Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S01 EP57: Konnie Huq

Episode Date: November 10, 2020

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' - S01 EP57: Konnie HuqJoining us in the studio this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) during the lockdown and beyond is the brilliant television and radio presenter, screenwriter and children's author - Konnie Huq.Konnie's new children's book 'Fearless Fairy Tales: Fairy Tales Vibrantly Updated for the 21st Century' is out now! Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent INSTAGRAM: @lockdown_parentingA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Embrace something new at Starbucks. Introducing the Ice Lavender Cream Oat Matcha Tea Latte. A creamy drink where smooth matcha meets subtle floral notes. From our airy lavender cream cold foam. Only this spring, only at Starbucks. Ice Lavender Cream Oat Matcha Tea Latte includes dairy. Hello, I'm Josh Whittacombe. And I'm Rob Beckett.

Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell. The show in which Rob and I discuss what it's like to be a parent during lockdown, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation... And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills... Each episode, we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you, the listener, with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because, let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing.

Hello and welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell with... Can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. Can you say Josh Whittakin? Josh Whittakin. Pretty strong. Loved it. One of my faves, that. Well, it's about to go up a notch, Rob.

Oh no, what? Hi, Rob and Josh. He's not hereaves, that. Well, it's about to go up a notch, Rob. Oh, no, what? Hi, Rob. He's not here with us tonight. This is from Jessica Tams. Yeah. This is Jacob, three, who after doing several takes of this is now obsessed by your names and has named several of his Brio trains after you.

This is a real honour and a much-deserved one, given your podcast cheers me up and therefore makes me a better parent. Thank you, Jess. There we go. That's's lovely isn't it what an honor yeah we should go to an unveiling did you have brio as a kid no i'd actually i think it's just like wooden trains wooden trains i think we had a bit of brio knocking about it was like the original one and now i think we've got the knockoff now i think we we've got the one that's exactly the same, but not on brand. From the Ikea version. Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

Josh, how are you? I'm all right. Yeah, I'm good, actually. Yeah, no, I'm fine. Right. I'm absolutely vibing. Are you? I think we're the opposite of NSYNC, aren't we, Rob?

This double act works because we're completely not on the same page. We're the opposite of Ant & Dec. We never know what the other's going to think. Exactly. But I think that's a good thing because I would neither want anyone to listen to a podcast where we were both at a low. Oh, God, yeah. Or worse, one where we're both at a high.

No one wants to hear that. I'll tell you why I'm excited first, and then you can tell me why you're not. Basically, I don't really follow politics and all that, but we can all agree Trump's hard work. He's a nightmare and all the news i've been what i didn't realize how depressing the news was until i saw like people happy that joe biden won the presidency and just watching people be happy is so thrilling it really is what are these guys what are these guys doing? They're like singing and jumping and happy. What is that? Is that a thing that can be achieved?

What is that? Do you know what? Not with parenthood. No, but vaccine. There might be a vaccine, Josh. Rob, genuinely, it's the best week of news of all time. It feels like this week has been my reward for four years. I mean, look, let's face it right i

people are all going oh you know bill gates and oh yeah bill gates i'd let bill gates put his entire hand up my ass if it meant i could go to an arsenal game get pissed at liam gallagher gig right and do my tour i would i'd let him do whatever he wants to me i don't care what he puts in me you've genuinely named three of the roughest crowds in the uk haven't you arsenal obviously for me i'd like to go to the natural history museum taking the tape mod and then do one of my uh tour shows as well um josh why are you all right what's up uh so we're trying to get her to do a bit more independent play rob i'm glad you brought this up because at the weekend you texted me

and I felt sad for you. Yeah. You seem very stressed. You can't watch any football. I genuinely, the last time I watched a football match, Rob, Jose Mourinho was the manager of Chelsea. But we've made a lot of progress with independent play actually in the life now this won't surprise you Rob but I was excellent as a child at independent play oh I can imagine

that you'd get a little thing set up and you're away you're loving it exactly and not not just in the situation where I was at home even if there was other children about obviously I was the king of independent play so are you blaming your wife for the reason why your child can't do independent play? Is that what you're saying? No, I'm not. You're saying she gets it from her? No, I'm more blaming myself for trying to always talk to my child. Because I'm worried that if she's on her own, she's a bit of a loner.

Oh, is it? Do you reckon that's what it is? I think it might be. We've decided to pull back from constantly going, we read a thing and it was like, you know, let them play. And I realised I was constantly checking in on her. Constantly. Oh, right. You were smothering her with sort of options.

I was smothering her with options. It's only you go five guys. I don't know what toppings I want. The analogy I was going to use is when you do your your a levels we're very different people rob yeah i didn't have any options um well i can't do them cool good to know all right that's an option isn't it not doing them um so she we yeah i think we were smothering her with options so we were like is she bad independent play and magalie who runs the nursery who's uh like a friend of ours who runs the nursery she was like

no she's not bad at independent play at all she does it all the time at nursery so so then you're going who are the bad apples here put your hands up it's ourselves yeah and it's great you can take it on the chin like that you're taking responsibility j, Josh. Exactly. We've put her up for adoption. She's going to have a better life. No, but also with the independent play thing, we changed the light in a, like the lamp in a bedroom to one that she could turn on. This morning, 45 minutes, we could hear her independent playing, mate.

She turned the light on in an independent play? She turned the light on, independent played, went in. you could see that she'd been putting her teddies under a bed like putting them to bed under a little bed thing she'd got you're like this is this is so kind she must have woke up and gone i've been asleep all night and they've not got a wink let me tuck them in exactly so i was in quite a bad place because you texted me. Yeah, you sounded. It was four o'clock on a Sunday and I was loud on the sofa. And I had two children independent playing, even though when they had options, they were smothered with options, but were still independent playing. So is independent playing easier when there's two of them? Because they're codependent playing, I suppose.

Is independent playing easier when there's two of them? Because they're codependent playing, I suppose. Yeah. Yeah. Not to get too, like, you know, middle-class parented about it. I don't think this conversation's ever been had, ever. Was it codependent? But, yeah, basically, I do think with two,

it's a nightmare until they can both play with each other, then it's amazing because you don't have to have people around to play and there's always an option for them. There's so many options. Yeah, because they're together, they can go off and play. But I will just put the football on and they moan and I'll say, go away, I'm watching the football. So I don't know if that's what kind of parenting angle that is. Yeah, whereas I'll say, go away, I'm watching the football.

I want to see if Roy Hodgson's going to work out as England manager. I'm just getting back into this, yeah? I think Gaz has got five more years, he played well in the Scottish Prem. Why are the balls so light? How many niche old football rules can we get through? Rob, I mean not to

I reckon we've lost 60% to 70% of our listenership but the other 30 are absolutely fucking loving it That's what I say, if you don't do it too much, you got, you could really like deliver to that 30%. And then, you know,

hopefully the 60, 70 is still, still with us. Exactly. Yeah. So I've had a bit, that's, that's been the,

the issue this week has been independent play. I would love, cause I, I love to know if other people have had this problem. I'd also, can I just add this addendum that I really don't think, I'm not like, I've solved it in 48 hours.

I think this is going to be a long road. So if anyone's got any tips on independent play, just send emails with the subject header, smother them with options and we'll delve deeper in this into the weeks to come.

Well, yeah, exactly. I think it's good. You need to get watching football again, mate. It makes you happy. It does make me happy. If it's good for you, it's good. You need to get watching football again, mate. It makes you happy. It does make me happy. If it's good for you, it's good for the family. That's why I always say.

Rob, do you want to hear a low moment? A football low moment? A football low moment? Go on. Yeah, so this is how I watched the football this weekend. I went on the exercise bike in the shed. Yeah. And rather than do one of the pre-programmed spin classes,

I decided to do a scenic ride through costa rica so that i could listen to liverpool versus man city on my phone while i rode through costa rica oh my god you didn't even have it like on your app on that didn't even have it i couldn't even see it radio just the radio like i was like i was an evacuee. Oh, right. So you were basically in cyber Costa Rica, but really in your garage in the snail garden. Still a lot of snails? Are they gone now? All gone. Perfect.

They're independent playing in heaven now, mate. Shriveled little bitches. Gone. Oh, that is pathetic, Josh, really. That is. But did you enjoy that? It really was a lot. Did I enjoy it?

Until the Man City equaliser, and then I felt really stressed about it, so I turned off the football commentary. So I was just driving through Costa Rica at that point. You don't support Liverpool, though, do you? I would like them to win the Premier League again, because I really like Jurgen Klopp. Okay, fair enough. Yeah, I can understand you was getting stressed and frustrated

in a cyber Costa Rica, because Klopp had conceded a goal. That's fine. It's outside everything to go well in your life, mate. You're coping with it all really well. Why do living things die? What would happen if they didn't? Why do we memorialise our dead? Is death the end?

Or a new beginning? ask bigger questions with death life's greatest mystery exhibition on now at rom book tickets at rom.ca the two-year-old had a complete meltdown going into nursery for no reason i don't hear about this yeah we were both off uh work that day so he's gonna go for like a little walk somewhere it's a drive go for walks there's nothing to do is there anyway so um i dropped i dropped her in and then she was playing a little bit outside the nursery there's like a little grassy bank and she can't run up it i went well that's too wet she's gonna slip literally she turned around and slipped down it and her bum was all wet right so she got a bit embarrassed that her bum was all wet in front

of all the other kids and it was really which one i want to change her trousers so i took her behind a car and changed her trousers so she'd have dry ones and she just went mental and then she's just screaming and basically she gets a bit like worked up and stressed and once she like gets it embarrassed she's flipped and it's sort of like you can't talk around right and she was going mental and then there's some new kids that started that nursery and we're going mad as well and she was literally for 10 minutes i couldn't i literally couldn't like peel her hands off my coat she's going no no i don't want to go i want to go home and it's horrible when they have a tantrum they can actually speak because i don't want to go here daddy i want

to go home with you help me help me and i was like and i was like look because she's been going there for six months fine right and then eventually like and i was like well i don't want to take her home because she'll just get bored after five minutes calming down she'll be bored and keep saying to me can i go preschool she loves going so eventually i sort of just gave it to like the teachers and they took her and then like i could hear her through the building and, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da crying and getting all upset and then because i wasn't i was working the first week she started preschool who went to me well that's what she was like every day when she first started i was like anyway but they literally phoned us five minutes later and they said oh she's calmed down she's happy she's playing but it was just like you know he's just sort of floating along like do you know what i've got this parenting thing sorted it's yeah she goes preschool she loves it she just lost the plot and it was horrific i felt it made me feel like like upset i was

getting a bit like emotional because when you hear your kid even though you know they're going to be happy and they love it there but just when you're like help me take me home i was like oh my god it was your your impression is so accurate that it's making me feel anxious. Oh, God. Do you know what the best thing in the world is? Hearing a kid cry that sounds a bit like your kid, but it's not your kid. In like a shop. Yeah.

And you go, oh, God, thank God. It's not mine. No, that is the best thing in the world. That was awful. And in positive news, it's nativity at primary school. Ooh. Okay. And do you want to know what part Malcolm's got?

Go on. Main star Malcolm. No way. Mary? No. Oh, main star. Oh, sorry. Star.

The main star. It wasn't me building it up like an agent. I'm going to tell you, you're going to be the main star. You're going to be the main star. But I don't really know what the parts are anymore. I didn't know there was like subs. There were other stars. Well, do you know what, Rob? Do you know bloody what with the bloody PC brigade? I'm surprised they're doing a bloody nativity at all oh yeah bloody hell

but um anyway so she's quite excited about that um so what's the main i think the main start well it's a pretty big deal because it's a star they're heading towards isn't it is she going to be she's got three lines she's going to be suspended i don't know i don't think you could hoist them up in the air can you they can't you know them up. Like Peter Pan in Nativity. Just like flying through the air. But yeah, I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I don't know if there's a number of stars. I know there's a shepherd.

On the Family WhatsApp group, there is a camel number three. So I do think potentially the star is not a bad role. I think that's good. I think that's good. I think three lines, that's a strong amount of lines in nativity because you've got to remember nativity is probably a maximum of 20 lines yes overall and jesus isn't even speaking at that point exactly i mean he's got no life she's a big i hate to say it but she's a bigger deal than jesus she's a bigger deal in this production she's a bigger deal than jesus in this production but i'd say in in lasting impact on the

world he does win the long-term game oh yeah look that don't get me wrong i yeah i think my daughter is wonderful but i do think profile wise jesus would win would love to get either god or joseph on the show to discuss what parenting him was like on friday's episode would you like me to tell you what happened uh when i did play school nativity oh yes please and, would you like me to tell you what happened when I did Play School Nativity? Oh, yes, please. And I would also like a request of other children in their first Nativity gone wrong stories. Yes, Nativity gone wrong. Let us know.

This is how you can get in touch. Email us hello at lockdownparenting.co.uk or tweet us at lockdownparents or Instagram lockdown underscore parenting. And you can also send us stuff. P.O. Box 76748 London E99DW. This week, Rob, we have children's author, Blue Peter presenter all round. I'm going to say good parent. I think that's fair to say. It's Connie

Huck. Connie Huck. Connie Huck hello. Hello hi. How are you? I'm good well I say I'm very well but I'm a bit like you know let's set the scene it's the night after the election results started coming in isn't it? Yes. I've been up all all night how many hours sleep have you had I did that thing of going okay I'll go to sleep now and then sort of lying there and then coming back to the real world and thinking have I slept or not I don't think I have and then you look and you think well it is an hour later so maybe I got five minutes I don't know I have no idea how much I've slept but it's not a bit like you've had no sleep Connie you feel bit, you've got that energy of like you've just done an all-nighter and the tiredness hasn't kicked in yet. So I think we've got you at the perfect point today.

No, you're absolutely right. I've got that weird adrenaline thing that you have when you've been up all night and you're just sort of, yeah, on who knows what juice. So what's the kids set up at home, Connie, then? So like, you know, because you've got children. How many kids have you got okay i've got two children they're both boys uh with boundless energy i've got lots of gray hair and they're six and eight years old so young but not like yeah not too young so that because i've got a two-year-old and a four-year-old and the thought of staying up all

night to watch the election but potentially they wake up at 5 00 a.m i just i went straight to sleep I mean to be honest with you even if I did have kids I wouldn't have stayed up for it he's not my president so who gives a shit personally I understand why people care I don't even I wasn't intending to it just happened and I couldn't sleep and it's just like it was not of my own volition it was passive staying up not active staying up see i actively stayed up so this is to paint a picture of how i'm feeling um and it's the last night before lockdown and i celebrated by getting drunk on my own indoors are you doing yes so i was drinking i drank eight beers until till 3 a.m and then my daughter woke up at 10 to 6. Oh my lord. You sound all right. What have you done? Carried on drinking? Yes, I've had eight more beers. And I'm flying. So Connie,

how was it this morning though? Was there a school run that had to be done on no sleep? Oh yeah, school run had to be done on no sleep. And our school have got, because of the whole lockdown thing, there's this really confusing PE days thing where on Tuesdays and Fridays some weeks you have to send them in in their PE kit and then on other days it's like Wednesday and Friday it just keeps switching around so lockdown quite quickly descended into homeschooling didn't happen after half term you know we're getting we were doing lockdown quite seriously in this house so like all our we hardly actually went out at all um even on our government

allotted walks and stuff like that we were just like we'll let someone else use the air the communal air and we will go without these walks and so we had everything sort of delivered to us. And I would say that I'm quite, I don't know, I would say I'm quite a homebody. And actually, if I'm honest, what I'm saying is I'm a social recluse. We both are. And so it's kind of pretty much life as normal,

apart from the fact that the kids were around, which was the worst part of it. I had that realization myself when when they brought the lockdown back or whatever it's called now the the realization of how little it would actually affect my life because I haven't got a social life uh and because I do all like my working from home as it is I was just just like, actually, this is me now. I went into lockdown in 2017 when I had a child. That's when I went into lockdown. Yeah, well, to me personally, though, I did,

whenever I had a Saturday off, I'd go to the boxing and get absolutely shit-faced. And I really miss that. That was my outlet that I haven't got back yet. But I did, it was nice just doing nothing. Have you all been doing that virtual socialising, like zoom quizzes and all of that malarkey I didn't bother I did I loved it I I absolutely love it I actually think I prefer my friends when I can just turn them off and I'm still on the sofa I agree I'm so with you on that and it's great you don't

need an excuse to not go to things because you can't go to things so that's good and then yeah you're right you can just sort of see people by sending them on and off you've nailed it. Connor you were saying that you was like a social recluse and your husband as well so like are your kids similar are they like like being indoors or are they going mom dad let's go out let's go and see people let's go to the park are they going, mum, dad, let's go out, let's go and see people, let's go to the park? Are they similar to you? Are they different? No words of a lie. When lockdown was finished, I said to my oldest kid,

hey, should we go to the park? And he was like, do we have to? And I was like, what? You haven't been anywhere for months. How can you be this way? So yeah, the oldest one is sort of, he's like his dad. He sort of loves doing, he's like, loves tinkering about on electronic gadgets and will like,

I don't know, change the aspect ratio of the TV and do weird stuff like that. That's a classic kids game, changing the aspect ratio of the TV. 69 all day long. Whereas the other one, the younger one, is sort of like your sort of archetypal little boy, if that's not stereotyping. But he loves, you know, getting out there and he's very sociable

and he's sort of, yeah, standard, classic boy. Yeah, classic boy. Classic boy. Standard issue. So did you not bother with homeschooling at all then? We started it before and then after half term we were like I don't know they just got too feral I think we should have sort of kept up some form of discipline during half term and you know there were days when we'd all just be in our pyjamas well you know the kids are yeah

they're both homebodies like us I guess. Ever since I had kids it's rare to find me without an elasticated waistband because I always want to feel like I'm in my pajamas all day button fly or whatever no thanks um but our kids have now got into the habit sometimes when we just get in they'll just get in their pajamas that's not good is it but it's cozy though I found myself considering buying some tracksuit trousers for the first time yesterday do it you haven't got any tracksuits no i tend to wear shorts around the house but i saw someone in tracksuit in the street and i was like and you've got jelly do you know what this this might be me now you haven't got a tracksuit yeah i haven't got a tracksuit

not one tracksuit tracksuit envy instead i've got huge tracksuit envy yeah just go for it yeah i mean i think this is it i think i'm've got huge tracksuit envy, yeah. Just go for it. Yeah, I mean, I think this is it. I think I'm going to buy a tracksuit. I can't believe you've come this long without a tracksuit. What kind of life are you living? Do you know, I'm currently wearing jeans around the house. That's not comfort. Oh, that's madness.

You sound like someone on the Gold Rush. That's not comfy. Jeans around the house with, like, flies and a button, and it restricts your stomach and you do you ever undo your top button like when you've eaten a bit much josh is in the shape of his life i just wear tracksuits that helps i i've no i've never done the that's that's the thing my dad used to do would be undo the top button of the trousers but that sounds like a very different my dad used to do but i i've never i've never eaten enough that i've undone the top button because i thought that really because i'm not a cartoon like let's just stop you you don't own

any tracksuits and you've never undone your top button. Oh, my God. You are living in a parallel universe, Widdicombe. He's like a robot, Connie, isn't he? Like a little android man, humanoid. I'm blown away. This is a weird thing to ask on an interview, but could you just describe what you're wearing at the moment, Connie? Tracksuit bottoms, of course. Tracksuit bottoms?

Yeah. Not only that, they're the free ones that came off some swanky flight where I was flying. Oh, really? Yeah, that class. Yeah, they're free Traxie. Can you call them Traxie? They're actually pyjamas, aren't they?

Well, they're not free. Someone spent about five grand on the flight at some point. Yeah, but not me. So, Connie, I would consider your husband as quite as i would never consider your husband charlie brooker as a as a as a track if someone said name a man who would never wear a track suit he would be very high on my list no he does yeah he does track suits but like when we say track suit we're just talking the bottoms we're not talking about matching ensemble no he's right you're not he's running 118 118 um and how how was you uh with the kids and stuff did you find yourself a natural mum or was it something you had to work on a little bit did you always want to be a mum oh yeah i always

wanted to be a mum i always thought i'd have three i was like two is just a nuclear family it's so boring three is a dynasty three is like a team and then I had two and I was like no way two's a company three's a crowd so I but I did always want kids he didn't want kids but he hadn't met the right person and then all that changed all right so you did you convince him to then or was it just you got you both come to that agreement when he realized you were the right person connor i just said i just said look i'm not really interested unless i'm going to have kids and said yeah and he obviously saw the gene pool that i possess and thought it wouldn't be right i don't know yeah he just sort of changed

his mind that's because you obviously started, I first became aware of you on Blue Peter and I can't imagine anything worse when I was in my 20s than hosting a TV show I had to deal with kids. Did you love that? Do you know what? Maybe it's because I'm immature or whatever.

I don't know. But like, I'm really, I think I'm quite socially awkward around adults. And I think I always think, oh, I don't fit in or or they're not interested in what I have to say, or I don't know. Whereas, I don't know, kids are sort of open minded. And they're just like, they tell it like it is, they're blunt. And they're, I don't know, I quite, I quite like kids, but not all kids, you know, and also when you're filming, you're not really filming with kids, you're just doing it for the kids but yeah and like even now you know I'm doing kids books I you know what it is right I really believe that kids are the only way to fix our broken society gang because us adults we're just beyond help like I always say you're shaping in your primary years by your secondary school you're done by your 20s you're so fixed that by your 30s you need therapy to undo it all and like as adults we all know that like that weird thing that Josh does or that strange mannerism that Rob has all you know that funny is it like way he is about I don't know

sell by dates or whatever it is we've all got this weird stuff and it all stems from the primary years like your teachers your parenting your environment that that thing you stumbled upon on tv after hours or whatever it is we're all just a product of our upbringing yeah yeah totally i've been thinking a lot about that kind of thing and i completely agree that you're so much shaped by your upbringing yeah but it's the primary years not even yeah and those values are already set but they're setting now with your kids now guys do the right thing man uh because really you know it's so easy to sort of screw it all up i shouldn't say that because you know we're all trying our hardest here as parents but that's why i do think like you know i tell charlie like oh put that in recycling or do that blah blah and it's hard to unlearn a lifetime of what's

ingrained in you whereas i don't know kids there it will be second nature to them to put that in recycling just the way it's second nature to us to close a cupboard door if we open it in the kitchen or whatever so we i really think kids should be knowing about sort of everything like what your taxes do left and right like the bigger picture climate change politics everything because really you know as any pr company will tell you it's flipping hard to get someone to change washing powder or toothpaste brands if they've been so bought up and set on it from their sort of parenting it's hard to change adults because we're totally I I totally agree and I and I think about that and I think about like what values I'm installing in my daughter

instilling not installing that's a very that's a very telling word isn't it giving away the little robot man so but it does it make you paranoid about like it makes me go oh shit i really need to like do this right because what if i totally what if the fact i was hung over this morning when i took her to nursery in 20 years time that is going to bite her and she's going to have a issue with that do you know what i mean it's funny though the stuff they pick up I have to say so I was with my kids and another kid the other day and they said I was just listening into their conversation and one of them was like I want Joe Biden to win and then the other one was yeah we hate Donald Trump and then the first one was like no we don't hate Donald Trump we don't like Donald Trump so they've obviously like picked that up from some parent then then the third kid was like Donald

Trump lied to the queen and then the first one was like no that was Boris Johnson and then my kid was like shame on me I don't watch the news shame on me I should know this song which I thought was really weird how weird is that and then she said I didn't hear it from the news I heard it from blah blah blah's granddaddy or something like that but they're so you know it's kind of the weird thing is we hate Trump and we hate Boris Johnson

but they're such caricatures that kids all seem aware of them all when I was a kid I remember this was such a weird thing but like so when I was a kid my remember this is such a weird thing but like um so when I was a kid my parents would watch um have I got news for you and I'd I'd be like eight or whatever so I wouldn't I'd be there when it was on but I didn't understand who the people were and it was around the time when um they'd make lots of jokes about Robert Maxwell. Right, yeah, yeah. And I knew that he was a baddie, but I didn't know why.

I didn't understand. And so I used to, like, have a pathological fear of Robert Maxwell, the owner of the Daily Mirror, as an eight-year-old, which is such a bizarre thing. And I used to have nightmares about Robert Maxwell, which is such a weird thing for a kid to have but you know what that could have sort of helped shape you in some way shape or form I haven't bought the daily mirror since Connie I won't buy it see I won't tell you but you know what one of the books trying

to do the same things that I'm sort of saying in that it's got all the right values and it's kind of like so fearless fairy tales which is one that is perfect for christmas gifting oh sorry i'm not plugging it i'm just telling you it's like all the traditional fairy tales but they're all updated for the 21st century so it's like sleeping brainy and she wants to be chancellor the checker but her dad the king wants her to be a princess and then there's like moldy socks and the three bears and moldy socks has an ipad addiction so he's got no personal hygiene and you know there's the gingerbread kid whose people are being ethnically tens they're being persecuted and eaten in in fairy tale land so he flees across the sea in a boat uh to come to the uk where he's

bullied and that happens until the school realizes actually the most interesting kid because he has stories of cats in boots and giants up beanstalks and there's also trumple stiltskin which is also a standalone book about a funny little money obsessed gold obsessed greedy orange man so based on um no one in particular no one in particular at all um and you know loads of different ones there's uh cinderella and the comfy old trainer snow white and the five-a-side football team gretel and hansel who aren't getting equal pay in their sweet shop but you know if you want to discuss a bigger topic um you can but if you just want a funny quirky story then you've got that as well so it's sort of springboards i mean i feel like you should have said spoiler alert at some point connie because if someone's got this book on order you've absolutely ruined can i can ask

a question about this right let's feel about writing a kid's book so all those ones like the gingerbread man and rapunzel and stuff like that they're obviously original stories can they like copyright claim some of it because you are actually using some of the how'd you get around that so fairy tales are so old they're not copyrighted really is that true yeah that's the way around it so something like you know trump or stiltzkin it's 4 000 years old can you believe it i mean that's mental isn't it rumpled so it's 4 000 years old yeah looks good for it they get changed over the ages year to year um you know decade to decade generation to generation so things like this little red riding hood for instance there's um versions of it where she slays the wolf there's versions where the wolf eats her there's loads of different versions of

you know gingerbread kid gets eaten in some gets away are your boys into these kind of stories so they or they like you try and tell these stories and then the more into like paw patrol or something like that you know what so this is the thing my boys just love funny stories they love humor and i love humor as well there's a real snobbery in kids books against humor but like i say they're shaping in these primary years and we want adults to have a good sense of humor because life will be better that way if everyone has a good and sophisticated sense of humor so i think humorous books way if everyone has a good and sophisticated sense of humor so i think humorous books are really important and also any gateway to get kids into reading is important and if that's slapstick or silly jokes or anarchic subversive humor then so

be it so i was reading the traditional ones and they weren't you know they they weren't as into them as say i might have been when there was less on offer when we were growing up in a four-channel society. In fact, Channel 4 started during my lifetime. But there we go. So basically, I thought it would be funny to say, I thought they could do with a bit of humour. You know, I remember reading Sleeping Beauty,

and there's this one bit where I turn the page, it's so creepy, you know, those Ladybird classic sort of painted pictures that they have and there was a picture of like literally sleeping beauty in the forest asleep in this glass coffin and the prince is just sort of staring at her at her beauty or whatever probably thinking should I kiss her with a non-consensual kiss but you know the point being I just thought god's really creepy. And it's a bit outdated. And we need to inject a bit of humour and fun into these books. So are your kids at school today, presumably, Connie? Yes.

And everything I do is between the hours of nine and three. What does it feel like? Because my kids, my daughter, she goes to nursery. But to have two children go full-time to school did you suddenly find you had loads and loads of time on your hands this is the thing I've been like pinning it up as this great benchmark where suddenly I'd have loads of time and like my whole life would change and I'm such a control freak I'm I want to do drop-offs and pickups because it goes so quickly I didn't want to sort of farm it out to a nanny or whatever um but actually you know

it goes quickly nine till three and before lockdown obviously if you had to go to do something in town I live in Ealing so that's another sort of hour taken out of the day just traveling you know so actually I would always feel like I'm on the clock constantly yeah Charlie doesn't drive as well and our school's like half an hour away on foot which with two young children isn't ideal oh that is that he's played a blinder there isn't he i know so you have to do all the driving pick up a drop-off i'll get him to learn this is it i always thought that that yeah when he had kids he'd want to learn but he has i've have you noticed right when people learn to

drive late in life they're terrible drivers they are terrible drivers you're right it's like a horrible experience going to car with them and um yeah anyone that i know that's passed their test late they've sort of given it up because they're terrified of their own driving. So I just don't think it would happen now. Fair enough. I am the only driver in my marriage. And it does, that's such a weird phrase. I'm the only driver in the marriage. I am the only driver. And so you do end up with a situation where yesterday we went to get some framing done

and we left one of the pictures in the house. So I ended up just driving across London four times yesterday. Yeah, you end up just being a flipping ferry or a chauffeur. I don't like driving. I find it really boring. I quite like it. I like switching off. I like driving, but not in traffic.

I have to keep moving. I'll go like around the houses to keep moving rather than in traffic i will overrule the sat nav and take a really extreme scenic route the moment it gives me one of those red roads as an option did you ever do long journeys with the kids when they were little that's quite stressful when they're babies do you know what because i've got these weird lockdown docile kids i don't know what we've done to them my kids love what they call a road trip yeah they like it we take them on long journeys all the time and it's quite good because they don't mind are you a bit more of the sort of calming voice and there's that like the sort of sensible one

when it comes to the kids and health and stuff totally yeah totally I'm literally like oh let them scrabble in the dirt it will make them tougher does it cause arguments though that kind of one one parent being quite neurotic and the other yeah sometimes like if he's feeling stressed or a bit like over cautious about something I think it annoys me sorry it annoys him when I don't share that and I'm like oh it'll be fine whatever then it starts riling him because he wants me to sort of because he he must think oh well she's an untrustworthy parent then if this is how she behaves I don't know so it does I think it can rile him but I also think I would I'd probably go the other way I'm more laid back because if we're both being

neurotic it would just be awful it's like i would say like we're both quite you know we're not naturally really tidy people where everything has to i'm i'm one of these people i i like possessions i like books on shelves you know none of this minimalism stuff and actually i now have by default had to become the very tidy person because when you have kids you can't both be a bit messy because otherwise it's chaos so it's so annoying like literally he can sit and watch tv with toys on the floor whereas i can't relax i have to they have to be out of my eyeline and away otherwise i can't do the netflix totally agree yeah totally agree just suis connie hart definitely i i i the thought of of not tidying

up when my daughter went to bed yeah like that's making me like yeah it's making me edgy yeah edgy man it's like something is soiled it's like tarnished it's horrible yes scrub it away no and and so by devil's advocate i'm probably way more laid back than I would be. But I am laid back anyway. And I'm way more tidy now than I would be. So, yeah, you have to yin and yang it, I guess. Are you a creative parent? Because, and I ask this, because you must have, like, done a lot of builds when you're on Blue Peter.

Do you ever pull them out are you like you must have got loads of tips from blue peter in in your 20s you can now execute in your 30s i'm like the world's best hacker like so i'm totally anti-consumerism so i buy nothing that's when me and charlie are yin and yang as well i don't have a flipping amazon account i don't have an uber account delivery nothing so literally I mend and make do an upcycle but I know so many hacks of like I don't know making a cushion cover out of a free tote bag from a book festival or whatever I don't know just stuff and actually you know my youngest kid is so flipping creative he'll make you know he'll take an Amazon box and cut a hole out of it and then

like i remember putting this thing on twitter actually of him lying on the floor with an amazon box on his head where he'd cut a hole out of it and put the ipad on top so he could lie down and look up and it was like i thought you didn't have an amazon account already no that's what i was just saying harley harley's got an amazon habit. Oh, right. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's why we're yin and yang. And I think, you know, I've curtailed it to some extent, but, you know, you can't, like I say, you cannot change people when they're grown-ups and adults.

But we try. Yeah, if you try too much, it can end in divorce. But, yeah, we do try. I always say that I'm really analog and Charlie's really digital and I'd say my oldest son is digital and my youngest is analog do they uh do they do any sort of after-school clubs and stuff any sports teams or you know uh different different things like that or that are they just in the school you're not doing any weekend clubs of them yet me and Charlie are both the least sporty people you will ever find and I do remember one day when Kobe that's our oldest he was like I don't know about two or something and we were like oh

he's really quiet what's he doing there in the other room and he was sat look watching a football match on tv and me and Charlie both sort of looked at each other in horror because none of us are into football either and like we just couldn't be we wouldn't be asked to go to like i don't know it's terrible but be like a hockey mum or a football taking them to practice and all that it's awful because really they should be into all these clubs and stuff um so we've kind of they did swimming uh until lockdown and they do Fu, but that's about it. No one was expecting that as the second example. They just do Kung Fu. And Latin. Well, no, I'll tell you why that is.

Because, so like I said, they're both like, they don't even want to go to the park or anything. And like they're in their pajamas and stuff. And so, you know, we read that it's martial arts is a good thing for discipline. And like, honestly, we're the least disciplined household you can think of so we were like okay well we should do that but we're so lazy this is how bad it is that the kung fu teacher comes to us and gives them a lesson I don't think you've ever left the house Connie you know what this is the thing right so I really like people I'm a real people person I do like people

but I'm also really lazy yeah so I've always been like all my friends are people so you young folk or um you know I'd say that people that are sort of 30s 20s down they're not really good at chatting on the phone as much as us old folk who used to grow up with landlines like all my good friends I can pick up the phone to and chat to like I'm chatting to you two doing this thing this is no different from me sort of chatting to a friend on the phone so weirdly you know because I you know you I know people like to see each other in the flesh but often it's like you travel I don't know if you're all in London and you live in different parts of London, you have to schlep to that bit of London. It takes an hour to get there. We've all got kids. We're all on the clock the whole time.

Then you meet them in that coffee shop or wherever and you spend half the time ordering your food or whatever. And then you comment on that person's coat or whatever. And it's not pure unadulterated conversation. You sort of have the catch up, but you don't really get deep down, you know, beyond the surface. Phones are amazing. You can't even see each other like a Zoom, you know, so you have to chat. You can't even sort of be silent

and be, you know, scrolling on an iPad or whatever. And I think I wondered whether lockdown would bring the renaissance of the phone call because, you know, what with social media and people just using phones as things to text and all that i do think like people are getting you know they're forgetting sort of good people people interaction but so although yes you're right i'm lazy and we've been in lockdown wise i would say that when like my all my good friends i know everything about them.

Do you know what I mean? It's not just, like, what their status is saying on social media. I'm not even on Facebook or anything. I don't know. I am such an old-fashioned person, I guess. I like a phone call. I'm a big fan of a long phone call. Oh, I'm so glad to hear that.

I think I'm an old person. I think I've really put my tracksuit on. I like a long phone call. Connie, you've really, you've really allowed me to turn the page into the next chapter of my life today. I feel like I've visited like a grandparent at an old people's home. And this is a conversation in the waiting room.

You want to get them tracksuit trousers. You know you eat too much. I don't like driving either. When you drive when you're older, it's too hard, isn't it? I don't like people. I you drive when you're older it's too hard isn't it i don't like people i like phones no but you know what that was one thing that attracted me to charlie actually because blokes right it's a bloke that's good at phone conversation it's quite a rare thing and charlie's really good at having a good conversation with women can just matter to anyone and everyone and be like you know always it's always the mums that end up being friends that you know stuff and the dad's sort of an awkward and sort of making small

talk if you look in men's magazines often it's like the subjects like football politics sport and obviously I'm stereotyping whereas women it's often that why does a hundred things why that happens and why do you feel that and why why and. We're always like, me and my friend Emily, we're always saying that we've opened too many tabs on our desktop because we start having a conversation and we go off on a million tangents and there's all these things left hanging in the air that we need to sort of finish off. But, yeah, so although I am a social recluse by some tokens,

I'm also quite sociable by other tokens if you see you're happily living in a kind of virtual existence where you live in your house and you live your life through your phone I am well what about when they get older the kids and they're going to want to start going to parties

and they don't just want to stay with their parents don't get me wrong they do go to birthday parties and stuff they're just not in lots of clubs apart from kung fu and swimming but when i was growing up in the olden days folks we i didn't go to any flipping clubs because i hate all these clubs so in my world it's not that abnormal that my kids only go to two clubs whereas you know it is in their front room sorry okay but they did also go to uh something else so that's it's three before lockdown it was three it was swimming this cooking club nutritional ninjas okay

you're keeping back all the mental stuff this is amazing because it's been so long before lockdown. Before lockdown was like three centuries ago. So actually, that's three clubs in total. There's only five school days. I think I'm doing quite well. I think I've clawed it back on the club front. Talk me through nutritional ninjas.

Nutritional ninjas, they learn about food and then they do a simple you know recipe and then they come home with like a tray of i don't know flapjacks do they dress as ninjas no they don't it's just they just like alliteration sorry i excited you though i just imagine all these little ninjas cooking well yeah they cook well they do high kicks and yeah no afraid not oh tops. No, afraid not. Oh, that's a shame. I'm disappointed now. I was well up for it. I'd go there myself. Never mind send my kids.

I'm well up for a bit of Nutritional Ninjas. Oh, I failed you. I'm sorry. It sounds like an Alan Partridge television show idea, doesn't it? Nutritional Ninjas, the best ninjas from around the world come together and cook. I think of all the people we've spoken to in six months, you sound like you're the most equipped for lockdown. Yeah, I could believe that. Was there a moment in lockdown though, where it was just too much and you thought this has got to stop when the kids are just going mad?

Oh my gosh. But yeah, that happens in and out of lockdown. Like, yeah. I mean, we've all had moments where we think this is a bit much because the kids are going mad Rob you always like to ask the same question yes we always give the opportunity to our guests where if there's something that your partner does parenting wise that really annoys you but you've not brought it up in case it kicks off into a big argument here's your opportunity so in case they listen back you know they they could pick up on it is there something that Charlie does that just drives you mad that you want him to stop yeah I mean I'm not gonna bring out all the cliche things like you know feeding them copious amounts of sugar but I will say that so we um he read you know the Philippa Perry book yes and then he's got this voice like what I call his Philippa Perry voice

where because obviously this so one of the sort of tips is the style is, is that, you know, when they're kicking off about something, you discuss it with them by saying, now I know you're angry about such and such. And then you ask them these like questions, but he does it in this voice that I think is just, I hate talking to kids in any other voice other than my own, like the sort of patronising voice.

And he'll sort of go, now I know you're really angry about that but let's look at what and it drives me bonkers I call it his Philippa Perry voice you want the Philippa Perry voice gone I want that voice gone what would you prefer a different just his voice or could he. Okay. Fair enough. As a Geordie. I can do a Liverpudlian accent. Well, I think the way to end would be for you to

plug your book in a Liverpudlian accent, Connie. Okay. All right. Fearless Fairy Tales is like out now and it's

really good, so just go and buy it, like. Oh, lovely stuff stuff i thought that was very good actually that was really authentic i thought you was going to go a bit more caricature years of watching bruce can you both do them can you do that can you both i can't do any i can't do any accents and it makes me edgy to try and do accents because i'm so bad and i and i also i know in my heart that it would make my stand up probably 25 better if i could do accents because I'm so bad at it. And I also, I know in my heart that it would make my stand-up

probably 25% better if I could do accents. But I can't do, like, even the thought of trying to comprehend doing that Liverpool accent makes me like... Yeah, but that's because you've got to go for it, Josh. You've just got to throw yourself into it. For Liverpool, greatest city in the world, Liverpool's Stevie Gerrard. Liverpool's Stevie Gerrard. Liverpool's Stevie Gerrard.

So how's that? You've got to take the plunge and believe in yourself. You've got to have the confidence. The problem is when you start off, it's the diving off the edge, isn't it? Yeah. Give me a phrase.

Give me a phrase. What phrase should I do? Stevie Gerrard's the greatest player Liverpool ever do? Stevie Gerrard, the greatest player Liverpool ever had. Stevie Gerrard, the greatest player Liverpool ever had. What?

I'm not mad. It's a good start. You can get rid of the H on had as well. Stevie Gerrard, the greatest player Liverpool ever had. You can go up on that.

You've got something to go up with. It's good. It's so mental though because I've never realized you've never done an accent before and it is insane hearing you i think you could get a whole routine about this is how it sounds when you do it and this is the best if you went i can't do it but this is the best i've got would you reckon and just did all the different oh it makes me edgy

i'm like i'm doing that clappy thing i do I don't know if you can hear my hands clapping. Because I'm edgy. Oh, brilliant. Well, go and buy Connie's book. It's available in all good bookstores. Trumple Stiltzkin by Connie Huck. Yeah, your confidence is building now. Do Geordie. Do Geordie.

Do Geordie. Oh, my God. I can't even comprehend how it sounds. So don't go. Go buy the book. You know, say kawasaki. That's what lots of people sounds. Why are you mad? Go buy the book. Why are you mad? Say kawasaki. That's what lots of people practice. Here we go.

Here we go. Why are you mad? Fearless fairy tales? No, your Liverpuddin' is better. Put it that way. I'll speak to the Liverpuddin'. That's in Chinese. That's in Chinese.

No, no. Connie Hackett, it's been an absolute pleasure to speak to you. Connie, thank you so much. That was brilliant. Cheers, cheers, cheers. That was, oh my God, my cat jumped when I said that. That was. Oh mate, me cat jumped.

The cat genuinely just jumped off the sofa when I said that was. That was Connie Huck. Absolutely brilliant. Thank you very much to Connie. Her book is out now. Rob, we haven't really got much more time. I mean, Connie's got a lot of energy. I don't know if that felt quite manic.

I don't know if she's, I've never, I've met her a few times, but I don't know if she was on a bit of a manic election buzz as well, but a lot of coffee, but she was just like so full of beans. That's coming from me. You know, I'm a full of beans merchant. I'm up to the brim with beans that's your calling card rob

um yeah i'm absolutely bursting at the seams with beans but you know what we have the two things that have really uh have really now got to happen is i've got to incorporate accents more in my day to day life oh my god so and i I don't want to get listeners too excited. I don't want to. But in coming episodes, I will update you on whether I buy some tracksuit trousers. I can't believe you've got no tracksuits, mate. It's absolutely insane. Thank you for listening.

It's been an absolute pleasure. Someone send him a tracksuit, for fuck's sake.