Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S01 EP64: Sindhu Vee

Episode Date: December 5, 2020

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' - S01 EP64: Sindhu VeeJoining us in the studio this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) during the lockdown and beyond is the brilliant comedian, Sindhu Vee.Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent INSTAGRAM: @lockdown_parentingA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Josh Middicombe. And I'm Rob Beckett. Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell. The show in which Rob and I discuss what it's like to be a parent during lockdown, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation... And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills... Each episode we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping.

Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you, the listener, with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Hello and welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell with... Rob Beckett. Just say it, Daddy. And you say, Josh Whittacombe.

Just say it for me. There you go. Didn't want to say it. That's Joseph, two and a half, asking his parents to say it for him. Come on, Joseph. Just pull your finger out. It's our times. Unprecedented times here. We just need our names said by a child.

It's all we're asking. Exactly. Come on. We're all pulling in the same direction here, mate. How about you, Josh? Good? Yeah, fine. Totally fine. Totally fine.

You've been working a lot. When's Last Leg finishing? Is it up until Christmas? No, it's December the 11th. So it's fine. Normally, every year before, we've gone up to Christmas. So this is the first time I'm like, I'm going to have some time before Christmas. Basically, I'm done.

Apart from a couple of Zoom gigs on December the 12th. And I'm just on easy street. What's your Christmas plan? What toys are you getting for the little one? We've got a Christmas list. She's got really into Christmas now. This is the first year. Oh, right. Okay. So she's proper

for it. Yeah, she's proper for it. She wants a pink sparkly bike. Classic. Absolute classic. And she wants a Elsa jigsaw. I'll be honest with you she's really you know those things you think oh that she's not going to get into unicorns in the color pink like every other girl and she fucking has mate well that's the thing that's what it's like our five-year-old is exactly the same hour um the two-year-old she's um a lot more into she absolutely

loves dinosaurs right I cannot get enough of them yeah but um I'm desperate to watch Jurassic Park's my favorite film yeah I love all the Jurassic Park films more so in Star Wars or dinosaurs right i cannot get enough of them yeah but um i'm desperate to watch drastic parks my favorite film yeah i love all the drastic park films more so in star wars or avengers and stuff like that but it's just i'm just panicked i just i cannot go too early with it i think we spoke about this before and they're way too young dinosaurs for life exactly so it's just a waiting game so i just need to know when i can show them the first drastic park need to work it out probably about 10. Yeah, potentially. But it's weird though,

because at 10, they're so, my mate texts me, he's doing his kids' Christmas list they're sending to Santa. And he said his boy, 100% is over the sort of magic of Christmas. And his Christmas list is like a sort of like

a hostage demand list, like in a negotiation. It's just written it on a bit of A4 paper at the printer that's folded in half or creased and just written in the top left-hand corner, Dear Santa, I've been good this year, so can I have PS5 or MacBook, skateboard, Apollo 11, Rocket Lego, clothes, money, football boots, good quality mic, rugby ball.

Good quality mic? I know, they're all broadcasters now, Josh. Bloody hell, we're in trouble, aren't we? You've really made me laugh. Do you do, how Christmassy is your house? Have you got your tree up? Oh, yeah, we've gone full Christmas. This year, first year, artificial.

With the amount you leave your heating on, those needles are going to be on the floor by December the 12th, mate. You are going to be very, very anti this. You've got a plastic tree. We've got an artificial. It's not plastic. Of course you got an artificial. It's not plastic. Of course you have, Rob.

It's on brand. We've gone the first year. I've always been anti it, but I've got sick of it. Rob Beckett fans would not be happy if you didn't have a fake tree. Stop saying fake. Stop saying plastic. It's artificial. It's 4G.

It's 4G. I've got a 4G AstroTurf tree. It's like a pitch in Sweden. But, you know it does look realistic it's good but I just think yeah the needles

would drop the amount of heating we've got in a house it's just they're thirsty thirsty boys are you pouring an innocent smoothie down for it to

keep hydrated throughout bit of sugar in there bit of a couple of lucasades just to keep it keep it energised but I tell you

what is good I went to Costco and they sell these like garland things and you they're like a wreath no yeah but not a wreath but it's always in one long imagine like a really long fat bit of tinsel but it's not tinsel but it looks like a green like bit of tree about five foot long right i think there's about 20 or 30 quid with lights on on baubles you just plug them in and they light up it's such an easy way to make your house look like it's like properly festive i feel like you know like america is so much more festive than this country they just put it everywhere and that it's an absolute game changer it's so festive our house i'm loving it oh yeah

we haven't we haven't done it yet because we we got the tree too three years ago. And by Christmas Day, it was an embarrassment. That's the problem with a real tree. When you go artificial, you can pop it up late November. Yeah, I'm not going to go artificial, Rob. Come on, mate. Why not? Yeah. Because I don't want to go with an artificial tree.

I like the smell. Get a candle. Get a candle and cheat it. We've got a candle. We've got some room diffusers. It looks and smells like a real tree. And it comes pre-lit a real tree and it comes pre-lit already lights on it you don't have to find the fairy lights you don't have to twirl

them and twangle them around you just plug it in one of the best bits is getting christmas tree ready yeah but what's the worst bit taking those lights off as the as the needles fall no i do quite enjoy i do quite enjoy enjoy the dismantling of the Christmas tree. Where do you get rid of it, though? That's the problem. Trying to get rid of a Christmas tree. Council. The council.

They don't know what's going on. I don't know what day of the week it is. But our ones, they go, yeah, take it to a local park. Do they? No, just take it to a local park. I'm not going to get that in a car and drive it to a park. It's a nightmare. Take it to a local park and dispose of it like a body.

Yeah. Just throw it in a local park. It's basically like what they did in the local park and what, dispose of it like a body? Yeah. Just throw it in the local park. It's basically like, you know like what they did in like Blackheath in like the plague. They just threw bodies on top of each other

and buried them. Right, yeah. It's like that. It's like a big, like it's like a fenced off area you just chuck the trees in and it piles up like some sort of horrendous.

Oh my word. Oh no, no. Hackney Council, come and get it. If I could put, if I was allowed to put a tree on the street and they take it,

I'd be into it. But they don't. It's a nightmare. I normally just throw it at the end of the garden. Well, that's what I used to do in rented properties. Is it true that you're not having real food for your Christmas dinner as well? You're just going to release the smell of turkey and then have a plastic one in the middle of the table.

It's our hook, our Christmas. We use our imagination and just launch it each other. Do you do advent calendars? Yes. So this year, Lou did one where she used to make it for the kids, but it was just chocolates and toys and stuff like that. So what she's done this year is a book event. So she's got loads of books and they get a book each day.

They're sharing an advent calendar and they unwrap a book and then they read that book that night, a Christmassy book leading up to Christmas. Blimey. Yeah. It's pretty impressive what she's done. Yeah. She wants to start selling them next year and doing's pretty impressive what she's done that yeah she wants to she wants to start selling them next year and doing it for people that's a great idea maybe

have i given away the idea already yeah i think you're fine because this is like the equivalent of like you can use this in court because this is well yeah it's time sensitive well i'm going to show you the book then and if people are interested in the book then we will sell them next year that's the deal we'll stick that on instagram do you care what you get for christmas now um not really i you know i'm sort of it's weird though because i'm not really into anything to flash like yeah i quite like computer games stuff like that but a lot of the time i will just buy that for myself throughout the year especially because i do youtube videos of me playing computer games it's like i sort of justify it at work so yeah it's not really anything that i normally we do experiences that will go on holiday or lure book a hotel and that kind of

stuff like rather than material goods but i'm not really like i want to i don't really have i'm not into watches or into cars or into fancy clothes i mean who gets a car you don't get a car for christmas but so yeah not really probably a bit of lego i'll be happy with josh yeah yeah and then when the kids are in bed i'll do that in the evening with a nice glass of baileys what about you what do you want for christmas i don't really i think it's the same like i never thought i'd reach the stage where i actually prefer giving the presents to getting them now like yeah i thought that was when people used to say that i think you you you fucking liar you absolutely you've seen the john lewis advert and you think that's the best way to be. Don't you dare give me that kind of shit.

Everyone wants to get loads of presents. But actually, as long as I've got a chocolate orange, I can give a shit. The advice I'd give, though, for parents at Christmas is they got a Disney sort of castle thing that you had to assemble. And obviously, it's hard to do it. So I spent four hours assembling a Disney castle Christmas Eve, like up against the clock. So I was trying to lose that off-road on Sherry, I'm going to laugh. But I'm sat there like a factory worker.

Oh, against the clock as in time-wise? Yeah, because they're getting up in the morning. I'm picturing you like leaning on a grandfather clock. I know. Yeah, no, but like having to do that and like, we want to get the trampoline. I mean, they're not going to listen to this, are they? Unless someone listens to this and then tells them

and ruin my kid's Christmas. That'd be awful. But a trampoline for Christmas. But it's so big, we had to get it delivered to like grandparents. So it's in the grandparents' garage. Got no way to put it. So it's in there. So at some point, lead it up to Christmas.

I've got to go and get it assemble it and put it in the garden without the kids noticing so that could only really happen around it and also their bedrooms look out onto the back garden so it's like i've got to wait to their definite so i reckon you'll have to put up like a um a sheet around yourself like when they kill a horse at the grand national yeah Yeah. I was like, yeah. Or like, you know, when they like,

makes a big building disappear. Yeah. Like the Moran. But I don't know what I'm going to do because really, the only time I can do it, because I can't assemble it anywhere else

and then drive it over. It's not like a small thing. It's got to be, so when you're all sat having a baby. Be honest, Rob. Be honest. Two questions. So say, say you're doing this having a baby honest job be honest two questions so say

say you're doing this at what 8 p.m on christmas eve i reckon eight would 8 p.m would be the earliest because they've got to be sound asleep 9 p.m on christmas eve when you're assembling the trampoline it's gonna be yep how pissed are you gonna be out of 10 but angry or drunk drunk because i'm not an american mate i reckon what'll happen is the problem is it's going to be so cold I'm going to be on my own because of lockdown rules is there not like someone who's babbling with you that could help you like lose dad or your dad or something yeah but I can't make someone come in my garden at 9 p.m and put a trampoline together Christmas Eve so I just want people to know when you're sat having a nice little drink Christmas Eve

you're in the garden look in your garden at 9pm it could be raining as well I've never wanted a white Christmas more now that I know

this is going on or I could risk it get pissed and get up early and do it at 3am no way if you're pissed and you're doing it

you're going to have a go aren't you oh yeah I'm definitely going to have a go. I'm thinking about getting a big bow to put on it as well, because that'd be quite fun. But it will be amazing when they see it and they're excited to see it and go on it. But it's just a bit of a logistical nightmare. So if anyone's got any tips on that, I'm sure other people have assembled a trampoline.

How hard is it? Do I need a second person? But yeah, I would love to hear other stories of people that have had nightmares Christmas Eve trying to put toys together. Or if anyone, that's another tip, get batteries. Every single type of battery you can get, buy it and leave it in the cupboard. Because you do not want to be driving to a petrol station to try and buy them weird little rectangle ones. Oh, yeah. The weird little rectangle ones.

No one wants them. I remember Christmas Day, things not working and it's an absolute heartbreaker isn't it yes it's awful so yeah so that's that's going to be my my challenge christmas eve but i'm sure it'll be fine uh let us know what you've assembled christmas eve what christmas present style disasters you've had rob would you like to see a three-year-old with insanely long hair yes please yes i said you can tell the age of a kid by how long their hair is yeah you said you said you can tell the age of a kid by how long their hair is yeah you said you said you can tell the age of a kid

by how long their hair is attached is a picture of my daughter how old do you think she is before I guess before I guess Josh what I was saying was

you can tell if there's two children next to each other normally girls I can tell which one's older I don't know if I can necessarily guess the age no

but I'll be able to even if they're the same height it's like the rings on a tree exactly it's like the rings on a guess the age. No. But I'll be able to tell even if they're the same height. It's like the rings on a tree. Exactly. It's like the rings on a tree. If they're the same height, I'll be able to tell who's older by the hair length.

Yeah, well this... But this girl... Oh, wow. I mean, she looks young, doesn't she? That looks like a wig. That can't be all her hair. So this is a picture

of my three-year-old. Three? Three. I was going to... Honestly, I was... I thought she was a little five year old she looks like cousin it no no i mean that's unfair but like the hair is as thick and long as cousin it

but they've obviously cut the fringe that is insane in three years she's so cute this girl we've had 12 inches of the hair cut off and donated to the little princess trust who make wigs for girls who have cancer i mean it wow. Which is obviously a lovely thing to do. Yeah. I wonder, do you think this means this girl is just going to have really fast-growing hair for the rest of her life? I mean, yeah, I think that's just going to...

She's going to spend... It's all fun and games now, but the money she's going to have to spend at hairdressers. Yeah, I'll have to go hairdressers. Why? I've just tripped over it. It's so thick and so... It looks like, you know, like she's grabbed a drag wig. Yeah.

Do you know what I mean? And just put it on for fun. I've got questions really. Just, you know, what do you do with it? When she goes to preschool and her, is it plaits? Are you putting it up? You can't put it up in a messy like bun. It's too much.

Or do the parents have fast growing hair? Is her dad Teen Wolf? Let us know. Do get in touch. Do let us know on all of those things. Can she slam dunk? Right. Steph Collison.

This is if you are struggling with taking the dummies away from your children, this is a story that might make you feel better about your own experience. We tried the first time to take her dummy away when she was two and a half did the whole uh fairy gift palaver she got a new doll's house and was very happy to give her up her dummy the first two nights she slept like an absolute dream couldn't work out why people thought it was so hard how stupid i was night three she woke up crying and wouldn't stop she She did this every single night. I didn't get more than two hours sleep a night for almost three months. Jesus.

Just give her the dummy. Give her the dummy. After my eye twitched, after 57 consecutive days, through sheer exhaustion, I gave her the dummies back. 57 days. Oh, you've done so well. Because you just sort of think, I've lost two months of sleep for nothing. Oh, you've done so well. And then you... Because you just sort of think, I've lost two months of sleep for nothing.

Oh, God. 57 days. 57 days makes it worse. If she said it after a couple of months, but you know she's counted them. Yeah. She's now four and a half and has been dummy free for a year

after a third attempt at taking it away. And I do think, though, with the dummy, there's no point rushing it if they really want it and need it let them have it i do think though it's quite good to go like what this is what because i had a dummy till i was about three i think or four and my mom and dad said you can have the dummy but you can only have a dummy when you're in your cot i think you know generally what we found is with everything that a lot of the the things that you're scared about doing they just get there naturally and it's actually fine and it's like yeah you don't need

to rush it type of thing and i think you get so especially it's so cool i've got to get rid of the dummy got to get rid of the dummy and it's sort of you're causing you and the kid unnecessary drama for really who gives a shit exactly we all do weird stuff like you know if you still had your parents i'm like we've got to start he keeps going to smother himself keep hiding under that duvet do you know what i mean but you're a grown-up you make your choices you shuffle down i ain't gonna judge you i think the last thing we've probably got not to do that's the wrong word but the last kind of thing would be nappies at night and it just feels like there's no we're not going to put any pressure on this or make it why yeah so much of the pressure put on those things and I think a part of it was

like with me with the dummy was a bit like that was like you you feel like a kind of societal pressure don't you yes I think yeah exactly but and you know and I think it's just not not putting too much pressure on you or the kid. Cause if it's making them happy and they're cool with it. And with the nappy thing, we don't have nappies in the night now at all for the three year old. And that was cause she went, I don't want to wear a nappy.

It's scratchy. So he said, wear the nappy. But if you don't do a wee wee in the nappy, then if you do that for, we said like a few nights in a row, then you can have no nappy. So in the end she was like, okay. And then she did have a dry nappy for like a few nights in a row, then you can have no nappy. So in the end, she was like, okay.

And then she did have a dry nappy for like about a week and a half, two weeks in a row. All right, then we'll take it off. Now she doesn't have one. But it's like we allowed her to tell us she didn't want to wear it anymore. They've got to be into not having a nappy in the night. Yeah. Because otherwise it's just a mess.

And then they're going to get embarrassed and stressed. You're going to get tired and stressed. You're going to have to keep changing the beds and the sheets and stuff. There's no rush for it. I've never met anyone who's 27 still wearing a nappy at night just in case you got to 23 didn't you yes exactly and then i thought i've got to make a change and i did i've got a couple of uh instagram messages yeah go on one's about we're gonna we're gonna go through them and get some more in because some of these are from quite old episodes, but it's still quite funny.

This one's about having kids close together. Great podcast, guys. We've got a 22-month-old and a four-month-old. Just a quick story. We were told by our midwife that when having the first, be careful, it's easy to get pregnant again straight away after chat. One of her families had to have IVF and fell pregnant with triplets. Okay, so that's good, though. Your IVF is expensive you've got all three you're tapping out after that you think

wouldn't you yeah yeah so after they were born she was round and having the same chat about be careful I know you went through IVF but you can get pregnant really quickly after having kids they laughed it off say there's no chance. We've had to have IVF, so we doubt it would happen that easily. And we've ended up with triplies, so we'd rather stop there. Okay. Two and a half months later, guess who's pregnant with twins? Five children under the age of one.

Oh, my God. Oh, my word. Wow. Wow. Five under wow wow five under one i think that's worse than having five at once do you mean because at least if you've got five at once they're all at the same stage but imagine everyone's just nine months behind oh my god oh my god i genuinely before i had kids i used to think twins would probably be the dream scenario because you'd just bash them out. Do you know what I mean? And it would be like...

Bash them out. But you'd be like, you've got two kids for the price of one. But actually, five in a... Oh, my word. Five under one. Could you imagine that? Five under one. You'd have to get help.

You can't do that. You can't. I couldn't look after five kids on my own. No. I barely could do one. I was talking to my friend who works on last leg he's got three and i was like i was like oh we're up to this weekend he was like my wife's working so i'm just going one on three and i genuinely i just couldn't even comprehend that at the moment as one kid i know loads of people do it but i was like how the fuck do you do that you know when you like hear about like dolly parton's one of what is she one of 12 or

something mad like that what's your day well i think when there's 12 when there's 12 the eldest starts looking after the kids for you because they want to feel they you know i think that's what happens right you have like 13 year olds it's basically doing a lot of the work having one kid changes your lifestyle completely right but going from one to two absolutely sort of screws you with like it's this you're just split completely between them so i think from two to three isn't that big a jump as from one to two it is harder work obviously having three kids but you're just used to that's just what what's happening and by that point your house is running a family home that has children in it but when you have your first one it's like a couple's house that turns into a kid's

house and then when the second one comes on they start outnumbering you yeah um i've got i've got an instagram here this is quite funny about um pronouncing things wrong um hi guys love the podcast definitely helped during lockdown as i have a seven year old and a one year old turning eight and two in october they've just turned then. This is how slow, this is how backdated we are with admin, Josh. This must have been said in September. I listened to Rob's elephant trunk story and thought I'd share ours. That was when my daughter said it, quite rude. Our youngest Ellis is a boy who loves cars and we are trying to teach him colours. So thought best to combine the two to help his concentration. Now we know he's saying white car. He is definitely saying white car,

but all anyone else hears at the top of his voice is wanker, wanker, wanker, as he points at the offending vehicle. As I said, we are hoping he gets his pronunciation through soon as a dread white car is going past. Especially with a window open in the summer. Wanker, what was that? Oh, nothing. If you've got anything you want to get in touch, this is how. Email us hello at lockdownparenting.co.uk

or tweet us at lockdownparents or Instagram lockdown underscore parenting. And you can also send us stuff. P.O. Box 76748, London E99DW. Right, Rob, who have we got on today? We have the wonderful Sindhu V, a very funny comedian. And I did Jonathan Ross with her the other week. She was really, really funny on that as well.

And it was a great interview. And she's a very different kind of parent, isn't she, to what we are? Very different. Very different. Very different. Far more in control of the situation than I am. This is Sindhu V. Hello, Sindhu V. Hello, Josh.

Sindhu, what's your setup at home? Okay, I've got three kids. Three kids, two dogs. Two now that we've got a in quarantine, because why not? One husband and two turtles. What a twist at the end. And how old are they? They are.

So I'm going to say this on the podcast and it's crazy. Because I speak a lot about the children on stage, I have a habit of being vague about their genders and their ages. I just think if I get too specific, it gets too real. So I have two teenagers, they're in the advanced years of teenage-dom, and I've got one who's quite far away from being a teen. 40. Yeah. I always wanted a lot of children. Then I had two and I was like, God damn, this is hard. And so I just was like, holy shit. And I kind of was just thought that's enough, you know? And then when that wore off, I don't know why it wore off, but it did. I was like, oh my gosh,

what about all the children I was going to have? And so I had another one. And I learned that three is what tips you right over the edge. Oh, really? And you use the will to live, let alone have other kids. So how many did you imagine you were going to have originally? Oh, four. I wanted four children. Four. Wow.

I wanted four. Yeah, I wanted four. I always did. Even when I was very young, I remember saying to my mother, I'm going to have four kids. And she would say, you will not even get married if you keep on behaving like you are behaving. The job that I had, which was investment banking, it's very incompatible with being the kind of mother it turned out I wanted to be. I never thought I would want to be that kind of mom. I thought I would be, I always wanted to be a mom, but my boss had five children in banking and she had a stay-at-home husband and three nannies.

So I thought, well, I don't have a stay-at-home husband, but I'll just get nannies. You know what I mean? And what I had no expectation of was that I would have my kid and then that I would change so much because I had him and I took my full maternity leave and I was desperate to get back to work because I really liked my job. But the moment I got to work, I didn't care about deals. I wasn't hungry anymore. I just wasn't. No, I bet. Well, a lot of my friends were. They were. And it turned out that if you're not hungry, then being on a trading floor becomes a real mindfuck. You have to have

a certain attitude of like, go, go, go, go, go. And all I could think about was, you know, my son is teething or, you know, I wonder what he's doing. And I just was like, I was not happy. And then they were very good to me. They changed my job. I was the first woman for whom they created a three-day week on the trading floor front office. But you know, I didn't grow up wanting to be in banking. See, I was doing something very different. I think that's a sign is that when you have a child at so many levels, you go back to your roots, whether it's culturally or the family roots you come from or whatever your ambitions were. Yeah. So it didn't work. So I quit. I did such crazy rock and roll shit. I made the firm do so

many things. You know, I had to take my clients. I used to cover the US dollar market, but I used to cover clients in Europe. And I had to take all my clients to New York one time to see Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae, whatever, mortgage bonds, blah, blah, blah. And I said, I'm not going to travel without my kid. I remember he was 11 months old. And I told my boss, I said, I'm not going without him. And he was like, and he said to me, who do you think you are? Madonna? You can't travel on the road with help and a kid. And so I was like, I don't care. I'm not going to go. So they were so nice. They were like, fine. Bloody hell. Cinder, were you the best trader there ever was? No, I wasn't. No, I wasn't. But what it was, I was by no means.

I was not even a trader. I was in sales. But what it was was this. And I think this is a very important thing. It was a road trip. So I would have been gone. I was gone about two weeks. And the second thing was, it was an important road trip.

And my clients liked me. And I think my boss, because he had several kids, I think he was, he had this idea that if we keep cutting women out, when they talk about their kids, we're going to end up with shitty salespeople because often it's a good salesperson you have to let go. But I will say one thing. I will say that at that time, I think there was more openness to this idea in Europe that somehow you try and accommodate women and children than there was on Wall Street. Yeah. Because when I was in America, it really felt like I was doing something crazy.

Yeah. Whereas here, people were like, oh, that's cool. You know, not like, are you high? That wasn't the vibe. But it was a great trip. I guess Europeans, especially like Spain and Italy are like way more family focused than in North America. Well,

yeah, I think when it comes to work and women and finance, it's like pick a lane, you know, in Wall Street, it's like pick a lane. And I think, I think the UK is second.

And then after that is the rest of Europe. And I think the UK has been trying to get it right. And I think they have got it. I mean, things are very, very different now than when I was there, but no, it was such a crazy trip. And I think they have got it. I mean, things are very, very different now than when I was there. But no, it was such a crazy trip.

And I will say that mental health-wise, it was probably not the best thing to do. Fully focused. I never slept. Everyone was jet lagged. The baby was jet lagged. You know, the Indian nanny I took with me stopped speaking. I thought she had a breakdown.

She just stopped speaking. I thought she'd had a psychotic break. So then you started stand up when your daughters, when your children, the older ones were teenagers, is that right? Yeah, two were in double figures and one was very young. And how did the kids react to that? Well, Josh, for the longest time, I was doing open mic in, you know, butt fuck. They didn't know what I was doing. They were like, you're not really, anyway, I never read good night stories and all that because they don't be in India. And I thought it was always so tedious. So that's not like they missed that. But what about bath time? No, bath time? No, they have a bath.

What am I going to do? I mean, of course, they're not that small. When they were small, I was in the bath. I didn't want them to drown. But as soon as they could have a bath, I was like, go have a shower. What are you doing? So what age would you let them shower alone?

You know, when they were like a reasonable age, whatever, like, I don't know, six, seven. One of my kids had a habit of going into the shower and coming back and coming out and with a totally dry face. And I'd be like, who are you kidding? I was like, how is this? How is this possible? He said, no, mommy, I did. I said, you did not. You did. Come on, dude. Come on. And then by the time it was like, really the only time your kids know is when they're friends or you're on YouTube

or TV. I mean, otherwise, how do they know? They don't. And I think for me, that was probably, I think it was maybe when I did, have I got news for you, which I did very early, maybe, I don't know, very early and it just happened. And I think my son was, he said, he asked me, well, you want to have I got news for you? And I said, yes. He said his science teacher had asked him and he said I said no to him and I said why and he's like why would you be on tv that is a real confidence booster yeah but I think the other thing is I didn't like I didn't choose to talk about it at home really because I just it's just something I did that was not you know like for the kids I was because I was still always a full something I did that was not, you know, like for the kids, I was, because I was

still always a full-on mom. I was still taking them to school, waking them up, going to see their football, packing their lunch. Who has the time in between telling them to stop beating each other up and get their shit together and get in the car to be like, oh, by the way, I'm doing standup. Like who, who? Nobody. You know, and I'm very, I've always been quite demanding academically of the children. So by and large, they don't like to talk to me. Are you quite stern, mother? Like quite strict? I mean, I'm told I'm strict. Who by?

Everybody in the house. What about other kids of friends and family? Have there been things you don't like going on in your house and you've had to impose your stricter rules on other kids? I wouldn't do that to other people's kids in our home. If they come, they behave badly. They're my guests. They can. You will see my kids looking at me in utter panic. And they look at me in like, they're like terrorized because they know what it means to me, but they've also understood. We have a me in like, they're like terrorized because they know what it means to me. But they've also understood. We have a phrase in Sanskrit, which is,

Atithi Deva Bhava, which is the guest comes as God. So you do never criticize your guests. You know what I mean? No matter what. But when they leave, I look at the kids and they're like, we know. We got it. We saw it. I look at the kids and they're like, we know, we got it.

We saw it. But I think there's a very strong code with the children, you know, about what's done and what's not done. So when you say, because you obviously, you didn't do the bed, you don't do the bedtime stories. What are the other British, not parenting traditions, but kind of parenting norms that you find kind of baffling like that, or just like, well,

I mean, baffling, you know, I do know, I can see why you guys tell stories and it's nice. I just, I'm like, I'm not fucking doing it.

I just, it's not even like that baffling. I'll rephrase the question. What other things are you not fucking doing? Um, I don't, what else do I not do? I don't really play with them okay like i play they're around me playing yeah now i play with them because i've taught all of them how to play rummy

and three card poker that's fine but i won't play like fucking you know lego shmana no no no no no no i've i've been a kid i did all this But don't you find that nostalgia going back to those games and doing something together? Don't you get a buzz from that? No, but I do other kid things with them. Like, for example, you know, I've always had, I've always been a little, I've always been a little bit cavalier with this bedtime business, you know?

Oh, yeah? Yeah, when they were very little, then you have to because you need a routine. But like, say when they're four, five, six, seven, like when they've started school, I mean, before they go to nursery, I don't care when you sleep, when you fall asleep, I'll pick you up where you are. And then that's it enough. Thank you. But if we're going out and you're going to be sleepy and then, you know, misbehave, then we have like, don't do that either. So my husband is like, you have no rules. These kids just have to adapt. I'm like, yeah,

that's pretty much right. But every once in a while, you know, there'll be something we want to do. Like there'll be a TV show that we all want to watch and it's like past our bedtime. I'm like, screw the bedtime. Let's watch. Or like, you know, if there's a movie that we really want to watch and somehow we can't watch on the weekend, I'm like, let's watch it now. The one thing that I, and I don't have many rules around like dessert and ice cream and whatever, like this, fine, it's in the fridge or we have this, eat it, you know, like just use some sense. So would you say you let the small things go, but big things you come down on them quite hard? I think so. I mean, I, you see kids, the kids, the things that kids do, which are

interesting to both kids and me, I'm there. I'm there. Like I took my children alone when they were four and two to Disneyland by myself. Oh my God. All the way to Los Angeles. From London? Well, I went from London to Atlanta to attend my cousin's wedding, which was a great wedding, by the way.

And then from there, I was like, well, I'm not going back to London. We're already here. So I was like, let's go to LA. And my husband was like, I can't do it. I'm like, that's fine. I got this here. So I was like, let's go to LA. And my husband was like, I can't do it. I'm like, that's fine. I got this. So there's those kinds of things, which I think a lot of adults are like, are you crazy? I'm like, no, it'll be fine.

It'll be fine. I'll be fine. And we had a great time. The other thing I used to do, which the kids later told me they had never heard of anyone doing was, I really like Pixar. Okay. Like really. So when the first few Pixar movies came out, there used to be one every 18 months. Like when my teens were young, I used to not want to go on the weekend because everyone

brought their kids and kids would talk and it would be like a kiddie movie event. And I'm like, I don't have fucking time for this. So I used to go on the first day that the movie came out, which is usually a Thursday or Friday. And I would go to the school. I did this with both of them. Go to the school, tell the school there was a dental appointment or something. Get the kid out of class. And the middle of the day, we would go to the movies.

Oh, I bet your kids loved it. Oh my God. Well, it's they, and I didn't tell them because you see kids will tell their friends. And so I would just do it. Because both my kids have my husband's gene of being very honest. And I didn't tell them because you see, kids will tell their friends. And so I would just do it. And I had to, because both my kids have my husband's gene of being very honest, they would look at me with their eyes like saucepans.

I'm like, remember the dentist? And we would leave. And I'd be like, dude, we're going to movies. And their heads would explode. And I'd be like, but here's the thing. If you go and tell your friend tomorrow, I'm going to go to jail. So they never told. They were like, oh shit.

And now they tell me that was so bad. Like we were so scared. But you're generally hard on them academically. Does that not go against that? One day of missing school, you're not going to get 10 on 10? What's the matter with you? One day? but i'll tell you you know these horrible movies the fast and furious ones they're terrible i find them so bad and i grew up with bollywood right so really my standards are quite low but anyway i remember a couple of years ago the the last one came out like fast and furious even more idiotic or whatever it was called and And my son who was a, you know, who's, who's a teenager at the time wanted to see it. It was coming out at like midnight at the view near us. And he wanted to see it and he didn't want to go alone,

blah, blah, blah. Cause then, you know, he'd have to. So he asked me and I said, yeah, of course I'll go. Cause you want to go to the movies. And my husband was like, that's insane. You hate the movie. You don't like staying up late. But I woke up and I drove. I criticized the movie for the duration. I was like, what now he's flying in a car? Fuck this. And my son was like, shh, shh. But I went with him because I think those things with kids are fun. And it's about the kids and you do those, but you don't have to fucking bath time. Come on. have to fucking bath time come on i've got a question then on that so you've got you described late teens where do you stand on drinking partying uh relationships what i've realized from this conversation is i can't call your view on like you know with most people you go I could probably yeah or what Rob's view

would be across and that is quite consistent but you work on a very much a policy by policy basis I can't 100 zero consistency across yeah there's nothing you're not Boris Johnson but mine mine is still more scientific than anything. That's a very good question because I'm obviously, you know, quite Indian in the sense of I didn't grow up, you know, in a drinking culture. Of course, I drink and my parents drink, but drinking culture, by which I mean getting completely trollied and vomiting on the streets and this kind of thing, which is quite common here for teens. So I had a choice. I could either have been as stringent and probably lost my teenager in some way because he is a Western child. I don't care what you say. He's half Danish. He's been raised here. I'm quite a mix, both because I've lived here a long time and the choices I've made in terms of I'm doing stand-up and this, and these are not traditional Indian things. And he's not being raised in India. So I could have stuck with my value system and

said, oh, it's right, it's right. But I think I would have lost him. And I think for me, a central guiding principle with my children has always been that my children must always feel that where I am is home. No matter what they do and what shit hits the fan and what shit they do, they should know that they can come home. And to have that, to engender that feeling in your child, I think you have to, there has to be a sense in them that things could get ugly, but they'll always be okay. There's no judgment that would make them unwelcome. And I think shame is a very, very, very big part of this equation.

And you have to somehow let your child know that there is no shame when they are in front of your eyes. So if that is my guiding principle, what I had to do was I had to turn to my Danish husband and be like, what is with the fucking drinking and fucking? What's the plan? Because I don't know. Are we willing to accept whatever he said on that? Well, we're very good friends. And I didn't at once agree. We had some back and forth, but I know that what I thought was, I can't trust myself on this because all of the signals I have are completely contrary to the world in which this

child is raised. And also I trust my husband because my husband is a very conscientious and responsible guy. And I thought, well, fine. It was very hard in the beginning, really hard. And my husband used to take my phone away because he'd be like, he's gone out calling, giving him 83 missed calls is not going to help. And so he just would take my phone away. And then also at that time, I used to speak a lot to my mother who passed away in November. So I don't speak to her now. I mean, I do in my head, but you know, I used to call her and I used to say, oh my God, I can't believe I didn't marry an Indian and he's let him out to go drinking. And and my mother used to say to me, she used to always say, first of all, she used to say,

you are very stupid. She started every sentence like this. You are very stupid. My son-in-law is a great man. And then she used to say, don't try and teach him what you don't know. She used to ask me questions like, are you Danish? Are you British? Are you a boy? And you're like, no, no, no. Then why are you trying to teach him? Shut up.

So I think I just let it go. And then when I saw that things were not going off the rails, I started to trust the process. Does that make sense? The worst feeling for me would be like if my daughter, when she was a teenager and having a drink and it was a bit tipsy and was too scared to come home in case I bollocked her. And then she was just sat on the street or her mates waiting to be sober.

You don't want, you know, to be the parent that goes to the office. But then, you know, you do want to be able to have a beer with them in the house if they want. I didn't want any of that. And, you know, Danes are very, very good about this stuff. And, you know, so in the beginning when I was a bit nervous, because, you know, I mean, let's be honest, I don't care what the world says.

Kids are drinking younger and younger these days, you know, and they're not 16 when they start drinking. No. I've got absolutely shit faces as a 15-year-old. It was self-serve vodka and orange and I came home and I was sick on the front door and I was sick in my bed and then I pissed myself and I was like 15 that's insane well there you go as as for relationships I have always thought I mean of course deep down I want to arrange all their marriages don't I but I can't and I mean I you know I I have people in

mind my close friends who have children who are the right age. And I just somewhere deep down, I think, well, that would be nice. But then I say, Sindhu, shut up. It's never going to happen. I think all mums are like that, though, aren't they? Even like Western mums. My mum would always go, she's nice because she knows the mum and dad. It would be easier for everyone involved if you just got off with a girl around the corner. Yeah, maybe not just get off, like marry.

That to me is like the goal uh but you know and i but i've had people in my mind for my children since my children were four and five but i don't say anything about it i keep it to myself what i have spoken to my children about is issues that because when it comes to drinking thing i was less certain on this stuff i'm not at all. I've spoken to them about being responsible. Consent, consent has been a big thing in my mind for these kids. And so I've talked about being responsible, consent, and also try not to come home with someone I think is very dull. Because I just don't know how, like, I don't think I have it in me, you know. My husband doesn't say anything to them. He's like, I'm happy if you're happy, which is, what? What?

On the subject of your husband, we do offer our guests a chance that if any gripe or issue with something their partner does with parenting, and they don't feel like they can ask them or tell them, you know, this is your opportunity to, you know, indulge in that. Rob, do you really think there's anything I've felt that I haven't said to him face to face? I did think that would be the response. I just don't have anything like that. When was the last time you like really lost your shit with him?

Oh God, I don't know. Like, let me think. Probably very recent. I mean, I lose my shit on a quite regular basis. Over the weekend, I lost my temper because, you know what? 18 plus 6 is not 22. It's not fucking 22. And we've been over it so many times. How is 18 plus 6 22? What has happened to you? I got crazy. I was running around the house saying, 22, 22. The dogs were running away. My husband was like, just let it go. I got crazy. 18 plus six should not be 22. Come on. I mean, to be fair, I'm still working it out. Okay. First of all, I think what I have to also put in here is that those years of being at home with the children, I was very on it. You know, I didn't just say, well, go ahead and please get A's and show them to me. I worked with them. I figured out what they knew how to do, what they didn't know how to do,

you know, and disciplining, discipline in practice is a very important part of performance. And I think as a standup, especially, you know, you go out and you gig because that's what gets you good. So discipline in practice academically is something that I think from a young age they've, and I don't think I'm unusual. You ask any South Asian parent, they're going to tell you this. It's a big part of their day. It's like, you have to do this. You have to come home from school and you play a little bit. You have to do studies. So I think it's kind of built into the system. Then there are some, see, when I was growing up, you couldn't be bad at anything. I don't have that rule. So with like, for example,

one of my kids is not very good in math, but that's fine because they're very good in history. So math, I know what the level is. It's the issue is what are you bringing to the table today? Are you bringing your shitty work ethic for who? The world doesn't need that. You bring good work ethic. And then if you end up with a B in math, it's fine because you've got an A star in history because it shows that you're working hard. That stuff is in the system in this house. And that's very much from me. And I also think if they say, well, but that doesn't make me happy.

I'm like, no one cares. To be fair, I was never that great academically, but I put all the effort in. I could. So as long as they try their best, that's fine by me. It's the effort and it's the work. I think children should have a sense of responsibility of what the fuck they're doing here. And also, they have to have some sensibility for their parents. Like, what are you doing today that's doing for me?

Hello? I've got one last question, Sindhu, which I'm fascinated by. Because you have an excellent use of the word fuck when you're really making a point. And what is your ruling on that? When you say what the fuck you're doing here, is that what you're saying to them? Well, not when they're little. But now, you know, now sometimes if the teenagers really get on my nerves, or, you know, because they'll push you and they'll argue and they'll say things, you know, and they'll make comments that are intended to make me feel, to put me down. You know, sometimes I'll say something about my comedy or something.

And I think that's fair. I mean, they're not being rude. They're sort of pushing boundaries and they want to have a discussion. And yeah, fine. I'm here for that. That's fine. But I, so my mother swore a lot and she swore in front of us. She came from a very feudal family in which swearing is sort of women swear behind closed doors. So they don't swear in front of the

male folk, but they swear in front of their kids. And she had it down to an art form. And she then, when she became a therapist and trained in America, returned from America and started saying things like, fuck your asshole. And we were like, what? She started, we're like, I don't think it's fuck your asshole. I think it's fuck you asshole, but okay. She started using English bad words like extensively, much to, it was hilarious, hilarious. But she had that energy. And I absorbed that without realizing. I never swore in front of my parents.

But as soon as I left the house, I was like potty mouth. And then I joined a trading floor. I mean, swearing on the trading floor is normal. You know? And what happened is when I had kids, I had to very consciously not swear in front of them. That didn't last. I started with shit and then it went from there. And then I remember my firstborn was, I don't know, he was not yet 10 and something came up and it was about a bad word. He didn't really use it or maybe he used shit or something. And I turned to him, I remember I pulled the car over and I turned to him and I said, listen to me, man, it's a big deal

if you swear because it's my fault, but I can't stop swearing. So here's the deal. When you become a mother and he said, mommy, that's never going to happen. I said, okay, a father, then you can swear. But if you swear now, I'll get into trouble and I have no time for that. Then you can swear. But if you swear now, I'll get into trouble and I have no time for that. So don't you ever, ever swear. And he didn't. And when you have one kid and you set, here's the thing, because Josh, you only have one,

right? Yeah. Set the tone because number two and three, they just follow. They just fall into line, more or less. Oh, I'm in trouble. More or less. So yeah, so they don't swear. I think children's respect for parents is not necessarily, doesn't have to be expressed through in traditional ways. Yeah.

And you know if your child respects you. And also they have a certain ease around you, right? Yeah. And that's very nice because they're not thinking, oh, I'm now with my parents and I'm now not with my parents. Of course, he has a much better time with his friends, but he should feel, because that's when they talk to you is when they have that sense of ease, you know? Sindhu, it's been amazing. Thank you so much. This was so fun. It's been a pleasure to talk to you. Genuinely, I am absolutely fucking terrified of you. Don't be terrified of me. To be honest, and I mean this as a kind of compliment, I understand you less now than an hour ago.

I much prefer the two-dimensional figure, Sindhu. Oh, I'm sorry. Sindhu, thank you so much. Thank you, Sindhu. It's been brilliant. Thank you so much, you guys. It was fun. Sindhu V there.

I absolutely love that. She's very scary yes yes but do you know what you know like Jose Mourinho or someone like that who's got that that fear factor but also you go out and play for them do you know yeah yeah yeah because you because you were so spot on though because the idea I had of Sindhu were like oh because she's spoken about it in the past, being very academic driven and quite strict with her kids. And they've got to be grown up so don't baby them and stuff like that. And then she's like, yeah, I'm just taking her to Disneyland on my own. I'd never imagined she'd have done that. But I think maybe that's how she can get away with being so strictly like that,

where they go, look, she's not just a lunatic. She's really fun and a good mum. You know when someone's just like, are you my dad or mum, or are you just this lunatic who screams at me if I don't get good grades? Because if that's the case, what is the point in life? Do you know what I mean? I know you've got to get a good job and do well,

but you've got to have the fun as well. And I think taking your kids out of school for a pretend dentist appointment to go to cinema is such like a power move for a parent. I'd love my parents so much they did that imagine getting taken out of school for that that's your absolute dream yeah because you think you're going to the dentist exactly it's not like it's not even that you're you think that it's just another day at school you think it's something worse than school but then do you know what's

worse rob what's that next time when you are going to the dentist and you're like, see you later, lads, I'm off to watch Monsters, Inc. You can't bet on train tracks. Anyway, thank you for listening. Bye.