Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S02 EP12: Two men and a(nother) baby...

Episode Date: March 2, 2021

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL'S02 EP12: Two men and a(nother) baby...There's a HUGE announcement from Josh on this weeks episode. And no, we don't mean the fact that Hackney Council replaced his stolen bin. Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx If you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent INSTAGRAM: @lockdown_parentingA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Josh Middicombe. And I'm Rob Beckett. Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell. The show in which Rob and I discuss what it's like to be a parent during lockdown, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation... And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills... Each episode, we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping.

Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you, the listener, with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because, let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. because, let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Hello, and you are listening to Lockdown Parenting Hell with... OK, Luca, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. Well done. And can you say Josh Widdicombe?

Josh Widdicombe. Oh, well done, mate. Probably one of the most accurate we've ever received, right? Is that Robbie Williams? It sounds like Robbie Williams. That is Kevin Siborski and his son, Luca. Luca Siborski. Oh, my God.

I swear Harry Redknapp's already signed in for Portsmouth. Luca Siborski. What a name. Luca Siborski would be signed by Arsene Wenger, played three games, but then went to Italy and suddenly got amazing. Yeah, or a Bond villain, but I don't know if that's my sort of Eastern Europe Hollywood prejudice coming out

that I've just been brought up on those surnames being the baddies. Either way, for a Bond villain or an Arsenal player, his English is superb. How old's Luca? Three. No way! Wow.

So, I've got a very funny story to start the podcast, Rob. Oh, good. That's what we're here for. That's our stock and trade. It's an image. It's a funny image. I mean, I'd argue we get away with stuff that isn't funny some weeks, you know, just talking about different pop.

Right. We absolutely are stealing a living here. But we're consistent. We're consistent. You know what you're going to get every week. We turn up when you're on your walk or whatever you're doing or on your drive. We're probably doing something as boring as what we're talking about doing. No one's doing anything interesting.

Someone gave me grief the other day. I've been doing loads of Instagram stories of like that reface app thing. And I was like, oh, I'm a bit bored with that, mate. I've got nothing else to put on there. I've done nothing. Just, you know, surely my face on the face of Taylor Swift something isn't it what do these people want it's a it's a bit of hashtag content isn't it Rob it's hashtag content it's keeping you know keeping all the Zuckerberg happy I'm I'm I'm sort of got my reach and my impressions I don't even know what that means. My reach.

I've reached a million people this week, Josh. Have you? Yeah, with my face on Pamela Anderson's tits. Well, there you go. And I imagine she's doing a lot of the heavy lifting there with your reach. I'm sorry, Josh. What's your story? Come on, give it to me. My friend, Magalie, she has a daughter who's...

Magalie? Magalie? Magalie. French, Rob. French? Look at you... Magalie, Magalie. Magalie, French, Rob. French, look at you in East London, all French. Exactly. So her daughter, her daughter is 17. She's autistic, right?

And Magalie, she loves Father Christmas, right? So she... Well, the daughter, the 17-year-old daughter. Yeah, yeah. And Magalie saw what she got as her mobile phone wallpaper. So she just Google imaged Father Christmas and put it on her mobile phone without understanding what the actual image was. So she just thought it was a lovely image of Father Christmas.

I'll send it across to you now. Okay, cool. Oh, my God. Fucking Eldritch. lovely image of father christmas i'll send it across to you now okay cool oh my god fucking eldritch that that is absolutely insane do you want to describe what you're looking at okay so obviously the 17 year old's autistic and she's googled this and just picked the first one so what i'm looking at here is it's a um sort of a an illustration of father christmas's's back and all coloured in with red and the white and the black belt. And then you sort of see Merry Christmas at the top. And then where his sack of presents would be, they cut out of the paper a hole and a gentleman's popped his bollocks through.

gentleman's popped his bollocks through so this 17 year old girl's got a photo of we don't know who's bollocks pretending to be father christmas's sack and bless her she's probably not aware of this is she she's obliviously so they they swiftly changed her uh phone image to one of the family uh one of the family you can't just pop another pair of bollocks through parabolics is a bloodline doesn't mean it's okay so they swiftly changed her image to like a nice image of i think of her dad and brother and she didn't really understand why she couldn't have that image but But it is astonishing, isn't it? It's remarkable because it's so subtly disgusting. Yeah.

You know, because if you quickly looked at it, you just think, obviously, that's just a sack and you'd be right. Yeah. But it's a ball sack, isn't it? But yeah, it's horrible. Have you ever played a game called Cock or Ball? I remember that. Yeah, I don't think I ever played it, but I'm aware of it.

It's a bit of a rugby lad sort of thing, isn't it? It's very boisterous where if a group of lads are out and about or in a house party or whatever, one of the lads would grab their genitalia and sort of smoosh it up and you'd just see a bit of it and you'd have to guess whether it was a knob or bollock. This will surprise you. I wasn't really in with the rugby lads, Rob.

No, not me neither. I mean, I only found out about this game through a rugby lad that was sort of part of our group and he sort of he sort of introduced it and we sort of played it for a bit but then we all sort of had a sort of silent meeting and agreed we don't really like this and it didn't carry on and it wasn't like an outward stop doing that it was a bit like oh yeah mate I think it should I think it should knob and he wasn't really getting the vibe from it that we, that he wanted. So it sort of just petered out really. The rugby lads at my uni played a game,

you know, they do the initiations. Yeah. If I'd been brilliant at rugby, I still don't think I'd have wanted to play rugby. No, I hate all of that boisterousness and that sort of peer pressure and you all have to do whatever else. I'm also,

we're not really team players, are we Josh? No. Do you know what I mean? As a standup, you just have to do what everyone else has i'm you know also we're not really team players are we josh i mean as a stand-up you just want to do what you want to do but i've got in remember i got into the university football team at can i went to canterbury uni it wasn't it was like canterbury christchurch university college it was great it was ridiculous i cannot believe they charged me fees the same fee someone would pay at like sheffield or durham to go to what was essentially, it's just a sixth form for three years. Anyway, I got into that. It was like the fifth or sixth team. We weren't very high level.

But I got into the team and I was like, yeah, cool. So basically it's like you're in the team now. It's like pay 300 quid and you've got to wear a suit every Monday and Wednesday night and you've got to go out on the piss with us and then we play on a Wednesday afternoon. And I was like, I want to play football. They'll look like 12 new dickhead mates. You know what I mean? And I was like, I want to play football. They were like 12 new dickhead mates. You know what I mean?

And I was like, and the vibe, the sports person banter is unacceptably low. And I can't survive in that atmosphere, Josh. No, I know. I can't,

I can't accept it to the point where it's so low that when you are having a laugh, they're oblivious it's happening because they're like, well, I don't get why this is funny because I can't see his cock or ball. Well, we've all heard the Peter Crouch podcast, Rob. Joking, I'm joking. No, but I would say, though, that's the thing,

because I've met a lot of funny footballers and stuff like that, and they are funny, like Bullard and Crouch are really funny people. But what I would say is, though, they're treated like Richard Pryor sometimes among sports people, but that's because the base level of sports people is so low that they have got no idea what's going on but yeah the football and rugby teams I just couldn't really get on board with I don't want to be sick in a bucket and drink it oh no so so rugby uni they had an initiation uh where they'd be dropped off a mile from Manchester wherever they the end was down the motorway and they'd be dropped off a mile from Manchester or wherever the end was, down the motorway,

and they'd be allowed either their pants or their shoes. And that's all they'd be allowed. How is that going to help you for a scrum? What sort of training method is this? But it's that camaraderie. But then I don't really understand because you've got to rely on your team. I think there is a reason for it.

It isn't just they're all nutters. Imagine if when you joined 8 Out Of 10 Cats, Rob, Jimmy Carr had gone, right, we're all going to play cock or ball and then I'm going to drop you a mile from Pinewood Studios and you've got to run back in the nip. He hasn't got a cock or ball, though, has he? He's so efficient, he's had it all removed. It's just a smooth hump so that he can get his suit on quickly

for TV records. He is a man that produces tv there's nothing else that happens no um but yeah i know i've never really given into peer pressure i've always sort of been like no i'm not doing that which gets you excluded at the start really but i'd rather not do cock or ball i mean don't get me wrong i've drunk up my shoe some stuff i will get on board with have you ever done a shoe new no but i'd be more than happy to drink out of my shoe depending yeah i'd be more concerned about damaging the shoe than i would about yeah the rubber on my uh on my converse is going to get corroded by the sugar

in this shot for a purer liquid i don't want a sticky shoe rob you don't want a sticky shoe um do you want some exciting news that you already know but is exciting to the podcast listeners? Yeah this is exciting news but should I respond like I don't know? Yeah well why don't you tell the news Rob? No I can't tell the news. Go on Josh what's happened this week that you want to talk about? Well it's not this week but no I have a specific reason I'm slightly annoyed at the world reopening, Rob. Yes, so the world reopens from April the 12th,

but properly, it's sort of May, June time. June 21st is when the world reopens, essentially, for British people. Yes. So, in a way to keep up the content of this podcast, I and my wife

are having a second child, Rob. Yes, I know you are very exciting you're gonna have another baby yes and i'm so excited for you josh are you excited for me rob or are you excited because you think this is going to be fucking hilarious for the next year you know the answer i know the answer to that. I'm happy that you're having a kid, but if we weren't doing this podcast, I'd probably give it about a 30-second thought. I'd be like, oh, Josh is having a kid.

Lou would go, oh, that's lovely. I think that's a generous amount of time you're allowing there, Rob. Almost immediately. Then a few months later, I might send a text, see how you're getting on or whatever. But now we're doing this podcast because I was thinking the other day i've got i've got a five year old and a three year old right and it is getting to the point now where it is getting a lot lot like compared to when they were like one and three it's so much easier yeah this isn't helping rob well i'm just saying but this is what i was saying i was like it's getting so much easier

now obviously stuff comes up with school and all things go on. But essentially you can just put them in front of the telly. They go to school all week. And then the three-year-old's going to start going to school soon. So you've got loads of time back and stuff like that. And I was thinking maybe, you know, once lockdown's over, you know, and the podcast is a bit easier in the back. So there won't be much to talk about. But now you have just opened the gates of hell.

And we've got at least, at least three to four years left of Horror Show. And you might even go for a third. No, no, no. I will. No, no, no. It's your turn next, Rob, if you want to keep this podcast going. You've got to go in about three years. Do you like what?

Yeah, exactly. We'll just having kids yeah just so we've got fresh content but no i'm really excited for you josh because i know you wanted to have a second and you've had it is quite a nice gap as well between the two kids and it's a lovely summer birth i'm not gonna um lie to you rob yeah let's take it as read very excited and to be honest part of me just wants to get on with it now. Yeah, I mean, yeah, of course. And I'd imagine a part of Rose really feels that way as well. Yeah, sorry, I should have rephrased that. How is Rose?

We should ask this. It's more important rather than how are you. How is Rose, all right? She is fucking knackered. But don't you know about it? Is that what you're telling me? I tell you what, mate. I feel like I've got pregnancy in the lug hole.

This has been a lot more trying than the first one for her. I've added the words for her there to make clear what I meant by that sentence. Because it's difficult to know whether it's just because it is more difficult or also just the fact there's another child. You don't realise at weekends the first time around you were just able to just relax and stuff like that lou found that as well it's like where you are knackered after a day you just go oh i'm just not gonna do any more working around the sofa and order a takeaway whatever but there's literally the child there yeah now so it makes it much more difficult although you know she's still having a great time i'm taking her to the tip after this so we're still having good family days out what rose we're all going on a family trip to the ship

yeah i've got a dump permit actually i'm very excited about that um i might i might have to start making some bins redundant if this dump you've got 10 bit 10 bins and a dump i've got eight bins and a dump and a dump permit i should before we carry on with the more important discussion of bringing life into the world i I should tie up the bin saga. Oh, yeah. So what's happened with the bins? So when the bins were being taken away last week, they came to get the recycling.

I just thought, I'm just going to do it. I went out there and I said to the bin man, we haven't got a bin. And our lovely Hackney bin man just said, that's fine. We'll get you a bin. And it just turned up yesterday. No way. Yeah. Oh, my God.

It's like the 40s. Yeah, it was amazing. He managed to speak to a representative from the council, sorted something out. But he literally, he was taking the bin out, and he just, he said, you haven't got a bin? And then he shouted to the driver of the bin van, or what they call bin lorry.

He was like, they haven't got a bin. And he went, what number are they? And he said the number. And then he went, we haven't got a bin and he went what number are they and he said the number and then he went we'll get you a bin and then it was just there yesterday oh wow that is great service Josh so thank you to Hackney Council for that and thank you to my bin men and if you do live near Josh please nick that one as well

we've absolutely painted our number on it Rob straight away no messing no messing so let's get back to the important news um and do you know uh the gender yet or is it gonna be surprised yes um i don't know whether i should say should i say i think i'm fine to say it's up to you well because i sort of think it's weird really because it's sort of with our kids you know we i don't i i just don't do names which i think yeah until they're old enough for them to understand what I do,

I want to get their permission to ask if I can say their name and put them on social media and things like that. But I think gender is fine. Well, I also think it's not going to change before the birth. So I can say, Rob, excitingly, particularly considering this podcast, it's a boy. Oh, that's great for content. We've needed that for this podcast, Rob. We've needed that. It's a bit, you know what? It's a bit bird Oh, that's great for content. We've needed that for this podcast, Rob. We've needed that. It's a bit, you know what?

It's a bit bird heavy, this show. It's a bit bird heavy. Finally, we can talk about, you know, I think it'll be interesting. Finally, we can discuss pissing out of a penis. Exactly. Do you know what? I do think that the middle class white man hasn't had a voice. And I think it's time that we focus on the middle class white man hasn't had a voice and i think it's i think it's time that we focus on the middle class white man so it's good that you're having

a boy josh exactly exactly oh that's exciting how do you feel about that boy i'm pleased i'm excited yes i did ask my daughter yesterday when when plymouth won 4-3 with a last-minute goal yesterday, Rob. Oh, what a time you're having. Against Lincoln as well. It's just absolute 3-0, 3-0, 3-0 for the Winnicums at the moment. You've got your bin. You've got a kid. It's crazy. And I said to my daughter, I said,

would you like me to take you to the football one day? And she just looked at me and said, no. So I'm really going to go big on the football with him, Rob. Well, exactly.'ve got to do I mean what's weird is some blokes and it's a bit more of a geezery testosterone sort of alpha response to be like oh and he said oh even if they just see you at a party or like a gathering and you've got two girls going oh when you're going for the boarding you're like I'm not I don't know yeah don't you want and I really I'm there and i'm not sort of saying it you know like i just i'm not i really wasn't bothered i was actually because we had i've got four brothers and they've got boys as well i was just like i actually i found it quite nice and it's sort of one step removed from you isn't it i also think

like because i was thinking this before having before we knew we're having a boy i was thinking i quite like the narrative of like oh it's a house of women and then there's me do you know yeah yeah exactly but then to be fair like it's whatever it is it's fine and you'll love it so it doesn't really matter at all and the well one of the positives of two girls is oh swimming going swimming with as a family oh off you go you three i'll just go and get changed here alone while you're drying their air lou i'll just have a quick steam yeah all right and then meet you in the car but i think as well that stems from a thing where older generations be like i'm a bloke i'll go to the

pub we go football you're a woman you go to shopping and stuff like that or you go for treatments but do you know what on a cold winter's, I'd much rather go for a massage and get a pedicure than go and watch Arsenal. Yeah, of course. Do you know what I mean? On any day. I found whenever I used to go and watch the football, my main question before we did anything was like,

what are you wearing? What kind of layers are you going for? Because we all know at the football, you can either be too hot or far too cold. And it's very difficult to get the layers right of football. But when I had this discussion in the pub, not many other geezers were into it. No, they're not into layering discussions, Rob.

But don't worry, you're now hanging out with me rather than the rugby team. Exactly. So I'm up for discussing these things. Is that cock or ball? No, G-Low or hoodie? What are you wearing? Do you know, Mike, the thing is also, Rob,

it is colder at Plymouth because there's not, not saying this for effect, there's not as many people. So you're not huddling for warmth. Plymouth have been doing social distancing at games for 25 years. Exactly, mate. There's not a sniff of corona around home park. Plymouth is pandemic ready. On football.

Yep. So when the Euros happens and the world reopens. Yes. Everyone's been going mad for this all week. Understandably. Yeah, yeah. It has been a bittersweet announcement for me,ens. Yes. Everyone's been going mad for this all week. Understandably. Yeah, yeah. It has been a bittersweet announcement for me, Rob. Yes.

So when the world opens, will you sort of have a three-week-old child, potentially? A month old, I'd say. Maybe four or five weeks. So what would you prefer? Because really, April the 12th. I'd prefer the world stay closed until about November. Thank you very much. Yeah, right, OK.

But would you prefer the baby come a couple of weeks earlier or a couple of weeks late? So would you rather the baby come earlier? So in June, the baby's a bit older and easier, or comes a few weeks late so you can basically get boozing out of your system late April? No, because when you've got a child that's coming late, you can't booze anyway.

No, because just in case. Yeah, just in case so ideally early early ideally now about two months ago oh yeah so all the football do you know what's good though josh you are gonna get the football i'm gonna get to watch a lot of the football exactly and it's not at the right time what i would say is though it's a bit unfortunate it's not a world cup that's in like japan where you could watch all the night games yeah that must have been someone must have what's the dream is like a newborn the start of like the Sydney Olympics yeah oh mate that's the absolute dream that is the dream isn't it that is oh you just start all night javving getting into

weightlifting just because it's on yeah you're awake and it feels like you're part of something but that's going to be good you can you can do a lot of the the baby stuff so what are you what are your plans for june 21st well so when i had our second when we had our second well lou had our second okay but she was very young it was the i don't think anyone spotted that rob i think you got away with that but we when she was about four months old i remember going down to her nan and granddad's in portsmouth and it was the world cup and we had like a four months old i remember going down to her nan and granddad's in portsmouth and it was the world cup and we had like a four month old and it was very loud in the garden everyone socializing but it was like proper football on like a proper game it's like the

semi-final like i can't remember it was and i was like oh let me take the baby in there because you need to sleep and she didn't she was wide awake but i was just rocking her in front of the football on the telly so you can it's a great time to sort of just watch football so i think that's that's what you've got folks that's my big hope my only worry is like an england game trying to do a bedtime trying to get the baby down knowing an england game's about to start that kind of thing i think you will just have to say uh rose you've got to take this it's england i think i need to build up a lot of goodwill in the bank before england get into the latter stages of the tournament so at the last world cup i want to watch a few a couple of games uh riley's sports bar in central london by trafalgar square right horrific place but great

atmosphere yeah so i want to watch the columbia game there which was one of the greatest nights of my life right i went mental it was incredible and then the next game was Sweden, but I'd agreed to look after the kids that day, right? So I had both of them, okay? So I'd sorted like a three-year-old out with an iPad, and then I had a six-month-old that needed feeding, and I was watching the Sweden game, but I actually at one point poured milk into its ear because I wasn't looking.

I sort of just found a hole, and it had milk in its ear because I've got loads, but enough for the baby to found a hole and it had milk in its ear because I've got loads, but enough for the baby to go. That's not on. Why are you pouring milk in my ear? That is not okay. But I blame England. So where was Lou watching the game?

She was out for the afternoon. I was trying to say there's so many afternoons. Come on. This is a once in two year thing. Exactly. And she was like, well, I'm out for the afternoon. I booked it in ages ago. So I think she's having

like brunch with friends and I had two kids in the Sweden game. But anyway, I went to watch the Croatia one, which was quite sad. I'd find it, if England win the Euros.

Oh my God. It's like God is testing me. That the thing I've wanted my whole life and it's combined with a baby. You're going to have to just take a dog out sentence because if England won the Euros, I mean, I would just go,

Lou, I'm gone. I'll be back in two days. Feel free to throw this back in my face forever. Whatever you've got planned for me, abuse-wise or punishment, I'll take it on the chin. It's a bit like an old school bank robber. You go, look, I earned two million. I'll take 15 years inside.

I'm happy for the sentence you i think you just got to do that and i think there's always sort of roses aware of that and go like if we if it is the final of the euros i'm not here yeah and i think you just got me straight up about that well last last world cup we watched games in our garden so that's fine but if you're trying to get a baby down for a nap yeah you just can't do that with a baby in the. Would it be rude to say that I'll be watching the games in the garden, but Rose and the baby are going to need to go out? I don't think you can send the child out. I think you may need to leave.

Why don't you go to a pub nearby so you're not out the house to... I mean, I love the way you've just told the world you're having a new kid and we've done 20 minutes and now you're going to watch the football. The most stereotypical. Awful. No, it's not awful. It's not awful, Josh. It's the truth.

You cannot lie to yourself. This is what people like about us, Rob. We're honest about our concerns. I'm throwing this down now. The birth of your children or England winning the Euros, we all know what the better day is. The birth's awful. It's not even near it as a good day.

Anyone who says the birth is the best day of their life. They've had a shit life. Yeah, it is. I mean, we've covered this before, but it is tough, bare minimum, for all concerned, including the baby. Where was the rest of your life? Guantanamo Bay?

What are you talking about, the best day of your life? Anyway, so all what you could do is we could try Guantanamo Bay what are you talking about the best day of your life anyway but so that so or what you could do is we could try and set up a kid-friendly euros thing in my garden so you could come to mine and then we could watch it in the garden because I've got a telly in the garden but there's kids they're ruining it you can't have a drink yeah it's just difficult isn't it Rob I'm also worried about June the 21st Rob the day when everyone goes on the lash yeah because that feels like it's a it's going to be a pop cultural day i mean i might yeah where were you i think i might be infernos clapping or the venue new cross i might yeah well so at least there's someone i can't be

jealous of there's gonna be a point right do you know how many people are gonna go to a nightclub i haven't been to a nightclub for 20 years and stay there for about an hour tops maybe 10 minutes and go you know what i hate this it's gonna be be awful rob that it's going to be twat monday that's what it's going to be well i've not actually booked anything but oh there's great games on that day ukraine austria north macedonia north macedonia have they split macedonia in two i didn't know that is that north and south macedonia oh the fucking hell. How could Macedonia not get to the Euros, but North Macedonia can? How shit were the South Macedonians at football? Was it like you have to have half each?

Finland, Belgium, Russia, Denmark. I'll be honest with you. I don't want to watch any of them. But then the next day is an England game. 22nd, Czech Republic, England at Wembley and State. Yeah, I don't know what you're going to do here, mate. I think you're going to have a terrible summer. And a great one, obviously, because you're having your beautiful child.

It'd be wonderful. It will be magical. But also, there'll be WhatsApp groups where I'll be being sent pictures of people absolutely lashed. I'm going to say that's going to be tough. Well, I've got an idea. This is what you need to do. You need to, you need to before

the Euros right and when Rose is comfortable leaving the child maybe book like a spa day or an overnight or there's a good place in Reading called Nirvana Spa right where you drive out and it's like it's got everything in there that you can spend the day there and then come back it's only a day

thing and then book her stuff like that in and then you go oh I'm going to just go and watch the football next Tuesday. Yes. And then it's okay. She does listen to this podcast. So we'll see how it all goes. I've got it for you. Hey, it'll be really good to your parents.

It'll be really good to see you once all the guidelines are lifted. Do you fancy, and then just send them options to stay overnight for when the England games are on? Yes. Yes. Right, have we done too long on this? Yeah, because I do need to ask some more questions about having a baby. Yeah, what do you want to ask? I've forgotten everything.

I was trying to remember what it's like. And I just don't even, I was thinking like, when do they get into a routine of like napping? And I thought, I've got no clue. Everything has gone from my mind that I did. I can't remember any of it. I can't remember any of it. What I would say is it's easier because your life's already changed to a point isn't it it's not

like new thing and you're not really trying to do things what we did when we had the first one was like trying to do things we normally would do but just with a baby and it just didn't work right but now you've accepted you can't you know enjoy yourself my life's over um but what i would say stuff like nap they don't nap for as long as the first one did because they want to stay up with the older one and stuff like that it is i'd say harder but easier so the actual challenge is harder but because you're more aware of it and used to it it makes it easier well you're going to be more confident right you're not just constantly panicked yes you are going to be more confident but if you put this as like a boxer right when you have your first fight you're a bit nervous you don't know what you're doing even if

you've got the skills you're not confident enough're doing. Even if you've got the skills, you're not confident enough, right? But the second one, you've got your skills. You're confident. You're Canelo. You're Mayweather. You're riding high. But you're fighting two boxers at the same time. So that's what I'd say is difficult.

So I've got some thoughts on this, right? Okay. Tell me your thoughts. I had forgotten how much babies sleep. Yes. So you get quite a lot of breaks don't you yeah I would say yes because obviously now it's 24 7 well not 24 7 I think you need to go to a doctor if she's awake all night they do sleep quite a lot I think but I think what happens is

though it's that kind of thing where that bit's quite easy but then the the eldest gets a bit jealous and then you're split and what happens is it never marries up so they do sleep but then when they're sleeping the other one will be awake or something so if you're lucky it might be that it's impossible to sort of match it all up but they do yeah they are but it's stuff like when they start teething and you can't explain to them while they're oh god yeah but it'll be fine it'll be fine it'll be fine what bits are you looking forward to most that I'm going to be going through? Right, okay. So I think it's going to be tiredness.

Yeah. Because you wear it on your face and sleeve, tiredness. Yeah, I do. You know if Josh Winnicombe's tired. You know what I mean? You can tell. Also, my daughter, she would scream for about three hours every night before going to sleep because of colic.

Yes. Which was horrific. But when she went to sleep, she was always doing five and a half six hours from the off that's good that was good so i never had that two hour two hour two hour thing that some people go through yeah i i'd say the first bit's knackering because you're just exhausted right but it isn't actually that hard because they're sleeping and stuff like that you're just tired and before we'd both be awake and, oh, are they okay? But now you sort of go, just do shifts and go, you make sure you get sleep and I'll do the night shift.

Where before, I'd be doing the night shift and Lou would be over my shoulder going, oh, is she okay? Because you worry more about the first one. And the reality is they're fine. So I think that would be fine. What I found the hardest was, and other people may agree with this, but I don't want to be that, oh, actually, I've got two kids personally because I hate those people. You know the people that have got like a

kid three days older than yours and go well as i'm you know a more experienced parent yeah but what i found hardest and i only can speak from personal experience is when they're like 1 to 18 months where they can walk around and they want to explore stuff but they have got no ability to do it you know so they keep falling over they run into where they can walk around and they want to explore stuff but they have got no ability to do it you know so they keep falling over they run into stuff they can't really communicate so they get frustrated they climb stuff and you know you've got to be on and then the elder one goes yeah come and do this with me so you've got to be like hawkeye the whole time but when they're a baby they just sit don't wait and play so that's fine the first six months and i would suggest

once it opens you're better off doing a so that's fine the first six months and i would suggest once it opens you're better off doing a holiday earlier when they're like six months old because all they do is sit in the pram and one of you can play with the other one but when they get to about one and they're just tottering around but they're not really upright yeah that's when it's like you constantly got what because you're so relaxed because you've got an older one you go to a part now you just let her run off don't you and climb on stuff but now when there's like a one-year-old you're like oh my god and you're trying to watch two at once that's what i find hardest when you're in your own and you've got to watch two at once so so your point is that the start is actually not the difficult bit no

no no you're tired but it's not hard it's not sort of like labor intensive but what i would say is once they get to 18 months to two years and they're more confident you are plain sailing because they play together and then they just they can just go on the swings together or whatever it is you're not on it but there's a six month period where you are like sort of like a meerkat you're a spotter oh my word it's it's very exciting i'm very excited but it is that thing of it is so unknown do you know what i mean oh and here's something rob yeah i think the worst phrase in the english language is are you looking forward to meeting him oh fuck off awful awful awful yeah in 37 years time and he's finally found out who he is yeah meeting him i'm wiping his ass mate i'd be looking forward to meeting Paul McCartney.

You probably have to start wiping his arse soon. But if the baby was born, like, you know, like, here's your baby. Shake his hand. Good to meet you. Lovely to meet you. It makes my skin crawl. No, yeah, exactly.

The problem is most people have kids and most people are cringy assholes, aren't they? Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Most people are awkward and a bit like, get away from me. Whereas we're the kind of people that on the announcement that someone's having a baby,

talk for 20 minutes about how we're going to go and watch the Euros. Right. People like this because we are honest, Josh. Okay? How would, I would not be listening to this if you're like, oh my God, Josh, you're like oh my god Josh you're looking to meet him oh my god oh my god yes oh did you reckon he'd love hair lots of hair like you shut up fuck off you're boring just because it is something beautiful doesn't mean you

have to be so like gushing about it you're allowed to not care about something so important um anyway um so what we'll do we'll follow my uh emotional journey through this you'll get in the newspaper do you reckon this will get the man online what widdicombe's gonna struggle to watch euros 2020 i've got i don't want to steal your baby announcement, Thunder, but I need a new desk. I need a new chair. And I'm thinking about getting one of those angled things that you put your laptop in so you don't hurt your neck.

Oh, have you been doing too much stiff-necking? I'm not a stiff-necker. I'm a stoop-necker. I'm stupid. I'm getting a little hunch. I'm sort of hunched over. Are you working on your laptop? Yeah. Rob. Yeah. I'm stupid I'm getting a little hunch I'm sort of hunched over are you working on your laptop yeah Rob

yeah what you need is you need to buy a proper computer like you're in an office you can't do that can you is that what you need yeah I can't buy another computer

you're earning this is like the weirdest GP ever I've got a bad neck buy a desktop I can sort that out you're two grand new laptop you can't hunch over a laptop, Rob.

That's how I'm writing my book. You're getting going to get a stiff neck. Fuck. Yeah, because even if I had the chair, the laptop's the problem, isn't it? It's the laptop that's the problem. Oh, shit. Oh, my God, I'm becoming a stiff neck.

Before you know it, Rob, you're going to win the bloody Edinburgh Award. I'm going to start writing my jokes down on paper soon. No, don't go that far. No, I'm not insane, mate. Write it down. You're mental. What's that?

Your tour's coming up. You've rescheduled dates. You haven't done it in two years. What's your show? It's in there, mate. Summer of the Old Canister. Mate, I'm dreading. The tour returning in autumn.

I need to do... I need to heavily think about this. He's not done his show for two years. He's got a newborn bring it on oh my god oh my word i might come to one of your first ones but we'll do warm-up gigs and we'll do warm-up gigs um speaking as someone who suffers from a stiff neck yeah you've got two options here yeah you don't need a new desk or new chair have you got a office chair no i haven't i've just got like one i've got from like tk max but that's that's that's not the problem the problem is it's not an office chair

it's like it's literally one that you'd have like in the corner of like a boutique hotel chair right right yeah you do need to change that but mostly you need to be looking straight ahead like you're driving i'm not at the moment i'm looking i'm looking down like i'm talking to a dog you're going to need to get your screen up to eye height so it like I'm talking to a dog you're gonna need to get your screen up to eye height so it's amazing that the change of roles you're getting a stiff neck and I'm getting a second child I know it's insane isn't it it's obvious who's having more sex we're slowly turning into each other yeah we are aren't we're morphing into one oh can I ask one more question on the uh having another kid's thing yeah go for it i don't know what you asked me like i know anything but yeah sure fire away so my daughter's very excited about it yes but

i'm not kidding myself that that means that she's gonna take it well when the child is born does she know it's a boy yeah yeah because i think sometimes they're like when we mention having another kid or something they'll go as long as it's a girl or like you that. So as long as he knows, that's quite good. But I think you need to get a present. So when he first comes home, he brings a present. Yeah. And what's it like in those first couple of months? What's the older child's role like?

Do they... To be fair, they like... Well, she was a bit younger, ours, because there's only a two-year gap. What would it be, a four-year gap or three-year gap? Three-year gap. Oh, so not much, innit? But yeah, we let her hold her and she really liked it and stuff and to be fair she sort of just busied

around it because the kid doesn't do anything for the first six months it's just in a cot or in a pram so she was sort of it was almost like having just taken like an inanimate object around with you because the baby doesn't do anything yeah but then when she got a bit older she was like engaging and stuff and then they start trying to play with them when they're a bit too young to play with and stuff so was there much jealousy over the time constraints of the mother not no not particularly because we sort of split we split it sort of quite well and we made sure that she was doing things and we were taking her out for trips so she's sort of got special days of like mummy or daddy days yeah where we'd take her out rather than trying rather than trying to do things with both of them we sort of just would take her out somewhere yeah so she had some like special

attention time and stuff but um yeah she was i think it's because she was already at nursery which was good no she wasn't at nursery we delayed nursery because we didn't want to start at nursery so i think it's quite good that she goes to nursery already because then that's her place she goes we were worried about you know she was due to start nursery when the second one was born. So we didn't want to go, right, new baby's here, off you go to somewhere alien. So I think it's quite good that she has her nursery. And on those days when she's not,

you can do things with her and stuff. So I think it'd be fine. If people want to send in your top tips, stroke, biggest cock-ups you made at the start of having a second child, I mean, I'm more interested in the second ones, obviously. Yeah, I don't want some self-righteous dickheads going, this is what you should do. No, no, no, no tips.

All right, so what we want is... Horror stories. Yeah, horror stories. Not too much, not like a true crime one. No, no, exactly. Not Agatha Christie. My evil eldest kid story. None of that, do you know what I mean?

But yeah, any time it's gone wrong, it'll be great. I do have, I don't know if you want them now um yeah let's do one do them now but i've got um a couple of um low moments in lockdown stories if you do those that have come in on instagram yeah i'm a big big fan of these so this one is from jessica hodgson said hi rob and josh huge fan of the podcast it's dragging me through this weird time in history i have a lockdown low point for you we had our third baby in november 2019 so when the first lockdown hit we were in the middle of sleepless nights breastfeeding poonanis and the list goes on poonanis oh yeah the mental poos that go up on their back oh my god yeah you forgot about them didn't you yeah they're coming boy those big tarry yellow ones So many things that I was thinking the other day about that weird bit that hangs off the belly button for the first week.

Oh, yeah. I'd completely forgotten about that. We lost it. It was off when I was changing. I went, it's gone. I went, did it fall off? Did you take it? No, I haven't had it.

We couldn't find it anywhere. Anyway, we did the washing. We found it in a baby grow. Oh, my God. I'm going to be honest with you yeah that was one of the bits i didn't find particularly magical it's so medical the first few weeks you don't realize it um and then like if they don't do a poo for a couple of days oh my god they've not done a poo and you're like they'll shit eventually oh my god all this constant bloody rashes right Right. Putting a glass on it.

Putting a glass on a rash for six months. Oh, that fucking pigeon keeps eating my flowers. I don't remember that bit. Sorry, I got distracted. No, it's a fat bastard pigeon that just any time anything flowers in the garden eats it. I didn't know a pigeon would eat a leaf. How do pigeons eat leaves? Sorry.

Here we go um anyway so punani this is uh jessica's low point because they've got three kids all very young anyway my husband decided that for something to do in lockdown and liven up the dinner rota we'd eat food from a different country that the kids chose each week and he'd made it from scratch this was both cunning and sly because he made a three-course meal each time with various preparation layers, basically securing him four to five hours of, I'm busy, can you keep the kids at the kitchen time each week, plus that I'm planning, insert country name here, dinner, can you give me half hour? Right, so the kids obviously hated everything he made as it wasn't chicken nuggets and cheese.

Yeah, of course. And after I'd been lumped with the kids for most of the day, I was hoping every piece of paper he touched would give him a paper cut. Quite petty, but I can understand how you feel to three children in lockdown. He picked up on the very subtle, keep leaving me with the kids and I'll murder you in your sleep vibes, and asked if I'd like to prep cook that week's meal yes please so I selected my recipes did the online shop jobs are good and um obviously she's very tired and stressed at this point she's uh she's telling three kids one new one lockdown

delivery day and I'm somewhat tired as for whatever reason all three kids have decided that the night before they would not sleep at all. Shopping arrives. I put bits and pieces away. I get to one of the ingredients I've got in for my Madagascan meal. Oh, my God. Come on, mate. Some of the special vinegar. So they've ordered some kind of special Madagascan vinegar. This is one of those things where, you know, when you cook a meal,

when you think, this is good because I'm cooking a meal. It's not a takeaway. I'm cooking this elaborate meal from a country that doesn't have the same ingredients as us, and you spend three times as much money because you need a teaspoon of Madagascan vinegar. I know. Also, to be fair, the only thing the Madagascans can do, in my knowledge, is vanilla. That's all I've ever heard. I've never heard of anything else from Madagascan vinegar. I know. Also, to be fair, the only thing the Madagascans can do, in my knowledge, is vanilla.

That's all I've ever heard. I've never heard of anything else from a Madagascan. No, I didn't know it was a chosen cuisine, but let's see how she does. Anyway, so she's doing this Madagascan meal and she's ordered this special Madagascan vinegar. And it's not one of our usual groceries we've had, so there's no designated storage space

in any cupboards for madagascan vinegar this was clearly too much for my brain to handle cue tears and tantrum as a fully grown mother of three i sat in the middle of my kitchen floor crying clutching vinegar something to my utterly bemused husband there's nowhere for the vinegar to live oh god it's so funny because it's obviously so pointless but at that moment it becomes something you can just imagine that absolute moment of complete kind of just everything's become too much does she say how the meal went? I don't think they did it. I don't think they did.

I've got one more here as well from Karina. Hi, Rob and Josh. Just finished listening to Friday's episode where you discuss motion sensor lights. Unbeknown to us, when we bought it, our current home has motion sensor lights in our bathroom. Initially, we thought we'd one parent and come across the best hack ever, as the motion sensor meant our toddler could go to the toilet at night or early morning

without us having to leave the landing light on permanently, as the bathroom lights come on as you step onto the landing. All was well and good until the night our son needed a number two. He'd been sat on the toilet for so long that he was plunged into darkness and screamed the house down. The scream was the type that makes your blood run cold. It left me with heart palpitations. Needless to say, the motion sensor lights quickly came off our winning at life list.

Love the podcast. Gives me a laugh on my, even my lowest date. Thank you, Karina. I mean, yeah. Have you ever been plunged into darkness? I hate those motion sensor lights in like public toilets oh my god it's awful and when they're

outside of the cubicle and you're basically sat on the toilet swinging your arms around I was you're on a rollercoaster I once took a jumper off and swag it around my head

like I was at a concert this guy's really getting this one out lovely stuff that was Josh I'm so excited for you this is I am I'm genuinely I'm very excited and yes I just kind of looking forward to it but the last bit of the pregnancy is slow isn't it I would say say to Rose why don't you do the nights and then I'll do the days and you can sleep in. And then you just have the football on, holding the baby and an iPad for your daughter. That is how I'd approach the whole month of June.

Well, we'll see how it goes. Do you know there must be some people who at moments of very important sporting events, there must be some sports fans. There are people giving birth at those moments. Or did you miss your team like if you're a Liverpool fan did you miss like the comeback at Istanbul because you were doing a night feed or did you miss Murray winning Wimbledon because you're you needed to change a nappy there must have been huge like huge moments of sporting things that you've missed

when is your kid taking you away from a moment of sporting glory yeah or a wedding did you miss did you miss a wedding ceremony because your kid went mental or something i love the kid going mental at a wedding ceremony it's my absolute favorite i love it because children are truth and everyone in there is going fucking get on with it i was over eating drink come on and that but kids don't have that social pressure to not say that. Exactly. Do you know what we're going to do on Friday, Rob? What are you going to do? We're going to open one of those presents that Rose hasn't sent to her cousins.

Yes! She's not done it. Not done it. I've got a text from the cousin last night. He said that he can't wait to hear what presents he would have got opened live on the podcast. Oh, this is great. Oh, I can't wait. See you Friday then, Josh, for the president.

See you Friday. See you later, people.