeks early but her my wife's platelets dropped which is a blood thing that can happen quite it's quite common in pregnancy and basically we got told we weren't going to be allowed to use the birth center so they said you know you're going to be on the ward and in my head when they said ward i thought that's going to be like

Born Every Minute or whatever it is. One Born Every Minute where it's like really... They make wards look horrendous I think, those documentaries. It's all just really badly sterile. I hate that show. Because they're making it for telly. Even if there's not been

anything horrible happening or stressful happening, they'll just edit it in a way like it looked like it has. And I think it's an unfair representation of what's going on. They make it look really stressful. And obviously they're only cutting to it now. Each person now and again, it's just during the stressful bits. They're not really cutting to them when they're in between contractions and they're feeling all right and they're having a cup of tea.

But we got there and when my wife's water broke, and my wife, I couldn't believe it. It was saturday morning it was really early so we didn't think it was the labor and then she started saying i'm feeling a bit weird and then over the next hour she was like i'm having i think it could be contractions but it might be them what are them fake ones did you think that because it was a saturday morning she hadn't gone into labor that's not a saturday you will not go into labor until she's got sunday brunch i'm sorry i said you know what this is how hippie ish we are i've quite almost embarrassed saying this but um when they mentioned about inducing my wife and she refused that was like three weeks before the due dates my wife was like i'm not having that i'm

going to make sure that this baby comes before the due date and the night before this is absolutely true this is the friday night in question um it was a full moon my wife went out and did some bloody weird full moon ritual in the garden where she lit candles and made like you know what's it what's it called and you sort of i don't know if rob's gonna be able to uh help you out with this you guys know about wick and reed last time i did my full moon wizard party i um did a couple of fireworks but that's just because i like fireworks but she went out and did this thing and i went out and did you know sort of lit some candles with her and all that i didn't really know what was going on and then um basically that was the night before and we went to bed and the baby

came along in the morning. So there's got to be something to it. I'd say that sample size is not enough. You probably believe the mainstream media. I mean my heart says moon power, my head says coincidence. If that happened

after being pregnant for three months maybe two weeks before the due date what i'm saying is she might have just it might have just been her willing it to happen you know body started yeah they did have a curry and sex after the moon high but who knows who knows what it could have been uh but then yeah when we got to the hospital uh basically yeah she said she thought she was having contractions and this went on for a bit and it got to a point where she was like i really think it is and i downloaded an app to time the contractions and the first time i timed them for about two minutes the app said uh you are in labor go to the hospital and we went to the hospital and my wife was still like yeah you know

they're pretty strong but she was not just say in 12 hours you really swung from a moon party to downloading an app to time the contraction well that's the thing i'll tell you a bit once we get to the birth i'll tell you how you're a hippie up and you can be the biggest hippie in the world the moment things get real you just you would do anything mate i would have i'm a vegan i would have sacrificed a goat if they had said i had to to get that baby out but uh we yeah when we got to the hospital they did a quick check and she was five centimeters dilated which is you know pretty much you're in labor and then luckily though they they said oh we've got a really we've got the biggest room on the ward we went into it and it

was it was basically a birthing suite at a pool it had a lighting system that changed colors so it like had this change in light system yeah it was it was lovely so i set up my um my speaker and i had a playlist that was about two days long ready to go and it was all hippie meditation music and for about six hours we just sat in there listening to that and my wife just had contraction she was really chilled with it no problems and it was really nice it was a really relaxing afternoon and then finally then basically once her waters broke it just all went you know went that's when it goes so crazy that yeah to be honest i don't remember what was on the playlist at that point

and um and yeah and then it ended up sort of within an hour she was the plan was you know no intervention but she ended up you know in the stirrups and they had to sort of work to get it out the baby sort of wouldn't turn the corner which i don't know what that means it sounds more like it's having some emotional problems but yeah stop drinking but he still goes to the pub so yeah that once that happened it was uh it was quite quick and then the baby was out and then we got a few hours uh when i could stay but then because of restrictions she had to stay in and i was i was carted off home and then i they also kept her in the next day and i wasn't allowed to visit so that was a bit brutal oh what did you do golf do you know what i actually did i played um fifa on the xbox with my mates online uh because i needed because i

needed a distraction really i think they knew just to keep me company. Once again, you're only a hippie so far, aren't you, pal? Of course. A hippie with Wi-Fi. Here's a funny one. They asked in the evening on Saturday, the baby had been born about an hour before, and they said, do you want to keep the placenta? And we both naturally...

To beat you in it? Yeah, we both went, yeah. We didn't know what to do with it or anything but we said yeah we'll have it and then um they put it in a tupperware for you which is quite nice and i brought it home the saturday night i got home about midnight and i went to put it in the freezer and the freezer was full right so there was no room in the freezer and all in the bottom drawer i've got this big bag full of vegetable scraps that I make vegetable stock out of about once every month.

And I thought, well, I need to make room for the placenta. So at quarter past 12, the night of my daughter's birth, I found myself making vegetable stock to make room for a placenta. What are you going to do with it? Is is it still in there it is still in there it's actually weirdly today i've defrosted the freezer so i've got it in a cold box today uh just surrounded you can get it made into pills can't you which may be really good to take yeah you can do pills you can have it made into jewelry which i will say is the worst looking jewelry i've ever seen um you can ever seen. Some people plant it under trees, which I don't think is good for a tree. But, you know, there's weird – so we haven't decided what we're doing with it yet.

Maybe just keep it on ice forever. And you're a vegan. I don't know if your wife's a vegan. Is your wife a vegan as well? She is, yeah. She is. So are you going to raise your child vegan? I think – well, it's a weird one, isn't it?

Because, like, naturally, I think we will. Because of what you're eating and stuff, yeah. Yeah, it would be weird if we were making a vegetable dal or lentil dal and suddenly frying her up some chops. Yeah, but they fucking love fish fingers. Oh, really? And chicken dippers. Like, we don't even really eat them,

but they just, for some reason, they end up end up eating them yeah i suppose it's weird that i'm vegetarian but my wife is like basically vegetarian by definition if you know what i mean just by living with me and i mean i don't know what she eats when i'm not there but like bringing the cow but like but um she she loves fish fingers my daughter but i don't know whether she'll you know i think she'll probably just kind of ease into you know eating the same as i think so right but i mean we're not gonna we're not we're not strict like we're strict with ourselves in terms of veganism like in turn but what i mean you know i don't go near any meat or anything but if other people do i've got most of my friends they come around for a barbecue at mine or something i'm always

say look if you want to bring some meat and chuck it on the barbecue i'll make a little fuck off but no i you know i'm pretty chilled about it all about yeah i think if you know when she's of an age well you know imagine she goes to a friend's house and eats some meat product. I'm not going to be calling up the parent in hysterics. Yeah. That's the thing, isn't it? I think if anyone

that's too strict with the kid over anything, whether it's drinking or veganism or anything, the kid just wants to go against it. I think we'll just let her be. But when we cook, it'll always be, you know, some really bad vegan food that she'll hate. What's weird is, Carl, because, you know, I know I've given you a technique about, like,

sort of having the internet and stuff, being a hippie, but you are, like, I'd say you're sort of very into that sort of alternative stuff and, you know, being vegan and stuff and all the different things you do. But, like, growing up, I think you and i probably have very similar backgrounds in like quite sort of tough working class families in south london and i'd say that what your way you live now and the way that your dogs will live will be the complete opposite of how you were brought up absolutely my parents couldn't you know they can't they can't they cannot understand my lifestyle you

know when i went vegan my mom still doesn't know what it is really she keeps asking you always ask me if tuna is vegan that's like a regular question but also just a way of you know my parents were old-fashioned working-class irish people and like you know they their way of parenting everything everything they did and not in a horrible way but i'm i'm really conscious to try and do it in a much more modern way you know my mother try and give she's really bad with my brother actually um like she's always trying to give my brother parenting advice and right you know so me and my brother sort of look at each other and like i don't think she's in a position like we we know what her parenting skills were like because we were there we saw them firsthand and have learned uh from their mistakes so what kind of parenting were you did you grow up with carl well they were just um quite you know it's not their own form my dad

i don't think was a particularly uh what's the word natural dad you know he was oh he was 43 when i was born so there was no He was 43 when I was born. He's uncomfortable around kids, which is awkward when you've got two of them. We never played with him. I don't remember once ever playing with my dad. I think he waited until I was in my teens

and we could hold a conversation before he actually learned to communicate. He's never been very loving. He's just naturally an old-fashioned bloke. Do you know what I mean? He just fits in the corner and grunts now and again and just constantly watches telly.

And my mum is quite a neurotic Irish woman. When I say neurotic, I mean to a pathological level. So she was always so stressed and anxious about everything that that sort of you had to i don't mean my brothers i definitely just sort of went our own way quite we were quite independent from a young age because we were like i don't think i think we've outgrown these people like by our early teens so we just went off and you know did our own thing because you've always been quite grown up haven't you i'd say like i mean i never knew you as a teenager i've known you for like last 10 12 years yeah i think you've always been quite grown up, haven't you, I'd say. I mean, I never knew you as a teenager, but I've known you for the last 10, 12 years.

Yeah. I think you've always been sort of, even when you were young on the comedy circuit, you was almost like an elder statesman, the grown up, like the older brother of everyone. And you've always sort of been older than your years, I think.

I've always felt older. I remember I started cooking my own dinners when I was at home when I was about 12 because I didn't like my mum's cooking, which I think, looking back, that is rude, isn't it? At the time, I think I thought, it's just it'll take the load off her, you know, so she doesn't have to stress.

And I can cook myself what I want to cook. And I learned to cook from doing that. But looking back, I do think that is, I'd take that personally if my daughter, when she's 12, go, look, you take a night off, mate. I'll cook yeah so do you think though there's because this is something i've sort of read up upon where if you were parented in a certain way you'll sort of almost try and counteract that with your own

child and whereas you were maybe left your own devices and to be a grown-up quite early on do you think there might be a danger that you may not um like overcompensate not smother your daughter but like are you worried that you maybe do too much for her and then that way she gets a bit muddy coddled definitely i mean there is yeah i'm pretty certain i'm gonna probably veer too far that way because i'm i do and it's mainly because i want i want her to grow up and like me and trust me and actually be able to go to me get me the guitar and the cowboy hat let's go love me love me love me I think it's it's quite as almost a sad point to it but I want her to I want to I want her to like

me when she's older and go to me if okay I'll feel like she can come to me if she's got problems. Or, you know, I would never go to my parents if I had a problem. I'd go to my mates. I've got mates who I'd go to way before my parents. But I've never asked them for anything. And it's not just because of their financial situation and the fact they haven't got any money and things like that. It's more just I wouldn't go to them for emotional advice or anything really just because i think i was always like that's not really their forte where so i want to be able to at least offer that to my child so she if she's ever in dire

straits or whatever she can actually come to me not just think well i need to go through my whatsapp list to see who else i can ask would you find that you parent in a different way to your parents, Rob? Not many people know that Russell Kane was brought up on a hippie commune. I don't know, really. Not yet, really. I think it's more when we were treated like you go out and you get a job type thing at like six. I always worked from like 14 and stuff. And not that I want my

kids not to have sort of that same work ethic but I think the proof will be more with the teenagers so it's just trying to find that balance of I don't want to go too far one way or one too far the other but it's just trying to get that the right balance of yeah go out and work because you need to work to get money but also I think that instilled a fear in me of like oh my god we need money we need money type of thing rather than it sort of being a bit more relaxed. But you go to it and get some money. That's not the be all and end all. And I think that's why some people from working class backgrounds can get consumed by the earning of money and getting the Rolex or the flash car or that to prove that you've got the money.

So you've got the money. It's all going to be OK. But actually you're sort of running on a subconscious level of fear that it's all going to go away the whole time. So that work ethic they instilled in me was brilliant and really helped me in my career however you want to try and make sure it's not too ingrained that it defines you and then you never stop to relax and go it'll be okay we'll get on whatever happens do you know what I mean so I think that's why it's interesting with Carl and Carl's gone you know I'm a bit sort of hippie-ish and arty-farty to my family, but Carl has gone even beyond.

I love that you are hippie-ish and arty-farty to your family. That is absolutely amazing. Nobody paints a picture of your family in our mind. It's mental, isn't it? But they're like, you... Here he bloody is, old Jim Morrison walking in. It's mental, isn't it? But they're like, you'd start... Here he bloody is, old Jim Morrison walking in.

My dad, I drove my parents up to see my brother. This was just before lockdown. And my brother lives in Nottingham. And I took my parents and my aunt Ginny. And my mum and her sat in the back just talking incessantly, as old women do, where they just commentate on everything that happens. And they're all in their baby carrier yeah at one point i overheard them that we went past one of them big wind turbines and i just heard my mum go jesus jenny look at the size of that like that right and then we went past another one

about three minutes later and she went i know i said it before but jesus would you look at the size of it she just kept commentating on every wind turbine we went by and then my dad this is this is what my dad's like my dad got in the car when i picked them up and i was listening to meditation music it was just like whoa and my dad sat down and just asked he goes are you listening to hoovering that's what i've got to deal with my whole life do you because you're very kind of relaxed as a person yes and parenting is arguably the least relaxing pursuit you know at times do you find when you're woken up at 2am or when you're struggling to do something is it difficult to remain zen for want of a better word uh not so far i've been pretty good i genuinely

would say yesterday when she was having she had probably the most neurotic day she's had since she was born you know when i mean and what i mean by that is when their first few weeks they literally don't know what they're doing today they're just a ball of noise and they're just they're so new to the world but so i think then you can it doesn't really matter if they're crying because you totally understand that they to them it must be terrifying to come out into the world but you know since she's become much more aware and fun and laughy and giggly like she's actually been really she's a really chilled out baby and then yesterday was the first time she was pretty much non-stop quite difficult all day and that's the closest i've got to like to not being able to just

sort of contextualize it and go it's fine she's a baby you know i mean that's what i'm yeah i read i don't know if you did it but i read a lot of books while my wife was pregnant i thought i just you know i've got enough time i'll just do the reading during lockdown and you know just at the start of the year we were traveling we went over to aust and stuff so I had a lot of time to read and I read a lot of parenting books and child psychology books and I think I just got I really tried to drill into myself to never ever think that the baby is doing it to annoy you that's what I think a lot of parents get into that mind frame when a baby especially once they get to about four or five months when they become a bit more conscious people think they're trying to manipulate you or they're trying to do they

know what they're doing they're really needling you and it's not true they're not they're not developed enough to understand that but at this point five months in i'm still whenever she's crying or in you know i always think of it i put myself in her position and go look she's just of course she's upset she's five four and a half months old and there's just been a loud noise or whatever something obviously is causing this yeah so i'm at the minute i'm being chilled about it there's a still inside you the little oik from tootin carl that surely at some point goes off for fuck's sake yeah a little bit never erupts you know what? The thing that keeps annoying me is, because I've coped with the tiredness really well.

So has my wife. And considering she's breastfeeding still through the night, it's unbelievable how well she's dealt with it. But I've realised I'm mentally relatively normal. I don't feel exhausted. But I think that's because I'm diverting all my energy to my brain. My body, I'm the clumsiest i've ever been i knock everything over my wife just hears me throughout the day every half an hour knock something over and go oh shit like in the other room

that's all you can hear just around the house throughout the day so yeah i definitely i think i still get annoyed about that level of clumsiness but in terms of the emotional side as yeah i've somehow managed to maintain this sort of zen yeah and when are you planning on moving uh the baby out of the bedroom like into their own room if you've got a plan for that you're just going to see how it goes yeah we're just going to see how it goes i think yeah we haven't actually bought a cot yet uh so which is quite five months in we've not bought a car but we um we are looking at one so we're going to get one of them probably when she's about six months and start seeing if she wants to maybe have her own space and that and it's very much baby led yeah just have a quick

discussion with her if her first words are seriously can i not sleep somewhere else bloody annoying let me have my own bed get off me stop breathing on me dad why do you wear the cowboy hat to bed it's weird oh do you know what this is gross but um i think i've i've in the last couple of weeks i think i've developed sympathy nappy rash with my daughter this is where the hippie stats come in now for this well because i've i'm a naked i've always been a naked sleeper, right? For like, well, not always. For the last decade, I've never slept in any layers whatsoever.

I hate it. What was the turning point, really? Because I've always been a naked sleeper, but it's only in the last 10 years. Was there a turning point? Just dick was too up? Well, when she came along and she was in the bed, I felt a bit, I don't know, I felt a little bit grotty with just having my willy flapping around next to her. So I thought I've got to put a layer on.

How far down is she sleeping? That's why they call him the wind turbine. Look at the size of that. As she grows, I don't want that to be like the barometer. The day she, her foot just touches my knob. I don't want that. be like the barometer the day she sort of her foot just touches my knob so i just i thought do you know what out of you know just out of some level of and also because you're up and about a lot in the night yeah i thought it's good to at least have a layer on in the night time if you you know go into your walking around the house and stuff so i i started

wearing a layer basically a box of shorts in bed and because i haven't worn it for so many years i've basically got nappy rash because it's too warm and my bits and pieces are used to having air oh wow so you having to put on the same stuff as her are you both lying there and putting on your i do what i do i've got legs up let's go both of you do the cream all around going through tubs it. We got given a cream by a friend who sent like a lovely hamper of like goodies. And one of the creams,

and she's like a hippie. She's still, she's still got her, she's got like two grown up daughters and she's still got the placenta for them. But she, one of the creams was like this calendula hippie cream. And I put it on Twyla one day

and she cried the house down it was like i'd put acid on her and then i just thought oh well i don't know maybe she's allergic to it or something i went back to the other stuff i was using that she really likes and then when i first started getting a nappy rash i put the calendula cream on it and it stings like anything mate it's like squeezing lemon juice on it again this is where you draw the line you can be a hippie all you want the moment it's a natural thing that stings you're like give me the give me the thing with 800 ingredients but the most of them are numbers i don't know why this needs crushed up bones in it but it works i'm gonna wipe it on my arse. Have you heard about,

my wife read a book about it and it's about how you can potty train from birth. Have you heard about that? Catherine Ryan thinks this as well, you can potty train early doors. I think it was her that might, I think my wife might have heard Catherine mention it.

This is the least Carl Donnelly thing I've ever heard in my life. 42 minutes in, the interview's taken a real turn. But apparently you... You can put them on the naughty step from one week apparently no but by potty training i don't mean that you've got to make them go on a potty what what it is is like basically the theory goes babies don't want to piss and shit themselves no one wants to right and it's actually we train them to do that by putting a nappy on them and giving them the option i suppose if like if you wore a nappy for two weeks i reckon there's no coming back right even as an old adult well

it sounds like a test we could do rob if you're up for it and we all need content i think that's got comic relief written all over it david walliams does his swim and rob wears a nappy for two weeks but yeah the theory is that basically they only do that because we let them and train them to do it so actually the natural thing is if you you know if if you start learning their cues when they're going to do it and then you just hold them over the toilet or hold them over a potty and then just they naturally progress to just do it naturally but we tried it a couple of times and got piss on our sofa i'm gonna say it's difficult to pick up on the i need a piss

cues of a one week old really i think the the piss cue i think is much easier than the when they're gonna shit themselves i've noticed like my daughter has a sort of thousand-yard stare when she's about to do a piss. Right, yeah. If they're proper, you know, she looks like she's going through some shit. Like, if you look off into the distance, like she's remembering an old friend who's passed.

Are you still getting those horrendous, like, yellow shits that go all up their back? That you just think, how can this much come out of a kid yeah when it goes through like their jumper you're like oh my god because weirdly she because she's a hundred percent breastfed we've not given her she's had nothing else she's and uh so that means she doesn't shit that often currently she did all the time and then when they get normally exclusively breastfed babies when they get to about four months that they start stretching out the first time it stretches out is terrifying we went six days without one oh my god and it's when they get normally exclusively breastfed babies, when they get to about four months, they start stretching out.

The first time it stretches out is terrifying. We went six days without one. Oh my God. And it's totally natural. Where did you go? Glastonbury? But that meant that it was a ticking time bomb. We knew that when it happens,

it's going to be a catastrophe. And it was just, I mean, it was mayhem when it happened. Just everywhere. It was, I mean, every item. I think the clothes ended up going in the bin because we tried washing them twice and it just wouldn't come out.

It was that thick and the texture changed and it was, oh, it was bad. Yeah, we were using reusable nappies, but she shits so much we had to throw clothes away every time. Had to have a bonfire afterwards. Rob? Yes? Do you want to ask your favourite question? Yeah, it's my favourite question, Carl.

Basically, and this is your opportunity now, if there's a way that your wife's parenting, that it annoys you and you want to say something but you've not found the right time without it kicking off between you, is there something that she does that grates on you that you'd like to get off your chest now? So if she did hear it back, you could have a conversation. So, for instance, Matthew Crosby was quite angry that Charlie put those bibs,

the kind of coat bib things, that she hung them on the tap in the sink. But he'd not got the guts to tell her. Let me think. Well, weirdly, mine is, it's not, I not got the guts to tell her um let me think well weirdly mine is it's not i'm not annoyed about it let's just let's just start with that that's always a great caveat to put in when you are just to cover yourself but imagine it was really big now it's like actually i think the way she talks to me yeah i would argue i would argue if it didn't annoy you you wouldn't have one as quick but that's just what i think that's fine you know i'm not annoyed about it but that affair she's having and not telling me about it's really

it's really great in on my confidence um no it's there's almost i'd say there's there's nothing but if i had to try and find something it's oh yeah we're forcing you now we're really you know. It would probably be... I'll tell you what it is. It's the muslins left around the house. Basically, this has been one of the biggest transitional things. I'm very neat. I like a very tidy...

No, because I don't like things being left around. I mean, an empty cup. It's not like an annoy... I don't get annoyed about it but i just don't understand why if there's a cup on the table you couldn't just put it in the sink or in the dishwasher so i've you know i've had to get used to the fact there's a lot of stuff around just because when that's what happens yeah maybe comes on but just i just constantly find muslins everywhere just that's everywhere use what this is obviously you know

and i can't criticize her for it because she's you know up at all hours of the night she needs them just around everywhere but for me i just i'm like you know you could have you could have just put it back in the in the bedroom in the muslin drawer or the dirty wash i mean it's only gonna get worse because I thought for the first six months, I thought we're just very tidy parents. Yes. We're just very tidy. No, there's not toys everywhere.

But of course there wasn't toys everywhere because she couldn't walk around throwing toys everywhere. I once, when I was on tour, put my tour jeans on and as I put my leg through it, a muslin came out the end that had been in the jeans i've been heckled from home your tour jeans well like i've got an outfit i'll wear so because to make it easier i've like an outfit i'll wear on stage right that i just hang up in the corner so whenever i go i just grab that right but somehow even in the madness thought it got in my

jeans the muslin and i actually performed once with, it got in my jeans, the muslin. And I actually performed once with it. It was at the back of the leg. And I was like, that's so weird. I think it's a stock or something. And I pulled it out. But I'm sorry, it'd be the muslin. So we'll try and get that fed back to her, Carl.

And then she can always come in here and complain about you. What do you reckon she'd say about you? I would say, me, it would be, I always forget to empty the nappy bin we've got yeah that is i'm really bad at and again this comes from almost a sort of clumsiness i currently have i just i'm constantly forgetting to do physical things around the house just you know because all my brain power is going to actually looking after the baby my chore doing i definitely think has taken a hit have you found how are you on stage joe you still remember the routines and it's all are you distracted or you find it as a good like a nice mental break weirdly when i'm doing a set i feel like i'm i've not lost any mental power whatsoever i feel like i'm actually i can do that and i can think through an idea and do a routine

i've when i've compared a couple of times and I've been rubbish. I've always thought I'm a good comparer. I think I'm quite quick. Yeah, you definitely are. I've always seen you do really well. But I've done a couple of gigs where I've compared and I've got nothing, man. I'll just ask somebody in the front row.

That's the tightness creeping in, isn't it? Oh, it's bad. I don't even realise it. You know when you find yourself just having, yeah, when you're on stage sometimes and you're not firing on all cylinders and you start having a bit of banter and about two minutes later you realise

you're just having a conversation. It's just nice to talk to someone sometimes, Carl. We've become those comics that when we started out we used to look at the older blokes and be like, oh, look at that. He's got nothing going. Little did we know that poor fucker hadn't had enough sleep. He's just trying to

get through with some Brokeback Mountain checked shirt stuff. Or do that amazing thing where they criticise the person for being boring. It's like, hang on. The responsibilities make it funny does lie with you, mate. Of course he's boring. That's why he's paid 18 quid to come and watch you.

And he wants a refund oh cheers carl that's been brilliant it's been absolutely absolute pleasure thank you very much carl and um the two people we've had on that said um that they read a lot of books in the build-up were you and russell kane so i'd love to see the uh venn diagram of those libraries yeah i mean to be honest i reckon I read some of the ones he did. I actively read some of the ones I thought I'd disagree with. There's a very famous one called Why French Children Don't Throw Food, which is excellent. But it talks about the French way of parenting, which is very much you get them onto your schedule as quick as possible

rather than the other way around. He read that book going, this is the one. And you were going, God, check out yeah guys it's a baby for christ's sake but yeah it's uh yeah i recommend i recommend doing the reading for any perspective what would be your three books to read my my favorite ones i read a few of them actually he's got there's a guy called oliver james who's a child psychologist he wrote a famous one called um they fuck you up which is about your parents so it talks about how your parents influence you and then he wrote a follow-up called how not to fuck them up which is about children and like how you should and he's a big purveyor of just you know you've got to do they're a baby

you're an adult don't ever act like they have the same sort of cognitive ability as you you've always got to accept that they're gonna cry they're gonna do all this and it's more about just just try and give them everything they want for at least the first three years you know just so they don't develop quite serious detachment issues and things like that so some of the stuff he says is quite worrying things you can do so when a two your child's two that they'll really pick up on and might develop into some weird fetish when they're older you know so i found that the most them two the most interesting and that friend the friend why french kids don't throw food i just found really fascinating because you forget that different countries even as close as france have such a different view of parenting

than we do so yeah them three would be my favourite ones. Thanks, Carl. It's been great. Thanks, Carl. Brilliant. Cheers, mate. Cheers, guys. Carl Donnelly there, the working man's hippie. The working man's hippie. I think you've got the range of hippie from Carl on one end to you on the other to me kind of halfway between the two of you.

Well, I mean i i meditate but i'd never listen to the soundtrack in the car listening to the soundtrack in the car is and i don't want to say this to his face fucking unhinged and also you know that's going to cause an argument with your dad when he gets in yeah yeah exactly if you're thinking well we're a bit different me and my dad i'll just pop on the uh the uh meditation music before he gets in the car put on some chas and dave meet him halfway or coldplay cut no one's angry with coldplay they're just accepting the coldplay except travis yeah um but um yeah that was great though it's so so different to um like russell k that's what i love about doing this is completely different ways people parent and stuff totally and what's fascinating i think what's going to be fascinating with doing

this is i really already excited about checking in with carl in six months or a year's time to see how it's changed yeah i think it's that sort of honeymoon period of the kids when they start moving the kids that's when it's deadly when they start running around and doing stuff and let's let's be honest not as excited as i am about checking in with ellis and izzy that's the one we're all excited about revisiting what's happened since then yeah but yeah ellis that that still haunts me when he goes i just accepted this is my life now just looking at the window trying to get a bit of sun um thank you to Carl. We will see you on Friday. Yep, see you on Friday.