Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S01 EP6: Jason Manford

Episode Date: May 15, 2020

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' - S01 EP6: Jason ManfordJoining us in the studio this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) during the lock down and beyond is the amazing comedian Jason Manford who for half the week has six, yes SIX children to tend no. Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Getting a small premium roast coffee and your favorite McMuffin for only $4 plus tax. For a limited time, only at McDonald's. Exclude Egg BLT McMuffin at participating McDonald's in Canada prices exclude delivery. Hello, I'm Josh Whittacombe. And I'm Rob Beckett. Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell. The show in which Rob and I discuss what it's like to be a parent during lockdown, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation...

And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills... Each episode we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping. Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you, the listener, with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Hello and welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell with me, Rob Beckett, and me, Josh Wilkerton. Oh, I love that. Love that. She wants a fee though, my daughter, for that. She's got an agent. She's got an agent.

She's got an agent, yeah, same one as me. Oh, how you been, Josh? I've been alright, you know, it's been fine. Still not got any knives or forks, but, you know, you can't have everything. You can't just spoon, innit? Just have soup. Yeah, exactly. The spoon doesn't fit in the lantern, so we get to keep our spoons. Oh, great, that's the dream. How have you been, Rob? Well, I know how you've been.

Oh, yes. Because you've been sending me some voice memos. Yeah. Well, actually, before we do this, I should say last week was talking about people being best friends with their mums. Yeah. And is that really a thing? And my two-year-old hates me now, all of a sudden, has decided that she's got no time

for me and I've got no part of her life. So we might as well do our new feature. Josh, what are you calling it? Dispatches from the Parenting Frontline. Lovely. So shall we just listen to what you sent me this week? Let's do it. You're the best friend.

Oh, thank you. Can you say it again? Mummy. Oh, is Mummy your best friend? Yeah. Oh, what about Daddy? No. Oh, so who's your best friend?

Who's your best friend? Mummy. I'm not going to lie to you. I don't think your wife is on your side in this battle. If anything, she's feeding the problem. That's what I thought, Josh. She is drawing that out of the child. And then she said that to me, apropos of nothing,

and went, oh, not trying to be mean, but I thought it might be quite funny on the podcast. So now she's self-produced herself into the podcast. She looked like this sort of incredible mum. And I'm this annoying bloke who's just in the house. But it's a leading question, isn't it? It's a leading question. In court, I don't think that would be acceptable. I mean, it would be a weird question in court, who's your best friend?

Yeah. Well, to be fair, it had happened earlier when I went, love you. And she went, no. I went, I love you. She went, no. And she just went to me, you're not my best friend. Out of nothing. Out of nowhere. But I think they're're just bored of me we've been indoors with each other a lot i'm used to being away yeah a lot and it's even like you know luke you know dropping off

at preschool so i think they're just bored of us as people yeah i understand that i understand i understand being bored of you yeah um that's the thing it's difficult that preferential thing because there's part of me when my daughter decides that she doesn't like me so she wants her mum to do the nappy that is offended there's another part of me that thinks fucking get in absolutely delighted with this and then i do leading questions off the back of that i'll go but oh you need someone to wipe your bum do you want mummy to do it yeah mummy, mummy, yeah, mummy. Go, mummy. And then when you're in favour, so I've had, you know,

you have periods in and out of favour. So you have some periods where I'm the favoured one. I'm bloody hell, I can't get anything done at all. I tell you how to make yourself not the favoured one is when they're bigger and they start, you know, going to the toilet themselves and they still need their bum wiped. The first time you wear up a child's bum with tissue paper instead of a wet wipe they react to you like you've just lit a match underneath their ass they are furious they are they just go like what are

you doing why does why is that dry and why is it not white what's going on and you're like this is just what happens as you get older you've got to use a bit of tissue to wipe your ass that's just life you know what though you say that obviously and that's what we all do but when you said that i did think i bet it is good with a wet wipe maybe i'll go back to wet wipes i've dabbled with wet wipes the only issue is you can't chuck them down the toilet obviously oh yeah so now you've just got a bin full of soaking wet ass wipe so if you were to invent a flushable wet wipe, that would be the dream scenario. They do exist, but I'm dubious about their flushability.

You don't want them to find out that you're the one responsible for blocking the sewage because you've been wiping your own arse with wet wipes. That would be a disaster. A terrible PR headline for me in this time. That would be. Lockdown arse wiping rule breaker Beckett popped to the

shots of flushable wet wipes to give his arse a clean wet wipe. I reckon, I'm going to call it, they'd come up with a snappier headline than that. Do you want some emails? Yes, please. It's the lockdown parody mailbag.

But it's actually emails and there's no bag. So I've got a couple for you, Rob. Dominic Clark, we were talking about, I think I was talking about my struggle

with making my child eat all of a pan of chocolate rather than just the chocolate bit. And how I then realised that the rest of it wasn't good for them. So this is from Dominic Clark.

Josh's comment about the pan of chocolate made me remember a particular lockdown parenting low. One mealtime we were having freezer kill. In this instance, it was a frozen pizza, alphabet shape, and peas. I added the peas to demonstrate I'm not an entirely neglectful parent. As usual, my three-year-old was talking a lot and not eating a lot so i found myself saying the following if you don't eat your pizza you won't get any ice cream as if the pizza was the healthy bit which she ate to be rewarded isn't that a low moment that

you're trying to force it i am living my life if i could have pizza for every meal as an adult, I would do it. I'd stay away from pizza. As a child, having to be talked into pizza with a bribe of ice cream. I know. They don't know how good they've got it. I mean, I'm already thinking about what my three pizzas a day would be. I'm going off. I'm having an egg in the middle for breakfast, veggie at lunch, and then pepperoni for dinner.

That's a clean three meals a day. I have a pizza at the weekend from takeaway on lockdown. It's like my treat to myself, which is pathetic. It's pathetic though, isn't it really? That's what I'm looking forward to as I record this. What will you get? What kind of pizza is it? Is it like a-

Margarita, mate. Love it. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. Domino's and Papa John's, right? The dip. What's better? What garlic dip do you prefer?

The Papa John's one? The Domino's one. Yes. But that? The dip. What's better? What garlic dip do you prefer? The Papa John's one? The Domino's one. Yes. But that's because it got memories for me as well, because I used to have Domino's so much when I was at university. Oh, right. So it's nostalgia. I can't separate it from a kind of nostalgic hit,

because the Domino's opposite my university used to do a deal, which was £1.99 for a small mar margarita which i'd probably have five times a week so cheap yeah it was so cheap and just you could at that point in your life because you had a metabolism right it was like a paid for advertisement from 15 years ago and i i phoned up once and i i said um could i get the small cheese and tomato to pick up and they said what's your name i said josh and they went is that the josh and tomato to pick up? And they said, what's your name? I said, Josh. And they went, is that the Josh? And I thought, this has gone on too far. A mini 199 margarita pizza sounds like the treat of a widow.

Do you know what I mean? That's too small, Josh. Like, oh, he has his little pizza every Thursday. Did you see the queue of those cars queuing up for KFC? Yeah. Right? So there was all these people queuing up for this KFC drive-thru that's opened and I was looking at that and this sums up what my life is like I was genuinely thinking I'd love to be sat in a traffic jam in a car on my own. Imagine the joy of being alone in a car in a traffic jam. The chicken seems by the by.

Oh, I just get to the front and I carry on driving and just go round to the back. I'm just here for the traffic jam. Just some alone time. Sorry, I got panicked. I didn't have enough time to think. Let me join the back of the queue. You carry on. You go. You go. Or just sit there and just let people go ahead of you, like in a supermarket. You just want wings? Go ahead. You're just getting wings. Just go ahead. I'll go next. I would do anything to be in a queue best western made booking our family beach vacation a breeze

and it felt a little like Come on kids, back to the hotel room. Good night kids. Good night mama. Life's a trip. Make the most of it at Best Western. Only got small amounts of time but want big amounts of flavor? Knorr has got you. Our new Knorr rice cups deliver all the taste without the prep or wait time. So this, another one from Sarah Page.

Hi, Rob and Josh. I'm currently trying to homeschool my five and three-year-old boys, struggling massively. The only break I get is letting them play zookeeper with our five chickens. It started with them checking for eggs, giving them seed, et cetera. The next thing, their fear has gone. They're picking up the chickens running around the garden in an escalation out of control last week i went outside and they were putting the chickens

down the slide at the weekend my five-year-old was making an assault course around the garden we thought this was good keeping him detained then he said he was going to put the chickens on it saying he was going to check whether the chickens could do parkour now obviously the chickens didn't do that it was all fine they do peckle but but oh yes please rob really strong stuff yeah i was a bit nervous to do it no i think it's fine yeah thanks um but she said the word i walked away as i heard my husband shouting over chickens cannot do parkour a sentence i never thought i would need to be said um we should add that she says all the chickens are completely fine they haven't done any parkour don't panic so don't don't get in touch if you're worried about the chickens get in touch about the kfc bit

uh right how do they get in touch josh this the chickens, get in touch about the KFC bit. Right. How do they get in touch, Josh? This is how you get in touch. Email us. Hello at lockdownparenting.co.uk. Or we're on Twitter at lockdownparents. Our guest this week is Jason Manford.

He's a comedian, actor, singer. He does everything now, doesn't he? Podcast, radio. He's a comedian, actor, singer. He does everything now, doesn't he? Podcast, radio. He's a Renaissance man. Oh, a Renaissance man. And he's homeschooling six children. Enjoy. Hello, Jason Manford.

How are you? I'm well. How are you? We're all right, yeah. Do you know what? We're feeling better for doing this, aren't we, Rob? Yeah, and I love that energy, Jason. You're full of beans. Well, you know, I would like to better for doing this, aren't we, Rob? Yeah, and I love that energy, Jason. You're full of beans. Well, you know, I would like to say this was a purely selfless act,

but it just gets us upstairs by myself for an hour. It's nice, isn't it? Considering I'm out of work, I've never been busier. I need to go and do this just for nothing, but I'm going to go and do that upstairs. Would you have done this out of lockdown? Absolutely not, but need of lockdown? Absolutely not. No, absolutely not.

So, Jason, we should, this is a podcast, basically, that we set up because, you know, we've got, I've got a two-year-old and a four-year-old. Josh has got a two-year-old. And it's, you know, it's brutal and it's hard work. So we wanted to speak to other parents in lockdown and find out how they're coping. What's your setup up, Jason? It must be really hard for you guys.

It must be so hard. So hard there. What's your set up at the moment? My set up is that I have to be Ofsted checked every so often because I have so many children in my house. Only to do the school run, I have a deal with Finland's buses. Like, it's mental. So basically, I have six children.

And I have four children with my ex-wife. I have two children with my new wife. She doesn't like being called that. And the middle one, i don't know uh so um and so i have six children in our house and at the moment during during this period of lockdown the children are between our two lockdown houses my big four children between my two lockdown houses so uh we have half the week with six children in the house and the other half the week with just the two little ones who are two and four.

And which is your favourite half of the week, Jason? My favourite child? The two-year-old. Like, I didn't even think about answering. The two-year-old. He's asleep at seven. No. Sorry, go on.

Which is my favourite one? So how do your two parts of week differ? Yeah, I mean, it's very different. You know, I've got one half of the week where it is full-on homeschooling, getting stuff sent through from the schools, trying to work out. I mean, basically, teaching is a tough job. Don't get me wrong. I've got a lot of respect for teachers, but it's about 75% printing.

There's a lot of printing. The trees are taking a battering uh there's a lot of printing the trees are taking a battering it's a lot of printing when we eventually get back outside we'll be like where where the tree is at we use them all homeschooling um yeah so there's a lot of that going on uh so the homeschooling is good and it's interesting to i mean are all, my eldest girls are 10. The twin girls are 10. Then I have a nine-year-old girl, a seven-year-old boy, and then a four-year-old and a two-year-old. Oh, I need a moment just to take that in.

I'd say that is the most difficult span. You've got the young, nutter ones, and then the older ones that are challenging you with algebra and stuff. That's a brutal, brutal lot. I never realised realized I thought I was pretty clever I didn't realize I mean I don't even know what to google I don't even to find out the answer I don't know what the question is like I don't know how to google it we were doing active and passive verbs yesterday, and active and passive sentences. Right. And I was genuinely learning it for the first time.

Like, I don't even remember this coming up as a kid. Do they all get on? Like, do they police each other in a way? Well, yeah, in a sort of like, you know, like American police, like a bit harsh. They do police each other. They're pretty good. I mean, what's quite handy, like a bit harsh. They do police each other. They're pretty good. I mean, what's quite handy, like, for example, when we were doing active and passive sentences yesterday,

is my eldest girl acts almost like a teaching assistant. So I'm sort of able to go, sweetheart, just come over here. Just explain to me exactly what this means so I can teach the other children. So there's a bit of that going on yeah um but no generally they're fine i mean obviously it's always hard trying to get a 10 year old to play with a two-year-old um and weirdly after all day at school uh in inverted commas um and then and they keep moaning about it oh god you know this and i keep saying to them i just i'm just honest with them i say look guys this is new for me as well.

I don't know what I'm doing. And this is not my job. I don't know how to do this. And I'm just guessing and getting us through this. So the only way we can do this is to try and get through it together as a team. And we are literally a team. And what does the two-year-old say to that?

The two-year-old, I've got to-year-old i've gotta say just says can i have an ice pot and uh can i say help yourself to the freezer and the knives are up on the shelf to chop it in half but um generally we just keep talking i think that seems to be the the trick is we can have a laugh and there's moments where we you know we sort of lose it or whatever and what we try to do every day is to just talk about the situation and just try and explain it to each other what our frustrations are. Because it's easy to sort of think sometimes, when I look at the kids, I think, God, I would have loved this when I was a kid.

Yeah. I would have loved it. Well, when I was a kid, like, I know it's totally different, but because I'd lived on Dartmoor, I used to get a week a year off due to snow. Right. Like just because the bus couldn't get through. And I could not believe that.

Like that was the greatest. And I don't think it's like, it was the dream. Yeah. And my parents didn't have to homeschool me for a week. So it was like, that would not have happened. I'd just get to watch Neighbours twice.

Do you know what I mean? It was unbelievable unbelievable but if this happened in the 70s no one would be homeschooling their kids absolutely not you'd be like going oh you'd be like they're gonna do some forest schooling yeah yeah off you go go and play with a stick for three hours that's your new friend yeah it definitely wouldn't have happened but in, we've got a very odd relationship with our children because we're of a generation of people who like to be liked. And this is right across society. Anyone born late 70s, early 80s and onwards were brought up in a society that craves acceptance and craves to be liked. And that's gone all the way through

history of course but it's never been more heightened than it has with the internet generation literally getting a like on facebook releases the same endorphins in your brain as you know a rapper whiz or whatever you know what i mean so it's it's it's a drug, which is my drug reference of choice. And so what's hard is parenting when your children sometimes don't like you because as a parent, occasionally you've got to make decisions and do things where your parent doesn't. So if your child, the person you love the most in the world, doesn't like you, even for a fraction of a minute, you're devastated. Whereas our parents, they didn't care.

They didn't care whether you liked them or not. They used to say it to your face. I'm not here to be your mate. I'm just trying to get you through. Make sure you stay alive. I used to threaten to leave home three times a week, two times. My dad would help me pack. Where do you one dropping?

Have you lost it with your kids at any point? You know, you're sort of trying to be quite calm about it, the frustrations, but it's been so, you're just blown. Yeah, the first PE with Joe. They were looking at me like I was mental. But I've got to say, I'm appreciating his time. And we enjoy his class and we do it every day. But at the same time, if he ends up Sports Personality of the Year,

I wouldn't be surprised. There's not much competition, is there? What's he going to do? And the winner is... Yeah, Lingard for keepy-uppies in his garden that he put on Insta. Are you missing sport, Jason? Yeah, Lingard for keep yappies in his garden that you put on Insta. Yeah. Are you missing sport, Jason? Oh my God. Yeah, so bad.

I mean, I've been listening to like the Match of the Day lads have got a podcast out where they just talk about old football games. There's nothing to say, is there? There's nothing to say. There's nothing to say. But what's weird is you realise what you had, you know, because I'm a fan that generally just watched my football team.

I think I was more of a Man City fan than I was a football fan. Like, I love football, but I love Man City, so I would watch them, and then I would watch the big games at Chelsea, Arsenal, you know, Liverpool, Everton, or whatever, if these be, but now, oh my God, I would watch Scottish third division.

I know. I mean, I'd watch two lads in the park right now. Just have to kick them out. I've heard whispers going like on Twitter and they're going, you do know that there's a Belarus still playing? If you download this, you can watch the Belarusian top flight. And I nearly downloaded it i went what are you doing i know i know are you watching a lot of tv like have you got rules

on tv and stuff with your kids i mean usually what we have is on their ipads there's a there's like you know you can do family ipad family sharing so we have and so i have a thing where i can access their screen time and you know know, they get an hour a day. And the first week I put that up to two hours, which I thought, you know. And then, what are we, week six now? I just deleted it. I was like, just do what you want.

I can't even police this anymore. Order up for Damien. Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go, by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really?

Yeah, he says it's a pill that... Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis. In today's economy, saving money is like an extreme sport. Coupon clipping. Promo code searching. It takes skill, speed, sweat.

Unless we're talking Kudo's new phone, internet, and streaming bundle. With the Happy Stack, you can sit back and stack up the savings on Kudo internet, a sweet phone plan, Netflix, Disney Plus, and Amazon Prime, all starting at just $99 a month. Stack more, spend less. The Happy Stack, only at Kudo. Conditions apply. less the happy stack only at conditions apply uh how are you doing with food jason um yeah too well are you feeding ticks must be tough isn't it yeah that is difficult um and also what's hard is going to the supermarket and not looking like you're stockpiling all you're actually doing is feeding your own family it's like why are we only having half a banana you're like doing is feeding your own family.

It's like, why are we only having half a banana? You're like, well, we're only allowed three. Yeah, it has been difficult. What I did at the beginning, again, Jason at the beginning of lockdown. What a guy he was. You could have learned a lot from him. I was doing family plans. we were going through recipe books i was getting the kids to pick their favorite

recipes because in all honesty you know and this is a hard thing to admit especially from someone who is you know i'm a family man and you know i i talk about my kids a lot but i was on i've been on tour since october i'm away six nights a week, and then we're back two nights, and then I commute a little bit. But genuinely, on the way back from Leicester, when we did the last Monday show before the lockdown come down in full force, driving home, I did have a moment where I thought to myself,

I am going to have to retrain myself to be a dad. I'm going to have to come home, and'm gonna have to i'm gonna have to relearn a lot of the stuff that i've sort of handed over to my wife and my ex-wife you know they deal with the the friends and the the feelings of things you know and i i'm sort of in an old-fashioned side where i go well i got my job is i go to work and i earn this money and that comes into the house and and then and i spend me a few days off that I've got a week hanging out and doing little bits and bobs together. So to suddenly come back and be full-time dad

and homeschooler and counsellor and all those things, suddenly, not only am I trying to get used to who I am as this person suddenly not doing this job that I'm used to, I'm suddenly having to get used to these children who are growing up right in front of my my eyes these 10 year old girls who are having you know full-on conversations with friends and boys and whatnot on their messaging apps and stuff and and so there's a lot of things going on these these people these these young people have got full-on opinions on things and when it comes to food and things like

that you know when i grew up if you didn't have it for your dinner you had it for your breakfast yeah my parents were very strict like it was i don't want this and i think well i don't like i don't like broccoli but i'll tell you what i really don't like broccoli in the morning with those two options i would have it at night these days, I think there's so much choice with food. Generally, you can get to a point where they feel like they've got a choice in the food process. So I just let the kids go through the recipe books and we read Superfood for Superchildren

and all those sort of books. And I said, right, pick a load of things out and then I'll buy those things. And it sort of worked out all right up to now. Oh, that's good. Whereas for me, I'm still eating easter eggs obviously you've uh you've got like a house full Jason but if for like in a bit of magic that like your wife and all your children just got disappeared for 24 hours and it was still

locked down you had the entire house to yourself and the day to yourself, what would you do? What would that day look like? I think it would, half the day would be, I'd try and sort out my ultimate team on FIFA. You know, I've still got a right back at 76. So I'd probably sort that out. I'd definitely do that. But I mean, trying to, crikey, I mean, trying to sort this house out. We've done nothing but clean.

Yeah. Spring cleaning the house. But it's like, you know, it's like shoveling snow while it's snowing when you've got kids around. It's just relentless. And so I think what would be nice would be just to get to a point where everywhere was lovely and tidy and done, and then I could bring them all back and go, right,

at least I know now that the basics are done, so I can just keep on top of it. Just have a fresh start with the house. Oh, what a treat. The crumbs situation. We will hoover and there'll be just crumbs. To the point now where the local birds are flying into the back door because they know there's going to be food on the floor.

We've become like Trafalgar Square in the mid- because they know there's going to be food on the floor. We've become like Trafalgar Square in the mid-90s. It's feeding ground. Yeah, so I'd probably do a bit of FIFA, sort the house out. And I started one of those, the career mode the other day. And my wife was asleep next to us and I thought, I'll just get a start on this.

And she woke up at one point. Obviously, you start with like a youth player. My wife woke up. She said, what are you doing? And I said, I'm just playing FIFA. She said, why aren't you playing? I said, I'm waiting to get on. She said, you what? I said, I'm just waiting to get on.

I'm new, I'm new to the team. So I don't get, I get that last 10 minutes for a few weeks. Or, you know, I make a name for myself. She said, you've got half an hour to play football. And you're spending most of it sat on the bench, watching the computer play football. It's a tough game, isn't it?

Tough game out there. Let me ask you guys a question. In your house, is there like a chores league table with your wives? No, on a Sunday or I'm trying to get it moved to Saturday, is cleaning day. So we do all the cleaning in one day.

Oh, wow. Yeah. So it's like one of us will take my daughter and then the other one will clean. And to be honest, last week, I was just desperate to do the cleaning because you're just in your own world. Yeah, you put the radio on,

you do podcasts. Great. I know. Well, I discovered ironing the other week do you remember i yeah and i and i got a flashback to my dad doing it so my so my my wife does it she's in we've got a little utility room out the back and she does that she does what she needs to do i got this pile of ironing lads let me tell you you, it is the secret. Really? This is the dream. Ironing board in the living room, telly on. Oh, yeah.

Nobody bothers you because nobody wants to do the job. Yeah. Nobody checks on you. Yeah. Nobody comes in to check. And also, what, is a seven-year-old going to moan about a crease in his pants? There's no comeback. There's no comeback. And also, if you're holding a red iron

and something's happening, you go, oh, can you grab the kids? I've got this. Yeah. It's like having a hot cup of tea with a baby in it. Oh, do you mind? I've just got this.

One second. I got a flashback of my dad. My dad used to do the ironing on a Saturday afternoon in front of the grandstand. And I now suddenly went, oh my God, he was ahead of the curve, that man,

watching final score doing the ironing nobody bothered him well it's that thing isn't it what used to be a job when you've got kids suddenly becomes your escape oh oh my god recycling of a podcast bin oh my god it's a pornographic i put the bins out yesterday it It was like two weeks in Iron Apple. Have you got any, like, if you had one tip that you've kind of learned that's actually helped you parenting in lockdown, is there anything that you've kind of gone, oh, that would really help other people parent in lockdown? It's hard, isn't it?

I think because, you know, again, when we talk about pre-lockdown or early lockdown, Jason, you know, I was thinking about learning Portuguese and sign language and maybe the ukulele. And now I'm just trying to get through it roughly within the same boxing weight category as I started. Yeah. God, I would hate to patronise anybody by giving them tips on how to parent, crikey.

What you end up doing is playing this weird like game of, I call it top tired or not tired with your wife, which is essentially unless you are the most tired, you're not tired at all. That's how it works in relationships. And so you're constantly on this, like you're just dropping things into conversation. You know, I did the washing the other day and, you're constantly on this like you're just dropping things into conversation you know i did i did the washing the other day and you know my wife said oh nice are you doing that i said yeah

i thought i'd get it done and she she meant to say it as a compliment but what she said was um oh that's really good that you're doing that because it's not going in i've done it for the last five weeks and then she left and so what she left me with was i've not been doing even though i am doing the washing right now in the present, I've not been doing it for the last five weeks, you know? So there's those little, those little like digs. I had a moment, let me tell you this, I had a moment. At least you didn't take it with you, Jason,

and then hold it with you until you asked about it on a podcast. Well, let me tell you this. When we first started the lockdown, I said to the kids, right, we've done it. I've done a schedule. I think that's my tip, actually, is schedule. Schedule and routine. That is the only thing that's going to get you through this whole process. So, you know, I've been getting the kids up as if we were going to school.

We start at half nine, so it's not too bad. But, you know, still make sure we're up and dressed and washed on a school day at the regular school time. And washed on a school day at the regular school time and we have a break time at the same time and we have lunch time i get the kids to make their own lunch that's been a revelation um and and then in the afternoon we do some chores around the house uh together so i get the kids right i got you two in charge of the dishwasher uh you guys are gonna do hoover upstairs and it's been you know it's been quite good in that respect um but what i did on the first day was my wife was in the kitchen i was just saying to the

kids right this is the schedule we're gonna do joe wicks uh we do this do this one i said in the afternoon we're gonna do some chores around the house i'm gonna teach you some domestic stuff um so we'll do that we'll do the washing and i just heard like a scoff you know that noise you like only your wife can make that just goes right into your heart from another room she sort of went ha and i said what you're laughing at she said oh you you're gonna teach them washing here you're gonna teach yourself first there and i said i'm not this is in front of the kids i went hold on a minute i said i've been using that wash i've been using a washing machine all my life man and boy i know my way around a washing machine i might not use, man and boy. I know my way around a washing machine.

I might not use it at the moment, but I know my way around a washing machine. I was livid. Secretly, I was livid. And she said, go on then, show us the washing machine. I said, don't patronize me. I know how to use a washing machine. And I marched into that utility room. I said, right, guys, you pull the drawer out and you put your washing powder in.

And it was the drawer for the dryer. I wasn't even looking at the right tube. I just stood there with the wrong drawer. Rob, you always like to end with the same question, don't you, Rob? Yeah, I just wanted to know if you've had a lockdown highlight and lowlight or a point where you're like, this is amazing, what an amazing time with my kids, and then a point where you just thought i can't go on i need to run away so the highlight has been uh having our what essentially has become a compulsory bike ride every day which we've never really done before you know often when i do have my few days off a week

i'm so knackered from the week. The idea of getting out and doing some exercise, even with the kids, is beyond me. So spending that hour or 45 minutes or so cycling around, and we sort of live in a little town that I didn't realize was so close to countryside because I just drive everywhere and I walk to the little shop and that's it. So we've gone out on our bikes and between us we've discovered all this lovely uh this green area and

we can see uh the peak districts in the distance and we take like a little bag of apples and there's some horses in a field and we feed these horses and like it's been really lovely getting to know the kids in the and also getting to know our, our local area that we didn't realize we were so fortunate to live in. That's nice. So that I would say has been our highlight. Um, and what was the other question?

The low light. I mean, that's the beauty of parenting, isn't it? You know, you have that moment of thinking I would do anything for this child. I love them the most in the world, but sometimes I put them through a window.

That's the, that's the beauty of being a parent. Yeah, I think that a low light for us would probably be me and my wife had a full-blown argument, like full top of our voices shouting at each other's face for about 30 seconds because she was adamant we were making the bed she was adamant that uh a duvet is perfectly square and i was adamant that it's slightly rectangular and and so that's why it has to go in a certain way into the duvet cover otherwise you end up with uh sort of like a foreskin uh bit of extra duvet at the end definitely right i think i'm 100 right

um but it was a full-blown argument where we started getting like protractors out um like we were measuring stuff like it's was like full on Googling. It's a duvet, square or spectacular. Like ridiculous level. Oh, it's been brilliant. Thanks so much, Jason. It's been a pleasure to speak to you. Thank you very much.

All right, guys. Good luck with the ukulele. There we are. Jason Manford. Six children. I'll say it again. Six. It's a hell of an achievement, isn't it?

The ages. Not to have six children, obviously. That's an achievement in itself. But to homeschool them. Yeah, that's... I mean, and the ages are tough as well. They're so young. And, like, from, like, little two-year-old babies

up to, like, proper schooling, like, proper maths. And it ain't just a bit like, oh, what shape's this? Fractions and stuff but good on him he's keeping positive that's the main thing thank you to jason good luck with your homeschooling also as well as homeschooling in the news he was serenading a woman on a front drive he applied to be a tesco driver and he's doing volunteering driving old people around with a high vision the man's an animal does he sleep the man wants to get out the house that is what we that's what we take from that.

Yeah. He's had enough of the homeschooling. I'm going to drive that man to that appointment. See you next week, kids. This is how you can get in touch. If you have anything to say about things raised in this show. Email us.

Hello at lockdown parenting.co.ukuk or we're on twitter at lockdown parents and don't forget to rate us five stars please um subscribe tell your friends about it anyone else with kids and and also you can listen to this guilt free with your headphones in while your kids are watching the telly so that's a little tip to do there from us, Josh. And that's fine, isn't it? Yeah, fine. Totally fine. Do that.

They don't realise. But do you know what? A kid would be very offended if you listened to Louis Theroux while they were watching TV. So that is a warning for you. Yeah, do not listen to him. We've got to stop mentioning Josh because then they go and listen to his podcast.

Yeah, I know. He had Boy George this week. I thought that sounds intro. That is a good book. All right, shut up, Josh. Sorry. What's your plug for these guests?

Oh, next week. Who's he got next week? I don't know who he's got on, but we've got Boy George. Let's, let's claim it. Let's claim it.

No, we haven't got Boy, don't lie about what we've got. Sorry. Come on. We've got a great guest next week. A nice surprise one on Tuesday. Enjoy.

Bye. Bye-bye.