Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S02 EP25: Fay Ripley

Episode Date: April 16, 2021

Joining us in the studio this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) during the lockdown and beyond is the brilliant presenter and actress, Fay Ripley. Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx  If you want to get in touch with the show here's how: EMAIL: [e-mail] TWITTER: @lockdownparent  INSTAGRAM: @lockdown_parenting A 'Keep It Light Media' Production  Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Josh Middicombe. And I'm Rob Beckett. Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell. The show in which Rob and I discuss what it's like to be a parent during lockdown, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation... And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills... Each episode we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping.

Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you, the listener, with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Hello, and you are listening to Lockdown Parenting Hell with... The video's still downloading, Rob. Oh, don't send people, people, people. Please send audio. Just do a WhatsApp voice note.

Thank you for sending, but I'll be honest with you, my phone is now full of videos of children I don't know, and it's a real worry. Yeah. You know what I mean? When that gets seized in a 25 years time because of you know oh my word someone's been naughty on the last leg the last thing is josh widdicombe needs his phone being seized and all these children shouting his own name charlie can you say rob beckett can you say josh widdicombe Say Rob Beckett.

Rob Beckett. Can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe. Widdicombe. Widdicombe. Very good. Do you know what, Rob? I've got to take it back straight away. Okay, why?

The video was worth it. He was holding his pom-pom jar. Oh, I see. Okay, fair enough. We apologise. Fair enough. It's a fair cop. It's a fair cop.

Yeah, so as long as they're holding a pom-pom jar, Josh will accept videos of children. It's a fair cop. Yeah, so as long as they're holding a pom-pom jar, Josh will accept videos of children. That's the new rule. That is Charlie from Barrow upon Saw. I don't know if that's the same as the Barrow in Furness that you've presumably done on tour years ago. Barrow and Saw? I don't know.

Let's have a little Google. Barrow in Furness. Have you spoken about Barrow in Finesse on this show? Barrow and Finesse is a lively place, I'd say. I remember doing a tour show there in about 2014, I'd say. 13, 14. Afterwards, we went to

I want to say Revolution, but it might have been a Yates'. It was one of those, right? The only place that was open. And inside, the middle of this bar was a bucking bronco. That sums up Barrow and Finesse. They build nuclear submarines

and they get pissed and go on bucking bronco. It was absolutely astonishing. But no, Barrow upon Saw is near Loughborough. Oh, well, there we go. And near a place called Quorn. Not spelt like Quorn. Yeah, well, there we go. And near a place called corn. Not spelled like corn. Yeah. Spelt like actual corn.

I bet they hate that. How can you call a food corn? And there's a town called corn. There's a premier in corn, the corned and Fox. You can't call it the corn Fox. Can you? Maybe this is where they invented corn.

The manor house at corn. Mo Farah, just running around eating at different places. How many coffees you had, Rob? I've had a lot of coffee and it's been a long day. What's your day been like? Day's been like I took the three-year-old to corn FC. Sorry, lads. It was a corn FC.

Sorry. I'm getting distracted. I went little kickers. It's like a football thing for young kids. Oh, you do kiddie kicks. Well, Little Kickers, this one's called. And it's for two and a half year olds to three and a half year olds. And my daughter was the only girl there.

And the rest of it, it was almost like an open audition for Green Street 4. The Football Factory, that kind of vibe. A lot of lads, a lot of children dress like they are in the Crystal Palace Academy, like full tracksuits and stuff. Oh, wow. A lot of geezers there, a lot of swagger, a lot of tracksuits. How do you go down in that crowd? Because are they all like trying to banter with you? A little bit of banter.

Everyone was quite quiet and just sort of looking after their kids. But I can slip into that vibe easy mate yeah as much as i do do a bit of you know i'll work in the arts mate i'll do theater shows do you know what i mean i'm an alternative artist but the inside of me is a man that just wants to sit in a pub on a sunday and have 10 pints and slag off football yeah and that was the place for it. How did your daughter do? Was she good? Do you know what?

Very good. Because there's a lot of people there that's desperate for their kids to want to do football. Yeah. And I'm completely ambivalent, really. I sort of think I'm quite pushing for an indoor sport like gymnastics so you don't get too cold at the weekend. So if she is good at football and wants to do football, that fine but i'm not pushing it but yeah she loves it she always picks

the ball out she was playing on her own do you know she's got a touch of her she's got a bit she kicks she keeps kicking with the outside of her foot though which almost it looks like she's not very good at football but some of the finishing she's doing it's like a prime berbatov oh wow the extra yard is in her head that kind of yeah or she's got she's like a prime berbatov oh wow the extra yard is in her head that kind of yeah or she's got she's got an arrogance that will only really be appreciated on premier league gold yeah she's a luxury player yeah at the time berbatov urzil oh lazy what did they do you see a compilation from you on youtube and it's just different gravy in it but either way she enjoyed herself and she's got a football with her name on it

which she loves. Lovely. So it was a successful day. We're going back next week a minute before we were due to leave she cried and said I don't want to go football, leave me alone and when you've paid all the deposits but I gave her a lollipop and then it was a five minute walk

to the football place but the only way she'd go is if I took her in my car, which involved a car seat change. That's how desperate we were to get her there, so I did a car seat change. Why were you so desperate to get her there? Just because you'd paid the deposit? Well, we've paid, and also all week she's been so excited about it,

telling everyone she's going and going, is it football day yet? So I knew, and she got there and absolutely loved it. She plays football on her own in the garden without anyone telling her to do it. She has played you for a fucking lollipop straight away. She played me for a lollipop and a quick go in the electric car. Yeah, exactly.

They like the electric car because children love torque. This is something you've got to learn about kids. They love torque. They don't like going fast. They love torque. They like an initial speed is what you get. But then I looked like a right twat at the football because she started 10-11.

I had a fast car. How long did you drive for just straight down the road? Honestly, I was on the main road for probably less than a minute. It's the shortest drive I'll ever do. So I literally got on the road, made sure I was there, accelerated as fast as I could, didn't break the speed limit, and then slowed down and then pulled into the sports centre. So she got a fast car drive, she got a lollipop,

and she got a football with her name on it. What more do you want? It's lovely. It's lovely. COVID reasons, apparently, that you have your own ball so you don't touch the other balls. Oh, really? I think there are ways just to earn more money from COVID, isn't there? Yeah, exactly.

You probably need your own one of them. I'll start charging people for actual chairs at my gigs. Yeah, it's 20 quid for the show, 40 quid for the chair to rent for COVID regulations. But, yeah, we did that, so that was all good. Did you get to keep the ball, though, right? She kept the ball, yeah. She's got the ball, and we're taking it away with us.

I'm excited, Josh. We're going to Centre Parcs. Oh, very nice. We are officially allowed to go. Wellosh we're going to center parks oh very nice officially allowed to go well we've been to set we're doing we're recording this a little bit early because we're going to center parks but um from the 12th center parks opens and we're allowed to go and we are going to center parks on an actual holiday who's going just the four of you just me just a bit of time away yeah um now me and lou and the girls yeah and um yeah so it's really exciting

and what happens at center parks rob so i've never been so um there's a subtropical swimming paradise which is basically like a big swimming pool with flumes and rapids and wave machines under a big dome and it's always nice and warm it's subtropical josh yeah but that is nuts because it's classed as a water park not a swimming swimming pool. So a dome doesn't count as inside? I don't know. I don't know, mate. But it's shut, but we've got a slight refund. Everything else is open.

Shops are open there. Restaurants and bars are open for delivery to your chalet, and you can sit outside. There's a sports bar that we can sit up outside. Yeah, so that's what we're doing, and we're excited, Josh. I think you'll have a lovely time. What about you? What's that?

Are you working still, lots? I'm livid at the moment, Rob. Why are you livid? Well, on the talk of days out, Rob, I was discussing Hever Castle with Rose. Oh, don't talk to me about Hever Castle. Lou's got a season pass. Well, that's what Rose said.

She said, the Beckett's are always going, you'll have seen it on Lou's Instagram. And I was like, I probably haven't, you know? And then I thought, I'm not following her. So I clicked on her. Yeah. And it said, requested. She's requested you off, yeah?

Has she accepted? No, she has not accepted my request, Rob. And this must have been fucking months ago. She let Rose in, but not you. She let Rose in, but not me. Maybe she's having an affair with someone at Hever Castle. You would tell me. Exactly.

Rose is like, lots of great pics at Hever Castle. I can't see them, Rob. I'm not allowed, mate. Well, it's absolutely lovely, and the kids really enjoy it. So, yeah, anyway, I'll tell Lou to accept you. No, don't. Let's see whether she listens to the podcast, Rob. Oh, that's a good one, isn't it?

Yeah. I like the way two men are using this podcast to take the piss out of their Christmas presents and make sure to see if they're listening to their husbands in order to work out their Instagram policy. But, you know, you've got to find out somehow, haven't you, Josh? I couldn't believe my eyes, Rob, when I saw that.

Requested. I tell you what, I don't think she'll accept you, mate. I think you've just become lost in the mire. Because I sometimes tag her in, but she's private. She doesn't want anyone to see her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, she's fucking private, mate. I can see that.

Anyway, but go Hever. We'll do a little... We're allowed to do a double family date now, aren't we? Yeah. Is it worth the Blackwall Tunnel? That's what I'm going to say. I don't know. It is a trek.

There may be better places east in Essex and north of East London, but I'd say it might be a bit of a trek, but it's worth it for a day. They'll sleep in the car, won't they? Yeah, exactly. Exactly. But not when you have the new one and your whole life's dictated by nap times.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm dreading it. The first couple of months of that new one, the naps all over the shop enough and they just nap in their Bugaboo B5. Well, I've got an idea. You just chuck your eldest in the car, come down to Hever,

and then that means Rose can look after the baby, and then you've given Rose a break, and then your daughter's been out. Job done. Exactly. Great stuff. Hever it is. Right, Josh, the subject of your school being small,

we have got a smaller school here from, it looks like Ellie Grace. Smaller school than yours. So how big was your school being small we have got a smaller school here from it looks like ellie grace smaller school than yours so how big was your school there was four in my year rob uh and so there was about 40 to 45 overall okay here we go 40 to 45 in your school anyway this is ellie grace 96 i went to a smaller school i grew up on a Scottish island off the west coast the island had less than 30 residents and only five kids there was one classroom and one teacher and each child was in a different year group there were no school dinners and PE was often a walk to the village hall or pier there was no secondary school on the island.

When you went to secondary school, you had to live with strangers on the mainland five days a week. That is insane. That is, that can't, that is, I'd love to, she didn't give us the name of it though. I'd like the name of that place. What a gig for the teacher that is. Well, I'm going to shock you here.

I don't think that's a teacher. I think it's just an adult that was willing. This can't be a proper teacher. Yeah, because there's 30 people on the island. One think that's a teacher i think it's just an adult that was willing this can't be a proper teacher yeah because there's 30 there's 30 people on the island one of them's a teacher but the problem with that is you're literally doing everything at the school i'd love to go there and set up a private school and just try and steal some business see if you can nick them if you're the teacher you're not getting any break because you've got to be in charge of lunch break you've got to be in charge of lunch break. You've got to be in charge of...

Yeah. You're in charge of every moment of that day, five on one. I would love to know how behind the kids were when they arrived on the mainland in year seven. Oh, my God, yeah. They can't be kept up, can they? That is mad. Right, a couple of other ones quickly for you.

This one here. I'm talking about the oldest food items in the cupboard i cleaned my mum's kitchen cupboards last year at the beginning of lockdown out of boredom i found some ground allspice from 1989 which means it's been through three house moves a divorce and a remarriage oh wow okay there if that allspice could talk okay and this is we'll do this one last one this is a nice one to make you feel better about your own kids rob and josh listening to the podcast the other day about ways of being woken up this takes me back to when our eldest son was about two i woke up to a cute little voice saying brushy brushy brushy then in my half-awake state began to realize i could

smell bleach and something touching my face and hair. Oh, my God. Yep, you've guessed it. He was brushing my hair with the loo brush. Oh, my God. Traumatic wake-up with bleach patches in hair and the thought of shit particles in my face. Yeah, that's worse.

Good morning. That's worse than the bleach. I'd take the bleach over the shit. It depends on the kind of bleach, doesn't it? And it depends on what pattern the bleach shit particles are always worse but if they manage to bleach it but in the shape of like a swastika yeah that would be the word but what in the hair in the hair you might get a cool kind of uh bleach side sweep not that there is such a thing you might look like you know paulie walnuts from sopranos or something

couldn't you yeah exactly i think i still think shit particles on the face is the worst part there. Do you know what would make us feel better about that? A bit of Faye Ripley. Oh, Faye Ripley. I love Faye Ripley. She is one of the best actors in the UK. But also, she's got banter and most actors don't. Exactly, mate.

Do you know what? You'll know this from doing panel shows, Rob. There are people who you can book. You can't always just book comedians no but you're booking someone and they're as good as a comedian they're as funny as a comedian but they take up one of the other spots i'd argue sometimes funnier and apparent comedians because we've all been on panel shows with people that shouldn't be there aren't we we, Josh? Yeah, but it's, you know, we found podcasts now, Rob, and we're good at them, so that's fine. There's no stress of a laugh. We can just chat and it's fine.

There's no edit to worry about. But no, Faye Ripley is hilarious. She's lovely and very, very funny. So hilarious and very funny is the same thing. But anyway, we're fans of Faye Ripley, and it's a great chat, isn't it? She's got teenage children. I'd say say you know this was an absolutely joyful way to spend my saturday morning loved it yeah it's great i'm

aware i say it's one of my favorite episodes so often but yeah you do but then you know but you know the bar's just getting higher josh that's exactly the quality just keeps on climbing and this is we're getting better the guests will The guests know what the vibe is now. Everyone's got USB mics. Do you know what the other thing is? Everyone's got a mic. At the start, trying to set this up, and people were trying to talk at me through their gaming headsets. We're not having to talk about lockdown. So the interviews are more interesting.

Yeah, things are a little bit brighter, so we don't have to talk about the horrendous doom of the pandemic. It's still going on, but it's managed by vaccines and testing, Josh. Exactly. We're not those scared little boys in March anymore. No. Just wondering, thinking, it'll probably be sorted by August. No, it won't. You'll probably be listening to this now and go,

little did they know it was another four years. By the time it got sorted, Boris was bald. He didn't even need to worry about the barbers opening. But the good news is we always had that Saturday morning when we could be positive with Faye Ripley before the world went to shit again. Positive with Faye Ripley. That sounds like a book.

Enjoy the episode, guys. Faye Ripley, hello. Hello. Thank you for doing this, Faye. This is very exciting. You didn't sound confident. It's the morning and you guys, because you've got younger kids, have probably been up for hours, but my kids are teenagers. So this is like the equivalent of three in the morning.

Do you know what I mean? 10 a.m. we started on a Saturday morning. Thank you for obliging. Not at all. But I'm the only one up. Really? Are you? That's what's going to happen to you guys.

Oh, my God. When? When? We said that exactly at the same time. It's, well, quick, really fast because it's all like sand through your fingers, all this. You know, it happens very, very quickly. At your stage, it feels slow. My stage, it's gone like lightning.

Do you miss our stage, Faye? Oh, I, well, I think I'm on the verge of hanging around school pickup points without having to pick anyone up. Like, I think I'm about to be the person. A paedophile? You're going to be a paedophile, Faye? I'm going to be a paedophile without any sexual intent. So looking for children to look after. Oh.

So what's your setup? How old are your kids? So my daughter's 18 and my son is 14. So I'm at a sort of, I'm still babying my son very much so. So I'm still making a packed lunch and folding his pants and doing that stuff whilst he basically masturbates mainly. We're at that stage. We're not talking about it. No.

Be aware it's happening. I mean, I don't even know. It's the elephant in the room. All I know, because I'm still sort of mothering him, I'm sort of doing that thing where I take tissues up and leave them. No. In case. Yes, you're going to do it. We can't not talk about this.

Well, you are not talking about it. Hang on. So you've not spoke to him about it, but you put tissues in his room? Yeah. I mean, you know, he has a bit of hay fever. So it's like, it's also. Rob, you've been complaining about your hay fever. Yeah, I mean, you know, he has a bit of hay fever. So it's like, it's also... Rob, you've been complaining about your hay fever. Yeah, exactly.

I find when I go out into a park and I wank, my hay fever is a nightmare. There's a lot of moisture around, isn't there? Yeah. Wow. So have you not had any conversations about sexual education stuff with him? Do you do the chat?

Is that a thing, Faye? I've done a bit of the chat around but i've sort of you know i do it around the sort of respect of women but i don't talk about like respect of his little penis because i think that's too much for mom i think the word little penis is disrespectful fay if he listens back to you yeah you can't say that no just his penis i mean you know we're at a funny old stage where I've I'm still calling them my babies but I mean it's a it's like I'm my 18 year old daughter is about to start driving lessons you know when she's allowed to um and that's a real thing for me because I you know

it feels like yesterday that I had a car seat in the back like you guys and suddenly she's going to drive me and then I guess the next stage is i'm in the back yeah i'm not looking forward to that and then and then they're gonna open the window because my breath smells that's the that's the next stage and you know it and i know it and I know it does it feel weird to think do you do you think back to them as children a lot well it's too painful I can't look at pictures I can't I'm really it it's it's so it's so hard for me I literally on when the computer pops up you know 10 years ago or whatever then I just the sort of low deep sob and I know and I'm on the bus looking at my phone um but you know it's so it's it's it's sort of because it's also a part of you know you just go I was part of a big gang which you're in you know the push chair gang

and I still am technically I mean I'm still parenting. Yeah. But I'm on the cusp. Your daughter, who's 18, is she considering if she's going to leave home? She's, oh, I mean, very much so based on the hatred of her mum. Oh. No. It's not she doesn't hate me, but you have to go through that stage, don't you? We know that. We know that.

So do you still clash slightly or she's grown out of that? Well, the thing you do, you clash about the small stuff, but I've always got the upper hand at the moment because she's wearing all my clothes. So I'm like, don't shout at me, mate. You're in my old clothes. Like you still rely on me for your wardrobe and everything else. Is that because you're really trendy or is it because it's old stuff that has come back again faye what is it she does refer to it as vintage that's true that is you've pretty much pretty much hit the nail on

the head there yeah me i mean not a chance of me fitting into them okay um but she's in that thing where she can you know need a cuddle but also tell me she hates me at the same time all in the same breath yeah so much to look forward to you guys so when when did was you tempted to have like a third like or or did you only ever want to like as they were getting older did because some people do that and they have like a 10 year old and eight year old and i think oh I want a baby again or was you are you happy to tap out too if I could have a baby now I'm looking for someone to breastfeed I mean literally it's like it's like a mission um the husband's not that keen um but no I do I see. I have said to somebody, I, there's probably not a lot in there, but could I breastfeed your baby? And they do look scared. Um, but I, yeah, I, if I could, my friends, I would. But I also, I also do, I do look at your lives and feel a bit sorry for you so it's yeah you know it's hard work it is it's such hard work and it was and and there is an element of when you get to this stage it does feel a bit like a

holiday you are parenting in such a different way I feel like a sort of a head of a gang you have to also adopt a new language as well you know can I ask if you're trying to because me and Rob have had a debate over the last couple of weeks about how out of touch I am with, um, with young folk culture. Yeah. Yeah. Do you try and get into the same,

are you trying to listen to their music? You trying to be across their TV shows? Are you on Tik TOK or are you going, I'm not part of that? I'm not trying, but I am, you, you inevitably get drawn into it,

to be honest, a bit of the gang culture that, you know, you sort of can't help it really. I mean, like my 14-year-old son, before the pandemic and all that, bought and sold like designer trainers and clothes from Supreme and different places. And so from about 11, I found myself queuing at four in the morning for really expensive trainers along with...

Is he a hype beast? Yeah, basically. That's what they're called, isn't it? Hype beast. I don't know my depth. And I'd be in the queue then because he's too young to do it and it's sort of illegal maybe for him to be there at all. And are people going, is faye ripley getting up at 4 a.m to buy expensive trains she wants a louis vuitton hoodie with supreme written across

for eight grand more than anything i'd love to think that these 18 year old hype beasts knew who the hell i was i was getting them all breakfast and making sure they were hydrated. That's what I was doing. And there was not one fan of cold feet in that queue? No, not of that age. I'll tell you where the fans of cold feet are. I'm a vaccine volunteer, thank you very much, and I help. They're all there. They're all in their 80s.

They're loving it. Those queues, they know exactly who I am, even in a mask but have you found out that have you found as the vaccines have been handed out to younger and younger people you're getting less and less recognized that is exactly what's happening just swaggering around the vaccine center giving it a large and then oh no it's the 40s oh sorry i can't talk i'm on the phone to john thompson exactly the second jab you're gonna get a second go at the yeah at the start wonderful 40s. Oh, sorry. I can't talk. I'm on the phone to John Thompson. Exactly. The second jab, you're going to get a second go at the Star thing.

Wonderful. Great news for the second jab for me. And do they all say to you, the older fans you have, oh, I didn't know you weren't from Manchester? Yes. It's a worry for me if they don't. I still can't deal with it, Faye. Really?

Every time I'm like, oh yeah, of course. That's your range. I'm going to be honest with you. I've never really bought my accent in. No, I think you're being unfair. I've always questioned it. I think it's, you've got to remember, we've been brought up on Daphne from Frasier. Any good Manchester accent and we're buying it, mate.

Yeah, no, fair enough. If that's your benchmark, I agree. I totally agree. So you're buying trainers at 4am for your son? I am. And sort of, you know, the point is I sort of, you do get sucked into their sort of world by definition. I'm always sort of slightly lagging behind.

So I was still on Radio 1 and those DJs for quite a few years and they'd moved well on from that. And so then I have to go, ooh, okay, what am I meant to be listening to now? What are they on now? What have they moved on to? They don't listen to anything conventional or find it in any conventional way.

Like down the record shop. No long players, no? No, no. They haven't been to Al Price once, have they? No, which is odd. But they give me stuff on my playlist to listen to that they'll find for me and put on there. So what are you listening? What are the points where your tastes meet?

They probably meet, well, maybe around Kanye. Yeah, probably. I think that's where... around Kanye that's a yeah probably I think that's where that's a good middle ground middle-aged people meet young people probably um it's hard it's quite hard to keep up what I've noticed is there's a the shift from where you are where they your kids they can be stroppy or whatever but they look up to you and they need your guidance to when you see your kids look at you with pity and that's I think that's where I'm at what does that happen that happened recently my 18 year old looked at me literally like two days ago and went oh you you really need to get a life and she wasn't saying it to be mean she was it was genuine she was, what you've got is not enough. Oh, no.

That, my friends, is a head. Wow. What had you done? Well, that's the point. She was planning her week ahead and she saw my diary, which was basically you guys at 10 in the morning, which I was quite excited about. And she was like, so that's it?

And I was, yeah, maybe. That's maybe it. So what are you doing with your weekend? Do you spend your week? Because obviously this is 10 a.m. on Saturday. My weekend is dictated by my daughter. How much is your weekend going to overlap with your children's weekend? I'm still sort of, it still does overlap, but it's mainly, you know,

that sort of cliche of being the driver. So because they don't drive, I'm still needed. Thank God. Okay. So I'm not going to buy them a car. Okay, that's clear. Because otherwise then what's the point of me? Yes, and they'll leave you, won't they?

Yeah. You don't want to give them the vehicle. A prison warden wouldn't dig a tunnel for the prisoner. Exactly. Exactly. That is perfect. That's how they feel and that's how I feel. Are you going to get them insured on your car?

Oh, that's going to be so expensive. I don't know. I don't want to. You're earning mate. I know it's not about the finance. No, but it's about the principle,

isn't it though? Because they need to, if they, if they got jobs, they've got like Saturday job. Well, nothing's open to have a job, is there really?

My son's the new Alan Sugar, mate. He's got, yeah, yeah. My son's the new Alan Sugar, mate. Yeah, yeah. My son's literally going to buy me everything when he's older. That's the deal. Is he quite a bit of an entrepreneur then? He's amazing. Total entrepreneur.

You put a fiver in his hand, it turns into a tenner. My daughter, not so much. Just flushing it down the toilet. i have to tell you about my daughter's finance it so when she was at school she was she would get the bus to school and she would walk to the bus stop and i'd wave a goodbye and she'd text me when she got to school and there was a time when she was about 14 and she was texting me and the texts were really quick after she'd left home. She'd been getting Ubers from the bus stop. Oh, my word.

Racked up. Two grand? Two grand. Two grand! Two grand! Whoa! So they've got your Uber account in case I get stuck somewhere for an emergency, but she got Uber. She didn't.

She didn't. She just finessed it. She just went into my phone and worked it out. Oh, so you didn't even put her on it? No. That is naughty. I think you should speak to the police. She had to pay it back.

She had to pay it back. How has she paid it back? Well, she's had four years. Can I say, she was meant to be going on holiday that summer. She didn't go. Oh. Yeah. Talk to me about this, Faith.

I want to know the full court case it wasn't good it wasn't no oh my word i'm not strong enough to do that so what holiday was it she was supposed to go on with her mates oh yeah pulled it pulled the plug yeah gotta do something how old was she then i I don't know, 14, 15 maybe? 14. Oh, my God. The thought of telling a 14-year-old daughter that she couldn't go on holiday. She can't go over the mates.

Oh, my God. But you've got to do it. You've got to do it. It was tough. I mean, we're still shaking four years later. It's still there. It's still very much a scar on the family um but it's hopefully like now um obviously now we feel a bit more bit safer about the uber account now so yeah oh oh my god my daughter i think she's still punishing me for having had my son having had a second child have you got that with your oldest

well my daughter my my second child is being born in a month we'll find out yeah so we're about to find out how that works out oh that's so interesting i mean let's see how that works out my daughter i was hoping you were going to say that's so magnificent i mean i'm so great but you said interesting which made me worry well it, it's she, my daughter. You're going to have such an interesting time. Don't do what we did, right? My husband, when I gave birth and he went back to get her to then bring her to the hospital or whatever to meet her brother. And she said, what does he look like?

And as a joke, my husband showed her a picture of herself. Okay, how to mess with it. Oh, my God. And she just went ashen and went, you've given birth to another me. And it was not good. So she was four then? She was four. Yeah.

And she, from that day on to now, has never drawn a picture that included her brother oh my god faith this audio recording over to the police this feels like the start of a netflix doc yeah but she includes the dog includes the dog she includes the dog do they not get on still or do they just not no she gets on but it's like sorry I didn't ask for that I didn't ask for the second one I wanted to be an only child and I've got lumber with him he's perfectly

alright but it's you know just gets in my way did you have siblings Fi? I have a really weird set up where I was an only child of the marriage of my of the partnership of my mum and dad uh so sort of felt like an only child but they split up when i was two so i never knew any different and and

there was siblings so then i had uh like half brother and a half sister but also stepbrothers and sisters that i was all brought up with as though we were all so it was a real melange blended's the new word, isn't it? Very blended. Blended quite early on in history for blending. But yeah, it was good. You know, it was a big load. Well, basically I had a weird mix where my mum lived in a tiny little cottage with my little sister.

We had an outside toilet. And then my dad lived on a massive estate and I had my own shotgun. Do you know what I mean? It was weird. It was weird my childhood I think I think though we're going back to your daughter's uber bill I think there's always one that you know in in a family one of the kids always does something like that whether it's a phone bill or something like that where yeah it's the first time they push their luck and see what they can get away with then it all kicks off my brother did have a phone bill once and he had to pay it back and it's the first time they push their luck and see what they can get away with. And it all kicks off. My brother did have a phone bill once and he had to pay it back.

And it's just sort of boundaries, isn't it? Yeah. I think what's interesting is how long it took you to notice. Yes. I don't know. Because I'd take some Ubers and I was like, I didn't, you know. And if it's over a long period, it does rack up. And like, especially with our jobs.

Oh, and what was that moment when it felt, when the scales fell from your eyes like? That must have just been. Well, it was on my husband's birthday and we were in a restaurant and we had to leave. We had to leave, yeah, because he started going through it. And my son and I, the thing, the overriding thing, my son's a real foodie and so am I.

And we could see this disaster happening on the other side of the table and we were like, and my husband going, oh my God, oh my God. As he was flicking through the thing. Was your daughter there as well? Yeah, yeah. And that was kicking off. Oh my word.

But my son and I had ordered some calamari and were really keen to not walk out before we got it. This is the most bougie conversation that's ever happened. Having calamari, watching a teenage girl. This is the most bougie conversation that's ever happened. You're having calamari watching a teenage girl. This is a treat. This whole outing is a treat.

And we've been looking forward to that calamari for a long time. So it was like a big family night out. Oh, no. Yeah. So then what did she say when you first discovered all the receipts? The thing is, you know, as a mum, I just felt sorry for her because she'd been caught. Like, it's an awful thing. I've been caught. Like, it's an awful thing.

I've been caught. Like, it's awful. And you sort of go, part of me just wanted to give her a big hug, but was having to go, no, this is really serious. But also when she'd go, oh, it's okay. Don't worry. Don't worry. Drain my account. It's a life lesson moment, isn't it, in your teenage years?

It is. It is. So what advice, you know, because I've got two daughters, Josh has got a daughter and like, I'm petrified of the teenage years of, of a young woman. And you've just gone through that basically. She's 18 and sort of still sort of on the press, on the edge of that. Is there any bit of advice? Cause it's not too long ago that you could give us um the bit of advice about it coming up i mean oh mate i when does it start to

change i think at about 11 i'll leave off for the girls oh my god i think my daughter's closer to that than she was being born. Yeah. I mean, it's really soon. Winter is coming. Winter is coming. Just see it as a beautiful learning curve of getting to know what it's like to get into a woman's head because that's where they're heading. I know.

It's hard. Yeah. So, like, in 10 years' time, I'll have a 15-year-old and a 13-year-old, and that is going to be peak. So 2031, I should just book the whole year off. Or book a tour in. Book a tour. There you go. Escape. It's, it's, it's great. Listen, it's, they are brilliant. I mean, my daughter is amazing. So I can, I can say this from that point of of view but the um but it's definitely a ride it is the sort of you know the the kevin and perry stuff from all those years ago um yeah of the

teenage it's it's pretty spot on to be honest yeah like it's not far off the shouting when you say morning and they go why are you shouting at me and you go go, what? Just say good morning. And here's a cup of tea. It's all quite volatile and quite sort of like, you don't know where the edges are, but. Does it irritate them more if you're calm with them? That is a tool. Yeah.

That's a tool. The terminology is stressing me out. A tool. Like we're talking about like a sort of some diplomacy. That's a tool we can use. But it's, but then they just say, don't patronise me. So it's not like the tools that you used to use on your kids when they were little, they don't come back at you with much. Do you know what I mean?

But they're constantly becoming better at it than you. So it's a game of, oh, I've got to get something much cleverer on the go now. Yeah. But then it's hard if they're like pitying you and then you're looking at them going it's 4am and we're queuing for trainers mate I know you know it's a collab but come on exactly um what's it like getting your time back like when you suddenly look at your weekend or your your evening and you're not doing bedtime or well like that's the thing is that i'm i'm not letting i actually asked my son what's kind of like before i did this i said what's the best thing about me as a mom and the worst thing about me as mom and the best thing was that i still i'm basically i

still tuck him in do you know what i mean i still do all that and it's the sort of that sort of nurturing thing but he's the worst oh no that sort of nurturing thing. But he said the worst. Oh, no, that's what he said. He said the best thing was he knew that if he murdered someone, I'd take the rap. Actually, that is what he said. But do you know why that's not true, Faye? Why?

Because you could have said that you'd used all those Ubers. Yeah, true. You didn't those Ubers. Yeah, true. You didn't take the risk. Yeah, I didn't actually know that's true. That's awful. But don't let him know that. No. Don't let him know that.

I think that's the greatest vote of confidence, though, for your love. That's a wonderful way of saying how much you care. It really is. Poetic. What was the worst thing he said? Oh, it's the, yeah, the overprotective thing. So I don't need to stand in the merch queue anymore, but I'm still there.

Oh, yeah. Because you could drop him off in the queue and then go for a coffee somewhere if you can't, you know, too young to go up to London or whatever at early hours. But you're in the queue. I'm hovering. How are you with their friends? I'm, yeah, I mean, I always like to try and make them like me.

I'm needy. Are you like that? You know, it's that thing of please like me. And then you're looking at a four-year-old in the eyes. Please like me. And then they're 14, but still it's the same sort of relationship. I miss the stage of when kids on playdates call me mum by mistake. Like I remember I had to wipe some kid's arse and he's like, thanks, mum.

And I'm like, oh, you're all right, mate. But those are the same kids are coming on playdates now, basically. You're not still wiping their ar ass, are you, Faye? No, I'm not. No, good. A bit much, isn't it, when they're 14? Yeah. Wipe their own ass.

Some of them do, some of them don't, I would say, at this stage. Have there been any boyfriends or girlfriends coming over or that's not happened yet? Well, the pandemic sort of slightly sort of muted all of that. I mean, that's the other thing is that the lockdown stuff obviously been incredibly hard for young people um i totally stand by that like for the likes of me who were in some sort of semi-retirement it's sort of just okay but the the young people awful but i haven't had to do the so much driving around and also so much worrying about who are you getting

with right now where are you getting with them and you know everything else it's like what drugs and alcohol is happening no they're all at home under my roof being safe so but for them it sort of put a stop to all that sort of mixing yeah it's Because that's the age where you are out and about all the time going to house parties and bars and stuff, especially for your 18-year-old. And is she at uni? She's not. She's still in the A-level stage.

But, I mean, I haven't been able to have any affairs, so they haven't either. You know, it's put a stop to it for all of us. And how's your husband? Is he similar to you? He's okay to not have affairs. He's okay. He's found a way. He's a you? He's okay to not have affairs. He's okay. He's found a way.

He's a trier. He goes on the dog walk. But is he similar to you of like misses them being young and still sort of is like, it's not babying them, but like you want them to be your little darlings or is he quite happy that they're growing up and becoming more independent? He's half Italian. So he's quite trad, that sort of Italian dad thing. I have to sort of pull him back off the edge of, you know,

Godfather music playing in the background when he gives the speech to them about how to behave. We're both pretty soppy with them. I think that will be the thing that they will find and are finding probably the most annoying and claustrophobic i'm gonna say i think they use the claustrophobic word quite a lot with us but i think that's they'll they'll appreciate that in hindsight will they hope so hope so josh have you done it have you done anything though where like they'll always think that because kids always think your parents are being too overcautious.

But have you ever done anything you just thought, I've gone too far here? You know, trying to find where they are and all that kind of stuff. I have visions of myself part-time outside pubs waiting for them all night. I mean, 100%. When I dropped my daughter at a party, I dropped her and thought, I'm just going to do a drive-by and thought I'm just gonna do a drive-by um but at the time not a drive-by killing no no no a drive-by like just to double check she got

in okay and that they weren't all hanging about outside what I hadn't factored in was that at the time I was in a a white Range Rover in a like neon like jacket was very highly visible is what I'm saying but also that the house I didn't have you as a white Range Rover person I don't know my husband I really like really flashy cars and my husband likes really boring cars so really it's it's a thing but the um anyway I was in for a brief time. I had a flashy car. But the party, what I didn't realize was in a one-way system. So I got looped into it. I kept going round and round and round.

And she was outside going, my mum is literally driving past every five minutes. And everyone was like, there's your mum off the telly. And she's, oh wow, she is really driving by a lot. So, um, in a white range.

Yeah. Oh my God, just signed for Man City. Do they recognise you off the telly though as well? You know, like you were saying, Cold Feet fans are not normally 17 year olds doing A-levels, but do they know you as the lady off the telly? And how you know like you were saying cold feet fans are not normally 17 year olds doing a levels but do they know you're the lady off the telly and how's that for your daughter does she like that or is it embarrassing i mean look my level of recognition with people is not you know it i'm not madonna so it's okay the level's okay you know let's not

but i've got the same car yeah i mean i'm? I've got the same car, yeah. I mean, I'm trying. Clearly, I'm trying to get recognised more than I deserve to get. It's very much trying to signal, hey, everyone. Hey, guys. But the kids were brought up, as yours probably are, that they are the ones who have to take the picture on people's phones. So they're used to it because they get shoved a thing. Nobody cared. They just go, here, take a picture of me and your mum. And that's so they're used to because they go they get shoved a thing nobody cared they just go here take a picture of me and your mum um and that has all that's what they used

to i find that i find that annoying they're too young to be done that now but i think i find that annoying i find it annoying when they're like that to lou my wife and they're just like you do that i'm like well but people are i'm just i'm pleased that they recognize me oh yeah you've got your knee and jacket on white. I'm really genuinely grateful. Are either of them interested in acting? My daughter is literally, I mean, there's been this recent, very weird switch where we haven't let, my daughter who has said she's wanted to be an actress for a while

and we've said, no, you cannot do anything. Like just stay with school stuff. Anyway, we like two months ago said, oh, fine. Okay, go for it. And she's managed to bag herself as massive agent. She's off. She's off and flying. Anyway, I find myself, I'm having to like,

I'm the voice behind the camera now putting her on tape as an audition now. I'm like. You're just the other side of the audition tape. I'm like, I was an army colonel yesterday. You're doing the scenes with her? Yeah. She's getting loads of auditions and I'm now reading in with her to help her. I'm like, hang on, hang on a minute. What?

Hey? I'm the actress, not you. Are you hoping that they're going to get back in touch and go, we're not going to have you? But that woman that played the colonel was phenomenal. Extraordinary. What a wonderful take on the. Was she from Manchester?

Yeah. But soon I'll be holding the camera. You know, that is what will happen, no doubt, with my daughter. And do you love that, that she's following in your footsteps? No. Of course not. No. It's awful.

It's a terrible job. I mean, actresses and actors who go on about their wonderful love. Your husband's an actor. That's right. Yes, yes. We're totally over it. I mean, no. obviously obviously it has its upsides but white range rover um but but uh no i mean it's hard it's a really hard thing you just

get rejected every day of your life basically and then every now and then you don't get rejected but it's sort of it's a tough one to wish on your kid because it is great. On many, many levels it's great. But it's quite tough. It is quite tough on the ego. Is she going to go away to stage school is the wrong word, isn't it? Drama school or something like that. Drama school.

I don't know. I think she might just get in there. I think she might just go because, you know, one of the things that you're selling at her stage is her youth. So I think she might just go because, you know, one of the things that you're selling at her stage is her youth. So I think she might just go for that. But she may go to drums or she may do that. I'm not sure yet. And with their partying and stuff when they're teenagers,

did they, I don't know how much of a tearaway you were, but like I hear on the grapevine that teenagers are different now and they're not into drinking and they're not into, you know, they're far more into health and stuff like that has a jesuit priest told you that no but that's what they say about students and stuff i think that's what you're hoping for no i i think they've moved away from drink and it's just drugs now they do young people oh that's good yeah yeah yeah exactly and how do you manage the drinking and stuff? What are your rules? I mean, I have to, well, the rules, I don't even know. Look at me trying to work out what my rules are.

There are no rules. We don't, like I'm not one of the parents who say have a drink to my kids. I know quite a few people who've done that where they want to drink with their children. I don't get that. No, no. I used to be quite shocked that my daughter would go to somebody's house

and say, oh yeah, and they offered me a drink and I'm like, they did what? You're 16. So I'm like, hello, hello Marjorie. Do you think that's wise?

She's only 16. So I don't do that. i don't like doing the partying with them i don't i don't understand that but um i you know what it's that control thing we just do a lot of picking up as you say waiting outside at two in the morning because that way you can kind of keep an eye on it luckily my daughter doesn't really like the taste of alcohol i didn't i didn't drink until i was i don't know mid-20s i mean then i did everything but um but i did do it all late yeah yeah cool yeah well i think really alcohol's for older people to cope it's not really you know it's life's too good at 18 you don't need you know i you know i have a couple

of glasses of wine and even just i don't feel anymore that's that's what most parents do you know i'm not doing it for a buzz i'm doing it you know for a numbing it's numbing yeah yeah just self numbing yeah lovely when will you let your kids have their first drink i don't know i i would i agree with you i wouldn't be like forcing it on them or the thought of getting drunk with my children is an odd one yeah like yeah well i think i think really i'm drinking less and less as i'm getting older and then by the time they get to 50 another 10 years time when they're 15 and 13 and that's when you may let them have a sip of wine or whatever i think i think i let them have a little sip of drink because it's not very nice is it when you don't know what you know the best thing to stop kids drinking is to let them

try beer at 13 and they realize it's absolutely horrible you're gonna do the same with crack cocaine yes they are that's too good though that's nice that's the problem that is lovely you know yeah where drink isn't is it unless you have loads um yeah i don't know i think maybe i think you don't want to be like yeah come and have a drink with me but then you don't want them to like and have never touched it and you'd be angry if they did because it's sort of like a middle ground isn't it where they you know it's all a middle ground when you've picked your daughter up at 2am and she is she drunk and you're how do you feel in that situation the dynamic we've had is that she's normally with a mate

who is drunk so she's normally the one looking after if you know what i mean that's a thing anyway looking after other people's drunk kids is that that's a whole other thing of responsibility and anger i mean i've always been quite angry on a play date i'm going to be honest as a mom have you yeah always quite angry at the other kids just for the lack of manners and i'm terrible i cannot do it someone's kid is a bit naughty and they've got any manners i'm just like i i find it so hard not to just start being like the enforcement officer yeah and go you're saying thanks for that get off the sofa now yeah i do do i agree with you doing like all the or picking at the food you've made for them and you're going oh oh sorry that a salmon on crout isn't doing it for you yeah it's

like that's what i've made here yeah we had a we eat here. Yeah. We had a trope a couple of years ago at a big birthday party and we had a big bouncy castle in the garden and this kid come in and he had my Nintendo DS and went, I want to play on this.

I went, there's a bouncy castle out there. He went, I don't want to go on it. I went, I don't care. Get on it. And he took the Nintendo off him.

Like his little pricks trying to take, get on the bouncy castle, mate. What parent is sending their kid to a kid's party with a DS? No, it was my one he was trying to play... Get on the bouncy castle, mate. What parent is sending their kid to a kid's party with a DS? No, it was my one he was trying to play. Oh. He sniffed it out.

Sniffed out a bit of Mario. He wanted a bit of Italian plumbing. Your gaming chair, it's upsetting me. Oh, right. And why is it upsetting you, Faye? And when have you seen it? Are you in my house? On Instagram? On Instagram. Yeah, right. And why is it upsetting you, Faye? And when have you seen it? Are you in my house?

On Instagram? On Instagram. Yeah. Why do you not like it? Um, because you're a grown man. Look, Faye,

I'm a grown man that games. Plus, I've been doing a lot of podcasting and writing and I've been getting a bad back. I've been told by a chiropractor to get this chair. And also, I'm not allowed to sleep on it. They did not tell you to get the gaming chair. No, he gave me a ball to sit on,

but it was too much for my core to handle, going in bouncy pregnancy balls. But if you sleep on your front, I sleep on my front, and it's really bad for your back. And he told me to get a pregnancy pillow. Do you sleep on your front? Yeah. Baby owls sleep on their front.

And Rob Beckett. And Rob Beckett. And Rob Beckett. It's bad for you, though. I never thought it would come to this, but I never thought I'd be saying Faye Ripley. Which side do you sleep on? Well, thank you for asking. I'm going to say all sides.

All sides? 360? I thought it's all side. Yeah, yeah. I go on side i think sides good i can't do back backs impossible that's impossible if you if you sleep on your back all night you're doing too much in the day you're too tired or you're or you're drinking too much yeah exactly yeah yeah yeah anyway well yeah it's a bit of an ugly chair but it's doing wonders for my posture fay are you sitting on it now i'm sitting I'm sitting on it now, yeah.

I can recline fully if I need to, but I never have needed to. But it's good to know you've got the option. It's the headrest bit that one's very aware of. Has your son got a gaming chair? Does he play online games? He doesn't because I am still in control of him. And I will not in any way allow a gaming chair into my rather lovely home. I understand they are ugly, but forget the chair.

Does he play online gaming though? Yes, he does. Like Warzone or Fortnite and stuff like that? Sure, sure. You'd prefer him to be killing people online than sitting in a gaming chair. That's what you've established. Yeah, that's fine. It's all about the aesthetic.

True, but the problem is the aesthetic of my back, I was turning into like a hunchback. So, you know, you've got to put your body first, Faye. I've always said that. Yeah, and it's clear that you do. Sorry, Rob, it sounded like you were cracking on to Faye then.

I'm not cracking off. Go middle ground. Let's just listen to our bodies and put our bodies first. Let's put our bodies first. Faye, this has been amazing. I think you've got one last question, Faye, that we would like to ask all our guests. Is there something that your partner does, parenting-wise,

that drives you mad that you haven't said to him because it would cause a big argument, but deep down every time he does it, it annoys you? Or is it something from when the kids were younger that used to piss you off? I get the feeling you would have told him already fay well because it's only been 45 minutes and you've told me off about my chair and you've not even actually seen it in the flesh you've seen a snippet of a headrest there's quite a long list and you're right. I definitely am quite open with my thoughts, my negative thoughts. Probably the thing with my husband, and it's something that my son says in the house a lot, he says, oh, the actor's house is because my husband does quite a lot of monologuing.

So the monologues, which my son refers to as the sort of Shakespearean monologues, is like, if, okay, you know, yes, there's some dirty pants on the floor and they need picking up. I'll just go, pick your bloody dirty pants up. But my husband's habit of, you know, it shows enormous disrespect. In a household. And that is when, and bless him him everything he's saying is right but it's one rhyming two like really really long and it is and that is where my son identifies it as dad you're not at the globe now and let me just yeah let me just pick up my pants and stick them in the laundry.

Oh, wow. Faye, that's been amazing. Thank you so much. Oh, bless you guys. Well, enjoy your pushchairs and your car seats and your breastfeeding. I will do. I will. We will do.

Thank you, Faye. It's been brilliant. Thank you. Thank you. Faye Ripley, Josh. Faye. Oh, sorry, thank you Faye Ripley Josh oh sorry Rob Faye Ripley you do you do you do let's keep it in oh okay look we all quit pretty

you know we're not always slick professionals no exactly exactly I love Faye Ripley she's so funny she's brilliant she's so funny she's so honest as well yeah a lot of stuff talk about it the division of her in that white range she's so funny. She's so honest as well. Yeah, a lot of stuff talk about it, the division of her in that white range. She's so funny because you thought,

I'd have her on paper as being a fairly aloof parent, quite chilled out and whatever, but she's obviously still like, what are my kids doing? I really quite, I thought I'd love Faye Ripley to be my mum. Like, she came across as a great mum. She will hate that.

To hear from a man that's nearly 40, that I'd love Faye Ripley as a great mum. She will hate that. Would she? To hear from a man that's nearly 40. That I'd love very riply to be my mum. That is. My sister. I'd love her to be my cool sister. Cool younger sister. Cool younger sister. No, that was really good.

That bill, that YouTube bill. Not YouTube, sorry, Uber bill. Also as well, that was that four or five years ago. When Uber, that five years ago, Ubers were dirt cheap, weren't they? Trying to get in. And then now they're normal price. Yeah, two grand years ago, Ubers were dirt cheap, weren't they? Trying to get in and then now they're normal price. Yeah, two grand's worth of Ubers.

What's that Uber going to, say that Uber's costing, I don't think it's costing a tenner because the school's not that far away. No, but she was doing it there and back. Yeah, 200 days, maybe at 10 quid a day. Oh my word. But to be fair, she dealt with it well banning the summer holiday oh my god i would not have enjoyed that week when your child is at home when they should have gone to on holiday exactly or you do the other option you put your child in an uber to rack up another

two grand bill but they're not allowed out of the uber and just you know that when you find a kid smoking you make a smoke all the cigarettes you're now now going to have to go everywhere in an Uber. You're doing the Gumball rally in an Uber. 25 laps of the M25 in an Uber every Saturday to pay your back. You like Ubers, do you? Well, you're going to have an Uber. Thank you to everyone for listening. It's been an absolute pleasure.

We'll see you on Monday, Tuesday. Tuesday. Tuesday. Bye. See you Tuesday. Bye. See you then. Bye.