Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S02 EP11: Sean Lock

Episode Date: February 26, 2021

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL' S02 EP11: Sean Lock Joining us in the studio this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) during the lockdown and beyond is the brilliant comedian, Sean Lock. Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent INSTAGRAM: @lockdown_parentingA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Josh Middicombe. And I'm Rob Beckett. Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell. The show in which Rob and I discuss what it's like to be a parent during lockdown, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation... And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills... Each episode we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping.

Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you, the listener, with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Hello and welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell with... Isabel, can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe. Can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett.

Very strong. Can I guess, is that Northumberland? That is... North East? North East, is it? Well, do you know what? They live in Scotland. I don't think she's Scottish, is she?

That is... You sound a bit Geordie. That is Isabel, who's two and four months. Or she calls herself Zuma from Paw Patrol. We enjoy the podcast and fall asleep to it, but it doesn't mean it's a B-list podcast. Oh, I think it does. I'm sorry.

I think we might have to take them off the podcast. We'll put the rest of it on another day if we've missed it. I think if you are definitely catching up again, it does slip into A-list. Yeah. But you've got to be catching up on the last 10 minutes. Yeah. You can't just ride it off as I've done that.

That stinks of B-list, doesn't it? It reeks of B-list. It does reek of B-list. That is Vicky and David Pickering, who live in Moray, between Aberdeen and Inverness. Whoa, that is far up north. That is well north, isn't it? That is like any norther, you get souther. And then, do you want to hear something?

David is from Lewisham. No way! Yeah, you go. I tell you what, what an advert for Lewisham. I'm going to get as far away as fucking possible. It's a lovely area, Moray, up there. Yeah. Windy-o.

Fucking window. Yeah. Have you done Aberdeen, Rob um I have done Aberdeen and I've done Inverness as well I think I've got it I think I'm meant to be going to Inverness oh it's great it's in the summer it's amazing it's light till about midnight well I look forward to it in 2022 how are you Robert um good pretty good back uh back on the ranch and you know all that sleep I thought I'd caught up on

has immediately vanished it's not how it works it's annoying you can't bank it no because when you're what happens is and you get like you know

if you get tired if you miss another night's good night's sleep it slowly drains away at you yeah doesn't it but if you had a really good night's sleep

and then you have one bad night's sleep it is immediately back to like 10%. I don't know how that works, but yeah. Completely. Yeah. And what I've realised is the reason why couples sort of clash

is that the parents are never truly both happy at the same time. Because you do things where some, like for us, Lou sort of does the getting up during the week and I'll get up Saturdays and Sundays. So all that means is Lou's got the ump all week

and then he's buzzing on a weekend. Then on the weekend, I feel awful. So it's just sort of, you just sort of take turns in feeling awful. And is that what life is? Well, yes, it is. I think it is until they're about seven. Yeah, maybe that's it. It's just a short period of time.

It's just a decade of your life, Rob. Lost, never to be got back. I had a tough one, tiredness-wise, on Saturday, Rob. Go on. Last leg, got back at 1.30. Oh, did you have a few beers in a blur, Doc?

No, I'd had a couple of beers until I reached our legally allotted time when we had to leave, which was very... I'm going to say it. Oh, don't let the 3am girls hear this. They'll be all over you. With that hot, hot goss.

Having a beer as you're tidying up your stuff to leave the last leg is almost too close to real life that it's actually too tempting. Do you know what I mean? I don't miss it as much when i'm just locked in my house but that that one friday when i'm allowed out and i can sniff that i should be in the green room is actually worse yeah then then if you didn't at all then if i didn't at all you can you know you know it's close when we did filming for robin romesh sometimes what you do if you go and film

on location was filming at like a athletic center and they had like a canteen, like cafe, restauranty place that we were like dropped all our bags and we were waiting there to film socially distanced. And then we had like a catering company that sort of did us food for our filming day and they just gave it to us on plates in this like canteen. I was like, I'm out of dinner. I feel like I'm out of dinner. So weird. Do you know what? This thing that I prefer not to be almost experiencing the joy. Life.

Life. Yeah. Do you know what blows my mind? Maybe I'll change with age. But parents that take their children to Glastonbury, I'd rather just not go, Rob. Do you know what? It depends on the age. Because I'd rather just not go, Rob. Do you know what? It depends on the age.

Because I would take mine this summer, and there'll be five and a half and three and a half to Latitude. But I couldn't do Glastonbury. It's too big. Imagine knowing that you're in the greatest party in the world, and you're making a fucking wind catcher with your child in a circus field. See, that's the thing with Latitude. You're not at the greatest party in the world, and you're making a fucking wind catcher with your child in a circus field. See, that's the thing with Latitude. You're not at the greatest party in the world.

Exactly. That sort of makes it easier. It's just like quite a nice festival for posh people. Yeah, exactly. Latitude's good, to be fair. I do like it. It's a bit cold, but it is a night. They'll still book you. Don't worry. You don't have to make track. I don't want to lose. Latitude's good, to be fair. I do like it. It's a bit cold, but it is a bike. They'll still book you.

Don't worry. You don't have to bike track. I don't want to lose that Latitude coin. No, but Glastonbury is get on it, go mad kind of festival. Where Latitude is, no one ever really gets on it at Latitude, do they? So my friend, she listens to the podcast, actually. Her and her husband will take their children to Glastonbury. They're children about nine and 11,

eight and 10, that kind of age. And they'll do one night each going out. Yeah, but the, no. Imagine, Rob,

imagine if your night going out was the first night. And you just got to look after kids for three days. Yeah. Oh no. The way, the best way to do it is, and I've got some friends that are older that do this, and they're like 40, mid-40s, and their kids are teenagers,

so they can literally be left, like, they're at uni or whatever, and they don't even have to worry about getting a babysitter or whatever. They just go to Ibiza for a week and just go insane. I mean... And then it's just like, that is a 15-year build-up of wanting like, that is a 15-year build-up of wanting a big night out.

15-year build-up? It's a 15-year build-up. Because that's like, they are... When you have comedy crowds, the hardest audience I find is normally a mum and her mates on a first night out

after having a baby. Because they're all a bit... They're very nervous about leaving the baby. They're lightweight because they've not drunk as much because sometimes they've been breastfeeding or whatever. They're really excited to see their friends, but they're a bit emotionally a bit stressed because they've left their kid and they drink too much

and just go fucking mental. Well, do you know the worry there, Rob? Yeah. We haven't gigged in a year since we started doing this podcast yeah welcome to your new audience mate

oh god that's gonna be your tour audience yeah it'll all be like inflatable cups sashes dick straws hen do central mate

classic classic hen do what's the most popular hen do stretch limo Rob Beckett live and then Flair's nightclub I'm going to get Stacey Solomon to open she'll do 20 minutes on Lou Swimming

and Joe Swash I can't take them to Glastonbury that's too much I don't think, not for me I'd rather just leave them on their nan and grandad or something yeah, exactly so, how are parenting things? For me, well I've got a few things i've got to go through here because i've not given you much because i was in the flat one eye for a bit yeah um screen time

it's getting out of hand to the point now where they can recognize the sounds of tiktok trends what so there's a tick do you like you're not on tiktok are you no so there's this tiktok i'll get the sound for you right called oh no and it's like oh let me turn that down and it's used so oh no it goes oh no no that was just the advert oh okay i was gonna say because of my my habits online i'll get adverts for like jd sports like a nightclub or something really like young and then and then it's like debt management. Hang on, this sound, oh no, right? This sound is used on clips of people doing something wrong. This, do you know this? No.

So this is played, so if someone's walking along like an icy river, and then just before they fall in, it plays this. So it's like a sound that's used on TikTok and then someone walking along and then, oh no, oh no, like that. So if I'm listening to it, TikTok, the girls run in going, oh no, oh no, oh no, show me the, oh no, show me the,

because it's all in a slapstick fall. So they're aware of TikTok trends, which I don't know if I'm creating some sort of Bill Gates, Zuckerberg super brain, or they will just, you know, be on, you know, Britain's Got Talent gambling apps or whatever. The good news is, though, they like The Simpsons. Oh, that is good.

They're into The Simpsons, which I like. That's a good thing. That's good. I imagine you're like this. You love music and you love Blur and stuff like that. I imagine you really... I don't like music as much this you love music and you love Blur and stuff like that I imagine you really I don't like music as much as you like music

but I imagine you really want your kids to be into cool music that you can go to gigs with them when they're older well the reality is that won't happen

but you sort of want that but you don't want to push it because the more you push it it's less likely but they've sort of organically got into The Simpsons where it was just on one day

I would love my children to be into The Simpsons Rob yeah so I just sort of put The Simpsons where it was just on one day. I would love my children to be into the Simpsons, Rob. Yeah, so I just sort of put the Simpsons on and Bluey. Bluey's a good one but it's not as good as the Simpsons but yeah, they're into the Simpsons. So I'm really happy about that.

How much do they get it? Does it make enough sense? Well, it's so funny though. Constantly funny. Do you know why I think it works? It's because Simpsons, there's no real narrative in each Simpsons episode. Something happens and it goes on to something else but it jumps quite quickly doesn't it like oh we're doing a puzzle

we've lost a piece oh look what I found I'm looking for the puzzle piece I found this outfit that I used to wear when I was 20 Homer would say and then it does flashbacks and stuff so I think they're quite like it's snappy but I think it's just Homer being silly it's almost like it looks like daddy pig isn't he it looks yeah yeah it is in many ways he's almost like Daddy Pig, isn't he? It looks fun, doesn't it? It looks, yeah. Yeah, he is. In many ways, he's the 90s Daddy Pig, isn't he, Homer? He is, yeah. So, yeah.

You must be pleased about that. I'm very pleased about that. What would you most like your children to be into, Rob? And if you answer, I just want them to be happy. I'm hanging up. I want them to... If you could choose,

what hobby would you most like to share with them? Would you want them to be Arsenal fans? Would you want them to... If you could choose, what hobby would you most like to share with them? Would you want them to be Arsenal fans? Would you want them to be boxing fans? No, do you know... Golf? I know it sounds bad. I know you want to bond with your kids, but I quite like having stuff that is just what I do.

Do you know what I mean? Well, I can't wait till they're like 14 and just want to go shopping with their mum and I just watch football all day. I know I sound like some sort of dad from the 70s, and I know we have they're like 14 and just want to go shopping with their mum and I'll just watch football all day. I know I sound like some sort of dad from the 70s, and I know we have to be all woke and thingy, but that is just normally what happens, isn't it? The daughters go shopping with their mums and the dad sits on their own drinking.

That's what I grew up with. Oh, mate, Rob, is that your dream? No, no, I'm joking. I would miss that. I'm only messing because if they were doing that every week... But the thing is, I would go shopping with the girls and I'd love to go...

Like, if it was a traditional sort of girly going shopping, going to the spa, which is sort of stereotypical activities, I would happily go to a spa. I'd go and get a manicure and a pedicure. I'd love all that. So, like, I would happily do that with Lou and the girls.

But... Yeah. Also, they'll be able to catch up with you because on their girly day out, they'll end up getting a cock balloon and going to see Rob Beckett live, won't they? Yeah, exactly. And Joe will look good on them

if they're going to enjoy themselves. But yeah, I don't know. I think I'd quite like them to have something that they love. For me, I love doing stand-up. And even if I weren't getting paid, I'd always do it as my hobby. So if they can find something that they love to do

and it doesn't really feel like work that's what I'd love most I totally I would say this though Rob if you somehow manage to send your career in a direction where you're just doing stand-up as a hobby with no way of getting paid yeah that is bad

it's going to be bleak as hell yeah even if it's your biac people going you know that guy? Yeah. He used to play huge venues. Now he can't even get a fucking fee for this. We refuse to pay him and he still does an hour. We've had to start putting them on at five o'clock

when they're filling in the venue. Well, what would be the best thing your kid could do that you follow them around the world doing? Right? So, like, you know, like, would it be, like, if they got into golf? Golf's quite a nice lifestyle. But, no, I think having a child who played sport would be too tense. It would always be tense, wouldn't it?

Yeah. Do you remember they used to cut to, like, you know, Judy Murray? Yeah. She's never having a good time. Yes, but I think, as I'm getting older, actually winning isn't that important, really. Like, you want to win and they'll want to win and you understand that they'll get nervous and really want it.

But you've got to remember, Rob, you're not playing for the same prize money as Wimbledon. Yeah, I know, but I was listening to a johnny wilkinson document have you listened to johnny wilkinson's like the way he's changed his mental approach to stuff no he's completely he's done loads of therapy i think and just completely changed the way he's thought about stuff and how that his approach to his life when he was at his most successful was he was his most unhappiest when he was winning the world cups and about how that he put too much pressure on himself he thought that winning the world cup made you be something but actually it's what you feel inside and stuff like that so i think even if they did do sport i could i could hope no i'm

telling lies here i'd be fucking screaming from to win but i think that's a very good point about johnny wilkinson i think um particularly in what we do or if you're in an industry that's competitive, there's this kind of presumption that there is going to be something you achieve that will unlock a happiness in yourself. And it doesn't happen. And I think the realisation that that isn't the case is probably the most freeing thing that can happen to someone. A hundred percent, yeah. And I think we can both identify people that haven't had that realisation. No, and I hadn't at the start of my career and I think I sort of have in the last year or so

and I think Covid's helped with that but where you realise actually getting live at the Apollo or selling out your tour or hosting the variety performance or getting a BAFTA or whatever those things are in your industry it may be becoming a head master it might be doing a million pounds worth of sales at your company or whatever it is but once you reach

those things you actually get there and go, ah, that's not what's going to make me happy. It's your approach to the world that makes you happy. So I think, I don't think I would be that tense watching them win a tournament because I know that they'd want it and it would kill them. But I just got to understand that they're on their journey to realise that that won't make them happy. And you can't tell them, can you?

You can't. No one could have got through to Johnny Wilkinson before the World Cup final and go, this don't really matter, man. Do you know what I mean? He'd be like, fuck off, I've got to win. I think what we're both trying to say, Rob, is that we didn't want to be number one Peter Crouch.

You can have your fucking number one spot in the podcast. Yeah, I mean, yeah, sure. We were the biggest podcast in the country this year. Who cares, baby? And, you know, genuinely, I know we're joking, yeah, sure, we were the biggest podcast in the country this year. Who cares, baby? I know we're joking, though, but genuinely, if we're doing this show, I just love doing it and I really enjoy talking to you and it's freeing and fun and I enjoy it. If we were 50th in the chart or 100 or 1, it's nice to be 1 and it's good

and you get benefits from all of that stuff. And it's easier to guess than that. But I am now, my approach since all of COVID, and this may be a bit too deep, is I'm just doing stuff. Maybe because I've been on my own for two weeks. But my approach now is to make sure that every day I wake up, I'm enjoying that day's activities. And it's fun and I enjoy it because I can't waste any more of my life suffering with stuff just for the sake of saying, I did that. Do you know what I mean? Totally, totally, Rob.

Couldn't agree more. That's genuinely... Maybe there's positives you can take out of the lockdown like that. Yes. And in four months when we come out of the lockdown... I think what it is is the lockdown's made you realise everything's been taken away from us. If you think about all of our freedoms to the point of...

The other day, I went for a walk with a friend and I was like, oh, his other mate worked in that building. He went, oh, does he want to come out as well? I was like, well, we're not allowed to do that. The fact that you can't walk through a park with two people is mad. And having all that taken away from you, it made me cherish and realise how amazing certain things are in life that you would have just disregarded as like you know me and you don't film in and they'll go oh

you're going off to portugal to film and you're like oh god well i'll get that in here like when the reality is oh my god get to go to another country and meet new people and all that stuff sort of gone so i'm my approach now is to make sure that every day i'm doing something i'm enjoying it and not just putting up with it for what someone else deems as a success I think do you know what yeah

we didn't expect this to be the intro to Sean Law and you're going to get a very different vibe from him oh wowee yeah if you're feeling chilled out and zen listening to this Oh, wowee.

Yeah. If you're feeling chilled out and zen listening to this, just pause it and go and enjoy that feeling for a bit. Yeah, and then when you want to sort of swear at the world, come back and plug into a bit of locking. It's a good episode, isn't it, Joshua? Sorry for getting a bit serious. Got a bit serious there, but I think it's good sometimes, isn't it, Josh?

Totally. I think that's, you know, that's what this is for. And I think the thing with Sean Locke is of all the comedians, he's probably the one I most enjoy watching and the one you're most excited to see what they say. He's so good. And he barely podcasts if he ever has podcasts.

So it was amazing when he said yes. Well, I think he's one of the best comedians this country's ever produced. So do I. So yeah, enjoy Sean Locke. He's got, is it three kids? Two kids? Three teenage kids

Yeah, which is And the thought of having teenage Sean Locks in the house Well, you'll find out how it's going Hello, Sean Lock, how are you? I'm okay, thanks Can you hear me all right? Is my mic on? Yeah

Thank you, this is an honour You've only ever done one other podcast, Sean So this is your second. This is very exciting. Thanks for doing it. Second podcast, yes. Can you give us a quick explanation of your set-up at home? How many kids have you got and their ages?

Oh, God, I know this one. Now, I've got two daughters. One's 17. No, she's not. She's 16, but she'll be 17 in march i've got another daughter who will be 15 this week and i've got a son of 11 who'll be 12 quite soon do you teach them sean no no because they're an age where any age it wouldn't be of much use but their age is yeah would they don't need me which is quite actually, because I've got friends who've got younger kids

who say it's hell. I'm really glad I've escaped that, but there's other issues, let's call it. What are the other issues? Well, you know, just living together in lockdown. It's hard, isn't it? It's really hard. I know possibly when people see three comics talking about parenting,

they're assuming we're going to choose the humorous side of the topic. Yeah. But I'd like to counteract that and kind of balance that. I think it's terrible. I mean, it's really terrible what they're going through, kids. I really do. I feel for them. So it's fucking terrible for them.

Terrible. Yeah. terrible what they're going through kids i really do i feel for them so it's fucking terrible for them terrible yeah yeah when they're older um the issues are really about attitude and you know just generally what the troubles they're going through which are compounded by lockdown so i'm not seriously i'd be loathe to criticize my kids because i think they're doing an amazing amazing job of coping with it. All they've lost, all the socialising, which is what you are as a teenager, a social being and you want to find out

about how to make friends and more friends and meet boys or girls or whatever. I know you can't call them that, whatever, can you? That's me off Channel 4 for a couple of years.

You know the idea of a moody teenager. Yeah. They are moody. They're fucking moody. They're unbelievably fucking moody. Imagine how moody my teenager's going to be. You know, like, you're so, you know, genuinely, you know, upbeat and light.

I'm sure you have your moments. Yeah. As we all do. But, you know, it's going to be very different. If you think of it as like a sort of a measurement, like you're that moody, so they're going to be that extra bit moody. Mine are up there, way, they're touching the ceiling. So they're very moody, very, very moody,

which I've learnt to both understand and be completely ignorant of in the same day you know what I mean in the same day

understanding thoughtful considerate parent who is fully aware of everything they're going through and the other times of the day

you see you little fucking ignorant I can't I don't And the other times of the day, you just think, you little fucking... LAUGHTER ..ignorant... I can't... I don't... Oh, Christ, I wish I'd said you were born in school. LAUGHTER

How were they when they were little? Were you a hands-on dad? Well, yeah, to a degree. I mean, I was touring a lot. It's unstable. So it might... When I was at home, definitely. But, you know, there were periods where I was away for quite a long time. Yeah. So it's quite strange for them, really, because they would have me around and then I'd be gone for, you know, well, when you go on a tour, you're gone for, technically you're gone for three or four months,

although you did come home, you know. But really you're gone for three or four months although you did come home you know you know it's like but really you're away in many ways it'd be good to be gone for that period of time but obviously your wife needs help you come back and then you you you go away again so yeah well I was hands-on as much as I could and I enjoyed the elements of it and other elements of it I found just awful. Just all the jobs and you're knackered and you've got more jobs and then there's more mess and then there's more this and that so sometimes you would find it absolutely enchanting and other times as any normal person would probably experience or maybe not admit you just go this is just this is just shit this is awful it's got people moaning at me and shouting at me all the time and you know and i know in front of me the whole day there's just task after task after task which i was never built for how are you as well like

with the sort of small talk at the school gates with the other parents? Because that's something that's unavoidable. Yeah, I'm all right with that. I'm a fairly good social animal and I like people. And I know you find that hard to believe. You're a great person to have a chat with. But if you had to line up some UK comedians, and who would be more willing to have a small talk conversation?

I wouldn't put you at the front of the list no you're right you're right absolutely right and i would be very mood dependent yes yes and you can i could tell in your eyes whether to or not have the chat yes yeah i would be doing that very much deliberately that would be very intelligent of you to spot that message and i tone i get i get it just to the right tone so it's not like start running yeah yeah just sort of just a nod and a walk past at speed yeah because i go right now this oh gosh you're doing your start running look that's not good you just want them to not talk to you have you been asked to do speeches or talks at your kids schools yeah i've done i've done a few i did a few quizzes i did a few quizzes you know charities yeah get some bobs which is nice

to be able to help out and do they watch you on telly your kids yeah i think they do now um but not i don't think they choose that you know what i mean i don't think they'd choose that. You know what I mean? I don't think they'd go, right, there's all of Netflix. We've finally got them to start using the iPlayer again, and it's not an uncool, old, fuddy-duddy piece of software. Because they just had this thing that they would only watch Netflix. Really annoying. I'm sure it's a whole other topic. I don't think they'd watch...

They have seen me, but I don't think they'd watch me by choice. Not at this age, anyway. And when they were smaller, Sean, I can't imagine you quaintly playing with a child and pretending you're having a tea party and stuff like that. Did you throw yourself into that? Was that your kind of thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I enjoyed all that. I, I, I loved, I like playing games. I love, I love a good Nerf war around the house. I've got my own Nerf gun. Really? Yeah, my wife got it for me for my birthday.

It's brilliant. It's a really powerful one. They are fun. They are fun. But you can really buy your way to the top of a Nerf war. It's an arms race. It's just a shame I didn't have them when I was a kid. I imagine how happy I would have been when I was a kid

if you had a gun that actually fired and was considered to be safe. It's an amazing achievement, though. Hats off to Mr Nerf. I think he's a man, isn't he? He's like Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory, but instead they're just making guns. You've got Oompa Loompas. They are actually firing tiny Oompa Loompas.

That's what the bullets are. Well, yeah, yeah. I love playing with my kids. Yeah, yeah. I used to really enjoy that. And what about disciplining them? Are you a soft touch or are you the one that's in charge

of telling them off? No, I'm a bit all over the place, to be honest. I'm not a very good... I'll be honest with you. I'll be very honest with you. I would say, looking back, I'm not

a very good parent um no seriously what i'd say what about you say that i would say because i'm inconsistent okay which i don't know whether that's a common thing but i would say yeah i would say my wife's obviously a much better parent than me and really has taken on the reins of dealing with their behaviour because I would go one way, one minute, I'd be reacting quite strongly towards their misbehaviour, their rudeness, their just, oh, they're just, they're fuckery. You know, sometimes I just go, what the hell are they doing? Why am I living with these awful people? What would prompt that?

What kind of behaviour would it be? Not being polite. You know, you just shouting at you, demanding, you haven't done something, you're this, you're that. I mean, my kids are an age where they swear, and I have to admit, over the years, a few words have tumbled from my lips. Which I'm not the most proud of.

And so they use those with, you know, justifying. If I swore in my house, I'd just literally get a whack around the head at any age. Well, maybe at 17 or 18. Yeah. But, you know, you would get a clout and that's, well, I'm quite, oh, I'm all quite from a different sort of era. So I'm a bit confused when they start swearing at me. I think, you're supposed to hit people when they swear.

But I go, I know you can't do that anymore. Shout back at them. So would you say you're a mood-dependent parent, where if you are in a bad mood, you'll... Yeah, I think I am. I think I'm really disappointed in myself in that way. Yeah, I would say I'm an inconsistent parent, yeah, which I think isn't good

and I think is due to the parenting that I had, you know. So I would say I had very inconsistent parenting in many ways. A lot of unfortunate stuff happened. So I don't have a consistent parenting template. Yes. It's what you need. I think, you know, if you had that template, you kind of know how to play the game.

And I think that, you know, rather than break the cycle i've kept it but just reduced it yeah yeah yeah toned it down took the edge off yeah turn it down took the edge off so were there things that you you wanted to do as a parent to like discipline kids or you know or you know how to treat your kids and then your wife would be like no that's not what you do but that's what you were used to or did you or was you aware of how to treat your kids. And then your wife would be like, no, that's not what you do, but that's what you were used to. Or was you aware of it? Every hour of the day. Well, not every hour of the day, but I'd say she tells me,

no, for God's sake, why have you done... Have you got any examples of when that's happened? Every day. Well, just, she said, why do you engage with them when they start shouting at you? You don't get into an argument with a 15-year-old. You just ignore them, walk away. Yeah, I had a really good point. I had a really good point.

Do you quite enjoy that confrontation and a point of an argument if you think you're right, back and forth? Yeah, I don't think i enjoy a conversation but i don't have any um i don't have a i don't reject it as an idea i think a lot of people just go they don't i can't do confrontation i don't like competition yeah i don't have any kind of um i don't embrace it by accepting it yeah you don't find it difficult yeah it's part of everyday life yeah and i and and I suppose my children are a bit like that.

Well, my daughters are. And I would say that that would be personality, just that's what you're given, an extension of it. But also I would say a good portion of that is due to how both of us have parented them, but possibly my influence has been greater. A lot of people would probably be nodding at some of the things I'm saying. I'm sure it's more common than is admitted. Yeah.

And I think that we need to sort of admit that, you know, we fuck up on a daily basis, you basis, monthly basis. So I'd say I've fucked up, but I do still enjoy my kids and I still have a really good laugh with them. But then seconds later we're actually It sounds quite like a Mediterranean family

that are quite passionate. I tell them I love them every day, you know, more than once a day. And I apologise to my kids when I'm out of order. I think that's important. I think that's a very new thing where maybe your parents wouldn't have apologised if they'd done something wrong. Ever. Ever. And how does it go when you apologise to them?

Do they apologise to you as well, or is it...? A little bit, but more... It's just, it's nodding and going, well, sometimes my daughter says, now, I bet you after this, when you've finished, you're going to just come back and say sorry in about half an hour. She hasn't got quite as gruff voice as I'm doing. And she's right, you know, I do.

You know, sometimes it is predictable, but at least I do. Well, I think as well, lockdown, hormones, teenage daughters in a house, it's, you know, it's a boiling pot. It's really tough on them. And it must be frustrating, you know, especially when you're looking at your kids learning from home and not being with their friends and stuff like that.

Like when COVID ends, as it were, and there's no restrictions or lockdowns, is there one thing that you'd like to do with your family or your kids? Would you want to go on a big family holiday together or would you want a bit of time away? Away. So I think all of us need a break. So you'll send them on, like, travelling alone. Well, my eldest will be old enough to go off on her own.

She'll be 17, with mates, obviously. And, well, I think probably what She'll be 17 with mates, obviously. And, well, I think we'll probably, what we'll do is like, my wife will take one away and to do something they like doing

and I'll go away with my son. Yeah. Do you take your kids football, Sean? I know you're a big Chelsea fan and you got a season ticket.

Do you take them? Yeah, I do. I do take them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does it,

is that a real nice bonding thing? It is. I take my daughters as well. Yeah. My oldest take them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that a real nice bonding thing? It is. I take my daughters as well. Yeah. My eldest one, because she is so difficult, has decided to support Man City. She doesn't even know where Manchester is. Just to wind you up, is that?

Yes, yeah, yeah. So would you say your eldest is the one you... Is she similar to you then in personality and you clash? Yeah, she's most similar to me, yeah. Yeah, okay. And she's a Man City fan? Not really, but, you know,

she's anything that makes my mouth twitch. Has she got other little things she does to try and wind you up, Sean? Is it like, I used to put those

tomato sauce on my dinner to annoy my dad? Yeah, yeah. They do loads of stuff like that. They do loads. They just, they know your buttons. buttons they know you really well they know you inside out they've observed you in a really interesting way because they've observed you as their brains have developed so you're deeply imprinted upon them obviously but also they've just been watching you be a fucking useless idiot over and over again.

So they're sort of watching you going, oh, God, you know, he's done that, he's done this or he's done that. So I think they've been observing you for a long, long period of time as well. So they know you inside out. If you ask them to do something, like after every meal, I don't think it's a lot to ask. I don't think it's a lot to ask.

It's just take your plate up to the we're not asking them we don't ask them to wash up because that's just too much of the battle we've given up on that but just take your plates from the table to the sink would you do that could you manage that yeah yeah i'll do that do it in a minute i'm just going to do something well no but you're getting up yeah but i'm you know i've just got to do this you know just just little things that just constantly wind you up and every day we have to ask to the point now where i just go i just take the plate up i can't be bothered with the acro so you let they do win yeah yeah in that respect do you have with them being on their phones a lot do you have like rules on social

media and their phones how long they can be on yeah and that's the big point of conflict that's the main point of conflict is turn switching their phones off because my wife has control over their phones from her phone oh wow and yeah yeah you can do that quite easily you set that you set their phone contract up through yours don't ask me actually she's done it. Yeah. So she can control not just how long their phones are switched on, but also what apps they have and how long they have on those apps. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Yeah.

So what's the main app that they... There's a lot of Instagram, obviously, TikTok, Depop, those kind of things. But what we did with our eldest, we said, 16, we said, right, okay, we'd agreed with her, you have control of your phone and you can monitor it. But it's your job to monitor it. But she still had the information and she was only 10 hours a day on it. After three months of this, we said, you can't control it can you she's she's like yes i can you go well no you can't can you you just you're 10 hours a day i mean my eldest i think it's particularly more addicted my middle

one is less she's more inclined to go off and do stuff she's actually more um she she makes things she's she she sews a lot and and does constructive stuff and paints and does things like that but my eldest one yeah she'll get really stuck into her phone i find it amazing like the thought of how to decide when my daughter whenever she gets the age like it feels to me like it's so foreign from the experience of me growing up when it was tv or maybe a computer game it like it's because i know what effect it's had on me in the last 10 years my smartphone it's completely changed my ability to concentrate or my ability to kind of do anything really or when i'm not with it i do feel like withdrawal symptoms really yeah and you smoke when you smoke it's bad for your

lungs so you're not allowed to do that until you're older but you know the phones are terrible for your mental health and your development but it's sort of free reign yeah it's okay because we never had the debate because the technology came in so quickly yeah and because it's not something you directly imbibe there was never a debate about it in society it's like it's and i find that frustrating enough you know it's really interesting that the heads of most of these big tech companies don't let their kids use phones. Yeah. Because they know how, they're designed to be addictive. The like button and all that are designed to be addictive. But what it is, is because parents didn't have the debate

and parents, there's the soft parents who go, yeah, you can go on your phone all the time. So the other kids eventually feel the pressure to go on their phones all the time and be on their phones. So, you know, it's that kind of peer pressure. But it's something that's so powerful that it should be, at least there should be a discussion about banning them. So does your eldest daughter, when you talk about that and the phones, does she just sort of palm it off as, oh're just behind the times you don't understand you're

older and stuff right and sometimes she goes yeah you're right she other times she'll just fess up and she just goes because what it is you don't have the relationship with the content you have the relationship with the device that's what's really interesting about it not the content the content is irrelevant you know the content that's why you know youtubers you know you may ever met a new youtuber how shit is a youtuber how low is the standard of of work that they present to their audience how piss poor are they you know you think of any youtuber that would raise anything other than just a mild, but they've got millions of followers because their followers have no, are not discerning in any way. They're the least discerning audience we've ever created.

They rely on the regularity of like, if I go there, I know I'll get that. And the quality is never really that big a issue. It's just that it will always be there. If you showed me a YouTuber with one cell of talent, I'll be shocked. To be fair, the big ones are, the way they produce content like KSI and people like that, I think could be good.

But it's a bit like sketch comedy, YouTube. The good ones are incredible, but there's some absolute dog shit knocking about. I had a look and I wasn't, I didn't sense that, but maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm harsh. I'm a harsh. I was going to say, are your kids into YouTubers then, Sean? Do they love watching YouTube?

No, they're not. They go on Depop, they look at clothes and then they go on Instagram. Yeah, because didn't you move down to the coast and then come back to london yeah was that a chart was that the kids didn't get on with it or was it more just as a family didn't like it no it was it was when we moved we moved we lived in bow and then we moved out to lewis and i don't really know why we just thought i just no one we were talking my my wife was always saying, we could spend our whole life in London. It might be good to experience something else.

And then you just don't realise what you've set in motion just by just amusing thought with a glass of wine on a sofa. Next minute, you've totally screwed up your life. So what was it like? It was awful. Was it? Awful.

No, there's nothing wrong with Lewis. It's a lovely town. It's just, it wasn? It was awful. Was it? It was awful. No, it's not, there's nothing wrong with Lewis, it's a lovely town, it's just, it wasn't right for us, it wasn't, we're city people,

and I knew within half an hour of moving there, because I hadn't really prepared myself mentally, because I'm a stupid bloke, but my wife had obviously done all the preparation, and the emotional preparation, and so we got down there and as these blokes were humping our furniture into the house uh one said oh you're a lovely garden you've got that i see you sitting there in a lounge with a drink that'd be lovely that i was thinking oh god oh no that's what my future is it It's just sitting on a fricking lounger in my lovely garden.

And then I walked around the house. And it wasn't a night. It was a bigger house than we had, a much bigger house than we had in London, but with a proper-sized garden. And I remember sitting and sat down and thinking, I don't remember this being part of the plan, living in a massive, big, you know, this was never what I wanted. And then I just sort of was sort of really upset, not upset,

but, you know, thinking, oh, Christ, I don't want to. What have I done? And my wife said to me, you can't undermine something we've done. We've done this together. We're going to see it through. And you'll just have to bite your lip. So I did. I bit my lip for a year.

And then she came to me and she said, I can't live here either. And what did you feel at that point, Sean? I was just delighted. I think I leapt up and hugged her and danced around the living room. And how old were the kids at that point? My eldest was about nine or ten. Oh, so they hadn't started secondary school. But you had to change their primary schools and then move back again yeah so where my when we moved back in 2014 we we were lucky we got

into a primary school around where we live and they are all really grateful none of them miss it oh good and uh but it's a night it's a lovely place and the people are really nice. There's nothing wrong with the place. It just wasn't right for us. But I would always warn people, I say, you know, you think of this idyllic life. There's only so many fricking walks you want to go on. I'm genuinely going to... I cannot wait for Rose to listen to this episode, because this is what she needs to hear.

Oh, she wants to go, does she? Where does she want to go? Well, no, she doesn't want to go, but I think it's that same thing. It's that kind of, you know're idealizing yeah yeah exactly and the reality actually is that boring it's really boring it's fucking if you want something that's dull then move out you want no that's wrong because i'll be upsetting loads of people so upset them when have you ever cared about upsetting people? Yeah, I know. But, you know, they buy tickets, don't they?

Was it the people or was it just the amenities? What was it? Dull. I mean, it's just boring. It's nice in the sun. I'll tell you what it is. It's the winter. The winter's awful.

It's just dark the sun. I'll tell you what it is. It's the winter. The winter's awful. It's just dark. That's it. And you've got about four hours of daylight, and then it shuts down. It's just a small place. I wanted to be in a city. I'm a city person. So there's nothing wrong with it.

I found it, for me, I missed all my mates, my family. Now, I'm so glad I moved back. Yeah, and I think it's good, though, to admit sometimes if you've made an error rather than just gritting your teeth. When talking about your friends, did you sit around as a family? One of your good friends is Bill Bailey. Did you sit around as a family and watch Strictly this winter? Yes, yeah, it was great, wasn't it? It was brilliant.

It's one of the great pleasures of the week, really. Are you tempted yourself for next year, Sean? No, no, I don't think so. He phoned me up and asked me about whether he should do it or not, and I said, no, I don't think you should do it. I don't know if he needed to make that phone call to get your response to that. No, I said no, but they're very, very different people.

I mean, it's all the grinning. I couldn't do all the freaking grinning. No, yeah. And all the sort of... They didn't have to do as much this year because they were all sort of isolating people. But normally they're all sort of like standing around. Hugging and, yeah. Hugging and grinning and grinning and hugging.

And everyone's so freaking upbeat on the show. So Bill handled it really well. Bill was a very good counterpoint to that. And he handled it his way. But you're a good dancer though. I saw in that prince concert you like dancing i think you could do well at it i think i think yeah i probably could learn the dances i would like to learn to dance but then i think to myself but you want to learn to dance go and get some dancing lessons what it's your own you can you can treat it yourself and get go and get a dancing lesson and you go

you don't have to put yourself through the humiliation of a tv show but bill asked me and i said no i said to him look i said also well i said what about the curse of strictly and he said yeah well i've looked into that i found out he said most of the people weren't very happy in their relationships. And I said, well, of course they said that. I said, they're not going to say I was really happy in my relationship, but look at what I've just pulled.

I just, you know, I couldn't help myself, but I was really happy. Of course they're unhappy. I said, they know, I couldn't help myself. But I was really happy. Of course they're unhappy. I said, they're bad at that. I said, and also, at the start of Strictly, they were probably very happy in their relationship. But week in, week out, a dancer rubbing themselves up and down your thigh for eight hours a day, up and down, up and down. And after a while you go actually I really like this

this makes me really happy I said I don't think I was very happy at home because my mum never does this

just rubs herself up and down against me so I said I don't think that's the reason but he's a very upright

standing citizen have you got any more questions Josh or should I do my final I like your final question Rob I'm interested on sean's response to it um well this is opportunity sean for if there's something that frustrates you about the way your partner parents um but you can't really say it to her face without a row in shim but if she did listen back to this she could go oh that is a fair point and i might change that behavior is there something that your wife does

parenting wise that you don't agree with oh god no not really she's kind of like got it pretty nailed down really she's pretty good at it I mean I think I think she probably doesn't recognize her errors as readily as I do so when she fucks up because she obviously will inevitably screw up at some point. Yeah. Say the wrong thing. I don't think she's very good at sort of going, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a bit of a... But she has to be this kind of rock at the centre of the thing. So maybe that's the reason. Once you start picking away at the rock, what are you left with?

Yeah. What would she say about you do you think that frustrates her the most she just came in the room right now no no joking lads she just took there's a printer and as i was talking about her she just crept in and crept out thanks guys thanks oh dear that's my afternoon. I was hoping to have nonstop sex all afternoon. And now you've ruined it.

Thanks, Sean. That's been amazing. That's perfect. So good. Nice to speak to you, fellas. Thanks so much. Cheers, Sean. Bye.

Sean Locke there, Josh. I was a bit scared of doing that one because I love Sean, but he's quite a scary man. I'd say he is my... I'd say he's up there with my favourite comics in the world. Oh, yeah.

But he's also... He is the Roy Keane of comedy. Yes. You like him. He's a pally, but you can get a bit you like him he's a pally but you can get a bit nervous of him let's be honest

we were all surprised when he said yes to doing it yeah exactly I thought the response would be do your fucking podcast fuck off yeah I bet

that's what I was expecting or no reply but it was up there he's probably a bit bored in lockdown to be fair it sounds like him and his eldest daughter are two

He's in a pod. Another Sean Locke that's younger and got more energy than him to argue. But do you know what I think that's a really good like to spot your faults and be self analytical as a parent I think is a really big thing to do do you know what I mean? Yeah yeah exactly I thought it was quite interesting

his approach but but yeah like it's hard though. It must be terrible for people with teenagers because that is the age, 17, to go out and do things and get a job and meet people and all that. And it must be frustrating watching your kids not be able to do that

and then getting frustrated and arguing with you just because they would normally be out the house at this point. Exactly. I think, you know, in a weird way, we are very lucky at the stage in our lives we're at for this lockdown having a having kids our age where they're where we're not under pressure really to be getting ready for gc not not really we're not under pressure at all to be getting them ready for gc and they don't really they're not

worrying about it or any of that i think if you're looking at top trumps and like the best age to have if you're having kids in lockdown i think it'd be year five of primary school yeah where it's like nothing serious has happened there's no big school coming they're old enough to sort of navigate the laptop and unmute themselves and do the lessons but um well i think the top trump is no kids the top trump is no kids well i would say though it's top trump is no kids. The top trump is no kids at all. Well, I would say, though, it's top trump's no kids, but if you're not working or whatever, or you're being made redundant on furlough, the days are long.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, Rob, it must be awful having really long days with just your hobbies to do. That must be fucking terrible. Just long days stretching into, oh, maybe I'll cook, maybe I'll do... Earlier on, I had to decide between exercise or a shower.

That was my option. I know. And I've actually got my eldest with me now because Lou's had to go to the doctor. Do you want to come and say hello quickly on the podcast? Come here. Come and say hello to Josh. Hello. Come on.

Sit up here. Let you just say hello. And why don't you say thanks for listening. And you can finish it. Say hello. Hello. Here you go. You can say hello to Josh.

Hello. How are you? And can you say thank you for listening? Thank you. For listening. No? You've gone shy? Yeah.

Yeah. All right, I'll be out in a minute. One second. Right, we're going to have to go now, Josh. No, no, Rob. I understand. I don't feel it. I think it would be unprofessional for me second right we're gonna have to go now Josh no no I understand I don't feel it I think it'd be

unprofessional for me to say we need to talk about Sean Locke for 10 more minutes when you're looking after your child thank you everyone for listening see you next time

see you on Tuesday right bye cheers bye