Rob Beckett and Josh Widdicombe's Parenting Hell - S02 EP4: "You can't click and collect a Solero..."

Episode Date: February 2, 2021

ROB BECKETT & JOSH WIDDICOMBE'S 'LOCKDOWN PARENTING HELL'S02 EP4: "You can't click and collect a Solero..."More misadventures in parenting from Josh and Rob.Enjoy. Rate and Review. Thanks. xxx And to say thank you and help those in need after what has been a tough year for so many, we've started a Just Giving page for the Trussell Trust which you can find here;https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/lockdownparentingWe've kicked things off with a donation and if anybody is in a position to help this fantastic cause then please do. No pressure. But they do great work for a brilliant cause so if you can spare even a little please do. https://www.trusselltrust.orgIf you want to get in touch with the show here's how:EMAIL: [e-mail]: @lockdownparent INSTAGRAM: @lockdown_parentingA 'Keep It Light Media' Production Sales, advertising, and general enquiries: [e-mail] Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello, I'm Josh Middicombe. And I'm Rob Beckett. Welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell. The show in which Rob and I discuss what it's like to be a parent during lockdown, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, in an effort to make some kind of sense of the current situation... And to make me feel better about my increasingly terrible parenting skills... Each episode we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how well they're coping.

Or hopefully not. And we will be hearing from you, the listener, with your tales of lockdown parenting woe. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Because let's be honest, none of us know what we're doing. Hello and welcome to Lockdown Parenting Hell with... Can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe. And can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett.

Oh, very good. There we go, Rob. My God, that's so efficient. Yeah, banged it out. Seven seconds, that video. Yeah, she's doing it for all of them. She just did a Louis Farouk one. That's Charlotte Richards. That's her child, Micah.

Is it though? Or did she do all the voices like the clumps, like Eddie Murphy? It's Charlotte just knocking these off, pretending to be a child. Because I think that's the thing, isn't it? Once you get the intro to Lockdown Parenting How, it's a real gateway to voiceover work, I find.

Right, say that again. Parent's name? Charlotte. Or surname? Richards. No. Micah Richards. That sounds good.

Micah Richards. Like the footballer. Or that was Micah Richards, but he was off duty and he's not very good at communicating when he's at the Sky Sports Studio. Micah Richards, the X-Men City and he's not very good at communicating when he's out in the Sky Sports studio. Michael Richards, the ex-Mansity in England footballer, now broadcast. Yeah, now kind of one of the most promising pundits. Oh, my God.

Michael Richards walking into a studio. Someone who's played for England. I think he might have won the league with Mansity. I'm not sure. Good looking guy. Rit. Charismatic. Funny.

Got a great laugh, knows about, I think he knows about his football, I'm not really sure. But as another pundit, you must see him walk in and go, oh no. Yeah. Charisma has entered the building. Well, this is my question about Micah Richards, the two-year-old. I thought the first reference with the name Micah is Micah Richards. But obviously they've called this on Micah,

but they're not even aware of Micah Richards. Well, to be fair, Micah Richards has only really come back into the public consciousness in the last, what's it like, 18 months on Sky Sports. But I think he's going to end up being one of the biggest pundits. So you might have a little Alan Hansen on your hands there in that house. Exactly, exactly. Anyway, in the bath the day before,

I thought I'd rather share an uncomfortable thing. All I can think of is actual Micah, six foot two, Ritz Tonk Micah Richards in a bath with Charlotte. Well, picture this then. Picture that throughout the story. In the bath a couple of days ago, my son, Micah, was playing with his willy. Micah's got a tiny willy, he said. No chance.

Sorry, we're talking about the child, aren't we? He's in picture actual Micah Richards. He's just got the look of a guy who's got an absolute weapon. Oh, you're completely in love with Micah Richards. The grown-up, obviously, just to be clear. He swaggers round about caring the world. And I met him. He's a lovely bloke.

He's a very nice bloke. I'm going to say it as well, Rob. Yeah. With the demographic of our listeners on this podcast, I reckon about 12% are aware who the adult Micah Richards is that we're talking about. Well, I tell you what, give them a Google, because I was unaware about the French guy that worked at your nursery.

But they all love him. His followers have shot up. He's like a celebrity dating agency on the radio now. Well, exactly. Exactly. Do you want to hear the end of yes yes i'm sorry mike has got a tiny willy he said yes i agreed daddy's got a tiny willy he said knowing that daddy's the only other person with a willy in the house me uh no daddy's got a big willy i guess meaning in comparison to his sons obviously i thought no further our conversation so the next weird this is a really weird conversation josh to be

honest with you yeah i'm not gonna lie also i am picturing michael richards the uh it's so hard not to picture it's so hard not to picture i'm blocking him out at the moment but at the moment i've all i can see is a woman talking to a two-year-old saying your dad's got a bigger dick than you which i don't think it is good for their development. I thought no further of the conversation until the next day when I picked my son up from nursery. I saw him standing with a group of friends and heard him crowing loudly across the playground,

my daddy's got a big willy. I am now paranoid that the nursery staff think, A, my husband is really insecure. B, my husband has an abnormally large or small willy, C, we've taught our son that this is the main thing to boast about as a boy, and this is what really matters in life. Well, thirdly, yeah, correct, it does. Don't try and pretend yourself or fool yourself, it doesn't. Big dicks matter. Gosh, how have you been? I've been all right. I've written some things down.

I've got a question for you, a parenting question, about potties. Go on. How do you dispose? I know you're living in a post-potty universe. Oh, yeah. It's post-potty, post-nappy world for us. Still mid-COVID. Yeah.

How do you dispose of the turd in a potty? Because my method hasn't been good okay what are you doing just scooping out your hands popping in your pocket yeah are you spreading it on the garden waste not want not in this covid universe um no so what i do is i get the pot you know i lift up the lids on the toilet until it's all up right so it's all up and then i get the pot in and i turn it over and then bang it i bang it on the side of the like in the inside the toilet okay so it's not going anywhere it falls out it falls out but then obviously you've got some leftovers and then what I do with that is I'm going to give that a wipe

with a wet wipe put it in the bin and then um a bit of wet tissue to get it completely done and a bit of a rinse okay so I'm not far off the correct technique I don't know if that's correct that's just what I do I don't know yeah but no one ever discussed it Okay, so I'm not far off the correct technique. Well, I don't know if that's correct. That's just what I do. I don't know what I'm doing. Yeah, but no one ever discussed it with me. So I've just been doing the old turnover and drop into the toilet. But... Yeah, classic.

The problem with that is that yesterday, it really... Because obviously you've got to aim it perfectly into the middle of the toilet as well. Yes, yeah. To avoid skid marks. It went in, there was a splash. Oh, no.

And I got some of the toilet water on my lip oh my god yeah i i am not avoiding skid marks if skid marks for me are part of the procedure and they'll get cleaned off as well right right i think you are for me i've always avoided the water as much as possible i would say it was one of the most harrowing experiences of my life oh my god so what what did you do well i just kind of washed my face but you know when something stays with you yeah that's horrible and especially as a human as much as you love your kids a human shit's a human shit josh around the bush here mate i love them to pieces but yeah because the thing with a human shit i suppose it does affect who it's come from oh yeah of course

it affects it comes from there's a glass ceiling with a human shit it doesn does affect who it's come from oh yeah of course it affects it comes from there's a glass ceiling with a human shit it doesn't matter who it's come from like to a point it can never get great no i mean there's levels of acceptability to disgust yes but you know like and i think your kid is at the top of that glass ceiling yes yeah i have to do the walk upstairs with the potty i i find that a grim walk when you're carrying hey oh you haven't got downstairs toilet no no okay so we've got a downstairs toilet which makes it easier yeah and what i'd say yeah the walk the stair walk walk upstairs like you're carrying the olympic flame it's just like a kind of awful kind of holding it out in front of you

oh wow i've never had to deal with it upstairs well that is you that's totally you know that's thrown me a bit josh if i'm honest i've never computed that oh yeah can't you get your daughter to go up the stairs to go to the toilet no she likes that she likes to do in the kitchen what yeah in the kitchen well not near the kitcheny bits we've got a large enough kitchen that you can shit without it getting on there i think that she needs to be doing the shit in the toilet josh do you think well i think if it's all the way upstairs rob i know what but if there was a toilet downstairs it wouldn't be even in question about the kitchen no no but there isn't a toilet downstairs rob it's a difficult one isn't it because you've got you because basically at the start they're a bit anti it so i know what you mean you've got to try and get them into it early doors but then you've got to make that move upstairs she'll do upstairs

i'll be honest with you rob yeah it's more my doing what do you like shitting in the kitchen do you know what rob call me mad if i was in on my own i wouldn't i wouldn't turn it down this has been a really coarse opening to the show, hasn't it, really? Well, no, it's potty time. It's a parenting podcast. Do you know what I mean? All right, Rob. I want you to give me in order if you could have a toilet installed in any room of your house that isn't the bathroom.

Where would you have it? Where would you have it installed? Do you know what? Just for sheer ease. And you're going to be living on your own, so there's none of the embarrassment factor. Do you know what? If I can't be in a toilet, I'd have it installed do you know what just for sheer ease and you're going to be living on your own so there's none of the embarrassment fact i know what if i can't be in a toilet i'd have it outside outside yeah what so that you can enjoy it in summer i couldn't have a toilet just in the corner of a living room it feels like i'm in prison yeah but if you've got like little

because you get like little seats to put on the toilet and yeah we've got the seats and steps they're fun they like them but yeah i know what you mean though because i've been to your house But if you've got like little, because you can get like little seats to put on the toilet and steps. Yeah, we've got the seats and the steps. They're fun. They're like them. But yeah, I know what you mean though, because I've been to your house as well. And it's a lovely house. It's like a Victorian house. So it is, it's quite a steep, long staircase.

It's a long old way to go every time you need a piss. Yeah. And especially when you're training them, the kitchen is better because that's where, you know, she plays. I think when you're training them, you've got to cut out some of the things that are causing problems. Yeah, I know I'm on your side, but there's a point where it changes.

You don't want to be that 11 year old with a dummy on a flight to Spain. No, exactly. You don't want to be the 11 year old who's having a shit in the cockpit. He's just more comfortable here. He just feels better in this situation. I hope you don't mind. It just feels better in this situation. I hope you don't mind. Apart from the lip incident, how's your week been, Josh? It's been all right.

Oh, we're going through quite a tantrum. I texted you about this, Rob. We're going through quite a tantrum-y phase. Yes. So I'd say like 95% of life is great. Yeah. And the other 5% feels like an episode of Supernanny. Yeah, but that's, a three-year-old is like that. And that's exactly what we had with our three-year-old.

And then... See, I didn't realise this. Yeah, three-nanger, is it? Is that what they call it? Yeah, but they do that for everything, don't they? So they're like terrible twos, three-nanger. You're like, when's this going to be like a good age in terms of the rhymes? I think about 36.

36, because there's I think about 36. 36. Because there's no pun on 36. Because then they've got their own kid ruining their life. Right. Yeah, yeah. It's like a shift of power. It's just, I'm glad I talked to you about it though last week. Because genuinely, you think, oh my God, is this it now?

Well, what sorted it out for us was the pom-pom jar of destiny. Yeah. You've added of destiny in the last seven days. That's a big move. Well, it's because they're responding to it, and then we're getting them little treats, and they're picking stuff. And I'll tell you what we did the other day, which I don't even know if it's allowed, but it must be allowed,

was I sat with my iPad, and I picked a couple of toys off, like, is it Smith's website? And they do click and collect. So I didn't even have to go inside. The Smith's website? The toy at Smith's. The Smith's website? Yeah, toy at Smith's, the toy shop. Yeah, So I didn't even have to go inside. The toy at Smith's. The Smith's website. Yeah, toy at Smith's, the toy shop.

Yeah, I just didn't, I mean, I don't think I've ever been on the WH Smith website. No, no, no, Smith's, there's a toy company. Oh, right, I thought you were on WH. No, oh, this is classic East London. You probably got one terrible little toy shop that's open for about 20 minutes called Cockle and Tickle or something.

Like, silly old bastard runs it and it's just got like hoop and a stick and books and your poor kid goes in there and goes give me something plastic and fisher price immediately and you have to come home with like a rubik's cube and they're upset get down industrial estate mate right my day i drove to crayford we did a click and collect you queue up outside it's really really quick. Where's Crayford, Rob? Southeast London, Kent, Bexley Borders. And then I drove to Belvedere to queue up for half an hour for a Starbucks. You what?

In a drive-thru. Have you ever been to Belvedere? Now that is, you think Crayford's lively. Erith and Belvedere is a different planet. I don't know whether you've started making places in Southeast London up to test me in the last few months. It's like the forgotten areas of Southeast London, like Thamesmead, Woolwich, Ereth, Belvedere, all around there. It's like not London, but not Kent. It's a strange place, really.

But yeah, I did that. And that was quite good, the little click and collect. But that's because they filled up their pom-pom jar. And then I just thought, I don't know. I didn't know if that was allowed, though, because I don't know what the message is. You're only allowed to leave your house for essentials. But they filled up their pom-pom jar yeah and then i just thought i don't know i didn't know if that was allowed though because you're i don't know what the message is you're allowed to leave your house for essentials but they filled up their pom-pom jar so as far as i'm concerned if they don't get a toy now that's more important than food for us in this house i think what i struggle with with the

tantrum thing is things that you know are going to head into a tantrum but you have to do them there's certain toys do you know have you got any friends that are like aggressive drunks have you just heard the places are listed of course have you got any friends that aren't aggressive drunk because i find so if we get the duplo out it's basically like giving alcohol to an aggressive drunk like you've got that feeling it's very nice at start, but you know it's only going one way. This is going to end in a huge, huge eruption of anger. Why Duplo in particular? Because she enjoys the Duplo,

but she'll try and build something that is overly ambitious and just won't balance. Massive tower and it'll keep falling. Yeah. And then she'll get really angry at the situation. And there's nothing you can do because you can't go, you're not allowed to play. I'm banning you from duplo because it's bad for you psychologically.

Okay, right. So it's like she's banning someone from shots on a stag do. He's not allowed shots. He's not allowed duplo. I know what happened. She'll have a great time building the tower. It'll fall over and it'll all kick off. Yeah, exactly. It's exactly allowed shots. She's not allowed jukebox. I know what happened. She'll have a great time building the tower. It'll fall over and it'll all kick off. Yeah, exactly.

It's exactly like that. So the first five minutes you're thinking, well, this is fine at the moment, but we all know what this is going to end up as. It's going to end up that she tries to build a large stairway and the stairway overbalances because she hasn't put enough joists underneath. I think it is it is harder when you've got one because it's so much pressure on the kid and you like for example like i think sometimes because like if they've got a sibling and the other one's kicking off they can sit back

and be like i'm not in trouble you know i mean that kind of thing and i've whereas it's quite full-on but she's still going nursery or she in another yeah yeah she's three days a week at nursery oh that's good but yeah it at nursery. Oh, that's good. But I think that's just, they want to do stuff. They can see older kids doing things, but they can't quite do it yet. And it sends them a bit stressed. It's the skyscraping ambition, isn't it?

That absolutely does them. Well, what the problem is with your child is, Josh, she's so ambitious. She wants to be an architect, mate, but she can't even build a fucking stairway. and she's still sitting in the kitchen she'll design houses with no toilets big kitchen there um should we discuss um we should we should reference our instagram shouldn't we and we briefly did it but the success of the french model that works at my daughter's nursery

he's getting new followers people are raving about him some absolute perverts that listen to this show though like like desperately where's the picture it was mad so we put up a picture of the balloons a picture of the balloons some of picture of the balloons. Some of the comments on that. This is not the photo we were waiting for. Where is the French skateboarding model? This is not the photo we were waiting for. Where's the French skateboarding model? We don't want the product. We want the producer.

They got him, though, and he's gone down an absolute storm. He's gone down an absolute storm. Soren? Soren? Soren. Soren Pelu. I noticed that one of the first things he's put on his Instagram since he went viral was himself doing some home gym topless.

So he knows what the people want. He knows what they're after, and he's giving it to them. Good on him. He's a good guy. He's looking after your kid in the week. You've got to keep him sweet, ain't you, mate? Exactly. How's your week been,

Rob? Yeah, it's been a lot better, actually. It's, the, the, the pom-pom jar has calmed stuff down.

Um, it was a week ago now, Lou's had her injection. And I know it says you, it doesn't have an impact for two to three weeks. So I think, you know, it still makes a difference.

So that sort of calmed us all down. I feel like now we're getting into the swing of it a bit of lockdown, where before it was so stressful. And that's the one thing I didn't really appreciate was before we were shielding it was like oh there's this terrible thing going around but ultimately we weren't we were because we're younger yeah we weren't at risk as such and not that you know we still set all the rules but you told me you didn't give a fuck that's what you those are the words you used yeah yeah yeah no but it's hard you described it as other people's problems.

Other people's business, mate. Yeah, that's what I've called it for a year and a half. But yeah, when I was told to shield and it was quite vulnerable, it was like, it was all of a sudden, the news really matters because it's quite depressing hearing bad news anyway. But then if you're one of the extremely vulnerable people

and you hear it on the news, it really does subconsciously amp you up. Yeah. Yeah, we're feeling a lot better now. The vaccine stuff's going all well. So yeah yeah we've sort of got into our groove now and um hopefully we could just sort of chug along um and it's going to be like february's a short month isn't it it's a short month just wish your life away that's the idea that's what i'm saying it's a short month and then we'll be in march and then kids could go back to school in march

and we'll just plow through february and we'll get yeah I think that's that's the plan of action you know what's going to be a tough one so the year anniversary of the first lockdown oh yeah that'll be like 2030 is that 23rd of March yeah something like that oh I think by then kids will be back at school and there'll be plans for stuff so I'm feeling I'm feeling good I'm feeling positive Josh yeah that's good because you were you were a bit down last week. I had a terrible few weeks, but you do, don't you? You always, people, it's like you're just up and down and different days.

As long as you talk to people, you'll be going for nice long walks. I've been walking with Tom Allen, getting my exercise in, which is quite fun. Apart from when I ask him what time he woke up, and he sometimes says half 11. What? And I want to be physically sick and kill myself.

Well, no, because he hasn't got kids, has he? What time are you waking up? Well, the kids are getting up about six, which is better because of the pom-pom jar of destiny has been helping with that. And then we give them their iPads for an hour and they watch their iPads in bed for an hour. And then we will lose gets out of them at seven during the week.

And then I get up with them at weekends. That's the sort of, cause I've got to go. I'm going, I'm leaving the house sometimes. I've made a change on the, on the get up with them at weekends. That's the sort of, because I've got to go. I'm leaving the house sometimes. I've made a change on the get up on the morning. So we've got one of these things. It's got the time on it and then it does the sun in the day and then a moon at night. Is it a wind up one from your local toy shop?

Is it? It is made of hemp. No, we ordered it online. we went on whsmith.com no so but you can you can change the time so i've been i've been creeping the time that the sun comes up on it yes that's a good technique little five minutes increment how far can i so i'm currently at five to seven i'm wondering whether i could creep it to nine i'd if i was you i'd try and turn it to june 2021 through the next month I'd try and turn it to June 2021. The next month, see if you can sleep through it all like bears.

It genuinely, it's an addictive thing though. Cause you know, when you're like just a little bit more, can I just, do you think I could just. So what time do you get, what time should you get up? We're on, we're on five to seven at the moment. Oh, that's a lovely, lovely time. I'm thinking if I can creep it past seven and you have three days in nursery i'm so jealous yeah well do you know what mate if i creep it past seven

she'll actually be late to get up for nursery oh no i don't i hate it when people talk about being late at the house i just cannot imagine a world when that is plausible when we're in dummy land but in in the in the world uh when we still had dummies she was knocking out 8am us at points haven't had a sniff of an 8am since we got rid of the dummy do you know what you know i talked about my um jeff bezos carbo box man yeah uh a dream i did another one the other day i think i think i'm basically hypnotizing myself oh yeah because yeah it was really right when we we went out when we went out for this like drive which is probably against the rules i don't know what is anymore but like to get the click and collect and then

get a coffee right i think you're allowed to collect shopping yeah so it was it was a click and click click and collect wouldn't exist if you weren't allowed to collect legally yeah you just click it just click yeah everyone's just ordering stuff to pick up in three months time anyway so we did that and it was out for about an hour, like round trip, hour and a half round trip. And it was really rainy and horrible on Saturday, wasn't it? And depressing. And the kids were falling asleep in the back.

And as I said to Lou, right, this is what we do. Just imagine this. And it was really wrong. We've been camping for five days, right? And we were wet through it. It was rainy the whole time. The kids were awful, kept on crying. And we're all cold.

Your feet are all soaking wet and soggy. And we just want to get in and not leave the house so i was just because i'm sick of being inside i'm just trying to pretend to myself that i've had a horrendous outdoors experience so you're now daydreaming about awful things that are worse than your current life to make you feel happy yes so that's another angle when i said you're feeling a bit better this week it's not because things are better it's you you've started to imagine that things could be worse i'm paul mckenna in myself mate yeah and your worst case scenario is just a camping no but like you know when it's really rainy and horrible no because

it isn't that bad you don't have to do a bad experience but do something that like that is awful so that you want to be inside because we don't want to be inside do we so like no that's why the other day i was gonna jump headfirst into a muddy puddle because i thought if i walk home now all i want now is to be indoors yeah i might do that i might put it on instagram i might jump full face into a muddy puddle and then go home why don't as a kind of thing as a kind of service to the nation you could just do awful things to yourself outdoors so that people can feel better about themselves being locked in perfect well send some send some suggestions in and we'll do it. Send your suggestions in. Jackass on my Instagram.

Exactly. Do you know what we haven't talked about is the snow? How was the snow for you? Yeah, the 13 minutes of snow were as excellent as I hurried around the garden scraping ice off a card of furniture to try and make an Iceman in the back garden. The kids loved it, but it didn't last long, did it? It was the strangest kind of quickest snow I've ever had in my life.

We were at the playground, and I'm not going to lie, the first time she went down the slide, I've never seen speeds like it. It was unbelievable. It was like cool runnings. It was unbelievable. There was an ice cream van as well, which I thought was very, very hopeful. But there we go. I've been having ice creams outside on my walks.

Have you? Yeah, just to make my mouth feel different on a walk. To make your mouth feel different. What a weird way to describe eating. I've realised I love different sensations. I get so bored so quickly. I just love different sensations or different things, like travelling or going abroad.

That's why I liked doing comedy. You go everywhere, all different places. It's always different. So that's why I struggled. So I was like, well, how can I make this different? I'm going to eat an ice cream and listen to an iPod Nano

from 2011. Wow. What ice cream did you go for, Rob? Oh, just any old shit that's left in the freezer. Oh, you're not buying them? No, I did go to shops. I'm not allowed in a shop, am I?

I'm not going to, and I can't click and collect a Solero. Click and collect a Solera. Do some emails and Instagrams. I've got some great Instagrams. We haven't done Instagrams, have we? You just go Instagram.

Do some Instagrams. Right, I've got a couple here. I've got names or salty. What do you want? Oh, I always like salty. Okay, it's a salty one about me. Salty Rob, okay? Oh, yeah, definitely.

So this is from Kate. Do you remember it? I do, and I'm going to dispute this claim. Hi, Rob and Josh. The podcast helps me get through my 4am starts at Sainsbury's, and I enjoy it thoroughly. I was going to say that is an early wake-up, but that's actually a job.

Unless Sainsbury's is the child. Well, he puts Michael Richards into perspective, doesn't he? Little Jay Sainsbury's running around. And little orange and brown baby girl. Anyway, it helps me get through my early start. But you're done early, Kate, aren't you? And I enjoy it thoroughly, even though I have no kids. And to be honest, you have put me off having them.

I don't know if you're still doing sortie or not sortie. I have a secondhand sortie, Rob. Secondhand sortie. Secondhand. Me and my partner walking through town in Newcastle. I was on tour up there. When we spotted

a wild Rob Beckett, we thought we would follow him. Wild? Well, yeah, just me walking. I remember I was just walking through the shop. In his natural habitat.

clicking and collecting. And we spotted a wild Rob Beckett. We thought we would follow him to try and get a picture. Now, you know, to be honest, being followed is not ideal, is it, from Kate? a picture. Now, you know, to be honest, being followed is not ideal,

is it, from Kate? I think, if anything, at the moment, Kate's not coming out this well. No. Can it follow for a photo? Do you have an approach for a photo? Yeah, you just, I mean,

it depends what distance they saw you from. Unless they were hoping that you were going to walk past an area which had a nicer backdrop for the photo. Yeah. Okay, well, yeah, maybe.

I might have to walk out of Newcastle for that. Joke. I'm joking, Newcastle. I love you uh middlesbrough though that is a lively lively place anyway so they're following me for a picture he attracted the attention of another young couple and the lad turned and shouted hey it's rob beckett rob ground to a hall and slowly turned around to give the boy the most blood-curdling stare i've ever seen right wow turned back and carried on walking the boy turned to us and said had we noticed it and rob was a dick whoa um right i know what happened here this right that couple i was walking through town

headphones on as well so sometimes if someone where are you going rob to the gig shopping i was shopping i think it was in the it was about 11 a.m in the morning because i did two nights there i remember getting up walking to the shop and i have headphones in so if people are shouting at me my rule is if someone says my name i'll turn around but if people just go oh oh or like giza with the teeth or like cockney horse that isn't my name so i won't turn around to that i think that's fair someone's not your name that's not my name so if someone says rob i will turn around and say hello but sometimes because i've got headphones and you can't tell what's going on and anyway so you look around and i look if i'm not smiling i

do look quite angry but it's weirder though to just turn around with a full grin but a couple would not this this kate the other couple that tried to say hello was still drunk they'd been out all night and it was like you know someone stumbles home like 10 11 in the morning they were still drunk obviously stayed on a mate's sofa and they're going home they were still drunk so i was just like oh my god like you know when like there's drunk people shouting at you yeah i was looking i wouldn't call it a blood-curdling stare i'll say i was confused yeah um and i would have had a photo kate you don't have to follow me just come up and say hello but that was that's a salty but if it came across salty, I'm sorry. I don't think that's salty. When I supported Steve Merchant on tour,

he said this was years ago, his rule is he wouldn't stop for anyone that shouted out. He'd happily do a photo or something, but he would never stop for people who shouted out. And it did mean that we were walking through Manchester and he mistakenly blanked Rob Brydon. Mistakenly? Well, you

made the decision there. We walked past someone who was shouting and then he was like, I'm not going to turn around for that prick. And then his phone rang a minute later. It was Rob Brydon going, why have you just ignored me in the street? I was shouting your name out, mate. Oh my god, what a showbiz it was. It's Stella Street in Manchester.

Do you know what? It was that hotel, the Lowry. Have you stayed there? Oh, yeah. The Man United players stay there and a lot of people on tour stay up there. I had breakfast there once and Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse were in there. I was so excited. And Paul Whitehouse came over and said hello and I was like buzzing.

I stayed in that hotel when they had one of those charity football matches on. You know, like Soccer Aid, but not Soccer Aid. Because Mourinho used to live there, didn't he? That's the one that Mourinho lived in. It's also the one where Wayne Rooney slept with the sex worker. Oh, my God. What a place. It's an amazing place, Rob.

Every room's got a story. I shared a lift there, an elevator, with the guys that own Man City. Oh, really? Yeah. Very exciting place. I saw Emma Willis there once. Oh, my word, Rob.

Have you been sitting on that for two minutes? It's non-stop, isn't it? Do you know what? I'm not going to lie. I once saw Andy Parsons there. This place is dripping in swaths. It really is. Josh, I've got some more Instagram stuff here this is you know izzy the we're doing angry rants from the school gates anonymously yeah so basically this has come from a lady called ella and she's got a daughter called

izzy and it's she's claiming that the name izzy is a name for a bitch. What? Hear me out. Izzy, yes, what a bitch name. My daughter gets called Izzy. She's horrid. When she was six, she held a child to the legs up when they were on the monkey bars, so they fell and broke both their wrists because they wouldn't let her go first.

The worst part, it was at school, and I'm a teacher there. Oh, my word. So this is Ella with her daughter Izzy. I get told all the time what a daughter there. So this is Ella with her daughter, Izzy. I get told at the time. Her daughter did this. Yeah. And she said it's because of the name Izzy. But she's,

she's dobbing in her own daughter. Yeah. But she thinks she says it's the name, not the person that does it. We need to get Izzy Sooty back on. No, but that's a different Izzy. That's S Y,

isn't it? This is I Z Z I E. Right. So she said, I get told all the time what a darling son i've got who's 10 he's a complete angel where did it go wrong with izzy i blame my husband as he chose her name for the last six months we've chose her bell to see if this rectifies her behavior it has and now she's nice what she's she's claiming it's the name izzy so you know if you're out there and if

you're if you are if you if you know an izzy that's a bitch let us know if you are an izzy and you're not being a bitch let us know we need to put this to bed or are there any other names that you associate with bad maybe it's the name maybe it's the name it's interesting the change to i was like i'm not buying this but the moment they changed the name to Belle, she changed personality. I'm just saying, look, if you, if there's three people in front of you,

Isabel, Izzy and Belle, I'm going Isabel, Belle, then Izzy. On first instincts, on gut instincts on the names. Yeah.

I don't know. I don't know. Are we being too judgmental? I'm just saying, there must be names that are associated with people. I quite like the name Izzy. But is that because I, I like people that are bad for me, Rob. You do like a bad girl don't you i do like a bad girl just can't help it

motorbikes all the time are you sitting in the sidecar rose or she let you on the back i get the sidecar um and occasionally she lets me wear a leather jacket you look like a little julux dog in a sidecar with your hair yeah but i'd look like wallace agromit that's what it would look like um yeah anyway so that's a mum of an izzy saying that it's the name not the girl okay that's interesting take from that what you will that's that's a different uh take on it um i've got a couple more here rob did you get the job with the dog shit shoes um it was actually yeah it was um it was like a trial and uh i didn't get asked back so make of that what you will. I love that they've just asked for extra information on an old story.

And also, if you didn't hear that episode, there's a lot more questions being left open there about what the job with the dog shit shoes was than the answer. It was a writing job for a sort of corporate company, which, yeah, did not go well. Oh, this is a nice one. This is from, I'll keep it anonymous. I think they want it anonymous.

Hi, guys. Just wanted to thank you for the Paddy McGinnis episode. Absolutely love the podcast. But as a father of a four-year-old with autism, I often feel left out of parenting norms. And that's become a big part of my life. Having Paddy on and hopefully Christine and maybe more atypical parents in the future

would really make me smile. Yeah, we'll definitely try and get Christine on. I think that's true. But we've got a similar email, Rob. Oh, yeah. I just want to say this is from Lauren Green. I just want to say thank you for the episode with Paddy McGinnis. I'm 21 and autistic.

And it's so, so lovely to hear a parent talk so excitedly and lovingly about their autistic kids oh nice i really loved hearing paddy talk about his kids they seem brilliant i just want to say thank you for hosting a really amazing parent and showing that autism isn't this dark cloud over a family that many people portray it as all the best lauren that's well that's very lovely i mean it really undermines our next message which is about the delivery radius of just eat and delivery that you want increased yeah we've done it in the wrong order haven't we we should have finished with the nice bit but instead we're now moving back into my delivery radius idea which i do think is one of my great ideas yeah so explain your radius idea josh that you on delivery or just eat or Uber Eats or whatever app you use to order takeaway,

you should be able to pay maybe £5 extra to increase the radius of restaurants that you can order from. Yes. Well, we've got this here from Hi Both. So I asked my flatmate, who's a software engineer for Just Eat, about the increasing radius idea. She told me in the case of Just Eat, it's actually the restaurants that control how far they deliver to, not a radius cap from the house. So perhaps if you petition your favourite restaurants outside your catchment,

you can get them to deliver to yours. Love the podcast. Well, I think that would still work, wouldn't it? Because what you would do is you'd go, the restaurants would be able to say a radius they deliver to, and then they'd be able to say their £5 extra radius i think that this needs to be a just eat deliveroo led initiative we can't petition each individual cut i mean i know you know look the vaccine's been a successor

of the eu but i think we need a solid block state to negotiate this and i think that should be done by just eat and deliveroo i can't go to every restaurant and ask them to increase it can i no exactly and i think it's really good that we're the we're the people that are starting this positive change for the nation yeah exactly just in time for all lockdown measures to be reduced after the vaccines here's a question would i be annoyed if just eat stole my idea because i'm not going to do anything anything with it. No, you can't start a company that just increases radiuses. I don't think there's a profit in it. I think you'd have to be really, you know,

you need the infrastructure around it in order to implement your idea. So I just think you need to let that go and not follow it up legally. Okay, I'm not going to follow it up. It's yours to have,oo just eat an uber eats lovely yeah but let them get on with it you've got the emails josh would you want another yes i have got emails right so what was the email that stuck with you the most last week rob it's probably the email that stuck with me the most we've ever done was it the um didn't know she was pregnant yes this is for amy jordan just listen

to your latest step about the lady who didn't know she was pregnant until she was giving birth i used to think this was absolutely insane and unbelievable until it almost happened to me let me break it down and try to explain how i never noticed, I was really shit at remembering to take the pill daily, so the doc suggested a depo injection. You have it once every three months and can forget about it in between. And on it, you don't have periods at all. So, question one down.

That's why no periods didn't ring any alarm bells. Turns out, I was also shit at remembering when I needed the jab, miscalculated, went for one two weeks late, and in that gap, I accidentally got pregnant. Oh, my. I had really bad morning sickness for weeks, but it happened in the year of norovirus. A year of norovirus?

Like, it's a thing? Was it a specific year? Actually, the year of norovirus was running rampant through the area, and one of the symptoms was severe sickness, so I kind of chalked it up to that. The sickness then stopped, so I just thought I'd it up to that the sickness then stopped so I just thought I'd recovered I just didn't get a belly I know you joked about pregnancy being psychosomatic on the pod but I'm sure so joke pardon yeah sure we have a laugh but you know some take me serious sometimes well look I I know you joked about being psychosomatic but I'm sure some of it is

once I find out I was pregnant, I absolutely ballooned. And within a week or two, I had a massive bump in the end. But before that, you wouldn't have known. It was like my body relaxed into it or something. I can't believe that I threw that out there and someone's come up with an even more insane theory

that their body exploded when she found out. Well, she can only tell you what she experienced, Rob. Oh, exactly. I'm not calling her a liar, you know. But this is also a person that keeps forgetting to take the pill, keeps forgetting to get the injection, and renamed the year the year of norovirus, which I've never heard of.

No. So you've got to take it with a pinch of salt. I actually even felt it moving in my belly for weeks before I even knew. But it just felt like butterflies. And since I've struggled badly with anxiety as a kid still have occasional bouts as an adult I thought they were nervous anxiety butterflies like when I was younger I ended up finding out when I started being sick again and ended up going to A&E on Friday night since I couldn't even keep water down and my doctors are closed for the weekend a blood test confirmed it i just started the summer

holidays at the end of my second year of uni he was born in the august three weeks before my 21st birthday imagine how dry that year's celebrations were oh my so she has to do a final year of uni for one year old i was back at uni in september the how was your holiday what did you do well actually i ended up having a baby chat was quite wild oh my god he'll be eight this year oh lovely he is the sunshine to every day but he does talk endlessly in early lockdown i even bought earplugs so i certainly didn't have to listen to him anymore he thinks it's a hilarious joke but i legitimately left a bad amourism review because i they didn't drown him out well enough oh Oh, that's nice. Oh, that's nice.

But yeah, so she could have been in that. If she hadn't gone to that hospital, she could have been in labour, not knowing. Isn't that mad, though, right? Yeah. I'd love more stories. I could read those kind of stories. I know it's the same story again and again. I'd happily hear other people's experiences of not realising you're pregnant.

Because it is astonishing. It happens. It is astonishing. It happens. It does happen. It happens guys. I wonder how it affected her exams having a child. But also presumably she'd signed up to go back into a house share. Guys just one thing. Imagine how annoyed you'd be if you were someone else in the house share. You couldn't say anything. To be fair a baby would probably keep the same hours as a house share at uni oh my word um so there we go we also want to say a big thank you um for the charity trussell trust fundraiser we've done um we've raised like over 20 grand josh that's amazing

genuinely uh brilliant thank you to our listeners um the links on that if you go to the links in the description of the of this uh podcast but yeah we've raised 23 at the moment it's 23 244 but we're gonna we're gonna shut it down um probably by the end of the week so do go on and donate yeah because we put a we put an aim of 50 grand on there i don't think we'll hit that but if we could try and get to 25 grand, that'd be great. But it's your last chance to donate before we send the money over to the charity. We are providing you, you know, with podcasts and pictures of hot Frenchmen.

Exactly. So just, you know, it's sort of like OnlyFans in a way. Yeah, exactly. But yeah, it's your last chance to donate before we send the money over. But thank you so much. We really appreciate it.

It's really nice to all club together and raise so much money for charity. Cheers, guys. I tell you what, we'll wrap this up now. But on Friday, we'll go through our text exchange when you got drunk after last league. So drunk. You were battered.

So drunk. We'll play the voice memo. It doesn't make any sense. Did I do a voice memo? Fuck it. Yes. Right, we'll play it on Friday. But this is very funny.

Look forward to that. Thanks for listening guys. And, uh, make sure you, uh, send in any correspondence. We're,

we're getting through it now. We've got it. We're a bit more professional with collating it, aren't we, Josh? Yeah, I, I,

we are more professional and also Google doc. Look, the whole thing is, is like fucking clockwork these days. So, um, you know, if you do tell us that you've got pregnant without realizing it you'll

go straight to the top of the pile though thanks for listening see you later bye